So, here I am. Being hunted by an entire pack of wolves. A gun would be useful. Like a minigun? Yea, that would be nice.
I should introduce myself while we have some time alone, besides the wolves, but they won't mind. My name is Noah Simpson, AKA 'Catman.' I don't know how that name stuck. One of my friends got drunk and called me Catman. It was funny, but it got old fast. I'm a Six foot ten. I have brown hair and brown eyes. A pale skin tone. Stereotypical brony. Maybe a bit tall.
Back to the problem at hand. I could feel the hot breath of the wolves on the back of my feet.
"Holy shit!" A wolf had sped ahead and effectively blocked off my escape. The only other way of escape was to jump off the cliff to my left. So jump it is.
"Here goes nothing!" And with me happy as that my final words, I jumped. "FUCK!" Some strange part of my mind noticed a Skyrim looking town about a mile ahead. Then trees. I hit multiple trees with multiple sounds ranging from 'omph' to 'gah'.
Somehow though I landed on my feet. 'Wow.' I got exactly two steps before falling on my face. Baby steps,I guess. I think I'm going to that town I saw earlier. This is going to hurt like hell...
-One EXTREMELY painful walk later-
OK, I'm not a doctor, but I think I could use one. One of my ankles are sprained and probably a broken rib, so yea, I need a doctor. I'm not sure how I walked to the outskirts of this town. If I was OK I would have been here at like twelve. But it's like... two in the morning. Remember when I said I was a brony? Well this town looks a lot like Ponyville. If I remember right, Twilight should live up ahead, be able to use a healing spell, and save my ass.
When I saw the literal tree house, I ran/hobbled as fast as I could. Then there is a problem. She's probably sleeping. Let's hope that she is doing some late research because I need help, like now. Should I bang on the door, and yell like a maniac, or just knock? I'm going to knock, like a civilized person. So I did! I heard mumbling, some falling. Presumably down stairs. Then the door opened. I was met with a half-asleep "Hello?" A little purple pony's eyes shot open a second after she saw me.
She took a deep breath and almost screamed monster, but I stopped that with a hand over her mouth. I desperately sent her hand signals to be quiet. She nodded. Her eyes shot behind me and shined with relief. I spun around to find a orange pony, who was ready to send a right nice buck into my back, but with me being all turned around, I got a chest full of, tree shattering, hoof. Needless to say, I flew past Twilight, into Spike, who gasped out a bright green flame. The small spark hit my foot, and quickly devoured my entire body. The pain was excruciating! I could only imagine what I looked like. Probably a screaming ball of dust, being sent to the Princess of the sun herself.
And that's what happened. She was sleeping. Then gravity took over. Usually, dragon magic would have the scroll appear in front of her face. That's what happened, but, she was facing up. So I appeared on top of her. We each had a moment of peacefulness, but that didn't last long. A golden glow was cast around me, and Celestia was calling for the guards. I was in panic mode. In my adrenaline fueled rush, I broke out of the magical grip and rushed to the closest, safe, place. I hadn't noticed at the time, but I had locked myself in a closet. You heard me right. A closet.
There were a lot of magical memorabilia. I accidentally kicked a vase, that shattered and this pinkish dust flew from it. It was painful, but it healed my broken bones.
A saner man might have stayed awake, but I didn't. After all, if I have slept in a puddle of sperm, I can sleep like this!
