Beneath these stars I am left pondering, pondering on all the mishaps one stumbles upon through the cruel journey that is… life. All the silly moments that make us grin, the sad moments that make us cry, the pitiful moments, the hurtful moments, the doubtful moments.
The way I see it, they are all just moments, left scattered atop the vast ocean of memory. We look back on those days, the days in which forlorn thoughts slither through the dark recesses of our mangled minds. For you see, all minds are mangled, contorted, mushed, melded together by the thin glue that is sanity.
When the glue cracks under age, so does our sense of right and wrong. But there are those few moments, the moments where the world just seeps past our unsuspecting hooves, the blue and green paint staining the palms of our misshapen hands, drawing masterpieces of art and wonder.
As my glossed over eyes glare down at the colors, I smile, because when I look over at your hooves, an entirely different piece of artwork presents itself. I see what looks like angels, masking over the rain storms in various shades of puffy white.
Then I see your eyes, glistening off the stars, depicting constellations in your irises. There too are angels, moving the specs of brilliant light into all different positions. Then I see it, the stars cresting there tired form into a blinding smile.
Then I look back… look back on all the sleepless nights, the hurtful memories, dissipating as the star’s smile flushes them down the drain of forever.
The grass tickles my legs as we kneel down in the tall shrubbery, hoof in hoof, eye to eye. Then I speak the question that dwells behind the dusty closet of lost hope. “Do you really have to go?”
She smiles meekly, looking down at our intertwined hooves. “Oh, Rumble,” she giggled, “You know we can do this again… soon.”
“But… I mean…” I stuttered, trying to spit words through a knotted tongue. “I want to do this all the time, day and night.”
Her smile faded like a lost plume of smoke, trailing away in the bitter wind. “Rumble,” she began, a look of sorrow washing over her, “You know we can’t do that.”
“But why?” I protested, determined to get my answer.
“Because everypony will think your nuts!”
Taken aback, the feeling of confusion consumed me. I raised an eyebrow; the sudden hush that befell us seemed haunting.
I took a moment, a long moment of hard thought. “But… there must be a way,” I said through broken breath.
“No,” she replied with a shaking head, “There isn’t.”
I felt a heavy feeling in my sinking gut, plopping in the ocean of defeat. I felt tears burn the corners of my eyes as the harsh reality began to sink in like a capsized boat. “Rumble,” she choked, “Please don’t cry.”
“But I can’t help it.”
Resting a hoof on my shoulder, I looked up at her tender gaze; suddenly I felt more at peace. “Every day,” I began, “Every day is just harder and harder to go through. That awful memory keeps playing back in my mind. All I see is you and that chariot. The loud bang. I remember crying over you, my tears staining your horribly still face. I remember your scooter, sprawled across the pavement like road kill.”
“Since then, all I want to do is be with you again, hold you again, fly with you again. Love you again.”
She leaned down, looking at me through a tear stricken gaze. “Rumble, I want to be with you too but… I just can’t. We can’t. You’d just be talking to the air, holding the air, loving the air. No pony would understand. I’m not really there, Rumble.”
“Don’t say that,” I muttered past a shattered mind, “Please don’t say that.”
“You have to accept it,” she pleaded, “Please accept it! Accept that I’m gone!”
Another patch of quiet filled itself in through the painful gaps of emotion. Again, we stared into each other. The way I could see the tree that stood behind her left me feeling broken, the way she slightly bobbed up and down as her hooves hovered ever so slightly above the ground. It only succeeded in deepening the crack inside my ever darkening heart.
She leaned forward, wiping the tears from my cheeks. That is when my body seemed to fail.
I couldn’t feel her hoof.
I scrunched my snout, trying to hold back more tears. “This can’t be happening,” I thought, “it just can’t be!”
I brought myself forward, pulling her in to an unsuspected kiss. Her eyes widened as I shut mine. My worst nightmare then became a reality.
I couldn’t feel her lips against mine.
I pulled back, ending the haunting kiss. I stared at her with heavy eyes as she stared back.
Spreading my wings, I took flight into the star filled sky, my tears streaming as I flew. I couldn’t look back as her ghostly figure watched on from below.
I knew she was right; I just didn’t want to believe it.
I had to let go.
Later that night, I sunk my head deep into my pillow, letting my feelings flow. My eyes remained locked on the picture resting on my bedside table. The two of us, her hoof over my shoulder, big smiles plastered on our faces like they were carved in.
I held that picture, cradling it as all the happy moments seem to fade away. They were all gone now, and I had to except that.
As my tears finally dried, leaving marks on my pale cheeks, my eyes begin to close due to the stress and exhaustion.
That night, I had a dream. Scootaloo and I were playing in the park, holding each other’s hooves, rolling in the grass.
She picked up a bright white dandelion. “Make a wish!” she chimed.
With a grin, I blew at it, closing my eyes and thinking about what I should wish for.
“I wish we could be together forever,” I thought. Yet somewhere, deep, deep inside, I knew that some wishes just weren’t meant to come true.
Author's Note
Oh great, ANOTHER one-shot........ think its safe to say I need to get out more :/
