ALICORN
by Aldea Donder

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is property of Hasbro, Inc.
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CHAPTER NINE
The Pranking of Princess Luna

Originally Published 7/13/2016

The midnight train out of Manehattan clacked its way through hill and vale, past the bountiful forests and little cottage homes that dotted the rural countryside of northeast Equestria. All sight of the soaring metropolis had long since retreated from view, but outside, through the windows of the caboose, the city lights still smeared across the horizon, bleaching the eastern sky.

Inside, a pair of hard-nosed guards were traveling back to the capital. One of them was Otto Bravemane, a hulking ogre of a pegasus with braided auburn locks and a beard to frame his limitless smile. The other one was Captain Tristar, who had a contemplative expression fixed to his face as he pretended to listen to his junior officer:

“…Mowing the lawn. Definitely mowing the lawn. A real stallion takes pride in his lawn, y’know? The neighbors, they hire it out. Lazy cads. Gets one of ’em pizza-faced earth pony colts to come up and push the mower every week. Nah, that ain’t for me. A well-tended lawn’s something to take pride in, hoof, wing, or horn. Ain’t that right, Cap’n?”

Tristar didn’t answer. He was too deep in his thoughts.

His gaze drew to the center of the train car. To the little onyx pedestal that had been installed there, and the swirling silver surface of the crystal ball set on top of it.

Whitehoof’s little miracle orb.

Two weeks now, he’d lived with the damn things, and he still hadn’t gotten used to them. He felt like he was being watched.

Otto kept right on talking. “Cooking. Barbecue. Mmm-mmm, barbecue! I can’t wait to have me some of that! I’ve had my fill of field rations and chow hall grub. You know, we spent two weeks in Manehattan and I didn’t even get to try a Pony Island hot dog?”

A scowl darkened his face, but it gave way to a smile at the thought of home.

“Still, home cooking’s gonna be a welcome change. Might even be worth the missus dragging me out every weekend to help with the shopping!”

Bedlam Bustle, Tristar mused bitterly. Bedlam. Bustle.

Visions of recent failures flashed in his mind’s eye. Metal chairs and concrete rooms. The look of frustration on Princess Luna’s face after every dead end and aborted interrogation.

Ponies didn’t usually last this long under pressure. Normal ponies didn’t, at least. Normal ponies broke and sold each other down the river.

In twenty years as a captain, prisoner’s dilemma had always been his surest ally, an indispensable weapon in the art of interrogation. Fear. Desperation. The inevitability of betrayal. One weakness, one hairline crack in their resolve, and even the most tight-knit cadres came crashing down like a house of cards.

Until now.

Thirteen suspects, rounded up after the attack on Grand Central. Every one of them, locked up in separate cells, subjected to endless questioning, sleepless nights, the works.

And yet, not a word.

It was eerie. Unnatural. They wouldn’t turn on each other, not even to save their own skin. None of them caved. Not a single one even spoke.

Except for Bedlam Bustle.

Otto’s babbling about barbecues and lawns barely registered in his ears. All Tristar could think about were the grim, defiant faces on the perps.

Maybe it was paranoia. His mind playing tricks on him. Or maybe it was an intuition honed by too damn many years in law enforcement, dealing with all manner of bucked-up people.

Somehow, he just didn’t buy it.

They shouldn’t be this quiet. Not after the gambit they pulled—the loudest, most audacious and destructive attack on Equestria since the Tartarus Revolt a century ago.

They knew it would fail. Knew their senseless, wanton violence would never bring down the kingdom, would never bring down Celestia. They didn’t care. It didn’t matter to them. They were trying to send a message.

So why clam up now?

They should be reveling in it. They should be gloating. Bouncing off the walls, basking in their own sadism, and bragging to everypony in earshot about what they’d done. Especially this bunch of losers! This wasn’t some seasoned military outfit with discipline and training. They were a ragtag crew of misfits. Outcasts, deadbeats, petty criminals. The kind of ponies who’d never tasted real power or respect. They should be puffing up their chests and sneering at the system, trying to squeeze out validation, recognition… whatever it took to feed their ravenous hunger for superiority, to let the world know they’d “won.”

It should’ve been impossible getting them to shut up.

Instead, it was the opposite. Not a single word out of any of them! No taunts, no boasts, no jeers. Only a chilling silence. They ate their meals, moved where they were told, followed commands. And they sat in their cells. Their eyes sharp and watchful, but giving nothing away.

Except. For Bedlam Bustle.

Maybe he was overthinking it. There were cult dynamics at work here, and that left open the door to indoctrination, suppressed individuality, and extreme psychological conditioning. All underwritten by some diabolic, quasi-messianic, apocalyptic beliefs. Their devotion to their goddess. To their Nightmare. Their zeal to usher in a new order, to remake the world in purifying fire.

Maybe it was just dogmatic fanaticism. That was Princess Luna’s conjecture, and Whitehoof’s. Maybe he ought to just accept it.

But not a single weak link? Not one, except for Bustle?

…If he were smart, he would just accept it. Just accept it and move on. Turn over other stones. Investigate other leads.

He definitely wouldn’t do what he was thinking about doing.

But Tristar knew, deep in his bones, there was more to it. A deeper game. A tighter web.

It wasn’t just stonewalling. It was like they couldn’t talk. The idea gnawed at him like a persistent splinter…

Just let it go, Daedalus, a warning voice spoke inside him. You know what the repercussions will be if you don’t.

He closed his eyes, and he saw the shattered ruin of the train station. Ponies screaming. Flames licking the grand limestone walls. The Ascendancy weaving through the smoke-filled chaos with terrifying precision.

Shining Armor…

He stiffened.

No. He couldn’t just close the book on this. There was too much riding on it Too much at stake.

Why couldn’t they talk?

Was it oath and belief? Was it fear of retribution? Contract? Covenant? Or something… else?

“Doesn’t make any sense…” he muttered.

“Heh! I’ll say it doesn’t make any sense! Grocery store’s always packed on the weekend! But y’know, some things are worth the hassle. Like good eating. And keeping the ole’ house harpy happy.”

Tristar’s eyes rose. “Otto.”

“Yes, sir?”

“…With me.” He jerked his head toward the door.

A minute later, the two of them were outside on the rear-facing platform of the caboose, the train tracks whizzing by below them as the noise thundered in their ears. Otto Bravemane had a funny look on his face as Tristar shut the door behind them and secured it. “There a good reason why we’re out here right now instead of in there?” he shouted.

The silver-maned pegasus checked the door one more time before he turned and looked at Otto. “We need to have words!”

“It’s a little loud for that! Maybe we oughta go back inside.”

“Not in front of that thing!” Tristar spat.

He pointed east, off in the direction of the city.

“I’m sending you back to Manehattan! If you take off now, you can be there by first light! Tell the commissioner to prep for another round of interrogations. I’ll arrive in a few days to oversee them!”

“What? Back to Manehattan?” Otto gaped. “That whole investigation’s been charlie-foxtrot from day one! We already know they ain’t gonna gab. You really want to put on another goon parade?”

“LIEUTENANT!” Tristar snapped. “You aren’t here to question my orders! Fly for Manehattan. UNDERSTOOD?”

The other pegasus snapped to attention. “Yes sir, Cap’n Tristar, sir!”

“This one’s OFF THE BOOKS. We’ve done things Celestia’s way, Luna’s way, Whitehoof’s way… Now, we’re going to do things my way. And I’m bringing in my own experts. Whether the princesses like it or not.”

“Sir, yes sir, Cap’n Tristar!” came the response.

Tristar gave a nod. “Dismissed.”

Otto opened his wings. Before he took flight, he paid one last glance at the blustery guard captain, and his trademark smile landed back on his face. “Well, on the bright side, looks like I’m gonna have a second shot at that Pony Island hot dog, eh?”

With a mighty gust, he launched into the air, away from the rumbling train and off into the night.

Tristar had a frown on his face as he watched him go.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Look, Twi, I get what you’re saying and all. It’s just…”

“I get what you’re saying, too. I still think you should reconsider.”

“Nothin’ doin’. I’ve made up my mind on this, and nothing you or anypony else says is gonna get me to change it.” Rainbow Dash cast her gaze to the side, her troubled eyes roving across the polished suits of armor as they walked down the state hallway. “Party, shmarty. It ain’t for me.”

Twilight gave her a pointed look. “You were excited about being able to go to the Grand Galloping Gala, weren’t you?”

“Uh, yeah! We all were! …Until we actually got there and realized how lame it was, remember?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Besides, that’s not the same as this. Things are… different now.”

Rainbow’s face fell. She gave Twilight a wry smile.

“Eeyeah, no. Think I’m gonna pass. A fancy-shcmancy party with a buncha stuck-up snobs? Not my scene.”

“The Summer Sun Celebration is more than just another snooty party. Sure, the banquet and ball can attract some… ‘stuck-up snobs,’ I’ll admit it. But that’s not really what it’s about.”

“Yeah?” Rainbow interjected. “What’s it about, then?”

“It’s about…”

Twilight paused to think how best to explain it.

“I know you aren’t a student of history, but you know about the Dark Ages that predated Equestria, right? Before the Migrations, when the three tribes set aside their old hatreds and banded together. Before the Coronation of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, when it seemed the whole world would be torn by shadow—or saved by a miracle alone.”

Rainbow rubbed her head. “Ugh. You’re giving me flashbacks to third grade social studies here, Twi.”

“The Summer Sun Celebration commemorates the end of that chapter and the inauguration of Princess Celestia’s age of light. It’s about more than just the solstice, or even honoring the sun. It’s about…”

She trailed off, and Rainbow frowned at her. “What?”

“It’s about… hope.”

Rainbow seemed unimpressed, but Twilight doubled down. “It’s about hope. The hope our ancestors had for a better world… a better future. The hope all of us are supposed to keep alive inside ourselves. Burning bright, like the light of the sun.”

She paused and looked down, falling quiet. Then she looked up again, face writ with indictment and voice full of meaning. “The Summer Sun Celebration is about hope. And it’s about coming together.”

“Yeah? Well…!” Rainbow looked ready to argue.

She didn’t, though. In the end, the fight drained out of her, and she looked away and sighed.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe you’re right, and there really is something more to it than a buncha jerks tripping over themselves to see who can bow the lowest. I dunno.”

Twilight gave a satisfied nod.

“That still doesn’t mean I’m gonna change my mind and go through with it, though,” said Rainbow.

“I’ve been to every Summer Sun Celebration since I was little. It’s one of the most special days of the year for me. The Summer Sun Celebration was when I realized I wanted to learn about magic. It’s where I discovered my passion and who I really was.”

A wistful smile touched Twilight’s face. She continued, “Rainbow, you need to really think about this. Princess Celestia knows Canterlot, and she knows the High Court. She knows what’s best for you. The smartest thing you can do right now might just be to listen to her.”

“Yeah, right. Celestia knows what’s best for me.” An edge of anger crept into Rainbow’s voice.

“Rainbow.”

“I don’t wanna go to some stupid, stuck-up, horrible bucking—”

“Rainbow!”

“Fine! I’ll think about it. Are you happy?”

Twilight smiled. “Good,” she said.

She decided to leave it at that. Hopefully, Rainbow would take her advice to heart. It was no easy feat convincing her headstrong friend to do anything, but going would be the best thing for her.

On they went through a gaping archway, and the mammoth expanse of the castle dining room opened around them. Twilight pulled out a chair for herself at the long table. Rainbow followed suit, glad to be done with that conversation. Glad to just be here, actually. It was a quarter past six, she hadn’t eaten since that pre-nap granola bar, and she was bucking hungry.

The moment she jumped up on the seat, she could tell there was something wrong. Twilight’s face had gone white, and she was staring at her with a look of unmitigated horror.

“Uh… Something the matter?” Rainbow asked.

“That’s—That’s—Princess Luna’s chair!”

Rainbow glanced over her shoulder at the carved emblem of the moon set into the wooden back. She groaned, “Aw, jeeze, not you too! Y’know, I’ve kinda come to expect it from the rest of the zombies around this place, but hearing it from you is just—”

“JUST! …Stand up, Rainbow,” Twilight said. Each word squeezed through a toothy grin so impossibly wide, it looked like it hurt.

“Why?”

“Because that’s Princess Luna’s chair! And there’s lots of other chairs you can sit in! That’s why!”

“So what?”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. Her eyes darted nervously to the open archway, as if anticipating somepony might walk in and catch them in a crime.

“So what? So what?”

“Yeah, so what?” Rainbow shot back. She kicked her legs up on the table to show how little she cared.

Twilight’s eye twitched. “Rainbow Dash—”

“Just relax, would ya? Jeeze! Do you always have to do this?”

“Do what?”

“This!” Rainbow spread her forehooves in an obvious gesture. “You always do this! You obsess over stuff nopony else cares about but you!”

“I do not!”

“Um, yeah! You do! Especially when the princesses come into the equation! Doesn’t matter if it’s the most low-key thing ever. If the banner isn’t spelled just right, or the decorations aren’t perfect, or the spoon’s on the wrong side of the fork, you lose your marbles!”

“Okay, first of all, the spoon shouldn’t be anywhere near the fork. The spoon goes next to the knife.”

Rainbow pulled down the bottoms of her eyelids. “Oh my gooooosh.”

“And second, I do not obsess over things! Just because I have manners and I pay proper respect, that doesn’t make me obsessive!”

“It’s just a chair, Twi.”

“It’s Princess Luna’s chair. And would you get out of it? Please? For my sake? Please, if our friendship means anything, could you just… sit somewhere else? It would make me feel better.”

Rainbow rubbed her chin as she pondered the request. After a few seconds, she gave her reply:

“Nah.”

Twilight gaped at her. “What?”

“I said no. I like this chair. In fact—” Rainbow jumped up and did a couple push-ups off the armrests. “—I think I’m gonna keep it.”

“What?”

“That’s right! Luna thinks she can just claim all the good seats for herself? Ha! Her and what army? I’ll show her a thing or three!”

Rainbow spun the chair backwards and used it for a podium. “For way too long, the poor, deprived Rainbow Dashes of the world have been CHAIRLESS, while Princess Luna and her Canterlot pals have been totally chair… ful.”

Her face scrunched up as she ran the last sentence back through her head. She shrugged and slammed the table.

“ALL OF THAT ENDS TODAY! Today, we strike a blow for chairless ponies everywhere! Today, we tell Luna WE WON’T STAND FOR IT! …Like, literally, get it? Because we’re all gonna be sitting. You got that, right Twi? I’m still new to this witty banter stuff, you’ve gotta let me know if I’m hitting the mark.”

“What’s going on, sister?”

Twilight’s head whipped around. Princess Celestia was at the far end of the table, and an intrigued-looking Princess Luna was standing right next to her.

“I’m not sure, Tia. But I think my chair has been annexed,” Luna said.

Twilight buried her head in her hooves. “Oh, no.”

“Mwahahahaha!” Rainbow’s mad laughter filled the hall. “That’s right! Your chair is totally an eckst! And real soon, lots of other stuff of yours is gonna get eckst, too!”

She struck a pose. Then, in a totally-not-obvious-to-anypony-watching sort of way, she leaned over and whispered behind her hoof, “Hey, Twi. The heck is an eckst?”

“The word is annexed. It means taken over.”

“Right! I knew that!”

Rainbow gave a flap. In the blink of an eye, she was balancing skillfully on the back of the chair. “LUNA!”

The princess raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Rainbow grinned wickedly. Summoning her best Power Ponies impression, she jabbed out her hoof and declared, “Luna! Your evil reign of evilness is at an end! I, the awesome Rainbow Dash, am here to put a stop to your chair-sitting ways, once and for all!”

“Oh?”

“Tales of your crimes are told far and wide! And they’re, uh… really, totally not awesome. Too many innocent chairs have been made to suffer at the hands of your butt!”

Twilight gave a humiliated groan and buried her head even deeper.

Meanwhile, Luna’s smirk turned absolutely carnivorous. She beckoned for Rainbow to continue. “Please! Do go on!”

“Uh…” Rainbow frowned and paused to think. “Your evil reign of evilness is at an end!”

“You said that already,” Celestia pointed out.

“Shut up!” snapped Rainbow. Striking a pose, she gloated, “Remember this day, Luna! Remember it well! For today is the day you learned the totally lame taste of DEFEAT! Oh yeah, that’s right! Live in shame with the knowledge that your magic is no match for my awesomeness, and know that this chair is only the first chair to fa-AAAAAALL!”

In a puff of blue smoke, the chair disappeared out from under her. Rainbow gave a squawk. Her wings fired too late, and she fell down and hit the floor with a thud!

Seconds later, she got woozily back up, her eyes spinning in her sockets. She lifted her chin onto the table and groaned.

Above her, Luna sat levitating in her chair, sipping tea.

“Hey! No fair! I annexed that!” Rainbow cried.

The lunar goddess smiled down at her smugly. “First rule of war. Don’t take over what you can’t keep.”

“Oh, so it’s a WAR you want, is it?”

Celestia approached cautiously. “Rainbow Dash,” she spoke gently, “Maybe you should—”

“Nuh-uh! YOU stay out of this! This is between ME and HER!”

Rainbow hoisted herself back up, forehooves splayed upon the tabletop. She had a dangerous glint in her eye as she glared at Luna’s cocky, self-satisfied, tea- sipping mug.

“If it’s a war you want, then IT’S A WAR YOU’LL GET!” she said, cracking her neck from side to side. “So what’s it gonna be? An iron pony competition? A race? Pranks at dawn?”

“Pranks?” Luna repeated.

It didn’t seem like she quite understood at first, but slowly, a cheshire grin spread across her face.

“Doth mine ears deceive me? Art thou daring me to a duel of wits?”

“Rainbow…” Twilight said warningly.

But Rainbow just waved her off. “I don’t know what the heck you just said, but you’re going DOWN, Princess!”

“Pranks it is, then!” Luna clapped her hooves together. “Oh, Tia, this will be so amusing, don’t you think? Just like when we were young! Why, it’s been more than a thousand years since I’ve had a challenge! Although, I probably ought to warn you…”

She floated forward in her chair, leaned down, and met Rainbow Dash with a psychotic leer.

“—you aren’t going to win.”

Rainbow took an automatic step back. Her lip curled.

Luna’s crazed expression lasted no more than a moment. Then it was gone, vanished without a trace. “Now then!” she exclaimed, smiling happily—

—as her chair pivoted in midair, drifted lower, and thwacked Rainbow Dash out of the way!

Another yelp flew from the poor, battered filly. Knocked ruthlessly onto her back, she could only glower and look up with clenched teeth as Luna set down the chair at the head of the table, assuming her rightful place.

“Shall we eat?” the victorious princess suggested.

Rainbow growled and jumped to her hooves. “You think this is over? This is SO not over! I’VE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT!”

With that, she took wing and stormed out. Her voice carried back into the dining room, full of retribution: “MARK MY WORDS, YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF RAINBOW DASH…!”

The three remaining ponies fell quiet after that. Celestia shook her head at the shenanigans and took her own seat next to Luna.

Luna gave her sister a knowing look. “How long until she’s back?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Celestia said. “Give it about… thirty seconds.”

Twenty-eight seconds later, Rainbow waltzed back in. She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.

“Uh, sorry. Forgot I hadn’t eaten yet.” Her stomach picked that moment to let out a particularly loud rumble.

Luna smiled graciously, their hostilities temporarily forgotten. “That’s quite all right. Come join us for dinner.”

Rainbow swallowed her pride and pulled out a chair next to Twilight.

“Told you so,” the unicorn whispered.

Rainbow gave her the stink eye.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

A few hours later…

“Challenge me to a prank war, will she? Ha!”

Rainbow’s tongue stuck out the side of her mouth as she fumbled with the scissors. Snip, snip, went the blades as they chomped through another sheet of black construction paper.

“I’ll show her…” she muttered. “I’ll show her who’s the prankingest pony of them all… GYAH!”

She crumpled the paper in her hooves and tossed it over her shoulder with a grimace. Behind her on the floor, the discarded remains of her past attempts collected in a crinkled-up pile, a testament to just how bucking hard it was for a pony to use a pair of scissors. Friggin’ unicorns had it so easy with their stupid bucking horns…

Wait a sec.

She stopped short. Realization washed over her, and she bonked herself on the head. “Duh!”

Rainbow closed her eyes and pursed her lips. Her horn glowed, the scissors wobbling in her pure white aura. She grinned. Reaching for another sheet, she proceeded to mutilate it by magic instead of by hoof.

It took a ream of construction paper, but she finally had it: the perfect prank to show Luna how completely in-over-her-head she was. She smiled down at the hoofmade terror she’d created, a devilish glint in her eye. Her mind was already racing victory laps.

She secreted it into a saddlepack and took it with her to the castle solarium— ostensibly a place for ponies to soak up the sun during the day, but also a place Luna had a habit of visiting during her evenings. (More than once, when doing her night flights, weaving through the castle’s lofty spires, Rainbow had glanced through the glass dome of the solarium and spotted the lunar princess reclining there. Usually with her nose buried in some thick, egghead book.)

Rainbow couldn’t wait for the chaos to unfold. Her only regret was that she wouldn’t be here to see the fallout!

She stuck her arts-and-crafts project up into the lamp. Then she flew away, snickering to herself.

A few minutes later, Luna flew in. She flicked on the light, plucked her worn, dog-eared copy of Crime and Ponyshment from the bookshelf, poured herself a glass of wine, and was just about to sit down and enjoy her evening when she did a double-take.

A cockroach was silhouetted against the lampshade.

At least, she thought it was supposed to be a cockroach. If you ignored the fact that it had four legs, not six. And if you squinted at it just right… it almost- kind of-not really looked like a cockroach.

Luna’s horn flickered, and the black insect-shaped cutout levitated out from behind the shade and into her waiting hooves. She scoffed and shook her head at it. “Amateurish.”

She zapped the thing away without a second thought.

Then she looked all around, peering out through the wall-to-wall windows and up through the great glass roof. No sign of any intruders. Only the stars up above and the blackness of the mountainside.

Of course, she didn’t have any doubts whom the culprit was. Her lips drew thin with a fiendish smirk as she plotted her revenge…

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“I still think the whole thing is foalish,” Twilight grumbled. Her head hung as she shuffled down the long, lily-white hall, on her way to the castle library for their morning magic lesson.

Next to her, Rainbow backstroked through the air, not a care in the world. “It’s not foalish! It’s a matter of honor!”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with honor. It’s foalish.”

“But—”

“And you don’t have a snowball’s chance in Tartarus of winning, by the way,” said Twilight, turning up a piercing eye to look at her friend.

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?”

“You aren’t as powerful as Luna, for one thing. Or as talented.”

“Gee, thanks,” came Rainbow’s reply, dripping with sarcasm. “Glad to know you have so much faith in me.”

“I don’t think you know what you’re up against. Princess Luna is more than a thousand years old—”

“Most of which she spent in the moon.”

Twilight waved off the point. “Granted. But even before she was imprisoned there, she was already an accomplished mage, and the most gifted illusionist of her time. The historical accounts of her spellwork all confirm—”

“How good were her pranks?”

Twilight gave her a long stare. “…There aren’t any historical accounts of her pranks, Rainbow.”

“Exactly! So how do you know how good she is at them?”

“…I’m just saying, her proficiency at magic will give her an advantage when it comes to—”

“Did they even have pranks a thousand years ago?”

Twilight tensed. “Are you even paying attention to what I’m sa—”

“Twi, you worry too much! I’ve got this thing in the bag! Don’t forget, you’re looking at the undisputed Ponyville prank master three years running!”

Twilight scowled. “Whatever. I just hope this little war of yours doesn’t get too out of control.” They drew to a stop in front of the library door, and she met Rainbow with another pointed look. “Speaking of control, did you bother to do the assignment I gave you?”

“I—uh—”

Rainbow clammed up. She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.

“My… tortoise ate my homework?”

“Rainbow Dash!”

“I know! Jeeze! Cut me some slack, will you?” Rainbow griped. “To tell you the truth, your lessons are kind of annexing my life right now.”

Twilight clenched her teeth as she magicked open the door. “That’s not the correct usage of—”

ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAORRRRRGHHHHH!

Their hooves left the ground, and the next thing they knew was the bang! of the impact as they each hit the wall, lobbed through the air like toys by the force of the bellowing roar! Twilight sputtered, the air left her lungs, her vision swam as her brain bounced in her skull. Next to her, she heard Rainbow Dash groan, and they slid to the floor, leaving a pair of perfect, pony-shaped impressions in the white plaster of the corridor.

“Wh… What happened?” Twilight croaked.

Rainbow pointed through the open doorway. “Look!”

Twilight looked. Her eyes followed Rainbow’s hoof, and… and…

It was GIGANTIC! Fifteen feet of glistening exoskeleton, TWENTY if you counted the antennae, scrabbling on spiny, spindly legs the size of tree branches! Its soulless eyes gleamed like black diamonds from between the bookcases. As it started advancing on them, smashing through the tables and shelves, its maw opened wide, and it gave another roar—

ROOOOOAORORORRRGHGHHHGHHHHH!

“It’s a ro… It’s a roaaa…”

“I don’t care what it is, IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US!” Rainbow yelled.

That was enough to snap Twilight back to her senses. She jumped in front of Rainbow, a spell already charging at the tip of her horn. “GET OUT OF HERE! I’LL HOLD IT OFF!”

“What?!”

“I said GO! GET OUT OF HERE!” A crackling globe of magic was growing above her head, throwing off rays of purple light like a mad disco ball. “FIND A GUARD OR SOMETHING! GO GET HELP!”

“But—”

Rainbow’s protests caught in her throat when the monster skittered up to the door, and—finding it a teensy bit too small—decided to undertake some minor renovations by KNOCKING IT THE HELL DOWN. The wall exploded, leaving a gaping hole.

Twilight looked horrified, but she bounded straight ahead to meet the beast. It swiped at her with one of its razor-sharp legs, and she jumped out of the way at the last second, dancing around to the other side of it and shouting to draw its attention.

It worked. The thing lumbered around to chase her, leaving Rainbow alone in the rubble, in what was left of the East Wing corridor.

“Twilight!”

She shook off her stupor, flapped, and zoomed up in the air. No way was she gonna let her friend do this by herself!

“RAINBOW! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” Twilight shrieked.

The thing lashed out again, trying to pincer her with its swordlike legs. She barely evaded them, dodging back into the periodical section as the razor-sharp appendages shish-kebabed a twin pair of busts. Celestia’s head flew off its plinth, cracked against Luna’s, and they both shattered to pieces.

“I SAID GO GET HELP! DIDN’T I SAY GO GET HELP?”

Rainbow’s wings revved. “HANG ON! I GOT THIS!” she shouted, aiming herself at the monster’s backside, her left hoof outstretched in front of her like a battering ram.

Twilight peered around the creature’s hulking frame. Her eyes bulged. “NO- NO-NO-NO-NO-WAIT!”

Too late! Rainbow shot off like a missile at the exact same moment the spell finished charging and flew from Twilight’s horn. The globe of magic swelled and surrounded the creature, enveloping it in a violet dome.

Now it was Rainbow’s turn to panic as she found she couldn’t stop, couldn’t peel off, couldn’t do a single thing to keep from slamming into the magic barrier at a hundred miles an hour—

PING!

She ricocheted off the bubble like a stone skipping off water, cartwheeling through the air, tumbling around and around—and straight into Twilight.

“OOF!”

The two of them rolled together until they both crashed into a bookcase. A hundred dusty tomes fell out, burying them. Then, for no other reason than to drive Twilight past the edge of madness, the bookshelf toppled over backwards into another bookshelf…

…which toppled into another bookshelf…

…which toppled into another bookshelf…

…which toppled into another bookshelf…

Twilight’s head exploded out from the book pile, her eyes filled with the wild, berserker frenzy of an obsessive-compulsive librarian. “I SAID TO GET HELP! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH GETTING HELP?”

“I WAS helping!” Rainbow said. The books rolled off her as she staggered to her hooves.

Behind them in the background, the …whump! …whump! …whump! of the bookcase domino effect went on… and on… and on…

Twilight’s eye twitched.

She might’ve lost it again, but just then, the dome, already cracked down the middle by Rainbow’s collision, flickered and went out when the creature threw its weight against it one more time.

“Oh, COME ON!” said Rainbow.

Twilight glowered. “You know, if you’d bothered to learn a SINGLE THING I tried to teach you about barrier spells, this WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!”

“GYAH! I’m sick of this! Don’t try to hold me back, Twi! I’m gonna SQUASH THIS THING!”

“It’s a COCKROACH! You can’t kill it! For crying out loud, it can survive a THERMONUCLEAR BLAST!”

“I DON’T CARE! I’M STILL GONNA… Wait, a cockroach?”

Rainbow froze. The gears turned in her head.

A shadow fell over them as the behemoth opened its wings and jaws at the same time. With a roar, it vaulted into the air, and time slowed down as it hung there above them, all gnashing mandibles and crushing carapace and six spindly legs ready to come down and skewer them, and Twilight’s eyes flew wide in fear, she didn’t have another spell prepped, she couldn’t put up another barrier—

“TRY AND MAKE A CHUMP OUTTA ME, WILL YA?” Rainbow snarled and flew up to meet it. “I’LL SHOW YOU!”

Her vision was blurring at the edges, the speed was ringing in her ears. She tore ahead, hooves windmilling, ready to plant one between the monster’s cold, black eyes…!

Then, there was a poof! and a puff of smoke. The creature disappeared!

…and Rainbow went flailing through the suddenly empty space where it had been, not a second ago! The last words out of her mouth before she smacked into the wall were, “WAI-WAIT! WHERE DID IT—ARRRRRGGGH!”

She slid slowly, painfully down to the floor. For a short while, there she lay, slumped forward and groaning, until Twilight came to help her up.

“Did…” She coughed. “Did I squash it?”

“Look,” Twilight said, and Rainbow looked.

She couldn’t believe her eyes. The whole library was put together again. The shelves were back standing, and the books were back on them, and the damage of the last few minutes looked like it had never even happened. Even the wall had been un-demolished.

Everything was exactly as it had been before.

Except one thing.

There was something on the floor, smiling up at them. Situated exactly where the monster had been.

It looked small and harmless, but they approached it with caution, both on guard. Rainbow didn’t know what to expect at this point, though privately, she was ready for the thing to jump on her and try to chew her face off.

Twilight picked it up.

It was a stuffed cockroach, made of felt and cotton plush, and it grinned at them evilly as it twirled in her magical grasp. Their eyes fell upon a tag sewn just below the antennae, where a message had been scrawled for them in swooshing blue cursive:

Nice try. —L

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Are you happy now?!”

Twilight paced the floor. A short distance away, the stuffed cockroach floated inside a precautionary bubble, and she bounced a glare back and forth between it and Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow, for her part, looked distraught. “I can’t believe it,” she mumbled, gazing down at her hooves.

“How can you not? You just saw it with your own eyes! I told you, you’re no match for Princess Luna!”

“I just… can’t believe it,” Rainbow mumbled again.

She looked back up. A cloud of anger had rolled over her.

“I… I just… I can’t believe I fell for it!”

Twilight looked at her disbelievingly. “What?”

“It’s a BUG! A stinkin’ BUG! I shoulda seen right through it! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” She smacked herself in the head.

The incredulous look on Twilight’s face morphed back to anger. “Seriously? After what just happened, that’s all you can think about?”

“I can’t believe she got me so good! GYAH!”

Now Rainbow began to pace as Twilight looked on, silently stewing.

“She thinks she can out-prank the prank master? Ha! No way! This calls for some serious payback—”

Twilight waved her hooves frantically. “No! No! No payback! Payback bad! Peacemaking good!”

“But how can I make peace when I haven’t won yet?”

“Don’t you get it? You aren’t GOING to win. You’re going to lose! Badly! And you’re going to take Canterlot down with you!”

“I won’t lose,” Rainbow scoffed.

“You will.”

“I won’t.”

“Yes, you will!”

“No, I won’t! Look, Twi, all I need is a little magic in my corner, and I can so totally pull this off! If you and I teamed up against her—”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

“But—”

“NO!” Twilight stomped her hoof. “I won’t be a party to this!”

Then she saw the betrayed look on Rainbow’s face. Her expression softened, and she spoke again, remorsefully, “Look, you’ve obviously made up your mind to prank her, and I’m obviously not going to be able to talk you out of it. Just… leave me and the books out of it, okay?”

“Fine! Way to leave a friend hanging,” Rainbow snapped.

Twilight reached out to her. “Rainbow Dash…”

“Tank.”

“T… Tank?”

“Yeah. Tank,” Rainbow said. “Tank’s a bro. He’ll help me.”

“…How, exactly?”

“I… I could get him to… to…” Her voice trailed off. Then inspiration struck. “CROSS THE ROAD!”

“Cross… the road?”

“Yeah!” Rainbow said. “Tank’s a tortoise, right? And tortoises cross the road all the time! So they can, like… get to the beach to lay their eggs, right?”

“Actually, that’s a popular misconception. It’s mostly sea turtles belonging to the taxonomic family Cheloniidae who tend to—”

“So I get Tank to cross the road in front of Luna’s carriage, and BOOM! She has no choice but to sit and wait in traffic! Instant prank!”

Twilight stared at her dubiously.

Rainbow’s confidence began to waver. “It’s… guaranteed to waste practically… minutes! …of her time!”

Her face fell. She glared at Twilight, fuming.

“Look, I DON’T KNOW, okay? I’ll think of something!”

“Rainbow—”

“What’s it to ya, anyway? I thought you ‘weren’t going to be a party to this,’ or whatever. AUGH!” She ran a hoof down her face. “Where’s Pinkie Pie when you need her?”

Twilight shook her head. “I still don’t think—”

“DID SOMEPONY SAY PARTY?”

“AHH!”

Rainbow and Twilight yelped and fell over backwards! They hit the ground hard on their rumps.

“Hi guys!” Pinkie Pie said.

Twilight stared up at her, her mouth dangling. She blinked, rubbed her eyes, blinked again, and stared some more.

Rainbow was the first to find her voice. “Whoa! Pinkie? Is that you?”

“Of course, silly! Who else would it be?”

Now Twilight chimed in, “But… you weren’t here a second ago! Where did you come from? What are you doing here?”

Pinkie’s smile grew three sizes larger. “Oh, Twilight, you’re so silly. I’m the main special guest star for this chapter!”

“What?”

“I said, I was on the train looking for the snack bar! This morning, I was in Ponyville shopping for a vacuum cleaner I could use to suck the spiders out of Gummy’s wig collection when I noticed the Friendship Express was running a half-price special on tickets to Vanhoover! So I figured, what the hay? It’s been over ten hours since I went on a totally pointless train ride anywhere, it’s not like my doctor’s gonna mind! And besides, the snack bar on the Friendship Express has this super great deal on all-you-can-eat popovers that’s just amazing!”

“Pinkie Pie—”

“So there I was, licking my lips, waiting on my fifty-eighth plate of popovers when the whistle goes WOOOO-WOOOO and the train comes chug-a-wug-a- wugging into Canterlot! Then the conductor walks in, and the hostess runs over and starts talking to him, and I didn’t think there was anything weird about that, but the whole time she kept looking over at me and making these frantic hoof gestures, and I’m pretty sure I lip-read her saying something about ‘eating us out of business,’ but that can’t possibly be true, right? You both know I would never go popoverboard!”

“Pinkie Pie—”

“Then the conductor walked past, whistling in a totally-not-suspicious way, and I tugged on his pant leg and said, ‘Hey, shouldn’t we be in Vanhoover?’ and he was all like, ‘Yeah, don’t worry, it’s our next stop!’ and I kinda shrugged and went back to my popovers. But a minute later, there was this loud KA-CLUNK, and I realized they’d unhitched the snack bar car from the rest of the train! Can you guys believe that? They totally forgot I was in there and left me behind on accident! What an oopsie!”

“PINKIE PIE!” Twilight yelled.

“So then I was like, ‘Oh no! Now I’m stuck in Canterlot with no place to go! What am I gonna do?’ But then I was like, ‘Wait a sec! Dashie and Twilight are here! They’ll totally let me crash on their couch!’ So here I am! Whaddaya say? You don’t mind a popover pony popping over, do you? Oh! And did I mention how SUPER AMAZING and FANTASTIC it is seeing you guys again? I missed you both sooooo much!”

Her hooves stretched out freakishly long, and she pulled them both in for a big bear hug. Every element of Twilight’s rational mind was at war against this explanation, but as her cheek pressed against Pinkie’s, she gave in to a twinge of a smile. “It’s… good to see you too, Pinkie.”

“This is GREAT!” Rainbow beamed. “You’re just the secret weapon I need to turn the tables against Luna!”

“Oh! I love tables!” Pinkie said. “Picnic or poker? Billiard or bedside? Come on, gimme the scoop!”

“Pranks, Pinkie! We’re talking about the biggest, most epic prank war of all time, against none other than Princess Luna herself! And… uh… it isn’t going well so far.” Rainbow rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe I oughta take a step back. We might pull off an upset if I let you annex control of the operation for a while.”

Twilight clenched her teeth. “That’s not the correct usage of—”

“That sounds super fun! I love coming up with pranks!” said Pinkie. “Give me all the juicy details!”

“Well, y’see, it’s like this…”

Rainbow wrapped her hoof around her newfound partner in crime, filling her in with a (biased) account of recent events. Excusing herself from the effort of correcting all the factual inaccuracies, Twilight rolled her eyes and followed the two of them out of the room.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Pinkie Pie’s arrival passed without too much ado. By now, most ponies were used to her antics—princesses included—so nopony batted an eyelid when she came skipping to dinner ahead of Twilight and Rainbow that evening.

Celestia’s reaction was characteristically magnanimous. “You’re more than welcome to stay the weekend here, of course! Canterlot Castle is always open to you, your friends, and your family.”

“Yay! Thanks, Princess C!”

“It’s an honor and privilege to meet you again, Pinkie Pie,” Luna said, no less graciously. “Although…”

She looked slyly at Rainbow Dash.

“You should know, rallying more troops to your cause won’t save you.”

“Yeah?” Rainbow fired back. “Well—!”

Pinkie jumped on top of the table, scampered over, and pinned down Luna with an eye-to-eye glare. Luna recoiled in surprise, and Twilight reached out in vain and cried, “Pinkie Pie!”

“So YOU’RE the one who challenged Dashie to a prank-off!” said Pinkie.

A few seconds went by. The accusation hung in the air.

Then, with all the advance warning of a buffalo stampede on a Wednesday in downtown Cloudsdale, her demeanor totally flipped. Pinkie brightened, she grinned, she stuck out her hoof and said, “It’s great to see you again, Luna! How ya been?”

“I’ve been well, thank you!” Luna said with a grateful smile. Her shrewd eyes darted down, then back up. Her lips drew into a smirk. “I’m afraid, however, if you’d like to shake hooves, you’ll have to take off that shock buzzer first. I wasn’t born yesterday, after all!”

Pinkie’s face fell. With barely concealed disappointment, she glanced down at the silver-colored gadget strapped to her hoof.

“You’re good. You’re reeeeeal good.” She retreated to her chair, pouting.

“Nice try,” Rainbow leaned over and whispered to her.

Pinkie grimaced. “She’s good. She’s reeeeeal good.”

“I know. I heard you the first time.”

“After-dinner prankstorming session?”

“You know it!”

Twilight just sighed and shook her head.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

An hour later, after Domo showed Pinkie to her suite, and Rainbow nicked Twilight’s roll-around chalkboard, the two conspirators stood, quite literally, in front of the drawing board.

“Whoopee cushion?” Pinkie suggested.

Rainbow waved off the idea. “Too small-time.”

“Chinese finger trap?”

“What’s a finger?”

“Snake nut can?”

“Seriously, you’re gonna have to start explaining some of these to me,” said Rainbow, her brow furrowed. “I know I’ve been out of the game for a few weeks now, but what the hay is a snake nut can?”

“Oh Dashie, don’t be silly. You know what a snake nut can is!”

“I do?”

“Yepperooni! It’s a can of nuts, only without any nuts in it, because you took the nuts out and replaced them with a bunch of fake, spring-loaded snakes! You leave the can out, and an unsuspecting pony comes up on it, and they open it, and KABLOOEY! Snakes everywhere!”

To illustrate, Pinkie took the chalk in her mouth and drew a stick pony with a bunch of squiggly lines attacking it.

“Ohhhhh,” Rainbow said. “That prank has a name?”

“I told you, it’s the snake nut can! Snake nut can! Snake nut can! C’mon, say it with me. It’s super fun!”

“Pretty sure the snake nut can isn’t gonna cut it, Pinkie. Luna’s not gonna fall for something that obvious.”

“But the snake nut can is an age-old terror!”

“So is Luna!”

“…Good point!”

They looked at each other, a twin pair of grins twitching at their lips—and they both burst out laughing. Pinkie’s giggle-snorts filled the room, matched by Rainbow’s guffaws.

After a while, they settled down, and Rainbow’s laughs faded to a happy sigh. She sank deeper into her beanbag chair, her gaze drifting lazily to the ceiling fan above. It turned in slow, drowsy circles, casting slow-moving shadows across the textured stucco. Her wings sprawled out comfortably at her sides as she let her eyes fall shut. She breathed, and she smiled.

For the first time in a long time, she was content.

“…Hey, Pinkie?” she said at length.

“What is it, Dashie?”

“I’m… really glad you’re here.”

Her voice trembled. She felt a lump in her throat. And she was confused, she didn’t know why—why, when they’d both just been laughing…?

Pinkie smiled again. Not her usual smile, but a small, somber smile mixed with a pain all her own. “I’m glad I’m here too.”

“It… hasn’t been an easy couple weeks,” Rainbow admitted. Another tremor rolled through her voice, and now her eyes were stinging too, and she wanted to go further, but she held herself back. “I, um… Sorry, I’m being dumb. I shouldn’t even… f-feel this way… after…”

Pinkie wrapped her in a hug. “Shh. It’s okay,” she whispered softly.

Rainbow’s chest constricted, her breath catching. “N-No, it’s not—”

“It is,” Pinkie said, and hugged her even tighter. “I promise, it’s okay.”

“But Rarity…”

“…Rarity’s going through something big right now.”

The words were tentative. Strained. Pinkie held her firmly, and for the first time, Rainbow sensed the tension in her friend’s body. A heaviness that weighed against her usual bounce. How long had it been there?

Pinkie’s voice came again. Soft, but filled with quiet strength. “I know. You feel like you shouldn’t feel this way, right? Like you’re supposed to be all strong and loyal. But Dashie… you’re allowed to hurt, too.”

Rainbow laughed mirthlessly. “It’s stupid, though…”

“It’s not stupid! You’re going through something big, too! Something huge! Like, bigger-than-Gummy’s-sombrero huge! Everything that’s happened to you? Becoming an alicorn? Moving to Canterlot? Finding out that Princess Celestia’s your mom? That’s no small potatoes! It’s big potatoes! Like, the biggest potatoes you could ever grow! And you’re allowed to feel all the things that come with it, whether it’s sad, or mad, or confused, or… lonely. Whatever you feel, I promise, it’s okay! But don’t ever think you’re alone!”

Pinkie let go the embrace. And now it was plain for Rainbow to see: her eyes were shimmering, too.

“It… hasn’t been very fun times lately, huh?” She offered a weak smile. “I’m sorry. I wish I could bake a cake so big, we could jump inside it and hide from all the bad stuff… I really wish the world worked that way.

“But I’m here for you, Dashie! I’m here, and I get it! And so does Applejack, and so does Fluttershy… and so does Rarity, too! We all understand how extra-sprinkles-of-awful this has been for you, because we’re your friends. And we’ll always be your friends, no matter what!”

Rainbow dried her eyes on her forehoof. “…Heh. Thanks, Pinkie,” she said, mustering a grin. “I… think I’ve needed this for a while now.”

“De nada, mi amiga!”

“And anyway…” Rainbow kicked out her hooves and sat upright, a devilish plan brewing on her face. “…I just came up with an awesome idea for a prank!”

“Oh?” Pinkie’s ears perked up. “Do tell!”

“You were on the right track with the shock buzzer, but we’ve gotta go bigger than that, y’know? No more foal stuff. None of that itching powder, stink bomb, ink-on-the-telescope lameness. I’m talking a full-bore, all-out, stalls-to-the-wall mega prank!”

“Wowie! I’m so excited!”

Rainbow pulled Pinkie in close. “So here’s the plan. Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed Luna always has a slice of vanilla cloud cake delivered to her room every night around ten o’clock. And I just so happen to have a liiiiittle piece of cumulonimbus stashed away for a rainy day…”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Go easy on them, won’t you?”

Luna looked up. “Why, whatever do you mean, dear sister?”

“You know precisely what I mean. No earth pony can hold a candle to your talents—though that one might come closer than most. Neither can Aurora, for that matter. Even if she weren’t a novice at magic, she could spend the next fifty years training and studying and still not match your artifice.”

“I did warn her about that before she threw down the gauntlet. You should know. You were there, weren’t you?”

“Be that as it may, I hope you’ll keep the disparity in mind and refrain from responding too disproportionately,” Celestia said with a frown. “Fun and games are one thing, but try not to take it too far.”

Knock. Knock. “ROOM SERVICE!”

Luna quirked an eyebrow. “What, is this a hotel all of a sudden?”

“Enter!” shouted Celestia.

The door opened. “As usual, you’re not being fair, Tia,” said Luna—neither she nor her sister paid any attention to the pair of ponies, one pink and the other blue, who slipped into the room wearing chef’s whites and big, bushy mustaches, pushing a serving cart—“You ought to know me better than that!”

“Should I?”

“Yes! When have I ever taken things too far?”

The ‘servants’ parked the cart before stealing back out, quietly snickering.

Celestia’s voice was deadpan. “Well, there was that one time when we were foals and you chased me around, throwing rocks at me—”

“You’re still not over that?”

“You broke my horn!”

“Chipped! And it wasn’t my fault! It was your fault for not dodging!”

“Don’t pretend you’re the victim. I couldn’t do magic for three months.”

“I was grounded for six months!”

“Be that as it may—”

“Oh, ‘be that as it may,’ my hoof!”

“Be that as it may, I expect you to exercise some self-restraint.”

Celestia reached out to the serving cart with her magic. On top was a silver platter with a domed lid, and under the lid, a delicious-looking slice of vanilla cloud cake, which floated over to her in her shimmering aura.

Luna turned up her nose. “Please. Have a little faith in me.”

“I do have faith in you, which is why I haven’t obstructed your efforts,” said Celestia. She speared a bite of cake on her fork and raised it to her lips. It floated in front of her, fluffy and enticing.

“I have to say, I’m feeling a little singled out here,” Luna spoke up in her own defense. “Have you asked them not to go too far? Or am I the only one you trust so little?”

Celestia chuckled. “What, are you afraid they might jump out at you from behind a corner wearing scary masks? They’re an earth pony and an ex-pegasus. I don’t think you’ve got too much to worry about. In fact, I’d be embarrassed if they got the drop on you.”

She popped the cake into her mouth.

KRA-CRACK!

There was a thunderclap, a flash of light, a hail of sparks, and a shock wave so powerful, it sent Luna reeling. She staggered back, shielding her eyes against the burst, shuddering along with the rest of her tower. And when the dust cleared—

When the dust cleared, there was Celestia, round-eyed and soot-faced, and miraculously still standing in the middle of a giant scorch mark. Her mane had given up on billowing to stand on end in electrified spikes, charred at the tips. She opened her mouth and the fork fell out, along with some smoke and a feeble- sounding, “Puh…”

Luna’s face flushed with anger. She stalked over to what was left of the cake and levitated a glob of it up to her eye for inspection. A growl rose in her throat. “Why, those little…!”

“Wh… What hap…?”

“Look! Pure thunderhead!” Luna lifted the morsel, storm-gray and crackling with tiny tendrils of electricity beneath the vanilla frosting. “How dare they try to trick me with such an obvious ploy! What kind of a slack-jawed idiot do they take me for?”

“Unnnnnggggghhhhh…”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Tia. I forgot. How are you feeling?” Luna’s lips curled with sweet, sweet schadenfreude. “Not too embarrassed, I hope?”

“…Luna?”

“Yes?”

“…I wish you the best of luck in the wars to come.”

Celestia strode onto the balcony and flew off with nary another word. Luna watched her go, then turned to the task of plotting revenge.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Rainbow Dash had a splendid home, Luna decided, as she let herself in the front door. Vaulted ceilings, spacious interiors, and it was probably quite well-lit during the daytime. Why, the stairs didn’t even creak as she stealthily made her way up them to the second floor!

Soon, she was at the foot of Rainbow’s bed. The sky-blue filly was sprawled out in front of her, snoring loudly.

Obliviously.

Vulnerably.

Luna’s smirk curled into something insidious. “Oh, dear niece, I’ve got you in my web this time. Surprise!”

Alas, Rainbow was too busy sawing logs to hear her. She only rolled over and hugged a pillow to her chest.

“Multichromatic muffiiiiins…” she murmured in her sleep with a sweet little smile. “Fastest muffins in Equestriaaa…”

Then an azure glow lit Luna’s horn, and that sweet little smile turned to ash on Rainbow’s face.

She stifled a laugh behind her hoof. Her night’s work complete, she turned and left the filly to her fate—though she did allow herself one last, appreciative look around the cloud house before gliding silently into the night.

It really was a splendid home.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Rainbow Dash woke, bloodshot and bleary-eyed, to the sound of an alarm clock going off.

She didn’t realize it was an alarm clock at first, though. Which was actually quite understandable, given it didn’t sound anything like a regular alarm clock. It sounded like somepony blowing a party favor, again and again and again and again and again…

Her first instinct was to squeeze her eyes shut, roll over, and try to ignore it. “Cut it out, Pinkie!” she groaned.

But the noise didn’t stop. It kept on going. Over and over, like some kind of demented kazoo. And it almost seemed to get closer… louder… until she could swear it was right next to—

The party favor went off again, this time tickling inside her ear. She bolted upright in bed.

“GYAH!”

Her hoof swung out defensively and knocked the thing onto the floor. It hit the ground with a resounding TWANG!, and the party favor’s trill died slowly, mournfully down.

Rainbow squinted at it. It was a totally normal wind-up alarm clock—only instead of the usual ring-a-ding bells, a delicate porcelain pony was perched on top. The figurine held a paper noisemaker in its mouth, slowly coiling up as the last bit of air seeped out.

She stared at it, bewildered. “What the hay…?” Her hoof flew to her throat. “Huh? What’s wrong with my voice…?”

Only then did she notice her surroundings.

The streamers. The confetti.

The strawberry frosting windows. The candy cane columns.

The balloons on the quilted bedcovers.

The photos. The Victrola. The long table, where she could vividly remember getting into an argument with a pile of rocks a few months ago—not to mention the bucket of turnips or the sack of flour.

Then, as she shucked the covers to get up out of bed, she finally noticed the color of her own hooves and body. Not the sky blue she’d known all her life, but a sickly-sweet, candyfloss pink.

The mirror told her everything else she needed to know.

As the morning sun rose on Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville, an ear-splitting scream shredded the air:

“LUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAA!”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Are you sure you’re all right, Pinkie Pie?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“I already told you, I am NOT Pinkie Pie! And no, I am NOT all right!”

“Satchmo,” said Mr. Cake.

Mrs. Cake smiled at him. “Yes, dear.”

“ARGH!” Rainbow stomped her hoof in a storm of frustration. A stray lock of cotton candy-colored mane fell between her eyes, and she batted it away with a furious flick.

“Pinkie, dear,” Mrs. Cake spoke again, “I know it’s short notice, but we have some errands to run. Would you mind tending the bakery while we’re out? Oh, and do keep an eye on Pound and Pumpkin. You know how rambunctious they can be.”

“I’M NOT PINKIE PIE!”

“Satchmo,” said Mr. Cake.

Mrs. Cake furrowed her brow. “You look like Pinkie Pie to me.”

“I KNOW I LOOK LIKE PINKIE PIE!”

“You even sound like Pinkie Pie!”

“NO, I DON’T! I’M CLEARLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. SINCE WHEN DOES PINKIE GET PISSED OFF?”

“Satchmo,” said Mr. Cake.

Rainbow grabbed him by his stupid bow tie. “WHY THE BUCK DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?”

“Well, if that’s all, I think we’ll be off,” Mrs. Cake said with a smile. “Try not to throw too many parties while we’re gone! Toodles!”

The two of them vanished into thin air.

Rainbow tumbled forward into the empty space where Mr. Cake had been, her hooves suddenly without purchase. “Oof!” she grunted as she smacked face- first into the ground.

She got up unsteadily.

Then she looked around. Also unsteadily.

“What the HAY? Where did they GO? …All right, fun and games are over. Think, Rainbow Dash. Think!”

She began to pace, chewing her lip.

“This totally isn’t the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. Nope, nope, nope! Totally not the weirdest thing…”

She halted in front of the full-length mirror. Pinkie Pie’s body reflected back at her: sapphire-blue eyes, raspberry coat, three-balloon cutie mark, and worst of all—

“No wings,” she muttered. “Can’t fly. Can’t fly. No wings.”

She shuffled anxiously on her hooves.

“And everypony keeps calling me Pinkie Pie, no matter what I say…”

“What’s in a name?” came a rasping, ponderous voice from behind her. “That which we call an alligator by any other name would be as fierce.”

Rainbow whirled around. “Who’s there?”

“But what of the woeful reptile who has no teeth? His mouth as barren as his hopes. His dreams and incisors, forever plucked. Doomed to a life edentate, never again to chomp, to his undying shame. Is it simply his lot in life to be whisked away toward a biteless, unfulfilling future, forever christened with the badge of his own dishonor? Or should he paddle against the relentless tides of fate, even in the face of unquestionable futility?”

Rainbow gawked at the toothless alligator on the nightstand. “Whoa! Hold up a minute! You can talk?”

Gummy looked at her glassily and licked his own eyeball.

Just then, there came a loud—

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Commotion—

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

From outside the window—

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

And she threw open the shutters to see ten simultaneous sonic rainbooms shattering the crystal-blue sky—

KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM!

She stuck her head outside, her mouth wide agape. A rainbow contrail was zooming down the street, weaving in and out of the cottages, pulling off a new sonic rainboom every other heartbeat. And at the head of that dazzling ribbon of light, she spotted a pair of magenta eyes and a daredevil grin—

“THAT’S MY BODY!”

By the time Rainbow’s brain got around to considering the inherent danger in jumping out a three-story window without any wings, it was too late. She was already falling.

Luckily, her aim was true: she tackled the doppelganger out of the air, and they went tumbling together into a bed of shrubs. Rainbow was back on her pink hooves in an instant, her eyes burning with candy-coated wrath as she pressed her nose right up against the impostor’s. “All right, you body-snatcher! I wanna know WHO YOU ARE!”

The doppelganger just giggled. “Hiya, Dashie!”

“…Pinkie?” Rainbow’s jaw dropped.

“Aw, no fair! You figured it out already! I was trying super-duper hard to be awesome, too! I bet it was shades, huh?”

“What?”

“The shades!” Pinkie put on an all-too-familiar pair of sunglasses. “Darn! If I’d remembered to wear these babies, I coulda been quadruple-awesome with a double-scoop of cool and radical sprinkles on top!”

“Pinkie, what the hay is going on?”

“Beats me! But if I had to guess, I’d say we’re actually both asleep in our beds right now, and Princess Luna just used some crazy dream magic to trick us into thinking we swapped places with each other.”

“…She can do that?”

“Heck if I know!”

Pinkie cracked up in another fit of giggles, and Rainbow made a face at the sight. It was kind of wild seeing her own body from this angle, and it might even have been cool—if it weren’t for the way Pinkie was bouncing around in it, all bubbly and goofy.

“Great. Just great. So… How long are we stuck like this for?” she wondered, looking purposefully away.

“Oh, probably not much longer. Time always goes by super fast when you’re asleep, after all! You just close your eyes, and then, whiz-bang-zoop! It’s time to wake up again!”

“Hmph… Well, I guess we should make the most of it.” Rainbow tapped her chin. If she’d been able to, she probably would’ve flown around a bit to burn off some nervous energy, but since THAT was obviously off the table, she settled for pacing instead. “We can totally use this time to our advantage to plan a majorly awesome revenge prank! Something Luna will never see coming…”

“Revenge prank? Ha!” Pinkie tipped the shades over her eyes. “Nuts to that. I’m going flying!”

“What?!”

“Heck yeah! This is great!” said Pinkie, launching off the ground into a lazy corkscrew. “Flying’s SO MUCH fun! Did you see how many sonic rainbooms I did in a row back there? It was all like KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM!”

Rainbow watched her with clenched teeth, her patience wearing thin. “And just what am I supposed to do, huh? Go dream-babysit some dram-foals for the dream-Cakes?”

“Ooh, have fun with that! The dream-twins can be a dream-handful!”

“Why am I stuck doing your dream-chores while you get to go out and have all the dream-fun? That’s not fair!”

“Aw. I’m sorry, Dashie.” Pinkie drifted back down to the ground, though she didn’t land. She smiled. “You know I would never leave you hanging! I’ll pitch in and lend a hoof.”

“You will?”

“Sure I will… IN YOUR DREAMS!” Pinkie fell into the grass, giggling and holding her belly.

Rainbow groaned and turned away in abject disgust, drawing a bubblegum hoof down the bridge of her muzzle. “Ugh… I can’t stand it. You’re being me all wrong, you know.”

“Hee hee hee!—You—Y-You’re right!” Pinkie managed in-between giggles. “I should probably work in a mid-morning cloud nap while I’m at it! Then I’ll get the real Rainbow Dash experience!”

“I mean it! I protest! This is not an authentic representation of what it’s like to be the Dash!”

“Really? I thought I was doing pretty good!” Pinkie rolled over and propped herself up on her elbows, smirking at Rainbow with a playful glint. “The shades, the naps, the sonic rainbooms. What did I leave out?”

A guardpony’s head burst out of a nearby flowerpot. Pinkie jumped back in surprise. “Huh—?”

“Princess Aurora!” said the guard, a daisy bobbing on his noggin. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Princess Aurora!” said another guard, popping out from behind a lamppost that was way too skinny to have hidden him.

“Princess Aurora!” said a third, rappelling down from the frosted gingerbread roof of Sugarcube Corner.

“Princess Aurora!” “Princess Aurora!” “Princess Aurora!” Up and down the street, guards appeared from literally out of nowhere, bum-rushing Pinkie with singular purpose—

Pinkie screamed, “AIIIIIEEEEE!” and blasted into the air like a rocket. The guards swarmed after her, undeterred, and before long, the sky was filled with whole flocks of them, a hundred white wings giving chase to a rainbow-colored mach cone.

KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM! KA-BOOM!

Rainbow stretched, rolled her shoulders, and flopped down cheerfully on the grass. Her hooves tucked leisurely behind her head as she lay back and watched the show.

“Hey, this might be a relaxing night’s sleep after all!”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Rainbow Dash had a dirty look and a reluctant smile for Luna at breakfast the next morning. The dirty look, because she knew she’d got got, and got good. The smile, because it had actually been a pretty awesome prank.

“Pleasant dreams?” Luna asked sweetly over a plate of eggs and toast.

“More like TOTALLY AMAZING-TASTIC dreams!” Pinkie gushed. “I’ve never done so many sonic rainbooms before in my LIFE! Well, I mean, I guess technically, I’ve never done ANY sonic rainbooms before in my life… until last night! WOWIE! That was sooooo cool! You should beat Rainbow Dash at pranks more often, Princess Lu—”

Rainbow stuck a hoof in her mouth. “Ha! Don’t go cracking open the cider just yet!” she taunted. “You’ll be singing a different tune once we get even!”

Luna met her with a smirk. “Is that so?”

“Psh. Try harder. Your mind games won’t work on me,” Rainbow said, not at all convincingly.

“Well, we’ll just have to see which one of us prevails, won’t we?” Luna took a dainty sip of her coffee. “I must say, though, those are some awfully formidable words for somepony who’s oh-and-two.”

Rainbow didn’t have a rebuttal to that. She folded her hooves and sunk low in her chair. Stupid Luna, acting like such a hotshot…

“Hey, Pinkie,” Rainbow whispered privately behind her hoof.

“Yeah, Dashie?”

Luna’s ears pricked up.

“Prankstorming session at my place. Twelve noon. Don’t be late.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey!”

Grudgingly, Rainbow poked a fork into her breakfast. Stupid Luna.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Stupid Luna… Stupid Luna… Stupid Luna…”

The sun was near its zenith in the overcast sky, glaring down through gaps in the steel-gray cloud cover. Rainbow was glaring, too, as she winged it over the East Garden on her way to meet Pinkie Pie.

She glanced down as she flew, half hoping to see the Caretaker there in the garden, puttering away, as he so often did this time of day. She’d known him long enough to trust his wisdom and his uncanny knowledge about most things, and had given thought to enlisting him as an ally in the war.

He wasn’t around today, though. She bit back her disappointment.

Oh well. Didn’t matter. She and Pinkie had enough tricks up their sleeves to take down a rookie prankster like Luna. With both of them putting their heads together, they were sure to get the upper hoof.

…Eventually.

It was just a matter of time. They were ready for anything!

Rainbow was anything but ready to see a brazen batpony guard—no doubt one of Luna’s Thestral Corps—hoisting Luna’s own banner up shiny-new flagpole in front of her house. Seething with righteous anger, she skittered to a landing on the cloud-tuft front yard and seized him roughly by the collar. “What in the hay are you DOING?”

“R-R-Rainbow Dash!” the guard choked out.

“Two points for getting my name right, minus INFINITY points for WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HOUSE?”

She looked past him, only to spy another pair of stiff-jointed batpony guards stationed on either side of the portico… and another pair, running surveillance from the veranda… and a dozen more, patrolling the roof…

“W-Well…” the guard stammered. “I’m afraid your house has been…”

“What?”

“Annexed,” said the batpony.

Rainbow’ face screwed up with rage. “WHAT?!”

The guard nodded meekly. “By order of Princess Luna, your house has been formally annexed for the next twelve hours. She said—”

“WHAT did she say?” Rainbow demanded, raising a hoof.

“She said it was just so splendid, she couldn’t resist!”

Rainbow stared at him incredulously. Then she pushed him out of the way with a snarl, turned, and shouted in the direction of Luna’s tower, “THIS ISN’T OVER YET! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!”

Somewhere far away, Luna cackled.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Thwack. Thwack. THWACK!

Rainbow’s hoof connected with the plush cockroach—hard. Stuffing spewed out in every direction as it flew back, then rebounded, swinging by its neck from a rope noose.

Over on the beanbag chair, Pinkie was racking her brain for ideas. “Hmm… Oh! I know! We could inject her donuts with toothpaste!”

“She doesn’t. Eat. Donuts.”

THWACK! went Rainbow’s hoof against the plush toy again, sending it into a twirl. She reached out to steady it.

Pinkie looked horror-struck. “What? She doesn’t eat donuts? Who doesn’t eat donuts? Everypony eats donuts!”

“Luna doesn’t. At least, I ain’t ever seen her eat any. For all I know, she doesn’t even know what donuts are.”

“Impossible! How can anypony not know about donuts?”

“I dunno. Luna’s, like, a thousand years old or somethin’. Were donuts even invented a thousand years ago?” Thwack. Thwack. “She spent a lotta time on the moon, didn’t she? Could be wrong, but I don’t think they got many donut shops up there.”

“That’s awful! Poor Luna. I’m totally gonna bake her some donuts!”

Rainbow gave a snort. “Kiss her flank, while you’re at it! We’re supposed to be planning revenge here!”

“Okay, new idea.” Pinkie leaned forward. “Biscuits.”

“Bis… cuits?”

“Yeah! If she doesn’t eat donuts, she’s gotta be scarfing down biscuits, right? That’s, like, a snooty old-timey alternative!” Pinkie declared, as if it were the most logical thing in the world.

“I don’t think—”

“So here’s the plan, Stan! We get Luna a box of biscuits. You know, as a kind of peace offering. But before we fork ’em over, get this—we take ’em all apart, we scrape out the cream filling, we replace it with toothpaste, and then we put ’em all back in the box! You see? It’s just like the donut trick, only better! Whaddaya think, Dashie? …Dashie?”

Pinkie stopped and squinted at Rainbow, who had her head turned up and was looking awfully strange.

“Dashie? Are you oka—”

“AHHHHH-CHOOOOO!”

Rainbow’s sneeze was so explosive, it blasted back Pinkie’s mane and nearly straightened all her curls.

As Pinkie teeter-tottered in surprise, Rainbow reached for the wall to steady herself. She leaned against it, sniffled, and rubbed her bleary eyes into the crook of her hoof.

“Jeeze, Pinkie Pie,” she said unsteadily. “Your prank ideas are so bad, I think they’re actually making me sick.”

She sniffled a few more times. Then, audibly swallowing a throatful of snot, she got back to pummeling the stuffed cockroach. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

Pinkie’s ears lowered. “What’s wrong with toothpaste?”

“It’s totally lame, that’s what!” Rainbow snapped. “Luna’s one-upped us with dream magic and insect monsters. She annexed my freaking house! There’s no way we’re gonna upstage her with—with dental hygiene pranks!”

“Well, there’s always the snake nut can…”

“HIIIII-YAH!” yelled Rainbow, and she took the roach’s head clean off with a spinning high-kick. She turned and glared at Pinkie. “We aren’t gonna beat her with a snake nut can, either!”

“What if we fill it really, really full of snakes?”

“Pinkie, that’s the dumbest—”

“Listen, Dashie.” Pinkie was suddenly up out of the beanbag chair, wrapping a hoof around her shoulder. “I totally get where you’re coming from. You want something big! Something epic! Something so legendary, it’ll go down in history as the most pranktacular prank ever pranked!”

“All right! Now you’re speaking my language!”

Pinkie leaned in, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “We need to hit Luna—hard! Where it hurts the most! Where she least expects it! Right in the place she rests her royal rump!”

Rainbow stared uncomprehendingly. “Her… flank?”

“No, silly. Her bedroom!”

“…Come again?”

“A pony’s bedroom is their castle,” Pinkie explained. “Their sanctuary. Their refuge. Their haven. Their fortress of solitude. Their—”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” said Rainbow, pushing Pinkie off. “So what? You want to prank Luna in her room, where she’ll be taken by surprise?”

“Bingo!”

“Awesome plan. Just one teeny-tiny little issue: I already thought of it! Days and days ago, when I had the brilliant idea to swipe all the toilet paper out of her bathroom.” Rainbow grimaced. “The guards keep Luna’s door locked up tighter than a headmare’s hindquarters. And I don’t she’ll fall for ‘room service’ again.”

“No great cake was ever baked without adversity!”

A puzzled look crossed Rainbow’s face. “What—?”

“What you failed to take into consideration, Dashie, is for every lock, there’s also a key!” Pinkie began drawing up a plan on the chalkboard. “Or in this case, two keys. One of them, kept by Princess Luna…”

“There’s no way we’re getting our hooves on that.”

“…and the other, by the pegasus captain of the guard!”

Pinkie gave a devious smile, but Rainbow just looked past her to the board, where a crude doodle of Captain Tristar sneered back at her. Drawn beside him was a floor plan, and an annotated mission brief…

“Oh no,” said Rainbow, backing away. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“…no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—”

“Why are you still saying no? We changed scenes.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice the five little diamonds up there? We’re in italics now and everything.”

“Pinkie, what are you even talking about?”

“Listen up, Dashie! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to infiltrate the private offices of Daedalus Tristar, Pegasus Captain of the Royal Guard! Once you’ve penetrated security, you’re to locate and recover Captain Tristar’s keyring, which will prove essential to our efforts to break into Luna’s command-and-control nexus on a follow-up mission.”

“Command and ka-what?”

“Captain Tristar’s office is on black vault lockdown. That means anypony who wants to get in has to pass through a series of security checks.”

“Black vault lockdown? Huh?”

“Black vault lockdown is super serious stuff! There’s no room for horseplay on this one! Now, pay attention. The first security check is a voice print identification, but that only gets you into the outer room. Next, you have to pass a retina scan…”

“I’m… pretty sure you’re making this up.”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Pinkie Pie’s look was one hundred percent serious for a change. “You know the signal, right? Be sure you know the signal!”

“Caw!” said Philomena.

“That’s right. Caw! You see anypony coming, you be sure you give the signal so we can make a clean getaway. Capeesh?”

Philomena gave a wing salute.

“I still don’t get why I gotta wear this,” Rainbow complained, tugging at the fabric of her all-black catsuit.

“Oh yeah? Well, I don’t get why they call the itty-bitty candy bars ‘fun-sized!’ Wouldn’t it be funner to eat a big one?”

“…Pinkie Pie, you are so random.”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“The only other way into Captain Tristar’s office is via an overhead ventilation shaft, which—get this—happens to be conveniently pony-sized! Major design flaw, am I right?”

“Er… I guess?”

“Buuuuut there’s also a laser security grid built right into the duct that’ll set off an alarm if anypony crosses it.”

“You’re… uh… joking, right?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll hook you up with the reflecty-mirror thingy so you can redirect the beams and slip past. It’ll be a cinch!”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Toast. Toast. Toast.”

Rainbow’s nose scrunched up as she squeezed through the metal ductwork on knees and elbows. “Why do you keep saying toast?”

“Sorry, I can’t help it!” Pinkie’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkie. “I really wanted toast for breakfast this morning, but the kitchen was all out! I don’t even understand that. What kind of castle runs out of bread?”

“The mission, Pinkie!”

“Right! Okay, you should be at the vent. Deploy the reflecty mirror thingy!”

Rainbow peered down at the grille. “I don’t see any lasers.”

“Duh! They’re invisible! You can’t see a laser grid in real life, Dashie!”

“Now I know you’re making this up.”

“Psh! Visible lasers! Whaddaya think this is, some kinda Hollywood movie spoof? Deploy the reflecty mirror thingy!”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and deployed the reflecty mirror thingy.

“Good job,” said Pinkie. “Next, you’re gonna have to unscrew the vent. This is gonna be tricky, because—”

“ ’Kay, I got it open.”

There was a brief, stunned silence. “Wha-What? But… You didn’t even use a cool gadget! And the screws are on the other side of the grate!”

“Eh. I’m kind of an expert at unscrewing vents from the wrong side.”

“…Okay, then!” said Pinkie. “Here goes nothing!”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Meanwhile, as Rainbow and Pinkie were off on their caper, Twilight was all alone in the library, suppressing the urge to grind her teeth down to nubs as she stared, infuriated, at the clock.

Rainbow Dash was a no-show for magic lessons. Again. For the third time this week.

It was bad enough her favorite roll-around chalkboard had mysteriously gone missing. Now her student had, too! It was worse than adding insult to injury. It was… It was inexcusable!

This wasn’t a game! Princess Celestia had asked her to teach Rainbow Dash serious, life-or-death magic—the kind that could make the difference between disaster and survival.

She felt like such a failure. So many wasted afternoons with so little to show for it. Two weeks of lessons, practice, and training, and her pupil still couldn’t produce the first glimmer of a magical barrier, nor any other abjuration! What would Princess Celestia say?

If only Rainbow would take her studies seriously. If only…!

Twilight stuck around the empty reading room far longer than she rightly should have. Finally, at three quarters past the hour, she gathered her textbooks and stormed out.

As she went on her way, she heard an oily voice behind her. “Miss Sparkle,” it spoke, and she turned to see none other than Captain Tristar standing in the hall in full accoutrement.

She scowled at him. “You. What do you want?”

“If you please,” he said. “A moment of your time.”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Okay, so there’s one teeeeensy little detail I might’ve forgotten to mention up until now. Captain Tristar’s office has three state-of-the-art security systems that switch on whenever he isn’t in the room.”

“Suuuuure! Lemme guess, does he have Big Hoof for a security guard, too?”

“No, silly, he’s on vacation. Now pay attention! The first security system is in the floor, and it’s pressure-sensitive. The slightest weight will trigger it, so you’ll need to keep your hoofsies off the ground. The second security system is attuned to magic. Any levitation, spellcraft, or sparky-wooshy-zappy stuff of any kind will trigger an immediate containment protocol.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard. It’s not like Twilight’s taught me anything about magic anyway. What’s the third system?”

“The third system is highly sensitive to country and western. For the rest of this op, I’m gonna need you to disavow all song lyrics about ice-cold beer, girls in tight jeans, and pickup trucks.”

“…What?!”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

The scrape of the kevlar cable against the ventilation duct was the only noise as Rainbow descended, dangling upside-down, into the white abyss of Captain Tristar’s office. Adrenaline coiled her every muscle as the floor rose up to meet her. Racks of gleaming swords and pikes loomed like menacing stalactites over her head.

“Do you have eyes on the objective?” Pinkie chirped over the comm.

Rainbow craned her neck up—or rather, down. Tristar’s desk was an island of black against the pearl-colored flagstones, growing in her field of view. “I see it,” she whispered back.

“SHHHHH!”

A screech of feedback lashed Rainbow’s eardrums. She spasmed in pain and nearly ripped out the earpiece.

“No talking!” said Pinkie.

Rainbow grit her teeth. “Then why are you asking me questions?”

“No talking!”

The room was shaped like a towering lung with the vent at the very top, so it took some time for Pinkie to lower her down on the cable. After a minute, she found herself paddling the air, suspended horizontally in front of the desk.

“Do you see the keyring anywhere?” Pinkie asked.

Rainbow opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again. She cocked her head as if to say, ‘Seriously?’

Pinkie giggled. “You’re learning! Okey-dokey, eyes on the prize. That key’s gotta be here somewhere. Time’s a-wastin’, Dashie!”

She searched and searched, taking care (as Pinkie constantly reminded her) to stay perpendicular and keep her hooves off the ground. She didn’t have much luck, though. After several minutes, Rainbow had uncovered a rather dusty book titled How to Smile Like a Normal Pony: A Step-by-Step Guide, a framed photo of a cactus labeled ‘Lieutenant Spines,’ and a very suspicious-looking, half-eaten sandwich with a note attached: ‘Do Not Touch—Very Important Sandwich!’—but there was nothing remotely resembling a keyring.

She was ready to admit defeat when Philomena’s voice came over the line:

“CAW! CAW! CAW!”

“THE SIGNAL!” Pinkie gasped. “Somepony’s coming!”

Rainbow’s eyes bulged, her head snapped up. She heard hooves scuffing at the door, the sound of voices—

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Just a moment,” said Tristar to Twilight, halting outside his office.

He stooped and leaned in, fixing his steely gaze on the sleek, glassy panel set flush into the wall.

Tzeep-Tzeep! The retina scanner chirped its approval.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!”

Rainbow felt the cable yank against her back, and the next thing she knew, she was shooting upward, the desk and floor whirling away below her. She gave a strangled cry, “Pinkie P-ackkk!”—and then she snapped right back up into the ventilation shaft.

Not a moment too soon! The door opened, and in strolled Captain Tristar, the grizzled old jerkwad himself! Trailed by…

“…Twilight?” Rainbow mumbled, half in a daze, peering back down at them through the open vent.

Tristar carefully checked behind them for privacy, giving a sweeping look up and down the empty hallway. The door shut. The chain rattled as he hung it. The deadbolt thunked.

With a flick of his hoof, he motioned Twilight to a lone chair in front of his desk. “Please, be seated.”

Twilight eyed him indignantly. “Fine,” she said after a long, tense moment. She sat down. “I hope there’s a good reason for all this.”

“Would I have asked you here if there wasn’t?”

“It’s become clear to me, you don’t need a good reason to do anything.”

Tristar gave her a wry look. Then he strode behind his desk. For a second, it looked like he was about to sit down across from Twilight.

He didn’t.

Instead, he started busying himself with something on a counter against the back wall. “You know, Miss Sparkle, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t like me,” he chuckled.

Twilight regarded him coldly. “What was your first clue?”

“I don’t care whether you do or don’t,” Tristar said, “so long as you and I are able to get along professionally.”

There was a metal-sounding jangle as he looped a brass keyring off his belt and hung it on a peg on the wall.

High up in the vent, Rainbow’s eyes went wide. The mission objective!

Her mind raced, sifting through options, darting from one wild idea to the next. Swoop in fast, snatch it with her tail? Maybe try for a risky upside-down grab? But just when she started to piece together a plan, she felt a familiar itch creep into her nose.

Oh no. Not here! Not now!

She swallowed. Breathed in and out a few times, tried to clear the airways.

No dice. The pressure spread from her nose to her sinuses.

“What’s going on?” Pinkie’s voice crackled in her ear. “Status report!”

“Pinkie, I think I’m gonna… Ahh…”

“Uh oh. Tell me you aren’t about to…”

“Ahh… Ahh…”

“Don’t do it! If you sneeze, they’ll hear you! They’ll catch you! The Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions!”

“Ahh…! Ahh…!”

“Oh, for pony’s sake! Hold on! Engage Muffler Protocol Alpha-Zulu!”

Rainbow had no idea what that meant, but she didn’t have time to ask. Her face scrunched up as she fought against the explosive urge building inside her, her eyes watering with the effort—

In the days that followed, Rainbow would wonder how, exactly, Pinkie Pie managed to squirm through a labyrinth of vents the length of a hoofball field in the span of five seconds, just the nick of time to reach her. She came zipping out of the darkness, and something soft and gooey slapped against Rainbow’s nose. Startled, she blinked, cross-eyed, to see a pink hoof clutching a chocolate donut right over her nostrils.

“Bite it! Quick!” Pinkie urged her.

Without thinking, Rainbow chomped down on the donut just as the sneeze overtook her. The sweet, sugary pastry absorbed the worst of the noise, turning what could’ve been a catastrophic “ACHOO!” into a muffled splork! of frosting and chocolate ganache. Rainbow’s cheeks puffed out, but a pair of pink hooves were there to hold her mouth shut.

The sound didn’t carry beyond the vent. Below them, Tristar and Twilight carried on their conversation in angry tones.

Twilight was still fuming. “In all the years I spent in Canterlot, growing up under Princess Celestia’s tutelage, I never knew the Royal Guard to behave so… so unprofessionally in my life!”

“If you’re still mad about the hot air balloon…”

“I don’t care about that! Rainbow Dash did something stupid, she slipped her guard detail, went tearing up Lower Canterlot, you had to go after her, and I got in the way. I get it. That’s not what I’m mad about!”

“I’m sure you have lots of conceptions about me,” Tristar said, still clattering away at the counter. “You’re a bright girl, after all. Freshly educated and utterly convinced of yourself. I’m sure you think ill of me and my methods. But I’m not in the business of changing conceptions.”

He turned from the thing he’d been fiddling with—a percolator, it was now plain to see—and placed a steaming cup of tea on the desk in front of Twilight, smiling self-assuredly.

“I’m in the business,” he continued, “of keeping ponies safe and alive.”

Twilight scowled up at him through her bangs. She made no move to take the cup. “Do you normally serve your guests warm drinks to go along with the insults? What kind of tainted kindness is this?”

“One required by etiquette. Now then—”

There was a wooden scrape as Twilight scootched back her chair and stood up. Tristar stared at her impassively.

“Sit back down, please.”

“I think I’ve had enough hospitality, thank you!”

“You mistake me. I didn’t ask you here to trade barbs with you.”

Now he sat down himself, his hooves clasped together atop the desk. Even though she was standing and he wasn’t, Twilight found, to her annoyance, that he was still looking down on her.

“This might be hard for you to believe,” he said, “but everything I’ve done— everything I do—I do for the Realm. If I don’t play nice, if I’m rough around the edges, it’s only because I don’t cater to useless idiots and their warm-and-fuzzy delusions about the world. I don’t cloak myself in ignorance and sentimentality and call it wisdom, and I don’t waste my time pandering to the feelings of other ponies. But everything I do—” he leaned forward in his chair, “—everything I do, I do for the Realm, in service to Princess Celestia.”

“So do I.”

Twilight looked like she was about to spit fire. Their faces were inches apart, almost nose-to-nose over the desk.

“And believe me, I get it! It can be a thankless job!” she spat. “Do you think I’d be here in Canterlot right now if Princess Celestia hadn’t asked it of me? Do you think I’d be wasting my time trying to teach Rainbow Dash how to use her stupid magic? Do you think I’d have bothered convincing her to come here?”

Rainbow’s eyes flared. She pulled against Pinkie’s iron grip on her, muffled protests breaking against the metal walls of the duct. “Mmmmmfffff!”

“Every day I spend here feels like getting stabbed in the heart. And I’ve done it all for Princess Celestia, same as you! But I would never sink to what you did. What kind of world-class jerk takes out their anger by—by bullying somepony they’re supposed to look out for?!”

Tristar waved his hoof dismissively. “Enough. Please, hate me all you want, but sit down and hear me out.”

“I don’t think so,” said Twilight, matching his scowl. “I’ve heard everything I need to hear.” She turned and stalked away, her hooves clicking noisily against the floor.

Tristar’s voice rose behind her. “Do you love your brother, Miss Sparkle?”

Twilight stopped, her whole body tensing. Her head swung around. “What kind of question is—?!”

“Please, don’t take me the wrong way. I’m not trying to make this personal.” The sharpness in Tristar’s eyes dulled, just a bit. “You need to understand, I know Shining Armor too. Maybe not like a brother. But like a fellow soldier, a fellow captain. Somepony I respect.”

Twilight hesitated, caught off guard. She had been ready for more scathing remarks, not… whatever this was.

Tristar regarded her coolly, his face tight with a measured calm. He nudged the teacup forward with his hoof.

“You grew up with him in one of those Stargazer Heights townhouses, didn’t you? Over on Dawnshade? The one with the star-shaped stained-glass window above the door?”

Twilight’s lips parted in bewilderment. “How did you…?”

“I make it my business to know about every promising recruit who comes up through the ranks,” Tristar’s expression softened, if only by the faintest degree. “Your brother was more promising than most.

“I remember going up against him in a joint training exercise, not long after he made lieutenant. Old Sigellian put him in charge of the unicorn runesquad. A test of his leadership and command. Sigellian loved throwing his officers into the fire like that.

“I’ll be haybaled if that young pup didn’t pull a fast one on me. Tricked me into deploying my pegasi to the wrong sector while he launched a sneak attack and captured our flag. I was madder than hell, but I was also impressed. Takes guts to pull something that audacious on an old warhorse like me, twenty years his senior. Takes brains, too. I wasn’t surprised when Sigellian retired and put in his name for captain.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Twilight demanded.

Tristar studied her, his eyes unwavering for a long, quiet moment. Then he flipped a manila folder onto the desk.

“I need your help, Miss Sparkle. Your brother needs your help.”

More than a dozen crisp, white, typewritten documents spilled out, each one paper-clipped with a different pony’s mug shot. Despite her anger and distrust, Twilight’s eyes were drawn to them, her curiosity at war with her convictions.

Curiosity won.

“The criminals who attacked Grand Central and hurt your brother are being held at the 14th Precinct in Midtown, Manehattan. Sage Whitehoof thinks these individuals acted freely and of their own volition. That they weren’t bewitched, bedazzled, or beguiled by any influence of magic. I’d like you to accompany me back to the city and give your honest assessment.”

“I don’t understand,” said Twilight, sifting through the documents with her magic. “Don’t you know what happened? Weren’t you there?”

“I know what happened, but I don’t know the why of it. I trust your insight, Miss Sparkle. I would value your second opinion.”

“But… Princess Luna already gave a second opinion, didn’t she? She looked at them too, just like Professor Whitehoof.”

“With all due respect to Princess Luna, her knowledge of magical theory is a thousand years out of date. Oh, I have no doubt she can eclipse any unicorn in raw power. She was the most terrifying mage of her day, and a master of illusion second to none… But I’m not sure she has a nose for the subtleties and nuances of modern magical theory. Not like you do.”

Twilight shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sure a dozen other experts must have weighed in by now. I’m not sure what help I would be.”

“Give yourself some credit. You’re a genius, Twilight Sparkle. A savant and a prodigy, and Bearer of the Element of Magic, to top it off. Nopony in Equestria can match your expertise, not even the alicorn princesses. The respectable ones, or the little gutter trash hoodlum.”

In the vent high above them, every last one of Rainbow’s blue feathers was standing on end as she squirmed, mad with rage, barely restrained by a pair of pink hooves—

Twilight swelled with the praise, but winced at the remark. “You… shouldn’t say things like that,” she offered weakly. “Somepony might hear you.”

She picked up the teacup and took a small sip.

“MMMMMFFFFFFFFFFF!” Rainbow’s stifled expletives didn’t travel beyond the vent.

“Anyway… I don’t think I can help you.” Twilight’s tail flicked, her shoulders slumping under an invisible weight. “I made a promise to Professor Whitehoof that I wouldn’t leave Canterlot Castle. And Princess Celestia is counting on me to teach Rainbow Dash how to use her magic…”

“How’s that going for you?” he asked.

Twilight didn’t answer.

Tristar stood. He collected the folder and papers off his desk, shuffling them back into a pile.

“Thank you for your time. I won’t ask you to vacate your responsibilities to Princess Celestia. I would be remiss in my service to the Crown if I did. If here is where you’ll do the most good, then here is where you should stay.”

He gave a gracious bow of his head. Twilight averted her eyes as he strode past, unchained the door, and held it open for her.

“Give my regards to your brother’s family. To your mother, your father, and Princess Cadence as well.” His tone softened. “I’ll see this through, no matter the cost. It just might take a little longer. But I swear, I’ll do right by him. I won’t let him down. I’ll do everything I can to bring his attackers to justice.”

“Captain,” Twilight said.

Tristar stopped and looked at her. “Yes?”

The look on her face was full of determination. She took a step forward.

“I’m going with you.”

Rainbow and Pinkie heard the door click shut in the office below. Twilight and Tristar’s voices faded from earshot as they carried on down the long castle corridor, until even the distant murmur of their conversation was swallowed up by the polished marble halls.

Only silence remained, thick and heavy in the air.

Then Rainbow finally managed to throw off Pinkie’s hooves. She pushed her away, a quivering mess of blue feathers, frosting, and rage.

“Get off me! GET OFF!”

Pinkie looked at her friend with worry. “Dashie—” she said, reaching out a tentative hoof.

Rainbow recoiled from her touch. “DON’T,” she snarled.

“Dashie, I’m sure she didn’t mean—”

“DON’T. Don’t even TRY.”

Pinkie fell quiet.

Rainbow took a moment to breathe. She elbowed her way back over to the open vent. “Let’s just… grab the stupid key and get out of here.”

“Oh, right! The mission!” Pinkie remembered. “If you want, I can lower you back down—”

Rainbow reached behind her back, unclamped herself from the cable, and threw it away. Then she flew down into Tristar’s office and snatched the keyring unceremoniously off the wall.

“Or you can just do that,” said Pinkie.

Rainbow scowled. “Let’s go.”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Luna’s bedroom was peaceful.

Then the key turned in the lock.

“IN LIKE FLYNN!” Pinkie shouted, throwing open the door and striking a pose as she cartwheeled into the middle of the room. “See? Mission successful! What did I tell ya?”

Rainbow trudged in after her, head lowered. The smile wobbled and slid off Pinkie’s face.

“Dashie, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m great.”

Rainbow’s voice was hoarse. She coughed into her hoof a few times to clear her throat.

Pinkie squirmed. At least Rainbow Dash didn’t seem mad anymore, she told herself. Although scoop for sprinkle, she wasn’t sure her current funk was any better. All the fire had left her, replaced by a tiredness Pinkie hadn’t seen since the day she fell off a cloud and sprouted a horn.

“Y’know,” Rainbow started to say—

She stopped to smother another cough, steadying herself with her left hoof against the door as she covered her mouth with her right.

“…Sorry,” she said. “I was gonna say, it was pretty nuts trying to get in here. But now that we’re in, it’s preeeeetty awesome.”

“Yeah!” chimed in Pinkie. “And check out this full-length mirror Luna’s got over here! I think it really shows off my good side!”

“All right, time to get this show on the road. We need to—”

Rainbow’s voice died in her throat. Pinkie took a break from making funny faces at herself to glance over, only to see her friend frozen in smoldering fury, looking like a volcano about to blow its top.

“Uh… Something wrong?” she asked.

“Balcony.”

“What?”

“There’s. A. Bucking. Balcony.”

She followed Rainbow’s sightline. Sure enough, there was a wide-open arch leading to a ginormous balcony. “Oh. Huh. There sure is!”

“Why didn’t we pay attention when we were in here the other night with the cart? I coulda just FLOWN us in! ARGH!”

“Hey, no big! It’s all about the adventure, right?”

Rainbow facehoofed.

Pinkie tilted her head with a playful shrug, a sly grin tugging at her lips. “So, now that we’ve broken, like, a BAJILLION laws and infiltrated the enemy’s lair… what are we gonna do to pull off the Pranking of Princess Luna?”

A brief hesitation. Rainbow’s gaze swept across the regal chamber: the bed, the wardrobe, the astrolabe in the corner, the lunar tapestries with their woven cosmic designs, the roundtable with its beautiful blue vase.

She tapped her chin and pondered.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Of all the phases of the moon, Luna enjoyed the new moon least of all.

She knew it was shallow of her. The new moon was supposed to represent renewal, second chances, and new beginnings to old things. On some level, that probably should’ve appealed to somepony like her.

But mostly, she just wished ponies on the ground could look up and see the damn thing.

As she finished raising her heavenly sphere, the navy-blue aura faded from the tip of her horn. She rolled her neck from side to side. A little groan slipped out as she listened to the vertebrae crack.

Then she lifted her gaze to the ebony sky, her expression flat and impassive. Her moon hung there, veiled in darkness. Unseen and unnoticed.

“How majestic, the sight of absolutely nothing,” she deadpanned.

Tia didn’t have to put up with such ignominy. Matter of fact, if the sun were completely invisible for three days out of every month, Luna was pretty sure her sister would’ve filed grievance against the universe.

Still, she thought, as she opened her wings and kicked off the silvery cloud with her haunches—what a long, strange month it had been since the last time she missed the beautiful glow of her moon. What a long, strange, tragic, violent, soul-wrenching month. Filled with so much carnage. So much pain.

And for her own part, so much regret.

She sighed.

Yet for all its heartaches, it had its welcome surprises. A small smile played on her lips. After a thousand years of cold, loveless exile, she never expected to come home to a niece. And an alicorn, too! Never’s the day she imagined she’d see another alicorn again, other than her sister!

New beginnings to old things, indeed.

Her tower beckoned below. Luna glided down and landed on the balcony. She strolled into her bedroom, the night breeze trailing in behind her, stirring the indigo curtains.

The chambermaids had prepared the room with care and attention. Her bed was turned down, the blue silken sheets neatly folded back, and a goblet of wine set out on the bedside pedestal for her to enjoy. Flames danced from the brass oil lamps and the myriad candles on the chandelier above, bathing the space in soft, living light.

With a glimmer of magic, Luna removed her royal regalia, setting down her torc and crown upon the mantel. The tension began to ease as she stretched her wings and forehooves in a languid motion, the evening calm wrapping around her like a comforting blanket.

There had to be some good at the end of all this, she decided. Some light to pierce through all this darkness. The past was so painful, and she and her sister lived and breathed that pain every day.

She didn’t know where this situation with Rainbow Dash would lead, or if it wouldn’t yet fall apart. She hoped it wouldn’t. They both deserved so much more. Rainbow Dash and Celestia.

Besides, she was rather coming to enjoy being an aunt. Canterlot Castle felt so much more like home when it was filled with talking and laughter instead of unspoken regrets. And she was developing a genuine fondness for Rainbow, the brash young filly. Even if her pranks were terribly lackluster.

Her gaze fell on the vase atop her table. In it, the chambermaids had placed a beautiful blue lily, the like of which she’d never seen before. It was striking, but oh so delicate. And such an enchanting shade of cobalt blue—her favorite! The servants knew her so well.

“What a lovely blue flower,” she said, stopping to admire it.

She breathed from it deeply.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“ARRRRRGHHHHHGUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHH!”

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

“Poison Joke?! POISON JOKE?!”

Celestia bit down on her hoof, trying and failing to hide the smile breaking across her face. “I don’t know, Luna. I think it suits you.”

“I’LL BANISH THEM TO THE MOON!”

“Now, that’s a little off-color, wouldn’t you say?”

Luna glowered at her sister from the blue granite bath, her hooves working the bristle brush over her coat with relentless frustration. “OF COURSE! YOU of all ponies would find this FUNNY!”

“What can I say? I’ve always been tickled pink by a good prank.”

“SHUT UP!”

Celestia’s eyes twinkled with mirth.

How had Rainbow Dash done it? Celestia couldn’t be sure. But somehow, through some quirk of luck and skill and grit and nerve, against all odds, she’d managed to pull one over on Luna.

On pretty pink Princess Luna.

It was so much more than a practical joke. It was a masterpiece, one Celestia had spent the whole day giggling at. Luna looked like she’d stumbled into a turf war between two rival gangs of flamingos and gotten blasted with Miami in the crossfire. From her fuchsia fetlocks to her laffy taffy lips, every part of her was a walking, talking explosion of flamboyant, eye-popping pink. Even her astral mane, once a swirling sea of starry blue, had transformed into a syrupy nebula in a billowing bubblegum haze.

“You know, I always liked pink,” Celestia noted innocently. “I like to think I wore it pretty well. Not as well as you are, of course.”

The look Luna gave her could’ve fused hydrogen. “Really? You didn’t like it a thousand years ago when those idiot toymakers in Trottingham made all those dolls of you in the wrong color!”

“Well, they were just being stupid.”

“GYAH!” Luna scrubbed and scrubbed at her coat, double-time. “Why isn’t this WORKING?”

Celestia arched an eyebrow, then looked down at the botanical pharmacopeia her valet had fetched from the castle library: Super Naturals, Natural Remedies and Cure-Alls That Are Simply Super.

“Hmm… When you drew this herbal bath, did you make sure to dissolve the powdered root of asphodel?”

“Yes!”

“The infusion of wormwood?”

“YES!”

“Well then, you must have left out the zebrastone crystals.”

“I MOST CERTAINLY DID N—wait, what?”

“Zebrastone crystals,” Celestia read sagely. “They only grow naturally in one place: the sun-scorched savannahs of Zebrica. It says right here, they’re the key ingredient. The bath won’t work without them.”

Luna’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. “But—But—ZEBRICA IS TEN THOUSAND MILES AWAY ON ANOTHER CONTINENT!”

Celestia snapped the book shut. “You know, Luna, maybe you should lean into this fabulous new look? I’m thinking a touch of shimmer blush, a dusting of glitter, maybe a bright pink tiara or a ribbon in your mane. This might be just what you need to turn over a new image!”

“Will you be serious for a change?!”

“What do you think? Shall I schedule a royal portrait sitting?”

“By the constellations, Tia, SHUT UP!”

Celestia smirked. “Relax, sister. From reading Twilight’s friendship reports, I happen to know of a zebra shaman who lives not far from here in the Everfree. I’ve already sent a courier to gather the zebrastone crystals from her. This time tomorrow, you should be back to your dark and gloomy self.”

Luna’s relief was palpable. She sank low in the bath.

“Thank the stars for that,” she mumbled. She looked up at Celestia, resigned. “How did she beat me, Tia?”

“I have no idea.”

“It was a pretty good prank, wasn’t it?”

“It was pretty pink-credible.”

“Where is she, anyway? I thought she would be here to gloat.”

But Rainbow Dash wasn’t there.

She was alone in her cloud house, newly re-annexed, with the covers pulled up around her, shivering.

Author's Note

Alternate Scene

“This is GREAT!” Rainbow beamed. “You’re just who I need to turn the tables against Luna! Hey, did you happen to bring any popovers with you?”

Pinkie’s grin vanished. “No! I couldn’t find any more! And it’s not like I didn’t look. I practically turned the whole train car upside-down searching for supplies and provisions before I set out for Canterlot Castle. But in the end, all I could find were these nasty fruit cakes!”

She reached into hammerspace, rummaged around, and came up with an unappetizing-looking pastry. She shoved it into Twilight’s face.

“Do you want a slice, Twilight?”

“But I hate—BLUGGH—” Twilight’s sentence was cut off as Pinkie forced the fruitcake down her throat.

“Do you want another slice? Huh? Huh? DO YA?”

~fin