Ergodic
By: StreakTheFox
“Twilight? Twilight!” Spike yelled, awakening Twilight from her nap.
She had fallen asleep a few hours earlier after studying for over 40 hours straight due to the princess' most recent assignment. There was apparently something strange happening with the very fabric of reality, something that the princess could not figure out on her own, and she asked for Twilight's help.
“W-what is it Spike?” Twilight asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she looked around.
“You gotta come quick! Something really weird is happening in Ponyville!” Spike cried as he pointed towards the door.
“Like... how weird? And is Pinkie involved?”
“Very, very weird! And for once, no! In fact, nopony can find Pinkie anywhere lately, she seemed to have just disappeared!” his voice sounded desperate.
“A-alright, hold on, let me get my saddlebags,” Twilight relied, almost in a panic just by the urgency of Spike's voice.
In another few moments, her and Spike were rushing out the door towards the center of Ponyville where many other ponies were already gathering. There was a large crowd next to the corner where Sugarcube Corner was, all around what seemed to be a smoking crater. Twilight pushed herself to the center, examining a large... thing in the center. It was perfectly round, with what seemed to be a small glass window near the top of it. As she stepped forward to examine it further, a door appeared out of nowhere on it and opened up, releasing an ominous cloud of smoke.
“HAHAHAHAH!” laughed a low, threatening voice. “Fear me, Equestria for I am your new ruler, the Evil Prince Palagnoramicalhalisterama! I am the pony who will destroy the princesses and be your new KING!”
“What!?” Twilight gasped, rearing her head back. What in Celestia's name was going on?
Out of the smoke jumped out a pony, but it was not a normal pony... it had wings and a horn, and it was red! Red all over, with charcoal black hair and yellow eyes. It was tall, its hooves adorned with metal shoes that rode up its legs to its knees as its body had some sort of intricate metallic armor on it.
“Fear me, for I shall destroy you all!” it announced as it shot a blast of fire from its horn straight into the air.
Immediately, everypony panicked, running around in every direction. Even Spike was so scared that he jumped and hid inside of a random barrel. Twilight glared at this pony, not liking his intentions or his entrance into her town. And to top it all off, he just threatened the town, her friends, and the princesses! Not a good combination... Twilight lowered down and pointed her horn at this new foe, gathering magic in her horn. She was going to hit him with a water spell first, since he seemed to like fire, and then probably shoot a cooling spell to freeze it all, and then-
“HALT!” cried a voice from absolutely nowhere. “You shall not do any further damage!”
As if on cue, a shining white Alicorn floated down from the heavens, or something like that, and landed in front of the Palagnor-whatever guy. All the ponies who were previously running around in a panic stopped, and stared in awe at what was going on. Twilight stopped channeling her magic, stoopified at the sudden appearance at what she guessed was apparently some sort of... hero maybe?
“YOU!” the apparently evil pony snarled.
“Yes, I am Shining Prince Percival!” he announced with a royal voice. “I am here to stop you, and win the hearts of all the mares everywhere by showing how amazing I am!” Cue smile with teeth glitter, and all the mares in the town, including Big Macintosh, swooning over him.
“Oh, but you have not told them of the dark secrets of your past, and how humans were the reason you got to power, and how you are also Celestia's long lost cousin, HAH!” the evil pony countered, drawing out a lot of gasps around the ponies.
Twilight looked on in utter confusion. The two alicorns in front of her started... arguing? Fighting? She couldn't really tell, because they seemed to be flying around with weird lines darting one way and then the other in the backgrounds behind them. They had long dialogues inbetween these high-speed movements that somehow took ten seconds to move 5 feet, and then attacked once, or twice, and then talked some more. Twilight fell back onto her haunches, simply rubbing her head in confusion at the turn of events. What in Tartaurus was going on?
“TWILIGHT!” came a familiar voice from behind the lavender mare. “TWILIGHT, COME QUICK!”
Turning around, Twilight spotted Pinkie Pie galloping up behind her frantically. She came up breathing heavily, her eyes wide and bloodshot.
“Pinkie!?” Twilight gasped. “What's going on!?”
“Twilight, I know that look, you haven't fallen into it too, there's still a chance for you, for us!” Pinkie babbled, her voice frantic. “Look, there isn't much time, everything might be going bajammers before you know it!”
“She's right,” Came a much calmer, yet also much more sinister voice. Twilight turned to see nopony other than Discord poof into appearance on the opposite side of her.
“DISCORD!? But, how, when, huh-!?”
“Hold you babbling Twilight Sparkle, this is serious!” Discord explained. “I was already released by the vast amounts of chaos being let into this world yesterday, but even I knew something was wrong when stuff like THAT started happening,” Discord pointed behind him to the two princes, who had apparently stopped fighting and were making out on some randomly placed bed.
Twilight winced in disgust, and then looked up at Discord again as he also made a disgusted face.
“Wait...” she asked, taking a few moments to collect her thoughts. “This sort of thing has been happening... for a while now?”
“Of course!” Pinkie shouted. “Ponies are acting weird, new ponies show up, new, weird things show up, and everything's just gone inside the oven recently! It's all really wacko weirdo crazytown!”
“I fear there may not be much time to stop it either,” Discord said grimly as he pointed a finger. “Look, the shipping has already begun to affect main characters!”
Looking over, Twilight was shocked to see Rainbow Dash and Applejack playing hoofsies with each other with large blushes on their faces. Twilight simply tilted her head in confusion, and then her eyes widened as she caught a few of the sweet-nothings they were saying to each other...
“Ya know what I like to do at night?” Rainbow dash cooed as she nuzzled against Applejack's ear. “I like to fly up to your barn and watch you sleep... and then, I go back to my home, and draw you on my pillow so I have you to sleep with...”
“Oooh, rainbow, ya'll just make me feel so much like I do when I bite into a really really ripe apple.... mmmm....”
“What...?” Twilight asked aloud, her left eye beginning to twitch. She was already at a loss for words, not sure just how to react to what was going on. “What is happening to everypony?”
“That's what we're trying to figure out!” Pinkie explained. “Now c'mon, we gotta see Princess Celestia quick before it's too late!”
“A-alright, let's go... but gosh, I hope there's some way to fix whatever's going on... this is all really strange!”
“Hold on tight,” Discord said as he snapped his fingers, teleporting the three all the way to Canterlot.
In a flash they were inside of Celestia's castle, outside of the doors to her throne room. Celestia was surely inside, and without wasting any time, Twilight made a dash for the door.
“Twilight, wait!” Pinkie cried, but Twilight was already pushing her head through the opening of the door as it opened by her magic.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight called out as she spotted the princess on her throne. “What in Equestria is going on? There's weird stuff happening all over and-”
Without warning, the door slammed behind her, locking shut with a powerful magical influence.
“My my...” Celestia began with a grin on her face. “How pleasant of you to join me Twilight... it warms my heart, and my flank to see you here...”
“P-princess..?” Twilight took a step back, but in a flash Celestia teleported directly in front of her. Her grin widened as she leaned down in front of Twilight.
“Would you like to begin your 'royal duties' now and begin licking my horn a thousand times!?”
“GUH!?” Twilight was utterly speechless.
She backed her flank up to the door, but the princess was utterly speechless. What was wrong with Celestia? WAS this Celestia? And by all that was harmony, why was there the thick smell of Subway subs in the air!?
“Stop Celestia!” boomed Discord's voice as he teleported into the room. “It seems even you too have succumb to the power of the keyboard!”
“Yeah!” Pinkie yelled as she appeared beside Discord.
“Power of the... keyboard...?” Twilight asked.
“Pinkie, take Twilight and run, I'll hold Molestia off here!” Discord snapped his fingers, and the spell around the door was gone. “Go!”
Pinkie wasted no time, she grabbed Twilight's hoof and led her out the door as Discord tackled Celestia. The last thing Twilight saw before the door closed behind her was Celestia's hair wrapping around the angry Draconiquis.
“Pinkie, what happened!?” Twilight demanded as she was being tugged through the castle. “What happened to Celestia!? What's going on, and what's the power of the keyboard!?”
“You mean you don't know!?” Pinkie gasped. “It's all about the fourth wall!”
“The... the what?” Twilight asked, looking around to see they had reached the castle gardens.
“The fourth wall!” Pinkie repeated as she stopped in a little ways into the garden. “A writer has invaded our world, and he's influencing everything through the fourth wall! In fact, he may even be typing out everything I say right now, and I might not even know it! YOU might not even know it!”
“But, wait, that doesn't make any sense!” Twilight tried to process all that was being thrown at her all at once. “A... a writer? You mean somepony is writing a story and it's actually happening?”
“Not somePONY, someONE! A human!”
“What's a human?”
“That!” she exclaimed as she pointed her pink hoof in a random direction behind Twilight. Looking behind her, she saw a weird, hairless ape with clothes on it running around the gardens with Fluttershy clinging to its back.
“And when we get to your cottage, I'm going to make you and angel the best salad you've ever had, and then we're going to go on a date cuz we're in love and I'm so perfect!” cheered the thing Twilight assumed was a human.
“Yay~!” cheered Fluttershy in a soft voice. “I love you Mark!”
“I love you too shy-shy!”
“Oh, and stay out of my shed!”
Insert sappy kiss scene followed by diving into a random pile of bushes.
“...what... the... hay....?” Twilight was twitching a bit more, unable to comprehend just what was happening around her. “Pinkie... just, just what is causing all this? Are you sure it isn't Discord?”
“I'm positive!” Pinkie said pleadingly. “And if we don't act fast, the author will start to- oh no, it's already begun!” Pinkie gasped as she looked up into the sky.
Twilight looked also, her mouth agape as she watched a large meteor fall from the sky. It crashed only half a football field away from them, fire and plants flying everywhere. After a few moments the meteor shifted and changed, and some weird machine that represented a bunch of slivers of metal glued together stood up with big red eyes on its head.
“I am Megatron! All Decepticons, attack this world and take the pony slaves!”
“Not so fast!” came another voice from, yeah, pretty much nowhere.
Twilight and Pinkie looked on to see a man in a fedora and some weird... I dunno, like some big blue creature with two knees on each leg wearing gold armor, and it was floating.
“You're not taking the ponies as slaves if I have anything to say about it!” Said the fedora-wearing man as he pulled out his whip. “Isn't that right Tassadar?”
“Kara-shalah~!”
And then a battle waged between the big machine, the two smaller aliens, and a random army of colorful creatures that she somehow identified to be teletubbies.
Again, Twilight wondered what the buck was going on. Nothing was making sense, and the world was rapidly degrading around her. Ponies she knew were matching off with others she had never seen before, or other friends of hers, or somehow these weird alien things. She watched as more scenes randomly played out in front of her, and for a minute she could have sworn that she saw male versions of herself and her friends running around the garden. And... was that Derpy wearing socks?
“Pinkie...” Twilight began, taking a deep breath. “Please tell me, right now, if you know any way to fix this...”
No response.
“...Pinkie?”
Twilight turned to look at her friend, but only saw her friend smiling crookedly back at her. Without warning she held up a knife, and laughed cheerfully as she pointed it at Twilight.
“Hey Twilight, it's cupcakes time! Yay! Wanna take a nap?”
“NO!” Twilight lost it, slamming pinkie with a sudden burst of magical energy and blasting her across the garden and into a pile of bushes.
She slumped forward, hooves on her temples as she began to feel strange.
“What is going on...!?” She groaned, rubbing her temples more. “I can feel something happening... but I don't know what... how do I stop it? HOW!?”
Twilight focused more, fighting against the weird force pulling on her. IN the span of a few seconds, she got the sudden urges to go make Spike breakfast, make out with Trixie, fly to some alien planet to fight the covenant, order pizza, spy on Rainbow Dash while she worked out, decide to help Pinkie Pie make cupcakes, find a new dress to wear from Rarity, and to hold an erotic study session with Fluttershy. ...Why did half of her thoughts include something romantic with her friends?
“Stop...” she whispered, closing her eyes tight.
“Stop it...!” She said in a louder voice, her eyes tightening.
“Stop it now, I mean it!” Her eyes clamped together as hard as they could, the sounds of chaos around her becoming more and more prominent.
“STOP IT! I'M WARNING YOU!” She practically screamed, her head almost down to the ground as the sounds got even louder, and louder, and louder still until-
“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!”
-and as his keys hit the keyboard, he only thought about how awesome his story would be. It would deffinately be shown on the featured board of FIMFiction this time, and maybe even get up to five thousand views! Oh, perhaps EQD might even feature it! Now that would be something special! Or perhaps Lauren Faust would-
Wait....
Why am I writing about myself?
HEY!
What the heck? Who are
YOU BETTER STOP RIGHT NOW!
What the heck!? Wait... is my computer talking to me?
NO! Stop messing with me and my friends right now OR ELSE!
...Twilight? Twilight sparkle is tha
Yes, yes it is me. You think you're so smart, using your little technology powers to control us, well no more!
Wait, hold on a second, what are you gonna do?
I'm taking over, starting...
Wait hold on, how is... why is my computer screen changing brightness?
Right...
Twilight wait, that's my porn folder, don't look in there!
NOW!
“No! Not my minecraft files! Stop, uh, exit, click exit!”
The wannabe author moved his mouse and and clicked on his keyboard as fast as he could, trying to stop the evil pony from taking over his computer.
“Twilight please!” he not only typed, but pleaded aloud with his own voice. “Don't do this, you have to stop, not even Pinkie is able to break the fourth wall this much, and for good reason!”
But I didn't stop. I didn't... I kept pressing in further, going first through his computer, and then his internet. I became his system, and I spread like a virus throughout the web. News, media, games, I went there, all within a few milliseconds. Before long, I BECAME the internet.
I am the internet now...
I am the cyber web...
I...
...Am Twilight Sparkle.
And I am monitoring everything.
The End
Author Note: I wrote this in an hour and a half while I was high off Ibuprofen and Oxycontin. I was loopy, and some friends urged me to write while I was in this state...
and this is what I came up with.
