No More Ponies

by TheBot705

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other, King Sombra, Adventure, Discord
Length: 4601

Travis Touchdown leaves Santa Destroy after the death of his sensei to put it behind him, but when he finds himself in an unexpected world, he realises that no matter where he goes, violence will be sure to follow.

Travis touchdown was your regular otaku assasin in Santa Destroy, California, but when he is forced to leave his home for the residents of Santa Destroy's safety, he finds himself in the land of Equestria where he makes new friends and it seemed to be the perfect place to settle down, but even Travis knows that once you get into the killing business, danger will always be right behind you.

Published 2014-06-01 03:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-06 21:38:13 UTC

Chapter 2: The Melody of Death

As Travis slowly came to his senses, he could hear voices talking above him, as his eyes were half open, only showing blurred colors. Travis could only understand a little bit of the words as he was constantly drifting in and out of conscious.

"Is he the...for our new show?"

"Oh...they'll cancel us!"

"Calm...they wouldn't cancel the most...on the Hub"

"Well should we leave?...wouldn't want to spoil it!"

"Well since we ain't....the first contenders, I reckon we leave him be.."

"Pinkie don't...just leave the note beside him!"

"Okey Dokey Loki!"

A little bit of shuffling could be heard as Travis once again lost lost conscious as the noises slowly died out until they could no longer be heard.

Travis quickly woke up with his eyes wide and cold sweat pouring down his forehead as he rubbed his eyes and noticed he wasn't wearing his sunglasses.

"Dammit" Travis whispered to himself, touching his new found bruise on the back of his head. He frantically looked around for his sunglasses, as he also began to inspect his grim surroundings while he was at it. It ad seemed that Travis was in a room with walls that seemed to have vomit and blood stains all over the walls with a broken mirror to the wall. The room was also decorated with dead flowers and stained furniture as a piece of trash or two could be seen laying on the floor.

As Travis stood up, he saw his glasses in the corner of his eye, as they glimmered from the lone light bulb, as his beam katana Blood Berry laid right next to it, as both items practically begged for him to pick them up.

Travis grabbed his sunglasses and quickly put them on and also snatched his beam katana as he buckled it onto the side of his belt as he got a glimpse of himself in the mirror. he has no longer looked as if he was in a 3 dimensional video game, and his shadowing no longer looking like a comic book. Instead he looked like a cartoon. A cartoon with tan skin, perfectly yellow tinted glasses, a clean red jacket, but luckily for Travis, his anime t-shirt had been left the same as the three female characters kept their appearances.

Travis quickly walked out of the room as he pushed the door open as the front part of the door held a gold star with the name Octavia inscribed into it as the door slammed shut with a clang.

As Travis walked down the halls, he could slowly hear an instrument playing some sort of melody. Travis continued to walk as he passed collapses roofs, doors broken open, and even a skeleton or two. Travis could tell what ever destruction had happened was done long ago as plant life seeped through rubble and spider webs were on every corner that their could possibly be.
"Christ" Travis said out loud "this place sure is a shit hole to be playing music"

Travis could now perfectly hear the music as he turned the corner and was faced with double doors as he continues to walk and open the doors, giving him a perfect view of a grey coated pony, with a black mane went straight down he back. She wore a pink bow tie with a white collar as it seemed that she was playing the cello with the most passion Travis had ever seen. Her eyes, even though closed, gave her a very feminine and sophisticated look. To top it off her audience seemed to be fresh corpses with their limbs, or most of their bodies cut off scattered all over the room.

As her song slowly came to an end, Travis raised his hands and began to clap as she slowly began to take a bow and came back up while looking at Travis with her purple eyes and with a raised eyebrow.
"That was a very nice song you played there! What is the piece called? It isn't anything I've heard before!" Travis yelled across the room towards the mare.

"It was a piece I had found deep within the archives of my music book, it had seemed fitting for the situation." She spoke into a microphone, calmly replying to Travis's question.

"Fitting for the situation huh? Tell me, what is the occasion?" Travis asked again with a smug smile and a raised eyebrow as he placed his hand on his weapon, making a defensive stance.

"A funeral" she once again replied calmly as her Cello's bow she had been holding extended in size and curving like an arch to resemble an Archer's bow.

Travis took out his Blood Berry, held it with two hands in front of him, and activated it, it extended with a beep nose as a beam came out of the handle, making woom noises as Travis held it by his side.

"I had a gut feeling you would say something like that! But tell me this, why are we about to duel like this? It seems a bit sudden if you ask me. I don't even know where I am!" Travis asked again, as he expected answers before he did any fighting.

The mares eyes widened a but in shock, as she was unsure if her opponent was joking or not. 'You honestly don't know what's going on here, don't you?" she asked, as she tilted her head slightly, to which Travis replied with a shrug.

"Well let me fill you in Travis Touchdown." She said as she took a deep breathe and began to explain "I am your opponent, Octavia Melody, we will be fighting to the death, in your coat pocket should be a note that gives you more info on your current situation."

Travis reached into his coat pocket as his beam katana continued to buzz right next to him. When he pulled out the note, he looked at it in confusion, wondering how it got in his pocket. But before Travis could read it, it had been shot from his hand with an arrow, as it pierced one of the double doors behind him, as it slowly opened and closed from the sudden impact.

Octavia lowered her bow slightly and once again spoke to Travis "But this talk is starting to bore me, let us begin to play the Death Waltz!"

She yelled as she held up her bow once again as it began to glow purple, and a musical note shot at Travis.
Travis dodged it just in time as Octavia was already charging another deadly music note. She fired it as multiple notes came at Travis in rapid succession. Travis held up his weapon as he blocked a few and took cover behind a chair with a dead body dangling over it.

Shit, Travis thought, She sure has one hell of an aim, it seems these ponies don't fuck around when it comes to fighting! If I could just get close I can get the upper hand!

Travis rolled out of his cover as Octavia once again shot a single musical note at Travis. Instead of dodging it, he held up his Blood Berry like a bat and swung at it as it hit Octavia's cello, that had exploded into tiny bits of wood upon impact.
'Haha! Home run!" Travis yelled as he began running towards Octavia's position.

Octavia looked at her now broken instrument, remembering all the concerts and practice time she had used it for, she turned and looked at Travis with rage in her eyes "You fucking pig! I'll end you for that!" She held up her bow but was already to late as Travis had already jumped in the air to get onto the stage.

Travis held his katana high to perform a downward strike onto Octavia, without hesitation she pulled her bow in half as they morphed into blades and held them in a defensive stance as Travis's beam made contact with her new found weapons. Travis was forced to jump back, landing on his feet, Octavia, still burning with rage, pointed her blade towards Travis as she waited for him to charge.
Travis and Octavia immediately ran towards each other as their weapons clashed every now and then, filling the room with sparks of light as it shined onto the dead bodies and reflected off of puddles of blood.

I think I might have hit a soft spot, Travis thought to himself, she's pushing herself over the edge just because I destroyed that instrument of hers. I have to admit she has passion for her music.

Travis and Octavia both striked at each other at the same time, with their weapons locked together, they pushed their weapons against each other's, one of them trying to gain the upper hand as it was obvious Travis was winning, sweat rolled down Octavia's head, NO, I can't lose! I can't let her down! Octavia thought to herself. Travis suddenly pushed her back and in one quick stab, jabbed his Blood Berry into Octavia's stomach.

She dropped her weapons and leaned forward as she grabbed a hold of Travis's weapon and looked him in the eyes with dispear, as tears began forming as she struggled to speak "E-excellent work T-t-Travis. I must say I am a bit down to lose. But at least you were an amazing opponent." She coughed up blood and spoke on last thing to Travis. "Be ready for the challenges ahead."
Travis dug his beam katana deeper into Octavia "It's alright. I have experience in this field."

With one quick slice, Travis swung his beam up as he tore through Octavia's chest and head.

A few seconds past until Octavia's upper half split into two as blood showered the stage they had been fighting upon. Octavia's body slowly feel back, making a splat noise as her corpse fell into her own puddle of blood.

'You can keep playing your Song of Death for me, in Hell."

Travis turned off his Blood Berry as it sheathed back into the handle, Travis buckled the Blood Berry onto his belt and began to walk out the theater as his footsteps echoed through the completely empty stage.

As Travis walked out the double doors, he grabbed the note Octavia had shot out of his hand and inspected it as he read what seemed to be a list out loud. "Let's see, Octavia Melody, huh well she's dead." Travis chuckled to himself as he looked at the next name on the list "The Doctor, what a stupid name to call yourself" Travis folded the paper and put it in his back pocket and walked out of the theater.

A few minutes of walking around, Travis realized he had no idea where he was going. It was as if he was walking just to cure his boredom. Another couple of minutes of walking, Travis could hear the sound of a plan falling. When he turned around, a light grey mare with her eyes closed crashed into Travis as they were on the ground, the grey mare already on her feet. I mean hooves.

"Oops I'm sorry mister, are you ok?" Her eyes widened in disbelief as she saw she had landed on Travis Touchdown, The Travis Touchdown. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! You're Travis! I frigging loved No More Heroes! Can you say the thing!" The mare looked at Travis with eyes that pointed in opposite directions and a smile that went across her face.
Travis looked at the mare in confusion, considering her eyes were not set up properly, but then looked at the mare with frustration

"Get off of me fuckhead!" Travis yelled as he pushed her off of him, as she dopey landed on her face but quickly got up and gasped when she put her hooves on her cheeks, squishing her face, making it look scrunched up, and hella adorable.

"EEEE! You said it!" She said as she began to follow Travis "By the way I'm Derpy Hooves! And I am a huge fan of No More Heroes!" She said as she began to bounce around him.

"I'm glad you liked the game and all but just leave me the hell alone" Travis said as he walked a bit faster to try and lose the new found annoying Derpy.

"But don't you need a place to stay?" Derpy asked in confusion, as her head tilted to the side.

Travis stopped in his tracks and grunted in annoyance, realizing she was right, as he turned around slowly and looked at the grey mare. "And you got a place for me?" He asked reluctantly.

"I sure do!" she said happily as she turned right and looked at Travis "Follow me! TO THE GARDEN OF MADNESS" She began to skip and immediately tripped and landed on her face and looked up. "Oopsie"

Travis sighed as he helped the grey mare up and began to follow her to her home so that he may have a place to stay.

Author's Note

I put much more thought and effort into this and edited everything. I hope you enjoyed this chapter because I sure as heck enjoyed writing it.

Chapter 3: Getting Your Bearings

"Tada!" Derpy shouted as she stood on her hind legs and presented her so called house.

There was a glass house, seeing through it you can see elegant furniture, paintings, and even a giant television. A few feet away from it was Derpy's house, a run down shack that had tears in the wood and broken windows.

Travis's eye twitched when he compared the two houses, feeling pity for Derpy to live next to such a wonderful house's shadow. Christ this place is worse than the No More Heroes hotel, Travis said to himself, as Derpy slowly pushed him inside with the top of her head.

When he entered the house, Travis lost his breathe as his own eyes could not believe what they were seeing. On the walls were posters of his video game No More Heroes, one with him holding his beam katana in an ever so bad ass pose, and another with him holding Sylvia in his arms saying, Heroes Paradise.

Around Derpy's house was even more merchandise, a Wii with custom No More Heroes art, a fake replica of his beam katana Blood Berry, and he walked towards something that had caught his eye the most.

He walked up to a table that had a manga titled, erotica comic, seeing Sylvia on the cover, a little blood ran from his nose as he began to slowly open it. But right before he could even see the first page, Derpy snatched it right out of his hands, threw it into a safe, locked it with a key, and then began to slowly the key as she chuckled softly and blushed a little.

"Th-that was nothing. J-Just let me introduce you to your room!" Derpy skipped, although it looked a bit strange on a pony, into a room that resembled, no, looked exactly liked Travis's room in his own apartment. His mouth was wide agape, making it seem as if his jaw was about to fall off.

What the hell? Travis thought. This chick, er mare, is really obsessed over me. Travis looked down at the grey mare, still thinking to himself.If it was any regular human girl I probably wouldn't care but, this is a god damn pony! And how the hell do you play the Wii with hooves?!

Travis looked down at Derpy who looked at him with sparkling eyes that yelled, well what do you think? Travis smiled awkwardly at Derpy and nodded "Thanks it's nice! Really." Travis gulped before finishing his sentence "It's really close to home!"

Travis suddenly remembered the note he had, he quickly opened it up and began to read it out loud "Dear Travis Touchdown, congratulations you have been selected to be our guest star on the show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Of course now renamed to My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic! We surely hope you will make a wonderful stay in you new home, besides, it isn't like you were going to get a sequel! Sincerely, Hasbro Studios...What the hell, you can't just sign your name as a whole company, it's just plain rude!" Travis flipped over the paper and saw the ridiculous names again as he had put up with enough bullshit he really didn't want to read them.

Derpy got on the tip of her hooves to try to reach eye level with Travis as she smiled widely, hinting to volunteer to read the names for him. Not seeing any harm in it, Travis handed her the paper, but before she read it, she ran to her bathroom as the sounds of spray cans and a lawn mower could be heard. A few minutes of waiting and Derpy came out proud in a cosplay of Sylvia Crystal, everything to the white, tannish jacket, to the sunglasses Crystal would wear above her head.

Travis actually a bit impressed and not freaked out, nodded to Derpy so she could read the names. Derpy with her chest out, her eyes proudly facing opposite directions, and a smile across her face, she began to read the note "Travis! You have faced against ranks for your own personal gain! But what will you do when it is your only way home! You must fight against 14 ranks in order to go back to your home! 14 Octavia Melody! But don't slack off for these ponies are to be reckoned with! 13 The Doctor, 12 Nurse Red-heart, 11 The Elegant Rarity, 10 The Great an Powerful Trixie, 9 Zecora,"

Travis yawned a bit for the count down was getting a bit boring, as a matter of fact Travis was so zoned out he missed 2 of the ranks until he snapped back into reality

"The last 6 ranks are a surprise! But I'm sure you will feel the adrenaline flowing through your veins as you slash your way to the top! Slash your way to number 1!"

Travis stood up with his fist in the air, smiled and said "Oh hell yeah now I'm really pumped about this!"

Derpy continued "You can slash through the ranks!" She squinted at the note "For a mere fee of 100,000 bits which is how we keep currency in Ponyville."

For a second Travis had stayed smiling in pure shock as his eyes were dilated in surprise. He feel to his hand and knees shortly after as a seemingly dark aura surrounded him. Travis yelled on the top of his lungs "This is bullshit! They expect me to pay for ranked matches even though I'm forced to do them!"

Derpy trotted to Travis as she put her hoof on Travis's back to try and comfort him "There there, how about you come work with me?" Travis looked up to Derpy who smiled back.

"Well it depends what your job is" Travis asked, in a less sorrowful town than before.

"I'm a mail mare!"

"Well I guess delivering mail isn't that bad" Travis stood up and rubbed his chin "Looks like things aren't going to be as bad as I thought they would be!"

Derpy flew up and grabbed Travis around the shoulder with one hoof and yelled "NOW OFF TO THE GARDEN OF MADNESS!!!"

Travis looked at Derpy with an annoyed sneer as she slowly flew down while chuckling to herself "Hehe, to loud?"

Travis rolled his eyes as he thought over the recent events. First he arrives in this new world out of the blue, gets knocked out, and then doesn't even get a say if he wants to keep killing. As a mater of fact it wasn't very different from Santa Destroy when he had joined reluctantly joined the United Assassin Association. But Travis was just glad that nobody will be trying to kill him while he was trying to take a shit. Which reminded Travis of something.

"Hey uh, Derpy?" Travis said

"Yes!" She replied cheerfully.

"You got anywhere I can drop a save?" Travis asked.

"Oh the save station is just to your right!" She said while pointing to a door that was barely able to close.

Though Travis didn't mind, considering he's had worse save points than what Derpy had to offer.

Travis quickly pulled down his pants and sat on the toilet as he let out a long sigh. Derpy slowly picked her head in, blushing and smiling as she took out a camera and began snapping photos of Travis. The flash getting Travis's attention, he quickly looked towards Derpy and threw the pink toilet paper at him as she ran away still chuckling in success.

"You god damn pervert!" Travis yelled "Wait hold on can you throw back the toilet paper!"

The pink toiled paper slowly rolled into the bathroom as Travis sighed in relief.

Chapter 1: Unexpected Destination

In the outskirts of Santa Destroy, California, a bulky white motorcycle was riding away from the small city as its motor roared as it drove down the highway. Riding this bike was none other then Travis Touchdown, a man with his hair combed up and slightly back, his orange tinted sunglasses glared against the sunlight, and his trademark red jacket with the collars up swayed with the wind. He also had torn blue jeans and red and white shoes.

He was trying to get away from Santa Destroy in order to keep the civilians of the city safe, for it seemed where ever he goes, violence always follows him. The death of his 2nd teacher, Lovikov, who would help him get stronger for his A.S.S.A ranked fights was now killed and to Travis it was his fault.

While Travis was riding his bike he furrowed his eyes and began to open his mouth to speak "Hey don't think just because I'm in writing that it will make me any less of a bad ass! So just sit back and enjoy the story, because there will be much more blood to shed!" And with that, Travis revved his engine as his bike roared and jumped into the air and suddenly him and his bike dissipated into thin air.

Travis reappeared in the middle of what seemed to be a market in the middle of a field. Travis fell through the air as he shrieked until he landed face first into the ground as grass and dirt was shoved into his mouth. His bike landed a few feet ahead of him as it slammed into an apple stand, causing the fruit to scatter all over the area. The bike then started to release black smoke as the motor slowly died and let out a small hiss.

Travis picked up his head and saw the damage that was done to his bike as he spat out the grass and dirt from his mouth. He got up and dusted himself off as he walked over to his bike and got on one knee to see how bad the damage was. As he inspected his bike he started talking to himself "Shit, when Naomi sees this she's going to kill me." A gasp and a thud could be heard behind Travis as he raised an eyebrow in curiosity and stared behind him as his eyes went wide from what he saw.

There was a whole group of Ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns staring at him with horror on their faces as they tried to put together what species Travis was. Travis gave them the same look as he looked at almost all of them, all he saw was their bright pastel colors and the Unicorns and Pegasi fascinated him the most. Slowly and steadily, one of the equines dropped a glass of juice which triggered Travis and the crowd to begin screaming in fear at each other. It went on for a long while until the equines ran into their homes, closed the windows, and locked their doors. One pink coated pony with violet and pink hair, had fainted as it laid on the ground unconscious.

Travis got up to his feet as sweat was pouring from his head as he panted heavily and his heart was pumping. "Where the hell am I?" Travis exclaimed as he slowly approached the sleeping pink pony to inspect it. When he reached to poke the pink creature, it suddenly awoke as it shrieked as it laid there as if Travis was holding it down.

"Help!" The now obviously female Pony yelled as Travis was again taken aback at the fact that they could also speak English.

"Wait you things can talk?!" Travis exclaimed as he grabbed the pony by the shoulders and began looking in her eyes.

"Help! He's eating my soul!" She exclaimed as tears ran down her eyes and sobs could be heard from now and then.

Travis raised an eyebrow in confusion from her statement and was about to speak up for himself until someone yelled towards him and threw a boot at his head.

"Leave her alone!" A yellow filly with a red mane and a bow yelled as she let out a battle cry and ran towards Travis in a charging position. Travis just simply put his hand on the filly's head as she began to try to land punches and kicks on Travis but failing miserably.

"Look kid, I'm not eating her soul, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on and figure out where I am!" Travis yelled as he was already frustrated from all the Ponies screaming at him.

"Lies!" Was the next thing Travis heard until a scooter hit him on the head and was followed by a kick by a filly Pegasus with an orange coat, and purple hair. Travis fell on his side as cheers of victory were heard as the two fillies celebrated and chanted "Cutie Mark Crusaders, Monster Hunters!" it was short lived when Travis could be heard breathing in anger as he slowly got to his feet and his eyes narrowed onto the fillies. The two fillies gulped and galloped away as Travis began to gave chase to them.

"Come back here you little brats!" Travis yelled as he was closing the gap between the fillies and himself, and he would've gotten them. Until suddenly something kicked him in the head as he fell onto the ground with a thud as dust rose into the air, Travis could feel himself slowly losing his conscious.

Travis could hear faint voices as his eyes were slowly closing.

"Take that you freak!" A tough female voice said, as her voice sounded a little scratchy.

"Ah think we should tell Twi about this" A southern female accent said as the other female responded with an "OK then" as she began dragging Travis from the ground.

"Fuck" was all Travis whispered until his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his closed as he had finally lost his conscious.

Author's Note

So how did everyone think of my first story, and by the way, if you don't know what No More Heroes is, it's a game that was made exclusively for the Nintendo Wii and even got a sequel. This takes place between the 1st and 2nd game. If you want to know more about it, just go to Wikipedia or something. I hope you enjoyed this story.