The Two Killers

by jeffandpinkamena

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Dark, Romance
Length: 1682

Jeff the Killer thought that he was the only killer in Ponyville. That is, until he met a certain pink pony one night.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-01 03:02:19 UTC

Chapter One (Meeting the Killer)

The night was very quiet, with a breeze that you could just feel on your coat. I closed my eyes and smiled. This was my favorite kind of night. Perfect for murdering ponies. I approached a house and sneaked around the side. I peered in the window. A green coated pony with a light green and white mane slept peacefully. I slowly crept into the house through the window. Soon, I was standing right over the pony. She opened one of her eyes. She stared at me for a few seconds before screaming. I covered her mouth with my hoof and held my knife to her neck.

"Shhhhh." I whispered to the pony. "Just go to sleep." With those words, I slit her thought, leaving blood every where. I smiled and walked of to the window and crept out again.

Once outside, I wiped some of the blood of of my face. I looked down at my hoodie. It was splattered with blood. I walked off into the Everfree forest, smug about my latest kill.

I walked into the beat-down, rusty house. The wallpaper was pealing of the wall and the light was flickering.

"Slender!" I shouted. "Hey, Slendy! Where are youuuuu?" Slender came out from behind the wall. He was really tall at the time, and he had just replaced his old suit with a new one. Even though he has no face, I can tell when he is paying attention to be or not.

"So, how'd it go?" Slender said, looking down at me.

"Pretty well. I didn't even get that much blood on my hoodie." I replied.

My stomach grumbles, alerting me that is was time to eat.

"So, uh, did you make anything for dinner?" I said.

"I made some pizza. I left four pieces for you." Slender said. "I know how hungry you get after a murder."

I smile. Slendy knows everything about me, including my craving for food after a killing. I walk over to the kitchen and get the pizza of the counter. I sniff in the sweet aroma of melted cheese and hot pepperoni. I immediately began scarfing the pizza down.

"Yeesh. You really should learn some manners, Jeff." Slender said, disgusted by my eating of the pizza.

"I do whatever the hell I want to do, Slendy." I say with my mouth full of pizza. "It's not like it's the end of the world if I don't act like a lady like you do.

Slender shakes his head in disappointment and heads of into his room. It's really hard to believe that me and Slender are best friends. We're polar opposites! But we still manage to keep our friendship intact.

After scarfing down the pieces of pizza, I head of to bed. It's been a long night, and I really want to get to sleep so I don't act all grumpy in the morning. Slendy hates when I do that.

I place the sleeping mask over my eyes and go to sleep.

Chapter Two (Pinkie?...)

It was a happy and bustling day in Ponyville. Ponies were selling various goods on the sides of the road. Ponies were playing games and talking to other ponies cheerfully. I trotted on the road, happy that it was a new day. I entered SugarCube Corner. Ponies were waiting patently in line to get their treats that the store had to offer. Soon, I was the one in front of the counter. A pink pony poped out from behind the wall. It was Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.

"Hi there!" she squealed. "What can I get for you today?"

"I'll have a bag of Sugar Cookies, please." I said. The fluffy pink pony handed me my cookies. I placed five bits on the counter and trotted out of the building and headed of towards the Everfree forest.

I was soon home, happily scarfing down my cookies while watching T.V. Damn, do i love those cookies that Pinkie made. It's the only reason that I didn't kill her. Slendy was off running some errands in Canterlot. He got there by using his teleportation powers, which really come in handy when you're a killer. The story of my kill was on the news today, which was very typical. Soon, it was approaching dusk, and I had to get ready for my next kill.

When I go into Ponyville, I have to hide my cutie mark and replace it with another one. My real cutie mark is a knife with blood on it.   My fake cutie mark is a smiley face. Pretty unoriginal, but you don't have much choices if you're a killer. I slipped on my white hoodie, which still have a slight trace of blood on it from my last killing. I headed of into the night. I trotted off toward Ponyville, with my knife in my pocket. For some strange reason, I had the slightest feeling that somepony was watching me. I spun around. I could make out the figure of a mare in the shadows. The mare came closer. She had flat pink hair and a pink coat. This pony pony looked strangely familiar...

"Pinkie Pie?..." I said, coming closer to the mare.

"Jeff?..." Pinkie Pie said as she came closer to me.

Soon, we were standing right in front of each other. I peered at her cutie mark. It had a big "x" covering the balloons. The markings were made with a knife.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I slurred, glaring at her.

"Well," she said. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Ouch. That stung.

Pinkie brought her attention to the knife sticking out of my pocket.

"Why do you have a knife?" she asked.

I froze. If I told her, I would get busted for sure.

"Why should I tell you?" I growled.

"Because," Pinkie pulled a knife out from her bag. "I have a knife as well."

"WELL." I said, still overcome by shock. "Okay. I'll tell you."

I told Pinkie Pie my whole story. When I was finished, she nodded.

"Not bad. Not bad at all." she said, a look of approval on her face. " I do something similar to that."

I was dumbfounded. How could such a nice pony like Pinkie Pie do something like that?

"Come with me." she said. "Then I could show you what I do."

I shrugged. Why not?

Pinkie toke my arm and dragged me to SugarCube Corner. She pulled out her keys and began to unlock the door.

When we got inside, Pinkie unlocked a secret door.

"This." Pinkie said. "Is what I do."

Chapter Three (Cupcakes?)

I looked around the cellar. The walls were rusty. Blood was everywhere. A banner hung from the wall said: "Life is a Party". I noticed a steel board with four cuffs on the edges.

"What's that?" I asked Pinkie, pointing to the board.

"Oh, that old thing." Pinkie said, smiling a little. "It's what I use to kill my victims!"

"How do you kill them with that?" I ask.

"Easy." Pinkie trots over to the board and points to the cuffs.

"I place the pony on the board and cuff their hooves to it. You can't dissect a pony who's squirming around!" she explained to me.

"What, you dissect your victims?" I said. I mean, I torture my victims, but not like this.

"Oh, sure. You see, I use the ponies to make cupcakes! I can't have all of those icky innards in those yummy treats!" she says.

Suddenly, I feel very sickish inside. All of those delicious cupcakes that I ate had PONIES in them?!

Pinkie looks at me sympathetically.

"Awww,I'm sorry. i didn't mean to tell you that I use ponies in my cupcakes!" Pinkie put her hooves over her mouth.

"Oopsie. I did it again." she said sheepishly.

"Meh." I said , waving of the subject as though it was a piece of garbage. "It doesn't matter."

Out of nowhere, a filly comes out of the shadows. She has a yellow coat and red hair pushed back with a large pink bow.

"Hah, Ms.Pinkamena!" the filly says, jumping up and down.

"Hello, Applebloom!" Pinkie says cheerfully. Pinkie looks toward me.

"Jeff, this is Applebloom!" Pinkie pushes the smiling filly toward me. "Applebloom, this is Jeff!"

"Howdy!" Applebloom says cheerfully. "Ah'm Applebloom!"

"I'm Jeff." I say, shaking Applebloom's hoof. "Nice to meet you."

"Well, Jeff." Applebloom said. "Ah sure do love your cutie mark. Ah'm sure I know how you got it."

I let out a short laugh. Yeah, It wouldn't take a genius to figure out how I got my cutie mark.

"So yer a killer like Ms.Pinkamena!" Applebloom said. "I'm her killer in training."

I smile. This is sure one bubbly filly. It was nice how Pinkie was taking her under her hoof.

"Ahem." i looked toward Pinkie. "Let's get back to discussing about killing, shall we?"

"Yeah. Right." I say, feeling my face burn with embarrassment.

"So I use these tools-" Pinkie pulls over a cart with assorted dissecting tools.

"Coooooool." I say, holding up one.

"-to dissect the ponies!" she says.

"First, I begin with cutting off their cutie marks." she says, making circles around her own cutie marks.

"Then, I cut off their wings/horn!" she says.

"Then,-this is my favorite part- I cut off their flesh and remove their innards!" she squeals.

"Cool!" I gush. This was really one rocking mare.

"Ah think so, too!" Applebloom says.

"Hey!" Pinkie says. "Why don't we come with each other on our killings?"

"That's a great idea!" I say. It really was a good idea. Just imagine. Someone coming with me to murder a pony!

"AND-" Pinkie added, still excited. "We can TEACH each other how to do their killing techniques!"

I've never felt so happy in my entire life. I've always wanted to teach someone how to kill!

"Deal?" Pinkie said, holding out her hoof.

"Deal!" I say, shaking her hoof.

And that is how i became friends with Pinkamena Diane Pie.