Woodpecker

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Human, Romance
Length: 30272

A man from a war torn world suddenly falls into Equestria and must learn to cope with living in a land of peace. All the while it's left up to the princess to find him a way home.

A man from a war torn world suddenly falls into Equestria and must learn to cope with living in a land of peace. All the while it's left up to the princess to find him a way home.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-02 02:58:19 UTC

Painkillers

Meeting

I stood behind the bars of a small, damp cell. The smell of rotting hay and mildew filled the air as I paced around the crumbling stone floor. My boots waterlogged, my hands cut and hastily bandaged by a fearful horse. I felt like I was dying, my mind reeling to collect the past day's events.

Climbing through a cavern, bursting into a basement, an ear piercing scream, a fight against a herd of horses and now, this. The horses I'd seen were sentient, spoke, and apparently didn't take kindly to my panicked fight for my life. Knocking out a pony that tried to touch me had landed me a spot in a dungeon cell and a court date, all because of my instincts telling me to fight the unknown aggressor.

I grabbed the rough iron bars of the cell door, stepping into a foul puddle of murky water. My arms burning as I leaned against the bars. "Someone!? Anyone!? Marcus, Tanner, come on, someone talk to me!?"

A pink pony with a white striped mane trotted over to me, "Excuse me...can you be quiet?!" she kept a fair distance from the bars. "We can hear you screaming from the conference room, and would appreciate it if you would stop!"

I felt my breath go ragged as I lurched forward, "Fuck you!" I grabbed at the mare, my hands formed into aggressive claws as I swiped at the air, "I can't be here! I need to go back damn it, I need to help my fucking friends!"

The mare took an appalled step back, "Animal! You're a beast, a creature, you have no friends!" She turned her nose to me, walking out of my vision and leaving my arms entangled in the grid door. I ceased my flailing and leaned my forehead against the bars, letting it dig in and cause a rough pain.

I just stood there, slowly falling against the door as I came to terms with my new life. A raiding mission in a burned out port town, a fight for survival once again, friends abandoned to the torn world I left behind. And yet things seemed to get worse. My world, torn apart by famine and war, was now replaced my imprisonment and bigotry from a fearful race of equines.

For a world so full of color, so full of life, it seemed even less forgiving than the ruined earth I was plucked from. But that couldn't be. These were horses, sentient horses. They don't fight, they don't have war, they just run. My home was baked in war, a kiln of violence and abuse created from era's of neglect. How was this land worse than one who had passed its peeked, one that had risen and fallen so rapidly.

I watched as pony after pony came to examine me, all dressed in frilly attire and judgmental stares. I resented them. Their gaze burned my skin, their words tormented my very soul, I wanted to kill them.

A grey maned pony walked over to my bars, "As you can see, this creature was obviously violent. And there is no greater threat to Equestria than a creature that is not only violent, but clearly intelligent."

The small group that followed him bustled their input, "Then what are you suggesting?"

"Banishment?"

"Autopsy?"

"Execution?"

A royal voice boomed over the bustling, parting the crowd, "Enough!" the voice echoed in the hall, forcing apart the crowd and revealing a white mare with a flowing multicolored mane. Gold adorning her chest and hooves as she trotted past the herd and over to me.

She looked me over, a magical force plucking me from the door and setting me on my knees. The mare's hard stare slowly softened, "I know you can speak...you can defend yourself you know."

I looked up at the mare, my resolve iron, my heart burning with rage, "Defend against what? My life is in your god damn hands you freak!

" I pushed off my knee and stood, walking face to face with the mare, "You heard your little fucking minions, you think anything I say is going to change their minds!?"

The tall mare just grimaced, "They shouldn't be the ones you're trying to convince...."

I glared at the mare, "So what...it's up to you?" I set my hands on the bars, getting as close as possible. The crowd bubbled with anticipation as the mare did the same, "You...you called me a fucking animal.... Is that what you fucking want me to be!?" I reached out, grabbing the mare by her neck, "Is that what you think I am!?"

The mare just stared at me, challenging stare unwavering as I tried in vain to strangle her. "Let, go."

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Her voice was commanding, but not condescending. I felt a strange compulsion to listen, and as instructed, I released her. My hands fell against the bottom bars of the grid and dangled limply. "Thank you." She looked me up and down before turning to the crowd, "A moment alone, every pony take recess and reconvene in the morning."

The crowd bowed in unison, quickly melting into the background as the mare resumed her gaze. I grew bitter as she looked at my hands. I flipped them over, revealing a bandaged gash across my palm, "You didn't do this...so stop fucking staring!"

The mare looked me in the eyes for a moment before returning to my hands, "Well...if we didn't do it, what did?"

I shook my head and leaned against the bars, "Glass. A bomb went off and sent a shard of glass into my hand--" I stopped dead as the mare unwrapped my bandages with the same magic that plucked me from the bars, "Fucking stop!"

I tried to pull back, finding myself stuck in place as the mare looked at my bloody wound. "...Is there still glass inside it?"

I tried with all my strength to pull free, managing to gain nothing for all my effort, "It's fine, just- let go! Pain!" I screamed, pulling at my wrist like mad.

The mare just focused her gaze, her horn lighting up and slowly enveloping my hand, "Just stay calm."

I felt my heart start to race as my wound went numb. My breathing slowed as an itchy feeling overtook the pain, my wound closing like a zipper and sealing tight. I let out a few shallow gasps as she let my hand go, "Better?"

I yanked myself inside the cell, staring at my now mended hand, "H-how...why!?" I ran to the bars, grabbing them and holding on for dear life, "Why!?"

The mare just smiled warmly, "See...we're not all bad." She put her hoof on the bars, "How about we start with names...."

I swallowed hard as I relaxed my grip, scratching my palm against the rough metal, "Able...."

The mare just smiled, a warmth rising in my stomach and shooting to my heart as she did, "That's a wonderful name.... I'm Celestia."

I felt myself start to cry, brain overwhelmed by the sudden surge of humanity in the face of absolute bigotry and prejudice, "I'm sorry...." I leaned against the bars, "I- I don't... I can't.... I grabbed you- the one- the one who tried to help me, I fucking tried to strangle you!" the warmth in my chest quickly turned to a hollowness that spread throughout my body, "I'm so fucking sorry--"

The mare set her hoof on my hand, "It's okay.... It's okay to be scared." she rubbed the back of my hand gingerly, "Able, it's okay to be afraid. My subjects are, it only makes sense you would be."

I slowly wrapped my fingers around her hoof, "Please...you have to get me out of here." I looked up to her, my eyes burning, "I'll leave, but you have to give me a fucking chance!"

Celestia's face hardened, "I can't do that...."

"Wh--"

She looked me dead in the eyes, "Even if I wanted to, the way you came is closed. You're stuck here."

I latched onto her hoof, digging my nails against her, "No...god no!" I slammed my head against the bars, "No!" I started to panic, "My friends, my life, everything! It's fucking gone!?"

Celestia just ran her free hoof along my hands, "Listen to me.... I promise you, if you stay calm, if you behave, I will do everything I can to send you home, and keep you safe."

I broke down, losing my composure and holding on to the nearest source of warmth, "Please...for the love of god, let me out of here!"

Celestia frowned hard, "I'll be back. I promise."

She slipped her hooves out of my grasp. "No! Please, please don't fucking leave me in here!" I screamed, trying to grab her through the bars, "I'm going to die in here!"

My pleads were enough to cause her to halt her step for a mere moment, "I'm sorry...I promise I'll be back, I swear it." She sauntered away, lagging slightly as I screamed for her to stay.

The first hint of kindness in a year had just walked away, leaving me in a damp rotting cage, my mind struggling to maintain any semblance of cohesion as I descended into a soft mania. But she said she would be back, and for once, I trusted someone.

I ran my thumb across my palm, "Please...hurry. Please...I need you." I fell to my knees, soaking my shins in the muck gathering at the foot of my cell, "Someone...save me, please?"

Landfall

Reading Material

I sat on a pile of musty hay, the stench of raw sewage heavy from below the cut stone hole in the corner. I covered my nose with my forearms, curling up and trying to escape into my mind. Ponies had come by, forcibly drugging me to keep me docile and look me over.

I felt like death, and the mare, Celestia, had never returned. Seven days of unending madness slowly overtook my resolve. If I wasn't freed by tonight, if nothing changed, I would lean against the bars with my throat, and suffocate myself to death. I wanted freedom, and I would have it even if I had to die.

The familiar sound of the dungeon doors opening filled the hall. One set of steps, as opposed to the usual group. "Able?" Celestia's voice snapped me out of my stupor, "Able...?"

I stood slowly, reaching the door about the same time as she did. "Celestia...why...why am I still here!? It's been a week!"

Celestia's face grew worried, "Able, it's only been two days...."

I grabbed the bars, my mind reeling, "No...no no no, I- no!" I slammed the bars with my hands, "Two days!?"

Celestia nodded slowly, "I was coming by to check on you, make sure you were doing alright...."

I laid my head across the bars once again, bashing myself lightly against the iron, "I can't be in here anymore. I can't...they will kill me."

Celestia took a deep breath, "If I had my way I would let you out right now. But even I have to listen to my subjects at times." She levitated a book out of her regalia and slipped it through the bars, "I thought maybe this would help."

I took the book looking it over, "I can't read this...."

Celestia cocked her head, "Is Equestrian that different?"

I swallowed hard, looking at the English letters on the front page, "No...I, can't read this." I stuck the book through the bars and dropped it onto the stonework, "I can't read."

Celestia took a nervous step forward, picking up the book and putting it on her back, "Don't you, humans, have school?"

I grew a bitter expression, "The fuck is a school?" I adjusted my posture and looked her in the eyes, "Look, my dad didn't know, I don't know. Half of the island doesn't know. But I could shoot, I could fight and I could run. That's all that matters."

Celestia took a step back and pulled a dark grey key from her side, "You're serious?"

I stepped back, nodding slowly, "Reading is something for people that don't have to fight...for girls...."

Celestia jammed the key in the door and swung it open, stepping inside me cell, "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't know how to read."

I stood tall against her, "I have no fucking idea."

Celestia bristled at my comment, "What kind of horrid place did you come from!? You- you complain about here, but no school, that cut on your hand, and I can see it in your eyes- how old are you?"

I ran my hand across my neck, "Twenty, I think? I lost track after a blizzard fucked up my timescale."

"That's it?"

I shook my head, my face falling to an utterly defeated expression, "I don't know what you were expecting...."

Celestia took a step back, stepping on a board the ponies had put down over the puddle, "But- you wear clothes, you speak, those are higher functions! How can you not tell time!?"

I just rubbed my eyes, "I don't know what you want me to say!"

"I want you to bucking explain what kind of bucked up world you live in!" She stomped her hoof hard, making the board crack in protest, "Now!"

"Why!?" I stood against her, "It's not like it matters now--"

"It matters to me." Celestia stated, staring me down, "Now you keep quiet." Celestia levitated a pair of shackles from a wall and clasped them around my forearms. "Come."

I felt myself yanked from the disgusting cell, nearly tripping on the broken stonework, "You letting me go?"

Celestia flicked her tail as we started up a set of stairs, "You know I can't do that."

"Of course not." I looked at the shackles binding my arms, "Why would you."

I lurched slowly forward, up a flight of stairs and into a pristine white room. Several armored ponies grew rather defensive as I tracked a disgusting slur over the room's floors. The ponies slowly grew mixed reactions as I lurched through the halls. Well dressed ponies giving me a sympathetic look for the first time since my arrival.

Pity, however degrading, was going to prove my greatest ally. And it only became more and more apparent as I was lead into a bare room, well cut stone and a pair of cushions lining the room. "Find a seat," Celestia commanded, "I'll find some water and a rag."

I looked around, the rectangular room adorn with large windows, low to the ground and covered by guards. It was a calm place, an indoor garden, but still enclosed. And even as I stood lazily I was mad dogged by guards and watched like a mouse by a roomful of hawks.

Celestia returned with a bucket and a towel. "Here, wash up and start talking." she levitated a cushion over and plopped down, "Start explaining."

I sat on the stone floor, taking the rag and washing off my feet, "Explaining what!? You never told me what the fuck you want!?"

Celestia grew a bit angry, "Stop yelling." her command bounced through my body, stopping my tongue mid stroke. "Fucking, that's a swear isn't it?"

I just looked down and shook my head in shame, "What else am I supposed to say?"

Celestia let out a deep sigh, "Something else? Something to describe your feelings, your emotions. You might not be able to read, but that doesn't mean your vocabulary has to suffer."

I finished washing the blackened muck off my feet, "I heard that word before, it means like...smart words, right?"

Celestia's frowned hardened, "...How do you not--"

"Look! I am not smart, I know I'm not. Back home, back in Can, I just...I shot things, people, animals, stuff. I don't have to use smart words! Worst I have to say is...distances and directions." I rolled up my pants and started washing my legs, "I don't know what you think I would do with words, but whatever it is, I don't do that."

Celestia just cocked her head, "I don't understand."

I rubbed my head, "See! I don't- I'm not good with words! I hate words!" I tossed the rag into the bucket and just stared at her, "Humans aren't smart anymore- or maybe they are, but I'm not!" I curled up, sitting before her, "Not like the ones before us. The ones that built what we live in, the ones that made the towns."

I looked up at her with a pitiful gaze, "My grandpa used to say, he used to say before things turned bad, we were everything. We were smart, we were strong, we ate, we were connected."

Celestia reached her hoof out, grading the top of my foot with her hoof, "Before what turned bad?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. Dad said it was years before I was around. Years before he was around. But grandpa...he used to.... He said things were fine, then things just went to shit, things exploded." I rolled my wrist, trying to jog my memory, "He said...twenty-thirty. He said things went bad after that."

"How long ago was that?"

I looked her dead in the eyes, a massive amount of shame filling my gut at my inability to answer, "I don't know."

Things got quiet as we sat across from each other, "I hate it." I stated, shifting my grip on my knees, "He used to tell stories of brave people, going up into space, into the black.... Then...he always stopped...he got sad.... His face, I hated that face he made."

Celestia removed her hoof, "...Were you ever safe?"

I swallowed hard and jammed my forehead against my knees, "Days at a time.... And it depends on if you keep moving."

A group of frilly ponies walked into the garden, "Princess, why is he--"

"Don't." she instructed. "Able, do you want to go back?"

I dug my hands against my legs hard, "I don't know. Do I have to go back in that cage?"

Celestia turned to the crowd, "All in favor?"

A small bustle of, ayes, filled the room.

"All opposed?"

Two nays.

Celestia turned to me with a heartbroken expression, "I'm afraid so."

I could feel myself start to cry, my fingers threatening to split my pantlegs open, "Then I think I'd rather go...."

Celestia stood up, facing the group of ponies, "I'll ask again. All in favor of returning the human to his cell?"

A slightly weaker, but still strong assortment of voices rang out.

"All opposed?"

Three nays.

"All abstaining?"

Two thuds rang from the floor.

Celestia walked to me, putting her foreleg around my back, "I'm sorry.... I'll make sure to send someone to keep you company."

I started shaking my head as I stood up. I turned to the crowd, "You...you are the reason I look like this.... This place is amazing...but you treat me like an animal...."

One of the noble ponies stepped forward, "You assaulted two ponies in the street!"

I snapped, stepping forward at her, "Five minutes before that I had someone try to slash my throat with a rusty shank! You try staying calm when you're lost and threatened you fucking bitch!" I felt myself tugged backwards, "Panic...I can understand.... But you've had time to calm down...time to think...." I was escorted past them by Celestia, staring at the mare who called me out. She looked stunned, mind reeling from my backlash.

And so once again I was left in my cell, the murky hell I called home. Time distorting and leaving me in a permanent state of limbo until the next visit.

Fear

I stood against the bars, talking with one of the guards. He was an alright person, interested in my fights but talking to him kept me calm, "So...you kill ponies?"

I let out a small sigh, "I kill people who try to kill me. I don't go out looking for fights, fights are everywhere though...." I crouched down, pressing my back against the wall of the cell. "What about you? You ever killed something?"

The guard pressed his side against the bars, "A changeling once...that's it."

I cocked an eyebrow and looked at him, "The hell is a changeling?"

He looked away, "It's...it's like a bug...thing, it can turn into anypony it sees."

"That sucks...." I stood up as a quartet of steps fluttered down the hall, "Is that her?"

The guard leaned out of my cell door's alcove, "Uh...no, but I think she's here to see you anyways."

A strangely noble voice peeked my interest, "Pardon me," a soft pink and white mare stood proudly before my door. The guard stepped aside, returning to his post. "Able, that is your name correct?"

I stuck my arms through the bars and let them dangle low, "Yep...- wait...I know you...."

The mare nodded with a flurry of shallow nods, "I believe you and me had an altercation yesterday."

"A what?"

The mare let out a short breath, "A fight...."

I shrugged, "It wasn't much of a fight...anyways, did you need something or did you just come down to do some weird ass test?"

She looked around nervously, "I, Fleur De Lis, have been sent to see if you are tame enough to be put on house arrest." She turned away and started pacing before my door, "Simply put I will ask you a series of questions, and if I deem the responses safe, you will be taken to a guarded room. If not, you will be taken to Tartarus."

I just glared at her, "Then why isn't Celestia here?"

Fleur snapped around, nearly bumping her nose into the bars, "Because, I wanted to. What you said...you're obviously not as crazed as we thought. But we're not sure about your violent tendencies, and as such I have volunteered to do this."

"Whatever," I held onto the bars and leaned back, "Ask your stupid questions, let's get this over with."

Fleur looked a little taken back, "V-very well. Question one, should you be released will you attempt to harm anypony?"

I leaned forward, resting my chest against the bars, "If they try to hurt me."

Fleur's face grew uneasy, "Alright. Question two, in the event of an attack what would your response be?"

I let out a tired breath, the smell of my cell slowly overwhelming the washed scent of Fleur's mane. "I'd hit them. I'd find something heavy and I'd hit them."

"Would you kill them?"

"Depends on how violent they were to begin with." I rested my forehead against the bars, "Look...if this is all you're gonna ask me, you might as well just go--"

"Question three, in the event of a possible route home, would you take it?"

I grabbed my forearms, looping myself around the bars, "If my choices are locked down security or violent freedom, I'm going to take my chances back home."

Fleur nodded, "In the event of your return becoming impossible, could you, would you, acclimate to Equestrian society?"

I pulled myself back into my cell, gripping the bars to keep from stumbling back, "I don't know. I have no idea what life outside this fucking room is like." I leaned against the wall and rubbed my arms.

Fleur walked over to my bars, looking inside my cell. "Well...it's better than this." she stared at me, "There's a yokel town down the mountain, Ponyville. I'm sure you could find a life as a laborer or as some sort of worker."

I started shaking my head indecisively, "Then I guess? Like I said...I want freedom. If you think I--"

"What I think is you're a foreigner. You're no different from a griffon. I'm sure there are some of your species that are amazing, some who are not, some who will kill, and some who will die in defense of others. But what I'm here to do is to figure out which of those you are." She took a short frazzled breath, "What I think doesn't matter."

I turned to her, "It matters to me...."

Fleur grew a flustered scrunchy mouthed frown, "...I think you're an idiot. A stupid, impulsive fool, but not inherently violent." She turned towards the guard, "Celestia told us what you told her, that's the entire reason I'm here, to give you a chance." She turned back to me with a flourish, "So I will ask a final time, will you acclimate to Equestrian society?"

I gripped the bars hard, "I will try." I ducked down to meet her in the eyes, "If that's what it takes to get out of here, I will try my hardest."

Fleur and I entered into a small staring match. "...Does the state of Canterlot have your authorization to execute you should you commit any violent crimes?"

I stared her in the eyes, unwavering as I spoke, "Should it come to that, yes."

I watched as Fleur's muscles pushed a lump down her throat, "Guard...this prisoner is to be escorted to the throne room for assignment to a residence. Said residence is to be guarded at all times, and should the resident attempt to escape he is to be thrown back into a dungeon cell and unceremoniously executed." She turned to me with a neutral expression, "Is this understood?"

"...Not...really."

Fleur deadpanned, "Dear Celestia...you really are dumb. You're going to be put in a room, which you may leave. But you are to be escorted by at least two guards at all times."

I nodded, "See, that makes sense, just say that next time!" I slapped the bars, "Why does everyone here talk in fancy fucking words!?"

Fleur's expression changed to one of utter annoyance, "Because most of us went to grammar school...."

The guard unlocked the cell door, holding it open as I stepped forward. I stepped into the reasonably sized hall and looked at the two nervous ponies, "Oh my...you're...bigger...this close up."

I crouched down to meet Fleur's level. "Better?"

She took a deep breath, "Slightly-- What the buck!?" She panicked as I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her aganst my chest and picking her up, "Help!"

I slowly set her down, making sure she had regained her footing before letting go, "Thank you...."

Fleur beat a hasty retreat, "What was that!?"

I stood up, looking towards the door, "Bear hug."

"Utterly disgusting!" She shrieked, "I'm- what is this!?" she asked, touching a black spot on her coat, "I- why- ...I can see that was...meant, to be a kind gesture...but this is...."

"Oh no...I knew what I was doing." I let the guard shackle me, "That's for calling me an animal...."

Fleur just dabbed the sticky black mess I'd pressed into her coat, "...I suppose you're not an animal...simply an idiotic brute. With poor manners...and poor hygiene, and a lack of respect--"

"You're really gonna criticize me on my hygiene? You see what your people locked me in, right?" I pointed my foot to the cell, "And I think it's sludge, not sure from what."

Fleur just let out an anguished huff, "Barbaric!" She turned her nose up at me and walked past, "Absolutely barbaric!"

I looked down to the guard, "Too much?" I asked, slowly walking after her.

The guard just shrugged, "Maybe a little...I wouldn't tell the princess."

"Wasn't planning to." I chuckled, my heart lifting as I walked up the steps and into the light. It felt good, a warm sensation that resonated through my gut as I walked with the guard through the posh entry. Little by little we made our way through the halls, my boots clean for the first time in months thanks to Celestia.

Before too long I was lead into a large vaulted hall. Stained glass lining the walls and ponies surrounding me. A strange creature with mismatched body parts stood next to a pair of thrones and six ponies along the right side of a grand rug that spanned the hallway.

I walked before a set of twin thrones and looked up at Celestia. "Able. The crown of Canterlot and a noble tribunal have decided to move you to house arrest. While not free, we feel this will form a more conducive environment to conduct tests and a less volatile condition for your recovery." Celestia stood up, "After a period of one month, if deemed safe, you will be released. You will be watched over by the crown of Canterlot should you behave. Any objections?"

I felt my heart skip a beat, I gathered the general idea of what she was saying and nodded curtly, "No."

She turned to the small crowd that was now surrounding me, "All opposed?"

A few nays rang out, no where near the deafening unison as before.

"All in favor?"

A string of shaky, ayes, rang out, followed by a small rush.

"All abstaining?"

A trio of hooves hit the floor.

"Motion carries." Celestia beamed at me, "Welcome to Equestria...I'm looking forward to learning more about you."

The guard that was escorting me undid my shackles. A few ponies in the room taking a few steps back as they hit the floor.

The strange rag tag creature slithered over to me, "Why hello there, my little human." he smiled wide and marched around me, "I've heard you're looking for a way home, and while I'd love to keep you around, bring a little spice to these boorish ponies."

"Hey!"

"I"m sure I could find a way to send you back home to your little, what is it called?"

I glared at the creature, "Can I punch this thing?"

Celestia flew down, landing next to me, "No.... This is Discord, I believe he's part of the reason you're here."

The lithe creature just struck an innocent pose, "Perhaps...but I never thought you'd go off and slug somepony. Very impressive by the way, quite the fighter." he got into a boxing pose and took a few jabs.

Celestia shoved him aside and started walking me down the hall, "I'll do everything I can to find a way for you to return. But until then, I hope you understand you won't be able to leave the castle grounds for some time."

We took a hard turn outside. The fresh air wafting over me was wonderful. "...Can...." I stopped walking, slowly unbuttoning my crude shirt.

Celestia just cocked her head as I tied my shirt across my waist to keep it from falling. "What are you- oh!" She stopped dead as I wrapped my arms around her, my bare chest digging against her soft coat. Celestia pushed back, resting her chin on the top of my head.

It felt amazing. A warmth I'd forgotten existed in my violent life in the snow and slush. "Thank you...." I let go, wiggling free and stepping back, "Just being outside...it helps."

Celestia bowed, "It's quite alright...but why did you take your shirt off?"

I pulled it back on and pointed to the black smears and smudges dotting the front and back, "I did the same thing to the noble you sent down. But...she's covered in muck now."

Celestia looked down at her chest, "And I'm covered in sweat."

I felt my eye twitch, "...Well...shit."

Celestia laughed softly, "It's fine. It actually isn't that bad.... It's...." She grew a little red and started walking through the gardens, "Rather...strong."

I picked up on a familiar movement. A stance, a walk I'd seen our horses do in the spring. "Uh.... Sure." I walked at a distance, wanting to avoid her swinging her flank into me or any secretions that she might produce. Horses being our usual mode of transportation, I could spot a mare taking interest in something a mile away. It was a normal reaction every once in a while, but I wasn't about to try and call her out.

But, we arrived at a small hut in the middle of the gardens without incident. "The old gardener used to live here until we finished up the servant's quarters in the Castle." She looked down at me with a slightly longer than normal glance, "I'll visit you in time. We can discuss your...assimilation.... Your.... We'll...." She grew flustered as it became obvious I had no idea what she was talking about, "...We'll have lunch together and talk...okay?"

I moved to the cheap wooden door, "See...I said this to your little friend to. You don't need complicated words to say that--"

"Well it's difficult to say, adjusting to life amongst another culture over time, when I could just say, assimilate."

I opened the door and slowly backed inside, "...Fuck long words...."

As I started closing the door Celestia's hoof jammed it, "No- no!" she barged in, flicking on the lights and picking me up with her magic, "You...you...." She let out an angry sigh, "You're like a filly who talks back too much!" She tossed me into a chair in a tiny sitting area by the front window of the hut, "Assimilated, can you say it?"

"Assimilate."

Celestia rolled her eyes, "Good enough. Now, do you know what, integrate, means?"

I shifted around the dusty furniture, "Look...can we not do this now? This is the first time I've been able to stand up fully and I'd rather--"

"It means to put together...to join--"

"I get it!"

Celestia grew unequivocally flustered, "Apparently you don't!" she stood up and stared me down, "Lack of schooling is no excuse for stupidity! And I will not have the first of your kind be some idiotic--"

I stood up and reached my arm out to length, slamming it down across her flank. Things froze as Celestia let out a sharp gasp, following the loud smack. I saw a hint of rage in her face as she started growing red, "...Okay...so maybe that was a bad--"

I was cut off as something slapped me across the cheek, "Really!? The first thing you do alone with me is slap my flank!? You're not an idiot, you're suicidal!"

She slapped me once more with her magic, hard enough to send me to one knee, "Hey I--" I was cut off once again as she rammed me with her chest, unbalancing me and sending me to the ground, "You're the one who stuck around! I just want to go to sleep somewhere safe for once!"

Celestia ignored me, sitting on the lower half of my back and pinning me to the floor. "Why do you want to get rid of me!? What are you hiding?!"

I tried to crawl free, finding myself completely pinned by her flank, "Because- you're acting like a mare- in heat!"

"I am not- what!?"

I gave up and just kept myself from being crushed. "You don't even see it-- You're doing- everything a mare in heat would do-- Just short of pissing at me!"

Celestia didn't respond, instead standing up and giving me room to breath, "How do you--"

I rolled onto my back and looked up at her, "I raised horses. Actual horses, not whatever you are. But you're acting just like a mare in heat. Your gait is up, your clinging to me, you...sniffed me-"

"I did not--"

"-You're rubbing your flank on me, you're pinning me. All subconscious displays of affection! God damn...I'm not fucking interested in horse fucking!"

Celestia just grew flustered, "You said you were stupid...then--"

"I said I'm not smart. I never said I was a retard!" I shook my head and stood up, "Two things you learn to do in the wastelands, you learn to take care of horses, and you learn how to shoot." I stood against her, "Now I know people that have fucked horses, god knows that I've thought about it, but I--"

Celestia cut me off, licking my nose, "I'm not a horse." She turned around, swinging her flank into me and bumping me to the side, "And if you think of me as a horse, I'll think of you as a monkey."

"Ba-uh...." I flummoxed myself, unable to come up with a proper response.

"Indeed. Now get some sleep, and try not to sound like such a smart ass. I can guarantee you don't know more about equines than me."

I just stood in the small sitting nook as she wandered away, replaced by two winged guards. "I.... Fuck...." I gave up trying to form a rebuttal and just tried to calm my sudden excitement. "...Well...he...said...if you have to...you...." I gave up rationalizing and just accepted it, I had an erection for a talking horse.

I sat on the floor cross legged, resting my elbows on my knees and cradling my head, "I miss getting shot at...."

Home

Lunch

I walked around my house like mad, "And then the fucker just- he fucking tried to stab me with a bayonet!" I assumed the holding gesture of a rifle, "Had me on the ground, and tried to stab me through the chest!"

My guard was on the edge of her seat as I spoke, "Dear Celestia...."

I nodded, "Yeah! I was scared to shit, but then someone breaks the door down, caps the motherfucker, and slammed into him. Bayonet goes flying, and there's my uncle standing over me--"

"So wait- I- ...Capped?"

I rolled my wrist, "Shot em, with a gun."

"Oh, so these things just...throw stuff?"

I sat down across from her, "I told you, little explosion that sends a piece of metal towards where ever it's pointing."

The guard nodded mindlessly, "Then why did it need a knife on the end?"

I just stared at him, "Look...you're missing the point. My uncle--"

"No, you said it just kills people, why put a knife on the end?"

I just stared at the guard, "Look...that doesn't- fuck, you're like my sister."

The guard adjusted in her seat, "I thought you said your world sucked?"

I stopped dead, "It- it does suck, but...I mean, it's not all terrible." I scratched my head and leaned back into my chair, "I mean...my dad taught me how to ride a horse...he taught me to shoot. Before we moved to the island we lived in a big ol' place, lots of families, it was safe.... But, things change, people die, plans change." I held my hands out, searching for the words to express myself, "It was hard...but it wasn't impossible."

The guard just nodded, "I cannot relate at all...."

A short, angry staring contest found its way between us. I was the first to break the silence, "You suck...."

The guard merely looked me dead in the eyes and spoke, "I will if you ask."

You could hear a pin drop. The deafening silence obliterating my concentration. "I think I'm gonna go to the other room...."

The guard just started laughing as I stood up, "Hey...come on...it was a joke! Mostly." She walked after me as I moved to the hut's kitchen, "Don't be like that, I was listening--" she stopped dead as I pulled a knife from the kitchen block, "Hey!"

I ran it under some water and started sloppily cutting back my beard, "What's your problem?"

She just shook her head, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't...that's so gross!"

I could feel my beard slowly coming off, "What's gross about thi-- Aren't you a soldier!? How is this the grossest thing you've seen!?"

She just tapped her hooves, "Changeling guts were kinda bad...but that's just- you eat with that--"

"I eat with a knife, yes. I've eaten with rusty can lids too. It's not a big deal." I went back to shearing my face as my front door swung open, "Shit...." I stopped and waited.

The guard's steps pattered away, replaced by a dainty set belonging to Celestia. "Able...."

"Celestia." I turned to her with my patchily shaven face, "Now's not the best time...."

She just started chuckling, "Well you seem to be feeling better."

I felt the border of beard I'd created on my face, "Better's...not the word I'd use. But yeah, it's amazing how calm I can be when I'm not forced to bend my spine constantly."

Celestia looked away to avoid my gaze, "Indeed...now, I--"

"I know you wanted stories. But I just got through telling that guard about eight." I went back to shaving, "Just ask her."

Celestia peeked at my face as I hovered over the sink, "But...I brought...." She grew slightly sour and stepped back, "I'm sure you have some other stories."

I scoffed, "I could tell you about how I lost my virginity..." I trimmed my beard back to a less retarded degree and turned around, "You seem awfully interested in my sex life."

Celestia had found a seat at the kitchen table, "I- okay, so maybe I was a little unprofessional. But I'm genuinely curious!" she pleaded, tapping her hooves on the tabletop.

I gave her an unconvinced look, "You seriously want to hear about me shooting stuff?" I walked over and crouched down, mimicking a sniper's perch on the edge of the table, "Watching...waiting...and finally...bang!" I slammed the table, causing her to jump, "Because it's either that, or a lot of sitting around waiting for stuff to happen."

Celestia just levitated a pair of sandwiches out, "I'm sure you have something interesting that doesn't involve death...."

I took a sandwich from her magical grip and looked it over, "May- what?!" I opened the apparently meatless sandwich, "Yeah, how about we start with my mother. Who found some magical way to turn hundred year old crap into something edible."

Celestia just stared at me, "Was that...was that aimed at me?"

I looked over the sandwich and set it on the table, "There's nothing to this thing! I've eaten more in a burned out preper bunker!"

"Alright then smart ass, tell me about that!" Celestia demanded, sitting tall at the table, "Go on!"

I sat across from her and tossed the sandwich aside, "Fine! My mother once found a few cans of pre-fall beans, a chunk of caribou roadkill and some stale bread into one of the most delicious meals of my life! I don't know how she...how she did it...but...." I slowly covered my mouth, "...and...my sister.... She would always piss me off so bad...but I.... And my brothers...." I blew a heavy stream of air against the insides of my fingers, "My family...my old--" I stopped myself, my gut starting to twist from the bittersweet memories.

Celestia looked troubled, "Able...are you alright? You said your world was--"

"Hard...my life was...it was hard. But, I guess...." I interlaced my fingers and propped myself up on them, "That was after I left Labrador. Before that...I mean, my family had about thirty living members. Thirty people, that's, that was ridiculous! I mean, even when my grandpa died, he was about eighty, he'd lost an arm, been using a prosthetic." I rubbed my mouth as yet more memories flooded my mind, "I uh.... Shit."

Things grew uncomfortably quiet, "Able, are you--"

I held back a tear, "I gotta go back." I did my best to hold back as more and more memories of my family bubbled up. "Oh my god I have to go back...." I stood up, panic overwhelming my better senses, "I need to go back!"

"Able calm--"

"Fuck you! I- they need me damn it!" I ran to the nearest window, "Maybe I- I could bring them here, I could--"

I was cut off as something pressed against my back, a pair oh hooves wrapping around my chest in an X. "Able...I promise you we'll find a way." Celestia tightened her grip, nuzzling my crown.

I leaned against the wall, my body extremely tired. Recent memories were all of being shot, stabbed, or witnessing some violent act, but just behind those vicious memories lay my childhood, my adolescence, my family. My calm life before coming of age and joining my dad in the fighting. I managed to wiggle myself around and plant my face against Celestia's neck, my voice choppy and fearful. "Oh my god...I- I have to go back!"

"Shhhshhhh It's okay--"

"I have to fucking help them!" I screamed, only getting squeezed tighter for my struggling ,"Let me go damn it!"

Celestia just rested her chin on my crown and pulled me against her body. "It's alright...we'll find a way, I promise."

I devolved into a tearful mess, falling to my knees as the sinking feeling of being stranded filled my mind. "Oh my god I'm so sorry." I cried out, gripping Celestia's back and holding on for dear life. "They fucking need me!"

Things grew quiet as Celestia simply started humming, rocking herself left and right trying to calm my down. I simply held onto her, praying for something to happen, praying I'd go to sleep tonight and wake up back home. I didn't care who I'd have to kill, I didn't care about who I'd have to fight, I just wanted to, I needed, see them again.

I had taken a step back, had a moment of calm. Just enough peace and civility to remind me of home, and to remind me that I might never see it again. For all the hardship, for all the blood, sweat, and tears, it was my home, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was my struggle, my life, and I would give anything to have it back.

Hands

No, Maybe

Adjusted my coat, freshly patched thanks to one of the lovely castle servants. The fresh winter slowly coating the land in snow was wondrous. Just light enough to remind me of my hometown, but not heavy enough to freeze me entirely. I shifted my bare feet, wedged between my guard's ass and the floor.

She just looked back at me, left eye staring at me, "Hey...we had a deal."

I grumbled softly and put my hands against her mane. "You're so weird...." I pet the mare's mane, causing her let out a long pleased coo.

She shifted her flank, putting yet more warmth into my toes. "You know, I don't believe you hurt somepony. You just, you don't seem like you could."

I shrugged, "Eh, I punched two, like I said. It's not like a stabbed em or, shot em." I went back to running my hand through the guard's mane, bringing back pleasant memories of home, of horses, and of warmth. I wiggled my toes under the mare's flank, causing her to shift and continually pin them to the floor, bleeding a warm, fuzzy heat into them despite the sudden cold snap.

The guard mumbled softly, "Do you like me?" she asked with a strange amount of sincerity, "Like...do you.... If you stay, do you wanna--"

"Are you trying to pick me up?" I asked with a shaky laugh, "I'm technically a prisoner, and you're hitting on me?"

She grew flustered and turned away from me, "You didn't answer the question."

I just started laughing, growing more and more somber as I tried to think of something to say, "I uh- you're nice and all. I mean you listened, and all the guards I've actually talked to seem nice. But I don't...I uh, you're a horse."

The mare spun around, looking me in the eyes and frowning extremely hard. "Excuse me, I'm a pony!"

I shook my head, "That doesn't really make it all that better--"

"Oh, great. You're one of those weirdos that worries about somepony's race," she huffed bitterly, "We've been talking like a week, you seriously can't see past it?"

"Hey I--"

"If I was one of you, if you were a pony...would you?"

Things grew tense between us. "I...don't even know your name. I've just been calling you, the guard."

She flicked her tail angrily, "You could have asked. It's Violet by the way."

"That's nice. I'm not gonna remember it in an hour, but it's nice." I stated, tapping my feet against the floor. "Look, I just--"

The guard walked up to me, putting her hooves atop my bare feet. "It's because we're different, I know. But I want you to answer the question. Would you date me if we weren't different?"

I rubbed my knees, "Look, I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't know what a date is, I don't even want to entertain your whimsical idea--" I stopped myself, "What the fuck did I just say!?" I grabbed at my throat, "What just came out of my mouth!?"

Violet just started laughing, "I thought you said you didn't read?"

I just froze, "I- I don't! What does that even mean!? Why did I just say, whimsical!? Am I gonna die!?"

Violet turned around, planting her flank back onto my feet, "Maybe. So before you do, can you answer the question?"

I rubbed my mouth, the words I'd spoken still burning my lips, "I don't know. Where I'm from, you find a girl you like, you take em, and you...you uh, start a family." I scratched my head as I thought back to my mother, "It's not exactly the most romantic or-- Fuck I did it again!" I stopped myself and adjusted in my seat, "These words keep coming out that I don't know."

The mare pressed her flank hard against the floor, squeezing warmth into my feet, "Well, I wouldn't mind that. It sounds kinda sexy, a big...thing, picking me up, forcing themselves--"

"Stop it!" I crossed my arms over my lap, "Just stop...."

The mare pressed her back against my legs, "What's wrong? Getting excited?" She rubbed herself up and down my legs, practically purring as she wiggled herself around me knees. "See...your body doesn't care...why should--"

"Koby." I stated, pushing her back and kicking my legs free, "Koby is why I'm not interested."

Violet just scratched her head, "Who's Koby--" A loud knocking came from my door. She snapped upright and walked over, pulling it open and showing Fleur inside. She sniffed the air, growing a strange expression as she walked over to me.

"Able...why does it smell like...this, in here?" She stood before me and looked down at my bare feet, "Is that you?"

I sniffed the air, finding it clear and crisp. "Uh...no? I don't-- Look, I was about to tell a story." The guard walked over, "You wanna stick around?"

Fleur looked around, "Well...I was here to check on you, so I suppose." She tentatively took a seat on on a chair across from me, "This...this isn't going to be disgusting, is it?"

I shrugged, "Is sticking you arm elbow deep inside a horse disgusting?"

Fleur's neutered expression went completely upside down. "You know...they sent me to make sure you, weren't, crazy. Right?"

I shook my head as the guard took her place on my feet, "I didn't do it. I'm trying to explain to this one why we're not gonna...." I threw my hands up, "Anyways, I knew this guy named Koby. He was an absolute maniac, and about this tall-" I held my hand about four feet off the ground, "- But that nutcase, I've seen him literally work a horse like a puppet. He uh, mortar went off, blew up one of the horses and he just took the head and started working the jaw like a weird doll thing."

"Good--" Fleur stopped herself, making a strange gurgling noise, "Stop...stop...stop."

I ignored her and carried on, "But everyone knew Koby for one reason. He was a rapist--"

Fleur turned away with a twirl, "Stop it!"

"He used to hide in the hay at night, sneak into the stable where we kept our animals, and he uh...." I started laughing like an idiot, "He used to be so short...he would have to stand on a ladder to--"

"Able!" Fleur snapped, "Stop."

I put my hand onto the guard head, "See! That's my point. Koby was a maniac, and he fucked horses. Now, I don't know if it was because he fucked horses, but I really don't want to take that risk."

Fleur was utterly disgusted, "Wait...you two--"

"No!" I snapped, "She's trying to get me into bed and I'm not having it!" I crossed my arms and leaned back, "Ridiculous."

Fleur just shook her head, "I don't think I can write this into my report."

I shrugged, "How's this, Fleur De Lis is a beautiful kind mare, and I appreciate her candor and--" I slowed my speech to a stop, "...Candor?"

Fleur apparently shared my surprise, "I- aren't you illiterate?"

I scratched my head, "I am...but it...I like, knew it would fit." I leaned back in my chair, getting a surprised look from the noblemare, "What?"

"Nothing. So how do you feel about the weather?" Fleur asked, her horn letting out a few sparks.

I looked out the window, "It's a little bitter, reminds me of home. It's calming, serene, quite relaxing to just sit around and enjoy the soothing warmth of this pony flank." I stopped, petting the guard's mane slowly, "What the fuck just came out of my mouth?"

Fleur just nodded, "I don't know, but I also don't care. I see this as progress, and will happily report to the other nobles that you are indeed adjusting to, and will soon be of use to, Equestria." She smiled warmly, "Able, you're a disgusting pig, a horrible pony, and an utter animal. But, foal steps." She stood from her seat and looked me over, "Hmm, I could see why she likes you. Rogue."

I scratched my head as she walked out, "Wait...what?"

Fleur nodded, "You're a rogue. Not for me, but I know someponies are attracted to that disheveled look." She paused at the door, "Goodbye, you disgusting gentlecolt."

"Oxymoron--" I felt my brain snap, I clapped my hands and cocked my head, "How?"

Fleur just laughed, "I'll be sure to tell Celestia your vocabulary is increasing." she walked out and started mumbling, "How, I have no idea...."

I was left alone with my living foot warmer, pondering the creeping sense of dread that crawled through my body. "Hey...." The guard stood, turned around, and reclaimed her spot but facing me, "Can we have sex now?"

I stared at her with an exorbitant amount of rage, "No."

She shifted around, "You do realize why my flank's so hot, right?" She grew a lewd smile, "You were talking about putting your arm into a pony...now I'm all excited."

I kicked her off my feet, tucking my legs against my chest and keeping my feet from her reach, "How about no, and go fuck yourself." I crossed my arms and turned to the window. "I really hope I get to go home."

Violet walked over from where I tossed her, "Because of me?"

I looked back at her for a moment, quickly turning back to the window, "A little." I scratched my stubbly face, "That and the prison sentence."

Violet joined me looking out the window. "Just one night, just to try it?"

I looked her dead in the eyes, shaking my head in disgust. "...Why?"

Violet leaned against my arm, "Because I like you." She rubbed herself against my arm, "You're different, you've got smooth skin, and you're big."

I shifted uncomfortably, "So this is a fetish thing?"

"I don't know yet. That's why I'm saying we should find out."

I turned around, resting against the chair normally until Violet laid across my lap, "You're a terrible guard." I put my hand against her head, gently petting her mane as I closed my eyes, trying to imagine I was back home, tending to the horses, "Maybe."

The guard snuggled against my stomach, "Celestia thought so too...just to let you know."

I nodded, "I know. But it's just...weird. And she's a full sized horse. With you...I guess it might feel...less weird."

"So you'll--"

"I'll think about it." I shifted my ass around the chair, "Been a while for me too...."

Violet played with the arm of the chair, "Well, just let me know. I'd appreciate it."

I continued to mindlessly stroke her head and neck, "And I'd appreciate not being blue balled. But I'm not promising anything."

"Sure...just...don't stop." She reached her hooves up, holding onto my hand as I pet her, "It feels good."

Water

Stuff

I walked around the castle ground, my guard sticking to my side. "Hey...so, which way was it?" I asked, pointing down the hall. "Like...left...right?"

The guard shrugged, "You were the one with the letter."

I kicked her flank with the side of my foot, "Well it said the lunar hall! Which one's the lunar fucking hall!"

A purple maned mare walked over, "Excuse me...are you--"

The pony looked sick, her wings leathery and bare. "What the fuck!" I yelped, jumping away, "What the hell are you!? Are you--"

The mare let out a defeated sigh, "Bat pony...I'm a bat pony...."

I stayed back but eased my posture. "Oh...so...wow. That was racist, wasn't it?" I asked, putting my hands behind my back, "I'm uh...really sorry 'bout that."

The mare just nodded, "It's fine...you look like a hairless diamond dog. I just decided not to say anything." her tone was snarky, and rather rude.

"Well!" I got into a defensive pose, "La dee fuckin' da! I said sorry!"

"I know!" the tiny mare walked over and stared me eye to eye, "Now what do you want!?"

"My stuff!" I yelled, stomping the stone floor, "I got a letter that I could pick up my stuff!"

"Yes, we have it waiting for you!" she shouted back, "Just this way!"

Neither one of us willing to back down, we held a pleasant conversation at rather high volume, "Thank you!"

The mare took a hard right, "It's fine!"

"It's not! I really appreciate this, it's been too long since I had my backpack!" we ducked into a short doorway, "Is this it!?"

The mare nodded and pointed to a counter on the other side of the room, "Yep, just go talk with him!"

I lingered around the mare, "I'ma' hug ya bitch!"

"No you're--" I cut her off, picking her up and giving her a quick, heavy hug, "...Alright then." she seemed a bit flustered.

I nodded, "There, we leave on good terms."

The mare just rolled her eyes, "Sure, but I have work to do...so...bye." she slowly walked out the door.

"Later." I turned to the counter, my guard staring at the door as I went. I walked up to a bored looking stallion standing behind it, He just looked up at me and nodded, "You got--"

He nodded his head to a pile of cloth off to the side, "It's heavy...you can just take it."

I scoffed and went behind the counter, spotting more torn up backpack and hoisting it over my shoulder, "Lazy ass." I grumbled, walking towards my guard and the door outside. Something felt off, like there was an extra few pounds stuffed inside it.

I let it go until we reached the door back into the wider hall, but once I had some room I set my bag down it was time to figure things out. I flipped up the half broken buttons of my backpack, revealing the culprit. My beat up old Russian was stuffed sideways into the bag, still loaded, still with a large piece of shrapnel embedded in the receiver.

"Whoa...man...this this really did save my ass." I sat down on the side of the hall, running my hand over the snapped wood grip and the punctured metal. "That would have been...." I held my rifle at chest height, "Right into my lung...that's fuckin' lucky!" I set the useless gun aside, it would now be serving as an expensive paperweight for a while.

I looked through the rest of my bag. A book of photos, dog tags from different men and women I've both saved and killed. A canteen with a hole in it, and of course, "Oh fuck yes!" I tore out my flask and shook it, "It's full!" I cheered, uncorking it and taking a hearty gulp. The horrible liquid burned my throat like acid but I felt slightly hammered almost the instant it hit my gut.

My guard, Violet, trotted over as I made a number of horrible noises. "Dear Celestia, are you okay!?"

I joked back a near vomitous burp, "Oh...yeah, fuckin' Jamie's moonshine will fucking--" I covered my mouth, a bit of bile climbing into my mouth for a moment before being forced back. "It's got like...a ninety percent blackout ra-...." I didn't finish my sentence. Too afraid to open my mouth for fear of spewing bile across the floor.

A royal voice cut my gagging off, "Human, do you require aid?" I recognized the voice.

"Uh...no Luna I--" I nearly hurled as I realized what I just said, "It was yo--" I felt the bile churn in my stomach, threatening to rise if I moved too quickly. I took a moment to rub my gullet, "You...why do I know you!?"

The royal navy mare smiled, "We have been discussing a great many things. Of life, of struggles, of Equestria, of...grammar."

I cocked my head, "That...when!?"

Luna levitated me to my feet, "During your sleep. Where--"

"Wait wha-uurgh--" I curled up, the pure ethanol poison finally forcing its way back up. I fell to my knees as a slurry of oatmeal ran from my mouth. I didn't have to suffer long, and my extreme drunkenness was starting to overtake the burning. I got to my feet with a heavy wobble, "You...night?"

Luna stared down at the puddle of dull grey vomit, "Yes.... Oh look...there's a chunk of apple...." she seemed slightly off put while I just grew warm and fuzzy as the shine overtook my body.

I rubbed my head, "I don't...how do we talk when we don't...each other...?" My brain was already starting to fail me, the warm fuzzies much better than the hassle of intelligence.

Luna sidestepped the puddle, "Your dreams...do you not remember?"

I just glared at the three of her, "You don't...fuck...no, you don't fuck!" I grumbled, stepping towards her and nearly wiping out on the vomit puddle, "Fuckin- fucker!" I slid towards her, holding onto her neck, "I don't fucking...fuck...."

I closed my eyes and held on to the large horse, "Man...I've got such a boner for that fucking white horse...why the fuck...do I want...cum in the pony...." I felt my stomach churn, "Fuck me...I regret...everything." I just held onto Luna, letting my legs slowly slip around the vomit. "Smells like shit in here...."

Luna helped prop me up with her foreleg, "Able, doth thou re--" her voice faded out as I lost consciousness. My fleeting moments of consciousness were of Jamie, his wonderful moonshine, and his hot daughter. Her as was perfect, his tonic, amazing, and his beard thick as hell.

Yet more homesickness washed over me, along with the fear that I might have actually poisoned myself, and that I had not have in fact drank moonshine, but medical grade sterilizing alcohol. Either way, it felt good to be so stupid, it was a nice harken back to a simpler time where getting drunk and shooting at someone was completely acceptable.

Night

Dawn Confessions

I stretched my arms out, finding myself in an extremely comfortable bed. Something I hadn't felt since our stay with a group of Initiative troops on the way to Newfoundland. But unlike our travel, I found myself indoors, and with someone. I popped my eyes open, staring up at a dull stone ceiling. "...Oh god...no...please god no." I swung my arm out, patting the other side of the bed and finding something underneath it. "Oh...fuck...."

I grabbed the thin sheet laying over me, flinging it aside and revealing a dull grey bat pony with a magenta mane. "Oh fuck me...." I groaned, laying back into the bed and reaching down to my groin. A quick stroke and I brought my hand up to my nose. The smell of pussy was riding on my fingertips, as was the disgustingly pleasing smell of man sweat. "God. Damn. It." I groaned, letting my hand fall. "Fuck my ass!"

The pony in bed with me just mumbled, "Go to bed...it's ten am...just go to bed...."

I grunted and swung my legs out of bed, my scars showing from my complete lack of coverings. I stared down at my limp tackle, running my thumb over the scar over my inner pelvis, missing my package by about an inch and leaving a large patch missing from my pubes. I felt a sudden relief at the fact that I might never have my privates peppered by shrapnel again.

I found my clothes piled in the corner along with my backpack and a small silver flask. "Devil liquid...." I mumbled, getting to my feet and walking over to it. I snatched the flask and dumped it on the floor, "Back to hell with you, acidic hell spawn!" I could practically hear it sizzle as it puddled on the floor. Looking my arms over I spotted a few bite marks, quickly moving the flow of harsh moonshine over my wounds and watching them sizzle.

I dropped the flask as the burning intensified, "Jesus- why!?" It felt like I had just pumped bleach into my flesh, letting it eat away at my insides before stopping and leaving me to clean off the cuts. I couldn't help but regret my choices as I tried to get dressed. Old socks, old pants, old everything. I needed to find some water, some soap maybe. But first, I needed to leave this weird ass bat alone, and try to wash my sweaty shame away.

I felt horridly dirty as I hoisted my gear up and carefully left the room. I was completely lost, thrown into a dull serise of pitch black stone hallways. My pack was my saving grace, drawing the attention of a servant that was blowing out the oil lanterns that hung from the walls.

My guide was a simple pony, quiet, polite. No words were exchanged but before long I found myself back in the main hall of Canterlot Castle. I stood like a fool, watching noble ponies go about their day, servants passing me by as things got ready for the brunt of afternoon rush.

I had no real place to go, and so I wandered. I made my way to the gardens, the most peaceful place in the entire castle ground. My late night tumble and the few hours I remembered between my drink and waking up were blurry and barely cohesive. I remember going with Luna, talking with a bunch of bats, then nothing.

It bugged me, but the gentle winter snow lining the thriving gardens was wonderful. I listed around the once green wonderland, marveling in how nice the snow was when not stained in blood and turned to slush under army boots.

It was peaceful, only a few ponies daring the cold and wandering about. I was left mostly unmolested, wandering about with the satisfying sound of snow crunching under my tattered boots. But something was eating away at me, something in my bag was calling to me, asking me to make sure it was still there.

I found a place under a barren tree, setting my pack down and starting to rummage around for my prize. I stared at the sky as my hand combed for the strange machine, brushing aside morphine injectors, assorted bullets, lint, and a plethora of other assorted crap. But under a roll of old gauze I found it, yanking it free and looking over the stained white surface.

I looked over the shield style mask, running my thumb across the faint blue paint along the two perfectly round eyepieces. The mask was near perfectly preserved, the faceplate scratched from shrapnel and a stray bullet grazing along the featureless curve of the nose. Where one's mouth would sit was nothing, just solid metal with a strangely textured material preventing sheen and damage.

The bright lights that once lit up the clear eyepieces were long since dead, as was the machine that sat behind the thin metal faceplate. It was a computer, it was a shield, it was an ID, but without power, it was just a hunk of metal and polymer. But it was all I had left of the man who'd saved my life. And putting it on, pulling the harness over the back of my head and looking through the eyes of the greatest soldiers in the world, it made me feel strong.

"Able...why are you out here in the cold?" A royal voice broke my concentration, making my leg kick out and dump my bag into the snow. I had the mask on my head, the eyepieces cutting visibility rather roughly. The leather seals that ran along the edges were a pain to get off without a tool the previous owner had lost.

I managed to pull it off, holding the dangly harness in my hands as Celestia looked down at me, "Uh...I uh...sitting." I mumbled, hoping she would simply accept it and leave me be.

She didn't, instead settling in next to me and looking at the dull grey interior of the mask. "I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to apologize...I was a little...unprofessional when we talked.... But when I saw you...it was like someone had put a foal behind those dungeon bars, and I just couldn't--"

I shook my head and tried to hide the mask, "It's not a big deal...I really don't--"

Celestia caught me, smiling warmly and enveloping my hands in magic. "Able...you smell like sweat and shame...what are you hiding?"

I shook my head and tried to pull away, "That's...unrelated. I--" I cut myself short as the mask was ripped from my grips, "Hey! You fucking give that back!" I screamed, grabbing Celestia by the chest piece, "You- fucking give that back now!"

Celestia looked utterly stunned, dropping my mask and leaning away, "Able!?"

I snatched it up and clutched it to my chest, "Why the fuck wouldn't you just let it go!?" I yelled, clutching the mask to my chest, "I never asked you to come out here!"

Celestia scooched away, "I came out here to check on you and apologize! I realize I was acting a bit odd and...when I basically threw myself at you...but I- what's wrong with you?"

I glared at her, my body hunched up and protecting the cherished gifted of friends gone. I took a deep breath, having to physically force my hands open to let go of the mask. I leaned back against the tree, feeling a feeling of utter loss as I thought back to this stupid piece of metal in my hands, "Look, it's just- I never talk about it. It brings up bad feelings...stuff I wish I could change...and thinking about those kinds of things doesn't help."

Celestia lowered her guard a bit, still visibly tense, "Able...I'm trying to help you...why would you-" she locked onto my hands deadlocked around the metal mask. "Able...can I see this?" She tapped it with her hoof, making me unreasonably angry. I had to fight myself not to explode at her, managing to let out a strange squeal instead. "Able...say something, please?"

I felt my arms start to tremble as I let go and held the mask in my right hand, holding it before her like an offering, "Just...be fucking careful...I don't--" Celestia took it with her magic, my body tensing up and hand balling into a fist at its absence.  "Wait!" I cried, trying to grab it. "I changed my--"

"Able...what is this?" Celestia asked, holding it up to her face, "You wear this?"

I did my best to remain calm. "Yes- yes...you- you wear it. But it's dead alright, so can I--"

Celestia's frown grew worried, "What do you mean it's dead? It's not alive."

I grabbed my own wrist, my hands feeling the need to hold something in the mask's absence. "It's battery powered...but it died a long time ago."

Celestia cocked her head, "What...like a spark battery? So I can just--" she cut herself off as bright blue display came to life in the eyepieces, a wide holographic visor picking up on the only video I knew how to play.

"Able, get the fuck down now!" the voice of my lost friend screamed, the images on the screen of the old user's arm and hand, thrown out to a soldier curled up behind a crumbling wall. My coat stained red as I watched myself cradle a dying fighter.

The video was terrible, the old user's view mostly held low to avoid getting his head blown off. It was mostly screaming, lots of pure white uniform pants stained with mud. But a familiar time came, and the scene bolted upright, revealing the dull forest where he died. The video was a shaky run over to me, a white gloved arm prying me from a dying soldier and to the ground. The terror on my face was horrid, making me feel extremely sick as I waited for what happened next.

"Full retreat, full fucking retre- *Aurgh!***" I cringed hard as a bone crunching ping and splat came from the mask. The video moved to the sky, filled by my frightened face as the words, user injured, flared across the screen.I scrambled away, leaving Celestia to watch the rest while I ran across the small clearing and tried to control my emotions. Seeing the video once again, I could see every mistake I made, I could feel every strain as I remembered trying to pull him back to safety. I remembered the medic telling me he was gone, the anger it brought up threatened to send me into a rage.

I heard the video cut out at my screaming, my pleading for the user not to die, "Whiskey, you fuck, you mother fucker stay awake! Whiskey, Ben, Ben come on man! Wesk talk to me!" my voice cried from the mask, causing me to speak along with it.

"Ben come on, Ben, stay awake damn it! Don't you fucking leave me alone out here! Ben!? Come on man, wake up damn it, wake up, wake the fuck up!" I screamed, remembering the feeling as I beat his chest, trying to bring some sort of life back into him. And then I remembered the worst. His arms, white sleeves covered in mud, reaching out and grabbing me by the forearms. His dying actions holding onto me while blood poured from his neck.

The video finally cut out. Leaving myself and Celestia in utter silence. Celestia cut the silence, standing up and running over to me, "Able...look at me." I refused trying to step away, "Able! You look at me!"

I couldn't turn around, "It's my fault you know...I was the reason he died." I croaked, trying to walk away.

I was spun around, facing Celestia's crying face, "Able...what happened?"

I felt my body trying to break down, my emotions welling up behind my eyes as I lurched forward and grabbed Celestia' by the back of the neck, hanging on to keep from falling forward, "What the fuck do you think happened!? Injured means fucking injured! What you think you can survive without a medic!? You think I could have save him, is that it!?"

"Able I never--"

"I tried damn it! A mile, I dragged him a mile towards camp before stopping and doing what I could! And it was all my god damn fault! He wouldn't have--"

"Able...."

"I could have been quicker, I could have been smarter--"

"Able stop!"

I buried my face in Celestia's neck, "I tried so hard...I tried so god damn hard to keep him around...but he fucking died alright! I just- he was there, then he wasn't. Just like nothing ever mattered, like he was a nobody! Just to fucking save me, he fucking killed himself, to save me, a nobody--"

Celestia wrapped a foreleg around my back, "Able...stop...."

"No!" I screamed, tightening my grip around her neck and finally letting myself go, "I- I could have done something else! I could have saved him damn it!"

Celestia's hoof roamed my back, "Able...you did everything you could--"

"No! I could have--"

Celestia rested her chin on the top of my head, "Shhh shh sh, Able...it's not your fault."

I lost it, clinging to the princess for dear life, "I tried so fucking hard...why'd he leave me...why'd he have to die!? I just- I never wanted to lose him...he was my best friend...he- I just...I never--"

I felt the weight on my back increase until I was brought to my knees, "Able...it's okay...."

I tried to push up, my legs crumbling and leaving me kneeling in the snow, Celestia' quickly joining me and keeping me pinned to her neck, "It's not...nothing is okay...and now I abandoned them...I left them all...."

Celestia started humming, her voice utterly beautiful and calming in the face of my most horrid memories. My life since coming here has been a ride, but each time my past found a way to claw itself back up I couldn't handle it. But something about the warm body pressed against my cheek was all I needed.

For this time, for the first time since I left Labrador, I let myself feel. I left my guard at its lowest, and I bared my soul to a princess who I barely knew. But I needed to, months of pinning back the loss of my friend had created a bitter shell around me, and for the first time since his death, I felt like I could let go of the mask, leave it. I felt safe, truly safe, for the first time in four years.

And I stayed with Celestia, relishing in the warm embrace of her wings for an untold time. From this time forward, I promised myself I would never try to hurt her again. She was the only other being alive that knew about my secret, and her sympathy was gold to me. She had won an ally, a loyal friend, and anything she could ask of me, I would do.

Run

Grave

I stood in a small area of the gardens, slowly digging a small pit to bury what was left of my once good friend. It was heartrending, even with Celestia watching from afar it was hard. Each shovelful of snow and dirt was like tearing my chest open and ripping out a handful of my flesh.

But it needed to be done. I was in a new land, I had a chance to start again, and even if I could return, leaving this baggage behind would be a blessing. And so I dug, shovelful after shovelful. I hated it, the gardens once bright and green visage now white and grey, barren, and horridly depressing.

I had had an easier time burying the dead after a series of raids, but with the pearly white mare watching from above was pushing me onward. And so, a small pit, six feet deep and two square feet. It was proper, it was clean, and it was ready.

I raised the shovel high into the air, singling to Celestia that I was ready to bury the mask. I watched in awe as the massive mare unfurled her wings and glided down to meet me. Her steps were soft, crunching into the snow as she landed. She looked down at me with a woeful glance. "Able...can you- I found something...on this." she levitated out my mask, turning it to face me. "...Able...what is this?"

I took the mask, looking it over and spotting an unfamiliar video. "No- no he was unconscious!" I snapped, dropping the mask in the snow. "I- how did you find this!?"

Celestia took a step forward, "Able...why?"

I swallowed hard, the vivid sensation of swinging a machete into a thick jacket, the meaty, thwack as it broke through and tore chunks from the man. "Celestia...you wouldn't understand...." I rubbed my mouth and picked up the mask, watching as I stood hunched over another, machete raised up before being brought back down and hacking the other man to pieces. "No pony could understand...you don't--"

Celestia stepped up to me, "Ponies are no strangers to war...it's been a long time, and I'm glad to say most ponies have no idea about what happened centuries ago, but I can recognize a sword anywhere."

I started shaking my head, "It wasn't a sword...."

"Able, don't dodge the question. Is this really what you do? Is this why you were so--"

I hurled the mask into the pit, "This isn't humanity!" I snapped, spinning around to meet her eye to eye, "This isn't what we are--"

Celestia's gaze grew soft, "Able...I need to know if--"

I brought my hands to my chest, "Maybe I'm not a great example, but this isn't what it's like for everyone!" I started pacing around like mad, "I'm telling you, a pony won't understand."

Celestia looked me over. "Able...I think I'd--"

I stormed over to her, meeting her eye to eye with a livid glare. "When's the last time you had to play god!?" I screamed, poking her in the chest. "What's the last time you had to decide who lived and who died?! When you had to play executioner, just to keep your best friend alive?!"

"Able--"

I pointed to the mask, "That video...he- Ben was down, and someone in my group wanted to desert. He said, let's just kill him, we split his gear and live like kings back home." I pulled at my scalp, "He was gonna kill him, he was gonna kill me best damn friend! What would you have done!?" I grabbed Celestia by her chest piece, "I tore him apart, I kept cutting, kept chopping until he was in bits!"

"Able stop--"

"This is why I need to go home damn it! I don't belong here, I shouldn't be here! I need to get back, I need to leave this place, I need to just- I have to go home damn it!" I could feel my heart beating like mad. "Celestia, my life was hard, it was brutal. For every ray of sunshine I had, I had to give up a friend, a finger-" I held up my hand, showing her the stub that remained of my left middle finger, "I bled for every thing I had, and I'm not about to--"

Celestia's wings flew out to length, stunning me and leaving me flabbergasted just long enough for her to wrap them around me and pull me against her chest. "Able...I understand." I felt a hoof pull tight against my jacket. "Third winter after the fall of Port Hope...three hundred survivors out of several thousand--"

"What!?"

She ignored me, continuing on with her speech. "The siege of the spire of Highrock, the entire city was burned to the ground, later renamed Canterlot," she took a deeply shaken breath, "The following summer a group of...I- a group of special ponies tried to keep us from moving forward, they were nonviolent, but when they refused to move...I had to- only thirty were left by the time we moved on." She rested her chin on my crown, "Able...I understand hard choices...more than you could imagine, more than my subjects could ever fathom...and that's why they don't know."

I finally pushed free, tripping in the hole I dug and landing ass first in the snow. "What!? I- what the fuck are you talking about!?"

Celestia took a deep breath, "The founding of Equestria.... Ponies call it Hearth Warming Eve now, but it was- up until a few hundred years ago...." Celestia lowered her head, "I had to find a home for millions of ponies, and this land was perfect. But...there were ponies here...there was a nation here."

"Stop it!" I yelled, scrambling to my feet, "You're not- no!"

"I didn't have time to do thinks how I would have liked them--"

"Stop it!" I screamed, "You're not supposed to talk like this damn it!"

"That war lasted so long...so many dead...but we did it, we had our nation...."

I shook my head, "You're lying damn it, shut up!"

Celestia looked me dead on, "Able...peace, harmony, everything we have now...it came at a price, just like everything else."

I fell to my knees, "...So what...so you just- I don't understand damn it!"

Celestia trotted up to me, kneeling with me in the snow and resting her chin on my head. "Able, Equestria wasn't discovered, or founded. It was taken." She let out a long sigh, "I took it for my subjects...I had to--"

I started shaking my head as hard as I could, "How do you take a country?!"

"...By killing the ponies that used to have it, and taking it from them." Celestia stood up, "It wasn't easy, and hindsight...you can point out everything I did wrong, but it was right at the time." She looked back at the castle, "You said I wouldn't understand.... I'm starting to think maybe you're the one who wouldn't get it."

"You've never torn another living being apart with your bare hands--"

"I've killed hundreds with a single order--"

"You've never watched as your best friend bled out in your arms!"

"You never heard the screams as a lancer tore open a protester!"

I shoved free of Celestia and stepped back, "You've never been on the front, you've never fought in the mud, caked in blood!"

Celestia folded her wings, "And you've never given the order to eradicate a race...." Celestia refused to meet my gaze, "The only reasons Thestrals are still around is because of Luna.... I was ready to see them gone...to make sure my mistakes...to make sure nopony could find out what I did...."

I could feel my heart snap in two. "The bat ponies.... You- this was theirs!? You're a fucking monster!" I yelled, charging over to her, "You- eradicate them!?"

"I made a hard choice that day! And an even harder one when I let them live!" She stared me eye to eye, tooth to tooth, "I see them everyday...how often do you have to face your biggest regrets?"

I licked my lips and broke our glare, turning to the grave. "...Every god damn day of my life."

Celestia let out a long huff, "Then you understan--"

"But I'm not a princess.... You were supposed to be perfect, you were supposed to know what is happening all the time damn it!"

Celestia started shaking her head gingerly, "Able, I'm not perfect...I'm just a mare when you break things down."

I flopped down in the snow, "...So what...you have no idea what you're going to do next? Just like everyone else, you're fucking clueless?"

Celestia walked over to me, "I'm sorry if I made it out like I was something I'm not...."

I rubbed my face, "...It's my fault...assumptions.... I just...I wanted it to be true...and it seemed possible so I- it doesn't matter." I covered my face with my hands, pressing my fingers against my nose to keep warm, "...You think I'll ever get home?"

Celestia turned to the grave, "I'm not sure...." She levitated the mask out, shaking the dirt off and looking it over. "Able...keep this. There are a lot of films on it...some I think you'll like." She tossed it at me, leaving it playing in my lap as she wandered off. "And...Able...you're invited to stay with me if you want.... And I'd appreciate being able to talk with someone who understands violence...who doesn't think it's just brutality for the sake of brutality. And I...I don't really want to be alone tonight."

I watched her fly off. "...Sure...talk...." I grumbled, rubbing my head and looking at the mask. A video from Ben's perspective was playing. All I could see was a distant wall, occasionally the top of his hand atop a head of brown hair. I knew what it was, a simple moment, a calm moment. A time where we, two friends, to men that stood side by side facing death, sat by each other and let flowed the emotions of two broken men trying to find our way through the fucked up world we were thrown into.

I turned it off, putting the mask on and finally seeing life through the perspective of a man I admired. But now, I would always see Ben's position as much the same as Celestia's.

The bravest, the most influential, those we see as infallible, are truly just as human as any other.

Shear

Dominant

I hurried up the steps of Canterlot spire, deciding to set my pride aside and take her up on the, company, she offered. I hurried up and took a quick pause as a pair of guards looked me over. "Yo...she asked--"

One of the guards cut me off, "Yeah...she told us." The guards stepped out of the way, "...Please don't...ruin, the princess...."

I pointed at the guard as I walked up to the door, "I make no promises...because if I can get it up with a horse...it's gonna happen."

The guards cringed in their own ways and grumbled angrily. I ignored them and pushed on into the next room, finding it dimly lit with Celestia on a large bed off towards the rear. I was spotted immediately, "Able, good--"

I started unbuttoning my coat as I walked over, "Look, save the formalities. We both know what this is...."

Celestia made an annoyed face, "Able...I asked you up here for a few reasons."

"Yeah, but let's be honest...it was for sex." I finished up with my coat, making sure the makeshift buttons and latches were all undone.

"Well, you're being blunt about it."

"Yes...yes I am. Because if I'm gonna do this, then I'm not about to piss around."

Celestia watched as I threw my tattered white coat to the side, the patches and stitching starting to tear once again. "Able...I could have that mended for you."

I looked at the coat, a parting gift from Ben after his death. It was robust, the thick cotton weave durable and strong, but when thrown through the wastes and my explorations around Canterlot, it was beginning to wear once again. "Maybe, I uh, gonna admit, it's not the most pressing matter."

"Speaking of...didn't somepony say you had a problem with ponies?" She adjusted herself on her bed, pushing her flank to the edge and covering herself with her tail. "Something about us being horses?"

I took a deep breath as I stared at the huge white flanks, hips accentuating her form and showing me to quite a tease as she flicked her tail ever so slightly. "Horses don't talk of war...horses don't understand hell, that's why we ride them, they're stupid." I unbuttoned my shirt, hands running down the scars on my side. "You might look like a horse...but...brain...thing.... Look, I'm past the point of carrying, and any excuse I could make would just be so much bullshit."

"Hmmm? Pwheere?" Celestia mocked, turned away and pointing her muzzle to the ceiling, "Heeruh, phuh." She continued to make horse noises, whining, nickering and snorting at me like a feral.

I buried my face in my shirt, dragging it down my face and letting it drop to the floor, "Can you not?" I started taking my fatigues off, "You keep it up and I'm gonna be pushing rope."

Celestia rolled her eyes, "What a wonderful image...."

I finished with my pants, tossing them aside and getting some fresh air on my body. "You know what's a wonderful image? My fucking a horse ass sideways...on a pillow...." I rubbed my nose and looked around the room. "...You really do look like a horse...I just want you to know that."

Celestia took up an unamused gaze, "I can change to be smaller if you want...if size is the--"

I started shaking my head. "No...then it would just like I'm a pedophile horse fucker...instead of just a horse fuck-" I felt an extreme flash of heat come over me, followed by a blinding light, by the time my vision cleared I was a foot and a half shorter, "-er-- What the fuck?" I asked, looking around.

Celestia started giggling like mad, "You're orange...why are you orange? I was expecting a white, maybe a brown or grey, not orange."

I tried flexing my fingers, finding my hands unresponsive. "What's orange?!" I looked down, spotting a hazy orange patch where my nose should be. "...Alright...you think this is funny?" I looked around, afraid to move lest I never get up. "I can recognize this crap, now change me back!"

Celestia pouted hard and sent another blinding light around my person. I felt myself stand upright and stumble about, "There...happy?"

I looked down over my body, taking a single glace down at my hands before letting out a sharp gasp. "What the fuck!? My- my fucking finger!" I clutched my left middle finger, "This...what is this!?"

Celestia let out a long sigh, "I matched it to your right, why, is it wrong?"

I took a deep breath and walked over to her flank, slapping it and digging into her flesh with each and every finger. Celestia let out a sharp gasp as I dragged my nails against her hearty flank. The warm sensation of her silky coat and the actual heat of her body burning into my fingers was amazing. "Nope...and I can flip off twice as many people now...." I dragged my hands towards her rear, "And...other things."

Celestia's sweet and tender voice was turned husky and guttural as she let out a quick succession of moans. "Able...don't sla--"

I reached over her, sliding my body against hers and sandwiching my member between my stomach and her thigh. I grabbed her by the cheeks, turning her to face me. "Don't tell me what to do in bed...I know, what to do in bed."

Celestia looked a bit stunned, mouth haning open like an idiot as I pushed her onto her stomach with my free hand. "I uh...I--"

I cut her off, sticking my index finger in her mouth, "...If we're doing this, we're doing it my way...so shut the fuck up and let me work." I pulled at Celestia's lip, dragging it out of her mouth and pressing it against her lip. "Okay baby, you just let me work that ass raw." I ran my hand up and down her side, massaging her ribs and the muscles in her back. "Gonna just, stuff you-" I gave a quick thrust, pulling back and jamming myself against the base of her tail, "-so damn full!" another thrust, this one dragging my shaft across her tender asshole, "Just gonna paint your insides white...just like the good little pony slut you are...."

Celestia's wings flared out with a loud, thoom, one slamming into my side and the other shooting out to full length. "Able I don't--"

I pulled her head back into place, staring at me. "Bitch, did I say you could talk!?" I moved my free hand to join my first, holding a cheek in each hand and staring at her, "I'm in charge now...I've got the dick, I've got the fucking power! Not some prissy white princess bitch!" Once again, Celestia was left stunned, her mouth hanging just open enough to look confused, "What...you gonna talk!? Go ahead, open your mouth, I'll fucking fill it for you!"

I adjusted myself to her right, letting my left hand travel back and press against her pussy. "Fucking dripping wet...are you kidding me?" I slid the ridge of my index finger up and down her slit, "Submissive bitch, I'd expect something like this from farm girls, not a fucking princess!"

Celestia's voice went ragged, her face still locked on with my own, "I--"

I shook her by her chin, "Shut up." I finished slathering my hand in her fluids, pulling it up to her face and showing my glistening fingers to her. "You proud of this? I treat you like a fuck puppet and you soak yourself!? Equestria's leader, maiden of a nation, about to cum from an alien with a power trip...imagine what ponies would say...."

Celestia was glowing red, her eyes jammed shut as she tried to look down. I forced her to keep her head facing me. "I'm not just a princess...I'm...I'm a mare too--"

"You're not a mare!" I jammed my fingers into her mouth, sliding the slick digits past her lips and pressing my fingertips against her tongue. "You're a filly...a mare wouldn't be this wet...a mare wouldn't be enjoying this. No...you're just a little filly, pretending to know what they're doing and trying to play with the big boys."

I could feel Celestia gently licking at my fingers, pitifully searching for some infantile comfort in the act. "Open your eyes," I demanded, shifting myself over her, body perfectly lined up with hers. My rod was rock hard, aching and ready to bury itself deep into mare pussy, but I wasn't about to give this greedy bitch what she wanted that easy. I forced her head around, pulling her to the left and moving my right hand to her neck, taking a handful of ethereal mane to keep myself in place.

She let out a short whimper as I pulled her mane. "Hey...I said open your eyes!" I yelled, leaning to the left and adjusting myself. I was in a rather precarious way, leaning over her body, waist pressed against her plot and hands reaching to her head, my back hunched over but not enough to press my chest against her back. It wasn't the most dominant pose I could muster, but I simply wasn't tall enough to attempt it another way.

I yanked her mane, causing her tongue to press against my fingers and eyes to clench even hard. "Bitch you open your eyes!" I ground my cock up and down her slit, soaking it in a comfortable amount of slightly sticky ooze, "Open your damn eyes before I shove my cock in your ass!"

Celestia answered by pressing her long flat tongue against the split of my fingers and holding her eyes closed. I tugged at her mane, pushing my cock up and jamming my tip against the fat base of her tail. "Is that what you want? You want a rock hard dick in your tight little asshole?"

"Mmmmhmm." She mumbled into my fingers, trying to nod her head.

I scoffed, tanking yet another handful of velvet soft hair in my hand. I did my best to guide myself into place without letting go, but it was futile. Between the close contact, the overwhelming sensation in my cock and the debilitating scent of sweat and musk I was going to have to guide myself by hand.

I was stuck between two rough losses. I would either have to remove my fingers, letting go of the warm needy lust of Celestia's tongue and soft lips, or I would lose stability and a big chunk of control when I let go of her mane. But both proved unnecessary as an electric tingle took hold of my rod and guided my tip to Celestia's soft tender asshole, the warm hole twitching as I pressed forward to keep myself from slipping out of position.

I pulled Celestia's lower jaw open, "Did I say you could do that?" I hooked my fingers around her teeth, pinning her tongue against the floor or her mouth. She tried to speak, giving me a chance to grab her tongue, coating my hand in warm saliva and sending a wonderfully sloppy sensation across my fingers as her tongue wiggled about.

I started pressing my hips forward, feeling her pucker start to give way and embrace me with the red hot muscle inside. It was rough, the heat overwhelming as I threatened to slip forward and slide my juice coated member straight in. But I was going to go slow, I was going to savor every second of jamming my shaft into her needy little hole.

"Come on-" I grunted, prodding her and sending driblets of pre into her. The room stank of sweat, the beautifully disgusting smell that should by all rights disgust me to no end, simply drove me more towards an animal state. Any pretense of control or care was washed away by Celestia's breathy voice crying out as I poked her most guarded spot. I had all but conquered her, body and mind was going to be mine, even if it was only for a short time.

"Come one...let's hear what it sounds like when you stab a princess...." I groaned, pressing hard and feeling a sloppy organic texture against my tip. I was ready, she was ready ,but I had to make her earn it. I wanted to hear her voice crack, I wanted to hear the once soft and gentle mare cry out as I took her, as she took me, name and body.

I was on an amazing power trip. The prospect of having something of supposedly absolute power, a god, under my body, calling my name, it was amazing. I had the ruler of a land asking, no, begging me for release. I held the tongue of a god between my fingers, reducing her to a panting mumble mouthed slut, just waiting for that gratifying moment of pleasure. Celestia too was letting herself slip.

I'd seen it before, majors or captains in the army turning to domination, begging to feel helpless just to escape the constant strain of command. I could only imagine the sickening joy she was getting, being treated like an object, being commanded, being guided through every step, not having to think for herself for the first time in ages. All she had to do was lay there, follow my simple commands, and reap the rewards of sexual bliss.

And as I did finally push past her entrance, slipping myself inside her with the aid of her body's natural lube, Celestia did the greatest thing. She moaned.

She moaned loudly, breathily, needily. A constant low moan with an occasional whimper rang true as I buried myself deep into her burning muscles, not stopping to let her adjust and invading her deepest point. It was a challenge. The constantly increasing pressure as I pushed further and further, her muscles growing stronger and more strained as I plumbed new depths. But the heat, the burning warm of her slowly slickening insides was marvelous. Hot enough to melt lead, tight enough to turn coal into diamonds, but I held strong, hilting and slamming my hips into her flanks. The hearty, whap, that followed was delightful.

I moved my hands, taking another fistful of mane and pulling her head straight up. Her mouth hung wide open, tongue hanging out as I removed my hand, and her only security. She put up no fight, letting me cover her mouth with no resistance. Once again her tongue lapped at my palm, eyelids fluttering as I drew back. Her backside clenched up, trying to keep me from uprooting myself from her plot. But I had the leverage, I was in charge, and now I was sliding myself in and out of a royal asshole.

I was in both agony and joy. Each thrust would sent a ripple of pleasure through the edge of my head and right into my tip. It was amazing, enough to make me shudder and stop for a moment before driving further in. But for each thrust and pull, for each lick at my palm and muffled yelp as I yanked Celestia's mane, my rod ached. It was begging to explode, turning as solid as steel from the tight abusive flesh of Celestia's toned body and tender ass.

I kept on, the work growing easier and easier as I leaked more and more super tacky pre into her ass, mixing with the other fluids and making each dig delightfully painful for both of us. My cock was threatening to explode, Celestia's flesh tenderizing from my repeated abuse. But for each spike of pain, one of pleasure. A pulsating pleasure would nearly send me over the edge as I pulled back, letting her pucker hug my tip, and between Celestia's moans and grunts, a soft whimpering for more echoed around me.

But I finally felt my release coming. I leaned my head across Celestia's forehead, staring her eye to eye and adjusting a final time. I grabbed her by the cheeks, staring into her eyes while I hammered my pent up erection into her tenderized ass. Celestia started hyperventilating, eyes rolling back and staring into my own as she shot a spurt of thin liquid against my thighs. I kept on, reveling in the sound of her cries as I refused to let her fall into the afterglow.

"You- you fucking look at me while I cum!" I yelled, holding Celestia in place, "You fucking beg me dammit!"

Celestia licked her lips, returning her tongue to the side of her mouth as drool started to trail down her neck. "Able- I'm cumming- I'm cumming--"

I pressed my head against her hard as I felt the scales tip. "Gonna cum so deep inside your pretty little ass...." I felt it come, trying to push forth but struggling against Celestia's baking hot insides. The sheer pressure was making each inch of my cock swell with cum before finally shooting white hot loads deep into her body. I could see each and every steaming load in Celestia's face. Each spurt, each twitch sent twinges of confused pain and ecstasy through her red glowing face.

I nearly passed out as I felt my effort leave me, burying deep in Celestia and leaving me with an exhausted body and a warm cradling sensation as Celestia's magic gently squeezed my boys. I pulled out in one swift movement, shooting a final misfired load out of my tip and dribbling down my cock. I pushed Celestia into the bed and moved my hands back to her flank, staring at the hot pink gape.

"Push it out...." I commanded, stretching her flank, "Squeeze it out you bitch!"

Celestia lowered her head, leaving me to watch as milky cum bubbled up from inside her and dripped from her gaping hole. I jammed my freshly fixed middle fingers into her tender body, plunging her and drawing sticky nuggets of cum from her insides. It was beautiful, the pillaging of a temple, the defilement of a goddess, and it was all mine.

I stepped back, nearly falling to my knees as I stumbled towards a wall. I was a sticky, twitching mess, and I couldn't have been more pleased with my disgusting smell and dirty body.

But as I struggled to bring myself out of my joyous afterglow, a knock came from the door. "Yooohooo, monkey boy." Discord's voice shattered my bliss, "I've almost got your little portal don--"

I grabbed the doorknob and flung the door open, my bare body before the monster along with a freshly serviced, freshly dripping dangling rod. "Discord...it can wait."

Discord grew a bit red as he looked past me, "Oh my. Scandalous--"

"Discord...it...can...wait." I slammed the door in his face and lurched towards the bed. I landed face first against Celestia's cutiemark and felt myself drift off to the grand texture of warm flank in my mouth and the purrs of an angel praising my work and thanking me for my splattering finish.

The night, for all the earlier talk of genocide and death, had ended with a different kind of bang. And hopefully one that wouldn't leave me as mad as a three foot rapist with moose antlers taped to his head. But I had done it, I felt relieved more than anything else. For a few moments, I was safe, spent, and I knew where the next few hours of my life would lay.

I finally got to take down the authority, I had pumped the supposedly perfect princess. The mare that caused me such anger, such betray, had bent over and let me plow her.

I felt like god.

Burns

Pin Hole

I walked through the streets of Canterlot for the first time in a month, Discord by my side enthusing me for the portal he opened, "...I mean, that's why I went to talk to you! But, you seemed to be more--"

"I was balls deep in your princess...." I stated dryly, attracting some strange glares from a few passing ponies, "So...I made the mare that turned you to stone my bitch...does that make you my bitch?"

Discord's brow went completely flat, "You know, I thought little Luna's lessons would curb your potty mou--"

"It ha- they, they have." I rubbed my neck as Discord floated down a boring looking street, "But I don't like you, so why in the love of god would I be civil to you?"

Discord shrugged, his tail wiggling around as he floated down the road, "You could try. I don't hate you, I mean, why would I bring you here if I hated you?"

"Wait...you brought me here?" I hurried my pace through the narrowing street, "You're the reason I'm here!?"

Discord nodded dismissively, "Oh course. Just a little something to stir up Equestria. But I could never have imagined little Tia' would have found someone to take her breath away...among other things."

"You're gonna get pun--"

"But don't feel too special. Celestia has a bad habit of clinging to partners for a few years, then going crazy when they die." he laid his head back across his hands, "Immortality blues...oh the calamity."

I let out a long sigh, "That's really not funny. So...I'm just--"

"One in a line of many royal concubines, yes." Discord fluttered to his right, into an abandoned house. It struck me as odd that no matter where you go, no matter if it was human, animal or pony, an abandoned building is extremely distinct. I hurried after him, moving my way through the home and towards Discord's tail as it wormed its way down a set of stairs.

"So what, I'm here now, that's what matters! Besides...sex is nice...she's...comforting--"

"Oh I'm sure, a little rape fantasy and domination is sure to do her wonders," Discord started cackling, causing me to grow a bit angry and charge after him.

"Listen you little shi--" I stopped dead as I spotted a small light in the center of a mirror, "The hell is that?"

Discord held his arms out, framing the mirror, "Your portal!"

I sauntered through the dusty basement, walking up to the mirror and looking at the pinprick of light, "...Discord, are you joking? I need something I can walk through, or crawl through!"

Discord scoffed, "Well then you should have said tha-ah-ah--achoo--" Discord sneezed, splattering me in mucus and spittle. I held my arms out at my sides and looked down at me, "Apologies, it's a bit dusty down here."

I threw my arms out, throwing spittle off my arms. "Discrod- yous gona- fuck...I uh-" I felt my sense of balance obliterate, "-I don't feel...so gud...." I fell to my knees, grabbing the mirror. My right eye could see dim light on the other side of the portal, "...I can see home...I'm gonna...go...hom--" My hearing sank into a single monotonous ringing.

I fell to the ground, turning belly up with Discord looking rather worried over me. I could almost read his lips as he looked around, growing panic heavy in his face.

A distant buzz cut through the static of my broken hearing, "Oh dear, that...might have been my fault...I didn't know you could get sick from that...."

I laid my head back, looking off into the distance. I started mumbling as my body started to fall to fatigue, "Discord...fix the fucking portal...I'm just...gonna take a nap...." I closed my eyes, letting the massive amount of sudden fatigue overtake me.

Night Problems

Flu

I laid limp on the floor of the abandoned basement, watching Celestia shout at Discord. I couldn't hear a thing, but the look on his face was priceless. Like a puppy getting its nose shoved into shit. I could feel her anger more than anything. A constant stomping hoof sent hearty vibrations through my spine. And despite the obvious sickness that was filling my body and drawing any sense of strength out, I felt myself growing a bit hard as Celestia shouted at Discord.

I felt a dumb smile grow over my face as she screamed in Discord's face, glaring at him for a few minutes as she finished up. It felt good, I knew I was supposed to be the dominant one, the one who took charge, but watching her tower over me, screaming at a smug prick I hated, it was wonderful.

Celestia finished up with Discord and trotted over to me, throwing me over her back and letting me lay limp across her body. It felt strange, I'd transported wounded men in much the same fashion, and the constant up and down as her hips shifted was slightly nauseating. But just before reaching the stairs I found a perfect picture.

Discord was standing with his hands together, looking genuinely shook up. I loved it. My only interaction with Discord had been him thinking he was funny and generally making me resent him, and seeing this, it was outstanding. As a final topper, using every last bit of my strength, I flipped Discord off, laughing lightly as he disappeared under the stairs.

I went completely limp, letting my instantly plagued body lay across my horse's back not unlike back home. I was taking the place of so many wounded men we'd dragged back to camp, so many dying men crying out on the rump of a horse. Granted my situation was heading through the fancy streets of a pony city, carried by what I could only call my fuck buddy, towards a warm bed. All that without having to worry about amputation or gangrene.

It all felt too warm, too kindly. I'd been infected by a sickly asshole, and just as quickly plucked from the ground by an angry goddess and now I was holding on for my life as she took to the air. I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the rushing wind as I was pulled through the air.

"Able, can you hear me!?" Celestia asked, her voice still horridly swimmy in my ears, "Able!?"

"I fuckin fine!" I shouted, limply flailing my right arm against her ass, "I've had- flu-seventy-six! This ain't- shit...."

Celestia craned her head back, head bobbing as we landed with a loud metallic clack. "I don't know what that is."

I let out a constant low groan as I opened my eyes. "Deadly deadly poison! It's like...super A.I.D.S. only without the gay...."

I wanted as Celestia walked from the balcony into her room. I felt myself lift up under her magical grip, settling me down with a soft flop and drawing a series of cover over me. "Still doesn't tell me much." she looked me over, frowning hard, "It looks like Grounders...."

I tried to flail free of the childish treatment, "Get off me! I'm- oh god let me go!" I screamed, feeling a horrid sensation rise in my gut, "Celestia let- out of here now!"

Celestia kept her magic drawing and tucking blankets over me, "Shhhh, it's okay, I'll take care of--"

"No you won't!" I screamed, rolling as hard as I could, "Get clear, fuckin get cl-Uuurghk--" I felt my stomach try to crawl out my mouth, spewing what looked like grapefruit on the cold stone floor, "Holy shi- Huuughrk--" I continued to paint the floor a bright fluorescent pink. "Oh god...what-thefuckdidIeat--"

I continued to explode, Celestia gingerly placing a hoof on my back, "Able...it's okay, just let it--"

"Fuck off!" I screamed, reeling my arm back and throwing her off. "Just don't...don't touch me right now." I knelt, hands and knees pressed against the floor as the viscous slime poured from my mouth.

Celestia started tapping her hooves, "I'm going to go get a bucket...and some servants."

I just knelt there, trying to spit the bile out. "Fine...just...just go." I rolled onto my side, my body beginning to ache and my stomach still trying to send my breakfast to the ground. My life was a true misery, at least for these few moments. The problem was, that was how I lived my life, moments. Just because one was good, doesn't mean the next isn't going to completely ruin it. And unfortunately the bad often outweigh the good.

The surprisingly warm floor only seemed to make things worse. And so with great care, and a losing a boot, I scrambled onto the balcony and laid against a pile of snow in the corner. I curled up around it, trying to form into a ball of in-existence as my stomach tried to flip inside out. I slowly went to sleep against the slowly slushifying snow, letting the cold draw away the horridly nauseating warmth. I felt bad for puking on her floor, I felt bad for not cleaning it up, but I felt bad for a lot of things before that.

I felt bad for shoving my fist inside her, I felt bad for insulting her subjects, I felt bad for not talking to Luna more. But right now, I just felt bad, and no amount of thinking or bitching was going to change that. A snow nap, something to eat, and a few pills might.

I woke up in a strange place, six faces surrounding me, two in strange looking suits. "Oh fuck...horses." I mumbled, trying to stand. I found my arms bound under a tightly stretched sheet, my body fucked into something overly cushy and hot. I tried to look around, my view cut off by an over sized pillow, the corner of which seemed to frame my world.

The purple faced one looked at the others, "Um...good morning?"

I stared wobbly at her, feeling as if someone was pressing their thumb into the inner corner of my right brow. "...Yo."

The others looked me over, one of them with the suits craning themselves over me and staring into my left eye. I tried to lean away, the pony leaning closer in response. I could feel my heart speed up as I realized just how trapped I was. "Hey can you no-uugh-not!?"

The face slowly retracted, the bright blue eyes behind it looking rather dejected. I looked around at the other multicolored faces, growing slightly perturbed at their staring. I locked eyes with the purple one, watching her start to blush as I bored a hole in her skull, praying for something stupid like laser-vision. "Um...hi...hello...I'm- I'm Twilight Spar--"

"The fuck is my white horse?" I snarled indignantly, spotting a purple maned one cocking her head at me, "...Not you...you can stay though...."

The purple mane nodded. "See, I told you he'd be pol--"

"Now seriously...can someone find me my white horse.... Celestia...the kinky bitch...."

The room went icy, bitter stares leveled at me from a few of the ponies. The purple mane scrunched up her muzzle and swung herself to the door, "I'll go...better I leave before I say something I'd regret...or that I wouldn't."

I watched the agitated unicorn wander off, leaving me along with the furious herd. I looked at each one, laughing slightly at one of the ones in the suits, "...Hazard suit...with a cowboy hat on top." I tried to rub my face in shared shame but failed, my arms still bound tight to my sides. "Eh...no worse than Nathan."

The ponies looked over each other, eventually taking a few steps back and chatting amongst themselves. By the end of it only two remained, two and a half if you count someone watching from the doorway. A yellow mare, trying to hide behind her bangs and the purple one flanked me on either side. I snapped my head back and forth between the two, eventually spotting a pair of magenta eyes staring at me from the door. "...Bitch don't stare at me...." I grumbled, locking eyes with her.

Our glares intensified, blocking out the rest of the world. Only two things mattered, neither one of us was going to back down, and that color was outstanding.

Eventually a soft tapping caught my attention, not enough to pull me away from my staring contest but still enough to direct me to a different moment, "Um...Mr. Able...please be nice...if that's okay." A soft, almost pained voice whimpered.

I tried to wiggle free of my cloth tomb, "This is me playing nice.... Bitch you get your ass in this room!" I shouted, my anger and annoyance distracting from the fatigue and nausea, "I know you can hear me, now you gonna be a pussy or you gonna come in here!?"

The set of doorway eyes narrowed, giving way to a whole blue pegasus, "You're a jerk, ya know that!"

I mocked her, watching as she flew to the edge of Celestia's bed and stepped up, "Oh you'd know a jerk ya' god damn Quebecoise! Rainbow headed twat!"

The livid mare stepped onto my chest, keeping her back legs off my somewhat tender body, "Oh yeah? Better than being some grungy animal, w-with patchy hair and a weird nose! It looks like a beak!"

"Oh fuck no- Oh fuck- Oh- god damn it...." I stopped my flailing, my arms unable to free themselves from the tight sheets, "...Can someone like...loosen these?"

The room went silent again, the trio looking at each other. The purple one leaned her head over me, "Um...I don't think that's a good idea."

I turned my head to her, making a defeated expression. "It's hard to yell at people like this...please?"

The mare started growing redder and redder as I stared at her, doubling my efforts to look pitiful. Eventually I felt my arms get just enough leniency to pull free, "There...but we need to set up some ground rules. First off now swea--"

I yanked my arms out of the sheets, nearly causing what little remained in my stomach to slosh out of my mouth, "Listen you little-urk-shit, I'm the one with the dick here! You're just a hole, ya little bint!" I shouted at the blue mare, poking her chest.

The mare matched my aggressive pose by bopping her forehead against mine and hardening her glare, "You know you're lucky you've got Grounder's, otherwise--"

I pushed her back a step, keeping our foreheads pressed together. "I don't even know what Grounder's is! And if that was a threat we're gonna throw the hell down!"

The mare pressed hard against my head, "Oh you wanna do this that hard way!? We can do this the--"

"Rainbow Dash!" The purple one snapped, stomping her hoof, "He's obviously not--"

I planted my palm against Rainbow Dash's head, pushing her back and turning to the purple one, "Bitch, this is between me and the homosexual horse! Not you!"

Rainbow Dash's hoof caught my cheek, reuniting our foreheads and holding me in place, "Did you just call me gay!?" She snapped, planting her forelegs into my pecs, "You're gay!"

I grabbed her by the shoulder, "I'll show you gay! I'll work you like a damn puppet!"

She grew bright pink, wings flying open, "I- you- you're a jerk!"

"Come here, let me show you just how much of a jerk I am!" I yelled, throwing the covers back and sliding my back against the headboard, "Come here!" I held my hands out, fronting at her.

"No!" Rainbow Dash yelped, taking a few more steps back, "You're such a creep!"

"I know...now are you gonna get over here or what?" I asked, leveling out my tone.

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm asking nicely now...." I stated rather dryly, "I wouldn't be planning something bad and ask nicely."

The mares looked at each other for another few moments, leaving my arms hanging in the breeze. Eventually the rainbow mane tiptoed within striking distance. "Fine, but if you--" I cut her off, pulling her against me and putting her in a headlock.

"lesson one, never trust me!" I held her against my chest, keeping my arm bent just enough that she couldn't pull her head through. "Now call yourself gay!" I demanded, moving my free hand to her rear and pinching the dock of her tail. I continued to increase the pressure as the others tried to pull my arms apart, "You stay out of this!" I snapped, causing the yellow mare to jump back, "This is between me and the gay!"

"I'm not--" I cut her off, grabbing the whole base of her tail and squeezing it, "Ow, ow, ow--"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Ye--" I stopped dead as she managed to dig her back leg in against my gut, "Oh god, go go go go!" I yelled, releasing her and shoving her back. Rainbow Dash jumped off the bed, leaving me to scramble for the side. "Bucket!" I yelled, leaning my face off the side of the bed, "Bucket!"

The ponies went into a mild panic, eventually a metal bin found its way into my hands just in time to catch the very last vestiges of my recent meals. The ponies remaining in the room watched as I hurled into the bucket. "Oh god...my insides hurt...." I grumbled, cutting off any trails and setting the bucket down. I took a deep breath, "Oh shit...thanks Twilight...."

"No- wait...huh!?" she shot upright, cocking her head at me, "How do you- I- what!?"

I settled back into the bed, "I might have...been fucking with you-" I wiped off my face, "- Luna and I talked about you...you and the other elemental weirdos...."

Twilight just stared at me, "But then- you know why we came? Then why did you yell!?"

I turned to her with an exasperated expression, "Because yelling is fun...and your friend there is the first pony to actually put up a decent fight."

Twilight frowned hard, "You were in the dungeon--"

"I meant a mental fight. Now, go talk to Luna...I'm gonna take a nap...sleep this crap off." I turned away from the group, curling into the bed and throwing my arms over my head to block out any light. "Now go away...just because I fucked your princess doesn't make me your...prince, I don't even know anymore."

"What!?" Twilight snapped, her voice nearly cracking, "You- Celestia- just what!?"

I grumbled, nuzzling the bed, "She likes it rough...now wake me up when I can go home."

Goodnight

Shouting

I set on the edge of my bed, staring down Rainbow Dash, "...Twat...."

"Jackass." She shot back, standing up and pacing around the room, "Why do you keep calling me that!?"

"Because you look like one!" I yelled, poking her in the chest with my foot, "Now come on...you gotta come up with something new." I stood up, peeling off my shirt, "I mean I've got- I uh...I had scars...."

Rainbow Dash shrugged, "You're dumb."

I let out a long sigh, "Really? Dumb? I mean, you can call me an idiot, a dumb ass, a shithead.... You ponies just aren't good at arguing."

Rainbow Dash puffed her cheeks out, "Well sorry I'm not a big potty mouth! Why do you like arguing anyways?"

I scratched my head, pacing around and pulling my shirt back on. "It's fun.... It's like fighting but you don't have to deal with broken teeth or grievous injuries." I finished up with my shirt, plopping back down on the side of the bed, "I mean...what else am I supposed to do?"

Rainbow Dash walked up to me, "You could read a book--"

"No books!" I snapped, "No books." I turned to the window, crossing my arms, "Luna's trying to get me to read kids books to help me learn...it's degrading."

The rainbow mare cocked her head nearly sideways, "You can't read?"

I felt my cheeks flush a bit, "It was never exactly the most important skill in my life. And I'm trying to learn, but I'm not five! I'm not about to read a book about a fucking talking rabbit!"

Rainbow Dash paced around me. "That's...actually kinda sad."

"Screw off! I don't need your pity--" I stopped myself as she stopped her pacing and looked to the door, "...Sup? You gonna go?"

Rainbow Dash looked at me for a few seconds, "I was supposed to be asking you stuff for Twilight...but I--"

I stood up. "Look, if you need somewhere to be go ahead. It's not like I can go far from the damn toilet." I looked back to the bathroom door, snickering softly, "Have you- like...Celestia's a lot bigger than you...have you seen her toilet? It's freakin' huge!"

Rainbow Dash looked slightly appalled, "Um...that's my Princess you're talking about."

I shrugged, "It's also someone with a pretty wicked fetish. Anyways, no toilet. But hey, if you need to go get something go ahead."

Rainbow Dash  looked between me and the door a bit. "She said not to. I was just gonna get a book...something not so smart, like...something fun, but dumb." She pranced about, "Do you know- I mean...it's not like the real thing...but I- I wrote something." She started growing a bit rosy, "Daring Do and The Blue Feather...by...Rainbow Dash."

I coughed softly, "I- uh...don't take this the wrong way, but you don't strike me as a writer."

"What's that supposed to mean!?" She asked, stepping on my toes and glaring up at me, "You wanna argue, I'll argue about this!"

"Yeah but this isn't like- this isn't just fun yelling. You seem like you're actually mad about it." I stated, putting a hand on her head, "...Good girl...." I rubbed her crown, her glare slowly softening as I treated her like a yearling, "Who's a good girl...good girl want a carrot?" I continued to run my fingers over her crown, scratching the base of her ear and causing her head to go slightly slack. "Good girl want a big carrot, nice crisp one from down south?"

"What!?" She snapped out of her slight stupor and scrambled back, "Down south!? Are you trying to rape me!?"

"Whoa what!? I- oh dear god...even I'm not that sick in the head!" I stood up and pointed an accusative finger at her, "You ma'am, are fucked in the head!"

Rainbow Dash flared her wings out, "You're the one talkin' about your thingy! I--"

"I was talking about real carrots! I lived in Canada! We can't grow shit, we always get food from down south! Geographically south!"

Rainbow Dash was practically snarling, "You're geographically south!"

"You're a pervert!" I shouted, "You thought an innocent talk about a carrot was a rape attempt!"

Rainbow Dash grew a bright crimson, split between a rage filled muzzle and a bit of pink blush on her cheeks, "Well you were petting me, and being all nice suddenly--"

"Bitch I'm always nice! Just maybe not verbally...or...physically...or- okay maybe I'm not nice! But I raised horses, I know what horses like, and the one time I try to be nice you act like I'm gonna jam myself inches deep in your ass!"

Rainbow Dash paced around the large room, nearly galloping, "You can't just be all mean one minute, and try to be nice the next! I- I just- I don't--"

"Gaylord, gonna hug it out!" I stood up, lunging at her and putting her into a bear hug, "Just gonna...nope- bad idea...." I groaned, letting her go, "Oh god- shit!" I yelped, going bolt stiff and clenching my muscles, "Move move move!"

I waddled towards the bathroom, my stomach gurgling disgustingly. I slammed the door closed, perching on the side of the toilet to keep from falling in the large horse sized toilet. It felt horrid, my lower body on fire save the horrid liquid sensation. "God damn everything!" I screamed, hitting the wall with the underside of my fist, "Damn it Discord, you massive dickhead!"

I was nearly crying as my ass tried to turn inside out. Only when a rather sweet voice cried out did I stop my whimpering, "Able...I need to talk to you."

I held my eyes, wiping away residual tears as I tried to expel the sickness from my most tender area, "The worst pain!"

There was a long silence, followed by a slow tapping, "Able?"

"Can if fucking wait!?" I screamed, digging my nails into the wall, "Please!?"

Celestia's voice slammed my ear with a surprising volume, "No! You told my- you- you need to stop swearing, you need to stop talking about intimate--"

"Celestia, I swear to all the gods, all my dead family members, my horse, my dog, everything. If wait until my asshole stops burning, I will do what ever you want!"

There was a short pause, broken up by whispering from the other side of the door and soft groans from me as my bowels self-destructed. "I want you to apologize to my students, stop swearing, stop being rude--"

"Fine! I'll be Mr. Fucking Perfect, just let me destroy myself in peace!"

"And you have to read, Star Swirl's Smallest Student, to the foals in magic school, out loud." A long pause followed, my troubled body trying to expel the sickness, but left unproductive from the massive purge from days before. "Able--"

"Look, can we not talk about--"

"I can come in there...or you can--"

"No!" I screamed, pressing the tip of my thumb and my index finger against my forehead, "Please for the love of go--" I stopped as the door handle started to jiggle, "Fucks sakes! Fine, no swearing, just leave me--"

"And the book!?"

I started whimpering as my body ceased it's violence. "...Please don't--"

Celestia's voice boomed louder than before, "You'll read or I'll let every one of my subjects know about your, problem."

I let out a sharp groan, "God dam--"

"Hey, no--"

"Fine!" I slammed the wall, "For the love of god I'll do it! Just let me clean myself up in silence!"

Before I could get to work a clean bit of parchment slipped under the door along with a quill, "Sign it... I know she taught you how to write your name, now write it!"

"This is bull sh--"

"Hey!" Celestia snapped, "What did I say?"

I lowered my voice, "Fucking bullshit, gonna wipe my ass with- there!" I kicked the signed paper under the door, "Hope it smells!" Finally I was left alone, left to care from my abused rear. Little by little I did what I could, washed up using half a chunk of bar soap and taking a full five minutes to catch my breath and let the pain subside, it didn't.

I lurched from the bathroom, rubbing my bum and staring at the floor. Celestia was standing at the door, "Are you--"

"No I'm not okay!" I snapped, "My assho--"

"Hey...." Celestia dangled the parchment before me, "Don't know if you read this...but I used to use these to blackmail the griffons, it's not pretty so you better watch your mouth."

I glared at her as Rainbow Dash started snickering, "Aren't you supposed to be all nice and benevolent!? What happened to, my lovely subjects, I feel nothing but compassion. I mean now you're literally blackmailing me about my ruined as- ...What the hell am I supposed to say instead of asshole!?"

Celestia smiled wide, "Bum, butt, flank, plot, rear end."

I lurched past her, rubbing my back and glaring at the snickering guest, "Rainbow Dash, your book sucks."

She just kept snickering, "You're so red!"

I could feel myself jittering, "You fu- you god da- bi- shi--" I quickly realized how much of my vocabulary was swears, "Troglodyte sandwich." I grumbled, shuffling to the bed, "...I hate you all...."

Celestia hurried over, "Oh stop being so moody. Grounder's isn't so bad--"

"It's not your- bum, that's falling out! Don't tell me how bad it is when you're not sh- crapping out burning liquid!" I made a few angry noises and turned to the bed, "...I can't even sleep in the bed! I- I'm gonna go sleep in the shower...in case I crap myself again."

Celestia tried to follow me into the bathroom, "Able don--"

I turned around rather slowly, "It wasn't a joke. I really don't want to ruin your bed...so, shower's the next best thing."

Celestia watched with a frown as I slowly walked towards the shower. "...Do you want a pillow?"

Drop In

Binds

I sat with my arms crossed on the edge of Celestia's bed. My bowels had stopped trying to slip out of my ass and now I was being forced into a different kind of sickness. "Aaaaah, eeeeeh, I, oooo, oooooo!" Luna shouted, stomping her hoof with the beats, "Able, doth though understand?"

I scratched my head, "...I know how to speak."

Luna pranced left and right, "Art thou not excited by vowels!? We are!" Luna walked around, exaggeratedly lifting her hooves and holding her tail high, "Oh so wonderous--"

I rubbed my head, "Luna, these lessons are meant for night time...and I'm supposed to...apologize, to Celestia nerdling in like...five minutes."

Luna disarmed her posture, "Able, what is to apologize for? We were not told what harm you caused."

I shook my head. "I told her I fu- had s- that I was with Celestia...in a rough manner."

Luna gasped, stepping back. "How were we not told!?" she hopped up onto the bed and sat next to me, "Tell us all!"

I looked down and shook my head softly, "Fuck n--" I was cut off as something tightened around my balls, "Aurgh- fuck mothering-- Aaaaaughrhahaahaaa!" I screamed, cupping myself, "Fu- vertical puppet shank...." I rubbed myself, trying to rid my body of the rather brash pain in my balls. "Celestia put this thing on my balls while I was sleeping...it tightens up when I say certain words." I scratched my head, "Can't say F, U, C, K. Can't say, B, I, T, C, H. Can't say S, H, I, T. C, U, N, T. A, N, A, L. And for some reason, P, E, N, I, S. I can say cock...balls, ass, titty, but non of the fun ones."

Luna nodded slowly, "This is not the first incident. You are me--"

"What!?" I snapped, "T- with the ball thing?"

Luna continued to nod, "Even before my banishment, Celestia has gone through quite a few partners. You are merely the most recent."

I stared out ahead, burning a hole into the far wall. "...I know it shouldn't make me mad...but that makes me mad."

Luna cocked her head, "Does it make you uncomfortable? Does my having many partners strange?"

I rubbed my face, "...It's different...."

Luna looked around, "Able...you're shivering."

"I'm not!" I snapped, turning to her in a flash, "...It doesn't bug me!"

Luna smiled softly, "Is that so? Well it should not, they are hardly competitors. They have since moved on."

I felt a strange sadness settle in my gut. "Wow Luna...the one time I try to talk to you outside of dreams and you bum me the hell-- Gahughrah, fuck me-- owww! Really!? I can't say he- fu- go- snapping gator taco!"

Luna laughed at me, covering her face with her hoof, "Able, you are touted as angry, bitter, and rude. This I simply do not see."

I rubbed my package, trying to ease the suffering. "Luna...ponies make me mean. Best way to keep me calm is to leave me alone." I rubbed my head, accidentally getting a disgusting whiff of myself, "Eugh, that smells like- nope! Nope...not this time." I stated, grabbing myself, "Just got done with my ass, not gonna ruin my other end."

Luna smiled wide, "Now, to the act. You and Celestia...in bed?"

I started shaking my head. "...She invited me up, I thought...maybe, just maybe I could have some fun. Then she gets all kinky on me when I get a little dominant...and.... Look, if I'd know I would have ended up with a ring around my nuts I wouldn't have done it." I rubbed my face, "I should have known better. She was being all sweet and drawing me in...then the moment I do something mildly bad she puts a collar on my balls."

Luna poked my side with her metal shoe, "Able, we don't understand. Why would you--"

"Because I told her something dear to me...and she was sympathetic.... And I'm stupid, I like sex and don't think ahead." I looked towards the window. "Luna...you're like her right? You don't age or something?"

Luna nodded, "We lead very long li--"

"Close enough. I uh- am I just like some toy for her? You said she's had a lot of partners...a lot of people with her. Is she- she's using me isn't she?"

Luna stared at me, a look of shock on her face. "I think perhaps you misinterpreted me. We who live for thousands of years have many partners. Perhaps one every hundred to two hundred years, but we do not- we do not always use them in such a fashion."

I stared into her eyes, "But you have, you have just used people?"

Luna tapped her hooves on the edge of the bed, "We have...Celestia most likely has. Are you worried that you are being used?"

I rubbed my face. "Look. I don't like feeling this way about her. It's not easy. It's not gonna make it any easier if I go home, it's not gonna be easy if I stay. In the back of my mind I'll always have this niggling little doubt that I'm just some- some- some fuck puppet!" I screamed, ignoring the pain.

Luna looked me up and down, "Able...perhaps--"

I shook my head. "Look...I've gotta go find her. But...I need to know something." I took a deep breath, rubbing my chest, "Do- the both of you...do you have children?"

Luna stared at me, eyes dead as stone. "One thousand years of banishment. My families are long gone."

"And Celestia?" I asked, feeling my knees lock up.

Luna lowered her head, "Celestia has lived a long, healthy, emotional life. She has spent years mourning a lover, she has left them behind in an instant. She has spawned families the size of towns, but as said...we live a long time, ponies live and die. I don't think this would be a good thing to ask her."

I felt my breath catch in my throat, "Then what's the point of it all!? Why bother even trying to make a life when you'll never be able to settle down for a life!?" I jumped up from the bed, turning to her and grabbing Luna by her regaila. "Luna, what's the fucking point in it!? We- I- even if I try to- even if I decide to try and...leave it all behind, even if I could...Luna, I don't want to be one of many...."

Luna closed her eyes, lowering her head and resting a hoof on my wrist, "Able...do you remember your dreams?"

I felt a sharp edge start to dig into my skin from her metal clothes, "I haven't dreamed in years--"

"Would you like to?"

I glared at Luna, my hands starting to bleed from my over tight grip on her jewelry. "Luna...Do I--"

"In orange, dancing in the snow like a fawn."

I slowly let Luna go. "...Always hunting it...aren't I?"

Luna nodded, "You have interesting dreams, but a narrow interpretation of them. Able, you can take a life, you can control it, but to draw it to you, to earn its trust, to create instead of destroy.... Able, she doesn't run from you, why must you run after her?"

I clasped my hands together, trying to stop the bleeding. "It's bad enough I'm dreaming about her. I don't need you trying to figure--"

"Able, I've seen millions of dreams, I've seen many trouble minds. Perhaps I am a bit more of an expert in these matters than yourself." Luna stepped off the bed, planting a hoof on my forehead, "Apprehension, fear. Why, I don't understand. Perhaps it's time you dream again, time you sort out your mind and figure out what you want."

I threw her hoof off me with the back of my wrist, "I know what I want! I want to go home, I want to leave this place, I just- I want, I want the violence to stop...but I don't--" I looked around, trying to avoid eye contact with Luna. "...It's not easy, trying to be calm. Trying to be civil. Those ponies Celestia brought, they made me mad...I don't know why, but-- I don't want to be mad anymore. It's easy to be mad, it's easy to yell. But- I.... When I look at her, when I was sick, she looked at me like a pet. Not like- she looked at me like I'm an animal."

I turned to the door. "Luna, don't tell her. Don't tell her I dream about her." I tightened my fist, "I'll try to stop yelling, but it's not easy. It's so much easier to scream, to push thing out...letting them in.... It's like- I'm so sick of losing things I try to care about, and when I find something that wont leave...something that- she--"

"Able?"

"I could be with her...I could be with her until I die. I could have that permanent thing I want...but- she- doubt...just so much doubt." I mumbled, rubbing my brow, "Luna...what the hell am I supposed to do? Do I pretend I belong? Do I pretend it's fair to try and get attached when she'll lose me the same way I lose everything else? Do I live a lie, try to pretend she loves me when I'm some toy.... Or do I just leave?" I wiped off my face, leaving streaks of blood on my skin, "I don't like having these problems. I don't like the quiet...it gives me too much time to think, to come up with questions I need answer to."

Luna looked to the window, the sun starting to rise over the hills to the east. "Able, we cannot answer. Nothing we could say would be true."

I joined her, staring out the window. "...Then help me find out?"

Luna smiled warmly at me. "Dreaming may help...as I said, you have interesting dreams."

I put my hand on her neck. "...Celestia would look good in orange.... A deer, not so much, but orange would be nice." I looked towards the door down to the main hall. "...I guess I should go apologize, thanks for actually talking to me."

Luna bumped me with her flank. "You did the talking. And I think that may be for the best. You're not the best at conversation, you're very aggressive when challenged."

I rubbed the back of my neck and started towards the steps. "I'll try and work on it. Thanks."

Wait

The Yell

I walked down the hall, heading towards the throne room. I had one single thing to do, one speech to give. One apology to make and one wrong to right. My path was clear as ever, my goal simple.

I was greeted by two guards, both glaring at me. I ignored them both, brushing them off and hurrying into the main room. Finding a huge crowd lining the halls. I felt watched by thousands as I walked slowly towards the other end of the room. My boots tapped heartily against the cold marble floor.

At the far end of the room stood Twilight and Celestia, side by side, watching me approach. Celestia was smiling warmly while Twilight was just trying to keep from scowling. I ignored them all, hurrying along until I was mere feet from the. I gathered myself, feeling the heavy gaze of the ponies in the room land square on my back.

"Able, my subjects are expecting and apology." Celestia stated, looking out over the crowd. "And I--"

"Well I'm not gonna give it to them." I said with a cool, calm expression. "Because you know what...ever since I agreed to calm down I realized something." I walked up to the first step, planting the base of my heel against the edge of the step. "Voices, visions, questions, things I never had to deal with back home. Things I never had to think about while screaming and clawing my way through the mud."

I turned to the crowd, slowly scanning them. "I'll apologize for my vulgarity, my tactlessness, but I won't apologize for yelling, for being mean, for being a brash hot headed maniac. Why? Because that anger, that rage, is keeping me sane."

"Able this isn't--"

I spun around, pointing my finger high at Celestia, "Let me finish!" I snapped, swinging myself back to the crowd. "My name is Able, my family is my life, and what I'm about to tell you, I did for them." I rubbed my throat, "Two years ago, two winters ago I joined up with a peace keeping force, they were offering food and security for volunteers and people willing to join their cause. I joined up...what else was I going to do?"

I turned, making sure to show myself off to the entire herd, "I was always a jerk. I was a jerk to my sister, I was a jerk to my horse, I was a jerk to everyone. But after I joined, after I started fighting it got worse. I started screaming, I started swearing. I kept everyone away from me, I let no one near me, and I shoved everyone away. Why!? A reason one of you understands, a reason only one of you fucking horse people could ever fathom--"

"Able don't!" Celestia snapped, jumping from her throne.

I took a few backwards steps from the throne. "One person, one mare, who could understand why I would do such a thing. A thing I'm sure she's done herself, something she's done for uncountable reason. Love, anger, defense--"

"Able stop!" Celestia boomed, stomping her hoof.

"Or maybe she's like me. Maybe she did it to keep from hurting." I stepped towards her, "Maybe she screams at ponies in secret, ponies she loves, ponies she cares about. Maybe she knows that she'll outlive them...." I watched Celestia's harsh stare falter, turning softer and weaker as I disarmed my own, "Maybe she knows...that no matter how much you care about someone, no matter how much you want to protect them, keep them safe, some times you just cant. And maybe she understands it's easier to push things away, to not let them take root."

The crowd murmured slightly as I paced around the room, "Maybe you people, ponies, maybe you can understand this. It's easier to pull a weed, than to uproot a tree. Trees are beautiful though, trees are nice, good things. And they are...but when you know that tree, that weed, is going to just get ripped away, torn from you at a moment's notice, you have to think. Which hurts less, tearing huge chunks of earth out as a tree is ripped from the ground, or plucking a weed."

"And what about when a tree is torn away? What about when there's a gaping hole left in its wake!? Do we just pretend it's not there!? Do we live our lives pretending it's fine!?" I held my hands out, begging to god to make them understand, "I scream, I yell, I berate and insult to fill the gap. If I don't, if I let things go silent, noiseless, I think. When I think, I think of how insignificant I am, how helpless I am, how pointless my life is. And when I try to grab onto something, try to pull myself out of it, I leave myself another gaping wound, another chunk of earth torn away...so I yell, I yell because the alternative is killing me, the alternative is letting myself die, letting myself sit, motionless, pointless until I die!"

I turned to Celestia, "So I won't apologize, I won't apologize for this, I won't apologize for what I did, because you know what!" I pushed Celestia, forcing her back a step, "I trusted you! I came to you, looking for something, someone to help me. Maybe I didn't know it, maybe I couldn't tell- I don't know! But Celestia...I came to you for help, I came to you cause I thought you understood and you- you let me touch you, not out of love or kindness, but of lust...out of gratification." I slowly held my arms out, "And now...I think even if you tried...even if you came to me in earnest...trying to be there, trying to calm the voices, trying to save me...I think I'll always have that doubt, that doubt that I'm just some tool."

Things went dead silent, the crowd waiting for me to say something, anything. I broke away from Celestia. "I wanted to believe...I think part of me might, and part of me is hoping against everything that you actually cared, but the more I think, the quieter and calmer you force me to be...I just- I need to leave, I need to go home. I don't belong here, I'm a vicious god damn animal, I'm a evil thing, I became an evil thing for the people I care about and that's my fucking choice!"

I swung around to the crowd, "I'm the rat bastard!" I felt the device on my person tighten up, acting to fuel my rage, "I'm the evil fuck! I'm the heartless bastard the world needed me to be! The one my family needed me to be! I'm the living fucking sacrifice, and I won't apologize for what I am! I won't apologize for ruining myself for the sake of others!"

I felt a dark haze, a pain growing to a numbing degree from my legs. "I'm the heartless fuck, I'm the killer, the monster. But I chose this for a reason, I chose this for the same fucking reason as she did!" I swung my arm to Celestia, "To the people you love safe, to sacrifice what you are, what you were, all for the people you care for, the people that need that sacrifice, but are too weak, too afraid or unwilling to ask for it! Your princess...Celestia." I turned to her, falling to my knees from the blinding pain. "...You know the smell of blood...the feeling of cutting part of your soul away...you tried to reach out, and I- I took what could have been a beautiful moment...a rebirth, a chance to get what I was back and I bastardized it. Turned it into something perverted, dark, something I thought I could just toss away...but I can't. I can't just pretend that it didn't chance how I view you...or how you view me...."

"Able, sweetie, ride's here!" Discord's mocking voice broke my thoughts asunder.

"Celestia...I'm sorry, but I don't think I can apologize." I collapsed against the hard marble floor, spreading out and going limp as the numbness took me over.

A.T.W.M.

Canada

I stood by the portal back home, a strange warmth rushing through it. "Well, there it is. One brand new portal back to your little paradise. Do take care not to hurt yourself stepping through." Discord jeered, resting his talon on the edge of the mirror.

I stared out at the other side, brown boxes covering up the way. "You know...I've been here a few months now, right? I got here before it started snowing...but it doesn't feel that long." I looked up at Discord. "...You're still a prick, but I think it get it."

Discord scoffed, "As if you'd--"

"Ever since I got here, ever since I stopped fighting, stopped being screamed at, the adrenaline stopping...I can think clearly. It was getting worse and worse, like someone talking at me, then shouting, then yelling and screaming and now.... You know back when I said I was stupid, I think I just wished I was stupid. The dim, the slow, they don't have to worry about the trauma's the thinking mind does." I rubbed my mouth, shifting my gear, "I guess it doesn't matter. It's like a man waking up from a grenade blast, a breif gasp of air from a drowning man before he's pulled back down and forced to swim for his life, fighting against a current that will never stop, waiting for his arms to give out."

"Um...wh--"

"Oh don't pretend you don't know." I snapped, "It feels like I put on a pair of glasses, like someone took a blindfold off. I was a mean, harsh, horrid animal. You're a devious, inappropriate psychotic, but why? I don't know, maybe I'm giving you too much credit--"

Discord seemed mildly upset, which from him might have well been him crying. "How about you go now...you put up such a fuss when I showed you it before, now go home!" He crossed his right arm, pointing to the portal with his left, back facing me.

"Indignant shit.... That's okay. Soon enough I won't even remember any of this. War...if you can even call what I do war, fucks up your memories. So...it's been fun I suppose." I turned to the portal, stetting my rifle's butt on the ground and pulling my only viable weapon from my back. Before long my busted rifle became an impromptu spear, the bayonet at the end still covered in mud and dried bean paste.

I pulled the rifle up and took my first step through the portal. It burned, mildly, but more so than the first time. "Ow, Christ...." I muttered, kicking a few empty boxes out of the way. My body burned as I stepped out onto the dull concrete floor on the other side of the portal, the warmth quickly enveloping my entire being. It was something I'd never felt back home, something that was always promised by fire, but never given.

But as my head passed through, a horrid noise graced my ears. Screaming. Some of the horrid noise coming from fear, and some coming from rage.

"Where's the fucking money!?" A familiarly tone to the snarling voice. I felt the strange warmth give way to a much more familiar one. I was home, I was back and ready. My hands tightened around my rifle as I got ready to return to my old life.

I rushed around the crowded basement, kicking crap aside and hurtling myself towards the way out. But amidst the violence, amidst the fight to come, I was already bleeding. My mouth was full of blood, my teeth starting to itch and burn. "Fucking- shit!" I screamed, slamming into the far wall of the boxy room. A loud clatter came from up the wooden steps.

"Who else is here!?"

I ignored the screamed, my body beginning to ache. It felt as if solid metal spikes were being driven deep into every few square inch of my being. But pain was my life, it was who I was meant to be. This was the first step, the first step in getting back to it. It had to be.

So with pain driving me mad, screaming growing louder, and a wanton blood lust filling my mind I raced up the steps. I kept low, ramming my weight into the door at the top of the stairs and knocking it off its hinges.  "What the fuck!?" The masculine voice that had been shouting rang loudly in my ears, followed by something I was far too familiar with.

A gunshot cried out, the sound near deafening aside from the sound of wood splitting. And so I swung my person around, bayonet held low, staring at a man dressed in black. His right hand clutching a pistol and his left grabbing the wall. I stood there, staring at the obviously frightened man. I watched his eyes dart down, spotting my rifle. "How the fuck--"

I straightened my posture, walking slowly towards the man, "Go on...do it, do it!" I screamed, jabbing at him with my rifle, "You've got the gun, fucking shoot me!"

The man was a coward, backing away from each step I took through the oddly bright house. Electrical lights bright and free of cords. "Who the fuck are you--"

"Shoot me!" I snapped, hurrying my pace, "I'm ready to die, are you!?" My body was tearing itself apart, the pain spidering out and filling every part of my body. It felt like I was dissolving.

I continued to step towards the man, watching his face contort with fear and horror as I turned my rifle sideways, throwing the weight towards the point of the bayonet and slashing at him. He jumped back, falling into a far more open room. A pair of other people tied up in the corner, sniveling and gawking at me as I towered over the would be gunman.

"Stay the fuck back man! I'm fucking crazy man!" The pitiful slinger screamed, tripping and falling to the floor. He scrambled back, eyes wide with terror as I stood over him, head cocked to the side, rifle held against my shoulder with the bayonet pointing at his throat. "I'll shoot--"

"Then fucking do it!" I snapped, blood starting to trickle from my mouth, "You think I'm afraid!?" I charged up to him, kicking his hand, stomping it into the all too perfect wood floor below. "Look at you, you're a fucking coward!" I screamed, pressing the tip of my bayonet against his throat, just short of stabbing it through his wind pipe.

The creature below me wasn't a man, not even a human being. Some red eye'd freak, some addict, some HELO junkie, some jumper flying high as a kite but too afraid to take that final step into madness. I pulled my rifle aside, leaving a small gash along his throat. His free hand shooting to it as he was left crying. "Please...I didn't--"

I removed my boot from the man's hand, raising it up and stomping the man's head. A sickening crunch followed as I snapped the man's nose, and a burning pain stemming from my ankle. My body was burning up, my eyes starting to blur from the pain. "Animals...animals have no place among the common." I muttered, tearing the bayonet from my rifle and throwing the busted machine aside.

The bound duo started screaming into their gags, watching in horror as I sauntered over to them, swinging myself left and right as my motor controls faded away. The bayonet in my bandaged hands slowly slathering in blood as my wound reopened. My body was falling apart, mere moments after getting home, everything was falling away into dust.

I crouched down before the man tied up in the corner of the well furnished room. Holding his head up and looking him in the eyes. "...Pitiful...isn't it?" I asked, reaching back around and cutting his hands free. "Truly god damn pitiful." I muttered, stabbing the bayonet into the floor between his legs. "Cowards." I hissed, standing up and turning to a door by a window, a bright orange light waiting outside.

The man's voice cried out over my steps, "Wait! Wait, please, call the police!"

I slowly turned around to face the man. "...What the fuck are the police?" I asked, wrapping my hands around the doorknob. I swung it open.

What laid in wait was horrifying. Bright orange lights hanging from poles up and down a street. Red and white blurs rushing past from a nearby road. The smell of gasoline, the smell of smog, the sight of life all around me. I wasn't home, this wasn't my home. The lights, the sound of something zooming past overhead, the sounds of tires rolling endlessly by.

"No...." I mumbled, rubbing my face at a horrid sight. I was back in St. John's, I was back on earth, I was where I should be, but nothing was the same. "No!" I shouted, stepping out into the cold night, the burning in my arms growing more and more painful. "No god damn it, no!" I screamed, looking out over the bright lights that illuminated the city.

The home, it was something out of magazines, something that had been at one point, something we were supposed to strive to become. Soon, cars began to come to stops before me, an overhead light illuminating me and the dull grass below me. Something that wasn't meant to be, fresh grass, a lawn, things I'd heard about in stories.

But as I stood there, reveling in the splendor and majesty of a land free of the violence I'd lived through, I realized something. Nothing was as it should be. I should be running back to my army, I should be marching to the edge of the land, following the wake of war, if this was my home where were the fires, where were the guns, what was this thing flying overhead, shining blinding light down upon me.

Where was my family, where was my life, where was what was promised!? He'd said he'd send me home, but this wasn't it, this couldn't be it!

"Discord!" I screamed, wheeling back towards the house, my body burning up. "Why!? Why god damn you, why!?"

I charged to back towards the house, hearing something, feeling something sending me to the ground. I'd just been shot, once again, even when all that was broken in my life, the lanterns along the streets working, the world filled with cars and lights, the horrid nights made bright and safe I'd been shot.

"Take me home!" I screamed, clawing my way up the steps, my fingers bleeding as I pulled my dead weight over the concrete steps. I pulled myself inside, crawling towards the basement, the people I'd cut free staring at me as I bled over their floor.

The pain was mind numbing, reducing my intellect, bringing me back to what I was. A snarling animal with a single purpose.  Only now I had a just cause, a righteous agenda. I had to go home, to my real home. "You fucker!" I screamed, reaching the hall and grabbing onto the basement door. "Come on...come on! Let me see her face again!" I screamed, trying against everything else to pull myself towards the way back. He could try again, he could send me home to the right place, to the right time, he could fix this. He had to try and fix this.

I needed my life back, not this, not whatever this alternative was. Home, bring me home. "Bring me home, let me go home!" I snarled at the gods, clawing my way down the steps and tumbling to the concrete below. My body was dying, this world was killing me, had shot me, was dissolving my person and leaving me to die. The pony land hadn't, my home could try but never succeeded, but this, this fake reality, this falsehood was tearing me apart.

I found myself crawling over boxes in the basment, trying desperately to get to the glowing doorway back to Equestria, to a better home at least. "Hands let me--" An angry voice cut itself short as footsteps echoed behind me. "C-call someone, go, go go!"

I ignored it all, dragging myself to the edge of the portal and throwing my hand through. "Momma...please!" I screamed, feeling the pain cease as my fingers pulled past the threshold. "Celestia, please, someone please! Let me see them again! I've earned it!"

I felt myself start to be pulled through the portal, something grabbing my tattered coat and dragging me forwards. "Please...I've earned it...let me hope...give them back to me."

Within seconds I felt the pain in my upper body cease, aside for a dull ache near my kidney. "Please...I just wanna go home, momma please just let me rest." I pleaded, spotting a horrified white face staring down at me. I could help but smile as Celestia hovered over me, "Please...I just wanna go home."

I started laughing, giving way to tearless sobs, "You know...you really would look good in orange."

Shave

Home

I sat in the dungeon once again, door locked, guard sitting before me. Staring at my feet, book in my lap, waiting. The screams of madmen, ponies and other creatures so disconnected from reality it blocked out my thoughts. But unlike the rest, I had made a choice, and given the painful sickness that lingered since I'd been to my false home I decided better to keep myself away.

In a week of recovery and seclusion, trying to come to terms with my reality, I realized much from the thin book placed on my lap. The book was a heart breaking revelation, a horrid realization. Discord had lead me in the correct place, the correct world, but something was wrong. The usual date was nearly seventy years off, sitting with a thirteen at the end where an eighty should sit.

But something more horrid than the date, something more horrid than the lack of war, the quiet, the calm, I'd been told a name I thought long dead. A man I'd fought with half a year ago, a name I'd seen written on a coffin, a man I'd seen killed before my eyes was coming to meet me.

"This- this the way?" The familiar human voice cut the screaming of the mad. "...I don't think--"

"He mentioned you by name." A blustery voice shot back.

The voices grew louder and louder. "That's- you know talking horses is disconcerting enough, now you start telling me one of you knows me by name!?"

I stood up, walking to the bars and undoing the lock. "I'm not like them." I muttered, throwing the door open and sitting back down. Eventually the man I'd requested stepped down and peered into my cell. "Captain Lewis, good to see you with your brains still in your head."

The man, the familiar human face grew a bit angry as he stepped inside. "...Is that a threat?"

I shook my head gently. "Hardly. It was lucky enough that you came through, one in a million, and now I've got a few questions. Take a seat." I pointed to the bench across from my own.

The captain slowly walked inside, sitting down and looking around. "...Alright, so do--"

"Captain, what year is it?" I asked, flipping through the book I'd been given.

The man shifted around. "How do you know my--"

"Lewis Ardgus, age thirty five, born two-thousand two. Date of death, twenty-one eighty-eight." I closed the book with a snap. "That's when you died to me. On the beach of Newfoundland."

Lewis shifted around. "Who the hell--"

"What is the date, Mr. Ardgus?"

He stared at me, frightful rage in his eyes. "Newyears...two-thousand-thirteen."

I started laughing laughing through my nose. "Of course, of course it is." I reached down into my backpack, nestled between my legs, "Let me show you something," I pulled something from my pack, a silver chain with some tags on the end. "Here, go ahead and read these."

Lewis slowly took the tags, looking them over. "...Samuel, Able, Brennan.... D.O.B. sixty-three."

I smiled, nodding. "And?"

Lewis' face went dull. "Sixty-three.... You're fifty?"

I shook my head softly, "...Twenty-sixty-three." I started chuckling as yet another familiar face poked its head in. "Celestia...can you believe it? That idiot got everything right but the time, the people, he was so close!" I shouted, grabbing the bench I was sitting on. "He sent me to the wrong world, the fucking idiot, he- he was so close!" I shouted slamming my seat and causing Lewis to jump. "But it's not right! It's not what it was meant to be!" I shouted, looking at Lewis, "This pudgy shit...the lights, the date. He sent me to the wrong version...the wrong home, the wrong fucking world."

Celestia looked around, "Able...I don't under--"

"This is Earth, this is all right, the place, the people, everything's right except the circumstance! Things...things must have been different here, maybe there was no war, maybe the famine never came, maybe I actually died!"

I stood up, looking out of the cell at Celestia. "It's perfect, it's the world I wanted it to be. But it's not my own. I don't exist in that world! Or maybe I do...maybe there's more than one of me. But- that- if there's another me, one who never had to fight, one that was sane, one that lived free--" I turned to Lewis, "It's like a mirror...like a mirror leading to a different world."

I stood up, turning to the exit. "I have to go...I need to leave, I need to find a place to live in peace, alone, somewhere I'll never have to- to face any of this!" I screamed. "I- my life is gone, but these people, these humans, these versions of my friends, they're free. They've never- I've never--" I started snickering, "Celestia...these people never had to live the horror, these are the humans you want, these are the people that I was talking about! The good humans, the people we sacrificed for, the ones we tried to become!"

I took a deep breath. "Celestia...I need to go, I need to be alone for the rest of my life. I can't be here anymore. There's nothing left for me anymore!" I shouted, wrapping my arms around her. "Please...if I exist in that other world, if my family exists on that other Earth...I don't want them to see me like this, they don't deserve to see me like this--"

Celestia pulled me against her with her foreleg. "Ponyville.... I'll find a place for you there." She nuzzled my head, "But we'll find you a way ho--"

"No!" I screamed, "No. This...this place is better than my home, this is what I was fighting to create, please...I'll sacrifice it all just to keep this...what this world is supposed to be, safe. If Lewis is alive...than I'm alive, if I'm alive...my family is alive...and better than that...they're safe. And that's...that's all I've ever wanted."

Celestia looked at me, scanning me up and down. "Able...you're sick, I don't know if you can tell but ever since you've gotten back you're--"

"Celestia...let me die." I pleaded, "Just find me a quiet, safe place to die. That's all I want."

Celestia's frown hardened. "And what about me? Luna told me what you thought, that I was using you, that I didn't care about you. You don't think I enjoy your company, you don't think I want you to stay!?"

"Then find me again. Find me in that whole new world that just opened up. I'm sure that version will be polite, kind, everything you want in a person, everything that I'm not, but please, let me go."

Celestia lowered her head. "Able...I don't want to. Everything just started, everything could have started here, we could try and--"

"Let me go."

"...Ponyville...I'll- I'll find you a place to stay, alone. But I expect letters!" She stomped, her hoof cracking the thick stone floor. "We could have tried...we can still try--"

"Celestia," I put my hand on her chest, "You need to let me go. I let go the moment I saw what I did, what Discord did for me, what I brought about...I can't do anything more, and if I die knowing that this life made all that possible...I think I'm fine with that."

Celestia closed the gap between us, resting her chin on my head. "Ponyville is quiet most of the time...you'll be safe there. And- I'll make sure no one knows, that they leave you alone."

I hung my arm around her head, "Thank you...my love, but I think it's time I go."

Dinner

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Dragon Skin Boots

Luna

Luna paced around me as her magic tore off the contraption around my lower body. "Your speech was a bit premature, no? I thought you--"

"Luna...I made a choice. I made said choice while walking there so it might not have been the best one, but it's been done." I rubbed my groin as the evil looking cage was pulled away. "Besides...I don't think I could have walked away if I hadn't said that."

Luna frowned hard. "You asked for my help, we could have taken time and--"

"And what? Luna...after what happened. The way I laid with her, the- the power I felt, the sick joy I took as she laid soft and weak before me. That wasn't love, maybe it started out trying to be love, but I- I did the same thing to it. I didn't let it in. I kept it surface, I treated her like everything else I blocked out and pushed away...and it's my fault."

Luna trotted around me. "We could have fixed--"

"After what I did, even if we could fix it I'd always have that doubt. That fear in the back of my mind that I'm just some concubine, one out of many, not something to be loved, something to be remembered fondly, but a toy to be used and discarded." I rubbed my head and pulled up my pants. "And I think it's better that way. That way I can leave, go back where I belong and let all of you get on with your lives."

Luna shook her head, "Our lives- Celestia and my own, have never been normal. You are hardly that odd or intrusive--"

"And what about me?" I got to my feet and walked up to her, "Luna...it's not fair to me either. It's not fair to let me get away with what I did, it's not fair to try and keep me someplace I obviously don't belong- I mean, if I stay here things are only going to get worse. I'm only going to think more, lash out more- back home...I'll have something to occupy my thoughts, something to keep me too distracted for thinking. And maybe...maybe I'll die doing something I care about. Maybe I'll die protecting the people I care about, not forced to scream at Innocent people just to keep from going mad."

Luna stared at me, her eyes starting to water, "Able, you don't have to--"

"I'm a creature of war, I'm a human being turned into a weapon. I'm something that has to be, something that gives other people like me a chance at being normal. I'll never have that shot, but maybe I can give someone else that life, the freedom to go where he wants, the freedom to stay quiet when they want, without having to worry about hearing voices or falling into that crippling depression." I reached out, hugging her and running my bandaged hand up and down her head. "...I was never going to be the perfect example of a human being...and I'm sorry I'm the first one you've met--"

"Able...the first of your kind I've met just gave a crowd of thousands a speech on self sacrifice." Luna nuzzled the back of my head, "A lesson we know, a lesson we wished we'd learned long ago. Acceptance...of who we are, what must be done- our limits...." She wrapped her forelegs around my back, "We know the thoughts that race through your mind, the fears of inadequacy, the want for power, the freedom and self determination. The want for recognition. But our handling of such matters forced us away for hundreds of years."

"Mine just tore my life to ribbons...no big dea--"

"We all chose our paths, and your words hurt much less than our destructive spree before our banishment. Your actions never destroyed a castle, your actions never harmed your kin--"

"Luna, I'm not the hero you're trying to make me out to be. I'm just not." I let her go, forced to push her away. "I'm not the bad guy...but I'm not the good guy either. I'm a necessary evil, and that choice will be in vain if I can't go back and finish what I started." I laughed grimly, "I mean I can't really be some famous martyr or hero with no war to fight, no lives to save, right?"

Luna nodded solemnly, "It is better to live and die for a cause...than to live in pointless monotony, letting the madness we fight against consume us, no?"

I stopped laughing, letting a soft frown sit on my face. "Luna...I think I might love you."

"I think you might love those that understand too easily."

"Probably right." I muttered, "...it's a nice hope thought. And hope is what keeps me going. Hope I'll have an impact, hope I'll find something worth dying for.... Well...I guess I better go find it." I hoisted my gear, turning to the door. "...Don't tell her I left. I don't think I could face her and still walk away."

Luna nodded heavily, looking me over. "Do you want me to tell her--"

"It's better if I just fade away. One little blip on the timeline, one meaningless and forgettable event. It'll be easier to move on that way." I rubbed my fingers, fighting the cold. "Tell her I'm sorry. I'm sure I should be sorry for something...I'll leave it up to her what I'm sorry for."

I hurried to the door, Discord waiting in the abandoned house down the street. "And Luna...." I turned around at the doorway, "...Thanks for teaching me to read...."