April - 2012 (T.W.G.)

by The Writer's Group

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 4604

We asked people to write something amusing. Surprisingly, funny ensues.

We asked people to write something amusing. Surprisingly, funny ensues.

Premise: In five-hundred and fifty words or less, please respond (in the most amusing way possible) to one of the prompts.

Cover art by: Owlor.

Published 2012-05-01 21:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-19 13:03:33 UTC

And seriously? No one did this yet? FOR THIS PROMPT? Goor lord... - CosmicAfro

Author: CosmicAfro

Prompt: It’s rainin’ colts! Hallelujah it’s raining colts!

Title: And seriously? No one did this yet? FOR THIS PROMPT? Goor lord...

Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Fillies - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you -You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely mares
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, Rainbow Dash’s ready to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining colts.

It's Raining colts! Hallelujah! -It's Raining colts! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to trot and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining colts! Hallelujah!
It's Raining colts! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Unicorn and Pegasi and kind and mean

God bless Luna, she's a single mare too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every mare could find her perfect stallion
It's Raining Colts! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Colts! Amen!
It's Raining Colts! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Colts! Ame---------nnnn!

I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin
Hear the thunder / Don't you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

God bless Luna, she's a single mare too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every mare could find her perfect stallion
It's Raining Men! Yeah!

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, Rainbow Dash’s ready to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining colts.

It's Raining Colts!Hallelujah! - It's Raining Colts! Amen!
It's Raining Colts! Hallelujah! - It'sRaining Colts!

Hit me - overdonefictions

Author: overdonefictions

Prompt: How did Celesta and/or Luna really get their ability to control the sun/moon?

Title: Hit me

Celestia stood by the statue of Discord. This was two days after Luna and Celesita defeated him, and they learned that the Sun and Moon do not change by themselves. Unfortunately, Discord was gone, and the secret to control of the Celestial Orbs were gone with him.

She sighed. There was only one thing left to try.

Luna approached, sensing her sister's intentions. "Are you sure?"

"Yes"

Luna turned to the shrub nearby. She pulled out a lack briefcase. The light of the Sun gleamed off of it, and the clips holding it closed released. The case opened. Inside there were...needles.

Celestia floated one over to her. She held out her arm and stuck the needle into her arm. She winced slightly, then pushed the liquid inside the needle into her veins. She felt her heart pump harder. Her muscles contracted. She felt powerful.

She looked up at the sun. She flew up into the sky. Out past the atmosphere. She grabbed the sun and punched it. The sun shattered into star dust. She had successfully set the sun. She cried out "YEEEAAAH!" and flew back down to the surface.

Luna looked at her quizzically. "You could have just used you magic. Drugs work for that too."

"I know. I did it for dramatic effect."

"Whatever."

Next it was Luna's turn to test her mettle. She pulled out a needle. She held out her arm reluctantly. She inserted the needle into her flesh. Her blood pumped with the sudden rush. She grinned. This was what it felt like to be god!

She looked at the moon with a look of distaste. She wrapped her magic around the sphere and tossed it out of the way. Now the moon was too, gone.

Celestia realized what they had done. "Luna? You realize we've just removed the sun and the moon from view from Equestria?"

"Oh. Illusions?"

"Sounds good."

End

Don't do drugs kids, or else you'll destroy the sun and moon.

Do you like candy? I love candy! - psp7master

Author: psp7master

Prompt: Lyra hears someone talking about Bon-Bons

Title: Do you like candy? I love candy!

"And when I licked it, I realized it was tasty!" a brown pegasus cheerfully exclaimed, addressing her interlocutor.

Lyra, who was passing by, stopped dead in her tracks. It was going to be a wonderful Hearthswarming Eve. She was going to spend it with the most wonderful mare in Equestria. But now, something struck her. Hard. She slowly turned her head towards the couple.

"Oh yes, I like bon-bons, too! You should've tried it long ago!" a yellow unicorn replied with a smile.

Lyra slowly trotted towards the ponies.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked the brown pony, trying to fake a smile. "I presume you were talking about Bon-Bon?"

"Oh yes, I've just tried it and it felt really good!" the pegasus answered, licking her lips.

"You... said you licked Bon-Bon, didn't you?" the green unicorn carried on, still not believing her ears.

"Oh yes!" the yellow pony interrupted. "Everypony does! In fact, you can get a bon-bon for just half-a-bit at Sugarcube corner. It's delicious! Why don't you try it?" she wondered, looking at the musician innocently.

"You've just... called my marefriend... a prostitute?!" Lyra yelled at the top of her lungs, smoke erupting from her nostrils.

The two ponies started to step back, sharing worried glances.

"NOPONY LICKS BON-BON, FOR BITS OR NOT! ONLY I LICK BON-BON!!" Lyra shouted and, lowering her head so her sharp horn was visible, started running.

***

"So... what'cha doin' time for?" a white stallion asked, yawning, looking around wearily.

"Candy," a green unicorn replied laconically, staring at her hooves.

"What the..." the stallion began.

"JUST CANDY, OKAY?!"

Silence endured in the prison cell.

A tall policepony appeared before the prisoners.

"You can thank our Mayor and our Princess, criminal scum. Today, on behalf of Her Royal Highness, due to Hearthswarming Eve, you will get bon-bons for dinner. No need to thank me, you dirty criminals," he said disdainfully and left.

Lyra inhaled. No, she definitely wasn't going to express her gratitude.

From the outside of the cell, through a small window, a pleasant smell reached her nose. It was a smell of roast vegetables, hayfries, pancakes, snow and candy.

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Unbridled Fury - GingerNutGin

Author: GingerNutGin

Prompt: It’s rainin’ colts! Hallelujah it’s raining colts!

Title: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Unbridled Fury

One fine, misty morning, Mister Clippity Clop was strolling through the central square of Ponyville. His long, luscious pink mane dragged against the softened earth, picking up bits and pieces of debris. But he didn't care. He was fabulous no matter how much grime settled into his sleek red coat.
As he walked, he took the occasional deep, loud whiff of air. His nostrils snorted in delight as the fine scent of cooking dough and fresh flowers clogged his olfactory senses.

Yes, Mister Clippity Clop really did enjoy the fine surroundings of Ponyville in the early morning hours. It was a peaceful sensation, to watch the faint silhouettes of the cottages fade and reappear in the inconsistency of the fog. The ground was still mushy from the previous rainfall, though there was no amount of dirt in the world that could possibly tarnish the blinding brilliance that was his magnificent hooves.

With a deep sigh of contentment, Mister Clippity Clop rounded the colorful siding of Sugarcube Corner, his nose picking up the delectable scent of frosting and congealing sugar. Normally, the fine stallion would have halted his pace to take a few elegant whiffs of the shop, though the ominous view of the horizon cut his ritual short.

"Huh?" he breathed, a white puff of air expelling from his puffy, gorgeously painted lips. The sky in the far off mountains had taken on a darkened hue, as large black clouds rolled into town at an alarming rate.

"A storm?" Mister Clippity Clop could hardly believe it. It wasn't supposed to rain today! For a quick second, he fretted over the expensive cashmere coat that he wore over his endowed chest. What if it got wet?

The clouds quickened in their pace, and Mister Clippity Clop turned tail to try and outrun the impending doom that was to come to his fabulous attire. However, the ground was still wet, and it wasn't long before his hooves had slipped, causing the poor creature land face down on the earth.

"Buck!" he cursed under his breath, craning his neck around to hopelessly witness the plump clouds as they dispelled their water directly on top of his delicate, yet manly form. He winced involuntarily, though the stinging pain of the frigid water was nothing compared to the large weight that toppled onto his back.

And then, all of a sudden, the rain was gone.

Mister Clippity Clop slowly turned his head around, gasping as his eyes were met with a pair just like his own.

Indeed, for Mister Clippity Clop was staring at a clone of himself, right down to the perfect contours of his puffy chest.

"You're... me?" the stallion gasped.

"Not really..." his clone replied, rolling off of his other self's back. "I'm just a shape-shifter. I saw you over the mountain and... well..."

"You envy me?" Mister Clippity Clop ventured, his whole self swelling in pride.

The clone blushed. "Ah... Yes. "

Mister Clippity Clop offered his own self a cheeky grin. “Well then, I’m flattered you would use me as a test subject.” He chortled, reaching out a mud-caked hoof to stroke the clone’s marble smooth chin.

And then, amidst the perplexed stares of the wakening townsfolk, a relationship was born.

Dear Diary - Owlor

Author: Owlor

Prompt: Discord eating a slice of pizza

Title: Dear Diary

Thursday

When taking calls at work, I often have to deal with a lot of weird ponies, and I have pretty much gotten used to it. However, today I had a phone-call that was out of the ordinary, even by the standards of the late-night shift, and I think it deserves to be recounted in full:

"Hello, this is Ponyvilles Pizza Palace, may I take you order?"

"Hello? Hello! Ah, it finally worked! Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to use the phone. I'm feeling a bit stiff, to say the least... Anyway, what do I want? What sort of crusts do you have, do you have Umbrella?"

"Umbrella?", I asked.

"Yes, you could stabilize it with breadsticks, and it would shield you against the rain. Well I think it would be a terrific idea, don't you?"

"Sir, is this a prank call?"

"Prank call? you're accusing ME of doing a simple PRANK CALL?!!! Yes, that DOES sound like something I would do, doesn't it? Fine, let's do it YOUR way, what sort of crust do you have?"

"Regular or pan pizza, sir, nothing else”

"I'll take a regular pizza then, I never did get along well with Pan. He's a horn-dog, lemme tell you! In more than one sense of the word.... Oh, but I need toppings, don't I? I want popcorn, cheesecake, anchovies and liquorice."

"On a pizza?"

"No, on the bucking MOON, what do you think?!"

"oookay, I'm gonna hang up now..."

"Wait, wait wait! I'm sorry, I've just had a rough day. Pidgeons, I hate them! Fine, just put a little of all your toppings on there, okay? I'm not picky. Do you deliver to Canterlot?"

"Yes we do."

"Good! The adress is Canterlots sculpture garden, third statue to the right, the one that looks like a draconequus."

"You want us to deliver food to a statue?" I asked.

"Yes! I still like to EAT y'know? Oh and by the way, could you ask the delivery pony to put a slice of the pizza in my mouth? I'm a little tied up at the moment..."

I hung up on him. At first I thought this was a prank-call, now I HOPE it was a prank-call. It has to be, right? Otherwise, how would a statue be able to use a phone?

FridaY.

There's been a strange statue outside of the shop all day, I'm serious. It was just barely visible from the desk where I take calls, but when I finally got off work and could investigate, the statue was gone! I'm not going crazy here, there was a clear mark on the ground where I had previously seen the statue.

SAtUrdAy.

Something's been in the kitchen. When I was arriving for the morning, I smelled freshly baked pizza. On the counter I found a pizza-box that rested on the table with a note on it that said “Thanks for letting me use the kitchen! I only really wanted one slice, you can have the rest of the pizza, I think you will like it.” I haven't dared to open the box yet. My fear wrestles with my curiosity, and I think my curioisty is winning...

Discord's Devilishly Delicious Perfect Pizza - Deathscar

Author: Deathscar

Prompt: Discord eating a slice of pizza

Title: Discord's Devilishly Delicious Perfect Pizza

Discord gazed upon the delicious silver plate which lay in front of him which was a huge, 24-inch pizza, its cheese glistening under the lamp light present at his table in Pizza Buck. The light also made the smoke that was rising out of the pizza clearly visible, carrying a wafting scent of bacon, ham and other meats Discord couldn’t be bothered to identify. Underneath the large amounts of toppings laid a crispy crust, baked to a perfect golden brown and ladles after ladles of fresh, home-made tomato base sauce. Featuring only the freshest tomatoes harvested in the garden behind the pizzeria.

Discord’s eyes widened as he reached down to pick up a slice of the tempting pie. When he pulled a slice away, the thick, stringy cheese acted like ropes anchored to the pizza below. With a little effort, he finally managed to snap the bungee cord cheese. Bringing the mouthwatering slice to his mouth, the fresh scent of herbs, meats, cheese and pastry filled his nose causing him to whisper to himself unknowingly.

“Come to me my sweet little pie…” Discord opened his mouth and took the first bite of the succulent slice in his hand. The flavors were immense. The tangy tomato sauce blended perfectly with the marvelous mozzarella cheese. As he gave the piece in his mouth bite after bite, he could taste all the wonders of the pizza. From the salty bacon to the luscious greens which were hidden under a layer of juicy ham and mouthwatering turkey.

Finally swallowing his first bite of that delicious treat, Discord could still feel the lingering heat of the several chilies that were present in the dish. They tickled the back of his throat but it was more delicious than painful.

Discord licked his lips as he bit into the next slice. And the next…And the next… until he realized that the pizza was all but gone! Being the evil, manipulating puppeteer that he was he… paid the bill, gave the waitress a nice tip and managed to even get the beautiful red-head’s number.

What could it be - eviltomby

Author: eviltomby

Prompt: A drunk pony sits next to you in a bar, thinks you’re their buddy and starts confessing “the truth."

Title: What could it be

Wanting to relax after a hard day’s work I decided to check out the new pub that opened up this month. it is a little out of the way so I wasn't surprised that it was mostly empty. trotting up to the bar I order a random drink. looking around the place I notice somepony staring at me. he is a larger than normal pony and he looks like he has had a few too many. I start to panic some when he wanders over to where I was sitting.

"look," he begins, "I know you have a marefriend and you care for her but I need to say this."

My panic gives way to confusion, he must have mistaken me for somepony else. I begin to tell him he has the wrong pony, but he starts cuts me off.

"The truth is I think she's not who she says she is. I heard her talking to some shady pony about an 'artifact'." he even air quoted. "I even found this weird thing that could be the 'artifact." he pushes a parcel into my hooves."I'd keep an open ear around her if I were you. I worry about you, bro. Be careful." that's when he turns and left me dumbfounded. I turn to the bartender and order another drink, prepared to put this behind me. I can't help but think what could this 'artifact' could be and what I just got pushed into.

Over Drinks - Aethraspex

Author: Aethraspex

Prompt: A drunk pony sits next to you in a bar, thinks you’re their buddy and starts confessing “the truth”

Title: Over Drinks

So, you’re in a bar. You’re alone. The darkness outside presses against the windows with benthic pressure while the fluorescent lights hum idly on the roof. Taking another sip of your seventh, you hear a door swing open and creak shut. Suddenly, at your side, you find a purple unicorn pony with hot pink streaks in her mane.

“Hello,” you mumble.

“Hello,” she mumbles back.

“Do you come here often?” you inquire.

“No, this place is very new to me,” She replies. You nod slowly and revert your attention back to the liquid in front of you. “Actually, could you help me with something?” she asks.

“Sure, if you’d like,”

“Do you know which way Ponyville is from here?”

You contemplate the question, or at least let it simmer in the air for a minute or so. “Sorry, can’t remember,” Is all you can finally come up with. The pony slumps onto the bar with exasperation. For some reason, she swings her head slowly from side to side, lingering at certain points before laying it back down again.

“Don’t s’pose you could spare a drink, huh?” She says tentatively.

You slide over the pitcher of cider you have on your left. “Go ahead,” You say.

The unicorn pours a mug and takes decent swig. She places the vessel back on the bar and gazes at it ponderously. “Do you want to know the truth?” She asks. You look at her, pause, then nod. “You should stop drinking this stuff,” She states.

You take your mug in your hand and sip from it, letting taste of cider wash over your tongue while you reflect on your response.

“Yeah, maybe,” You say.

Why I Avoid Bars - Raryn

Author: Raryn

Prompt: A drunk pony sits next to you in a bar, thinks you’re their buddy and starts confessing “the truth”

Title: Why I Avoid Bars

So there I was, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a severely drunk stallion dressed in rags and wearing a hat made of tinfoil pulled me into a shady bar. He dragged me to the counter and sat down on a stool, motioning for me to do the same. Not wanting to cause a scene, I obliged. My new, drunk “friend” ordered a pair of drinks for us and when they arrived he downed his before turning to me.

“About time you showed up,” he said with a belch. “I was waitin' forever for ya.”

"Uh-" I replied, not really following. "Sorry?"

“No matter cause I've finally found out the truth. Now drink up, you'll need it.” Under his drunken gaze, I pulled the glass to my mouth, and drained it, forcing down the sour, acidic liqueur. He shook his head in approval before continuing. “Yes, I've finally found the truth to the question we've been searching for all these long years.”

“Really?” I said, trying to follow the drunk's words as the drink slowly went to my head. I'm not saying I'm a lightweight at holding my liqueur, I'm saying that whatever I drank was something really strong. “Do tell.”

“Yes, the truth is that everything we know about everything is...” From here on, I don't remember the conversation with the drunken pony. I know it was something important but it's all one big blank to me. Anyways, as the drunk finished saying whatever the truth was, a pony came flying from behind the bar, tackling the drunk off his stool and dragged him out of the bar. In my state of inebriation, I'm not sure what I thought of what had just happened, so I took the unicorn stallion wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses that walked into the bar just after the other two left as something normal. The suited unicorn pulled something out of a pocket and floated it in front of him.

“You all saw nothing here today,” he said slowly while waving his front hooves as if they were snakes. His thing-a-ma-jig began to blink with a red light. I turned away from the thing as it emitted a bright flash of light, shooting shadows on the wall behind the bar. What happened after that? Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know. I think I fell asleep there at the bar, because when I woke, I was lying in some gutter with a horrible pain in my head. It was then that I swore to stay away from all bars.

Instant Digression - tytyvm

Instant Digression - tytyvm

Author: tytyvm

Prompt: How did Celesta and/or Luna really get their ability to control the sun/moon?

Title: Instant Digression

Pit…pat…pit…pat
Just one more step.

Pit…pat…pit…pat
Just one more time.

Pit…pat…pit…pat
Just one more go.

Pit…pat…pit…pat
Just one more stretch.

Pit…pat…pit…pat
Just one more…

Pit…pat…screech…thump
Just one more night.
You stir. Releasing a soft moan, your eyes take note of a blurred world before you. Your body is encased by a thick brown sludge; muscles like tough stake.

Chp…chp-chp…wiz…chp…chp
The moon filled sky is lit by sparkling red streaks of fire. You take note of the brilliant display before reminding yourself:
Just one more day.

Like a politician, you body decides to do jack-shit. Grinding your teeth, you manage a slow crawl through the less than solid ground; dazzling shadows gracing the night for mere moments of time, flashing lights that give the dark a glossy glow. Dirt now takes shelter beneath your nails; boots sloshing in the liquid earth.
Just one more climb.

Your left arm fails to find purchase as one of the many dazzlingly lights chastises you for raising the limb a bit too high. You hear a static screech come from you side, followed by a mash of rapid, heated gibberish.
Just one more dea-

“Will you Shut-The-Hell-Up already?”
Wu-

“Lulu, I swear to all that is holy, if you don’t stop playing modern warfare, I’m going to go medieval on you’re a-“

“You’re just mad I get all the bitches Celly!”
And it was true, Celly indeed wanted the bitches.

Oh, hi you two! I’m making you both ponies that control the Moon and Sun-bye-now!
“Wu-“

FIN

The Day It Rained - Samaru163

Author: Samaru163

Prompt: It’s rainin’ colts! Hallelujah it’s raining colts!

Title: The Day It Rained

It started out as any other day in Ponyville; birds were singing, ponies were playing, and Twilight was forcing her “assistant” Spike to “help” her complete her daily checklist. They had just finished purchasing a month’s worth of paint to fix up the library after Pinkie’s last party when Twilight had the funniest feeling that something weird was about to happen.
Suddenly there was a loud crash behind them, which was quickly followed by a moan of pain. Twilight spun around to find a purple Earth Pony stallion on the broken remains of some shrubbery. Quickly she lifted him up while Spike, for who knows what reason, tried to put the shrub back together.
“Where’d you come from?” Twilight asked the dazed stallion. He pointed to the sky, groaning with every move. Twilight followed his hoof and her jaw dropped. A giant purple storm cloud was hovering above Ponyville, and hundreds of stallions were falling from it! Quick as she could Twilight gathered Spike in her magic and teleported back to the library. The moment they did a stallion landed on Spike reconstructed shrub, which looked like Rarity.
*****
It was chaos all over town! Everywhere ponies were running for cover as the rain of stallions continued. It was so bad that Lily ended up fainting again (strangely not a single one hit her). Rarity fared pretty well under her umbrella and simply went along oblivious to her surroundings. A pegasus team led by Rainbow Dash attempted to clear the cloud, but were quickly grounded by the onslaught of stallions. In the end, Ponyville was destroyed!
*****

“What the heck did I just read?” Games Master thought as she was closing the book her twin had written. Festivities looked at her with as much enthusiasm as physically possible.
“So you like it?”
“Well it defiantly needs improvements.”
“Like how?”
“Well how about a clear cut ending, or more than one page of writing?” Games Master critiqued. “And then there’s the premise, why are stallions falling in the first place? It’s stupid.”
Festivities simply looked at her twin and smiled. “You’re just upset because it will never happen.”
“And why would I want something this stupid to happen?”
“Because how else would you ever get a guy!”

The End - Cytotoxin

Author: Cytotoxin

Prompt: It’s rainin’ colts! Hallelujah it’s raining colts!

Title: The End

Twitch-a-twitch-a-twitch-a-TWITCH! Pinkie Pie shuddered violently, her limbs splaying as she popped up into the air like an air balloon. "Aagh, what, what!? Ive never had that twitch before! Its going to be a super-duper dozy!" - apparently, even the party mistress had some reservations about the ominous future her twitches tended to predict. Ducking behind a tree, she took stock of the surroundings.
The area seemed to be quite mundane and orderly, however, completely devoid of any of the usual dangers twitches might have predicted. Except... That cloud... Was there a rain scheduled today?
Pink mare pulled out a calendar and consulted it thoughtfully. "Nope. No rain today. Guess I`d better get Rainbow Dash." - she concluded, tucking the calendar back into her mane. Now, where would the pegasus be?... Oh. Wait. Inside the cloud?
"Dashie!" - she hollered, waving to the sky enthusiastically. Cloud rumbled slightly. "Dashie, Dashie, DASHIE! C`mon, this is important!" - apparently, the second plea had reached the pegasus after all. She burst out of the cloud, wild-eyed and disheveled - "Pinkie!... RUN!"
Rumbling within the cloud increased manifold. Rainbow cast a spooked look over her shoulder and sped up again, gliding close to the ground. Pinkie Pie gave chase. "What`s going on, Dashie?" - she inquired on the run. "Pegasus mating season."
Suddenly, the cloud burst open, disgorging forth a flock of winged stallions. "Weeeee! Its raining colts!" - whooped Pinkie, as she followed Rainbow Dash. "Yes, it does, now RUN or get gangbucked!" - hollered Dash as she picked up speed again. "...Hm. A touch choice. Guess thats what the twitch meant." - mused Pinkie on the run.