Spike Dies

by Shadymist

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1590

Spike dies

Spike dies. A lot.

Edited by MissyAngel

Preread by Dunsparce, Kinky Pie, and The Cry Baby Wiener Licker

Published 2014-06-08 14:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-08 14:40:02 UTC

Spike Dies

“Twilight,” Pinkie shrieked as she broke through the door of the Golden Oaks library, sending splintery door bits across the library.

Twilight jumped in fright and in the process got her horn stuck in the ceiling. She looked down and stared at Pinkie while her body hung limply.

“Gosh darn it, Pinkie. What did I say about breaking into my home in the middle of the day?” Twilight scorned.

“It is not good practice for breaking into other ponies’ homes in the middle of the night.”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“Why did you regrow your treebrary when you could live in a tree palace?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Pinkie. What do you want?”

“Oh, yeah! I came to tell you I broke another one!”

“What? Really, Pinkie? What did you do this time?”

“Well, I was walking with it, and well...”

“What happened?”

“It got smashed by a giant pickle.”

“Dang it, Pinkie,” Twilight shouted. “That’s the fifth Spike this week... and it’s only Tuesday!”

“It’s not my fault that baby dragons can’t handle a woodchipper or nail guns or you know mallets to the head...”

Twilight face hoofed. “Ugh, whatever. It’s just that now I have to use my own Spike again and get you a new one out of the mirror pool.”

“Oh, thank you, Twilight! You're the best. And look on the bright side; at least I’m not doing what Dashie is doing.”

Twilight froze. “What is Dash doing?”

Before Pinkie could answer, she felt her tail twitch like it was having a seizure. “Twitchy tail!” she shouted before taking cover under a desk.

Not a second later, like a drunk angel from the sky, a green and purple blur crashed through the roof the of library. The sound of crashing wood was heard after the Unidentified Falling Object covered it completely. A second later, Rainbow Dash came floating in through the hole with a bored expression.

“So much for that...,” Rainbow said. “Hey, Twilight. My Spike kinda got crushed by, like, fifty pounds of debris. I need another.”

“Bumf yuu desh,” Twilight’s muffled voice said from under the rubble.

“What?” Rainbow Dash said, looking around for the voice of the purple nerd. “Where are you, Twilight?”

“Under the rubble, Dash.” Pinkie pointed out with her foam finger.

Suddenly, Twilight teleport from under rubble and glared at rainbow with the intensity of twenty and a half suns. “What the heck, Rainbow?”

“Whaaaaat?”

“You just crushed me in a ton of rubble!” Twilight shrieked angrily.

“Not my fault Spikes can’t fly...” Rainbow looked over at the pile of rubble. “Or survive a thousand foot drop.”

“Why the heck do you guys keep killing them?”

“Hey, you're one to talk,” Rainbow said accusingly. “You’ve killed more than we have!”

“No, I haven’t. Unlike you, I care about Spike.”

“Mhm,” Rainbow said unconvinced. “Let’s just take a look at you closet.” Faster than Twilight could react, Rainbow flew to a closet that said ‘NO UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY’ and threw it open. Exactly one hundred one dragon skulls came flooding out of the closet like waterfall of dragon skulls.

“That proves nothing. I just happen to like dragon skulls,” Twilight insisted.

“Uh huh. Then what about that dragon scale swimsuit you had Rarity make for you?”

“...You’re just mad you can’t make it look good like me,” Twilight muttered, red faced.

Dash ignored Twilight and busied herself with trying to unbury the crushed Spike from under the debris.

“Twilight,” Pinkie shouted. “I need my new Spike. I have to test my new deluxe party cannon.”

Twilight stared blankly at Pinkie so blankly that it was now written in history as the blankiest stare ever made ever. Suddenly the blank stare was painted with the look of exhaustion as Twilight let out a loud and drawn out sigh. “Piiiiinkie, you know I love you, but if I gave you another Spike, how long would you actually keep it before sending it into a bloody and and ever so ridiculous end?”

“Uuuuuuh, about three days.”

“Why can’t you be like Rarity she has twenty Spikes? All she does is subjugate them to hard manual labor that most likely breaks several laws.”

“Speaking of Rarity, she told me to tell you she needs about 54.7432467234 Spikes.”

“Why?”

“Because as she says, ‘Don’t worry about it, you pink she demon.’”

“Well, that’s just rude.”

“I know, right?”

“I’m still not going to make them.”

“Oh, yes you will, purple waste of oxygen.”

“Finally, I got him out!” Rainbow cheered, holding up the limp body of Spike.

“Put that down, Rainbow. Hasn’t your parents ever taught don’t play with dead baby dragons?” Twilight scolded her friend.

“Yes, of course, because the number one thing my parents centered their concern on was me playing with dead baby dragons,” Rainbow said sarcastically while idly tossing the Spike from hoof to hoof.

“Twilight, it’s an emergency!” the original Spike shouted as he was carried into the library by six Spikes.

“What’s wrong, Spike?” said Twilight.

“It’s Fluttershy! She’s done it; she’s freaking done it.”

“What did she do?”

“She, she-”

“SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES!” Pinkie screamed.

Twilight looked outside to see an army of Spikes marching towards the library. They all wore armor with a familiar mark on it. A mark that put fear into the hearts of many. A mark that would forever be known as the mark of death. The pink butterflies were on the chest on each of the Spike’s chest. Fluttershy marched in front of them with rainbow colored war paint adorned on her face.

“Oh, is it already the second Tuesday of the month?” Twilight wondered.

“Yep,” Spike answered whilst sipping some freshly clone Spike squeezed lemonade.

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Twilight said as she stepped outside to confront the large mass of uselessness that stood in front of her home.

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE! I, HIGH QUEEN FLUT-”

Before Fluttershy could finish her tirade, Twilight had already teleported behind her and vaporized all the Spikes into ash.

“Well, that’s done...” Twilight said, bored.

“Awww, thought I had you that time,” Fluttershy said, disappointed.

“Fluttershy, I’ve told you once, and I’ll tell you again. You’ll never be able to take over Ponyville with just a group of baby dragons, and even worse, baby dragon Spikes. I’ll hoof it to you, though, the armor was a nice touch.”

“Yeah. Rarity recommended it.”

“And it was marvelous,” a posh and dignified annoying voice said.

Everypony and Spike turned to see Rarity in all her disgusting glory being carried up the road in a solid gold chariot covered in all kinds of gems that, instead of wheels, was pulled by ten Spikes.

“Oh, Twilight, darling! Do you have my 54.7432467234 Spikes?”

“No, of course not,” Twilight said curtly. “Why do you even need 54.7432467234 Spikes?”

“Because, darling, it’s necessary for my darling business.”

“How could we even make 54.7432467234 Spikes?”

“It is not my job to think of the technicalities. That’s your job. Now chop chop! We don’t have all day, darling.”

“Say darling one more time, and I’ll shove my hoof so far up your bum, I’ll be able to touch the stick.”

“Tsk tsk, Twilight. Why would you say such things to me? I thought we were best friends.”

“And I thought that Spike was useful,” Twilight said flatly. “We all make wrong assumptions.”

“Hmpf! Why I never!” Rarity said sticking her nose in the air.

“Mistress Rarity,” one of the ten Spikes said, “may I get some water, please? I am very parched.”

“Sure, darling,” Rarity said sweetly before a sadistic look came over her face. “You can find plenty of water in Pacific Ocean.”

A second later, the Spike was picked up by Rarity’s magic and was launched into the sky, never to be seen again.

“So this is why you need more Spikes?”

“Yes, darling. All these Spikes are just so ungrateful! I need to teach them a lesson,” Rarity said as if this was obvious. “You should have seen the one who asked for some more gems to eat. I mean isn’t two gems a day enough!”

Twilight groaned in annoyance. “Can this day get anymore annoying?”

Of course, due to the unspoken magical law of the universe her saying this, of course caused this day to get more annoying. From across the horizon, a orange coated hick pony can be seen galloping like a mad mare down the path towards the library. Following this mad mare, who was obviously insane, came a literal wave of purple and green.

“APPLEJACK!” Twilight shouted.

“TWILIGHT!” Applejack shouted back, sliding to a halt in front of Twilight. “It’s horrible. I was trying to get more free labor for the farm, and I made a clone of a clone Spike, and that clone made a clone and now there are more clones and the farm is gone and I need help!”

“Dang, Applejack, you’ve doomed us all!”

And that was that. No one else got a line in this story because at that exact moment the wave of Spikes came crashing down on the six Element holders, killing them in the most humiliating way possible. In a wave of Spikes.

Soon the whole world was covered in Spikes, leaving no other species alive. All that was left was Spike. Being the same person, they were all able to get along and soon created a government.

The world would be now known as Spiketopolis.

THE END

Author's Note

Yes this happened.