A old mare asks weird questions

by JustDing

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 1134

[CRACKFIC!!!] The mane six, the captain and the princesses were invited to a quizshow... a weird quizshow...

CRACKFIC WARNING!!!

Follow the intelligence of the mane six, the captain and the princesses through a quizshow, where they are asked aweful questions with even more weird answeres.

This is my second crackfic. I hope you'll left a dislike and won't read it. The image is from the SNES game Terranigma and has nothing to do with the story.

Published 2014-06-03 12:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-03 12:50:01 UTC

The lulz

CRACKFICK++CRACKFIC++CRACKFIC++CRACKFIC++CRACKFIC++CRACKFIC

"HELLO and Welcome to 'Everypony versus Anypony', the new quizshow in Canterlot. My name is Quick Quill and I have very shitty guests, namely the mane six, the captain of the Royal Guards and of course the princesses!"

The lights were blinking rapidly on the stage of the newly found quizshow named 'Everypony versus Anypony'. The stage was built in the Wonderbolts Stadium. Each pony stood behind a table.

The rules for this new amazing awesome quizgame were pretty easy. On each table were three lights. For each wrong answere, a light go off and when all the lights were off, the pony had lost. When the pony gave the correct answere, the pony may could choose the next pony.

"Now we get the game starting. First question.", Quick Quill turned to Rarity, "Who rut fourthousand ninehundred ninetynine stallions in one hour to stand up a new record?"

Rarity looked to the left and the right side "Er... I don't know."

*BEEP*

A light went off on her table. Quick Quill then said the answere "Me." before she turned to the captain of the Royal Guards. She looked at him while she flicked through the cards in her hooves, to find a rightful question for him...

"Shining Armor, the new definition of short is...?"

After a short time of thinking, he answered "My cock."

"Correct! Who's next?"

The white unicorn pointed at a yellow pegasus mare with pink mane "Fluttershy."

Quick Quill turned to her "Fluttershy?"

"Y-Yes?" her voice was shaking. She was not prepared for the show at all.

"Which musical instrument will be shoved into the loser's flank?" the showmaster mare asked.

"A fl-flute."

"That's right. Who's next?"

"Twilight."

"Twilight, here is your question." Quick Quill said. The purple unicorn's ears were perking up, she had learned a lot for this show.

"How many legs had Starswirls the Bearded?"

Her eyes widened in sheer terror. She read it nowhere in a book...

"I don't know..." she said, hanging her head. A light went off on her table, she had two chances left.

"Four." Quick Quill said. It was then Quick Quill turn to choose a pony "Celestia, how long have been Nightmare Moon banned?"

Princess Celestia opened her mouth "A tho-"

"Shut up, you molesting bitch!" Quick Quill interrupted her as she turned to Applejack "What is the name of the country where Vinyl Scratch lives?"

"Equestria?"

"That's correct! Choose a pony!"

"Then ah choose... Rainbow Dash.", Applejack said with a smirk.

"Rainbow Dash. It is a town's name. It starts with 'P' and ends with 'E'. Your friends live there."

"Ponyville!"

"WRONG! Las Pegasus.", as Quick Quill finished her sentence, all of Rainbow Dash lights went off. She had lost. Her healthy mental wall broke down as she slumped to the floor, quivering all over her body in a epileptical shock. But nopony came to help her. After a while, she died due of shock.

"Pinkie Pie. How many ponies did you murdered in 'Cupcakes'?"

"Five!" the pink pony squeked in joy.

"That's correct..."

"Not..." a light disappeared on Pinkie's table. Quick Quill just shrugged as she turned to Rarity.

"What is the first name of your sister?"

"Er..."

"Wrong, Sweete!" Quick Quill did not gave her the chance to even think about the question. She then turned to Princess Luna and asked "Ponies are equipping themselves with M4A1's and fuel. What is this for an situation?"

"They are preparing for an fight against Nightmare Moon and King Sombra.", Luna said with ease, she knew everything.

"That's right. Choose the next pony.", Quick Quill said chiming with a smile adorning her old face.

"I choose Celestia."

"Celestia. What is the name of the capital city of germany?"

Celestia needed a long time, mumbling incoherent words like "...Stuttgart...Bremen...Mannheim...Ladenburg.", but none of them were even in the slightest correct. Stuttgart is the capital city of Baden-Württemberg, a state located in germany. Bremen is the capital city of the state with the same name, Mannheim is a town located in Baden-Württemberg and Ladenburg is the dump where the author of this crappy story is living, also in Baden-Württemberg, but in the Neckar-Kreis district.

Her time ran out and three beeps were heard as the number six appeared on each of her lights.

"It's Berlin, which is larger and more important than Canterlot and germany is much older than you.", Quick Quill said, where at that point Celestia hung her head down as her lower lip quivered in sorrow. She felt that her city is useless and nobrony needed it...

The quiz mare then turned to Twilight "The last question before the final round. Gouda freezes at what temperature?"

"Fr9n0qk!"

"CORRECT! FINAL ROUND!"

After a while, only three tables stood in a row next to each other. Twilight, Applejack and Celestia were the last three ponies in this game. All other have lost or been shot with a Desert Eagle. The rules for the final round were different than from the normal's. All ponies were asked the same question at one time, but the pony who knew the answere may shout it out.

"The final round is here and only three ponies are left. We don't want to let the viewers waiting so we start with the first question!" Quick Quill said smiling. As she said 'left', she squeaked out the word.

"So, here's the first question. Who saved Equestria from eternal night?"

"Me!" Twilight shouted smiling.

"Correct, next question. Who saved Equestria from discordian chaos?"

"Me!" Twilight shouted again.

"Right. What means the letters 'FU'?"

This time, Celestia answered "Forgive us!" but her face dropped immediately as Quick Quill shook her head and said "Wrong. It means Fuck You, so get the fuck out, Celestia, you unworth bitch!"

Celestia trotted from her table, her wings dropped on each side of her body as she cried for mercy. She left the stage whimpering and went back to her castle, to cry herself into sleep. Quick Quill shrugged as she asked the next question "Who won the wonderbolts competition?"

"ME!!!" Twilight shrieked.

"And how many times Applejack won in hoofwrestling against deceased Rainbow Dash?"

Again, Twilight knew the answere, the egghead "Me!"

"Wow! Again correct.", Quick Quill wondered as she raised an eyebrow. Then she flipped a new card "What is-"

"Me!"

"LOL! Again! You're smart!" the quizmare shouted, before her expression turned to very serious "Last and final question! Who moderated the show 'Everypony versus Anypony'?"

"Me!" Twilight shouted, before she transformed into Queen Chrysalis, the queen of the changelings. Quick Quill grabbed her own face and ripped her mask off. Behind the costume was the egghead Twilight Sparkle.

"CORRECT! WE HAVE A WINNER! AND IT'S QUEEN CHRYSALIS!"

The queen cheered in happiness as she cried tears of joy.

The end...