We find ourselves in the middle of the Arctic. A purple anthropomorphic unicorn with a light blue mane and tail wearing a red parka, blue jeans, and white shoes walks towards what looks oddly like some kind of plane.
My name is Gyro Banner. I’m trying to stop a monster.
Gyro pulled out a gun and put it in his mouth. He pulled the trigger.
Only thing was, Gyro began to transform into a huge, powerful, for more monsterous version of himself that kind of looked like a dragon. His blue mane grew into mohawk-like spines and his hands became claws. The only thing the creature wore was the upper part of the jeans, now cut off at the knee.
Drago, as the creature was called, hacked and spat out the bullet.
“BANNER!!!” roared Drago
I guess I should explain the creature. That’s Drago. I turn into him whenever my heart rate hits over 200 BPM. How did I end up like this? Well, let’s set the WAYBACK for about two years ago. Back then, I worked at Hollow Shades University. I had been assigned to come up with a way for ponies to withstand radiation better by General Liberty Belle of the Royal Guard. That’s basically the military. Ironically, his daughter, Rarity, was also working on the project… and I kinda had a crush on her.
Anyways, I was so certain of what I was onto that my hubris got the better of me. I tested the procedure on myself and got a faceful of gamma radiation .
I don’t really remember what happened afterwards. But, when I went to visit Rarity and Liberty in the hospital, Liberty told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted what I’d become out of me so that he could turn it into a weapon for Equestria.
I had no choice but to run. And run I did, all over the world for two years. Until I landed in a pretty decent place here in Grazil, a small village called Un Burro. I will admit, it isn’t easy living here, learning Donkey and all. But, I’ve got a nice job as a repairpony at a soda bottling factory. And I've gone 157 days without a, for lack of a better term, mood swing.
Of course, aside from work, I’ve also been trying to find a way to rid myself of Drago. I’ve been contacted by somepony known as “Mr. Blue.” We talk to each other via encrypted chat rooms, me under the username “Mr. Purple.” We’ve become good friends.
Well, you’ll have to excuse me. My Little Pony is going to be on. To be honest, the resemblance between Drago and that little baby dragon is uncanny.
~
Gyro sat in his chair, eating cereal as he watched a new episode of My Little Pony. He was always amazed at how much the little baby dragon looked like him.
The little pegasus pony said something in Donkey, so Gyro grabbed his Equestrian-Donkey language book and looked it up.
“Faminto,” said Gyro as he turned to his new pet phoenix.
~
After watching his programs, Gyro made his way down to an old warehouse where he learned some new combat moves.
"Let's work on your breathing," the donkey instructor said in his native language as Gyro sat across from him. "In here, emotion," he said, gesturing to his sternum. "Fear no good. So, emotion, control," the donkey continued, gesturing to his stomach before breathing rapidly.
Gyro followed the instructor's commands to a "T."
"The best way to control your anger is to control your body," said the instructor, before he slapped Gyro.
Gyro did the breathing as his wrist heartrate monitor started to beep. The instructor slapped Gyro again, but with help from the breathing, Gyro was able to keep his heartrate down.
~
Finally, it was time for work. As Gyro got his work uniform on, three rowdy donkeys bumped into him on purpose.
~
As Gyro worked, a beautiful donkey named Matilda smiled and waved at him. As Gyro returned the smile and wave, the factory's owner called out to him.
"Hey! Banner! Could you possibly give me a hand with something?"
"On my way," replied Gyro.
~
As it turned out, a control mechanism for one of the bottle racks had broken. But, Gyro, being smart, got it going again.
"All right, I can make this work for a while, but you need... a new switch," Gyro finished in Donkey.
The factory owner smirked. "What I need is a new factory. But, Banner, I gotta say, you've been helping me for five months. You're much too smart for day labor. Let me put you on payroll," said the owner.
But, as Gyro re-attached the switch's panel, he poked his finger, and a bit of blood fell onto the bottle rack below.
"Oh, shit! Turn it off!" yelled Gyro.
Gyro ran down to the rack and cleaned up the blood. "We're good!" he said.
But, as it happened, a bit of Gyro's blood had landed in one of the bottles... which happened to be headed for Equestria...
~
Later that day as he was on his way out to lunch, Gyro noticed one of the three donkeys from earlier harassing Matilda.
"Hey, Matilda!" called Gyro. "Want to have lunch with me?"
The donkey turned to face Gyro. "Beat it, horsey," he said.
"Are you all right, Matilda?" asked Gyro.
"You got a problem?" asked the donkey.
"No," said Gyro.
"Too late," said the donkey, who then shoved Gyro.
"Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry," said Gyro, before realizing he just said something entirely different than what he planned. "Wait, that came out wrong."
Before the donkey could do anything, the factory owner showed up. Matilda and Gyro walked away.
~
"Please tell me you have it," said Gyro as he talked to a friend he'd made by the name of Cranky.
Cranky smiled. "I got it," he said, handing Gyro a flower.
~
Panting after having ran from one side of Un Burro to the other, Gyro showed the flower to his pet phoenix.
"See that? It's my ticket out of here," he said, before getting to work setting up his laptop and getting logged into his chatroom.
Blue, are you there? typed Gyro.
Mr. Purple! Good to hear from you, my mysterious friend, was the reply.
Good news: I've found it! typed Gyro.
At long last... it's a lovely little flower, isn't it? Be sure to try a high dose. Good luck! :) replied Mr. Blue.
~
Gyro used every last bit of the flower in the concoction, and when he used it on his blood, it turned to normal... for about sixty seconds.
"Damn it!" said Gyro. Another failure, he told Mr. Blue.
:( How much did you use? asked Mr. Blue.
All of it, typed Gyro.
Then that leaves us with only one option. It's time to meet, said Mr. Blue.
Can't risk that, thought Gyro before typing, Not safe.
Gyro could practically hear the amused chuckle in Mr. Blue's response.
Living with gamma poisoning isn't safe, said Mr. Blue. Stop chasing flowers. Send me a blood sample.
Gyro thought about this for a moment. There could be a chance of Liberty Belle intercepting the package, then they'd both be in trouble.
Can't help if you won't let me, said Mr. Blue.
Gyro had no choice. He'd send Blue the blood.