In the Void
I’m okay…
I’m alive…
It’s just for the rest of my life…
I can handle it…
I’ll never see my family again…
I’ll never see the lightagain…
I’ll be okay…
I’m *fine...*
__________________
“Another day in the good old void!” I shout, waving my hooves around like a hooligan.
As the monsters of the very void swarm me, I have no choice but to retaliate.
The first monster swings his claws at me, attempting to slash me to bits. Unfortunately he doesn’t know about my various assortment of weapons.
And boy, do I have some weapons...
Magical spells for rifles, shock blasts, lightning storms, deployable turrets that fire fireballs of death, casting familiars, turning enemies to ash, turning enemies to stone, releasing the kraken…
You get the jist of it.
I, the void master, possess every existing weapon and spell known to ponykind.
“Who do I have to credit this to?” You might ask.
Well, I believe that the credit goes to the two royal beings that help keep control of this land.
Can you guess who?
...
Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, that’s who.
Those two magnificent creatures help this poor stallion in my great days of my prime to defend the void from those damned creatures that have tried to escape the realms of the void ever since they were placed here by the creator of the universe.
Yes, he, the creator of the universe, jumped down with his wings out wide and cast a spell on those who cursed the land with their evil intentions.
This spell caused a vacuum which sucked all those creatures into a dimension where nothing existed...
...nothing ruled...
...and nothing was exposed to those who now encompass nothing.
I mean, you cannot create nothing because nothing is nothing.
So, the creatures began to float around in the sea of nothingness.
Oh joy.
Thankfully, peace had entered the realm of Equestria, the name of the land filled with ponies such as I.
Unfortunately, one of the monsters found a way back to the realm of Equestria, tapping into the magic that sealed the gates shut with the horn of a thousand suns.
…
Hehe, suns.
Well, the two rulers at the time decided that it was time to recruit a guardian.
Yes, I’m their guardian, their master, their only defense against these troubling little maggots.
So, how did I get this position?
Well, you can thank my younger self.
When I was younger, I decided to volunteer for the position as the guardian of the void.
Why?
Because no one else wanted to and we were already standing there for hours.
…
I was sweating and I didn’t like standing still like a statue without a choice.
So, I reluctantly agreed to the terms, while my fellow comrades walked past me, wishing me luck and their farewells.
…
I wish I got to say goodbye to them formally.
Instead, I muttered a quick thank you to each as they walked out the golden doors to freedom.
While I began burying my head into thousands of books that were lying around in the Royal Canterlot Library. My research in learning spells became a special part of my training, the spells so powerful that they could blow up an entire city.
...
I have to say, the trade off was magnificent at the time.
Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that this wasn’t just a one time thing.
One day, I was called upon by the royal sisters to meet in the royal chambers.
I didn’t even know what to say.
So, I didn’t.
I quickly hauled my ass over there, leaving the books scattered around the room in a manner similar to having a tornado rip through the entire library, leaving everything in disarray.
As I skidded past the door, my hooves sliding on the shiny slippery surface of the royal floors - give the janitor a medal for keeping them squeaky clean-I noticed that there were guards placed at the giant wooden doors.
It was Penny and Cleaver.
As I regained my footing, I slowly approached them, swinging my caboose around in angles that even stallions would be drooling over. I stop and flick my tail underneath Penny’s muzzle, a white unicorn mare who had the mindset of a drugged foal who didn’t know that Luna was actually a pony, not a zoo animal used in the old days of Equestria.
Although that would be funny to see Luna caged up in an animal cage, I don’t think she would appreciate it.
Besides the point, the mare didn’t even flinch at my attempt to woo her, the hairs of my tail tickling her nose.
Not satisfied, I turn to Cleaver, the buff unicorn stallion who didn’t have an issue with pummeling any moron who stood in his way.
Unless that moron was me.
He hated dealing with me, because I am the premiere joker of the whole royal guard.
Hi, my name i-
“Clear Thought!” a soft yet stern voice shouts, her voice somehow echoing through the doorway. “Stop teasing the guards!”
Right on time.
With the staunter of a hard-ass, I walked towards the heavy gold doors, smirking at my fellow guardsponies. “I’ll catch you two golden bird markers later.”
The two guardsponies stand their ground, their cold heartless glares staring at the white stone walls of the castle.
Poor bastards, I’m surprised that not a single bird hasn’t left a present on their armor yet.
As I walked through the gates with the best impression of a Hoof Vegas Spring carpet walker, I noticed the serious countenances of the two tall rulers of Equestria.
Did I pay heed to them?
Hell naw.
“Hello Mooning Muna and Calescent Celly!” I announce with glee, my calm undertones never seeing the light of day. “Whatever shall you inquire from this prime piece of stallion?”
The two rulers sit there, their eyebrows slanted.
Well they are pissed.
“No, we are annoyed,” the moon-plastered flank of a pony says, her eyes unmoving. “We don’t deem your presence as worthy.”
The other sister’s countenance shifts, her angered appeal now calm and collected. “But sister, you only hate her because he called you the mooner of the century.”
Let’s just say, I couldn’t hold my laughter.
Sunbutt joined me in laughter, her soft normal voice now subdued by her loud obnoxious laughter that could cause windows to crack.
Moonbutt couldn’t decide which pony was to be hanged, her deadly glare switching between me and the being she calls “sister”.
In her royal canterlot voice, the Mooning Muna of the Night bellows her decree of death. “SILENCE!”
The two laughing buffoons, also known as Sunny Debut and the Clearest Thoughts of Equestria, stop their guaffing, the whole room turning silent as she commanded.
With her yelling ceasing to exist, the purple alicorn smiles, relishing in the small victory she had achieved.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t allowing her anymore than ten seconds of it.
“So, Moonlight Picture and Sunny Crafter,” I say, approaching the thrones of the two rulers, my tone of voice equivalent to a pre-reader of the Equestrian Chronicles of Daily News. “What do you need me to do?”
The two rulers cast their attention onto me.
I hate those glares, it’s like they’re using a spell on me.
…
Haha, get it, casting spell?
...
Nevermind.
The two sit there upon their golden perches, their forms unmoving.
It was like I was playing the waiting game.
“Shut up, I can hear your thoughts,” Princess Luna says, her tone of voice sounding quite frustrated.
Princess Celestia smiles awkwardly due to the issue of clearing her throat. “Well, Clear Thought, we brought you in today to tell you that it is time to leave the plane of Equestria.”
What.
“He is puzzled, sister,” Luna observes, stating the obvious.
You damn mind reader, always reading my thoughts.
“You better know your place,” Luna responds to the air, angered by my thoughts.
“Luna, this is no time for mind reading our guardian,” she says, looking at her sister. She quickly shifts her attention to me, her gaze now upon my poor sorry head. “You are ready to leave Equestria for good.”
I cough loudly at the sound of “for good”. “What do you mean by ‘for good’?” I say, disregarding the laws of psychics by using my two front hooves to symbolize air quotes. “Do you even know what that tells me?”
The two alicorns nod, the shit-eating grins plastered upon thine faces.
Oh darn, she made me say “thine” in my head.
“Tis' your fault, not ours,” Luna announces, causing her sister to look at her with disdain.
The crowned Sunny D brings a hoof to her head, her royal face being hoofed plentifully. “I don’t know what to do with you, Luna,” she says with a low, deathly, calm tone of voice. “Either I send you to a cruise with an absent minded drug addict from Northern Draconia, or I send you to the moon to investigate why the craters are spawning pasty white beings with upright formats.”
What in the Equestrian Universe did she just offer?
“She offered me a nice place in the Dominican State of the Far North,” Luna proclaimed, her tone defiant and strong. “I shall go as you announced, my sister.”
As Luna is about to depart, Celestia swiftly grabs her sister’s left forehoof, gripping it with vice. “Ow, sister, that hurts,” the poor younger alicorn states, her face wrinkling with pain.
Wow, she looks like she aged on site.
“What the buck are thou saying?” Luna asks, her gaze settling on me despite her royal grimace. “I’m younger than the gripper known as the Sunny Blaze.”
“Excuse me, sister, but Sunny Blaze is an old nickname from my hoof wrestling days…” the white alicorn announces, her voice still calm despite the weird saying. “Besides, Clear Thought is merely thinking, not saying.” She brings her gaze upon her sister. “You need to research proper Equestrian terminology again, my dear sister?”
The young alicorn shakes her head. “No, we do not want to sit with Princess Twilight Sprinkler and her noise box of random sayings ever again.”
Princess Celestia sighs and relinquishes her grip on her sister’s hoof, making Luna bring out a long sigh of relief. “Then sit your carapace back on the royal golden throne.”
Luna winks at her sister and says, “Aye Aye, Captain Sunbutt!”
I don’t even know what I’m witnessing right now.
“While you two pretend you’re on a deserted island filled with drunk pony pirates, I suggest you get to the point as to why,” I say, pointing my hoof at Celestia. “YOU said that I am going for good.”
I sit my rump on the ground, my countenance full of unwavering seriousness.
“I’m waiting,” I say, my high pitched whiny pre-teen voice coming out of no where.
The princesses both giggle at this, their smiles portraying their immaturity.
Marvelous.
“Well,” Princess Celestia manages to get out in-between her giggling spree. “You’re going to be a temporary resident in the void while we prepare you an army to completely seal off the void ‘for good’,” she says, raising her hooves in a similar fashion as I did.
The air quotes trend is real.
Princess Luna nods at her sister and sighs, looking back towards me with an aura of happiness. “You will be set up in a fortress filled with weapons, potions, and various assortments of entertainment.” The mare looks towards the window to her right, her eyes slightly shaking. “You will be provided with the finest of…”
Mind, switch your attention to the stallion to the right of Celestia.
I look over to the side of Celestia’s throne and see a blue stallion, a color not common amongst guards.
“Clear Thought, are you listening?” Celestia asks, catching me with my hooves red. “What are you looking at?”
I point a hoof in the direction of the stallion, who suddenly realizes that he was caught. The culprit begins his adventure, scurrying around the backside of the throne and by my side. “I’m sorry!” the grown boy apologizes profusely, his eyes filled with tears.
What a pus-
“Stop being so mean, Cleary Deary,” Luna says. “We have all the time in the world to make fun of one another.”
You did not just call me “Cleary Deary”.
“Yes, we did,” Luna announces while containing her classy pose, her rump sliding off the throne in a provocative way.
This caused the stallion to look up and drool.
Now he’s a needy perv.
“Celestia, is this a common thing?” I ask, pointing to the poor sap beside me. “Because if is, then I am sorry for you.”
Celestia sighs. “Yes, she likes to show her rump to the gumps.”
Figures.
“I am not cheap!” Luna cries out, realizing I’m making fun of her.
“No one said you were,” I reply. “But if you are, then please, can you entertain your subjects with thy royal display model?”
…
That got her going.
She groans and slides her bootylicious lump back on her hump, the throne somehow padding her rump.
I should be a poet.
“No, you’re a poor, poor stallion who is now our guardian,” the mind reading alicorn replies, her giddy appearance not helping the situation.
“Can we jus-”
“You’re going to be leaving in a few minutes, but first…” Celestia proclaims, her voice getting somewhat disturbing by the last few words. “We will deal with this hunk of spunk.”
“Question?” I ask.
“Answer,” Celestia replies.
Smartass.
“Tis not a question,” Luna states.
“He didn’t say anything, Luna,” Celestia points out.
Point for Celestia.
A few grumbles and mumbles come from the grouchy young alicorn, her gaze shifting from me to the seat below her rump.
“Where am I going to be going?”
The white alicorn smiles, her tone of voice giddy and full of glee. “Why, the void of course!”
What.
“You like to think that a lot, Clearboy,” Celestia says, casually flipping her mane with her hoof. “Why, you’ll be there to protect Equestria from the monsters who dare attempt to destroy our wonderful homeworld.”
Great, monsters.
“You will be remembered as a hero.”
Damn straight.
“You will be a legend.”
Brilliant.
“You will be a foals tale.”
What?
“You heard me,” Celestia said her eyes looking straight at me. “You’ll be remembered here, but you’re not able to come back to this plane of existence.”
“Why?” I say aloud.
“Because, if you did, then who would defend our world?” The royal sister rises from her throne and comes down the steps, standing before me proudly. “I will not allow Equestria to fall to those hideous fiends.” She pauses for a moment. “They don’t deserve our friendship.” With that, she turns away, returning to her golden throne of comfort.
For me, this was a good enough of a reason to knock some of these monsters around.
“So, where do I sign?”
And that, my friends, is how I became a void master.
I fight…
...and fight…
...and fight some more.
Wait, did I mention I fight monsters?
Oh, yeah I did.
As I fire another fireball at the monster in front of me, I wondered if she was joking about the whole “stuck here for good”.
Will I ever see the Equestrian plane ever again?
Only time will tell...
