My Little Pony: Idiocy Is Magic

by Jaohni

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Fluttershy, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Sex, Human
Length: 10005

a brony, an anti-brony, an equinophiliac and an equinophobiac in equestria, fun

shortened description- a brony an anti-brony an equinophiliac and an equinophobiac get transported to a strange land full of friendship, magic, ponies (ponies!), and rainbows *cue barf mode*
told from the prospective from someone with a deathly fear of horses, fun

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this is a story about how (in the order mentioned in the short description) Shay, Tom, George, and the character whose perspective this story is told from, James, these four get transported to Equestria while playing a game of halo: reach, of course, in Equestria only two of these people could even come close to fit in and i can guarantee that the most funny part of this series would have to be the misinterpretation and George's antics. All I can tell you people for sure is that this is going to be a work-in-progress effort for me to improve my writing skills (i haven't written anything for five years) so i hope you enjoy my fail-worthy puns and REFERENCES to super explicit scenes.

also, please vote fairly, as i haven't written a fan fic...well, ever so this is going to be my first attempt, but because of that i appreciate constructive criticism. also note that this is on some level a self insert, but that's because I'm a horrible writer and can't completely separate myself and my tendencies from those of my characters, or characters already made by other people, so i hope you enjoy me stumbling by awkwardly! on a side note, i thought i would warn you, the first person to quote my breaking the fourth wall sentence in bold gets to ask me three questions that I am obligated to answer unless I deem it WAY too personal to answer cheers mates (I'm Canadian, not Australian, if you are wondering)

finally i will not include *clop clop* stuff, i mean really people, i have no writing skills whatsoever, you do not want me to ruin your image of your favorite ponies (though i will likely reference *clop clop* things, but ONLY references, and as little dirty language as possible, it ruins the theme)

Published 2012-04-07 04:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-25 04:52:03 UTC

A new beginning Ch.1

so a little author's note here, i just thought i would mention that again I'm still trying to improve my writing skills, and have no editor, so that's why my writing sucks, just thought I'd put that out there, anyway, this is A LOT better than my first draft (I made at least 5 searches for huge words, the average reader wouldn't have understood more than half of it) anyway, back on to the story, enjoy!

A story written by Nokanomi
My Little Problem: Idiocy Is Magic

Now, when most people think of a silent night, they don’t picture the word “SCREENPEAKER!” being echoed through the town of Saskatoon, but of course, that’s what happened on our humble east side of the great river, course, the person making the noise was one of my three best friends.

The self proclaimed anti-brony, Tom (the same Tom that got me sent to the principles office many, many times already). Tom has straight blond hair, blue eyes, was 5’ 7” and weighed 123 pounds, so he was about average, possibly a bit on the skinny side, then there were two other people present.

there was George, the “equinophiliac”, he had pure green eyes, and curly brown hair, he was about, 6’ 2” and weighed about 147 pounds, so he was also kind of skinny, but he was tall, so girls still digged him, but he always turned them down, since he preferred horses…I know, weird right? Anyway the last friend here was Shay, the brony.

He was about 5’6” (and Tom always made fun of him for his height, and…tastes in TV shows), Shay was more less normal, he had sort of a roman complexion, with very chiselled looks, he had brown eyes and weirdly enough, I know it sounds unbelievable but he had reflective hair, it was caused by a huge content of aluminium in his body, which expelled itself through his hair, so nobody really knew what his hair colour was, but most people who didn’t know about the aluminium thing said it was gray, anyway the last person I haven’t explained yet is me.

I don’t know why I’m doing this since I already know how I look and it’s not like this is going to be turned into somebody’s fan fic for the sole purpose of improving their writing skills, but anyway I am about 6’, exactly, have black hair and…well, weird eyes, you see, I have a ton of weird chemicals in my eyes, and the constantly change colour, so nobody really knows my eye colour, but I just like to call it kaleidoscopic, also, I suffer from equinophobia, that’s right, fear of horses, one of the reasons I refused to watch my friend’s favourite show, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, I mean I have heard of it, but never watched it, anyway the reason I didn’t tell anyone about the clothes we were wearing is because we all had on the same outfit, jeans with a white unmarked T-shirt, we always did that for sleepovers, just a habit I guess, anyway-

“ James, I’m getting the crap beaten’ out of me” said Shay, my partner for this game of Halo: Reach, so I went back into the game, not thinking about much else…for about 5 minutes, when we failed to notice a heat haze starting to surround us, I noticed it before the others (being the martial artist, studying the style of Togoshijiweye, or way of the setting sun for the less Nokarion inclined)anyway, after noticing the haze I said

“ Hey guys, you see that weird…heat rising out of the ground?” now, if most people said that they would have called that person high, but I am me, so my friends looked and noticed it too and asked themselves in their minds at the same time,

“What th-” the reason they didn’t finish their thought was because there was a huge flash of rainbow-like light, and it transported us away, to some other dimension…now most people, when they think of dimensional travel, they think huge portal, sweet sound effects, and possibly Que (from Star Trek) but you see, that’s not how it works, no you should think, spinning, rainbows, sea sickness (even if you don’t get sea sickness, or motion sickness for that matter) so, I almost vomited, but I’m glad I didn’t, it would be embarrassing for the first thing for me to do after leaving my mansion of a four story house, to throw up, but as it was, I was in the middle of a town, full of rainbows, the town itself looked fairly seventeen to eighteen hundreds, with architecture composed mostly of wood, thatching and glass, but the problem wasn’t the area…it was the inhabitants, they were ponies…my friends were unconscious and I suffer from equinophobia. Naturally, I was almost in tears, but I wasn’t, I was however sweating enough to fill a pool.

But, then a there was a flash of rainbow coloured vengeance charged towards me shouting

“FOR CELESTIA!!!!” now, what most people don’t understand about martial artists and fighters is that when they are cornered like an animal, they get scared, then they lash out, usually instinctually, which I did, right then and there, to my eternal regret, I sidestepped the charge of that cyan and rainbow…Pegasus, that’s right, right out of Greek mythology, course, I got a good look at it as it looked like it was moving in slow motion, to me, but, then it got a bit close for comfort, and…I well, sort of…did a backward, mid-air summersault, with my right leg extended, hitting the thing in the ribs, and cracking a few of them, then I pushed off of it with my left leg, now to the casual bystander, it probably looked like this happened in the blink of an eye, but after kicking off of the Pegasus…pony the poor thing ran into a wall, and I would have checked to see if she was all right ( pro tip: I could tell it was a girl from the voice) but an orange coloured one stepped forward, and I dropped into a combat stance (accidentally) and backed away step for step, but that one said angrily

“Now what in tarnation was that for?” now, most people would have laughed, but I was a bit queasy, as my eyes darted around in fear, now, again, most people wouldn’t have seen the pony as a threat, but I’m A) a martial artist and B) an equinophobiac. So I started backing away, but remembered my friends were unconscious…that was until, Shay sat up, causing the orange pony to jump, and shouted (probably at the top of his lungs)

“MUFFINS!” I (and the orange pony as well) could have been classified as “surprised” to say the least, but then Shay looked around and almost started salivating…almost, fortunately, course, then a pink one with…what looked like a painting of balloons on it’s flank (I just noticed that the one that I beat up had a rainbow cloud and a lightning bolt, like the Greek drachma (coin of the gods, basically) and the peach one had a mark that looked like a trio of apples… weird right? ANYWAY) it looked at Shay while BOUNCING and said ecstatically and in a voice that could only belong to someone of a bubbly personality

“Youlikemuffinstoo?!?*gasp*SodoI!Let’sgoeatmuffinsnow!“ this confused me and I could make out what she said, but I was wondering what was going on when I noticed that Shay had a stupid grin on his face and said

“Hi Pinkie” now, I don’t care how he now that…pony, that was the worst thing he could have said, because now the ponies know that he knows about them…I briefly had my life flash through my eyes as I considered whether or not ponies were fans of torture…but I had totally forgotten about the orange pony who tried and failed miserably to tackle me, the reason she failed is that I heard her charging and did a back flip when ANOTHER (I know, horrifying right?) pony stepped forward, this time purple, as it said in a confused voice

“You know these creatures pinkie?” I almost laughed when I realized the pink horse had the name of “Pinkie” but the thing is, I again have a deathly fear of all things horses so then, Shay started talking all about random stuff…I think anyway he said something like this

“ You are my TOTAL favourite pony, pinkie!” this confused everyone there except Shay…at that point I just would have fainted…but then I got hit by something that flew in the air…and it knocked straight into the ground, and knocked me out.

“Oh come on Twi, it wasn’t my fault I thought he was attacking us, and he broke my rib” said a tomboyish feminine voice that sounded quite familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

“But you still shouldn’t have knocked him out!” by now, I was awake, but I didn’t let on, because of a trick I learned from my Sensei, I kept my eyes shut and tried learning everything I could from what I could hear smell and feel, it smelled like a forest crossed with…books and possibly a stable? I could hear the voices echoing a bit so I could tell the place was big, and what I was laying in felt soft, so I assumed it was a bed, or a couch, and I didn’t feel any restraints, so I could jump fast if need be, I didn’t hear any of my friends though, so that worried me, I felt a little uplifted by the next voice, it sounded quiet and feminine, but relaxing…it was weird, anyway it said

“Um I-” said the voice before the second one interrupted it

“Not now flutter shy, we have work to do” OK I won’t lie, I may be afraid of horses, but no one should be totally stepped on like that, so I did the only (il)logical thing I could think of at the time so I rolled to my right, where the voices were coming from sticking my left arm out and putting my palm flat, while turning pushed off with my left arm and right leg, doing a 150 degree turn while flipping to a flat angle…but I forgot something…I jumped over a ledge leading to a ten to fifteen foot drop, of course I stuck the landing even though it hurt…a lot, I landed in the same position the halo Spartans use for armour lock…with my head aimed down, I then turned my head up and gave my best killing stare at the cyan/rainbow pony that had knocked me out, she looked back, startled, as was the purple pony called “Twi” and the yellow pony called “Fluttershy” (first nations name much) the whole stare down thing continued for what felt like a minute (but was really just a few seconds, most likely) when the purple one said, surprised (who wouldn’t be?)

“Oh…I see you’re up, I’m Twil-” she was of course cut short by the sound of something smashing against the ground, when I noticed the yellow one, Fluttershy, was missing, so while the other ponies looked for the perpetrator I asked

“Where’s the yellow one?” this caused a big shock for both ponies, firstly because I hadn’t spoken before and secondly because they realized who made the sound…

“Flutter shy…” said the purple one as she face palmed (face-hoofed?), then the other one, the rainbow one, grabbed quote on quote Fluttershy out from behind a couch and said,

“Get out from there Fluttershy” said the rainbow one, while groaning a bit.

“Sorry about her, she’s a little…skittish” said Twilight apologetically, “anyway, I’m Twilight Sparkle and that’s” she pointed a hoof to the cyan one with those accusing purple eyes “ Rainbo-” she said as the cyan-ish one charged at me, letting go of Fluttershy “-w Dash” finished twilight, wincing as I used a karate chop on Rainbow Dash’s neck after sidestepping yet another pony’s charge

“Huh?” said Rainbow Dash as she fell unconscious on the floor, in a rather unflattering pose, netting me an angry glance from Twilight Sparkle, who promptly made her horn glow and making me fly into the air, of course, my equinophobia ran right back in, since I was now being levitated by a magic horse…needless to say I ALMOST peed my pants…almost, anyway as the situation currently stands, I was incapacitated by an angry pony who said

“ENOUGH, what did you do to her?” I could barely move, and it wasn’t the magic that stopped me, I couldn’t even form a comprehensible sentence let alone explain so my eyes rapidly started darting around and I started sweating, again, and Twilight noticed something I hadn’t “you look pale, are you humans allergic to magic or something?” said Twilight in concern (though I personally doubt I would show any sympathy at all to an enemy)

“N-no, I h-h-ha-v-e e-eq-q-quin-no-p-pho-b-ia” I barely got out, so Twilight pieced it together slowly then her eyes widened when she realized why I could barely move, she released me and said sympathetically

“I am SO sorry I didn’t know” she started walking toward me (probably to lend a hoof, so to speak) then she remembered “Right, uh anyway how did you get here” she said as her eyes regained their original light of curiosity returned, she looked at me expectantly going WAY too close for comfort, it was a good thing that, there was a loud sound of a slap, and I heard someone familiar shout

“OW!” so Twilight ran out of the house, and Fluttershy hid away even more scared than before, when I realized who shouted, and why I heard a slap…

“George…” I said face palming, I can’t look away for 60 seconds without you getting slapped can I?

The Ballad Of The Socially Awkward Equinophobiac Ch.2

The Ballad Ef The Socially Awkward Equinophobiac
I heard the sound of George yelling, so naturally I ran to the door…extremely fast, probably faster than Twilight, when I noticed that Fluttershy was missing. This wasn’t odd considering she constantly hid away, but still worried me given the context. Anyway, I was running out the door, before Twilight I might add (faster than a horse! No wonder everyone was jealous of my track record) and I was out of the…tree-library-place.

The real reason I was running was not out of concern for my friend, but a scenario flashed through my mind, Fluttershy was up against a tree screaming (quietly) “No more, no more!” but a demonic voice spoke while spraying her with squirts of a white, sticky substance,

“Feel the praise of my love!” as George showered Fluttershy with glue from a glue bottle.

Anyway, back to reality, I ran to my right where I heard the sound, sticking close to the tree so I didn’t get lost, when I saw that non-fine orange equine that tried to attack me earlier. Anyway, the horse was standing over my friend George, who had a large welt on his face, oddly similar to a hoof print (I did of course scoff at him later, what idiot lets himself get hit by a horse?!) anyway, Twilight shouted in a worried tone

“Applejack, what are you doing?” Twilight looked genuinely confused, and somewhat shocked, but before I could explain the situation calmly (and probably at George’s expense) so-named Applejack replied angrily while taking a step towards twilight (making me take a step back, mind you)

“this ‘ere varmint was harrasin’ poor Fluttershy, what’d ya wan’ me ta do?” I almost burst out laughing, this was SO like George, so I naturally thought about how to deal with this…when the perfect plan sprung into mind, and it would have worked, but…then Shay came in and glared at George angrily (George has a habit of randomly hitting on girls, so we sort of know what to expect by this point) and he said

“No. You do NOT hit on random ponies and DEFINITELY not Fluttershy!” he said while pointing a finger accusingly at George who looked down in shame. But as apologetic as he was, Twilight and Applejack were still angry, I remembered to count my lucky stars for knocking out Rainbow Dash earlier, when I finally intervened (heroically) and said

“Look, I know George is a little bit too….George, but he really is a good guy, he just got off on the wrong foot, Er- hoof” Fortunately Twilight took this into consideration and calmed down a bit looking at George apologetically, which was the worst thing she could have done. You see, even if he would only ever date equines, he has a soft spot for girls looking sorry for him, and Twilight was a pony. It was not too hard to identify the new object of his (not so private, as his record amount of visits to the principal testify) warship. Naturally, I did what anyone in my shoes would; I stepped back about a foot while face palming and shaking my head. George promptly went and kneeled before Twilight, holding one of her hooves. (This surprised her, as I don’t think she’s the type to deal with admirers.) He said silkily

“You, are the goddess of my dreams, the one and only one for me, the only one whom I could ever fall in lo-” that last part was cut short because I had hit him with a Nukitae to the stomach. I dragged him (while he was groaning in pain, the wimp!) away from Twilight and said

“Sorry, he has a habit of randomly worshipping girls, and he’s suffering from equinophilia.” ,Twilight was still surprised and unable to mutter anything comprehensible so I dragged George up against a tree and pinched a nerve cluster in his neck; knocking him out. As you can imagine, the ponies were more shocked than before and I was still delighted to have an excuse to not look at the ponies. (At this point, I was beginning to think my equinophobia was based not on the knowledge that an equine is behind me, but that I see what it looks like)

“Now wait a darn tootin’ minute ya’ll. Ya can’t jus’ knock out yer friend there like that.” I thought nothing of this, as I was pretty sure I was physically capable, but I responded

“You wanted to do the same thing a few seconds ago.” Now, thanks to that there was absolutely no sounds for the next few seconds, until the pink horse (Pinkie, was it?) bounced up to the scene and said, rather randomly and inappropriately happily given the context,

“ShayisawesomecanwekeephimTwi?Prettyplease?I know I have Gummy…butiwann’anotherpet, PLEASE TWILIGHT?!??!?” I just realized what she said and assumed Shay was insulted… I was about to chew Pinkie out for human ownership when Shay made the cut across his neck indicating the universal kill-switch, so I remained silent. I had to make sure that George wouldn’t fall and hit his head, at least more than he already had. I mean hey, I guess you fall out of a lot of trees before you get to be like him, but anyway Twilight was surprised by Pinkie. I guess she wasn’t that used to things like this happening. (On the other hand, we just got teleported to an alternate reality of magic, rainbows, and talking ponies. Despite this, I was still calm). Twilight was thankful to be off the topic of beating up friends and said

“Uh, Pinkie Pie, I don’t think humans make good pets…” which I realized was a jab at me and George so I was tempted to get into a fisticuff with twilight when I remembered the key word in fisticuff, anyway I chuckled at my own joke and said

“ We have no problem letting Shay be a house pet, but the thing is, he isn’t housebroken.” That was a total lie of course, and an obvious joke, but Twilight looked at Shay with a look of…condescending origins. Needless to say Shay was mad at me, and If it hadn’t been me (the guy who broke one arm and five ribs of a guy who threw a single punch at me), he would have probably throttled me right then and there, so I decided to remedy the situation before Twilight asked inquisitively as ever

“Are the rest of you humans non-house broken?” I wasn’t a dummy, that was a jab aimed at me, or my raving paranoia and equinophobia dictate at the very least; so before the situation got even worse, I decided to speak up

“No, That was our version of a joke. But seriously though, we really don’t make good pets, mostly because we actually use sarcasm…and sadism.” As soon as I finished a the sentence, another one popped up in my head, and I thought out loud, “Wait, where’s Tom? He had the Twizzlers when we teleported… Also, what will we eat and where will we sleep?” Twilight, obviously being the prepared one, said with an energetic tone in her voice (for some unknown reason, but I don’t understand girls as is, I think I understand horse women less)

“Okay, I’ll look for some houses to get you people in. You can wait in the library, talk to Spike if you need anything.” After that sentence, I had the image of a ton of spikes shooting through the floor and impaling me running through my mind; but I assumed Twilight wasn’t the type of person, or pony, to not like her meals tenderized so I assumed she meant a pony named spike. ‘I just hope they aren’t the type to eat meat…’ I thought as I went back into the library with Twilight. (Even though she said she would look for houses for us) Shay came with us too, for whatever reason

‘…I believe I owe myself five bucks for the bet I made with myself back before I went back into the library.’ I thought as a little purple and green ball was chewing on my leg, causing more saliva than pain. By this point, Twilight was shocked while I debated how far I could football punt that little runt. I was about to try when Twilight intervened

“Spike, get off him!” something in Twilight’s voice must have frightened him, but I wouldn’t know, I have mostly only heard her angry, or in shock, or while she was in some way glaring at one of us apparently tasty humans.

“Okay, am I just super tasty or something?” I said, half cynically.

“I am SO sorry I really didn’t think he would do that. Anyways, Spike this is…” she seemed lost for words.

“James Orion” I quickly said, realizing she didn’t know my name. (It was actually pronounced or-ee-on not or-eye-on) Twilight looked at me skeptically; I think she thought my name was odd, given how they name themselves.

“Hi Fight-man” said the little runt; he had left slobber all over my pants…which meant he was paying for dry cleaning if I ever found any other clothes that were my size. Anyway, I responded by miming a football kick, which Spike and Twilight didn’t understand but caused Shay to look at me in horror, with a possible twinkle of humor.

“Anyway, in terms of housing, I will only accept somewhere at least 50 feet off the ground.” (I said this because, I had the opposite of a fear of heights, I actually loved them) so Twilight looked at me a little uncomprehendingly, but then a sudden light appeared in her eyes.

“I know the perfect place! This works out perfectly anyway, I needed you two to get to know each other better either way, it’ll be a good chance to work out your differences.” This made me a bit concerned, as I had only actually ever hit one pony…she didn’t mean…this is a dream…a horribly realistic bad dream that I will wake up from and laugh at later…except you don’t wake up from a dream into a dream unless you’re in inception…ah crap “You can stay with Rainbow Dash” I know she said can, but somehow I knew she meant WILL as in both, I will live with Rainbow Dash, and I had no free will, I thought how I would break the news to her, when I heard a familiar tomboyish voice that I had come to despise.

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This is just a quicky I wrote up with Neogreenyew editing for me, I didn't have much time to write it (the first draft was one hour, but i scrapped it and made this one instead, over about an hour and thirty minutes) also, this rest of the story should start getting really good really soon, but i hope you enjoy this!

A night at the hospital

Sorry for the late update guys, but i hope you enjoy this nice little chapter I just got up.

A Night In The Hospital

“Twilight! This is a disaster, he can’t live with me!” Said Rainbow Dash, I don’t blame her though, as I’m not exactly the type to sleep in a girl’s house (at least not without knowing her). But my possible objections died when Twilight gave her ‘the look’. I won’t lie, not a lot of things could scare me, realistically, but the new number one on that list was definitely that stare that Twilight gave Dash. I think it scared me as much as it did its intended recipient.

“Rainbow, he needs a place to stay, and I can’t have you two fighting all of the time! You'll need to make up eventually.” I was wondering what kind of place Rainbow had; seeing as I would stay in it for as long as it took me to get back. Eventually Rainbow Dash said something that probably confused me less than it should have

“He has no wings, Twilight, how can he get in!? He’s just gonna hold me back Twi!” Rainbow said to Twilight, in a very concerned voice, and it was rather quiet too. I don’t think she expected me to hear that.

“I can hear you…also, why would wings matter, of course I don’t have wings, no human does, besides I can’t live with…a h-horse!” I was frantic at this point, being sentenced to live with a girl that I didn’t know, who was a horse, and who apparently required all of her roommates to have wings. Twilight gave a sort of sympathetic glance at me and said (in a rather calm tone, might I add)

“Don’t worry about it you‘ll be fine. Anyway, Rainbow Dash lives in a house above the clouds, made of clouds, so you should love it…but the wing thing is a problem. Luckily I have just the right spell; I’ve been wanting to test long term wing spells for a while anyway!” she grinned, slightly maniacally. (Or maybe that was just me) Her horn glowed, expelling an incredible amount of light, making me feel slightly funny. I had just enough time to say

“No, no, no, no, no!” And I would have said it many more times, but then a sudden wave of pain hit me. You know that feeling of a person carving two knives through your back and pouring salt into it? Yeah, well up to that point I hadn’t either; but I also felt my arms, and they hurt like hell too. It felt like someone was pouring acid on them. Of course, me being the stoic guy I am, I managed to hide most of the signs of pain.

“Son of a bitch” I muttered under my breath, writhing on the ground in pain. I don’t know exactly what happened, but after what felt like an eternity I woke up. I seemed to be in a hospital. Thinking it had all been a dream; I opened my eyes, and looked around. I barely had time to think before I saw the markings on my left hand; they looked like a series of apostrophes, commas, and random marks. After a while of looking at it, I noticed that it looks like a butterfly surrounded by a starburst (not the candy). It was really nice and all, but then I was interrupted by what sounded like some familiar voices. They sounded like they were about two and a half decameters away, rapidly closing in.

“Wait, he actually cursed, in pain? He NEVER does that, not even the time he broke his arm!”
I searched for the owner of the voice in my memory, remembering Tom, and smiled. It was nice to know he was safe in…wait, were we in pony land, or was I dreaming? ‘Maybe I was hallucinating or something.’ I thought to myself, only hoping I was back on Earth. My question was answered when a group of 2 people and 5 ponies walked into the room. I quickly noticed George, Tom, and all of the ponies as they entered the room. The ponies (In order from left to right) were Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and a white pony with a purple mane and three diamonds for a tramp stamp. I noticed how they walked in formation but shrugged that thought aside. I had more important things to think about.

“Why do I have a tattoo, and what did you do to me?” I asked this politely enough, but eyes never lie about what a person (or pony) is feeling, and I was feeling an incredible amount of killing intent at the moment. Let’s just say I didn’t exactly filter it too well

“ S-sorry, I thought the spell would give you wings… but uh, I think it gave you a little more than that.” Twilight seemed reluctant to speak as she bit her lip. I thought about that statement…the word ‘more’ implies ‘in addition to’ which means…I looked at my back and remained silent…

“So, you cast a spell on me…designed for ponies… and you gave me a tattoo and wings. Not to mention the massive amount of pain.” I deadpanned at Twilight before I sighed and decided that, since the pain was over, I could forgive her… eventually. Anyway, I tried flapping my wings and, while I didn’t appreciate that I was now a human-chicken hybrid, I didn’t mind being able to create a sudden gust of wind capable of knocking a certain purple pony off her hooves.

“…Fine, but what about the markings?” I knew the ponies got tramp-stamped at birth or something, but why include me in their occult rituals? I wasn’t even a pony!

“I think that those marks let you use magic. I mean, hey, since you weren’t a pony to begin with, maybe that magic gave you all the powers of all the ponies?” this was a bit unsettling, but I briefly considered the ability to force choke people. I may have been a martial artist, but being irresponsible was still the job of a teen; so I aimed my hand at the glass of water beside my bed and sure enough, it levitated! I was in shock at this point so I let the glass go, still very much in awe of myself.

“Ahem” said the white pony (rather snobbishly, and with an accent that most nobles from the old medieval movies I saw would be jealous). “We are still here.” I nodded timidly, feeling rather foolish for forgetting about my visitors.

“So uh, not to be rude but, why are you all here?” This part mystified me, as I was still nearly cringing at the thought of FIVE ponies in a confined room with me.

“Well I sort of felt guilty for… well, you know. So I thought I would come by to see if you’re okay…but it looks like you are so I guess we’ll be leaving now” Twilight said as she caught my glance. She was probably containing a bit of manic fear, so she and her equine friends left George and Tom with me.

“So I heard you actually swore in pain” said Tom, who quickly received an elbow from George.

“Sorry, it’s just sort of…surprising for us is all… I mean even when you broke your arm you never even cried out in pain, not once!” I thought about this for a second and they were right; I hadn’t said anything when I broke my arm, but to be fair it didn’t hurt that bad.

“Anyway, apparently I have to live with Rainbow Dash, who do you guys get to live with?” I said this mostly just for the sake of conversation

“Well, I get to live with Applejack, and what a fine flank she has” said George, ever the equinophiliac.

“I have to stay with Twilight, pfft, I’d rather live in a forest!” said Tom, though I suspected he didn’t hate it as much as he said. I also considered something

“What about Shay?” I asked.

“With Pinkie” replied George. His voice showed a bit of resent and maybe a bit of jealousy. I almost smiled, but seeing as I was about to do something crazy, I decided it wouldn’t fit the situation.

“Well, since I don’t think these fine equines eat meat, I guess I’ll go hunt for something that tastes better than hospital food…horse hospital food.” I shuddered as I said it, while getting up off my bed.

“I don’t think you sho-” that sentence was cut off by me appearing behind Tom, the perpetrator, and I said

“I’m good, these ponies can’t take care of me anyway. Besides, I’m an equinophobiac, remember?” I said the last part a little testily, but still elated at my new wings. I decided that I would look for a forest or some rivers to hunt for food. But first…

“OW!” screamed the cyan Pegasus that I had just slammed the hospital door into. Grinning, I said

“This should be fun.” I sped out of the hospital, all the while remembering that this was remarkably similar to my first hospital escape. I imagined that the mission impossible theme was playing. I was going along at a fast pace, when I found a corner, and I leaned over slightly to see Twilight conversing with the nurse-pony who said “I really don’t know how to treat him; I mean he doesn’t have any wounds!” I stole away and sped past them down the corridor. I probably looked like a blur to them. I looked back, smiled, and offered a two fingered wave (NOT the up yours sign, for the record) and I continued running without looking back. I realized I was still wearing my white T-shirt and blue jeans, which I was happy about. I don’t think that running around naked while smiling would go over too well with my friends. Anyway I was about to get out of the hospital when I remembered an important detail, Twilight levitated me, (and probably enjoyed inciting fear due to my phobia)

“What are you doing out of bed?” asked the nurse innocently, with an underlying tone of ‘this is our hospital, deal with it’. I might not have mentioned it but I hate doing what other people tell me to, so I may have seen her tone as a challenge, so I reached for that spare mini-knife from my shoe…the mini-knife that my parents had confiscated from me.

“M-mind l-let-ting m-me d-down?” I mumbled, semi-incoherently as I realized Twilight was moving me back to my room. But she made a mistake, she put me a little too close to the wall and I stepped off it, surprising Twilight and breaking the telekinesis. As I was moving sideways, extremely close to Twilight, I hit the wall and used my newfound wings to propel myself closer to the floor, so I could run again. This time something pinned me down in the corner of the long hallway, and it hurt. By this time I thought ‘who knew ponies dedicated to peace and friendship could hurt so much’ “whoever’s on me, get off. Now.” I made sure to put an ominous tone in that when the last voice I wanted to hear spoke up.

“Yeah right!” said a certain blue Pegasus whom I may or may not have smashed with a 3 inch thick metal door.

“WHAT DO YOU PONIES WANT WITH ME!?!?!?” I said, mostly in fear

“By the way, you’re free to go, the hospital’s releasing you.” said Twilight in a smug voice. Free. The entire time I was running from ponies, and getting pinned down to walls I was free to go?

“R-right uh, m-mind g-get-tting o-off me?” I stuttered, barely.

“But Twilight, does he still have to live with me?”

“Yes, he does, now go, it’s getting late and I need sleep.”

“FINE!” finalized Rainbow Dash who got off me and started grumbling something about un-coolness. She did lead me out of the hospital though, nicely enough. She took me through town, pulling out all the stops, and when I say pulling out all the stops, I mean she did everything possible to taunt me, including buying herself food when my stomach growled. I vowed then and there that if she had a pet I would eat it and see how she liked it, anyway before I could finish that silent vow she said

“Dandelion burger for you?” this surprised me but I thought and said

“Don’t suppose you ponies have cheeseburgers, hamburgers, or even fish?”

“Huh? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” replied Dash in a confused voice

“I’ll take the dandelion burger” Hey, I’d had worse things than that before, you REALLY don’t wanna know. Anyway I munched happily, the burger tasted quite a bit like dandelion stem, with bread and that greasy taste of being deep-fried, just like the name implied. Anyway dandelion isn’t too bad once you get used to it and eventually I managed to eat the burger without vomiting and asked Dash a question

“So here in Equestria you only have herbivorous animals, correct?” I had to say this while averting my eyes, equinophobia and everything; anyway Dash replied

“What’s an herbivore?” At this point I had a sinking realization sink in… I had traded one human dream for another, I traded the flight, the freedom of the sky, for the glorious palace that was burger king, in the land of Steakania, but I had to trudge forward bravely, for al-

“you okay?” said Dash as I realized I had kind of let my mind wander

“Right, uh anyway where’s your house?” she was glad to be out of weird topics that made no sense, and she said bravely, and a little overconfidently (if you ask me)

“This way” She took off at what I figured was her max speed, judging by the way her muscles moved, so I figured she was trying to ditch me ‘fat chance, let’s see just what these wings can do’ I thought as I flapped a single flap of my wings catching up to and surpassing the confounded Pegasus. With great glee I looked back and flew backwards, taunting her, flapping my wings every couple of seconds, to stay ahead.

“Oh no you don’t!” she tried everything she could to get ahead, streamlining herself, but there was a problem, she had her hooves flat, instead of at an angle, so there was no way she would catch up, I decided that I should at least try to get on her good side so I pointed out her flaw, in (what I hoped) was a helpful demeanor

“your hooves are facing forward flatly, you should angle them” I said that as I turned around speeding towards what looked like a flying cloud house, and I was about to win, when Dash pulled in front of me, hooves angled.

The Clash Of The Flyers

The Clash Of The Flyers
Dash pulled in front of me, hoofs angled 'at least that's what I'll tell myself so i can sleep at night' I thought slightly ironically. Anyway I followed Dash into her cloud house, considering that i was used to living in a 3 story house, that was really more of a mansion than anything it seemed somewhat small, but I walked into her living room, noticing that I was walking on clouds, I decided to ask her about that later, but then she said a bit energetically, no more frantically?

"Sorry about the mess, anyway make yourself at home, you can take the bed" This perturbed me as I could never sleep in someone's bed if they had to sleep on a couch

"I could never let a lady sleep on the couch, so I'll take the couch" Dash looked like she wanted to argue, but finally realized that I wasn't the type to give up, when she realized I said lady, and blushed a bit.

"Uh..right! anyway I'm going upstairs so YEAH!" she said that with a lot of nervous volume, so this confused me a bit, since I was still tired from the constant run and gun stuff from the day so I decided to get to sleep, despite it being only around 5-o-clock, according to me internal timer, so passing into sleep on the couch I was careful not to damage my new-found wings as I drifted off

"thanks bro, I " said my sister in my dreams. As much as it pained me to see her again, after what happened, I still rejoiced at seeing a familiar face, even if it was a six year old one, but just as I was starting to tear up, something touched my wing, and I jumped off the couch doing a three sixty rotation in addition to the back-flip as I caught my attacker by the neck putting it into an arm hold

"Wait, what?"
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shay's perspective, 16:05, military clock, Equestria

I was looking around Sugarcube Corner, the bakery run by two ponies named Mr. and Mrs. Cakes. Pinkie worked, and lived, in the bakery, often holding all sorts of parties and gatherings. But enough about the surroundings, I was in a land full of ponies. PONIES!!! That's the best thing that could've ever happened to me! Though, I was confused about one thing. My friend, James. I wonder whatever happened to him. It's been a long time since I seen him since dropping into Equestria. And although I should've been worried about my friends well being, I was too busy having fun with my favorite pony Pinkie Pie. The problem with Pinkie is that she's really really energetic. Inhumanly energetic. IMPOSSIBLY energetic. She must store all this energy until she needs it. I'd hate to see her on a sugar rush.

But all this sunshine and rainbows was, surprisingly, even to myself, was getting dull. The way Pinkie swallowed a cake whole no longer had the same effect it did on me before. I was sitting around in the bakery, twirling a chef's knife on my finger, when Pinkie came in with a cupcake, in an attempt to cheer me up. It was nice, and I appreciated the gesture, but I was getting sick of all the sweets. I needed actual food. Human food. But, being a realm dominated by talking herbivores, it's hard to find many human foods without having to kill something. I sighed and pushed away the blue-iced cupcake and said to Pinkie, with a rather bored tone, "Sorry Pinkie. I'm just not hungry." She stared at me, obviously worried, which to me was strange. Seeing Pinkie NOT smiling or laughing, and rather expressing worry, it gave me the chills.

She came up and, almost like a cat, gently rubbed her mane against my arm. I smiled a little and hugged her. I sighed then said, "Sorry for being so off, Pinkie. I'm just bored." She smiled and hopped up and down. "Well I got something we can do!" She ran out the door, then looked back and giggled. "Come on!" I ran after the pink bouncing pony and we left to do whatever it is she had in mind. We went to the local joke shop, and Pinkie got a load of strange toys and items used in pranks.

She told me the plan in private, then we ran out to go prank Ponyville. From confetti shooting out of rain gutters, to painted flowers, we went almost everywhere with some sort of joke. Finally, Pinkie pointed to a large house of clouds, with rainbows decorating the outsides. She giggled and whispered to me mischievously, "And now to prank Rainbow Dash!" I rubbed my hands together, eager to prank her. I knew her well. She was a master of practical jokes, just like my pink partner-in-crime. Me and Pinkie started to get the prank ready as fast as we could. Of course, we had to convince Twilight so we could use her hot-air balloon. Finally, we arrived near Rainbow's place, around 12:am then set off our prank.

"AHH" Screamed Rainbow Dash, falling out of her own house, before we could even set off our prank, when she twisted mid-fall and landed gracefully near me, when James jumped out of the house at high speed, diving at his top speed

_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jame's perspective 00:16, Dash's place
"Wait, what?" said Dash as I did a second flip, flinging her out of her own house "AHHHH!!!!" screamed a now falling Dash, I chased after her, as quickly as I could, tucking into a sort of shell as I sped down trying to catch up, I heard the whistle of the wind in my ears, and my Seikukken (martial artist technique, for detecting anything around a person, highly advanced) detected a fast approaching wall when I realized it was the ground and pulled up, spinning out of my 'shell' and landed, coincidentally right beside Dash

"R-right uh s-sorry about that" I said, dejectedly, while looking away. What I didn't tell them was that I was practically in tears, thanks to that dream, that bloody dream that always seemed to put me in a bad mood

"Uh, it's well...fine" Said a certain cyan pegasus who coincidentally chose that moment to enter into my field of view, I to this day don't know what she saw, but it seemed to put her into a state of shock, "right well uh, I guess we should go back inside, huh?"

"Same dream?" said a somewhat subdued voice that belonged to none other than Shay.

"Same dream." I said with absolute finality as I prepared to fly to Dash's house.

"what are you guys talking about?" said Dash, somewhat reinvigorated to a state closer to her original self

"uh, it's...nothing" I said biting my lip as I flew, knowing she would press me for answers, answers I would rather leave hidden. By this time I had reached the house in the clouds, and assumed that Shay had packed up and left, as I sort of wanted to tell Dash, for the first time ever I wanted to tell someone other than my three best friends, naturally I chastised myself for this 'she's a horse man, a horse, you can't get close to a horse!' I was about to go back to sleep when I noticed Rainbow looking at me in concern, and I sighed, and sat down

"You aren't going to give up on looking for an answer are you?" I said, really hopefully, for once looking a horse in the eye.

"not on your life!" said Dash, and I almost lost it, having to tell the story after all of these years...

"Fine, sit down, it's a long story." I took a breath to compose myself, my eyes tearing up "I had a dream about my little sister, and I remember the day, a really important day, she had decided to go swinging around on the vines between our tree-houses on the farm, and I told her that the vines weren't ready yet, and that I had braid a few together, but she ran up to the place anyway and started swinging across, she said it was okay, that she wasn't falling, but then the vine snapped and she fell, far, and fast, she impaled herself on one of the branches on the way down, and i managed to go all the way through her, by the time I caught her she was already bleeding badly and I got her back to the house, where we patched her up, my parents were shocked, but we headed down to the hospital back in Saskatoon, and we got there in time, fortunately, where the determined that no major wounds or anything like that occurred so she was cleared to go home in an hour, so she went home with us, they said she needed plenty of bed rest though, so back at our mansion in Saskatoon we were going to sleep when she came to my room and asked if she could sleep in my bed, because she was having nightmares, normally I wouldn't have, but I decided to let her, and she climbed in and said "I love you"...that" I said pausing to choke up a bit " was the last thing she said to me...in the morning she was dead...she had died of internal bleeding that the doctors missed" We sat there silently as I teared up a bit, but didn't quite cry, Dash looked really, sympathetic and said

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know" she started to extend her hoof toward me but then pulled it back, I mean really, what are you supposed to do after a story like that.

"I'm going to uh go to sleep. bye!" she said that yet again in a state of shock, and I felt horrible, I mean really, what kind of jerk tells that kind of a story to someone else, STUPID!. I did finally get to sleep again, but I didn't have the dream, thankfully, as if I saw that blonde hair, that friendly smile, or those blue eyes, I would probably break down on the spot, really, I would. I woke again, around oh-five hundred hours, so I decided to head out again, trying to put on my whole mysterious and dark demeanor, hoping not to run into Dash later on, as I heard hear steady, deep breathing in the house (not that it was that hard, I mean, she snores like...well like a horse!). I was flying when I saw Tom running from Twilight, the latter of which said "oh come on, just one try?" and Tom didn't look receptive so I thought I would check what the fuss was about and landed around the tree in the town we were in 'note to self, ask the name of the town' I thought, as i asked Twilight

"So...why is Tom running away again?" I said this from a place Twilight hadn't seen me from, so I gave her quite a shock (the look on her face was priceless, so definitely worth it!) anyway she replied, exasperated

"I wanted to try the wing spell on him, and see what happened!" my eyes were literally twitching in annoyance as I considered the possibility of her using that spell on him, as it really had hurt like a bitch, on the other hand 'Tom does owe me five bucks...' I silently mused but then I finally gave Twilight the harsh look that I thought suited the situation

"I literally passed out from the pain, and you want to use it on my friend?" I said this a bit angrily when Twilight realized that I was still p.o.ed at her for the whole 'wings' thing, so she said

"Oh, don't worry about it, I think I perfected it, so that the spell won't hurt the person it's cast on" she said that a little sheepishly when my equinophobia kicked in (Needless to say it was kind of getting old)

"R-right uh I d-dont th-think that y-you sh-should use i-it on h-him" I really hated how equinophobia changed my life so much here...anyway I looked away so that I could actually say this with confidence

"Gotta fly, see ya later" I only spared a look back and my signature two fingered wave after I finished speaking, and then I flew off, quite fast actually, when I decided to look for George, as I heard a large shout and thought drily 'Great timing."

Don't Fear The Reaper

"AGH" shouted a familiar voice, and I would have been content to leave it as George just hitting on random ponies...but then I heard a sickening sound of metal on stone and rushed over there, and I could have been mistaken, but it sounded like the entire town was converging on the location of the enigma that was George. I was speeding fast, in my bullet/capsule looking shape and I detected something with my seikkuken... 'pole-arm' I thought as I spun out of my wing based shell, as I kicked at the handle of the weapon, stopping it in it's tracks with my foot... right before a punch came heading towards my stomach, a punch that I promptly blocked with a side-flip with my arm extended, unlocking my opponent's scythe and deflecting the punch, resulting in my opponent rotating, and I was about to hit him with a knife-hand chop, when he used his left leg to kick, and I blocked, as he used the kick to push himself away, falling into a combat stance.

After getting a better look at my opponent, I noticed he had a gray robe on, and I couldn't see past the shadow the hood cast, and other than the scythe, which was black as night and made entirely of metal (at least from what I saw), he had no other defining traits, other than the fact that he was definitely bipedal.

"Tokanomi, what is your name?" {note: in Nokarion, Tokanomi basically means reaper, or more acurately, he or she who successfully kills, for those interested} I said this in a (hopefully) threatening voice and tone. Fortunately I think it worked, at least partially.

"I have no reason to give it to one who knows it" 'That voice...no not possible, there's no way in hell or Hades that it's her... I was beyond reason at this point, staring wide eyed at him-no, her...a very specific her that I never got to say good-bye to five years ago.

"What happened to you? You were always a pacifist back then, you wouldn't hurt a rock that just insulted you-...our grandmother" I said levelly, barely containing the mass cocktail that was my emotional state at the time.

"You were one in the same as me, you always were, I think we both changed". No, that was wrong, she would NEVER hurt anyone, but the bruises on George's arm say otherwise...'she really did change, but how, I remember the doctor's face when he told me' I thought.

"So you became a reaper of souls? Death incarnate? there's no way you would do that, you may have learned to fight but there is NO way that you would ever kill someone. What happened to you?" I said, with the pain and longing prominent in an otherwise monotone voice.

"You're the same as you were back then, except now you know a fancy dance move or two. I should have known you would never settle for what the doctors told me. You became a martial artist to stop people from dieing, right?" she said, stabbing at every button I had, raising my sense of dread. she changed, and so did I, it just seems that nobody is willing to admit that the other really changed... I mused silently, before George spoke up

"Who is she? she just attacked me out of no-where man! I mean really, who does that? I didn't even hit on her insistently." Said a very stricken George, still nursing a cut that was small enough to have been made with paper.

"Well, George really hasn't changed either." Mused the girl before me drily.

"You said either. Not the right word to use, in my opinion." I had calmed down enough to regain my demeanor, if nothing else.

"Other than your wings, what changed?" She said, though I figured she was curious at this point

"JAMES!" shouted the voice of a cyan blur...directly before she was caught. Caught by the hand of girl I once knew around her neck

"Let her go. now." I said, manifesting the very same killing intent that I used to stare down gangs on a daily basis. She did let go of Dash, pushing her to the side, pretty much forgetting her.

"James, since when did you get scary?"

"Since right now" I muttered before using a thrust-kick aimed at the girl's head (approximately), but she ducked it, dropping her hood and revealing the face of a 14 year old girl, with long blond hair falling past her neck, striking red eyes, and a mask that was totally black, and revealing no features...wait that's wrong, her eyes are supposed to be blue.

"Wait, not possible" said a very stunned George, as a crowd of ponies started checking out what was happening in the quaint little street we were on.

"Five years I thought you were dead. Five years, and I kept blaming myself for what happened to you." I said

"And five years I was away from you, my family and my friends, I think that balances it out" she wittily replied

"Huh?You know her?" said a very confused Dash.

"Oh yeah, and she, is very talkat- ACK!" that was the sound of me being cut-off by a scythe, fortunately to my dodging skills however, that proved to be entirely figurative rather than literal. I responded with a punch to her stomach, but she deflected the punch with the hilt of her scythe, returning us to our stalemate.

"So, did you ever get over your crush o-" again, she cut me off! how rude. This time she used the end of the handle of the scythe to poke at me, and she got me right in the stomach, but I didn't even flinch (but I was very tempted to vomit). "Nice form, bit over-reactive though" I noted drily, as I pushed the edge of the scythe away from me with a finger, allowing the girl to adopt a passive stance.

"So, who did she have a crush on?" said a suddenly curious Dash

"Oh, she has a cru-" and yet again I had to dodge a scythe coming my way, when the girl followed through she held her nose up indignantly

"That's hardly fair seeing as you seem to have developed an affection fo-" and it seems that the whole interrupting via fatal blows thing runs in the family, I thought drily as I kicked at the girl's throat, what I didn't know was that I was blushing madly, and that she ducked the kick AGAIN.

"What's going on here James?" Said a very confused Twilight, who just stepped inside the circle the crowd had made

"And that, James is my cue to leave" said the girl, bowing dramatically, as she pulled up her hood on the robe, and stepped away, then she added "Since James was to rude to introduce me to those of you who don't know me, I'm Susan, his sister."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Just a quick little bit of writing I decided to write for the period of about an hour, took so long because I had an author visit my school, and do an interactive talk with a bunch of kids from grade nine with me, so I was thinking about some advice she offered, but as you can tell from my quality, that kind of went out the window