Why Universe-Traveling is a Very Bad Idea

by Liondancer17

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Comedy, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5079

When a bunch of DC supervillains end up in ponyville, it only starts to go downhill from there

The Rogues-Flash's enemy organization-suddenly wakes up ponyfied in the magical land of Equestria, and everything just goes downhill from there, as they, and every citizen of Equestria, works desperately to get snarky, drunk, blue-collar supervillans back home, before all of Equestria is destroyed...because none of them want to put up with rainbow horses anymore. Well, maybe Trickster, but he was always insane anyway.

Published 2014-06-06 02:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-13 11:01:18 UTC

Why. Just Why.

Okay, he was pissed off. Beyond pissed off. He was downright furious at whatever gave him a headache this bad. It was liked taking a boot to the head from every member of the speedsters at once. Yeah. It really, really hurt.

Groaning out loud in pain, he managed to sit up, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut. He could still feel his visor on his face, which was a good sign. He could feel the hood of his favorite parka over his head, (goddam he missed wearing it all the time) and the supervillain let out a loud sneeze, lurching forward and holding back a scream of pain when the sudden motion sent his head spinning.

“Ow...goddammit, what the hell happened? I’m so retiring if this is what I get...”

“Shut the bloody hell up, bleedin’ bastards! I’m tryin’ ta sleep!”

“Digger, shut up. Nobody wants to hear it. Shit it’s cold in here!”

There was a whimper, and someone rolled around in blankets. “Nope, I’m just dreaming. Just dreaming. I did not hear Mick snapping at Digger. Nope. Nope. I’m at home and I’m fine.”

“Piper? Is that you?” Mark asked. None of them had opened their eyes yet, but at least talking stopped hurting. And besides, getting their bearings without wasting much energy was better than being ignorant.

“I said that this is a dream.”

“....hey, Piper? Where’re you? Can’t find you...” A really familiar, Italian-accented voice asked.

“James!” Piper yelled, causing Len to cringe in pain. Immediately, someone scrambled wildly in the direction of the Italian’s voice.

“Shut up, all of you! I will not hesitate to put you all to sleep!” Roy snapped from somewhere across the room. Okay. Shit. Those two were dead. No way. No way.

“Roy?” Sam asked, and this was too much. No way that this was happening. Len slowly, carefully, pried open his eyes, keeping his hands over his face, and then slowly moving them away, so he could see...

Okay.

Those weren’t hands.

Leonard Snart was staring at a pair of hooves. Blue hooves. He blinked slowly, but they weren’t going away. Then he looked away from the freaking hooves, and took in the rest of the room.

Digger was laying at the farthest side of the room, a dark blue figure with a white freaking tail, but he was in his uniform, which was a dead giveaway. In the bed next to him was Sam-who was dark orange with a grey-brown tail, also in his uniform. Mick was in the bed next to him, the only part of him under his jumpsuit visible being his...muzzle, which was dark red. On Len’s other side was Mark, who was orange-yellow with his black mane falling in his face. On the far side of the room was Piper, who was light green with an auburn mane, and reaching out blindly to Trickster, who was canary-yellow with a pale, blonde mane, and looked extremely disoriented. Next to them was Roy, who was jet-black with a rainbow mane, and a dark orange, female horse with long, blonde hair...

“LISA!” Len yelled, immediately catching the attention of the other Rogues.

“Len, what’s going on? Where are we?” Roy asked, turning his head in the general direction of the leader. Len shot up, out of bed, immediately collapsing onto the white tile and struggling to stand.

“Everyone, open your eyes. We’re trapped somewhere in another dimension. Do all of you have your weapons? Piper, do you hear anyone guarding us.”

There were a few moments of confused silence as the Rogues opened their eyes, all but Boomerang, who was yelling at the top of his lungs, before Sam grabbed him and stuck his hoof in Digger’s mouth, silencing the raging Australian.

“No offense, Len...well, actually, every offense, but I’m not exactly inclined to listen to you.” Piper said coldly, standing in front of the bed of the Trickster, who was staring in complete confusion at everything.

Captain Cold’s face hardened. “I understand. But if we’re going to make it home, we’re going to have to work together, as Rogues. When we get back, no one ever has to look at each other ever again.”

“Umm, guys? Yeah, we’re horses.”

“I understand that, James.”

“No one is going to question that? ‘Cuz usually it’s not me that is completely weirded out by something.”

Mick rubbed a hoof over his face. “I really hope this isn’t some kind of acid-induced dream. Evan better hope this isn’t his stuff that’s doing this. Or I am burning him alive.”

Piper snarled, and Trickster flopped onto the redhead’s back, nuzzling into his neck.

“Piper Puppy, carry me.”

“Bloody hell, just kiss and get it over with.” Digger grumbled. Len snorted, already this plan was just being destroyed.

“Len, you’re a unicorn.”

“What?”

“There is a horn on your forehead. You’re a unicorn.”

“Mark, shut up.”

“No. I’m serious. You’re a unicorn. So is Roy.”

“......” Piper snickered, but James didn’t bother hiding it. He just fell over laughing.

“I will kill all of you.”

From across the room, Lisa pulled the pillow over her head and groaned. “Len, go back to sleep.”

The amount of time it took everyone to get organized was absolutely ridiculous.

First of all, after further inspection, they found that Trickster, Lisa, and Mark were all Pegasi, and that Roy and Len were both unicorns. They all kept arguing and mocking each other for over an hour, and it was only when Lisa threatened to strangle all of them that they finally stopped.

So, they went with the first and only plan they really had.

Mick got a hold of several oxygen tanks, and everything went downhill for ponyville.

The Rogues burst out of the hospital together, and damn it felt good to do that again, with Trickster laughing maniacally and dropping pudding bombs on random citizens, Len containing the fire with his cold gun (it was freaking ridiculous using his mouth to fire) and Mark randomly calling down lightning with his weather wand to keep all of the citizens away.

And that was when a purple horse, with wings and a horn, came zooming out of nowhere, followed by five other horses.

When Trickster dropped a pudding bomb on the purple horse, it was all over.
There was an enormous burst of rainbow shit, and everything went black.

Author's Note

I am so excited, you have no idea.
Review?

You're Not Serious. Nope.

“Those pants are absolutely blinding to look at.” A voice with a strange, semi-english accent said. Len kept himself still and silent. Information was important.

“...hnng, not the pants...” James mumbled, rolling around and latching onto the nearest thing-Mark’s hind leg. The stallion twitched, but didn’t stir.

“He’s awake! Oh my gosh, he’s awake! Oh my gosh oh my gosh!” A high-pitched, feminine voice squealed. Len wondered if his poor eardrums could take it.

“Pinkie, I wouldn’t be excited about that. They kind of almost blew up a hospital.” A more raspy, but still distinctly feminine voice said.

“Yeah...ah don’t think I’d be excited ‘bout a bunch a folks like them.” Another girl’s voice, one with a, very thick, southern accent.

“Come on, Applejack...I’m sure it was a misunderstanding...” This voice was very soft, and Len internally wondered if this is what Piper would sound like as a girl. Soft, demure, kind, gentle. (No...not after what he did to Apokolips. No crossing the guy now.)

“Fluttershy, stop. You’re being too easy on them.” The raspy-girl voice said again.

“I think we should listen to Fluttershy. She was right about Discord.”

“But still...that trickster can’t be trusted.”

"Heyyyy...stop being so mean to me...gimme back my candy...I wanna get some ice-cream...” James whined again. A few of the voices had to stifle giggles at this, as James now latched onto Piper’s cloak, and the redhead sneezed, rolling onto the blond.

“They’re so cute...” Fluttershy cooed, and Len swallowed down a burst of laughter at that.

“The pants are still awful, through.”

“Yeah, think he’s more colorblind than Raider, to be honest.” Mick said as he sat up, rubbing a hoof over his head. Immediately, all of the other ponies shot back, and Len made a face as he sat up.

“Mick, honestly, learn some subtlety.”

“Len, they were going to find out anyway.”

“Still.”

“Alright, enough! Who are you? And what do you want?” The purple pony asked, narrowing her eyes and spreading out her wings in a way that was probably meant to be intimidating. But it was a freaking purple pony. That could not be intimidating.

“Honestly? None of us know. We just kinda woke up here. And leaving sounds real great about now.”

“Seriously, why is nobody questioning the fact that we’re in a world of rainbow ponies. What the hell.”

“Mick, shut up. Mommy and Daddy are talking.”

“He owned your ass there, Mick.”

“You too, Mark.”

“Wait, those are your names? No wonder you guys are so messed up.” The blue-and-rainbow pony said. Len scowled. Well, way to rub it in.

“I’m Captain Cold. The one in white is Heatwave. The one in orange guy is Mirror Master. The green one is Piper. The one with the stripes is the Trickster. The rainbow one is Rainbow Raider. The orange girl is Golden Glider. The blue one is Captain Boomerang.”

“See, those are nice names! Why the weird ones?” the pink one asked. Len brought a hoof to his face. This is so weird. Weirder than the seventies. And those were weird times.

“Piper puppy, they’re making fun of my pants. I like the pants. The pants make my butt look good.”

“Nobody wants to see your butt, Tricks. And the stripes are stupid.”

“Nooooo...I like them.”

The purple horse made a face. And Len considered how weird it was that he was relating to her.

“Okay, let’s get right to the problem.” she started officially. “Where are you from?”

“Keystone.” Digger grunted, getting to his feet...hooves. Yeah. “Keystone, Kansas.”

“Wait....what?” the one wearing a cowboy hat asked. “I never heard’a that place. Ya sure it’s real?”

“I can’t believe this. We’re being questioned by rainbow horses about reality!”

“Mark, what are you talking about....oh. It wasn’t a dream.” Roy said flatly. “Well then.”

“Okay, you guys are just weird.” The other rainbow pony said, making a face.

“Trust me, we know.” Lisa said, walking up to her brother. Len couldn’t keep the look of pure joy off of his face when he saw his sister approaching him. After all this time...

“Tricks, you’re going to have to get off of me.”

“Nooooooo...stop, you’re taking away the soft pillow!”

“That’s my...err, tail.”

“It smells like cotton candy.”

“Okay, stop. You’re so weird today. And that’s not counting the fact that you’re a yellow horse.” Truth be told, Len thought that Trickster was acting perfectly normal, the way that he had been back when all of them were a group. When they were all like family. Before...

“Hey! People say that my tail smells and looks and tastes like cotton candy too!” The pink pony cut in.

“That’s disgusting. Green cotton candy?”

“She’s pink, Roy.” The purple horse’s eye twitched in irritation, but before she could open her mouth to speak, Digger did.

“Everyone shut the bloody hell up, or we’re going ta be stuck here!” he snapped. The purple horse shot him a grateful look, and cleared her throat again.

“Okay, my name is Twilight Sparkle-” every rogue but Golden Glider and Captain Cold, who were too mature for that, snerked-”and I want to help you. But first, I want to know why you broke out of the hospital, caused it massive damage, and endangered the life of everypony”-James snickered and whispered something in Piper’s ear, and the redhead thumped the blond’s head with his hoof-”in the building. I also want to know who you all are, where you’re from, and how I can go about helping you return, after punishing you for your crimes.”

“Are you serious?” Sam asked.

“Very.” Twilight replied.

“And what will our punishment be?” Mark asked, bristling, his wings unfurling. He picked up the wand and held it in his teeth, sparks shooting from the tip.

“You’re going to rebuild the hospital, and issue a formal apology to all of ponyville.” Twilight announced with authority.

Digger’s mouth fell open with an audible ‘pop’.

“That’s it?” he asked. “That’s all? We’re rebuildn’ the place, and then that’s it? No jail?”

Twilight looked absolutely horrified. “No! Why in Equestria would I lock you away?”

“.......guys? Can I stay here?” Trickster asked. “Seriously, can I stay?”

“......umm...I guess...we’ll do it.” Len finally said, once he could find the ability to speak again. This was just unreal. It reminded him of the good times...but somehow, even...kinder.

“Really? You don’t think it’s too much?” the yellow pony with a pink mane asked. Piper just burst out laughing, leaning on James for support, nearly toppling them both over.

“Are you kidding? That’s...that’s amazing! Back home...we’d...we’d...” the redhead visibly trembled, and Trickster put a hoof on his shoulder, steadying him.

“It’s alright, Hartley.” The musician’s ears pricked at his name, and he shook his head, hiding his face under his cowl. The blond pouted and continuously poked his side, whining softly and leaning against the musician.

The white unicorn whispered in the ear of the yellow pony, and both giggled.

“Hey...you seem so sad...” the pink pony said, her big blue eyes filling with tears. “You know what? We’re going to have a party to welcome you guys here. And...and that’ll make you smile!” The horse was just so damn excited about making people she had just thought of as criminals happy. This was just...unreal. So unreal. And weirdly enough, the fact that they were now talking horses was just the last weird thing on the list.

“You...you’re joking, right? You’re...you’re not being serious, are you?” Mark asked, the wand clattering to the floor.

“Yeah, ‘fraid so. The girl will just throw parties for the silliest things, ‘specially new folks, like y’all. But she really means well, an’ ya better get ready for some new friends comin’ yer way.” The horse in the cowboy hat said, shaking her head and smiling.

“Guys, I think Evan shot us all up.” Mick finally announced.

“But I’m dead.” Sam pointed out.

“And so am I.”

“Me too.”

“Then we’re hallucinating you.”

“...........”

“Don’t worry Piper puppy, I’m real.” James quickly added. The white unicorn and yellow winged-horse giggles again, and Len face-hoofed.

“Stop calling him that.”

“But Papa-Bear, he likes it”

“Stop calling me that!”

“I’m going to start using that, Tricks.” Mick chimed in. Digger snickered, and Len groaned.

“So Papa-Bear, what now?” Roy asked, tilting his head. And already, they were the Rogues again. No questioning sticking together, no questioning loyalty. But that was the thing about the Rogues. No matter what, they were always a sort-of weird, ragtag family.

“We find an old, abandoned place, and stay there. Like we always do.” And without saying a word, they flanked each other and started to walk away, Trickster taking to the air as a lookout.

“H-hey, wait!” Twilight cried out, catching the Rogues’ attention. Len turned around.

“What?”

“You...don’t have to go!”

“What? Do you expect us to just sleep in the dirt?” Len asked.

“No, ah mean...on the farm, we can always use a bit’a help. Y’all can stay with me, we have a barn ya can use, and we have food...ya don’t have to sleep out in a cold place.”

Mick visibly shuddered.

“Do you...think we can trust them?” Lisa asked. Len looked at her for a long time, then nodded.

“If they try to hurt you, then we just hurt them back.”

“So, are we...?”

“Might as well.”

“Never look a gift horse in the mouth~!” Trickster sang. All of the Rogues groaned.

“That was bad. So bad. Never make a pun like that again.”

“No promises!”

“So, you have names?” Sam asked, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen over the group. The cowboy-pony shrugged.

“Applejack. How is your friend doing that?”

“Which one?” Len asked, suppressing the urge to correct her that they weren’t friends.

“The one in the stripes.”

“Ya mean how ‘es not blind? Nobody has any bloody idea.”

“I resent that!”

Applejack laughed. “No, ah mean, how’s he walkin’ on air? I thought it was ‘cus he had his wings out, but he’s not flyin’, he’s walkin’. How’s he doin’ that?” After she finished, James flipped on his forehooves, walking on them while he smiled at Applejack.

“My airwalkers. I invented them myself. Anti-gravity technology.”

“Ya mean...like magic?”

“Nope, I don’t cheat. I work to do this stuff!”

“Ah think Twilight’d be interested in whatcha got there. I ain’t never seen anythin’ like it.” Applejack observed, eyes wide with interest. James grinned wider.

“Ooooh, a chance to brag!” Applejack’s eyes darkened.

“Ah don’t like braggarts.”

“Well, you’re going to hate Tricks. That’s all he does.” Mick said. James stuck out his tongue. Applejack frowned.

“Ah hate braggarts. They do nothin’ but try ta make others feel down on themselves, an’ make themselves above the rest. They’re nothin’ but bullies.” Applejack’s face twisted into a sneer. “They think that just ‘cus the rest of us aren’t as lucky as they are, that they’re better than the rest. They’re just cowards. An’ I don’t feel sorry that they don’t have any real friends.”

“Friends are scary.” Trickster observed absently. “They make you feel like you’re made of glass. They can see right through you. And hurt you with what they see. That’s why I try not to make them. And when I do, I end up pushing them away without meaning to.”

Len twitched and looked away. Sam shivered. Piper looked up at the aerialist with an unreadable expression.

“That’s just because of the time you dropped an anvil on Booster Gold.” Piper said lightly.

Immediately, the dark mood lifted, and the blond was sent tumbling through the air in laughter.

“What a maroon! Cannot believe he fell for that!”

“Wait, you dropped an anvil on Booster Gold?” Heatwave asked. Tricks snickered.

“Yep! Tried to warn him, but he just wouldn’t believe me!”

“How the hell were you carrying an anvil?”

“Anti-gravity. Hey, while in hell, I heard you melted a ring! How’d ya do that?”

“Wait...you were in hell?” Piper asked, stopping cold. James grinned.

“Tricking the devil did not make him happy. No siree.”

“What’s the devil?” Applejack asked, tilting her head. The Rogues stopped, and looked back at the pony.

“...nobody. Nobody important.”

“Flash, Flash, wake up.” A voice said. Wally West stirred, blinking awake and getting to his feet.

“Flash, somebody broke in!” a voice hissed. Wally blinked, and looked up.

And screamed.

“Flash Sentry, calm down!”

“THERE IS A HORSE TALKING TO ME!”

Author's Note

Don't worry, Flash. It'll be okay.

Puns are a Rogue's Best Friend

Wally really didn’t consider himself a skeptic.

He was pretty damn easy to believe stuff, all things considered. One of his regular villains was a freaking talking gorilla. Right out of “Planet of the Apes.” So yes, he was not a very cynical person. How could he be in the WEIRD world that he lived in?

Sometimes he envied civvies.

Even so, there is only so much one can take before they just start wondering if they’ve lost it. And, in this case, it was staring at a freaking unicorn (a really cartoon-y unicorn too, something out of Hello Kitty or Pokémon) wearing pretty armor, looking at him like a madman.

“Flash, are you okay? Of course I’m a pony! Did somepony put a spell on you? Was it Princess Luna? She’s always such a troublemaker…”

“What the HELL are you talking about? Who are you? Who’s Princess Luna?” Flash snapped, attempting to get to his feet, but stumbling and falling flat on his face. Which was when he noticed he now had a muzzle. A light orange muzzle.

And then he screamed again, backpeddling on his hooves until he hit the wall. His wings flared out and he attempted to vibrate through the wall, but his super speed didn’t seem to want to work, and that only caused the pegasus pony to panic harder.

“Flash!” the unicorn put his forehooves on Wally’s shoulder, and the pegasus quickly threw him off out of pure reflex, and raced down the hall. He could still feel himself connected to the Speed Force, so he could still use it, but he couldn’t seem to tap into it! Come on, come on, work!

That was when he ran, head-first, into a white, winged-unicorn wearing a crown, with a mane that seemed to be made of magic itself.

“Well, you’re certainly not from around here, are you, my little pony?”

“Oh no.”

“What is it?”

“The universes. You know how fragile they are, right?”

“Yeah, you’ve told me. Like the time the cats got through, right?”

“Exactly. They’re folding in on each-other again. And what’s worse is that THEY have been brought through here. And they’re not supposed to be here. Their own universe needs them to maintain the balance.”

“What do you mean ‘they’?”

“Have you ever seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?”

“You mean Filly Wonka? Yeah, I love that movie!”

“Well…yes, I guess that works. The universe is made of archetypes. The Good Triad, the big three that maintain order. Here, it’s Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. Then there are the teams that help maintain the order. The Elements of Harmony. There’s always the Laughing Chaos. There’s always the King of Shadows. There’s always Light that shines in the Dark.”

“But what does that have to do with Filly Wonka?”

“Well, there are always two more archetypes. But not just limited to a few people. These are the ones that live in people all across the multiverses. Hell, I’m considered one by a lot of people.”

“Come on, tell me!”

“The Music Makers. The Dreamers of Dreams.”

“I…don’t understand.”

“You will, don’t worry. Now, let’s get a move on! Let’s go help the universe again!”

“…don’t ever change.”

“Sooooo, who’s ready to hit the hay?”

“Shut up James.”

“That was a good one, you have to admit.”

“No. So I won’t.”

A silence fell across the Rogues. All of them had taken separate haystacks-spread as far away from each other as possible-across the barn. In the center of the ring of villains, three separate oil lamps were lit, because Mick insisted on it, and all of them were too damn tired to argue with him. In all honesty, none of them wanted to sleep, but they needed a few hours of pure silence to think.

Four of them had come back from the dead. That alone would warrant serious thinking time. But not only that, they had woken up in the bodies of cartoon-horses and were now sleeping in an open, unguarded, completely dark area, with absolutely zero protection except for each other. And, despite how naturally they all had fallen into the pattern of following Len and guarding each other during confrontation, none of them could really say that they trusted their team enough to sleep.

So, for a long time, they were quiet.

“Does anyone remember the time that Piper made Barry do the Macarena?” Lisa finally asked. A collective chuckle rippled through the group.

“What about the time Mark made it rain on the day the Cubs were playing?” Mick added. “Len was SO pissed.”

“I still need to get ya back for that one.” Len growled, rolling over to face the pegasus, who stuck out his tongue.

“Hey! YOU made me slide into a brick wall and smash my face in!”

“Oh yeah, good times.” Len added thoughtfully. Digger snorted.

“I think ya should get back at Tricks fer the time he made ya fall fer ‘Trixie’.” Boomerang said, smirking. Immediately, the entire group cracked up.

“Seriously, you cross-dressed? How the hell do you get away with making fun of me when you seduced Len?!” Piper asked indignantly. James laughed.

“Hey! It’s not MY fault I’m so pretty!”

“And people say MY costume’s gay.”

“It is, Roy. It is.”

“No one asked you, Sam.”

The next morning found the Rogues standing outside awkwardly, while Applejack paced in front of them, giving looks to the barn on the hill where her family was supposed to be emerging from.

“They just can’t get a move-on when it needs ta be done, can they?” she grumbled, flicking her tail in irritation.

“Hold your horses, I’m sure they’re coming!” James chirped. The Rogues groaned.

“Make it stop. Please, make the puns stop.” Mark begged, only causing the Trickster to laugh harder.

“I don’t-“ but before Applejack could finish her sentence, three ponies dive-bombed the cowgirl, tackling her to the ground.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SPIES!” the three chorused in unison, and Piper began having violent flashbacks of watching the Wests’ twins.

“APPLEBLOOM!” Applejack cried out as she laughed, pushing the three foals off of her. “Ya gotta warn me before ya do that!”

“But wouldn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of the spy thing?” the filly with the spikey, purple mane asked.

“Yeah! Then we can’t be spies!” The white unicorn added. Applejack frowned.

“Yeah…but I gotta help our new workers get used ta the job, and I can’t do that with y’all attackin’ me.”

“This is just so bleedin’ cute. I can’t take it.” Digger deadpanned. Len snorted.

“Hey, I think it’s nice!” Lisa pointed out. Mark just rolled his eyes.

While Piper was lost in memories of his own younger sister…

Seeing this, James was quick to provide a distraction. “Hey, we’re standing right here! I would appreciate being addressed as an employee! And lunch breaks are a necessity! Piper over here cannot live without his coffee, and seeing him grumpy is NOT GOOD!”

The musician quickly snapped out of his reverie, and scowled. “Like seeing you without your sugar is any better.”

“At least it’s better than Len without his ice cream.”

“Shut the hell up.”

“Ohhh, I know how that feels, Mr. Len! I need my ice cream to survive too! But big sis won’t let me get any from Sugarcube Corner, but Pinkie will! And it tastes SOOOO GOOD, let’s go get some together one day, I’m SURE big sis will let me get some if it’s with a stallion!” the white unicorn babbled, bouncing in excitement.

“Well, looks like you’ve got yourself a date!” Mick snickered. Len put his face in his hooves. Scootaloo laughed nervously and put her hooves over Sweetie Bell’s mouth.

“Sorry, she really doesn’t know when to stop talking.”

“So, what is this task that we’re going to preform?” Lisa quickly cut in. Len shot his sister a pathetically grateful look. Applejack quickly straightened, going into “serious mode.”

“Y’all are gonna be buckin’ apples with me, it’s harvestin’ season, and the crop’s real good this year, twice the normal amount! For yer hard work, y’all are gonna get to live here fer the time bein’, and get a few bits on the side.”

“Bucking apples?” Roy asked, blinking. “Like…harvesting them?”

“Yep!” the cowgirl declared proudly. “And if y’all work hard enough, we’re gonna get ya a batch o’cider to go with dinner!”

“…cider?” Digger asked, suddenly realizing that he really needed a freaking drink. Applejack grinned.

“Yep, so y’all follow me, I’ll show ya how ta buck the apples, and then y’all can go ta work!”

“Cider.” Len agreed.

“Cider.” The rest of the Rogues repeated, a clear goal in mind.

All for the cider.

“Who are you?” Wally West asked. The winged-unicorn tilted her head, a gentle smile lighting up her face.

“I should be asking you the same question, shouldn’t I?”

“I’m Flash!” the speedster snarled, wings unfurling threateningly. “Fastest man alive. Founding member of the Justice League!”

The pony simply smiled. “Well, you’ve certainly gotten the first part right, I suppose. The body you’re wearing belongs to Flash Sentry, a pegasus from my world, and one of the royal guards of Princess Cadence. I suspect that whoever preformed this swap finds the similar names amusing, and so switched your spirit with that of Flash Sentry.”

“A bodyswap…” Wally murmured. “Where am I?” he suddenly asked.

“You’re in the land of Equestria.”

“Equestria?”

The winged-unicorn smiled. “Well, I suppose this will take a bit of time. Please, follow me, I do not think you want to stand and fidget the entire time.”

“Actually…I prefer to stand.” Wally replied, rubbing his wings against his sides for movement. Speedsters never stood still. Sitting was like being confined. The pony tilted her head, but sat down herself, forehooves tucked under her chest.

“Well, to start, my name is Princess Celestia, and the country you’re in is called Equestria…”

Two hours later, Wally’s head was spinning. “What…do you think I should do.”

Princess Celestia gave a graceful tilt of her head, then smiled. “Personally, I do not believe that you are alone in your situation. So it would be rather smart of you to seek out others who share the same plight. However, I do not recommend that you go alone…perhaps I should have my faithful student come and assist you.”

A mischievous gleam lit up in the alicorn’s eyes. “It would be rather amusing to see her work so hard to restore the personality of a stallion she liked…”

“Oh shit…”

Axel was pretty easy to piss off. And even easier to amuse. But pretty damn hard to impress.

So it was kind of amazing that he somehow managed to be all three at the same time.

He was pissed off at the fact that he was a freaking unicorn. A tall, skinny unicorn. With green hair. And a snail on his ass.

He was amused at how Owen looked. A tiny, chubby unicorn. A really freaking ugly one. With a pair of scissors on his ass.

And he was impressed at how the hell Evan managed to shoot him up to get him like this.

Whatever.

He curled up next to Owen, and fell back asleep.

It would wear off soon.

Right?

Author's Note

Oh Axel and Owen. You know I love you.