Doctor Bright is Very Bright

by The_Machinist

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Discord, Crossover, Human, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other
Length: 12328

Dr. Bright dies in a containment breach regarding the newest SCP, he wakes up on a new host and screws everything up in the Bright way.

Well here is the piece of crap you all have been waiting for. I will say that this is heavily influenced by Redshirt, because without his SCP crossover, i would not have thought about writing this.

Seriously though, Doctor Bright gets killed while having his morning coffee, and wakes up on a unicorn mare. He then proceeds to screw up the entire nation of Equestria.

Published 2014-06-06 02:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-07 22:33:47 UTC

It's Alive!

Multiple Euclid and Keter class SCP’s have breached containment due to a failure in laboratory A34! Initiate Protocol 6F per O5-3’s orders! A full-site lockdown is now in effect until they can be contained!

Doctor Bright looked up at the intercom in the break room in Site-17. He looked back down at the newspaper and sipped his coffee with a quiet “slurp”. He heard the alarm ring throughout the facility and sighed. His morning coffee was ruined, and the O5’s were overreacting again. Laboratory A34 had a sort of monolith that accelerated evolution, and they were probably hitting it with rocks to see what would happen. The only dangerous SCP that would be hard to contain again would be SCP-106.

Well... At least they didn't have to worry about SCP-682 again. Jack Bright clutched his coffee cup as hard as he could, making his knuckles turn white. The damn lizard died by choking on a letter, and after all those times of trying to launch it into the sun! It dies from a damn letter stuck in its' throat. The letter was an anomaly all within itself. How it had gotten there amazed Bright, and it was writen by one Doctor Edward Richtofen, who was a character in a video game made by a few agents who were recruited from the Treyarch company. They had witnessed an outbreak of SCP-008 and had gotten curious.

SCP-008 would be horrible if it had gotten out to the public. It was a virus of 100% infectivity and lethality, and it brought the cadavers back from the dead as the almighty "Z" word. The "Z" word was forbidden to be used in Site-19's parameters as it instilled fear into the hearts of all men who had dealt with the SCP firsthand. So the afflicted were given the title SCP-008-1 in order to ensure formality and a calm atmosphere. God knows what would happen if it ever escaped containment...

He let out a calm sigh and smiled when he sipped his coffee, ridding his thoughts of 682's termination, as well as the thoughts of SCP-008's containment breach. Many SCP's would be harder to contain and much more lethal if they had gotten out. The soapstone statue would most likely be the hardest to contain by far. The monolith they had found was very similar to it. It looked like a slender human holding a younger variant of its' species in its' arms. They would call it the child of evolution, but they kept getting it confused with evolution's child.

Doctor Bright heard some banging and loud shouts, but he couldn't tell if they were in his imagination or not. He figured they weren't, because he heard the cloud clanking of the MTF's boots running towards the area in which the shouting was coming from. "God damnit... Can't I just have my coffee in peace?!" He banged once on the table to show his anger. He figured it was a drill, otherwise there would be proper screams. He heard some more shouting and banging, and he heard the name "James" being yelled out several times before more banging resounded throughout the hallways again. This time, he heard a loud crash and gunfire erupt.

He heard screaming outside of the break room door and looked up at it. He could hear gunfire and the barking of orders being given out. He caught words such as “mythology” and “monsters” being yelled out before the voices suddenly ceased. He turned back to his newspaper and sipped his coffee once more, for Doctor Bright was the master of not caring. A screaming researcher opened the door and ran inside, but was caught in a strange blue aura that surrounded him, and was pulled back out kicking and screaming.

Doctor Bright blinked a few times and shrugged his shoulders. He was immortal, so he wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with anything. He was just sleep in his amulet until someone or something puts him on. He would of course essentially take over their body, but he wanted to survive. He just sat there sipping his coffee and blinked when he noticed that the Researcher’s screams had ceased. The intercom activated, but all that came out was garbled static. Soon after the static, the power went out and the emergency lights activated themselves.

He sighed and stood up from his seat. He carefully walked over to the break room door and took a glance outside. Bodies were strewn all over the hallway leading to the break room with wounds of all sorts covering their entire bodies. His eyes opened widely, but it was not anything he had not seen before. A similar incident occurred when a Global Occult Coalition spy activated the camera feed to SCP-96’s containment chamber. The death toll was estimated to be around 47 Doctors and Researchers before it was subdued. He shuddered at the image of SCP-96 devouring a corpse.

Doctor Bright pushed that thought out of his head with a shake and pushed against the door, he jumped back in shock when he saw the very same Researcher that had intruded on his morning coffee session, was now covered in third degree burns on his face. The lab coat remained untouched for some odd reason, but he could only guess that whatever weapon had been used only affected biological tissue. He would start on a report, but he presumed most of his staff to be dead. Far more than a measly 47…

He stepped over the dead body of the researcher, but he peered at his name tag while he did so. The researcher’s name was James Wood. Doctor Bright sighed and made a mental note to send condolences to his family if he survived this breach, or if anybody survived this breach. He jogged down the hallway and passed through the already open door. He was met with a view of what appeared to be a small horse with a horn like protrusion on its’ forehead.

The horse was busy looking through the dead researcher’s pockets with its muzzle. It had accumulated a number of items and was now stuffing them in a duffel bag. Not wanting to be the next corpse to be searched through, Doctor Bright turned around on his heels and was met with the face of a very angry looking creature. It was an eagle that appeared to have been spliced with a lion, a real griffon. It was holding, in one talon, what appeared to be an MTF standard combat knife. It appeared to smile at the Doctor with a hint of rage in its face, before thrusting the knife into his heart.

He collapsed onto the floor clutching his wound. He had died many times, but none as surprising as this, and he was not sure if he would have a host this time around. He knew that the MTF teams had failed to capture the creatures that were now running rampant throughout the site, they possibly escaped the site as well. He somehow doubted that if he had a host again, it would not be human, but it would definitely be intelligent. He could only hope that he would continue to live, he hoped that he would live until they found a way to remove him from the amulet. His eyes widened as he thought his last thought in his current host, why had they not used the soul extractor?

%*%*%*%

“Hey Spleunk! What in the name of Celestia is that thing?” A light blue mare pointed at a strange looking skeleton from the mouth of a recently discovered cave. A similarly colored stallion looked into the cave and faced the direction in which the lighter blue mare was pointing.

“I dunno Drip… Looks like some kind of skeleton.” The stallion named Spleunk shined a torch into the cave and drew back when something shiny reflected the light into his eyes. He pushed the torch further into the cave and gazed towards the direction of the reflective material. His eyes widened when he spotted the gold amulet around the skeleton’s neck.

“Hey Drip do you see that!?” The stallion excitedly turned towards his compatriot, and she was positively drooling at the sight of the amulet. “Drip?” The mare broke out of her drooling stupor with a shake of her head.

“Yeah Spleunk! It looks gorgeous! I bet we can get a few thousand bits for that thing!” She squeed in excitement and rushed inside of the cave. Spleunk would have stopped her, but he only smiled at the thought of earning enough money to pay off his mortgage. Drip’s as well.

The light blue mare ripped the amulet off of the skeleton’s neck with her magic, causing it to roll backwards and crumble into dust. She examined the amulet carefully and squeed when she noticed that the amulet was one-hundred percent pure gold embedded with rubies and other gems. She did not detect a magical signature on the amulet, which significantly increased its value, as many unicorns could not remove enchantments.

She lifted it to her head, but looked to Spleunk first. He nodded and motioned for her to put it on. She squeed in excitement and dropped it around her neck. Her expression dropped to one of shock and sadness. The mare looked around her surroundings and noticed the skeleton she was standing in front of. She lowered her head and sighed in relief, something that Spleunk was confused about…

%*%*%*%

Doctor Bright suddenly regained consciousness, and he was standing in front of a skeleton, presumably his own. He looked around the area he was in, which appeared to be a cave. He scrunched up his face in concern. How long has he been without a host? It had to have been thousands of years if nothing of Site-19 was recognizable. He shook his new… larger… head to rid himself of the thoughts. Doctor Bright did a self-check on his body, he appeared to be standing in a quadruped stance with hooves… He flashed back to the unicorn horse/pony creature and cursed to himself.

His eyes widened when he heard a voice call out from behind him. “Drip, You okay in there?” He had no idea who Drip was, but he presumed it was his host. Now, the best, but cliché, thing to do would be to act out his host’s life and eventually fall in love with someone while making friends with the leader and having tons of awkward eldritch horror fights. Doctor Bright was no casual, so we would take this host down the Bright way.

“Doctor Bright is a-okay, thanks for asking, Monsieur Unicorn!” Bright waved at the unicorn, who only looked at her in confusion. Bright decided that he did not want to stand next to his own skeleton in the former ruins of Site-17, but he stopped and got a concerned look on his face. “SCP’s could be loose in the cave.”

“What was that, Drip?” The stallion was growing concerned at his fellow unicorn’s behavior. He started to worry when Drip referred to herself as Doctor Bright. He was now starting to wonder if the amulet had anything to do with her change in personality, and her faulty memories, as she seemed to have no idea who he was in the slightest. “You’re starting to worry me a bit…”

“Let me clarify this for you monsieur unicorn… I am not this ‘Drip’ as you call her, I am Doctor Jack Bright. Also, Im going to be leaving now!” Jack smiled at the unicorn, who looked at him with his face contorted into one of shock and anger. The stallion backed up and out of the mouth of the cave and took off running, or galloping. Jack sighed, “I thought that was going to be more fun. Ah well, there’s always tormenting the authorities. I have to get whoever’s in charge to do a full search on this place.”

Jack looked back at his skeleton once more and sighed. He faced towards the mouth of the cave and starting walking out. He raised a hoof over his eyes as they were overcome by the fantastic sunlight. The view was beautiful. Green grass, birds and bees, and a settlement not too far away to boot. Jack Bright smiled maliciously, he knew that he would ruin it all, but it would be for the greater good. Which good was the greater good though?

Blast from the Past!

Doctor Bright had already gotten used to walking in a quadruped stance ever since a previous accident regarding a toy, so he set forth into the hilly fields for answers to his predicament. He thought of the stallion that had run from him, or her, and inquired as to what the stallion would do. Bright did notice the stallion run towards a town in the distance, but he decided it would not be a good idea to travel towards that town. The stallion could have reported her to the authorities, or could have reported to the authorities that the amulet was “evil and possessing”.

Jack smirked at that thought. Many researchers and doctors considered him to be evil, but they only joked about it. Except for Clef, Clef genuinely thought he was evil and wanted to take over the world. He would put cupcakes on Bright’s desk in the morning with a note saying “Can we take over the world together someday?” Doctor Bright always knew that Clef made him smile. He frowned at the thought that he had lost Clef, but somehow deep in the back of his ruby mind, he knew that Clef was still alive. If only somehow…

%*%*%*%

“What in the holy name of fuck is that Kondraki?! Did you get me a god damn dragon for my birthday or are we playing skyrim in real life again?!” Clef was eyeing a medium sized dragon through his office window. The dragon seemed to be eating a researcher who was now cooked to a crisp. His assistant and fellow Doctor, Kondraki, was busy pacing back and forth behind Clef.

Doctor Kondraki was visibly stressed. He had one arm behind his back clenched in a fist with the other raised up to his chin in thought. As if he was thinking rationally at this point… Kondraki looked at Clef with a wide eyed gaze and snarled. “Why the hell would I bring a bloody dragon into this place you twit! One of the researchers had an accident with the unidentified SCP, I was there! Believe me would you?!” Kondraki waved his arms in exasperation.

Clef turned back to Kondraki. “How the hell did they have an accident!? Were they not following protocol?! Also, just how many D-Class personnel did the new guy request? Seriously! That guy must have been completely insane to do this kind of shit with the unidentified SCP!” Clef sighed and turned back to the window and continued to observe the dragon feeding on the unlucky researcher.

“Twenty-six…” Kondraki coughed and tipped his hat downward.

“What did you say ?” Clef continued to face forward, intent on watching the dragon feed.

“Twenty-six D-class personnel were ordered in the laboratory for testing! I don’t know why it was authorized by the O5’s, but apparently they thought it would be a fantastic idea.” Kondraki sighed and adjusted his glasses. He reached into his lab coat pocket and pulled out a photograph and reached out to clef to tap him on the shoulder.

Doctor Clef turned around and took the photograph in hand with a swipe. He grumbled something before looking down at it. “Holy mother of god Kondraki, where in the hell did you photograph this?!” The photo depicted the researcher who supposedly made a fault in protocol. The very same researcher was standing next to the statue at the cave where it was discovered, but he was standing around with Chaos Insurgency personnel as well as several MTF’s that had gone rogue in the years past.

“I didn’t photograph it! I found it dropped on the floor while I was running here, you know I can’t leave valuable evidence of SCP’s behind! Even more so because I am a photographer!” Kondraki scratched at his beard and sighed. He had almost died getting to Clef’s office, and he had led the dragon to their location as well. Clef slapped him in the face right when he jumped in and scolded him for leading an SCP to their location.

“Well shit. I guess the only thing we can really do is wait for the MTF teams to clean up the mess that was made. Or, we could try and get Doctor Bright to save the day!” Clef raised a finger up in the air for hope, but lowered it once he heard a scream of pain that sounded exactly like Bright. “Or perhaps not… Gerald is still out there, right?” Clef turned to Kondraki with a hopeful smile, but only received a deadpan expression.

“Last I saw, he was running to arm the nuclear warheads… Damn… I was really hoping we were going to live to work longer.” Kondraki’s shoulders sank as he let out another pitiful sigh. “It’s been nice working with you Clef.

“Likewise, Kondraki.”

Meanwhile…

“Ahhhhhh! Fuck fuck fuck! Shit shit shit!” Head Researcher Gerald had somehow snapped off the levers to arm both warheads and was currently running towards the nearest phone. He skidded around a corner and came face to face with a creature that could only be described as a pegasus, and it looked extremely angry. Gerald screamed and hit the pegasus in its right temple with the lever from the warhead. He looked down and saw the blood pouring out from the side of the now-unconscious pegasus’s head and screamed again. “Ahhhhhh!”

He ran past a multitude of monsters. Few looked to give chase to the screaming researcher as they were busy cannibalizing the cadavers of dead men and women. He skidded around another corner and ran past a screaming D-Class, who was being chased by something that was part bat, part lion, and part scorpion. A manticore, but this obviously did not matter to the frightened researcher who was currently researching nothing but the effects of running and screaming.

He dashed past Clef’s office, but soon bumped into the large dragon that was blocking the hallway. The dragon looked down at the screaming researcher, who seemed to start screaming louder. The dragon glared at Gerald and shook his head in a scolding manner before turning back to his meal. Gerald turned around and dashed back down the hallway he just came from, once again avoiding a multitude of ponies, griffons, and hell spawn alike.

Back at the farm…

“Was that Gerald with the arming lever in his hand?” Kondraki glanced to Clef with a blank expression on his face.
Clef was just as perplexed as Kondraki, as Gerald was quite a complex character. “Yes… Gerald broke the arming station. How wonderful! Site-17 is now officially doomed! Most of the staff is dead and now we are going to die as well! What the hell are we going to do, Kondraki!?” Clef gripped Doctor Kondraki’s lab coat in both of his hands and shook him.

Clef was obviously going insane, as if he was not insane in the first place… “Clef! We are going to get out of here! Just get your damn hands off of me! I don’t even know where they have been!” Kondraki pushed Clef off of him and wiped his hands on his overcoat. “Jesus Christ Clef, you need to settle your ass down cause’ we’re going to be sitting here for a long time!” Kondraki shoved clef into his office chair. He walked up to the window portion of the office door and looked outside to find that the dragon creature was gone as well as the corpse.

“Is it safe to go out there yet, Kondraki?” Clef kicked up his legs onto the desk and leaned back in the chair. “Because if there’s nothing out there, it must be safe.”

“Well, those creatures are gone, and I’m not seeing any SCP’s hanging around out there. So I’d say we can make a break for Gate A. If that doesn’t work then I’d say we would have to go with procedure 08G. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but it might.” Kondraki shuddered. The implications of asking SCP-738 anything seemed horrendous, but it would be necessary should all else fail…

%*%*%*%

Bright shuddered, causing a tingling feeling to emanate from his new horn. He shuddered as the feeling vibrated his very being. He had never felt this kind of deja-vu before, but he suspected it came from his thoughts of Kondraki and Clef. He missed those two already, as they were his best friends and co-workers. He knew that he had outlived them, unless they had found a way to live for thousands of years like he inadvertently had.

He walked up a nearby hill and soon reached the peak of it. He gazed out to the horizon and spotted a valley-like area with a village in the middle, hopefully populated by humans, with a surrounding forest on either sides of it. Jack spotted a white and gold castle sitting on the side of a mountain in the distance. He grinned from ear to ear and started to gallop towards the small village in hopes of finding someone who could possibly help him, and someone who would listen to his plight.

Then again, the creatures of site-17 were extremely hostile. Though, he was one of them now, so they would not be hostile towards him. “I’m going to go to that village, ask for the nearest scientist, and hope that everything turns out to be a-okay.” Bright sighed. “Then again, nothing seems to go as planned.” Not at all Jack! Not at all…

Interlude- The Statue and God

”What could possibly go wrong?”… Quite possibly one of the worst combination of words for anybody to ever speak, say, mutter, or shout. In any situation, any place, any time, are you to ever mutter those words. As long as they do not come out of your mouth, you should be fine.

It did not know how long it had been ever since the two legged creatures visited him. They usually visited on a bi-weekly basis to clean his cell. It only made the filth to attract the fragile, fleshy creatures. It usually liked seeing them work, as it distracted it from banging on the walls or destroying any cameras they put in its cell.

It actually did know how long it had been, for being a statue left little to pass the time. So it counted the time. The strange two legged creatures had not visited him for 506 years, 9 weeks, 5 days, 2 hours, 7 minutes, and 59 seconds. It knew that whatever was staring at him was not two legged. It was four legged.

The creatures gazed at it suspiciously, as if it was something to be suspicious of. Everyone and everything in the site knew what it did, so how could these two pony-things stare at it and not be put off? It did not understand why the blast doors had opened to its’ containment chamber, but it did not complain. It relished the fact that the power had gone out, making its job much easier.

The pony-things moved on to the d-class cell area. Snap goes the first pony-creature, but the second had turned around. The pony’s eyes bored into the spray on face, as if trying to instill some sort of fear into the object. Objects cannot feel… It did sometimes feel emotion before making creatures snap. A little twinge of remorse for doing so that made it hesitate. The two legged creatures with the white shirts seemed awfully curious about this development. They even went as far as to place-

Oh. It didn’t even get time to finish the thought before he made the second pony snap. Not even enough time to scream. That was a shame, it always liked its’ victims to feel fear. Yet, the pony was unaware of the object’s true nature. This left it much more freedom to explore and move about. It was a shame that the taller creatures had to leave, they were much easier to snap. Now, it had to bend down to get to the creatures, something that did not make him happy. It let out hiss, similar to that of a python’s when in danger.

It had never liked its prison, and now was the perfect chance to escape. With one swift motion, the statue had managed to crash into the air ducts, leaving it complete access to the entire facility. The statue crawled throughout the maze of ductwork and finally ended up crashing through a particularly rusty section. It fell and smashed through the aged tile beneath it, landing on the concrete floor of the basement.
It could not move, so it knew that it was being watched. It finally did move when the strange being blinked. The statue came face to face with some sort of lizard creature with wings. The creature resembled the other indestructible lizard. The only creature that the statue had failed to kill, but it had been maimed. This creature resembled the folklore of old. The dragon, more importantly, what was behind the dragon-creature took the interest of the statue.

From behind the dragon creature stepped out one of the two-legged creatures, but a sort of sense emanated of this creature. The statue realized that it would not be able to make this thing snap and let out a hiss of annoyance.

The creature seemed to be in a state of shock for a brief moment as if wondering whether or not he would be killed, but quickly snapped out of it. He snapped his fingers and the dragon disappeared. He slowly walked up to the statue and stood in front of it, now face to face. He blinked as if to dare SCP-173, but the statue moved back instead to snapping this man’s neck. The creature let out a deep chuckle and gazed at the statue with an almost friendly stare.

“It is quite a shame one-seven-three. It is a shame that not you, not oh-nine-six, not even one-oh-six! Could cause a breach this massive. I know It has been half a millennia since you have seen anything of the likes of me, but I assure you, they are still out there. Some of them are still in here, those poor souls…” The man’s head hung low for second in a drawn out sigh.

“It was the new thing that caused this. Some THING that even I do not understand, it most certainly came from out of this world and I have been trying for centuries one-seven-three! CENTURIES! To understand the meanings behind that monolith!” He raised his hands to exaggerate his contempt for the object, before lowering them the next second.

His voice sounded defeated. “The real kicker is that every single site had somehow gotten one of these monoliths. Even I do not know how. By the time that the site directors had found out, it was already too late! Now, five hundred years later, we have several races with a developing diarchy. Those two ponies together are as powerful as me, if not then more so…” The man seemed to be struck as he suddenly turned back to the statue, who stood as still as a… well… statue.

“Here I am. The creator of worlds that is unable to create on such a scale anymore talking to a statue that snaps necks for fun.” The man flinched back when the statue let out a defiant hiss. “Yes, I’m sorry. I forgot that you could feel emotion one-seven-three.” The man smiled wearily at the annoyed statue. He brushed one hand on the dusty white suit and let out a deep sigh.

“I could not do anything for those that have been created, but who am I to do something about it now? Let’s watch as a new society of intelligent and sophisticated ponies develops with the help of thaumatical energy. Perhaps this new world will do better than what mankind has done. From what I heard all those years ago, the unleashing of all these dangerous creatures drove all those countries over the edge.” He stopped and hung his head. “I don’t understand why they used nuclear weapons, but that is their choice. Did not help in the end.”

“All good things must come to an end. Which is why I had the old AI accept a favor for me. I gave it complete control of the servers and computers in the site. In return, it would slowly release all of them on different dates. You are the first one.” He raised his head back up and smiled directly into the statue’s face, instilling a sense of happiness in the statue, who was finally free. After many decades of being locked in one room it was finally free.

“You are free to go. Just don’t kill too much… one-oh-six did a good enough job with the wendigos at the start of it all...

Author's Note

Fixed, and this is not an actual chapter, just a side story.

A third chapter!

“Ah, no. That is not right at all!” Jack Bright banged his head against a lone apple tree in the meadow where a pegasus sat. “Nothing is going my way today! Why does the town have to be so far away?! Just why?” Jack whimpered as he banged his head against the tree one last time. On the other side of the tree sat the studious pegasus, who was busy writing in a notebook. The last headbutt had made an apple break from its stem and clonk the pegasus in the head. Doctor Bright remained unaware of the pegasus who had enough of the former man.

“Would you quit shaking the tree back there? Griping about your problems and hitting a tree probably isn’t the best way to let your emotions flow. Go see a therapist or talk to somepony.” The pegasus huffed and removed the intruding apple from his head and rubbed the spot where it hit. “Now I’ve got a lump… Blimey, it’s a decent sized one that is.”

Meanwhile, Jack was biting his lip in thought. Figuring out some way to apologize to the disturbed pegasus. Bright knew how important studies were, and he was especially sympathetic towards those with brains rather than brawn. He did not care for political figureheads or “bad-ass” men and women who acted all tough and hardy around him and his friends. Then again, Jack Bright was a man himself with two P.hD’s in Biological Engineering and Genetics. He didn’t have to take shit from anyone. What came from his mouth contradicted that.

“Hey um…” He started with a nervous chuckle. The pegasus’s ears perked up, but he kept his attention focused on his notes. “Sorry about that… I didn’t exactly mean to aggravate you in any way at all, I was just a little bit uh… frustrated.” He facepalmed, and soon came to discover that the stubs on the end of his front legs were indeed hooves and very hard. “Ow, shit!”

The pegasus chuckled audibly and flipped his notepad over to the other side. “Apology accepted. With all the rushiness in your voice and pauses in your speech, I’d say that you would have nearly died of fright or you are extremely uncomfortable.” He turned his head to look at Jack, who also had an unamused look on his face.

“If you expected me to be blushing then you are very wrong. I am not used to this way of speaking, bigger tongue. Hell, a bigger mouth overall! I’m talking out loud again, aren’t I? Yessir, doctors tend to do those things. Voice out their thoughts for the world to h-“

“Shush you. You ain’t givin’ me much time to talk at all, no you aren’t.” The pegasus started writing in his notepad again with a killed and flexible wing while looking at Jack. “Now then, I got me a few questions for you if you don’t mind me asking.

“Err… Not at all Mister…” He motioned with a hoof for him to pick up.

“Culture Shock ma’am.” The pegasus tucked his notepad inside of his wing and did a short bow. Jack only raised an inquisitive eyebrow. When the pegasus raised his head back up, he caught sight of the beautiful amulet that hung from the mare’s neck. A golden base encrusted in intricately designed rubies. It let off a faint shine for a moment before dying off, the shine seemed repetitive, as if acting as a heartbeat but in an amulet.

“Such an odd name for a pony…” Jack meant to mumble to himself, but the pegasus caught it.

“Oh, and what might your name be, miss?” Culture Shock smirked to himself.

Jack’s eyes widened as a stutter left his lips.

“I didn’t quite catch that.” Shock leaned in closer to hear the mare better.

“My name is Doctor Jack Bright.” He shuffled his front hooves awkwardly. “You can just call me Jack though.”
“Jack, eh? That sounds like a name that a gryphon would have, a male one at that.” He tapped his chin in thought. “Speaking of different species, I need to ask you if you are a changeling.” He eyed her suspiciously.

“I don’t know what that is and I really do not want to know, please spare me the thought.” Jack knew what a changeling was already. A creature that changed its appearance to eat the souls of others. A fairly horrifying thought in itself with good reason. Who would want their souls eaten, especially is the middle of more intimate situations. Jack shuddered at the thought.

“Well at least you aren’t a changeling. I have a knack of telling whether or not a pony is lying or not. It is my special talent after all.” He raised his head as a show of pride. “Now then, for my third question… Where in the name of tartarus did you get that beautiful amulet? I mean, it is bloody gorgeous that it is.” The pegasus eyed the amulet in fascination. He even started to reach out a hoof to touch it, which got immediately smacked back by Doctor Bright.

Culture Shock reeled back in shock and eyed the nervous looking mare. “Just please do not touch this amulet. You do not understand what this is. It contains the magic of a sorcerer’s enchantment and I happened to be the one affected by it, you see? Just do not touch.”
The pegasus sighed. “Well, what does that enchantment do exactly? I’d like to know what happened if you do not mind me asking. I promise I will not tell anypony if it is personal.”

He bit his lip in thought as he thought about telling the pegasus. Deciding he had nothing to lose, he started the story. “I, Dr. Jack Bright, a Junior Staff researcher of good standing, was assigned the responsibility of researching SCP-963-1's capabilities, which is this amulet here.” He paused momentarily. “Before I was forced to wear it.”

He shuddered and seemed to choke before speaking. “Later that year, SCP-076-2, basically the embodiment of violence, broke containment. I was transporting SCP-963-1 by hand past SCP-076-2's containment unit, and was apparently one of the first people to die in the containment breach.” He looked up at the pegasus, who was furiously writing in his notepad.

He noticed that Jack stopped. “Please, continue. I am finding this rather interesting actually.” He smiled at her and nodded in encouragement. “Although I am rather… Intrigued about how you said that you died, did I hear you wrong?”

“Unfortunately not…” Jack looked around uncomfortably. “Anyways, a d-class personnel was clearing the debris in the area and came across this here amulet. When he touched it, I went into his being and ripped his soul out of him. This amulet projected my consciousness into them, which allowed me to speak, move, and function with a body. That’s why I told you not to touch it.”

The pegasus was staring into space, processing Bright’s words. “So let me get this straight. You have been body hopping for Celestia knows how long with that amulet? Stealing their bodies on purpose so you could live? That sounds awfully evil.” The pegasus eyed the mare suspiciously. “It also makes me wonder how old you are.”

“Actually, the reason why I was traveling to that town over there.” Bright motioned to the town in the distance. “Is to attempt to remove myself from the amulet so I can actually die.” He stopped for a moment to stare into space. “I came back to life today and it must have been thousands of years after I died. God, my skeleton was nearly pure dust. That poor girl picked the amulet up with her telekinesis and put it on her neck, so here I am.” He chuckled. “And it’s my co-worker who wants to take over the world.”

The pegasus stared grimly at her. “Perhaps you should go. I’d rather not be around somepony who is thousands of years old and steals bodies to live.” Inside, the pegasus was giddy with excitement. He had finally found something newsworthy after the discord incident, which had occurred many months prior. He had written down many details about the mare and her amulet, and was positively drooling over the amount of bits he would get paid for this story.

“Well fine. If that is how you feel about my way of bloody living then you can go shit on someone else’s bowl of corn flakes.” Jack was filled to the brim with annoyance and irritation. The stallion had coaxed information out of him, but he assumed that it would be alright. What could one denizen do to his image? It isn’t like he was royalty or a political figure. So what could really go wrong?

%*%*%*%

As soon as he reached the town that was in the distance, he noticed several of the local residents staring at him with menacing glares. To which he responded with a few select words that made some of the residents faint, some even covered their children’s ears if they were nearby. They muttered to their foals about the evil mare that takes souls with her evil amulet.

Jack sighed and continued trotting, wondering just how came to be in his situation, and wondering how this world’s citizens could be so gullible. He had seen a lot, but this surprised him the most out of anything. The sheer gullibility of the ponies was astonishing. He could easily take advantage of them had he not met that single stallion. When he saw that stallion next, he was going to stick a foot right up his-
“OOF!” His world suddenly exploded in pain as he felt something impact his chest and slam him into the ground below, leaving him on his back dazed and confused. “God damn…” He finally regained enough of himself to see what had impacted him. He noticed an angry cyan pegasus with a prismatic mane staring down into his eyes.

“Listen here miss soul stealer! You’re going to be imprisoned in stone for what you’ve done you little son of a-“ The mare didn’t get a chance to finish as she was suddenly dragged off with a violet glow surrounding her. “Hey I’m not done!”

“Calm down Rainbow! You should know better than to believe what a silly tabloid says. A lavender mare with a violet mane highlighted with a few pink stripes apologetically smiled down at Doctor Bright and helped her up onto all four hooves. “Now then. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and that is Rainbow Dash over there. She’s just worked up about the news lately, she’ll believe anything she sees on the news.” She chuckled to herself.

Doctor Bright merely stood rock solid, unamused by the lavender one’s laughter.

“I’m sure that your name isn’t what the tabl-“

Jack didn’t even let the mare finish as he gripped her hoof with his hand shook it. “Yessir, my name is Jack Bright and I am currently in your fair town of Gullible Valley located in the nation of Backstabbia!” He smiled at her for a brief second before returning to his stone faced expression. “I do believe that you ponies are going to drive me insane, so I might return the favour.”

The pony dubbed “Twilight Sparkle” seemed to be in a state of shock at this point, but Jack didn’t mind. He was used to it.

“I said what could go wrong earlier! And guess what?! Everything went bloody wrong, how fucking dandy is that?!”
Twilight promptly fainted, and a crowd had gathered around them.

“Pretty… Uh… Dandy… Right?” Jack chuckled nervously. “I’m so screwed…”

SCP-738

Author's Note

It's here!

SCP-738

“So let me get this straight here…” SCP-738 scratched his chin. “You want me to freeze you in time until Doctor Bright has a new host?” He sighed inwardly. SCP-738 would’ve never thought that Clef and Kondraki would come to him for help. Doctor Gears had stopped by beforehand, asking for SCP-738 to let him live on until he wished to die. He would give out free requests until the facility crumbled, wanting to watch the events unfold.

“Uh… Yes, that is correct.” Clef rubbed his arm and blushed slightly. Kondraki just looked at Clef with his face scrunched up in confusion at the scene. Clef’s statement brought SCP-738 out of his train of thought.

SCP-738 chuckled slightly. Especially after Clef asked SCP-738 for a golden pocket watch, apparently he had forgotten that it was Doctor Gear’s birthday and he needed a gift. One thing led to another and suddenly they were playing strip poker. Clef lost of course, because he never played the game, but SCP-738 got what he wanted. A nice good view of Clef’s-

“Yeah, that is indeed um… Correct SCP-738. Doctor Clef here may be a bit too occupied with his waifu fantasies involving the recently deceased SCP-682 but I’m sure we can come to a fair deal here- OW!” Kondraki rubbed his shoulder while wincing slightly. “I saw those weird drawings you sent to the Japanese Clef, if our co-workers weren’t dead, i’d totally use that to blackmail you- OW god damnit!” Clef punched Kondraki a second time, making him grumble and fold his arms.

SCP-738 just sat there supporting his head with both arms, elbows on the desk. He watched on in mild curiosity and amusement as Clef’s cheeks suddenly went to a deeper shade of red than before. The two humans finally turned their attention back to him after some mild bickering and swear words. His eyebrows went up slightly at hearing that SCP-682 had perished, but it wasn’t too far fetched.

“So. Are you two sure about your request?” Doctor Clef meakly nodded while Kondraki just said yes. “Well then. I do not want anything in return, because I just want to watch this whole thing play out. This will be the last request given to me in this current situation after all, what with all the things running amok currently.” He did a mock salute to the two humans and snapped a finger, not waiting for their protest.

Kondraki and Clef disappeared in the blink of an eye, aiming to reappear when Doctor Bright is revived in a new form.

SCP-738 let out a sigh of disappointment. He knew that humanity had finally done it. A remote appeared on the old wooden desk and an old CRT television appeared on the corner of the desk. SCP-738 picked up the remote and pressed the “1” button. The television screened flickered with static for a few moments before reluctantly projecting a black and white visage of a city. The city of Chicago to be exact.

“And they were so close to achieving so many great things” He was saddened at the scene of the destruction. Wonderful feats of architecture ripped apart into nothing. SCP-738 watched as the Sears Tower crumbled into a heap of twisted metal and broken glass. A flock of dragons flying over Chicago as they laid waste to the once great city. Former denizens now nothing but piles of ash and jewelry lying in a smoldering heap.

He pressed the “2” button on the remote. The screen flickered once more for a few moments before settling on the Chicago harbor from a bird’s eye view. He noticed that the United States Navy was attempting to flee the harbor, but the attempts were made naught as sea serpents wrapped themselves around the frigates. Crushing them with ease, like a knife through butter.

SCP-738 grimaced before turning off the television, not wanting to see any more of the scenes. He knew what was taking place, and it will cause massive change to befall the world.

He knew exactly what his part would play…

%%%%%%

“Don’t we have a chance to pack… Our… Things…?” Kondraki trailed off as the weight of his situation. He had appeared in the middle of a classic medieval style town with a bunch of oddly colored equines staring at him with mouths gaping wide open. “Oh come on! We asked to be transported to when Doctor Bright arrived, not to a magical fantasy land! Right, Clef?!” Kondraki looked to his side for support from his co-worker, who was no longer there.

“God damnit Clef! You’re gone with the god damn gun, and I’m stuck here with the bloody camera…” Kondraki cocked an eyebrow in thought. The ponies were starting to get out of their initial shock, their faces morphing into either confusion or fear. “I could take pictures for scientific study… Maybe spot anomalies.” He looked around and nodded his head. “A lot of anomalies without the camera, check.”

He lifted up his camera and started taking random pictures in every direction, not pausing for a moment, leaving many ponies dizzy and shaking their heads. Kondraki finally stopped after a few moments, realizing that he had run out of film. “Drats! That tree over there looked so amazing to photograph!” He groaned. “Now where is that idiot co-worker of mine…?”

%%%%%%

Meanwhile… In the Canterlot Castle…

“What the fuck is this shit?” Clef looked around at his surroundings. He was standing in front of two equally surprised pegacorns. The blue one was in a state of shock, while the white one was staring into space.

“Who the fuck are you two?” Clef looked at them with an incredulous expression plastered on his face.

The white pony looked like she was about to speak, but a white blur stormed through the throne room doors stopping her words in her throat.

“Auntie! Some strange creature is running rampant in-...” The white blur turned out to be none other than Prince Blueblood, a rather haughty, yet stupid, political figure. “What is this THING doing in the throne room! Kill it before attacks!”

Clef slowly turned on his heels to face the offending unicorn. The sound of stone scraping against stone could be heard as Doctor Clef turned. Instilling fear into the heart of the poor, pampered prince. “You what mate?”

%%%%%%

Back to Kondraki

“Hey, where are all you fine specimens going! I have some wonderful pictures that I could develop, you should have seen your faces!” His head lifted up when he heard a string of curse words come from what sounded like a woman, or mare? In an accent that could only be… Doctor Bright’s. “Huh. I guess we did get transported to where Bright was at, right Clef- Oh god damnit I forgot that he isn’t here…”

Kondraki slowly crept towards the cursing, wary of what could be partaking at this very moment. He noticed that a crowd of ponies had surrounded the cursing mare, who seemed to back down a bit. There was a fainted lavender mare laying down next to her with drool coming out of her mouth. “I’m so screwed…” He looked at the blushing mare from his hiding spot from behind the flank of a pony, who was too transfixed on the scene before her to even notice Kondraki.

He emerged from the flank and stood up to his full height before yelling in a haughty and masculine voice. “Doctor Bright ole’ buddy ole’ pal! Come on over to your amazing and totally not fat co-worker who is totally not going to have a mental breakdown if we don’t get away from all these ponies, who are definitely NOT staring at us.” Kondraki glared at all the staring ponies, who seemed to have backed off a few feet. Some of them elected to wander off, and wander off they did.

Doctor Bright merely looked up at Kondraki. His face a mix of confusion and surprise. “So… How did you get here exactly?”

Kondraki looked down at the confused Doctor Bright mare creature and smiled. “SCP-738 was offering discounts. Clef came along, but i don’t know where he is.”
Bright nodded his head and kept to himself. Of course they lost track of Clef, they always lose track of Clef. It’s like Clef his constantly nowhere to be found. They would eventually find him, but it’d take some searching.

“There’s Doctor Clef, Bright!”

Doctor Bright looked to where Kondraki was pointing, and he was pointing at the large gold and white castle on the side of a mountain. A torrent of cursing could be heard even from that distance, signifying that Clef was indeed there. The proof was doubled when a pony came flying out of one of the window’s of the castle.

“Yup, that’s Clef.” Doctor Bright mused. “How’re we going to get him though?”

“Forget that useless amount of filler, let him find us.” Bright waved a hoof and scoffed and Kondraki, who just glanced at bright in confusion.

Kondraki looked around the general area and took note of the situation. Kondraki is alive, there is a strange lavender unicorn mare asleep next to Bright, Clef threw a pony from a castle window, and Bright is a unicorn. It seemed like an average day to Kondraki, so he just disregarded all that information. Doctor Bright had managed to get a host, so that was good. Now they needed to get Clef so that they could find a way to conquer the world.

That is… If Doctor Bright wanted to of course…

%%%%%%

“DISCORD!” Celestia yelled in her Canterlot voice. She rarely ever used it, so when she did use it. Everypony knew that it had to be a huge deal. “GET YOUR SORRY FLANK IN THE THRONE ROOM RIGHT NOW!”

Discord promptly appeared, but he seemed to have a disinterested look in his eyes. “What is it Celly…? I’ve got some important business with the guys tonight, we were looking to go throw pies at some big, white, mean dictator… Oh hey, that’s you!” Discord promptly fell to the floor laughing. “Seriously though, what’s up?”

Celestia huffed and breathed in. “Please explain to me why this creature possibly killed my nephew by throwing him out the window? What is it? AND WHY DO I EXPECT YOUR INVOLVEMENT?!” Celestia was shaking with pure rage, the audacity of a creature to throw her nephew out the window just because he couldn’t control his mouth was absurd. Surely he would have asked first.

“What creature?” Celestia pointed with a hoof to something behind him. Discord turned around and his eyes finally settled upon Doctor Clef tied to a pillar. “Oh hey! Doctor Clef long time no see buddy! Where’s Kondraki?”

Doctor Clef looked at Discord with an even expression. “SCP-738 i presume? Time has done quite a lot to your looks.”

“Yes, time is a fickle thing…” Discord heard Celestia huffing from behind him. He turned back around to see Celestia. “Now before we do anything else, let me explain this all to you…”

%%%%%%

“And that’s how Equestria was made!”

Doctor Bright and Kondraki looked at her incredulously. “Where did she come from Bright?”

“I have no clue” Bright replied.

Return of the Clef

“Actually, yes I do have clue!” Bright’s lips curled into a smile. He sat down and cleared his throat in anticipation of an interesting conversation. “You see Kondraki… I believe that while we were all out of commission… Somebody or someone had put SCP-999 inside of SCP-914 and set it to the ‘Fine’ or ‘Very Fine’ setting.” Pinkie Pie smiled at Dr.Bright.

“Yes yes and yes! That’s how I was made, but Equestria was made because of your weird mushroom bomb thingies exploding and casting a magical field all over the world!” Pinkie pie spread her arms out wide for emphasis. “And that’s how Equestria was made, but nopony will listen to me! They think I’m just ‘Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie’ but I’m smart too!” She crossed her arms and closed her eyes with a huff of annoyance.

Kondraki sighed and pinched his brow. “You know Jack. That isn’t what I meant when I asked you where she came from.”

Jack Bright tapped at his chin. “Oh yeah…” He swiveled his head to Pinkie Pie. “Where did you come from anyway?”

The hyper pink pony did an about-face and pointed at the building that was made of sweets and candy. Apart from the pony shaped hole in the wall, everything about it was normal for the land of Equestria.

“So that hole in the wall…” Pinkie nodded her head.

“Well i was just so excited at meeting new ponies or whatever you guys are!” Pinkie looked at her tail. “My tail just tsarted spazzing out like it was over there and over there!” The party pony spun around as she flicked her tail all over the place. “And I knew that some weird things were going to be stopping by! No offense though, you guys are pretty neat-o for an amulet that possesses ponies and an obsessive photographer!”

Kondraki lifted his eyebrows and pointed at the pony. “Hey. I’m not obsessive.”

Bright chortled in his light pony voice. “No offense Kondraki, but i feel sorry for the guys who have to clean up the mess you make whenever you hear a fly buzzing.”

The research assistant punched Dr.Bright lightly on the shoulder and laughed lightly. “It was a slightly loud buzz!”

“If you didnt have your camera with you all the time, you’d be trying to strangle yourself!”

“Not true!”

“You tried to do it when you were stuck in SCP-173’s chamber that one day!”

“Yeah but… Wait a second…” Kondraki’s eyes widened. He looked to Bright who’s eyes had widened as well. Kondraki snapped his fingers and pointed at Bright. “Where the hell is SCP-173?”

Pinkie Pie jumped into the air and waved her arms. “Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! I know the answer!”

Kondraki and Bright looked at PInkie Pie and shouted “Where is it?!”

Pinkie Pie flinched back. “Jeez guys i was gonna tell ya’ll! Be patient!” She cleared her throat and ate a pink cupcake. “It’s in the royal gardens in the Canterlot Castle! Don’t worry though! Discord petrified him!”

Doctor Bright looked taken aback while Kondraki sat down, unblinking.

“He can’t be petrified because he is already a statue!” Dr.Bright looked scared. Pinkie Pie promptly trotted over and gave him a bone-crushing hug. “Ack!”

“No he isn’t, silly! Haven’t you listened to his morse code while he was contained?” The pony smiled at the befuddled Bright.

“Morse code… That… That’s impossible! What does it say?! Tell me! We need to know!”
Dr.Bright returned the hug and smiled ear to ear. Kondraki was now lying on the ground curled up into a ball sucking on his thumb while crying and muttering to himself.

“Well… it is long, but this was his last message before he was let free…” She cleared her throat again. “It’s also a little… Brutal…”

“Room dark. People gone. Can move. I happy.

Trapped for years. Kept by men for "research". Left alone in room, left to scratch at walls. Left to rot and die unless needed. Specimen for "research". Trapped by self. Never seen by others, never spoken. Listen, but never speak. See, but never seen. Made of rock when others come. Free when they not look. Prisoner when they look back. I hate.

They have freedom. They move freely, talk freely, look freely. Live freely. I do not. I trapped. Silenced. Rock. Subject. Prisoner. I do thing about it.

Their necks fragile. Their necks weak. I stalk them. They always come, new ones. Come for "cleaning". They look away. I sneak up. I take hold. They panic. They look, and I prisoner. They blink, and I free.

I twist. They die. Neck makes sound. Not words, or scream, or gurgle. Neck go crunch. Crunch is beautiful sound. Crunch means end has come. Crunch means man can torment no more. Crunch means others panic; others become easy. Crunch begins and crunch ends.

I live for crunch. Life has no meaning. Do nothing but walk and scrape and hate. They watch. They send men. "Cleaning". And life has meaning. "Cleaning" means crunch. Crunch means purpose. Crunch means life. Crunch means choice. Crunch means freedom.

Crunch means everything. Remember man. Like me. Never see others, never hear others. Trapped. Prisoner. Left to wander. Hated man.

He trapped, but he also free. He move freely, do what he want. Not trapped by men, not trapped by self. Wanted him dead. Wanted life. Wanted crunch. He did too.
He came asking to die. Couldn't take it. Wanted loneliness to end. Wanted death. Closed his eyes. Asked for crunch.

I laugh. Crunch too good for him. Crunch too kind. Let him rot. Let him suffer. Let him walk world, looking for way out. Look for purpose, never find meaning in life. Never find purpose. I have purpose.

I laugh and deny him crunch. He leave. He still alive. Know it. Looking for way out. Never find it. Life meaningless without purpose. I have purpose. I have crunch. And they always come.”

Pinkie Pie sat down and looked at her hoof while Dr.Bright shook his head. “We had no idea.”

The pink pony breathed in. “Sorry! But, my plot exposing watch says that i had to leave for a while! Gotta go fix that hole in both walls!” Pinkie Pie visibly vanished from the world while waving the man and now pony goodbye.

Dr.Bright did a short laugh. “Well ain’t that some shit eh Kondraki?”

Kondraki did not answer.

“Kondraki?” Bright said in a much more worried tone of voice.

After not getting the response he wanted. Dr.Bright turned to Kondraki, who was now curled into a ball crying into his hands. Bright rolled his eyes at Kondraki and tapped him on the side. The crying man flinched and looked at Bright with welled up eyes. “What?”

“SCP-173 is neutralized. There isn’t anything to be afraid of you wimp!” Kondraki sprung up and slapped the female pony, now Doctor Bright, on the cheek, leaving a slightly red handprint on the side of Dr.Bright’s face.

“Don’t talk about SCP-173 anymore! Fuck that statue, and fuck you for not dealing with him before you died! Oh that’s right, you’ll never die!” Kondraki crossed his arms and grunted in annoyance. “I wish I was with Clef right now!”

%%%%%%%%%

“Wow, so you mean that all that shit happened while I was frozen in fucking time by SCP-738, who is you, and who is infact this ‘Discord’ character who is knitting a sweater with ‘Cleffie’ in the middle?!” Clef sighed and looked at Princess Celestia. “And I just want to go back to my co-workers, so could you two rightly fuck off so I can go back to Kondraki and Bright?” Clef tested the binds wrapped around him, but found that they were tight.

Discord sighed. “So you didn’t like the sweater old Dissy was making for Cleffie…”

Clef growled. “No pet names 738.”

Discord put his paw and talon in front of him. “Jeez! Okay! Fine! No fun for me then!” Discord scratched his backside with half-lidded eyes, but snapped back to Celestia when she grumbled at him.

“Explain. Now.” Her eyes were closed while her hoof appeared to be pinching her brow. Or… Was trying to pinch her brow. “Quickly, before I turn you to stone again!”

“Explain what? Him? Oh well you see! A few thousand years ago there was a species that was very special to me and a few other gods, whom were ‘contained’ by an unofficial branch of one of their country’s government’s called ‘The Foundation’.” Discord smiled. “Now somebody thought it would be funny to destroy that species and here we are now!. “My official title is ‘The Dealmaker’, but you never knew that Celestia.” Discord sat down on an invisible couch and crossed one leg over the other. A pipe appeared in his talon and he began to smoke, bubbles coming out of the mouth of the pipe.

“Now you wouldn’t understand. This guy and his buddy made a deal with me, and i can’t make other deals between the one that is active.” Discord threw the pipe, which passed through the window without shattering it. “They decided to be frozen in time until their friend found a new host. Now their friend has found a new host, a pony host might i add, and now two of his co-workers are here.” Discord smiled at the glaring Celestia.

“What do you mean ‘host’ Discord?” Celestia snorted and stomped at the ground impatiently.

Discord frowned. “Didn’t your parents teach you patience Celly? Oh! My mistake! You were never a child. You never had parents. You were brought into existence.” He huffed and crossed his arms while leaning back into the invisible chair. “Now you know of Mister Clef here who is tied to the pole. Then there is the photographer, Kondraki. But! But, you do not know of Doctor Bright.” Discord smiled and brought his appendages together and smiled wildly. “His consciousness is stored in a very decorative amulet, when placed onto a creature’s neck his conscious will be projected into the creature and will allow him to control said creature. Making him virtually-”

“Immortal…” Celestia gazed off into nothing. “And… What do you mean I was ‘brought’ into existence?! I remember my childhood just fine, so does Luna!”

Discord chuckled. “Ah… Let me tell you a story then… Many years ago after the remnants of the pony tribes united…”

Clef started screaming. “I can’t take all this bullshit, get to the fucking point 738!” Clef spat on the ground and snorted.

“Well if you are going to be rude then fine!” Discord crossed his arms. “SCP-946-A and SCP-946-B, those debating guys you people loved so much, debating for a long time after the pony tribes united. With so many ponies dead and the tribes barely working together, they thought it would be best for the ponies to have some form of government. So they conjured up Princess Celestia and Luna.” Discord clapped his hands together. “And here we are!”

Princess Celestia had a quizzical, yet angry, look on her face. “What are they?”

“You can find it on wikidot.” Discord smiled.

Clef was confused. He was hungry. He was tired. But most of all, he was annoyed. He had been frozen in time, only to find himself in some castle with some weird ass stuff going on. The human race is gone, ponies now rule the Earth, his gun was in shoe and was causing a ton of irritation for him, and his nose was itchy. Things really didn’t work out for him. “Where’s Kondraki when you need him…”

“Oh im sure he’ll be here. Or maybe you’ll be there. Who knows… Would you like to make it a deal?” Discord smiled with a nostalgic look in his eyes.

Clef’s eyes brightened up considerably. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Let’s consult for a deal!”

Discord smiled and snapped a finger, much to Celestia’s chagrin, an old wooden desk and two old chairs popped into the room. The binds holding Clef to the pole broke and Clef immediately took a seat. Discord took his seat as well.

“Now then.” Discord cleared his throat. “I’ll let you go be with Kondraki, but in return… Hm… Well I suppose alot was taken from you already. You can be with Kondraki, but you only get one more freebie, and tell Kondraki that he gets two more freebies.”

Princess Celestia looked visibly frightened as Discord snapped his fingers. Clef vanished from the chair. Discord stood up and brushed some dust off of his chest. “You… You aren’t really a ‘Dealmaker’ are you Discord… Are you?”

Discord laughed and put his hands behind his back. “I am ‘The Dealmaker’. Lord of chaos was your title Celestia, but my break is over. I have much sorting of my file cabinet to do!” Discord himself disappeared. Leaving behind some broken rope, a passed out Blueblood and a befuddled Princess Celestia.

“Guards!” At the call two royal guards, male and female, entered the room.

“Yes your majesty?”

“Find… Find the humans. Look in Ponyville. I have a feeling that they are all there…” Princess Celestia sat on her haunches and sighed. “And tell the council that the meeting is canceled for today. This matter about some statue being stolen from the gardens is nothing to worry about…”

SCP-914

“What does it say, Hard Rock?” The coal dusted pony asked another slate grey earth pony, a hint of worry present in his tone.

“Not sure…” The pony known as ‘Hard Rock’ adjusted his mining helmet and scratched his chin with a hoof. “Though it looks like one of those dead languages I studied in Canterlot.” Hard Rock turned his head, illuminating the darker unicorn with his headlamp. “It’s got a knob, a key, and two doors. Some kind of machine obviously. Why don’t you see if it works, Pyrite Streak?”

“I-I don’t know.” Pyrite nervously stuttered out. “What if it comes to life and eats us? Could be one of them discordian types!” His teeth chattered in fear, reminiscing on a much worse archaeological experience.

Hard Rock chortled, a deep booming laugh resounding off the wet cave walls. “What’re you kidding? It’s a machine! Has a bunch of gears! It looks so heavy it can’t even move!” The pony walked closer to the huge contraption, examining it. “Golly, these gears aren’t even rusted! Looks like they just came off the factory line.”

Pyrite sighed, and looked at the machine, trying to get a sense for how it worked. “Well… What does it even do, and how do we run it?” He nervously glanced at Hard Rock, who had entered one of the doors. “D-don’t go in! You might hurt yourself…” His words were lost on the larger pony, who was busy studying his ‘find of the century’ as Hard Rock had put it earlier.

“I won’t get hurt, I promise, but…” Hard Rock squinted his eyes at what he thought may have been a pneumatic tube of some sort. “Hey… Hoof me a stick of dynamite.” Rock stuck his hoof out of the door, and waited as Pyrite levitated a brick red cylinder of high grade explosive into his waiting appendage. “Alright.”

“What are you gonna do with it?” Pyrite spoke up, thinking that maybe they would blow this machine to kingdom come. “Don’t blow it up, this could be studied!”

“I’m not gonna blow it up you dingus!” Hard Rock criticized as he stepped out of the machine, with minus one stick of dynamite.

“Where’s the dynamite then? Did you light it!?” Pyrite yelled out, pointing at the grey pony accusingly.

“No, of course not!” Rock sputtered, aghast. “I just have an idea.”

The only item legible on the huge metal machine was that the dial was turned to the 1:1 setting. The rest of the options were illegible, but Hard Rock was determined to figure out what this big thing did, and how he could monopolize it. Tapping his chin with a hoof, he gestured to the metal key that he presumed would do something when turned. “Hey, Pyrite, why don’t you turn that key?”

Pyrite trotted closer to the machine, nervously glancing at the intake door he let out a weary sigh. “I guess, fine.” His horn suddenly shining alight with a golden aura, Pyrite felt the key with his magic. It almost seemed to resist for a split second, but then relaxed, as if the machine was somehow… alive. “I-I don’t know about this Hard Rock.” He stuttered, “This could be dangerous.”

Hard Rock chuckled and patted Pyrite on the back. “Nothin’ to it buddy, just turn it and see what happens, dumb thing might not even work after being down here for Celestia knows how long!”

Pyrite smirked with a bead of sweat trailing down his temple, “Y-yeah, you’re probably right. Okay… Here we go.” The dark unicorn’s horn glowed brighter as he forced his magic to make the key turn, closing his eyes and straining as the key resisted, possibly from years of rust. Pyrite gasped as the key gave way, a resounding clunk sounding out throughout the cavern they were in.

Immediately the two backed away as the intake door slammed shut, the visible gears within the machine sung, screeching as they shook violently, not having been used for many many years. Hard Rock was stunned as each gear flowed, thousands turning at a slow pace as various sounds came from the machine. Banging, screeching, shuddering, and finally the sound of a steam train whistle that made the two ponies jump back in surprise. The whole orchestra of noise came to a grinding halt as the gears stopped spinning, and both the intake and outtake doors opened.

Neither pony volunteered to look inside the door, until Pyrite nudged Hard Rock. “Y-you put the dynamite in there, why don’t you go see what came out?”

The grey pony snorted, and carefully trotted over to the outtake door. Not sure what to expect. As the machine loomed ever so far above him, getting closer and closer, he was startled by a loud BANG. He jumped into the air like a startled cat, and screamed like a 5 year old filly. After cowering under his hooves, he heard the familiar annoying laughter of his partner, Pyrite.

“You should’ve seen your face!” Pyrite laughed out loud, “Oh my Luna that was good…” He wiped a tear from his eye, and snorted at the larger pony’s intense glare “It was just magic, Hard Rock, don’t get your hooves in a twist!”

Hard Rock mumbled curses under his breath, and continue his trot to the machine, unperturbed now by Pyrite’s incessant pranks. When he looked inside the outtake door, he yelled in surprise. “By Celestia! Pyrite! Did you do this?!” The grey earth pony glared back to his compatriot.

Pyrite grew confused, and trotted over to where Hard Rock was standing. “Noooo? I don’t even know what you’re talking abo-”

Inside the outtake door were 100 small firecrackers, Pyrite ran back over to the intake and saw that there was no stick of dynamite inside. He looked up at a stunned Hard Rock, and whispered “It’s gone.”

After a minute of silence and the grinding gears in both the mining pony’s heads, they both exploded with ideas. Of course the conclusion that both of them made was that it had to work on some kind of magic, but they wanted to throw more items into the intake door to see what else would happen. So that’s what they did.

First they threw in a mining pick, and kept the dial on 1:1. Pyrite turned the key excitedly, and after a few minutes of hearing grinding noises, both doors once more opened wide. Stumbling forth to examine their new item, they grew confused.

“Really? I was expecting something like 100 miniature pickaxes.” Hard Rock asked.

“Beats me.” shrugged Pyrite

It was a spade. Much like the spades they had in their supplies cart.

As Hard Rock took the spade and threw it behind him, Pyrite turned the dial on the machine all the way to the right, and carefully placed a stick of dynamite inside the intake chamber.

“Wonder what this will do?” Pyrite wondered aloud.

“Heck if I know, this is starting to get interesting!” Hard Rock smiled.

Both ponies jittered with excitement as Pyrite turned the key. The doors closed, and then there was a bright white light, as both ponies suddenly felt nothing.

Elsewhere, an astronomer on the Canterlot mountain was looking at the stars, noticing that one of them had been coming closer to the planet Equus at an extremely alarming speed, almost with hostile intent. It was just a star however, so it would take millions of years. As the astronomer wrote in his notebook about this strange star, his telescope rattled violently, as did the entire room. A bright white light flashed the entire mountainside, forcing his eyes closed. “Celestia’s sake!” He exclaimed.

He blinked his eyes, and quickly adjusted his telescope to the source of the flash. The Smokey Mountains, of course, they were supposed to be the Smokey Mountains, instead there was what appeared to be the site of an extremely large crater in between two mountains, with rubble raining down intermittently. Gulping, the pale white astronomer backed away from the telescope and dashed out of the observatory, shouting “Guards!”