Date Disaster

by ashiida

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cheese Sandwich, Comedy, Romance, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2647

Discord sets Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich up on the perfect date, but is letting the spirit of chaos have full control of your date the best idea?

When Discord tries to set up the perfect date for Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich, he learns that maybe love shouldn't be tampered with, but should be allowed to flow on its own.

Published 2014-06-06 01:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-12 03:07:43 UTC

Mail Raiding and Pit Stops

"Oh Gummy, the cake batter isn't a hat!" Pinkie squealed, taking the perfectly balanced blue mixing bowl off of her pet alligator's head. "Didn't I tell you that last time?" The mare had begun mixing the batter once again, using the forelock in her mane to cradle and pour milk into the bowl.

"Oooh no, that was with CUPCAKE batter! Cake batter is a different thing entirely!" Pinkie spooned the batter into a mold, and after tasting some for herself, poked it into the oven.

"Mr. Cake, would you mind finishing up the cake for me? It's Gummy's lunch time!"

"Sure thing, Pinkie! And actually, your shift ends at lunch today. It's Sunday, remember?"

"Oh yeaaaaahhhh!" Pinkie giggled and rolled her eyes. "I enjoy baking so much I almost forgot! Again!" The pinkish pony let out another series of giggles and snorts before grabbing her alligator and skipping up the stairs and into her room.

"Whatcha in the mood for today, Gummy-Wummy? We have the pond-stuff flavored gator feed, and the sea-stuff flavored one!" Pinkie handled two cans in her hooves, staring intently at her baby alligator.

He blinked.

"Pond-stuff it is!" She said with a smile, pouring the goop onto a little plate, and covering the stuff with rainbow-colored sprinkles. "I know how much you LOVE sprinkles, Gummy, so I made sure to put extra! Here you go!" The bowl was slid to the alligator and Pinkie turned to the door.

"My my, Pinkie Pie, you sure do have a way with understanding baby alligators." A disembodied voice said from behind her.

"Huhwaa--?" Pinkie blinked, spinning around to come face-to-face with a certain somedraconequus, and my face-to-face, I mean literally FACE to FACE. So close that Pinkie's nose was scrunched. She backed up with a simple hop. "Discord? What're you doing here? Do you want some pond-stuff too?"

"Blech, no. Can't I come visit one of my dearest friends without being questioned? If I were Twilight you wouldn't have asked a thing!" Discord crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Pinkie, to which she returned an almost mirrored look.

"Oh! Okay! What do you wanna do? Talk? Go somewhere? I could give you cuddles if you want! Last time you passed up my offer! Oh wait, I almost forgot about your huge crush on Princess Ce--" a paw was jammed over Pinkie's mouth, hushing her immediately.

"Let's go somewhere," Discord said in a somewhat-annoyed voice. "I can't fit all too well in your room." And in a quick flash of light, the two were on a hill. Ponyville could be seen in the distance, and there were several wild-growing flowers surrounding them, as well as a tall weeping willow tree. The place was quite beautiful. Pinkie looked around, her eyes doubling in size.

"OHMIGOSHDISCORDTHISPLACEISSOPRETTTTYYYYY!!!"

"Yes, it is. This place holds a key place in my past. It has been around far longer than Ponyville. I showed the place to Fluttershy a whole back, and we have most of our picnics here. Whenever we have them, that is."

"You sure did poof me here really suddenly, and I don't even know why!"

"Why, to talk about your love life of course!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?!"

"As a good friend that looks out for his other friends, I have made myself several internal pairings for you and your four other friends. For example, Twilight and that guard guy! Do you even KNOW how much chaos that pairing causes? ESPECIALLY with her being a prince--" Discord halted himself, seeing that Pinkie was getting very confused. He cleared his throat. "Mm, yes. Anyways. I seem to not have a pairing for you OR Rarity. But Rarity is a separate story entirely, seeing that her crush changes almost weekly. You on the other hoof..." He said, sliding close to her face a bopping her nose with a fuzzy paw, "you never talk about that certain-stallion!"

Pinkie had flushed into a light shade of ballerina pink. "Me? L-Like somepony? No, I don't have time for that! I only have time for parties!" She looked like she instantly regretted saying that. "I mean, baking! Baking and spending time with my friends."

"Aha, don't lie to me Pinkie Pie. As a creature of chaos, I can tell when somepony is lying." Not really. "I knew you would have this reaction, so I've done some digging myself." A pair of spectacles appeared on his face. "I checked your outgoing mail. Most letters go to the rock farm, but I noticed one peculiar letter..." A piece of pink paper appeared in his claws. "This one letter is decorated with various forms of glitter, stickers, and quite creative doodles. Now, I was quite confused by this, seeing none of your OTHER letters had this much creativity nor detail put into them." He stood, disappearing from lying on the hill grass and reappearing on a branch of the weeping willow.

Discord stared down at Pinkie Pie, whose mane was now sticking up in places. She had a strange look on her face, however keeping a estranged forced smile. "Who was the letter addressed too?" She said, her voice moving slowly, her pitch surprisingly dropping lower. She already knew the answer to her question.

"Why, it belongs to somepony by the name of Cheese Sandwich."

-

"Waahaahaahoo! This is a great one, Boneless Two!" The tall, lanky stallion cried as his body halted from the rabid shaking it had been doing.

"There's gonna be this awesome baby shower in Dodge City! There's usually not much you can do for those, but when duty calls, duty calls!" He smiled lightly, and began trotting Southeast.

"Let's see... We're in the unicorn range right now, because we just threw that cute lil' filly her seventh birthday party, and we need to get to Dodge City," he said aloud, mentally picturing the map of Equestria that he had memorized.

"Our safest bet is to pass through Ponyville, cut through the Rambling Rock Ridge, and safely arrive in Dodge! Of course, we could always take the train, but that's only last resort, because what fun is there in arriving quickly? On top of that, I got an early alert! I have two weeks to get there, so we can stop and see some of the sites! We can even--" Cheese halted in his tracks, his eyes opening really wide. "Wait a minute. We have to go through Ponyville! Boneless Two, why didn't you tell me!"

Silence.

"Yeah yeah, I already mentioned it, but I always phase out when I'm talking about geography." Cheese looked like he was about to burst.

"Do you know what this means? We'll get to see Pinkie again! Oooh, there's so much that we can catch up on! I mean, yeah, we write each other every week, but talking is WAY more fun than just writing." Cheese's already-huge grin tripled in size.

"Come on Boneless, we're making a pit stop in Ponyville!"

Author's Note

I miss my computer.

Do you even know how hard it is to write a 1000+ long fanfic chapter on iPhone notepad? It's crazy! Anywho, since I don't have the file for Forgiven available, I figured I'd start a new fic until my computer is up and running again, so here we are!

Please alert me if you see any grammar mistakes. IPhone notepad isn't that easy to make revisions on. ^^;;

Camembert Swear

Ponyville was awfully quiet when Cheese Sandwich arrived. In the two times that he'd ever been there, it had been bustling and alive. But then again, he'd never been there at night.

The stallion trotted down the dusty roads, squinting to see where he was going. Cheese didn't find Ponyville's lack of street lights very amusing.

In the small amount of time that he'd been there, he had only gotten lost five times until he had found his way back onto the main road. Where was Sugar Cube Corner when he needed it? As if on cue, Cheese's face smooshed against the candy-like exterior of Sugar Cube Corner. Cheese backed up and rubbed his nose with a hoof. "I guess that answers that question," he muttered before trotting around back.

He had learned on his last visit during the Birthiversary the Sugar Cube Corner had a very loud little bell at the front door, that would ring upon entrance. Plus, he was sure the door was locked. Upon reaching the back door, his ears drooped. What if Pinkie was asleep? He didn't see any lights on through the window.

Cheese trotted up the steps towards the door, and reached his hoof forward to knock.

"CHEESE!" A high pitch voice squealed, and before Cheese could figure out what was going on, he was yanked inside Sugar Cube Corner; and the door was closed swiftly behind him.

He squinted in the dim light. "Pinkie Pie? Is that you?"

"Well duh, who else would it be?" She giggled, and a candle was lit, illuminating her bedroom. Cheese had never been in her bedroom before, and he wasn't at all surprised. In fact, he was quite impressed. Her room was a party itself. A lovely, soft-looking bed sat on one side. There was a large wardrobe, and a wild band suit lying in a corner. Balloons and streamers were everywhere, and Cheese couldn't feel any more at home.

"Well, you could've been one of your friends, ooh, or you could've been my Great Auntie Swiss. I heard she moved up here," he says teasingly, tapping his chin with a hoof.

"Don't be silly Cheese. I don't think anyone else could've lifted you up like that! Then again, you are pretty thin... Cupcake?" And suddenly a cupcake was shoved into Cheese's muzzle. He jumped at first, but was relaxed to find it was delicious. "Oh no! I almost forgot!" Pinkie cried before pulling Cheese into a big hug. "I missed you, Cheesy! I don't think letters are enough. Maybe I can get Twilight to work with sound magic, and we can send each other cute little recordings! Oh, it would be a lot of fun, almost as fun as being pen pals!" She looked like she was about to say more, but a slow clap was heard from the corner of the room.

"Cut! Scene finished, great job you two," Discord said, standing up from his directors chair and adjusting his button-down shirt. Cheese' ears glued to the back of his head, and Pinkie looked annoyed. Cheese had never seen her look that annoyed at somepony.

"Discord! Didn't we already go through this?" Pinkie said, folding her hooves.

"Well, yes, we did. But I was doing some thinking and decided to help you anyways. You obviously want my help, even though you say you don't. I can see it in those big round eyes of yours." He grinned, and grabbed Cheese's right hoof, shaking it violently. "Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sandwich. I've heard so much about you."

"I-I, uh, pleasure to meet you too...?" Cheese said uncertainly. Who was this guy, and why did he look so weird?

"Now, you're probably wondering who I am, and why I look so weird," Discord began, "my name is Discord. Reformed spirit of chaos, now sold with friendship preinstalled!" He gave Cheese a curtsey. "Now if you'd excuse me, Pinkie, I need to have a word with Cheese here. I do hope you don't mind." Once again, Pinkie was cut off, because before she could say whatever she was about to say, Cheese and Discord were gone.

-

Cheese stared down at the street below, his eyes wide open with terror. "You could've gotten us killed!"

"But I didn't," Discord shrugged. "I brought you here so we can talk alone, with no disruptions."

"I don't think atop a skyscraper is the best way to befriend someone!"

"Oh, I'm not here to befriend you. I'm here to set you up."

"Set me... Wait, what?!"

"Oh, you didn't know? Didn't you see the signs? The excessive sparkles in her letters? The smell of perfume? She was totally flirting with you." Discord said, filing one of his claws. "So I've decided to create the perfect date for you and Pinkie Pie."

Cheese blinked. He and Pinkie go on a date? He could feel his face turning redder and redder. "Y-You must be confused. Pinkie doesn't like me, that's only a letter!" He protested.

"I spoke with her. I know love when I see it, Cheese. Now when we go back, swear to me you won't say one word about anything said here."

Cheese was about to ask what kind of pony could love a mug like that, but he held his tongue. "Fine. Fine! I Swear on Camembert. Now do what you wish, but I can't guarantee that anything will happen."

"Oh it will, Cheese, you just wait."

And then they were standing back in Sugar Cube Corner.

"Cheese!" Pinkie said with a grin, running up to greet her friend. "Where did he take you? Are you alright? He didn't say anything bad, did he?"

"No, no. He just uh, wanted something." He shook his head, causing his forelock to bounce.

"It's quite alright, Pinkie Pie. I asked Cheese here to do me a favor."

"What kind of favor?" She said, her eye poking at least an inch to glare at Discord.

"Nothing that concerns you at the moment!" Discord said, pushing the pony a few feet away. "Now, it's late. You two best get some rest, seeing that you have such a lovely day planned for tomorrow."

"Discord, we don't have any-"

"Tut tut, Pinkie. You'll see." The room filled with smoke, and Discord was gone. Cheese waved his hooves wildly, and the smoke eventually cleared. Pinkie glared at Cheese.

"Pinkie I-"

"What did he tell you? Was it something bad? Was it about me? You have to tell me!"

"I can't. He made me swear. I can't break a Camembert Swear."

"But Cheesy!"

"Pinkie, I said no," Cheese said a bit louder. Pinkie's ears shot back. "I'm sorry, that sounded mean. I just can't break a Camembert Swear! Remember when I swore on Camembert to you? Right, I never broke it, and I never will because, well, you were the pony that threw the party that inspired me to become a party planner!" Cheese said, a worrisome look upon his face. "You understand, don't you Pinkie?"

Pinkie nodded, and put an arm around Cheese's neck, pulling him down for a hug. "It's alright Cheesy."

Cheese stayed in the hug for awhile until it got awkward, then stood back up and coughed. "Where should I sleep?"

Pinkie looked around her room. There was Gummy's bed, her bed, and nothing else. "Do you have a sleeping bag?"

"No."

"Really? Remind me to get you one for the road!"

"Pinkie, you really don't--"

"No, it's my treat! Aside from all the treats you'll eat for breakfast in the morning. That'll be an actual edible treat!" Pinkie rambled as she dug through one of her chests before pulling out two blankets. "Can you make a makeshift with these, Cheese?" She laughed at her rhyme mentally.

"Yeah, I usually just use my poncho as a blanket. This'll be a lot more comfortable, I'm sure!" He nodded, taking the blankets and setting them on the floor. He swaddled himself in the fussiest one, using the other as a makeshift bed sheet. Pinkie crawled into her own bed, and turned off the lamp.

"Goodnight Cheesy," Pinkie whispered, but Cheese was already snoring and couldn't reply.

Author's Note

Another lovely chapter written on notepad. You have no idea how much I want my laptop to hurry up and be fixed so that I can add another chapter to Forgiven. Ah well.

Let me know if you see any mistakes.