Equestria Noir Side Story "Tea Time"

by Jacoboby1

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Romance, Original Character, Sex, Comedy
Length: 2260

A small gathering of close friends and family in the Noirverse.

Sometimes, you just need to settle down and get away from it all. To enjoy life and spend it with your friends and family. Cadence, Shining Armor, Celestia, Twilight Velvet and Night Light, all come to enjoy each other's company on a warm day. Tea, stories, and all sorts of crazy conversations follow...

(Some innuendo for the sex tag)

Published 2014-06-06 11:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-06 11:40:05 UTC

"Tea Time"

Equestria Noir 2
Side Story
“Tea Time”
By Jacoboby1

Perspective: Cadence

The sun was bright in a cloudless sky, with the scent of the gardens tantalizing my nose, up here on the balcony of Canterlot Castle. It was nice to get to visit, honestly. Sometimes I missed the marble, stone, and metal of Canterlot. Sometimes you just get tired of sparkley. It was not too warm, clear, the colors were vibrant in the sunlight, and not much in the way of reflected light. Sometimes I have to go through the Empire with sunglasses, especially on sunny days. This was a pleasant change.

Right now, I was with some of my favorite people in the whole world. My husband Shiny, my mother and father in law, and of course my Aunt Tia. We all decided to meet when I was to visit Canterlot for royal reasons. Aunt Tia decided to set up a little get together for all of us. Right now though, I was just finishing up talking about Twilight and Private’s little, how do they say, switcheroo.

“So by the time all was done, they both learned valuable lessons on how to treat each other. And also the disadvantages of being both genders,” I concluded with a smile. “Really it was quite cute to watch, at least until they started getting really friendly.”

“The effects were reversed without hassle right?” Velvet asked me.

“Yeah, the next morning they woke up and all the parts were in the right places.” I said with a small laugh.

“It was a rather reckless spell to perform,” Aunt Tia admonished, before smiling. “Though it was impressive to see you perform such a complex spell.”

“That’s Cadey for ya,” Shiny interjected. “She’s great at everything.”

I blushed and giggled a little. “Shiny, cut it out. I’m not great at everything. I just know a few tricks is all.”

“Quite the adventures our daughter has had over these few years,” Night Light said with a smile. “Her and Private have been through a lot haven’t they?”

“They have,” Aunt Tia said, sipping from her cup. “they are quite lucky to have each other through it all.”

“Well they would’ve gotten close faster if somepony didn’t insist on being overprotective big brother all the time,” I said, with a sly glance at my husband.

“Aw come on Cadey!” Shining groaned. “I was just trying to keep my sister safe!”

“Yes but now they are happily married,” I said with a smile. “I like to claim some credit, it was my spell that finally got the two to realize how they felt.”

“It’s hard to believe my little babies are all grown up,” Velvet said, smiling wide as Night Light put a hoof on her shoulder. “I used to snuggle you so tightly whilst Shining hugged little Twilight and said the most sweetest lullaby.”

“Mom!” Shining yelled in embarrassment.

Aunt Tia suppressed a giggle, and then returned to her regular self. “It was a good match, and I am glad they made the transition fairly smoothly.”

“Well,” Velvet began. “Not totally smooth…”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well,” Velvet replied, “around the time when Twilight returned from the honeymoon. I decided to pay a visit to the couple’s home to spend the night when…”

________________________________________________________

Perspective: Twilight Velvet

One morning, I woke up to a commotion in the kitchen. I quickly made my way downstairs to find the kitchen a disaster area. Flour covered the counters, eggs were cracked, and had turned the flour on the counter into a sticky mess, and in the middle of it all was Twilight, looking utterly dejected. Thankfully the mess had been contained in the area of the stove, and refrigerator. Otherwise we’d probably be all day cleaning up the mess. Still, the mess I saw was pretty impressive. I hadn’t seen its like since the last time Twilight and Shining attempted to make cookies.

“Twilight?” I asked, using my magic to help clear some of the gunk off her.

“Sorry to wake you Mom, I was trying to cook,” Twilight said, wiping herself off.

I blinked. “Twilight, you’ve never cooked. At least not well. I thought Spike was usually the one who helped cook for you.”

“He was,” She said with a blush. “But, I just wanted to surprise Private. I mean, he is my husband now and I really wanted to show I can help around the house.”

I laughed a little. “Twilight, I’m sure Private doesn’t care if your domestic skills aren’t amazing.”

“Yes, but,” Her ears drooped a little. “I really wanted to help.”

I smiled and lifted her chin. “Of course Twilight, and maybe I can help a little. I’m sure with us Twilight’s together, we can make something spectacular.”

She smiled, “Alright! Let’s do this! We can make something great for all to enjoy!”

Ten minutes later…

KA-BOOOOM!!!

Twilight and I walked out of the library, charred and our manes disheveled. Spike looked at us and said, “What...happened?”

“Let’s just say, we both experimented a little too much…” I said.

“Yeah, but we did make a good result!” Twilight said, holding it out. “Whaddya think Spike?”

“Well, it’s…” He began.

“Amazing? Tasty looking? Tantalizing? Absolutely delightful?”

“...moving..”

___________________________________________________________________

Perspective: Celestia

“So that explains the small explosion,” I said with a small laugh.

“Suffice to say, we got Spike to kill it with fire quickly,” Velvet said with a nervous laugh. “I think, I may have overestimated our cooking abilities.”

“At least Ponyville didn’t get hit by another monster attack,” Shining said with a smile. “Settling into the married life is never easy.”

“That’s the truth,” Cadence said with a smile. “Though if you make one comment about my own cooking Mister, I’m making you sleep on the couch.”

“But Cadey, it takes true talent to solidify jello,” Shining said with a small laugh.

“You’re lucky I love you, you big lug,” Cadence groaned, bumping her husband a little.

“Marriage can be a difficult thing,” I said, “Especially when one is a princess.”

“Well yes,” Cadence said. “There’s all the crowds, the attention, the interviews…”

“Oh yes,” I said with a small laugh. “There are the interviews. I remember Twilight coming to me after her first one post marriage.”

_______________________________________________________

I was in the throne room, at my desk, there, finishing some reports from the day. Naturally my desk is as ornate as the throne room itself, so it won’t stand out from the opulence like a sore thumb. The things I do to please the nobility can be rather annoying, but they do love their pomp and circumstance. The day’s session of court had just ended, and I wasted no time taking care of the paperwork. I prefer to take care of them, while I’m thinking of them, rather than to let them slide, because my memory’s fresh about what they happened to be about, rather than letting my mind go all fuzzy on the details. I was just about done, when Twilight came stomping into the Throne Room, obviously quite angry.

“Twilight?” I said, putting my ink and quills aside. “How did the interviews go?”

“Uggh!” Twilight moaned, “It was going just fine when I was talking about stuff to actually, help the kingdom! But then the jerk had to ask…

____________________________________________________

“...and with my new position I hope to ensure the future stability of Equestria and it’s people. I hope that I can be a good influence and inspiration to all.”

“Thank you, your highness, that will be all the political questions.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Well, we need to get deeper into your social life.”

“Well, I can tell you about my friends. There’s A-”

“We already know about your relationship with the other Elements. Strong bonds of friendship yes, but we want to know more about you and your husband, Private Eye.”

“Well, I guess I can talk about us. Well, we met a long time ago back when the first murder broke out in Ponyville. Princess Celestia assigned us together and, well long story short we ended up a lot closer.”

“Indeed, and you say your relationship is very close and...intimate?”

“Well, of course, any healthy marriage should be.”

“So, how is your... husband?”

“Well, he’s fine. He’s back at home right now.”

“And just what are your plans for the...evening?”

“Well, he is going to make dinner, and we may watch a movie together…”

“And after that…?”

“Well, we head to bed.”

“And…?”

“And...what?”

“Well, the audience is probably very curious about what you and your husband do during... intimacy…”

“...what? I don’t think that’s any of your, or the audience’s business!”

“Oh come on, your highness, everypony is curious. Besides, the only other alicorn/regular unicorn relationship out there is your brother and sister-in-law. So all the world is curious about how you make it all work, and whether your intimacy can enlighten any in future situations.”

“....” *Angry growl*

*Magic Activating*

________________________________________________________________

“And you did what to him?” I asked, trying to keep a straight face. But deep inside I was rolling on the floor laughing.

“Let’s just say I made it very hard for him to walk straight,” She replied with a blush.

“Well, Twilight, I’m sure such a subject would be embarrassing to talk about.” I replied.

“You have no idea. I mean… What business is it of theirs to go into details of my personal life?!” Twilight uttered sounding incised. “I mean seriously… If they’re having trouble with their intimate lives, what would MY telling about my own experiences do to help?!” Twilight asked, as she paced around, fuming at the invasiveness of the reporter. I couldn’t help but try to get in a little dig.

“I don’t suppose you could use some… tips? To spice things up in the bedroom, so to speak? After all, I have some… experience, and I would know a few things that you haven’t tried...” I asked, innocently. Twilight stiffened, looked up at me, her eyes becoming pinpricks, then she quickly turned around, and scrambled away as rapidly as she could. You could almost hear her saying “Nope!” over and over.

__________________________________________________________

“Suffice to say, it wasn’t brought up again,” I said with a small laugh.

“That’s Twili for ya,” Shining Armor said with a laugh. “But to be fair, I would’ve done the same to the guy.”

“Always something with her isn’t it?” Velvet said. “To think, I never expected my little filly would grow up to such a mare.”

“You and your husband have every reason to be proud,” I stated. “Both you are lucky to have raised such wonderful children.”

“To think, we almost didn’t end up together.” Night Light said.

“Whatever did happen to that Eclipse boy?” Velvet replied.

“Never did find out what happened to him, but, he did help bring us together.” Night Light said with a shrug.

“Uggh, stop now before you two go into the love story for the upteemth time!” Shining groaned.

“Aw, but it’s such a sweet one,” Cadence said.

“We could always go into embarrassing stories of a certain guard recruit,” I teased.

Shining blushed and said, “Okay we’ll listen to mom and dad’s love story…”

________________________________________________________

Perspective: Luna

My room is decorated in the dark, soothing colors of the night, highlighted with silver, and white. Stars are sprinkled across the ceiling, and heavy drapes are swagged by the windows, should I need to shut out the sun. The carpet is a dark blue, with more silver spangles to represent stars. All in all, it’s a nice sanctuary from the daylit world, when I need it.

Celestia was enjoying her little get together. I opted out, I had some paperwork to catch up on that couldn’t be ignored….

To think, atop of everything else I’m worried about paperwork. It seems like so long ago, when I came back. Has it really been four years? It feels like so much longer…

It took a long time to adjust, my whole world was changed in a millenia. All becasue of…

No, I shouldn’t think of it. It is not something to dwell on. That side…

The side I destroyed almost a year ago...or so I thought…

I need to clear my head. I need to get…

I yawned, I guess I’ve been working way past my bedtime. I plopped my head on the desk, using a petition as a pillow…

_______________________________________________

I was walking along a path, towards a familiar place. Ponyville.

I moved ever so gracefully, it was always jarring when I dreamed…

For I am not in control...but I had a pleasant feeling..

I was going to see somepony. Somepony important…

I hear...voices coming from my destination. Golden Oaks Library…

I move up to the door, and stop...I hear them…

Them talking...kissing, laughing with one another…

An ache in my heart...it wasn’t fair…

It wasn’t fair…

Not…fair…

She has everything! My sister’s love! Friends! Family! A true love!

I should be the one Tia should rely on!

I should be the one to face him! I have hundreds of years of experience this…filly doesn’t! Why is it I’m ignored yet again!?

I want...I want…

I want her gone…

I want her to just disappear…

It’s because of her...that Nocturne’s descendant isn’t mine…

That my sister ignores my pleas to let me face him…

That all fear me…

It’s her fault...all of it...all of it…

Yes...all of it...she doesn’t deserve any of it…

She deserves to disappear…

Disappear…

Disappear...all…

Shall disappear...in favor...of my desire...my night...my love…

Mine...