Twilight Sparkle Orders a Pizza

by hell00001

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 4033

Twilight Sparkle orders a pizza... Complete with innuendos

Twilight Sparkle orders a pizza... Complete with innuendos.

One shot fic that I thought of this morning while in the shower. It's clop, whatever. It's funny. I think.

Published 2014-06-06 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-06 19:20:01 UTC

The Phone Call that Changed Everything

The sun slowly crept its way towards the mountains in the distance, signalling the end to another beautiful day in the sleepy town of Ponyville. Birds fluttered off to their homes, racoons adventured from the safety of their lairs, bats flexed their wings in preparation for the coming darkness, and the ponies who roamed the streets said their farewells to their friends. Shops closed, colts and fillies returned home to their parents, everypony eager to race home and get some dinner into their bellies before heading off to sleep.

Everypony, that is, except for Twilight Sparkle. The little purple pony lay cooped up in her tree house, shut off from the rest of the town in favor of completing one of her scientific experiments. Dressed in a dirty lab coat, stained from the pony’s sweat over the course of the exceptionally warm day, she felt at home amongst the test tubes and beakers filled with strange and colorful liquids. Tucked away from the hubbub of the social life taking place outside, her treehouse felt like a sanctuary away from ponies who would otherwise wish to stop her in the street and have a quick picture or say hello. Of course she complied, she was a princess after all, but not without a tad bit of reluctance on her part.

Twilight lay bent over her lab bench, her attention focused solely on a particular bubbling, purple substance. She lifted her flanks into the air and let her tail swish back and forth, excitement welling up inside of her as she studied the bubbling liquid. After a few moments, watching as the bubbling had not yet ceased inside of the beaker, she levitated a small dropper filled with a blue liquid.

“You got this, Twilight,” Twilight said to herself. “Just a few drops and you’ll have perfected the perfect pleasant palatableness for your plump purple pound pol-”

“Hey, Twilight, are we going to be having a late din-”

Before Spike had time to finish his sentence, his interruption jolted Twilight’s magic to force itself to constrict around the rubber bulb. The entirety of the liquid inside of the dropper splurted out into the beaker of purple liquid, catalyzing the bubbles to rapidly foam before exploding out right towards Twilight’s face.

Spike stood in shock for a moment, looking at his alicorn caretaker with both a mix of worry and sheepishness. He had spoiled Twilight’s experiments on numerous occasions, and by the stiffness of her body, he had to know what was coming.

Slowly Twilight twisted around to fix her gaze on her assistant. The foam from her liquidy experiment dripped down along her face, coating her cheeks, muzzle, and forehead in a white, slightly sticky substance. Spike already had a claw raised ready to defend himself, but he simply gawked at Twilight before he exploded into a fit of laughter.

“Spike, this isn’t funny!” Twilight said, pouting at him. “I’ve been working on this paste all day and I was almost finished.”

“Calm down, Twilight,” Spike said, wiping a tear from his eye. “How bad can it be? What were you making anyways? You haven’t even once glanced outside today.”

Twilight’s ears shot up and she hurriedly looked over towards the clock hanging in the room. The time read eight o’clock.

“Oh no, it’s already late,” Twilight said. She bounded over to one of the windows and looked out. “The shops are probably all closed by now.”

“That’s what I was asking about,” Spike said dryly.

“I’m so sorry, Spike! I was just so caught up in my experiment that I forgot to check the time. I don’t think we have anything in the fridge that we can ma-”

“Twi, we have a phone,” Spike said, pointing over to the phone on the shelf. “We can just order pizza if it’s too late.”

Twilight stared over at the phone blankly. “Oh.”

“You might want to clean up your face a little, too,” Spike snickered. “You look like you had a fight with the can of whipped cream and lost.”

Twilight touched a hoof to her face as Spike was walking away and scrubbed some of the foam off. She analyzed it for a moment, then walked over to the bathroom and checked herself out in the mirror. Instantly her face flushed and she grabbed a towel off of the wall, cleaning her face off.

“I was so close,” Twilight said, her face still hot. “I almost had the perfect tasting synthetic cu-” She trailed off as she stared into the towel soaked with the foamy, sticky substance. “Did I really just spend most of the day perfecting the recipe for fantastic tasting synthetic semen? What was I thinking?”

Twilight dropped the towel down on the floor next to the door, then turned back and stared at herself in the mirror again. Her face was still flushed, and she scrunched her snout up in annoyance as the color in her cheeks refused to go away. She ended up sitting back on her flanks and groaning.

“I know I’ve felt so pent up and eager to use my toy,” Twilight chided herself, “but maybe this was a little too far. And on a beautiful day, no less.” She shook her head and got to her hooves. “Whatever, I’ll order some pizza.”

Spike was nowhere in sight when Twilight strode out of the bathroom, leaving her alone in the main room. Twilight shrugged to herself at his absence, figuring that he might be upstairs or in the kitchen somewhere, and walked the rest of the way towards the phone. She then levitated a piece of paper out from a box sitting next to the phone with a number on it.

Before Twilight could dial the number, a thought crossed her mind and a little smile darted across her face. She bit her lower lip, then skipped over to the couch set up next to the phone and sprawled across it.

“Maybe I won’t need to make some synthetic semen to release all of this pressure pent up inside of me,” Twilight said to herself giggling. “How hard can it be? I’ve seen some ponies do this before. It seems easy enough.”

Twilight dialed the number on the piece of paper and then held the phone up to her ear. After the second ring, somepony on the other end picked up the phone.

“Hello, this is the Ponyville Pizzeria,” a stallion said. “How may I take your order?”

Twilight giggled and kicked one of her hind hooves up into the air.

“Hey there,” she said huskily. “I’d like to order one personal sausage, extra large with extra sauce.”

“Um…” the stallion on the other end said. “So, that’s one extra large personal tofu sausage pizza with extra sauce. A-anything else?”

“I’d also like to order a pizza,” Twilight breathed. “Pineapple with a thick, stuffed crust.”

“Ex-excuse me?” the stallion asked, fumbling with his words. “Didn’t you already order a pizza?”

“Don’t keep a mare waiting,” Twilight said, sliding off the edge of the couch slowly until her head touched the floor. “She’s already desperate for her dinner. Don’t make her wait any longer.”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” the stallion on the other end said.

Twilight floated the phone over back to its charger and set it down with a sigh. A broad smile stretched across her lips. The pizza was on its way, complete with a good stallion who surely had her personal sausage in tow. In only a short time she’ll hear that knock on her door alerting her to the incoming, succulent dic-

“Hey, Twi, did you order the pizza yet?” Spike asked, walking into the room from the kitchen.

Twilight screeched and launched herself into the air from the couch. She hastily tried to right herself out in the air, spinning around to land on her hooves, but with a clunky flap of her wings she sent herself falling back down to the ground with a thud. She groaned and twitched her hooves, and Spike winced.

“Oh, ouch,” he said. “Uh, sorry.”

With a huff, Twilight unsteadily raised herself up onto all four of her hooves and tried not to give Spike a glare. Another thought passed through her mind, then, and she worriedly looked over towards the door.

“Yeah, Spike, the pizza is on its way,” she said, looking back at the baby dragon. “Hey, do you think you could run over to Fluttershy’s real quick? I think I left a book there last I visited.”

“But what about the pizza?” Spike asked.

Twilight trotted behind Spike and pressed her head up against his back, starting to shove him towards the door. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll still be here and… pay for it. Don’t you worry. Now, why don’t you hurry on over to Fluttershy’s.”

Using her magic to open the door, she pushed Spike out of the treehouse and out into the street.

“But Twilight, what if the pizza gets here before I get back?”

“Don’t worry about it, Spike!” Twilight said hurriedly, taking the door’s handle in her magic. “I promise not to start without you.”

“But all of the book logs say that-”

Spike was unable to finish his sentence before Twilight shut the door on him. With a whine she sat back on her flanks before peering out of the window to make sure that her assistant was heading towards Fluttershy’s cottage. Sure enough, he huffily stomped his feet off in that general direction, and Twilight let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, I hate to do this to you, Spike,” Twilight said to herself, “but I really need this right now.”

Just before Spike disappeared around the corner of a house, the Ponyville Pizzeria delivery pony came merrily trotting around the same corner. Twilight gaped, noticing that he was quite a handsome earth pony, albeit probably a little younger than her. The way he sprang on those toned legs of his, how he swayed that jaw-dropping rump, and how he smiled warmly through the thick stubble coating his jawline made Twilight’s cheeks flush again.

Before he was halfway to her treehouse she shook her head violently to snap herself out of her daze. Biting onto her hoof for a moment, she quickly looked up at her mane and ran her hoof through it, slightly disheveling it more that it already was. She then loosed her ragged lab coat around her shoulders, then levitated a pair of her reading glasses over from one of the shelves and set them on her muzzle. How wearing clothes made ponies look more attractive Twilight may never know.

“Okay, Twilight,” Twilight said to herself, uncomfortably wiggling her hind legs in anticipation. “Just lure him in…”

Even if Twilight was expecting the knock on the door, when it came she still jumped and squeaked. Moment of truth was now. Taking a deep breath she opened the door.

“Hi, delivery for Princess…” the stallion trailed off when he saw Twilight’s messy stature. “I’m sorry, Princess, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Twilight giggled and crossed one hoof in front of the other, leaning forward.

“You didn’t wake me,” she said. “Why don’t you come inside? I’ll get your payment ready.”

“I… I don’t think I’m supposed to do that,” the stallion said nervously.

“Oh, come on, don’t be shy,” Twilight cooed, biting her lip. She then turned from her door, leaving it open and walking further into her treehouse, swaying her flanks as she walked. She could feel the eyes of the stallion boring into her back, and it took all of her resolve not to do a little hoof pump when she heard her door shut behind her.

“S-so, that’s one personal extra large tofu sausage pizza with extra sauce,” the stallion stuttered, “and a stuffed crust pineapple. Your total is thirty bits.”

Twilight turned and eyed the two boxes of pizza that the stallion held in his hooves. She giggled and strode to them, her eyes half lidded and her lab coat practically about to fall off of her body.

“You even got me a sausage pizza,” Twilight said. “How thoughtful of you, but that wasn’t quite the sausage I was looking for.” She nearly melted when his eyes widened in realization, but she had to keep the act going. “Something a little more… meatier. More... alive. You wouldn’t mind if I took a look, would you?”

Twilight saw the stallions cheeks turn bright red as she fluttered her eyelashes. She knew she had him right in her grasp, and this moment right now, whether or not he acknowledged her desperate plea, felt to draw on too long for her. She thought she heard the stallions heart beating, but she figured that it was probably her own, impatient and eagerly awaiting his answer as much as the rest of her body was. He couldn’t say no.

The stallion dropped the pizza boxes and nodded his head. Twilight squeed and touched his cheek with her forehoof, before she began to walk around to his backside. One of her wings stretched out and brushed up along the stallions side, and she smiled when she felt him shiver under her touch.

“So, what’s your name?” Twilight asked when she reached the stallion’s backside. She slipped her hoof between his legs, and she squealed when she felt the stallions throbbing cock pulse against her soft fur. He certainly felt quite large.

“My name’s Anon, princess,” the stallion said, jolting when he felt her hoof on his member.

“Nice to meet you, Anon,” Twilight said, smirking. She took her hoof away from the Anon’s cock, smiling wider when she heard him whimper. She then walked back around to his front side and took his chin in her hoof. “Why don’t we take this to somewhere a little more comfortable?”

Anon nodded his head enthusiastically, and he followed Twilight eagerly over to the couch she had been laying on earlier. Twilight then shoved Anon onto the couch, pushing him to rest his back against the back of the couch, leaving his cock completely exposed. Seeing it completely for the first time, Twilight felt her mouth beginning to water, taking in the sight of the veins running up along the thick shaft. She dropped down to her belly in front of the couch to take a closer look.

“Wow, Anon,” Twilight said, blinking. “When you mean extra large, you really do mean extra large.”

“This is only reserved for special deliveries,” Anon said, relaxing against the back of the couch.

“Well, then special deliveries deserve special services.”

Twilight took Anon’s cock in her hoof, running it up and down along the length of his shaft slowly. She felt her soft fur running over the veins pulsing and threatening to burst through his skin, sending shivers down her spine all of the way back to her dripping pussy. Merely touching him pressured her to press on hastily, and she quickly had her muzzle pressed up against his ball sack. With a kiss she began her adventure up to the head of his shaft, her lips biting and kissing Anon’s cock all along the way, issuing some pained and happy noises uttered from the earth pony.

When Twilight reached the head of Anon’s cock, she pushed it into her mouth just a tad. Looking up at him with a great big smile on her face, she sucked on his sensitive skin, clamping her lips down. That surely got him going, and Anon was left squirming on the couch, forcing his eyes to remain open as he watched Twilight drive him wild without driving his cock into her mouth in the slightest. When she finally let him go, she was giggling.

“Liked that, did you?” she asked. “Well, there’s more where that came from…”

Twilight shoved Anon’s cock into her mouth, then, driving it deeper and deeper until she felt that tip pressing against the back of her throat. She coughed and looked down, and her eyes threatened to pop right out of her sockets when she saw that only half of his cock made it into her little mouth. She whimpered and looked up at Anon, who merely smiled back down at her.

“Not going to back down, are you?” he asked. “Extra large is extra large, after all.”

“Mm!” Twilight squealed. She let her tongue rub along the underside of Anon’s shaft, paying special attention to the throbbing veins that it traced over. She heard him moan, then drew her head back to drag her lips around the length of his shaft, leaving a slimy coating of saliva in its wake. Damn, he tasted good.

Squeezing Anon’s cock into her mouth again, Twilight pushed her head back down again, and then again. She built a steady rhythm, deep throating the stallion’s cock over and over again and using her hoof to stroke his shaft where her lips simply couldn’t reach. She gurgled and choked, determined to take his cock in even if it meant that she had to choke on its length.

When she looked up at Anon again, she found that the stallion had thrown his head back and was panting heavily, moans escaping his lips while Twilight worked his dick. He looked so gorgeous while victim to her adroit oral artistry. She didn’t even notice that she herself looked more of a mess before. Blowing him left his cock completely slathered in her saliva, most of which now started to stain her lips and drip down her chin and her neck. She didn’t care, though, he tasted wonderful.

Before Twilight could do anymore to him, taking his cock in both of her hooves and moving in sync with her head, twisting side to side, he grabbed her mane in her hooves. She squealed and whined when she felt her lips yanked from his cock, and then left her mouth hanging open with her tongue lolled out when he failed to let her wrap her lips back around it. Poor pony was whimpering like a puppy.

“Get up here,” Anon said. “I won’t have you finishing me off yet, not like that.”

Twilight did as she was told, climbing up onto Anon’s lap and setting herself down. She felt his cock slide itself between her flanks, molding perfectly to her form until she felt the very tip of its head pressed and throbbing against the small of her back. She put her hooves on Anon’s chest, her lab coat sliding further down her forelegs, as she stared into the stallion’s eyes.

“Please, Anon,” Twilighted whined. “I need this inside of me. Just fuck me. I haven’t had somepony to help me. Just my toy and me, but it’s not the same. Not like this. I neeeed this!”

Anon snickered and placed his hooves onto Twilight’s flanks, squeezing them and finally forcing both of her wings to spring out on either side of her. Those wings looked absolutely rigid, and Twilight knew that there was no way that they were retracting against her sides any time soon. Instead, she raised her flanks when she felt Anon pulling on them, and next thing she knew she felt Anon’s cock sliding right into her dripping pussy, more and more until he was finally hilted inside of her. She looked down, eyes wide as saucers.

“H-how…?” Twilight started to ask, but when she felt Anon’s hips thrust against her she stopped short. “Ohhh, fuck, please. Anon, just fuck me.”

Anon happily complied, thrusting his hips up against Twilight over and over again, filling her dripping pussy up without nary a challenge. She felt his cock sliding along inside of her like it had been molded for this very purpose, rubbing up along all of her insides and anywhere it could practically fit. She was utterly stuffed, just like stuffed crust pizza.

As Anon drilled on, thrusting his hips faster and faster, Twilight collapsed on top of him. She threw her forelegs around the back of his neck, and she moaned and whined into his ear louder and louder with each thrust he took. Extra large didn’t begin to describe it.

“Fuck me, Anon, fuck me!” Twilight shouted, digging her hooves into Anon’s back. “Please, harder! More, more!”

Before too long Twilight felt something inside of her building up, all of that pent up stress and frustration slowly swimming itself to the surface amidst the lust and sex. She knew she was approaching her climax, Anon’s cock simply too thick and too good to do otherwise. She didn’t have much time before she was utterly spent. Anon had to know how he made her feel. She had to use just the right words for this entirely sensual, delicate, and sexy situation.

“Fuck, Anon, I’mma cum!” was all Twilight managed to say stupidly before she felt her pussy cramp up around his cock. Thrust after thrust, Anon still powering through her, she felt herself cum around his cock. She knew she had to have soaked his shaft in her own juices right now, and that they were tripping out of her pussy to coat his balls.

Not too long after Twilight’s explosive climax did she feel Anon’s cock twitch. She knew what was coming, and instead of letting him be the gentlecolt here and ask her where she wanted it, Twilight was already on top of things. Quite literally. She pulled herself from the stallions cock, it swaying side to side as it throbbed hungrily while Twilight lowered herself back onto her belly at the foot of the couch.

Without giving Anon anytime to think and wonder what she was doing, Twilight took his cock in her mouth, deep throating him once again and slurping up all of her juices from his shaft. She then pulled her lips from his cock to press her tongue up against the underside, mouth open wide while her hoof stroked him faster and faster.

“Come on, Anon,” Twilight said breathlessly. “Cum for your little princess. Cover her dirty little face like he whore she is. She demanded extra sauce, so you had better give it to her!”

Twilight asked for extra sauce and she got it. Anon’s cock erupted like a long dormant volcano, spewing his jizz up across Twilight’s face and into her pretty, purple mane, onto her cheeks, and the rest simply landed into her open mouth. Squirt after squirt spewed out until even Twilight’s mouth could handle much more, and she swallowed what she had while she let the rest coat her lips and dribble down her chin. When she figured that Anon was finished, she giggled and poked his cock.

“Now that’s what I call expert delivery and service,” she said.

Anon opened his mouth to reply with another stupid fucking innuendo, but the knock on Twilight’s door stopped him. Both ponies looked over at the door, their eyes widening.

“Um, Twilight?” Spike called on the other side of the door. “I’m back, but I didn’t find that book over at Fluttershy’s. She said you took it back with you.”

“Oh! Silly me!” Twilight said, quickly getting to her hooves and pointing to the kitchen. She whispered to Anon, “there’s a backdoor through the kitchen, hurry!”

“Who is…?” Anon started to ask, but Twilight shoved him towards the kitchen.

“Just go!” she whispered again.

“Call again?” Anon asked as he was trotting for the door. Twilight merely rolled her eyes and shrugged.

When Anon had disappeared out of sight, Twilight quickly pulled her sweat stained lab coat off of her back and used it to wipe off of her face. She then tossed it off to the side and opened the door for Spike.

“Took you long enough,” Spike muttered. He walked passed Twilight and sniffed. “Hey, what’s that smell? Why does your face look all crusty?”

Twilight’s cheeks flushed and she stamped at the floor like an innocent, stupid horse.

“Uh, residue!” she quickly said. “From the foam. I still need a shower.” She saw Spikes questioning look and pushed him further into the house. “Come on, let’s eat. Pizza’s ready.”