Chapters Chapter 1: So crazy it just might work...
"An... alternate dimension, you say?"
"That's right! Previously I used the mirror to journey to Canterlot High and the world of the 'humans' but it seems that Star Swirl's mirror can actually act as a gateway to a myriad of worlds," Twilight's eagerness to explain her most recent discovery had blinded her, as it so often did, to the fact that her one-pony audience probably only had the loosest of grasps on what she was talking about, "Imagine it! An infinite number of possible realities, possible versions of ourselves! This actually presents a remarkable challenge to the unified temporal causality theory proposed by many of the most prominent scientists in the-"
Trixie mulled over the concept for several seconds as Twilight breathlessly bombarded her with a barrage of incomprehensible scientific jargon. The two were eating lunch together, or at least Trixie was eating, at the Ponyville Cafe on a glorious summer's day. The beauty of the day, the chorus of birdsong and refreshing breeze were only soured by the occasional stink-eyed glance that the other patron's threw Trixie's way. The G and PT had yet to live down her rather iffy reputation in Ponyville. Still, eating lunch with the town's beloved librarian-Princess might go some way to restoring her street cred. Perhaps returning to the site of her greatest defeat hadn't been such a bad idea after all. Now if only she could decipher what in Equestria Twilight was yammering on about.
"So you're saying that... on the other side of this... 'magic mirror' thingamajiggy there's... another Trixie?" tried the young magician, prodding unenthusiastically at her hay fries with the plastic fork that the restaurant had provided.
"I'm saying that there might be an infinite number of other Trixies! Some identical to you in morphology and personality and others completely different! Why, we entered into a universe where King Sombra was a benevolent ruler and Princess Celestia was an evil dictator! Can you even imagine? A complete reversal of ethical standards and personal preferences! The possibilities are limitless!" Twilight had not even touched the daffodil and daisy sandwich she had ordered. She seemed too enthused about her newest discoveries to eat.
The two had bumped into one another on Clover Street and had decided, in celebration of Trixie's 'reformation' and Twilight's victory in her most recent adventure, that they should have lunch together. Things had been as awkward as one might have expected such an event to be until Trixie had made the mistake of asking Twilight about the aforementioned adventure. Once a pony pressed one of the purple unicorn's intellectual hot buttons the ensuing verbal tidal wave was almost unstoppable.
"Star Swirl's records spoke of his journeys to hundreds of alternate realities... if one can even call them 'alternate realities'. It remains to be seen if there is a central thread to this cosmic tapestry of divergent possibilities," Twilight grinned, "Our reality might simply be an offshoot from some other reality, everything around us little more than a children's fairy tale to the inhabitants of that world. Or perhaps we truly are the central reality. The real question is-"
"Trixie doesn't care if there's one reality or a gazillion! The Trixie sitting before you is no doubt the Greatest and most Powerful Trixie possible!" exclaimed Trixie, tossing her head proudly. Twilight laughed politely. It seemed the 'Great and Apologetic' Trixie still wielded her enormous ego.
Trixie paused for a moment, the sudden glimmer of a plan forming in the violet pools of her eyes.
"So," Trixie leaned forward and carefully studied Twilight's face, "is this magic mirror in Canterlot Castle... well guarded? Could anypony just walk up and use it?"
Twilight narrowed her eyes, "Now, why would you ask me a question like that?"
"Wha- W-w-well Trixie was just concerned that's all! You said that there was an evil version of Celestia in one of these alternate realities! What if somepony like that came through the mirror and attacked Equestria?! Trixie thinks such a mirror should have guards posted on it!" stammered Trixie, eyeing Twilight nervously to see if the purple unicorn was buying any of this.
There was a long pause filled only with the clinking of fellow patron's cutlery and the distant bird song.
"Oh, no need to worry. A pony would need Starswirl's journal to set the mirror's co-ordinates and open up two-way transit between realities. Without the magic words the mirror is inert," replied Twilight, still looking slightly sceptical.
"So... no guards then... and you said that this... journal is in the castle..." a smile slowly spread across Trixie's cheeks," Ah! Twilight! Trixie just remembered! She has a... um... a dentist's appointment! Trixie has to go!"
With a flurry of her cloak, Trixie took off down Clover Street at full canter.
"Hay! Wait! You didn't pay for your meal! Trixie! Hay!" Twilight's cries rapidly faded into the distance as Trixie charged through Ponyville.
"Step one! Sneak into Canterlot Castle! A difficult task that will require stealth, cunning and finesse! But never fear! Trixie is the top applicant in all those categories and she- WAAAAGH!" Trixie tripped over her own cloak and fell flat on her face in the dirt.
"Ha! Careful there, Great and Powerful Tripsy!" laughed one of the passers-by as Trixie stumbled to her hooves.
"L-l-laugh while you can! Trixie will show all of you!" spluttered Trixie, wiping her face on her cloak. She huffily turned and continued on her way, albeit at a more reasonable pace.
"Step two! Infiltrate this alternate dimension and get in contact with this... other Trixie!" Trixie turned a corner, her caravan was parked up ahead. Time to get packed and ready. Canterlot was quite a journey from here.
"Step three!" she declared, to nopony but herself, "Bring Trixie's double self back to this reality and use her in Trixie's greatest magic act yet!"
She whirled around and glared at the sprawl of the town behind her.
"And step four! Become the greatest magician who ever lived! Twilight was right! The possibilities really are endless!" she gave her haughtiest laugh and set off to enact her most ridiculous, and dangerous, scheme to date.
The Humble and Pious Trixie paced her private chambers, anxiously fluttering her downy new wings . One hour left until her inauguration. One hour until she would formally be crowned as a Princess of Equestria. It still felt like a dream to her. That she, the most lowly of all the earth's creatures, might have ascended to such heights.
She glanced over at the newly framed stained glass window as it caught the sunlight. Trixie. Alicorn Princess Trixie Lulamoon, stared back at her. A glorious and glimmering tribute to Equestria's newest royalty. As much as it pained her to criticize somepony else's hard work she would have to have that window removed. Such garish displays of self aggrandizement would keep her awake at night. She made a mental reminder to go and apologize to the artist personally. The rest of the room was perfectly to her liking. Simple wooden bed, free of such greedy adornments as bed sheets, pillows or blankets. Nothing else furnished the empty stone room. What more could a pony possibly need?
She took a deep breath to calm herself down. King Sombra had assured her repeatedly that there would be no need for her to make a speech during the crowning ceremony and yet the prospect of appearing before hundreds of other ponies filled her with dread. She had always suffered from crushing stage fright, a paralysing affliction that had greatly hampered her journey as Sombra's apprentice. But all that was behind her now. She firmed her resolve, scolding herself for her own gross timidity. All her dearest friends would no doubt be there to lend an encouraging hoof and she owed it to them to put on her bravest face. Flim and Flam, the two most just and scrupulously fair friends a mare could ask for. Sweet Gilda, almost as timid as Trixie herself but with such a gentle heart, a friend who is always willing to lend a helping hoof, or claw as the case may be. Chrysalis, that kindly loving-
"Ahem!"
Trixie was startled out of her reminiscing. She turned to meet the keen and focused gaze of Ditzy Doo, Sombra's personal advisor.
"I take it that you're ready?" snapped the grey pegasus, "No more stumbling about or making a buffoon of yourself as you did during the rehearsal? We certainly can't have you disgracing Sombra any further than you have already."
"N-n-no, I'll be fine... Miss Doo," she stammered. Ditzy was always hunting for a chance to stab her sharp tongue at anypony who displeased her, which was everypony. With her mean attitude and massive intellect, the King's personal advisor was not a pony that it would be wise to disappoint.
"Then perhaps you can stop wasting my time and get to the throne room post-haste. We've had about as many mishaps today as I can bare!" snarled Ditzy, kicking open the door and gesturing dismissively down the hall.
"Um... w-w-well... I w-w-was hoping to m-m-maybe use the b-bathroom before I... w-w-well..." Princess Trixie slowly trailed off, her determination withering beneath Ditzy's sharp and cruel glare.
"Go to the bathroom then. And see if you can find a Princess there who doesn't have a nervous bladder!" Ditzy whirled elegantly, turning on her hooves and storming off into the darkened halls of Sombra's Castle.
"Psst!"
Just as Ditzy turned a corner and disappeared from view a loud hiss echoed through Trixie's chamber.
"What? What was that sound? Who's there?" Trixie called out as a shadow slipped out from behind the door, "Wait... this... this can't be possible! You're... you're... me!"
It was her. Or at least... it was a pony who looked a lot like her. This Trixie was wearing a shabby patchwork cloak that seemed to hide her wings from view. A wizard's hat sat lopsided on the doppelganger's ears. The council of magi had suggested that Princess Trixie wear a similar hat when she had ascended to the rank of arch-mage all those years ago but she had refused. It was ill-befitting and boastful of a master of the magical arts to wear something that might render them visually distinct from the general populace.
"That's right! Trixie is Trixie!" declared the mirror image that stood before her, proudly tossing back her head and laughing conceitedly and then hurriedly hushing herself as she glanced back at the hallway in fear of having alerted some nearby guards, "Trixie is you... from... um... from the future! Trixie has travelled back in time because she... um... she needs your... she needs Trixie's help!"
And with that everything clicked into place for the Princess, "Ahh, of course! I should have thought! I've used magic to travel back in time and meet my past selves before. It stands to reason that I might meet another me from the future. Wait... you need my help?"
"That's right! The very fate of the universe rests on your shoulders! Quick! Follow Trixie! We have much work to do!" grinned the second Trixie, who then promptly became aware of her own facial expression and deliberately picked a more serious looking façade.
"But... you know as well as I do that I can't help you! Time travel magic can't change the future or the past. It's the self fulfilling prophecy syndrome. If there was anything I could do to alter the future then you would not be here to speak to me now! Destiny cannot be rewritten with magic!" Princess Trixie exclaimed in exasperation. Had her future self already forgotten her many failed experiments with chrono-magic?
The other Trixie blinked back at her.
"Oh... no.. uh... Trixie fixed those problems... with magic... We can totally change destiny now... so come on! We have to go before any of the guards Trixie alerted on her way in find us," the magician gave her alternate self an encouraging shove out the door.
"B-b-but... what do you mean you fixed the problems with magic?! Surely that would involve rewriting the very script of the universe itself?! How could such a thing be possible?!" squeaked the Princess as he was jostled down the hallway.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie is the greatest magician to ever live! She makes the impossible possible! Now... hurry... up!" Trixie gave a push to punctuate each of her sentences. Sneaking into Canterlot Castle had been hard enough but Sombra's Castle was more like a fortress. She didn't have much time left to get back to the mirror portal.
"The g-g-greatest? B-b-but... no! That can't be right! I'm nopony special... I mean... I may have some small talent for magic but to even suggest that I might be the greatest is simply preposterous! I'm..."
"Trixie IS the greatest! The best! The ultimate!" there was a fire in this mirror mare's eyes. A fire that caused something to stir deep within the confines of the Princess' heart. A yearning that she had suppressed for far too long, "Trixie is the most powerful unicorn to ever live! And anypony who says different can bite Trixie's flank! Now are you going to help Trixie save the universe or whatever or is Trixie going to have to drag you herself?"
"I... w-w-well... I'd certainly never turn down anypony who sincerely needed my help... certainly when its a m-m-matter of grave importance but... wait... did you say... unicorn? Aaaaaaagh! Wait! Wait! I'll come with you just let me go to the bathroom first! Wait!"
The Great and Powerful Trixie gripped her counterpart's tail firmly in her teeth and dragged her on down the hall.
"Step two complete!" she growled through gritted teeth, "Hard part's over! Only... smooth sailing from here on!"
Chapter 3: No business like show business
"Behold, mere mortals! The Great and Powerful Trixie will astound and amaze you with magic the likes of which has never been seen before! Watch on and be amazed as Trixie transforms herself... into..." Trixie paused. This was the part where her double was supposed to start the drumroll machine and get into position. This silence was disturbing. Trixie cleared her throat and tried again a little louder, "Trixie will transform herself INTO!"
Was the drumroll machine not working properly? Oh well. The show must go on.
She stared out at the crowd that had gathered around her makeshift stage. Mostly only plebs but one or two of the infamous Canterlot unicorn elites. Trixie was sure that some of these ponies paved their driveways with bits. She could stand to make a bundle... if the two of them could pull this off smoothly. The rehearsals may have been a little bit rushed but the Alicorn Princess version of herself had seemed to have understood the gist of things... at least Trixie thought she had... in between stammering and looking confused.
"An Alicorn Princess!" she roared with extra volume to make up for the absence of percussive support. Gasps and murmurs rippled through the crowd of onlookers. A feat that should be impossible even for the most powerful of mages. A trick unlike any other ever attempted. And there would be no fake wings on her alicorn double for neigh-sayers to point at and sneer. Long gone were the days of making oafs gape at trivial temporary hair colour changing spells or rope tricks. Trixie was headed for the big leagues at last.
"Observe closely as Trixie steps into her Alicorn Box and begins her transformation into full alicornhood in mere instants!" she flung open the wooden door of the large black box that stood beside her on the stage, "Now tremble in awe as Trixie steps into the realm... of the Gods themselves!"
Trixie slipped inside the wooden box and slammed the door. Now, all that was left to do was open the secret compartment and switch places with the Princess. Oh! And remember to put the hat and cloak on her alicorn self as well. It was the little details that set Trixie apart from the run of the mill performers. Trixie always went that extra mile to... wait... why was the secret compartment empty? Where was that other Trixie?
Trixie opened the trapdoor and peered under the stage. No... the double wasn't under here either. This... was... not good...
"Uhhh..." Trixie stepped hesitantly out of the magic box into the accusing stares of the audience, "Um... well... Trixie could turn into an alicorn but... um... you know... Trixie's mom always said she loved Trixie just the way Trixie is... um... so... maybe all of you could follow that example and-"
The murmurs of malcontent slowly rose to a crescendo.
"Uh... w-w-well that's not Trixie's only trick! Maybe... you would like to see Trixie eat a pinecone! A whole pinecone! In one... or maybe more than one... bite! How 'bout that! Or a rope that acts like a snake... with... um... fireworks... That's like... almost the realm of the Gods... isn't it?"
It wasn't.
~~~
Trixie scraped the thin layer of fruit juice off of her front hooves. She'd retreated to the relative safety of her caravan to lick her wounds and mourn her fourth most disastrous performance to date. At the very least the ponies in Canterlot were rich enough to throw fresh fruit... not like those Las Pegasus cheap skates. Some of the fruits were even in a good enough condition to serve as Trixie's dinner. She'd managed to store some of them in her hat as she scurried off stage. Always the silver lining. Now if she could only find that miserable, treacherous, two-bit alicorn double.
Trixie's ears twitched as she heard a thump near the back of the small, slightly shabby caravan. As she stalked closer she noticed one of her boxes of props trembling. Trixie narrowed her eyes.
She flipped off the lid to find an azure alicorn curled into a trembling little ball amidst the pinecones, spools of rope, bouquets of flowers and ribbons that Trixie uses for her acts.
"What are you doing in there?" she snapped, jabbing a hoof at the miserable pile of other Trixie.
The snivelling heap peeped up at her from behind one of her wings.
"Um... h-h-hiding..."
"I can see that," snapped Trixie, "And Trixie is terribly sorry to have interrupted your game of one pony hide and seek but she distinctly recalls asking you to help her with the magic act!"
"I c-c-can't..." squeaked the cowering Princess.
"Of course you can! There's nothing you can't do! You're Trixie... aren't you?" Trixie grabbed her double and heaved her out of the prop box, scattering half squashed flowers all over the caravan's dusty wooden floor.
"B-b-but I have s-s-stage fright... I c-c-couldn't possibly go out in front of all those other ponies. I simply couldn't! I mean... appearing in front of ponies for a formal event is one thing but... marching out on stage as a performer is just... I simply couldn't. I'm s-s-sorry I let you down..." the Princess cast her eyes down in shame.
Trixie sighed. She simply couldn't be mad at herself.
"Fine. Trixie forgives you," Trixie put a comforting hoof on her second self's shoulder, "We can work on that stage fright and once we do we'll be rolling in bits."
"Hay! Wait a second! Why am I apologizing to you?! You lied to me! You said we were here to save the universe! And I'm beginning to have serious doubts that this is the future! Why is Queen Celestia's face on the kingdom's bits? Where are your wings? What was that mirror thing you pulled me through?" protested the Princess.
"We are saving the universe! We're saving the universe from a fate worse than death! We're saving the universe and all its inhabitants from failing to appreciate Trixie's brilliance! And this is the future! Your future! As Trixie's gorgeous and beautiful assistant!" Trixie chucked the Princess' chin affectionately. Seeing herself as an alicorn never failed to improve her mood.
Princess Trixie squawked in surprise as a blush spread across her cheeks.
"Wh-wh-what?! I'm n-n-not beautiful or anything! I'm just... normal... less than normal...I... I... I mean... I... wait... mmmmfff!" Trixie silenced her by popping a strawberry into her mouth.
"Don't mind if it's a bit crunchy... it may have gotten some sand on it when it fell on the ground... three second rule you know... Trixie got some decent quality pears here too and a squash... or maybe it's just a pumpkin that got squashed. Either way it'll make a good supper," chuckled The Great and Powerful Trixie, taking off her hat and examining the fruit and vegetables she'd salvaged from the ones that the audience had flung at her, "Here! Come sit on Trixie's bed with her! It's high time Trixie explained things to you..."
Chapter 4: Self satisfaction
"A...a... another dimension?"
"Trixie doesn't usually waste time on the complex details. At the end of the day Trixie thinks you should count yourself lucky! Out of all those possible dimensions you had the good fortune and privilege of encountering the greatest Trixie to ever exist!"
"But I don't think that at all! And I always spend time on complex details! I never rush into any foolhardy ventures!"
"Oh... no... Trixie was referring to herself... to the her that's not you... in the third pony. Wait... now Trixie is getting confused too..."
The two stared blankly at each other for the longest moment. Finally, the Princess broke the silence.
"Well... um... as much as I always try and help a pony in need... I kinda got a coronation ceremony to get back to..." Princess Trixie the Humble started edging her way towards the door.
The Great and Powerful Trixie leapt up, scattering salvaged fruit onto the dusty wooden floor of her caravan.
"Certainly not! Trixie demands that you stay! She needs you for her new trick!" Trixie swept into her counterpart's way, puffing out her chest and standing her ground.
"Wha- You... you can't just expect me to up and give up on my entire life just to be a prop! That's... that's crazy!" Princess Trixie was the most humble and honest pony in all of her version of Equestria but there was a difference between being humble and being a doormat.
"Now, now, now. Trixie didn't say you would go unrewarded. The Great and Generous Trixie is willing to grant you food and board in her magnificent and partially furnished caravan, a full two percent of all future profits during our partnership and... uh..." Trixie paused, glancing around for something she could give away that would not be missed, "Trixie will give you her spare hat and cape! She'll even autograph them for you!"
"I was... going to be inaugurated as a Princess..." her double weakly protested.
"Ugh," Trixie rolled her eyes, "Princess shmincess. Who would worry about something so trivial when the offer of a lifetime was staring you in the face? Fine! Trixie will bump your cut up to four percent and she'll let you sleep in the bed with Trixie instead of sleeping on the floor."
"S-s-sleep... in y-y-your bed... with you?!" the Princess stumbled awkwardly over her words. This whole scenario was bizarre enough but the idea of cuddling up to... herself at night was enough to wash her cheeks with a deep blush and further muddle her already confused mind.
"Ahaha! Got your interest piqued? It's a deal then! Let's shake on it!" Trixie grinned, amiably extending a hoof.
"A d-d-deal? No! You don't understand! I have to go home!" Princess Trixie had never been much good at dealing with these sorts of pushy ponies. She often lacked the confidence to stand up for herself and the G and PT's unrelenting and wilful demands were making her head spin.
"Fine! Five percent!"
"No, I..."
"Six percent!"
"Wait... just..."
"Five percent! Final offer!"
"It's not a question of money!" the Princess squeaked exasperatedly.
"Oh?" Trixie raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "So it's a question of something else then... Trixie has a few ideas..."
The azure unicorn quickly closed the distance between them, bringing her face uncomfortably close to the alicorn's and smiling knowingly. The Princess felt the warmth returning to her cheeks as the magician's breath tickled her nose.
"Trixie noticed how you reacted when Trixie said we'd be sharing a bed~ And if you're anything like Trixie then you definitely swing both ways~ Well, maybe Trixie might be willing to throw in some... other benefits... Trixie really is willing to do almost anything to get you to help her," Trixie reached out, caressing her future assistant's cheek and brushing an idle strand of mane out of the way.
The Princess' breath caught in her throat. This was too weird... this was way too weird... this was way, way, way too weird!
Trixie leaned even closer, whispering coquettishly in the Princess' ear, "Just think of it as masturbation... only way more fun..."
The Princess' heart was pounding in her chest as if it was about to leap out of her mouth and run out the door. Her knees felt weak... why couldn't she just say no....? Her mouth felt so dry... and Trixie's lips were so soft and moist...
"Trixie!"
Both of them jumped, suddenly jolted out of the strangeness of their situation by the loud yell and banging on the caravan's front door.
"Damnit, that sounds like Twilight!" hissed the magician, narrowing her eyes.
"T-T-Twilight? Twilight Sparkle?! The mob enforcer? That thug? What does she want with you?! Do you owe money to Boss Pinkie?!" Princess Trixie stared around in abject panic.
"Uh... yeah! Twilight the thug! You'd best... uh... hide in the prop box over there just in case, okay? Don't come out until the coast is clear," The Great and Powerful Trixie turned and trotted over to caravan's front door.
The Princess scrambled to the back of the caravan filled with fright. She could still remember her last run in with the hulking brute Twilight Sparkle. Stupid and strong. The muscle for Pinkie Pie's cruel and violent gang. She had to get out of here. Her eyes fell on the shuttered window at the very back of the caravan.
Trixie opened the caravan door and stepped out all smiles, "Ahaha! Twilight! Here for Trixie's autograph?"
Twilight was standing drenched in the golden light of sundown. The scowl on her face told Trixie that she had better start getting her excuses straight.
"Hello again, Trixie," said Twilight, grimly, "Did you hear that there was a break in at the castle this morning? Princess Celestia called me over to investigate. Apparently nothing was stolen but the Princess was concerned that somepony might have broken into Star Swirl the Bearded's sealed off private Library. Quite the coincidence, don't you think? The day after we were talking about that place..."
"We also talked about how fantastic Trixie is! And lo, she is even more fantastic today then she was then! Truly, life is a series of small miracles!" It never failed to amaze Twilight that Trixie could be so bad at lying despite doing it so often.
"You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the break in, would you?" asked Twilight, the question was almost rhetorical. She already knew the answer.
"What? No way! Trixie pleads the fifth! She'd never break into anywhere! Trixie didn't do anything! Trixie is innocent!" blurted the magician, glancing back inside to make sure the alicorn had hidden herself.
"The Fifth Amendment of the Equestrian Constitution states that ponies have a right to remain silent... you can't plead the fifth and then say you didn't do it..." sighed Twilight, it was getting dark out. She'd have to make her way back to the suite at the castle soon.
"Well, which is the amendment that says Trixie is innocent until proven guilty? Trixie pleads that one!" declared the proud young magician, stamping the ground in front of her caravan indignantly.
"That's not an amendment. It's a right. Listen , I just came to give you the chance to own up. If you confess I can assure you the punishment will be very lenient. But if you did it... and I'm not necessarily saying that you did... and you lie about it there will be big consequences. Just... think about it, okay? I'll come see you again tomorrow in case there's something you feel you need to tell me," Twilight sighed, turning and walking off.
"Objection! Trixie pleads the sixth! Trixie finds you in contempt of court! Trixie finds you guilty! Objection!" Trixie yelled at the retreating alicon princess. She grinned to herself. Big consequences, yeah right.
Now, time to go back inside and set about seducing herself. Her other self, that is. Trixie was already in love with her real self.