Fucking Breezies.....

by Metallic Scratch

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Random, Comedy
Length: 1401

The Breezies have developed a mutation, and are here to fuck shit up. Celestia refuses to take action and, forces Twilight to deal with the problem. This will eventually lead to an all out war on Equestria. What will be the outcome?

Breezies have developed a mutation, that allows them to have super strength, and lazer beam eyeballs.

My first story, I really wasn't trying to be a wonderful author. That will come later :)
Hope it makes you smile……or giggle…..or chortle…..or snicker….doodle.
*warning language*

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-03 19:00:46 UTC

My dearest Twilight

It was a relaxing after noon, Celestia was sitting outside, on her balcony, slowly lowering the sun. A butler teleported into the room without knocking first.

*Poof*

"HOLY SHIT!" Celestia screamed. She was so shocked by his random appearance, she started and spazzing on the balcony.

The butler simply waited, with a blank expression on his face. Just, not really caring.

*Sigh* "Madame I have your tea, like you reques-"

"Why the fuck, didn't you knock?" The butler kept his bored expression and answered dully.

''Because, you highness, I have better things to do than to wait around till you order something. And when you do order something, I rush to get the core over with. As fast. As. Possible."Celestia could only blink in response.

"Nevertheless, knock before you enter. I was thinking-"

"About what?" The butler rudely interrupted.

Celestia stared in disbelief.Did he just question me? Nopony questions me unless they have a death wish.

"That, is none of your business"

Celestia heard familiar maniacal laughter echo throughout her chamber.

*Poof*

"Why hello Celestia", Discord chimed. Celestia didn't react.

"Aw darn, I was hoping to see you go through another round of combustion" He giggled. Discord stretched and leaned over to the butler, and whispered as loud as he could.

"If you really want to know, she was thinking about how attractive she thinks I am." Celestia turned to him, turning redder than Big Mac.

"Believe me I just checked." He smiled a devilish grin as the butler was smiling his dull smile.

"Tia I understand. I AM very sexy, but unfortunately for you, my heart belongs to Fluttershy." Discord continued laughing at her embarrassed face when suddenly Luna burst through the doors to Celestia's chamber.

"Tia! Its a massive outbreak! There's been a mutation near the home of the breezies!

"What?"

"Yeah some psycho broke out of the mental ward, and dumped 9 hundred tons of radioactive waste!"

" What happened to the breezies ?"

Luna didn't answer at first, she knew that if she told her directly, she may have a heart attack.

Celestia grew impatient by her silence and slapped Luna across the cheek.

" GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER LUNA AND TELL ME. WHAT . THE . FUCK. HAPPEND. TO THE FUCKING . BREEZIES!"

Luna was shocked, Tia only slapped her when SHE was having a mental breakdown.

" Well sister," Luna started." The breezies have grown to the size of a mountain."

Celestia stared at her sister.

" They have been granted a huge amount of physical strength "

Celestia stared at her sister still, waiting for her to continue.

" And they can shoot lasers out of their eyeballs."

Discord who had been silent through the whole conversation, was trying to hold back laughter. The thought of the tiny, innocent, adorable breezies becoming huge death machines was hilarious.

" Oh Celestia this is too much !" He doubled over in laughter.

Celestia turned to him annoyed. " Shut the fuck up Discord."

Discord put his lion paw and eagle talon up and snicked

"Look out, we gotta badass over here "

Celestia ignored the snide comment and turned toward a loud sound that erupted to the right of the balcony.

Luna's pupils shrank.

"Oh......shit. They made it here already.

She walked over to Tia, who wasn't moving.

" Hey Tia, is that your favorite mountain?"

Tia nodded absentmindedly.

" Tia, they totally fucked it up... like they are literately fucking it up."

Off the distance a white and pink breezie was dry humping Celestia's favorite mountain.

Discord was confused, "Why have a favorite mountain?"

Tia walked over to discord, face scrunched up....." why not?"...............

Discord was thoroughly creeped out. And that took a lot, to creep out the master of chaos.

Luna walked over to Celestia and touched her shoulder.

"Sister what are we going to-

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING !"

" Tia, are you well?"

"Yeah, why you ask?"

" Your realize that Equestria will need our help."

Celestia shrugged " Are you kidding me Lulu? I'm totally making Twilight handle this."

Everyone on the balcony was silent.

" Good Idea" They agreed at once.

Then they when back to doing what ever they were doing originally.

Twilight was in her library reading a book peacefully. When suddenly Spike came into the room.

"Hey twi I got--

"HOLY SHIT!" Twilight screamed and started to spazz out on the library floor.

After several minutes of foaming of the mouth and mumbling " potatoes" over and over again, Twilight was able to sit up.

" The fuck spike? You know you are not allowed to sneak up on me, when was the last time I lectured you on my heart attacks?"

"Yesterday"

"Your due for another lecture."

"wait Twi! There is a message from Princess Celestia!"

Twilight ran over to him taking the letter out of his claws and simultaneously body-slamming him against the library wall with her hip.

She read the letter out loud.

" My Dear Twilight"

She stopped and turned to Spike, "did you hear that? I'm her dear twilight!"

Spike was bleeding out of his head. And was not available at this time. Please leave a message af-

"Narrator! Stop breaking the fourth wall" Twilight yelled.

Twilight continued to read the letter aloud.

"There is a horrible catastrophe near the home of the breezies, some asshole broke out of the psycho ward and dumped it on their homeland. The effects are cray-cray Twilight. So don't have another heart attack."

Twilight paused and prepared for the worst.

"The breezies are as huge as a mother f'n mountain, they are strong as the fucking hulk, and they can shoot lazer beams out of their fucking eyeballs! Me and my sister would handle the problem ourselves, but, all this stress has caused the both of us to have....... overly-stressed disorder-ises. Yes Twilight, it is a fatal disease.

"Aw, poor Princess Celestia, I have never heard of that disease, so it must be life-threatening!"

Twilight was more determined than ever to protect Equestria.

"My dear twilight, go get your friends and beat the shit outta those breezies

Your Homie,

Princess Celestia."

Twilight wasted no time.

"Spike! Quit fucking around!"

She picked up his dead carcass, and shook his around. He didn't awaken.

"Uuuugggggggg, why do you always have to be difficult?" Twilight revived him with a spell she used quite often.

"Twilight.......I had the strangest dream--"

"Spike! I don't wanna hear about your weird dreams of the end of the world! I have shit to do! Go and get all my friends and tell them to meet me here in the next ten minutes!"

"Ten Minutes!?"

"Yes! GO!"

"Wait Twi, how in Equestria did you revive me?"

* Sigh*" Spike you know I am the next god in Equestria, that was a simple spell. Now go get everyone!"

"Whatever you say..................

  ===============================================================================================

Eleven minutes later....

" Hey Twi, I got them here as fast as I could."

" You are a minute late Spike! The breezies are destroying the Everfree as we speak! Fuck you Spike!

"OMG Twilight! I have to tell you the most amazing-"

"Not now Pinkie" Twilight mumbled. " We have to go down the secret passageway."

"We have a secret passageway?" Dash asked.

"Yes," Twilight responded with an evil smirk. Twilight stomped twice on the loose floor board, and suddenly a handle emerged from the bookshelf to the left. Twilight pulled the lever and, indeed there was a secret passageway.

"How long has that been there?" Rarity questioned.

"DON'T QUESTION IT, IT'S MAGIC!" Everyone in the room was silent. But only for a moment. Curiosity was unbearable. Twilight led them down the passageway, when they reached the bottom, lights flickered on and revealed a large room, with many weapons of many sorts. Twilight could have saw in the corner of her eye, Pinkie Pie twitch at the sight.

In the middle of the room, was a display case with golden armor. Each having an element of harmony welded in the center.

"The armor is powered by your element, so you might not die." Fluttershy shook.

" We m-might DIE?"

"Possibly"

Fluttershy tried to back out of the passageway, Twilight caught her before she could get locked out.

"Fluttershy don't you dare try to pussy out on this one."

"Sorry Twilight."

"Alright ladies, we have a war to prepare for.!"