The Foals of Harmony: The One Free Stallion

by Rainy Meadows

Rating: teen
Tags: Soarin, Other, Romance, Original Character, Braeburn, Adventure, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 102118

Hex is returned to rid Equestria of the Combine and begin his relationship with Twilight Sparkle.

I never really wanted anything major out of life: find a home where no-one's going to try to kill me, settle down, meet a nice girl, maybe get married and have a couple of kids (or foals, depending on which dimension you'd like). But it seems that Fate decided I was his bitch. Smeg you, Fate. Smeg. YOU.

So now I've not only got to try to push alien invaders out of Equestria, but I'm also trying to recover what little life I lost all that time ago.

Getting some time with Twilight would be nice, too.

My name is Haydon Arthur Baxter, but you can call me Hex.

This is my story.

The sequel to Equestrian Rhapsody (recommended that you read that one first) and second in The Foals of Harmony.

Published 2012-04-07 07:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-01 07:58:14 UTC

Chapter 1 - Point Insertion

Ugh... my head...

I wondered if I had a hangover. So what exactly had I been drinking? All I could remember was a haze...

And in that haze, there were these-these things...

“Rise and shine, Mr Baxter, rise and shine.”

Oh no. Please. Not him.

“Not that I wish to imply that you have been sleeping on the job.”

His face appeared, rather alarmingly close to mine, those aqua eyes almost filling my world. His coat was white, his mane was black, and his suit was blue with a dark red tie. He had no cutie mark.

The G-Colt.

“No-one is more deserving of a rest than you,” he said, “and all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let’s just say your hour has come again.”

I tried to speak. I could feel my mouth opening and closing, and yes, my lips were definitely moving, but no sound was coming out. How the smeg did he know my human name?

“The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world,” said the G-Colt. I had no idea what he meant, but I did know that coming towards me was the inside of a train carriage.

“So wake up, Mr Baxter. Wake up and smell the ashes.”

I woke up.

I was on a train carriage, with only two other ponies. Stallions. I can’t recall at this point exactly what they looked like, just that they were both wearing rather drab blue jackets. I looked down: so was I.

“Didn’t see you get on,” one of them said to me.

“I...” Wasn’t used to talking yet? “...don’t think I did.”

“Hm,” said the stallion. “This is my third transfer this year.”

“No matter how many times I get relocated,” said the other one, “I never get used to it.”

With a squeal, the train pulled to a halt.

“Well,” said the first one, “end of the line.” The two ponies, apparently used to this sort of thing, stepped off the train and onto the platform.

I looked around.

The first thing that struck me was that the station was brown. The trains around me? Brown. The floor under my hooves? Pale brown. The walls? Light brown. I considered that if I stood flat against them I might just be invisible. Also, these weird orb things were floating around everywhere, clicking and flashing and apparently taking pictures, and the walls were covered in propaganda posters.

Mounted on the huge wall was a large screen, showing a middle aged, light blue unicorn with purple eyes and a mane of such pale blue it was almost white.

“Welcome!” she said cheerfully. “Welcome to City 17! You have chosen or been chosen to relocate to one of our finest remaining urban centres. I thought so much of City 17 that I elected to establish my administration here, in the citadel so thoughtfully provided by our benefactors. I have been proud to call City 17 my home. So whether you are here to stay, or passing through on your way to parts unknown, welcome to City 17, it is safer here.”

Somehow, every word she said made me feel like upchucking.

The two other ponies that had been on the train with me were walking through a gate over to the left. A third was being checked over by some rather ominous looking black clad ponies wearing light grey gas masks. They had Civil Protection emblazoned on their sleeves.

“First warning,” one of them said, “move away.”

The civilian reached for a suitcase. “It’s all I have left,” he said.

The police-like ponies shoved him roughly into a luggage rack and said “Move it!”

“Alright, alright,” said the civilian. “I’m moving. Jeez!”

He carried his suitcase through the gate the other two had previously gone through. A worried looking mare was watching from the fence next to the gate.

“Were you the only ones on that train?” she asked.

“Um,” I wasn’t sure what to say again, “I guess so.”

“Overwatch stopped our train in the woods and took my husband for questioning,” the mare explained. “They said he would be on the next train, but I don’t know when that was. They’re being nice and letting me wait, though.”

I walked through the gate, seeing no other place to go.

As I wandered through a food court, I began to sense that not all was well in Equestria, if that indeed was where the G-Colt had decided to place me. Every pony face I saw looked dejected and depressed.

“Don’t drink the water,” one of them said. “They put something in it to make you forget. I don’t remember how I got here.” Another was staring up at a screen not unlike the one I had seen on the main platform, where the blue unicorn was repeating her message.

“Trixie again?” he said. “I was hoping I’d seen the last of her in City 14.”

“Don’t say that too loud,” said a third, “this is her base of operations.”

Trixie? That was a name that rang a bell. Apparently, she’d come to Ponyville calling herself the Great and Powerful Trixie, the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria, and claimed to have saved Hoofington from an Ursa Major. However, she threw a panic attack and Twilight Sparkle – the incredible, intelligent, beautiful Twilight Sparkle – had to step in to save her from an Ursa Minor. Trixie had last been sighted heading out of Ponyville at top speed.

Apparently, whoever was calling the shots now had chosen to give her a position of power. And she was definitely as boastful as Twilight had described.

I looked down to the end of a corridor, where I saw more citizens being led through a checkpoint. There was a scuffle going on between two Civil Protection ponies and a civilian.

“You. Citizen. Come with me.”

“Wa-wait a minute, where are you-“

“GET IN HERE!”

“Go on!”

“Me?”

“I SAID MOVE!”

I definitely didn’t want to go down there.

‘So wait a minute,’ I thought as I explored the station further. ‘How long was I... away? Twilight said that Trixie was about the same age as her and her friends when she turned up, and on that monitor she looked close to middle age. What the hell happened to me? I threw myself at that-that thing and then...’

‘I hope they’re all okay.’

Eventually I came to a fenced in area: an entrance to a platform with a train apparently departing for some place called Nova Discord. ‘Sounds promising,’ I thought. ‘Better check this out.’ Well, I would have done so if a Civil Protection pony wasn’t blocking my path. I went the other way, and when I entered the caged area leading to the platform both doors slammed shut and one of the camera orbs from earlier snapped some pictures of me.

‘Wonder if this is how Sapphire Shores feels,’ I wondered. ‘Or felt.’

“Don’t move,” said another Civil Protection pony, “hold it.”

I didn’t move and I held it, wondering what the smeg was going on.

A side door opened and yet another Civil Protection pony appeared. These guys were everywhere!

“You, citizen,” he said, “come with me.”

He led me down a corridor lined with cells, where ponies were obviously being interrogated. I heard snatches of talking and pleading coming from some of them, usually along the lines of “This must be a mistake. I have a standard relocation coupon just like everypony else.” An observation slot was open, but before I could get a look I was stopped and pushed into an interrogation room. The centrepiece was a chair standing in a pool of drying blood, making me choke back bile, and the wall had upon it a control panel and a screen. There was a camera hanging from the ceiling in the corner, and another door on the other side of the room.

That’s it. I was dead.

“Need any help with this one?” asked the CP who’d brought me.

“No,” said the one who had already been in the room, a pegasus. He was the first I’d seen since my arrival at the station. “I’m good.” And with that, the escort CP departed.

“Back up,” said the one still in the room, and the camera slid into the ceiling.

“Yeah,” he said, “gonna need me some privacy for this one. Now...” He turned to face me and lifted up his mask. I stood where I was, frozen in fear that I would die within five minutes of arriving at this hellhole.

I didn’t know what I expected to find underneath that mask, but it definitely wasn’t a grinning colt in his late teens. His coat was light blue, his mane coloured navy and striped with red and yellow, and his eyes a familiar rose colour.

“About that drink my mom owes ya,” he said.

“Your mum?” I asked. “Drink, what are- Do I know you?”

“Well,” he said, “I’m rather hurt you don’t remember me. After all, you were the one who brought me into this world in the first place.”

I squinted. No, it couldn’t have been...

“Lightning Strike?”

“Yep!”

“Rainbow Dash’s son, Lightning Strike?”

“The one and only!”

“You scared the smeg out of me, you smeghead! But-but you were only about a month old when I- how old are you?”

“Seventeen years young,” the pegasus replied chirpily.

“It’s been seven-“

“Yep. Seventeen years since that... incident.”

“The Combine invasion.”

“That,” said Lightning Strike. He started to prod buttons on the control panel, and the screen above it flickered. “Sorry about that, by the way. Had to put on a show for the cameras. I’ve been working undercover for Civil Protection: can’t take too long or they’ll get suspicious, and I’m way behind on my beating quota as it is.”

An orange earth pony with green eyes, freckles, a blonde mane and a Stetson hat appeared on the screen. She hadn’t aged at all since the last time I’d seen her, and I had never been happier to see her in my life.

“Yeah, Lightnin’, what is it?” she asked.

“Sorry, auntie AJ,” said Lightning, “but I’ve got somepony here you might wanna meet.”

The mare’s eyes turned to me.

“Well, as Ah live and breathe,” she said, “Hex? Ah expected more warnin’!”

“Applejack!” I exclaimed. “Smeg, am I glad to see you!”

“And so you should be,” said Lightning, “he was about to board an express train to Nova Discord.”

“Well, Lightnin’,” said Applejack, “what’re you intendin’ to do?”

“I’m thinking!”

“Twilight’s ‘round here somewhere, she’d have an idea to get him here.”

“What?” I felt my heart skip a beat. “Twilight as in Twilight Sparkle?”

“Who else?” asked Lightning. “As long as you stay away from checkpoints, you should be alright. Listen, I gotta go, auntie AJ, we’re pushing our luck as it is.”

“Alright,” said Applejack. “And Hex? Good to see ya.”

“Good to see you too,” I said, and the screen went blank.

“Okay Hex,” said Lightning, “looks like you’re gonna have to make it to Sweet Apple Basement by yourself.”

“Sweet Apple Basement?” I tried my best not to laugh, but it was pretty difficult.

“Well, it ain’t really a basement,” said Lightning, “but you try getting auntie AJ to change her mind once it’s made up.”

There was a loud knocking at the door.

“Oh, horseapples!” Lightning swore. “This is exactly what I was afraid of! Go out the back way, stack some stuff up to get out the window, keep going till you get to the plaza! Quick, before you blow my cover, I’ll meet up with you later!”

I pulled open the other door and desperately scrambled up some rusting steps and leapt out a window onto a wooden crate which promptly broke under my weight. It most likely wouldn’t have in normal circumstances, but I had landed on it from a height of about four metres.

Somehow I found my way back into the station. I had a brief moment of panic when I ran into a CP pony, but all he wanted me to do was but a drink can in the bin that he had knocked onto the floor, the smegging dick. I made my way through the waiting room and out into what Lightning had referred to as the plaza.

It was a plaza. There was a column in a small garden in the centre, and upon it a screen which depicted Trixie apparently answering a few letters, and I choked again. I looked above it, and saw what was undoubtedly the tallest building I had ever seen in my whole life. It was a towering mass of blue steel, stretching so far into the sky that the pinnacle was lost in the clouds. Clouds – evidently the weather pegasi were no longer in employment.

There was only one way out, and that was down a street to the right. I froze when I saw a CP barricade right up ahead, but I was in luck: there was an alley right next to me. It was blocked by a chain link fence, but there was also a ladder, a platform and a crate on the other side to break my fall.

‘Luck by my lady tonight,’ I said in the privacy of my thoughts.

I instantly regretted it at the next place I came to.

It was a blood-drenched children’s playground which evidently hadn’t been used in seventeen years.

I didn’t know whether to cry (like a stallion) or throw up. There was a lump in my throat which could easily go either way. There was a burnt and broken baby doll in the corner of a flower bed, slowly replaying its cutesy message over and over again. I felt myself shudder in horror.

Damn the Combine! There was no reason for this! This was-this was evil. I couldn’t bear to stay here a second longer. I cantered through the playground and into a nearby apartment building.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire. The structure was swarming with CP ponies, and just as many civilians. Many were bucks comforting weeping mares.

I went up several stories before I almost bumped right into a pair of CPs.

“Psst!” said a pony behind me. “In here!”

Glad of the escape, I ran into the apartment and the door was slammed behind me.

“Run for the roof!” said the stallion who’d pulled me in. “There’s no time to lose!”

“Run for your life!” shouted somepony else. “Civil Protection!”

I ran for the roof, and heard the clopping of hooves right behind me. Evidently it was the most direct escape route. I darted into another apartment, happy for the cover, and another pony pressed his body weight against the door.

“Head for the roof!” he shouted. “I’ll keep ‘em busy!”

I wondered if my hooves ever touched the floor as I galloped up the stairs and out onto rooftops, panting my lungs out.

A bullet rebounded off a tile and grazed my ear.

Great. They were shooting at me. I started a madcap dash across the rooftops of City 17 as another PINGED off my horn.

Eventually I reached an open window and leapt into an attic. There was a stairway leading down, so down I went, and heard the wood give way behind me as I found myself in a corridor with a door at either end.

And then the doors at either end bust open in front of the hordes of CPs, who warmed up their electrical truncheons. One hit me on the head and everything went white.

“Over here!”

The voice. It couldn’t be...

“Ha! No you don’t!”

It was!

There was a series of thumps and a small magical explosion, and then silence.

“Thought so.”

The whiteness faded and I was finally able to see the face of my saviour. And I was right. Again.

“Let me guess,” said Twilight Sparkle, “Hex?”

I rolled over and prised myself up off the floor.

“Just because that’s what you said when we first met!” I said. “Holy smeg, you haven’t changed one iota!”

Twilight ran a nervous hoof through her beautiful indigo mane.

“Well,” she said, “that’s because-“

There was the crackle of a CP voice from somewhere lower down.

“We’d better hurry,” said the gorgeous purple unicorn. “The Combine can be slow to wake, but once they’re up you’ll have a hard time taking them down.” She opened an elevator and the two of us stepped inside and began our descent.

“Did you invent some kind of anti-aging spell?” I asked. “’Coz I was just talking to Applejack and she didn’t look a bit different.”

“Um,” said Twilight, “promise you won’t get angry?”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly,” I said, “stick a cupcake in my – ouch!” I rubbed my eye where I’d prodded it.

“Well,” Twilight said, “when the Combine invaded, we needed a way to make sure we weren’t going to die very easily so we... kinda broke into your store and stole all your nanites.” She grinned anxiously.

“I don’t blame you,” I said. “Wanting to stay the same. I’ve just met about a billion ponies who want exactly that. Though I don’t see why you had to break in.”

“The door was locked and the teleporter was busted.”

“Oh.”

“Think of it this way,” said Twilight as she laid a hoof on my shoulder, “I stole your nanites as repayment for you stealing my heart.”

I tried hard not to laugh at her blush.

“Like I said,” I said as the elevator drew to a halt, “I don’t blame you.”

We stepped out of the opening doors and Twilight led me through a veritable maze of corridors, all emblazoned with posters of the aforementioned Trixie. Twilight scoffed with disgust was we passed them.

“Don’t get my friends started on Trixie,” she said.

“I guess,” I said, “if she really wanted to be Great and Powerful she’d have done whatever it took.”

“Like I said,” said Twilight, “don’t get started.”

Chapter 2 - A Red Letter Day

“Funny you showing up on this day in particular,” said Twilight as I followed her. “We’ve been helping ponies escape the city on foot. It’s a pretty dangerous route to the Doctor’s lab through the old canals, and we’re finally on the verge of an easier way.”

She stopped. We had reached a room with a single vending machine for soda propped against the wall.

“Here,” said Twilight, “let me buy you a drink.” She pressed a code of buttons into the vendor, and the front swung back to reveal a hidden door. Smeg, these ponies were smart.

“Oh, and by the way, it’s good to have you back.”

It was my turn to blush as we entered Sweet Apple Basement.

It had the appearance of what had once been a rather tidy workspace. There was a desk covered in the normal kind of clutter everypony finds on a desk: overflowing stacks of papers, the odd idle machine etc. There was also a tank containing something I didn’t recognise, and a slightly tatty red rug on the floor. In addition, next to a suspiciously blank piece of wall was a crooked photograph showing a certain six ponies in their mid-to-late teens, seated around a table covered in crumbs, wearing messy ballgowns and laughing their flanks off.

“Presley! Presley? Dang that- where in tarnation’s he got to now? Presley? Come outta there!”

“Uh-oh,” said Twilight. “Applejack? Is everything okay?”

“Oh,” said Applejack, straightening up, “hey there Twi, din’t see you there. It’s almost okay; Presley’s got outta his crate again. If Ah din’t know better, Ah’d almost say Lightnin’ was trappin’ and... well, Ah’ll be a son of a parasprite. Hex! It is you, isn’t it?”

Before I could say or do anything, she had pulled me into a hug.

“I found him wandering around outside,” Twilight explained. “Bit of a troublemaker, isn’t he?”

“We owe a great deal ta you, Hex,” said Applejack as she released me, “even if Trouble is your middle name.”

“No it isn’t,” I said, “it’s Arthur.”

“I gotta say, Hex,” said Applejack, “you’ve arrived at an opportune time. Twi’s just installed the last piece of the resurrected teleporter.”

“No,” said Twilight, “I can’t take any credit. We were only following the Doctor’s blueprints.”

“Why d’you have to be so humble, Twi?” asked Applejack, rolling her eyes.

“Let’s just see if this things works,” said Twilight.

It was at that moment that Lightning Strike saw fit to enter the room.

“Well?” he said. “Is he here?”

“You mean me?” I asked.

“Man, Hex, you stirred up the hive! We can’t keep him here long, auntie AJ, it’ll jeopardize everything we’ve been working for.”

“Not to worry,” said Twilight, “He’s coming with me.”

“That’s right,” said Applejack, “this here’s a red letter day! We’re ‘bout to inaugurate that there teleporter with a double transmission.”

“You mean it’s working?” asked Lightning. “For real this time? ‘Coz I’m still having nightmares about Opalescence.”

“Uh, what about Opalescence?” I asked, and Twilight shrugged.

“Not to worry, Lightnin’,” said Applejack, “the Doc says we’ve made a whole lotta major strides since then.”

“Um,” I said, “what’s this about Opalescence?”

“I have no idea,” Twilight said to me.

“Auntie AJ?” said Lightning. “Since Hex ain’t in the streets any more, d’you think we could see to getting him outta that daggy jacket?”

“What?” said Applejack. “Oh yeah, almost forgot. Lightnin’, Ah’m givin’ you the honour.”

“I gotta get back to my shift,” said Lightning, “but alright.” He used a keypad to open a garage like door, and inside was a glass case containing nothing other than an HEV suit. I was completely in awe.

“Wow!” I said (screw maturity, this was cool). “This is for me? That’s awesome! And you’re just giving it to me?”

“How else are you going to AARGH!”

Lightning’s comment was cut off when a headcrab, the first I had seen in seventeen years, leapt off the top of the case and onto his head and I jumped back in horror. One of them? Here?

“Damn it!” shouted Lightning. “Get this thing off me!”

“Presley!” Applejack’s voice was unusually stern. “Now you get off Lightnin’ before you do somethin’ y'all regret.” Reluctantly, the headcrab jumped off Lightning and onto a nearby cabinet.

“Not quite Fluttershy level, but it does the trick,” she said.

“Auntie AJ!” said Lightning, and he wasn’t happy. “I thought you were gonna get rid of that damn parasite!”

“Ah’d like to see ya try to make me,” said Applejack. “Nothin’ to worry ‘bout, Hex, Presley here is debeaked and completely harmless. The worst he might try to do is, uh, mate with your head. Fruitlessly.” Presley gave an approving screech.

“Just get it away from me,” said Lightning.

“Over here, Presley,” Applejack said as she removed her Stetson (a rare moment) to make room for her pet, “c’mon down!”

Presley obviously thought ‘Nope, not gonna happen’ as he leapt instead onto a raised platform stacked high with crates – some of which crashed to the floor – and crawled into a ventilation shaft.

“Aw, horseapples,” Applejack swore. “It’s gonna be another week before Ah can coax him outta there again!”

“Longer, if we’re lucky,” said Lightning.

“I take it he’s not an animal person,” I whispered to Twilight.

“You have no idea,” she murmured back.

“No reason to wait any longer,” said Applejack, “you gonna get into that suit, Hex, or does Twilight have to put it on for you?”

“No,” I said, “I think I can manage.” I saw the obvious and badly hidden disappointment in the purple unicorn’s eyes, so to make up for it I didn’t object to her watching me take off the jacket and climb into the suit. Hey, what’re friends for? Not that I considered her just a friend - I wanted her to see.

“Ah see it fits you like a glove,” said Applejack. “Well, the glove parts do, anyway. The Doc made a few minor adjustments, but let me just acquaint you with the details.”

“Let me, Applejack,” said Twilight, and she floated the clipboard over. I smirked – even seventeen years on, she never missed an opportunity to read.

“The Mark V Hazardous Environment Suit has been redesigned for comfort and utility-“

She stopped in mid sentence when a loud alarm began to blare it’s presence.

“Oh, now see, that’s what I was afraid of,” said Lightning. “We don’t have time for this! At least get that thing juiced up, Hex.”

“There’s a charger on the wall just over there,” said Applejack, pointing at what looked like a small engine sticking out of the wall. “The Doc modified your suit to draw power from Combine chargers. You’ll find ‘em wherever they patrol.”

“Meanwhile,” said Twilight, “let’s get this show on the road.”

While I waited for the suit to charge up, Applejack straightened the photo on the wall, when then moved aside to reveal a retinal scanner. ‘Wow,’ I thought. ‘Whoever this Doctor is, he must be a genius.’ The lasers took a scan of the earth pony’s eyes and what I had thought was a suspiciously blank patch of wall slid aside to reveal another room. Inside was a large mess of computers and wires along with a platform in the middle of the room, which Twilight got onto, and a set of guard rails closed behind her.

“Hex, you stand by that panel there,” said Applejack, “and wait for my signal.”

A screen on the wall flickered into life and an earth pony appeared. He had a golden brown coat, a brown mane and blue eyes. His cutie mark was an hourglass with golden sand pouring through it.

“Applejack, you there?” he asked in a voice that was harrowingly familiar.

“We’re here, Doc,” Applejack told him. “Sorry, we had a bit of a hold up on this end. Look who decided to show up!”

The stallion looked to me, so I gave him an experimental wave and said “Hello! I’m Hex.”

“You’re not who I think you are, are you?” he asked.

“He sure is, Doctor,” said Applejack. “We’re gonna send him and Twilight straight to you, then y’all can introduce yourselves properly.”

“Are you and Rarity ready for us, Doctor?” asked Twilight.

“All set this end,” said the Doctor, because who the smeg else could it have been?

“Then let’s get started,” I said.

The platform Twilight was standing on began to slowly rise off the ground, emitting a low pitched hum.

“Okay,” said the Doctor, “let’s see: the massless field flux should self limit and I have clamped the manifold parameters to include CY Hilbert and GC orbitfold inclusive. Conditions could not be more ideal.”

“Um,” said Lightning, “isn’t that, like, exactly what you said last time?”

“Uh, yeah, about Opalescence?” asked Twilight.

“Initializin’ in three, two-“

The panel next to me exploded in sparks and a plug dropped out of a socket, right next to my right eye.

“Aw, horseapples,” Applejack swore, “what now?”

“Um, Applejack?” said Twilight. “The plug?”

“I’ll take care of it,” I said, and I levitated the plug back into its socket.

“You gonna let Hex throw the switch?” asked Lightning.

“Go right ahead, Hex,” said the Doctor, and I flicked the switch next to the plug with my hoof.

“Final sequence commencing now.”

“I’m not looking,” said Lightning, peeking out from behind his foreleg.

“Uh, okay,” said Twilight. She stared at the platform uncertainly, screamed, and vanished.

“Did it work?” asked Applejack.

“See for yourself,” said the Doctor, and Twilight leaned over his shoulder to wave at us.

“Hey Applejack!” she said. “Hey Hex! Hey Lightning!”

“Hello, auntie Twilight,” said Lightning in the average ‘bored teenager’ voice.

“Good job, Hex,” said the Doctor. “Throwing that switch and all that? I can see that your years of poring over science books really pay for themselves.” I gritted my teeth and forced a smile at the irony.

“Your turn, Lightnin’,” said Applejack as I stepped onto the lowered platform and the guardrails dropped behind me.

“Gee thanks, auntie AJ,” said Lighting, and he took up position where I had stood mere moments ago, just as the same alarm from earlier began to blare into the room.

“And not a moment too soon,” I pointed out.

“Excellent,” said the Doctor as the platform began to rise, “initializing in three, two- would you be so kind?”

“Good luck out there, Hex,” said Lightning.

“Amen to that,” said Applejack. “We’re ready to project you, Hex, bon voyage and best of luck in your future adventures, final seque-“

Another alarm began to resound, but this one sounded a lot more local. I watched in horror as Presley, Applejack’s prized pet headcrab, leapt out of a vent in the ceiling and tore out some wires connected to the teleporter.

“What is it?!” Applejack demanded.

“It’s your bucking headhumper! What did you think it was?” asked Lightning.

“Presley? Elvis! No!”

Lightning shouted “Look out!” at about the same moment that Presley leapt at my head and the teleporter malfunctioned spectacularly. Suddenly, I was on a beach, and Presley was happily lunging at a murder of crows that had settled there, and moments later I was back in Sweet Apple Basement again.

“He’s back!” shouted Lightning.

“Is Presley with him?” asked Applejack.

“Forget about that thing,” I said, “and smegging help me!”

Then, in another flash, I was at my intended destination, with the Doctor, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity looking on with faces of concern.

“He’s coming through!” shouted Twilight.

“Rarity, any ideas what’s going on?” asked the Doctor.

“I’m not sure,” said the white unicorn, “it seems to be some kind of interference.”

“Just stay put, Hex, we’ll get you out of there,” said the Doctor.

“Easy enough for you to say!” I shouted before Rarity yelled “Something’s pulling him away!” and then I was in a rather dull office. There was a desk, a monitor behind it, and a familiar blue unicorn seated at a fancy chair.

“What is the meaning of this?” she demanded. “Who are you? How did you get in here?”

Just like that, I was gone, and this time I was back in Sweet Apple Basement again. I swore, if anything else unexpected happened after this, I was going to smegging lose it.

“He’s back!” Lightning shouted. “Screw this; I’m getting him out of there!”

“Yes, yes!” I said. “Get him the smeg out of here!”

“You can’t just walk in and out again!” said Applejack. “The field would crumble you like a cookie!”

“We just lost Hex,” said Twilight, “what the hay is going on?”

“That’s a very good question, Twi,” said Applejack, “I think we’re getting some kind of interference. Don’t worry, Hex, we’ll-“

BAM! And I was back in the Doctor’s lab again.

“There he is!” Twilight cried as Rarity said, once again, “We’re losing him!”

BAM! Trixie’s office again. She was talking into the monitor to a creature which looked like a cross between a maggot and an elephant seal.

“The stallion I saw,” said Trixie, “I’m all but certain it was-“She swivelled around in her chair, and her eyes narrowed dangerously as she uttered the word “Hex.”

BAM! Now I was in the middle of the ocean. An alien shark was about to eat-

BAM! I was outside a window, looking through at Applejack’s back.

“What d’you mean he ain’t there?” I heard her asking.

“He didn’t come through,” said the Doctor, through another screen that was displaying his face.

“Then where is he?”

“Have you tried looking behind you?”

Applejack spun around and cried out in fright. I didn’t want to think what I must look like after where I had just been.

“Shut it down!” the Doctor commanded. “Shut. It. Down. Now!”

Finally, I was able to move properly again. I sucked in great greedy lungfuls of air; dirty though it was, I didn’t know how much more of it I would live to breathe.

“Hex, run!” shouted Applejack. “You have to get outta here, or you’ll blow our cover!”

“Get down and outta sight!” I heard Lightning yell. “I’ll come and find you!”

So I ran like hell, making my way through the area around the building. I came to an area of concrete, with a ledge up above me, and I could clearly see the gargantuan steel skyscraper, which for some reason was changing shape.

“Hex!”

I looked up and saw Lightning Strike standing on the ledge above me. He had a crowbar cupped in his wing.

“The Citadel’s on high alert!” he shouted. “I’ve never seen it lit up like that! You’re gonna have to take the route through the old canals to the Doctor’s lab; it’s pretty dangerous, but there’s a bunch of resistance members running the underground railroad! I’d come with you, but I gotta look after auntie AJ!”

“Anything else?” I asked.

“Oh yeah!” said Lightning. “The Doc said you might be able to make use of this.”

He threw down a crowbar, which I gratefully caught with my telekinesis.

“Thank you!” I shouted.

“Don’t mention it!” Lightning replied. “Good luck out there, Hex! You’re gonna need it more than anything. Except perhaps a gun! I’ll see you later!” And with that, he re-entered Sweet Apple Basement, and I started to make my way through the underbelly of City 17.

Chapter 3 - Route Kanal

He’d been running for so long. He couldn’t even remember when he’d started.

They’d got her. They’d captured Twilight. He was never going to see her again, and not just because he was about to die.

Damn these stubby little legs! Why couldn’t he have been born a pony? Not only would Rarity have been more interested in him, but also he would have been able to run faster!

Wait...

What the hay was that thing?

It looked like a box. A big blue box. It had windows near the top, underneath a sign reading Police Public Call Box, and there was a sign on one side. His wide, fearful eyes quickly scanned the writing:

POLICE TELEPHONE
FREE
for use of
PUBLIC
Advice & Assistance
Obtainable Immediately
Officer & Cars
Respond To All Calls
PULL TO OPEN

‘Don’t mind if I do,’ he thought. He yanked open the door, jumped into the box and slammed it closed as the gunfire started.

Then he stared. Stared that the massive room somehow contained within the limits of the wooden box, which on the outside was about the same size as a wardrobe, and stared at the brown stallion who had been examining a control panel, and was now staring right back.

“Who are you?” he asked. “What are you doing in my TARDIS?”

The intruder had no idea how to respond, so he passed out from lack of breath instead. As he did so the stallion asked;

“Are you-are you a dragon?!”

“Help me! Stop, we didn’t do anything!”

I looked around the corner and saw two CP ponies savagely beating a mare’s husband, and they were forcing her to watch. The memory of the playground flashed through my head, and I ran up to the officers and walloped them with my new crowbar. One of them pulled a pistol on me, so I bucked him in the face and slammed the business end of the crowbar into his forehead.

It was probably something to do with the Combine, but it took quite a bit of effort to just lift the crowbar, let alone attack with it. They had most likely done something to weaken unicorn magic.

“They’ll be looking for you now,” said the mare as I picked up the CP’s gun. “You’ve gotta run: there’s nothing else you can do here.”

As I slid the gun into a holster thoughtfully built into my HEV suit (and continued running) I was somehow reminded of Rainbow Dash. We hadn’t seen anything of each other for seventeen years now (well for me it could have been seventeen seconds) and I wondered if she was okay. I knew Applejack and Twilight were alright – and Rarity of course, although I’d only caught a couple of glimpses of her – but what about Rainbow, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy? I made a mental note to ask about the lot of them as soon as I got to the Doctor’s lab.

Also, Lightning Strike hadn’t been kidding when he said I’d need good luck! So far I’d been shot at by Civil Protection, temporarily blinded by floating orb camera flashes more times than I would like to count and, to top it off, almost hit by a train, and I wasn’t sure I’d pulled my foreleg out of the way in time. And it wasn’t even lunchtime yet! I considered that my suit must have some kind of inbuilt magnetism thingy, since only half the bullets were actually hitting me and very few were doing damage. But it wasn’t surprising if this Doctor really was who I thought he was.

And what about Spike? What in smeg’s name had happened to him?

I considered that Trixie would be pretty peeved if she found out about the nanites. Speaking of which, I’d been finding vials of the little guys in nooks all over the place, sometimes with med kits as well. And judging by the things I had seen in Sweet Apple Basement, the nanites weren’t all Twilight had nicked.

Still, I could hardly blame her for wanting to stay alive.

Wait, do you think maybe she did it for me? That she wanted to stay how I’d remember her so that we could pick up where we’d left off when/if I came back?

Gods, I love her so much. Every time I see her I feel like my heart’s going to explode.

The last time I had seen her before that incident, she was recovering from some pretty serious PTSD following abduction and near murder by a psycho alicorn with a twisted sense of sadistic humour. I didn’t know what she’d done to Twilight, nor did I want to find out, but Twilight had almost torn herself and the library apart when her magic went out of control. Smeg, when we pulled her out of that place her horn had been broken off almost completely. She was only just starting to get better when it happened.

And worst of all, it was my fault. All of this was entirely my fault. It was my GLaDOS, my project, and my choice to give it sentience and control over the rift. But then, how was I to know it’d tear a whole in this universe and practically roll out a red carpet for the Combine? That was exactly what Twilight would say. Something like that, anyway.

It was thinking thoughts like these that took my mind off the fact that I was working my way through the slums of a city I had never visited in my life – equine or otherwise – and I was being pursued by the smegging Thought Police. If this was George Orwell’s idea of a dystopian future, I definitely didn’t want in.

Make that almost hit by a train twice. Luckily it had drawn to a halt and I had been able to jump across it like a stepping stone to get to a ladder which had broken in half and was hanging off the wall on the other side of a channel which had been cut into the ground for a railway. I’d just got to the other side when the CP ponies chasing me saw the imaginary target on my HEV suit and started to shoot at it, so I weaved my way through an empty house and heaps of shipping containers to avoid the bullets.

Then I jumped back down and was right in front of a tunnel. I kept jumping across the tracks into alcoves to avoid getting hit – I wanted to try not to shoot too many CP ponies. Not because I didn’t want to kill them; I realised with horror that it was because I would need the bullets for later. I’d barely been in this city for an hour and it was already changing me.

I ran through some maintenance areas around the train tracks and left the tunnel to find four CPs coming up to kill me, and a train thundering up the tracks behind them. Reflexes took me over and I dived through a fence to my right and onto half a catwalk which lead to a locked door.

Averting my eyes did nothing to save me from hearing the sickening crunching of bones as the train thundered over the now lifeless bodies of the CPs. I looked down and saw that the canal below was thankfully rather full of water. I dived in, and almost immediately the suit’s auxiliary power kicked in and started to monitor my oxygen level. When it told me I was about to drown I resurfaced, gasping for air: I wanted to spend as much time as possible under the water so that the CPs wouldn’t see me, and if they did their bullets would be slowed down by the water. Plus, it was washing away some of the blood that had become caked on my suit.

I hadn’t seen a unicorn among them yet, so how the smeg did they pull the triggers on those guns?

I climbed out of the water and onto semi-dry land. There was a shipping container blocking a large tunnel up ahead. There was a ladder on the side, so I climbed up and saw that a hatch in the top was open, so I dropped down inside.

There were two living beings inside (Yes, living beings; I don’t know how else to describe them). One was what I only just recognized as a diamond dog: the jewel crazy, unintelligent canines that had kidnapped Rarity and had been driven insane by her whining – I still laugh, inside at least, when I remember that story – only it was different. It was tall and skinny, and its’ eyes were red and looked as if they were glowing. It stood on its’ hind legs; its’ tail was almost nonexistent and it had no fur, having skin which was a mottled sort of khaki green. It stood with a single glowing claw over a small TV, which I swear was showing the G-Colt before it flickered off.

The other was one of the largest stallions I’d ever seen. Seriously, this guy was huge. His coat was deep red, and his mane was a sort of dirty orange colour. His cutie mark was half an apple. He was wearing a chunky horse collar around his neck.

“What in tarnation?” he said as I dropped in (literally). “Guess those sirens are for you. Good thing you found us, you’re not the first to come this way by a-“

“This is the Haydon Baxter,” said the diamond dog. “The reckoning of the Combine is upon us.”

Oooooookay...

“You’re Big Macintosh, aren’t you?” I asked. “Applejack’s brother.”

“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh. “But right now Ah’m just a lookout for the underground railroad. Main station’s right round the corner. They’ll get you on the right path. Meanwhile, let my demon dog friend here give you a boost.”

The diamond dogs’ paw glowed green and my HEV suit suddenly felt a lot more powerful, and it said “That is all we can spare”. Big Macintosh pulled aside a sliding section of the container’s wall and peered cautiously at the world outside.

“You’re gonna wanna be careful,” he said, “we can not be noticed right now. CPs catch you down here, it’ll spell doom for the whole railroad.”

“We serve the same mystery,” said the demon dog.

“Go on,” said Big Macintosh, “git.”

I jumped out of the open container and into an area which was sheltered under a roof which was apparently made of cars. I ducked through a hole underneath a pile, avoided a blazing fire and found myself face to face with a fence. There was a rock blocking what was clearly the only way through, and it was far too heavy to move, but the busted vehicles pressing down on the wood were heavy and the wood itself was straining under the weight.

What I really wanted to do was whip out my crowbar and prise the whole thing apart, but it was pretty strenuous work. I’d have to buck this thing down and hope it didn’t crush me.

Wham! Hey, that was a pretty good hit!

Wham! Alright, so I wasn’t about to clear an entire apple orchard, but at least I was making some headway with this wood.

Wham! The wood gave an agonising creak. I glanced at the fence and saw cracks spreading across the surface of the wood like a disease. I’d give this thing one more good kick and dive out of the way.

Wham! CRUNCH! That was a stupid plan. I didn’t have time to dive out of the way, so I lay on the ground with my hooves over my head and waited for the crashing to stop. When I opened my eyes the fence had been completely obliterated, so I ran under and away before the pile-up could complete its journey to the ground.

I hoped I wouldn’t see any more Civil Protection ponies in the near future. I’d never been very fond of police, even in my home world. My dad had been a cop and he seemed to think he was still at work when he was at home

My brother Jasen had wanted to be a cop, just like Daddy. We’d both gone up to him and told him what we wanted to be when we grew up, and when Jasen uttered those words I had never seen my father so proud. Then I’d said that I wanted to be a bookkeeper. It was a lot more peaceful than police officering.

I’d never seen Dad so disappointed in my whole life.

Smegging blimey, it seemed like forever ago. I was a completely different person back then. More than that, I was a completely different genus.

In all my days of existence, I’ve never felt more comfortable than when I’m around books. I’m a lot like Twilight in that respect. Hell, when we first met, I thought she might have been a parallel version of me – intelligent, strong willed, witty, and cool as a cucumber no matter how serious the situation may be; she’s more like me than I ever was.

Only, she’s so much stronger than me. Right now I could barely lift a crowbar, and from what I’d heard she’d saved the world from eternal night, single-hoofedly lulled a raging Ursa Minor back to sleep, saved her friends and defeated the chaos god that had corrupted them all... I could never hope to be half the pony she was.

I didn’t deserve Twilight. She was everything, and I was a big streak of nothing. I mean, ‘I don’t blame you”; what kind of a catchphrase is that?

This big streak of nothing emerged into a large open area, in the shape of a very large T. There was a tunnel to my left, but it was blocked by another pile of cars and stuff. A walkway ran along the wall ahead and appeared to lead over the heap, but part of it was a raised sheet of aluminium. To my immediate right, smack on the corner, was a large pipe with a metal grate over it.

A stallion I didn’t recognise ran up to the grate and started to slam his hooves on it in a desperate attempt to get it open. He didn’t see me because he was too preoccupied with the CPs who were chasing him down.

“Wait,” he said, “what are you – no, please, don’t shoot!”

Those were his last words. The CPs gunshots echoed through the pipe and the stallion slumped against the grate and slowly slid down to the curved floor. The CPs then moved on to slay the rest of the resistance ponies in the station.

I looked around the corner and saw a raised platform of concrete. On the top were the two CPs and a mounted machine gun. Also, I saw a pipe entrance which presumably led to the same area they’d had investigated.

I examined the area under the platform. If I could teleport under it like I’ve seen Twilight do, then I might just be able to get into that pipe without being seen by the one that was manning the mounted gun. On the other hoof I could run straight out there and get turned into Swiss cheese, which was a thought with all the appeal of curried chocolate (I wouldn’t put it past Pinkie Pie to come up with a foodstuff like that, and she’d most likely enjoy it).

It couldn’t be too hard – apparently it’s a spell Twilight could do in her sleep. I fixed the image of my destination firmly in my head and concentrated. I felt the power growing, welling up inside me like an erupting volcano-

-and when I opened my eyes again I was right underneath the mounted gun, and neither of the CPs had seen me. Celestia be praised, it had worked!

Now I just had to get to that pipe. The reason I hadn’t teleported there in the first place was because I hadn’t known what the inside looked like.

I galloped hell for leather into the pipe and got out of the way just as the bullets started, and I didn’t stop moving until I reached the station the two had been defending. Apparently it hadn’t occurred to them to leave a guard or anything.

Then I froze.

A deep red puddle was slowly spreading across the floor underneath me.

In the adrenaline rush of running from the CPs, I hadn't noticed being shot in my back ankle, and when I looked I saw a gaping hole which was happily pumping blood over my hoof. I most likely hadn’t felt it because of the suit’s automatic morphine administration. For the first time since leaving Sweet Apple Basement, I checked the PFM (Physical Functions Monitor) that was built into my suit.

It was telling me that I had a major laceration in my right hind leg, multiple contusions to the facial and chest region and a fractured foreleg. In short, I had a nasty bullet wound in my back leg, bruises on my chest and face and another broken foreleg. I was also suffering from massive fatigue due to the teleporting spell. And it wasn’t even 3pm: not a bad day.

Not a bad day to die of blood loss, that is.

I was never going to see Twilight again. That was my one and only regret: I was never going to be able to tell her how I really felt about her, how I loved her more than I had ever loved anything or anypony in my entire life. I knew crushes – I’d had a few, been under a few, and never wanted to go there again – and this was definitely not a crush. I loved her with all my heart. And I’d never see her again.

Then I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, a small vial of luminescent green fluid. I telekinetically pulled it over and almost collapsed in relief.

Nanites! Precious nanites! Celestia and Luna bless you, Twilight Sparkle, you magnificent mare, you! She’d nicked my copying spell and used it on the nanites, and I didn’t blame her because it meant I could inject them into my flank like this.

Almost immediately, I felt the freezing microscopic miracle workers doing their job. See, nanites are miniscule robots that can repair a broken finger in ten seconds and a broken spine in less than sixty. They don’t exactly heal: more rebuild and reconstruct any kind of trauma to the body, equine or otherwise. The fluid is to keep them below 0° Celsius, which is the temperature at which they have to be to be dormant. Once they enter the body they activate and start to get to work, and if the dose is large enough then within five minutes even somepony as large as Big Macintosh would be back in working order.

There were also some things which rather looked like asthma puffers which were black and had glowing blue lines on them, but I knew that they were actually batteries. They must have been how the CPs managed to withstand three bullets in the chest and still live; they had HEV suits similar to mine, but obviously a lot less powerful. I hooked them up to the charging unit and let them power me up.

“Station 12, come in! Station 12, do you read?”

I almost jumped out of my skin, but it was only a radio which stood on a table at the far end of the room. I cantered over to it, but before I reached it the mare on the other end had fallen silent.

Then another voice started to talk, this time a stallion.

“This is station 8!” he said. “We heard station 12 go down and out! Surgical strike units are targeting the railway stations! Repeat, Civil Protection is coming down on the stations! We’re already getting refugees from 9 and outlying, looks like-“

Static. Then a mare’s voice.

“Station 8, do you copy? Station 8, are you there? We have confirmed reports of ponyhacks. Repeat, they are filling the underground with ponyhacks!”

I had absolutely no idea what ponyhacks were, but from the tone of that mare’s voice it couldn’t be anything pleasant. There was a ladder on the wall, leading to an open area above: I climbed up and fell silent, having just come up behind the two CPs who were manning the mounted machine gun.

Four shots with my trusty pistol changed that – I had found that two shots to the head were equal to four shots to the body, but I avoided using the pistol as much as possible because it was hard work to lift it.

The mounted gun, however, was a different matter entirely. Endless ammo and plenty of things to shoot; all I needed to do was mentally place myself in a rail shooter and I would be alright. That raised part of the walkway had a barrel of flammable liquid on it – I shot it and the walkway was complete once more.

Now I leg it like this, and I don’t look back. There were a few barrels blocking my way but I easily pushed them over and slid down into the tunnel beyond, narrowly avoiding being devoured by a barnacle which made a snack out of an unlucky crow that hadn’t been looking where it was going. I carefully sidestepped around the drifting feathers and the slowly descending tongue and made my way through the tunnel, lined with stacks of cars and heaps of dirt.

Yuck.

I emerged into yet another large open area, thankfully free of CPs and their devices. However, there was a pair of large gates blocking my way through. I cantered over to them and tried to move one, but it was too heavy.

“Over here!”

When I had finally come down from the clouds, I looked around and saw a cream coloured earth pony with a pink and indigo mane sitting in a piece of concrete pipe. I heard approaching CPs above and quickly ran over and out of sight.

“Keep going, friend,” said the mare, and pointed at an open pipe to the right. “That station was raided, but there are still others up ahead. I’m staying here in case any others come through; somepony’s gotta keep the railway alive.”

“Thank you,” I said, and I jumped into the pipe.

You know what? I’m going to fast forward a bit here. I’ve already spun this out for much longer than was really necessary, and I’m sure you don’t want to hear every single detail about my trek through the sewers and how I somehow managed to avoid being destroyed by the CPs, although I had quite a few close calls: one bullet scored my cheek and left a burn, another went right through the tip of my ear, leaving a neat hole which would never heal completely without nanites – those things where pretty hard to find.

Suffice it to say that after almost getting blown up and killed multiple times, I eventually came across a door with a slot in it. I tried to open it, but it was locked. Luckily the slot was opened and I was faced by a stallion.

“Get in here, quick!” he said, and let me into the room beyond. It was piled high with ammunition and nanites, but I wasn’t hurt too badly and didn’t really need them. The guy who’d let me in was a yellow earth pony with a golden mane, a cowboy (cowpony?) hat and a brown leather vest. I guessed that he was related to Applejack in some way, due to the fact that his cutie mark was a single large red apple.

“Civil Protection’s hot on our trail.” Gods, he even had a similar accent. “We’re tearin’ up the railroad, coverin’ our tracks. Looks like you’re gonna be the last one through. Be glad you’re not the colt they’re lookin’ fer – poor guy don’t stand a chance.”

“That’s... reassuring,” I said, but my sarcasm fell on deaf ears. “I swear I met every CP in the smegging city on my way here, and apparently they’re using these things called ponyhacks.”

“Ponyhacks?” the yellow pony exclaimed in alarm. “You’d better scoot before they get here!” He opened a slot on another door over to the left, and closed it just as quickly with a cry of “Oh, horseapples!”

The door was broken down and three ponyhacks buzzed into the room. They were small lumps of machinery which hovered in the air apparently supported by the blades which spun around the body of each of them. The other pony grabbed a handy length of pipe, and I prepared my crowbar.

When I was a kid and living in dimension 1 I’d been on the school cricket team. Hate to brag, but I was the best batsman of the lot of them, mostly because everyone else just messed around. I’ve never seen so many people hit themselves on the head in a single game, and don’t even get me started on the bowlers and fielders.

Apart from the blades, this situation was almost exactly the same. One of them sliced my neck, but it was only a nick and didn’t hurt too much. I whacked it out of existence with my trusty crowbar while the other guy took out another. The third I seized with my telekinesis, intending to slam it into the wall or against the doorframe, but it was tough work just holding it still. I was relieved when the pipe slammed down upon it and fizzing wires were scattered all over the room.

“Thanks for your help,” said the earth pony as I caught my breath.

“You’re welcome,” I said, and he came back with “Look, it ain’t safe here. Take whatever ammo ya need, but then you gotta skedaddle.”

I gratefully reloaded my pistol and grabbed some extra ammo before leaving via the ponyhack’s entrance. I heard the earth pony yell “Good luck out there!” as I left.

I’m gonna fast forward a bit more to the part where I emerged, panting and slightly more shell-shocked than I already was, to an area which set my Geiger counter ticking (I know, I should have said at the start that there were all these extras, but hey – it’s done now). I carefully avoided the obviously irradiated sewage (no easy task) and found myself in a sheltered area with some nanites, ammo and a radio on a table, face to face with a turquoise unicorn with a cyan mane and a lyre for a cutie mark.

“Hey!” she said. “You’re Hex, aren’t you?”

“For a post-apocalyptic world, news sure does spread fast in this place,” I said.

“We got word you were coming,” said the mare, “but you got here at a pretty bad time.”

The radio buzzed and the perfectly rounded words of Rarity started to flow out of the speakers. Tell me, how is it even possible to make ‘desperate’ sound glamorous?

“New TARDIS to station 6, do you read?” she said. “Hex is making his way downriver, so you’re going to have to lend him the airboat and assist him in any way possible. I repeat, Hex has returned and it is imperative that he reaches New TARDIS.”

“Sounds like you better get going,” said the turquoise unicorn.

I nodded and left the station, and as I was crawling under another fence:

“Look out, they’re shelling us!”

A huge missile-like object landed in the soft ground almost right in front of my face. I pulled myself upright and started to examine it when the back opened and a headcrab leapt out, barely missing my face.

I galloped through that place as I had never galloped before. Headcrabs lunged at me, a few newly-zombified ponies tried to make mincemeat of me and my Geiger counter went crazy, but eventually I came to a small sheltered platform right next to what could hesitantly be called the water. The airboat was there – it looked like a cross between a jet ski and a hovercraft – and it was being fuelled up by a white unicorn with a music note for a cutie mark and the craziest blue mane I had ever seen.

“Hey Hex, been hoping you’d show up,” she said as she put down the petrol tank. “Got this airboat all gassed up and ready to go. Gonna be tough dodging CPs out there in the open, but drive hard and you’ll make it. There should be more help at station 7 just up the river – can’t miss it, it’s the red barn. You’d better get going.”

“Thank you,” I said, and I climbed into the airboat.

Revving it up and speeding away from the city, the wind in my mane and the buzz of the airboat beneath and behind me, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time, and I never thought I’d feel it again.

I felt... human.

Chapter 5 - New TARDIS

"Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Break in, level one. Code Blue."

The bored CP pony watched with disinterest as a pair of foolish pegasi were surrounded by his comrades, who readied their artillery and trained their gun barrels upon the intruders.

'Idiots,' he thought. 'They'll be dead in a couple of minutes.'

He turned off the screen showing the building lobby, and his walkie-talkie, and instead turned his attention to a different screen; this one displaying an alleyway next to Canterlot Mall. He watched as a terrified looking young pegasus cantered into the alley, huddled next to a large bin and started to talk to and cuddle something she had clutched in her hooves. He turned his walkie-talkie back on.

"Ready the dispatch teams," he said, "we have a curfew breaker by Canterlot Mall, suggest mid-level firepower."

There was no response.

"Dispatch?"

Still nothing.

"RED ALERT. RED ALERT. INTRUDERS ON LEVEL SIX. APPROACHING SURVIELLANCE ROOM."

The CP turned the lobby screen back on, and was greeted by the sight of his comrades lying dead all over the floor (except for one, who was slumped over a desk). He then glanced at a second screen and saw the intruders from earlier galloping through corridors and definitely heading in his direction.

There was a polite knock on the door.

He picked up his gun and was about to open the door when it flew back in his face and he was trapped underneath with only his head and forehooves protruding, and he would have leapt straight back up again had a rather furious looking yellow mare not slammed down on top of him and said "Don't even THINK about it."

The CP looked to his left and saw a second pegasus, this one a pale blue stallion, examining the CCTV screens, and his green eyes widened when they fell upon the one displaying the Canterlot Mall alleyway.

"Canterlot Mall, there she is!" he cried. "Take care of that one and let's get outta here!"

The last thing the CP saw before everything went dark was an angry yellow pegasus aiming a gun barrel at his forehead.

"So tell me again what Rainbow was doing outside," said Spitfire as she and her friend galloped through the ruined streets of the city.

"Lightning Strike was getting edgy," Soarin' explained, "so Rainbow volunteered to take him out for some fresh air. I guess they must've been spotted."

"And now we're running through Canterlot to find her, most likely with half the Combine on our trail now that we pulled that little stunt in the CPs' place."

"Well, what would you have me do, Spitfire?" asked Soarin' as he drew to a halt. "My son and his mother are hiding somewhere near Canterlot Mall, potentially scared out of their lives, and they could be found by Civil Protection at any moment! And you expect me to just leave them there?"

Spitfire sighed. "You're right," she said, "that was thoughtless of me. I'm sorry, Soarin', but we really have to get moving!"

Before she had finished that sentence, a group of CP ponies came galloping up the street. One of them fired an energy ball, which zoomed through the air and slammed into the side of a pegasus' face.

Soarin' screamed in agony.

Spitfire supported him across her shoulders while firing at the enemy, using her feathers to pull the trigger on her various guns, and backing into a ransacked shop once every CP lay dead on the tarmac.

Her comrade sat on his haunches, his breathing unnaturally fast and shallow as he clutched both forelegs to the side of his face, while she started to tear off strips of her Wonderbolts uniform for makeshift bandages.

"See, this is why you should've worn your flight goggles!" she pointed out, indistinctly because of the material in her mouth. She removed her own goggles to get a better look at the damage.

"Could you please stop criticizing everything I do?" said Soarin'. "I feel like my face is on fire! Is my face on fire? Be honest with me! My face is on fire, isn't it?!"

"Your face isn't on fire," said Spitfire as she tended to her friend's injury, "but you might want to keep that eye closed for a while."

"If it ever works again," said Soarin'. "But at least we won't end up like Rapidfire. Or Fleetfoot, for that matter."

Spitfire bound his face in the blue material as she and Soarin' shared a moment of silence for their fallen comrades. She went to help him stand, but he said "My legs work fine; it's my face that's hurt."

"Fair enough," said Spitfire, and the two companions resumed their canter through the empty night time streets of Equestria's capital city.

After a few more streets, they slowed to a steady trot.

"I don't like this," said Soarin'. "It's too quiet."

"Be glad this isn't Fillydelphia," said Spitfire. "I heard there's nothing left of that place except-"

She was cut off by a volley of gunfire. A CP emerged from the shadows of a doorway and shot his SMG at the pair, but was stopped when Soarin' unloaded a pistol into his mask-obscured forehead.

"Soarin'?"

The pale blue Wonderbolt looked around at his friend.

At the fear in her eyes.

At the slowly spreading patch of dark red on her chest.

She fell to the ground.

"SPITFIRE!"

Soarin' galloped desperately over to his fallen friend and cradled her head in his hooves.

"No, no, NO!" he cried. "Spitfire, stay with me! You have to stay awake! STAY AWAKE!"

"Soarin'..."

"Don't you dare die on me," said Soarin'. "For the love of Celestia, STAY THE BUCK AWAKE!"

"Soarin', remember the Rule."

"Spitfire?"

There was no response. The golden pegasus stared into the dark sky with dull, lifeless eyes which would never see again. Soarin' reached up and tearfully closed them, then sobbed shamelessly into her mane.

He didn't know how long he lay there, face buried in his fallen comrade's neck, just that the tears only ceased because he had run out. He had nothing left to give.

He would have to leave her. There was nothing he could do for her now, and his family was waiting - no, depending on him to come and find them.

"Don't stop. Don't think. Just run."

His ears informed him that he'd just spoken the Rule aloud.

"I'm so, so sorry, Spitfire."

It killed him inside, but he had to leave her. He stood up, wiped his face on his foreleg, and galloped down the street in the direction of Canterlot Mall.

Soarin' looked back, just once, at the hunched shape of Spitfire's body.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Lightning," Rainbow Dash whispered to the infant colt in her hooves, "it's okay. Daddy's... Daddy's coming. We're gonna be okay, I promise." She guessed her son must have sensed the uncertainty in her voice, because he refused to end his fearful moaning. She held him close as once again her eyes filled with tears and she rocked back and forth, sobbing and chanting "We're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay..."

"Rainbow?"

Her heart leapt over the moon when she heard that voice.

"Soarin', is that you?" she asked as he galloped into view.

"Rainbow!"

"Soarin'!"

The two pegasi met in a warm, loving and above all tearful embrace, which both of them were extremely reluctant to break.

"Are you okay?" asked Soarin'. "How's Lightning Strike?"

"We're fine," said Rainbow Dash, "both of us, but what about you? What the hay happened to your face?" She indicated the now bloodsoaked bands which were wrapped and bound tightly around his head.

"Have you ever been hit by one of those energy balls?" he asked. "It's not very pleasant."

"You're gonna be alright, aren't you?"

"I'll be fine," said Soarin', "I just wish I could say the same about Spitfire."

"Why?" asked Rainbow Dash. "What happened?"

She looked into his green ocean of an eye, and suddenly understood.

"Oh my gosh," she said, "Soarin', I'm-I'm so sorry."

"And that's not all," said her coltfriend. "We... may have slightly broken into the Civil Protection base and kinda led them on."

"You were followed?!"

"Don't worry, I think I lost them."

As he spoke, a trio of dropships flew overhead. Two were carrying containers, which would be packed with Overwatch ponies, but the third held a Strider to its underside.

"But we're trapped," said Rainbow Dash, "and it's all my fault. If I hadn't come out here with Lightning, you wouldn't have had to come after me. Spitfire would still be alive if it wasn't for me."

"Don't say that," said Soarin', "don't you ever say that. None of this was your fault."

He wished he could do something else to halt the tears which flowed freely down his marefriend's face.

"I'm so - I'm so sorry, Soarin'."

Lightning Strike joined his parents as they both began to weep helplessly.

"Wait a minute," said Soarin' after what felt like eons, "what's that noise?"

Rainbow Dash sniffed and wiped her muzzle on her foreleg.

"What noise?" she asked.

"If I didn't know any better," said Soarin', "I'd say it was like a coin being scraped on a piano wire..."

It took me a full five minutes to catch my breath.

I looked back and up at the dam I had just come through. It loomed over me like a monster of concrete. I’m not usually intimidated by tall buildings, but at this moment I was ready to believe an ant was fifty feet tall.

The airboat creaked threateningly underneath me, so I pressed onward and came to a sort of dock-like area and had to depart the airboat to climb up a ladder and onto the raised ground upon which the warehouse was situated, but first there was something I had to do.

I rolled out of the airboat and started tossing and turning in the crystal clear water. I know, I know, it sounds kinda weird, but wouldn’t you do that if you were me and you’d just spent the past hour or so running through a city and its outskirts with almost everypony trying to kill you? I could feel it washing the dried blood away from my ear and neck, and dirt and grime was peeling away from my body in every direction. I ruffled my mane and tail with a hoof, washing out the caked up mud and filth which I knew would give Rarity a heart attack.

As you might imagine I was very disinclined to leave the water, but I did even so. Smeg, I’d never felt so clean...

It took me a while to work out that the entrance to New TARDIS wasn’t in the warehouse itself, but in a small fenced off bit behind it. When I went in I was met by a pair of doors which looked like the sides of shipping containers, and would have tried to open them had a similar pair of doors not closed behind me.

Anything else like this and I was going to go smegging claustrophobic.

“Something’s in the airlock,” said a familiar Mid-Atlantic voice. “Okay, it appears to be of equine origin. Hello in there?”

“Um, hello?” I said nervously.

“Take it easy in there, you’re safe now,” said Rarity’s voice. “You will have to forgive the scanning process, I’m afraid that we cannot afford to take chances.”

The sound of whirring filled the air, and some kind of scanning laser thingy started to descend from the ceiling. Also, some kind of shutter opened in the wall, and I got a view of a white, purple-maned unicorn I knew all too well.

“Hex?” she exclaimed. “Oh my stars, darling! Whatever happened to your coiffure?”

I glanced up at the dripping strings of dark brown draped over my forehead.

“Oh,” I said, “you mean my mane? Hang on a sec.” I telekinetically held my glasses on my face (lucky they’re so lightweight, eh?) and shook myself dry, and soon my mane had returned to its original state: scruffy.

“I simply cannot believe you made it here this quickly!” said Rarity, apparently satisfied with the state of my hair. “The Doctor and Twilight are going to be amazed, not to mention relieved. Let me tell you, I am ever so envious of you knowing the Doctor before any of us even met him! Ah, there we are. You can come through now.”

The scanners stopped and turned off and the door in front of me opened.

I stepped through into a surprisingly large concreted area. There was a lift over to the right, and beyond the chain link fence in front of me I could see various other ponies sitting on boxes and crates and things. A door behind me opened and I looked around to see Rarity emerging.

She was just as glamorous as ever, but for some reason she had some kind of metallic ring on the base of her horn.

“Allow me to escort you to the Doctor’s laboratory,” she said and motioned for me to follow her, “I doubt that he would ever forgive me if we kept him waiting for you. We could most definitely use your help in this place. We’ve covered a lot of ground in the past few months – however, we would progress at a greater speed if we had more ponies with your kind of abilities and experience.”

As she spoke, she led me into a lift which started to take us down. I saw demon dogs cooking in some kind of kitchen thing on the way, how weird is that? And all the time Rarity kept talking about teleporters – it seemed that science had served as a suitable replacement for fashion – but I think my ears must have been ringing or something because I barely picked up on a single word she said.

“Oh, listen to me,” she said when I eventually tuned in again, “I sound just like dear Twilight! I do apologise, I am simply thrilled that we finally have you back with us once more.”

“You know,” I said, “I’ve had a look around, and if I didn’t know any better I’d say Equestria was turning into dimension 33.”

“Why, that is almost a word-for-word quotation of Twilight,” said Rarity. “You two are so alike; no wonder her heart went out to you. Ah, looks like the Doctor’s here already.”

And he was. The Doctor, wearing a bow tie and a fez for some reason, was standing in the middle of his lab (which was a smeg of a lot like the one back at Sweet Apple Basement, but it was considerably more spacious and less cluttered) talking to a demon dog. Neither of them had seen us yet.

“Alright then,” said the Doctor, “you keep right on it.”

“Oh, Doctor!” Rarity sang. “Look who I found in the airlock!”

As the demon dog left, the earth pony caught sight of us for the first time, and his entire face split into a massive cheesy grin.

“Well, pull off my mane and call me Gerald,” he said (and I just thought ‘What the smeg? That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard’), “Haydon Baxter! Come on over here and let me get a look at you.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I stepped out of the lift. He hadn’t changed a bit since I’d last seen him. Well, his personality, anyway – couldn’t say the same about his physical state. Maybe his mental state as well, but I’d leave that for time to decide for me.

“Good grief, I never thought I’d see you again,” he said.

“I could say the same thing about you, Doctor,” I replied. “I see you’ve got a new fez. And a... bow tie.”

“Yes,” said the Doctor, “I have a bow tie. Bow ties are cool. Now let’s see; the last time I saw you, you and the lovely Ms Amber were distracting a platoon of Judoon for me, and you know I never got a chance to thank you for that.”

“Think nothing of it, Doc,” I said. “Quite a place you’ve got here.” It was as well. It felt a lot more homely than Sweet Apple Basement. The desk was a little better kept (although there was what looked like an alien head in a jar which looked rather disturbing), the teleporter was tucked neatly away in a corner rather than being smack bang in the middle of the room, and there was a notice board covered in newspaper clippings which all ran along the same lines: Equestria Under Siege, Equestria Surrenders, Stage Magician Appointed Liaison to Combine. I gagged at the last one.

Why is that? Why is it that when I hear the word Trixie I want to puke? Smeg, even thinking about it now makes me want a bucket.

“Yeah,” said the Doctor, “it’s not the TARDIS – poor girl had her lot years ago – but it serves its purpose well enough. I ‘spose it’s nothing compared to the stuff you could conjure up.”

“When you ladies are finished,” Rarity interjected, “I think I should say that everything is going to change for the better now that we have Hex back. I just have a few things to finish, but Hex,” she turned to me, “it’s been a pleasure.”

She kissed me on the cheek.

Man, if Twilight had seen that, she’d be sooo jealous. I’d have sold tickets to see the look on her face.

“Hex?” asked the Doctor once she had gone.

“Yeah,” I said, “me and Amber found that travelling the multiverse may occasionally require a codename, so I stole the name of a computer in dimension 41.”

“Interesting,” said the Doctor, in the kind of voice that says ‘That is the most unusual and unnecessary thing I have ever heard, but I like you and you’re my friend, so I’m going to humour you as well as I can.’

“Feel free to take a look around,” he said, “but stay away from that head. Twilight brings in all kinds of rubbish from outside and I have yet to discover what it does, if it does anything at all.”

So I decided to steer clear of the head and found my attention instead being drawn to a black-and-white photograph, this one in a fancy silver frame. It showed Twilight, but she looked so young, so innocent, that I had to do a double take to make sure it was the same pony. There were three other ponies in the photo with her – an older mare and stallion who could only have been her parents, and another young stallion, pale in coat and dark in mane, who could possibly have been her brother.

Strange. Twilight had never told me about her family. Why?

“I’d be careful with that photograph if I were you,” said the Doctor, even though I was sure he hadn’t looked. “It’s all Twilight has left of her family.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. Smeg; that actually hurt. “So they...” I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to say the word ‘died’. Twilight’s already been through so much, please let her family be okay...

“Worse.”

I gulped. Of course the Combine of all people would come up with something worse than death.

I turned instead to the notice board, my interest piqued by the various headlines and images. One showed a superportal in what looked like downtown Canterlot (that would bring those snob’s snouts out of the sky, wouldn’t it?). I didn’t like the look of one in particular which said “ROYAL SISTERS VANISH” and not just because of what it implied. Were they dead, or imprisoned, or just plain missing? I tried to keep my eyes from wandering towards the one about Trixie, but it wasn’t exactly easy. She was as charismatic as a cat and just as slimy.

Wait a minute; that made no sense whatsoever.

Oh well.

“Ugh, Trixie.” Okay, how did the Doctor know what I was looking at? “The only reason she is where she is now is because when Celestia and Luna vanished, she managed Equestria’s ‘surrender’ and the Combine rewarded her with power.”

“I’ve only seen her on those broadcast thingies,” I said, choosing to forget the brief excursions into her office, “but I already hate her completely.”

“She does that, doesn’t she?” I could tell from the tone of his voice that the Doctor was smiling. “Even before I crashed in this incredible world, I knew people who could make you hate them just by looking at them. Like the Slitheen: nasty pieces of work they were. And not just because they looked like obese green Teletubbies. The Teletubbies in fact were rather offended when I said that.”

Smeg, why does some of that stuff have to be so funny? This is a serious situation, I can’t be laughing!

A door behind me opened and I straightened up instinctively.

“Hex, you’re here!” said Twilight, and she pulled me into a hug. “The demon dogs said you’d arrived, but I didn’t want to believe you’d made it here so quickly. And on foot, as well. Thank Celestia you’re safe!”

“To tell you the truth,” I said into her shoulder, “I almost didn’t make it. Lucky you’ve got those friends of yours all over the city or I might not be here now.”

“I hate to tell you, Twilight,” said the Doctor as he gave her a tap on the foreleg, “but I think he may have broken your speed record.”

“Well, if you ask me you’ve earned it,” Twilight said as she released me. “If anything, you’ve proved you can handle just about anything.”

“With the sole exception of you,” the Doctor murmured.

“Doctor!”

“What?”

“Hey guys,” I said, “I hate to interrupt your little discussion, but I don’t suppose there’s a *ahem* bathroom anywhere around here?”

“Oh, of course,” said Twilight, “it’s just through that door and to the left.”

“Thanks,” I said.

I don’t think even Rainbow Dash could have left that room as quickly as I did. Do you know how many toilets there are in Limbo or wherever I was after... what happened? None. Zero. Naught. Zilch! I’m good at hiding it, but I’d been busting for the dunny ever since I’d left Sweet Apple Basement. And I mean good at hiding it. But I’m not gonna get ahead of myself.

Ah, sweet relief.

When I got back the Doctor was busy with something (how am I supposed to recall what? This was all ages ago) and Twilight was working on the teleporter, or at least the components above my head. I had a clear, unobstructed view of her flank, which I didn’t partake in because I’m not a pervert. I considered that one quick glance couldn’t hurt, but at that moment Rarity re-entered and derailed my train of thought, if ever I had one.

“Twilight,” she said, “I thought you were on watch.”

“The demon dogs relieved me so that I could come and see Hex,” said Twilight as she descended. “And anyway, I should be working on the teleporter.”

“Oh, not to worry, dear,” said Rarity, “I have the repairs completely taken care of. It’s just that somepony misjudged the capacity of the Combine thyristor-”

“Are you blaming me?” asked Twilight. Ooh, mare-on-mare conflict, this could get interesting. What? I’m a teenager; I’m allowed to have these thoughts! And they were both still young and extremely good looking- Okay, okay, I’ll stop!

“Oh, no!” Rarity said hurriedly. “It was a simple calculation error, nothing major.”

“Well, I suppose I should be the one to do the calculations next time,” said Twilight. “It wouldn’t be any trouble, even with the installing.”

“You know, Twilight,” said Rarity, “I have no idea how we ever got along without you.”

“Yes, yes, everyone loves everyone else,” said the Doctor. “Twilight, I think Hex could use a little ‘boost’ don’t you?”

Twilight looked at me, and her face lit up in comprehension.

Eh?

“I’m sorry, I almost forgot!” she said. “Follow me Hex, there’s something I need to give you.” And she started to lead me out of the lab.

“The magical enhancement rings are not toys, Twilight,” said Rarity.

Okay, now I’m lost. What?

“Can you please tell me what you’re talking about?” I said, before my frustration got the better of me.

“Just follow me,” said Twilight. “I kinda wanted to talk to you in private.”

I followed her through sculpted hallways of concrete, but she paused in front of one passage which looked particularly dark and foreboding – the kind of place which you want to go down, but you’re terrified of what you might find.

“That’s the old passage to Trottingham,” said Twilight, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. “We don’t go there anymore.”

I looked from the passage to her, and back again.

“Do I want to know?” I asked.

“No,” she said, “you don’t.”

Thank smeg. I seriously don’t want to know what happened in Trottingham. Knowing the Combine, it was something sickeningly sadistic.

So instead I followed Twilight out another airlock and into a massive open area piled high with all kinds of junk. Wow, was it night time already? I could have sworn it was the middle of the afternoon. I guess with the royal sisters gone, a whole load of stuff must have been screwed up, like nature taking back what was hers.

“Welcome to the scrap yard,” said Twilight.

I looked around. There was so much junk there I could list it for days and still not cover it all.

“Lots of stuff,” I commented.

Twilight produced a small silver ring, which split open on a tiny hinge.

“The Combine’s suppression field may prevent pony reproduction,” she said (with a small blush), “but it also represses unicorn magic and prevents pegasi from flying. The Doctor and I managed to reverse-engineer one of the magic-blocking rings Deluminata put on my horn, and they cut through the suppression field. Sweet Apple Basement was in a blind spot, in case you were wondering.”

She snapped the ring onto the base of my horn.

Wow, that actually felt a whole lot better. I gave a nearby barrel an experimental tug, and I had to duck as it flew over my head and smashed into a wall. The fact that it was empty had nothing to do with it, I swear.

“How did you do that?” I asked. “That was magic, I mean-”

Twilight pulled her mane aside and revealed a short horn, about half the length of what it would have been, with another ring clipped onto the base. Huh. Looks like unicorn horns grow back by themselves. I guess it’s because they’re naturally magical, and if you try to contain too much energy in a single thing it’ll make a mess.

“Hex,” she asked, “can I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.” Was that too casual? I kinda feel like it was too casual.

“What happened to you?” asked Twilight. “You threw yourself into the portal to try to overload it. I did the math afterwards, and it should have worked! But why didn’t it? What happened to you after I... lost you?”

She-she thinks she lost me? Ouch. The tone of her voice, and that heartbroken look on her face... this could be an answer which would make or break our relationship.

So I explained about how just before I’d entered the portal, the G-Colt (who as you may have guessed came from the same place as the Combine) pulled me out, and I had a choice between dying or accepting “employment” with a slight possibility of returning. And returning was on top of my to-do list.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself,” I told her. “If I’d had just a bit more time, I could have worked something out, but as it is...”

“It’s okay,” said Twilight, and she put her hoof on my shoulder. “You did what you have to. I don’t blame you at all.”

“And now she’s stealing my catchphrase,” I said sarcastically, and that set us both giggling.

I wished at that moment that time could have stood still. That it could just have been the two of us, in this place, until the end of the universe. This moment, when we were freshly reunited after seventeen years, and yet were still completely unchanged.

“I...” Twilight looked nervous. I wish she’d do that more often, it’s so adorable.

“Yes?” I asked.

“When you were gone,” she said with another blush, “I had dreams about you almost every night.”

“Were they good dreams?”

She wiped her eyes.

“I never wanted to wake up,” she confessed. “I wanted to sleep forever if it meant I could stay with you, I...” She smiled and rubbed the back of her neck in the way people do when they’re nervous or embarrassed and trying to regain their composure.

“I suppose you have a lot of questions,” she stated.

How would you feel? I don’t know about you, but to me it felt like my questions were an overflowing reservoir, and Twilight had completely demolished the dam which had been holding it back.

“How come the Doctor’s here? How did he get here? Where’s Spike? And Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie and Fluttershy? What the smeg are the demon dogs and why and how do they know my name? And I don’t mean my fake name, they know my real name! They call me Baxter! How is that possible? You and your friends are the only ones I’ve ever told my real name, so how did-”

“Whoa, whoa, too much!” Twilight placed a hushing hoof on my lips and I stopped talking. “One at a time, please.”

“Okay,” I said, and I tried to get my breath back. “First of all, what is with the demon dogs: what are they and how do they know my real name?”

“They used to be diamond dogs,” Twilight explained, “but the portal storms mutated them into the things you’ve been seeing around the city. I don’t know how, and quite frankly I don’t want to know, because it’s bound to have been horrible. They probably know your name because they overheard us talking, but I can’t be certain about that.”

“Oh.” I guess that makes sense. Kinda. “Well, what about-”

You know, someday I’d like to finish a sentence without being interrupted, be it by the pony I love or by some kind of monster swooping down from the sky causing us to duck for cover. Seriously, I really thought my number was on that one!

As the creature flew over, Twilight raised her head and yelled “SPIKE!” in a loud and objective voice.

“Wait a minute,” I exclaimed by way of voicing my thoughts. “That was Spike?!”

Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Ever since he got his wings, he’s been acting like a real jerk,” she said. “Spike, you get down here right now or so help me, no ice cream for a month! Get down, now!”

Spike just flapped overhead and laughed. Odd. His voice hadn’t changed. I guess dragons age differently to ponies. He was a lot bigger though, probably one-and-a-half times Twilight’s height, and he had wings. If I had to, I’d say he was the dragon equivalent of early teens, like maybe thirteen or fourteen. I don’t know much about Equestrian dragons, so I’m sorry I can’t be more accurate.

“Hey, who’s that?” he asked. “Is that... is that Hex?”

“Hi Spike!” I gave him a cheerful wave, and he landed in a different part of the scrap yard. Twilight and I galloped through the piles of junk to greet him.

“Oh my gosh!” he cried when he saw me. “It is Hex! I can’t believe you’re here, you’re finally back!” He pulled me into a suffocating hug.

“Tell you the truth,” I said through a mouthful of scales, “I couldn’t believe it either.”

“Spike, I think he needs to breathe,” said Twilight.

“Oh, right, sorry,” said Spike, and he released me so that I could suck in some oxygen.

“I’m glad I’m back too,” I said.

“But what happened to you?” Spike asked. “I mean, seventeen years ago Twilight came back to the library, and she was crying and she just said ‘Take a note’. The letter I wrote for her made it sound like you’d died! Seriously, what the hay happened?”

“Um...” I didn’t want to go over it again. It was hard enough the first time around.

“I don’t think Hex would want to tell us that again,” said Twilight. Thank you!

“What, you mean he told us already?” Man, Spike did not sound happy. “And I missed it? That sucks!”

“You’re telling me,” I said, “and you’re not the one who had to go through it all. I think I should tell you both that it was literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”

“Shhh.”

I just got shushed by a dragon.

“Spike,” said Twilight, “what’re you-”

“Shush!”

She gave me a quizzical look. I just shrugged: how the smeg was I supposed to know what was going on?

Then it all became clear. Innumerable camera thingies flew over the scrap yard, causing a cacophony of bleeping which could rival Angry Dogs At Midnight, Nails On A Blackboard and Supermarket Radios for the Most Annoying Sound award.

“Oh horseapples,” Twilight swore, “the Combine’s sweeping the area! We gotta get back to the lab, fast!”

We started running, but Spike grabbed us both and took off. If I had been a couple of years younger I would have screamed no end, but I wasn’t a couple of years younger so I kept my mouth shut until we were back in the airlock...

...which wasn’t opening.

Twilight turned on an intercom thing and the Doctor’s face appeared on the screen.

“Doc, it’s Twilight,” she said, and I could feel the desperation in her voice. “Are you there? What’s going on?”

“Right here,” said the Doctor, “but where are you?”

“We’re in the scrap yard airlock,” said Twilight, “but I think it’s stuck.”

“Is Hex with you?”

“Right here.” I gave another little wave.

“Good,” said the Doctor, “now listen carefully, I want you two to-”

The screen flashed into a snowstorm of static. Twilight tried to get the signal back, and I looked at Spike in what I hoped was a questioning fashion. He just shrugged.

The Doctor reappeared.

“Take Hex out of here, and head for the coast!” he commanded. “Whatever you do, do not go to Trotti-”

Before he could finish the power went out completely, and we were left in darkness.

“Doctor?” Twilight banged uselessly on the intercom. “Doctor! Horseapples... Spike, open the airlock and get us out of here! Hurry! Tear it apart if you have to, just get it open!”

“Okay, okay!” Grumbling under his breath, Spike wrenched the airlock doors open and let me and Twilight gallop through, and he didn’t take long to follow us. We were about halfway down a corridor when the roof caved in – Spike pulled me out of the way, but Twilight was stuck on the other side.

“Hex, Spike, are you okay?” she asked when she appeared at a hole.

“We’re fine,” I said, “well, I am, thanks to Spike.”

“You’re welcome,” said Spike. “Twilight, what should we do? Should I try to clear away-?”

“No, don’t!” cried Twilight. “If you try to move these rocks you could bring the whole tunnel down on us, and then we’ll all be in trouble! There’s no way I’m leaving the Doctor: Spike, take Hex to the Trottingham tunnel, he has to get out of here!”

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, because I most certainly was not. “I think the Doc tried to say-”

“Hex,” said Twilight, her voice considerably softer, “you’ll be okay.”

I would. For her sake, and for the sake of Equestria, I would be okay. I would be okay!

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” I told her. “I’ll meet up with you later.”

With that, I followed Spike back to the foreboding-looking tunnel, and he led me to a massive door which he pulled up to allow me through.

“Wait a sec,” I said before he dropped it again, “is Trottingham... bad?”

“It’s awesome,” Spike said sarcastically, and he dropped the door almost on my hoof.

Chapter 6 - We Don't Go To Trottingham...

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can NOT be happening, this CAN’T be happening.

Okay, okay, okay, find a happy place, okay, find a happy place, find a happy place...

“It’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere; I’m all alone, more or less, let me fly far away from here...”

Smeg, it’s not working!

“It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV, but where are those good old fashioned values on which we used to rely...”

That’s not working either!

I’ve just got to try to avoid thinking about. Try to avoid thinking about the fact that I’m in a town which I’ve been told... I haven’t been told anything about it, so it can’t be good.

Oh smeg, oh smeg, oh smeg...

Gah! Smeg it, Hex, get a hold on yourself! Calm the smeg down! There has to be somepony here, right? It can’t just be that half a pony hanging from a tree, and that-that inanimate zombie slumped on that doorstep.

Wait a sec, it was getting up!

DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE YOU SCUMMY SMEGHEAD DIE!!

Okay, just relax and catch your breath. It’s dead, it’s dead, it’s dead, it’s dead, it’s- THE HEADCRAB’S STILL ALIVE!

How is that even possible?

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s dead now. Unless a headcrab can survive being impaled on a crowbar, of course, but that’s impossible. Right? Right?

This was all feeling hauntingly familiar. Like my favourite game when I lived on Earth, which I had discovered was actually dimension 33. It must have something to do with resonance or something: two dimensions colliding will start to take on each other’s appearances and physical aspects.

No, just calm down, Hex, calm down...

I am FREAKING out!

Holy smeg, I’ve made a mess. I tried to pick up the zombie’s body and move it somewhere else, but I couldn’t hold it even with my telekinesis. I guess the horn clip thingy gives me enough power to pick up inanimate objects, but not bodies or living creatures. It might penetrate the suppression field, but doesn’t boost magic or anything like that.

That plank wall over there looks awfully fragile. Like, if somepony was to throw a cylinder filled with flammable gas at it, it might just disintegrate.

Like that.

Hey, that wasn’t so bad! Alright, I’ve just had to chuck in another cylinder of gas to take care of the other zombies in there that I didn’t trust even though they were lying around playing dead, but...

Oh smeg.

Those ponies may have been dead, but they certainly weren’t unconscious. One of them was staggering towards me, covered in flames, and it was screaming. This is... This is nightmare fuel! It was horrible on the computer screen, but it’s even worse in real life!

Okay, I need to find a way out of here. There’s no way I can go back the way I came in, so I guess I’ll have to go through... the carpet of dead bodies. Oh smeg, that’s nasty!

Well, at least there’s a buzz saw blade. That could come in handy.

Keep your cool Hex, just keep your cool, there’s no reason for you to- SOMETHING MOVED!

Smeg, smeg, smeg, smeg, smeg... it’s dead. Thank smegging smeg, it’s dead, it’s dead. Chopped clean in half, nerves completely severed, I’d like to see anypony survive that.

Sorry about this. When I freak out I swear. A lot.

All these zombified ponies – none of them have any wings or horns. They’re all earth ponies. Interesting. The Combine usually has three breeds of headcrabs, but I suppose with three breeds of ponies they don’t need them. And anyway, all this stuff was meant for humans: the guns, the armour, the suppression field, all of it.

This place looks like it could have been a timber mill or something, what with all the buzz saw blades and stuff, or maybe a mining town.

Okay, I can get through this. There seem to be plenty of blades and pickaxes and things, so as long as I stay alert I’ll stay alive. I know zombies, and they’re pretty slow and lumbering things so it shouldn’t be too hard to take them down. And the headcrabs can never attack without making a bird-like screeching noise which is very obvious and gives them away.

Hang about.

What’s that thing? I’m outside now, and there’s a cool, pleasant breeze blowing in my face, but there’s this engine thing with a hacksaw blade stuck above it, spinning around like a helicopter rotor.

There’re some zombies coming down some steps to the left. If I crouch under that blade they’ll be chopped to pieces. Gory, but effective.

Ha, I knew it; they don’t even know it’s there!

“Arrgh, these zombies be gettin’ on me nerves! Git offa me poop deck ya lily-livered landlubbers!”

Okay...

So at least I wasn’t the only pony with a heartbeat in this place. Although it sounded like the other occupant was a complete and total nutter. Either that or a senile pirate – my money’s on the first one.

He didn’t sound particularly old, though. Like, late twenties or early thirties maybe. Although he did sound crazy.

Whatever, time to move on.

I avoided the freshly chopped up corpses and crawled towards the steps – I didn’t dare get up until I’d reached them, but I’m still pretty sure I lost a lock of my tail. A headcrab tried to get me, but it jumped straight into the spinning blade.

The doorway ahead was boarded up, but my crowbar made short work of that. I went through and into an alleyway, and took care of a zombie which was coming at me. I grabbed a barrel of flammable stuff (they had them just stacked randomly all over the place, how careless is that?) and it was lucky I did because there was a zombie in the next building, coming at me like they all did for some reason, and when I threw the barrel at it I was almost blown away by the explosive chain reaction.

When I looked inside it was at a scene rated R for mature audiences for violence and gore. Okay? That means I’m not going to describe it!

But there were some undamaged medical supplies and ammunition, which I grabbed gratefully – ignoring the fact that they should have been destroyed by the explosion – and moved on. There was a zombie lying outside the exit which I didn’t trust, so I fired a buzz saw blade into it just to make sure.

“Somepony swab the deck and bring me bottle o’ rum, or I’ll keel haul ye and use ye guts fer garters!”

Thank you, Admiral Pancake.

What? I don’t know what his name is and I have to call him something!

I think I went through the next couple of minutes in a daze, because I can barely remember a thing that happened. All I know is eventually I came to a place where one end of the street was blocked off and the other had a large building with a massive pile of flames in front of it, and there were burning and screaming zombies everywhere.

Nasty.

“Back to hell with you, ye scallywags! The lot of ye belong in Davy Ponies’ locker!”

Good, I could finally see who it was that was doing the talking. As I had thought it was a stallion, probably in his late twenties, but rather than being one solid pastel colour, like just about every other pony I’ve seen, his coat was a patchwork of white and brown. His mane was scruffy, sorta orangey-brown, but I couldn’t make out his eye colour or cutie mark. All I could see was that he was firing a shotgun at the zombies in the street and laughing his flank off.

Then he saw me.

“Arrgh, what have we here?” he asked nopony in particular, and then gave me a wave. “Ahoy there, me hearty! Nice to have fresh meat aboard this vessel! Let’s see if you’re worth yer salt, shall we?” He disappeared back inside the building still laughing.

...Right.

I think I’ll do what I did earlier and fast forward a little. The fear/novelty of being stuck in a zombie-infested town had worn off when I had learned I wasn’t alone, and the most eventful thing the happened was when a headcrab managed to latch on and almost zombified me, but I managed to get it off before it got to me. However, it did manage to tear a nasty gash in my muzzle, but I took care of that with some handy nanites. How they got there I have no idea...

Eventually, after climbing onto a rooftop, I was faced once again by the stranger. He had put on a tri-corner hat and an eye patch, and I could just make out his cutie mark: a compass.

“Wind in yer sails, me hearty!” he cried with a salute. “You’re welcome to make use o’ my traps, long as you stay out of ‘em yerself. Man overboard!”

He fired his shotgun above my head. I heard a screech, and when I looked around I saw a dead headcrab lying behind me.

“In Trottingham, you do well to be vigilant,” he said in a surprisingly solemn voice, and then he turned around and left.

I knew I had important stuff to do – I needed to get out of here and see if Twilight and the Doctor and Spike were okay – but as I pressed onward I couldn’t help but feel sorry for that guy. He must have only been a foal when the Combine invaded. He probably hadn’t even got his cutie mark yet!

I found my thoughts wandering away from me (I always get worried when my mind wanders – I’m afraid it won’t come back) and coming to a rest on the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I didn’t know them very well, but I knew of them. They must be about the same age as that guy now. I wonder if they actually figured out what they should have cutie marks of.

Hmm, this could prove interesting.

I had come to an area with a car blocking my way back out onto the street, but at the pull of a lever it was hoisted into the air, and I could see some zombies wandering towards me.

They were gone at the drop of a car.

Call me sick, if you will, but this was starting to feel rather enjoyable. It was like those zombie games back home where the entire point of it was ploughing through hordes of squishy dead things with a variety of sharp things on the ends of sticks – psychotic, but thrilling.

I took care of some other zombies with another falling car, and climbed up on top of it so that it could hoist me onto a walkway overhead. When I was up, the stranger reappeared.

“Better and better!” he declared, and gave me a salute. “Pipsqueak the Pirate, at your service! I see you’ve already met my... skeleton crew.” He burst into more maniacal laughter.

“Wait a minute!” I called after him. “What’re...?”

But before I could ask him what he was still doing here rather than just finding a way out, he had run away. Seriously, how could anypony in their right mind actually decide to stay in a hellhole like this? It was awful! People play zombie games and stuff where I come from, and they think it would be fun in real life, but then the moment they get there it’s their biggest regret.

Then again, that guy – what did he say his name was? Pipsqueak? That’s rather unfortunate – was obviously not in his right mind.

Okay...

I need a plan. While moving through this place, putting down the ponies that obviously desperately need it, I need to formulate a plan of action.

Right. Top of the list; find a way to meet up with that Pipsqueak bloke, because if the two of us were together then we’d do twice as much damage as we would while separated... I hope. I don’t care much for his mental state, though – there was a pretty good chance he’d go Dick Cheney on me. Not that he could hurt me in this HEV suit, though. He’d probably do some damage with that shotgun, but nothing I couldn’t take care of.

And after that, try to find a way out of this place. With any luck that guy will have been here long enough to know a good escape route.

Then...

What?

Holy smeg, it just hit me. Once I get out, what will I do? The Doctor said to head for the coast, but i on the coast? Where would I meet Twilight? Are they even still alive? Are they dead? Or worse...

Smeg it Hex, get your head in the game! You can destroy that bridge once you’ve crossed it. Focus on there here and the now. Here was a zombie infested town, and now...

Now zombies were flying.

Well, not so much flying as jumping really, really high. I recall the “fast” headcrabs could make a person really agile and fast (hence their name) at the cost of their skin, flesh and internal organs. I guess that rather than using fast headcrabs, it was just headcrabs on pegasi.

I heard a gunshot literally a few metres away from my head.

“Ah, it’s you, me hearty!” Pipsqueak. Who else? “Aye, these streets be tough, my apologies fer nearly spreadin’ yer brains ‘cross the pavement. And all the foals at school called me crazy!”

“I wonder why,” I muttered, and thankfully he didn’t hear me.

“Catch!”

Thanks for the warning, that shotgun almost hit me on the head. But thanks anyway, even though you have all the sanity of a box of frogs in a bag of cats which has been tied up and thrown into a river.

“Hit ‘em in the head!” Pipsqueak advised.

“Um...” I wasn’t sure how to respond. “Thanks.”

“You are most welcome, but hush! They come! There is no rest in Trottingham. Move on, me hearty, and I shall meet you at the tavern on the green!”

Okay, so now we have a rendezvous point arranged. I just have to find this ‘tavern on the green’ and meet this loony before we both go the same way as Thomas and Martha Wayne.

What? Too soon? I’m allowed to make pop culture references if I want to, and I don’t see any lawyers leaping to attention to stop me. They did it all the time in dimension 80 and no-one cared a bit, but then again there was a baby with an IQ of three hundred or so who was friends with a dog which walked on its hind legs and drank martinis (and was a smegging awful writer). There, see? I just made another. Points to anypony who gets it.

Maybe I should think about something other than the fact that I could be torn to pieces at any second. How does that song go again?

Drugs, gimme drugs, gimme drugs, I don’t need it but I’ll sell what you got, take the cash and I’ll eat it, eight legs to the wall, HIT THE GAS kill ‘em all and we crawl and we crawl and we crawl GIMME MORE DETONATOR. Love, gimme love, gimme love, I don’t need it but I’ll take what I want from your heart and I’ll keep it in a bag (in a box) put an X on the floor, gimme MORE, gimme MORE, gimme more SHUT UP AND SING IT WITH ME!!

From mall security to every enemy, we’re on your property STANDING IN V FORMATION. Let’s blow an artery, eat plastic surgery, with no apology GIVE US MORE DETONATION!!

More, gimme more, gimme more!

Well, let me tell you ‘bout the sad mare. Shut up and let me see your jazz hands! Remember when you were a madmare? Thought you was Batmare? And hit the party with the gas can KISS ME YOU ANIMAL.

You run the company, @#$% like a Kennedy, I think we’d rather be burning your information. Let’s blow an artery, eat plastic surgery, with no apology – give us more detonation-

And right here, right now, all the way in Battery City, little foals raise their open filthy hooves like tiny daggers up to heaven. And all the juvie halls, and the Ritalin rats, as angels made of neon and @#$%ing garbage SCREAM OUT “What will save us?” And the sky opened up – everypony wants to change the world, everypony wants to change the world but no-one, no-one wants to die – wanna try, wanna try, come on let me see you die, see you die, see I’LL BE YOUR DETONATOR!

Guitar solo! This is making the situation a lot more fun than it was.

Make no apology: it’s death or victory on my authority, crash and burn, young and loaded. Drop like a bullet shell, dress like a sleeper cell, I’d rather go to hell than be in purgatory. Cut my hair, gag and bore me. Pull this pin; let this world ex-PLODE.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Kicking zombie ass to Killjoys, BITCH!

Well, that was fun.

“Ahoy, matey!” Okay, how is he doing that? I’m pretty sure I’m moving faster than he is, and yet he’s still ahead of me. “Ye be headin’ fer port when ye need be headin’ starboard! Git yer sails hoisted right, me laddie!”

What? I’m going the wrong smegging way? But it was so awesome getting here! Okay, I’m gonna fast forward a little more to the point where I found myself on a rooftop, looking down at what appeared to be a pub surrounded by a tall chain link fence. There was a small cable car on the far side which led to my rooftop, and Pipsqueak was waving at me.

“Ah, there ye be!” he shouted. Honestly, that pirate speak was starting to get on my nerves. “I’ll be sendin’ ye the cart so’s ye can join me! Keep yerself save while it goes!”

He pulled on a lever and the cable car started slowly making its way up the cable towards me. Seriously, if it was going any slower it would be going backwards.

Oh. Did I mention that there were drain pipes on either side of the roof I was on and bands of pegasus zombies heading my way? Yeah, I probably should have because now I was not only waiting for a cable car which was slower than a slug with a broken foot, but I was also defending myself against these.

It was almost like a twisted, sadistic spin on Whack-A-Mole – I had to run from pipe to pipe, gunning down the zombies as they tried to climb up.

“Almost there!”

“Could it go any slower?” I asked myself as I put down another monster.

I think this must have gone on for about five full minutes – or five hours, I wasn’t really counting – but eventually:

“Now, mate! Release the handbrake and join the crew!”

“FINALLY!” I couldn’t help but shout. I leapt into the cart and started sliding down the cable. Surprise, surprise, it went down faster than it came up. It may have been my added weight making it slide faster than it would have done otherwise, but it was still rather annoying. It was like the car had a mind of its own, and it didn’t want to give me a lift so it decided to take as long as possible coming in the hopes that I would suffer unjust execution by zombie before it got to me, and now that it was carrying me it wanted to get me off as quickly as possible.

When it eventually stopped it was at the roof of the pub, and I descended a ladder on the wall and was finally faced with the insane pirate wannabe.

I had been right – he was pretty young.

“So, we meet at last, me hearty,” he said. “Ye deserve extra gruel fer avoidin’ me traps.”

“Well, this whole day has been nothing but gruelling,” I commented. “I just want to get the smeg out of here. But-but why are you here? There must be loads of ways out, why did you decide to stay?”

“A shepherd must tend to his flock,” said Pipsqueak, “especially when they become unruly. I shall show you to the mines – they are the most direct route to the outside. Follow me.”

As he spoke I reloaded my guns and picked up some extra ammo, and once I was done I started to follow him around the back of the pub when he suddenly whipped around with a manic look in his eye.

“BUT follow only if ye be a stallion o’ valour!” he growled. “For the path to the mines is guarded by monsters so foul, so cruel, that nopony has ever duelled with them and LIVED!! Bones of four-fifty ponies lay strewn about their lair, so if you do doubt your courage DEATH awaits you, with nasty big pointy teeth!” He made a motion as if scratching at the air.

Eccentric performance.

He led me around the back, up a plank and over a bent chain link fence, and we started moving through a gully towards a graveyard, and I swear we hadn’t gone five centimetres before zombies leapt down from above and started attacking us.

And once we got to the graveyard there were all three kinds of zombies lumbering towards us: the ordinary earth pony zombies, the fast pegasus zombies, and a couple of the ones which had headcrabs crawling all over them which I presumed were the unicorns. Or had been unicorns.

Nasty.

There were plenty of buzz saw blades and cinder blocks lying around (for some weird reason) so I never ran out of stuff to throw. I’ll even admit that it was fun in a psychotic kind of way. What rather spoiled is was that the entire time we were fighting, cutting through the half-rotted hordes like a hot knife through butter – that Pipsqueak bloke would not stop laughing. It was borderline disturbing.

The most memorable part of the battle was when we stood on a concreted area, raised above the ground and surrounded by a wrought iron fence, and I fired a shot into a gas canister which left us surrounded by roaring flames: obviously there was a leaking pipeline somewhere near here.

And the zombies and headcrabs, ever ignorant, still tried to get at us and died screaming in flames.

Again, nasty.

I am not at all proud of anything I did that night. At least it wouldn’t be night for much longer, because I could see the sky turning purple around the edges. Everything is less scary in daylight. Haven’t you found that to be true?

Once the flames died down Pipsqueak and I galloped over to a mausoleum, and the crazy stallion pulled on a rope and a gate opened behind me. It was raised vertically, and obviously couldn’t be held open for very long.

“Hurry!” Pipsqueak shouted. “Go while I hold the gate!”

I slid under the gate and it slammed closed behind me, cutting a headcrab clean in half.

“Farewell, me hearty!” Pipsqueak gave me a cheery wave as he unloaded his shotgun into another zombie’s head. “May the Black Spot never stain your coat! GOODBYE!” And with a final maniacal laugh he set the ground ablaze and ran into the mausoleum, firing his shotgun like no tomorrow.

“Thank you!” I shouted. “Thank you for everything.”

What an interesting stallion. Completely out of his mind, but that was justified in that everything he’d ever known had obviously been destroyed. All over Trottingham I had seen these massive hunks of metal – the same kind of shells that had destroyed that station in City 17. At least I know how the headcrabs got there.

But that didn’t explain how it had got so... out of hand (out of hoof?). That place was infested beyond belief!

And I don’t trust this. At the entrance to the mines I had found a flammable barrel (again, they’re all over the place! It’s just plain careless) and I threw it down the shaft just in case. Then, because of the distinct lack of lift, I had to jump from support strut to support strut until I got to a cavern at the bottom and jumped down onto a catwalk.

The floor was crawling with headcrabs. Lucky I’d picked up some extra grenades, I needed them.

Hmm, I wonder... There’s a tunnel over there which looks free of headcrabs.

This wasn’t going to be easy.

I concentrated on pouring every drop of magic I had into my horn, levitating not any object but my own body. I strained and felt sweat pouring off my forehead in buckets as I drifted slowly towards the beams which supported the tunnel roof.

Made it! And now I collapse like this because that was the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done.

I can’t be bothered to get up, so I think I’m just going to roll through this tunnel until I get my strength back. Yeah, roll like a log – that sounds incredibly immature, but I’m smegged if I’m gonna drag myself across the floor like my legs don’t work. Which they don’t at the moment, but that’s beside the point.

Ah, a flooded pit. Gonna have to swim this one. It looks like it’ll be hard to see, but if the name of the game is freedom then it’ll be well worth it.

Here I go!

Smeg, it’s dark down here. I can hardly see my own hooves in front of my face, and it’s pretty hard to hold my breath while holding this crowbar in my mouth, but I don’t have anywhere else to put it, and I’m sure as hay not sticking it up my arse.

Oh smeg...

I need to breathe!

Thank god this is an old mine, and there are still plenty of vertical shafts with loads of air in them. This one will have to do, even if there’s a barnacle hanging from the ceiling with its icky tongue dangling right next to me.

Right, here we go again.

Again, this water is disgustingly murky, and I have to suck on my crowbar to avoid having my mouth open. Not pleasant!

Ah, finally, a way out. And there’s a fire, which means light!

Why does swimming have to be so smegging exhausting?

I rounded a corner, and saw a long diagonal mine shaft (with little hollow bits carved into the sides) with a mine cart sitting on a rail at this end. The cart was connected to some kind of pulley system, and sitting in it was another one of those engine helicopter-blade spinny things.

There was also a lever.

I see how this works. I pull the lever, the spinny thing goes up to the top of the shaft and back again, slicing any unsuspecting zombies in half, and I get up safely by going into the hollow bits (or just ducking) when the spinny thing goes past. Easy enough.

And there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Literally!

Unless I’m dead, but I’m pretty sure I would know if I was dead. Everyone knows when they’re dead, right?

Right?

That spinny thing just grazed the tip of my horn, and it hurt.

I’m not dead. That’s a relief.

Yup, as long as I crawl like a worm up the entire length of the shaft, I should be okay. Ew, look at those zombies getting sliced! That’s gross but satisfying at the same time, it’s weird.

Here we are, right at the top. And there’s a group of zombies obviously too smart to fall for the spinny thing. A few shotgun blasts and they were taken care of.

There was also a headcrab waiting for me outside, but I soon took care of that.

I never thought I would be so happy to see the sun in my entire life. For several minutes I did nothing but lie on the cold concrete and let the light warm my face, metaphorically washing away the horror of the past few hours. I could seriously have fallen asleep right then and there, because I’d been awake for eighteen full hours and I was so, so tired...

...but I had to get up. I’d have bet anything that Twilight needed my help.

Question is; where the smeg am I? There’s a railway track, and some freighters just sitting there, so it’s obviously not in use, but is this City 17 or what? The air tastes kinda salty – I must be near the coast.

I started to make my way down the tracks in the confidence that-

What was that?

Sounded like a gunshot.

And is that a laser up ahead? Dear sweet smeg, it’s a sniper!

It’s okay, I’ve got grenades, so I can take care of this. All I have to do is throw one into the window the sniper’s shooting out of and I’ll be on my way.

Like that, see? Easy peasy one-two-threesy.

Unless of course there’s another one on another bridge up ahead which is facing the other way and therefore has a clear shot. That one almost hit me in the nose, for crying out loud! Take that, you son of a parasprite!

Yeah, you take that. And you make the most of it while it lasts, you bloody smegging bastard.

Oh smeg, that looks nasty. There’s a train carriage blocking my path, and the flickering of the light behinds it suggests that there’s fire, plus I can hear gunshots which by the sounds of it are coming from machine guns AND shotguns.

I entered it in pretty much the same way I had entered the carriage which had contained Big Macintosh and his demon dog friend, but rather than a scrap yard it was a warzone on the other side. At first I thought it was another CP vs. Resistance battle, but these guys were gunning down zombies and they weren’t CP. Their armour was completely black except for the eyes, which were glowing either blue or orange, and their uniforms declared that they were Overwatch.

Smeg I hate the Combine. The Overwatch are so much tougher than the CPs, and they have better weaponry as well. HEY! YOU! DIE!

There, now he’s dead I can take his weapon, and it’s a real machine gun as well. Plus it looks like it can fire those energy ball thingies. Sweet! But they can’t hold as much ammo as the SMG... oh well.

Just as the mines had been crawling with headcrabs, so was this tunnel crawling with Overwatch. Deep down they might still have been ponies – innocent ponies who’d had this horrible thing done to them to make them evil – but that part was buried deeper than the centre of the Earth, and you can’t get much deeper than that, can you?

The tunnel emerged into a train yard with another warehouse nearby, and again there were Overwatch all over the place. I was pretty quick in taking care of them, but it sounded like somepony else might need my help.

Inside the warehouse was another battle, but this one was between a squad of Combine soldiers and three young mares who appeared to be about the same age as Pipsqueak. And they were losing.

One of them, an orange pegasus, cried out in pain and clutched her side. While her two friends (a white unicorn and a yellow earth pony) rushed to her aid, I gunned down the rest of the Overwatch and tried to catch my breath. What? Adrenaline can leave you panting, okay?

“Scoots, are you okay?” asked the unicorn.

“Am I okay?” the pegasus asked sarcastically. “I’ve just been shot in the wing and you’re asking if I’m okay? Of course I’m not okay! I’m in massive amounts of pain, if that’s what you mean!”

“Okay, just calm down, Scootaloo,” said the earth pony with a familiar accent. “We’ll get you to the infirmary and they can patch you up.”

“Let’s hope so,” said Scootaloo, “because if they can’t, somepony’s getting shot over this.”

“Hang on,” said the unicorn when she saw me for the first time. “Who are you?”

“Well,” I said, “you see, I’m, er-”

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The shout continued long after I was bowelled over by a pony-sized ball of vibrant pink energy which could only mean one thing.

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh I can’t believe you’re BACK! Everypony who was anypony was sooo so sad when we thought you were dead but now you’re not dead and you’re okay and now you’re back in Equestria! And everypony’s calling you the One Free Stallion and Trixie is sooo so mad that you’re taking out so many of the Overwatch and the Civil Protection which is good because they’re really mean but I’m glad you haven’t taken out Lightning Strike because he isn’t mean at all! And oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I’m just so happy I can’t believe you’re finally back and now we can have a PARTY!!”

“Pinkie!” I interrupted before my brain exploded. “I’m really glad I’m back too.” And I stood up so that I could give her a proper hug. She squeezed me a little tighter than I would have preferred, but I didn’t mind because I was just glad to be alive.

“Did you have to go through Trottingham?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said, and I explained about the zombie infestation and Pipsqueak the Pirate.

“Oh my gosh, that poor stallion!” she cried when I was done. “And I expect everybrony wanted Pipsqueak to be in the previous story, but the author decided not to include him so that he could replace Father Grigori, which was a position she was considering giving to Gilda but Pipsqueak seemed to make more sense and presented the possibility of Trottingham replacing Ravenholm.”

What. The smeg.

It’s Pinkie Pie. Duh! And the whole concept of Trottingham had seemed rather recycled, come to think of it... but that was irrelevant right now.

“Apple Bloom, is everything okay?” Pinkie asked somepony else.

“Scootaloo got hit in the wing,” said the earth pony who was apparently Apple Bloom, “but apart from that we ain’t got no casualties.”

“Great!” said Pinkie, and then she turned to me and said “Twilight’s been calling for like, the past ages and she said you were back but I didn’t want to believe her but-”

“Wait a minute,” I interrupted her again. “Twilight’s been calling?”

“Yeah, for like, the past hour!” said Pinkie. “And she’s been really worried about you, but the reception’s being naughty and Twist’s trying to sort it out. Shall we go and see if it’s fixed?”

“And talk to Twilight?” Of course I wanted to see if it was fixed!

So Pinkie led me (bouncing, of course) to the back of the warehouse, where there was a concreted room filled with injured ponies lying on bedrolls. And every single one must have been a school foal when the Combine invaded. I realise now that the white unicorn who had been fighting with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo was Sweetie Belle, and that they were the Cutie Mark Crusaders – emphasis on were.

Pinkie knocked on a door, and it was opened by a cream coloured mare with glasses and an incredibly bushy red mane.

“Hi Twist!” Pinkie chirped. “Any luck with the reception?”

“Yeth, it’th cleared up,” Twist lisped (rather unfortunate in my opinion), “but it’th not good newth. Twilight thayth... Twilight thayth the Doctor’th been captured.”

“Oh, that’s not good,” said Pinkie.

“Is Twilight there, can I talk to her?” I asked.

“Thure,” said Twist, and she walked out past me and Pinkie as we entered the next room.

There was an old radio sitting next to a very static-y TV set, displaying the worried face of Twilight Sparkle. There were also some crates off to the side which appeared to contain extra ammo and health stuff, but that’s irrelevant right now.

“Hey Twilight!” Pinkie squeaked. “Guess who just came from the train yard!”

“Hex, you’re alright!” Twilight sounded and looked both overjoyed and relieved at the same time. “You made it through Trottingham, thank Celestia. Listen, I need your help – the Combine’s captured the Doctor and they’ve taken him to Nova Discord.”

“I know what both those words mean,” I said, “so the name is literally ‘new chaos’. Not good, am I right?”

“You’re extremely right,” said Twilight. “It used to be a high security prison, but it’s something a lot worse now. It’s also on a cliff, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to get there via the coast road.”

“The coast road?” said Pinkie. “Have you gone loco in the coco, Twilight? It’s spawning season for the antlions! Ever since those things crossed over from the other dimension they’ve been nothing but trouble. Not even Fluttershy likes them very much!”

“I know, Pinkie,” Twilight replied, “which is why I want you to lend Hex the rover. You know, the one the Doctor fitted with a tau cannon just in case?”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie chirped, and pressed a button on the radio and said “Dinky, could you get the guys to bring out the buggy? Hex is gonna be driving it.”

“Will do,” said a feminine voice on the other end.

“Hex,” Twilight addressed me directly, “I haven’t driven the coast road in over a year, but I doubt it’s got any safer in that time. I’ll meet you at Nova Discord. And... be careful.”

“Don’t worry,” I said in what I hoped was a reassuring voice, “I made it through a zombie infested town, I can make it to Nova Discord. I’ll see you when I see you.” And with that, I reached forward and turned the television off.

Chapter 7 - Highway 17

Psst. Hey!

The Game.

You just lost it.

Anyway, Pinkie let me out the back of the warehouse (after I’d had some water of course, I was smegging thirsty) and it was only then that it actually hit me how long I’d been gone.

In dimension 33, the Combine had been draining the Earth’s oceans for whatever reason, and they were doing the same to Equestria. They’d had seventeen years for this jetty I’m standing on to not only be at least twenty feet above the level of the water, but also about a quarter of a mile away from it. Seriously, there’s a ship right there in the middle of the beach! That’ll totally ruin somepony’s tanning session.

Oh right, and there’s a dune buggy right in front of me and a giant magnet overhead, dangling off a crane. Plus a group of ponies fighting off these bug-like things which I presumed were the aforementioned antlions.

“You down there! You’re Hex, right?” said an obviously amplified female voice. I looked up and saw a unicorn mare sitting in the cab. I could make out a greyish-purple coat and a pale yellow mane, but not much else because it was pretty high up.

“Yeah, that’s me!” I gave her a wave. Damn, it really hurts when I shout that loud.

“Well, climb into the buggy and I’ll lower you down! Shouldn’t take a moment!”

Umm... okay. I wasn’t completely sure about this. Not because a giant magnet would mean me straining to keep my glasses on my face and I still wasn’t entirely used to my new and improved magical powers, but because giant magnets can and do fail, and I wouldn’t quite like falling and breaking my anything.

The seat was surprisingly comfy – it felt like it was stuffed with hair, which considering Equestria’s current situation was probably the case – yuck. The feeling of the wheel under my hooves and the weight of the freshly loaded ammo case on the back was incredibly reassuring, but what wasn’t reassuring was the fact that my stomach dropped into my hooves when the magnet gripped the metal running over my head and lifted me into the air. Seriously, I’ve never held onto anything as tightly as I held onto that steering wheel, and it didn’t help matters when the mare at the controls (What did Pinkie say her name was? Dinky? Pinkie and Dinky... dear sweet smeg on a bicycle) said “Oh, hang on; I’m having some trouble with the power.”

And I swear, less than half a second after she said that, the power of the magnet failed and I crashed, upside down, onto the beach and was almost instantly swarmed by antlions.

“Sorry!” yelled Dinky. “I guess I’ve got my mom’s clumsiness, I’m sorry!”

I gave her as cheery a wave as I dared and yelled “No worries!” which is my special way of saying “I’m never going to forgive you!” I nailed the nearest antlions with my shotgun, which would have been satisfying had I not wound up with brains in my hair and thorax splattered on my HEV suit.

This is gonna be tricky...

I climbed out of the buggy – hacking at the attacking bugs with my crowbar, which was clutched between my teeth due to the fact that I would need my horn free (not exactly easy) – and gave the buggy a quick burst of telekinesis which flipped it the right way up, before climbing in and hitting the gas.

You know what I said about the airboat earlier? Well, that comment can eat. My. ARSE! This was awesome! This was- this was so cool! I could fall out of this thing at any moment and that’s what made it so... I don’t think my heart has ever pumped so hard in my life – apart from, you know, every single time I see or think about or think about thinking about Twilight.

There’s got to be more ridges and bumps on this beach than an unwashed teenager’s face, and obviously they’ve got cars but not seatbelts in Equestria, but at least they have suspension so I can’t feel every bump, but it still feels like I’m riding a skateboard down a mountainside. And it’s fun as smeg! It’s the thrill of knowing you could fall out at any moment that makes this so exciting. It’s just... the antlion gore splattering against the windscreen free bonnet is rather off-putting. Other than that it’s the dodgem car most kids could only dream of.

Well, I think that’s enough faffing around on the beach. Time to hit the road!

Yes! This is what it feels like to be ALIVE!

“BORN TO BE WILD!!” There’s nopony out here to hear me, so that means I can sing and scream all I like! I’d like to see Amber tell me off for making a racket now!

Hmm. Amber.

I wonder how she’d cope in my situation. She’d probably be twice as far along as me by now, because she’s completely used to this sort of thing. I recall on the very same night she met Justin they were both imprisoned in a time-locked mountain fortress. Justin had been there for a full fifteen years, and hadn’t walked for all that time due to being chained to the wall, so when he got out he could hardly stand up without help.

From what she told me, he and Amber used the chain connecting their shackles through the wall to saw through the soft mortar and bust out. Did I mention the fortress contained a very large stock of artillery, live ammunition, weaponry and explosives? Maybe I should have, because she chucked a grenade into the works and became the very first person in the entire multiverse to single-handedly cut an entire mountain in half.

U mad, Mythbusters?

Yeah, they mad.

Seriously, I don’t think anyone – pony, human, humanoid or otherwise – could ever pull off something like that again. I mean, half a smegging mountain?! Smeg’s sake! You know, Amber actually told me that it was the single most awesome thing she had ever done in her entire life. And she’d had a LOT of life. How in smeg’s name am I supposed to compete with that? You tell me, ‘coz I would really like to know.

Yeah, yeah, I should get back to the story. It’s just that it seemed relevant at the time.

So I’m heading down the road, and there are several houses along the side of the highway which I know could have med kits and ammunition in them, but they also have pretty massive holes in the roofs and walls which indicate headcrab shells so... no. I won’t.

Plus, I encountered a few Overwatch pit stops, but I managed to clear them out (I won’t go into detail – this fic has a Teen rating and should be kept that way as much as possible) and picked up some health and ammo. I’m making this sound like a video game.

But that’s what it is! Half-Life was my favourite game when I lived in Australia. Could you imagine how a teenage boy with little-or-no social life would react when he found there was a way to enter his favourite computer game? It’s awesome! But then you find out that being in a world constantly under attack by alien douchebags isn’t as fun as the production companies make it out to be, especially when said alien douchebags appear to have only let the world be ruined because they lost the instruction manual or something.

Seriously, I don’t think the Combine know that I’m the One Free Stallion, so if something happens to me (which it hopefully wouldn’t) the Resistance could just as easily send some other guy in another hazard suit with another crowbar and call him the One Free Stallion in my place...

You’re right, that’s stupid. I’m being stupid.

Hullo, what’s this?

Looks kinda like a settlement or something. And there’s ponies running around – it kinda looks like they’re getting ready for something. I can feel the anticipation in the air... and that sounded like a line from a corny love song. You know, the ones about some bloke meeting a hot girl in a club and trying to chat her up? Those really smeg me off, because they’re really generic and unrealistic. So you fancy some girl you’ve never even met and you’re most likely never going to see her again in your whole life, so what? You can call me heartless if you like, but get the smeg over it, you pretentious... things!

Anyway, back to the point. Everypony was running around and grabbing weaponry – mostly guns, although I did see the odd bit of building here and there. There was a large house with a huge chunk missing from the roof set into a bank over there, and to the right there was a small sign that said “Little Flimflam”.

Eh?

The smeg does that mean?

“Hey, Hex!” The speaker was a chubby looking grey stallion with a dark mane and tail and... a knife and fork for a cutie mark? How the smeg does a pony get a knife and fork cutie mark? What’s his special talent; eating? Holding stuff still and cutting it? I have no smegging idea... do you? Do you know how a pony is supposed to get a knife and fork for a cutie mark? Please, ‘coz I’d really like to know.

What? You don’t know?

Never mind.

“Better get down in the basement, quick!” he cried. “Gonna be gunships all over this place any second, and Mr Flim will be glad to see you made it.”

Um... right. Basement. Glad we got that sorted out.

When I went down there I found a small group of ponies listening to a... was that a unicorn or an Earth pony? He was very tall and thin, and his mane looked like bacon (or maybe toothpaste – I dunno) and it looked like he’d- he’d cut off his own horn?! I could tell by the way it had been cut, but then again, I hadn’t seen any unicorns in the Overwatch or CP: smeg knows what happens to them.

Back to the point: he was holding a rocket launcher (NICE) and describing it thus:

“This steerable rocket launcher is our best bet for taking down a gunship.” Then he saw me. “Oh, greetings! Be with you in a moment. Where was I... oh yes. Using the laser guide, you can steer your rocket around the gunship’s defences and prevent it from shooting down your rocket. Now bear in mind that this will only anger it at first, but if you can survive for long enough to make several direct hits then you shall be rewarded with a prize worthy of even the most regal mantelpiece. Now, who is to be the lucky one to carry it into combat?”
I raised my hoof to ask a question.

“Ah! Hex, I believe! I could not have asked for a finer volunteer.”

He handed me the rocket launcher. Naturally I was in awe – I mean come on, it’s a smegging RPG for crying out loud – but now it seemed I had to fight a gunship.

Great.

The ex-unicorn gave me a salute.

“The name’s Flim, at your service-”

He was stopped in mid-sentence by a siren which cut through the air like a hot knife through butter.

Somepony yelled “Gunship!” and I caught myself thinking ‘Really? I would never have guessed: I thought the dolphins were invading.’

“Damn!” Flim swore. “Allow me to send a warning to Lighthouse Point and I shall be right up to lend a hoof!”

As I was leaving, I caught sight of a photo frame on the wall, which showed that Flim bloke and another stallion who looked exactly like him save for the moustache and solid red mane.

This guy had a twin brother?

Ouch.

Right. Let’s get this party started.

I ran outside, picking up some rockets on the way, and up into the house with the missing roof/wall – it’d give me a clear shot while still providing cover, so it kinda made sense.

Here it comes!

I can never get my head around what the gunships are, exactly. They look like really big crabs – really, really big crabs which have been turned into cyborgs (if that’s the case then I don’t want to know what they’re shooting) but I felt one of them once and it was definitely fleshy. So what in smeg’s name are they? I’m not gonna start this again because you probably already have too much on your mind.

It started shooting at the ponies who were outside and firing at it with varying shotguns and SMGs, providing ample distraction for me to fire a rocket and guide it right into the gunship, knocking it off course.

Bullseye, BITCH!

Oh smeg, now it’s seen me!

I dived behind a door, and felt if being pounded over and over again by bullet after bullet after terrifying bullet. When it finally stopped I heard more gunfire, this time from the other Resistance ponies, and took another shot at the gunship.

And again, BULLSEYE!

And it’s seen me again. That door’s not gonna hold out, so I hid behind a section of wall, and again I felt the bullets slamming into it, but I also saw them hitting the floorboards in front of me and pounding them into Swiss cheese. Gonna have to jump that on the way out.

I stepped very carefully out of cover and took aim again.

Smeg! Missed. And that was my last rocket!

“Hey, take this ammo!”

I don’t know who that was, but I’m very thankful for their contribution. I grabbed the rockets, slammed one into the launcher, and took aim...

“YEAH!!!” I screamed so loud that I hurt my throat. “THAT’S HOW WE DO IT IN MELBOURNE, BITCH!!!!”

Wow, I could actually feel the extra punctuation in my voice. Still, better than zero punctuation, eh?

My heart was pounding and felt like it was in my mouth, and I was panting despite the fact that I’d hardly even moved besides sidestepping a bit and pulling a trigger. I guess adrenaline can do that to a pony. I wonder what effect it has on magic...

I’ll start an experiment as soon as this is over. Maybe I can even get Twilight in on it.

No, not in that way! Get those thoughts out of your head, you pervert!

I slung the rocket launcher across my back and left the ruined house to return to my buggy.

“Your reputation precedes you, Hex,” said that Flim bloke, “I shall send somepony to open the gate for you momentarily.”

“Thanks,” I said.

Yeah, I wasn’t feeling very talkative at that time. I got into the buggy and when a pony opened the gate I drove up the road and OH SMEG THERE’S ANOTHER GUNSHIP AND THE CLIFFSIDE HIGHWAY IS FULL OF BUSTED CARS SO I CAN’T OUTRUN IT.

BOLLOCKS.

Oh, wait, that van has a crate of rockets in the back for some reason. I climbed inside through a busted out window and crouched (hopefully) out of sight. The crowbar made quick work of the lock on the crate, so I took out a rocket, loaded my RPG and, once again, scored a bullseye.

This really was like playing Half Life 2. Except for the fact that I could die at any second, of course. Thank smeg it can’t tell where the rockets are coming from or I’m deader than a dead thing in Deadsville in the International Year of Death, when it’s feeling particularly dead.

Two more shots and it was history. I don’t really feel like going into detail right now. After I punted the busted cars off the highway and into the ocean – seeing as the world’s a dump now, I don’t think a few extra bits of rubble in a lowering ocean will make much difference – I climbed back into the buggy and headed off again. And I swear I hadn’t got one kilometre before I had to get out again.

You know what roller mines are? They’re little electrical things, about the size of soccer balls (It’s weird; every country calls that sport soccer except England, and those guys call it football because it’s... I dunno) and they roll about disrupting electrical things and hurting things. They’re rather annoying – not just because they’re clinging to the buggy – but because when you take care of one, chances are there’s two more behind you, bleeping and zapping and being generally, you know, annoying.

And the worst part is that they hide in the ground and you can’t see them until you’re almost on top of them, at which point they jump up and start being annoying in your face. They’re like electric footballs crossed with piranhas.

I ran into three at an Overwatch outpost where they had set up a force field across the road, which by the looks of things was drawing power from a van hidden behind a building. After taking out the soldiers, I punted the van off the side of the cliff and it slid into the sea, at which point I grabbed the Overwatch’s leftover ammo and hopped into the buggy.

Again, I’m going to fast forward a bit. I spent ages on that road, and honestly I don’t remember most of the trip, but I think my memory gets a lot clearer when I reached the rail bridge.

Yes, the rail bridge.

The Overwatch had a surprisingly well organised set-up: I would take out one soldier, and find myself being shot in the flank by another. Once they were taken out I pulled out my PFM, but the worst damage was a few bruises and some minor shock. Nothing too major.

One of the houses had a set of binoculars in a broken window – the kind you find at the seaside where you put a coin in and make out the markings on the yachts on the horizon. There was one major difference here: rather than a nice ocean view, I could see what looked like a major Resistance base. Maybe it was that Lighthouse Point that Flim guy had mentioned, because there was definitely a lighthouse. There were ponies everywhere, one or two were shoving dead antlions into the ocean, and I could swear I saw the G-Colt in one of the upstairs windows.

I looked up at the bridge. I could tell I would have to drive across it, but there was another force field across it, and by the looks of at least two more at intervals. I saw that the cables ran along the bridge and...

...across to the other side?

Come ON!

Okay Hex, stay calm, you can do this. Just keep your cool.

There was a pathway carved into the cliff side, with a door leading into the bridge. A little bit of careful navigation and I was facing the massive arrangement of steel girders which kept the railway from falling into the shallow sea below.

Okay, nothing to worry about. I got through Ravenholm, right? I can do this. I can do this!

Smeg, those things are steep...

Here goes.

EEK! Slippery!

Okay, I think I’ve got a grip now. My hoof squeaked and slid off when I put it down the first time, but I think I’m okay. Were it not for the HEV suit, I would probably have slipped and fallen to my doom.

You’re probably wondering “Why doesn’t he just take the walkway? Don’t all big bridges have them for maintenance and stuff?”

Well, there wasn’t one. There were pieces here and there, but nothing really big. The only worthwhile stretch of trustable walkway was about halfway up, and in order to get to it I’d have to step outside the confines of the girders and there’s Overwatch shooting at me now.

Hang on. Is that a crossbow? With a sniper scope?

Nice.

Rather than bolts it looked like it used rods of steel, and when I loaded it something magical in the crossbow made them heat up until they were glowing red. I don’t know about you, but that is just... just so cool.

A few barnacles were hanging onto the underside of the bridge like evil lampshades, but I quickly took care of them – not with the crossbow though, because it can only hold five shots at a time. The entire bridge scene is too terrifying to relive completely, so I’ll skip to the part where I was on the other side. I came to a room where there were a couple of Overwatch guarding a generator for the shield. I was getting a little tired of these guys, so I telekinetically grabbed a can of paint and coloured them white.

Then I shot them and blew up the generator with a grenade.

When I got outside, there was another gunship waiting for me. Thankfully there were some spare rockets at the midpoint of the bridge, so it was easy to take down so long as I dodged from girder to girder, hiding from the bullets, and avoided being shaken off by the rumble of a train passing overhead.

When I finally got back to the other side of the bridge, I found that the walkway back to my buggy was blocked by a headcrab unicorn zombie. I put it out of its misery and charged back to the buggy whilst trying to avoid being shot by Overwatch. I couldn’t be bothered to shoot them all, so I drove past them and onto the bridge.

OH SMEG THERE’S A TRAIN COMING!

Okay, just concentrate...

I poured every droplet of energy I had into my horn, and struggled to levitate the buggy. Maybe if I did enough, I could lift it up and over the train.

Yes! Yes, it’s working! Oh smeg, it hurts, but it’s working!

Oh smeg, I just... I can’t keep this up.

The buggy fell with a crash onto the roof of the train. Instinct kicked in and I slammed a hoof down onto the accelerator. The speedo climbed to 100kmph, 125, 160...

And finally the train ended, and I shot off the end like a champagne cork.

Any more like this and I was going to fall asleep at the wheel.

But I had a job to do, and by smeg, I was going to bloody well do it.

Lighthouse Point couldn’t be too far away, could it?

Chapter 8 - Sandtraps

“Unhand me this instant! Release me, you dogs! You brutes!”

She struggled and strained against the ponies who held her, but it was no use: they were just too strong. Every time she managed to get a limb free, another ghastly pony would seize it and hold it still.

It wasn’t long before she was held without a single hoof touching the floor. She still struggled though. Her mane could wait – in any other circumstances, she may have considered her appearance a matter of life or death, but now that she was in a real matter of such, all she wanted to do was run and hide.

“Get off me! Didn’t you hear me, I said get OFF! Don’t you know who I am? Let me GO!”

She looked up at the sound of that strangely familiar voice. It was a tall white unicorn stallion – they were always unicorns – who was battling the horrible Overwatch like a trained warrior. He bucked and punched and kicked and threw one of them off the catwalk, where it hit the concrete in front of her and sprayed blood everywhere.

It was all she could do not to vomit on the floor.

She watched until the stallion was finally restrained, every one of his hooves suspended in the air, and they threw him roughly into the tall, pillar-like machine.

His scream was deafening and blood curdling.

As she watched, a horrible creature walked out of the other side. It was barely even recognisable as a pony anymore, let alone a living creature. She felt her blood ran cold in her veins.

That... that was going to happen to her?

But-but she was only just starting to live her life. She had spent so many years believing that appearance – the strict following of fashion and painstaking care in one’s make-up and hair styling – was the most important thing a pony could worry about.

And then she had met him. The gentle golden stallion, the most kind and handsome pony she had ever met (when he wasn’t talking about his town, of course) and the only one who had cared for her in the way she had dreamed since she was a little filly.

He didn’t even know she was missing. Nopony did. She would disappear and nopony would notice. And after all the awful things she had done in her life, would anypony even care that she was gone?

Then they started to carry her towards the machine.

She twisted her body this way and that, trying to pull her legs out of her captor’s grasp, and screamed blue murder (even though she was white, not blue) but it was useless.

“Hey.”

It wasn’t a shout. It wasn’t even particularly loud. The voice was barely more than a whisper, but it was enough for the thugs restraining her to freeze, and all of them turned around slowly.

They were faced by the angriest pegasus she had ever seen. His overall appearance was more rugged than infuriated; 5 o’clock shadow, ragged mane, bandages covering most of one side of his face and the tattered remains of a blue and yellow uniform.

The rage was concentrated into his left eye. It almost glowed with undiluted fury, and it had been so long since she’d seen such a soul-piercing shade of green.

And the feathers of his right wing were curled around a minigun.

“Now listen guys,” he said to her captors, “we can do this the easy way... or the Wonderbolt way.”

The thugs dropped Rarity to the floor and took hold of their own firearms, but rather than fear, Soarin’s expression became one of satisfaction which could almost pass for pleasure.

“I guess it’s gonna be the Wonderbolt way.”

Hell hath no darker smile than the one that split his face at that moment.

“Hex!”

I remember this guy. It was the same stallion who had let me through into the second half of the underground and told me that the guy the Combine were hunting (read: me) was boned. Apparently he’s at Lighthouse Point now. Smeg knows why.

“If Ah had known who you were,” he said as I pulled to a stop, “Ah swear I would have given ya all the help ya needed. Ah’ve heard so much about ya!”

“Uh,” I said, “well, there isn’t much to tell, really.”

“Anyway, the Combine’s on the hunt for ya,” he said, “and they know you’ve got the buggy so yer gonna have to go on hoof from here.”

“Where should I put it?”

“Garage, over there. And make it quick, we’re expectin’ dropships any second!”

So I parked the buggy in a nearby garage and quickly jumped outside again. Dropships? That couldn’t be good.

“You know,” I told the other guy once I was outside again, “this is going to be a lot easier if I know your name.”

“It’s Braeburn.”

An apple breed. How did I guess? The country accent was a good clue, along with the apple cutie mark... whatever. I’m too tired to be worrying about this right now. Besides, there’re dropships on the way. I don’t have time to be making snarky comments.

What am I saying? I’ve always got time to make snarky comments!

Okay, right. It looks like I’m going to have to use my guns for this one. Something I’ve noticed about the Overwatch is that the ones with blue eyes usually have machine guns, and the ones with orange eyes always have shotguns, so I’m not about to run out of ammunition.

But what’s not very comforting is that I’ve seen loads of the guys, but I haven’t seen a single unicorn...

I don’t know what happens to them, and the truth is I don’t want to know.

Here they come!

Everypony else is hiding, and I don’t want to sound arrogant but it kinda seems like a rather dumb thing to do. There’s going to be more than one, and they’re bound to have at least fifteen or twenty troops on board, so why wait for them to pile up? Take ‘em out as soon as you can and get it over with.

Like this.

Welcome to Hex’s Combine Resistance for Kiddies Who Want to Live to be Eighteen! Today, boys and girls, we’re going to learn how to defend a small town from a group of complete smegheads who want to wipe out a bunch of innocent civilians for no reason whatsoever!

Now kids, you may need to get your mummy’s and daddy’s permission for some of the things we’re going to be using today, but don’t worry! Once we get started you can have hours of harmful fun!

As you can see, I already have all my tools prepared, but you will need to scavenge the remaining items for yourself. A friend will give you a crowbar, but as you travel through the underbelly of City 17, a zombie infested town whose only inhabitant is a nutcase pirate wannabe, and a coastline infested with Combine and weird bug things that want to eat you, don't miss any opportunities to pick up extra weaponry.

So, you will need a crowbar, USP Match, a Heckler & Koch MP7, a .357 Magnum, several MK3A2 Grenades, a Combine SPAS-12, an Overwatch Standard Issue Pulse Rifle, an RPG, a roughly cobbled crossbow, and possibly other weapons that I can’t remember right now.

Now, what you need to do, boys and girls, is to wait until the dropships are coming into land, because then you’ll know where the troops are coming out. Then just as the dropships are landing you hide nearby where they can’t see you, because that will give you the element of surprise. Remember kids: they can’t see ya, they ain’t gonna beat ya!

And want you want to do now is to jump out, right as the Overwatch are getting their bearings, and slam five consecutive bullets into their foreheads. Just like that. See? It’s easy. Now you try it!

Okay, I’m sorry.

But that does seem to be the best strategy. Wait until they’ve only just been dropped off and waste the smeggers right there and then before they’ve got a clue what’s going on.

“They’re comin’ in over the road!”

Great. You know, the Combine are really inconsiderate. Couldn’t they have landed somewhere other than the other side of the town... village... thing?

You’re right; I should focus on the job at hand.

Hoof?

I dunno.

Once I was done with the ones coming over the road, Braeburn shouted “Another one comin’ in at the lighthouse!” And then when I had dealt with those guys, a gunship raised itself out of smegging NOWHERE and started strafing at me, so me and some other ponies took shelter in the lighthouse.

“I’m gonna have to take that thing out, aren’t I?” I asked.

“Sorry, but you’re the fella wit’ the RPG,” said Braeburn. “There’s a crate o’ rockets up the top ‘case ya run out.”

“Thanks,” I said, and this time I actually meant it. I got the feeling that Braeburn was a pretty decent guy – certainly a guy I wouldn’t mind having a beer with. And hey, Rarity said she fancied him before the invasion, and any friend of my friend is a friend of mine.

Well, probably more than a friend by now, but that’s beside the point.

Hey, do you ever get these weird impulses whenever something dangerous is nearby? Like, say you were heading to school one morning and you got the sudden urge to jump in front of a car just to see what would happen. Or when you get up to the top of a lighthouse, you start to feel like jumping off. Do you ever get that? I do. It’s so weird. I scare myself sometimes.

I wonder what it’s like to get hit by an RPG. Judging by what happened to that one Overwatch soldier who just WOULDN’T SMEGGING DIE, it can’t be very pleasant.

Of course, it’s okay for the gunships, because they can take three before they go down.

Speaking of which...

Triple check and mate, sucker!

Oh smeg, did I seriously think that? I gotta calm down; I don’t want to turn into a smegging serial killer!

Deep breaths... that’s better. Urge to kill lowering. Heart rate returning to normal. That’s better. You know, I feel curiously better for that.

Thing is, what if another one comes along?

I grabbed some extra rockets and headed back downstairs, to where Braeburn was waiting for me.

“Y’all okay?” he asked.

“I’ve been better,” I told him, “but I think I’ll live.”

“Good ta know,” said Braeburn. “Twilight’s gonna need all the help she kin git at Nova Discord.”

“How far is it?”

“Lighthouse Point makes the two-third point from City 17, and Little Flimflam makes the one-third point, so you ain’t got far to go. But since the Combine’s on the hunt for ya, y’all will have ta walk from here.”

I cursed something horrible in my mind.

“Ah’ll let ya out onta the cliff path,” said Braeburn, “but Ah’m ‘fraid from there y’all will be alone.”

“I understand,” I told him, “but I think I’ll be okay. Let me just grab some extra ammo.”

He nodded, and I ran up and out of the lighthouse. Raiding guns for ammunition is a lot easier when you can actually use your telekinesis to lift something heavier than a feather. When I got back in Braeburn was in the basement, and had opened a door which led out onto a cliff path, like he’d said. I thanked him for his help and left Lighthouse Point.

The cliff path was very narrow and broken in places which were hardly reasonable, but I made it across and into a sheltered tunnel bit. I considered curling up and taking a quick nap – seriously, I’m starting to get really tired – but I had a job to do and by smeg I was going to get it done.

On the other side of the tunnel I came to a bit where there was a ring of wide, flat rocks protruding from the ground. They cut off the grassy bit I stood on from a bit which was sand as far as the eye could see, surrounded by walls of rock which weren’t quite tall enough to qualify as cliffs.

On another couple of flat rocks, cut off from the rest by a ring of sand, where two pegasi. Mares. One (unconscious) grey with a blonde mane and bubbles cutie mark, the other amber with a turquoise mane and triple raindrop cutie mark.

“Stop!” she commanded. “Don’t come any closer! Whatever you do, don’t touch the sand, it drives the antlions crazy!”

“Well, can I help?” I asked, because there had to be something I could do, but then the grey mare began to stir.

“No!” cried her friend. “No, Ditzy, don’t get up-”

Too late. The grey mare, apparently named Ditzy, rolled off the rock and onto the sand, and as soon as she did a group of antlions sprang out of the ground and started to savage the two mares. I shot them all and blew them to smithereens, but like I said, it was too late. The grey one was dead.

“Ditzy,” he friend moaned, “no...”

She turned to me.

“You should go,” she said, tears trickling down her cheeks. “Fluttershy’s camp is up ahead, but whatever you do, stay off the sand. There’s nothing else you can do now.”

Easier said than done. There’re plenty of rocks raised above the sand, and lots of big sheets of steel and stuff for me to haul around and make temporary stepping stones (even though they weren’t stones) but it was still quite a challenge.

And even though I know I’m supposed to be focused on the task at hand (hoof? I can never figure this out) there was so much pain in that mare’s eyes. It was obvious those two had been friends for a very, very long time, and now that grey one had just been killed...

What was her name? Ditzy?

I didn’t even know who she was, and now she’s dead... and now that’s got me thinking.

How many innocent ponies – ponies I didn’t know, had never or would never or could never know – were killed by the Combine? ‘How many ponies were there in Equestria’ would be a more useful question really, because I suspect that about 90% were taken in by the Combine, so that would leave about 10% of the population remaining: still a significant number, and maybe 0.75% if not 1% were Resistance...

Why the smeg am I trying to turn this into something mathematical?

Because maths is something I understand, along with science, technology and how to not die. Those are the few things I really and I mean truly know, along with how to make a fool of myself in front of the mare I love.

And everypony’s acting as though I’m some big hero, like any second I’m going to pull a machete out of my arse and go Jason Voorhees on the Advisors while shooting Trixie in the forehead with a .44 Magnum (the most powerful handgun in the world – do ya feel lucky?) and summoning smegging Cthulhu to devour the Citadel and poop a rainbow to cleanse the world and free all the little bunnies.

I am not a hero. I’ve learned a lot about being a hero, having practically been the substitute brother of one for the best several years of my life (and no, she didn’t friendzone me; we just never thought of each other in that way) but there’s no way I’m ever going to be a real one.

Although...

Brown hair? Check. Green eyes? Check. Glasses? Check. Powered armour? Check. Ridiculous amounts of firepower? Check. Crowbar? Check.

Fighting the Combine while trying to assist love interest and not be killed myself? Check.

Holy smeg... I’m turning into Gordon Freeman!

The reason I’m rambling like this is because, again, I’m sure you’re not interested in every single little detail of my trek across what used to be the beaches of Equestria, and was now a breeding ground for these antlion things. The worst part is that if I put so much as a hoof on the sand they spring up like a jack-in-the-box, but don’t seem to notice if I stand on a steel door or sheet of corrugated iron which somehow wound up nearby.

Seriously, how did this stuff even get here? I’d understand if it came along with the Combine – with just about everything else, it would seem – but how did it end up all over the beach?

WHOA.

That was too close. Almost fell off.

Okay, how am I going to do this? This sort of seesaw thing. I’m gonna have to try and put as much weight as possible on one end so I can use it as a slope to get onto that big rock up there.

I think that should be enough. If not...

SMEG!!

Gotta run gotta run gotta run gotta shoot the antlions, and stop them from eating my head.

There. Safe- Not safe and sound!

Whew. That was close. One of them landed on my back. My back, for smeg’s sake! I only just got my crowbar out in time. And now I’ve got antlion brains on the back of my neck.

Yuck.

Second time lucky.

As I was saying...

Because of me all of Equestria has fallen into complete and total ruin. I’m pretty sure the Cutie Mark Crusaders weren’t supposed to be freedom fighters. Who the smeg wants an SMG on their flank, anyway?

Although that would be kinda cool...

But that wasn’t what they were supposed to be. They were supposed to grow up with normal lives, not having to battle and wage war just for the right to breathe. And even worse: I know what the Combine do to children. It isn’t nice, and I’m not going to tell you what it is, just that they don’t come back.

Or if they do, you can’t recognise them.

Sometimes, I wonder how any creature could be so evil. When I was travelling with Amber I came across the most unspeakable horrors in the multiverse, and somehow I retained my sanity... I think. Quite often I rely on others to tell me about my mental state, because I’m sure you’ll agree that your own self can’t be very good for that kind of evaluation.

For example, I once asked Amber to tell me if I snored, and she told me that I did, but I didn’t believe her, so I set up a recorder just in case. Turns out she wasn’t just right: I snored like a pig with pneumonia.

See what I mean? Judging yourself can only lead to trouble, and thanks to Amber I spent nearly ten days in the Chasm of Sar.

I’m not saying you should never think about yourself – it can save your life.

Like...

Equestria isn’t just a world anymore. It’s MY world. It’s the world I chose to live in, and I’m going to take responsibility for it.
How dare the Combine come here and try to destroy it. How DARE they! These were innocent ponies. I bet some of them had never even heard the word ‘war’ before. And... How many ponies were there in Ponyville alone who hadn’t left school yet? How many didn’t have their cutie marks? How many... How many weren’t even old enough for school?

All those ponies...

Oh smeg it, I can’t afford to think like this right now. But...

I know I have a job to do. I know I have to get to Nova Discord and help Twilight get the Doctor, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think about stuff.

Okay. Better get my head in the game.

I can see a thumper up ahead. I think it’s something to do with vibrations: they thump really heavy weights into the ground and antlions can’t go within about fifteen metres of them. But it’s turned off, and there aren’t really any easily accessible and large enough pieces of debris for me to form stepping stones with.

I’m just gonna have to leg it.

Time it right... three, two one-

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNPRESSTHEBUTTONQUICK!!

Phew. Turned it on just in time. Thing is now I’m surrounded by the smegging things, and every time I shoot one two more take its place. There’s a massive mound of rocks over there, and I don’t need X-ray vision to see there’s something on the other side. I can hear something moving as well. And it... kinda sounds like it’s... pretty big.

But in the words of Prince Vultan and Freddie Mercury, who wants to live forever?

This shouldn’t be too hard. I can levitate myself and a buggy at the same time, so just levitating myself shouldn’t be too hard. Heck, if I do this enough times it should be as easy as lifting a feather.

Here we go. Give me some dramatic music for atmosphere, would you?

Dundundun dundundun dundundundun DUNDUN dun dun ditdit DAH DAH DAH. Dundundun dundundun dundundundun DUNDUN dun dun ditdit NAH NAH NAH badadah badadah badadadiddlelat-dah... badadah badadah bedah-daddle-lah!

The shadows are getting rather long. I wonder how long I’ve been doing this, and yes, that is the fighter music from Star Wars, from the scene where Han Solo and Luke Skywalker battle the Empire after rescuing Princess Leia. Before that franchise became more overused than primary school sports equipment.

Pretty good music for flying by magic, don’t you think?

And it worked, too!

Antlions can fly.

Sorry, but when I’m annoyed I quite often state the obvious in a sarcastic deadpan voice, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who does.

OH SMEG. I was right: on the other side of this rock wall there’s an enormous empty basin of sand. Pure sand. It’s covered in tiny little bits of litter and for some reason, barrels of explosive liquid.

Heh, it’s okay, I wasn’t planning on living today.

HO.

LY.

SMEG.

GING.

HELL.

That thing is absolutely smegging HUGE!!! It looks like the mother of all antlions! And it’s coming right for me like a charging bull. Holy smeg, I am done for.

GAH! It almost hit me!

I think I know the reason for those barrels of explosive stuff now. Let me just pick one up...

There we are.

Right. I’ve got to wait until it’s charging at me again. Then I’ve got the best chance of a good shot, even though it sounds like the most terrifyingly bad plan in the history of terrifyingly bad plans. Counting down to one...

ONE!

It hit, but I think I just made it angry. Let me just try again. Okay, okay, deep breaths, stay calm...

ONE AGAIN!

It kinda looks like it’s bleeding now. It’s got stuff pouring off it in buckets, and it’s absolutely disgusting. Were it not for the sand I would be swimming in the stuff. I think one more shot should do the trick.

Just stay calm, you can do this, Hex...

And, for the third time, ONE!

There. I’ve done it. It’s dead. I hope.

“Thank you, Hex.”

Wait a sec- it can’t be!

“That monster wasn’t letting anypony leave.”

I turned around, and saw that it was indeed who I thought it was. Or maybe it’s some other yellow pegasus with a long pink mane and greenish-blue eyes.

“Fluttershy!” I cried, and she ran over and gave me a great big hug. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so bad. If she charged money for hugs, this girl could quite possibly be the richest mare in Equestria.

Seriously, for the fifteen seconds I spent hugging her, I felt considerably better about myself.

“You might want to stand back a little,” she said when she released me, and approached the dead giant antlion. “Getting the pheropods out is... not very clean, I’m afraid.”

Pheropods?

She took a knife out of a saddlebag and slit open the monster’s abdomen (yuck) before reaching in (double yuck) and pulling out some small pod-like things about the size of cricket balls, which squeaked like two inflatables being rubbed together when she gave them to me.

“Follow me,” she said, and headed through a door in an artificial wall in the rock.

She seems to have got a lot more confident since the invasion, but I don’t really want to know how that happened. It was probably some horrible experience she had to live through. And she seemed totally fine with me killing that giant antlion thing, which means she’s lost a little of her love for animals.

And... her love for animals was what made her Fluttershy. It’s what made her who she was. If she’s lost that...

Wow, it’s nice and shady in here. Cool too. Apart from the shelter and the fire over there with the group of demon dogs and the... is that a zebra? She’s white with black stripes, so I guess she is, but what is one of them doing in a place like this?

“Greetings Hex, and have no dread,” she said when she saw me, “Nova Discord is just up ahead, but if in this life you wish to stay, you must let Miss Fluttershy show you the way.”

Um... “Thanks.”

I guess zebras in Equestria speak in rhyme. Wish somepony had told me so it didn’t seem so weird.

Fluttershy led me up a narrow path and through a small opening into a much larger cave which looked like it was split into two levels, one considerably lower than the other and with a pit in the middle, and on the edge of that pit a dummy of an Overwatch pony (at least, I sincerely hoped it was a dummy) was tied to a large post.

“This is something you’ll have to remember, if that’s alright with you,” said the yellow pegasus, and she sounded like her old meek self again. Maybe she hasn’t changed as much as I’d thought.

“What is it?” I asked. “It doesn’t involve going onto the sand, does it? It’s just that every time I do-”

Fluttershy promptly stepped onto the sand, and not one, not two, but three antlions sprang out of the ground.

“That happens,” I finished unnecessarily.

The antlions focused upon me and her and started making a beeline. I drew my crowbar in preparation, but Fluttershy held up a hoof to stop me. Good thing she did, too: rather than attacking, the bugs swarmed around us as if we were their mother. It was kinda cute in a weird, slightly grotesque way.

“How are you doing that?” I asked. “No, wait: it’s the pheropods, isn’t it?”

“Um, yes,” said Fluttershy. “The antlion queens use them to control the rest of the swarm. Poor things.”

“Poor things?”

“Before the Combine came here, they used to be pony-like shape-changing creatures called Changelings. But the invasion happened, and the portal storms mutated the poor little babies until they didn’t even look like ponies anymore. And, um, you probably already know about the parasprites.”

“Yeah,” I said, “and I really wish I didn’t.”

“So do I,” Fluttershy said, and wiped away a tear. “I thought dragons were scary, but dragons would never mutilate innocent creatures just because they could. Oh, my poor little Angel...” She let out a small sob, but was quick to compose herself.

“Anyway,” she said, “that’s in the past now. Nova Discord is a dangerous place and you’re going to need some help. And I think these little guys will be more than happy to help you.”

She tossed a pheropod into the pit, and the antlions clustered around the point of impact and clawed at it as if trying to dig the spilt pheromones out of the sand. Gotta admit: that’s rather impressive.

“Can I try?” I asked.

“Go right ahead,” she said.

Just to experiment I threw a pheropod at what I had sincerely hoped was a dummy. You should have seen it: the antlions tore into that thing as if it had eaten one of their babies and they were trying to get it out.

“Whoa,” was all I could say.

“That’s what everypony else said when they saw what the pheropods do to the antlions,” Fluttershy explained. “If you squeeze them, they’ll follow you wherever you go.”

I gave a pheropod a small squish, and true to the pegasus’ word, the trio of bug things leapt to attention in a rather staggered flock by my side.

“Wait a minute,” I said as something else caught my attention. “What if I run out?”

“Pheropods regenerate themselves,” said Fluttershy as she walked over to a gate, “so you won’t be running out any time soon.”

She pulled on a lever and the gate was winched high enough for me and the bugs to pass underneath.

“Good luck,” she wished me. “Celestia knows you’re going to need it.”

It was a lot darker on the other side, but there was a soft glow at the end of the tunnel. No, I wasn’t dead. I think I would have noticed.

As I made my way out I was met by more antlions, and I gave a pheropod a squeeze to make sure they followed me, but I hadn’t got ten metres from the other side when I ran into a thumper. It was within range of another thumper as well, which meant I could either continue on alone and get cheesed (like getting creamed, but takes a bit longer and is generally more complicated) or turn them off and risk getting detected.

There was a third option: turn around and high-tail it out of there.

But what kind of pony do you think I am?

So I climbed up the ladder and to where the controls were situated and turned the thumper off, and as I suspected a feminine if robotic voice declared that the antlion defences had been breached. I couldn’t make out what it was saying, but I knew that I would have to make this quick.

I wonder if they had any world wars in Equestria, because then I would have a “storming the beach” to compare this too, but that seems unlikely so I’m going to compare this to the beach-storming at Normandy during WW2. Only I bet those troops didn’t send a single smegging bloke in an HEV suit with a small horde of antlions at his flank.

But you know what the best part is? Everything’s happening on the sand, so by attacking me the Combine are really just increasing the odds that are already stacked against them by my ridiculous amounts of firepower (and a crowbar – the crowbar is the important bit).

Let’s DO this!

The last time I did this was exactly never ago. Yeah, you may find it hard to believe, but never before in my life have I attacked a large Combine depot with a swarm of mutated pony bug things.

But I should be able to work this out: run like hell, throw a pheropod here and there to lure the antlions into attack – they really will do ANYTHING to get that stuff – and shoot anypony who somehow manages to survive the hordes. I’m alternating between guns to save on ammunition, but I’m saving my pistol for any headcrabs that may or may not come along because it isn’t exactly the most powerful weapon in my artillery.

Thing is, it’s pretty hard to gallop on sand, because it’s so soft. It’s like it drains your energy or something and- OW! See, I just slipped and got a face full of sand. Ever got sand in your mouth? Not very nice, is it? And it’s even worse when it goes up your nose.

I miss my fingers sometimes.

Hang on...

THAT’S how the non-unicorns fire guns! They have the handles in their mouths and use their tongues to pull the triggers. Except the pegasi: by the looks of things they use their prehensile feathers to both hold and shoot the firearms.

Glad I worked that out. But it would still be nice to see a unicorn or two. I’m starting to feel like they might be hornist.

That sounded really dirty, didn’t it? Forget I said it.

Okay, it looks like I’m going to have to keep close to the watchtowers, because otherwise they’ve got a clear shot at my big brown head. Thing is, it’s the one part of my body which is uncovered, but they all take pot shots at my body. It’s really strange, and according to my PFM I’m getting nothing but bruises.

WOW.

That must be Nova Discord. I’d heard it was heavily fortified, but the other Resistance members could have spared a moment to tell me it was HUGE. I think it’s built into the cliff, because it’s absolutely massive. I don’t really want to have to paint you a picture. Lots of spotlights too, but I doubt a place that gargantuan could ever have anypony breaking out. It’s like Shawshank without the smeghead warden or the epic story.

Looks like I’m going to have to climb up this cliff. At least there’s a good ladder. But why have ladders in a world populated entirely by creatures with no way of holding onto the rungs except for wrists and ankles? It’s pretty hard – not impossible, but hard. At least I can throw some pheropods overhead so my antlion buddies can take out any Overwatch up above.

Huh, that was interesting.

See, my way in is going to have to be this massive pipe, and a pegasus zombie just jumped out, straight past me, and crashed into the ocean several hundred metres below.

That was very interesting.

In I go, then. Looks like it’ll be a while before I actually get into the prison structure, so I’ll have to take out the Combine troops still dumb enough to think they can take us all down – by us, I mean me and the antlions. Seriously, they may have been a bit murderous towards me before, but now their genocidal attitude is coming in rather handy. Look at that! That one just took out two of them as if it was nothing! Cool or what? And they’re working in teams, too. This is, by far, the most interesting firefight I have ever been involved in.

What’s odd is that it rather looks as if a few of the more intelligent soldiers are trying to reason with the bugs, or convince them to attack me instead. And they’re getting clawed to pieces. I know this should be laughable, but in truth...

In truth, it’s rather sad. It means those ponies have retained enough of their old selves to have a little intelligence. And that intelligence has just been snuffed out.

I should move on. They’re dead, which means there’s nothing else I can do for them, just like there was nothing I could do for that grey mare who I saw die in her friend’s hooves.

Oh smeg, there’s another gunship! It’s okay, I’ve got a full stock of rockets and I can see a crate over there. I’ll just- just hit it, like that. And again.

Whoa, it almost hit me that time! One more shot...

Just like that.

It’s dead.

And hey, it blew up a pipeline and now there’s a great big hole in the wall! Alright, it looks as if it leads into a maintenance area or something, but that’s a start. It’ll lead into the main prison structure.

Don’t worry, Twilight. I’m on my way.

Chapter 9 - Nova Discord

“Attention citizens. Please evacuate the buildings and assemble in the main road in an orderly fashion.”

Nopony left any buildings. One mare closed the shutters on her window, tumbleweeds drifted across the dusty street and somewhere in the distance, a hawk let out a piercing cry.

There was no other sound. There hadn’t been any other sound ever since the dropships had landed, and it was for an extremely good reason: the Appleloosans had seen what had happened to the buffalo. Would any pony want to associate with such monsters after that?

No. They would not.

“Attention citizens. Use of live ammunition has been authorised. Please evacuate the buildings and assemble in the main road in an orderly fashion, or we will open fire.”

Still nopony left. Even for a one-horse town, this place was extraordinarily quiet. A single face – that of a yellow pegasus with a long, flowing pink mane and blue-green eyes – looked around a door, but she squeaked in terror when she saw the Overwatch standing in the middle of the street and closed the door again.

“This isn’t working,” said the commander. With a couple of motions of his hoof, groups of black-armoured stallions and mares trotted casually into each of the structures and started dragging out the protesting ponies.

“Where’s Rarity?” demanded one: a golden stallion with a two-toned mane, green eyes, a single apple as a cutie mark and most distinctively a large hat and a vest. “What in tarnation have y’all done with her?!”

The response to this demand was a whack across the face with the butt of a rifle.

“Hey!” yelled a Palomino mare in a Stetson. “You leave mah cousin alone!”

“Move it!” the Overwatch officers demanded, and it wasn’t long before the entire town was assembled outside in the heat of the baking sun.

“You all have a choice,” the commander declared. “You may join our ranks, become members of the Overwatch, and bring honour and glory to your family, or die at the hooves of our rifles.”

“Neither.”

The stallion who had spoken out now left the crowd and stood between them and the Overwatch.

“Oh no,” whimpered a dull pink mare with a deathly straight mane, “he’s going to die!”

“Yer not takin’ anypony today,” said Braeburn, “and yer not takin’ any Appleloosan any day! We are proud ponies, and we ain’t gon let ourselves fall! Y’all may’ve killed mah friends, but ya ain’t takin’ mah family!”

Rather than saying anything, the Overwatch commander simply nodded at the soldier who was nearest to the objective farmer, who seconds later was lying semi-conscious in the dust.

“Braeburn!” cried Applejack, and she ran forward and cradled her cousin’s head in her hooves.

“Did... Did it work?”

That was the last thing he said before he passed out. Applejack looked up when she heard the cocking of a rifle, and found herself staring straight down a metal barrel at unseeing, glowing orange eyes.

“Let this be an example to all those who resist the might of the Combine,” said the wielder of the gun.

Suddenly, from above, a single word pierced the tension of the atmosphere and cut through the heat like a hot knife through butter:

“SPITFIRE!!!”

And then, all hell broke loose.

Tell you what? You do this.

I’ve been talking for far too long. For a moment, put yourself in my armoured horseshoes. This is you, invading Nova Discord with a small army of antlions.

Here you go...

When you open the door to the inner Combine sanctum that is Nova Discord, you find your heart can’t decide whether to pound in your throat or sink into your hooves. The good thing is that it isn’t particularly evil or nasty looking: in fact, it looks just like any other prison, just a little older. Nopony’s there to shoot your brains out and that reassures you.

The bad thing is that it isn’t particularly evil or nasty looking: in fact, it looks just like any other prison, just a little older. If everything had been horrible – say, massive black metal things and ponies with guns all over the place – it would have felt like a challenge, a real boss fight. The fact that there isn’t anything there is cause for worry, because you know it means the worst is still to come.

You proceed through the door, feeling the antlion’s absence behind you. The missing sound of their claws rattling on the concrete floor reminds you that you’re alone in this endeavour, but that they’re on your side now and may turn up again. Although you consider that if too many die Fluttershy may never forgive you.

You’re in a cell block. The floors, as already stated, are concrete and the walls bear a coating of peeling turquoise paint, further driving home the knowledge that you have been missing from Equestria far longer than you would have preferred. These cells are empty now. You wonder what happened to the prisoners that were already here, and come to the conclusion that whatever it was, it couldn’t have been very nice.

Just for a joke, you wrap a toilet in your telekinesis and yank it off the wall. Who knows? It might come in rather handy.

Hoofy?

It’s just that they don’t have hands in Equestria and...

Whatever.

You descend to the lower floor, noticing a massive hole carved into the concrete floor, as if an antlion had tunnelled up from below. To the left, you see a cell with a light on and a massive hole in the wall leading through into some kind of office.

There’s a headcrab in the hole. You shoot the toilet at it, and it is one of the most hilarious things you’ve ever done.

Crawling through the hole deposits you into the office, but once you leave it you find yourself diving for cover as more bullets start whizzing past. A quick scan of the area reveals no troops in the immediate area, but there is a turret which is shooting at you like no tomorrow.

So, as with the toilet, you wrap your telekinesis around it and push it to the floor. You leave the corridor and head up a set of stairs with a chain link fence at the top, but just when you consider that this may have all been worthless, you notice that one of the corners is drastically bent in so that you can climb over it and onto the other side into another corridor, punting the turrets that try to shoot at you.

You follow the corridor until you come to an office (or maybe it’s a guard room) and take the opportunity to recharge your HEV suit at a handy charging station.

When you leave the office you follow the corridor to another stairway, and head upstairs to yet another hallway. In a dark room to the right, you find some more nanites and ammunition. Then you go to a nearby exit, and take out a couple more turrets before proceeding through the door, down a ladder and into a flooded basement.

You make your way across the basement to a stairway, taking out the barnacles clinging to the ceiling on the way, and find a small room where the roof has collapsed. So you climb through the hole and head towards a pair of double doors, but before you get there a skylight collapses and a pair of headcrabs fall out. Thankfully you can take them out before they can do any proper damage.

After the headcrabs are done and dusted, you proceed through the door and head down the cell block and then drop through a hole in the floor and almost land on a dead guard – nasty. In the next room, a couple of turrets have been stationed on the upper level walkway, so you quickly run to behind a pillar to get out of their line of sight. The turrets are easily dealt with thanks to a couple of grenades which you restock with some that you grab off the dead guard, and then head upstairs. After which, you yank some boards off a window to get onto the other side of the door, but all that’s there is a cave-in of rubble...

...oh, and some supplies, which you thankfully grab. You exit this little hole, and head upstairs to the next corridor.

You’re starting to feel like you’re walking through a maze – or more appropriately for the situation, a labyrinth. You haven’t encountered any major challenges yet, and start to wonder if you ever will. Like the Ancient Greek minotaur and that bloke who slew it. What was his name again?

Never mind. It’s not really important. What is important is that you’re in a fortified structure, formerly a prison, with a name which literally translates into “New Chaos”.

After a while you come to another office thing, and a headcrab tries to eat your face so you indulge in a little impromptu cricket and it smashes into the wall. You collect the ammunition somepony conveniently left there, and head onwards into a long and empty corridor, which is rather suspicious considering the circumstances.

You come to a railing which is overlooking what are quite obviously the prison showers, or were the prison showers about twenty years ago. It’s very empty and suspiciously quiet, and you consider high-tailing it out of there and searching for a different route, but wonder if you’d have time to do that anyway.

So you vault over the railing.

Almost instantly, a massive antlion thing comes charging around a corner. In a blind panic you levitate yourself off the ground and float back up to the railings, but by the time you do you’ve tired yourself out and hardly have the strength to pull yourself back up.

While catching your breath, you carefully weigh your options. It would be so easy to turn around and gallop back the way you came, and as stated before, find another way through Nova Discord, and it would probably be even easier to just leave this place altogether, forget about your mission and try to find a way to live with a dying planet and a conscience the size of the moon.

However, you notice that again, there’s several conveniently placed barrels of explosive liquids (nitro-glycerine, maybe?) which appear to be readily available to throw at this monster. Plus, you have a recently restocked supply of rockets just waiting to be fired.

It takes you five seconds to work out what to do. You take out your rocket launcher, take careful aim and fire.

The rocket slams into the monster’s side, sending it barrelling into a wall and stumbling out in a daze with a massive scorch mark on its side. After reloading the rocket launcher, you fire again and this time the thing starts bleeding profusely. The shower drains work harder than they ever have in all their existence.

You take aim for presumably the last time...

...but a Combine soldier shoots at you, hits you in the chest and knocks you off balance.

You take him out with a shot from the .357 Magnum, but you’ve now run out of rockets and are going to have to jump down into the belly of the beast – so to speak – to lob a barrel of explosive at the monster.

And you do exactly that, and end up with giant antlion gore all over your face.

Yuck.

You quickly raid the area for supplies and move on through a pair of double doors, which until that point had been barred with benches and planks and assorted rubble – including a couple of laundry carts for some weird reason. When you go through, the floor explodes and antlions erupt from beneath the concrete. It would have been better if they’d arrived a little sooner, but you’re thankful for their company and the help they’ll provide.

In the next hallway, you put the pheropods to good use and some grenades to take out the turrets which were otherwise mowing through your antlions like a hedge trimmer.

That’s when ponyhacks descend from the ceiling. You seize one and hold it still, and use it to chop the rest into pieces. It’s okay, little parasprites: the Combine can’t hurt you anymore. When that’s done, you press the final survivor against the wall and stomp on it. It breaks your heart, but the poor thing has suffered too much already.

Not long after this pseudo-nightmarish occurrence, you come across a room which could have been a dentist’s office from hell. An electrical shield bars the entrance to where a demon dog lies slumped and every so often getting zapped by a small bolt of lightning.

You can see the plug which is fuelling this monstrous machine, so you wrap your telekinesis around it and wrench it from its socket. The demon dog falls limp, its long-lifeless body no longer supported by constant shots of electricity. You don’t spend more time than necessary in that room – the stench of burning flesh fills the air and comes close to emptying your stomach. So you head through the next door, but upon entering the next office thingy you see that a gate up ahead is closed.

Luckily there is a switch on the wall, and when you throw it the gate bleeps and opens for you. Before you leave you grab some handy ammo that some considerate pony had left on the table and clear the junk away from the exit. You find your way upstairs to another office thingy, this one protected by lasers, so you let the antlions clear it out for you and take out the guards with your freshly reloaded Magnum.

As you leave and enter another walkway, your mind starts to wander again, this time coming to a rest on Soarin’. The last time you’d seen him was well over seventeen years ago (although it feels like seventeen hours ago) on the day before all of this began. The day before you activated your GLaDOS and inadvertently allowed the alien monstrosity to waltz in and almost immediately take complete control over Equestria.

He and Dash were visiting Twilight to see how she was recovering following her terrible ordeal under the mountain, and they had brought Lightning Strike with them. That’s one of your most heart-wrenching memories: seeing a one-month-old baby pegasus do more to comfort the broken unicorn than you feel you ever could. That kid had just leapt up onto the bed and given her a hug. How many ponies could have done that? And he was one month old. Surely there was no way he could have empathised with her!

When you first encountered him, you’d believed that Soarin’ was an arrogant jerk. You’d seen him on Twilight’s windowsill after all, and it wouldn’t have been the first time you’d found some weirdo perving on one of your female friends. It definitely wouldn’t have been the first time you’d found some weirdo perving on a female friend you fancied like crazy.

Finding out who he was and the reason he was in Ponyville came close to confirming your suspicions – after all, what kind of stallion would just up and abandon a young mare the morning after declaring his love for her? Plus, you know these kinds of celebrities – these sports stars are all the same – stuck up, egotistical smegheads who don’t care a bit about the general public and definitely not about the mares they knock up.

But then, when Dash introduced him properly, you found out that the ponies he’d come to love tended to die in some rather unfair fashion, and he had left Dash in an attempt to spare her from the fate he feared was meant for her. It seemed understandable when you really thought about it.

Plus chances are he still blamed himself for the death of his father, and probably the death of his mother as well. And what’re the odds that his Wonderbolt friends survived the Combine invasion? Very, very low.

You know all about comfort eating, and you know that Soarin’ likes pie – a lot – but it would take a massive smegload of pie to even slightly ease the pain and after that he probably wouldn’t even be able to get off the ground, even if there was no suppression field.

Again, you find yourself wondering why the smeg you haven’t seen any unicorns outside of the Resistance. What happened; were they all rounded up and slaughtered, or were they just hunted down like common sewer rats? If that’s the case, then you feel like you might be sick.

And you hope you’re not, because you’ve only encountered one toilet so far, and you threw it at a headcrab.

You’re starting to wonder if you’ll ever find where you want to go. From the outside, it looked like your best bet might be to head for the middle. It appeared to be a standard ridiculously high security prison, but you could see something tall, blue and glass-like in the middle: a huge rectangular structure not unlike the Citadel back in City 17, only a lot smaller and less intimidating.

With this as our goal, you continue to fight your way through Nova Discord, using the help of the antlions any way you can. Somewhere along the line, a stray bullet smashed right into your PFM, but you don’t really mind because that thing was a bore. You’re only glad the charging unit wasn’t damaged.

Eventually you come to a rubble-filled area which appears to be right outside the blue building you saw earlier. And up close you can tell that it isn’t glass, it’s just steel, almost exactly like the Citadel in City 17. It stands mere metres from the wall of the prison, creating a narrow alley with concrete on one side and metal on the other. And you don’t like the look of that steel: it looks as though it could close and crush you in the blink of an eye.

Still, at least you’re outside, which means you’re not breathing in the stench of rotting parasprite and antlion entrails. There’s a zombie down below, but you take it out with a single shotgun round.

You see a hole in the prison wall up ahead, and decide that it’ll be your next point of entry, but you spot some supply crates at the far end of the alley-thing. The question is, should you run across and empty the contents of the crates or just jump into the hole?

In this kind of situation, you need everything you can lay your hooves on, so you decide to make a run for it. You gallop across the broken concrete, dodging fires and for some reason a table, and smash open the crates with a well-placed blast of telekinesis.

HEV batteries and shotgun rounds. Yes!

At that moment, per your fears, the metal wall starts advancing on you. Your rational thoughts give way to adrenaline and you charge full speed towards the hole in the concrete. It takes a few tries but you get inside just before you’re crushed, and drop down to the rubble below.

Chapter 10 - Entanglement

Right, have you had your fun? Good, because if you don’t mind I think I’ll take over from here. Sound alright to you? If it doesn’t, then go smeg yourself.

The moment I landed I found myself engulfed in non-sound. Either the scraping of steel had come to an abrupt halt, or the extremely short drop had somehow been enough to completely blot out the noise. Rather odd, if you ask me.

There was another hole in the opposite wall, and through it I saw...

Twilight?

It is Twilight! And... she’s wearing my dragon leather jacket. It looks good on her, too – chances are she got Rarity to make a couple of adjustments so that it would fit properly, but I don’t mind. Plus, she’s got a gun now, and by the looks of things she’s pretty good with it. Can’t blame her for doing a little training while I was gone: I’ve been running through them like a bullet through cheese, but I’ve got to admit they’re rather tough.

And not just the Combine. The gash that headcrab tore in my muzzle hasn’t been mended properly – my guess is faulty nanites. The pain is really rather distracting.

Twilight darted out of sight before I could get her attention, but even if I’d shouted she wouldn’t have heard me, because there’s a train rocketing past. Seeing no other way I jumped down out of the hole and ended up underneath the tracks, which thankfully were clear of trains and thus lowered my risk of hearing damage.

What? Trains are loud!

“Hold it there!”

Okay, Twi. Not gonna move.

“Hex?”

“No,” I commented, “it’s your other coltfriend from another dimension.”

When I looked around Twilight had jumped down from the tracks, and she pulled me into a tight, heart-warming hug before planting a small kiss on my cheek.

“Thank Celestia you’re alright,” she said with a smile. “I was worried the antlions would kill you, but knowing you I guess I didn’t really have anything to worry about.”

“A little more warning about this place would have been convenient,” I said, and looked up above, “but I don’t think you’d have had the time.”

Above the trains, the ceiling was so high I couldn’t even see it: it was lost to a strange light which shone down upon the mass of metal pony-sized pod-like things which were moved about by arms made of wax (nah, just kidding, they were metal) and ran along metal rails to smeg knows where.

“The Doctor’s up there somewhere,” said Twilight. “Looks like it’ll take some work to get him out. Let’s move.”

“Good idea.”

We walked together in silence until we reached a security gate, which Twilight opened with a quick zap of her magic, and we got into a freight elevator which started climbing upwards at the press of a button.

“I’m afraid I’m flying blind here,” Twilight said as we were winched upwards.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Every now and then a demon dog gets captured,” she explained, “and it provides a little reconnaissance for us, but what we do know so far is all bad.”

“Well, I hardly expected them to throw us a party,” I quipped, “especially since that’s Pinkie’s job.”

Twilight’s so pretty when she smiles. Have I mentioned that?

“By the way,” I said, “I notice you’ve adopted my jacket. What did Spike have to say on the matter?”

“He was a little upset that I wanted to wear the skin of another dragon,” said Twilight, “but I think anypony would have problems with somepony wearing their skin.”

“Technically it wasn’t anything like him,” I told her. “See, Aetherian dragons have much sleeker bodies than the ones in this dimension, because while dragons here seem to have evolved to be as intimidating as possible, Aetherian ones were designed by the gods specifically for fighting, so they were built a little more like birds, and they had feathers instead of scales which made them much more lightweight-”

I was effectively silenced by the purple hoof which was suddenly placed upon my mouth, which was followed by Twilight saying “And Rainbow Dash calls me an egghead.”

Stupid me could only smile in response.

“Here we go,” she said, and drew her gun as the lift ground to a halt.

The moment it stopped the gunfire started. We had found ourselves in a corridor and it was filled with Combine foot soldiers that started shooting the moment we stepped out of the lift. Twilight and I returned fire as we ran down the corridor, until we reached another door, which was quickly opened and closed behind us.

“Quite a rush, isn’t it?” I said between panting.

“You’re telling me!” Twilight replied. “I knew this kind of thing was dangerous, but I didn’t know it could be so exhilarating too!”

“Come on,” I said, and approached a nearby control panel. “We’ve got a Time Lord to find.”

I was going to start on the panel, but Twilight pushed me aside and got to work on it herself, which seemed to make sense since she’s had seventeen years to get to know the buttons and stuff. She tapped out a sequence, her concentration indicated by the tongue between her teeth, and before long images of ponies started flashing up on the screen.

They were all unconscious.

“Oh my gosh,” said Twilight, studying a smaller screen set into the panel itself. “These poor ponies... Did you know that the Combine is experimenting on them?”

“Sadly, yes,” I confessed. “I mean, they did it in dimension 33, so what’s to stop them doing it in dimension 36 as well?”

I looked through the window at the innumerable metal pods. They all contained ponies? I guess this place still was a prison, but Twilight was right: it has got a lot worse.

“There he is!”

The sequence of images had halted on the slumbering face of the Doctor.

“I’ll bring him in,” said Twilight. “Won’t take a second.”

She tapped a few more buttons and one of the metal pods slid along a rail until it was right in front of the window. Two more metal arms reached down and pulled it open, revealing the Doctor strapped to some kind of board thingy. He was licking his lips with a curious expression on his face.

“Hmm,” he said, “completely restrained, woke up in some place I don’t recognise; taste of nerve gas on my lips... must be a Tuesday.”

“Doctor!” Twilight cried joyfully. “Are you alright?”

“Twilight?” He looked from one of us to the other. “Hex? What’re you two doing here?”

“What the smeg do you think we’re doing here?” I asked. “We’re here to bust you out!”

“No!” shouted the Doctor. “Listen, you two have to get out of here. Don’t worry about me, just save yourselves!”

“We’re not leaving you, Doctor,” Twilight insisted. “I think Hex and I can recalibrate the Combine’s teleporter.”

“But where will you go?”

“Sweet Apple Basement seems to be our best bet,” I suggested, “seeing as New TARDIS... I don’t want to know what happened to New TARDIS, ‘coz it probably wasn’t very nice.”

“Good idea, Hex,” said Twilight. “I spoke to Applejack, and she says she’s got hers fixed and probably working. If it’s not, then... well, this situation couldn’t get any worse than it already is.”

“It’s not worth the risk,” said the Doctor. “I’m not going to lose yet another companion; they keep dropping off like flies. Get out of Nova Discord while you’ve still got all your hooves.”

“We’re not leaving you,” Twilight replied, “and that’s final.”

“But we can’t leave without Rarity either,” the Doctor told her.

“Don’t worry, Doctor,” said Twilight, “we’re going to find her. For the moment, I’m going to send you to the room with the Combine teleporter.” She placed a hoof on the glass and added “I’m not going to say goodbye: we’ll meet you there.”

“You’d better,” said the Doctor. “I’m not letting you die on my watch.”

With that, the pod closed again and was lifted back onto the rails, where it quickly slid out of sight. Twilight let out a sigh and watched as it left.

“We’ll have to move on,” she said. “If you go on ahead and clear the path, I’ll patch into your suit’s radio and guide you through.”

“My suit has a radio?” First I’ve heard of it.

“Yes, of course,” said Twilight. “I should know. I installed it. That entire suit is actually copied from some blueprints I found in your shop. I added the radio in case the wearer needed to communicate.”

She built the entire thing from scratch. Wow.

“I underestimated you,” I told her, “you’re even smarter than I thought.”

Twilight smiled and blushed adorably.

“I’d be happy to clear the path,” I said, “so long as you know what you’re doing: I don’t want to take a wrong turn and find myself in Trottingham.”

“Celestia forbid that should happen,” said Twilight, and she let me out through another door.

I headed through a small service corridor and found myself back in a cellblock.

“What do you know, it worked,” Twilight’s voice said through a small speaker situated on my collar. “Can you hear me?”

“Can you hear me?” I asked her.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” said Twilight. “I’ll open all the gates as you go along; keep an eye out for Rarity and I’ll get the Doctor through the prison as far as I can. I’ll meet up with you later.”

As I made my way through the prison, I suddenly became aware of a strange clopping noise. I looked around a bit, but couldn’t find the source.

And then I realised: it was my own hooves hitting the floor.

“Are you hearing this?” I asked Twilight.

“Hearing what?”

“Exactly. It’s so quite in this place. I know all the fighting’s probably going on with the antlions in a different part of the prison, but still, it’s pretty eerie.”

“I wish I could say the same about this place,” Twilight replied. “You think the silence is eerie, but the noise up here is even stranger. It’s only the sounds of the Combine cells on the rails as they’re taken... I don’t know where they’re taken, and quite frankly, I don’t want to know.”

“Don’t blame you,” I told her. “Whatever it is, it can’t be pleasant.”

I stopped, having come to a closed gate. I couldn’t see anypony behind it, and I still hadn’t heard anything apart from the clopping of my hooves in the tiled ground.

“Hang on,” said Twilight, “I’ll get that gate open for you.”

Sure enough, I barely had to wait five seconds before the bars slid aside and allowed me into the next corridor.

“Ironic, isn’t it?” I asked.

“What is?”

“A lifetime’s worth of studying has led to you sitting in a security room opening gates for some daft bloke with a crowbar.”

I heard Twilight snickering on the other end, and couldn’t help but smile to myself.

“You’re hardly a ‘daft bloke’ as you so bluntly put it,” she replied. “You’re the smartest guy I’ve ever met. And also the bravest, the nicest, and possibly... the most handsome.”

Oh smeg, Twilight, I can hear your blush.

“You think I’m handsome?” I want to be sure.

“Well, yeah!” said Twilight. “Not only that, but you’re the only colt I’ve actually formed a strong relationship with. Before I met you the only guys I really knew were Spike and...”

She trailed off. It was almost as if she was trying to avoid saying what was on her mind.

“...and my brother,” she eventually finished. “Shining Armor, my BBBFF.”

“BBBFF?”

“Big Brother Best Friend Forever,” Twilight explained. “I haven’t seen him since before the invasion, so I assumed that he- he-”

“Died?”

“Something like that.”

We shared a moment of respectful silence, until I reached another gate. I heard it bleep, and it should have opened, but something stopped it.

“Horseapples, it’s jammed,” Twilight swore. “It’s okay. Head back to that office; you should have passed an office on your way through.”

So I about turned and indeed, there was a small guard room, complete with filing cabinets, a desk, a chair and a monitor hanging from the ceiling which showed Twilight’s face.

“There should be an air vent behind those filing cabinets,” she told me.

“Gotcha,” I said, and threw the cabinets out of the way with a short burst of telekinesis before tearing away the vent cover and climbing inside.

“Speaking of missing ponies,” wow, can you hear my voice echoing? Hello! “I met everypony on my way here, except for a noticeable couple.”

“What do you mean?”

“The ponies I met along the way included Fluttershy and Pinkie, and I know Rarity’s still here and AJ’s in City 17; you’re here, obviously, and Lightning Strike’s spying for us in the CP, but what about Rainbow Dash? And Soarin’? I kinda thought I’d have encountered them by now.”

Twilight sighed as I exited the vent.

“The only way you would have met Rainbow and Soarin’ is if you’d come here via Canterlot,” she explained, “because that’s where they went a couple of months ago. They said they’d made a discovery which could change the course of the war, but they wouldn’t tell anypony what it was. I think the Doctor knew, though, because he got a little upset about it.”

“Why was that?”

“I wish I knew. They haven’t made contact in weeks, and everypony’s beginning to suspect the worst. I think they were looking for something, something important, but like I said: they wouldn’t tell anypony what it was or why they wanted it so badly.”

Odd. It’s not like Dash to not let her friends in on something. Even more unlike her to leave her son behind, but then again he’s practically a grown stallion now and seems to be able to take care of himself.

“But then again,” Twilight continued, “considering everything that happened to them, I’m hardly surprised they wanted to get away. Oh, and be careful on the next stretch. I’m picking up a lot of soldiers ahead, so you might want to get your guns ready.”

True to her word, I was attacked by a band of soldiers who came worrying close to hitting me in the head. By the light of the flares they’d lit, and also the light of my glowing horn as I levitated my weaponry, I managed to take them all out.

“A little more warning would have helped,” I complained.

“Sorry,” said Twilight.

“So, I continued, “about what happened to Soarin’ and Dash...”

“They went to Canterlot to join up with the rest of the Wonderbolts,” Twilight explained, “because they hoped they’d have the advantage of strength in numbers. I’m not sure what happened, but I do know that Soarin’s the only Wonderbolt left alive, and he’s not even a Wonderbolt anymore.”

“Ouch.”

“’Ouch’ doesn’t quite cover it. When we rescued them, Soarin’ had just lost an eye to a Combine energy ball. I had to construct a bionic prosthesis so that he’d be able to shoot properly again. And... and there was an incident... a few years ago; I think Lightning was about five at the time...”

“What happened?”

“They were kidnapped by Commabies.”

I paused in the middle of a corridor. In the distance I heard a brief volley of gunfire, and then silence reigned once more.

“What’re Commabies?” I asked out of curiosity: I’d never heard of them before, not even in dimension 33.

“It’s the term we use for Combine wannabes,” said Twilight. “They’re ponies – horrible ponies – who think that if they’re evil and sadistic enough; the Combine will leave them alone. Soarin’ and Dash... they were held for about a month, and they... they were tortured, and abused, and they wouldn’t speak to anypony except Lightning for weeks once we had them back. They... they were almost dead when we finally found them.”

I saw another office, with the purple unicorn’s face on a screen in the corner, and she was wiping her eyes.

“If I were with you right now I’d give you a hug,” I told her, “because it’s pretty obvious you need it.”

“Thanks,” she said with a smile. “I know you would. You’re that kind of pony, aren’t you?”

I shrugged and said “I guess I am.”

“I’ll start working on this next gate for you,” she said, and pretty soon I was able to continue.

“How did you meet the Doctor?” I asked.

“I got kidnapped by the worst kind of Commabies,” said Twilight.

“What’re the worst kind?”

“The smart ones. They put me in some kind of simulation and left me to wander around the Everfree Forest in the hopes that something would kill me, and it was only disabled by the TARDIS’ artron energy. But Spike was the one who found him first. He was trying to escape from the Commabies and accidentally picked the TARDIS as a hiding place.”

“Makes sense,” I commented. “What was the simulation like? Was it bad?”

“Not really,” said Twilight, “it was just... weird. I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “I’m just glad I can talk to you again. It feels good.”

“Feels good for me too,” said Twilight, and I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was smiling.

I’m glad she found the Doctor, although I wish she could have picked somepony a little less dangerous. People who get involved with that particular Time Lord tend to wind up not dead, but changed. Hardened. It’s unintentional, but he takes ordinary people and turns them into soldiers.

And it’s reassuring to know that he tries to avoid getting romantically involved with companions.

I stopped in my tracks, having once more come to a closed gate.

“Give me a moment and I’ll get to work on this one,” said Twilight, and sure enough it wasn’t long before I was on the move again.

“You’re approaching another control room,” I was informed, “and it looks like this one’s still occupied, so watch yourself.”

“Hey, this is me we’re talkin’ here,” I joked.

Sure enough, I came to a control station, complete with staircases leading off both sides to a shielded corridor below and guards at the control panels and stuff. They weren’t too hard to take out, and I harvested their ammunition once they were done with.

“Uh oh,” said Twilight. “Check this out.”

One of the screens flashed up a display of soldiers, all holding guns, presumably galloping in my direction.

“Let me guess,” I said, “they’re risking a frontal assault?”

“You guessed correctly, I’m afraid,” said Twilight. “Tell me, are there any turrets nearby?”

I looked around, and indeed there were a pair of unmoving turrets stashed away in their electromagnetically protected closets. I could tell they were switched off, because they weren’t trying to turn me into Swiss cheese.

“I can reprogram them remotely to attack the Combine rather than you or me,” Twilight continued as I disabled the fields and got the turrets out, “so I suggest setting them up to protect yourself, but I can’t deactivate the shields in the corridor from here so I’ll have to catch up with you.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said as I set up the first turret on the left stairwell.

“I’m picking up a lot of incoming soldiers,” said Twilight, “so you’ll have to hold the fort ‘til I get there.”

“Just make it quick,” I said, “I’ve been awake for about 36 hours and I’m starting to get a bit drowsy.”

“I know how you feel,” said Twilight. “Believe me.”

Once the turrets were both set up I took up a position at a broken window with my SMG at the ready. This was my tactic: stay undercover and shoot at the Combine smeggers as they come through.

When they first entered, the turrets made short work of them, but I made sure they had some backup. Then I noticed the soldiers had dropped their guns, which I knew would still have ammunition in them. I didn’t have a lot left, so I ran down with the intention of pulling the guns toward me with my magic, but they wouldn’t stop coming.

Do you know how easy it is to reload a gun when you’re under fire? Let me tell you this: it isn’t. It is NOT easy at all. Somehow I managed it, but I don’t know how.

I guessed that Twilight was already on the move, since I hadn’t heard from her since this standoff began. Shooting as I ran, I made my way back up the stairs to the control room, but one of the soldiers knocked down a turret and almost got in with me.

It was a tough job setting it up again, especially while I was still under fire and running low on ammo. I held the crowbar between my teeth and used it to deflect most of the bullets that came close to my head, and telekinetically lifted the turret back to its feet, but then a whistling siren signalled that the other one had been knocked down as well, so I had to repeat the action.

And just as I was wondering how many of these smegheads there were, they stopped. Quite suddenly. And I was standing in the middle of the control room when the vent overhead opened and Twilight fell right on top of me.

“Oh my gosh,” she apologised as we untangled ourselves, “I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said as I got to my hooves, “I’m alright. How about you?”

“I’m fine,” said Twilight. “Sorry I took so long.” She approached a panel and started tapping buttons, scrolling through security cameras.

“Let’s see if we can find Rarity,” she said. “It looks like this station will give me better access than the last one.”

She scanned through several before settling on one which showed the face of a familiar white unicorn, and she was looking into an unseen screen with a face of concern and worry.

“There she is!” Twilight cried excitedly, and then became suspicious and said “Wait a minute...” as an unwelcome voice finished its sentence.

“...from your area.”

“I am not calling for that purpose,” said Rarity, “I am calling because you promised you were not going to harm the Doctor.”

“What’s she doing?” I asked.

“I-I wish I knew,” said Twilight. “No, she... she can’t be...”

“The soldiers were a little overzealous, I must confess,” said Trixie from out of sight, “but he was simply far too precious a prize to turn down, especially with the absence of Hex.”

“How the smeg does she know who I am?” I asked.

“You would have captured Hex had you simply been patient,” Rarity pointed out.

“Well, my employers and I had our doubts as to whether or not you could produce as to this matter, taking into account the issues of equine loyalty,” said Trixie.

“Great and Powerful Trixie,” Rarity said with a small sigh, “as I have quite plainly stated before, you must allow the Doctor to come around on his own terms; you cannot simply-”

“I have conducted far more research into the Doctor’s past than you have, Rarity,” Trixie replied, with Twilight clearly growing more horrified with every passing syllable, “and I fear that your closeted feelings for him may have blinded you to your mission directive.”

“Feelings?!” Rarity exclaimed. “This has absolutely nothing to do with feelings! It is simply a fact that when the Doctor starts to believe-”

“This is not open to debate, Rarity.”

“Trixie, please...”

“I must apologise, Rarity, but I have matters of greater concern than this issue. Farewell.”

Twilight switched off the monitor, unable to watch any more, and I was glad she did because I don’t think I could have watched much more either.

“DAMN HER!” shouted Twilight, and punched the wall in fury. “I can NOT believe this! How could she do that? I thought she was my friend!” And in a far more resigned voice she added “Braeburn’s going to be heartbroken...”

“So much for the Element of Generosity,” I commented. “Seems like she forgot about that somewhere along the line.”

“You’re telling me,” said Twilight, and sighed so deeply that I wondered if she might need a hug. “Hex, we really have to hurry now. You go on ahead: I’ll disrupt the next levels of security and catch up to you when I get the chance.”

I didn’t wait another second before galloping down the stairs and along the next corridor.

I can’t believe Rarity would do such a thing! I mean, she’s supposed to be one of the Elements of Harmony. Her five best friends, not to mention her little sister and apparently her coltfriend, are all members of the Resistance. How could she have just shoved us – shoved EVERYHING – aside like that? The very thought of it makes me sick to the core.

Doesn’t she care about us anymore? It just- it raises so many questions, like this one: if she lied about her loyalty to the Resistance, what else did she lie about? Did... did she lie about being friends with Twilight and the others from the get-go?

Was everything – her care for her family, her crush and now apparently her relationship with Braeburn, the future she had been battling for and the past she had been fighting to preserve – just a conjured ruse to conceal the fact that deep down she was as loyal and caring as a cardboard box?

How... How could she?

“Hex, stop!”

At Twilight’s command, I ground to a halt in the middle of a cell block section with more turrets in closets to one side.

“Get those turrets set up right now! I’m picking up a buckload of soldiers heading in your direction and they don’t seem to be in the mood for talking!”

“Gotcha!”

So I set up the turrets with pretty much the same arrangement I had before, and made use of some nearby nanites, which again failed to mend the gash on my muzzle (possibly because it had already started to heal). Seriously, this thing was really beginning to distract me.

It was another five minutes of fighting, bullets and bloodshed before Twilight finally caught up with me again, and this time her beautiful purple eyes were tinted with the cold glint of murder.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” Twilight lied. “I’m not going to leave you again. Let’s just do what we have to do and get the buck out of here.”

Her language almost stunned me – I’ve never heard Twilight swear before – but you can probably guess that it was completely understandable. She had been wronged. One of her best friends and closest companions during my seventeen year absence had stabbed her in the back, and she seemed more than willing to return the favour. If necessary, I would help her.

After a short distance, we found ourselves in a service tunnel, and were halfway through when the lights went out.

“Oh smeg,” I swore.

Per my expectations, Combine soldiers poured from everywhere. The only illumination came from the flares rolling across the floor and the faint glow from my and Twilight’s horns. It was so dim that I could barely see. I used the obvious eyes of the soldiers to guide my bullets straight into their foreheads, and somehow me and Twilight emerged alive and relatively unharmed.

“You okay?” I asked.

“A couple of bullets hit the jacket, so I might have a bruise or two,” Twilight reported, “but otherwise I’m alright.”

“Good,” I said. “Let’s move: we’ve got a traitor to catch.”

It wasn’t long before we came to another security room, and Twilight used her magic to hack into the system.

“Alright, Rarity,” she said quietly, “Where are you?”

She flicked through several cameras, until it came to one showing Rarity standing looking at a screen with an expression of worry.

“Ha! There she is!” I exclaimed in dark joy.

Twilight input another few codes into the system, and the door to Rarity’s room slid closed and locked itself, much the posh pony’s alarm. She tried to reopen it, but to no avail.

“Got you now!” Twilight yelled triumphantly. “Well, come on Hex. Don’t want to keep her waiting, do we?”

“Heaven forbid that should happen,” I said as we made our way through to the next room, and Twilight sealed the door behind us with a comment of “No turning back now.”

It wasn’t long before we found the locked entrance to Rarity’s room, and there was a window next to the door through which we could see the worried white unicorn desperately searching for an alternative exit. Twilight reached up and with a small, almost evil smile, tapped on the window and caught the traitor’s attention.

“Oh, thank goodness,” said Rarity when she notice us, “Somepony’s here!” Her face fell when she realised who it was.

“Twilight?” she asked. “And... Hex? How in Equestria did you get here?”

“It’s over, Rarity,” said a determined Twilight. “We know all about you and Trixie, and we know that you’ve been a spy for the Combine the entire time.”

“What?” Rarity tried to play the confusion card. “What’re you talking about?”

Behind us I heard the crackle of a Combine walkie-talkie, signalling that there were soldiers not far behind.

“Horseapples,” Twilight swore. “Move back Rarity, we’re coming in.”

She opened the door and we both stepped through, and I wondered for a brief moment if Twilight was going to punch Rarity in the face, because she certainly looked that way.

“Now, Twilight,” said Rarity, and I could tell she was starting to get frightened, “I know this may look bad, but you have to believe that I was only working with everypony’s best interests at heart-”

“Shut the buck up and be glad you’re still useful to us,” Twilight growled. “We’re going to reconfigure the teleporter and get out of here before you stab us in the back any more than you already have.”

“See?” said Rarity desperately. “We’re both working for the same goal! I have already-”

“You have stolen the Doctor’s technology and passed it to the Combine on a silver platter!”

“It was my work as well, if you would remember correctly! And I had to prove to Trixie that the Doctor would be the most valuable member of any research effort going forward from this location.”

“You know,” I said to Rarity as Twilight hacked the system again to find the Doctor, “perhaps it would be best if you kept your sorry little excuses to yourself for the time being and just, you know, didn’t say anything at all.”

She gave me a look of surprise, shame and emotional pain, effectively silenced for the time being. And just then, the Doctor’s face (once more unconscious) flashed up on the monitor before Twilight.

“Look Hex, here he is,” she said. “I’m gonna bring him in.”

“You found the Doctor?” asked Rarity.

“No thanks to you,” I said back to her. “Just set it to send us to Sweet Apple Basement and let’s make a move.”

“But we don’t have access to that particular room!” she pointed out.

Twilight gave her an “Are you kidding me?” look, and opened the door with a short burst of magic. She then drew her gun, and forced Rarity to lead us through to a room which had a teleporter in it. It bore a close resemblance to the ones in Sweet Apple Basement and New TARDIS, but it looked a lot more high-tech and futuristic.

“Oh my gosh,” said Twilight. “And when were you planning on telling everypony about this?”

“I was not working on it until quite recently,” said Rarity, “although I had a rough idea of what I could expect.”

“I bet you did,” Twilight said as a prison pod entered on a rail. “It almost looks as though it’s waiting for us.”

“Well, this particular machine takes quite a while to, in laypony’s terms, warm up,” Rarity explained. “It also has a rather long rise time, and the recharging period is almost ridiculous.”

“So you got it warmed up for us!” said Twilight in a very indicative tone. “Just in time, too.”

The prison pod was pulled open and the Doctor was looking out once more.

“Doctor, down here,” said Twilight. “Sorry we took so long.”

“That’s okay,” said the Doctor. “Wouldn’t be the worst rescue I’ve ever had. And I see you set Rarity free too!”

“Not exactly,” I muttered.

“Doctor, I am so glad to see you safe,” said Rarity, and was about to gush some more when Twilight quite flatly said “Rarity. The coordinates.”

There was a large BANG at the door on the other side of the room from where we had come in, but it was sealed and hopefully the guards wouldn’t be able to get in until we were done. Made me jump, though.

“So this is the Combine’s teleporter, is it?” asked the Doctor as he slid along the rail into the machine. “I’ve seen bigger.”

That’s what she said. Bazinga!

“Get a move on, Rarity!” Twilight commanded. She then turned to another control panel and said “Applejack!”

“Howdy, Twi!” said the voice of Applejack from the panel (I could only hear what was going on, because I was investigating the doors). “Nice to know you’re still livin’. Where’re y’all callin’ from?”

“We’re in Nova Discord, and we’re testing the Combine teleporter for the first time,” said Twilight. “Are you ready for us?”

“Ready and waitin’,” said Applejack.

“Good,” said Twilight as I made my way back. “We’re going to send the Doctor through first; he’s in position for-”

A siren scythed through the air, overriding any other noise and incapacitating me and Twilight. Rarity, however, took the opportunity to press a button and jump into the teleporter. When the siren finally ended, the electromagnetic guard rails had already closed.

“Rarity, stop!” I shouted.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked Twilight.

“I am sorry, Twilight, believe me,” said Rarity, “but this is the only way.”

“Only way to WHAT?” Twilight demanded. She tried to catch Rarity, but jumped back as the shield zapped her with electricity. “What in Equestria are you doing?”

The Doctor had been watching the unfolding events with growing shock, and finally found his voice as the platform started to rise:

“Rarity, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but stop. Right now, do you hear me?”

“Doctor!” yelled Twilight, and finally...

ZAP.

“Applejack!” I shouted into the control panel when the world had stopped spinning and the ringing had left my ears. “Applejack, you have to stop them!”

“Stop who?” asked AJ. “What in the hay is goin’ on in there?”

“Oh no,” said Twilight, looking at a screen. “What coordinates are these? Where did Rarity take him?” She rubbed her face in exasperation, and I put what I hoped was a comforting hoof around her shoulders.

There was another massive BANG from the sealed doors.

“Smegging hell,” I swore, “don’t these guys ever give up?”

“Cover me, Hex,” said Twilight. “I think I saw some turrets on the way in. Set them up to defend us, this is gonna take a while!”

I ran back to where we had come in, and indeed there were several turrets stashed neatly away, so I got them out and set them up near the doors, and stood guard in case they were tipped over.

Not even the two instances of the control room and the corridor were this hectic, because not only did I have to stay alive but I had to defend Twilight as well (not that she really needed it, from what I’d seen). I don’t think I’ve ever fired so many bullets in such a short space of time.

I was really worried my HEV suit would run out of charge, and I’d start taking some real damage, because this thing was taking absolutely ages. After five full minutes of battling I heard Twilight shout “It’s about half done! It’s taking forever!”

“You’re telling me!” I shouted back.

A high pitched bleeping signalled that one of the turrets had been knocked over, and I hurriedly set it back up again and shot the smegger who’d knocked it over and was trying to shoot Twilight. When I fired my SMG again, all I got was the telltale click of an empty gun, so I switched to the Combine pulse rifle and found it a lot more heavy duty than the sub-machine gun, which almost paled in comparison.

Trouble is, an SMG can hold 50 bullets with spare ammunition of up to 250, but the pulse rifle can only hold 30 with a total of 90 in spares. That’s the only room the HEV suit will allow, I’m afraid. Luckily the soldiers mostly had pulse rifles with the occasional shotgun, so I didn’t run out of ammunition for them.

“Why is this taking so long?” I yelled over the sound of the gunfire.

“I don’t know!” Twilight replied. “I’ve never worked with this kind of technology before, but I think it’s three quarters done at least!”

“Well, good! I don’t know if I can hold these smeggers back much longer!”

I’m starting to get really exhausted now. I’m levitating two guns and firing them at the same time – not just that, but I’m deflecting bullets with my crowbar and resetting the turrets, and I’m beginning to understand all the time Dash spent napping.

“How’re you holding up?” Twilight asked.

“I’m about to fall asleep where I stand!” I shouted.

“You can sleep later!” said Twilight, “but you can come back, because the teleporter’s just about ready!”

And sure enough, as I re-entered the teleporter room, the platform touched down and the guard rails withdrew.

“Thank Celestia it’s done,” said Twilight, “now let’s get the buck out of here!”

So we leapt into the teleporter and the rails closed behind us, and as the platform started to rise the doors were completely blown off and ponies I didn’t recognise entered the room. Rather than black, they were clothed in white with a single large red eye, and carried pulse rifles which they fired at us as we ascended. One of them fired an energy ball which rebounded from wall to wall and almost hit us, but missed and smashed into the ceiling instead.

“I really hope this works!” Twilight yelled.

“So do I!” I bellowed.

She wrapped her hooves around me, and I would probably have choked were it not for the armour, and I clutched her as close as possible for comfort.

And as we screamed, eyes screwed shut, the world went white.

The whiteness eventually faded, and we found ourselves back in the teleporter in Sweet Apple Basement.

“We did it!” Twilight cried, and I noticed something... different about her. “I can’t believe we did it!”

“Wait,” I said. “What’s with your mane?”

I pointed at the stripes of sparkling silver, which now sat alongside the bands of pink and purple. It was quite pretty really. Twilight eyed it with adorable confusion, and turned to look at her tail, which also sported a stripe of silver.

“Yours too!” she said, and pointed at my forehead. I pulled my mane down, and sure enough I too had a bar of silver cutting through the mess of dark brown. Same in my tail, too.

“It must’ve been the radiation,” I theorised. “I’ve seen it several times before, but usually the hair is bleached white or light grey, not silver.”

“My guess is that it has something to do with our magic,” said Twilight. “If it were just an earth pony it probably would be just white, but as it is it’s... pretty.”

“Sparkle by name, sparkle by appearance, huh? Plus, you’re right: it is pretty. On you, that is.”

I love it when she blushes; it’s literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she said, and it was my turn to blush. She banged on the secret wall and shouted “Applejack, are you out there?”

The wall started to move, and Twilight backed away in the face of a shotgun barrel, which was followed by the rest of the shotgun, and then an orange earth pony with a headcrab sitting on top of her Stetson.

“Twilight!” she said, and pulled the purple pony into a hug. “Hex! How in tarnation did y’all get in here?”

“Through the teleporter just now,” I said. “Why, is something wrong?”

“Is something wrong?” asked Applejack. “Ah’d about given up hope of ever seein’ y’all again.”

“I think we could say the same,” said Twilight. “The teleporter must’ve exploded just as it sent us here.”

“Ah know that,” said Applejack. “Everypony felt it from here, but... but that was over a week ago!”

“WHAT?!” Twilight and I shouted in unison.

“What are you talking about?” asked Twilight. “Hex and I were just at Nova Discord.”

“Well, unless y’all were teleported really slowly,” said Applejack, “then Ah’m ‘fraid Ah ain’t got any idea what to make of this. Y’all should know that the blow y’all struck at Nova Discord was taken as a signal to start the uprisin’, and boy howdy was everypony ready fer it.”

“What about the Doctor, is there any news on him?” I asked, dreading what the answer might be.

“Ah’m ‘fraid that ain’t good news either,” said Applejack. “If what the demon dogs say is true, he’s a prisoner in the Citadel.”

“We have to get him out,” Twilight said with rock-hard determination.

“You may find the Lightning Strike’s bin leadin’ a force with that exact intention,” Applejack explained. “Also, another old friend made it back a couple of days ago.”

She led us out of the secret room through the main area, which was a lot more scuffed up than it had been when we were last here (Presley leapt down and scuttled away somewhere) and she opened the door which had led to the room where my HEV suit was kept. The new occupant at first appeared to be a mass of green and purple scales – that is, until it moved.

“Spike!” Twilight cried joyfully.

“Twilight!” shouted Spike, and swept her up in his claws in an incredibly tight and loving hug. “Hex! Thank Celestia, you’re alright!”

“Same to you,” I said. “How’re you doing, mate?”

“A lot better now that you guys are back,” said Spike. “I thought I was never going to see you again!”

“Not all doom an’ gloom, is it?” asked Applejack with a smile.

“Well,” I said, “considering the circumstances, I really wish we could share your optimism.”

At that moment, a screen on the wall lit up and showed the face of a desperate and slightly battered looking young pegasus.

“Auntie AJ, come in, are you there?” asked Lightning Strike.

“Right here, Lightnin’,” said Applejack to her ‘nephew’, “and you may wanna hear that I ain’t alone no more.”

“Why?” asked Lightning. “Who’s there?”

“Who else do you think it would be?” I asked as I stepped into his field of vision.

“Hex, is that you? Thank buck, you’re alive! I almost gave you and Aunt Twi up for dead. Listen: we’re setting up a staging area for the attack on the Citadel.”

“Okay,” said Twilight, working out what to do. “Listen Spike, I want you and Hex to go on ahead and buy me some time to get Applejack someplace safe.”

“What? No!” Spike almost yelled. “I’m not leaving you, Twilight!”

“It won’t be forever,” said Twilight, “I promise.”

Spike sighed.

“Okay,” he said. “So long as you also promise not to die, because I’m gonna hold you to that.”

“Sounds good,” said Lightning. “We need all the help we can get over here. Oh buck, INCOMING!” He ducked out of sight and the camera shook from an explosion, before popping up to say “Whatever you’re doing, make it quick!” and the screen went blank.

“Okay,” said Applejack, “Ah’ll go, but first Ah need to find Presley.”

“Oh dear,” said Twilight. “Hex, you and Spike to on ahead.”

“Okay,” said Spike.

“Got it,” I said, and as we were leaving I caught a snatch of Twilight and AJ’s conversation:

“You do know you could easily get another headcrab, right?”

“There’s only one Elvis.”

Chapter 11 - AntiCitizen One

Man, this place has really gone to the dogs.

When Spike and I emerged onto the street, the first and only thing I saw was rubble. Rubble here, rubble there- there was rubble everywhere! I haven’t seen this much destruction since... well, since the last time I saw a city under siege by the Combine.

“This is what it was like in the other world,” Spike said to me, “wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I admitted as he helped me over a dumpster, “but by that time everyone had just about fought themselves out, and the place was getting close to blowing up.”

“I remember,” said Spike, “you told us.”

That’s true. Twi and I had recounted everything upon our return to the library, but I guess if you have a lifespan in excess of several millennia you tend to develop a good memory.

The strange thing is that Twilight explained to me that she’d learned (complicated sentence) that when a dragon hoards things it grows bigger, and as it gets bigger its appetite does as well. So what exactly had Spike been hoarding to grow so big?

Up ahead, I could see a huge group of Overwatch and CPs complete with tanks and armoured cars, and I drew a couple of guns to take them down, but Spike pushed me back.

“Just let me take care of this one,” he said.

I looked him up and down. I could swear he’s got bigger since I last saw him – smeg; he’s got to be twice my height now – and he was absolutely terrifying. Plus he was wearing a smug, fang-filled grin which appeared nothing short of evil.

“Fair enough,” I replied, although to be honest it sounded more like a whimper.

As I sat back and watched, Spike completely went to town on those Combine bitches. They tried to shoot at him and he just swatted them away into the nearby buildings, and then when they tried to run him over he jumped over the tanks and they crashed quite spectacularly. When it was over, he gave me a claw up and I ran out into the now cleared street.

“That,” I told him, “was terrifying.”

“Thanks,” said Spike, apparently flattered.

“Um,” I said, to try to dispel the tension, “if you don’t mind me asking, have you gotten bigger since I last saw you?”

“Yes,” Spike replied, “yes I have.”

“How is that possible? I thought dragons could only grow when they were hoarding things.”

“I am hoarding things!”

“So... what is it you’re hoarding?”

A drop ship took off and drowned out Spike’s answer, if ever he gave one. He jumped into the air, flapped his wings twice, latched onto the underside of the drop ship and started tearing it to pieces.

Hang on... I recognise this street! This is the street I came down when I first left the station, when I arrived in City 17. I know that if I carry on in this direction, I’ll find myself back in that plaza, with that huge screen displaying Trixie’s obnoxious face for everypony to see.

And it’s still there. She looks and sounds considerably more desperate than she was the last time I saw her – even a little panicked, to tell the truth – and I thought this: if ever I met her, I would definitely NOT tell her that Braeburn, Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom pulled her screen right off that column by the wires and then practically danced in the broken glass. They didn’t seem to notice me, but I hid behind a hunk of rubble just in case.

“YEE-HAW!” Braeburn yelled triumphantly. “Six down, another eighty five more to go! Stick THAT up yer flank an’ chew on it, Trixie!”

“Cutie Mark Crusader Freedom Fighters YEAH!” shouted Apple Bloom.

“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh simply.

Heh. I wonder if they enjoyed that. I notice Braeburn’s switched his vest for a suit of Overwatch armour; that should give him about the same amount of protection as that thin... was it leather? Do they actually wear leather in Equestria? That’s... a bit sick.

Still got his hat with him, though. Plus he’s got a great big rifle hanging around his neck. And- and he’s turned in my direction.

“Ah know somepony’s there!” he shouted. “Come outta there before we blow you out!”

“We gotta great big stack o’ grenades over here, so don’t think mah cousin’s bluffin’!” yelled Apple Bloom.

“And Ah gotta grenade launcher on this here machine gun!” came the deep boom of Big Mac. “Y’all come out now and we might go easy on you!”

Right. Well, I could just sit here like a mook with a 95% possibility of getting blown up by angry Apple ponies, run out really quickly with a 90% chance of getting blown up by angry Apple ponies, or walk out slowly with a slightly lower chance of getting blown up by angry Apple ponies. Call me smeg-for-brains, but I think the third option seems like the best bet.

Very slowly, I stepped out and slowly approached the three former farmers. And my cockiness instinct kicked into overdrive when Braeburn said “Hex? Is that you? We thought you were dead!”

How could I resist?

“Rumours of my death,” I said, “were greatly exaggerated.”

And I waited.

“No laugh?” I asked. “That usually gets a laugh or two. Mind you, that’s with the other guys back in dimension 1, so never mind.”

“Huh?”

“I said never mind.”

“Well,” said Braeburn once the confused expression on his face had faded, “in any case, it’s good to have y’all back.”

At that moment, a gate behind me opened and Overwatch started shooting at us.

“I’ll say,” I commented, and the four of us returned fire.

After the soldiers had been gunned down, the four of us ran on in silence. Well, near silence: there was gunfire in the distance, and the occasional moan of a Strider in operation. Somehow the eerie quiet gave the situation a sense of urgency, as if the fate of the world was depending on me.

Chances are it probably was, but that was beside the point.

So anyway, we continued on – somewhere along the line Apple Bloom and Big Mac got separated, so it was only me and Braeburn cantering through the city – until we came to a sort of alleyway thing where I could tell I’d have to drop down through the raised floor to the ground in order to continue. There was a sheet of corrugated iron over a hole, and another freedom fighter apparently guarding it, with a chain link fence on the direct right.

“Don’t come any closer!” he commanded. “The Combine are dropping hopper mines all over the place, and they’ve been shelling us like crazy-”

“Listen,” I interrupted him, “we’ll take care of things over here; chances are you’re needed in some other part of the city. Smeg knows there’s some Strider that needs obliterating someplace.”

Without another word, the stallion nodded and galloped away. Smegging hell, am I really that intimidating?

I pulled aside the sheet of metal and would most likely have died had Braeburn not grabbed me by the mane (OW) and pulled me back, because as it turned out there were about 6 or 7 hopper mines underneath.

I remember these things from dimension 33. They wait until you’re right up close, and then leap into the air and explode on contact with the nearest... well, anything, really. The little lights on top switched from green to orange, signifying that they were alerted to our presence, and they blipped and beeped in anticipation.

“What now, science guy?” asked Braeburn.

Okay, let me look at this properly...

They don’t look as if they’ve been attached to the ground properly. If I yank them hard enough they’ll come loose, but considering how small this hole is, if I bring them up past Braeburn and I they’ll activate and blow us to smeggereens (which are like smithereens, but generally leave you feeling a bit more smegged off).

Well, there’s no ceiling on the other side of this fence, only sky. I could levitate them off the ground and up into the air without any danger – except to myself of course, when my energy runs out.

Here goes...

One by one, I encased each of the hopped mines in a jade coloured glow, and motioned for Braeburn to stand back as I too withdrew from the hole. I heard several small clanks as they were wrenched from the ground, and I levitated the mines into the air on the other side of the fence.

“Heh,” said Braeburn behind me. “Coulda used a fella with your skills back in ol’ Appleloosa.”

“Bit late for that now, isn’t it?” I asked him, having avoided drowning in his accent.

We jumped down into the whole and continued on our way, and encountered some flying robot things which were dropping hopper mines. I threw a hopper mine at one and it exploded into smeggereens, but the mine it was carrying started to fall and would have activated itself if Braeburn hadn’t dived forward and caught it.

“Nice catch,” I commented, and he just smiled at me in that cocky way that guys smile when they know they’ve done something cool.

We moved onward, shooting and fighting all the way. Sometimes other resistance ponies would join us in our moving battle and either departed to fight someplace else or got gunned down in a hail of alien-controlled bullets.

“Y’know,” said Braeburn about fifteen minutes in, “I really wish the Blue Demon was here.”

Blue what now?!

My ears informed me I had just said that out loud unintentionally.

“Y’all ain’t heard o’ the Blue Demon?” asked Braeburn. Goddamn he makes confusion look cute. I hope he isn’t gonna be one of those guys who are so unreasonably attractive they make me question my sexuality.

“Well,” I said, “seeing as I’ve not only been absent for seventeen years, but also only returned a few hours ago by my count, you can take that as a massive ‘no I haven’t’.”

“Ah can’t believe nopony told ya yet!” cried Braeburn as he finished unloading his rounds into the chest of a particularly large Overwatch soldier. “Cover me while Ah reload and Ah’ll tell ya.”

“Fair enough.”

He crouched down and struggled to slide fresh rounds into his rifle while I shot every approaching Combine soldier dead between the eyes – I am getting good at this – I only have to fire three or four bullets at a time if I aim correctly. And usually, this ‘correctly’ is somewhere between the eyes and below the horn if there were any unicorns in this seemingly never-ending army.

I don’t know whether to be annoyed or worried, to tell the truth. It’s been ages, and I’ve seen soldier after soldier after smegging homicidal soldier, and yet I haven’t seen a single smegging unicorn outside the resistance!

“You done yet?” I asked.

A blast just far enough from my ears to avoid damaging my hearing told me that yes, he was in fact finished.

“The Blue Demon is legendary,” he fangasmed. “Ponies say he roams ‘round Central Equestria, destroyin’ every sign of the Combine he comes across: that’s radio stations, train stations, hoof soldier conversion centres... you name it, he totals it by the next day! Some say he took out a whole ponyhack arcade just by pressin’ a single button!”

Wow. I haven’t seen anypony this excited since I met Pinkie. Whoever this ‘Blue Demon’ is, his reputation definitely precedes him.

“The last known sightin’ of him was someplace round Canterlot,” Braeburn continued, and paused with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Come to think of it, that was ‘round ‘bout the time Soarin’ and Dash left.”

“Do you think one of them might be the Blue Demon?” I asked.

It’d certainly fit, wouldn’t it? Seeing as they’re both blue and all. And who knows what kind of horrors they’ve been put through in the past decade and a half. That’s what war does to innocent civilians, ponies or otherwise: it turns them into soldiers, forces them to fight, and eventually they die knowing what they did would have almost no impact on what was happening.

“Nah,” said Braeburn, contradictory to my expectations. “The stories started at least ten years before they left. ‘Bout the time they were captured by Commabies, actually. Mah guess is this fella is the reason we still have them alive in the first place.”

“Well, um...” I was a little lost for words, actually. They didn’t have anypony like this in dimension 33, that’s for sure. “Are there any clues as to who he actually is?”

“Not one,” said Braeburn. “Last Ah heard he was givin’ them Canterlot bastards a real run for their money. And Ah tell ya this... if he’s out there, Ah sure hope he saves mah Rarity.”

I almost stopped in my tracks at that last sentence.

He... didn’t he know?

I-I guess Rarity being captured by the Combine is easier to take than her actively collaborating with Trixie, and this poor guy already looks hurt enough as it is. But there is one question that’s been bugging me ever since I first laid eyes on the CPs:

“Do you know why there aren’t any unicorns in the Civil Protection or the Overwatch?”

There was no almost about this: the Apple pony really did halt for a moment, and gave me a look which said “You really shouldn’t have asked that.” I was relieved when he started walking and talking again.

“That’s why Ah’m so worried ‘bout mah Rarity,” he explained. “They take the unicorns to Canterlot, but nopony ever sees ‘em again. Ah’ve heard nasty things ‘bout that place: ponies go in there and they come back changed. Mah half-cousin Apple Fritter got shipped there, and when Ah saw her again, it was like she was empty. Like they’d taken the spirit and emotion clean right outta her.”

He turned to me again, the faintest tinges of hope sparkling in his eyes which weren’t quite as intensely green as mine.

“Equestria needs heroes like you an’ the Blue Demon,” he told me. “Maybe then we could get back to the way things were.”

I wouldn’t have put it past Soarin’ or Rainbow Dash to invent the Blue Demon persona. Maybe they were never actually captured by Commabies in the first place: maybe they faked it so that they could create this heroic figure.

But then again, why do that? Why abandon their little colt, nowhere near old enough to take care of himself, just to become Equestria’s resident Dark Knight? It’s highly unlikely, seeing as Rainbow Dash is the bearer of Loyalty and all, and knowing her she’d never abandon her son if she could help it.

And then of course, there was Soarin’. In the time I’d had to get to know him, he’d been plenty protective of Rainbow Dash – you should’ve seen his face when the Gabby Gums column about the three of them came out, he was horrified ponies were treating Dash like some cheap floozy left, right and centre, and when Lightning was born he was fawning over the little guy like crazy.

It was cute, but at the same time a little annoying.

“Ah buck, ponyhacks!”

Braeburn started shooting at the ponyhacks while I sucked them out of the air and whacked them to smeggereens with my crowbar. We had found our way to a rather ruined concrete tunnel, and by ruined I mean there was almost no ceiling and it had collapsed up ahead. Because of this, there was room for an almost continuous stream of ponyhacks to swarm into the tunnel and slice us up into nothing.

Then I saw an opening in the collapsed concrete up ahead, but closer inspection revealed that it was covered in twisted spokes of rusted wire and supports.

“Hello?” I shouted. “Anypony through there?”

No answer.

“Is anypony there?” asked Braeburn in between electrical explosions.

“Not as far as I can tell,” I shouted back.

“Of course there’s somepony through here, how could there not be? But I suppose we could all be dead, or does that not count? I don’t think it counts, unless we were turned into zombies! That would be nasty! They’re dead, but they’re still awake, and they’re screaming and screaming and it’s so horrible and scary and I just want to scream with them and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” I shouted.

“Hexie?” asked Pinkie. “Oh my gosh, it is you! I thought you were dead; I’m so glad you’re alive and okay!”

“Well, Braeburn and I won’t be okay for much longer unless you help us get through this thing!”

“Hold on then, I’ll get some charges set and blow this to smeggereens!”

What? How does she know about that word? I only just made it up! What the... how did...

“Ah could use a li’l help over here!”

At the Apple pony’s request, I ran back into the fray and started attacking the whirring floaters of death. It would have made one awesome movie if anypony had been around to film it. There was one particularly awesome moment when there was one that was buzzing around just above our heads, and I noticed that Braeburn really wanted to get it, so I crouched down and launched him off my back, and the guy somersaulted through the air, blew the ponyhack to pieces and landed even more softly than a ninja cat.

“Cool,” I commented.

I know, I know, that was kinda lame, but what the smeg.

BOOM.

The explosion and clattering of metal alerted me to the fact that Pinkie had successfully blown a hole in the rubble, and Braeburn and I darted through to safety before it could collapse again.

“Thank smeg you’re okay,” I said. Or at least, that’s what I would have said if Pinkie hadn’t glomped me the moment I emerged from the tunnel, which led me to say “Whoa, watch it!”

“Sorry,” said Pinkie as she got off me. “I’m just so glad to see you again!”

Why does she have a chamber pot on her head?

Well, I guess she could use it as a helmet, for obvious reasons, but... why does it have a rubber chicken sticky-taped to it?

“What’re you doing here, Pinkie?” I asked. This was the last place I would have expected to find Equestria’s weirdest pony.

“He he, silly!” Pinkie giggled. “I had to wait here because otherwise who would have helped you get through to the other side? Plus that door over there-” she pointed at a door behind her “-is locked from the other side. Not even I can walk through walls. Well, Pumpkin could when she was a baby...”

“Ah think this is gonna take a while,” Braeburn murmured to me as the peppy pink party pony performed her prattle to us patience-losing peace fighters. “Ah think Ah saw a hole in the wall back there; you think y’all could see ta helpin’ us through?”

Smeg, dat accent...

“I’ll see what I can do,” I told him.

I left the way we had come in, and saw that there was a hole in the wall which I had somehow missed. I shot down a couple of ponyhacks as they tried to pursue me, leapt through the hole...

...and immediately voided my stomach via my mouth.

Dear sweet smeg, the STENCH. It smells like a used nappy full of Indian food, next to a turd covered in burnt hair, combined with Bigfoot’s dick and-and carrots in throw-up. Seriously, this could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick arse in a dead carcass. Even stink would say this stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go ‘What are they cooking?’ That, plus dung!

The point I’m trying to get across is that it smelt bad. I think a sewerage pipe must have burst and mixed with toxic waste. I can tell this tunnel is long since abandoned because of all the rotting vehicles and stuff, but I can hear zombies moaning, and there’re fires here and there which account for about 10% of the reek.

I think I’ll use my crossbow for this one.

I started hopping through the tunnel, using broken vehicles, the occasional patch of dry land and other assorted knick-knacks as stepping stones. As I had feared, zombies kept rearing up out of the disgusting ooze, the smell of which I was only just starting to get used to.

There are undamaged pipes running across the wall near the ceiling. They look strong enough to hold a pony, and if I get up onto them I can find a grate and open that door for Braeburn and Pinkie.

I wonder why nopony told Braeburn about Rarity’s betrayal. Mind you, it doesn’t take a genius to work it out: the poor guy seems so sensitive – he’s almost more like a colt than a stallion – but surely it would have been easier on him if he just knew? Maybe it’d even give him a new reason to fight. Battle through the Combine forces to confront the mare he thought loved him. Perhaps, seeing as they apparently hooked up during my absence, she might tell him why she stabbed us all in the back.

Whoa! That was a close one. That headcrab almost latched onto me.

I think I can see... yes! The pipes are bent so that if I jump off that white car, I’ll be able to hop on and make my way along the metalwork until- this is sounding an awful lot like exposition, isn’t it?

Here goes...

Easy peasy, one two threesy. I could’ve made that jump in my- oh smeg, the car’s smegging sinking! I hope those pipes aren’t slippery!

Good. They aren’t.

I must say; crawling along these pipes is a smeg of a lot easier than jumping from scrapheap to scrapheap to avoid this horrifying smooze. Makes me wonder why I had to go through all that in the first place.

There’s a grate! Great!

A couple more minutes of crawling found me opening a door and smiling at the earth ponies on the other side.

“Thanks for waiting up,” I said, along with “Sorry I took so long.”

“That’s okay!” chirruped Pinkie as she bounced past. Braeburn paused for a moment, staring after her.

“Do you know how she bounces on all four hooves at the same time?” he asked. When I shook my head, he added “And what the hay is that smell?!”

“Sorry,” I said, I guess it’s kinda contagious, but that place stank with a capital V-O-M-I-T.”

We continued on.

I don’t know when it was that I lost track of time. Maybe it was when the headcrab shell hit the ground and I set Pinkie the job of taking them out and keeping civilians safe, or maybe it was when I was about to enter a visibly-torn-up apartment building and told Braeburn to meet me down below. All I know is...

I don’t. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. Is this what my life will be about from now on? Just endless torrents of guns, bullets, aliens and violence? I haven’t slept for what feels like a millennium, I haven’t had anything to eat in seventeen whole smegging years, I feel like I haven’t had a drink since I was three, and Celestia knows what I look like right now.

I bet I have stubble.

Wow, the floor feels really unstabl- WHA! It just collapsed right under my hooves! I’m in an old room – it generally feels like an orange in here – and there’s a turret in each corner. And wouldn’t you know it; they’ve got plenty of bullets to spare! That’s one... that’s the other...

...and then the wall exploded.

I raised my crossbow, ready to shoot this new opponent right in the eye, only to find she was doing the same with her gun, and we both lowered our weapons once we both realised who the other was.

“Hex!” cried Twilight joyfully. “I’m so glad to see you’re okay.”

She kissed me on the cheek. She kissed me right on the cheek.

“Did you...” I struggled to find the right words. “Is Applejack safe?”

“Yes,” she reported, “and I sent Pinkie to join her, plus I met Fluttershy too on the way here: we’ve got to keep the Elements of Harmony as safe as possible.”

“Makes sense,” I commented. “Does this mean we can link up with Lightning now?”

“Yeah, but there’s an Overwatch command centre downstairs and I want to see what we can learn from it,” Twilight informed me as I followed her into the narrow corridor. “There are dark energy generators dotted around the city which the Combine uses to power their machines and weaponry. If we can take them out, we’ll definitely get an edge in this battle.”

“And where would you be without my help?” I said, more as a suggestive remark than anything else, and yes, I regretted it soon afterwards.

However, contrary to my expectations, she smiled and winked at me. Winked...

“Follow me,” she commanded.

“Aye-aye, captain,” I replied.

And so we charged down the stairs, through the corridors, past the peeling walls and over the increasingly flimsy wooden floors, shooting Combine smegheads all the way, until true to Twilight’s word we found a basement room filled with monitors, control panels and Overwatch.

More like Underwatch, since the only thing they’ll be watching now is underneath six feet of earth and a gravestone. Bazinga!

Once we’d grabbed some extra ammo, Twilight set to work with one of the computers, tapping away with her hooves, her eyes fixed firmly on the screen before her. As she stood there on her hind hooves, propping herself up by her forelegs punching in the buttons, I got the sudden impulse to wrap my forelegs around her – pull her into a hug, sort of thing – and see what happened from there...

“We’re in luck,” she stated, snapping me from my stupor. “There’s a generator in the square just outside. You wanna help take it out?”

“How can I do that?”

“Once I drop the shields surrounding it, you’ll have to give it a really solid burst of telekinesis. I’d do it myself, but I’m afraid I exhausted all my magic teleporting Applejack, Pinkie and Fluttershy all the way to Ponyville. It’s at least two hundred miles away.”

“Fair enough.”

Yes, I know there’s not a lot of conversation happening right now, but bear in mind that this had been an increasingly dangerous situation from the moment I arrived in the hellhole formerly known as Equestria.

Speaking of which, when we got outside the square was practically empty. Streets led off to the left and right, and they were all littered with dead bodies of Overwatch and even a few apparently idiotic CPs here and there. Up ahead the generator with a sheltered CPU nearby, and a gate behind the generator. I think the piles of dead bodies may have something to do with the traumatised cowpony standing over an observantly still warm carcass.

“Braeburn?” Twilight seemed just as surprised to see him as he was to see her. “What’re you doing here?”

“Ah... was...” He was still collecting himself by the looks of things. “Ah was followin’ Hex, an’ he told me to hold the fort down here ‘til he ‘rived... they came from everywhere! They came outta the walls! The BUCKIN’ WALLS!”

Um... well, there’s a lot of windows around, so I suppose to the non-concentrated eye it could look like there were ponies coming out of the walls, but all the same, poor Braeburn.

“I’m sorry,” I said, although it didn’t feel like anything near enough. “If I’d known how many-”

“Weren’t your fault, partner,” said Braeburn shakily. “Weren’t your fault.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Braeburn,” said Twilight. “You can help Hex give me some cover. I don’t think the shields will take as long as that teleporter did, but it’ll still be a pretty long time and I won’t be able to defend myself.”

“You got it, Twi.”

At the shortening of her name, a small blush crept up her cheeks. I swear; if she gets any more adorable I might have a heart attack.

As she started tapping at the buttons, something must have clicked in the minds of every Overwatch soldier in the city, because the moment her hooves touched that panel they appeared at the end of each of the streets. Braeburn and I got to work, shooting and shooting like there was no tomorrow, while very slowly the outer shield around the generator started to withdraw into the ground.

“Why the smeg are these things always so slow?” I asked. “It’s like there’s some outside force that wants us to die!”

“There IS an outside force that wants us ta die!” Braeburn pointed out.

“Yeah, but you know what I mean!” I shouted in reply over the deafening gunfire. “You try to get an elevator, and it takes ages to come down! You try to activate a teleporter, and it takes years to charge! You try to open up a generator, and it takes ABSOLUTELY SMEGGING EONS FOR-”

“The outer shields have come down!” Twilight reported, thereby making what I just said almost redundant. A little annoying to say the least. But there was still an inner shield to come down, so I was right in a way.

Whoops, out of ammo. If I can just get close enough to that fallen clip...

What the smeg am I talking about? I can just pull it over telekinetically! Maybe I’ve taken too many bashes to the head.

“How’s it going, Twi?” I asked.

“The shield’s about halfway down!” she told me.

“Well, can’t I just shoot it now?”

“No! The energy ball powering it might rebound off the shield and go back into the generator core! We can’t risk damaging it or we might never get this thing shut down!”

She’s got a point there. Unfortunately, this is one of those things where if you rush it, you ruin it. Just like with almost every other thing in life.

If you know what I mean...

Nudge-nudge.

Back in the world of non-sexual-innuendo, Braeburn and I were running low on energy. The poor guy had already been worn out when this battle began, and I was borderline exhausted, but now it seemed we were both about to drop down where we stood. I could tell just by looking at the guy and listening to his gunshots: dark circles and bags were rapidly expanding around his eyes, and the gaps of time between the firing of his gun were growing larger and larger with every passing second. I hardly noticed it at first, but then I remembered how lively and energetic he had been earlier.

Particularly when he was telling me about the Blue Demon. There’s a name for what he is, and that name is “fancolt”. I bet he’d go completely spare if he ever met this guy, whoever he is.

Me? I’d rather like to meet him too. Tell him thanks for keeping Equestria safe in his own terrifyingly destructive way.

“The inner shield is down! Now, Hex!”

In a split second, I took in the core of the generator – a single ball of dark energy, identical to that which could be fired from a pulse rifle, bouncing around in an electromagnetic shield – before a blast of magic shot out of my horn and almost levelled the whole thing.

“Great shot!” shouted Twilight as the aforementioned gate (hope you didn’t forget about it) swung open and my friends and I cannoned through it, and Twilight gave a control panel on the other side a zap of what little magic she had left, which cause the gate to swing closed against the advancing forces.

Braeburn and I eyed each other, smiled...

...and, very carefully, fell over.

Twilight, with a sigh, was quick to follow, and she rolled over to rest a hoof on my armoured chest.

“Buckin’ A,” Braeburn swore (I think). “Ah ain’t ever fought like that in all mah life!”

“You’re telling me,” I commented. “I think we could all do with a breather. You okay, Braeburn?”

“Ah think Ah’ll be alright.”

“How about you, Twi?”

“I’m okay,” said Twilight. “I could use a rest, though; I’m still buzzing from adrenaline.”

She reached into her jacket (formerly my jacket) and pulled out a small canteen, the contents of which sloshed around as she unscrewed it.

“Here,” she said, and offered it to me. “There’s – there was – a purifier in New TARDIS. The Combine puts something in the water that messes with your head, but this is safe to drink.”

Holy smeg. The feeling of the cold, flavourless liquid trickling down my throat was the best feeling I have had in a long time. Almost immediately, I felt more awake and alert, but I could see that somepony else needed it too.

“Thanks,” said Braeburn as he accepted the canteen, and I passed it back to Twilight after he had taken a swig. After she had taken a pull, we all stood up, ready to press on.

“Okay,” said Twilight as we walked, “Lightning should be on the other side of this...”

She trailed off, staring in disappointment at the ruined concrete.

“...canal,” she finished rather pointlessly. “Well, there used to be bridge here.”

“What now?” I asked.

Twilight examined the surrounding buildings with inquisitive eyes.

“Aha!” she exclaimed, so suddenly I almost jumped. “You guys wait here: I’ll see if I can scout a path.”

She cantered over to a building with a sturdy-looking drainpipe attached to the outside, and started to use it, along with some windowsills and an awning, to climb up the side to the roof.

I watched her as she climbed, her tail swinging freely in the breeze, and made a conscious effort not to ogle her flank.

“You two datin’ or somethin’?” asked Braeburn.

For a moment, I considered what exactly the definition of ‘dating’ is, and settled on “Sort of.”

Up above, Twilight reached the roof.

“Not to worry!” she called. “It looks like there might be a way across over there! We just have to- oh no.”

I could feel the italics in her voice, and heard the whirr of the ship’s engines as it landed behind her, blowing her mane like crazy. She ducked out of sight, and my stomach churned at the sounds of gunshots.

Then she reappeared.

“Both of you get out of here!” she shouted. “Run! I’ll try to hold them off!”

“You go that way,” I said, pointing down one end of the canal, “and I’ll go this way!”

“Gotcha!” said Braeburn with a small salute, and we ran our separate ways.

But before I re-entered the sewers, a sight was burned into my mind forever: that of Twilight clocked around the back of the head by an Overwatch officer, and her unconscious body dragged out of sight.

Chapter 12 - Follow Hex!

“You’re Hex, aren’t you?” asked the young mare who met me when I emerged from the sewers.

I looked her up and down. There was no way she was much older than Lightning Strike. She was a unicorn – yellow – with a twisting orange mane, decorated with a large blue bow that matched her eyes. She also had large scars on either side of her mouth, stretching right up to her eyes and twisting her face into a permanent, grotesque smile.

“That’s me,” I told her after overcoming my initial alarm at her horrific injury.

“Listen,” she said, “Lightning said you were on your way, but we got separated by snipers and he’s trapped in a warehouse up ahead. You’d better hurry; he’s relying on you!”

And without another word, she cantered past me.

But I was finding it a little hard to concentrate as I continued on, and for this perfectly good reason:

I had failed.

Twilight Sparkle was the love of my life. And an Element of Harmony, one of the most powerful, most important ponies in the whole of Equestria. I was supposed to protect her, make sure this smeg-forsaken place could have a future, but instead I had just watched like a mook as the Overwatch dragged her away.

I had watched the ship as it took off. It had headed towards the Citadel.

Not to worry: I was getting pretty close. The streets were getting harder to navigate – there were a lot of soldiers around, and I’d heard the stretched moans of more than one Strider as they stomped their way through the rubble – I have to push on. I’ve got to do something about Twilight’s situation, about Lightning’s situation, about this whole world’s situation!

Oh smeg. I’m in an alley, looking across at a warehouse with half the top two floors blown out, and I can see a scrap of deep blue mane poking up over the remainders of a wall on the top floor, but the blue laser of a sniper is dividing the road in half. I’m gonna have to make a run for it.

You know what they say. If you can’t laugh at yourself... say goodbye to my dignity...

Undelé! Undelé! Ariba! Ariba! Speedy Hex, the fastest pony in all Equestria!

Ha, Looney Toons. That was one weird universe, and smeg was I glad to leave it behind.

Whoa, it’s like the Combine had a competition to see how many zombies they could cram into a single warehouse (a little like my mouth and cheese puffs – my record is 33). Luckily there’s lots of stuff to chuck at them- smeg! I thought that paint tin would slow them down, but all it’s done is paint a couple of them yellow!

Oh well, nothing a good filing cabinet couldn’t fix.

Looks like there’s no way to get to the upper levels from here. Guess I’ll have to go through the basement and see if it leads through to the stairs.

Wow, are there no basements that aren’t flooded? At least this water’s only knee deep, and there aren’t any electrical wires turning it into a gigantic frying pan, but variety is the spice of life.

“Hello? Is-is somepony there?”

Who was that?

There’s a raised pedestal over there, and a pony on it. He’s about the same age as that young mare I met. Pegasus. Creamy yellow coat with a brown mane and eyes to match. And there’s a pair of zombies crawling through the water towards him.

Well, not anymore.

When I got closer, I could see that he was hurt. Badly. As if somepony had torn a chunk out of his abdomen. Luckily there was a canister of nanites just behind him, so I injected them into the wound in his stomach in order to let him heal.

“What’re you doing down here?” I asked as the tiny robots set to work.

“We thought we’d be safer down here,” said the colt. “Little did we know the place was infested. Everypony else headed upstairs to take their chances with the snipers – except for my sister, she tried to find another way out – and I guess they’re still up there. If they’re still alive.”

“Is your sister a yellow unicorn with rather grotesque scars on her face?” I asked him.

“Yeah, that’s Pumpkin.”

“She made it out. I passed her on my way here. Be careful following her; there’s a sniper overlooking the street.”

“Gotcha,” said the pegasus, and he left the way I had come in.

I’m trying hard to remain aloof here. I can’t let my guilt over Twilight’s capture interfere with my actions too much. I’m going to save her. I have to. And I can’t do that if I’m angsting all the time.

So I got to the other side of the basement, and wouldn’t you know it, it led to the stairway! Pretty soon, I found my way up to the penultimate floor of the warehouse, the ceiling of which had been almost completely eliminated, and I could see Lightning Strike huddled in a corner of the upper floor clutching a shotgun to his chest.

“Hex!” he shouted upon seeing me. “Am I ever glad to see you!”

“Are you okay?” I called up to him.

“A little nervous, but apart from that, I’m fine!” he reported. “Listen, Hex, these snipers got me pinned pretty good! You got any grenades?”

I checked my digital stockpile. Luckily I had plenty of explosive devices of that description at my disposal.

“Chuck ‘em in the windows; that should clear ‘em out!” shouted Lightning.

Okay, I’m going to have to be very careful with what I do here. I’m fortunate enough for there to be this huge crate of grenades coincidentally placed about ten feet from my current position, but snipers have their jobs because they rarely, if ever, miss their mark.

With some well utilised telekinesis, I could get this done very quickly.

After sussing out where the nearest sniper was, I pulled out a grenade and removed the pin with my teeth (which, contrary to what you see in the movies, is actually a bit hard and rather painful). Then I wrapped the grenade in my magic and guided it into the window. There were the sounds of alarm from the operator of the gun, followed by a muffled explosion and a sudden lack of laser.

One down, three to go.

The next one was on the other side of the building, and I darted from rubble heap to rubble heap to avoid getting my brains blown onto the concrete. I had a near miss though: one bullet bounced of the grenade crate and ricocheted off the collar of my HEV suit before pinging away to wherever bullets go.

I carefully withdrew a grenade, removed the pin, and lobbed it across at the window. Even before it completed its graceful arc through the air I could tell it wouldn’t make it on its own, so I gave it a small telekinetic nudge and it bounced off the windowsill and into the room where the now ex-sniper was stationed.

Two down, two to go.

Third sniper and I could tell this would be a tricky one. Unlike the others, this one and the next had decided not to play fair and choose a window on an upper floor rather than one nearer to the middle. Rather than a usual clean throw I would have to adopt some kind of weird, snake like route if ever I was going to nail this smegger.

Of course, being telekinetic makes the whole thing a lot easier. Three down, one to go.

Final sniper. This one was directly behind Lightning, and I would have to climb up to where he was huddled if I wanted to succeed.

“Any chance you could help me up?” I asked.

He laid down on his stomach, flat against the concrete, and reached down towards me. It wasn’t long before I was lying next to him. I produced a grenade-

“Wait,” said Lightning. “Let me deal with this dickweed.”

-and passed it to him.

This next bit was just pure awesome. He pulled out the pin and without looking around threw the explosive right into the sniper’s face. Literally, I heard that guy grunt as it bounced off his mask!

“Thanks for that,” said the pegasus as he stood up, as if he did that sort of thing every day. “Any longer huddling there and my legs would have seized up. You okay?”

“Well,” I said, “apart from being angry, in pain, hungry, thirsty, bursting for the dunny and feeling as if I could fall asleep at any minute I’m just peachy!”

Thank smeg having parents like Dash and Soarin’ gave this guy a sense of humour. You know, it’s weird: technically I’m seventeen years older than him, and yet we’re physically the same age. But the same could be said about me and Twilight, and the rest of her friends as well. Biologically they’ve got nearly one and three quarter decades on me, and yet...

“Let’s press on,” said Lightning. “The sooner I join Mom and Dad, the better.”

...and yet he’s physically not that much younger than them. Weirdness to the max.

Rather than leaving the way I had come in, we descended to the next floor down and emerged onto the street via a heap of rubble which had been blocking my way earlier and now provided a helpful ramp down to the cracked tarmac. The road was blocked by another Combine gate up ahead, but luckily we were on the correct side of it, i.e. the one that the Overwatch weren’t watching, and it was easy to take them out.

“Let me get this gate,” said Lightning, and he cantered over to the controls. “My Civil Protection status still gives me limited clearance.”

As he tapped at the panel, I noticed that he had sewn patches onto his CP uniform, and since they were on his flanks, I assumed the image on them was his cutie mark. It was a blood-red peace symbol, laid over a pair of crossed swords. A pretty cool cutie mark, I think you’ll agree.

A Strider moaned somewhere in the distance, and Lightning turned to me with eyes full of horror.

“Did you hear a cat just now?” he asked.

“What?” I was really confused; it sounded nothing like a cat!

“I swear, that damn thing haunts me!”

The gate swung open and we ran onwards, shooting down Overwatch troops on the way. We found a building which must have been some kind of office block once – the pale blue wallpaper was peeling, and there were lots of large spiralling staircases and ruined desks and stuff like that – but Lightning paused when we reached the end of one room, so I did too.

“Listen,” he said. “There’s this big old building up ahead; a bank or a museum or something like that. Whatever the hell it used to be, it’s now some sort of nexus for the Overwatch – in City 17, anyway. Long story short, it’s the main source of pain for this part of town, thanks to this massive suppression device that’s raining down hell from the roof.”

“And we have to stop it?” I asked, even though I knew full well what the answer would be.

“I’m afraid so,” said Lightning, as per my expectations. “We’re the best armed ponies in the area, I expect. Plus a small elite group would stand a better chance than a horde of rookies, don’t you think?”

I cocked an eyebrow at that last statement.

“We’re elite?” I asked with a smile.

“More or less,” said Lightning, and he smiled too.

We proceeded through the nearest door into a corridor, the right side of which had broken windows set into it. Through the holes I could see a massive domed building – think the Capitol building in Washington, only a dirty golden brown colour with part of the dome collapsed, and a good deal smaller too, silhouetted against the darkening sky. I could make out electromagnetic shields barring at least some of the route, so we’d have to be careful where we went.

As I watched, a single pony trotted cautiously out into the open. And as I watched, a laser focused on his position and seconds later he was little more than a pony-shaped scorch mark on the concrete.

“That is something nopony should ever have to see,” I stated simply.

“You’re telling me,” Lightning said grimly.

When we got to the next room, a camera identical to the one in the room where I had first met the pegasus colt flashed several times and retreated into the ceiling. Lightning shot at it, but too late.

“So much for stealth,” I commented. “What now?”

“Now we run like crazy and don’t stop for anything,” said Lightning, “not even to shoot if we can help it.”

And with that, we trotted down to the bottom floor, and paused at the door leading to the outside (more specifically, under some sort of veranda) and here and there I could see an overturned skip and several other means of shelter scattered around.

“Okay, you ready?” asked Lightning.

I shrugged and said “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Right,” said Lightning, “On three.”

I waited...

“THREE!”

The moment he spoke, the two of us ran at top speed to the overturned skip and took shelter underneath. We felt the metal shudder as the suppression device pounded into it again and again, but it was holding for the moment.

“Ready for another go?” I asked when both of us had finished panting.

“Where should we head to?” said Lightning.

I poked my head out the right side of the skip – tentatively for fear of being disintegrated – and I saw a door in a building over to the left. However, to reach this door we would gallop from here into a U-turn around a fence, avoid the electromagnetic barriers and basically cover the entire courtyard area in front of the nexus without getting killed.

“I’ve worked out where we need to go,” I told the colt, “but I’m just wondering if you can keep up with me.”

“Is that a challenge?” asked Lightning with a smirk.

“You know it is,” I said. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

“LEG IT!”

I’ve never run so fast in all my life! Mind you, it was the only time I’ve had any motivation to run that fast. The sound of my hooves on the ground was more of a low buzz than anything else, and I didn’t look around (looking round while running? Irresponsible) but I could tell Lightning was flapping his wings to aid his speed. He wasn’t flying, but he was definitely moving quickly.

The suppression device carved small craters in the ground behind us as we sped towards the door, and get this: five feet away from the door, I tripped over my own legs and ended up rolling in like a big ball of pony. I was quick to recover though, and shot the startled Overwatch before they could get over the fact that an orange-and-black-clad nerd had just rolled into their midst.

“You alright?” asked Lightning.

“You want a list of the ways I’m not alright?” I asked him. He nodded in understanding.

“What now?” he inquired. “I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s no other way out of this place.”

“I’m thinking, okay?” I told him. “Let’s just restock on ammunition first.”

We wordlessly set to work reloading as many guns as we had ammo for, and when we were finished, I dared to poke my head above a windowsill and look outside.

“I think I see where we can go,” I told Lightning.

“Are you sure?” asked the pegasus. “Because you’re my friend, and I trust you with my life, but if I die because of you, I’ll kill you.”

It was my turn to nod at him in understanding, and I motioned for him to join me at the window or at least look through the one next to me.

“Do you see the far side of the building?” I asked, pointing.

Lightning squinted and said “Yeah, I think so.”

“On my mark, we run smeg for leather.”

“Got it.”

Very carefully, I opened the door once more, and very carefully, we ran even faster than earlier across the courtyard, navigating the maze of electromagnetic fences and the old wrought-iron ones until we reached the wall of the nexus building. I could see the plug powering the smaller shield in front of us, and I wrenched it from its socket.

“I was right to trust you,” said Lightning.

I was too out of breath to reply, so I just smiled.

We entered the building at that side, and I noticed a couple of drain-like grilles in the floor.

“Oh buck, turrets,” Lightning swore. “You’ve got the HEV suit, you can deal with them.”

When I stepped out from over, the grilles rose and there were indeed miniature turrets underneath. I ducked forward, out of their range, before they could shoot me, and they scanned the area with lasers, revealing their rather small firing area.

This is getting boring.

I rolled a grenade into each turret just as they were closing, muffling the explosion that destroyed each one.

Then we moved onward into the main building. Had I been a colt, of around 9 years old, I would have been the type to look up and gaze in wonder at the massive dome which stretched over the roof of the foyer. However, this was slightly ruined since I was 18 and the dome was only half there. Plus there were soldiers coming at me and Lightning from every which way.

“We need to find the rooms with generators in them,” Lightning informed me. “As far as I know there’re three of them, but they’re dotted about the building and I don’t think it’ll be easy to find them.”

“Better get searching then,” I stated, and so we began.

This place must’ve been booming once. I can just imagine it: parents bringing their foals here on the summer holidays, and the foals coincidentally getting bored to death around the same time. I think it’s a museum, because I’ve seen empty plinths where there might once have been exhibits or statues or something, but it isn’t too easy to tell because of all the Overwatch troops.

And you know what? It’s not just the Overwatch anymore. Do you remember when Twilight and I were about to teleport out of Nova Discord, and I said that white-clad ponies with one red eye appeared and shot energy balls at us? They’ve decided to put in another appearance in this place.

Can’t complain. I can hardly blame the Overwatch for trying to protect their base of operations. Never mind that two of the best fighters in the whole city are ploughing through them like a jet plane through a flock of high-altitude hummingbirds.

Oh smeg, was that joke in bad taste?

I hope not.

“Back here!”

Did I just run right past one? Apparently so. I about turned and headed back to the fancy and surprisingly well-kept room where Lightning Strike was waiting for me. The generator was directly across from the door, and when I hit it with my magic it did exactly what I thought it would: the energy ball bounced around the room and then exploded against the ceiling.

“Nice work!” Lightning joyfully cried.

“One down, two to go,” I said by way of commentary.

At that moment, we were joined by the Overwatch, but they were nothing that a hail of bullets couldn’t take care of.

“Fifty down, eight hundred to go?” Lightning suggested, and I swear I almost laughed out loud.

We departed that room in higher spirits, felling that we were finally getting somewhere in this battle, and soon encountered a corridor where the door at the end was barred with boards of wood. Not that we wanted to go that way: there were laser traps that would have triggered more turrets.

So instead we turned back, and another corridor led to a room with more laser trips and hopper mines than I had ever seen in my whole life.

“With that kind of security, you know there’s something good in there,” I said to Lightning. “Shall we check it out?”

In another part of the building, something exploded.

“How about you check it out and I cover this corridor for you?” Lightning suggested. “That way only one of us will get blown up by hopper mines and/or shot to pieces.”

It didn’t take me long to realise that something was wrong with that sentence.

“You have just as much chance of getting shot to pieces as me,” I stated.

“Yes, but I won’t get blown up,” Lightning pointed out.

Stalemate.

I entered the room, almost walking into a laser, and the door automatically closed behind me.

This room looks like some kind of power generation thing, and I can see the machine guns nestled in the corners of ceiling, just waiting for me to trip on a laser and set them off. And wouldn’t you know it; the deactivation button is on the other side of the room, next to the exit.

I bet the Blue Demon doesn’t have this kind of trouble. By what Braeburn told me, I expect he’d just blow this entire place sky high and never think about it again. Don’t worry; I’m not jealous, just a little nervous about having to navigate a smegging maze of lasers and mines. It looks like if I can climb on the generator thingy and avoid touching the floor, I might just get through this unhurt.

Here I go...

Hmm, I can’t help but feel like I need some theme music. Something to really represent what I’m doing. Dododooo, dododooo, dododooo, bedoodoo. Dada dadadada dada dododooo, dododooo, dododooo, bedoodoo.

Wawa wawawawa wawa-

Nanana, nanana, nanana, banana! Dada dadadada dadada- BADAAAAAAA!

Yes. That was the Mission Impossible theme. I once heard about some guy who hummed it while darting around a K-Mart store, and this among other things (such as leaving a trail of ketchup leading to the toilets and setting all the alarm clocks to go off at five minute intervals) resulted in him and his wife getting barred. Oh smeg, I laughed so hard at that!

WHOA!

Almost slipped. Just managed to catch myself with some handy self telekinesis.

All I have to do now is jump down and push that button, although something tells me I might be coming back here at some point. And strangely enough, it deactivated all the mines and lasers as well as opening the doors, which was all I thought it would do.

“Good work!” cried Lightning happily as he cantered in. “Although don’t you think it would’ve been easier if I’d flown in?”

“Well, yes,” I said, “but-”

“Yeah, I know,” said Lightning, “suppression field and all. Is it annoying or what?”

“You’re telling me,” I commented. “But shall we move on?”

“Good idea.”

It wasn’t long before we came across a second generator room, and pretty soon that was taken care of too, and we disabled those turrets that had blocked our way earlier and found a bridge which led to another part of the building.

We found a room piled high with ammunition, nanites canisters and inactive hopper mines (plus some quite spacious holes in the walls) but the moment we entered the doors on both sides of the room slammed closed.

“Buck!” Lightning swore. “This is not good.”

Then the sound of Combine communicators came in from outside.

“Ya think?” I asked.

It soon became obvious why we were locked in: the Overwatch were running around outside in the corridors and shooting at us as if we were fish in a barrel. This, funnily enough, is exactly what I felt like.

“BUCK!”

I whipped around at Lightning’s cry of pain, and saw him clutching his foreleg, blood pouring off his hoof and spilling into a pool on the floor. Without pausing to think I grabbed him, pulled him behind cover and telekinetically pulled over a tube of nanites.

“I can keep going!” he insisted. “It’s only a bullet!”

“Sorry, Lightning,” I said, “but I don’t think your parents would ever forgive me if I let you die.”

Lightning tried to roll his eyes, and got about halfway through before wincing as I jabbed the canister’s needle into his arm through a pore in his armour.

“Do you have to be so rough?” he demanded.

“Unfortunately yes,” I replied, “and, um, you do realise that what you just said would sound terrible out of context?”

Watching Lightning Strike’s face complete the complex journey through confusion, realisation and horror-in-hindsight was one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it in my life. Oh smeg, it’s still funny now!

The moment of hilarity (on my part anyway) ended when the two of us became aware of a strange hissing noise. When we deigned to look – the sudden ceasefire was also cause for question – we saw that the Overwatch had started to cut through the very doors they had closed with a blowtorch.

“Why bother closing the door if they’re just gonna open it again?” asked Lightning.

“Indeed,” I said, “I don’t think they plan their plans very thoroughly.”

“Well, whatever the case, get those mines set up!” Lightning ordered. “But don’t put them all around that door, because they might try to come in through the other one.”

“Gotcha.”

I arranged the five-or-so hopper mines around the two doors, and both of us took cover and waited for the troops to enter.

I’ve heard plenty of things about going out with a bang, but if you ask me, coming in with a bang is so much cooler. However, this coolness can be somewhat tampered when the one entering is trying to kill you.

After the mines had done what they could, Lightning and I leapt out from cover like a jack-in-the-box and started to fire. We ran as we shot, and it wasn’t long before that particular wave of troops had been slaughtered just like the rest of them. And not long after that, we took down the final generator.

“Nice work!” Lightning complimented.

“Couldn’t have done it without your help,” I told him.

“That’ll have disabled all the force fields in and around this place,” said Lightning. “The suppression device on the roof should be deactivated too. If we can get up there, we can use this place to start ferrying refugees out of this city, ‘coz-”

“Nopony has to get hurt that doesn’t need to,” I finished for him. “It’s a song I’ve sung before, I’ll think you’ll find.”

“Really?”

“Take my word for it: I don’t want to go into detail.”

“Fair enough.”

I must say this whole hero thing is a lot easier when I have someone to work with. I see now why all those stereotypical action heroes often come with the stereotypical action sidekick (although some of these aren’t stereotypical): the Doctor and his never-ending stream of companions, Lieutenant McClane and that guy played by Samuel L. Jackson, me and Amber, Batman and Robin, Superman and Supergirl, Tony Stark and Rhodey... shall I end the list there? We’re going to be here all day and you probably get the point.

When we got onto the roof, all hell broke loose if it hadn’t already. It was flooded with Overwatch firing at us non-stop. But the thing about me and Lightning was that we were armed as well, and me? I was armed to the teeth. And all these attackers were just providing me with more ammunition!

But at the same time, it wasn’t like the video game I know, remember and love, because it’s real. Really real. I could die at any moment.

I’m not going to think about this. I’m going to focus on the task I apparently have to complete. I say apparently because I didn’t choose to do this. It’s almost like...

...like it chose me.

Heh, I wonder what I’d be doing right now if I hadn’t decided to go travelling the multiverse with Amber. Probably be getting beaten up by some drunk with eyebrow, nose, lip and dick piercings in an alley somewhere in Melbourne’s darkest corners.

I certainly wouldn’t be attacking alien invaders in a dimension to which I myself am an alien.

And wouldn’t you know it, there’s a gunship!

“Lightning!” I shouted over the deafening gunfire.

“Yeah?” Lightning replied.

“I need you to cover me while I take down this gunship!”

“Shouldn’t be a problem!”

I whipped out my rocket launcher, loaded it up from a coincidentally close crate of ammo – one of many I’d found scattered around in convenient places – took aim and fired, and three minutes later that gunship was no more than rubble.

But then I noticed something else: something that could hinder my progress even more.

Striders.

Three of them, tearing up the courtyard in front of the nexus.

This day just gets worse and worse...

“Hex!”

Lightning’s shout broke me from my stupor and snapped me back into the rooftop battle. As soon as I entered the fray, the tide turned and Lightning and I were able to activate a bridge which ran from this rooftop to another building on the other side of the street (at the back of the nexus, away from the Strider battle) and other resistance ponies joined the fight.

It wasn’t long before the nexus was officially ours, and I heard another familiar voice from the bridge.

“Hex! Sweet Celestia, it’s good ta see yer alright!”

“Good to see you too, Braeburn,” I replied.

“Listen,” said the apple pony, “we dropped a crate o’ rockets on the other side of the courtyard. If y’all c’n get over there, ya can start takin’ out those Striders and make our job a whole lot easier.”

“What is this job?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Evacuatin’ civilians,” said Braeburn. “We gotta get as many ponies ta safety as possible.”

Sounds like a sound plan. To tell the truth, most of the faces I’d seen in the resistance were faces I’d seen in Ponyville at some point. I’m assuming from what Twilight said that Ponyville is safe – she wouldn’t teleport her best friends to the middle of a warzone – and now I’m going to stop thinking about this because I have a job to do.

“I’m going to see if I can find Spike,” Lightning reported. “Chances are he’s torn half the city apart by now.”

“Good idea,” said Braeburn, and then turned to me and said “So, y’all think you’re up to it?”

I winked and said “What do you think?”

Then I ran.

I ran across the bridge, down the fractured stairwell of the other building and out into the courtyard. Once there, I kept running, despite the Striders constantly firing at me and trying to turn me into Swiss cheese. I ran through the holes they had blasted in the ground, and I ran across the broken tarmac until I reached the far side of the courtyard and paused to catch my breath.

You can probably tell by now that the feeling of adrenaline pulsing through my veins is nothing new to me. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of thing, but normally there’s someone with me. This time, I’m utterly alone.

I drew my rocket launcher and took as many rockets as I could hold, took careful aim, and fired at the nearest Strider.

Then I fired again.

And again.

And twice more, until the Strider let out one final moan and collapsed, its massive legs spilling out all over the ground. I kept doing the same until all three monstrous constructions of metal lay dead on the ground, and paused again for another breather.

Once I had stopped buzzing, I got up and left through a door which I was sure hadn’t been there when Lightning and I first got to this place, and soon found myself in a dark tunnel.

Has night fallen already? It’s hard to tell: maybe the sky is just really, really cloudy and dark-

HOLYSMEGHOLYSMEGTHERE’SASTRIDERRIGHTBEHINDMEIT’SSMASHEDTHROUGHTHETUNNELITHOUGHTITWASCAVEDINIT’SCOMINGRIGHTATMEREALLYREALLYFAST!!!!!!!!!!

Okay... okay... I think I got away... I didn’t get away. There’re Overwatch troops in this basement.

Not anymore.

Holy smeg, I’m so smegging tired...

Hmm?

What?

Did I just fall asleep? It seems like everything’s slightly lighter and... Holy smeg, I feel like a mess. My brain has turned into a squishy lump of wood pulp.

Might as well press on for as long as possible. That is, until I drop dead, of course.

I made my way out of the basement and onto one of the upper floors. An Overwatch solder fired a shot at me, but I silenced him with a crossbow bolt before he could do any more damage. My greatest enemy at the moment is the floating cameras that I saw floating around when I first entered City 17: their flash is so bright that it has a temporary blinding effect.

My only way to get rid of them is to wait until they’re close enough and then whack them to smeggereens with my trusty crowbar. I don’t want to use a gun: that Strider is still hanging around and I can’t afford to be found right now.

I can see a corridor over there. If I can get to it without being seen, I might just get away scot free. I’ll have to be quick, but quiet at the same time.

Okay, I can do this. It’s just one hoof in front of the other. No biggie, right?

Gently... gently...

There, made it. Thank smeg.

Now I just have to find a way out of this build- Oh look; a stairwell! How nice! Isn’t it nice how in these kinds of things you get a Deus Ex Machina around every smegging corner?

Oh no.

It’s even worse out this end. So much noise and destruction. The building up ahead is completely surrounded by rubble, and by the looks of the three or so Striders around it it’s rapidly becoming rubble. They’re not just using the machine guns anymore, but they’re using their warp cannons as well. Those things can destroy an entire city if implemented correctly.

The Citadel is closer and more looming than ever, so at least I haven’t got far to go. That’s a plus.

The Striders are erupting out of the ground. Big minus.

“Hex!” somepony shouted. “Head for the memorial on the other side!” I don’t know who it was, but they sounded feminine.

So there’s a memorial on the other side that I have to head for. At least I have a goal now- SMEG! A Strider just erupted out of the road right in front of me! It went right over and didn’t seem to see me, so I darted down the hole and found myself in a large sewerage pipe which led to the doomed building’s basement.

There’s more Overwatch down here and- wait, what’s that bleeping noise?

SMEG! Those soldiers literally blew the floor right out from underneath me! I have to get out of this crater before I get cornered and shot to pieces. But now Overwatch troops are jumping down here to shoot me!

Oh smeg, this feels so wrong. Nopony should ever have to walk on a ramp of dead bodies just to get out of a pit. EVER.

Right. I’m out of the basement and in the building proper. If I want to get a clear shot at the Striders I’m going to have to get up as high as possible. But do you want to know what that means?

That means I’m going to have to run through this building as it’s being torn to pieces around me. Very noisily too. I am going to need so much therapy after this.

Come to think of it, there’re a lot of video game protagonists who’d need help after their experiences. I mean, the experiences they’re put through on a daily basis are nothing short of horrifically traumatising. I’d make a list of all the protagonists who’d need a smegload of counselling, but I seriously don’t have time right now.

Suddenly, everything faded out.

I can’t explain what happened. Maybe it was the combined results of lack of sleep, hunger and thirst that triggered it, but all I could see was what was right in front of me.

I continued climbing through that building in a complete daze. The explosions of the warp cannons meant nothing to me as I finally reached the rapidly disappearing remains of the top floor.

Once there, I inserted a rocket into my launcher, fired at a strider and hit it right on the nose, but it didn’t feel like me doing it. It felt like... I don’t know. A stranger. Somepony with my name and my body, complete with my HEV suit, but not me.

It was almost as if I had no control over my body any more, and was doing these things automatically, like a robot programmed to do its job until it wears out and falls to pieces.

Load and fire, load and fire, load and fire... until the final Strider collapsed with a haunting wail of death, its broken body carving into the rubble, and the remaining resistance members quickly dispatched the Overwatch troops in the neighbouring buildings.

I felt my body slump against what remained of the wall, slide down until my haunches hit the floor, and only then did I regain control of my body.

I...

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

Just then, it-it felt like I was in a dream: a terrible dream and I was unable to wake up, no matter how hard I tried.

What if this conflict never ends? What if the Combine can’t be defeated, and everything everypony’s doing comes to no good?

What if I can never stop fighting...?

I feel so exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I know I can’t keep fighting forever, but I also know that I just might have to. But at least I know what I have to do.

First, I have to save Twilight.

Then find a way to save the rest of the world.

And also, find the source of that incredible crashing noise before I fall asleep right here.

I crossed the beams which were all that remained of the roof, and jumped to the ground in a road which led to a square, the centre of which housed a large column with a stone statue of Celestia on the top. The street at the other end was being rapidly emptied of Overwatch, which probably had something to do with the screaming mass of purple and green scales charging down the street. Also the young blue pegasus following him.

“Spike, you have to stop!” Lightning shouted. “If you carry on like this you’ll tear the entire city to pieces!”

“I WILL tear the city to pieces!” Spike replied. “And I’ll sort through those pieces one by one until I find Twilight!”

He skidded to a halt in the square, sending the column toppling over and sending me flying out of the way to avoid being hit on the head by a stone sun goddess.

“Hex, could you give me some help?” asked Lightning.

“What’s the problem?” I asked, although it was pretty obvious what the problem was.

“Him,” said Lightning, gesturing at Spike. “He’s got it into his head that Twilight’s been captured and she’s in the Citadel.”

I looked up at the towering mass of steel, the pinnacle of which was just visible behind the clouds.

“Probably because she is,” I told him. “I should know: I saw it happen.”

We both turned at the deafening cacophony of dragon claws gouging deep grooves into the massive metal shield surrounding the Citadel.

“Spike, just stop!” Lightning commanded. “There’s no way you’re gonna be able to get...”

He trailed off as the huge dragon (well, huge compared to us) grabbed a section of the wall and lifted it clear out of the ground, revealing a huge hole which looked as though it had a tunnel at the bottom.

It would lead whoever went down there straight to the Citadel.

“...in,” Lightning finished unnecessarily. “Well, I’ve been wrong before.”

“Uh, guys?” said Spike, sweat pouring down his face. “I can’t hold this up for long, so one of you get down there!”

“Right,” I said. By the looks of things, the hole wasn’t very deep, and I had my HEV suit to protect me, so it couldn’t hurt too much, could it? “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” said Lightning. “You’re gonna need it.”

I jumped into the hole, landing in the dusty ground, and the pegasus decided to tell me one final thing as Spike dropped the hunk of wall into the ground:

“And if you see Trixie, tell her I said f-” CRASH “-you!”

Chapter 13 - Our Benefactors

Let me just check something…

Yep, yep, definitely. I definitely need to shave. I’ve been here for about two days, so of course I’ve started to grow a beard. I’m becoming more and more like Gordon Freeman all the time!

Ugh, those defective nanites are so annoying. My muzzle his hurting more and more all the time.

Wow it’s dark in here. I wish I had some light globes. No matter; my eyes seem to be adjusting rather quickly. Plus there’s light up ahead, and it sounds like something’s moving outside the Citadel (either that or it’s part of the Citadel).

Anyway I’ll just go and…

WHOA.

Are you- are you seeing this?!

The Citadel itself is impressive enough – how could anypony not be intimidated by a tower of metal which stretches about two kilometres into the sky? – but the thing is it seems to go just as far down as it does up. Seriously, there’s this huge pit surrounding the entire building and I can’t even see the bottom of it!

I don’t want to fall. I don’t want to have come this way to die in such an anticlimactic way!

Okay, there’s a broken walkway leading up the inside of this pit, and a piston thing going up and down on the outside of the building. If I can get up high enough and time my jump while it’s at its lowest, there’s every chance I’ll make it with only a twisted ankle or something.

Or of course, I could just levitate across. But then again, that place is probably stacked to the gills with guards and soldiers, and I’ll need all the magic I can get if that’s the case.

Alright, I’ve given myself as much of a run-up as I can get when all I have to work with is a four-foot wide ledge. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this- I CAN’T DO THIS!

I… I made it?

I made it! I thought I wouldn’t make it while I was in mid-air, but I’m okay! Phew. I’m okay. Good. Okay is good.

Now to find my way into the inner workings of this nightmarish thing. It shouldn’t be too hard: I’ll just follow this really thin, can’t-be-OSHA-approved catwalk.

I hope Twilight’s not been hurt. If she has, then somepony is going to be torn to pieces and the pieces are going to be eliminated one by one. After that, whatever remains will be personally teleported to dimension 63, and exterminated by Daleks.

Wow, what’s that?

Those look like the carrier things from Nova Discord, only this time there’s two rails of them. One’s going to some kind of steriliser thing – it’s electric – and the other rail is heading into some kind of portal.

I think I’ll take my chances with the portal one. Let me just duck under this one so I can get in…

Alright, and I’m on my way!

Just trundling along, into a portal which leads to…

If you could see what I’m seeing right now, your mind would be all over the wall. When I look up, the ceiling just never ends, and the floor – it never ends that way too! The walls are just- the ceiling’s just- the floor is just- you have to see it to believe it.

And the convenient thing is that this transporter is moving really slowly, so I’ve got plenty of time to take things in, such as the three Striders passing right underneath. If I could reach my rocket launcher…

Wait.

What the smeg is that?

It looked like a pony- there’s another! I’ll see if I can get a closer look. Yeah, it looks like a pony, only…

Holy smeg.

It doesn’t have a single hair in its entire body – not even a mane or a tail. And it has completely lost its cutie mark, plus all evidence of its gender. Its skin, which under any other circumstances would be pinkish and tight, is now golden brown and sagging off it as if its body has shrunk, but its skin was burnt but remained the same size.

By the looks of things, its eyes have been removed and replaced with some sort of silvery camera thing, and its mouth has been sealed shut. The lower halves of its legs have been removed and replaced with metal bones with artificial hooves at the ends of them.

But to me, there’s only one feature which is truly horrifying.

And that’s the spike of bone protruding from the monstrosity’s forehead, metal wrapped around it from base to tip, which it’s using to conduct various tasks under the tight supervision of an armed guard.

That’s what happens to the captured unicorns.

They get turned into those… things. I can hardly even recognise them as ponies anymore. I- I can’t even- are they conscious? Do they actually know what’s going on; do they know what’s happened to them? Do they remember what they were before they became… that?!

I hope they don’t. For their sake, I hope they don’t remember who they were.

There’s a new emotion coming over me. I can feel it as it trickles into my mind, making its presence more glaringly obvious with every passing second. It’s warm – definitely warm – and growing warmer, and warmer, until it burned in my heart like a Bunsen burner. There’s blood rushing to my face, and my teeth are clenching as redness starts to cloud my vision. My heart is pumping so fast that it might jump right out of my mouth and tap-dance on my forehead for all I know.

My body’s starting to buzz as adrenaline is flooded into my system, in preparation for the expression of this emotion that I’m only just beginning to recognise.

It’s not anger. It’s what anger is when it drains every drop of power from a nuclear reactor in meltdown, sucked the sun of its heat and eaten a lightning bolt. It’s an emotion that I’ve only ever seen experienced before once in my whole life.

Pure, unstoppable rage.

I hear it’s selfish to think of things of your own – smeg, it’s the definition of the word – but right now, selfishness may be my greatest weapon.

Equestria is my home. It’s the first place where I’ve ever felt well and truly happy. And the Combine think they can just march in and disrupt everything I’ve strived to achieve for myself?

I usually quell my anger. I save it for when I need to use the Voice – that little trick for causing immediate fear and unquestioning obedience which has come in handy quite a few times in my life.

But now it looks like I might need this rage for something else entirely.

Alright, it looks as if I’m almost at the end of my ride. But why am I over a pit?

Whoa! This thing just opened and dropped me! What the… I’m floating. I’m floating in mid-air. Must be some kind of gravitational distortion.

Hey, it just disarmed me! It literally just pulled all my weapons away from me and they’re floating around me. Even my horn clip’s been removed!

What the- What? Something’s destroying them! I’m hanging in mid-air watching my weapons being disintegrated one by one, right before my eyes. My shotgun, my Magnum, my crossbow, even my crowbar! And then it moved on to the horn clip-

-and it failed. I dropped out of the air and the small metal ring clattered to the floor at my hooves.

I knelt down and slipped the ring over my horn, then straightened up, and snapped it into place with a hoof.

Very slowly, I walked out of the room and into a corridor. A PA system similar to the one at Nova Discord announced my presence as some sort of malfunction in a weapon confiscation field, but I continued on undeterred.

It wasn’t long before the first of many soldiers launched an attack on me. They stopped at a corner and fired their machine guns, but thanks to the dark energy in the confiscation field which had zapped the horn clip, I was more powerful than any unicorn in Equestria. I wrenched one of them towards me; his life force was instantly sapped from his body by the dark energy, and I threw his smouldering body at his comrades, who crumbled into dust along with him.

In my state of mind, I barely even noticed. I kept my gaze fixed only on what was straight ahead of me. As far as I cared at the time, nothing mattered except that the Combine suffered as much as was possible. The crimes they have committed against ponykind are nothing short of unforgivable, and it’s about time they paid the price for them.

You know what they say: do the crime, do the time.

As I passed a monitor, it came on, and the face of a familiar and very obnoxious unicorn appeared.

“Well, well, well,” said Trixie, and I swear she was looking right into my eyes. Once again, I felt nauseous, especially since she seemed irritatingly calm. “Hello there, Hex. Under other circumstances I’d like to think that we may have been able to work together for a better Equestria, in an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect.”

Unable to listen to much more, I tore the monitor off the wall and used it to kill three oncoming guards, and then I continued on my way.

She knew. Trixie had known the whole time what the Combine had been doing to her fellow ponies, and she had just swept it under the rug as if it were absolutely nothing. Simply by being a complete and utter sell-out, she had approved the death of countless innocent ponies whom she had never even met.

She appeared on another monitor and had this to say:

“Certainly, judging from your brief tenure in Ponyville while I was touring Equestria, you may have showed every promise of becoming one of the most fantastically powerful and brilliant unicorns in all of Equestria.”

Again, I utterly destroyed the monitor, but she appeared on yet another and added:

“And yet... I'm not sure what spurred you to it... but there is really no place in modern day Equestria for a rogue scientist from another dimension.”

For the love of smeg, Trixie, shut the smeg up! You’re nothing but a showpony! The only thing you have to show for yourself is pissing off just about everypony in Ponyville by acting like a complete and utter bitch!

The thing is she’s kinda right. I am universes away from home, and if I hadn’t come to this place chances are the Combine would never have come here. They wouldn’t have been attracted by the trace amounts of the energy that Amber used on me to get me to Equestria without having to use her ship.

And then I was gone for seventeen whole years, and the entire world slid into complete and utter ruin…

What have I done? What have I done? How could I have been so blind?

All is lost. Where was I? Spoiled all, spoiled all, everything’s gone all wrong… what have I done? What have I done?

Find a deep cave to hide in. In a million years they’ll find me only dust… and a plaque that reads “Here Lies Poor Old Hex”.

But… I never intended this to happen. Never. And nopony really understood- well, how could they? That all I ever wanted was to bring them something great! Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?

Well, what the smeg? I went and did my best! And by smeg, I really tasted something cool. And for a moment, why, I even touched the sky! And at least I left some stories they could tell, I did!

And… for the first time since I don’t remember when, I felt just like my old brainy self again. And I’m Hex, the science guy…

That’s right.

I AM A SCIENCE GUY! HA!

And I just can’t wait until Equestria’s free, ‘coz I’ve got some new ideas that’ll really make them scream, and by smeg, I’ve really got to give it all my might!

But seriously, I hope there’s still time to set things right.

Before the Combine cause the Aponyclypse.

Did you see what I did there?

“Tell me, Mr Hex, if you can,” said Trixie again. “From what I have seen of you, you have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you name even one thing? I thought not.”

Once more, I ripped away the monitor and cast it aside.

The energy I was drawing from my built up rage was still burning nice and strong. I was cutting through the Combine troops like a hot knife through butter – an old saying, I know, but a good one nonetheless.

There’s every chance you can’t tell, but I can’t stop speculating about this Blue Demon character. From what Braeburn told me, he’s like a sort of Robin Hood type pony, only a lot more destructive and violent. Plus, rather than taking money from rich people and giving it to the poor, he takes their lives and gives the innocent an opportunity to live.

Mind you, I’m not sure what I’d do if I actually did meet him. Or her. ‘Coz, you know, it could just as easily be a mare rather than a stallion. I mean, it’s not completely and totally out of the question, is it?

Holy smeg, the conspiracy theories I could come up with. It could be Rainbow Dash, doing all that she can to uphold the spirit of her element and, in that respect, stay loyal to her country and those within it (who didn’t come here through a portal). It could be Soarin’, trying all that he can to protect his family from the destruction and death that always comes with the Combine, no matter where – or indeed, when – they go.

But then again, what if it isn’t either of them? It could be somepony I’ve never even heard of before.

I’d heard of bronies when I lived in dimension 1. I wasn’t one, but I knew about them and I respected their courage when being so open about loving a program intended for those one quarter their age and the opposite gender. And I bore no respect for those who hated them for no reason. At all.

I had heard they knew the names of every pony in Equestria. Which means that chances are they’d have a good idea who the Blue Demon is.

Like I said, I’m not a brony, nor was I ever. I passed through the dimension a couple of times, and I was spellbound by how peaceful and friendly it was compared to many other dimensions I’d been to. I vowed, even after seeing how they manually controlled absolutely everything down to rain falling from the sky, that no matter what it took, I would find a way to live in this place and make it my home.

So when Amber decided to quit the adventuring game, she lent me her ship and I used the dimension hopping equipment within to teleport myself to Equestria, using a meteor shower as cover.

I never really took any opportunities to explore Equestria, but I did do a little research before I got there – you know, learned all the place names and stuff, memorised the map as best I could – and it was supposed to be a whole new start. Away from all the adventuring. I wanted a quiet life!

But instead, it followed me. The adventure life followed me, and so did the Combine. It can’t be a coincidence that they entered this dimension at exactly the same point I did.

Maybe they thought I looked like Gordon Freeman. Because I do. Uncannily so.

I continued my roaring rampage of revenge through the Citadel. Up ahead, soldiers were swarming around a Strider, and all of them were shooting at me. I dragged the troops towards me and threw them at the Strider, but it kept… uh, striding towards me shooting all the time. I pulled energy balls out of a transport channel nearby and fired them at the walking metal monster, which exploded after only two shots. Those things must be more powerful than I thought.

Trixie’s face once again appeared, this time on a large screen behind where the Strider had been. This time, she was getting desperate.

“Your mentors are partly to blame, of course,” she insisted. “My disappointment in Twilight Sparkle and the Doctor is far greater than my sorrow over your unfortunate choice of career path. In a way, I suppose you could not have done otherwise. Who knows what seeds of iconoclasm they planted since you are, of course, young and gullible. But while they certainly share a great part of the responsibility for the recent troubles, it is you alone who have chosen to act with such wilful disregard for ponykind's future.”

I’m not even listening to her any more, or at least, I’m trying not to. It’s amazing how fury can distract you sometimes. When I find her, I am going to kick her ass like no tomorrow. So what if she’s a mare and I’m a stallion?

As I said before, the crimes she has committed against Equestria are such that if Princess Celestia could see what has happened to her subjects, that blue-coated bitch wouldn’t be banished to the moon, she’d be banished to the sun.

Mind you, it shouldn’t be too hot. I think it’s almost night-time outside, but I can’t really tell, of course, since I’m surrounded on all sides by towering walls of solid steel.

Good, there’s more of those transport things. If I get in, I’ll move to another part of the Citadel and continue my attack.

This one seems to run a lot more smoothly than the other one. But… wait a minute, some of these are occupied. By those ex-unicorns. And it’s headed towards something that appears to be scanning them.

I think anger may have clouded my judgement a little.

Ah! Smeg! Another blinding camera flash! And… I appear to have moved onto a separate track from all the rest of the carrier things. I’m going up.

Oh well, at least I have a nice view. Even better than last time. I can see all the tracks with carriers running along underneath, and those pod things from Nova Discord hanging all over the walls.

I wonder if there’re ponies inside them. I hope not. Poor smeggers.

Wow, such a view. I just saw a gunship leave through a huge window, and outside that window is (what’s left of) City 17, spread underneath a darkening sky. It’s definitely getting close to night-time.

Such a view… a nice… soothing… view…

Chapter 14 - Dark Energy

Ugh, I have got to find more sensible places to sleep. I don’t feel as tired as I was though, so I have that in my favour.

I was met by a pair of white-clad soldiers, and a pony who wasn’t dressed in white, but was white. All of them were equally unwelcome from my point of view.

One of the soldiers reached up and removed my horn clip, but I was a bit too tired to argue. Then they moved towards me rather menacingly.

“Stand down, both of you,” Rarity commanded. “I shall take him from here.”

The two soldiers nodded, and both stood by a double door on the other side of the foyer.

I started tugging at the restraints which bound me so that I was virtually immobile, but I swear they only got tighter.

“Don’t struggle,” said Rarity, placing what was apparently supposed to be a comforting hoof on one of my exposed hind legs. “I’m so sorry, Hex, but until you’re where she wants you, there’s nothing either of us can do.”

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” I told her. “A great, big traitorous bitch! Call yourself the Element of Generosity? You should be ashamed of yourself for what you’ve done.”

“Please, you must believe me,” said Rarity. “I am working for the benefit of both of us. When I am finished with what I am trying to do here, everypony shall be better off-”

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?” I asked. “I don’t suppose you ever thought about your little sister, did you? Or about Braeburn? I met him down there, and he doesn’t even know you betrayed him! Would you like to tell him? Would you like to explain to the stallion who loves you to the ends of the earth that the whole time you’ve been constantly stabbing him in the back?”

Rarity had nothing to say to that. She closed her eyes, and the smallest of tears trickled down her cheek.

“You make me ashamed to call myself a unicorn,” I stated. “I thought Equestria would give me a new life away from all the nastiness, but it turns out there’s more of that here than any other place in the multiverse. Thank you, Rarity. Thank you for systematically destroying my faith in Equestria.”

Okay, so I may have been exaggerating a little, but what’s important is that she realises that what she’s done is wrong.

I started to slide along the rail towards some sort of office, and I heard two voices coming from the open doors. One of them made me feel nauseous. The other was one that pretty much anypony would be happy to hear.

“…ancient stars colonized by sentient fungi,” said the nausea inspiring voice of a mare. “Gas giants inhabited by vast meteorological intelligences. Worlds stretched thin across the membranes where dimensions intersect... Impossible to describe with the Great and Powerful Trixie’s limited vocabulary!”

“You know something?” said the welcome, English-accented voice of a stallion. “I’ve seen that too. Quite frankly, I’ve grown slightly bored with them. But I’ve also seen what lies beneath the surface of that wonder. Mostly it’s genocide. Indescribable evil…”

The Doctor trailed off as I was carried into the office where he hung, restrained as thoroughly as I was, in another carrier supported by a mechanical arm. Trixie was facing him with her back to me, but turned around after the older stallion’s gaze fell upon me.

“Oh, good grief,” he swore in an exasperated voice.

Another mechanical arm grabbed my carrier, and I was roughly placed alongside the Doctor, where I finally got my first proper, up-close view of the Great and Powerful Trixie.

Once upon a time, she may have been attractive. She may have been rather pretty – I think beautiful may have been a step too far – but thanks to the ravages of time, stress and good old Combine puppeteering she could just about have passed as a moderately attractive elephant’s arse. She has bags under her eyes that could carry a month’s worth of groceries, and her purple eyes are so muddy that when I look into them, I want to shower until my skin falls off.

Plus her cutie mark, which I’m guessing is supposed to be a magic wand sprinkling pixie dust, looks suspiciously like the flag of the Communist party. And when she smiles, she looks like the wrong end of an elderly greyhound.

Oh smeg, she’s smiling right now.

“Well, what do we have now?” she sneered. “We meet at last, Hex. Or should I say Haydon Arthur Baxter?”

I’m guessing that was supposed to get some sort of rise out of me. It didn’t. I’ve got used to people I don’t know somehow having knowledge of my full name. I’m a bit more interested in the prison pod on the far wall: I have a feeling it contains somepony I know.

“That’s right,” she said as if I had responded. “Trixie knows your true name, Mr Baxter. And might the Great and Powerful Trixie say it is a great pleasure to finally meet you in the flesh.”

“Let me tell you,” I said with a cocky smile, “the pleasure is all yours.”

Rarity entered, telekinetically carrying my super-charged horn clip, and presented it to the middle-aged (though you wouldn’t think it) mare.

“What in the world is that?” she demanded. “Place it on Trixie’s desk for Trixie to examine it later.”

Does she always speak in the third pony? It’s starting to get a bit annoying.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie holds you with great gratitude,” she continued. “Had she known that the One Free Stallion would deliver himself to her, virtually on a silver platter, she would not have bothered hunting you in the first place.”

“That’s true,” I commented, “but I wouldn’t have got a chance to kick your troop’s arses so hard, would I?”

I can tell she’s getting annoyed, especially since the Doctor’s starting to laugh.

“Having not only the last of the Time Lords,” she continued, “but also the greatest scourge of the Combine since the rising of the Blue Demon in central Equestria allows the Great and Powerful Trixie to dictate any bargain she may make with the Combine.”

“Yeah,” I said, “can you do me a favour: kill me and then talk? I’d like to die without covering the floor in vomit, please.”

By the looks of things, the Doctor was doing everything he could to avoid laughing out loud. Even Rarity gave a small smile at her boss’ growing irritation.

“Great and Powerful Trixie, if I may be so bold, the bargain we should be making is for Hex’s life,” she said, sidling a little closer. “With his assistance you could develop technology to ever tighten your grip on Equestria!”

“You may not have noticed, Rarity,” said the Doctor, “but not everypony is as big a sell out as you.”

He winked at her.

Is there something I’m supposed to know about?

“It is thanks to your collaboration that the Great and Powerful Trixie has everything she needs regarding those sorts of things,” said the blue pony to the white one. “You, my dear Rarity, have seen more than enough of Mr Baxter’s technology to continue with his work. However, what neither you nor Trixie are able to do is convince that lowlife rabble in the streets that their cause is not worth fighting for.”

Just for a moment, Rarity’s gaze flickered to the window, where City 17 was spread thousands of metres below us like a giant technicolour table cloth.

“And yet,” Trixie said, turning back to me and the Doctor, “neither the Doctor nor the so called ‘One Free Stallion’ seem willing to speak the words that could save every one of them.”

“Save them?!” The Doctor was aghast. “For what?”

“Yeah,” I added. “Plus, is it any wonder they won’t listen to you when you’re so ugly, when little foals go to your house on Nightmare Night, they give you candy?”

The Doctor snorted with laughter, Rarity covered her mouth to hide a smile, and Trixie snorted in annoyance.

“Very well,” she said with a sigh. “If neither of you will do it for the sake of the innocent population of Equestria, perhaps the two of you shall do it… for only one of them.”

The prison pod split open and a mechanical arm brought the awakening pony into view and positioned her between me and the Doctor. Her lavender face filled me with joy, and at the same time, with despair, particularly the presumably non-reverse-engineered ring around the base of her horn.

“Twilight,” said the Doctor. “Thank Celestia you’re okay.”

“Wha… Doctor?” Twilight said groggily. She saw me next to her and whispered “Hex? No…”

I bowed my head and said “I’m sorry, Twi.”

“Celestia damn you, Trixie,” said the Doctor with renewed anger, “You release her this instant!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does apologise,” said Trixie with as much conviction as she had likeableness, “but that is all up to the two of you. Will you allow your short sightedness-” (I don’t know about you, but I was particularly offended by that comment) “-to condemn your people to extinction…”

She started stroking the side of Twilight’s face, almost as a lover would. It was very disturbing to watch.

“…or will you allow dear Twilight here the chance at life that her brother never got?”

Twilight spat in Trixie’s face, her stunning purple face contorted with anger.

“How DARE you speak of him!” she roared. “How DARE YOU!”

“Well, Twilight,” said Trixie, “it is plain to see that along with a few cheap parlour tricks you have gained Princess Celestia’s steadfast nature.”

Twilight wrenched her face away from Trixie’s hooves and said “You haven’t seen a bit of it yet.”

Her voice dripped with pure poison. Remind me never to speak ill of Twilight’s brother. I suspect the only thing keeping Trixie alive right now is the magic restrictor around Twi’s horn.

“We shall see how it holds out,” Trixie continued (smeg, I wish she’d just shut up) “when you are stranded on the far side of a Combine portal.”

“What?!” I know I shouldn’t have given in, but the thought of Twilight trapped in the same smeg-forsaken world as the Combine is one that I never want to dwell on. “You do that and I’ll tear you to pieces, you stuck-up smeghead!”

“Fine then!” shouted the Doctor as Twilight writhed and struggled against the restraints binding her. “Show us the door to another universe, see if I care! It won’t be the first time it’s happened to me, and it definitely won’t be the worst!”

“Oh, Trixie can do so much worse than that,” said Trixie, “although you may find that hard to believe upon your arrival.”

“Great and Powerful Trixie,” said Rarity in a slightly pleading tone, “such a harsh punishment is hardly necessary-”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does agree that it would be a total waste,” said Trixie, and she turned to face me, “but those petty Resistance foals have shown that they are willing to accept a new leader, who has proven to be a truly valuable asset to those who control him.”

“Excuse me,” I said. “I am still here, you know, and unlike a certain other unicorn I’m not an absolute sheep.”

“Good on you, Hex,” said the Doctor encouragingly.

“Yes, don’t listen to her!” said Twilight. “If you listen to her, I’m breaking up with you!”

“We were dating?” I asked hopefully.

“Trixie implores you to consider her offer, Mr Baxter,” said Trixie. “Did you ever think that you may not have to work under the G-Colt’s supervision for the remainder of your life?”

That was one question I had no response to other than:

“How the smeg do you know about that guy?”

“Let’s just say that Trixie has her little ways,” said the bitch with a smug smile.

“Hex would never make that kind of deal with the likes of you!” shouted Twilight. “Never!”

“Of course,” said Trixie, “The Great and Powerful Trixie realises that this may not be a comfortable issue for us to talk about in front of your friends. They shall be sent on their way.”

As I watched, the carriers holding the Doctor and Twilight were lifted into the air and stowed in a large hole in the ceiling. All I could see was the bases of their hind hooves.

“Twilight, try not to struggle,” the Doctor advised.

“Doctor,” said Twilight, “I’m sorry.”

“So,” said Trixie to me, “what’ll it be?”

I leaned forward as much as possible and said in a steady voice the insult that I had been preparing since I first arrived in Combine-controlled Equestria:

“Suck my fat one, you cheap side-show tramp.”

Behind her, Rarity was doing something suspicious. Her horn was glowing, and she seemed to be manipulating a console on the desk. When Trixie saw her, she smiled in disbelief.

“Rarity?” she said. “What in the wide world of Equestria do you think you’re doing?”

“I am doing what I have been working for seventeen years to achieve,” said the white unicorn, glaring straight into Trixie’s eyes. “I’m bringing your regime to the ground.”

“But-” For the first time since I’d seen her, the blue bitch was speechless. “But you’re-”

“Darling, did you ever seriously believe that I would willingly collaborate with you?” Rarity demanded. “After all that you have done to this world?”

Trixie tried to talk, but all that came out was a strangled gasping noise. I could empathise: I was just as confused as she was. So what, Rarity was never bad in the first place?

“I really expected the administrator of this whole world – not to mention the ambassador of the Combine – to have caught onto me a little sooner,” said Rarity. “You really are as unintelligent and shallow as you first appeared in your brief performance in Ponyville. I feel I must apologise at this point to Twilight and Hex, for being unable to inform them of my intentions.”

“That’s okay, Rarity,” said Twilight. “I should never have doubted you.”

“Could’ve told me before I gave you a complete verbal smackdown,” I commented.

“What?!” said the Doctor in slightly less disbelief than Trixie. “Hex, I really expected somepony as intelligent as you or Twilight to have caught on sooner! Shame on both of you.”

“That is completely alright,” said Rarity with a small smile. “One must keep up appearances, must they not? And if I do say so myself, I was rather convincing.”

Then she turned to the stunned Trixie to continue her speech.

“From the moment you approached me,” said the posh unicorn, “all I have wanted was to bring you down. If the Princesses could see what you have done to this world, you would be banished to the moon AND to the sun! You would be torn to pieces for the express purpose of imprisonment on both! You have ponies of your own race hunted down like animals and corrupted into little more than mindless monsters! I could have forgiven you for what you did to my mane all those years ago – even if it took me five hours to correctly restyle your damage – but after what your followers to my family…”

She wiped tears from her eyes with the back of a hoof.

Trixie took advantage of the moment of grief by leaping forward and activating an intercom.

“Guards, get in here!” she commanded before Rarity reached forward and knocked her hoof away.

“They know what you’ve done,” Trixie pointed out. “They know that you’ve betrayed them. They’ll turn on you!”

“Oh please,” said Rarity, “you cannot say that I betrayed them. That would imply that I was working with them in the first place. I apologise, so-called Great and Powerful Trixie, but your time has officially run out!”

However, true to Trixie’s word the guards started banging on the door. Rarity ran over to me and started to free me from the carrier.

“You’re never going to get away with this!” Trixie cried. “I can stop you myself!”

As I stepped out of the carrier, the insane blue mare slipped my overcharged horn clip onto the base of her own bony protrusion, and amidst our protests:

BLAM.

When I came to, Trixie had bolted into a lift leading off from her office, and Twilight and Rarity were picking themselves up.

“Oh boy…”

We all cantered over to the Doctor, who was bleeding profusely from a lump in his head. Rarity and Twilight helped to sit him up straight, and I held him steady when they let him go.

“Rarity, I don’t know how I could ever make it up to you,” said Twilight, and she embraced her friend who I now know is completely worthy of the Element of Generosity.

“Darling, don’t waste your apologies on me,” said Rarity. “Besides, it wasn’t my idea to infiltrate the Combine.”

“What?” Once again, I was confused. “Whose idea was it then?”

With a meek and slightly embarrassed expression, the Doctor raised his hoof.

“As if you weren’t awesome enough already,” I commented.

“You can shower me with praise later,” said the Doctor. “Right now somepony has to stop Trixie from getting away!”

“I can take care of him,” said Rarity, taking the stallion out of my hooves. Twilight helped me up, and then placed her hooves on the shoulders of the white unicorn and the brown earth pony.

“Both of you be careful, okay?” she told them.

“Don’t worry about us,” said Rarity. “Both of you go!”

That was all the convincing Twilight and I needed to about turn and gallop to the same lift Trixie had used to make her getaway. Once there, we stopped for a small breather.

“I did not see that coming,” I commented.

“Neither did I,” said Twilight. “But I understand why Rarity wouldn’t have told us what she was up to: plausible deniability and all that.”

We stepped into the lift, and the glass doors closed behind us.

“Hex, listen,” Twilight said with a spreading blush, “I know that there’s probably been plenty of mares like me before you came to Equestria, and I know that you didn’t have to do this, but-”

She cut herself off, and pressed the button to activate the lift.

“Well,” she continued, “thanks for coming after me.”

“I did have to do this,” I told her as we ascended. “You tell me what a stallion wouldn’t do for the mare he loves.”

Twilight blushed even more. Any more heat in her face and she would’ve caught fire.

“So…” she said cautiously, “does that mean… you love me?”

I inched a little closer.

“What do you think?” I asked.

She started to lean closer to me, and I could see every lash outlining her beautiful violet eyes, and each individual hair on her delicate muzzle…

“Hey, listen!”

Smeg. What does a guy have to do to get a kiss around here? All I can hear is Trixie talking- oh.

“…it is Trixie you should be concerned about! Trixie can still deliver each, but not without assistance!”

“Don’t you think it’s annoying that she only ever speaks in third pony?” I asked.

“I know, right?” said Twilight. “It’s so ridiculous!”

Up ahead, Trixie continued talking.

“The portal location is unsustainable,” she stated. “There is no possible way for Trixie to survive in that environment! A host body? You have to be joking; there is no way Trixie could possibly-”

The lift reached its destination with a small ding and up ahead Twilight and I saw Trixie facing a screen with a green elephant maggot… thing on it.

“There he is!” cried Twilight, more to intimidate Trixie more than anything else.

“Alright, fine!” Trixie shouted hurriedly. “Just make it fast, they’re right behind me!” The doors opened and she swore “Oh horseapples.” Then she cantered off to the side. The creature on the screen looked at the two of us, and then vanished.

“NO!”

At Twilight’s enraged scream, I looked around just in time to see Trixie smugly waving at Twilight through a glass door before the lift she had entered carried her downwards into the Citadel.

“I can’t believe she got away again!” Twilight cried, but then she saw the abandoned ring of metal lying on the floor. The purple unicorn picked it up in her hooves and examined it as it throbbed with an electric blue glow.

“This is so strange,” she commented. “My horn clip was destroyed by the confiscation field, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this one was supercharged. What in the world have you been doing with this thing?”

“Well,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck as innocently as possible, “I did develop my telekinetic powers to the point where I can levitate my own body with complete ease. I expect it may also have something to do with my… unusual background. You know, being human and all?”

Twilight smiled and slid it back onto my head.

“Trixie doesn’t have a clue what it’s for, does she?” she asked.

“Not even the foggiest,” I said in agreement, “but what in the world was she doing up here?”

As if to answer her question, the screen which had showed the maggot thing withdrew into the ceiling, and the metal shields behind it split apart to reveal what was outside.

A hole was opening in the sky right above the Citadel. Beyond it, I could make out a red and purple sky studded with stars, and towers of eldritch architecture similar to the Citadel. Underneath it, some sort of teleporter seemed to be charging up, and it had a large transparent pillar underneath it.

“Oh my gosh,” said Twilight fearfully. “That’s the Citadel’s dark fusion reactor! It powers their tunnelling entanglement device!”

It didn’t take me long to work out what that meant, although I bet you have no idea. In layman’s terms, it’s the technology the Combine used to enter Equestria in the first place. And now it looks like Trixie’s going to use the same technology to enter the Combine’s homeworld.

“We’ll never get a chance like this again,” said Twilight. “We have to stop her!”

She ran over to a console and tapped away like crazy, but stopped after only a few seconds.

“I can’t shut it down!” she reported, her voice rigged with terror. “It looks like she’s turned over control to the other side.”

“I don’t like where this is going,” I commented. “Let me guess: I have to go down there and close it by myself. Direct intervention and all that.”

“I’m afraid so,” said Twilight. “You’ll have to go right down to the core and go everything you can to shut it down. You get into the lift and I’ll send you right down there. And don’t forget to charge your suit, whatever you do.”

“Okay, Mum,” I joked as I entered the lift.

Twilight sighed and walked over to me.

“I know I might seem overly worried,” she said, “but I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

She kissed me on the forehead, just below my horn.

“Come back safe.”

“I will,” I told her. “I promise.”

The doors closed, and she placed her hoof on the glass. I placed my hoof on hers, but seconds later we were separated by the descending lift.

So strange.

Not the whole thing with me and Twilight, but… it kinda feels my whole life has been leading up to this moment. This one moment of my handing Trixie her arse on a silver platter.

If I should die here – if something should happen and I don’t return to Twilight – she should carry on with what I was doing. She should escape and do everything she can to bring Trixie and the Combine down.

When the lift arrived, I stepped out into a small, foyer like room, and up ahead was a massive tower with the pillar I mentioned earlier at the centre. Trixie hovered in a glowing orb at the bottom, the energy balls powering her device rushing upwards towards the widening hole in the sky.

“Can you see her?” asked Twilight through my suit’s radio.

“Yes,” I replied. “And I sincerely wish I couldn’t.”

It was then that Trixie saw me, and her expression became one of abject triumph.

“Mr Baxter!” she cried joyfully, savouring every syllable. “You know, you really should not be out there. At the moment of synapse, as the Great and Powerful Trixie teleports away, this entire chamber will be bathed in deadly particles that have yet to be named by pony science. Perhaps, when Trixie has the pleasure to do some work of her own, she may name one after you. That way you won’t be completely forgotten!”

Yeah, I get it, you’re a bitch. You don’t have to rub in in everypony’s face!

“When the singularity collapses,” she continued, “the Great and Powerful Trixie shall be far away from here. In another universe, in fact: a concept which I know is familiar to you! You, however, shall be destroyed in every way that is possible… and, maybe, some ways which are impossible too!”

Oh for smeg’s sake, shut up! I’m well aware that if you win I’ll be blasted to smeggereens; you’ve made it glaringly obvious! Now just! Shut! UP!

Wow, electromagnetic shields blocking my path. Whatever am I going to do? It’s not like I could just telekinetically grab the energy balls powering them and throw them at the soldiers who’ve started to shoot at me, is it?

Oh, wait!

“Where did those soldiers come from?” asked Twilight. “Why are they still here?”

“I do not know what you could possibly hope to achieve,” Trixie continued as I climbed ever further upward, “apart from your own complete and total annihilation!”

“Don’t listen to her, Hex!” Twilight almost yelled into the radio. “I know you can do this!”

I didn’t say anything in response. There wasn’t really anything to say.

“I have warned you that this was futile,” said Trixie.

“Will you just SHUT UP ALREADY!” I shouted.

“She’s bluffing, don’t listen to her!” Twilight commanded.

Having reached a sufficient height, I jumped onto the supports which were holding up the column in the centre of the tower, and started to climb them up to the top.

“Great work!” said Twilight encouragingly, followed by a slightly less encouraging “Oh no, Trixie’s started her ascent!”

And true to her word, Trixie’s glowing orb started to move up inside the tower.

“Hurry, Hex, before she escapes!”

“What the smeg do you think I’m doing?” I bellowed over the increasing noise of the teleporter above.

I was getting close. I could make out some of the finer details on the other side of the portal. Plus the teleporter was getting louder and louder the closer I got to it, and everypony had to shout to make themselves heard.

“I could tell you that this is pointless, Mr Baxter,” said Trixie as she too drew nearer.

“WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT?!” I screamed.

“Go, Hex, go!” cried Twilight.

Trixie still had a lot to gain on me. Her orb was rising a lot more slowly than I was, and I was only a single small lift away from the very top of the tower.

“Are you still with us, Mr Baxter?” asked Trixie. “Not for much longer, I think.”

And with that, I finally reached the very pinnacle of the Citadel. Two gunships appeared and started to shoot at me, but with so much temporal distortion this close to an interdimensional portal, the bullets were slowing down and falling out of the sky before they got anywhere near me.

“Oh my gosh,” exclaimed Twilight, “the portal’s almost fully open!”

“I do hope you have said all your farewells,” Trixie said mockingly.

Without any more hesitation, I grabbed energy balls from the transport channels nearby and started shooting them at the teleporter, which began to fall apart.

“Go BACK, Mr Baxter,” commanded Trixie as if I would listen to her, “you have no idea what you are doing!”

“Yes I do!” I cried. “I’m stopping you!”

“You have no idea what you could unleash!” Trixie shouted. “You could bring down this whole citadel! Think, you fool! Think of the ponies below!”

“Oh yeah!” I shouted sarcastically. “They’re really gonna be hurt by an explosion two thousand metres above the ground!”

With that, I kept shooting until only a single piece of the teleporter (but still enough to send Trixie to the other side of the portal) was left.

“I almost forgot!” I yelled to Trixie. “A friend of mine asked me to deliver a message!”

“What message would that be?” asked the blue bitch.

Deep breath…

“FUCK YOU!!!”

I fired the energy ball.

The teleporter completely shut down, and the orb carrying Trixie dissipated into nothing. She hung for a moment in mid-air, and then began to fall, screaming all the way down.

“YES!”

The shout came before the pony: Twilight, having removed the magic suppressor from her horn, teleported almost on top of me and pulled me into a hug which I was all too happy to return.

“I can’t believe it!” I cried (and I was being honest) “We did it!”

“No, Hex,” said Twilight, looking right into my eyes, “you did it.”

She kissed me on the nose. Maybe next time, she’ll move a little lower.

“Now come on,” she said. “We have to get out of here. I think we still have-”

The teleporter exploded.

It happened in slow motion. I stepped back, and Twilight raised a foreleg to cover her face… and then it stopped.

“Time?”

Oh come on. Not now…

“Is it really that time again, Mr Baxter?”

He appeared, walking as if out of nowhere, and stood before everything else as if it were a backdrop.

“It seems as if you’ve only just arrived,” said the G-Colt. “You have done a great deal in a short time span. You have done so well that I have received some interesting offers for your services. Ordinarily I would not contemplate them, but these are extraordinary times. Rather than offer you the illusion of free choice, I will take the liberty of choosing for you. If and when the time comes again.”

Everything faded away except for him. The Citadel, the fireball… Twilight… within seconds, they were gone. Everything, save a small greenish light in the darkness.

“I do apologize for what must seem to you an arbitrary imposition, Mr Baxter, I trust it will all make sense in the course of… well, I am really not at liberty to say.”

The greenish light disappeared, and all that was left was blackness with a door-sized area of white.

“In the meantime, this is where I get off.”

The G-Colt straightened his tie and stepped into the light, leaving me in the lonely blackness until I was needed again.

Episode 1 Chapter 2 - Direct Intervention

I could tell that Twi and I were getting dangerously close to the core. It wasn’t that I could hear or see it – it was the kind of thing for every other sense in between. The air was getting difficult to breathe: it felt thick and greasy, almost as if Discworld magic was at work, and it tasted ever so slightly like metal.

Moving onwards though, it started to get weirder. It tasted like sunlight, smelt like yellow and sounded like wet dog stink.

“Ugh,” I said. “You smell that?”

“You mean the smell of yellow?” asked Twilight. “I do. And the taste of sunlight – this is getting really strange. We’re definitely getting- this could be it!”

She stopped at a single door at the end of a long corridor, opened it with a burst of magic, and revealed the group of white-clad soldiers who immediately started gunning us down.

One of them fired an energy ball, and I watched in horror as it headed straight for Twilight’s face, but I needn’t have worried because she caught it, twirled it around her head to keep the momentum going, and threw it right back in their faces. And get this: it rebounded around the room and killed every last one of them!

I… honestly, I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Where the smeg did you learn to do that?” I demanded.

Twilight shrugged.

“This old dog learned a few new tricks while you were gone,” she said with a smile. “But I don’t get why they’re still hanging around here. What were they doing?”

I approached a console and examined it critically.

“If I didn’t know any better,” I told her, “I’d say that they were force-feeding data into the core. They were deliberately trying to blow it, but… why?”

Using another console, Twilight opened the blast shields which had kept the core hidden from us.

The chamber beyond was glowing with unnatural, bright blue light which seemed to be emanating from the very walls. Or maybe it was coming from the radioactive bubble which was throbbing right in the centre of the chamber, expanding and shrinking at the same time while glistening like the surface of a soap bubble – you know, how it swirls and shines and you can see the colours of the rainbow? It was like that, but it was different shades of greyish blue.

More vertical channels of energy balls stood in every corner of the huge Toblerone-shaped chamber. I could see doors and hard light bridges, and power outlets too – plus four huge turning rotors right above the core. I took in as much as possible because I had a feeling I would need to use more than half of those things.

“Wow,” said Twilight. “It looks pretty far gone. I really hope the Doctor was right about this. Let’s see if we can find a way through the control room.”

I watched the core moving. The way it pulsed and throbbed in the metal rings surrounding it was almost hypnotic, and in the strangest way beautiful. I managed to drag myself away from it long enough to hook my HEV suit up to a charger on the wall.

“Oh my gosh,” cried Twilight, “These readings are off the chart! Hang on, there’s a lift; let me just call it. I really hope it’s not too late to reactivate the containment field. Good thing you know what you’re doing.”

She looked round at me as my HEV suit reached 200% charge (I guess the confiscation field affected it as well as my horn clip).

“You do know what you’re doing, right?” she asked nervously, clearly anticipating the answer to be negative.
I shrugged as I removed the cable from the charger and stashed it in the special cavity in my suit’s collar.

“More or less,” I said.

With a small ding, the lift announced its arrival.

“Here it is,” said Twilight as I stepped in. “I really wish there was more I could do to help.”

“There is,” I told her. “You could try to find out exactly why they’re trying to blow this thing into orbit in the first place.”

She nodded.

The doors slid closed, and she tenderly placed a hoof on the glass. I did the same, so that we were just as we had been when I was going to battle Trixie. I must admit I knew this would be a little more pleasant, because the pulsating core was less likely to gloat at me.

“Hurry back,” Twilight said.

“Don’t worry,” I said soothingly, “I’m gonna do what I do best.”

And with that, the lift shot downwards like a bullet.

Every passing nanosecond led to the temperature rising by about a tenth of a degree, and by the time I reached the chamber I was sweating like a pig in an electric blanket. Not just that, but the air was glowing blue.

There was a control room across a chasm to my left – if I had a portal gun, I could do this whole thing in ten seconds flat. I snagged an energy ball and shot it into a waiting receptacle. It activated a hard light bridge which I gratefully crossed.

Bit of random trivia while I think of it: hard light bridges are made from sunlight pumped in from the surface and concentrated. If you were to rub your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face.

It would also set your hair on fire.

Once I reached the other side of that particular bridge, I activated the next one, but the same thing happened as it did with the lift earlier: a Stalker deactivated it. I had no choice but to put the poor thing down. When that was done, I turned on the bridge and crossed to the control room-

-which contained a single button.

What- that’s it? That’s a bit disappointing, to say the least!

Oh well, I might as well see what it does.

When I pressed the button, the bridges rotated until they were facing the core. They led straight to it. And there’s a ladder leading up the first ring, near the base of the throbbing bubble. I think this place is trying to tell me something, don’t you?

So I left the smeggy control room and ascended to the next level. Careful not to actually touch the bubble, because I was worried it would melt me, I made my way across another hard light bridge and into a real control room, complete with real soldiers guarding it.

They weren’t too hard to take out, though.

This room had a receptacle on the wall, so I ran back to the main chamber and grabbed an energy ball. When I shot it in, a machine rose out of the floor. Part of the wall opened, revealing the still-throbbing core, and the strange mass of electric mechanics fired a black beam right into its centre.

That’s the containment field? Or at least, a third of it. From what I saw from where Twilight’s waiting, there’re two more of those things.

Not too hard.

Mind you, if I know this kind of thing – and I do – it’ll only get harder from here.

Rather than heading back out into the main chamber, I instead headed through a gate which had opened the same moment the containment thingy had activated. More troops and a few ponyhacks appeared and made an attempt on my life, but again, they weren’t too difficult to dispose of.

I kept following this corridor, and I found a long chamber, blocked off by an access panel, through which energy balls were travelling. Closer inspection revealed that they were in fact being created here… or something. Please don’t tell me I have to go through here- smeg it! It’s the only way through! The only other door I can see is right down the other end, where the balls are being spawned. It looks like I’ll have to weave like crazy to avoid getting hurt.

This wouldn’t be so hard if I was Twilight. Knowing her, she’d just teleport over there and think nothing of it. But I’ve tried it before and let me tell you that teleporting is rather difficult. The reason she wasn’t able to teleport both of us straight to the core is that you have to visualise almost every detail of the location you want to go to in order for it to work, and we had no idea what this place would look like. For all we know, it could have been orange with blue polka dots with pink starts in the middle of them, and the core could have looked like a giant eyeball.

Dear sweet smeg, that would be creepy! I think I had a dream like that once… nah, this is way different. For one there’s no sheep.

Here I go. If I had a little music this’d probably be a bit easier. Then again I was never any good at dancing. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to lighten the mood a little.

Okay… duck, left, right, duck, right, duck, duck, left, duck, right, left, right, duck, left, duck, duck, right, duck, left, duck, right, left, duck… you can see where this is going.

So anyway, I finally reached the other end and when I exited the long chamber, I followed a walkway and hopped out onto a ledge. I followed this particular path until I came across a second access panel, which I punted off and quickly took out the troops left in the room. Then I snatched an energy ball from where it was powering a shield and headed back to the main chamber.

I couldn’t really tell if the one working containment device was doing its job properly. All I knew was that the tips of my mane were starting to blacken and smoke, and the air was getting thicker and greasier all the time.

I crossed the next bridge and was once again right next to the pulsating core. Waiting until it contracted again, I ran around to the other side and onto another bridge, killed a few troops who came out of a corridor and grabbed another energy ball in preparation.

Sure enough, there was another receptacle, and I set up the second containment device.

Two down, one to go. Good thing too. If I sweat any more my suit’s going to slide right off my body and slither away to start a new life.

A door opened to yet another corridor, so I followed it and took out more troops at the next junction. I continued along the corridor until I reached a balcony, overlooking the still-throbbing core which now had two black beams piercing its heart. Another balcony was on the other side of the room – the other side of the smegging room – and I could tell I would have to use those rotor things to get across. I’d have to ride them like a merry-go-round.

When the nearest one was available I jumped aboard, and almost immediately a swarm of ponyhacks descended from the ceiling. With my supercharged horn clip and the huge open area, they were a lot easier to take out than most of the earlier ones, but still highly annoying and painful. Especially when one of them grazed my horn.

I reached the next balcony and jumped down, then followed the corridor (taking out more foolish soldiers along the way) until I reached another access panel. I yanked it away and found myself in the same situation as earlier, only this time it was reversed. I went through the ledge, the walkway and the energy ball chamber until I found the third and final control room.

After slaying the guards – seriously, they’re starting to get annoying now – I snagged and energy ball and threw it into the receptacle-

-which promptly rejected it, and I had to jump around to avoid getting disintegrated.

Oh smeg, what now?

The thing’s already come up and moved into position, the lift which brought it up has descended again and the shield covering it is offline. Something must be wrong with what’s underneath.

I jumped down and saw three things for holding energy balls. Each one of them was empty and glowing red. Knowing my luck the lift will go back up and the shield will close with me still down here. I’ve got to find a way to get energy balls into those things, because now I don’t have any other way up.

Let me just… yes! There’s a hole in the ceiling, and through it I can see that chamber with all the energy balls rushing across. That’s one… two… I’d better stand on the lift thing…

THREE!

Phew.

Okay, now to activate this thing and get the smeg out of there. Back to the main chamber, getting an energy ball, taking it through- YES! I did it!

A black beam shot out of the machine, the core shrank down to a more normal size and refrained for further throbbing. The rotors I had rode on earlier descended as well, effectively containing the bubble for good. Almost instantly the radiation trickled out of the air, which became see-through again and I was able to manoeuvre with far more ease now that I no longer felt like I was running through hair gel. Severely overheated hair gel.

There was another lift nearby, and when I stepped into it, it took me back up to where Twilight was waiting for me. The moment she saw me she pulled me into a hug.

“You did it!” she cried joyfully. “The containment system’s back in place!”

“Yeah, but it won’t last forever,” I pointed out. “It’s only a matter of time before more smegheads come and disable it.”

“But by then we’ll have bought enough time to get pretty much the whole city evacuated,” said Twilight, and she released me and turned back to the console. I noticed she had plugged her horn clip into it, and it was glowing.

“Looks like you did a little poking around while I was busy,” I commented.

“You bet,” said Twilight. “The Combine was trying to start a chain reaction and destroying the Citadel was only a side effect. Since we destroyed Trixie’s reactor, this is the only way they have to send a transmission packet to wherever it is they come from. I can’t tell what it contains-”

“-but it must be something juicy,” I finished for her. “They wouldn’t just sacrifice this whole, massive building for nothing.”

“Exactly,” said Twilight. “We need to get this thing analysed right away. I’ll try to find a way to send it to the Doctor. I’ve been copying it onto this,” she tapped the clip, still in the console, “and I have a feeling that it’s bad news for all of us.”

She’d been looking worried before, but suddenly there was another thoughtful side to this anxiety.

“I’ve got a feeling there’s something else,” I said.

“You’re right,” said Twilight. “It’s… it’s Rainbow Dash. Take a look.”

She pressed another button and the familiar face of a blue coated, pink eyed and technicolour maned pony appeared on the screen, looking uncharacteristically nervous. It probably had something to do with the muffled explosions which appeared to be right outside the corridor she was standing in.

“Okay Rainbow!” shouted the voice of Soarin’ from off-screen. “It’s rolling, now go! Quickly!”

“Okay,” said Dash, “so we're pretty sure we've pinned down the location of the Archives. It's hard to say how much of them might be left or if there's anything that could compromise our mission if they were discovered by the Combine. We're gonna have to take a closer look, but we should be able to give a better opinion in a few hours. If the site's where we think it is, it shouldn't be more than-”

There was another explosion – this one a lot louder than those before.

“Rainbow!” yelled Soarin’. “We’re gonna have to cut this short, we might’ve been spotted!”

“Gotcha!” cried Dash. She turned and galloped away from the camera, a stallion that could only have been Soarin’ following in her wake, and the tripod holding the camera fell over.

It then showed a hole being blasted in the wall it was facing, and another stallion entered. His entire body was covered in armour which was such dark blue it was almost black – including the spike which had been pressed into the mask, presumably to house a horn – except for his eyes, which were the most brilliant, chilling shade of blue I had seen in my whole life.

The camera cut out.

“What in Equestria are they doing?” asked Twilight.

“It’s obvious they need our help,” I stated. “We need to get that to the Doctor as well.”

“I can do that,” said Twilight, putting the clip back on her horn. She pointed at it and said “I’ve got it right here.”

Heh. A USB function? Clever.

“What do you say?” she asked. “You want to get the buck out of here?”

“Buck yeah.”

Less than a second later an alarm blared through the building, so loud that I was afraid my ear tubes might have melted.

“I think they felt that,” I commented.

“Don’t worry,” said Twilight. “I secured us a lift. It’s this way, come on!”

She led me to a lift, which started taking us in a predominantly downwards direction.

“I don’t think they want us reading their mail,” said Twilight. “Rather than taking it to the Doctor in person, I think it would be best if I sent it to him right now.”

She removed her horn clip, slipped on an extra and her first one disappeared in a flash. I should have known she could master remote teleportation while I was gone.

“This lift will take us straight to the Citadel’s train platform,” she told me. “If we can hitch a ride we can get out of this place and to safety.”

“I think my horn clip’s gone back to normal,” I said.

“I think it has,” said Twilight after examining it. “It was fun while it lasted.”

The lift arrived and we ran out into a corridor. Guards began pursuing us, and Twilight closed a door in their face, but it wouldn’t hold them for very long. Long enough for us to get away, though.

Eventually we found a room where one wall was made entirely of glass – through which was some sort of control room with guards at all the consoles – and roller mines poured in from a pipe in the ceiling.

“Bring them over here,” Twilight commanded. “I’ll reset them!”

I brought them over to her, and one by one the glow switched from pale blue to bright orange.

“I wish I could see their faces,” I said with a smile, “’coz I’m sure they won’t be expecting this!”

Then the PA started up again.

“Warning,” it said, “counter-stability force detected. Deploy internal stabilization teams; diagnose.”

“You ready?” asked Twilight, as the mines bleeped in anticipation.

“Ready,” I said.

Part of the glass wall slid aside and the roller mines charged in, bouncing around off the understandably alarmed guards. You should’ve been there, it was actually really funny!

“Priority warning: stabilization force disengaged.”

“Oh shut up,” I said to the tannoy as we entered the control room.

Twilight ran over to a console, and after looking it over she said “Okay, this is our train. Let’s get in before more guards show up.”

Another door opened, leading to an underground train platform. One of the carriages had a door open, and the two of us leapt inside. The door closed, and the train started to vibrate under our hooves.

The carriage we were in was lit with a dim red light. Pony sized, opaque cages lined one wall, and there was yet another console at the far end.

“I love a nice clean getaway,” I said, “don’t you?”

“Definitely,” said Twilight. “I’m not entirely sure what was in that transmission package, but they’re definitely not very happy about us copying it. But you know, all things considered, we-”

She stopped talking.

One of the cages had opened at the lid, and the burnt face of a Stalker poked out and gave an unearthly growl.

“Oh no,” Twilight whispered. “It’s a Stalker car.”

Without a word, she reached up and stroked the creature’s cheek. It shied away from the warmth of her touch, so she lowered her hoof and closed her eyes, a tear trickling down her face.

“I-I can’t believe the Combine,” she said, her breath catching in her throat. “This is what they do to you if you try to resist! Or… or if you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time…”

She reached up and closed the cage.

“I hope you don’t remember who you were,” she said quietly.

“Are you…” I wanted to ask if she was okay, but I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to answer in her present state, so I decided to distract her. “Do you want to see where this train is heading?”

She nodded, wiped her face and started hacking the console. I could tell she was in need of comfort, so I walked up behind her and placed a hoof on her shoulder. She acknowledged my presence with a grateful smile, and turned back to the console.

“Alright,” she said after a few seconds. “We’re in luck: this thing is heading straight to Canterlot. We can meet up with Dash and Soarin’ once we get there.”

She was trying to avoid something. I could tell.

When she turned away from the console, Twilight walked to the other end of the carriage and sat down on the floor.

“We might as well try to get some rest,” she said. “We’ll need our strength if we’re going to survive.”

She glanced again at the row of cages, and turned away.

I walked over to her and sat down next to her.

“There’s something about the Stalkers, isn’t there?” I asked. “Something personal. Something you’re not telling me.”

Twilight’s one of the emotionally strongest ponies I’ve ever met, so if something’s upsetting her this much then I need to do something about it. She needs somepony to talk to. Now.

“Is it your family?”

Without turning around, she nodded.

“Were they…” Better tread carefully here; this is tender territory. “Were they turned into Stalkers?”

She nodded.

“My mom,” she said quietly, “my dad… my brother…”

I laid a comforting foreleg around her shoulders, and she turned around and pulled me into another hug. Only this time, she was sobbing into my shoulder.

“I hadn’t seen much of my parents since I began studying under Princess Celestia,” she told me. “What with going to school and all the time I spent in libraries I barely had any time for them. Shining Armor, though…”

“Your brother?”

“My BBBFF. Big Brother, Best Friend Forever. He was promoted to captain of the royal guard not long before I moved to Ponyville, which meant he was at the castle pretty much all the time. We were so close, and I-”

She fell silent, and lay down on the cold metal floor. I lay down next to her and she put her hooves on one of mine. I put my other hoof on top of hers, and the gaze of her gorgeous purple eyes connected with mine.

“When I moved to Ponyville, we vowed that we would keep in touch. I wrote to him every week, and he would always write back, but I didn’t get to see him. Not even at the Grand Galloping Gala: he was too busy making sure the guards were all doing their job properly. And I… I haven’t seen him in over seventeen years. It’d be an absolute miracle if he was still alive after all this time.”

I tried to wipe her tears away, but she lowered my hoof and put it back where it had been.

“You’ve still got your friends,” I pointed out. “And the Doctor… and me. And you should know I love you – although, not as a brother, so-”

I was cut off by her lips connecting with mine. The kiss lasted for longer than I can remember, and when we broke apart all we could do was look into each other’s eyes.

Eventually she found the courage to speak again.

“I know you love me,” she said. “And I… I feel the same… I think. I spent months studying friendship, but I never took the time to learn about love.”

“Well then,” I said, “you may find me to be a more than capable teacher.”

I know, it’s one of the lamest lines in the history of romance, but can you come up with anything better to say?

Didn’t think so.

She kissed me again, and I permitted her entry when she ran her tongue along my lips. It was one of the most magical occurrences in my entire life, and one I had been waiting for since I had arrived back in Equestria. When we broke apart, I lost count of how many minutes we spent gazing into each other’s eyes, simply delighting in the comfort of just having somepony else with us.

“We should sleep,” she repeated. “I haven’t had a chance since I was drugged in that pod in her office. And anyway, Canterlot was the first place the Combine conquered, so I highly doubt it’ll be safe.”

I knew exactly who she meant by “her”.

“Then sleep,” I told her. “I’ll be with you.”

She nuzzled my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder. It wasn’t long before her breathing became slow and quiet, and she practically stopped moving altogether. She was fast asleep.

I stroked her mane, which was still silky and soft, even after all this time. The silver stripe was shining, even in the dim light of the carriage and what little starlight came through from outside. I should probably sleep too, but for some weird reason I don’t feel tired anymore. I’ve got far too much on my mind, and now I’m wide awake.

If Canterlot had Rainbow Dash as scared as she had been in that video, then I wonder what it’s actually like. The biggest cities are always the worst when it comes to invasions and alien occupation, so why the smeg would she and Soarin’ leave their son to set themselves up in the capital city of Equestria? Did they ever tell Lightning what they were doing up there?

I must admit, the low rumble and gentle shaking of the carriage is very relaxing. It’s no wonder Twilight was able to fall asleep so easily.

But… but who was that pony that turned the camera off? He was a unicorn, and definitely big, but I went to the Grand Galloping Gala once – well, snuck in and hid in the castle foyer, actually – and I lost count of how many male unicorns there were. And how many of them were built up with muscle. There were loads! And how many of them do you think had blue eyes?

Still, I can’t remember the last time I saw any two eyes so icy.

Wait…

Was that the Blue Demon? His armour was blue – almost black, but still blue – and his eyes were blue, so there’s every chance he was.

I hope Dash and Soarin’ are alright, because that video made it look like he was attacking them. If he’s hurt them in any way…

I closed my eyes and tried my best to drift off.

When I opened them again, daylight was streaming in through the thin slits in the carriage door which served as a window. It was a few minutes before I felt Twilight stirring under my hooves. She looked up at me groggily.

“Morning,” she said.

“Morning,” I replied. “You sleep alright?”

“Like a log,” she answered. “How about you?”

“Like a log that’s just run a marathon,” I said. Sure, it was a white lie, but it was better than saying I’d been thinking about what might await us in Canterlot.

“If you let me get up I can check how far away we are,” said Twilight, so I released her from our night-time cuddle and she examined the console.

“It looks like we haven’t got far to go,” she reported. “In fact, we should be entering Canterlot just about-”

BOOM.

“HANG ON TO SOMETHING!”

She galloped back towards me and threw herself onto me as the train derailed and the carriage rolled over and over, deafeningly loud, and the Stalkers screamed until it stopped.

Great. Just our luck that somepony would blow up the rails. I-I can barely see a thing; I think there’s something over my eyes. I’m buried under something, I can’t move!

I can see now. Somepony’s uncovered my eyes, but everything’s started to go dark...

I blacked out.

Episode 1 Chapter 3 - Lowlife

Okay, so where the smeg am I now?

Uh… um…

I appear to be in a bedroom. I have been moved from a wrecked train to a bedroom. Not just that, but the bed I’m on is a double, and Twilight’s lying next to me, still out cold.

We’re naked.

Well, technically not, since ponies don’t normally wear clothes since we’re ponies and all, but whoever retrieved us removed Twilight’s jacket and my HEV suit. They’re over there, in the corner, next to one of the boarded up windows which are only just letting in enough light to see by.

Is than an ensuite bathroom? With a shower?! It-it is! I never thought I’d be so glad to see a shower in all my life!

I left the bed – carefully, so as not to wake up Twilight – and quietly made my way over to the bathroom. After closing the door behind me I stepped into the shower, but had to refrain from leaping back when I turned the tap on because the water was cold.

Oh well, it’s better than nothing.

Ah, smeg, that feels good. Nothing like a cold shower to wake you up. And wash away the accumulated dust, grime and dried blood which have all gathered on your fur over the past couple of days.

Hey, there’s even a towel available.

When I got out, dried myself and put my glasses back on, I finally did what I should have done the moment I woke up and I started to get suspicious.

Why in the wide world of Equestria where Twilight and I in somepony’s house? Was there anypony else here, and if so, who? Or were we captured by the Combine or Commabies and placed in a complex simulation which looks like a house?

But then again, why would they do that?

Wait a minute…

I smell pastry. I’m not kidding; I actually can smell freshly cooked pastry.

Before I went downstairs though, I leant back with my face under the tap and turned on the faucet.

I’m not thirsty anymore!

I finished drying myself and dumped the towel in the sink – I always do that – and left the bedroom on the tips of my hooves to avoid waking up Twilight. It was only when I reached the stairs that evidence of the world’s current conflict appeared. There were cracks all over the wall, and one of the stairs had been knocked down into the cupboard below. I carefully stepped over it and proceeded downstairs.

It didn’t take me long to find the kitchen, and the two pies which were sitting temptingly on the sideboard. I breathed in the sweet scent of the freshly cooked pastry, combined with the sour tang of apples which danced around my nostrils. It was only then that I realised how incredibly hungry I was.

I grabbed one of the pies, set it on the table, and dug in.

Tell me; is there such a thing as a foodgasm? Because I think that’s what happened when I ate that pie. I hadn’t eaten anything for about seventeen years, and right now this pie was the food of the gods. The melt-in-your-mouth texture of the pastry, the richness and tangy sweet sourness of the apples… it was the most delicious thing I had eaten in a long, long time.

When I had finished I put the tin in the sink (yeah, I do that for lots of stuff) and decided to explore the house a little more.

There was a lounge room, complete with sofa and fireplace, and on the mantelpiece was something which made me double take like no tomorrow.

It was a family photograph. There was a mare, a stallion, a teenage colt and a little filly. And there was no mistaking those big, twinkly eyes, straight stripy mane and adorable smile.

I’m in Twilight’s house.

So that colt in the picture must be Shining Armor. I vaguely remember seeing him in the picture in New TARDIS, and I thought he was rather handsome – no homo: it’s perfectly alright for a guy to think other guys are handsome without being attracted to them – and in the picture he’s giving Twilight a massive hug.

Hang on, there’s something else in the frame.

I pulled it out, and my jaw almost hit the floor as I started to read, even though the writing was severely smudged in places as though the writer was crying, so it was rather hard to make out some of the words.

Twiley,

This is probably going to be a little difficult for you to read – If ever you return to Canterlot and find this letter. Princess Celestia made a public announcement saying that it was thanks to your report that she knew about the Combine, but she didn’t say whether you were still alive or not.

I know you are. You’re my little sister, aren’t you? And they wouldn’t just let anypony be the Princess’ personal student. Me, though…

Mom and Dad are already gone. I should know, because I saw it happen. You’ll be glad to know they didn’t suffer: Dad was shot in the head trying to protect Mom, and she got hit by an energy ball. I tried to protect her – I tried to protect them both – but I failed, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I can only hope that you can keep yourself and Spike safe.

What few citizens remaining have been forced to take shelter in the royal palace, and the guards have been called back to protect them. This will be my final hour in the house before I have to leave and see to my troops, so I want to make it worthwhile.

I’ve lost count of how many innocent civilians I’ve already seen gunned down in the streets. The roads have become rivers of blood: a pony can barely walk for stepping on a corpse. Hardly any of the dead are unicorns. I’m assuming that Mom and Dad were among the lucky, because the unicorns are captured and taken to a place which I have no knowledge of, but from what I’ve seen of the Combine already, it can’t be good.

They even got Cadence.

I can hear them in the street outside. They’re right on the other side of the door, and as far as I know everypony else is already at the palace. Her highness said that she would send Luna to collect me if I didn’t arrive within half an hour of the last civilian, so if I don’t make a run for it now I’ll be endangering the life of a princess.

But I can’t leave without telling you how much I love you.

Do you remember when you were still a little filly, and I walked in on you and Cadence, and you – the world famous General Sparkle – were guarding a book fort with Capt. Smarty-pants against the Dark Lord Cadence and her army of My Little Humans? And you cried out in horror because Dark Lord Cadence’s master, the Evil Overload Shiny, had come to join the battle.

I remember it like it was yesterday. You were so adorable, perched atop your mighty fortress of books and pillows, firing marshmallows at your foalsitter, that I couldn’t help but join in. I wanted to spend some time with my wonderful little sister – who wouldn’t when that sister is you?

Another day I’ll never forget is the day you departed for Ponyville. You were so nervous about going someplace you’d never even heard of before, and I couldn’t help but feel for you. I hardly believed Spike when he said it was because you’d been told you had to make friends, but then I found out that as far as you were concerned, I was all you needed when it came to friends.

I have to say… that really touched me, Twilight. It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard from you.

And you know what? As far as I was concerned, you were all that mattered.

My only regret is not being with you at this moment. If I was, I promise with all my heart that I would never leave you in a million years. I have to go now, Twiley. Wish me luck.

Your brother loves you. Never forget that.

Your BBBFF,

Shining Armor.

Holy smeg.

That letter’s been in that frame for nearly seventeen years, waiting for Twilight to come and read it. And she never did.

I wonder if he made it.

“Hey, Hex.”

It was Twilight. I had been so engrossed in the letter that I hadn’t noticed her. By the looks of things she had done exactly what I had: take a shower and then come downstairs and have a pie. Her mane was still a bit damp, and she was wiping apple away from her muzzle.

“Hey, Twilight,” I said, lowering the letter.

“What do you have there?” she asked, pointing at the sheet of paper I held before me.

“It’s a letter,” I told her. “It’s addressed to you. I’m sorry I read it.”

“That’s okay,” she said. I passed the letter to her, and waited while she read.

I didn’t want to have to see her face as she read her brother’s final letter to her, so I tried to open the front door. When I did manage to get it open, I found myself face to face with a brick wall.

If this door was bricked up, how did we get in? I don’t think I saw a back door.

Might as well go and put my HEV suit back on.

When I went back upstairs, I noticed something that I hadn’t before: an EXIT sign stuck to the wardrobe door. When I opened it I found that it led outside, with a huge heap of rubble forming a serviceable slope to the ground.

I couldn’t see much of the rest of the city. I was nowhere near high enough. However, I did hear a crow squawking and an explosion somewhere in the distance, so I hurriedly closed the door again before I was seen.

Huh. I could swear somepony cleaned my suit as well. Plus it’s either got bigger or washing off all that muck made me smaller.

I’m gonna go with the second option because it makes more sense – well, a little more.

May as well grab my- Twilight’s jacket while I’m up here. I’m glad she decided to adopt it. Dragon leather would be impossible to make in Equestria – I only brought it with me as a memento, and because it’s indestructible.

Someday I’ll get around to asking Amber exactly how she managed to make a jacket out of the stuff, seeing as you wouldn’t be able to cut it without breaking the scissors.

And how her people used it for armour.

Never mind. I’m thinking too much.

I was still standing holding the jacket when Twilight re-entered, wiping her eyes. I passed her the jacket and she put it on without a word.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I will be,” she said. “I just need some time. Is that our way out?”

She indicated the EXIT wardrobe, and I opened it to reveal Canterlot. I bowed as she passed me, smiling faintly at my silliness, and I followed her once she had reached the bottom of the slope.

“I grew up in that house,” she said as we walked down the street. “I can’t believe how much it’s changed since I’ve been gone. You know, I-I haven’t thought about General Sparkle in years.”

“What about Captain Smarty-pants?” I asked, and she giggled. “And Dark Lord Cadence? Who was Cadence anyway?”

“She was my foalsitter when I was still a little filly,” Twilight explained. “She was everything a foalsitter should be: beautiful, kind, caring… she had the power to spread love wherever she went. With a wave of her horn and two ponies would be head-over-hooves for each other. A couple could be fighting one moment and kissing the next!”

“Huh,” I said. “Call me a smeghead if you like but that sounds like a rather dangerous power.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, what if the fighting ponies were brother and sister? Or related in some other fashion, like cousins or even parents? I wouldn’t like to think that your foalsitter was responsible for hundreds of ponies being guilty of incest.”

“I never thought about it that way,” said Twilight. “I guess it is possible, but surely ponies would understand.”

We walked in silence for a couple of minutes. The streets had become eerily quiet and empty, and we had yet to see an Overwatch soldier. Good thing too, because apart from the rings on our horns we’re completely unarmed. I’d have thought whoever left us in Twilight’s house would have been considerate enough to leave us some weaponry too.

Or maybe Canterlot isn’t as dangerous as we’ve been led to believe. I have to admit that I didn’t expect to be shot down the moment I stepped out the door – sometimes it’s dangerous business, going out your door – but still, it wouldn’t hurt to have a little bit of noise, would it?

“Where the smeg is everypony?” I asked. “This is so eldritch.”

“I know!” said Twilight. “From what I heard of this place I expected it to be swarming with Overwatch. But it’s so empty!”

“Maybe we should try looking around the palace,” I said. “Judging by what your brother wrote in that letter there’s got to be somepony there.”

“Good idea,” she replied.

We could easily see the palace from where we were. Once constructed of looming towers of white marble, it was now plated with steel which had a shine much more dull than the stone. It used to be beautiful, but thanks to the Combine it was just another metal monstrosity.

There was an explosion somewhere in the distance, and more cries of crows as we proceeded through the streets. In another part of the city there was gunfire, and it seemed to be getting closer.

Twilight stopped and rubbed her chin with a thoughtful expression.

“I think we should split up,” she said.

“Split up?!” I replied. “But we only just got together!”

“No, no, not like that!” Twilight said. “I meant split up as in go in different directions. It’ll be easier for them to find us if we stick together the whole way, and we’ll have a better chance of staying alive.”

I mulled it over in my head.

“You’re probably right,” I decided.

“Head for Canterlot Tower,” said Twilight as she turned away, “and I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay,” I said, and started moving onward, but added “Which one’s Canterlot Tower?”

“It’s the biggest one!”

Right. Biggest one. Gotcha.

The thing is; splitting up never works out well in horror movies. As far as I can tell, the three rules for surviving a horror movie are these: 1) don’t have sex. Ever. Banging your boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever is the surest way of calling the serial killer to your door. 2) Never drink or do drugs. Chances are you’ll end up stumbling right into the thing that’s trying to kill you, and you won’t have much of a chance of getting away if you’re plastered or coked out of your skull. 3) Never, EVER say “I’ll be right back.” Because you won’t be. And neither will the person you say it to.

Lucky this isn’t a horror movie, huh? Even though it does have quite a lot of elements of one. Well, more like a 50s sci-fi B-movie really. Shall I count the ways? Maybe not, it’d take too long.

I was walking down the street, wondering if anything would actually happen in the next few millennia, when something did happen: a Strider erupted out of the street right behind me. I started running like I had back in City 17, dodging and weaving through the streets, but I could still hear it. It was right behind me!

Suddenly there was a flash. I thought for a moment that the Strider had fired its warp cannon, but then I saw the wreckage falling around me.

I looked around, trying to see where that had come from.

“HELLO?” I shouted. “Is somepony there?”

No answer.

I waited, but there was still no reply, although I think I saw a shadow in a broken window.

“Whoever you are,” I said, “thanks.”

I continued weaving through the streets, getting closer and closer to the palace with every passing second. Canterlot was a lot easier to navigate than City 17, because there was a distinct lack of massive piles of rubble and stuff. Instead there were, true to Shining Armor’s word, a lot of skeletons lying around in the streets which rather than being their usual grey were instead reddish-brown due to dried blood. The roads, that is, not the skeletons.

He really hadn’t been exaggerating when he said the streets were rivers of blood and you could barely move for treading on corpses.

Heh, one of the skeletons is wearing a pair of sunglasses. Funny and tragic at the same time: tragicomedy! But seriously, you have to admit that there’s something strangely hilarious and cool about a skeleton with shades.

I kept moving. The thought of having some kind of guardian angel was definitely an appealing one, but I can look out for myself. Admittedly I’m kinda helpless at the moment, having no weapons other than my horn clip and my normal level telekinesis – well, definitely developed beyond normal now – and I think I could use some help.

Yep, I’m definitely getting close to the tower now. It’s really, really big and now that it’s up close it’s really, really ugly. It must have been a real eye catcher once, but now it’s just an eyesore.

What-what’s this?

It looks like a park, but this close to the palace it’s far more likely to be a garden of some sort. I guess that explains the twisting, turning, half-a-foot-high labyrinth of burnt hedges and the shattered statues.

Hang on, I can hear something.

“Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!”

It’s er, it’s er, it’s… oh smeg, what was his name again? Something chaos related that starts with a D, um… Discord! That’s the one, Discord!

“Not quite as wonderful as friendship!”

And that’s Twilight’s voice. What’s going on?

Hang on, there’s a pedestal over there. Let me just read the sign:

DISCORD

Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony

Do not come within 10 ft

NO SQUABBLING FOALS

So this is where the pedestal is, but where’s the statue?

“Oh, this again!” There was the sound of a drink being slurped away, followed by a small explosion.

I just stood on something.

It’s an eagle’s claw. And there’s a lion paw over there. I’m surrounded by stone animal parts.

“That’s right!” said the voice of Applejack. “You couldn’t keep apart our friendships for long!”

Why am I hearing this? I’m guessing it has something to do with the fact that I’m in close proximity to – that is to say, I’m standing in – the statue of Discord so, erm…

“Oh Applejack, don’t lie to me! I’m the one that made you a liar! Will you ever learn?”

Maybe it’s a sort of black box quick save type thing. You usually find them on a GLaDOS: it records the last couple of minutes of its life for later analysis. They have to relieve those last minutes over and over again.

In this case, Discord was forced to relive getting stoned (Bazinga!) over and over, and now that his statue’s been blasted to pieces it’s audible to everyone.

“I’ll tell you what we’ve learned, Discord! We’ve learned that friendship isn’t always easy, but there’s no doubt it’s worth fighting for!”

Alright, Twilight!

Wait, is that his head? Holy smeg, it is! It’s Discord’s head! It wouldn’t be so creepy if it weren’t still frozen in stone and-and SCREAMING.

“Eeugh, gag! Fine, try to use your precious elements. Friend me! Just make it quick: I’m missing out on some excellent chaos here!”

Still listening to the echo, I started digging into the ground at the foot of the pedestal.

“Alright ladies, let’s show him what friendship can do!”

Hmm. Not quite deep enough.

“Waitwaitwait!” said the echo of Pinkie. There was a gargling noise, followed by a small growl and the sound of something charging up.

“Huh, what’s this?”

The Discord of the past was apparently confused. Meanwhile, the Hex of the present kept digging.

“No… NO!”

And with a rush of sound and a crackling noise, as of flesh, bone and body parts rapidly becoming petrified, the echo ended.

There, I think that’s big enough.

The echo replayed again and again as, piece by piece, I gathered up the shattered statue of Discord and deposited him in the hole. I tried my best to reassemble him, but it wasn’t easy working out which piece went where. It was like a gigantic 3D jigsaw puzzle, but I knew it wouldn’t fit together properly because of the wear and tear of time.

Eventually I finished, and then shoved the dug up earth back over the statue. I picked up what was left over and pressed it onto the sign on the pedestal, and then grabbed a stone and carved two extra words onto it until the end result was this:

Here lies

DISCORD

Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony

Yeah, that seemed to fit.

“Most ponies wouldn’t have taken the time to do that.”

I looked around at the new voice, and saw the dark stallion from the video. He was entering the same way I had and approaching at a slow trot. When he got to the grass he slowed down to a walk.

“That was very honourable,” he said. “You do know what he did to Equestria, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I said, “but it seemed like the right thing to do. Even the most evil of creatures deserves peace.”

“I suppose you’re right,” said the stranger.

His voice was a lot softer than I had expected it to be: I’d thought it’d be a Batman-esque growl and holy smeg this guy is HUGE! It’s probably just the armour, but I think he’s about the same size as Big Macintosh. The horn isn’t helping things either. It’s a lot bigger than any other horn I’ve seen.

Smeg, what a badly worded description.

Also, have I mentioned his eyes? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a blue so vivid. They’re like Soarin’s, only blue. Plus it’s a lot easier to see the colour of his armour, and the mask which is held in place by clips on his collar.

“Are you-” I’m trying to talk without screwing things up, because I have a feeling this guy is very dangerous. “Are you the Blue Demon?”

He closed his eyes, and his mask moved in a way which indicated a smile.

“That’s what the populace of Equestria decided to dub me,” he said, “so yes, I guess I am the Blue Demon.”

He started to walk away, and I followed in his hoofsteps.

“Were you the guy who took down that Strider chasing me?” I asked. “Because I want you to know I’m really grateful.”

“I know.”

I had to trot to keep up. He was a rather fast walker.

“So, um,” I tried to think of something to say. “That’s what happened to Discord, so… do you know what happened to the princesses?”

“Yes.”

Okay, rather brief…

“Take a look.”

He stopped, and so did I.

In front of us were three graves laid in a row. Each roughly carved tombstone was the same size, which surprised me considering whose graves they actually were. The first had a small carving of a sun, and the inscription:

HERE LIES PRINCESS CELESTIA

Benevolent ruler of Equestria

Commander of the sun

The next bore a carving of a crescent moon, and the following epitaph:

HERE LIES PRINCESS LUNA

Benevolent ruler of Equestria

Commander of the moon

The final headstone had a carving of a heart-shaped crystal, and the epitaph was truly heartbreaking in its simplicity:

PRINCESS MI AMORE “CADENCE” CADENZA

Bringer of love

They’re dead. All of them. Dead.

“They’re…” I struggled to get the words out of my mouth.

“Dead,” the Blue Demon finished for me. “All dead. I should know; I buried them all myself. There wasn’t anything anypony could do: nopony could have anticipated the strength of the Combine.”

For the first time, he looked me in the eye, and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

“They killed almost everypony in Canterlot in seven minutes flat,” he told me.

“I know,” I said. “I know almost everything about those bastards.”

He was obviously surprised.

“You do?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve encountered the Combine before, although I’ve never had to actively fight them until I got to Equestria. I’ve been to the world where their hold was the strongest a few times – my best friend got a tattoo there.”

The Blue Demon looked away, staring blankly at the graves for a few seconds.

“And I thought I was the only one,” he said. “I’ve been searching all over central Equestria for somepony I lost – I don’t dare go anywhere near the borders because that’s where they’re at their strongest and my powers are rather limited.”

“I’ve heard stories about you,” I said. “The late, not so Great and Powerful Trixie said that you were the scourge of the Combine. Well, until I came along, but you get the point.”

“I wouldn’t call myself the Scourge of the Combine,” said the Blue Demon. “I’m just another pony trying to find somepony he lost all those years ago.”

He bowed his head in remorse. Smeg, I felt so sorry for the guy.

His ears twitched.

“A friend is coming,” he said cryptically. “I must go.”

And with that, the Blue Demon galloped away.

Well, he seemed nice. I wonder who it is that he’s looking for. And what’s with the mask? I admit it looks really badass, but wouldn’t it be rather hard to breathe in that thing?

Then I heard the screaming. It was a deafening, high-pitched battle cry which grew louder and louder as the screamer got closer, and I was utterly baffled.

My confusion dissolved when I was bowled over by a screeching mass of blue, and the two of us rolled over and over until I was pinned beneath my new captor’s hooves, writhing and struggling to get free.

“STAY WHERE YOU ARE YOU OVERWATCH BASTARD OR I’LL BLOW YOUR BUCKING BRAINS OUT!!” he bellowed in my face.

“I’m not Overwatch!” I shouted, closing my eyes to shield them from spittle. “I’m not even part of the Combine! Get the smeg off me!”

“What the-” The pony pinning me was stunned. “But-but nopony says ‘smeg’ except- is that- are you- Hex?!”

At the mention of my name, I finally plucked up the courage to open my eyes.

The face before me was one of the most badass I have ever seen in my life. His cheeks and chin were coated in rough stubble, and there was a large band-aid over his muzzle. But by far the most terrifying thing about him was his right eye, for this very good reason:

It wasn’t an eye.

It was a ball of shining black glass, with a single small green ring in it indicating a camera lens, held in place by a ring of metal which was riveted to his FACE. As I watched, a pair of shutters closed over it and reopened in the same half second.

Dear sweet smeg, it even blinked.

I somehow found the courage to explore the rest of my assailant’s features. One that stood out rather prominently was the black vest with bullets embedded in it, zipped up on top of a tattered Wonderbolt uniform. And the bloodied bandage wrapped liberally around his neck.

And then there were the most basic features such as the pale blue coat and wings. Not to mention the limp navy blue mane and finally the piercing green eye which, like the Blue Demon’s, penetrated my soul.

It only took me a few seconds to put all of this together, and come to a logical conclusion as to who it could be.

“Soarin’?!”

He leapt off me and scrambled back, staring at me in shock. After that, once I had pulled myself into a sitting position, he zoomed forward and glomped me. Once I got over the initial shock, I patted him on the back, and he gripped me even tighter.

“Dude, I can’t believe it’s YOU!” he cried. “It’s been seventeen bucking years but now you’re finally back! What the hay have you been doing that took you one-and-a-half decades?”

He released me, and his face was painted with a huge, goofy, excitable grin which made him look as if he were five years old.

“You want the truth?” I asked. “Well, you can’t handle the truth! Nah, but seriously I have no smegging idea.”

“Well, whatever the case,” said Soarin’ as he helped me up, “it’s good to have you back in Equestria. Sorry about attacking you.”

“That’s alright,” I said. “I don’t blame you for relying on your instincts. It’s saved my life plenty of times and I’m guessing it’s done the same for you – although not, I notice, for…”

I trailed off, not wanting to mention a certain ocular part of his body.

“For what?” he asked, curiously cocking an eyebrow.

“Um…” How can I put this delicately? “Eye… eye…”

“You what?”

Honestly, I couldn’t think of a single way of saying it without upsetting him, so instead I just pointed at the right side of his face. He reached up and lowered my hoof.

“It’s alright,” he said in a rather bored tone, “I’m used to ponies getting a little freaked out at my implant. You should’ve seen Dashie’s face when she saw it for the first time, it was priceless!”

“I expect so,” I said, “but seriously that thing is freaky as smeg! What is it made of?”

“I think it’s obsidian or something,” said Soarin’, “I wasn’t really listening to Twilight when was telling me what it was, and anyway it was years ago- whatever! What’re you doing in Canterlot?”

“Twilight and I came here looking for you,” I explained. “We got your message about... what was it, the Archives? What’re the Archives?”

“I’ll explain later. We’re camped out at the moment in Canterlot Tower; we’re really close to our goal. I had to fight my way here, though. The Overwatch has finally noticed where we are, so we’ll have to move soon! Come on!”

He galloped in the direction of the tower, and I followed in hot pursuit.

It wasn’t long before we met our first platoon of soldiers. They fired at us as we approached, and I was forced to deflect the bullets with telekinesis as Soarin’ gunned them down. Once they were all dead, we continued running.

“You know,” I said as we ran, “I could be of much more help if I had a weapon of my own!”

Soarin’ drew his own gun (a .44 Magnum, lucky smeghead) blew out the brains of an Overwatch troop who launched himself at us and grabbed the soldier’s shotgun before the lifeless body hit the ground.

“Here you go, one weapon,” he said, giving it to me.

“Uh,” I’ll never get used to how blunt he is, “thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Now let’s go!”

We were off again. Soarin’ and I fired again and again as we galloped ever closer to the tower. True to his word the Overwatch had finally decided to show up, but they seemed be a little disorganised and nowhere near as difficult to kill as their City 17 counterparts.

It wasn’t long before the earth under our hooves had become deep red mud which sucked at our legs and we had to form makeshift stepping stones out of bodies.

“This is so gross,” I commented.

“Hey, at least they’re not rotting already,” Soarin’ pointed out. “I was in the shower for two whole hours after that, but I still stank so much Dashie avoided me for a week.”

“Why are you calling her ‘Dashie’?” I asked.

“’Coz it annoys the buck out of her,” Soarin’ replied, again grinning like a foal. “She’s ultra-cute when she’s annoyed. Watch your back!”

His warning came just in time, and I whipped around and shot the soldier who was about to do the same to my forehead. Not long after that the garden ended and we were back on solid ground again.

“Smeg am I glad to be out of there,” I stated.

I looked up at the tower, the entry door of which stood at the top of twin sets of stairs. And there was a headcrab shell right in front of it.

“We can’t go in that way!” Soarin’ said. “We’re gonna have to find some other entrance.”

“I don’t think there is one,” I said, looking up the length of the tower. There must have been windows once, but almost the entire thing was coated in steel. I’m serious; you’d have to be half blind to think it looked good.

The two of us circumnavigated the tower several times, searching for a way in, until Soarin’ pointed at something near the base and said “Down there!”

There was a vent, barely big enough for a pony to fit in.

“Oh, you’re kidding,” I sighed. “Fine, but if we have to use that thing we’re going in one by one or not at all.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’ll be a son of a smeghead before I go into a tunnel with somepony’s arse in my face!”

Soarin’ nodded and said “Good point.”

I telekinetically yanked the grate away from the vent entrance and the blue pegasus crawled inside. His thumping around in the shaft echoed and surely must have been audible throughout the entire building, so I was relieved when it stopped.

“It’s okay, it’s clear!” he shouted.

Hearing this, I crawled into the vent and tried to make as little noise as possible, but it was difficult when I was wearing a very thick and solid suit of armour and carrying a shotgun. Plus my covered hooves weren’t providing much grip so it was rather difficult to drag myself along.

And then I met Soarin’ again. He had stopped right in the middle of the vent.

“Why didn’t you go through?” I asked.

“’Coz there’s another grate!” Soarin’ pointed out, and indicated the grille of metal. “I never was the weakest Wonderbolt but I was-” he stopped himself, and added “I was never the strongest either!” in a whisper.

I sighed.

“Fine,” I said, “move aside.”

The pale pegasus pressed himself into the side of the vent, and I could only just make out the grate which was blocking his path. A short zap of magic and it was no more: just a few prongs of metal sticking out of the frame.

“Thanks,” said Soarin’. He crawled through with a small tearing noise and fell to the ground, and I noticed a scrap of blue fabric caught on one of the shards of metal. I followed suit, but thanks to a bit of self-telekinesis my landing was a bit more graceful than his had been.

“Why didn’t you do that for me?” he demanded.

“You never asked me to,” I pointed out.

“Dick.”

“Hey!”

We looked around the room. It was a large and carved into the stone, almost as if it were a cave. The stairs and door, however, indicated that it was in fact a basement of sorts.

Well, it used to be a basement of sorts. Now it was a full blown armoury. There were stacks of explosives ranging from hopper mines to deactivated roller mines to grenades, and shelves piled high with assorted guns and ammunition.

“Sweet,” I commented.

“I know, right?” said Soarin’. “It took the three of us two days to win this place from the Combine, and they’ve been trying to get it back ever since. Doesn’t really work when we’ve got their main source of weaponry though.”

I felt my eyes drinking in every detail – every trigger on every gun, the different ammunition for the different guns, the hexagonal and pentagonal plates on the roller mines – you name it, I saw it. Unfortunately this included the trapdoor at the top of the set of stairs over to the right, and I didn’t even have to get close to know that it was locked.

Soarin’, however, wasn’t quite as perceptive. He tried the handle five times, knocked on it thrice and tried twice to knock it down with his shoulder.

“Uh, Soarin’?” I said. “I think it’s locked.”

“I know!” cried the pegasus. “Why the buck do you think I’m trying to open it?” He banged on the wood repeatedly and yelled “RAINBOW! YOU OUT THERE?!”

After a few seconds with no answer, he tried again while I, uh, repossessed some of the weapons. Then he tried again and again, each time yelling some variation of what he had shouted the first time, until finally...

“Soarin’, is that you?”

“Yes!” he replied. “Yes, Rainbow, it’s me!”

You seriously have no idea how good it was to hear her voice. Just to know she was okay was brilliant.

“What’re you doing in the basement?” she asked.

“We came in through a vent!” Soarin’ explained. “We couldn’t go through the front way because there was a headcrab shell!”

“I know!” Rainbow Dash replied. “We’ve just had to kill them all and a couple of them almost got me! I’m okay though, so don’t worry!”

“Well, could you let us out?” asked Soarin’.

“Sure!” said Dash. “Wait – us?”

“Uh, yeah, there’s somepony else with me!” said Soarin’.

“WHAT?!” yelled Dash. “I’m not letting you out if you’ve brought some weirdo stranger with you! How do you know they can be trusted?”

I sighed. This was getting old.

“Nice to know how you feel about me, Rainbow,” I called through the door.

There was a long pause. I could tell Dash was trying to figure out what she was supposed to think. It wasn’t long before there was the click of the trapdoor being unlocked, and Soarin’ and I stepped back as it opened to reveal the face of a pony who was both horrified and relieved at the same time when it came to seeing me again.

“H-Hex?” she stuttered.

I smiled.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash,” I said meekly.

She stared at me for several seconds and then threw herself on me in a massive hug.

“I can’t believe it!” she cried. “You’re finally back! You’ve finally come back!”

“To tell you the truth,” I said as I hugged her back, “I can’t believe it either.”

She released me and pulled me and Soarin’ up into the main room of the tower. You probably already know what it looked like, so you may be interested to know that the stained-glass windows were blocked off by sheets of metal and the building had been cut into separate floors, presumably all illuminated by small light strips.

“I hardly believed Twilight when she said you were back,” Dash told me. “I honestly thought you were dead, but I guess you’ve just proven me wrong, huh?”

“I hate to say I told you so, Rainbow,” said Twilight from behind her. She walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek. Soarin’ and Rainbow Dash… took it a little further than that. I'll just say they used their tongues and leave it at that.

“Hey!”

The door swung closed again as the Blue Demon stepped into the room.

“Listen,” he said. “Our new arrivals have caused a bit of a stir and there’s a rather large platoon of Overwatch headed our way. If we want to survive we’re going to have to… to get moving…”

He trailed off.

It was then that I notice something else which was rather strange. The moment he’d started talking, Twilight had frozen as though she were face to face with a cockatrice.

“Twilight?” I said. “You okay?”

Very slowly she turned to face the Blue Demon, and they each took a couple of steps towards each other.

Then, as I watched, I almost had a heart attack.

The Blue Demon’s horn glowed with the same colour aura as Twilight’s, and unfastened the clips which held the mask over his face.

It fell to the floor with a small thump, and I think something in Twilight’s mind exploded.

Striped blue mane.

Blue eyes.

White coat.

I… er…

The two unicorns seemed incapable of pulling themselves out of each other’s gaze.

“T-T…Twiley?” stammered the stallion, gasping as though his breath didn’t want to leave his body.

A tear swelled in Twilight’s eye and tricked conspicuously down her cheek.

And then the two of them launched themselves at each other in a hug which, on a scale of one to ten, rated about fifty thousand.

“Twilight,” wept the (former) Blue Demon, “I can’t believe I’ve finally found you!”

“Shine…” cried Twilight in reply. “Shining Armor…”

“…My brother’s alive!”

Episode 1 Chapter 4 - Urban Flight

I lost count of how many minutes Twilight and Shining Armor sat there, wrapped in each other’s hooves, not wanting to release each other for fear of losing one another again.

“Shine, I can’t believe it’s really you!” cried Twilight. “I’d given up all hope of ever seeing you again!”

“I’ve been searching for you for years,” Shining Armor replied. “I swore I’d tear the Combine to shreds if it meant I could find you.”

While the two were tearfully embracing, Rainbow Dash galloped over to the door and looked through. Eyes widened in fear, she slammed it closed almost immediately.

“Guys, I hate to break up the reunion,” she said, and added “-no really, I do, but he’s right: there’s a whole mess of Overwatch headed our way and they do NOT look friendly!”

“Right,” said Shining Armor, instantly switching from Loving Brother to Stallion-In-Charge. “Twilight, I know you’re happy to see me again, but we’re going to have to split up for a moment.”

“What? No!” Twilight shouted in protest. “You can’t just-”

“Twiley, please,” said the stallion calmly. “I have to hold the tower for as long as possible. Maybe even destroy it. There’s no way the Combine are getting their hooves on this place again, and you have to get to safety as quickly as possible.”

He turned to the pegasus pair. Has he even noticed me yet?

“Soarin’, Rainbow Dash, get Twilight to the next safehouse,” he commanded. “Use the vent in the basement. And if one hair in her mane is out of place the next time I see her I’ll be holding one of you directly responsible…”

He raised an eyebrow and appeared close to smiling.

“…but I’m not going to tell you who.”

I think I’m gonna like this guy. He’s got Soarin’ and Dash looking terrified, although chances are it’s more to do with the fact that they just found out that the Blue Demon is Twilight Sparkle’s smegging brother. And the guy’s already got one heck of a reputation as the probable reason Twi and I didn’t encounter any Overwatch while we were walking through this city together…

He approached his sister and placed a hoof on her shoulder.

“I’m not saying goodbye, Twiley,” he said quietly, and kissed her on the forehead just beneath her horn. Maybe that’s why she did the same to me earlier – it was something she picked up from her brother. I dunno.

All I know is that Twilight gave him a longing look as she descended below the floor with the pegasus lovebirds, and I was left alone with one of the most impressive ponies I’ve ever seen.

And it was only then that he noticed me. With a double take.

“Oh, sorry!” He actually sounded genuinely apologetic too. “I didn’t notice you. Aren’t you the guy from the garden?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “You must be Shining Armor. It’s good to finally meet you in the flesh.”

There was an explosion outside, and it sounded really, really close. As in, right outside the smegging door kind of close. We took up positions next to each other, getting ready for the fight of our lives.

Sure enough, the doors burst open and Overwatch swarmed into the room.

“Do you have a name?” asked Shining Armor, casually zapping soldiers away from him.

“My name,” I said between gunshots, “is Haydon-” shot “-Arthur-” shot “-Baxter-” another shot “-but if that proves too much of a mouthful-” double shot “-just call me Hex.”

“Okay, Hex,” said Shining Armor, and I hit the floor as he blasted away the five or so soldiers that had come too close during our little conversation. “What exactly-” zap “-brings you-” zap “-to Canterlot?”

“Well,” I said, pausing in the shelter of his imposing form to reload, “don’t get annoyed or upset or anything, but I’m kinda… sorta…” I finished reloading and blew the brains out of a soldier who was about to do the same to the other stallion “-dating your sister.”

“HIT THE DECK!”

Not caring that he hadn’t responded yet, I curled up on the floor in obedience, watching the unfolding scene through a single eye – the other covered by my forelegs. Shining Armor stood over me and his horn flashed briefly, and suddenly we were both inside a force field of pure, deep pink magic.

“You’re ‘kinda sorta’ dating my sister?” he demanded with raised eyebrows.

“Well, if the world hadn’t gone to the dogs we would definitely be dating,” I confessed, “but seeing as this is an Equestria which has basically been completely and utterly annihilated, we aren’t officially dating.”

“But you two are still ‘together’ as it were?”

“Uh… yeah… pleasedon’thitme!”

I cowered on the ground, waiting for the elder stallion to rain down hell upon my worthless body.

I certainly didn’t expect him to start laughing.

“It’s about time!” he said. “I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told Twiley she should find herself a special somepony.”

He looked away from me at the shield encasing us. This baffles me somewhat: I thought there was a suppression field which took away the pegasus’ ability to fly and limited unicorn magic? Unless he’s developed his powers far beyond the need for a horn clip, in which case…

I really, really hope I don’t piss him off.

“That shield’s not going to hold for long,” he stated. “Like I said earlier; my powers are somewhat limited because of the suppression field – on any other day I could summon up a shield the size of Canterlot. Maybe even bigger.”

“So what kind of plan have you got up your sleeve?” I asked. “I ask in the hopes that you do in fact have a plan up your sleeve. I mean, we can’t keep fighting forever. Look at them all. There are loads! And look over there, there’s more coming in!”

Shining Armor stroked his chin, clearly deep in thought.

“Downstairs in the armoury,” he said after a moment, “there’re plenty of explosives, right?”

“Yeah, of course!” I exclaimed. “There’re grenades, hopper mines-”

“Then I want you to get as many of them as possible in a small area and see if you can’t fix a timer to them so that we have time to get out,” he instructed. “If we ever want to get out of here alive, we’re gonna have to blow this place sky high. And move fast: I can cover you up here, but not for long!”

Now, more than ever, he is scary.

Not wanting to end up a splat on the floor, I yanked open the trapdoor and set to work piling every explosive device I could find into a big heap in the centre of the room. No, tell a lie, it’ll cause a lot more structural damage if it were up against the wall. Then, using eighteen years of gathered technological knowhow, I cobbled together a basic timing device and wired it all up, setting the timer for 5 minutes so that we’d have long enough to get out, but not too long for the Overwatch to notice our departure.

“Okay,” I said as I emerged, and I was worried to see the elder stallion physically straining to hold the shield up. “I set it for five minutes. Is that enough?”

“More than enough,” said Shining Armor. “You see that lift over there?”

I looked around, and sure enough I saw a lift just behind us, in front of a door which was probably the entrance to some kind of vault. Right on the other side of the Overwatch hammering on the shield and trying to break through.

“Yep,” I answered.

“On three, I’m going to drop this shield and we’re going to run for it,” he told me. “Ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay, one… two… three!”

In one swift movement, he brought down the shield and blasted a path clear through the swarming soldiers, and we ran pretty much undeterred towards the lift, only stopping to breathe once we were inside and on the way up.

“I want to try to lead as many troops as possible into this place,” he told me as we ascended. “That way it’ll have a bigger impact on the Combine than if it was just a few of them on the bottom floor.”

“Quick question,” I said (the timer must have been at about three minutes by now, if not two and a half) “but how are we supposed to get out?”

Shining Armor turned and looked at me with his piercing blue eyes.

“Do you trust me, Hex?” he asked.

“Um, you mean apart from being terrified that if I make the wrong move you’ll smite me?” I asked. “Yeah.”

Against all odds, he started sniggering.

“You really shouldn’t be so afraid of me!” he told me, apparently supposed to be reassuring me. “I’m not exactly the great big hero that everypony thinks I am.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, “All I ever wanted was a quiet life. It’s like the universe hates me or something.”

I don’t know why, but Shining Armor seemed a lot less scary when he was smiling and/or laughing. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that he seemed less like the Scourge of the Combine and a terrible force to be reckoned with and more like just another ordinary pony.

“But seriously,” he said, “do you trust me?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Then you’ll do exactly as I say,” he said, “because what we’re about to do is as crazy as it is dangerous.”

I nodded in agreement. I swear; if Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman aren’t waiting for me at the top of this tower, then I’m going to be severely disappointed and feel very misled.

They weren’t there. It was just more smegging consoles!

This didn’t appear to discourage Shining Armor. He positioned himself in the centre of the room, took careful aim and blasted a massive hole in the wall.

“Stay as close to me as possible!” he commanded.

He then galloped at full speed towards the hole, and I had tremendous difficulty keeping up with him.

Then he jumped.

At same moment, I took a leap of faith and dived out into the open air, and half a second later the tower exploded. In mid-air I curled up into a ball and waited to become the world’s largest Pony Pizza-

-so naturally I was confused to find myself hovering about a hundred feet above the ground.

I looked around, and saw Shining Armor smiling at me.

Apparently these shields act rather like soap bubbles, because both of us are floating in the middle of it.

Shards of metal, chunks of stone and various pieces of Overwatch showered down upon us as we drifted slowly towards the ground. Sometimes it’s not just me that laughs in the face of gravity, it would seem.

“Twilight told me she had a cool brother,” I said to him, “but she never told me you were the smegging Terminator! How in smeg’s name are you not tired?”

“I’ve been developing and strengthening my magical powers for seventeen years,” Shining Armor explained, ignoring the Overwatch mask which was now impaled on his horn. “There once was a time when I would pull a stunt like that almost every day.”

He reached up and pulled the mask off his horn, and it took all my self-control not to flinch as he raised his hoof.

“Why are you so frightened of me?” he asked.

“Look, I’ve heard things, alright?” I replied. “One of my friends told me all about the Blue Demon, the Scourge of the Combine, and how you pretty much destroyed all evidence of occupation wherever you went. So how would you feel if you found out he was your marefriend’s brother?”

He smiled in what I hoped was an understanding way.

“I suppose I’d be rather frightened too,” he said.

I sighed.

“Look, Shining Armor-”

“Just call me Shine.”

“-Shine, I’m worried that if you don’t like me you’re going to tear me to pieces. I’m terrified that I’ll annoy you or make you angry and the fact that you’re being so calm and collective right now definitely isn’t helping!”

There was a horrible silence, and I waited for the end to come.

It didn’t.

He started laughing. It wasn’t a cruel or evil laugh, though: it was the laughter of somepony who was finding something incredibly funny.

“I-I’m sorry,” he choked between chuckles, “but I have to admit: that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You really- you’re honestly that scared of me?”

I gulped.

“Yes,” I confessed. “Yes I am.”

Shining Arm- Shine stopped laughing and smiled in a friendly manner – again. He walked over to me and placed a hoof on my shoulder.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” he told me. “If I really hated you as much as you’re afraid I do, you’d either be seriously injured or dead by now. You seem like an okay guy. It’s only if you break my sister’s heart that you’ll have something to be afraid of.”

“I hate to disappoint you,” I said, “but I don’t think I’m gonna do that. Ever. I love Twilight more than I’ve ever loved anypony else.”

Shine nodded and started to walk back across what remained of the gardens, so I elected to follow in his wake.

“I know exactly how you feel,” he told me. “I was in love once.”

“Really?” I asked. “What was her name?”

“Cadence,” he told me.

Wait a second...

“Cadence as in the grave I saw back there?” I asked. “Princess Mi Amore Caden-”

“Cadenza, that’s the one,” said Shine. “She was my whole world. Everything about her was just… perfect. I was just a guard: I never even thought she’d notice me. Don’t tell Twiley, but… I had just asked her to marry me.”

“Did she say yes?”

He nodded.

“’Til death do us part,” he said, invoking the age old properties of irony. “It seems that death saw fit to part us prematurely.”

He wiped away a tear.

How the smeg do you respond to something like that? It’s not really like I can relate: Twilight’s the first girl I’ve ever truly loved in my whole life, and even though I was suspended for seventeen years I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t think or remember or do anything really so it wasn’t possible for me to miss anypony.

I put a hoof on his shoulder.

“That’s rough, buddy,” was all I managed to say.

Smeg, how awkward can you get?

“It’s not like I didn’t try to protect her,” said Shine. “When she found out about the invasion, Princess Celestia summoned every citizen in Canterlot to the palace to take shelter. It was the oldest structure in the city and by far the toughest. Didn’t seem to be as tough as the Combine though.”

He looked back at the towers of hideous metal.

“Cadence came with me for protection,” he continued. “I told her she should stay at the palace if that was what she wanted, but she told me it was for my protection. She told me I’d need help if I was going to get to my parents before the Combine. We were almost there – we were right outside the door – and she got shot in the lung.”

He averted his face – pointlessly, as it was rather obvious he was crying.

“I had to leave her,” he said. “I had to leave her body in the street like she was just another ordinary pony, but she wasn’t. She was… she was my everything. But still, I covered her up as best I could and tried to get Mom and Dad to safety. I’d only just got them out when Dad was shot. Right between the eyes, so at least he didn’t suffer. So I tried to get Mom away, but we’d barely got halfway down the street when an energy ball hit her on the horn. The dark energy combined with the magic in her body was- it was too much. She died before there was anything I could do.”

A couple more Overwatch troops tried to jump us, but a few quick rounds of gunfire and they were no more. Shine then continued with his story as if nothing had happened.

“It was about then that I realised my shields were useless. The Combine’s dark energy had weakened them and made them about as protective as a wet tissue. I took shelter in the house but I knew I’d have to leave sooner or later. When I looked outside it was like the gates of Tartarus had been thrown open. There were corpses everywhere of ponies who weren’t quite fast enough to get away, acting as stepping stones in the rivers of blood that had once been the streets. I wrote a letter to Twilight and I hid it where I knew she would find it if she ever returned to Canterlot, letting her know that I’d be okay, but just in case I wasn’t, her brother loved her.

“It was a good thing that I didn’t go to the palace because by the time I got there, everypony inside had already been more or less annihilated. Only a few stragglers remained in the rubble and I did my best to find them someplace to hide in the city where the Overwatch wouldn’t find them. Not all of them made it, though. By then I’d lost count of how many ponies I’d failed to protect. I found the Princess’ bodies and I buried them, side by side, where the sculpture garden used to be. They deserved better, but it was the best I could do.”

Wow. I thought I had it rough, but this guy must have nerves of solid titanium to have not gone insane after that. I mean, losing his fiancé, his parents and all his colleagues on the same smegging day? That had to have been some kind of hell!

“After that I tried to escape from Canterlot,” he continued, “but little did I know that there was a group of Commabies hanging around the gates with the express purpose of making sure nopony tried that. I was captured and tortured relentlessly for five whole years, at which point they decided they had done enough to impress the Combine and avoid death. They couldn’t have been more wrong if they tried. The Combine mowed them down and took out all twenty of them in less than a minute. I tried faking death, but they saw right threw my ruse and took me to be converted into a Stalker.

“They almost succeeded too – I was right there on the catwalk, being led into one of the machines which would burn my willpower and self-awareness out of my body entirely – but then everything stopped. The power had been completely cut off. That’s when I realised I didn’t have to do this: I didn’t have to just submit to the Combine and let them walk all over me. It was well within my capacity for me to fight back. So I fought off the soldiers, stole their armour, wrecked the facility and escaped.

“When I got out I had a chance to stop and think. I knew that as soon as they found out who I was, the Combine would come down on me like a tonne of stone, and if they knew where Twiley was they’d probably do the same to her or worse. I decided it would be in my favour to create a façade, a secret identity, something to go by instead of my real name.”

“The Blue Demon,” I stated.

Shine nodded.

“I didn’t mean to become a sensation,” he told me, “but Soarin’ and his family spread the word like wildfire. We didn’t exactly meet under usual circumstances: I was passing through the White Tail Woods (or as it’s known now, Forest 3) and I found a metal shack with smoke pouring out of the open door and a singed one-eyed pegasus coughing on the ground out the front. I would have just continued on my way since he seemed to be alright, but he ran up to me and told me his wife was inside and they had a young colt at home who’d never survive without his mother. So I did what anypony would do: I went in.

“The smoke was so thick I couldn’t see my own hoof in front of my face and the heat from the fires was overwhelming. I didn’t know what had happened down there and I didn’t really want to, because seeing as this was a Commabie outpost it must have been something horrible. It was more like a maze down there than anything else, but eventually I found a cave with a thick metal door with seven locks and the sounds of a mare banging on the other side and screaming. When I took the door off she collapsed into me, overwhelmed by the smoke, and I had to carry her out. She revived once I got her into clearer air, and as I walked away Soarin’ asked me who I was.”

“And you just said ‘the Blue Demon’?” I asked curiously.

“Not just like that,” said Shine. “I had to think about it for a moment. I knew I couldn’t say ‘Shining Armor’ because even after all that time I wasn’t the most obscure of ponies. I went through several names in the few seconds before I responded and Blue Demon seemed like the best. Looking back I wish I’d picked something a little less cheesy, but it kinda stuck, and after that I just wiped out all trace of the Combine wherever I found them.”

“Cheesy?” I asked. “I thought it was pretty cool. It definitely fits you, what with the armour and all, and you couldn’t go around calling yourself… I dunno, Stormageddon, could you? A name like that would scare everypony and the Combine would probably laugh at you.”

“Stormageddon?” said Shine. “Where in Equestria did you come up with a name like that?”

I just shrugged. I honestly have no idea where I picked up that name and I doubt I’ll ever remember.

That was quite a story he just told. I wouldn’t have thought he’d just conjure up the name on the spot, and neither would I have believed he saved Rainbow Dash’s life when as far as I know she’s always been out for herself. I suppose anypony would need help if they were locked in a cave. Underground. In a place which was on fire. Smeg, there’s no kill like overkill, is there?

What I’d like to know is how the smeg that place caught fire anyway. From what Shine’s told me, it was underground! How does an underground place catch fire?

I suppose it’s for the same reason evil villains always include a countdown with their plans. It’s far too hard to just fire the laser and destroy the Earth; they have to leave enough time to the erstwhile hero and his blonde bimbo of a badly characterised love interest to stop the clock with half a second to spare.

If you’re going to do that, why bother in the first place?

Suddenly, there was a distant boom and the ground shook beneath our hooves.

“What the smeg was that?” I swore.

Shine and I ran up to a particularly tall heap of rubble which must have been a café of some sort at one point, and when we looked to the west we saw a massive, huge globe of light expanding on the horizon, the shockwave ruffling our manes as it rushed past.

“What was that?” asked Shine.

“Probably City 17.”

Smeg, even I’m surprised by how matter-of-fact I sounded!

“What do you mean ‘probably City 17’?” Shine demanded. “The last I saw of that place it was doing fine.”

Uh… this could take a while.

I explained everything. I started from when I arrived in City 17 and proceeded through the details of everything from the past seventeen chapters (it’s been that much already? Smeg, I can barely believe it) making sure to stress that the trip through Trottingham was in no way voluntary.

I also explained about how Twilight and I put the Great and Powerful Trixie in her place – several thousand metres below the ground – but more than anything else I explained how the guards at the Citadel had been deliberately trying to blow the reactor core.

“You and Twiley did all that in a few days?” Naturally, he was stunned. “And I thought we were fighters! I’m finding it hard to believe you’re even standing in front of me.”

“To tell you the truth,” I said, “I am too.”

We stood together and watched as the globe of light faded away, revealing the widespread destruction which the Citadel’s self combustion had caused.

“I hope everypony got out safely,” I commented. “They were in the middle of evacuating the city when Twi and I left.”

“Uh, yeah,” said Shine, taking on a sudden air of awkward guilt, “about that... you’re probably wondering why the train derailed.”

Come to think of it, I was. It did seem rather a strange coincidence that the train would only come off the rails as it reached the city, and there was a small explosion before hand...

“Oh smegging hell,” I swore once I figured it out. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

“I knew that the Overwatch would be bringing in a new batch of Stalkers,” he explained. “The three of us had done a considerable amount of damage and they wanted to rebuild everything without getting their hooves dirty.”

“So you blew up the tracks?”

“I planted a bomb with a motion detector under one of the sleepers so that it would go off as the engine passed over. I swear I had no idea you and Twiley were on board or I would have aborted the mission.”

As we watched a thin pillar of electric blue light shot up out of the ground in the centre of the rubble, piercing the clouds and expanding until it resembled the world’s largest thumbtack. The clouds started to swirl and glow and more energy poured out of the earth as the pillar became bent and stringy, like bad knitting.

“That’s the beginnings of a superportal,” I said to Shine. “I’ve seen it before. It’s bad news: if that thing becomes fully developed it’ll be like that Seven Hour War all over again, but this time nopony would last longer than seven minutes.”

“Well,” Shine responded, “if we succeed with what we’re doing in this city, that won’t be much of a- what’s that?”

He shielded his eyes and looked up at the cloud layer above, where a small shape was tumbling out of the sky.

As it drew closer, it became apparent that it was, in fact, a pony.

“You mean who is that?” I said. I turned around and ran back as far as I could without running into a wall.

“What’re you doing?” asked Shine. “You look as if you’ve gone insane.”

“Could you please be quiet?” I asked. “I’m trying to do some math here.”

Okay, let’s see; take into account the distance between the clouds and the ground, average rate of acceleration, not to mention the length of the area I have to run, the speed at which I run and the mass of the falling pony, allow for wind resistance and gravity’s influence...

I should start running... now.

I galloped as fast as I could towards the edge of the building, ignoring Shine’s confused objections, and jumped into the air. I sailed through the sky like a superhero (without the gay cape) and caught the falling pony before slamming into a building on the other side of the road and hanging onto a window ledge with him over my shoulder.

“You alright?” I asked the other guy. He was panting like he’d just run a quadruple marathon.

“Do I... sound... alright...?” he demanded.

Hang on- what?

“Lightning Strike?”

“The... very... same...!” Lightning responded.

I let go of him and levitated his body down to the road before doing the same for myself – he wasn’t wearing his armour anymore, so it was a lot easier since he was more lightweight. I was just helping him stand up when Shine came running out.

“Are you both okay?” he asked. “That was quite a fall.”

“You’re... telling... me...!” said Lightning. “Who... are you... any... way...?”

“Well,” said Shine, “my real name is Shining Armor, but chances are you’re more familiar with the Blue Demon.”

The expression on Lightning Strike’s face the moment Shine said those words was a mixture of epic and priceless – epicriceless. He ceased panting and stared at the tall white stallion for several seconds before his eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted.

“He’s a big fan,” I said by way of an explanation.

“I can tell,” said Shine, looking down at the unconscious colt. “Who is he? How did he get here?”

“Well,” I said, “I’m assuming that Soarin’ and Dash told you about their son, Lightning Strike. This is him.”

I levitated him onto my back.

“He’s younger than I expected,” Shine commented.

“He was born a month before the invasion,” I explained.

I wish I could have been a part of his life while he was growing up. I’m only just beginning to realise how much I missed during my absence. I wonder what it would have been like if Twilight and I had a foal.

“We should get him to the safehouse too,” said Shine. “He obviously needs medical attention.”

He looked up at the overcast sky.

“How did he even get up there?” he wondered.

“We’ll ask him that when we get to the safehouse,” I said, and I started walking away, but something stopped me.

“Where exactly is the safehouse?” I asked.

“Follow me,” said Shine, and led the way. “We made an agreement that if we had to leave Canterlot Tower we’d set up shop in the old Guard’s quarters. It’s a sturdy structure and we cleared it out for the purpose of shelter.”

“By cleared out you mean-”

“Eradicated all trace of the Combine, Overwatch or otherwise.”

And so we ran on through the streets of Canterlot. Here and there we encountered a Combine soldier who hadn’t quite got the message yet and ended his days facing a bullet coming at him at several thousand miles per hour. I tried my best, but it was difficult to focus when I was carrying an unconscious teenager on my back. Especially since that teenager was physically only a year younger than me.

“You look as if you’re having some trouble,” said Shine after a few minutes of fighting. “Do you want me to carry him?”

“Good idea,” I said, and I levitated the pegasus onto the elder unicorn’s back. Lightning twitched, but didn’t awaken.

“He must really be exhausted if he’s sleeping through all this,” said Shine.

“Let’s worry about that later,” I said, “because we have to keep him safe: he’s the only one of us with no armour and I doubt his parents will be very happy if he ends up dead.”

Shine’s horn glowed for a brief moment, and the pegasus was suddenly encased in a form-fitting deep pink force field.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” I asked.

I found myself relying more on my ever-growing magical prowess than the assorted weaponry which I had grabbed from the armoury before the tower was blown up. It was easier to just wham a soldier to death with a solid burst of telekinesis than getting a gun out, lining up the sights, pulling the trigger and reloading once I had used up all the ammo.

Shine was also using this to his advantage. He still found the energy to keep Lightning shielded whilst cutting through the Combine like a light sabre through an amateur Jedi’s wrist. It really is incredible how powerful he is, or rather how powerful he’s become, since I never got a chance to see how powerful he was before the invasion. I guess extra powerful magic runs in the family – either that or Twi and Shine really are two of a kind.

We stopped in our tracks when a shot rang out and killed the last soldier, but neither of us had fired.

“Hey!”

Rainbow Dash was standing, waving, on the roof of a nearby (and rather heavily fortified) cuboid-shaped building.

“Been wondering when you guys would show up!” she yelled. “What took you so long?”

“We encountered a few obstacles!” Shine shouted back.

“Plus we were joined by somepony else!” I bellowed.

“What?” yelled Dash. “Who?”

“It would be best if we brought him in!” Shine replied.

“Are you crazy?!” asked Dash. “You can’t just grab anypony you meet on the street and bring them in! We got lucky since it was Hex today, but we can’t keep risking-”

“Believe us when we say,” I interjected, “you can DEFINITELY trust this guy.”

Dash looked thoughtful for a few seconds.

“If we die, I’ll kill you!” she told me, and disappeared back inside. Even from this distance I heard the door slam.

“Is she always like that?” I asked Shine.

“You have no idea,” he replied.

We didn’t encounter any more soldiers for the rest of the journey and found the safehouse with no problems at all.

But there was a bit of an issue when we entered. See, Soarin’ was waiting for us just inside the door.

“Why did you guys take so long getting here?” he asked. “It couldn’t have been too hard to blow up the-”

He froze when he saw Lightning.

“Shining Armor, is it?” he said to Shine.

“Yes,” said the unicorn.

“I am going to ask you a question,” said Soarin’ in a voice which was drowning in the most tranquil of fury, “and I want you to bear in mind that the answer to the question I am about to ask you may or may not determine whether or not you live to see another sunrise. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

Shine nodded as he grew increasingly nervous.

“What,” said Soarin’. “Is my son. Doing. Unconscious. On your back?”

Oh smeg. How’re you going to get out of this one, Shine? Don’t tell me I’m going to have to come to your rescue after you’ve been doing so well so far!

“Um… well… see…”

Shame on you!

“We met him on our way through the city,” I explained while Shine mouthed a silent thank you. “He literally fell out of the sky and I had to catch him so that he didn’t become a pavement pizza. He was unhurt if a little out of breath and he fainted when he found out that this guy is the Blue Demon.”

Soarin’ didn’t say anything in response, but he seemed to accept my reasoning as legit. With care that only a worried father could possess, he pulled Lightning from Shine’s back and sat on the floor, tenderly cradling the sleeping colt in his forelegs. It would have looked rather sweet if Soarin’ hadn’t had the physical appearance of somepony only a few years older.

“Lightning?” he said quietly. “Lightning, wake up.”

Lightning’s muzzle twitched.

“C’mon, kid,” said his father, “it’s not hard to do. Wake up for your dad, how ‘bout that?”

Slowly, as if each eyelid weighed two tonnes, the colt opened his rose coloured eyes.

“Dad, is that you?” he asked.

“Yes!” Soarin’ cried joyfully, choking his son in a very tight hug. “Yes, it’s me! Lightning, I’m so glad you’re okay! Don’t you EVER scare me like that again, you hear? Never again!”

“Don’t worry, Dad,” Lightning choked, “I’m not gonna be doing what I did again anytime soon.”

“Yeah,” I said, “would you mind telling us exactly what that was?”

“Well, I-”

“Lightning Strike?”

All heads turned to the staircase across the room from the entrance, where Twilight and Dash were observing the scene. I’ll never forget the wonderful way their faces lit up when they saw us all there.

Lightning smiled.

“Hi, Mom,” he said weakly.

“LIGHTNING!”

Everypony leapt back as Rainbow Dash zoomed forwards at neo-Rainboom speed and swept her son into a tight embrace before leaning back and glaring at him with the mixed expression of anger, fear and relief that only a mother could possess.

“Are you okay?” she jabbered. “Are you hurt? What are you doing in Canterlot? How did you even get here? Did the Combine do anything to you while we were gone? Why aren’t you wearing any armour?”

“I had to dump the armour because it was too heavy,” Lightning explained. “Once I heard the reactor core had been contained I went back to the Citadel, convinced Spike to chuck me in and climbed all the way up to the top. After that it was just a matter of jumping onto the lowest cloud and getting here. I ran all the way here from City 17 on clouds!”

There was a pause as this slightly brief explanation sank in.

“Lightning,” I said, “you’re barmy.”

“Maybe so, but I’m alive, aren’t I?” asked Lightning.

While Soarin’ and Dash fawned over their son, Twilight came up to me and Shine and pulled us both into a hug.

“It’s so good to see you’re both okay,” she said. “You didn’t fight, did you?”

“Of course not,” said Shine. “We got along like a house on fire.”

“You mean one of us is going to either completely destroy the other or at least cause devastating damage?” I asked. “No thanks, I’d rather we were just fighting.”

“Huh?” Twilight was adorably confused. “Hex, are you… scared of Shining Armor?”

“How could I not be?” I responded. “Twilight, I don’t know if you noticed, but-” I leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “-your brother is the Blue Demon!”

Shine sighed.

“Perhaps it would be best if I showed you both what we’re working for?” he asked.

“Good idea.”

He led the way up several flights of stairs to the roof, or more appropriately, to the top floor. The roof and one wall had been blasted away, giving a spectacular view of the city under the setting sun (sun setting already? I think the cycle of day and night has been thrown out of whack) and a telescope had been set up on a tripod on the edge.

I took the first look.

“What exactly am I looking for?” I asked, wiping the eyepiece first in case there was ink on it – Dash looked a little disappointed.

“Just find the sculpture garden and look towards the castle,” said Soarin’. “You’ll know it when you see it.”

It didn’t take me long to find the remains of the sculpture garden. I located the pedestal – now grave – of Discord and the burial plot of the three princesses before turning towards the castle-

-and I saw it. The metal-plated building was shaped a little like bottle: the squat kind of bottle, usually made of vibrantly coloured glass, which every stereotypical witch/wizard/potion maker/whatever has on a shelf, and almost certainly contains some kind of poison or the kind of potion which makes you float up into the air and your ears turn into figgins.

What is a figgin, anyway?

“You find it?” asked Dash.

“I think so,” I said. “The place shaped a bit like a potion bottle?”

“That’s the one,” said Shine, and I stepped away so that Twilight could have a look. “It’s the-”

“The Canterlot Archives!” cried Twilight. “Where some of the most valuable documents and powerful spells in the world are safely stored. The most secure centre of information in all of Equestria. I can’t believe it’s still standing after all this time!”

She let Lightning Strike have a look.

“It’s a bit ugly,” he commented.

“We’ve been trying to get to that place for months,” said Shine. “We think there may be something in there that can end the Combine’s occupation for good.”

“Really?” asked Twilight enthusiastically. “What?”

Rather than answering himself, Shine stood aside and let a pegasus take the stand.

“I never did explain what convinced me to grow a pair and go back to Rainbow, did I?” asked Soarin’.

Twilight and I shook our heads.

“I’d just had a particularly crap run in a derby,” he explained, “and I was heading home when I was mugged. It was no big deal, I think I scared the guy straight, but when I turned to leave there was this flash of light in the alley, and this really strong wind coming from everywhere. And then get this: I came out. Another version of me! And he told me that Rainbow needed me and that I had to go back to her.”

“So?” I asked. “It could have just been an alternative version of you. You’d be surprised how many-”

“You don’t think I considered that?” asked Soarin’ in an alarmingly hostile voice. “I would have believed it if the other me hadn’t quite plainly said he was from the future! And guess what? He looked just like me!”

“Well, duh,” said Lightning sarcastically. “Did you expect to look like a slice of Swiss cheese?”

“Hey, watch it, kid!” Soarin’ pointed a warning hoof at his son.

“He means he looked as he does right now,” Dash explained. “Right down to the bullets in his vest.”

“And this got me thinking,” Soarin’ continued, “how could this even be possible? How could I travel through time and talk to myself? There had to have been magic involved, and they wouldn’t just let anypony use such powerful magic-”

“-so you figured the most powerful magic would be kept in the most secure location and decided to come here!” I finished for him. “No wonder the Doctor was smegged off.”

“There’s just one problem,” said Soarin’, and he stood right on the edge. “Like I just said, the Archives are the most secure storage facility in Equestria, and we need to break in…”

“…but I have no idea how the buck we’re going to do it!”

Episode 1 Chapter 5 - Exit 17

Day turned into night, and the sky was lit up by about a thousand metaphorical diamonds which sparkled in the deep purple sky. I say about because nopony could manually count every star visible and I didn’t have my star maps with me, so instead I just lay back and admired their beauty.

The trouble is that once you’ve actually been out there and seen what’s beyond those stars, you can never just look at them anymore.

Especially if you’re me. I found myself trying to identify the different colours of stars – so far I had found twelve blue, five orange, ten white, eight red and fifteen yellow – and trying to pick out other phenomena as well.

But I hadn’t found anything. It was just stars.

Still, Luna probably wouldn’t want to make her sky too complicated, and stars can be beautiful all on their own. You can try to pick out pictures in them. So far I’ve found innumerable triangles and squares, plus a potato.

I know, right?

Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, if you’ve been out there like I have, you start wondering how many of those stars act as suns to the planets that may be orbiting them. And how many of those planets have life on them. You start searching for their spacecrafts and your imagination gets carried away to the point where the slightest blink of light could be a UFO.

“Hey, Hex.”

I looked around at the sound of the boyish yet feminine voice and saw Rainbow Dash standing in the doorway.

“I forgot to tell you,” she said, walking over and lying on the cold stone next to me, “it’s really good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too,” I replied. “I was wondering how you were while I was in City 17. It’s good to see you’re okay.”

“You shouldn’t have worried,” Dash said, sounding a lot more like her old smug self, “Somepony as awesome as me was bound to be okay! Besides, I… I kinda had help fighting.”

“I noticed,” I said. “You and Soarin’ seem closer than ever. I guess war isn’t as bad as-”

“As what?”

Her tone suggested that I might be digging myself into a hole, so I decided to climb out by saying “Nothing.”

We stared up at the sky together. The moon hung overhead like a great white ghost.

I once heard about a guy who called the police saying that there was an unidentified flying object over his house, that it was hovering rather low and was very, very bright.

It was the moon.

“Hex?”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

I looked over at her.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “A lot’s happened in my life, so do you think you could be a little more specific?”

“What happened to you?” she asked. “Way back in the beginning. You just… vanished. Like you’d never even existed in the first place. You should have seen Twilight, she was really upset! She stayed in her room for days after you’d gone!”

I explained to her about the G-Colt taking me and putting me in stasis, and then everything that had happened after I was returned and put in City 17. I swear she was the best audience I’ve had in a long time. She actually cheered when I told her about taking down Trixie!

“…and then we got to this place, and then it was now, and I have no idea what’s going to happen next so I’m going to finish,” I finished.

“That was AWESOME!” Dash cried joyfully. “I can’t believe you actually killed Trixie, I’ve wanted to do that for years but you actually did it! And you saved Twilight and the Doctor and you probably saved the entire population of City 17 by delaying the reactor meltdown. Do you have any idea how cool that is?”

“Very cool,” I said in agreement. “I’m well aware of that.”

“It sure will be a cool story to tell your kids someday.”

Uh…

“What?”

“Oh, come on!” said Dash, nudging me with her hoof. “You two would make awesome parents. You’d probably have the smartest foals in the history of Equestria – no bad guys would be safe!”

“Rainbow Dash, this isn’t exactly a world safe for bringing up foals,” I stated. “I wouldn’t want to have my kids growing up only knowing a world where they have to fight just for the right to breathe. I’m amazed that Lightning Strike turned out so normal.”

It was at this that she seemed to calm down considerably. I had expected her to leap up in rage since what I said could be interpreted as me questioning her parenting skills.

“Well, we did our best,” she told me. “Soarin’ and I kept him out of combat for as long as possible. We wanted to give him a normal life, away from all the fighting and bloodshed. He deserved so much better than to grow up surrounded by soldiers and guns. It wasn’t easy-”

“-but you seem to have managed it,” I finished for her.

“I guess,” she said. “He didn’t get interested in the war until he was thirteen and we decided it was time to teach him some self-defence. He caught on pretty quickly, but he was always better at keeping others safe rather than himself. I think if the Combine hadn’t invaded, he would have been a brilliant cop. He’s even got the cutie mark to match.”

“I was going to say,” I said, “it is one smegging cool cutie mark.”

She smiled, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“What about you?” I asked. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay,” said Dash. “Apart from, you know, fighting and stuff. You probably heard I got captured by Commabies when Lightning was five. It was hell, but you know: what doesn’t kill you, huh? Though I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I lived to see you again.”

She pulled me into another hug.

“I really am glad to see you,” she said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything to help.”

“Don’t be,” I said. “You already had enough on your plate, what with being a mother and all.”

I couldn’t see, but I could tell she was smiling.

“Hey Mom! Hex!”

We broke apart and looked to the doorway to see the aforementioned teenager, now wearing Overwatch armour with no mask, standing in the doorway.

“You might want to come in,” he said. “We’ve started discussing our plan of attack.”

The two of us obediently stood up and followed him downstairs to the second floor where Shine, Soarin’ and Twilight were lying in front of a roaring fireplace with several maps and blueprints spread on the ground before them, apparently in the middle of a discussion. Lightning laid himself on the floorboards between his parents and I settled down next to Twilight, who nuzzled me affectionately on the cheek.

“Okay,” said Shine, “so far we’ve determined that the Archives are pretty heavily guarded. There are four shifts of guards which patrol for six hours each day and take around fifteen seconds to change.”

“Fifteen seconds?” I said. “That’s pretty quick even by Combine standards.”

“Yeah, but that’s our only window of opportunity,” Soarin’ pointed out. “The entire building is coated in steel plating except for the main entrance. It’s the only way in, and it only opens to allow the outside guard to change. We’ll have to use that time to get in.”

“You do know this plan is incredibly dangerous?” said Twilight. “A fifteen second window of opportunity isn’t really very much time to get six ponies inside that building. And where are the time spells kept?”

“Unless they were moved, they’re in the Star Swirl the Beared wing,” Shine explained. “I think the Combine know better than to touch such magically powerful artefacts, so unless the entire section was walled off we won’t have much trouble.”

“Say it is walled off,” Dash suggested, “and there’s no way to get inside. What do we do then, just turn around and try again tomorrow?”

“No,” said Shine. “We have to find a way to get in there. We’ve been fighting for too long for this to just be stopped by a brick wall or some poxy sheet of steel. Hell, if we pull this off, the Combine might never have been here in the first place!”

“Huh?” I said. “What’re you talking about?”

Twilight pushed aside several sheets of paper and uncovered a small diagram with a couple of lines. If you’ve seen Back to the Future part II you’ll know what I’m talking about: a horizontal line with a cross on each end and another near the middle with a second line skewing off from it.

“This,” she said, indicating the first cross, “is when you started building your GLaDOS. This,” she pointed at the one on the end, “is the present, and this central point is when the Combine invaded. If we can somehow prevent you from activating that machine then everything taking place now will never have happened. The timeline will skew off into an alternate tangent with a peaceful Equestria, not inhabited by alien invaders, and a considerable number of innocent ponies still alive.”

She looked around the group.

“I think we’re all in agreement in saying this would be a huge benefit,” she added.

“You said it,” said Soarin’. “The next change of guard is in one and a half hours. If we leave as soon as possible we’ll make it there in time to attack and get into the building, after which it shouldn’t be too hard to find the Star Swirl the Bearded Wing.”

He bowed his head.

“There’s nothing I want more than for things to go back to the way they were before,” he said. “When Spitfire was alive.”

“Who’s Spitfire?” I whispered to Twilight.

“His best friend before the invasion,” she replied.

Shine stood up and the rest of us followed suit. He led the way out of the guard quarters and onto the street. Soarin’, however, turned away and started walking in a different direction.

“Where’s Dad going?” asked Lightning.

“I’ll check,” I said, and I ran after the pegasus.

I found him a couple of streets away, standing in the middle of the road looking more solemn than I had ever seen him. He walked over to a wild passionfruit plant which was growing up the side of a nearby building, pulled off one of the brightly coloured flowers and laid it on the ground next to a skeleton.

I guess it would take too long to find a peace lily.

He looked around and noticed me, but didn’t seem to mind that I was there: on the contrary, he seemed to take comfort in the fact that I was with him. He didn’t respond when I walked over to him and remained silent even when I was standing right next to him.

I looked down at the skeleton. It was wearing the rotted remains of what appeared to be a Wonderbolt uniform and judging by the shape of the skull, it was a mare. Several scraps of orange mane hung off her scalp and flank, there were several bullets sitting in her ribcage that were visible through the decomposing fabric and as I watched, Soarin’ bent down and kissed her bony muzzle.

“You alright?” I asked him.

“I never was good at getting over things,” Soarin’ sighed with a faint smile. “I mean, my dad died when I was nine, my mom when I was eighteen and it was the reason I left Rainbow Dash when I was going on twenty, ‘coz I thought if I loved her to much something horrible would happen to her. Look how that turned out.”

He laid down on the floor, still gazing longingly at the bones.

“Spitfire was the best friend I ever had,” he said. “She was always there for me when nopony else was. Like, I went through a pretty bad phase after I lost my mom – I spent almost all night, every night, drinking hard cider in a bar – and this stuff was hard, like, sixty or seventy per cent proof. I’d always pass out ‘coz I was so plastered and I’d always wake up in her house. She’d ask around to find out where I was and take me to her place to keep an eye on me. I never realised how much she really meant to me until…”

He trailed off, sniffed and wiped his muzzle on his foreleg.

“Rainbow Dash had taken Lightning outside to get some fresh air,” he explained. “There was an Overwatch patrol and she had to run right into the city to escape, but the Combine cornered her in an alley. Spitfire and I went to search for her and, well… there was a soldier hiding in a doorway and I didn’t notice it until it had mowed her down. She died in my hooves and there was absolutely nothing I could do.”

His voice was cracking. He was obviously on the verge of tears. I put one of my hooves on his shoulder and against all probability he pulled me into a very tight hug. I patted Soarin’ on the back as he sobbed wretchedly into my shoulder.

It was quite a while before he picked up the courage to speak again.

“You must think I’m an absolute idiot,” he wept. “Still hung up on a friend who died seventeen years ago. Any normal pony would’ve got over it by now, right? I’m such a wuss.”

“No you’re not,” I said. “It’s perfectly normal to grieve. I’d actually think you were an idiot if you didn’t. Besides, you should know by now that if we succeed tonight, she’ll never have died in the first place.”

“I know that,” said Soarin’, “but I just- I miss her okay? I miss her… so, so much!”

He buried his muzzle in my shoulder and wept shamelessly.

“I get how you feel,” I told him. “I lost my little brother when I was ten. The only difference is that there was plenty I could have done about it and I’ve had to live with that guilt ever since.”

He pulled away and looked at me, understanding entering his face for the first time, and wiped his face again.

“Come on,” I said as I got to my hooves, “the others will be wondering where we are.”

I helped him stand and we once again galloped full pelt through the city of Canterlot in order to catch up with the rest of our little group.

They had moved quite a distance in the time Soarin’ had spent visiting Spitfire’s remains, and thanks to years of urban decay and Combine defence building the streets of Canterlot had become something of a maze. I’m wondering if we’ll ever find the others again-

“Hex! Soarin’! Over here!”

At Dash’s call we ran into an alleyway after her.

“What took you guys so long?” she asked. “We were beginning to wonder if you were even still alive.”

“Sorry about that,” said Soarin’. “I was just visiting a friend.”

His wife gave him an understanding smile and a small kiss on the lips before leading us to where Shine, Twilight and Lightning were waiting. They were confused or even worried at first, and Lightning was the first to speak.

“Are you okay, Dad?” he asked, obviously knowing what his father had been doing.

“I will be,” said Soarin’, “I will be, kid.”

“Then let’s move,” said Twilight. “We don’t have much time left.”

Our journey through the former capital city of Equestria was by far one of the quietest city-based excursions I’d ever been on before. Twilight walked next to her BBBFF, both detailing their separate tales of their over-extended period of severance. Soarin’ and Dash strode side-by-side, occasionally exchanging cheeky glances and I found myself once again with Lightning.

“Twilight and Shining Armor seem pretty happy,” he commented.

“Well, can you blame them?” I asked. “Each has spent the best part of nearly twenty years believing each other done for. Shine probably believed Twi was dead, even though he was searching for her for a majority of the time, and Twilight had pretty much given up hope. I’m not surprised they’re glad see each other again, but I think that’s a bit of an understatement.”

“You could say that again,” said Lightning. “They didn’t part for the whole time you and Dad were back there. Just one question: why couldn’t you have told me that he wasn’t just the Blue Demon, but also Twilight’s brother?”

“You fainted when you found out he was the Blue Demon,” I pointed out. “I had no idea how you’d react to discovering he was an extremely close relative of a mare you’d grown up with.”

“That’s a pretty good point,” said Lightning.

We walked in silence for a few moments – not because it was an awkward moment or anything, but because neither of us could think of anything to talk about. But there was definitely something on my mind…

“Lightning?”

“Yeah?”

“I… I’m really sorry I could be around while you were growing up. I know it wasn’t my fault and all – well, it probably was – but I really would have liked to get to know you sooner.”

“That’s okay,” said Lightning with a smile. “And besides; at the end of this you’ll have the chance to do it over. Not to mention… you know.”

“Huh?” I was genuinely confused. “What’re you talking about?”

“You know,” said Lightning with a sleazy voice and a nudge in my chest. “If all goes well I might not be the only new kid in Ponyville anymore. Especially considering you and Twilight being together now-”

“Oh, come on!” I said. “Is that the only thing anypony’s talking about anymore? What Twilight and I do with our love life is not exactly the sort of thing I’d like to become the main subject of Equestrian gossip! So if you don’t mind, I’d like you to keep your muzzle out of our relationship.”

“Okay, okay!” said Lightning. “Sheesh, I’m sorry, okay?”

“Fair enough,” I replied, and after a while I added, “I like your cutie mark.”

Lightning looked back at the blood coloured peace symbol over two crossed swords which was emblazoned on his flank.

“I like yours,” he said.

I looked back at my flank and saw my cutie mark – a large white-edged-with-blue lightning bolt flanked (no pun intended) by two smaller ones – and I have to admit I agree with him.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Now listen, all of you,” said Shine. “As we move closer to the Archives, we’re going to encounter unreality bubbles.”

“What’re unreality bubbles?” asked Dash.

“They’re areas where spell traps have been set to dissuade and disorient wayward wanderers,” Twilight explained. “We can disable them, but they’re impossible to detect and they could be anywhere-”

FLASH. And I’m blind.

“-so we’re going to have to be on our guard.”

Wai-WHAT?!

That did NOT sound like Twilight! That- That sounded like a colt!

“What the hay?” said the masculine voice. “What’s happened to my voice? What’s going on?”

My eyesight slowly returned, and I immediately wished it had gone again.

Twilight had… changed. Her eyelashes had shortened to the point where they were barely visible, her muzzle had extended and her face shape was generally more squared-off and angular, her body structure had expanded and become more muscular, along with her now short and choppy multicolour mane.

Twilight Sparkle was a stallion. And I have to admit: he’s not exactly bad to look at.

I looked around and it was the same story everywhere. Rainbow Dash had also grown in size, and her mane had become considerably shorter and spikier. Her tail had become a sort of thunderbolt shape and for some strangely awesome reason her eyebrows were shaped like lightning.

“What the buck?” she exclaimed in a rough voice which was very easy on the ears. “What the hell’s going on?”

“I’m guessing this is one of the unreality bubbles you were talking about,” said Soarin’. His form had become a lot smaller, and his artificial eye looked a little odd on such a round head. He made quite a pretty mare, I’ll admit.

Why am I finding male Twilight and male Dash so attractive? Unless…

I turned to a nearby boarded up window and yanked the planks away from the flimsy wooden frame before examining my reflection in the dulled glass.

I’m a MARE.

“Holy smeg!” I cried. “What the- is that my voice? *cough* is that MY voice? Smegging hell, I sound like a talent show host!”

“Be happy,” said a young mare I only just recognised as Lightning Strike. “At least you don’t look like some back-end supermodel.” His mane, rather than being short and combed over her face like it had when he was a colt, it was now draped carelessly over his face as though he was a cheap Fluttershy knockoff made by lazy mold makers.

“Holy buck,” shouted Dash upon seeing the female Soarin’, “you look so adorable!”

“Will you shut- wow,” said Soarin’, cutting himself off in mid-sentence. “Dashie, has anypony told you that you look absolutely smokin’ as a colt? And I’m not saying that just because I’m a mare: you are genuinely sexy right now.”

“Well,” said male Dash, moving closer to his lover, “maybe if this lasts, you and I could have a little fun experimenting together.”

“Uh, you guys don’t mind?” asked Lightning, quite obviously squicked.

While Shine tried to figure out the right kind of shield needed to protect us from this particular unreality bubble, Twilight approached me with her- his face glowing cherry red.

“I, uh,” he said, “I guess if this lasts our relationship could get rather interesting. You-you actually make a really pretty mare.”

“And you make a smegging handsome stallion,” I responded.

“Alright,” said Shine, “I think I’ve got this figured out. Twilight, could you come over here and give me some help?”

“Sure thing,” said Twilight, “BSBFF.”

“Ha! I get it!” cried Dash as the two unicorns approached each other.

Their horns touched and half a second later everything was back to normal.

“Huh,” said Dash, feeling her mane to check that it was in order, “I won’t say I liked being a stallion, but I won’t say I didn’t like it either. It was interesting; I’ll just say that and leave it.”

“That spell will shield us from the bubble, but it could break at any moment,” said Twilight. “Due to deterioration the spells around the Archives have become very unstable and potentially dangerous. We’ll have to stick close from now on.”

We bunched together and walked through the city in a much tighter knit group.

“This makes me feel a little uncomfortable,” said Lightning.

“If it’ll keep you save, then you’d better get used to it,” said Dash. “I’m not letting my son die on my watch.”

“Your mother has a point, Lightning,” said Soarin’. “It’s better to risk having somepony tread on your heels-”

FLASH. Again I was suddenly blinded.

“-so get used to- What the- WHAT?!”

If that was still Soarin’ I would have thought he had turned into a mare again if it weren’t for the apparent roughness of his voice.

When my eyesight returned I found myself surrounded by foals. It seemed that this bubble had regressed our ages back to when we were still children. Even Shine’s turned into a little colt!

“What the hay?” said filly Dash. “Why did we all shrink?”

“It’s another unreality bubble!” exclaimed colt Shine.

“I think we kinda figured that out!” said colt Lightning.

What- what kind of spell is this? This is ridiculous! I must be about five years old now! Is this how foals always feel?

Plus, I-I gotta pee.

NO! Now I’m thinking like a foal!

“Shiny!” whined filly Twilight. “We have to find a way to fix this! All the spells are disappearing from my head and I wanna lollipop!”

“O-okay!” said Shine while Lightning curled up with his parents and started crying about puppies. “We have to figure this out! Everypony, think adult thoughts and try to hold on to your previous personalities!”

Okay then, uh… quantum physics, circuitry, artificial intelligence; these are all things you know as an eighteen-year-old, not a five-year-old! Hold on to them, for smeg’s sake! Although I must say that the prospect of a new toy fire truck is sounding increasingly tantalising… NO!

“Oh no!” cried Twilight. “Hex, we need you!”

While trying to recall the first time I fired a gun, I walked over to where Shine and Twilight were looking extremely worried.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, and was astounded at how high my voice was again. “I’m trying to remember my first fire fight!”

“Because we’ve been regressed to foals, we don’t have enough power to cast the shield spell!” Shine exclaimed. “We’re gonna need you to join in!”

The three of us touched our horns together, and in another flash I felt as though my heart, my brain, most of my digestive system and a grand majority of my pancreas had been yanked out through my forehead. I felt my body thrown back and I hit the ground with a thud.

“Did it work?” I asked. My voice does sound lower…

“I… I think so,” said Twilight in a wavering voice. She looked over her freshly regrown body. “I really hope that doesn’t happen again. I think the best thing to do would be to just run. Gallop through the bubbles as quickly as possible and try ignore the things they do to us, because Shine and I can’t keep casting these spells forever.”

She helped her brother stand up and he rubbed his head, eyes rolling in different directions as he tried to regain his wits. He shook his head, blue mane flying everywhere, and seemed to return to normal.

“That sounds like a good plan except for one thing,” said Lightning. “What if they turn us into things which can’t run?”

“Yeah, what if they turn us into fish or something?” asked Dash.

“I think it’s decent,” said Soarin’, “but we should all just try to keep our heads-”

FLASH.

This time we had all switched heads.

“Very funny.”

Do you have any idea how disturbing it was to see Twilight’s head speaking with Soarin’s voice? So! Smegging! CREEPY!

“You heard the pony!” cried Shine’s head in Twilight’s voice. “RUN!”

And so it was that six ponies galloped at the speed of the gods through the streets of Canterlot in the direction of the most powerful spells in Equestria while constantly changing shape and trying to retain sanity.

It was the most terrifying dash I had ever executed in my whole life. Have you ever tried running while your body is unsure what it’s meant to be? The head switching thing was pretty quickly resolved, but after that things just got weirder and weirder and weirder. I found myself wondering if I could ever emerge from this with my sanity, or even with my own body.

I felt a little like one of those cardboard books I had as a child. You know, the ones where the pages are cut into pieces and have people of varying jobs on each page so that you can have a fireman’s head on a doctor’s body with a policeman’s legs and teacher’s feet? That’s how I felt at that moment, and right now my inner child was feeling very creative. I think I even had a complex arrangement of tentacles instead of legs at one point and it was absolutely smegging terrifying! And then another time I just turned into a wisp of smoke!

“Everypony stop, we’re here!”

Shine stopped galloping so suddenly that I ran into the back of him, and then Twilight ran into the back of me, Dash hit her, Soarin’ collided with Dash and Lightning got stuck on the end.

“Is everything okay back there?” asked Shine. “Everypony… complete?”

Lightning’s mane resolidified and flopped onto his face.

“No, yeah, we’re cool,” he said sarcastically.

We detached ourselves from each other and looked up ahead at-

-a brick wall.

“This is a brick wall,” I stated bluntly.

As I watched, Shine levitated his little sister up into the air until she was on top of the wall, at which point she jumped down and called “It’s clear!”

One by one the tall white stallion levitated us over the tall blockade of bricks. I’ve never felt another pony’s telekinesis before and Shine’s tickled rather pleasantly. Not in a perverted way, so get your mind out of the gutter. When we were all on the other side he levitated himself over and we continued on our way.

And we didn’t have far to go, because the Archives were visible right at the end of the alley, as well as the two soldiers standing outside on either side of the entrance.

“Wow,” said Twilight, “this place has really changed since I last saw it.”

“I guessed,” I told her. “It couldn’t have been this ugly before the invasion. Smeg, it’s even worse up close.”

“Shh!” Shine whispered, and turned to the huge building. “Okay, the door should be opening in three… two…”

The double doors slowly creaked open and the two soldiers walked inside.

“GO!”

As the new guards left the building the first thing they saw was six very angry ponies charging towards them, and they quickly met their doom at the end of a magic beam courtesy of Twilight. Once inside we mowed down the soldiers in the corridor and slammed the doors closed.

“Let’s move quickly!” shouted Soarin’. “Somepony will have heard that!”

Sure enough, the corridor was flooded with soldiers at both ends and we set to work exterminating them. This time Twilight led the way, shooting beams of magic in all directions to make a clear path, and kept running until she was a couple of floors up.

“Okay!” she shouted. “If my calculations are correct the Star Swirl the Bearded wing should be right here!”

We all looked at the opening in the wall.

“Is that it?” asked Lightning, clearly unimpressed.

“I guess so,” said Shine with a shrug.

“But it’s just metal bars!” the colt pointed out. “That’s literally all it is! Iron bars with a lock!”

“Yes, but look at all those priceless magic scrolls,” said Twilight, staring hungrily at the rolls of paper on the shelves inside.

“There are more in there than I could ever have imagined!”

“Twilight!” shouted Dash. “The guards!”

Without hesitation, Shine zapped the iron lock and it melted away into nothing, allowing the door to swing open. We all ran inside and he covered the open doorway with another deep pink shield.

“Find a time spell, quickly!” he commanded. “That shield’s not going to hold for long!”

While he sustained the force field which was all that stood between us and death, the rest of us started sorting through the scrolls in desperate search of a time travel spell.

Sheet after elderly sheet of parchment piled up in the ‘checked’ heap underneath a massive hourglass as we hunted madly for the one which would set right what went wrong all those years ago.

“What about this one?” said Soarin’. “It says you can go back once and it only lasts for a few seconds.”

Twilight snatched the scroll away from him and quickly scanned through the writing.

“It’s worth a shot,” she said. “However, I think it would be best if we looked for something a little more effective than a one-shot. A few seconds isn’t nearly-”

“No, Twilight,” said Soarin’. “Don’t you get it? This is how I passed that message on to my past self about going back to Rainbow! One of you cast this spell on me and sent me back!”

I exchanged a glance with Twilight.

“Definitely worth a shot,” I concluded.

“What’s going on back there?” asked Shine as he fired more magic at the shield.

“We’re going to try something out!” called Rainbow Dash.

Twilight bowed her head and screwed up her face in concentration as her horn began to glow.

“Good luck, Soarin’,” I said.

“Hey, don’t sweat,” said the pegasus. “How hard could this be?”

The light from Twilight’s horn became a thin concentrated beam which hit Soarin’ in the chest and caused him to start glowing.

“On second thoughts,” he said nervously, “I changed my mind!”

He turned around and started to run away screaming-

-and vanished.

There was silence for a few moments, and then the guards outside came to their senses and resumed firing upon Shine’s shield, which he had to restrengthen yet again.

“Oh no,” said Dash quietly.

“What’s wrong, Mom?” asked Lightning.

“I-I just realised,” she said. “If we succeed, we won’t have done this. Soarin’ wouldn’t have been sent back from the past to tell himself to go back to me. What would I do? I-I don’t think I could go through it all again. Alone.”

“Hey,” I said, and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “I’m sure he’d go back to you. What stallion wouldn’t?”

“Exactly,” said Twilight, laying one of her hooves on Dash’s other shoulder. “Soarin’s a good pony, Rainbow. He’d definitely find some reason to return to you and I know you’d be happy together.”

“And even if he doesn’t,” said Lightning, “we’ll be okay, Mom.”

Rainbow Dash, overwhelmed by her emotions, pulled the colt into another tight hug which he was more than happy to return.

“Let’s keep searching,” I said.

We scattered throughout the room and resumed sorting through the endless heaps of scrolls. A few seconds later Soarin’ reappeared in the middle of the room, and calmly re-joined our combing of the Star Swirl the Bearded wing.

“I got something!”

At Lightning’s shout, Shine once again fired at the shield as the teenager held up the scroll.

“It doesn’t let you go back in time,” he said, “but it does let you reverse it! It’s another one shot but you can go back as far as you need and change whatever you fancy!”

“Uh, change whatever you fancy?” I said. “I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you’d find written on a priceless magic scroll.”

Lightning sighed.

“Can’t you just let me be happy?” he asked as Twilight took the scroll out of his hooves. “I’m excited: I’ve just found a spell that could literally change the world for the better!”

“Good work, Lightning,” said Soarin’, and he gave his son a noogie while Dash hugged him lovingly.

Twilight quickly read the scroll, eyes moving rapidly down the parchment.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, it could work! If we can reverse time to before the GLaDOS was activated we could avoid absolutely everything! We could save the whole world!”

She closed her eyes and her horn flickered briefly, but a few sparks was all that came out and they quickly faded away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I used up so much power when I sent Soarin’ back,” she said. “I’m not sure if I have enough power to use this new spell!”

I placed a hoof on the back of her neck in a one legged hug.

“I can help you there,” I told her.

She didn’t say anything, and simply smiled sweetly.

“Good luck, guys,” said Dash.

“See you on the other side,” said Soarin’.

“Make sure I don’t grow up a jerk, okay?” said Lightning. “I don’t want to know I could have turned out better.”

Shine spared a moment to look back at us.

“I just know you’ll succeed,” he said. “Go for it, Twiley. You too, Hex. It’ll be good to get to know you again.”

Twilight and I turned to each other.

“You ready?” she asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I said.

She leaned closer to me, her horn still flickering as it collided with mine, and I closed my eyes and started to pour as much magic as possible into the solid spike of bone that sat upon my forehead. I felt it pouring out of the tip and transferring into Twilight’s body as the deep pink glow which began to surround us became striped with thin streaks of deep blue – the same deep blue which edged the lightning on my flank. I guess if it was viewed from outside, it would be very pretty.

I opened my eyes and saw her do the same. We looked around at the swirling orb of colours which had surrounded us on all sides, the shelves of magical scrolls only just visible through the translucent bars of magic. My eyes met hers, and I saw so much emotion in them I could barely believe what I was seeing: so much hope and happiness…

…and so much love. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out when a pony is in love, and I wouldn’t exactly call myself a genius.

I couldn’t tell whether we were floating or the ground had just dropped away, but we were hanging in mid-air with nothing under our hooves. I saw things rushing past outside the shield of pink and blue magic as we were transported back through time and space-

-and then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped.

I was standing up, not wearing an HEV suit or any kind of protective clothing, with my hoof on a large red button. My glasses were undamaged. My body was clean of cuts and bruises. The only evidence of what had transpired was the silver stripe of hair that was hanging on the periphery of my vision.

And I could feel a warm, welcome presence behind me.

“Twilight?” I wanted to know whether it really was her or not.

After a few seconds I heard her wonderful voice:

“Don’t push that button.”

I forced my hoof not to tremble as I lowered it to the smooth, cold stone ground and kept it there.

Then I looked around at the mass of machinery hanging from the ceiling.

It was a dumbass idea from the get-go. I mean, why would I even need a GLaDOS? What purpose would it serve other than to look cool and help me solve some of the more complex equations that come with advanced robotics and AI development?

That’s what I originally constructed it for anyway. After the Combine’s first attempt at invasion I redesigned it to monitor the resulting rift, which is probably what allowed Deluminata to possess the AI and allow the Combine into Equestria in the first place now that I think about it. I’m going to have to construct something smaller and less complex.

My eyes tracked down the body of the machine and fell upon Twilight.

Of course she looked exactly as she had on that day. How else would she look? There were shadows under her eyes – a consequence of the rough night’s sleep she’d had – and her horn was little more than a rough, jagged stump.

But she had retained the silver stripe in her mane. Maybe it’s because of what the dark energy did to our magic. I don’t know.

“Are… are you okay?” I asked carefully.

“I-I think so,” she said. “I’d better go home: Spike’s probably worried about me.”

She left.

I’m not sure how long I stood there staring blankly at the door she had departed through.

What does she think of me?

In all the time I was in Combine-controlled Equestria, she never actually said whether she blamed me or forgave me for allowing those monsters to invade in the first place. Am I ever going to find out what’s going on in that wonderful mind of hers?

I hope she doesn’t hate me. Because I don’t hate her. Quite the opposite: I know you may think I’m being sappy, but I feel like she’s the mare I’ve been waiting my whole life for.

She deserves so much better than me.

I tried to take her mind off her by disassembling my GLaDOS. Piece by useless piece came tumbling down to the ground as I wrenched the wretched thing to shreds and tossed them carelessly into the back room. I pulled out the wires, coiled them up and piled them in a corner. I broke circuit boards over my horn and folded panels into unusable lumps of metal.

I spent ages doing nothing but destroying the computer which had only brought Equestria pain…

…except it hadn’t.

All that never happened, did it? Maybe it did in an alternate multiverse: maybe we failed and the Overwatch mowed us all down. But in this place, in this Equestria, everypony lives. Just this once everypony lives.

By the time I looked out the window again, the sun had just touched the horizon and clouds were beginning to cover up the darkening sky.

I’m going to go and see Twilight.

I want to know that she’s okay.

And I’m not going to use a teleporter. I’m going to walk this time. I want her to know that I put some effort in.

If I ever return to that place it’ll be too soon. Way too much has happened there that I am nowhere near proud of. Like the GLaDOS it was doomed from the very beginning and should never have been attempted anyway.

There are some things I would return for though. Like my light globes – the little balls of glass with spidery, faerie-like wings that buzz slightly and illuminate the world with miniscule bolts of lightning suspended inside them. I think those are rather pretty and might even make cool toys or nightlights.

I wonder if Twilight will take me back.

As I pondered, growing weary from my journey down the mountain, the heavens opened and it began to rain right as the sun dipped below the horizon. I was going to arrive at Twilight’s place soaking wet, but right now I didn’t care one bit. All that mattered was that I see her again.

It was very, very dark by the time I reached the Golden Oaks library in Ponyville, and I was about ready to drop dead where I stood. I was so wet that I felt as though I was going to drown through my skin if such a thing was even possible.

I reached up, wishing the ground would open up between my hooves, and knocked.

And waited.

After a few seconds the door was opened, and it was Twilight’s face which was illuminated by the warm light behind her.

“Hi,” I said weakly.

“Hi,” she responded.

Not bad so far.

“Listen,” I said. “The reason I’m standing soaking wet on your doorstep is because I really wanted to talk to you.”

“That’s okay,” said Twilight. “There’s… there’s something I need.”

“Which is?” I asked, dreading what the answer might be.

“You.”

And without further hesitation she pulled me into my hooves and pressed her lips against mine, finally and permanently cementing our love.

"Ew, Dad!"

"What?" I asked. "What's the big deal? It was only a kiss."

"Yeah, but still," said Dusk Shine, "you could just say you kissed."

"Don't say that, Dusk," said Dawn Shimmer. "Dad, I thought it was very romantic how you would fight like that to save Equestria."

"Romantic?" I asked. "I wouldn't really put it that way."

"Yeah, Dawn, weren't you listening?"

The little colt leapt to his hooves and started jumping around, re-enacting my described battles, chattering all the time.

"Dad wasn't doing it for love; he was doing it for the AWESOME! Take THAT you Combine smeggers, and THAT! Bang, bang, POW you're dead!"

"Oh no!" cried Dawn, falling dramatically onto her back. "My little brother's killed me!"

"Little?!" Dusk seemed aghast at the very idea of the word. "I'm not little, I'm ten!"

"Hey, I'm fifteen," Dawn pointed out. "Next to me, you're little."

"Well," I said, "next to me, you're both little."

It always warms my heart to see Dusk and Dawn getting along so well. Smeg knows my relationship with my brother wasn't so great. If somepony had told me when I was still young that one day I'd marry an incredibly intelligent unicorn and gain two beautiful children, do you think I would believe them?

Take Dawn Shimmer, for example. The reason she has her name is that despite the fact that I'm brown and Twilight's purple, her coat is yellowish-gold like the rising sun. In her spiky purple mane she has a skunk stripe of silver, the same with her tail, and her eyes are exactly like Twilight's.

Her cutie mark is a golden pentagram, because she's an aspiring demonologist. And you know what? I'm cool with that.

Dusk Shine, on the other hoof, looks so much like his mother it's almost disturbing. His coat is lavender, just like hers, and his mane is straight and indigo just like hers. However, unlike Twilight he has a stripe of silver (like his sister) rather than the pink, purple and silver, and his eyes are brilliant green, rather like mine.

He isn't quite old enough to have a cutie mark yet, but I bet it'll be something cool.

It was at that moment, when I was admiring my two playing children, that there was a knock on the door. When I answered it, I was met with a welcome and familiar face.

"Hey, Lightning Strike!" I said in greeting. "Great to see you."

"Great to see you too, Hex," said Lightning. "Is Dawn there?"

"Hi Lightning!"

Dawn brushed past me on her way outside.

Huh?

"Wait a minute," I said, and Dawn turned to face me reluctantly. "What's going on here?"

"Dad, Lightning's my date," she said, pointing at the young stallion whose face was now brilliant red. "I thought I told you?"

"No you didn't," I said. "You just said you'd be going out, you didn't say it would be a date!"

"Yeah, I did!"

"Dawn, let me talk to you for a moment."

She looked to Lightning and said "Sorry about this," as I drew her aside.

"Listen to me, young mare," I love father talk, don't you? "I want you to respect Lightning, okay? I should know that he's a good colt. He'll take care of you."

"I don't need taking care of!"

"I'm just saying," I said, "he'll be good to you. If I had to choose a colt for you to date, it'd be him. So you be good to him, eh?"

Dawn gave me a small smile, and said "Thanks, Dad," before pulling me into a hug.

"That's okay," I said, and I released her. "Now you kids have fun."

As they were walking away, I decided to have a little fun of my own. Father style.

"But you have her back by eleven pm, you hear? And respect her! But don't mind if she starts going on about demons, she does that all the time!"

"Dad!"

"Don't worry, Hex!" said Lightning. "I'll be good to her."

"You better," I murmured under my breath. "That's my only daughter you got there."

Behind me, I heard a small giggle.

"You don't need to be so protective," said Twilight. "Lightning's a good pony."

"Yeah!" cried Dusk. "He's going to be a cop, Dad. How much cooler do you want?"

"I know," I said. "It's just... you know."

I felt Twilight's eyes upon my face - smeg knows how downcast I must have looked - and eventually she said, "Dusk, why don't you go upstairs and wash up? Dinner will be ready soon."

"Sure thing, Mom," said Dusk happily, and he trotted back inside.

Once he was gone, Twilight turned back to me.

"Hex," she said, placing a hoof on my shoulder, "you don't need to worry anymore. The Combine are gone. Technically, they were never even here. Nothing's going to hurt us ever again."

She always knows how to make me feel better. That's my Twiley.

"It would have happened this year, you know," I told her. "I would have come back, a massive uprising would start-"

"We'd almost be killed multiple times at the hooves of the Overwatch," said Twilight.

"You know," I said, "looking back, it was pretty scary, but it was also pretty cool."

"I guess it was," said Twilight, drawing her muzzle closer to mine.

"But this is better."

"So much better."

And this time, the kiss tasted of freedom, hope, and new life.

It was the kiss of home.

Credits - The One Free Stallion: Coming Soon...

THE ONE FREE STALLION

Credits:

Twilight Sparkle...............Tara Strong

Rainbow Dash/Applejack...............Ashleigh Ball

Pinkie Pie/Fluttershy...............Andrea Libman

Rarity...............Tabitha St. Germain

Spike...............Cathy Weseluck

Hex/Haydon Baxter...............Dwayne Cameron

Soarin'...............Matt Hill

Lightning Strike...............John Barrowman

Braeburn/Shining Armor/Blue Demon...............Andrew Francis

Trixie...............Kathleen Barr

The Doctor...............David Tennant

Written by Rainy Meadows

This has been a non-for-profit work of fanfiction.

No copyright is intended.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is property of Hasbro

Half-Life is property of Valve

Special thanks to all those who favourited this story and/or gave it a positive rating.

COMING SOON: Who You Gonna Call?

"You don't get it, do you, Dawn? This thing has been with me for almost my entire life. It hid in my wardrobe and under my bed when I was a colt, so what's to stop it from carrying on now that I'm a teenager? Nothing, that's what! I'm coming with you. I'm hoping that if I leave, it'll stay where it is and eventually die there. You're welcome to wallop me around the ear if I'm wrong, but it's worth a try, okay?"

Author's Note: It only took several months, but now it is finally, well and truly, absolutely FINISHED! And I am extremely proud with how this story comes out. Stay tuned for the next few stories, because now that the introduction and set-up is finished, it's time to get onto the good stuff. I want to give another special shout-out to my buddy clap2times for being the first to take an interest in my fics, and to my good friends Smoking Gun and Armarillos for supporting me and being such good friends. Thank you everypony: you deserve a round of applause!

Chapter 4 - Water Hazard

Fancy that. Human.

The word seems almost alien to me now. I had a lot of memories of before I became a pony, but not very many when I had actually felt completely and totally human. Not even those few hours I had spent in dimension 33 with Twilight and we had both become Homosapien, and got back to Equestria to find we had been gone for a grand total of six months.

What bothered me was how that diamond dog that had been with Big Macintosh knew what my human name was. The only ones who knew were the Elements of Harmony (and Spike, of course) and I had only ever heard about the diamond dogs from what Spike had told me. Weren’t they all grey and brown and hairy, not unlike actual dogs, only obsessed with gems? That thing back there had looked more like a demonic lizard – it could probably be put down to the Combine, but still, weird.

This airboat looked almost like it was meant for a human. So did almost everything in Equestria. In fact, come to think of it, practically this entire world was amazingly human. I mean, how the smeg to we open doors?

No.

This wasn’t me anymore. Haydon Baxter was gone, Haydon Baxter was DEAD. I’m HEX now. HEX, godsdammit! Could you imagine me lifting a sword with hooves? I know, I know, unicorn magic, but swords are useless in Equestria.

Got to put this out of my mind, for the love of smeg! Think about... think about... think about...

Twilight Sparkle.

She rose like an iceberg out of mist through the fog and mess of my mind. Her twinkling eyes, her gorgeous mane, her jaw-dropping smile, her endless and undying optimism, her... perfection. That’s it. She’s perfect, in every possible way. Any naysayers can bite my furry terracotta arse. I wonder if Princess Celestia ever found out about what happened at the mountain.

Yeah, there’s a point. What happened to the princesses? The sun had visibly moved since I had first arrived in City 17, so presumably they were still operating, but where?

I was so deep in thought I barely noticed the CPs shooting at me, and when I finally came out of my stupor it was to find that a small crate had just impaled itself on my horn.

“Hey down there! Supplies! Look out below!”

‘Bit late to say that,’ I thought as I pulled the box off my head and showered myself with ammunition. I think I forgot to mention that in the sewers of City 17 I’d picked up an SMG, and thankfully there were some bullets for it, as well as a couple of HEV batteries and a tube of nanites. I reloaded the SMG, charged my suit and put the nanites away for later, because I was bound to need them.

I noticed that there was a ramp in front of me, but the vital and essentially “ramp” part of it was raised off the ground and it was balancing like a seesaw, teetering tentatively on the crease which split it evenly into two halves. I climbed out of the airboat and saw that it was being supported by its other end, which was hanging over water and had a basket on its underside which had a presumably empty barrel in it. It was that barrel that was stopping the entire ramp from sliding into the deep pool of water it was hanging over.

There were more barrels drifting aimlessly around in the water, and another standing at the mouth of a pipe which I pulled into the pool with my magic, considering myself lucky it was empty and therefore reasonably light. It wasn’t easy work, pulling the barrels under the water and depositing them in the basket, but I managed it, and soon after I revved up the airboat and cannoned over the ramp like a pegasus.

Looking around I guessed that once upon a time this river may have been considerably higher. There were water marks right at the top of the banks on either side, and surely it was no coincidence that there were these irregularly placed sandbanks all over the river.

Hey, Equestria? Take back your trains and your horse drawn carriages and your horse drawn horse drawn carriages, this is the way to travel! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d experienced speed like this – was this how Rainbow Dash felt all the time? No wonder she preferred her head in the clouds to her feet on the ground, this was awesome!

Alright, she probably doesn’t have that annoying buzz and the vibrating seat, but I completely understand why it’s so appealing.

Oh, smegory. CPs, and they’d closed a floodgate that was my only way forward. And now they were shooting at me. I jumped out of the airboat and took out all the police I could see, glad to make use of the SMG. Then I proceeded to enter the building which would lead me to the floodgate controls.

On the wall next to me was a monitor, not unlike the ones I had seen dotted around City 17. It was showing the concerned and worried face of the Great, Powerful and Vomit-inducing Trixie (Did you like that? Just made it up).

“We now have direct confirmation of a disruptor in our midst,” she declared, “one who has acquired an almost messianic reputation in the minds of certain citizens. His figure is synonymous with the darkest urges of instinct, ignorance, and decay. Some of the worst excesses of the GLaDOS incident have been laid directly at his feet. And yet unsophisticated minds continue to imbue him with romantic power, giving him such labels as the One Free Stallion, or the Cleanser of the Hex. Let me remind all citizens of the dangers of magical thinking. We have scarcely begun to climb from the dark pit of the evolution of our species. Let us not slide backward into oblivion, just as we have finally begun to see the light. If you see this so called Free Stallion, report him. Civic deeds do not go unrewarded and likewise complicity with his cause will not go unpunished. Be wise. Be safe. Be aware.”

I don’t know how long I stood there, staring at the now blank screen.

The One Free Stallion. Cleanser of the Hex.

Who was it that started this? All of a sudden I was a hero. But then, I didn’t blame the citizens for needing hope. I knew full well what the Combine liked to do with their worlds and the people who lived there.

How many CP ponies had I put down since I arrived in this godforsaken hellhole? I couldn’t recall.

I wouldn’t put it past Twilight to have started this up. If there was one thing she knew it was how to accidentally get noticed. But what if it was deliberate and somepony had told Trixie about my presence?

Mind you, a pony that cuts through CPs like a light sabre through a Jedi’s wrist is never going to stay invisible for long. Gods, I was like a pegasus who hadn’t noticed they had wings, or a serial arsonist who didn’t notice that they left a trail of ash in their wake wherever they went (These ‘obvious’ jokes doing anything for you?).

I felt a bit numb, really. I was...

I was in trouble. I heard the crackling of a CP walkie-talkie, but thankfully they hadn’t noticed me. Maybe if I kept quiet enough...

Or not. Nothing for it. I poured all my energy into levitating the SMG and fired it all the CP faces I could see. I was rather counting on the fact that they would rather shoot at me than my gun – can you actually do that? Can you destroy a gun by shooting at it?

I digress. Anyway, what I hadn’t been counting on was the flood of ponyhacks which suddenly started to whir their way towards me.

I crouched in a corner with my crowbar held in my teeth, and when they came in for the kill I smashed them against the wall. It was a lot easier than trying to jump around and having them slicing at me from behind. I was about to move on when something caught my eye, and I gave a fallen ponyhack a closer inspection.

What the smeg was that round, brightly coloured thing with the wires sticking into it?

Was that-was that a parasprite? Were the ponyhacks actually mutilated parasprites? That was horrible beyond comprehension. Even Rainbow Dash, who wasn’t on very good terms with the little things, would have to agree that this was nothing short of NASTY.

I didn’t have time to dwell on this. How long before my display here got noticed? I headed through the nearest door into an open area to find OH SMEG THERE’S ANOTHER MOUNTED GUN OVER THERE AND IT’S GOT A CP AT IT AND HE’S SHOOTING AT ME!! QUICK GET BEHIND THAT OUT OF PLACE SHIPPING CONTAINER HE’S GONNA SMEGGING KILL ME!!!

Okay, so let me work this out. There was a CP at the other end of the yard, it had a mounted gun and would turn me to Swiss cheese if I put so much as a tail hair in his sights. What I really needed was something small and lightweight, easy to throw even with suppressed telekinesis, but with enough explosive power to kill a lightly armoured pony that may or may not be cybernetically enhanced. If only I had something like these grenades I’d been carrying. Oh wait, I was carrying grenades! What are the odds of that?

See, I’d discovered that my HEV suit had only one gun holster, on my right foreleg, and it stored other weapons as data until I needed them. Don’t ask me how, it just did. Except for my crowbar. I had to carry it in my teeth, which wasn’t very pleasant – ever since I swallowed Dad’s keys when I was three I’ve never liked the taste of metal, and not just because the things took four smegging days to come back out again.

Whatever. I pulled the pin out of a grenade with my teeth (ow!) and telekinetically tossed it over the shipping container and heard it land on what sounded like the edge of a mounted gun barrel, bounce off and clatter on a floor of concrete, but I waited until I heard the explosion to check and see if the coast was clear.

Hadn’t that guy even noticed that grenade? It was like he hadn’t even bothered to move! These CPs might have some pretty tough weaponry, but they weren’t exactly about to discover the meaning of life or the theory of relativity.

I galloped past the dead CP and the somehow undamaged mounted gun, opened the door behind it and promptly closed it again when the CPs inside started to shoot at me, but some quick action with the SMG soon took care of them, and anyway there were only, like, three. Honestly, did these guys even bother? The armour wasn’t even very strong. No wonder Lightning was blending in so easily, these guys were dumb.

Smeg! Not only had they closed the floodgate, they’d also busted up the controls! Still, no worries. What the CPs hadn’t counted on, amongst other things, was the fact that there was a crane with some very heavy looking steel girders hanging off it. All it would take was a single grenade in the explosives very wisely stacked underneath it and the girders would go CRASHING through the floodgate.

Sorta like that. Job done!

It wasn’t too hard to fight my way back to the airboat. Sure, there was a load more CPs headed my way, but hey: I had a smegging mounted machine gun this time, mate. I kicked flank! Okay, okay, easy on the exaggerating.

A little way down the river I found that the Combine were still firing those shells of theirs and one of them struck the base of a huge chimney, which collapsed, almost in slow motion, across my path. Hell, it almost fell on top of me! I noticed that one of the pieces was curved like a ramp, and I sped towards it and caught some epic air time before hitting the water again.

Rollin’ on the river. I could see what the attraction was – I was cruising like never before – but I guessed that Tina Turner had never tried to perform that number whilst being shot at by something that looked like a Black Hawk. I’ve being very relaxed while writing this: it’s my faith in my orchestra of singing light globes that’s keeping me from going completely insane just remembering this stuff (they’re all different sizes, so they buzz at different tones and I can make music with them. Pretty neat, huh?).

I could hear the bullets thudding into the water behind and beside me. Several of them PINGED off the metal framework of the airboat, but a few more minutes and I wouldn’t be so lucky.

Oh, thank Celestia; there was a tunnel up ahead! I sped into it and heard the chopper’s bullets thud uselessly against the concrete above.

Whoa, that was a close one! I almost crashed into that gate!

“Hey! You’re Hex, aren’t you?” somepony shouted.

“I was the last time I checked,” I said.

The speaker was a pink earth pony mare with a purple and white mane and a tiara for a cutie mark. By the looks of things, she and her friend – an all over grey earth pony with a fancy-looking spoon on her flank – must have been rather posh once. I could tell by the way their manes were styled and the fact that they both held their noses rather high in the air, as if the ground were offensive to them. Or it may just have been the... what was it Big Macintosh had called it again? Demon dog? Damn, that sounded way more badass than diamond dogs. Where I come from, it’s just an album by some weird singer guy who looks like a girl.

“Well,” said the grey one, “I wouldn’t believe it if I like, couldn’t see it with my own eyes. Hex himself! This is, like, such an honour!”

“And you got here, like, just in time,” said the pink one. “We gotta, like, tear this place up and pull out before the Combine gets here. Come in here and I’ll show you what we’re up against.”

I was glad of a chance to get out of the airboat which was starting to feel like it might be my doom, and followed the mare into a shack-like structure. As I passed the demon dog it bowed and said “Greetings to the Baxter.”

Okay, how did it know my real name?

There was nothing inside the shack, saving for an illuminated map pinned to one wall. I could tell it was a map of the city, and there were several places circled in what looked like red pen. At least, it wasn’t blood. Sometimes I hate having an overactive imagination.

“Here, take a look at this,” said the mare, pointing at the map. “New TARDIS is here, past the dam and nestled in an old warehouse. But getting there with that hunter chopper on flank is gonna be, like, next to impossible. Good news is the demon dog should be working his magic on your airboat. In fact, he should be, like, finishing up about now.”

I did my best to ignore the fact that she was the type of pony who was guilty of excessive use of the word “like” and headed back out into the tunnel, where a demon dog was holding a glowing green paw over the airboat.

The vehicle now sported a machine gun, and it looked like I would be able to drive and fire at the same time. Sweet!

“That gun came off the same, like, type of chopper you’ll be facing,” said the grey mare. “It’s always good to like, have a little irony.”

“The Baxter will accept this weapon, or suffer greatly on the road ahead,” said the demon dog once it had finished. Okay, this was officially beyond weird and moving right on down to Freaky Town...

“Thanks, ladies,” I said as I climbed into the airboat.

The mares said “Farewell, Hex” and “Give ‘em hell!” respectively, while the demon dog shouted “For freedom!” and with that I zoomed out and into the canals again.

Right. Now I was beginning to question whether or not this whole thing was a massive, extremely vivid and real sounding/looking hallucination. For one thing, how the smeg did the demon dogs know my name? And what the smeg made them look like that? What had happened to the remaining Elements of Harmony? Where were the Princesses?

As soon as I got to the Doctor’s lab, me and Twilight were going to have a little talk about all of this.

Twilight...

I wondered what kind of relationship she had with the Doctor. And how did they all meet, anyway? He obviously knew everypony: Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight, and I’m guessing he knew the others as well; did he rescue them or did they just run into him or what? Man, I had so many smegging questions! Would I even be able to keep my mouth shut once I got to New TARDIS? Dammit, there’s another one!

What was that?

Oh yeah, the chopper.

I pressed my hoof on the accelerator and fired the gun like crazy into the chopper’s underside. Its wings exploded into flame and the vehicle ignited on its underside, but it steadfastly refused to fall, so I just sped on. Into a pipe large enough to house an elephant with room to spare for a house, and soon enough I reached a huge open area, a massive expanse of crystal clear water, studded with the occasional barrel of explosives. There was a dam over to the right – presumably the one that pink mare had been talking about – and a floodgate with a wheel next to it to the left. I guessed I would have to open it to get to the controls for the dam, which were bound to be either in or around that red barn-like structure on the hill.

Next to the barn was a helipad, and a second hunter chopper was just taking off as I saw it.

This wasn’t going to be easy.

It opened fire on me and I only just moved out of the way in time. Rather than shooting at the chopper straight away I destroyed the explosives floating in the water. I didn’t want to accidentally drive into them and blow myself up now, did I?

Then I opened fire and scored a direct hit on the chopper’s left wing. Bullseye!

The chopper promptly responded by bombing me with these weird black metal ball things with a red light that would blink for a few seconds and then it would go BANG! I managed to avoid most of them, but drove over one and temporarily deafened myself for a few seconds. When the ringing finally stopped I checked my PFM and found I had minor hearing damage (you don’t smegging say) and thankfully not much else, apart from the new ear piercing and bullet burn on my neck next to the small nick which had been carved by the ponyhack.

I fired again at the chopper and managed to ignite its other wing. I was halfway through considering that I might be getting pretty good at this when the smegging thing started bombing me again and I was forced to zigzag crazily around the water and once or twice I swear I came close to capsizing.

My thought process at that moment?

Left! No, right! Left! Left again! Now right! My other right! SMEG IT!

Getting a little tired of this!

Once that particular attack was over and the chopper went back to just shooting at me, I put several dozen bullets into its underside and the thing damn near exploded. If I could just get a few more shots I might be able to take it down.

Oh smeg. AIR RAID!

Three years of fighting and training could not have prepared me for the bombardment of bombs which sprayed across the whole area. I shot at a couple for an opening when I was surrounded and sped the smeg out of there before I got blown to pieces.

That’s it. Those Combine bitches were TOAST!

I didn’t even look where I was shooting anymore. I closed my eyes and fired in the direction of the chopper’s propeller noise, my own rage-fuelled screams filling my ears to the brim.

I only stopped shooting when I ran out of bullets and heard an explosion which sounded incredibly like a bunch of Combine bastards and their fancy shmancy helicopter thingy crashing into its landing pad, and when I finally opened my eyes, that was exactly what I saw.

YES! Oh yeah! Stick that up your flankhole and chew on it!

Okay, I’m getting a little bit off track here.

Turning the wheel and opening the floodgate was by far the easiest thing I’d done in the past couple of hours. I mean, it was just turning a wheel, wasn’t it? I still had to use the airboat to get up the hill to the barn, but that was just a walk in the park. Apart from when I got into the barn to find it was occupied by the Combine.

Let me tell you something about the .357 Magnum. It is by far one of the best guns I have ever had the privilege of using. I’d picked it up earlier when – I can’t really remember when, but I know that a single shot in the right place is enough to take out even the toughest of soldiers. That right spot is usually somewhere between the left eye and the right eye.

Once the barn was devoid of all life except me, I recharged my HEV suit from a handy charging unit on the wall, restocked on ammunition and headed outside to see what I was up against now.

The dam was pretty big and solidly built – only a complete retard would try to destroy it. I noticed that it had smaller, corrugated iron openings running along it, and a bit of searching produced a set of controls. I pulled a lever and one of these iron thingies dropped out of the way, leaving a handy way through just after a pile of logs stacked in a fashion similar to a ramp.

Starting to feel like I might be living inside a video game (this was all starting to feel very familiar) I headed back to the airboat.

I had seen what was beyond that dam. There was the warehouse, which was presumably what everypony was calling New TARDIS, but the level of the water leading up to it was a long way down.

This was not going to be easy.

I climbed into the airboat, left enough room to build up a good speed, and slammed my hoof down on the accelerator.

Episode 1 Chapter 1 - Undue Alarm

“Tell me, Mr Hex, if you can. From what I have seen of you, you have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you name even one thing? I thought not.”

She’s right. I had an opportunity to improve Equestria with my technology, but I turned it down for the sake of such selfish things as…

…as love.

I’m so sorry, Twilight. If I had been allowed to remain in Equestria, I would have tried my hardest to make it work between us. But as it is, I promise with all my heart that I will find you again.

I can see you now. You were raising your foreleg to shield yourself from the exploding teleporter; mere moments after Trixie had plummeted to her doom inside the Citadel’s dark energy fusion reactor core. The fear in your eyes was such that I would never see again as long as I lived, and…

What?

I can still see you, Twilight, but you’re not alone anymore. There’s somepony else with you – a stallion, by the looks of things – and he’s clad from the end of his horn to the bases of his hind hooves, and all the way to the tips of his wings, in silver body armour. His mane and tail are covered as well. The only exposed part of his body is the one eye I can see from this angle, and it’s by far the greenest eye I’ve ever seen in my life.

Question is; who is it?

He placed his hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, and she woke up. Despite everything else still being frozen, she became mobile again, and stared at him in confusion before both of them disappeared.

What was that about? Did that guy just save Twilight?

I smegging well hope so.

Everything else faded into blackness, and out of the dark came the G-Colt. He took a breath to speak-

-and stopped, glaring at something in front of him that wasn’t me.

It was the same silver-wearing stallion. He stood between me and the G-Colt, and the pair were trying to best each other in a staring contest that even Fluttershy would be impressed with. I could tell they were both thinking the same thing: he is mine, nopony else’s, and you can’t have him.

The stranger said something that I didn’t hear. However, it was well within the G-Colt’s hearing range. He straightened his tie and appeared to admit defeat.

“We’ll see… about that.”

He faded into the blackness, and the silver stranger turned to face me-

-and then, just like that, I was back.

Owww…

I’m hurting in places that I never even knew could hurt.

Smeg, I’m hurting in places that I never even knew could exist. Where happened? What am I?

And why is it so… so dark?

Am I dead?

There’s now a bright light up ahead of me, further reinforcing the theory that I’m dead. But… aren’t all your lost relatives supposed to be waiting for you when you die, and coming to greet you through the light?

All I can see is this big scaly face with… with huge green eyes…

And the scales are purple.

Oh of course, now I remember! Ugh, so stiff…

“Spike, come away from there!”

The large purple-and-green dragon pulled chunks of concrete away from my body and picked me up out of the rubble.

“Drop what you’re doing and…”

Twilight trailed off when she saw what Spike was holding (read: me).

“He followed me home, Mom!” the dragon cried in a mockingly whiny voice. “Can I keep him?”

“Oh my gosh,” exclaimed Twilight as I was set on the ground. “HEX!”

She pounced on me in a hug which had never been so welcome in all my life, and I was extremely glad to return it.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “Are you hurt?”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” said Twilight. “How about you?”

“A bit stiff, but I think I’ll be alright,” I told her.

“Ha!” shouted Spike. “A bit stiff!”

It didn’t take me long to figure out the joke, and the dragon and I laughed our arses off until a Look (not just a look, a Look) from Twilight effectively silenced both of us, and we simply shared a brohoof – or rather a brohoof-broclaw hybrid.

“Do you know what happened?” I asked, because I sure had no idea. Who was that guy?

“No, I-I don’t,” said Twilight. “I know we managed to take down Trixie, and the teleporter exploded, but after that… I don’t know. I thought I saw somepony. Somepony wearing silver armour. For a moment I thought it was you because of the eyes, but I think he had wings and-”

“I saw him too,” I explained. “He stopped the G-Colt from putting me back into stasis for smeg-knows-how-many years.”

Twilight smiled.

“Well, we’re lucky he took the time to save us, aren’t we?”

“You can say that again.”

Twilight turned to Spike and said this:

“Spike, could you go and set up those monitors? I want to check in with the others: they must be worried sick about us. Also, tell the Doctor he owes me five bits, because we DID find Hex after all.”

I felt something slide over my horn, and looked up at it as Twilight snapped the metal ring into place.

“I always carry a few spares around with me for emergencies,” she told me. “You know; just in case.”

“Good idea,” I told her.

We looked up at the Citadel as the large dragon left. Normally I would be a little annoyed that my marefriend made a bet with a Time Lord on whether or not I was alive, but I was a little distracted by the blood red clouds which were now swirling around the ruined roof of the gigantic tower.

“That place is falling apart at the seams,” I commented, referring to the glowing lines which were also running up the length of the building. “I really hope we don’t have to go back in there.”

“You’re not alone there,” said Twilight. She stepped a bit closer.

“You sure you’re okay?”

I thought about this for a moment.

“I’m hungry,” I said, “I’m thirsty, I need the toilet and I’m aching all over, so all in all, just another average Wednesday.”
Twilight sniggered.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “It could be a Sunday for all you know.”

“Nah,” I said, “it’s definitely Wednesday. Wednesdays always turn out badly for me. I think it’s something do with not being sure whether you should be tired from Monday or relaxing for Friday.”

Twilight giggled.

“Well then,” she said, smiling and moving closer until we were almost nose to nose, and my world was dominated by her beautiful violet eyes, “I’m just going to have to find a way to improve your Wednesday, aren’t I?”

And just as I was getting ready for what would have been one of the greatest kisses in the history of the multiverse…

“Twilight, come in!”

Thank you, Doctor, for that not-so-timely intervention.

“Sounds like the signal might be more stable this time,” said Twilight. Her horn glowed and in a flash we were stood in front of a large monitor. It was propped between a heap of rubble and the ground, and had a control panel in front of it. Spike was waving an aerial around in an attempt to get a better signal.

“Up a bit higher, Spike!” Twilight commanded, and Spike flapped into the air as high as the wire on the aerial would allow him.

“A little to the left,” I directed.

“Yeah, and just a little lower,” said Twilight. “Now hold it!”

It wasn’t long before the screen was all but clear of static, and the face of a brown earth pony was frowning down on us.

“Twilight, you found Hex, good,” he said. “Please tell me the two of you are out of the city.”

“Well,” Twilight now looked extremely awkward, “we’re not, uh, out of the city… per se, um-”

“HEX!”

The Doctor was shoved out of the way by another earth pony, but this one looked considerably more excited than the other one.

“Thank you!” cried Braeburn ecstatically. “Thank y’all so much fer savin’ her!”

“Braeburn, darling, I already explained it all to you,” said Rarity as she entered, “I never even needed saving!”

“Frankly, mah dear,” said Braeburn, taking her in his hooves, “Ah don’t give a damn.”

Then they started making out right in front of us.

“Nice to see they’re still going strong, isn’t it?” Spike commented from up above.

“Oh, get out of the way, you two!” demanded the Doctor as he shoved the two lovebirds out of shot. “Get a room!”

Then Braeburn’s cousin came into view.

“Listen,” she said, “y’all have to get outta the city! The Citadel could go sky high at any moment!”

“I’m afraid that’s true,” said the Doctor, opting to not shove Applejack out of the way, possibly out of fear of what she’d do. “In fact, there’s no question of that being inevitable. Our remote sensors indicate the process is accelerating toward a dark energy flare. Anyone left in the vicinity will be subjected to energetic events-”

“Doc, stop!” cried Applejack. “Okay? Just-just… just stop!”

“-that are beyond our powers of speculation,” the Doctor finished undeterred. “The ravages to cellular material are unimaginable.”

“Will you SHUT YER TRAP?!” the farmer shouted.

“Look, Applejack,” the Doctor said to the palomino pony, “there’s no need for undue alarm. I’m sure Twilight and Hex are at least out of range by now.”

“Well…” Twilight didn’t look like she wanted to repeat what she said earlier, so I stepped in.

“We’re still at the Citadel,” I said simply.

“WHAT?!” yelled the Doctor. “But-but you’ll never have time! The reactor core is this close to collapse. There is no way you could escape fast without- uh, see, nothing short of a direct intervention in the core could postpone the reaction, but not completely cancel it.”

“You mean… going in?” asked Twilight fearfully.

“Into the core? Yes,” the Doctor replied. “But it is FAR too dangerous to consider! That chamber will be swimming in radiation.”

“Uh, I do have this hazard suit,” I told him. “If we could find a way back into the Citadel there’s a chance we could-”

“NO!”

The Doctor was once again shoved out of the way, this time replaced by an unusually terrified looking pink pony.

“Twilight, Hexie, you CAN’T go into the Citadel!” squeaked Pinkie.

“But Pinkie-” Twilight started, but Pinkie was replaced by yet another pony who was a good deal more scared, while the Doctor got more and more annoyed in the background.

“Twilight, you really mustn’t! It’s far too dangerous!” Fluttershy insisted. “Doctor, can’t you try to talk to them?”

“What the heck do you think I’ve been trying to do since they connected?” asked the Doctor. “Look, I’m sorry girls, but I don’t see any other way. And it would definitely help the Resistance in City 17 evacuate more civilians.”

Twilight set her face and said “We can do this, Doctor.”

“Alright then, Twilight,” said the Doctor. “Just promise-”

“PINKIE promise!” interjected Pinkie.

“-Pinkie promise you won’t take a single unnecessary risk,” the Doctor finished. “Both of you.”

I saw the determination in Twilight’s eyes, and together we mimicked the actions of the famous unbreakable oath.

“We promise, Doc,” I told him. “Wish us luck.”

“Good luck,” said the Doctor. “You are both definitely going to need it.”

The transmission cut out, and Spike flapped down to the ground.

“I heard everything,” he told us. “You’re going back into the Citadel? Call me silly, but that doesn’t really sound like a good idea.”

“You’re right, silly,” I said, “but right now it’s the only thing we can do.”

“Well, I’m not carrying you over there,” said Spike stubbornly. “There’s no way I’m going within fifty feet of that place, there’s no telling what that radiation might do to my wings!”

“I don’t blame you,” said Twilight, once again stealing my catchphrase. “Let’s see if we can find another way in somewhere along the rim.”

The dragon nodded, and lifted up a fallen gunship so that we could move onward.

“Thanks,” said Twilight. “Meet us on the other side of that ridge, okay?”

And with that, Spike flapped off.

“I really, really wish we weren’t doing this,” I told the purple unicorn as we headed back towards the edge of the cavernous pit around the Citadel.

“Wishing never got anypony anywhere,” she pointed out.

It wasn’t long before we came to the edge of the pit. Not that it was hard to find of course, since it was of the suddenly-dropping-off-into-nothing breed. Another broken walkway ran around the inside, and up onto another clear patch a short distance around the circumference.

“Wow!” Twilight caught herself just before she went over. “What a drop!”

“Ladies first?” I asked.

She gave me another Look. I really should know better than to annoy girls, shouldn’t I?

“You’re right,” I said, “That was a stupid idea.”

We stepped out onto the path – the precarious, only-just-more-than-a-metre-wide path – and almost instantly I felt my hooves slipping on the soft ground. It was as if the earth itself was now trying to kill us.

Speaking of which, part of the edge crumbled and showered both of us with rocks and clumps of dirt.

“You alright back there?” I asked Twilight.

“I think so,” she replied. “Although I do feel like the earth itself is trying to kill us now!”

Heh. I guess great minds think alight, eh?

With careful hoofwork and a lot of rebalancing, we made it to the patch Twilight had indicated, and I’d never been so glad to have solid ground below my hooves in all my life.

“I don’t know about you,” I said, “but I never want to do that again.”

“I’m with you there,” said Twilight. “Where’s Spike? I told him to meet us here.”

“I’m over here!” shouted Spike from the other side of a massive heap of rubble. “I- whoa!”

There was a massive crashing noise, and a huge chunk of rubble toppled over, followed by a horrible silence.

“Spike!” yelled Twilight, her voice strained with fear for her assistant. “Spike, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

After a few seconds more crashing, the purple dragon appeared grinning over the heap of rubble which until that point had kept us separated.

“Yeah, I can hear you,” he replied.

“Don’t scare me like that again, you hear?” Twilight commanded.

“I think it would be best if you stayed with us for the moment,” I told him. “Could you help us find a way across?”

The three of us looked across at the tower of fracturing steel. Our goal was clear: some kind of inlet which was just about level with the rim of the pit. Usually there’d be a bridge stretching across, but all that was left was a few razor-like shards of metal jutting out of the ground.

“In any other situation I’d teleport us both over there,” said Twilight, “but there’s every chance that place is still guarded. I’d need as much magic as possible to get us to the core safely. There has to be some way to get across…”

“Oh, wait a second!” Spike cried suddenly, startling us both. “Both of you stay here!”

He jumped onto the rubble heap and flew up into the sky.

I guess the Combine suppression field affects pegasi, but not dragons. Maybe it’s something to do with their physical structure or their wingpower, or maybe it’s that the suppression field was designed for hominid control, not equine or draconian. It’d have some rather unpredictable effects on the residents of dimension 36.

“What’s he doing over there?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” said Twilight, “but it seems he might have foun- LOOK OUT!”

She pushed me out of the way just in time to avoid both of us being crushed by the minivan which flew over the rubble heap and landed in our patch of clear ground. Spike came back into view, his expression now worried.

“Are you guys okay?” he asked. “I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

“Don’t worry, Spike,” Twilight said, “we’re both fine.”

“But I don’t really see how a rusted old minivan is going to help us,” I commented. “What’s it supposed to achieve?”

With a small smirk (which was worrying to say the least) Spike walked over to the side of the van and yanked the door off, then stood offering the seat like a chauffeur.

“Oh, you’re kidding,” I said flatly. “Seriously?”

“Well, I don’t see how it couldn’t work,” said Twilight. “Plus, Spike has done the math.”

She turned to him and whispered “You did do the math, right?”

The dragon shook his head.

“Never mind,” she said. “I want you to get out of here as fast as you can. Go and find the Doctor. We’ll be safe, don’t worry.”

She yelped in shock as Spike swept her up in one monster of a hug. Then she tentatively climbed into the van, and I followed suit in the passenger seat.

“Okay, hold on!” the dragon commanded.

“Make it quick before I change my mind!” said Twilight.

“Better hold on tight!” I said rather unnecessarily, and propped myself between the dashboard and the back of the seat.

Spike lifted the van into the air, and Twilight and I almost fell out as he lined himself up, getting ready to throw.

“Okay, ready?” asked Spike. “One… two… three-”

He cut himself off and took a few steps back.

“That’s a long way,” he commented, “that’s a really, really long way and counting to three just gives me way too much time to think about it.”

“Spike, stop wasting time!” said Twilight.

“Right,” said Spike, “I’ll do it on one. Ready?”

“Well,” I said, “now that you ask-”

“ONE!”

I think I should point out at this moment that there have been several occasions in my life already where I have experienced weightlessness. Most of them involved space travel, but there were several where I was flying through the air like an angry bird. Nevertheless, the dive across the chasm was one of the most terrifying rides of my life. I was too scared even to scream when the van crashed onto the metal grate of the Citadel’s inlet in which we had landed.

Shaking, Twilight looked out and across the chasm.

“Good throw, Spike!” she called. “Now go, you’ll be fine!”

And with that, the purple and green dragon flapped away over the ruins of the city.

“Okay,” I said, “now let’s…”

I trailed off. I’m pretty sure the floor isn’t supposed to be ominously creaking. And this van is not supposed to be leaning forwards…

The grate snapped under the combined weight of a rusty van and two terrified unicorns who were then sent hurtling like the world’s most dangerous rollercoaster in a mostly downwards direction. After a final leap of faith made completely against our will, Twilight and I came to a rest right in front of another sudden drop.

It was several seconds before either of us picked up the courage to speak.

“You alright?” asked Twilight yet again.

“Yeah,” I replied. “In fact, good news: I no longer need the toilet.”

Twilight stared at me for a second, before coming to the conclusion which both of us had been coming to:

“We’d better get out before the next ride starts.”

We climbed out of the van, mere seconds before the floor beneath it bent downwards and the rusted vehicle plummeted into the bottomless pit which awaited it.

“Too close,” I commented. “I am never doing that again.”

“I’m with you there,” said Twilight. “Also, you don’t need to worry about hygiene: that suit has an inbuilt liquid purification system. You could drink that water.”

And this time, it was my turn to give her a Look.

“Let’s move!”

If the Citadel had looked badly damaged on the outside, it was absolutely nothing compared to the inside. Rubble was piled up all through the corridors, with more falling all the time, and sparking wires dangled dangerously from the ceiling.

“Wow,” said Twilight as we ran.

“I know, right?” I said. “This place is really coming apart. I had no idea- WHOA!”

Again, not for the first time, I was weightless. I tripped and went sailing over an edge, and I would have fallen into the Doom-filled Bottomless Doomed Pit of Doomed Doom if Twilight hadn’t wrapped me in a sheath of deep pink telekinesis.

“Told you that I might need my magic,” she said, pulling me back over the edge.

“Thanks,” I said when she’d set me down again.

“No problem,” said Twilight. “It’s what I’m here for. That and the occasional piece of constructive criticism: you could have been a little more careful.”

“I will be next time,” I informed her.

We had arrived at another electromagnetic gate. On one side of the passage was another very open room with a pipe dispensing roller mines, and on the other was a window. Through the window was some kind of control room – seeing as the shield was in the way, it was obviously where we needed to go – and the controls were all operated by…

…by those things. The things that used to be unicorns and now look more like maggots than anything else.

“Oh my gosh,” whispered Twilight. “Stalkers!”

“Stalkers?” I whispered back. “I was wondering what they were called. Also, why’re we whispering?”

“So that we don’t disturb them,” Twilight explained. “We should be okay so long as we stay out of their way.”

She deactivated the shield with a zap of magic, but before we could get through it flashed up in front of us, and it almost singed our noses.

“What the-” Twilight tried again, but it was just a repeat.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Why won’t it stay open?”

Twilight looked around for the source of trouble, and her eyes fell upon the control room, or more specifically a single Stalker who was busy pressing buttons and occasionally turning its head in our direction. I would say it glanced at us, but I’m not entirely sure whether they’re blind or not.

“It’s that Stalker,” said Twilight. “That’s what’s keeping it closed. Let me just… do you think you could get me one of those roller mines?”

“Uh, sure,” I answered.

I was a little nervous as to what she could want with one of those. Did she want to kill us both because of the ever so slightly hopeless situation? They surely wouldn’t take out the Stalkers, because of which side they were on…

I jumped down to where the tube holding the roller mines was hanging from the ceiling, and I pressed the button to dispense one, but was instead showered with the things. They jumped around for a second, and a few of them attached themselves to my HEV suit.

Luckily there was a lift available, and I rose back up to where Twilight was waiting. Upon seeing me covered in mines, she started to laugh.

“I got one,” I said unnecessarily.

“I noticed!” Twilight giggled. Once she was done, she zapped away all but one of them, which she held in mid-air in another telekinetic sheath.

“Could you hold it for me?” she asked.

“What’re you trying to do?” I said while complying.

“The Doctor showed me how to reset the target systems in these things,” she explained while examining the bleeping ball. “A little burst of magic in just the right place and it’s on our side.”

She apparently found what she was looking for, and true to her word applied a small burst of magic around the centre. The mine immediately switched from a brilliant blue glow to a bright orange one.

“There we go!” Twilight said cheerfully. “It’s a lot more unstable, but it should take out those Stalkers before it explodes.”

I took careful aim and punted the mine down the corridor, where it bounced into the control room and rolled around, bouncing off the Stalkers and apparently killing them. Good. Put them out of their misery.

“Nice work,” said Twilight, and this time the shield stayed open.

Then we heard the PA system.

“Priority warning: sterilizers and containment fields compromised.”

“Smeg, that creeps me out,” I commented.

“What do you mean?” asked Twilight as we ran onwards.

“Voices with no emotion,” I told her. “I don’t know why, but robot voices like that have always been kinda disturbing.”

“I know how you feel,” said Twilight. “Believe me.”

After a few more minutes of running and fighting through some guards who were still protecting the Citadel’s inner workings, we found a hard light bridge. It was obvious we’d have to cross it to continue to the core, but just as more guards were running across to shoot us something malfunctioned in the wall and a massive vortex opened up, dragging the soldiers in and crushing them to little more than bloody pulps.

Twilight and I watched in horror.

“Well, screw that!” she exclaimed.

“We have to cross that?” I shouted. “I can’t believe this! Who the smeg thought it would be a good idea to put that there?!”

“Exactly!” cried Twilight. “It makes absolutely no sense! Why is there something like this here?”

“Yeah!” I replied. “This chapter was badly thought out!”

We both stood and watched the swirling blue vortex of doom for a moment. It would swirl and suck for about three seconds at a time, and then leave a ten second gap in which it was silent.

“You think we can make it?” I asked Twilight.

“Why bother?” she asked in reply.

Half a second later, we were safely on the other side of the bridge, and yet we hadn’t used it.

“Teleportation?” I asked. “Some ponies might call that an arse pull.”

“Hey,” said Twilight moodily, “if you don’t like it, go on the internet and complain. Right now we have a job to do.”

It wasn’t long before we arrived in another room, which was rather dimly lit and made it difficult to see without eye pain. A huge console dominated one wall, while some kind of pneumatic tube occupied the opposite.

“What went on in here?” asked Twilight.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I can’t help but feel like it we use that console, we might find out. Would you like to do the honours?”

Twilight nodded with a small smile, and started tapping away like crazy.

“Good idea,” she said as she worked. “There’s every chance this console has some useful information: we might be able to pin down a safer path to the core. Well, safer than the one we have already.”

“You mean just running in any old direction and hoping it’s the right one?” I suggested. “That usually works.”

She glanced at me with a smile.

“Maybe in your world,” she said, “but in modern Equestria it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

After a little more tapping, a horribly familiar face appeared on the screen.

“I beg you, please; it is Trixie you should be concerned about! Trixie can still deliver each, but not without assistance!” she cried.

“Trixie?!” Twilight yelped, leaping back. “But-but how?!”

“The portal location is unsustainable,” Trixie continued. “There is no possible way for Trixie to survive in that environment! A host body? You have got to be joking; there is no way Trixie could possibly-”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Twilight sighed in relief.

“Just an old recording,” I said. “Just shows how big her ego was.”

“Let me see if I can shut it down,” said Twilight, returning to the control panel.

“Alright, fine!” cried the recorded Trixie. “Just make it fast: they’re right behind me! Oh horseapples.” And she cantered out of shot.

“What the-”

Twilight didn’t have time to finish her shocked explanation, because the maggot thing that had appeared on the screen at the end of Trixie’s conversation – Advisors, they’re called Advisors – reappeared, and on every smaller screen surrounding the big one.

Then a pod appeared in the tube, the top half opened and the face of an Advisor was revealed.

Half a second later, it attacked.

My head has never hurt so much in my life. You want to simulate it? Then find a way to make your head implode. I don’t care if such a thing is physically impossible, FIND A SMEGGING WAY. I swear there was blood trickling over the lenses of my eyes, and on one side of my glasses, the lens cracked as though it had been stamped on.

“Let’s get out of here!” yelled Twilight.

She used her magic to open the next door and we both galloped through like greased lightning, only stopping to breathe when it had slammed closed behind us.

“What’s one of them doing here?” asked Twilight.

“I-I don’t know,” I confessed.

I can hardly remember a time when I’d seen so much horror in Twilight’s beautiful face. Her pupils had shrunk to pinpricks, her whole body was trembling in shock and a cold sweat had broken out on her forehead. So I did the first thing I thought of and wrapped my hooves around her, and she was glad to return the gesture. I could still feel her body shaking, though.

“You look as though you’ve been crying blood,” she commented. “I don’t look like that, do I?”

“No,” I told her, “but I can tell you’re pretty shaken up.”

When we broke apart, we didn’t say a word. We just continued running through the Citadel, and once or twice came upon a broken confiscation field thingy – the things that had destroyed all my weapons when I had first arrived here.

And then we found one that wasn’t destroyed…

“Security alert: unregistered weapons detected. Confiscation field engaged.”

I knew I was in trouble the moment my hooves left the ground. It held me in an almost immobile state. I could hear Twilight calling out to me from the now closed-off corridor, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying.

Once more, the clip was pulled off my horn, and once more it was suspended before me before the field backfired and the clip became supercharged again.

“Warning: counter-resonant singularity device detected,” declared the PA. “Confiscation field failure.”

Finally, the field shut down.

“Security alert: illegal counter-resonant singularity device detected. Deploy; diagnose; dissect.”

“I wish I knew why it did that,” said Twilight, scrutinizing my horn clip.

“Tell you the truth, I do too,” I told her, “but I guess we should be glad it’s made me… say, about half as powerful as you?”

Again, Twilight blushed happily.

You may not believe this, but I never actually got a chance to be the Doctor’s companion. However, I’m beginning to understand what it was like, because right now I’m doing more running than I ever have in my whole life. Sure, there was that bit where I was charging the Citadel in the first place to get to Trixie’s lair, but I was walking almost the entire time. I was conserving my energy for what was to come, and anyway I didn’t really need to hurry.

Plus, I think you’ll find a psychopath is a lot more intimidating when they’re calm than when they’re screaming, because you know they’re going to start screaming at some point: you just don’t know when. And as time goes by it becomes more and more likely that you’ll be the one screaming, and then he’ll stab you in the face or something and I should really get to the point.

The point is Twilight and I were practically hurtling through the bowels of the Citadel. Pretty soon we found another lift, and this one was a lot bigger than all the rest: we could both fit on, but there would have been room for all her friends as well.

Like all the other lifts, it was a simple platform of glass held together by lead lining, and through it we could see just how far down the Citadel went. It was practically a bottomless pit.

“You think this could take us to the core?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Twilight. “We’re definitely on the right track.”

We stepped onto the lift. I snatched an energy ball from one of the channels running up the sides of the shaft, and threw it into a receptacle which immediately started glowing blue, and the lift began descending.

“Look out!”

I looked up just in time to see a lump of rubble falling from the ceiling up above. Luckily I caught it and threw it to one side, but then more started falling, and it got to the point where it wasn’t so much an elevator ride as a sick, twisted, vertical game of dodge ball where dodging had the same consequences as getting hit in the face with a bowling ball.

Then the lift stopped.

“What the- Why did it just stop?” I demanded.

Without saying a world, my plucky marefriend pluckily plucked an energy ball from a channel and pluckily shot it into a second receptacle, which pluckily accepted it and we pluckily continued. Plucky, huh?

“Heads up!”

It wasn’t long before we once again had to catch rubble as it fell from the ceiling. If the glass was indestructible, then it wouldn’t have been a problem, but one well-placed chunk of girder and we’re dancing with Death.

He’s actually a really bad dancer.

Must be something to do with the bones.

Oh well.

“Doesn’t this thing go any faster?” I asked.

“All the lifts in the Citadel are like this!” Twilight pointed out.

“If I didn’t know any better,” I replied, “I’d say it was some kind of conspiracy! Oh smeg, what now?”

The lift had stopped again. There was another receptacle nearby, so it was my turn to fire an energy ball into it, and we set off-

-for about half a second, because the lift stopped as if to say “Nope, not gonna work” and retreated back up.

“Why didn’t that work?” I asked.

“Maybe you did it wrong,” suggested Twilight.

“Twi, I’m shooting an energy ball into a thing which is powered by energy balls,” I pointed out. “I don’t think it’s even possible to go wrong.”

“Still, maybe I should try,” said Twilight. I just shrugged and let her have a go, but it still failed.

Then I saw something else. A red laser had shot at the receptacle just as the ball had gone in, and it had come from a sort of office thing off to the side. More specifically, a Stalker. That’s why they’d been left with their horns.

“It’s that Stalker,” said Twilight. “That’s what’s stopping it! Do you want to take it out?”

Odd. I’d have thought she’d jump at the chance of putting one of those things out of their misery. I’ll have to ask about it later.

Nevertheless, I took careful aim and fired the ball.

It rebounded off the ceiling and walls until it bowled the Stalker over, and then bounced right into the receptacle.

“Nice work!” complimented Twilight as the lift started working again.

“Oh, stop it, you,” I said with mock bashfulness.

The rest of the lift ride down was remotely uneventful, apart from us having to take out a few more renegade soldiers who were still hanging around.

“I don’t know why they’re still here,” I said. “I’d have thought they’d be fleeing to the moon right now.”

“Unless there’s something else,” said Twilight. “Some higher goal they’re trying to accomplish which can only be achieved in the Citadel.”

At long last, the lift completed its journey.

“GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!”

I glanced up just in time to see a mass of metal the size of a small building falling from the ceiling. Twilight and I ran to safety into a nearby corridor, just in time to hear the deafening shatter of glass behind us as the lift was completely and totally annihilated.

“Promise me one thing,” said Twilight.

“Anything,” I replied.

“When this is over,” she said, “you’re taking me on a date. A proper one: dinner, dressing nicely, the works. Because I’m gonna need something to take my mind off this nightmare and going out with you seems like the best idea!”

Glad to hear I’m not the only one who’s getting tired.

“You’ve got a deal,” I said.

And with that, we moved on.