Just Buck Already

by Sidral Mundet

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Fluttershy, Slice of Life, Human, Applejack
Length: 3753

Rainbow Dash tries to get Applejack and Rarity together

Rainbow Dash is tired of Applejack and Rarity always arguing and tries to get them to admit their feelings for each other. Too bad she's dealing with the two most stubborn people in the world outside herself.

Editor: Alovelylittlecomplex

Contain Rarijack, humanized ponies (the type that can fly and shoot magic[because that's realistic{sarcasm}]), strong language, and an odd mishmash of the show, comics, and EQG continuity.

Not sure if comedy tag applies, but this is meant to be lighthearted in tone.

Published 2014-06-19 00:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-19 00:50:02 UTC

And that's buck spelled with an F

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville, in no small part thanks to Rainbow Dash. The sky was absolutely clear, save for one small cloud the flyer had reserved for herself. Fluffing it neatly, she laid down on the heavenly piece of concentrated water vapor. “Nothing like a well-earned nap after a hard day’s work,” she said closing her eyes and began to doze off peacefully.

This lasted for about 10, maybe 15 seconds, tops.

“Applejack, you’re getting plaster everywhere. This is my idea room, do you know how long it’ll take me to clean this all up?”

“Well, excuse me. Ya asked me to come by to fix this here hole in yer wall, then ya complain about how Ah’m goin’ about doin’ it. And Ah said Ah’d clean up after myself before Ah left. Don’t know why Ah bother sometimes.”

Rainbow Dash looked down from her cloud. She had happened to park it right above Carousel Boutique. Rainbow groaned at the noise her two friends were causing, made much more audible by the large hole in one of the sides of the establishment. Turning her head, Rainbow Dash tried to ignore it, stuffing some cloud into her ears.

“While I do appreciate the help, that’s no excuse for all this.”

“This place was a mess before Ah ever got here.”

“It wasn’t messy, it was organized in my own unique style.”

““Yeah, cause throwing paper haphazardly is such a well thought out sorting system.”

“I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand my creative thought process.”

“You callin’ me a simpleton?”

Rainbow Dash eyes twitched open. She had had enough.

“Of course not, but you are not exactly the pinnacle of-”

“Would you two just fuck already!” Rainbow Dash said, flying down to the hole in the wall.

Inside Applejack and Rarity were staring each other down, the former with a tool belt around her waist and plaster on her face and clothes, and her trademark hat on a coat rack in the far corner, and the latter dressed in her normal elegant attire. Both turned to face Rainbow Dash.

“What?!” they both replied, blushing slightly.

“Would. You. Two. Just. Fuck. Already.” Rainbow Dash said, emphasizing every word. “It would shut you two up for at least five minutes.”

“There’s no need for that kind of language, Rainbow.” Rarity said. “And that’s no way to talk to a friend.”

“I’m sorry,” Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. “But when you two lovebirds get into your millionth and first argument, it tends to get on your nerves.”

“Lovebirds? What in the hay you talking ‘bout Rainbow?” Applejack moved to pick up her hat on the table while putting down her tool belt.

“You know, significant other, sweethearts, heartthrobs, lovers.” Rainbow Dash waggled her eyebrows at the last one.

“I can see someone’s been reading a thesaurus,” Rarity chimed in.

“It’s summer, all my favorite shows are on hiatus, sue me.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “And don’t try changing the subject. You two are in love with each other.”

Applejack and Rarity turned to one another and then started to giggle. Rainbow Dash hovered with her arms crossed, rapping her fingers on her arm. Applejack looked up at her.

“Oh, you’re serious?” Rainbow Dash gave Applejack an annoyed look as if to say yes. “Listen, Rarity’s a fine young lady, real creative and what not, but she drives me up a wall at times. No way we’d be in love.”

“Yes, and while Applejack here has very many wonderful qualities, she is a bit too, shall we say, unkempt, for my tastes.”

“Who you callin’ unkempt?” Applejack said, annoyed.

“All I was saying, Applejack, was that you don’t exactly have a habit of neat and proper styling and organization”

“You sayin’ Ah ain’t organized. Mah barn’s more organized than this place when Ah got here.”

“And you're both telling me you don’t’ have feelings for one another?” Rainbow Dash looked unamused. “Seriously, you guys appear to hate each other, but week after week, heck day after day sometimes, you meet up, either with the rest of us or just the two of you, and you come away happier than ever. If you two aren’t in love, then I give up.”

“Rainbow, just because we’re the opposite of each other doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” Rarity replied.

“Then why don’t you and me hang out more?” Rarity opened her mouth to reply but remained silent. Rainbow continued. “Besides, you two know more about each other than anyone else.”

“How so?” Applejack asked.

“For starters, Rarity, just how did you know AJ's bass strap was embroided?”

“Well, um, I just happen to notice personal touches and have an eye for fashion.” Rarity said, having a slight trace of a blush.

“Right,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “And AJ, how did you know that Rarity had a brooch like the one you bought for her at the trading fair?”

“Oh, I found a whole bunch of them when I was stealin’ some clothes from Rarity’s closet.” Applejack said nonchalantly.

“And why did you steal from Rarity? I would imagine that even you own a dress or two.”

“Well, I,” AJ hesitated for a second before crossing her arms in a huff. “She has the best dress sense out of all of us and I needed something really sharp to snap her out of that funk she was goin’ through with Trenderhoof.”

“And there’s another thing. You were the one who acted out when Rarity started going overboard. The rest of us were content to let her just go through her little phase and be done with it, but you went the extra mile. Now, why is that?” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Jealously, perhaps?”

“Ah wasn’t jealous,” Applejack said, her face redder than the apples she harvested. “Ah was tryin’ to help her from makin’ a fool of herself, like a good friend should. And she was insultin’ me and mah family’s lifestyle.”

“I never intended to go that far with it.” Rarity interjected. “But I am sorry about all that.”

“Ah know,” Applejack addressed Rarity. “You just got caught up in the moment. Happens to the best of us.” She placed her arm on Rarity’s shoulder.

“Now kiss and make up,” Rainbow Dash said, giving the biggest grin she could pull off. All she got back were two of the meanest death glares imaginable.

Then Applejack got a wicked idea. “So if you're so keen on thinkin’ me and Rarity are an item, what about you and Fluttershy?” Her smirk said it all.

Unprepared for this Rainbow Dash blinked a few times. “Me and Fluttershy?” She burst out laughing.

“We’re quite serious Rainbow,” Rarity replied, picking up on Applejack’s line of attack. “Since Applejack and I are so different and yet you think we’re meant for each other, you and Fluttershy should be a match made in heaven. I mean you two know more about each other than the rest of us and you appear quite close with her.”

“Yeah, that's because we’ve know each other since kindergarten.” Rainbow Dash replied.

“Oh and you’re childhood friends,” Rarity cooed. “That just makes it all the more romantic.”

Rainbow Dash gave the pair a deadpan expression. “Alright I can see I’m not going to be able to convince you two to get together until this little matter has been sorted out.” Reaching into her pocket, Rainbow Dash pulled out her phone and searched through her contact list for Fluttershy’s name. Pushing the call button, she waited for her friend to pick up. Soon the ringing had stopped.

“Hey Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash spoke.

“Yes, Rainbow?” Fluttershy’s voice didn’t come from the phone but right next to Rainbow Dash. Turning around, she saw her friend hovering next to her, causing her to jump a few feet in surprise.

“YAH! Since when did you get Pinkie power, Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked.

“I didn't,” Fluttershy said, confused. “I was just dropping off Opal, and I heard you girls talking in here. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” She placed Opal's carrying case on a table near the far wall.

“No, perfect timing in fact,” Rainbow Dash said, wrapping her arm around Fluttershy’s waist. Leaning her over, Rainbow then gave Fluttershy what appeared to be a very deep and passionate kiss, causing Fluttershy’s eye to bulge out.

Breaking the kiss, Rainbow placed a finger on Fluttershy’s lips. “Fluttershy, I’m madly in love with you. You are the apple in my eye, the center of my life, the bread to the sandwich I was planning on having for lunch. You complete me.”

Everyone stood in silence for nearly a minute. Rainbow Dash still had a rather sincere look to her face. Both Applejack and Rarity had the mouths wide open at what the saw, and Fluttershy was dumbfounded. She turned to look at Applejack and Rarity. “Would someone please explain what’s going on?” she said extremely confused by the situation.

“And there you go,” Rainbow Dash said, propping Fluttershy back up to a upright position.

“What do ya mean there ya go?” Applejack asked

“If she was in love with me, she’d be blushing like mad and returning the lovey dovey crap I gave her. Instead she looks like a deer caught in some headlights.”

“I’m so confused,” Fluttershy replied. “Would someone please explain what’s going on?”

“AJ and Rarity here were trying to suggest that you and me were a couple,” Rainbow rolled her eyes.

“Why did you girls think we were together?” Fluttershy asked. “That’s not to say you’re not attractive Rainbow. It’s just I don’t um, ‘swing that way?’”

“They were trying to get me off subject about how these two should be together.” Rainbow Dash pointed at Rarity and Applejack.

“Rainbow Dash, you should leave them alone,” Fluttershy said somewhat sternly. “You should let them figure this out on their own time.”

“Thank Ya Flutter… Wait, what?” Applejack replied, face-palming herself. “Don’t tell me ya thinkin’ the same thing as RD here.”

“Sorry,” Fluttershy said sheepishly. “But you two do have a lot of chemistry between youselves and you both have the whole opposites attract feel to each other. No offense. It kind of reminds me of a romance movie.” Fluttershy was blushing from embarrassment. “Oh, that reminds me. Rainbow I’m going to need some of those romance books you took back soon since Twilight’s been asking for them.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash replied nervously, rubbing the back of her head. “What makes you think I took them? I don’t read romance, its action adventure for me. Heck I’m even reading thesauruses over some crappy love story. Why’d you even ask me?”

“Well someone’s been stealing my books one at a time. They’re returning them, so I don’t mind so much. I just wish I knew. I know Twilight isn't since she’s asking for them, Rarity’s has far more than me, and I’d figure Applejack would have asked Rarity before me. Guess that just leaves Pinkie for now.”

“Well anyways, back on topic. Even Fluttershy here thinks you two should get together. You know you guys are giving off major vibes.” Rainbow Dash said. “So why don’t you two just admit it?”

“Because there ain’t nothing to admit.” Applejack said, getting ticked off.

“HA!” Rainbow Dash said pointing at Applejack. “Double negative, so there is something to admit.”

“That’s just the way Ah talk, Rainbow!” Applejack said, a blush once more coming to her cheeks.

“Alright then, Miss Element of Honesty, how do you feel about Rarity?”

“She's a good friend, much more than ya’ll are being right now, and she ain’t nothing…anything more, ya got that?” Applejack replied, rather flustered.

“Yeah Yeah,” Rainbow responded. “Course she’s a good friend and nothing more cause you two won’t man up. Admit it and become more than friends. Rarity, what do you think of Applejack?”

“If we’re just goin’ round in circles, Ah’m out of here.” Applejack said rather angrily, making for the door. “Rarity, I suggest ya call a contractor or whatnot if ya want yer wall fixed today, cause Ah ain’t gonna stand around here and be accused of having feelings for ya by some snot nosed flyer who don’t believe a thing Ah say.” Applejack left the room and the shop.

“Totally in love,” Rainbow Dash said smugly.

“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity called out. “Would you care to explain yourself? What exactly gives you the right to come barging in here, make wild accusations about me and Applejack being together, and then get the one person who was willing to help me fix my shop to leave?”

“Oh don’t you start on me too.” Rainbow replied. “Listen, you two just need to sit down, ‘talk about your feelings’ and boom, brand new couple.”

“I think Applejack was onto something,” Rarity said, venom in her voice. “If we are just going in circles around this point, ad infinitum, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Yeah you and what…” Rainbow looked at Rarity and it looked like Rarity was about to go apeshit on her ass. “Well look at the time,” Rainbow Dash said looking at her empty arm. “I got to go do that thing over there. See ya.” She said flying away at a breakneck pace, leaving just Fluttershy and Rarity in the room.

“Are…Are you going to be okay?” Fluttershy asked.

“I’ll be fine dear,” Rarity said, calming down, “Thank you for asking.”

“You need any help?”

“I don’t think you’d be able to help me on this one,” Rarity pointed to her wall. “Need to find the yellow pages for this one.”

“You’re not too mad at Rainbow Dash then?”

“I’m annoyed and fed up with her, yes, but I’m not really that mad at her. We both know she can be a bit blunt at times.”

“If you don’t need me then, I’m going to go and talk to her then …if that’s alright with you.”

“Be my guest, someone needs to talk some sense into her, and I've got to wait for a carpenter.”

“What about AJ’s stuff?” Fluttershy pointed at Applejack’s tool belt on the table.

“I’m sure she’ll come by later and pick it up,” Rarity replied. “It’ll give us a chance to talk and put this whole thing behind us.”

“Okay then,” Fluttershy said. “See you at the spa this Sunday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Rarity said as Fluttershy flew out the hole in pursuit of Rainbow Dash.

Now alone, Rarity moved to the tool belt and examined it thoughtfully.

High above Ponyville

Rainbow Dash was finally enjoying the well-deserved nap she had been craving. The cloud had just the right amount of support and the sun shine shone blissfully on her. That was until a shadow crawled over her face, making her open her eyes to see what the disturbance was. Fluttershy was hovering over her, arms crossed and a stern look in her eyes.

“Oh hey Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said, “You mind moving, kind of blocking the sun.”

“What you did back there wasn’t very nice, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said, look unchanging.

“Oh come on, you and I know those two like each other,” Rainbow Dash replied. “I mean even Twilight is starting to pick up on them. TWILIGHT of all people, Fluttershy! I mean she could list all the differences between all the chemicals in the world, but when it comes to stuff like love, she’s as blind as a bat.”

“Bats aren’t blind.”

“You get my point.”

“You still shouldn't go around pressing people into situations they’re uncomfortable with, especially situations where you only have circumstantial evidence.”

“Come on, Fluttershy, you saw the way they were acting. Ten bucks they’re going to get together within the week.”

Fluttershy said nothing, eyes staring at Rainbow Dash.

“Alright fine, I’ll apologize,” Rainbow sighed, “But in the morning okay? Let AJ and Rarity cool down a little.”

“What time tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. 9:00?”

“That works. Thank you Rainbow.” Fluttershy said, smiling.

“Yeah just guilt me into it,” Rainbow Dash said sitting up on the cloud, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “So anything surprising happening with you lately, you know, outside this ordeal?”

“Nothing much,” Fluttershy said. “The biggest shock I’ve received lately was that Mallory accepted Ricardo’s marriage proposal.”

“I know, right? She should have totally been with Dave but no he just had to go off to the war without…” Rainbow realized just what she had been saying. She turned to Fluttershy with a massive glare, who was giving her a mischievous smile. “Shut it.”

Sweet Apple’s Acres

Late at night

Applejack was listening to the radio in her family’s cider bar located in the cellar of her barn when someone knocked on the door.

“Hold on, Ah’m coming,” Applejack got up. “If that’s you Rainbow, you’d better have a really good apology ready if ya’ll want any of this cider.” Opening the door, Applejack found Rarity standing outside. Both remained silent for a moment.

“So, what can Ah do for ya?” Applejack asked, breaking the silence.

“I was here to return this.” Rarity handed Applejack the tool belt. “And to talk about earlier. May I come in?”

Applejack sighed. “Sure, why not.”

Both entered ,and Rarity sat down on one of the many bar stools.

“Care for a cup?” Applejack said, pointing to a wooden barrel full of cider.

“Not right now, but thank you.” Rarity spied Applejack’s cup next to her. “How many have you…”

“Second cup,” Applejack said. “And trust me, Ah can hold my own, so if ya need to say something important, go right ahead.”

“Well, firstly, I came here to apologize for the way Rainbow was treating you early.” Rarity said.

“That ain’t your fault and you shouldn’t be the one apologizin’ for that,” Applejack replied, retaking her seat.

“Still, it happened in my home and I should have done something,” Rarity said.

“It’s Rainbow,” Applejack said. “She tends to be a little rude.”

“A little?” Rarity asked, smiling, then looked down. “Now for the second thing I guess.” She paused.

“Well, ya goin’ ta get to it or what?” Applejack asked impatiently.

“Give me a second, it’s not that easy,” Rarity said, taking a deep breath. “Alright, here goes. Rainbow really got under your skin today, more so than normal, which probably means she was asking very close and personal questions. So I have to ask, Applejack, how do you really feel about me?”

“I,um,I?” Applejack stammered.

Rarity placed her hand over Applejack’s. “And please, be honest.”

Applejack looked at Rarity, then to her cup. She chugged the remaining half in one motion and placed it back down somewhat forcefully, sighing as she did so. “Alright, Ah got a crush on ya.” Applejack said, looking down at her feet. “Probably started at that sleepover we had with Twilight awhile back, but Ah really didn’t know for certain 'til that Trenderhoof guy came to town. That guy really got me all riled up.” She looked up at Rarity. “Now Ah ‘ve been willin’ ta except ya not return mah feelin’s but I do not want to be treated the way you treat Spi-“

She was cut off as Rarity leaned forward and kissed her. Applejack was surprised by this before returning it. When they broke apart, Applejack still wore her surprise. “But I thought you’s was, you know, into guys.”

“Just because I have a preference for one doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the other,” Rarity said,coyly, but with a massively red face. Applejack just looked confused. “I’m bisexual,” Rarity said deadpan in tone.

“Oh,” Applejack said, finally understanding. “So wait, does that mean?”

“Yes,” Rarity said twirling a lock of her hair. “I’ve also had feelings for you as well. At least I know I have since the trading fair, maybe sooner, but I wasn't willing to admit to myself at the time.”

They both blushed slightly as they once again made eye contact, before leaning in to kiss each other once again.

“So, what now?” Applejack continued afterwards.

“Well, it’s rather late and I’ve got some dress orders that need to be cleared by the end of the week.” Rarity said, standing up. “But I expect you to be by at 8:00 A.M. sharp. You left my room an absolute train wreck and I expect you to clean it up.” Rarity’s tone was punctual and somewhat condescending but with a friendly, teasing quality to it. “And then after that I must fit you for some new dresses. No girlfriend of mine is going to be stealing my clothes, I tell you that right this instant.” She said as she huffed towards the door, and after opening, it turned around. All the bluster was gone from her. “See you tomorrow?” Rarity asked in a somewhat vulnerable tone.

“Oh Ah guess,” Applejack said cheekily, rolling her eyes in an over the top fashion.

“Well, good night then.” Rarity said, no longer as open but without the act as well.

“Night Sugarcube,” Applejack replied. Both blushed with massive grins on their faces as Rarity shut the door.

Applejack got up for her third cup of cider. “Hell of a night,” She said to no one as the amber liquid poured. Sitting down, she thought about all the events that had occurred, smiling and laughing slightly, until a certain thought popped into her brain.

“That son of a …”

Rarity was walking in the crisp night air back towards her shop, when her phone signaled an incoming text message. She pulled it out. “Funny, what could be so important to Applejack that she wouldn’t call me but can’t wait until tomorrow?”

‘Rainbow Dash is never going to let us live this down.’

“…Fuck.”

Author's Note

Alternative cover:

My first attempt at any kind of romance. Hope you enjoy. Constructive criticism welcomed. Special Thanks to my editor: Alovelylittlecomplex

Sorry if the language offends it's just what I had pictured, and sorry to any Flutterdash fans out there, but I don't have a strong preference for that ship even though those two are my favorite characters, mostly because that I see them more as best friends than anything else.

Something I wasn't able to work into this fic but wanted to included was that the Apple family has a few homosexual couples in it and everyone's fine with it.