Equuis To Calvin

Chapters

Lets Try This Again
Meet The Elements
The Baker's Dozen
Eight Legged Freaks
The Moon Horse, The Draconequus, And The Human
Welcome To Equuis
Welcome To Ponyville

Lets Try This Again

If I said that I wasn't scared right now I would be lying because I have not only made myself a fool in front of royalty but insulted both matriarchs at the same time, not very smart when its first contact with an alien race.

the white horse levitated me back into the window I feel from straight into the cluster storm of guards that are indeed still there armed to the teeth, "Shit horse guards serious the fuck up when royalty is involved."

the two queens must have noticed their protectors caution and eased their worries "It's alright my little ponies we have the situation handled you all can return to your post." The guards slowly disperse out the hall all the while keeping an large watchful eye on me, But one pony remains the same yellow pony with the southern accent before.

"You may leave now general Golden." said the vampire pony.

The yellow stallion known as golden shook his head "Nope, ah signed up for the royal guards to serve and protect Equestria and the princesses, Ah aint backin down till its ensured that your both safe."

Meanwhile I was still kinda just floating there my arms and legs were starting to fall asleep so if they're going to throw me in prison can they at least hurry up and do it. I clear my throat to get there attention

"Hey um I appreciate the military serving they're country, but could you please put me down now?" the pony with the sun tattoo places me gently down on the ground.

"My apologies, but I have no idea who you are, what you are, or how you got into our castle but what I would like to know is what the purpose of this surprise visit?'

"Hey lady I'm just as confused as you are as to how I got here one moment I'm getting ready for bed next thing I know." I make an explosion gesture with my hands "Poof I'm here!" I fix my white tee shirt "And my names is Calvin if you were wondering."

The white pony bowed her head in a form of greeting "Hello Calvin, my name is Celestia and that grumpy pony over there is my little sister Luna." She said pointing to her sister who looked completely irritable.

The pony in question merely grumbled and let loose a very un-princess like yawn

"You've woken her from her slumber when you caused that fuss with my nephew blueblood and a quarter of the royal guards."

Oh shit that was her nephew I thought he was just one of those butlers with they're bow tie tied on too tight, I mean sure I may of hit the guy in the face with the plastic part of an loofa but I didn't really mean to he caught me by surprise I didn't know that that was his room, Now when he started calling me words like ape of furless diamond dog I may of hit him again. Seriously that fool was a prick the only reason I didn't stay beating him over the head was because one of the guards must of heard the commotion and came in to investigate, make a long story short they chased me till I jumped out a window.

I turned to princess Luna who looked like she was about to fall out any minute "Yo um sorry for waking you up your highness."

Luna yawned "There is no need for an apology Cavin, but if you would excuse us I shall be heading to my bedroom now."

Luna slowly moved out of the room with all the coordination of a drunk person barely making it to the door were instead of using that weird telekinesis power they have she simply pushes the door open with her face and stumbles into the hallway.

"Don't worry about her night court was very strenuous last night, most of the time the nobles always seem to come for us for the most ridiculous things, But back to the topic at hand where exactly did you come from?"

"well I was born in Kansas city, Missouri but after I graduated college I moved to Kingsville, Texas were my grandmamma lives."

This seemed to confuse both Celestia and Golden "Ah aint heard of any place called Kansas city have you?" Golden looked at Celestia in question, Whom solemnly shook her head with her ever so flowing mane- wait a minute... her manes just blowing as if there's a gust of wind and there's no wind in here how did I not notice this before? "I'm afraid I haven't either, Calvin can you tell me what continent those cities are located on?"

"North America...United States of America, you've never heard of that before?" I said hoping that they at least know how to get me home.

"Never have I heard before of Amareica, do ponies live there?"

This should be awkward "Well, yes and no that ponies that live where I'm from cant talk or fly... or bust down doors like they're nothing, At least not on the first try.

"Interesting...tell me Calvin what is the name of the planet we are on right now?"

"Well that's an easy question this is Earth... right?" Oh god.

Celestia shook he head once again in disagreement "I'm afraid I've never heard of a planet called 'earth', Earth ponies yes but the planet no."

I put my hands on top of my head, there is no way this is real this cant be happening "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"I wish I was but this is no joke."

All my family all my friends my entire species gone just like that over night, I never got to call my mom and grandmamma they've gotta be worried sick by now, how long does it have to be until your declared missing like twenty-four hours? For all they know I could be dead.

I wasn't mad I was just upset, I knew it wasn't there fault I wouldn't have landed in a bathroom In the first place.

"General Golden Delicious." Celestia said grabbing the his attention "Would you be so kind as to escort are new guest to a room I he'll need his rest, in the mean time I have a letter to write to somepony."

The General saluted "Yes, princess Celestia."

As the princess made her leave she stopped to speak to me. "I'm sorry truly I am." with that she walked out the door and into the hall to who knows were.

The General walked up to me solemnly with a look of sympathy "Come on ah'll take ya to yer room." He walked past me and out the door with me trailing behind him.

The trip was relatively silent aside from the few frightened glances from who I'm assuming were that castle help and the constant vigilance of the guards in golden armor.

As we walk Golden seems like he wants to tell me something but then second guesses himself until he finally said "Ya know, ah haven't seen mah family fer months after this castle was sieged by two different threats on two different dates but you know how ah cope?"

He grasped my attention, he pulled an photo out of an pouch on his armor with a gold apple on it and showed it to me what that picture captured was a family an orange filly was smiling wearing a hat that was way to big for her head, a large red coated colt wearing what some kind of farm equipment around his neck, an light mare with a greying light blonde mane done up in a bun was holding an apple pie, and the last three there was Golden Delicious with a red unicorn mare with a green mane done in a pony tail wearing a pink bow on her real tail holding a small pony with the same coloration of Golden.

"That there is mah family, it hurts mah heart to know that I'm far away from them all the time and when Berry bud past on Solaris bless her soul.Things have been harder fer the farm then ever, but we keep strong because as long as I know there safe I have nothing to fear."

"...Thanks for telling me this I really needed that."

"Twern't a problem, only trying to help as best as ah can." we arrived a an wooden door with a brass door knob normally id be asking all kinds of questions like why do you have door knobs when you don't have any hands, but I could care less as of now.

"A maid will come to wake you when dinner is ready you can take all the time you need an if you have a question feel free to ask anypony."

"Alright man, and ay thanks again."

He merely nodded his head and closed the door as I hear his steps fade away I hear a sound of a two pony guards taking positions on two sides of my door, but I didn't pay them much mind

I found the bathroom in them room did my business and took a shower, given the fact I was already in my pajamas I would just go to sleep in them (I don't know were I'm going to get new clothes from) I head for the queen sized bed and lay in it without covering myself up.

"Hopefully ill feel better later." I said to myself as I faded into a much needed sleep.

*Twilight POV*

Princess Twilight sat on her throne with her purple hoof on her cheek, today was one of those slow days in Ponyville which was strange considering the fact the large town seems to attract the most dangerous problems and holds the most interesting secrets in Equestria, but today was one of those beautiful days there was no rain scheduled for today it was the beginning of the weekend which meant that all the fillies and colts were free from school (and that a certain trio of fillies would once again try to pursue their special talent possibly causing a ruckus in town square again) Yes everypony had something to do today, everypony except Equestria's most recent alicorn princess Twilight Sparkle.

She had done everything around the castle was done and managed she reorganized and labeled all of her new books after the Tirek incident, made sure that all plans and supplies for winter wrap up which would be coming in about a month were prepared and ready when needed, she even received her own royal guards specially trained from the Canterlot military academy to patrol the streets of ponyville to keep its citizens safe.

Yep she's done just about everything, and she would hang out with her friends but they're all busy doing things right now, Rarity's making clothes for the model Fleur de lis, Applejack is preparing for applebucking season, Pinkie Pie is helping the cakes bake a cake for some important client, Fluttershy is visiting her manticore friend in the Everfree forest, and Rainbow Dash is napping...again. which leaves twilight to sit around and do pretty much nothing.

That is until an burping sound comes from right next to her making her jump out her throne and look at her assistant/page spike who had the scroll with seven train tickets inside already unfurled and was reading the contents written inside with a confused face.

"Well spike what does it say is it an important mission!?

"Twilight-"

"Is there a dragon attacking Canterlot!?"

"Twi-"

"Has chrysalis's hive been found!?"

"Twilight!"

"Did Princess Celestia fall in the well!?"

"TWIIIIILIIIIIGHT!"

The purple pony princess (try saying that five times fast) sat down like a dog in trouble with its master.

"Ahem as I was about to say, the letter reads 'Dear Princess Twilight sparkle, as much as I would love to say that this was a social call I'm afraid we have a situation in Canterlot that needs the attention of you and your friends, A visitor has arrived here in Equestria and could use a few friends for he is all alone in this world and It pains me so to see anypony go though something like that, I've gotten you all tickets so you can all arrive as soon as possible preferably around dinner time. Please reply back when you receive this message from spike sincerely, Celestia.' Spike rolled the scroll back up. "who do you think the visitor is Twilight?"

I'm just as confused as you are, but I'm sure it will all be cleared up by the princess when we get to Canterlot hop on Spike lets go get everypony together."

Spike hopped on to his big sisters back as she galloped her way to her friends, without a guard escort much to the guards distain.

*25 Minutes Later*

Twilight had everypony at the train station ready and packed to go to Canterlot prepared for anything.

Pinkie was bouncing around in a circle excited about meeting a brand new friend satchel filled with all sort of party supplies, Fluttershy who was slightly nervous about meeting a new pony, Applejack who was looking for a chance to see her father even bearing an apple pie made by her granny for him, Rarity who was checking herself in her mirror being held by her magic, and Rainbow Dash who looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but here.

Twilight looked a her watch "Alright girls the trains going to be arriving soon, so now's the time to use the bathroom if you need to or ask any questions.

Pinkies arm shot up high in the air "Oh oh,oh pick me pick me." she said bursting at the seems with excitement.

"what's your question pinkie?"

"what's the ponies name, I just have to have the ponies name on they're cake or it wouldn't be an official welcome to Equestria party!"

Twilight shrugged her withers "Sorry Pinkie it doesn't mention who the pony is in the princesses letter."

"I don't get it what is so important about one guy to where it takes all seven of us to go to Canterlot?" Rainbow Dash said brushing a lock of her multicolored hair out of her view.

"Come now dear Rainbow Dash I'm sure that the princess has a perfect explanation for wanting all of us to come to the castle, but I'm curious as to who is the important guest is as well." Rarity placed her mirror back in her satchel bag. "Besides it would be nice to visit Canterlot more often when there isn't an Equuis shattering problem needing solving."

They all replied with varying different agrees.

"ah'm jus excited to finally see my paw again its been six months." Applejack said dusting of her hat her father gave to her.

Fluttershy smiled "Oh I'm sure your dad will be excited when he sees you Applejack."

They heard the sound of the train stopping at the station dropping off and loading ponies.

"All aboard next stop Canterlot!" The conductor pony shouted from one of the cars.

"All right everypony this is it, its going to take three In a half hours to get to Canterlot so we should get there just before dinner so when we get there were going to have to move quickly."

Everypony nodded there heads, and then loaded onto the train (after Twilight tried to get the passengers to stop bowing which failed.)

After everypony was loaded on the train, it began to make its ascendance to the top of the mountain.

*Calvin's POV*

I woke up with the feeling of being prodded with something blunt to the right of my back.

"Umm...w-wake up m-mister Calvin the princesses are waiting for you in the dinning room." I heard a female voice say.

"Wazat?" I asked still half asleep

"T-the Princesses are waiting in the dining room for your arrival its best not to keep them waiting sir."

I turn to identify who the owner of the voice is and see a light blue normal pony mare with an lavender mane style put up in a bun she's wearing a maids outfit and looks scared out of her mind.

"Ahh how long have I been sleeping?"

"About, t-three hours sir." she said keeping her distance from me, is my breath kickin?"

"Really that long?" She nods her head yes.

"well what are we waiting for lets go."

me and the mare both head out of the guest room which was amazing if I might add, and headed to the princesses.

The walk there was pretty quite and it was getting awkward so I decided to make small talk.

"...Soooo...what's your name?"

"Its Lavender breeze, sir." she said

"Come on now chill out with that sir crap, making me feel like an old man."

"Yes sir- I mean Calvin."

I don't think I'm going to get through to this girl.

"Look I aint no aristocrat, rich dude, lawyer nothing I'm just your average everyday human or um you know what I mean, you don't have to be formal with me its not like I'm going to eat you or something."

She visually cringed when I said eat her but before I could fix my words we had arrived at the doors of what I'm assuming to be the dinning room, Lavender Breeze opened the door for me and I couldn't help but notice the mark on her butt it looked like a febreze spray bottle.

"This way sir."

she said motioning her hoof towards the long table were four figures sat.

I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

as I walked in I noticed the guards (including Golden Delicious) positioned around the table, they still don't seem to trust me.

the people (ponies?) sitting at the table were princess Celestia, princess Luna, they're nephew blueblood who looked none to happy to see me, and the jersey devil-WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?

sitting there in between Luna and Celestia was a freaking Jersey devil looked like it was mixed together with a bunch of animals like a bird, bat, lizard, deer, some kinda light blue horned antelope, and a lion don't forget the horse-like head.

"Ah Calvin you've made it I was beginning to wonder if you would ever wake up from your coma." Celestia said jokingly.

"And miss what probably be the most interesting dinner ill ever have in my life I think not."

"Tia your not even going to introduce me to your new human friend here?" said the jerse- waaaait a second now.

"How do you know I'm a human when I haven't even told anyone about them?"

"Indeed Discord enlighten us with your information on whoomans."

"I believe the correct term is human Lu Lu but nice try." he patted the blue princess pony on the head.

"As for how I know what you are well lets say Luna not the only one who can enter ponies dreamscapes."

"What do you me mean dreamscapes?" I asked

suddenly discord was dressed as an old woman "Oh you poor naïve child, not knowing what a dreamscape is." He said pinching my cheeks with his lion paw it hurt.

"Discord how many times have we told you that you cant mess with other ponies dreams?" Celestia said tersely.

"oh I know I know." his face turned into Celestia's face "Discord don't mess with ponies dreams because it could effect their mentality and nag nag nag." his voice impression was just him in a higher pitch voice.

The guards didn't seem to like how the devil was insulting they're princess.

"Besides I didn't tamper with any of his memories I only took a simply peek inside." Discord took his left eye and used it as if it were a telescope.

"Well what did you see?" I had to know this shit.

"well a few humiliating moments in high school that was a good laugh and history classes." He said stroking his stark white goatee.

"Enough to tell that his race is more advanced than all ours combined and more chaotic, oh I'm just getting excited thinking about it."

my stomach grumbled loudly

"Umm with all due respect princesses but when is the food going to get here soon?

"Dinner should be ready in a second were just waiting on-" she was cut of by the door opening and in coming six ponies and a weird purple and green iguana on one of there backs.

Unfortunately a misfortunate event happened as I crossed my legs the worlds worst cramp suddenly appeared sending me writhing on the ground, all the ponies in the room gasping and a jersey devil and white unicorn laughing they're asses off.

Author's Note

Chapter 2 up and running

Meet The Elements

Author's Note

FYI 'massive descriptions coming in this chapter if you want to skip ahead some feel free.'

Meet The Elements

After the yellow pony that was known as Fluttershy nursed my cramp leg she told me that I was simply dehydrated and needed water though it hurts to walk a bit after I had a tall glass of water I was beginning to feel better, ponies wouldn't stop asking if I was okay they acted like some one came up to me and stabbed me in the leg.

I learned the names of six new ponies and evidently a dragon.

First was Twilight Sparkle, or rather princess Twilight Sparkle according to her there are exactly four princesses Celestia, Luna, Her, and a pony named cadence whom I have yet to meet and one prince Shining armor who is also the captain of the royal guard and her big brother best friend forever (her words not mine)She started barraging me with a hundred questions on what I was, where I came from, how I walk it took princess Celestia to get her out of her nerdgasim. Twilight told me what they're all princesses of which made me laugh and them a bit teed off but come on some one raising the sun is completely impossible there isn't any one that powerful. Celestia and Luna promised me after dinner that they would show me they're "skills" I took them up on that offer mostly only because I wanted to see the city again it was beautiful. Twilights looks herself were different than her friends she was about 4'7" at the withers to which I'm about 6'1", she's a lean pony with lavender fur and an indigo mane with magenta and purple streaks the end of her mane seemed to be turning to dusk with a few stars on the bottom. Her shoulders, back of her neck, and back had feathers on them all around her wings, her primaries and secondary wing coverts were more dawn yellow-orange, she has this weird finger claw thing you would normally see with bats on their wings. Her tail was interesting she had a long lion like tail but at the end there was the same coloration as her mane above her tail were tail feathers ( I guess that helps with steering?) I couldn't help but notice that she had a few faded scars on her left cheek to which she told me about the bullies who actually threw rocks at her because they thought she was a goody two shoes and a teachers pet which made her antisocial until princess Celestia moved her to Ponyville (really?) and she met her friends and learned that friendship was magic. Surprisingly I didn't laugh at that friendship can be very serious thing. she had a mark on her butt that was a magenta six pointed star surrounded by tinier white stars.

Applejack was an southern pony who seemed fairly familiar like I've seen her before, she runs an apple farm with her granny, older brother, and younger sister, she had one hell of a hoof shake. I didn't notice who she was until the general ran up to her and they nuzzled, she was the filly in the picture Golden showed me. That's Golden's eldest daughter, she was shorter than her 7 foot tall father (with Celestia being 71/2 feet tall and her sister 7'5" feet he's pretty tall) about 5'1" at her withers, she has white freckles that go from cheek to cheek... and I'm not talkin about her face GIGGITY! Just kidding its her face cheeks, her blonde hair was long and it was tied close to the bottom with a red ribbon (how I don't know) along with her tail, she had a lot of fur around her hooves like her father does it seems to run in the family. she is muscly for horse standards I guess working on an apple farm tones your muscles, she also had scars what looked like a bit mark on her back, her left shoulder had two claw marks on it and her muzzle had a cut as if hit with a blade. I didn't want to ask her and bring up some kinda dark past she had so I let it go. Her mark was three red apples (seems legit).

The next pony named Rainbow Dash who was a bit of a tom boy, she was pretty boastful and said she was the greatest flier in all of Equestria (judge by all her friends reactions she does this a lot) when I told her I had no idea who the wonderbolts are she went on explaining them to me as this amazing flight team which does amazing stunts they also act as commander's of an air force they reminded me of the blue angels I used to watch them with my grandma when I was smaller. Rainbow dash is 4'3" with a wiry build but very athletic and in shape, her hair color is amazing I asked if it was dyed and she said "Nope 100% real and 20% cooler." All six colors of the rainbow perfectly lined up tail to mane apparently its rare among ponies to have a entire spectrum of colors and was passed down from her father. her wings are slightly different than twilights wings of course they were different colored her primaries and secondary wing coverts were one color each pair of two while each of her large tail feathers have one color each, but Rainbows wings were more designed for fast flying. her pupils were also ovals like twilights but more cat-like and slit. when she showed her teeth and smiled I noticed she had canines when I asked about it Twilight informed me that pegasi (I also learned the four pony races) can eat meat but stopped doing it after awhile, her ears have darker cyan tufts on them which were adorable. Her booty mark was a cloud shooting out a yellow, red, and blue lightning bolt, I asked her what those marks on her butt meant and she said-

"Oh that's a cutie mark they define what you special talent is and who you are , I got this bad boy when I schooled two fetlock heads in a race for making fun of my friend." to which I replied

"That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard." all the ponies in the room gasped while discord was once again laughing.

"Oh I know, its so true."

"Hey what's the big idea, a cutie mark is serious to a pony," Rainbow dash said flying up into my face cause she's to short otherwise.

"Well actually, the name does sound a bit foalish when ya think about it." Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash thought about "Yeah I guess your right AJ." she holds out her hoof "Sorry about that we cool?" I bumped it "Heh, yeah we cool."

Moving along the next pony is Pinkie Pie, she pulled a freaking giant vanilla frosted cake from her satchel bag and placed it on the table and asked for my name, when I told her my name she then pulled a cake decorator from her hair with blue icing wrote my name above welcome to Equestria in perfect cursive how she did all this with hooves was a mystery, just when I thought I couldn't get ant more confused she pulls a fucking cannon out of nowhere and doesn't even light the fuse "Lets party!" she shouts as she shoots all kinds of confetti, streamers, balloons, and a banner that say welcome to Equestria. when I looked to Twilight with my mouth wide open she told me some bullshit.

"Don't worry its just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie." just waved it off like she's used to it.

"How can you look at me in my face and tell me that's normal, this is not normal how did she with the and the from the how the!?"

Pinkie came out of nowhere and put her pink hoof to my mouth.

"Shhhhh, stop stalling and get on with the story silly filly."

Anywaaaay, Pinkie pie true to her name was light pink and dark pink in her mane, she's probably the shortest of the group a whopping 4'0" at the withers her body is a bit chubby (not DAMN fat but a little almost barely see it) judging by the fact that she works at a bakery called Sugarcube corner its the likely route that would take. but from the way she moves around with such energy and not break a sweat she's fitter than she looks. the way her fur outlines her it seems scruffy and curly like her mane which reminds me of cotton candy. what was confusing was when I saw the feathers on her shoulder but she's not a Pegasus. She tells me that her grandmother surprise was a Pegasus who's on her fathers side of the family which is another case of genetics. her cutie mark was three balloons two yellow one blue.

http://th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2014/201/c/8/headcanon__pinkie_pie_by_earthsong9405-d79ztep.jpg

Rarity (who I have to admit was very beautiful) was an alabaster unicorn who works in a tailors shop named Carousel Boutique as soon as she saw my clothes she gasped in dramatic horror apparently green plaid is very ugly, Rarity was 4'4" at her withers, her body is very compact and solid. Her mane is purple and done in a large curl her tail is much like twilights except hers is more stylish it kinda looks like a purple tornado, her hooves are done in a manicure and she smells like she's wearing vanilla perfume, she looks like she's wearing purple mascara and her eyebrows match her hair color (that goes for all of them, I can understand the eyebrows but eye lashes?, is that there natural color?) she recommends that if I ever stop by in ponyville to come by the Carousel Boutique for new attire, I agree to meet her there when I get the chance. Rarity's cutie mark is three diamonds.

The cramp tamer Fluttershy is truly a shy pegasi, as soon as she came out of nurture mode she was hiding behind her long pink hair and rubbing her fetlocks together, don't get me started on how long it took to get her name. Fluttershy has a very slender physique with long legs and small pink hooves, Fluttershy seems to have the longest wing span in the group yet she never seems to fly except hover wonder why that is. For some reason she has the most scars out of all the group and I asked I mean how is it the shyest one out of this entire group has the most scratch and bite marks on her legs and torso. she says that she lives in a cottage near some forest called the Everfree taking care of sick and injured animals from the wilds and sometimes her animal friends lash out in fear or anger when they're in pain they always apologize afterwards, wonder what she meant by that. Her cutie mark is three pink and blue butterflies.

And last but definitely not least is Spike the dragon, what I want to know is what kind of dragon doesn't have wings he said what kind of monkey doesn't have fur. Touché, I would say that spike is at the 2'0" range in his height and that counts his light green frills or sail on the top of his head which aren't like spikes at all you can bend them as if they were hair. Twilight says that he's a baby dragon but spike claims that he's a teenager now I guess dragons bodies age slower. Spike sometimes switches from all fours to his hind legs when he chooses and he breathes green fire which is cool. Twilight practically hatched and accelerated his age from old to young when she was only twelve years old in a school for gifted unicorns which was amazing, that and she turned her parents into plants but still pretty awesome. I didn't know dragons ate gems he asked me if there were any dragons were I'm from of course the answer was no were I'm from jewels and gems are rare and hard to find.

after we all met dinner finally came via pony butlers pushing in carts with dishes who were being led by what appeared to be a griffon with an ridiculously long thin black mustache that I bet is fake, typical white bald eagles head with charcoal colored lions body, his sclera in his eyes were yellow while his irises were orange, he wore a red ribbon or scarf tied around his neck and a toque chefs hat.

"Diner is served." he announced with a French accent

The butlers lifted up the silver lids and revealed some interesting dishes, all ponies had either a salad or sandwich with hay, lettuce, tomatoes, and a flower of some sort, Discord had what I believe was written on paper in olive oil, and spike was eating rubies. I looked at my plate and there was a sandwich with hay and flowers in it, I didn't really want to eat it but I didn't want to rude besides everyone else seemed to enjoy it.

"Thank you Gustave, none of the chefs in the city Canterlot can compare to your culinary mastery even the simplest of foods made by you are extravagant." Celestia praised the griffon.

"Zat coming from you princess is an honor." Gustave bowed.

*Sigh* when in Rome.

I took a bite out of the sandwich, and immediately regretted my decision the mixture of splintering hay and the grassy taste of the flowers was enough to make me start coughing, I don't know what I was thinking I just thought maybe I should start trying new things while I'm here well look where that got me.

"Are you alright?" Fluttershy asked with concern.

I clear the hay from my mouth "Yeah I'm fine thanks for asking, humans aren't made for eating hay."

Twilight decided that now was a good time to learn a humans eating habits "What do humans eat exactly?"

this is were it gets sticky "Umm, humans eat fruit, vegetables, and other animals."

I was immediately put on the spot, everyone was looking at me

"How absolutely dreadful." Rarity covered her muzzle in disgust.

Ponies in the room were all tensed as if waiting for me to make a move.

Blueblood opens his mouth an opportunity in his grasp"I told you aunty Luna, I told you so. He admitted it himself he goes around eating foals in the dead of night, your night!" Luna rubs her face in frustration just from earing Blueblood whine.

"Blueblood I think its time for you to be excused from the table before Luna loses herself." Celestia says sternly.

Blueblood stand up from his chair with a distasteful huff, he looks over to the mare guard that first saw me in the princes bathroom "Come along Ivory, I wish to retire in my room." The mare doesn't even attempt to hide her unhappy face as she follows the prince through the large doors.

"Where did she go wrong with you?" I hear Luna say

"Calvin, Is that all?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow a smile.

"what, you don't care I'm an omnivore?'

She shook her head "To deal with negotiations with the different nations like the griffons and the dragons, ones perception of another's way of sustenance isn't very biased unless they eat other sentient creatures...you don't eat other sentient creatures do you?"

"No, god no only the ones that don't talk are eaten and I don't eat ponies...or griffon's."

There was a massive sigh of relief that was sent around the room.

"Gustave, do we still have any meat left in the freezer?"

Gustave rubbed his chin "I believe we have some left over from ze last nation meeting ill see what I can do." The griffon went back into the kitchen.

"So Calvin where did you live before you were pulled into Equestria?" Twilight asked

" A small town called Kingsville Texas in a house with one bedroom, and two bathrooms enough for on person."

Rarity's eyes lit up " Oh Kingsville, that sounds magnificent is it ruled by a king?" the alabaster mare wiped her mouth with a napkin

"Naw, naw its not ruled by a king we don't have a king period unless its the burger king guy that's as close as we get."

Rainbow Dash got confused. "So wait you do have a king?"

"No we don't Burger king is a restaurant whose mascot is a king."

"Oh, oh he must be the king of burgers he probably carries a magical scepter that turns anything it touches into a hay burger, and wears a long cape with a crown made completely out of burgers and then he goes around-" luckily Applejack was there to keep Pinkie from going on forever.

"The burger king is just a guy wearing a large weird helmet mask thing with that's a kings head."

"That sounds kinda creepy for a mascot." Spike has no idea

"No Ronald McDonald is a creepy mascot he's a yellow, white, and red clown with red shoes."

"Do you have a phobia of clowns?" Twilight appears to be taking notes of this conversation.

"No, I have a phobia of bugs well except small spiders, pincher bugs, and just because a nigga tryin to swat and dodge a fly does not mean he's afraid of it they're just that annoying."

"Oh they aren't that scary a lot of bugs are very sweet and they're nice they wouldn't hurt anypony unless they were in danger."

"Ah agree with Fluttershy a fly aint hurt nopony so why are ya afraid of em?"

"No its not that I'm afraid of flies its just that they are annoying but tarantula's are a different story."

"I have to agree with Calvin bugs and insects are absolutely disgusting, why one day I was simply walking through town when a grasshopper hopped into my mane oh it was terrible by the time I got it out I had already ruined my beautiful tresses."

Rainbow dash covered her mouth trying to hide her laugh "Oh yeah I remember that day you were screaming running around back and forth nopony could barely even understand you, you freaked the ponyville guards with all that screaming they all came running in to see what happened and you just kept yelling 'its in my hair its in my hair!'" Pinkie and Rainbow Dash giggled much to the unicorns distain.

The kitchen doors reopened revealing Gustave coming in with another silver platter with something that smelt good

"For you my fellow omnivore friend, honey chipotle salmon and couscous."

This I can eat, I take a fork and a knife and start cutting the salmon into pieces but before I eat I look to the others to see if they're uncomfortable.

"You guys sure you're alright with this?"

Blueblood looked like he was about to say something ignorant but Luna cut him off with a harsh stare.

"were fine aint gonna judge ya fer what ya need to survive that wouldn't be fair." The orange cowpony replied

"Go ahead darling enjoy yourself it is your party after all." Rarity said

"Yeah eat so we can party already!" The pink baker shouted.

with that I continued eating the salmon.

once we were all done eating we moved out to the ballroom, one moment it was quiet next thing I know there's a lot of dubstep and flashing colorful lights, dancing, and im just sitting in the middle of it confused.

Pinkie Pie was the DJ, Princess Twilight, Spike, Rainbow, Princess Celestia, some of the castle staff, and even a few younger guards were all dancing on the floor (however the hell small horses dance) while Applejack, Princess Luna, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Golden Delicious hung out near the punch bowl mingling and eating cake.

Dubstep not being my first choice in music (but not my last choice) and the fact that I cant dance, I make my way over to the punch bowl

"Sup."

Applejack acknowledges my response "Nuthin much were all jus sittin here cause were aint into wubstep." weird name for it but makes sense.

"Yeah I'm more of a rap type myself."

"Yer lookin at a country gal."

she points to Rarity and Fluttershy "Rares here likes listening to classical and Flutters likes smooth jazz, Ah don't know about Princess Luna though." seems legit.

"Ah'm jus glad we didn't have to come here because of some kinda major crisis."

"What you guys are some kind of elite guards or something." Like a pony A-team only not being hunted by the government.

"Naw, Nuthin like that we are element bearers."

"Element bearers?" or maybe like captain planet.

"Ah forgot yer knew to Equuis the Elements of Harmony are or were six magical gems in the form of five necklaces and a tiara each lookin a spittin image of our cutie marks. Ah'm the element of honesty, twilights the element of magic, Rarity is the element of generosity, Fluttershy is kindness, Rainbow Dash is loyalty, and Pinkie pie is laughter."

In a Pink flash the party pony herself appears " Anypony call my name?"

"No pinkie Ah was tellin Calvin here about the elements."

"Okie-dokie-loki." she bounced back over to the party.

"Sometimes Ah wonder about that girl."

"You and me both."

After the first song ended another "wubstep" song came on, Im starting to wish that I brought my I-pod with-wait I think I do have it I quickly dig in my left-hand pocket and sure enough blue I-pod Nano still in my pocket earphone and all with 78% life left. Thank you Jesus.

I plug the earphone into my ears and listen to a song.

This goes unnoticed as Princess Luna sees them in my ears "Calvin pray tell what are those in th-your ears?"

"they're earphones, they go into your ear and let you hear the music coming from this better." I said raising the Nano so she could see it.

"But were does the record go?"

"Record?, The I-pod doesn't use records."

"Then were does the music come from how do you hold it in this small device?'

"Well I don't know exactly but I do know it can hold at most 4,000 songs in here."

"4,000 SONGS!?" she fus-ro-dah'ed.

The music stops and everypony looks towards Luna who is sheepishly smiling.

"Heh heh sorry everypony."

"Its alright sister but what got you so worked up for you to use the Royal Canterlot Voice?"

"Calvin has revealed to us technology that is advanced beyond even Griffons!"

"Really now may I see?"

I hand her the music device as she levitates it to her with her golden telekinesis powers.

"How does it work?"

"Simple you put those two things in your ears and hold this up to press the button with the arrow and two bars to play or pause."

Celestia pressed down on the play button with her magic (a little to forcefully god damn) and listens to the song.

That's what would of happened if she haven't had jumped out of her skin and yelped as soon as she pressed play.

"Princess!"

the guards and Luna rushed over too Celestia who was recovering from her shock.

"Its alright everypony the volume just caught me by surprise, although some of these lyrics are a bit...appalling."

she hands me the Nano back and I quickly look at the song she listened to .

"Oh um sorry I like to listen to my music loud."

"its alright Calvin It wasn't your fault you didn't know."

Just when I thought I would be able to get back to listening to my music everyone decided to ask me a million and one questions.

"How does it work?"

"What does it do again?"

"Where do the records go?"

"Does it come in other colors?"

"How many do you have?"

"were can I get one?"

eventually I couldn't understand what any one was saying because they were all talking at the same time I couldn't even hear myself think.

"Everypony quiet!" screamed Fluttershy

everyone went quiet except for Pinkie "And he said 'its over 9000' and I was like '9000 that cant be right' and then... oops sorry."

she cowers down now that everyone was looking at her "Um I think Calvin should show us what it does since its his."

"Thank you Fluttershy, Pinkie is there any way to amplify this so everypony can hear it?"

Pinkie pie looks at the Nano with an scrutinizing eye until a light bulb literally appeared over her head "Aha I got it!"

She pushes me over to the DJ stand and pointed her hoof to a little plug thing (I don't know the name for it) that looked designed for an I-pod aux outlet.

"You can plug in your doo-hickey here if it fits"

I plug it in with no problems and begin flicking through songs.

"No,no,no,no,no,no, yes."

"Tell me Pinkie do yall have rap, hip-hop, and R&B here in Equestria?"

"Yep,yep, yep it originated in Manehatten."

ignoring the pony pun I press play and let the music play.

there is a diverse reaction one half Luna, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Spike, and surprisingly Fluttershy seemed to like it, while Rarity, Applejack, and Golden Delicious weren't into it, Twilight, and Celestia bopped they're heads some but that's it.

when the song was over ponies cheered and clapped (clopped?) they're hooves.

"That was an awesome song that sounded different from the hip-hop I've heard, what's that group called?"

"Wutang." I said.

"Wutang?"

"Of course Wutang everypony knows they aint Nuthin to rut with."

Rarity gasped "Pinkie pie language!"

"What its true!?"

"I do find these Wutang to be very entertaining do you have more songs for us?"

"Of course I do." I play the next song Duel of The Iron Mic. And with that I became the DJ for the afternoon I played Rap new and old but don't get me wrong I played other songs to.

"This song is beautiful who sings it?" Rarity asked.

"John Legend, and I like this song too."

After a while I simply put the songs on a random shuffle and just listened to them thinking about what im gonna do next, where am I gonna live here, is there anyway for me to return back to were I belong?

"Calvin would you like for me and Luna to show you how we lift the moon and lower the sun?" Luna snapped me out of my stupor

"Yeah I'd like to see that." I said not really caring there's no way they can lift a star its impossible although a lot of impossible things have happened with me being here for only a day.

Everyone moves outside to the balcony to watch the "amazing spectacle" of the pony princess, meanwhile I was looking at the scenery of the city Canterlot it reminded me of this this small song from a game I played back on earth.

Celestia's horn began to glow its golden glow as she closed her eyes in concentration and as she did with my amazement she made the sun lower its self from the horizon, then Luna's horn glowed a blue hue and raised the moon before my very eyes and not only did she raise the moon but she added stars thousands upon thousands of stars it almost look like a painting.

"How did you both do this?" I asked in awe

"It's all done with the power of magic it flows through everyponies veins, don't humans have magic?" I shook my head.

"No only illusions and cheap tricks, but no real magic that was only in fairytales."

when Twilight hears some information she has to have more cause it just isn't enough princess of magic my ass Twilights the princess of knowledge.

Celestia clears hear throat which gains everyone's attention "Im sure that you'll have as much time as you need to ask Calvin about his home world when you all get back to your homes in Ponyville tonight.

Pinkie Pie gasp "He's coming to Ponyville?, then that means I get to throw you another party!" she says with excitement.

It seems everypony is excited for me to come with them to Ponyville as lazy as the name is it does sound pretty homely, Soon everyone is done packing me being first because all I have are the clothes on my back and my I-pod. now we are all waving goodbye to the Princesses, Golden Delicious, and Discord as we journey off to the train station through the city of Canterlot which is just as beautiful below as it was above.

Luckily there wasn't many of ponies outside or I might of started a panic all throughout the city, the train booth was more complicated though it took Twilight and Spike awhile to keep the ticket mare in the booth from crapping herself in her seat (am I really that scary to them?) we board onto the train with a few other ponies who also seem to be afraid of me but with twilight and the element bearers there I guess that calmed them down.

"Its gonna take at least three hours to get back to ponyville down the mountain so you might as well catch some sleep now." Twilight said.

"You don't have to tell me twice." Rainbow Dash falls into a booth and curls up into a ball which was one of the cutest things I've seen in my life.

I sit down in a booth across from Rainbows close to the window to see more of the scenery, Applejack sits next to me while twilight and pinkie pie share they're booth behind me, Rarity and Spike sit in front of me, Fluttershy sits next to Rainbow Dash.

As the train begins to pull off the station I try and stay awake to see the lands of Equestria but instead find that my eyelids begin to feel like heavy lead curtains, I rest my head on the window.

"What the fuck im sleeping on a colorful train with a bunch of colorful ponies what is my life coming to?" with that thought I fall asleep.

The Baker's Dozen

I step up to the white steps of the town hall, if anything else this has to be one of the most tallest buildings in the town with its tinted pink windows and assorted different flag colors that im sure have something to do with states. I open the door and walk inside to find that the interior is more like a ballroom than a town hall.

There were wood balconies on every side of the of the buildings inside with curtains working as doors.

Its not until I look beside me until I see the receptionist desk near a large doorway with a curtain, the receptionist mare sitting at the desk was reading some sort of fashion magazine with some pony named Fleur-De-Lis posing in a dress. The receptionist doesn't acknowledge my presence and I know she heard me open that door. I even tried saying something and she still ignored me.

"Hey excuse me." and still silence.

I see a silver bell sitting on the counter, knowing what I must do I raise my hand over said bell.

Ting...Ting...Ting...Ting! The mare merely shuffles and flips a page. upon seeing this I increase my tempo.

TIng,Ting,Ting,Ting,Ting! This bitch is still readin yall!

I begin to go all out with the bell as I hit it on the counter, floor , wall, and occasionally parts of my body. eventually I break it and now im beyond pissed off and in a fit of rage I yank the magazine from her hooves reviling a neon yellow unicorn mare with glasses and light blue mane she had her mane done in a ponytail, I looked straight into her face and yelled

" Rude bitch you're gonna to talk to me!" that may of came across a little harsh and I might have flared my teeth a little bit but she was being ignorant, I know she heard me ringin this god damn bell!

The mare is practically frozen to her seat with fear, at least she didn't run.

"That's better, now can I please get a map for this town?"

She ducks down and grabs two folded maps one for the town another for what is safe to say all of Equestria.

"Thank you misses..." I look at the name plate.

"Quick Type." I make my way back out door now equipped with two new maps that im using right now.

I take a look at the and realize how stupid I am Carousel Boutique is like right next to sweet apple acre by a couple of blocks away. Shakin. My. Head, gotta get in the game.

"Damn this map is big..."

I move back down south this time south east past Sugarcube Corner.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

As I walk down the streets of Sugarcube Corner... sounds like some kind of candy land reference. I shake my head of those thoughts.

I push my smelly self forward to get to Rarity's house and put on a fresh set of new hoof made clothes. As I pass by a peculiar building that makes me hungry again.

A large overly decorated gingerbread house with lots of frosting and two cupcakes on top of it adorned with windows, sprinkles, and a water trough with pluming surrounded by pink flowers.

God this place is like diabetes for your eyes its so brightly colored and fluorescent, gah my retinas.

I wipe my eyes to fend off the brightness, I open them again and come face to face with Pinkie Pie staring me down.

"Whatcha doin?!" She asked with child like innocence.

"What the what?!" I stumble back and fall on my ass.

"How do you keep doing that?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about Calvie."

"You know the teleporting."

"What I just trotted over here, Pfft a earth pony teleporting that's silly."

"Sure, well I best get going." I say walking past her.

"Where ya goin?" She just catches up to me bouncing along the way.

"Back to Rarity's." I say with indifference.

When I said that she literally stopped bouncing mid air and I do mean stopped, she was floating there with anxious face.

"Yo, pinks what's wrong?"

"Umm, you probably don't wanna go back to Rarity's right now."

"And I don't because..."

"Because um, she's still making your clothes!"

"So ill just wait there."

"No, no, no it'll take to long, Oh I know you can wait at sugar cube corner!"

"But I-" Pinkie swiftly cut me off by pulling me by my hand into the pastry store.

upon entrance to the store a bell rings to let people now some one has entered, prompting a pony to come and provide service.

Pastries, Pastries everywhere.

"Hello and welcome to..." The pony in question is a tall and lanky 5'0" light amber earth pony with an under bite, and orange mane covered with one of those hats you get when you go into a Krispy Kreme, god I love donuts. He wears an peppermint patterned bow tie and a apron and green eyes. He also had a long neck for a pony, but that's as basic as a pony gets.

"Pinkie what is that thing?" he put on an anxious smile.

"His name is Calvin Mr. Cake, he's new here in ponyville and I thought he'd love to stop by at Sugarcube Corner while he waits for some new clothes." she puts a lot of emphasis on love.

"Pinkie can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen?" Mr. Cake said still keeping that smile.

"Okie Dokie Loki!" Pinkie and Mr. Cake both disappear behind an old fashioned saloon door into the kitchen.

Mr. Cakes head pokes back out from the door "Well be only just a few seconds."

I don't really care if he wants me here or not, I mean come on think about it if an employee of your well maintained establishment brought, I don't know Freddy Kruger would you want Freddy Kruger in your restaurant scaring everyone that comes in out?

Besides I still need to get to Rarity's boutique and then...actually I never thought of this before what the hell im I gonna do next after I get clothes, well the step B would be to find a place to rest my head then step C would be find a job because when I ended up here I didn't come here with my wallet so essentially im broke...Great.

I look back at the doors of the kitchen "God what is taking them so long?"

*Pinkie's POV*

"I don't know pinkie are ya sure he's not dangerous?" Mr. Cake asked Pinkie.

Mr. Carrot Cake has been talking to Pinkie about this new visitor that's been walking around all day that's gotten a lot of ponies shaken up. He doesn't want to be rude he's only trying to protect his family

"Calvin is the most nicest pony or human you will ever met, well on the count of him being the only human in Equuis." she said firmly.

"Oh I don't know Pinkie."

"Aww, please you let Gummy stay."

"Well that's because he's not full grown yet, but were talking about a full grown predator Pinkie."

"Pretty, please." she got on her knees and put here hooves together.

"Alright fine he can stay." Finally he lets up

"Yaahooo!" the pink pony commences to jump around in a circle.

"But if he threatens my family or my customers he's going to have to go." Pinkie doesn't care she's still hoping around in circles

Pinkies celebration is cut short by a shrill scream of what sounded like a filly.

*Calvin's POV*

'Come on now how long is a few seconds in this world?' I thought to myself, I've been standing here for a little while now waiting for them to be done talking.

I've been listening to music while I wait, so im just sittin there chillin rocking out to some Big Rock City when I look to my right and sitting there on the counter is a small green Alligator with weird purple eyes that stare into my soul.

"How did it even get in here so fast?"

The gator just sits there and scratches its head with the front... I don't know what it is, his flipper hand.

I calmly make my way over to it with my hand raised in an defensive manner.

"Hey there little fella." I reach my hand over the gator.

*Snap!* it decided to bite my hand, like literally my entire hand fit inside it.

I admit that my manhood is surely in question this day for I let off a scream that would frighten children.

mean while the music that i'm listening to fits the situation perfectly.

So here im fighting this alligator that has to be like 4x smaller than me and yet its relentlessly holding on to my hand, strangely and luckily enough it has no teeth so im not losing a hand but its starting to drool.

I'm trying everything from rolling on counters to waving my arms but the damn thing wont come off.

"What is this, what is this, what is my life?!" I shout at the ceiling.

I hear what sounds like babies crying upstairs and a set of hooves moving around quickly.

Mr. Cake and Pinkie pie finally come out to see what the commotion is about and see me wrestling the worlds smallest alligator.

What happens next astounds me.

"No, bad Gummy we don't bite guest without permission first!" Pinkie pulls the bastard lizard off me, its face has a sad look to it.

"Oh Gummy I couldn't stay mad at you." she rubs her cheeks on Gummy's.

"Are you alright?" Mr. Cake ask.

"Yeah, yeah im fine." I kinda brush him off.

"Pinkie you actually keep an alligator at your workplace?"

"Well technically he's not an alligator he's a Dwarf Caiman and I actually live here." Gummy the Dwarf Caiman has now made a nest in Pinkies fro.

"Same difference, and does everyone around here work at their own house?"

"Not everypony some go to the market to sell their things that they've made themselves."

I hear someone coming down the stairs and look to see a chubby mare coming down with two crying babies on her back she seems a bit tired as she moves down the steps.

her fur was a light cerulean and her mane which was in a style of frosting on a cupcake was crimson, her eyes were rose and she had fairly long fetlocks with a regular pony tail.

"Oh dear I just cant get them to stop crying I've tried to see if they're hungry or need a diaper change and... oh um who is this."

"There will be time for that later honey for now we have to worry about getting Pound and Pumpkin to stop crying."

The two little foals where wailing up a storm on their mothers back.

Pinkie Pie came bursting out the kitchen door with a bag of flour in hoof.

"Don't you worry Mrs. Cake I have got the situation under control!" she said with pride.

Mrs. Cake places the two foals gently on the ground.

A light tan Pegasus colt and a light amber unicorn filly are still crying. How can two earth ponies have a Pegasus and a unicorn?

Pinkie sits on her haunches lifts the bag of flour above her head and then proceeds to pour the entire bag on top of her head covering her in flour and turning her white.

If it worked before it didn't work now because they are still crying.

'Uh oh." Mr. Cake says

"Oh for the love of Luna make it stoooop!" Pinkie screams, even Gummy covers his...ear holes?

I guess its up to me to get them to stop crying, I did wake them up with all that commotion.

Since I know I cant sing I pull out my I pod and searched for a song from one of my favorite childhood movies and pressed play.

The two foals ceased their crying as Paul Williams sings Flying Dreams

"Dream by night, Wish by day love begins this way."

"loving starts when open hearts, touch and stay."

"Sleep for now dreaming's how lovers' lives are planned."

"Future songs and flying dreams, hand in hand."

"Love, it seems makes flying dreams so hearts could soar."

"Heaven sent these wings were meant to prove once more that love is the key, love is the key."

"You and I, touch the sky."

"The Eagle and the dove, nightingales we keep our sails filled with love."

"And love it seems made flying dreams, to bring you home to me."

"Love it seems makes flying dreams so hearts could soar."

"Heaven sent these wings were meant to prove once more that love is the key, love is the key."

"You and I, touch the sky the eagle and the dove."

"Nightingales we keep our sails, filled with love."

"Ever strong are future song, to sing it must be free."

"Every part is from the heart, and love is the key."

"And it seems makes flying dreams to bring you home to me."

The music dies down leaving two foals slowly falling asleep.

"It worked!" Pinkie shouts the Cakes quickly shush her before she wakes them up again.

Mrs. Cake carries the both foals on her back as quietly as she can back up the stairs.

"That was amazing was that you singing?" Mr. Cake ask me still whispering a little bit.

"Nope, the music came out of his little box thingy that he always carries around its filled with all kinds of neat stuff."

"Well whatever it is it sure did help us out today, feel free to come to Sugarcube Corner whenever you like."

"Thanks Mr. Cake, but I've really have to get going now I need to go get some new clothes from Rarity."

I walk out the bakery and wave goodbye to yet another set of friends I made (this has got to be a world record.) and continue my quest to take a shower. I can hear Mr. and Mrs. Cake talking in the distance.

"He's an nice Colt he just really needs a bath, he smells like Pinkie that day she decided to do the garlic challenge."

I quicken my pace to a jog. Need to get to Rarity now.

* 75 hours Later *

Not really it was only fifteen minutes. I finally return to Rarity's boutique its around 7pm now and the stores and marketplaces have closed down for the evening. I come up to the door getting ready to knock when I notice the door is slightly open.

"What the hell?"

The lights are off too...

Normally Im not into the whole scary things in life like, scary movies, scary games, and scary places. Which led to the dislike of Halloween, now im all up for the candy part of the holiday but is the scaring really necessary?

Past trick or treating has included an giant animatronic spider climbing down when I rang the door bell (mostly why im afraid of every large arachnid and insects) then there was that guy with the chainsaw, it was funny cause the whole time I was afraid to go into this inflated "haunted mansion" yes I know it was pathetic but I was young.

When I went through it was pretty lame, just two gargoyles with red eyes not really scary. Well I guess the people thought so too cause they had a guy rev up a fucking chainsaw as soon as people get to the house. When that happened I ran like hell of course my mom and grandma were there with me and they were laughing their butts off, I got my candy though shaken up in the process.

The only highlight of Halloween was when I got to pet that black snake and then got candy, best house ever.

But this wasn't Halloween, this is real life well as real as this is going to get being in a world of colorful ponies.

I hesitantly push the door open as it creaks just like in the scary movies.

'Rarity needs to buy some WD40 for this door'

"Hello?" I walk in and flick on the lights.

"SURPRISE!!!"

I about jumped out of my skin as what seemed like everyone in Ponyville was in Rarity's house. They were hiding in all kinds of places the curtains, the furniture and even the ceiling. There were unicorns and earth ponies with balloons tied on them so they float, some of them looked a little pissed. There was a large banner that read 'WELCOME TO PONYVILLE CALVIN' in blue letters.

"Were you surprised huh were ya, were ya?" Pinkie Pie a ball of energy as ever.

"Yes Pinkie you have surprised me, but how'd you get Ponies to get near me without crying wolf?"

"Wait why would they cry wolf you aren't a dog, are you?"

"...Never mind Pinkie."

The party in itself was an success the ponies were still afraid but they warmed up to me in the long run, and I even met some interesting ponies.

Lyra Heartstrings & Bonbon

When I first met Lyra at the party I thought she was crazy.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." A 4'4" minty colored unicorn galloped toward me with a smile that rivals Pinkie's.

She pounced on me with the ferocity of a lion and gave me a hug that was as strong as a bear.

"I knew you were real, I knew it!" She yelled.

"Lyra will you stop you're making a seen." An 4'3" earth pony with a multicolored mane in hypnotic curls

"I told you humans are real, I told all of you and you didn't believe me!" she lifts me back onto my feet.

"But now I have living proof that humans exist, think of all the things he can teach us!"

"Do I know yall?"

"How do you know he's a human Lyra?" Bonbon asked.

"How do I know, Bonnie I've been seeing humans in my dreams all my life."

"Hi hello yes questions, so many questions um how do you know what a human is?"

Thus goes the story of Lyra Heartstrings who lived in Baltimare, she's been having 'visions' of humans since she was a foal the problem was she couldn't here the voices. She's seen a lot of things about humanity things that ponies always dreamed of but could never attain and sometimes she saw things that would give a minotaur nightmares. She tried to tell Ponies about the 'visions' but of course nopony believed her the other foals made fun of her, and her parents just brushed it off as a child's imagination gone wild.

That's until she met Bonbon, she may have not believed in Lyra but she saw past her faults and saw Lyra for who she really is. Unfortunately they went separate ways to different colleges. After they graduated they both headed for ponyville hearing that the small town had a lot of opportunity for ponies just starting out in the world, it had been two weeks since Lyra moved to Ponyville and one day she decided to visit a candy shop named "Simply Sweet" (Trademark) and low and behold Bonbon works there, and she lived a few blocks from her house. They've lived here ever since.

"Damn that's a pretty deep story."

"Umm sure, is that a human saying?" Lyra asked

"Yall got a lot to learn."

Thunderlane, Cloudchaser, and Flitter.

Thunderlane a Pegasus whom is Cloudchaser's "colt friend" is a part of a weather team that manages weather in Ponyville. If I didn't know enough I would say he was a bachelor with the way he acts. He's about 5'0" with a slate gray coat, mane is a light blue Mohawk. I didn't want to believe it before but I'm eating my words because Thunderlane pushed a cloud into Rarity's house (of which she did NOT approve) and showed me evidence of Pegasi magic even sculpting the cloud in different shapes being a show off.

I guess Rainbow dash felt the need to step up cause she proposed me a Sonic Rainboom and It was amazing it like a living jet but with rainbows, and im not gonna lie I sang the reading rainbow theme song out loud im man enough to admit that.

Cloudchaser and Flitter are obviously twin sisters they have the same coat color and mane color and even the same height of 4'6", thank goodness you can still tell them apart by their cutiemarks, mane style, voice, and Flitter has that big ass pink bow so we good.

DJ PON-3 (Vinyl Scratch)

This pony seems familiar to me like I've seen her before white coat, electric blue mane, and I cant see hear eyes with those goggles on but she bops her head to a song I've never heard of before something about "Trotting through autumn leaves." her tail is a lion tail and she has canines still unlike most ponies.

She a cool chic really, we shared music artist with each other and we both like Hip-hop but she kinda likes mine better than hers. She speaks of a roommate she has who's a little uptight and doesn't like wubstep or hip-hop much and instead likes classical music but she is in Trottingham visiting family.

I also met others like: Bulk Biceps a very muscular Pegasus with very small wings which is a medical condition so to divert attention from his small wings he worked out... a lot, Gizmo a nerdy earth pony in dire need of proactive, Cloudkicker who works at an rainbow factory making the color green, Berrypunch who is a resident drunk/bartender/wine maker, and The Flower sisters and they were very sorry about causing a ruckus over me.

Soon the party winded down and ponies began to go home, a few stayed to help clean up the mess.

Now all that's left is to decide where im going to sleep tonight, but Rarity had it covered and is allowing me to stay at her home free of charge which is awesome.

Soon everyone is gone and there's just me and Rarity, she took the liberty of hanging all my clothes in her guest room upstairs knowing that the problem of where I was going to live would arise.

"Hey Rarity where's your bathroom at?"

'Upstairs in between my room and Sweetie belle's room."

I thank her and head for the bathroom quick so I can do some business.

* A Few Minutes Later *

I come out the bathroom smelling so fresh and so clean with a towel covering my waist and head quickly for the guest room where I shall rest my head.

I open the door and turn on the lights which were powered by some weird crystal thing, the room was very lavish and expensive looking id hate to mess it up. I open the sliding closet door filled with basic everyday clothes like tee shirts, shorts, jeans, and of course underwear. (Rarity was sweating a lot when we talked on that subject I don't know why seeing as they never really wear clothes let along underwear) I put on a fresh new white tee and blue pajamas.

"I'm going to have to pay Rarity back for this somehow."

So I turn the lights back off and jump into the bed covering my self up in the blanket bout ready to black out.

"Goodnight darling!" I here Rarity shout.

"Goodnight Rares!" I yell back.

and then I grab some sleep which I will need for tomorrow for what's to come.

Eight Legged Freaks

I wake up with the sense of someone or something on top of my chest and I think to myself-

' Its to early for this shit.'

So I push whoever it is of me and roll onto my side and try to go back into the land of slumber. Only for whatever this thing is just jumped back onto me, getting pissed off I take the blanket and throw it across the room when I do it I hear a loud bang noise and a high pitched screech. Funny sounded kinda like a cat.

"Alright-" I swing my legs over the edge of the bed "- who in the he... oh shit!

An white Persian cat lays on its side hopefully unconscious.

I run over to its prone form check to see if its still breathing- oh my god its not breathing. I begin to go into a full panic mode.

' Rarity is gonna be so pissed.'

Then I realize what I have to do"- I lean in to the cats face and open its mouth -" I'm gonna have to perform CPR on this cat.

I pump the cats chest lightly and blow air into the cats mouth which smells like nasty cat food and god knows what else, after repeating this at least three mores times the cat still shows no signs of life.

' Congrats you've single handedly murdered a generous pony's cat.'

Achievement Earned: Feline Fatality

I hear a weird gurgle noise coming from the feline, it didn't sound good but it showed it was still alive.

I lean in on the cats face hoping to hear something promising, only to get a claw in the face.

wow this cat is very mad right now the look its giving me, I feel something trickle down my cheek putting my hand there I discover that im leaking vital essence. The cat has its right to scratch me seeing as I almost killed it and it looks like it was getting ready to pounce when-

" Oh darling I made breakfast~!" I hear Rarity say in a sing song voice.

She walks into the room.

"Opalescence why are you?, oh my word Calvin what happened to your face?"

I tell her what happened.

" You did what !?"

"Accidentally killed your cat for a few seconds, look I saved her afterward."

Opalescence put her nose in the air and walked out the door, tail swishing to and fro.

Rarity just sighed and rubbed her temples "what is going on with my cat?" I hear her mumble.

"I made Breakfast down stairs eggs, jam on toast and orange juice I know its not Gustave or Pinkie Pie quality but I know my way around the kitchen."

Heading down the stairs there's a purple saloon doors which lead into the kitchen, the smell of eggs and toast hits my nose as we walk inside.

I offer to help with setting the table but Rarity insisted to do it herself "what kind of host would that make me?" she said." with the amazing talent of magical telekinesis (never getting used to that) she held two plates of food, a jar of grape jelly, two forks, two glasses of orange juice, and napkins all at once then placed them on a table near a large circular window with a view of the town hall in the distance.

Rarity sits down eerily like a human and daintily places a large napkin in her lap, I don't do any of that stuff I just eat my food. I've come to the conclusion that pony food is just naturally more delicious than human food for some reason or another, I cant really explain it almost like its healthier or something even the southern food tasted better here than back on Earth and its mostly bad for you. Speaking of southern didn't I meet Rarity's younger sister at Sweet Apple Acres where is she?

"Rarity, don't you have a younger sister that lives here in ponyville?" I eat some toast and wash it down with some orange juice.

" Sweetie belle, is sleeping over with her friends at Sweet Apple Acres -" she takes a bite of her eggs"- if I may ask how did you know I had a sister?"

"When I was waiting for you to finish making my clothes I went for a stroll and ended up on Applejack's farm where your sister and her friends jumped me and threw me into a net, but don't worry they didn't do anything harmful it was just a case of misjudgment."

"Im going to have to have a talk with Sweetie belle when she gets back...and figure out where she gets those nets from."

"Stuff like that happen often around here?" I ask now done with my plate, always was a quick eater.

"Oh dear you don't know the half of it," she said shaking her head and taking a sip of her juice.

I put my dishes in the sink and begin to wash them taking a look at the lemon scented dish soap "Dusk" and squeeze some onto the sponge to wipe them off.

"Rarity, im going to go wash up real quick."

"Ok Calvin, oh and don't worry about your clothes ill take care of them dear."

' Right, really going to have to pay Rarity back. '

I climb back up the stairs and grab a Orange polo shirt with cream stripes and a small symbol of a pony rearing up on the left side of the chest area, blue jeans, and socks. Going through my closet I notice something else on the shelf inside. Two pairs of Timberland boots one black the other a wheat color, there seems to be a note attached to on one of the boots it reads-

"Dear Calvin, while I was measuring you I noticed that your paws don't have any protective padding so I took the liberty of having the town cordwainer make you some boots from the measurements I took. I know your looking to find a way to pay me back but there is really no need to do so, your thanks is all the pay I need. Sincerely, Rarity."

'That girl really is a generous pony, she hardly even knows me and she had shoes made for me.'

I walk into the bathroom and place my clothing neatly on the counter and turn the knob thingy to warm and get into the shower.

* Five Minutes Later *

I step out the shower looking fresh to death and smelling so fresh and so clean.

heading back to the guest room and grab my maps just in case I start fuckin' up with my directions.

' Time to show Ponyville the power of African American style! '

I run down the steps and tell Rarity, that I'm going out to run some necessary errands for the day.

I leave Rarity to her own fashionista devises and walk out of the Dutch doors to face this amazing world once again.

Equestria may be amazing to me but I still yearn to return back to my planet or dimension, excuse my excitement of being on an alien planet with colorful talking horses. I doubt that anyone back home would believe that I went to some land of magic and dragons talking stuff like that I'd be put in a padded room faster than you can say "That fool is cray, cray!" So the order of my stops is Twilight's house for some information on how I got here, find a source of income, get food, and return back to Rares house for sleep. Pretty basic, I definitely see nothing that could go wrong with this at all.

The blinding shine of Twilight's castle provides a destination marker allowing me to not have to use the map.

As I step I hear the rocks satisfyingly crunching underneath my Tims, I look to the sky filled with clouds as numerous amounts of pegasi move about pushing clouds around and stuff not really amazed since Twilight talked to me about this on the train here and Thunderlane's example, but as interesting as all that is I need to head for the castle.

' Damn its a bit chilly out here probably should've took a long sleeve shirt instead, too late now. '

The ponies of Ponyville notice me passing through and wave to me and say things like "Good morning," or "Hey, Calvin what's up,"
its almost like there never was a misunderstanding that was a little on the speciesist/racist tip.

' Enough about that Calvin I think were being followed. '

I hear the pitter patter of tiny hooves looking behind me I see an entire group of little kids staring up at me in awe.

"Umm, hello?"

I open the floodgates as all those children start to ask me all kinds of crazy questions

"What are you!?"

"Where did you come from!?"

"Do you eat brains!?"

"Do you taste like chocolate?"

"How tall are you?"

"Have you come to steal our muffins!?"

All the foals turn to a light grayish violet coat and pale gold mane.

"What, its a legitimate question," she said.

The crowd begins to disperse as the three Cutiemark Crusaders trot towards me in a hurried pace, breathing heavily.

Scootaloo was the first one to talk "Were sorry, Calvin"-She takes in a few breaths-"we tried to stop them but I didn't bring my scooter with me," Scootaloo said.

Sweetie put her hooves on my legs "We told them about when you were at Apple Bloom's house, they all wanted to come and see you for themselves." Sweets had a distraught look on her face.

We all hear some obnoxious laughing and turn to see two fillies walking with an air of superiority, the other children start speaking in hushed whispers look to each other in anticipation.

I don't have to hear them speak to tell that they're the rich kids who look down on everyone because they don't have the next best thing or whatever it is kids bully about in this universe, then it hit me every foal in the group of kids had a cutiemark one even had a snail, a snail. The cutiemark crusaders don't have their cutiemarks yet which makes them prime targets for teasing, i look over to the three in front of me and see their faces of hatred and indifference you can feel the tension in the air.

"Well, well, well if it isn't the blank flanks and their pet mangy diamond dog going out for a walk," said the pink colored earth pony as she let out a laugh.

"Yeah why don't you put that thing on a leash, before the dog catcher takes it away," a gray earth pony with blue glasses snarked.

Wow I gotta hand it to these fillies they've got the balls to insult a full grown man and not run away with their tails between their legs, and their petty elementary school jabs they threw out they were nothing compared to comment sections on YouTube I mean wow I've never seen so much concentrated hatred in my life, but now were getting off topic.

"Hey you cain't talk about somepony like that he's our friend, and he aint no diamond dawg neither he's a whooman!" Applebloom crossed her hooves triumphantly.

"Well whatever he is, he belongs in a zoo somewhere."

"Okay I think I've had just about enough of this"- I pick up both verily annoying earth pony fillies by the scruff of their necks-" I believe its time that you two earned your just desserts."

"Hey put me down!" Said the bifocal wearing filly kicking around in my grasp.

"Let go of me you overgrown gorilla!" The tiara wearing pony is really starting to get on my nerves which is going to make this all the more sweeter.

I lift the two fillies above the nastiest trash can i could find next to a bench with a light post beside it and dropped them into it, all the kids laughed as i did this and the cutie mark crusaders cheered with joy watching their bullies be taken down a size. A lot of Ponies walked by but didn't say anything either because they still fear me a little bit deep down or they also didn't like these two.

The little pony with the tiara cutie mark popped her head out of the trash can and shook the trash of the top of her head. " You're, gonna pay for this, when my daddy gets a hold of you you'll be in deep trouble!"

I choose not to listen to the little twerp as i head back to the group of kids who were sitting in the same spot excitedly gossiping to each other about what went down and will probably talk about for awhile.

Scootaloo runs up and holds her hoof out. " That was totally awesome, I mean your not as cool as Rainbow dash but that's still pretty cool how you showed them who's boss." She continues to hold her hoof out expectantly, assuming that its a fist bump I bump my fist into her magenta hoof.

"Serves em right, they always bother us at school callin us names an pick on anypony without a Cutiemark," Said the little apple filly.

Sweetie seemed a bit nervous about something but doesn't say anything.

I was swarmed by a bunch of excited little ponies asking me how strong I am, comparing me to a "power pony" (whatever that is) or wanting me to pick them up and carry them around. But the two ponies who where admittedly over enthusiastic about my theatrics, two unicorn colts by the names of Snips and Snails. Snips is the 3'3" tall colt whose a bit on the tubby side and Snails whom I've mentioned before with a snail cutiemark is tall and lanky with a dopey look he is two inches taller than Snips. They kept bowing to my feet and tried to offer assistance but i usually don't like that type of stuff especially little kids.

"Alright you guys I cant stay here for too long, I got to go and ask your princess a few questions," I said trying to step out of the tiny crowd whom of voiced their opinion of this with aww's and sad faces that would make Godzilla cry.

As I begin to shuffle back onto my quest I'm stopped again by Sweetiebelle who seems to have something important to tell me.

"Do you even know who you just dumped in that trash can?" she asked her head tilted to side a little.

"A spoiled brat with a fake tiara?"

"Well yeah, but that's Diamond Tiara and her other friend you dumped was Silver Spoon, those fillies are daughters of two of the most wealthy pony families in Ponyville.They could get you in a whole lot of trouble!"

"Oh please Sweets I think I can handle two little girls, you should have a little more faith in me than that." I proclaimed putting my hand on my chest.

Sweetiebelle rolled her large green eyes " No, its not them you need to worry about its their fathers especially Diamond Tiara's dad his name is Filthy Rich."

'That name gives me way too much information to make assumptions.'

"OK, so he's another rich guy no big deal I've dealt with a prince before..." memories of nailing an angry Prince Blueblood in the head with a bathroom accessory still fresh in my mind.

"No Mr. Filthy, is different he owns chain of stores all over Equestria and is an extremely wealthy business pony and entrepreneur probably one of the most wealthy stallions in Equestria. I don't really know much about him but I do know that it wouldn't be very smart to mess with his daughter like you did, he's married too but his wife is in Canterlot for a few weeks."

That whole trash can thing may have not been the best idea I've had today...but it felt pretty god damn good. " Look I'll cross that road when I get to it but for right now I really gotta see Twilight, so if you'll excuse me I'll be goin."

I walk around the mini marshmallow filly and continue for the castle.

"Don't say i didn't warn you..." she cantered back into the fray of foals who looked like they were in the midst playing a game of tag.

Sweetiebelle's, words make me feel a little uneasy but i push on watching my back along the way.

* Twilight's Castle *

'Ah Ponyville castle at last.'I thought staring at the large golden doors guarded by two Pegasus guards one yellow the other grey.

The travel here wasn't all to interesting all though I saw a few not so new races on my way over here, consisting of cows, bulls, donkeys, and mules not many but enough to notice.

I step up the steps and try to open the door, but im blocked off by two wings blades with strange symbols engraved onto them got a pretty good look at them cause they were pretty fuckin' close to my face.

'Jesus, what the fuck!?'

"Halt citizen state your business here," The gray stallion said in a guttural voice.

Not wanting to fuck around and get my ass arrested I answered him with respect and urgency.

"I've come here to see the Princess," I announced.

"Were sorry but unfortunately the Princess had to step out for a moment, but we can leave a message..."

...

"Um sir?" The yellow stallion took a step back.

...

"Are you fucking kidding me I walked all the way... I walked from Carousel Boutique to here just to see the princess and she's not here, What kind of Crap is this she's a princess what could be more important than managing your town and country!?" I threw my hands up into the air in disbelief.

"I mean are you guys really serious right now, this is like you going into Kentucky Fried Chicken and asking "Hi, yes I'd like to order a the 12 piece meal with a Dr.Pepper." And then she says, "Hm, we aint got no chicken." And then your like, "What do you mean you're out of chicken?, did I walk into the wrong restaurant could've sworn this was KFC." And she's gonna suck on her teeth and be like, "You aint gotta have an attitude." And you know what she maybe right so you chill out, "Alright you know what let me just get some mashed potatoes and a biscuit." (Because KFC biscuit's are da bomb) And then she rolls her eyes, "We aint got no biscuits or mashed potatoes." And then I'm like- I mean your like, "What the fu- you know what fine, fine just get me my soda." you rub your forehead in aggravation. "Yeah the soda machine is broken and I'm on my fifteen minute break so." and this is the point where I snap run out the doors, go home and unleash my rage onto the pizza man because KFC doesn't have any fucking chicken!"

The grey guard gave me a bewildered look while the yellow one had the look of absolute terror.

"Umm, I don't know what a "KFC" is or what your talking about but what I do know is that her majesty and her bodyguard is at the element of kindnesses house helping her look for one of her animal friends in the Everfree forest I could give you directions if you like." said the grey stallion.

I raise up the map and shove it in his face "No I've got a map, but thanks for asking." I storm off to the direction of Fluttershy's cabin leaving two Ponyville guards confused and a little shaken up.

* Half way between the castle and Fluttershy's *

I've been walking for a long while now, I don't know how these ponies walk all these distances without dying of exhaustion or exposure then again I could just be lazy.

Looking at the map I notice an large area next to Flutters cottage called the Everfree that's outlined with a red dotted line with thick bold words written within the lines reading " Caution Wild Zone " and below that is a picture of a pony skull and crossbones.

'It cant be good if they gotta put a god damn skull-n-crossbones on it too.'

While im reading the map I don't notice the cloud slowly moving to my direction before I could react it was too late.

BANG

I nearly jump out of my clothes making a scream that would make Sweetiebelle's voice sound like Big mac's.

I hear the laughing of a certain multicolor manned pony and look up to see only her tail but still can see that she's having a laughing fit up there.

"Bwahahaha, the scream you made sounded like a little filly!"

"Oh, yes go on ahead and laugh it up." I said picking up my map which had fallen out of my hands when she scared me.

"Geez, what crawled up your plot and died."

I sighed and rubbed the side of my face " Sorry Rainbow I just came from Twilight's castle apparently she not there so now I gotta walk all the way to wherever district Fluttershy's house is."

"Pfft, are you kidding me Fluttershy's cottage doesn't take that long to get to,maybe you need to lose a few pounds." She then proceeded to pat my tummy.

"That's not fair you have wings you can fly...and I'm not fat, at least not that fat."

'So what I have a little bit of weight what do you expect me to be perfectly healthy, but can I be 102 with yall...the food of this century that they have out now is fucking delicious yall I mean have you guys been to Taco Bell with the little breakfast shit, the little waffle shit's. Um have yall ever had a mcgriddle those things is off the chain I be havin like three of them shits and those Oreos with the little cookie dough in the middle but they don't make them any more at least I don't think so last time I checked back at my apartment. I still got some in my pantry damn I should've sold them on eBay.'

"That's not what your gut says."

"Yeah whatever, but I'll have to talk to you later Rainbow Dash I gotta ask Twilight a very important question before the day is done."

I begin to lightly jog to Fluttershy's as Rainbow Dash kinda flying upside down leisurely next to me.

"So whatcha gonna ask her about?" She said.

"I'm going to ask her if she or Princess Celestia have found a way to get me back home." I said casually.

She suddenly had an look of anger "Oh, so your saying you don't like Equestria?"

I defensively put my hands in front of my face "What?, no I didn't mean that!"

Rainbow Dash laughed at my expense yet again. "I'm just pullin' your tail dude, I knew what your trying to say. You miss youre family don't you?"

I nod my head "Yeah..."

"I miss my family as well they live out in cloudsdale which really isn't that far but I have a lot of responsibility being the element of loyalty, and sometimes the safety of Equestria comes first. I still send my mom and dad letters every week although I wish in pony."

"What?"

"You know in pony, to give someone something face to face?"

I raise my eyebrow as in are you serious

"Oh, yeah right not from this planet...heh, heh I knew that."

"Suuure you did."

Me and the Pegasus mare walked (well I walked she floated next to me) in the cool autumn breeze talking about many things from my home planet like structures and how we walk with two legs.

"I don't really know much about how we walk but I think it has something to do with our spines." I said scratching my goatee.

"That's weird, plus with the way move it must take you guys forever to get around." She said holding out forever.

( Tell that to Usain Bolt)

"Well we use other methods of transportation..."

"You mean air ships and carriages?"

"Hmm, we used to but now we use things like cars, planes, and buses."

"What's a karrr do pirates use them or something?"

I chuckle "No, a car is basically a metal horseless carriage with wheels."

Rainbow Dash scratches her head "Okay now you lost me how does a carriage move without being pulled?"

"Well I was never a motor head back home but I think he engine in front of the car does most of the work."

"Alright I guess that makes sense but what about the plane sounds kinda cool."

I stop walking for a few seconds "A airplane is like a car but longer with straight wings on each side, most of them can go very fast.. maybe even faster than you."

That must've struck a chord with Rainbow Dash cause she stopped flying and planted herself on the ground.

"What, did you say?"

I grew a smug smile onto my face, I knew that would mess with her. Rainbow Dash has a massive ego and if she feels her title is threatened she'll want to challenge someone.

"I said that some of our airplanes could be faster than you?"

"Faster...than me?"

"Yup."

"Race..."

"What?"

"R-race..."

"Rainbow Dash, I didn't come here with a plane even if I did I wouldn't know how to fly it."

Her left eye twitched a little bit.

"Rainbow?"

She just sits there on her haunches left eye twitching every now and then.

Until she finally snaps out of it "I gotta go bye!" She lifts of into the air and sonic rainbooms away.

(Okaaay...may have broke Rainbow but I'm sure she'll be fine.)

*Finally at Fluttershy's house about time*

I've arrived to a small land bridge with a stream running underneath it. The cottage itself has bird houses seemingly infused onto the sides, its an amazingly pretty and whimsical out here, dare I say it more whimsical than Disney Land?

I walk up to the Dutch doors and knock four times.

The door opens but I see no one there, which is weird because the door was shut tight. Just as I'm about to make a U-turn I feel something tug on my pants leg looking down I notice a small white bunny with his arms crossed and stamping his paw on the ground impatiently.

"Umm, hi is Fluttershy home?"

The white bunny shook its head no.

"Well can you tell me were she is?"

The bunny points behind me at a dark foreboding forest that looks more like a jungle to me. I her a chattering noise of another animal looking back into Fluttershy's cottage I see a table with poker chips and cards on it and sitting around the table is a badger, a ferret, and...is that a fricken' bear? And it looks like our bunny friend is losing.

The bunny closes the door a little bit as if to say 'mind your own business.' Thinking I over stayed my welcome I decide to leave the mammals to their own devises. After the bunny rudely slammed the door in my face 'Sore loser.'

Walking up to the dirt trail that leads into the Everfree, I wont lie I have some doubts about just blindly running about in a dark...deadly...possibly toxic...predator infested... bug infested...forest.

' Bunny dude couldn't hook me up with a gun or somethin?'

Looking at the trail I see their hoof prints in the dirt at least I think they're theirs. "Well here goes nothing." I walk into the gaping maw of the Everfree forest.

' It shouldn't take too long to find them.'

* Approximately 30 minutes later *

O.K I don't know how long I've been in this god forsaken forest but it feels like its been days, I'm lost and confused and I there's something in the trees watching me in fact not just in the trees all around me. I tried marking X's into trees but I don't think it's working I have this sense of walking in constant circles and seeing the same exact tree doesn't make me feel any better about this, not to mention that there is hella amount of bugs in this forest. Bees, wasp, moths, lightning bugs, big ass centipedes its a Entomophobics nightmare!

' Alright since I've been going left, right, right, forward...then this time I'll go right, left, left, right better to hit and miss than to keep trying the same combination.'

The canopy is so thick it pretty much blocks out all sunlight, I'd call for Twilight or Fluttershy shit anyone but I don't wanna attract any wolves or a grizzly bear looking for an easy meal.

Taking the twisted and confusing dirt paths I definitely wind up in a different area just an area I don't want to be in.

As I'm walking I walk into what feels like a giant fabric sheet only I didn't get the soothing scent of Gain, No instead of an giant fabric sheet I've been lucky enough to walk straight into an big ass sticky spider web. Now what type of spider that could make a web big enough to trap a human young adult whose twenty two years old still in my prime mind you is a mystery to me but I think I will save the monster hunting to the folks at Destination Truth.

Trying to cut through the spider webs was definitely a dumb move on my part, Continuing to wriggle would probably only make it worse, as I struggle in the web beginning to freak out. I hear a snapping sound looking above me something drops crashing through the canopies I clench my eyes from the falling debris, Whatever that was it let me loose.

"What the fuck is that!?" I say staring at the object the set me free from my silky prison.

It looked like a large feline mummified in the webs it had small wings with "fingers" like a bat and a exoskeleton of an scorpion tail, whatever it was it looked like it was a bad motherfucka before it was killed. Looking at my surrounding I begin to notice more bones than I want to on the ground (including a few ponies) considering that this place is verily unsafe I decide its best to turn back the way I came.

Walking back down the bath I hear a loud snap on the ground behind me making me in Instinctively freeze and listen, whatever it was it made a spontaneous clicking sound and smelled of death and decay. When it stepped it sounded like multiple people coming towards m-

' Oh what am I doing, just turn around!'

The spider had vicious mandibles that drooled what I really hoped was saliva and red piercing eyes, it's legs were fairly long and it was about half the size of a rhino and I couldn't really get much of a good look because by the time I was at the size I was far away from the web, with that thing still on my tail.

I wasn't trying to look back because that's how them little white girls in the bikinis end up tripping and gettin' ate, but then again the black guy always dies first on some bull bull (bull shit) so either way I'm fucked and from the sound of the quickened steps of the spider It was closing in on me, I had to think of something and quick.

Then it hit me...

While I was running I grabbed the lowest thickest branch I could grab and then stood my ground, no longer will creatures with an exoskeleton continue to push me around, all my life I've been running and now it's time that I stop and face my... fears?

The spider stops a few feet away from me and tilts its head like a confused puppy an ugly, ugly puppy. It just sits there as if unsure what to do clicking its mandibles and tilting its head all the time.

"Huh, I-"

The spider lets off a horrible scream that hurts my ears and lunges at me.

I swing as hard as I can successfully knocking it onto its side down but not out, I raise my makeshift club but before I can make the final strike another shriek comes from the direction I was heading and I'm tackled by another spider that was probably waiting for me to run into it or it's web.

' Clever girl.'

This spider was different its face was a dark red and its head was more bulky and muscular, instead of the mandibles being straight down they kinda make an L shape. Spiders may not have any pupils but I can feel it staring at me with hunger and curiosity just as it was about to suck the vital essence out of my face, I hear the heavenly tone of a crystalline hum and a bright red bolt of plasma hits it dead in the face but the shot wasn't lethal.

I sat up to see a disoriented spider with ash covering is face, it made a wheezing noise as it tried to wipe the offending dust out of its eyes. Eventually it cant take the stress anymore and runs screaming out deep into the uncharted forest until it was out of sight.

"Oh my, Calvin are you alright?" That voice I know that voice.

I turn around and see not only Fluttershy but Twilight, Frost Bite carrying a sword (Who still looks like she hates my guts), and a random rooster for some reason...okay I'll take that rescue.

"Yeah I'm a'ight, but what the hell was that thing?"I climb off my ass wiping the dirt and leaves off my back knowing Rarity's going to make a fuss when I get back.

"That-"Twilight takes a step towards the unconscious spider and nudges it with her hoof, it twitches a little bit which made Frost a bit on edge"-is a Banshee spider this one is a female the other one that was hit back there was a male or a "Red-Head" as some of the guards chose to name it, another one of the mysterious creatures of the Everfree."

A pack wolves howling pierces through the silent veil of the forest

"With all due respect your majesty I believe we should make a hasty return to the element of kindnesses cottage, before more creatures of the wilds come from bush." Frost bite said taking a defensive stance.

"The lieutenants right come on everypony, lets go before it gets really dark out here...that's when thing really get scary."

The three mares marched forward down the dirt path, leaving me to look at the still out cold Banshee I was gonna kick it but then I heard a low growl coming from nearby.

Having had enough action for one day I race ahead to catch up to the group.

* Fluttershy's Cottage *

Finally back into the warm embrace of civilization, you know its funny how drastic the scenery changed here from happy sunshine and rainbows to darkness death and fear. Just goes to show that the Everfree is nothing to mess with Twilight told me just about every animal and plant she knows of from cockatrice to hydra. Also made sure to ask her about finding a way to get me home. Frost Bite went back the castle (good she's a party pooper) and Fluttershy was making some tea. Me and Twi both asked for raspberry flavored.

"Well, I've been awaiting the Princesses feed back on finding a way to take you home and since you didn't come from the mirror we don't really know how to get you back. Dimensional travel hasn't been invented yet you see."

"Mirror what's this mirror you speak of?"

"It was this whole mirror thing that turned out to be a portal to a different world with a species that looked exactly like you, well not exactly everyone there was skinny and well no offense but your not that fit. Also their eyes were larger than yours which leads me to ask a question. Are you blind?"

"No, Twilight I'm not blind."

"Oh sorry," she said.

Fluttershy came out of her kitchen carrying a tray of tea humming a happy tune as she set the tea cups on the tables and I took a sip of some.

' Some good quality tea right here.'

"I hope you two like the herbal tea I couldn't find any raspberry, I'm sorry."

"Its alright Flutters herbal tea is just as good."

But there's one question that be racking my brain ever since I went into that jungle of a forest.

"Fluttershy, why were you out there looking for a rooster anyway couldn't you have just bought a new one?"

Fluttershy gasped at the thought "And leave Mr.Bigsby to fend all on his lonesome in the cold dark forest?, Oh no I could never do that he's one of my animal friends and you never leave a friend behind. Oh and umm he's also the only male in my chicken coops."

For the longest time me, Flutters and Twi talked about the Everfree Do's and Don'ts, we talked until about seven PM and that's when me and Twilight went home. I'm sure Rarity's going to be very worried when she hears I went into the Everfree forest and had a little situation and I know she'll be a bit peeved about the clothes. But She'll forgive me...eventually but all I'm worried about is getting some sleep, running from giant spiders makes me sleepy.

If you walk through the streets of Ponyville on a quiet night and listen long enough, you can hear the screams of the Banshee Spiders hunting around in the dark spinning they're silk webs onto the forest trees.

* * * * *

Author's Note

Spend the night at the cobweb hotel.

you'll find that the service is swell.

There'll be no rent to pay, for you will be here to stay

Spend the night at the cobweb hotel.

Come into my parlor, please do.

In a while all your cares will be through.

Now no need to be shy.

I wont harm a fly.

Spend the night at the cobweb hotel.

The Moon Horse, The Draconequus, And The Human

I walk into the front door of the Boutique Rares must've left the door unlocked for me, thankfully the lights are off so maybe I can try to sneak in here and fix up these clothes somehow.

I tip toe through the tailoring room and heading into the waiting/living room began to sneak up the steps, as I walked up them they made a pestering squeaking noise that got worse as I went up the stairs. Just as I made it to the very top, the lights in the living room flicked on.

She cleared her throat waiting for an explanation from me but I just kept still as if she couldn't see me if I didn't move.

"I'm waiting," She said, I could here her tapping her hooves onto the wooden floor.

"Um, well, you see what had happened was..."

" Oh Calvin, what have you gone and gotten your self into?" Rarity said putting her hoof to her face.

"I got into a little skirmish with some giant spiders nothing to bad I didn't get bitten or anything just roughed up."

Rarity sits on her haunches and rubs her purple hooves on her temples " I can already tell you will be a frequent costumer, How did you end up meeting such dreadful creatures...y-you didn't go into the Everfree Forest alone did you?"

I don't say anything I kinda just twist my foot to the ground.

"Calvin excuse my vulgarity but, what the buck were you thinking when you did that!?"

"Hey I just thought it was a regular old forest with everyday dangerous animals not some, "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" freak show!"

"It's not just some "regular old forest" its the Everfree one of the most treacherous places on Equuis!"

"Well how else was I supposed to know!?"

Rarity raises and brow to that "Really, don't you have two maps one of Ponyville and the other of all Equestria?"

"Pfft, them symbols could've meant anything."

"Really, like what?"

"Umm...It probably just meant pirate crossing?"

"See what I'm talking about you don't even know about the Everfree enough to just go parading around in there to, to...what were you even doing there in the first place!?"

"I was looking for Twilight to see If she knew how to take me home," I said.

There was a pregnant pause."Oh, dear I'm sorry I didn't know." she hung her head down solemnly.

"Please don't apologize it's not your fault you didn't do any wrong, you're just worried and I understand that besides she said it was going to be awhile before they found anything solid."

I hear tiny hooves moving at the to of the stairs looking up to the apex of the stairs, I see Sweetiebelle wiping sleep out of her eyes with her hoof.

"Rarity, I heard a lot of yelling is everything O.K?"

Rarity clears her throat and brushes her mane out her eyes "Everything's alright Sweetie just go back to bed."

Sweetiebelle yawns and walks back up to her room.

"Well Calvin its getting pretty late right now I believe its time to get some rest, Go ahead and put those clothes on the sewing table I'll get to them tomorrow."

"Thanks Rares." I go for a hair ruffle but she parried my hand away.

"Don't. Touch. The mane," She said seriously.

"Okay...Okay." Me an Rarity make our way up the old wood steps and head into our rooms I change into my pajamas and then do as Rarity says take my clothes down stairs and place them next to the sewing machine around there I see dozens of dresses and suits on adjustable garment racks. They seem the same as any tailored clothes I've seen before except most of the suit only cover the upper torso.

I head back up the to the second story, take a shower, and then fall into the girly looking guest bed.

' God what a night getting attacked by not one but two giant spiders, and then to be saved by a three talking magic ponies afterwards. I have to say I'm glad no one got hurt through that...well except for that spider we left unconscious in the middle of the pathway, that might not bode well.

Somebody should probably take care of that, but there is no way in hell I'm going back into that forest besides I'm sure that everything will be fine unless somebody messes with it we should be fine.

I find a comfortable position to sleep in and without notice slowly drifted off into sleep as I lay there nodding in and out of drowsiness I think about my situation. Living in this world is hard, but the inhabitants are even harder...That and never go into the Everfree again NEVER AGAIN!

I drift into a blissful slumber as my mouth slowly opens letting drool come down onto the cool side of the pillow.

* Calvin's House *

The blaring sound of a cars alarm going off startles me out of my sleep, I groan and rub the temples on my forehead in agitation silently wishing whoevers car that so rudely interrupted me from sweet sleep would get crushed by a wrecking ball. Looking at the phone on my night stand I checked for the time."7 AM, Sunday morning another boring predictive day." I say aloud to myself.

Swinging my legs over the bed I take in the atmosphere of my room. Dark blue walls surround me on all sides excluding my bedroom door and sliding closet which were both white, at the foot of my bed was a flat screen T.V atop a television stand with an Xbox 360 (still haven't gotten Xbox one) chillin' in the shelf underneath it. All furniture was a dark color of wood I will never be able to identify.

I get up and look at myself in the mirror on my dresser. I stroke my goatee but I wasn't paying attention to my chin, no I was peering at the nappy hair on my head.

Nappy, definition: Tightly coiled / curled unaltered hair. Coiled hair in its natural state as found on people of African descent who do not chemically alter their hair texture. Used in a sentence: "Damn boy you lookin' happy to be nappy!"

Seeking to correct this I walked into my bathroom and brushed my hair along with other hygienic processes, coming out of the bathroom making for the next objective making breakfast but not without going through my hall way passing by the guest bathroom, guest room, and office. Making a sharp right I meander into my warm colored living room with brown couch and matching lounge chair.

The sound of bare feet slapping against tile flooring meets my ears as I come into my kitchen/dining room/laundry, opening my freezer I grab the first thing I see which just so happens to be blueberry Eggo waffles grabbing two of them and slipping them into the toaster slots and pushing the lever down. As I sit here and wait for my waffles to be done I cant help but think about that dream I had and how... bizarre it was.

' What the hell is a grown ass man doing dreaming about Technicolor horses, come on man get your act together dream about transformers or something.'

As preposterous as it all was it was all so very real, every smell, every touch, even the taste of the food there was realistic. And believe it or not the place was really starting to grow on me aside from the giant spiders which will haunt me forever, but at the same time I was away from my family...maybe that's what the dream was trying to tell me talk to my family more granted it took it a hell of a lot of time to tell me this. And I usually never really remember most of my dreams, so how is it that I can remember everything. Speaking of remembering I just now remembered those cookie dough Oreos!

Hearing the toaster pop takes me away from my thoughts of the dream I grab a paper plate and placed my waffles onto the flimsy plate and completely drenched them with maple syrup, taking the plate into the living room I turn the T.V on to my DVR selecting a recording of Chappelle Show.

So now I just sitting there on my couch eating my favorite waffles and watching my favorite comedy show I can't help but notice something strange...

On the end table in between the lounge chair and the couch was what had to be the ugliest lamp I've ever seen in my life.

It's one of those things that make you think who the hell would by this for 500 dollars?

I grab the junk and walk out of my front door with the intent of throwing it in the dumpster with little care, It's a beautiful morning in Kingsville the air is very humid with the future promise of rain. I open the dumpster and throw the lamp in the garbage, then take it to the curb so the garbage men can pick it up as soon as possible.

I think about calling my mom and grandmother, when I came back in sitting there on the same exact place it was before I grabbed it.

"Wh-what the hell?" I walk over to the little lamp with not much to offer pick it up and threw them into kitchen waste bin. Once again turning back around sure enough the lamp was there in the same exact spot.

I can't help but have some familiarity with this strange object but quickly throw that out the window and by that I mean the lamp.

Turned back around and guess what the stupid lamp came back only this time it was on the dining table and thus began the strangest experiences I have ever seen in my life and I've seen some shit now.

Every time i moved it somewhere it would end up in some other random place that I never recall putting it, one second its in the dining room the next it's the kitchen, another moment it's in the bath tub the next it's back in the living room again. The channel kept changing to sappy soap operas and lets not forget to mention that I found that someone ate my waffles and didn't even leave a single crumb for me, and at this point I'm pissed royally pissed.

You fuck around with me and this lamp, you can change my channels, hell you can drink all of my chocolate milk, but god dammit you don't just break into a mans house and eat his blueberry waffles! I also realize that I got freak on my hands.

I arm my self with the best weapon I could find, a back scrubbing brush what can I say wasn't prepared for a burglar this weird caught me way off guard.

The lamp is now complete gone, but now there's a new threat I can hear the sounds of somebody rummaging through a fridge. This dudes gonna jack all my groceries...is the struggle really that hard?

I slowly make my way towards the opened fridge door growing closer and closer to the criminal, upon arrival I can hear him humming a tune under his breath.

'Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm just a pinch. Hmm, hmm, hmm, add a teaspoon of vanilla.'

I raise my weapon above my head and strike...

...nothing but air

"What the what!?"

The guy disappeared but he left a massive mess in the kitchen cupcake pans and batter spread everywhere.

I feel a tapping on my left shoulder turning left there was no one there, I hear some one whisper 'Over here' in my right ear and some thing furry tickles my ankles. I hear him laugh at my frustration and expense as I look around franticly like a madman hearing the voices in his head, there was a point when I thought I did go crazy.

"Behind you..."

I whip around quicker than a cheetah on speed with a sense of accomplishment that is quickly wiped off my face as I see my offender whom was none other than-

"Discord!?" I said astonished and afraid that he was here.

"Ah, Calvin Maurice Stubbs I don't believe that we've been legitimately aquatinted since Celestia's little "Soiree." he made quotation marks with his claw and paw.

Upon being this close to him I never really noticed how tall he was before, just about every part of him was uneven including his eyes.

"I wanted to try an old cupcake and greet party but it seems my cooking skills aren't as amazing as I thought they'd be." He looks to the massive mess that is my kitchen.

I suck on my teeth"Naw you think, how the hell you even get here anyway?"

"You left your garage door open." Discord nonchalantly checks his lion paw.

Sure enough there my garage was wide open "Aint that about a bitch."

"No Calvin I don't think its about a female dog I think its about your distinct lack of home safety." Discord sits over the stove pouring batter into the pan while wearing an apron I've never even seen in this house before that says "Kiss The Draconequus."

"Oh, no, no, no HELL no you need to leave I don't know how you got on Earth but you need to go back with your magically confusing powers!" I try to push him out through the garage but he teleports in a flash.

I turn around and see Discord watching my flat screen T.V, sitting on my couch, with his feet on my table and eating a big bowl of my popcorn." Have you seen this episode isn't it hilarious?" he said stuffing some popcorn into his mouth, he then laughs and popcorn kernel debris goes everywhere on the coffee table.

I gonna have to get ghetto on his ass. "Hold up, hold up, hold up. That's three times, hol- that's four in a half I'm gonna have to ask if you can get your dirty ass feet off my fuckin' coffee table son." I push them off the table.

"Well fine then"-He stands up from the couch with a hmpf, muzzle held high in the air-"if this is how you treat guest then quite frankly I don't wanna stay here for much longer."

as he heads for the front door I quickly run over to the foyer to see him out, as he steps out on to the front porch he stops and turns to me.

"By the way have you-" Before he could finish his sentence I slammed the door in his face.

'Now that that's over now I can focus on cleaning the kitchen...and the living room...and getting a lock on my garage.'

"Calvin you didn't let me finish."

"Aww, come on!"

I see discord leaning on his shoulder in the hallway with the smuggest smile.

"How'd you even get in here again!?"

"Your bedroom window was open."

(Meanwhile in Calvin's room there lies shattered glass and a single brick on the ground how he heard nothing is a mystery that will never be answered)

"Look I don't care how you got in here but you need to go straight back to planet Equuis, I have no patience for this right now."

"As I was trying to say before this place isn't as real as you think it is, have you noticed anything strange or out of the ordinary anything at all?"

Actually I do have a bit of a strange feeling now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know its like everything here isn't real"You know what-"

Theres a loud explosion heard coming from my room.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?"

Running into my room theres blue sparkly dust flying around the room everywhere, I could hear a female coughing in the mist as it cleared I saw yet another familiar face.

"Well, well look whos joined the crazy party." I say arms crossed quite frankly I'm not even surprised.

"You two were having a party?" Princess Luna cocks her head. She looks to the ground and sees the shattered glass spread all over the carpet. "It looks like you two were having a bit too much fun."

"No, but there's something crazy going on here...wait a minute...am I in a dream?"

"Ding, ding, ding we have a winner! Suzie tell the man what he's won." Shouts discord standing in the door way.

"Why didn't you tell me were in a dream if you already knew about it what the hell?"

"Ya know I thought you'd know a dream when you saw one, but when I was just simply pushed out the door I decided to try and give you a few hints and then I blatantly asked you. You would think a creature from an advanced civilization such as yours would of picked up on that by now." The 'Draconequus' or at least that's what I think he is it said that on his apron looks to Princess Luna questioningly stroking his white beard. "And why if you don't mind me asking, are you here dear Princess of the night?"

"I was merely traveling through the halls of the Dreamscape when I came across an door I was never familiar with before and I've just about memorized them all, it generated an strange aura almost alien I should have known it was your door. But I have to give you credit where its due your door was incredibly hard to budge almost as if its 'hinges' were rusted from long a period of neglect."

Discord nodded in agreement. "Oh it's true the first time I tried to get in here was a real hassle"- he knocks on my head as he does so I swear I hear the sound of someone banging on metal-"You've got a real thick head there."

"Which reminds me I thought I told you to stop invading other ponies dreams, how many times must me and my sister tell you its been two weeks!" Luna shakes the blue mysterious sparkly dust residue off of her coat, flapping her leathery/feathery wings to keep it away from her body.

"Oh come on Lulu were still on this!? Only one pony caught me in the act and that was my best friend in the whole world Fluttershy, we were having such a delightful conversation nothing concrete just idle chit chat." Luna's pupils narrowed a bit being called that nickname.

"I can't speak for the element of kindness but I can speak for the one-hundred and sixty six Canterlot citizens coming in with complaints of having nightmares and seeing a male serpent-like figure at the same time, you gave a colt so much of a fright he wouldn't come from his parents flanks."

"Please he was obviously exaggerating and even if he wasn't then how was I supposed to know he was afraid of clowns, who goes to a birthday party without a clown its simply unheard of!" The Draconequus said arms up in the air.

"Umm, excuse me but can we all come back to the situation at hand? I still don't really understand this, so can all ponies do this invasion of another's mind thing?

"Well I wouldn't call it an invasion but no as far as Im concerned only me and Discord here can enter a ponies dreams and memories...at least without killing them."

"What was that last part?" my voice cracked a little.

"Oh nothing." She takes a look around my room in great interest.

"So this is what a humans room looks like, i wont lie its a little underwhelming compared to what me and Tia were imagining." She takes interest in my television and Xbox walking over to it she sniffs it, which was a weird thing to see but as she's sniffing it her nose rubs up onto the sensitive power button turning it on with a hum (due to the thumb drive in the usb slot) the noise makes her jump with a adorable squeak.

"What is this thing?" she says taking a hasty step back.

"This"-I say patting the top of the big black box-" is an Xbox 360 a gaming system for entertainment purposes."

She gets the look of recognition in her eyes "Ahh, much like the arcade games set up in the Ponyville fun house!"

"This my be a little bit different than what you're used to, i don't think you would be too interested." I said as I turned the T.V. on to the correct input.

"Oh contraire, I'll have you know that im a shark when it comes to video games. I can get very competitive."

"She's not even kidding I've seen her play before its brutal." Discord added.

"We'll have to see about that..."

I pull out a game that im especially familiar with.

"Tell me Luna, are you familiar with a game controller?" I asked twirling the CD around on my index finger.

"A what now,what kind of game is that?" she looks to the CD in my hand.

"How about we play a little Gears Of War 3?" I made the biggest shit eating grin I could muster.

4 Long And Stressful Versus Matches Later

I don't even know what part of me thought this was a good idea in the first place its been at least I don't even know how long, is there even concept of time in a dream? I thought since I was the one familiar with the more advanced of gaming technology (to them at least) my team would be the one racking up the points but I was sadly mistaken for Luna is a formidable opponent; I don't know how she figured out the controls so quickly but as soon as she did she screwed the both of us me and Discord. Luna was on the side of the COG by herself while me and Discord were opposing her from the Locust side.

Luna choose the character Cole Train, I choose the Kantus (because Kantus is best Locust), and Discord was a Theron Guard. The first match was a complete success with the help of my guidance me and Discord won the first match. To be a bit merciful and not come across as a total dick I taught Luna how to play the game and what the best weapons were, I even gave her a short summary of the Gears Of War story...all this and more was a great mistake. As soon as she got these tips she took off getting head shots left and right, making outrageous executions that I've never even unlocked, and making good use out of every weapon needless to say we stood no chance, not to mention Discord is the definition of a noob. how somebody kills themselves with their own weapon is beyond me. The only good points we got were from me resorting to camping its a legitimate strategy!

"Aha, fifth time in a row nopony can stop the Cole Train baby whooo!" Luna gloats for as you heard the fifth time in a row now.

"I gotta give it to you Princess, your really good at video games I admit defeat. But you Discord you; what the heck was that!?"

"What was what!? I did exactly what you told me to do!"

"You were doing the exact opposite! I told you to grab the frag grenades you grabbed the smoke you knew that wasn't going to work against her!"

"Frag grenades, Smoke grenades, Ink grenades what's the difference!?"

"There's a very obvious difference there if you would have listened!"

"Boys..."

"I was just trying to have fun with it, but instead I got somepony breathing down my neck!" Discord said pushing his face into mine.

"I wouldn't be breathing down your neck if you didn't die from your on crossbow bolt!" I pushed my face back.

"Boys!"

At this point are faces are clash for a battle of dominance (this is starting to sound like a clop scene isn't it? :twilightblush: ).

[Royal Canterlot Voice] "BOYS!" she used that voice thing which grabbed our full attention.

"What!?" We both said in unison.

"Do you two smell that?" She said sniffing the air.

As I smelled the air the first thing I smelled was burning food.

"Discord did you leave my oven on?" Discord replies with a simple head shake no.

"Nope, turned it off starting a fire was none of my intention"- he makes a wild series of motions-" Cross my heart hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

Taking another whiff I can tell that the smell has gotten a lot stronger almost as if its source is in the room with us, my vision starts getting weird and hazy.

"Guys what's happening?" Seriously this is starting to freak me out now.

"Its O.K. Calvin your just beginning to awaken from your slumber this is natural, but the smoke that's new."

My vision grows hazier and hazier by the second and I can almost barely make out what Luna and Discord are saying and this ear piercing ringing that just started is grating at my ears eventually my world goes black.

When I reopen my eyes I'm back in Rarity's guest room, there's smoke looming in from the door, a terribly loud alarm is going off without relent.

I caught a brief sight of Opalescence running to hide underneath the bed I was laying on.

Due to the conditions of my surroundings my slow waking mind could only come to one conclusion

' Sweet Jesus its a fire!!!'

' Aint nobody got time for that!!!'

Author's Note

behold the long awaited chapter of Equuis To Calvin, yeah once again sorry about the super long wait im seriously up at 11:40 pm right now typing this author's note. I just couldn't sleep until I finished this chapter, but I really hope you like this one like its always said criticism is always welcome and feel free to leave a comment or two I wont bite it doesn't even matter what it could be about who's best pony what's your favorite story whatever it is you want to comment... just no more demon bread, please no more demonic bread loaves. Im scared for life...

Welcome To Equuis

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" I screamed as I dodged yet another one of those colorful laser beams that came shooting past my head,

I try to run down another corridor to see if I can lose all those horse guards that have been chasing me through these never ending

hallways at least for twenty minutes (All this is happening and I'm still in my pajamas).

"For the last time stop running you are under arrest by the order of prince blueblood!"

"Just leave me alone you bastards!"

I take a left turn down another hallway and stop at an intersection of three different ways I can take, Jesus how big is this fucking

castle? I used my amazing style of deduction when I first arrived here that this place was an castle with all the suits of armor standing around and the luxury of the interior. Oh how rude of me allow me to introduce my self my name is Calvin Stubbs and I'm being chased by white talking horses in armor made out of gold.

I decide to go straight ahead and come up to a large decorated two way door that look a bit heavy, I quickly push open the door feeling that its slightly lighter than I expected it to be, As I close the large doors I see an entire squadron of those horse guards running straight towards the door.

"Oh crap!" Slamming the door as hard and as fast as I can manage I grab as many heavy things as I can grab to block the door so they can't get in, I take a step back and admire my work "That should hold them for a good minute." And hold it did for a good six seconds until all of my hard work was simply kicked out the way by an horse guard that seemed like a normal horse aside from the pale yellow color of his coat (I knew he was an he because when he kicked the door down his grunt was deep also he had to be at least 7'5 feet at his withers) and a burgundy mane, he wore onyx armor.

"Best give up now son there aint nowhere left fer you to run." He said in a deep gruff voice

He was right I'm caught in a dead end unless that wall with an single hole in it leads somewhere then I'm screwed, I look to my left and right and see nothing but murals of more weird horses and other weird creatures but one window doesn't seem to have any glass in it period, look like there's only one way out of here and its through that window, So I slowly walk backwards to it.

"Don't do it." The yellow horse by now was flanked by more of those golden guards that were chasing me and shooting at me before.

I stood on the window sill (It was a tall window so I could stand in it) still facing all of them so they don't make any sudden movements, before I jump I promptly flick them off with both hands and then fall backwards as you would falling onto you're bed.

For a few seconds I swear I here the song "I Believe I Can Fly" sung by R Kelly, for a few seconds I was laughing happy that I had out smarted a bunch of equine knights...that was until the record scratched and I realized I'm falling pretty fast, at that point and time there was only one thing left for me to do.

"MOMMA PLEASEEEE HELP ME MOMMA LAWD!!!!!" I began to flail my arms uncontrollably as if hoping that I would sprout wings and fly

I hear a noise that sounds a lot like large flapping wings heading towards me, along with the sound of a crystalline hum and a tingling sensation all over my body, I find my self covered in an yellow aura slowly being turned around.

As I'm being turned I get a good look at my surroundings and see the most beautiful scenery that could have ever been imagined, an entire kingdom filled with horse all shapes, sizes, and colors doing things that I would describe as almost human like, and its all on top of a mountain which is... questionable but everything seems stable. but what was beyond was what astounded me a vibrant green world filled with forest and amazing grassy plains covered in all kinds of flowers.

What I saw next sort of dampened the mood, two large horses one smaller than the other were flying right in front of me due to the fact that the one with the white fur had shadowing that seemed almost pink I'm going to say that she was a female, her coat was a stark white while her mane had at least four colors in it that seemed to be like a lighter version of an rainbow it kind of reminded me of the northern lights in Alaska I think. She had beautiful white feathered wings and a horn longer than all the other ones I've seen in fact it was so long it seemed to curve

Her hooves were pink and seemed almost as if they were manicured, I also noticed the mark of the sun on her butt- not that I was checking it out or anything but I'm just going to point out that the area was fat that's all, the next horse looked really pissed and tires like she just woke up or something... are those hair curlers in her hair which look a lot like the night sky, her coat was dark blue and her hooves an even darker blue she had more fur around her hooves than the sun butt- I mean horse I said horse. she had a moon an her butt (stop judging me!) and her wings seemed like they couldn't decide on whether being bird wings or bats wings so it decided half n half. Moon butts eyes were more cat like than her counter part Sun butt.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do whatever you are." Sun butt said in a tone of a scolding mother.

"Thou better have a good reason on why you've intruded the royal throne of the pony sisters." Moon butt added

There was only one thing I could say about this predicament "... DAMN LOOK AT DEM ASSES!" They were not amused.

Author's Note

Alrighty dighty the first chapter of Calvin's new life is done finally (it takes forever to type this stuff down just for a thousand words dang) lets all hope that Moon Butt and Sun Butt go easy on him, also expect some Discord and mane six in the next chapter and feel free to comment on any errors and it doesn't hurt to hit the thumbs up button... its still up there... waiting...take you're time.

P.S: How do the hell do I put emoticons up here? {Insert confused Rainbow Dash face here}

PP.S: I know this is short guys chill out the next one shouldn't be to short... I hope. Also pics of the royal sisters http://th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/160/f/4/princess_sisters_by_earthsong9405-d68g1l4.jpg

Welcome To Ponyville

I open my eyes to the bright sunlight that's been coming through the window of the train, yeah im still in Equestria and on this train... what's that leaning on me?

I look to my right and see that Applejack is laying on my side with her cowboy hat tipped over her eyes still asleep. snoring. I don't wanna push her off me like she's a common hobo but I don't want her on me because that could get awkward real fast, I check to see if anyone is watching and thank goodness ponies are either asleep or reading a book.

So I gently push her body away from mine using one hand, she only leans back onto me I try pushing her again and then she latches onto me mumbling something about Bloomberg I didn't really know what she was dreamin about but I don't think I wanna find out today.

"Good morning~ !" A loud voice woke Applejack, knocked Twilight out of her reading, and scared Fluttershy half to death. Who the offender was of this serenity was none other than Pinkie Pie.

"Land sakes Pinkie did ya have ta wake the whole train car?" Applejack said picking herself up from the floor.

"Damn Pinkie how long have you been awake?" It look like she was up before hand.

"Hmmm, about three minutes now, my Pinkie sense woke me up."

Twilight was helping Fluttershy get up from under her booth chair, when she heard Pinkie mention her "Pinkie sense".

"What was the combo this time?"

"Twitchy eyebrow, wobbly hooves, and itchy ear." she said nonchalantly

"Im sorry but am I really the only one here who doesn't know what she's talkin about...again."

"Oh Pinkie can sense when things are about to happen with twitches and itches in her body, don't bother trying to figure this out trust me on this one I've tried."

"A twitchy eyebrow, wobbly hooves, and itchy ear means that someone close is cuddling near bye I get that one a lot when Im living with the cakes, but you and Applejack were cuddling real hard when I looked over."

Applejack blushed, and I would have blushed but im too black for you to even be able to see me do it but I did have an embarrassed face.

"We weren't cuddlin ah was sleep, and I jus met the stallion yesterday how would I like him now if its only been a day."

"Well actually Applejack you were kinda leaning on me while you where asleep, then you hugged me."

If Applejack could get any redder she would make sense cause I've never seen an orange apple.

"Oh ah'm sorry ah didn't know!" she said

"Its aright its aright it wasn't your fault."

"Twi how long until we get to what ya call it?"

"Ponyville, and well be there in ten minutes so don't get too comfy."

Rainbow dash rolls over in her sleep "I guess its too late for Rainbow dash." chuckled Fluttershy.

Since we all had ten minutes I thought I might as well listen to some music I pull out my I-pod, damn 65% I gotta start preserving this battery... after I listen to five more songs.

I plugged in the earphones and played one of my favorite songs Take A Walk. I look out the window an see nothing but flowers a few I can name like sunflowers and roses and others I cant tell off the bat.

Im so into the music I don't notice the reflections in the window of the elements (except Rainbow Dash) staring at me.

"Watcha listenin to?" ask the cow pony.

she made me jump but I wasn't scared.

"Take A Walk sung by Masta Ace why?"

"Caaaan we listen?" Pinkie was smiling a Cheshire cat smile.

"Umm sure." I take the ear plugs out and just let the music play but it isn't as loud as we all hoped.

"Aww I cant here what he's saying." says a sad Pinkie Pie.

Twilight scratches her chin until she found an solution "Oh I know I learned a basic amplifying spell while I was studying under Princess Celestia." Her slightly curved horn glows a ghostly lavender hue making a crystalline hum as it does her horn shoots a purple and iridescent green beam onto my I-pod at first I thought she fried it until the volume rose exponentially higher.

"Daaaamn, that was amazing how'd you do that right there!?"

"With magic, it flows through all creatures of Equuis even if most cant actively use it without magic Equuis would be Discord's playground."

This was actually interesting something worth learning in school "How do Pegasi and Earth Ponies use magic when they don't have horns?"

"Pegasus magic is mostly directed in their wings which allows them to control weather patterns, sculpt clouds into structures, and sometimes accomplish amazing flying speeds and make sonic booms or as our lazy Rainbow Dash calls it a sonic rainboom."

The multicolored pony in question merely twitched her hoof, she must sleep through everything.

"Earth ponies are a different subject their magic is located in they're bodies and hooves, which is why they mostly work the land they have a better connection to the earth than any other race."

"Alright I believe in Earth ponies havin an 'green hoof' but controlling the weather how is that even possible?"

"Its as possible as the princesses lifting the sun and lowering the moon, trust me you'll see when we get there."

In the meantime we've got different problems I've noticed as of late that ponies have been giving me looks and staring at me they look away when I look at them but they aren't slick.

It made me question how they're going to see me in Ponyville a 6"1' human at a ponies front door doesn't scream 'lets be friends'.

"Don't let them get you down, a lot of ponies don't feel comfortable around creatures taller then them especially with the dragon stronghold in the badlands." Twilight informed me

"There's a stronghold for dragons here?"

Twilight nods her head "Any race is allowed here, including dragons. They hail from Pyre their homeland southeast of Equestria its filled with volcanoes, ash, and lots of Fire Rubies are found there, some dragons prefer the mountains and caves of Equestria for they're coolness while others like the gems found here, as long as they don't make home to close to any pony settlements everything runs smoothly."

And here I thought Spike was the only civilized dragon, learn something new everyday.

The train travels inside an tunnel entrance and for a few short seconds there is darkness which makes a few foals on the train a little antsy and excited but they're quieted down by their parents, in a matter of a few seconds the train is out of the tunnel and the sun is once again shining.

On the other hand a large town can be seen close by. to the right of the train is a purple mountain range and below it a lush green forest filled with life, lots of farm land and tilled earth, and what on the horizon appears to be a large formation of clouds raining rainbows. to the left is a big sparkling lake that looks like it has a small beach on it and a few ponies on said beach. In the distance of that is a normal forest and an sand colored ridge. The town its self seemed cheery enough very medieval style houses thatched timber framed walls it seems its filled with many vibrant colors, the two eye sores in their selves is the three storied tower and the crystalized tree castle that's reflecting a lot of light.

"There it is...home." Twilight said staring out the window.

"Next stop Ponyville station!" yells the grey earth pony conductor.

the train comes to a slow stop at the station filled with ponies waiting to travel to whatever station is next for them.

"This is Ponyville, Stirrup street please be sure to grab all baggage from the overhead rack!"

Ponies from left and right on the train were all grabbing they're luggage and walk off the train outside.

Meanwhile everyone already packed and ready to go except for one lazy pony who's still asleep.

"Come on Rainbow dash we have to get off the train." Twilight poked at her but only succeeded in making her roll over.

"mmmciiideer." She just wasn't waking up.

"Come on Dashie, wake up before the train leaves with us on it." Pinkies attempt didn't work either.

"Hold on girls." Twilight said

"Ahem."

"And Spike."

"Ahem."

*Sigh* "And Calvin, I'm going to try something."

Twilights horn began to glow again only I glowed a bit lighter and twilight seemed a bit more strained like she was constipated.

"Twi what are ya-?" before Applejack could finish he question in a blinding flash of purple light made me have to shut my eyes, when they reopened we were all out side of the train luggage and all. Rainbow Dash had the pleasure of being dropped twelve inches on the ground that woke her up.

*Oof* "What the hay?" said an annoyed Rainbow Dash

Twilight was panting a bit but all else seemed fine "I've never tried holding that many ponies before." what is she talking about did she just teleport us outside the train?

I stood up but I soon regretted this swift action for as soon as I stood I felt light headed and very sick to my stomach, it was to the point where I hand to hold my stomach and mouth in hopes I don't vomit.

"Oh my Calvin are you alright?" asked a concerned Fluttershy.

"Nope, all of a sudden I got a wicked bad stomach ache."

"How long hav ya been feelin like this?" Applejack said fixing her hat.

"As soon as I stood up after Twilight did whatever the hell she just did."

By now Twilight was fully recovered from her fatigue and was assessing the problem I was having.

"Hmm... oh I know what your problem is.

"What, what is it?"

"You have teleportation sickness." she said with a smile even though this is no smiling matter.

"What do you mean teleportation sickness, that some kind of disease!?" I really hope I'm wrong.

"Oh heavens no its a simple little sickness some ponies get from the displacing of their stomach matter is moved from one point to another without traversing the physical space between them." Everyone looked at Rarity with questioning glances.

"What just because one pony goes to a college that values fashion and art doesn't me they never learned basic school subjects."

"Fluttershy do you have any of those ginger root capsules the doctor gave you when you got motion sickness on that boat."

Fluttershy pulls out a bottle of pills and hooves it to me.

Upon the pills my health began to improve supernaturally faster than normal, right now I don't give a fuck because I'm feelin better now.
I give the bottle back to Fluttershy whom places it back into her weird side ways horse backpack.

The area around the train station is a little dull one solitary tree and the train station the land seems to go from grass to dirt.

By now all the ponies getting off the train have been long gone probably in a rush to get away from me. and now ponies are now boarding the train which is terribly colored (a nice grey would suffice) and it seems as if its ready to pull off.

An excited Pinkie pie hops into my view with her trademark smile shining her pearly white teeth "Come on Calvie I really want you to meet everypony in ponyville!" she said dragging out everypony.

"Pinkie how am I supposed to...what did you call me?" I don't think she said my name right, oh god please don't be a-

"It's the nickname I gave you!"

I tried to tell her I didn't really like this particular nickname because it sounds so babyish. Calvie? come on.

but twilight stopped me from saying something.

"its best you go along with it once she's made your nickname its been done." she whispered in my ear

well just call me freakin Calvie now...I'm never gonna live this down.

So me and the gang all journey down a convenient dirt rode all the while Rarity complaining about getting her hooves dirty and Applejack not giving a shit.

we head into what appears to be the town farmers market were there are ponies galore some tall some fat some short some skinny all sort of the three different races but no alicorns why is that? The most distinguishing factor is the mare to stallion ratio of the town there has to be like 10 males but then 30 females.

Twilight seemingly trips on a rock (like you've never tripped on something stupid before) and I catch her in my arms and ponies are a lot heavier than you think, Twilight was blushing the whole time.

"Um, thanks." she said a little embarrassed by the trip

Meanwhile in the market there's a pale yellow mare her hair is the color of a rose and the streaks are light raspberry her eyes are green and her cutie mark is a plain rose. She selling flowers along with two other ponies whom she works with daisy and lily, today was a good day the sun was shining thanks to Celestia and business is good, but she cant help but think something's going to go wrong again, in this town anything can happen from Ursa minor attacks to angry griffon's it can get pretty crazy around here, while rose was selling her flowers to somepony she saw figures coming towards the market which isn't strange ponies come and go from the train station all the time but something was off. She couldn't see well over the crowd, but she saw a large dark two legged figure holding princess Twilight and that caused her large eyes to get even larger and her pupils turned to pinpricks.

A shrill scream pierced the banter around the market "A monster is coming to ponyville and its going to eat the princess!"

And at that very moment all HELL broke loose.

As soon as those ponies saw me they all swarmed like a bunch of buzzy bees, every color of the rainbow flashing before my eyes in a hurried state of terror.

"The horror, THE HORROR!" maybe they're taking this a little too far.

Six guards in some sort of leather/steel armor rush in from the fray like some super heroes or some shit. Three Pegasi, two earth ponies, and one unicorn armed with spears and hidden blades on their hooves all ready too defend their princess whom I'm holding with fear.

"Alright... whatever you are, drop the princess and back away from the elements of harmony or else well have to use deadly force." said the white unicorn mare with a slight British accent, her red eyes felt like they were piercing through my soul the way she glared at me.

"Stand down Lieutenant Bite he means no harm I only tripped and he caught me, umm you can put me down now."

I flashed her a cheesy grin and sat her back down on her hooves.

The lieutenant and her squad lower there weapons and bow to Twilight.

"Deepest apologies for the mistake Princess Twilight." said the unicorn.

"its not me you have to apologize to and stop calling me princess please."

"Sorry your highness." Twilight face palms or hooves and mutters something about "wanting to matter her flank" didn't catch most of it.

The squadron moves toward me like children in trouble with there parents except the lieutenant who keeps giving me a stank look.

Lieutenant Bite was a fairly tall pony about 4'9" her fur was off white and her mane and tail was in braids multicolored with navy blue and white, her eyes were a vibrant red which were still creeping me out. Lieutenant Bites fetlocks white fur grew out over her blue hooves.

"We sincerely, apologize for the mishap Mr.?"

"Calvin, Calvin Stubbs."

"Mr. Calvin, we will continue our duties you have a pleasant day." she said in a hint of malice. Her and her squad all move out to I don't know guard the city don't really know what else they'd do.

"I'm beginning think the lieutenant doesn't likes me." I said mocking sadness

"Aw, don't let Frost Bite get to ya she can be a bit cold at times but she's an all right gall." Applejack reassured.

"Sides Ah'm worried how were gonna get all these fraidy cats out of there houses."

I take a look around and see not a pony in sight nothing but empty market stalls with the exception for a few confused guards moving about and a stray piece of paper blowing across the street.

"Well the Ponyville ponies have been known to be the most skittish, even dear Fluttershy wasn't that scared of you." Rarity added.

Pinkie grabs hold of my cheeks with her hooves and moves me face to face with her most serious face I've seen on her "Don't worry Pinkamena Diane Pie is on the case, I'm gonna make sure that you have the bestest surprise party ever." She looks up to the sky and shouts "YOU HEAR ME PONYVILLE!?" She makes a mad dash down a street. "EEEVVVVEEEERRRR!!"

Twilight goes to follow her "I'm going to make sure she doesn't do anything to crazy, see you guys later." with that she flies off after the crazy pink pony.

Eventually everyone had something they had to do Applejack had to go back to her farm, Fluttershy went to go take care of her animals, and Rainbow Dash had cloud duty. Leaving me, Spike, and Rarity to kind of sit there awkwardly well me and Rarity sat there awkwardly Spike kinda stared at Rarity awkwardly.

"Well then...darling about your clothes."

The three of us all decided to go to Rarity's business/house Carousel Boutique, along the way we talked of trivial things like the differences of human and pony fashion sense and the distinct lack of jewels on earth in comparison to Equuis. Ponies don't wear clothing very often due to the access heat and pants are usually never worn only shirts or hats maybe even shoes and high heels, but that's it they mostly only wear formal clothing for things like the Grand Galloping Gala and other various events. Gems, jewels, and crystal's can be found almost anywhere even under the town. Dragons can eat rocks but they taste like dirt Spike accidently ate one before and he's regretted it ever since. The streets were pretty barren of ponies still the occasional slamming of a windows shudders was heard but other than that silent as a mouse.

"Ah we have arrived." Rarity said as we came upon an interesting building. It was very loud in a way of design and the midsection of the building resembled an carousel.

We stepped inside her boutique as the silver bell above the door jingled "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, were every garment is chic, unique and magnifique." she said as she turned on the lights. The room was filled with all sorts of fabrics and threads, there was a old fashioned sewing machine and what looked like a pedestal surrounded by mirrors, a dressing room and a staircase leading to what I presume is her rooms. Not to mention the abundance of mannequin ponies in fancy dresses and suits.

"Well darling if you step right there I can get your measurements." she points her hoof to the pedestal and I head towards it, Spike sits in a chair while Rarity comes back with a soft tape measure.

"Alright Calvin ill need you to take off your clothes."

"A....."

"Calvin?"

"....."

"Calvin dear are you alright?"

"I don't think its necessary to do that."

"Oh but it is, how else will I get the measurements if I cant get an accurate measure?"

"Pfft, I don't know just improvise over my pants?"

"Why are you so worked up over this?"

"Because I can't let you see my unmentionables."

"Unmentionab- don't you have a sheathe!?"

"A what now?"

"A sheathe."

"Why would I need a sheathe I aint got no sword."

"Oh my..." Rarity's face suddenly got a little rosy in the cheeks.

"What Rarity what's a sheathe?" Spike asked.

She waved for me to come closer, I did and she lent over and whispered in my ear.

"Oooooh, oh nope definitely don't have that."

"What is it?"

"Ask Twilight when you're older!"

"Bu-"

"When you're older!"

Spike folded his arms and pouted.

"Oh don't worry Spikey Wikey some day you'll grow and be the biggest most handsome dragon in Equestria." Rarity's complimented.

so Rarity spent I don't know it felt like forever she kept measuring every part of my body and my arms were beginning to hurt.

"Alllmost, done okay darling now lets pick some fabrics."

I'm going to say that this part wasn't the most amazing interesting part in the story but me and Rarity got into a heated debate over fabrics, but she came out on top in the end. Now she's sewing my clothes as we speak shes wearing red framed glasses and is very concentrated in her work I ask her a question and all I get is uh huh or a nuh uh.

"Hey Rarity, you don't mind if I step out do you?"

"Nuh uh." See?

I walk out the Dutch door past a sleeping spike and head out into this crazy world on my own. Ponies seemed to have come out now at least some of them moving about the streets carrying on with life, I decide to take this dirt trail that leads out of town and see what its talkin bout.

walkin down the dirt road hearing nothing but the sound of my feet hitting the ground (should really find some shoes my socks are dirty as hell) it was peaceful with the town in the distance behind me and the vast green hills with rows of apple trees on them didn't take long to figure I was heading for AJ's farm.

*Flap* *Flap* *Flap*

I keep hearing what sounds like a bird flapping its wings in distress.

*Flap* *Flap* *Flap*

It's getting louder, I turned around but it was too late.

"What the what!?"

"Mister look out!" said a mares voice

something grey collided into me sending both of us to the ground.

"I just don't know what went wrong." I heard her say.

"Man, what the." I pick myself up so I can see my new acquaintance and see a grey Pegasus mare sprawled on the ground, she had a blonde mane and a satchel bag with an emblem of an envelope on a cloud. Her cutie mark was a bunch of bubbles really nothing to crazy.

But that's not what's weird what's weird is her eyes I think she maybe cockeyed, oh god I think more damage was done than I thought.

"Oh shit im so sorry do you need to go to the hospital?" I don't even know were it is but I could at least offer it.

"No, no it wasn't your fault sir I was rushing to make these deliveries and I guess I kinda didn't watch were I was going and no I don't need to go to the hospital im fine." as she stood up she shook the dust from her head to her tail feathers she stood at 4'5".

"Are you sure your alright?"

"Yep im fine just a little dizzy."

She lifts off the ground getting ready to take off "Well ill catch you later sir but I have to get back to work a lot of ponies expecting their mail today." with that the mail mare flew off into the direction im heading my guess Sweet Apple Acres.

What a nice mare...wait why wasn't she afraid of me?"

I shrug my shoulders and make my way up the dirt trail following the mare with the derpy eyes.

*A few minutes later*

I stand in an white picket archway covered with vines, before me stands an massive farm to my left a well, an orange building made for carrots and all sorts of other crops like corn, cabbages, celery, spinach and a grape vineyard. to the right live stock Chicken coops, Cow stalls, and pig pens with a ever boundless acre of apple trees among hill tops that turn into mountains in the distance. and in the middle of all this madness is a Bright red barn with flowers in just about every window sill, the large barn doors are open wide welcoming everyone to visit but there's no one there only the resonating sound of something hitting wood.

I make my way towards the barn door when a giant rope net just falls on top of me making me lose my balance. What the fuck.

as I struggle to get out the net I hear a lot of barking and cheering

"Cuitemark Crusader monster hunters yaaaay!"

"What in tarnation is going on out here." I hear an elderly voice shout.

I see the mail mare from before but the pony next to her was new.

An light green old earth pony mare ambles out of the barn she has her silver mane and tail were done up into a bun she wore an orange flannel cloth around her neck she's 4'1".

"What are yall youngins doin out here causin all this fuss." she said

"We were catchin the monster that attacked ponyville today." said a little filly with a southern accent.

"Did we get are cutiemarks?" said a high pitched voice.

"No ya didn't get yer cutie marks fer tyin somepony up fer no good reason Applejack told me everything about this here critter and that he aint no monster ya should be ashamed fer sayin so, now let em go."

"But Granny Smi-."

"Let em go."

I feel the rope being pulled off me I stand up and brush off the dust from my pajamas and behold the sight before me.

The three of the most adorable fillies making the saddest of faces I've ever seen.

The first was a cream colored filly whom I recognized from the picture General Golden showed me he mane was a burgundy color with orange eyes she wears an overly sized pink bow atop her head. her fetlocks have little fur and facial expression she has is a wide frown while biting her lower lip ears folded. height at 20".

Second was a thin Pegasus filly shorter than last one by 17", her mane is an magenta color and her coat is dark orange her hooves match her mane in color including her wings primaries and secondary's and tail feathers. she is holding her head down ears splayed back in shame. Like all pegasi she had feathers on her shoulders, back and the nape of their neck.

Third is probably the most adorable of the all a off white unicorn filly with a multicolored curly mane mulberry/pink rose. she's the smallest out of the group 14", her horn is small compare to the adult unicorns like a small ice cream cone and she has the lion-like tail which seems to mostly run in unicorns. she has her head cocked to the side with a large frown and glistening eyes.

There was also a border collie who also had its ears splayed back, weird its eyes look like they'd have more emotion than usual dogs.

"We're so, so, sorry mister we didn't know you were a nice monster, everypony in town were too scared so we thought we would get our cutiemarks for monster hunting if we caught you." said the white one.

"Can ya ever forgive us." said the cream yellow filly.

You just cant say no to those faces and not be a real monster.

"Aww, its a'ight but next time do a little more research on your target you never know whose nice or bad. (In Red Dead Redemption Bigfoot is an example). the three fillies faces brighten up

"All right know youngins head on inside dinner is awaitn inside." The trio gallop inside the barn door.

"I swear every time them tree go on a sleep over they're doin somethin foalish to get their cutiemarks. they'll have to learn it takes time sooner or later, darn youngins always tryin tah rush somewhere." she mumbled.

The old mare notices me again "Oh sorry sometimes ah ramble on like that, did ya need anythin?"

Before I can even respond my stomach protest its lack of nourishment with a loud growl.

I can't help but blush (Dark skin though) "Heh, you wouldn't happen to have room at that dinner table would you?"

The Apple Family is a very hospitable family they welcomed me in as if I was one of their own. I even got to meet a lot of new ponies Granny Smith, Big McIntosh (not as big or as talkative as his father but big nonetheless), Applebloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle Rarity's little sister, The family guard dog Winona, and Ditzy Doo Hooves whom couldn't stay to eat dinner but had a muffin in her mail bag for the road.

Also for those of you wondering 'Calvin why do you keep saying dinner when its like the middle of the day shouldn't it be lunch?' Chill out mutha fucka I didn't forget relax.

Its because Southern men or ponies come from the fields tired and hungry, so they have a large meal that would be an equivalent to the dinner people in suburban cities would have. Then at night they'd have supper which is equal to lunch.

Now yet once again I know what you are thinking 'Calvin I know they had you eatin nothing but apples and apple products.' well you're kinda right sure there were some apple related food on the table apple pie, apple fritters, apple cider and even apple jam but there were more components to the food pyramid. Collard greens, macaroni-n-cheese, baked beans, bread rolls. granted there was no meat but I wasn't expecting any.

We all socialized around the table telling stories (Granny's got a lot of stories) and jokes. Sweets, Scoots, and AB the nicknames I've given them are apart of a club called the cutiemark crusaders where they actively search for their special talents and some of these attempts are... astounding I mean mountain climbing and underwater exploration? How old are they really?

Welp its about that time to go im full and I still have the hunger to explore this town. Turns out Granny was among the first to settle the area and found Ponyville, who knew?

I begin to take my leave as everypony waves me goodbye.

"See yall later Calvin, feel free to stop by Sweet Apple Acres anytime ya hear!?" Applejack shouted.

"eeyup!" Big Mac said in his deep voice

"Yall can come down to the clubhouse any time!" AB said.

"Bark, bark, bark!" even Winona was saying hear own goodbye.

I waved goodbye to the new friends I had made and headed back down the dirt trail.

Im back in the town and I guess all the ponies have started to get over the fear of me and I say started because I have a 4ft wide circle of space from ponies trying not to get in my way.

I decide to head back to Rarity's house but I have one small teensy problem.

"AW HELL NAW!" I yell scaring a lot of ponies in the process

IM LOST IN THIS FUCKIN BIG ASS TOWN!

'Oh wait' I think to myself 'Aint that the city hall right there?'

Sure enough large three story tower-like building in town square, completely out in the open.

*Faceplam* So freakin stupid.

I head for the large building to find a map so I can get back to Rarity and get some new clothes *Sniffs self* and maybe a shower.

Author's Note

Pics of the Cutiemark Crusaders + Babs Seed > http://earthsong9405.deviantart.com/art/Minidump-The-Cutie-Mark-Crusaders-389164572 also does any one know how to get rid of all the extra space at the bottom.