Quest for the Holy Sword Excalibur

by DavidReinold

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Crossover
Length: 907

The Holy Sword Excalibur awakens from its pedestal and seeks a meister.

Foals! My legend began several centuries ago in the land of Equestria! It was a bright and sunny day, or perhaps it was dark and cloudy, I don't quite recall. No matter. I was forged and wielded by Celestia, and although I was a loyal sword I was also a bit of a hooligan in those days, or so my friends told me and I suppose I just believed them, after all I was my only friend, for I was the only friend I needed! You see I am the only friend anypony will ever need, so long as you follow my one-thousand provisions. Now, let us begin!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-07 21:45:49 UTC

Legend of the Holy Sword - Twilight's Venture into the World of Legend?

Legend of the Holy Sword - Twilight's Venture into the World of Legend?

I wasn't entirely sure what I was looking at.

Was it a declaration of war? No, couldn't have been. Too frilly. Perhaps a declaration of love, then? Whatever it was, I sincerely wished it hadn't been left on my doorstep, partly because it was embarrassing to see everypony's questioning glances, but moreover that it was blocking the doorway and preventing me from entering my humble abode.

It had been a long and disappointing journey. I just wanted to settle into my bed and pretend none of it had ever happened. Instead I stood looking up at the large, grotesque sculpture that plagued my property. From the shape alone I knew exactly who had sent it. That lame hat. That lame cane. That lame overcoat.

That damn. Pointy. Nose.

The gravel crunched beneath my hooves as my knees gave out. With a half-groan half-whimper I curled up tight and pretended there wasn't a giant statue blocking my doorway.

I think I'll just sleep outside tonight, I thought to myself grumpily.

* * *

Okay, look. I know you probably want to hear what happened on my journey, but believe me when I say, this story is really not worth your time. I absolutely, one hundred twenty percent guarantee you don't want to hear it. It's extremely annoying - unbearably so - and by the time it is over you will wish I hadn't said anything.

You still want to hear it? Well, alright. If you're sure...but for the record, I did warn you...

* * *

So as you probably know by now, once a year I set aside a day for re-shelving. For three-hundred sixty-four days out of the year I read as many books as I please and place them back haphazard on the shelves. But on this one special three-hundred sixty-fifth day, I take all my books off their shelves and replace them in their rightful places, arranging them first by genre, then by author, then finally by year of publication. It's a long and tedious process, and the most fun I have all year.

Believe it or not, re-shelving day means more than just more than just putting my life and work back into a manageable arrangement. It also means discovering new pieces of literature which had recently made their way into my collection, as well as re-discovering old volumes which I'd forgotten ever having. On the particular re-shelving day that this story begins, I made one of the most unusual literary discoveries of my life.

On the bottom shelf in the corner, I found a dusty old volume which for some reason I didn't recognize. It was a large, heavy volume titled Legend of the Holy Sword - EXCALIBUR.

"Spike," I called out towards the loft that held our makeshift bedroom, "do you recognize this book?"

Spike came to the balcony and looked out. I levitated the volume up to him.

"Ex...cal...i...bur?" he read aloud, "Never heard of it."

"Neither have I. I don't remember ever adding it, and it doesn't show any author name."

"Well then, there's only one thing to do, right Twilight?"

"Right! I'm going to read the entire book cover-to-cover when I finish here!"

* * *

Re-shelving continued without a hitch, and when I was finished, I breathed a sigh of relief and lay down on my bed and opened up to the first page of The Legend of the Holy Sword.

"'The legend of the holy sword'," I read aloud, "'began in just before the dawn of the modern era. Forged by Princess Celestia as a means of defeating the draconequus fiend Discord, the holy sword was, and remains to this day, a mighty and formidable sword named Excalibur. To the hero who can successfully wield the sword, legend promises eternal victory and infinite knowledge and wisdom in magic and friendship.'" I hopped upright on my bed, eyes wide with a fire that could only be borne from opportunity.

Infinite knowledge? Magic and friendship? I turned the idea over in my mind. It was only a legend, but I couldn't resist the urge to keep reading. I had to know more. I had to find out where this all-powerful sword was and what amazing secrets I could learn from it. I continued on.

"'The holy sword Excalibur is the only weapon in Equestria capable of assuming a living, sentient form. When he is not resting in his pedestal waiting for a champion, Excalibur enjoys scholarly pursuits over a strong cup of tea.' Wow...I think I might really get along with Excalibur! What do you think, Spike?"

I turned to look at my purple dragon assistant, only to find him passed out in his bed. I let out a sigh. With Spike out of commission, it looked like I'd be writing my own letter to Celestia. And of course, that was the natural first step to take. If she forged him, surely she would know where I might be able to find him. It also appeared I wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight; I was wide awake from my giddiness over meeting Excalibur. I levitated a quill and roll of parchment over to my bed and began to write.

"Dear Princess Celestia..."

I stifled a giggle as I pondered the events of the next few days.

* * *

The next morning I awoke