Twenty Percent Sweetier
Chapter 1: Half-Baked
Scootaloo peeked around the edge of the doorway, hesitant to greet the other ponies already in the makeshift basement laboratory of the Golden Oak Library. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were bickering over a pot of dirt and a box of odds and ends. Twilight Sparkle’s wings poked out of her labcoat as she bent down to fiddle with a tangled mess of wires surrounding Rainbow Dash.
“Heya, kid,” Rainbow said with a grin.
“Oh, you’re here!” Twilight said. “Come on in, Scootaloo.”
“Yeah, stop wasting time up there. I got things to do, and I’m gonna do them faster than necessary,” Rainbow said with a wink. “Don’t make me come out there, ‘cuz, uh,” —she lifted one hoof and made a show of examining the multi-colored wires sprouting from every square inch of her body— “Twilight’s already got me plugged in here.”
Scootaloo shuffled down the stairs, regarding the gauge-covered machine with wide eyes as it spat out long strips of chart paper. Her gaze was inevitably drawn to the Scootaloo-shaped hole surrounded by a tangle of wires similar to Rainbow's. She let out something between a gasp and a whimper, snapping her head around to look in the opposite direction.
Twilight let out a sigh and glanced at the clock. Before she could speak up, Rainbow poked her with a wing and whispered, “Give her a minute, this is a big day for her.” Twilight grumbled but went back to fiddling with dials and switches.
With a nervous laugh, Scootaloo darted to a position in between Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, and peered into the box as they unpacked it. “So… what are you guys working on today?” She attempted a smile but achieved only a sweating grimace.
Sweetie popped up with a grin that threatened to outshine the sun. “I’m using my magic to help Apple Bloom make a potion!”
“Betcha can’t guess what the potion’s for!” Apple Bloom said with a smirk.
Scootaloo stuck out her tongue and pondered the objects on the table in front of her. In addition to the pot of soil, there was a small pile of apple seeds, a sheaf of wheat, a pat of butter, three sticks of curled cinnamon, and something that looked like bamboo. Her eyes widened as they fell upon the last object, a strange flower with heat waves shimmering off of its strangely square petals, arranged in concentric rings of white, yellow, and red. “What…” she said as she reached a hoof toward the curious blossom, “is that?”
Apple Bloom slapped Scootaloo’s hoof away then said, “Zecora says it’s a fire flower, an’ it was really hard to get.” She narrowed her eyes and pulled the tiny flowerpot away from careless hooves, adding, “So try not to smush it.”
“Okay, I give up,” Scootaloo said. “What’s the potion for?”
Puffing out her chest with a grin, Apple Bloom took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and opened her mouth to speak. She was then interrupted by Sweetie who sprung into the air and gushed, “I’m making apple pie!” She bounced up and down with a sparkle in her eye and joy bubbling out of her heart.
Apple Bloom crushed that joy with a heavy glare. “No, I’m makin’ a potion that’ll grow an apple pie tree. Sweetie’s usin’ her magic to combine the ingredients.”
“Come ooooooon, Apple Bloom! Rarity won’t let me use the oven anymore,” Sweetie said, throwing herself on the floor and hugging the earth filly’s leg.
“An’ I don’t want you burnin’ down mah…” Apple Bloom looked around, scrunching her eyebrows at the lack of ovens or other cooking appliances. “Um, I guess that’s the point. We’re gonna make a tree that grows the whole pie, so ya can’t set nothin’ on fire.”
Sweetie pouted up at Apple Bloom, her lip quivering and the corners of her eyes drooping toward the floor.
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fine. I suppose we can say that we’re makin’ an apple pie, together.” As she helped Sweetie to her hooves, Apple Bloom added, “Actually, if this works, then there’ll be a whole bun—” She grinned. “A whole bushel of apple pies!”
Everypony in the room watched her roll around the ground in spasms of laughter, kicking and gasping. Several moments of this passed as the other ponies pretended to chuckle and made uneasy eye contact with each other. Apple Bloom finally climbed to her hooves. She wiped a tear from the corner of one eye, and when she had caught her breath she said, “Heh, apples.”
Sweetie leaned over to Scootaloo and threw a foreleg around her shoulders, whispering, “I’m sure glad my family isn’t that weird, am I right or what?”
Scootaloo gazed blankly straight ahead, chewing on the inside of one cheek. She blinked.
With a silly and completely unjustified grin still on her face, Apple Bloom said, “C’mon Sweetie, let’s get set up.”
“Hold on a second,” Scootaloo said. “I get the fire flower, that’s how the pie gets baked on the tree. But since when do you put bamboo in an apple pie?”
“Oh, Scootaloo,” Sweetie said with a patronizing grin, “you’ve never baked a pie before, have you?”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes again. “It’s not bamboo, it’s sugar cane.”
Sweetie mimicked Apple Bloom’s eye-roll. “Heh, yeah, that’s totally what I meant. Heh heh…”
Scootaloo regarded Sweetie through narrowed eyes. “Uh huh.” She snuck a glance at the imposing machine that waited for her, then asked, “Is there anything I can do to help you guys? Anything at all?”
Apple Bloom squinted one eye and raised the opposing eyebrow, a look that she’d been practicing since her earliest crusading days, when Applejack would evaluate their plans with nothing more than that face. Apple Bloom wasn’t quite ready to pull it off without any words, so she went ahead and asked, “Scoots, shouldn’t y’all be over there, gettin’ hooked up to the whatsit machine?”
Scootaloo looked over her shoulder toward Twilight and Rainbow Dash, who both nodded vigorously in reply to Apple Bloom’s question. At this, Scootaloo hung her head and began shuffling over to their side of the basement.
When Rainbow saw Scootaloo dragging her hooves, she reached out and poked Twilight with a wire-covered wing. “Hey Twilight, why don’t you get us a glass of lemonade, or something?” Rainbow gestured toward the kitchen with her eyes.
“Huh? Oh, right!” Twilight said. “I’ll, um, give you two some privacy.” She winked at Rainbow and trotted toward the kitchen.
Rainbow facehoofed at Twilight’s lack of subtlety, but it seemed like Scootaloo hadn’t noticed. She merely continued her trudge toward the machine where Rainbow fidgeted and squirmed.
When Scootaloo had finally shuffled close enough to Rainbow, she extended a wire-draped wing to ruffle the filly’s mane before drawing her into a side-hug. “C’mere, squirt. Do you wanna tell me why you’re suddenly very un-excited? I thought you wanted to do this empanada of propriety?”
Scootaloo recoiled slightly and looked up at Rainbow Dash with a mixture of confusion, pity, and awe. “The empathic proprioception test?”
“Yeah, whatever.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “You wanted to know why you’re having trouble flying, and with this machine, I can feel what you feel when you try to fly, like the position of your wings and your muscles. That’s the whole point of today, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Scootaloo said, then just sighed. After a moment of looking at the floor, she said, “I’m just kinda nervous is all.”
Rainbow knelt down to meet the filly at eye level. “If it’s a technique problem, then I can give you personal lessons, even use this machine to show you how it feels to use your wings. If it’s a physical problem, then I can design some exercises for you. Don’t worry, kid, you got this.”
With a tiny sniffle, Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow. “But what if there’s nothing wrong at all? Maybe I’m just a failure.”
Careful to not detach any of the wires, Rainbow stood and puffed out her chest, striking her bravest and most confidence-inspiring pose. “So what if you find out that you can’t fly? That doesn’t make you a failure. Even on the ground, you’re one hundred twenty percent awesome!”
Scootaloo blushed and looked up. “Thanks, Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight trotted out of the kitchen carrying a tray with her magic, still wearing her labcoat and safety goggles. As she carefully set the tray on the table and began pouring glasses of lemonade, she poked her goggles and giggled. “You know, I didn’t think that making lemonade would be that dangerous, but if it wasn’t for these goggles, I would have gotten lemon juice in my eyes. I think I’m going to wear them every time I use the kitchen from now on.”
As Rainbow picked up a glass, Twilight put a hoof to her chin and said, “Actually, I think I’m going to write a letter to Princess Celestia, recommending that everypony wear safety goggles while cooking. SPIKE! Make a note.”
Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo both looked all around the basement, but saw no sign of Spike, and no sign that Twilight noticed the lack of baby dragon. With a shrug of her shoulders, Rainbow downed her lemonade in one gulp.
Scootaloo didn’t reach for a glass.
“Aren’t you gonna drink your lemonade, Scoots? Twilight risked her life to make this tasty beverage.” Rainbow set her empty glass back on the tray.
“Nah,” Scootaloo said, prompting Rainbow to hastily grab another glass and begin drinking. “I don’t want to drink a bunch of lemonade just before I get hooked up to a machine for who knows how long.”
Rainbow froze mid-gulp, with wide eyes shifting left and right, before she chugged the rest of the glass. She dramatically wiped her mouth with one fetlock, then said, “Heh, I’m not worried. Why don’t you hit the bathroom before we get started, ‘cuz, you know, I don’t want to have to wait for you to get disconnected right in the middle of the impressive prognostication.”
Twilight scrunched her nose like she smelled a homeless Diamond Dog. “You mean the empathic proprioception?”
“Don’t care,” Rainbow said. “You do the science stuff, I do the flyin’ stuff.”
Scootaloo slid sideways, away from Rainbow Dash. “Oookay, well, I’m just gonna go use the bathroom, really quick.” She disappeared in an orange blur, leaving an adorable little cloud of dust behind.
As she picked up the tray, Twilight leaned over to Rainbow Dash, narrowed her eyes, and whispered, “Empathic. Pro-prio-ception.” She raised one eyebrow, shot Rainbow a hard look, then trotted back to the kitchen, sipping her own lemonade.
“Aw, they’ve got lemonade over there!” Sweetie said.
“Don’ worry ‘bout that, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said as she carefully arranged her ingredients on a marble-topped laboratory table. “We can buy all the lemonade we want when we have an apple pie tree.”
Sweetie sat down, crossed her forelegs and pouted. “But I’m thirsty nowwwwwww!”
“We can get a drink when we’re done with the potion. For now, y’all need to concentrate on the combinin’ spell Twilight taught ya.” Her pink bow bobbed as she zipped back and forth between the table and a chalkboard, checking and re-checking her calculus.
Sweetie’s mouth began to water as she watched Rainbow reach for her second glass of lemonade. Rainbow laughed and tossed her mane back in slow-motion, full of sparkles and floating in some ethereal breeze, as the thirsty pegasus tasted the sweet citrus nectar and smiled the smile of those who have tasted life in its fullness.
Sweetie wished that her friend was named Lemon Bloom and had a lemon farm and was about to grow a lemonade tree.
Apple Bloom poked Sweetie with a hoof, prompting her to wipe the drool off of her chin. She turned back to the table in front of her and sighed as she looked at the nonsensical arrangement of ingredients. With one last jealous glance at Rainbow Dash chugging lemonade, Sweetie grumbled and tried to remember Twilight’s combining spell.
“Now remember,” Apple Bloom said, “the order of the ingredients is important. The tree can’t bake the pie too early, and we don’t want the crust on the inside neither.”
Sweetie licked her teeth and narrowed her eyes in an intense focus, muttering sideways, “Yeah, just like baking an apple pie.”
“NO!” Apple Bloom shouted. “Don’t think of it as bakin’! It’s just magic, just a combinin’ spell!” She danced on her hooftips, chewing her bottom lip and begging, “Please, Sweetie, don’t think about bakin’ at all!”
With a confident grin and a raised eyebrow, Sweetie placed one calming hoof on Apple Bloom’s chest. “Relax. I got this.”
Sweetie turned back to the experiment, took a deep breath and stuck out her tongue. She pointed her horn at the table and started to concentrate. The air crackled and hummed with raw power as the universe bent to her childish will. Her horn glowed a cheerful green and threw sparks of the same color that drifted gently to the floor at her hooves. She could feel the spell taking hold as she closed her eyes and concentrated on the complex shapes that represented the leylines of each individual ingredient before her.
When the spell had woven itself in her mind’s eye, she released the burst of magical energy. Unfortunately, while her eyes were closed, the angle of her head had wandered slightly, so that the magic beam missed the table of precisely-arranged ingredients. Perhaps more unfortunately, her mind had also wandered slightly; her thirsty thoughts weaved Rainbow Dash into her spell.
The bolt of emerald magic shot out of Sweetie’s horn, burning a swath through the air as it passed a wide-eyed Apple Bloom, who turned her head to follow the ill-fated trajectory. The arcane energy passed by the apple seeds and cinnamon, flew over the pot of rich soil, and sailed directly toward Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow’s eyes went wide when she noticed the bolt coming her way. She tensed for a takeoff that was impossible in her tangle of wires. Realizing that she was trapped, her pupils shrink as the green reflection grew in her eyes.
The blast of magic hit like an arc of lightning, connecting Sweetie Belle and Rainbow Dash, blasting them both into the air and stretching out their limbs in electric spasms. A piercing viridian light permeated both ponies, highlighting their skeletons, before finally dissolving into a faint glow that faded as they climbed to their hooves.
A halting voice came from the kitchen: “Thaaaat… can’t be a good sound.”
Twilight was certain that somepony was getting in trouble out there. She just wasn’t sure whether it was the young, irresponsible, immature Cutie Mark Crusaders, or the young, irresponsible, immature Rainbow Dash. She rolled her eyes, and left the lemonade pitcher on the counter before turning to check on the ruckus.
When she stuck her head around the corner, she saw surprisingly little damage, though Rainbow Dash and Sweetie both had fork-in-the-toaster manestyles. The empathic proprioception machine seemed mostly intact, but some of the wires looked a bit toasty around the connectors. Twilight allowed herself a grin as she trotted over to Sweetie and Apple Bloom.
Twilight wrapped a wing around Sweetie, and said between chuckles, “Sweetie, I absolutely love what you’ve done with your mane!”
Across the room, Rainbow Dash squeaked, “What’s wrong with my mane!?”
Before Twilight and Apple Bloom had a chance to try outdoing each others’ confused faces, Scootaloo bounced back into the room, humming part of the Crusaders’ theme song. She froze in mid-air when she saw Rainbow Dash standing wide-eyed, with wisps of smoke curling off of her frizzy ears.
With a gasp, Scootaloo zipped over to the machine, standing in front of a still-dazed Rainbow Dash. “Omigosh Rainbow, are you oka—”
Scootaloo cut herself off with a snort, then a giggle, then a guffaw. “Hahaha, Rainbow Dash, I TOLD you not to drink so much!” She turned around to face the others, and pointed at the floor under the multicolored pegasus, struggling to speak through her laughter. “Rainbow peed herself!”
“I did NOT!” Sweetie said, her voice cracking.
Rainbow Dash looked down, pouted, and began to cry great arcing streams of tears, adding to the puddle on the floor.
Dainty grunts filled the air as Sweetie heaved her shoulders rapidly. Her pace slowed when she looked across the room and saw Rainbow Dash. She turned her head to look at her own back, panting. “Twilight,” the tiny unicorn filly said as she narrowed her eyes and turned to face the princess. “What did you do to me this time?”
Scootaloo, still cackling with glee, interrupted Twilight’s reply, pointing a hoof at Sweetie. “Rainbow, you—” snnnkt “—you p-peed in the machine! Bwahahaha, even I know that’s bad for electronics!”
“I did NOT!” Sweetie said, “Sweetie Belle peed after I left!” She shoved Scootaloo for emphasis, causing her to fall over where she continued to roll in laughter.
Rainbow had recovered enough by this time to join in the bickering. “It wasn’t me! Rainbow peed before I got here,” she said, stomping a wet hoof and pouting with wounded eyes.
Apple Bloom shouted, “ENOUGH!” and looked from Rainbow to Sweetie and back again. “I think we can all agree that, whoever peed, gettin’ struck by some kinda magical lightnin’ is a durn good excuse.” She looked up at Twilight and added, “Doncha agree, Twilight?”
But Twilight was too busy drooling and twitching her eye to respond. Luckily, Spike chose that moment to walk into the library with Rarity.
“Alright,” Spike intoned, “who broke Twilight this time?”
Apple Bloom pointed first at Sweetie Belle, then at Rainbow Dash, while Scootaloo did the opposite, and Sweetie and Rainbow pointed at each other. Spike slapped his forehead.
“Oh,” Rarity giggled, walking over to her little sister, “Sweetie, what have you done to your mane?”
“I don’t know,” Rainbow cried, “and nopony will give me a mir-ror-or-or!” She sniffled, lifting one hoof and tugging ineffectually on the tangled wires that held her in place. “Rarity, help me!”
Rarity raised one eyebrow and pursed her lips. “Buh?” About thirty-seven rapid blinks later, she had regained her senses. “Rainbow, what in the world has gotten into you?”
With an unamused expression, Sweetie replied, “Sweetie Belle.” When Rarity looked down at her, she continued, “And I’ve gotten into her, apparently.”
“R-Rainbow? Is that you?” Rarity asked her sister incredulously.
“Yeeeeep.”
Rarity turned to the motionless Twilight and gave her an experimental poke with one dainty hoof. Twilight snapped out of her reverie with a shake of her head, then grabbed Rarity with both forehooves. “I’ve figured it out!”
“Yes, dear,” Rarity said, “we know that Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle have switched bodies.”
“No,” Twilight shook her head, “I know how it happened. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were trying to make an apple pie tr—”
“What!” Rarity said. “You let her cook with magic? No wonder…”
Apple Bloom harrumphed and butted in front of Rarity, poking her with an adorably tiny, yet accusatory, hoof. “No, I was makin’ a potion to grow an apple pie tree. Sweetie was just usin’ her magic to combine the ingredients.”
“I just wanted to help,” Rainbow said with a pout.
Twilight trotted over to the machine, and began pulling wires off of Rainbow while she continued her explanation. “The empathic proprioception machine was hooked up directly to Rainbow’s nervous system, the same way a unicorn’s horn is connected to her magic. When Sweetie’s combining spell missed, the magic was absorbed by these wires, combining Sweetie with Rainbow’s body, and Rainbow followed the magical arc back to Sweetie’s Body.”
Rarity lifted one hoof disdainfully as she approached the puddle. “Sweetie, did you—”
“NO! Rainbow peed before I got here.”
“DID NOT!”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes and heaved a frustrated sigh.
While Twilight tried to assess the state of the empathic proprioception machine, Rainbow Dash stepped out of the bathroom, attempting to dry herself off with one of Twilight’s fluffiest towels. However, her long legs made her stumble into bookshelves and her extra limbs kept catching on the towel, eliciting winces from both her and Sweetie.
Sweetie shouted across the room, “Hey, careful with the feathers! Rarity, make her be careful with my feathers.”
“Rarity, make her fix my mane! She’s doing it wrong,” Rainbow retorted.
“Look what she’s doing to my mane. Curls are totally un-aerodynamic! Besides, I’m not supposed to be beautiful, I’m supposed to be” —Sweetie dropped into an aggressive stance, legs braced wide against the floor, head down with a big grin— “awesome!” Her unkempt mane, in Rainbow Dash’s typical low-maintenance aerodynamic style, flopped over one eye.
Twilight ignored the bickering and trotted over to Rarity. “I have good news! It should be easy enough to reverse the body swap, but I’ll have to modify the machine to work both ways because I don’t think Rainbow can safely replicate Sweetie’s accidental spell. I can probably have it finished in a day or two.”
“Oh, thank goodness!” Rarity brought one hoof up to her chest. “Now I won’t feel guilty for laughing at them,” she said with a snicker, hiding her face behind a book.
Spike walked up with an armful of books and said, “I know what you mean! Look at ‘em go.” He set down the books and planted his hands on his hips, chuckling along with Rarity. A moment later, he gasped, and his green eyes grew wide along with his toothy smile. He reached out with both arms and pulled Twilight and Rarity into a huddle, speaking in a soft voice. “You know what would be hilarious? If they had to pretend to be each other until they switch back!”
“Actually,” Twilight began with a devilish grin, looking from Spike to Rarity and back, “Rainbow Dash is always telling me how great pranks are. We could make up a reason for them not to tell anypony. You know, just for a little while. To objectively measure the humorous potential.”
The argument behind them faded into the background. Spike was dancing with excitement as he whispered, “Yes! We have to do it!”
Rarity chewed her lip for a moment, then spoke up. “As funny as that might be, I’m not sure that it’s very nice to play such a joke on our friends, not to mention my little sister.”
A perceptive pony would have realized that the faces Spike was making meant that he was torn between the potential for a hilarious practical joke, and wanting to agree with Rarity. Instead, Rarity chalked it up to indigestion, and patted him on the back.
Twilight said, “You’re right. Let’s not make things any more difficult for them.”
As they broke the huddle and turned back to the room, Rainbow and Sweetie marched up to them with grim determination on their faces. Sweetie said, “We can’t tell anypony. Me and Sweetie Belle will pretend to be each other for a day or two until you put us back.”
With a nod, Rainbow said, “Apple Bloom is right, it doesn’t matter who peed. Nopony can find out.”
Twilight held up a hoof and asked, “Couldn’t you just leave out the part about p—”
Her completely reasonable question was cut off by a pair of claws pinching her muzzle shut. “Good idea!” Spike said with a cheerful nod.
Rainbow Dash grew a confident grin. “The weather for the next couple days is easy peasy. All I have to do is” —she shot a covert glance at Sweetie— “sleep in an apple tree?”
“Yep, easy. I’ve got the hard part,” Sweetie said as she shined one hoof on her coat. “I have to try not to be awesome, ‘cuz I don’t wanna accidentally get Sweetie’s cutie mark for her.”
“Yes,” Rarity said with a giggle, “this is a grand idea.”
Author's Note
Chapter 1 has been edited by the venerable RazgrizS57
Chapter 2: Weather, or Not
Chapter 2: Weather, or Not
Rarity yanked open the curtain with her magic, letting the first rays of the sun illuminate the Boutique’s little second-story bedroom. “Rise and shine, girls!”
Rainbow Dash squirmed on her back where she was splayed over an embroidered cushion on the floor. She smacked her lips and groaned. “Aaaaargh, Rainbow, why are you so tired?”
“A better question,” Sweetie Belle said with her eyes locked wide open, “is, ‘why am I awake so early?’” She pulled the blanket up tighter against her chin. “I thought kids were supposed to sleep a lot?”
“No, darling,” Rarity said as she stepped over to the bed. “That’s lazy weather pegasi. But since you’re an adorable little unicorn, you’re going to school.” She looked down at Rainbow. “But first, you’re going to take Sweetie to work and show her the ropes.”
Sweetie crawled to the edge of the bed, leaned forward, fell off of the bed, and landed on her face. She mumbled into the carpet, “Oh, right. No wings.”
Rainbow covered her face with a pillow and groaned, then lifted the pillow just enough to say, “You said I can sleep at work, right? That’s what you do?”
A few golden carpet fibers clung to Sweetie’s nose as she climbed to her hooves. She rubbed her muzzle and said, “Yeah, but you’ll need coffee to wake up in time to get to work and take a nap. Rarity, do you have Foalgers?”
Rarity narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I’m going to go downstairs and grind some of Star Bucker’s whole bean hazelnut roast while you get ready for school.”
“Sweetie, uh, Rainbow, coffee isn’t for fillies,” Rarity said as she levitated the steaming mug away from Sweetie Belle.
“But I’m not really a filly,” Sweetie protested, stretching her hooves vainly after the retreating mug. She sighed and watched Rarity sip the black nectar.
Rarity looked up from her newspaper and raised one eyebrow. “As long as you’re entrusted with my little sister’s body, you will take proper care of it. You will brush your teeth. You will not drink coffee, and you will not do” —she waved her hooves around wildly— “daredevil stunts.”
Sweetie jumped to her hooves and shouted, “YOU’RE NOT MY SISTER! You can’t tell me what to do!”
Rarity’s jaw landed on the table with a muted thud. After a few moments of rapid blinking and sputtering, Rarity said, “Rainbow Dash! What has gotten into you? I’ve never heard you talk to your friends like that.”
Sweetie flopped to the floor and looked up at Rarity with drooping ears and a big pout. “I don’t know what happened. Suddenly, you were just the meanest pony in the world. I’m totally sorry, Rarity. You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Sweetie. I wasn’t really mad at you, even if it seemed like it.”
Rarity gave Sweetie a hug and then drew back, leaving a hoof on her shoulder. “Rainbow, you’re just not used to dealing with a filly’s impulsive brain. I do hope you get it under control before you get to school, though.”
From the staircase, Rainbow yawned. “Please tell me I don’t act like that all the time.”
While Rainbow stumbled down the stairs, Rarity smiled and levitated a pastry and a mug of coffee to an empty spot at the table. “Oh, you certainly have your moments. But I’m happy to say that you do very well for a pony your age. We’ll just have to see how you do for a pony Rainbow’s age.”
Rainbow plopped down onto her flanks, inching her nose up to the coffee mug and taking a tentative sniff. She arched one eyebrow and studied the coffee with half a frown.
“Just think of it like tea, but with more wakeup,” Sweetie said, propelling slobbery crumbs across the table.
“Sweetie, don—” Rarity squinted and began rubbing her temple with one hoof “—Rainbow, don’t talk with your mouth full.”
Sweetie narrowed her eyes while she chewed, glaring at Rarity. Across the table, Rainbow took a dainty nibble of her pastry while looking at Sweetie out of the corner of her eyes.
Rarity tilted her head toward Sweetie and smiled as she set her coffee mug on a saucer. “Don’t look at me like that.” She sighed. “Rainbow, darling, how many times have I told you the same thing at Sugar Cube Corner? You should try to be more… ladylike when you eat.” She pointed to Rainbow. “Like Sweetie over there.”
Both ponies looked at Rainbow as she carefully lifted the mug with her hooves and took a delicate sip of coffee. Her pupils shrank and her mouth dropped open in a grimace, letting the offensive brew pour down her chin. Her eyebrows fought with each other and her tongue flapped around as if trying to fling the awful-tasting coffee molecules into oblivion. She panted, something between sobbing and laughing, as she shifted her eyes back and forth between Sweetie and Rarity with her ears lying flat against the back of her head.
As the stain spread across the crimson tablecloth, Sweetie spoke through a mouthful of crumbs. “Very ladylike.”
“Aaaaaand on that note,” Rarity sang, “we’re done with breakfast.”
Sweetie Belle tromped through the orchard, leading Rainbow Dash past endless dozens of trees that, to Rainbow, seemed identical. She just kept pointing at one tree after another, asking each time, “That one?”
After what felt like about four hundred trees, and exactly that many negative answers and explanations, Sweetie stopped answering and started gritting her teeth. Fortunately, Scootaloo stepped up, inventing reasons or simply repeating Sweetie’s earlier responses. “There’s no good branches to lay on,” or “The leaves are too sparse, the sun would be in your eyes.”
Sweetie slowed down and fell into step next to Apple Bloom, who seemed content to enjoy the sea of dirt, fruit, and leaves. “How do you deal with Sweetie when she gets, uh, like this? Whatever the word for that is?”
“Miss Cheerilee says that tenacity is important for ponies on a quest.” Apple Bloom looked sideways at Sweetie. “I looked it up in the dictionary. It means that we keep tryin’, no matter what.”
Rainbow shouted from up ahead. “Miss Cheerilee says I have ‘elevenacity’ and that I should practice it outside the schoolhouse.” She pointed at the next tree in line. “That one?”
Scootaloo groaned. “There’s no ripe apples to munch on.” The last comment drew a half-lidded glare from Apple Bloom, but Scootaloo either didn’t notice or didn’t care. She did glance back at Sweetie, who returned a big smile and an enthusiastic nod.
The foursome stopped in front of an unremarkable tree, as far as Rainbow could tell. Sweetie and Scootaloo murmured to each other, pointing at various features and nodding to each other. Finally, Sweetie put a hoof around Scootaloo’s shoulders and said, “Ya done good, kid. This is the perfect napping tree. Pretty soon, you’ll be snoozing the day away in a tree of your very own!” Scootaloo beamed, fluttering her wings as she looked back and forth between Sweetie and Rainbow.
Rainbow looked up into the shady lower branches, then turned to Sweetie and asked, “Where am I supposed to lay? Sit?” —she crossed her eyes— “Uh, sleep?”
“There,” Sweetie and Scootaloo said in unison, pointing to the same wide, level branch.
“It doesn’t look very comfortable,” Rainbow said, examining the tree with one raised eyebrow.
“Don’t worry,” Sweetie said, “you’re a pegasus. You’re so lightweight, you could sleep comfortably on gravel if you wanted to.” She twisted her neck around, popping her spine loud enough to make the other fillies wince. “Like the stuff you put in your mattress.”
Rainbow mumbled something through a yawn, while gesturing upward with a hoof. She returned the other ponies’ expectant stares for a few seconds before repeating herself. “How do I get up there?”
After taking a breath to reply, Sweetie froze with her mouth open. “Uhhhh…”
Thirty seconds later, Rainbow was standing on Scootaloo’s head, who was standing on Sweetie’s head, who was standing on Apple Bloom’s head, who was sweating under the strain. Rainbow was too busy nervously looking down at the ground to realize that she was high enough to simply step onto her branch.
“It’s, ngh, a good thing,” Sweetie grunted, “that we’re not trying to put” —hrk— “an earth pony up into a tree.”
“Why’s that?” Apple Bloom said, glaring crosseyed at the unicorn on her head. “Are you sayin’ I’m fat?”
Sweetie rolled her eyes. “No, it’s just that pegasi have hollow bones and earth ponies have thick strong bones, and—”
“Hollow bones or not, Rainbow,” Apple Bloom snapped, “I think y’all could stand to lose a few pounds.”
Scootaloo snorted. “Nuh uh, she’s pure muscle!”
Sweetie grinned. “Darn right! Hoofbump!” She reached up with one hoof, while Scootaloo reached down to try and reciprocate the gesture. Had Twilight been there to observe, she probably would have commented on the instability of both ponies lifting hooves on the same side while precariously balanced on top of an overloaded filly standing on uneven ground. However, in the time it took them to tumble into a pile at the feet of the apple tree, they had all learned that lesson.
As the Crusaders disentangled their bruised limbs from one another, Scootaloo groaned and pushed Sweetie to her hooves. “Rainbow, can we make a new rule about hoofbumps?”
Sweetie reached out to pull Apple Bloom up to her hooves, then glanced all around, turning in a circle. The Crusaders looked up into the foliage to see Rainbow clutching the branch with all four hooves, her eyelids squeezed tightly shut. With a wide smile, Sweetie called up into the tree, “Good job, Sweetie. Now, you just stay there until we get back from school, then we’ll head straight to the library and see if Twilight’s ready to fix all this.”
Apple Bloom gasped. “We’d better hurry up and get to school!” She elbowed Sweetie, asking, “Heya, Rainbow, are ya ready for school?”
“You’ll have to call me Sweetie Belle but—” she paused to strike a dramatic, aggressive pose “—YEAH! I just wonder if school is ready for me!”
Rainbow looked down from the tree with narrowed eyes. “Raaaainbow, you promised not to be awesome!”
Scootaloo gently placed a hoof on Sweetie’s drooping shoulders. “It’s okay, Ra—” She stopped herself, then winked. “It’s okay, Sweetie Belle, you’re just taking, like, a vacation from awesome.”
Apple Bloom popped up between Sweetie and Scootaloo, wrapped one foreleg around each filly and said, “Yep, maybe you can try out ‘adorable’ for the day. While you’re at school.” She shuffled forward, pulling her friends along with her. Before they had gone far, they could hear Rainbow snoring among the leaves.
As the trio neared the edge of the orchard, Apple Bloom stopped beneath one of the trees. She stuck out her tongue and squinted up into the branches. She glanced up and down, then pushed Scootaloo a few inches to her left.
As Sweetie let Apple Bloom push her into position, she asked, “Hey, what’s going on here?”
Scootaloo simply held up one hoof and grinned at Sweetie.
Apple Bloom circled the gnarled trunk a few times, then settled on a spot for herself before planting her front hooves. She wound up, hollered, “Lunch!” and gave the tree a single firm but dainty buck. A plump red apple landed on Scootaloo’s upraised hoof, while Apple Bloom caught her own apple on the top of her head.
Sweetie opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off as an apple impaled itself on her horn. While the other fillies laughed, Sweetie crossed her eyes in an attempt to look at the offending fruit. “Okay,” she admitted with a little smile as she sat on her haunches and used her hooves to push the apple off of her head, “that was pretty impressive.”
Apple Bloom giggled. “Here, why don’tcha catch this one?”
The tree barely moved when she bumped it with one elbow, but it was enough to shake loose one perfectly ripe apple. Sweetie tried to snatch out of the air, but missed. The apple rolled a few inches before bumping to a stop at her hooves. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked to the apple, then back up to Sweetie, and started laughing.
Sweetie blushed and scooped up the apple. “Not my fault she has such short legs.” A smile crept its way onto her face, until she was laughing along with the others. The three fillies stashed their apples in their respective saddlebags and marched off toward the schoolhouse.
“This isn’t right,” Thunderlane said as he studied the sky over the lake. “Today was supposed to be ‘sunny,’ not ‘mostly cloudy.’”
Blossomforth landed next to him and wiped the sweat from under her bangs. “The temperature is all out of whack, too. I’ve gotta keep bringing down cold air from the stratosphere, or everypony’s gonna be complaining. Can’t you bust the clouds?”
Thunderlane shook his head. “I’m too busy. If you keep cooling things off, it’s gonna get downright clammy if I don’t keep on top of the humidity. Who’s on cloud detail today, anyway?”
Blossomforth groaned and rolled her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, of course.”
“She’s going to sleep ALL DAY,” Thunderlane said, stomping in a circle around Blossomforth as she nodded her approval, “then show up five minutes before quitting time, spend ten seconds doing her job, then yell at us for not getting our jobs done!”
“Yeah!” Blossomforth added. “The jobs that we can’t do until she gets her job done!”
Thunderlane narrowed his eyes. “That’s it! We can’t let her slack off all day, but what are we going to do about it?”
Blossomforth smiled and gave the stallion a playful shove with her hoof. “I know where she naps at Sweet Apple Acres. You do what you can with the weather til I get back.”
“Good morning, class!” Cheerilee said with her namesake smile, giving the students a moment to quiet themselves. “We have a new student with us today. Please welcome Milkweed Fluff, from Cloudsdale!”
The class murmured greetings while a silvery pegasus filly turned around and waved sheepishly from the front row. Scootaloo quietly groaned and plopped her head onto her desk. One chair to the right, Sweetie raised an eyebrow and looked at Scootaloo and Apple Bloom for answers, though neither of them looked up.
Cheerilee began the lesson, which Sweetie promptly ignored. Rainbow had already been through school, and didn’t much care for it the first time. She ran out of pencils once they had all become stuck in the ceiling. Each little thump had caused a chorus of subdued giggles from behind Sweetie, followed by a sharp glare of suspicion from Cheerilee. However, between Rainbow’s experience causing trouble in school, and Sweetie’s innocent face, she managed to avoid incrimination.
For a while, anyway. After half a dozen paper airplanes, some practice throwing wadded paper balls into a wastebasket, and a trio of silly hats that nopony else wanted to wear, Cheerilee began a “casual” stroll through the classroom while she lectured. Blank white pages stared back at her as she looked over Sweetie’s shoulder at the half-empty notebook. Cheerilee scooped up the notebook as she passed, not slowing her stroll or interrupting her lecture until she had deposited the notebook on her desk. She paused briefly to give Sweetie a look that conveyed as much disappointment as it did confusion.
There were three hundred eighty-four ceiling tiles, fifteen desks, and thirty-seven pushpins holding up announcements and cardboard decorations. Six windows had eight panes each, and three windows had four panes each, making a total of… um, carry the one? Sweetie counted the panes individually. Sixty. There were thirty-six pushpins holding up announcements and cardboard decorations. Wait. Thirty-seven? She groaned and rolled her eyes.
Having run out of distractions, Sweetie finally looked up at the chalkboard to see a giant diagram of a unicorn’s brain and horn. She reached up with one hoof to trace the bony protrusion on her forehead as she traced the lines on the chalkboard with wide eyes. She slowly gasped as she sat up straighter, suddenly interested in Cheerilee’s lesson. The material was obviously written for a diverse classroom; intended to help earth ponies and pegasi understand magic just as much as unicorns.
Sweetie began following the lecture, occasionally closing her eyes to feel the magic that Twilight had always said was difficult to explain and even more difficult for a non-unicorn to understand, testing out the shapes and patterns of the æther that flowed through the room and her own horn. Before she knew it, the recess bell had rung, starting a tidal wave of colts and fillies rushing toward the bright outdoors.
Sweetie hopped out of her chair, quickly catching up to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo who were trudging toward the door. “Hey,” Sweetie said, bouncing up and down. “Did you see all that stuff about magic and unicorn brains? That was awesome!”
Neither of the fillies seemed excited.
“Come on guys, I know that neither of you are as cool as a unicorn or anything—” Sweetie indicated her horn with a dramatic flourish “—but I thought at least recess was supposed to be fun or something?”
Scootaloo frowned, almost closing her eyes as she looked at the floor. “No.”
Apple Bloom sighed, then looked at Sweetie. “There’s a new pegasus in class, so that means Diamond Tiara is gonna make fun of Scootaloo. An’ just like with Babs, the filly’s either gonna be a bully too, or get made fun of with the rest of us.”
Sweetie threw one foreleg over Scootaloo’s shoulders, narrowed her eyes and grinned. “We’ll see about that.”
Blossomforth glided over Sweet Apple Acres, scanning the trees until she spotted Applejack and Big Mac bucking apples in the southeastern quarter of the orchard. The Apples always harvested in a rotating pattern, and Rainbow always napped in the trees with ripe fruit. Armed with this knowledge, Blossomforth swooped low over the eastern edge of the farm and concentrated her scrutiny on the trees with the shadiest foliage and the most snackable apples.
After hovering around a few comfortable-looking trees, Blossomforth could hear Rainbow’s unmistakable leaf-rattling snores emanating from one in particular. She landed quietly on the soft grass, then glanced between the increasingly cloudy sky and the sleeping pegasus. From the stories Rainbow told, it wasn’t uncommon for her to get bucked out of a tree along with a load of apples, if Applejack was harvesting quicker than Rainbow expected.
Blossomforth eyed the trunk. Every square inch of the wood looked the same as every other square inch. She shrugged and picked a relatively flat spot as her target, then turned around, settled in, and bucked the trunk as hard as she could. Every bone in her body immediately regretted this decision.
Her teeth hurt, and it felt like the tree had tried to buck the fur off of her body. Blossomforth plopped her flank down onto the grass and held her head with her hooves until her eyes stopped rattling. She winced and growled before yelling up into the branches, “Rainbow, wake up, you have to get to work!”
The snores continued unabated, so she hopped up to Rainbow’s branch with a couple flaps of her wings. She planted all four hooves on the branch, took a deep breath, then jumped up and down, shaking the branch violently while screaming, “RAINBOW DASH!”
Rainbow’s eyes popped wide open as she awoke in a flurry of limbs, floating in the air for an instant before falling to the ground with a yelp and half a dozen apples. As she lay on her back, staring up at a giggling Blossomforth, Rainbow said, “Huh, I thought falling out of a tree would have hurt more.”
Along with a few leaves, Blossomforth fluttered to the grass beside Rainbow. “I’m so sorry to disturb your nap,” she said, pouring all the sarcasm she could muster into her voice. She waved a hoof at the sky and asked, “What do you see up there, Rainbow?”
“Oooh, I like this game,” Rainbow declared, clapping her forehooves together as she squirmed on her back, settling into a more comfortable position in the soft grass. The intermittent sunlight made her squint as she studied the fluffy clouds passing above her. She gasped and pointed at a lump of cumulus. “That’s definitely a bear. Oh, and there’s an adorable little bunny! See!”
“Um…” Blossomforth turned her face to the sky and then back to the supine pegasus. “Rainbow, do you remember the weather assignment for today?”
Rainbow screwed her face into a confused sneer. “Rainbow Dash gets homework?”
“Noooooo, Rainbow Dash just gets regular work. Because she has a job.” Blossomforth squeezed her eyes closed and rubbed a temple with her hoof, muttering, “And refers to herself in the third person.” She opened her eyes and looked at Rainbow like she was asking a cat what it wanted for dinner. “So, do you remember what today’s weather is supposed to be?”
“Fluffy, and adorable?” Rainbow squeaked with a nervous grin.
“Look, Rainbow, you’ve got a job to do. Thunderlane is doing all he can to keep the sky from falling apart right now. I know it’ll only take you ten seconds, because you’re” —she waved her forehooves in the air like a jazz pony— “so awesome or whatever, but you really need to get it done so the rest of the weather team can do our jobs.”
Rainbow rolled over and stood up, shaking off a few loose blades of grass. “What, um, is my job?”
“How hard did you hit your head when you fell out of that tree? You know what your job is, it’s the same job you’ve been doing for years!” Now come on, let’s meet up with Thunderlane and get this fixed so you can get back to your nap.” Blossomforth leapt into the air and turned toward the lake.
“Wait!” Rainbow cried.
“What is it this time?” Blossomforth asked, not even slowing down.
Rainbow looked down as she poked a hoof at a random tuft of grass. “I… I can’t fly.”
Blossomforth froze in mid-air, flapping stiffly as she turned around to regard Rainbow with a half-lidded glare. “What?”
“Ummmm…”
“Are you telling me that THE Rainbow Dash can’t fly?”
“I, uh,” Rainbow bit her lip and shifted her eyes left and right. “Rarity styled my mane, and I don’t want to mess up the beautiful curls?”
“Did she curl your feathers, too? Just because you’re Rainbow Dash doesn’t mean you have to fly everywhere ridiculously fast. I fly slow enough that I don’t mess up my bangs, just follow me and you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, but your bangs are just… I mean, um…” Rainbow coughed, then lowered the pitch of her voice to a deep bass. “I mean, I don’t know anything about manestyles, so I’d better not risk it. Heh.” She started to do a typical Rainbow Dash hoof-through-the-mane maneuver, but stopped when she remembered her curls. Instead, she gave her curls a little bounce while trying to look cool and daring.
Blossomforth squinted and rubbed the back of her head with one hoof. “I don’t… Are you trying to make fun of my mane? Who was that voice supposed to be, anyway?”
“What? No, I wouldn’t make fun of you. That wouldn’t be very nice…”
Hovering in front of Rainbow, Blossomforth stretched her forehooves wide. “You make fun of me all the time!”
“… you jerk?” Rainbow winced, watching for a reaction with one nervous eye.
Blossomforth stared at Rainbow for several silent moments. “Wow.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. I don’t have time for… whatever it is that’s wrong with you. Let’s fly.”
Rainbow’s wings remained tightly stuck to her side as she looked down at her shuffling hooves and croaked, “I can’t.”
Blossomforth landed with a sigh. “I just don’t get it, Rainbow. Even when you’re not in charge, you’re in charge.” She took a step closer to Rainbow, squinting as she tried to look behind the frightened ruby eyes. “What’s going on with you today?”
Sweat dripped down Rainbow’s face. “I-I thi—”
“I don’t care,” Blossomforth said, cutting her off, “whether this is some sort of existential crisis, or another incredibly elaborate attempt to get out of work. I’m going to get you to the rest of the weather team, and we can figure it out from there.”
“Well, as long as I’m back before school’s out, then — AIEEE!” Rainbow frantically paddled her legs in the air, as Blossomforth scooped her up and carried her into the sky.
Author's Note
Chapter 2 has been edited by silvadel the glorious.
