This wasn't supposed to end this way.
You.
And I.
We were everything we could want to be, everything that all those ponies would envy. Those ponies. You know who I'm talking about. The two-faced, backstabbing hypocrites that used you, that abused you to the point that you, yes even you, had to break. All of it under the veil of good feelings, of this so called friendship? Well, apparently those friends of yours weren't there to help back you up. See what happened when you trusted those ponies? Why couldn't you listen to me, when I told you that all that crowd meant was sorrow and misery for you. Not for them, who could keep walking down the street of life without a second glance. No, for you. The you that was shattered into thousands of ponies; the you who tried desperately to glue yourself together behind that fake smile. Those friends of yours, where are they now, while you rest here forever?
I swear you're such an idiot.
But you were my idiot.
You know, I can still remember how we first met. Is that something else you forgot? No, wait, that was me. Always hiding behind the pretense of forgetting, of losing those things that didn't matter to me, forever. But you, you remembered. We were young. Little fillies untainted by this cursed, fallen world. Lost in innocence, you were my friend and rival. Always able to beat me in what I kept striving for most. Games. Winning. It should have been simple, but you know, I never have beaten you. When you left, I guess that part of me died. I moved on. Then like the stupid mare you were, you showed up back at the doorstep of my life. Yet, I guess that makes me the true fool, because I welcomed, no dragged, you back in.
You were everything I wanted.
What I needed, even if I couldn't tell.
Weren't we friends, or was that just my imagination? One of my best friends, at the age where that could still happen. Where ponies thought I was just weird, and not trying to take advantage of you. I miss those days, set in vibrant shades of every color. Guess what? I still remember those, even if I deny it. Because they were just too important to me to let go. But something pulled us apart. What was it? Was there even anything to begin with? It hurt, even if I didn't know it. What if there was something I could change? Is what I keep wondering. I should have kept running with you, keeping up as you started moving away. Then I would be dragging you down with me, though. You never deserved that. I guess that's why I started pushing you away.
I loved you.
At least I thought so.
Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I was so confused, still young and naive. But I swear that those feelings of mine weren't fake. They weren't shallow or artificial that changed with every passing week on a simple whim. Two years. Two years, the second one spent pushing you away. I was cold; my teasing going beyond that into plain ridiculing. You say I never was a complete jerk, but it makes me sadder. I could have been so much kinder to you. So why didn't I ever let you see that complete side of me? Is it because I was afraid of my heart racing, my mind blanking out? I was afraid. And now it's too late.
You were dying.
Even I could see that.
Day after day. Week after week. You transferred hospitals. It wasn't your choice, but do you have any clue how much that devastated me? I literally had to leave the room when you said that, but you never noticed, did you? My tears refused to fall. You couldn't see them, because then I'd to explain their reason, and I don't want that, can't have that. Then I lost you. Barely seeing you, unable to contact you, it was heartbreaking. Or maybe mine was already shattered. You'd casually destroyed it without a second thought so many times, but I kept collecting the shards and waiting for you. For a future I desired, and yet, could never have.
You're gone now.
Gone for good.
Not dead, at least, not physically, for that would break me completely. I still care about you, even though I want to slap you and run away sobbing. Getting over you? Give me a break. Feelings like mine don't disappear overnight. It's been at least half a year, and the start of a new one. It's time to move on, even though I'm sure you already have. Was I even there, in your heart to begin with? I'll never know.
This is goodbye.
Thank you for these memories.
I swore I wouldn't cry.
But I won't forget.
I'll treasure these.
Forever.
The sky today is grey, how fitting for my mood. I'm sitting at the window in my bedroom, waiting, waiting for her to say that she loves me, but she isn't here. I left her over a year ago. Not my choice, but doing so still tore my heart to pieces. I never told her how I felt, because I could never quite draw up enough courage, but I wish I did.
Right now, I'm alone. Alone with my thoughts, and I must say they aren't a pleasant place. My mind makes me remember things I don't like. Things I don't ever want to remember. Sometimes, I'll speculate on what could have been, had I ever managed to tell her. I wish more than anything in the world just to see her rainbow mane, feel myself be smothered in her soft, cerulean fur, and to be enveloped in her warm embrace. But I can't, because I'm gone. I can't go back to her.
Not that it matters. I'm sure she wouldn't return my feelings. I'm sure she's gotten over me by now. After all, I was just a friend for her to compete against after all. And that's all I'll ever be. Nothing more.
