The Dangers of Chalk

"Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on."

-Wheatley, Portal 2

"Twi, I'm starting to think that lightning went to your head. You've been in here for days!" Spike placed an ordinary mug, brimming with strong coffee, next to the dozens of empty mugs that already stood there.

"It-It's okay Spike. I'll just stay up a teeny bit longer before bed, honest!" Spike rolled his eyes, switching off the desk lamp. A loud thump and sudden snoring indicated just how tired Twilight had been.

The ambient glow of the castle illuminated his path, the gentle sound of scales scraping against crystal echoing off the walls. Everything was so peaceful...

x<>X<>x

"What do you mean it 'went poof!'" The casing of the cheap phone creaked under the pressure the man shouting into the receiver exerted in his anger. A nervous response emanated from the speaker.

"Look, just get back here, then get out, you'r done." He snapped the cover shut before the other could reply, grimacing. The first truck they'd lost in twenty years, he would have some explaining to do...

x<>X<>x<

The clouds drifted lazily overhead, and the flowers were in full bloom, bright colours spilling forth from every garden bed. Derpy dug around in her mailbag, revelling in the morning sunshine. Grasping the corner of a bulky, rectangular parcel, she walked up to the door.

Only a few dozen metres away, a brown stallion suddenly bolted when four loud, pronounced knocks reverberated out of the castle, amplified by the great empty expansive rooms inside. He disappeared down a back alley, mane streaming out behind him.

Derpy was oblivious of all this as the grand doors slowly opened, admitting a ruffled Twilight Sparkle onto her porch.

"What is it- Oh, hi! Is that what I think it is!?" Twilight snatched the parcel from Derpy, brown paper flying in all directions. "Oh, it is!" Turning to Derpy, she opened her mouth in thanks but was met with a face-full of mace. Her eyes swelled shut and her mouth, nose and throat burned. Before she knew it she was pinned to the ground, limbs bound by the mailbag strap and a muffler placed over her horn. Derpy stood on her wings.

"That was a legal offence!" cried Derpy, blasting Twilight in the face with more mace, just for good measure. Twilight choked, incapable of thought. She could barely see through a crack in her eyelids, a figure above her outlined by the sun. Then there was a almighty BANG, and she was free of her captive. Something sharp shored through the mailbag strap, and she managed to pull off the muffler, which had not been locked. Gathering what was left of her coherent thoughts, she cast a healing spell, banishing most, but not all, of the puffiness and burning.

Coughing and rubbing her throat, she glanced around. A mangled pile of metal, roughly the size of a small house, had clipped Derpy as it sailed through the air and carved a furrow in the earth, resting in a deep ditch with smoke pouring from it. Derpy was still recovering, not six feet away. Derpy saw Twilight, free, a split second before the ground shook and they were consumed in a fireball of epic proportions.

x<>X<>x<

Twilight struggled to consciousness, barely aware of the ringing in her ears. She couldn't make out anything through the thick plume of smoke that surrounded her, dark and choking. She stared blearily at the silhouette that began to form as the smoke dispersed, lying still in the scorched grass. With a jolt of fear, Twilight began to crawl towards Derpy, smoking gently, burnt patches littering her coat. As she approached, she tried to make out the rise and fall of her chest, but the smoke distorted it all, made it hard to see...

Collapsing on the ground next to her, Twilight weakly rolled Derpy towards her, fearing the worst. What she saw caused her brain to shut own from sheer befuddlement. Derpy's eyes were wide, her pupils covering almost all of the white surfaces. Her whole face seemed frozen in a state of pure bliss, like she'd glimpsed a place so divine no mortal should see it.

In her mouth was a muffin.

x<>X<>x<

Struggling to her hooves, she observed the wreckage. Thousand of muffins, some slightly charred, lay strewn across the area, next to bright, colourful crates. Gutters were filled with muffins, ponds were filled with muffins, even the grass seemed hidden under a mountain of muffins. She stood stock-still in shock and awe, before groaning when she realised who'd be responsible for cleaning up.

At that moment Spike burst through the door.

"Hey Twi, guess what! I was looking out the window and..." Spike looked down at the muffin he'd just stepped on. Then he looked at the rest of the muffins, taking it all in with a blank expression. After but a moment, his mouth split into a wide grin. "Sweet!"

"That it is, that it is!" Pinkie emerged spontaneously from under the muffins below Twilight, sending her flying. "Hey! Where'd you go?" looking around, she spotted the disgruntled alicorn hovering above her. "Oh, there you are! You know Twi, I don't know why you did this, but it's AMAZING! But," -she sidled up to Twilight- "you do know you'll have to clean it up, right?"

She dove beneath the muffins and disappeared from sight, her presence betrayed by the sound of loud chewing and the great sinkhole that suddenly began to appear.