The strange (And carnal) adventures of Rainbow Petunia “Danger” Dash

by MidnightFMare

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Dark, Romance
Length: 3290

Rainbow dash has a very strange life, not that she's complaining but... one day she confesses to twilight sparkle. Things go down hill from there

Rainbow dash has a very strange life, not that she's complaining but… one day she confesses to twilight sparkle.
Things go down hill from there
So, please humour me in this venture at a bit of a long clop-fic/romance/humour/slightly-dark story as I attempt a romance story… again
Third shot in the dark for me (Dragonesses and make me your mare don't count… They were inspired… by other fics and my twisted imagination)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-17 19:22:16 UTC

chapter 1: a day of confessions

After stretching out my wings and other daily exercises, I fly down to sugar cube corner to have breakfast. “Heya Dashie!” Pinkie greets from midair

“Morning Pinks! How’s life on the ground?” I ask, flying through the open door to the only table with food

“Good, So! Got any plans today? ‘Cause I’m not doing much” Pinkie says, hugging me a bit closer than usual

“Yeah, I’m finally gonna tell her!” I whisper, giddy with excitement (In a cool way)

She seems to deflate a little “Oh… well, tell me how it goes and if it doesn’t work out-“ “Oh, it will, I can feel it! Thanks Pinkie, for all that you’ve done. I’ll send you the wedding invitations!” after scarfing down my food (Like a baws) I shoot out of the store, nearly crashing into Derpy

__________________________

“Twilight?” I call into the library, a snort from underneath a pile of books answering my call

Good, with Spike at Rarity’s, I can work my cooking magic! I think to myself, grabbing the ingredients for an omelet (In the shape of a heart)

__________________________

Something stirs in the book pile and my target trots into the kitchen “Smells good Spike… Spike? Spiiike? Where is he? Oh well, he must have come over to make me breakfast” she muses, sitting down when a note on the ice box with a heart on it catches her eye

“A heart? Must have been thinking of Rarit- ‘look… up’ wha-“ “BANZAI!” I yell, dropping from the ceiling and landing on her with an audible “Squish”

“Rainbow?! What are you doing?!” she asks, struggling

“Saying good morning to my favorite egg-head. I made you breakfast” I reply, rolling off her

“Well, that’s fine and all but why did you drop on me?” she asks, cocking her head

Oh Celestia she is adorable

“Duh, to wake you up! You have the privilege of hanging with the coolest mare in Ponyville! Me!” I strut around her, subtly lifting my tail and sashaying like I’d seen Rarity do

“Uh, I have work to do, why not hang with Pinkie or Applejack?” she asks, poking the omelet

I chuckle at her “The omelet isn’t a trick Twilight, and I made it for you” I wave the smell over

She starts to eat and after a few bites she tears into it like it’s the best she’s ever had. After she finishes, I point to a small bit on her nose. And before she can levitate a wash cloth, I lick it off, savouring her taste

She blushes “Th-thanks Rainbow…”

She leaves the kitchen after doing the dishes (Even though I offered to do it for her) and I fly over her “So, how can I help?”

She thinks for a moment and looks at the pile of books that was her tomb “Could you help me put some of these books on the shelf?”

I nod and go to work, making sure to catch glimpses of her as well as offering my own (Bending down while my tail is up, staring at her flanks when she checks her directory, you know, subtle)

I wipe my forehead of sweat “I really should make shelving part of my endurance and stamina routine”

“Wow, we got the shelving done fast, so…” she stiffens “What are you doing?”

I pull my muzzle off her head “Smelling you, I’m seeing if magic has a smell and something besides me smells sweaty” I reply, licking a wet spot on her coat

“Uh… This is kinda… intimate Rainbow” she whimpers, a blush blooming across her face

(Getting closer to the kill…) “You smell and look nice… how many ponies do you have banging at your door?” I ask, wrapping a foreleg around her neck

“N-none, I don’t get out much and I don’t think about romance much and- oh!” I sniff her ear and pull off her

“Yep, it’s you, you need a shower”

She blushes “W-Well… I guess that I forget to bathe when I study… When was the last time?”

That is so adorable! She’s even got that nose-scrunching that drives me insane

“Might as well get it over with, coming?” she asks, trotting up the steps

“What? As in… showering together?” I feel my wings stiffen

“Well of course, what else would I mean?” she cocks her head in the adorable way only she can do

“Uh, yeah! Yeah! Let’s go!” I say, trying to keep my mind pure

__________________________

When I step into the shower I avert my eyes from her butt Hey, how come there are tiles on the ceiling? Shouldn’t it be wooden like the rest of the library? And I like the sink, very Twilight. And pony plot… so… perfect… must… taste… KEEP IT TOGETHER RAINBOW DASH! It’s just a shower with the mare that has been the focus of all of your wet dreams and fantasies and PLOT! Perfectly puckered purple pony plot! Maybe I’ll try a little taste-NO! Bad Rainbow! Focus on something that isn’t her! Ceiling, sink, toilet-that-touches-her-gorgeous-flanks-at-least-twice-a-day-everyday, (I envy you toilet!) Ceiling, sink, toilet, eyes… wait, what?

“Are you okay Rainbow? You seem kind of distracted” she asks, her violet mane shining in the steam

“Y-yeah… just admiring the decorations. Why is the ceiling tiled anyways?”

“Well, the steam would saturate the wood, leading to blah blah and blah blah…” she starts to explain after turning back around. I’m not listening because I’m dealing with my own wetness. Subtly trying to rub an orgasm out with my hoof She has such nice lips…  I want to silence them with my own… to put that toilet to shame by being her disposal pony… I would scoop out her waste with my tongue and savor it… and drink her heavenly piss like water. I would please her wherever I go, even if it meant staying on the ground for all eternity

“Rainbow, are you even listening?” she nearly turns

“Y-Yeah, you said something about linoleum?” I reply, closing my legs (So… close…)

“Right! So, as I was saying…”

I go back to clopping I bet she would know how to care for a pegasus… I could be like a (Sexy)pet or a (Sexy)mare-slave… I wonder if- “and that’s why the ceiling is tiled” she says, shutting off the water

“Interesting…” I say, stepping out So… bucking… close!

“Are your wings okay?” she asks

“Huh? Oh! I’m just fanning you off! ‘Cause it’s hot in here!” Damn wing boner

She thinks for a moment and smiles

“Well” I slide next to her “What do we do now? Hot, nasty lesbian sex? I add mentally

“The library needs to open soon but Spike isn’t here” she looks at me with a pout (Or Twilight approximation)

“I’ll do it!” I say, leaping into the air

She nuzzles me “Come on, we’ve got work to do”

__________________________

“Do you have the newest issue of ‘Filly vogue’?” A vaguely familiar pink filly asks me

“Uh… Twilight!” I call, the lovely mare trotting with a magazine in her mouth “Here you go”

“Rainbow, do you want to do returns? You look through the book and put an ‘x’ in the ‘returned’ box” she says, trying not to sound condescending, I nod and pick up the book and my head begins to hurt “Twilight, I can’t read short-hoof”

“Sorry” her horn glows and the ink swirls into letters “Is that better?”

“Much, thanks egghead” I nuzzle her

After several hours of ponies coming in and leaving, Twilight closes the library and trots to the back, I following her and trying to get a glimpse at her hidden glory

“Thanks for the help Rainbow, you’re a good frie-Mmph?” I finally kiss her

“I love you Twilight Sparkle” I say, my face on fire

“I-Buh-Huh-NO! Nonononono!! I can’t! P-MMM?!” I shut her up, pushing her back a little

“I love you Twilight Sparkle” I repeat, the fire dying down “I love your soft, velvety lavender fur, your deep amethyst eyes, your cute snout that makes you snort in the most adorable way when you laugh” The snout in question is blooming red “Your smooth, well-kept mane with that streak drives me wild! Your body is the perfect mix of round and skinny, your personality makes me feel invincible! And your laugh is sweeter than the sweetest cake… I love you” I kiss her again and look into her eyes “Do you love me?”

“No! I mean, as a friend! That’s it!” She says, tears rolling down her face

I swallow my sadness (FRIENDZONE!) “Fine… But I won’t give up on you. I will convince you to love me” I brush my wing over her flank

She squeaks, her blush deepening

I look at her right in the eyes (Those sexy… quivering pools of amethyst…) and grab her face and kiss her, savouring her lips “MMMMNNNHHH!!!! MMmmnnnnhhhh…. Hmmmmm… mmm~” she relaxes and raises her hoof to hold my cheek. She parts her lips, her tongue caressing my own lips

I return her fervour with my own, (All those hours practicing with Pinkie finally paid off)

After several seconds (Or hours) she draws back, her face looking like Big Mac’s did when he saw that I had accidentally crashed into his bath (The rumours do NOT do him justice) “Wow…” she gasps

“Yeah… huh?” she licks my neck, planting kisses down my down it as she goes. But her petting of my mane is ruining the moment “Twilight, no offense, but unless you’re kissing me, don’t rub my mane”

She flinches and hides behind her bangs “Sorry, Cadences’ lessons only covered basic dating etiquette… but I had read some more… Intimate works of fiction” I can feel her blushing even harder NNGGHH!! MAH HEART!

I breathe out my involuntary squeal “Wanna go read a book on it?”

She nods into my shoulder “Uh-huh…”

“I’ll be here… waiting” I say, sitting on Spike’s beanbag

chapter 2: döppelpony

As I chill (like the baws that I am) in Spike's chair something pokes my back What is poking- OH Spike! You dirty, dirty dog! hidden in a box are several pictures of Rarity, obviously taken by Sweetie Belle (The "Sweetie's shop" label on the back of the pictures gives it away)

A few of her backside, in the shower, asleep, doing... "Oh...my" I say, flipping to the next one "Next... next... next... that's not natural... I didn't know you could use eggs like that... or...!!!!" I drop the last few pictures "That is NOT right! Nuh-uh!No!"

Twilight runs down the steps "What's the matter? What? Oh, you found Spike's pictures" she gathers them together and puts them back in the box. She leans over me "I finished my book" She kisses me slowly, softly, her tongue slipping past my lips like a snake, coiling around mine.

I try to escape but she presses a hoof on my chest, making me sink further into the chair's plush depths. She pulls her head away, giving me sultry eyes "Is this the right way?"

"Yeah... I thought I'd lead but whatever you want..." I reply numbly, shocked at her mastery of tongue

"I would have wanted a decent lover but..." she smirks at me, biting my ear "You'll do"

"Oooooh~" I sigh, feeling her breath on my ear

"You like having your ears teased?" she nibbles on my ear, sending both pain and pleasure to my nethers "How about like this :heart:?" she purrs (So... sexy) and switches ears, flicking it with her tongue before sucking on it

"MMMMM!!!" I moan, my hooves shooting for my marehood before she speaks "Ah-ah-ah~ no cloppy for Dashie" she coos

"But I'm gonna burst~" I whimper between moans (It takes a long time for me to cool down, and the pictures didn't help)

"Then let me help you with that" She lowers to my chest and starts licking my muscles, making my wings spasm. she rubs her hoof on my stomach in a slow circle like a father would an unborn foal Darn you imagination! and drags her tongue down to between my legs and blows on my marehood

"NNNNNHHH~!!!" I moan, my legs falling limp. she licks the inside of my thighs, drawing out my pain until she passes over my button, sending a shiver up my spine

She looks up with a sultry smile "Sweet yet tangy"

"D-don't talk like that..." I moan, trying to pull her deeper into my hole

She removes her muzzle and pins me "Raaiin~booow~:heart:" she coos, my only answer a feeble attempt to focus my eyes (So... close...) "Do you like how I'm treating you?" she asks, nibbling on my ear

"Ungh-hnn..." I grunt, trying to pull my tongue back into my mouth

She rolls my tongue back into my mouth and closes it, rubbing my chin "Want anything? Water? Syrup? What?"

I try to look at her but my vision keeps blurring, her lavender coat lightening to pink "Pinkie...?" I moan, raising a heavy hoof and her mane is coarser than earlier

She smiles "Yes, I'm here Dashie... Do you love me?" she asks, amethyst pools fading into light-blue mirrors

My hoof lowers as if made of metal "Pinkie?" I ask, squinting

Her horn melts into her head as she gains more muscle "Yes Dashie? I'm here, what is it?" her voice rises

"Where's Twilight?" I ask, trying to sit up but my body won't move

"She's a bit... tied up at the moment; a smidgen on the tight side if you will. But you should worry about you and me right now. The paralytic dart I stabbed you with earlier has obviously taken effect; not even your super fast metabolism will work through it any time soon. Of course, the hallucinogenic lipstick I bought from Melody Pond's store is weakened by the dart but..." she pauses and looks at me with a small sociopathic smile

Oh no... Pinkamena... I'm dead! I think to myself, not even my lips working

"And I suppose you're wondering how I'm planning on killing you. I don't plan to anyways... Pinkie disassembled the lottery machine and hid the pieces. And if I killed you, that would be breaking the rules and I can't do that" she licks my cheek, moaning as she does "And it would be a terrible waste of a friend like you. So I won't play it with you anymore! But only if you wear this" she pulls something out from behind her

A collar... inscribed with Pinkie's address, name, and my name

Rainbow "Rainbitch" D. Dash

Property of Pinkamena D.R.L.C.C.Z.H.* Pie

Sugarcube corner

If found, return immediately

She smiles at me, lust and hunger in her cold, blue eyes "Aren't I a good friend? I made this just for you! Now if you get lost or hurt, whoever finds you can bring you back! And it closes like this" she closes the tag, apparently being a golden locket and choker with crystals set in the shape of my cutie mark "I spent a long time getting these crystals and stealing some from Rarity whom is making a spare" Her smile shrinks a little "Do you like it? Blink once for yes, twice for no"

I blink, trying to clear my eyes

"Hurray! My very own pet Rainbow! Don't worry about a thing! I'll take good care of you!" she puts the choker on my neck Is this- "L... Lea..." I try to speak but my tongue falls out instead

"'Leather'? Yes, it came from the hide of a manticore I found in the Everfree and I carried it back to Zecora's in exchange for a few strips, a small bag of the poisonous barbs from its tail like the one in your neck" she brushes my neck and I feel something move

"Now," She places a cuff from a bag behind her around my hoof which is attached to a leash "It's night time so I can take you out for walkies" She yanks on it, causing me to flip onto my face (Not that I can feel much)

"Oh, right, paralyzed" she pulls out a pair of skates and places them onto my hooves, placing the leash under my choker "Now come on Dashie, time for dragsies" she pulls, my legs buckling under me

"You are making this so difficult!" She loots around her bag and pulls out things I've only seen in S&M mags

Spreader bars

She locks them around the skates (Obviously a set) and I roll forward

"Now, ve go!" she strikes a pose and pulls me out of the library

A few minutes later, I feel my bladder near bursting and moan at her

"If you have to go, go" she dead pans, stopping

She can't be serious... I am not doing my business in the middle of the street

"Come on, I have a shit bag and a shovel on me" she opens the bag and pulls out a small plastic bag and a spade, seeming to be prepared for anything

"Mmmmph~ nnuuuuh~" I moan, my face igniting

She sighs and presses some kind of mechanism on the skates, apparently locking them in place and crawls under me like a cart mechanic "I do this because I love you" and presses my gut

Oh no... Please stop! not- aaaahhhnnn... I feel a hot liquid dribble down my thighs

"NNNHHH~ hnnnn... hhh..." I relax as she comes out from under me but still massaging my gut. She whispers into my ear, smoothing my mane "It's okay, nopony can see you... let it out... ssshhh~ that's a good dashie... come on" she raises my tail with her mouth, and squeezes my gut like a tube of toothpaste

"Ungh... hhrrrrrdd..." I grunt, squeezing my butt closed

"...Hm" she roots around her bag and pulls another S&M item

A hot water bottle and an enema

"This is also a remote-control vibrator, it will agitate the water and I'm told it feels nice" She pours the bottle's contents into it. I try and turn my head when the nozzle is shoved into my anus

"!!!" I scream through my teeth

Something clicks behind me and the water starts to pour in and vibrate inside of me "Mmmm~mmmm~hmmm...:heart:"

"Feel good? Do you want me to remove it?" she asks, wiggling it

"NNNHH-NNH!" I reply, my whole body burning in embarrassment Why is this turning me on? And why do I like this so... AHN!

I feel my orgasm come again when the vibrations die down to a subtle buzz

"Not here, we have to get you home" she says, picking the leash back up and pulling me towards Sugarcube corner

______________________________________

She tightens a harness around my body and goes inside, peeking out her window and pulling on a rope which pulls me up

After removing the skates and spreader bars, she lays me on her bed and curls up next to me "Good night Dashie" she whispers, the vibrations increasing

And for the first time today, I came

Epilougue

"Twilight? Where are you?" Spike calls into the library

(THUMP!) something falls upstairs, causing Spike to investigate

"Twili- Oh" Spike stops, averting his eyes

On the floor, in a puddle of her own arousal and waste is Twilight Sparkle, half-dead from hours of steadily intensifying orgasms, bound, gagged, and with several vibrators attatched to her body.

She whimpers, having screamed her throat raw

"Uh... I'll come back later... or never..." he says, closing the door before heading to Fluttershy's house to wait out Twilight's strangeness

"Ungh~" Twilight moans, when another orgasm wracks her body, causing her to falil like a fish

(THUMP THUMP THUMP!)

Whimper...