Derpy Pie

by Pnoy

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Random
Length: 2451

The two most beloved mares in Ponyville... In love, what could possibly go wrong!

Derpy and Pinkie Pie, Ponyville's by far most interesting ponies go on a date! what could possibly go wrong?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-07 15:34:02 UTC

Prologue

Derpy Pie - Prologue

By: Pnoy

***

The grey, wall-eyed pegasus eagerly awaited by her stove. 'Hmmm, normally my muffin would be done by now!' She stared confused at the uncooperative appliance. "Why won't you give me my muffin!" The pegasus frowned.

She waited for a few more moments, increasingly getting frustrated. "Hey mister! Who you tryn'a play me for! I-" As if a great revelation had descended upon Derpy's being, "Oh yeah!" she merrily stated, turning the oven's temperature knob, to the best fitting mode, "muffin". Once she had set the knob correctly, the stove lights turned on and it started humming quietly, 'Success!' she victoriously boasted to herself.

She continued to wait by her stove gleefully, but as if struck by another sudden revelation... "Wait a second..." smelling the air confirming her suspicions. 'Burning muffin...' She had just remembered that the muffin she bought, was already baked. She quickly opened the oven door to reveal a lone muffin that looked like it started to burn around the edges. "Oh no!" She tried to reach for the knob but she couldn't reach it through the unbearable heat that was pouring out of the oven.

"Err-" Derpy pondered, tapping a hoof on her chin. She looked around and found a bucket laying idly by her sink. "Aha!" She declared triumphantly as her thoughts formulated a strategy to deal with the crisis at hoof.

She quickly grabbed a hold of the bucket's handle, and looked back to the oven that seemingly mocked her with its tantalizing heat, preventing her from obtaining the glorious spoils. "Take this!" She quickly stuck the plastic bucket inside the oven's fiery mouth trying to coax the muffin out from its prison. But before she could make any progress on the muffin the heat quickly became too unbearable and forced her to pull the bucket back out.

She continued to evaluate the increasingly desperate situation when she got the best idea. She sprinted frantically to the sink, knowing she was losing the muffin with every second that passed. She filled up the bucket with water and ran back over to the oven, she grabbed the bucket with both of her hooves, aimed the bucket's open top at the oven. As she cocked the bucket back the bottom caved, weakened from the oven's heat, and spilled water all over the kitchen floor. "Oops..." Derpy said to herself putting a hoof to her chin again in trying to consider her remaining options.

She glanced around the room until she saw a button with a small plaque above it that read, "IN CASE OF DERPY EMERGENCY". 'Oooo! That's me!' She trotted over to the button and pressed it expectantly.

After a minute she heard sirens in the distant getting louder, louder, louder and LOUDER until several emergency response vehicles, a swat truck, and a fire truck came into view through her windows, surrounding her home. she could see a number of ponies, all in uniform surrounding her house and rushing to her front door.

CRASH

Derpy jumped at the loud noise, "Whoa!" and a pony bearing a badge that read, "Emergency Derpy Response Team" ran into the kitchen.

"Er- Hello!" Derpy merrily welcoming the officer.

"WHATSGOINGON, WHYISITSOHOTIN- MOTHER OF CELESTIA!" The brown, moustached earth pony hysterically blurted, gawking at the scene, before realizing what was going on.

Eventually the swat team made their way to the kitchen with pie cannons pointed at every possible threat, mostly Derpy. "STOVE, GO!" the brown earth pony shouted gesturing towards the open oven.

"RODGER!" One of the ponies responded, diving at the stove, pulling it away from the wall. The heat from the stove singeing his coat. "RAAAHHH!" He cried, "I NEED BACK UP ASAP!"

Another one of the swat ponies moved in quickly on the offending appliance, but slipped on the water Derpy had previously spilled "YYYAAARGHHH!" the swat pony howled.

"PONY DOWN!"

"I GOT IT!" Another member of the squad advancing, being sure to avoid the area around his fallen comrade. "WHERE IS IT!" The constant yelling seemingly increasingly unnecessary.

"IN THE BACK!"

The swat pony climbed over the counter and found the power plug, "I GOT VISUALS ON THE TARGET!" He shouted.

"DO IT!"

Sweat percolated on his forehead, his hooves trembled and fumbled with the power cable... He only had one shot at this... He pulled the plug and the stove seemingly turned off. A wave of relief swept over his body as he let out a sigh.

They let go of the stove and scrambled away from the dissipating heat.

"Hey, thanks mister!" Derpy cheerfully thanking the team for their efforts.

"Don't mention it mam' we're just doing our job." The team packed up their belongings, carrying out the wounded pony, and what appeared to be a suitcase with a big red button in it labeled "Plan B".

"Alright cut the chit-chat we got debrief in five, move out!" The moustached earth pony barking orders.

The ponies made their way out of the home, and the vehicles around her house disengaged from the vicinity and headed back from where they came, across the street.

Derpy looked around and seeing that the coast was finally clear and she made her way back to the oven, the heat was still there but was tolerable now. She peered into the oven to find the muffin completely burnt and ruined from the ordeal.

"Now I don't have a muffin for my date with Pinkie..." The pegasus frowned. She really loved that crazy pink pony, the only thing she loved more than muffins.

Derpy had a date with Pinkie Pie at the park in 30 minutes. 'I guess I should go get ready anyway!' Derpy stood there for a minute looking around in her kitchen. "Ummmm..." She thought out loud, "I'M READY!"

Derpy trotted gingerly through her kitchen, into her living room grabbing a hoof-full of roses and proceeding out her front door, ready to take on the world. However, the world, not so ready for what is about to happen...

***

Author Notes:

This'll probably turn out to be a short 3 part series or something, I thought it would be a funny idea for a ship so I went ahead and went there. Nothing mature here, just innocent, chaotic fun between two love interests. It'll be something to give me a break from my other project.

Also I don't care what anyone says, derpy will always be derpy to me, because derpy is best background pony.

Not going with pre-readers on this one, just my raw writing, I'm using this story more as a chance for me to improve as a writer and have fun with.

I plan on finishing the whole story with in the week! I hope you enjoy!

Joining the Fray

Derpy Pie - Joining the Fray

By: Pnoy

***

'Gee, this sure is a big park and all, I hope I'll be able to find her...' The off duty mail-mare pondered to herself, looking for a particular pink party pony. It was a warm, clear and sunny day at the park, many foals were outside playing games with each other, other ponies that weren't busy were either enjoying the sun, or enjoying the company of their special someponies.

Derpy usually was one of those ponies that sat by herself a the park, basking in Celestia's glory. As nice as that was, she couldn't help herself but to want more. She wanted somepony to lay next to, to brush manes with, to talk to things about, just like everypony else, maybe all she needed was a close friend. But Pinkie somehow pushed what they had, to a full-blown relationship.

'Hmm, this is the spot she said to meet her...' She thought to herself, standing beneath a tree.

Suddenly, "Derpy!" A cheerful voice shouted behind her.

Her heart fluttered and she turned around to see Pinkie Pie standing there with three baskets hanging from her forehooves. She dropped the baskets and sprang into Derpy giving her a big tight hug. Derpy blushed and said "H-heyah Pinkie!" with a smirk on her cross-eyed face.

"Ya' know Derpy, I really love your eyes!" The party pony exclaimed merrily. "Let me get my things out for our picnic!"

"Ok..."

Pinkie Pie turned around to open up the baskets, one containing balloons that simply floated off when she opened it. Derpy reached under her right-wing and pulled out the roses she had held on to for her. She stuck the roses in her mouth and stood their waiting for the party pony to finish laying out their things.

"There! That should do it!" The earth pony announced, looking at the sheet that she laid out, with assorted pastries, sandwiches, and juices for the couple to snack on.

Pinkie Pie turned around and saw Derpy standing there with two red roses clutched in her mouth, smiling nervously. 'Awww that it the cutest thing I have ever seen!' she thought to herself. "Derpy! Are those for me!?"

"Mmmhmmm!" The pegasus managed, while holding the flowers with her mouth.

Pinkie Pie trotted up to Derpy and bit lightly onto the roses, their muzzles touching. Derpy fidgeted and blushed at their closeness, holding one of her hooves up in her nervousness.

The pink pony giggled, "You're really cute when you blush." She muttered between her teeth, pulling the flowers away from Derpy's mouth.

"T-thanks..." Derpy added. She wasn't really good at this, as much as she would hate to admit, Pinkie was her first attempt at a relationship with anypony.

"It's alright Derpy! I'm glad I'm your first, there's so many things I can show you!" Pinkie exclaimed, supportin- Wait, how did she-

"HEY! Don't question me!"

"Er- Alright S-sorry Pinkie... But wait... I didn't write this! I'm just reading I swear!" you answered back, half frightened that a pony was coming out of your computer screen, the other half of you wanting to hug her forever.

"It's alright silly filly- or whatever you are!" Pinkie cheerfully going back into the story, the hole closing behind her. You peer through the hole and see Derpy on the other-side with her confused, wall-eyed stare looking back at you.

"This is my chance!" you shouted to yourself jumping through the portal that appeared through your monitor.

You dive head first through the portal, until you realize your suspended a good twenty feet in the air but before you could do anything about it you smack face first into the ground getting knocked out cold.

***

Slowly you start to open your eyes, you're laying somewhere unfamiliar to you, it's a small cottage and you're lying down on a sofa, pictures of ponies hanging on the walls, mostly of the character you recognize as Derpy in various poses at various places. You sit up, your head still throbbing, you look around and spot a staircase that leads upstairs to your left, and behind the sofa, to your right is a wall with two open arches at either end that look like they lead into the kitchen.

Suddenly you start piecing things together, you're in Derpy's house! You get up excitedly, a little light-headed from your injuries and begin scanning the room, everything taking a cartoony texture. "Hello!?" You called out looking for signs of pony activity.

'I can't believe I am actually in Derpy's house... *Ohmygodponiesarereal!*' You start speculating all sorts of possibilities in your head. 'What was that horrible story I was reading before I got here... I should remember to favorite it, because it got me here!'

You started to take a step forward but noticed something funny, your balance seemed quite off, you thought maybe it was because you hit your head so hard, but when your leg came into view under you, you realized you had a hoof and not a foot!

Clunk

Your new hoof rang as it landed on the wooden floor, struggling to keep your balance on two hooves you fall forward and catch yourself with your front hooves. It felt weird walking on all fours, but felt oddly comfortable in your new form. You examine yourself and notice your coat is maroon, your mane is a darker burgundy with random teal highlights and streaks, but you bore no cutie mark.

You noticed a mirror hanging on the wall and as you approached it, you saw yourself coming into view, and noticed your lavender colored eyes. It was obvious you were a stallion, built bigger than most from what you remember on the show, kind of like Big Mac.

Knock Knock

You glanced at the door, connected to the small living room you were in.You felt nervous about meeting your first pony, you didn't know how you would be received. You approached the door and looked through the window, it was dark outside and you couldn't really see anything but two pony figures standing there. Seeing the pony shaped figures made your stomach stir with anticipation as you turned the knob to open the door.

It was Derpy and Pinkie  Pie!

"Hi-yah mister how's your head!?" Pinkie gleefully asked bouncing into the room, clearly very excited.

"Oh uh.. It's fine." You replied back, your mind overloaded, trying to digest everything that was happening.

"That's good! After you landed on the ground, we carried you back here to let you rest, we just came back from the store and got you some food if you were hungry!" Pinkie stated, dropping bags of groceries on the kitchen floor, followed by Derpy.

"Oh, thanks. That's really nice of you guys, also thanks for taking me here."

"Don't mention it!" The pegasus spoke out suddenly, "You can spend the night on the couch if you want!" she pointed at the sofa you had woken up from before, well since you really didn't have any other options...

"Alright thanks!" You thanked your generous host.

"Me and Derpy are going to the movies, we'll see ya later alligator!" Pinkie merrily exclaimed, opening the door back outside gesturing Derpy through.

After the two left, you looked back out the window at them, they were walking almost side by side down the dirt path that lead to Ponyville from Derpy's house.

As happy as you were for the couple, you couldn't help but think to yourself, how dangerous of a couple they could be... You gulped at the possibilities, 'Maybe I should follow them to make sure nothing bad happens.' You justified to yourself, even though you knew the real reason was you couldn't resist seeing what will happen, and besides you were in freakin' EQUESTRIA, the last thing you wanted to do was stay cooped up in some house.

***