Dirty Bets

by Script

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy, Sex, Big Macintosh, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 3584

When Rainbow Dash wakes up with no memory of what happened the night before and finds a note telling her she made a bet with Big Mac, She's forced to find out what happened and which one of her friends she had sex with.

When Rainbow Dash woke up on Saturday,she wasn't expecting a headache and an intense need for water. She also wasn't expecting a note telling her that a bet with Big Mac won her a barrel of cider and fifty dollars. The problem is, she doesn't remember how she won it, and the note says the bet involved who could have sex with one of their friends first. So, Dash goes on a quest for lots of water,a recollection of her past and who hell she fucked. Great.

Special thanks to my Editor, Twilight_Scratch

Published 2014-06-10 07:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-14 11:43:30 UTC

Hangovers

Dirty Bets and Dirty Games

Chapter 1: Hangovers

When Rainbow Dash woke up on Saturday morning with fifty dollars in her pocket and a half empty barrel of apple cider beside her,her first reaction was to try and remember what happened on Friday.

But when the only thing on her mind was how much her head hurt and how thirsty she was,remembering was pretty hard.

She blew a strand of red hair out of her face and looked to her side,a faint but delicious aroma dancing around her nose,making her smile,if only for a second, due to her headache getting worse.

She stumbled out of bed and down the stairs,only half worried of falling in her state.

The only thing that mattered to her then was to get the biggest glass in her house,fill it to the brim with water,lash down and repeat until hydrated.

That was actually a pretty well made plan,considering the fact that she could barely remember how to actually walk to the sink.

Stuck to the sink,was a poorly written note and,after ten minutes of squinting at it,making out letters in her head and drinking water while doing so,Rainbow Dash could finally make out the squiggles on the page.

"Dear me,
Remember when Mom and Dad used to play that game where they'd see who could get one of their best friends to have sex with them,and whoever had sex with someone first got fifty dollars? Yeah,well,we and Mac played that and, surprise, surprise, we won. We as in you.

And I know you probably don't remember who it was,but that's another part of the game, remember? Mom and Dad left notes to themselves and whoever found out who they had sex with first got ten dollars.

Damn,they were competitive,weren't they?

Here's the first clue- Ask Twilight what she knows,after all,you hit on her first! (And no,Twilight was too sober to actually have sex with you. You'll get to her one day.)

-Love,you."

Dash remembered very little from last night,so her only choice was to trust her past,drunk self and find out just what happened last night,kinda like those guys did in the hangover.

After a few minutes of searching,Dash found her iPhone in an empty can of what smelt like beans,beer,apples and puke. And,after wiping it off,came across another problem. She couldnt read a damn thing.

Not even squinting worked. She had no other way of telling the time. I mean,what doesn't need numbers,or even something you can see,to tell the time? If only there was some way of hearing the time,maybe an app on the iPhone 5. But,what app could possibly do that? Siri! Of course!

"Siri,what time is it?"

"I'm sorry,I don't know what 'what lime composite?' means. Would you like to google it?"

"Siri,you are the deafest motherf**ker,I have ever met."

"It is 2:37pm. Would you like anything else?"

"F**k you."

2:37.

Pinching the bridge of her nose,Rainbow Dash smirked.

After all,a competition was a competition,just like two dollars was two dollars.

And could buy you a Big Mac.

After literally buying a Big Mac,eating a Big Mac and getting sick in a bush,Rainbow Dash set out to find Twilight.

Knowing that she'd probably be in the library,doing something to do with books or magic, Rainbow went there first.

When she entered the library,the rainbow-haired girl was greet by a loud *DING*,followed by ringing in her ears as well as a sharp pain that went through her head and decided to stay there for a few seconds before leaving.

Twilight,oblivious to the disgruntled and in-pain Rainbow Dash at the door,continued reading her book and sipped on the water beside her before flipping the page.

Forgetting all her real intentions and making up a new one,Rainbow Dash grabbed the water near Twilight and practically threw it into her mouth,not only satisfying her thirst for another minute but also gaining Twilights attention.

"Hey! I was drinking that!"

Rainbow Dash ignored that statement and instead sat in the chair opposite of Twilight and,as if just talking about the weather,asked one question.

"Did you have sex with me or Big Mac last night?"

After all,you weren't allowed tell who you did or didn't have sex with,and Dash would cheat herself for more of a challenge.

Twilights face was one Dash would've laughed at if it were not for the fact that she was serious.

"What!? No! Why in the world would I.......? This isn't about that bet Spike told me about,is it?"

Rainbow Dash sighed, threw her feet onto the table and leaned back in her chair,making the front legs leave the ground.

"Of course its about the bet! It's always been about the bet,Twilight!"

Pushing Rainbow's feet off the table so that she lost balance and fell off the chair,Twilight responded in a way that can only be described as pissed off.

"The only thing I know about the bet is that you came in and woke me up half drunk and started flirting with me. Then,about an hour later,you woke me up again,even more drunk than before,and told me to give you this note."

Rainbow tore the note from Twilight's hands,still annoyed about the chair.

She then fixed so-called chair and sat down again,this time more aggressively.

Suddenly,Dash jumped up and pressed her hands against the table,lifting herself up so that she looked intimidating,and leaned right up to Twilight.

Twilight looked at Dash closely before asking,

"You do realize you have a black eye,right?"

Dash leaned back a bit and paused.

"Nope."

Then,maintaining her tough act,she went right back up to Twilights face.

"Twilight,I need answers! Not two lines with no detail! What time was it? Did I have the black eye when I came? Where was Spike at the time? Does he know anything? I need to know exactly what happened last night!"

Twilight pushed against Dash's face with her hand before straightening her tie.

"Your breath stinks of beer and cheap,useless toothpaste. I'll tell you what happened,if apologize for shoving your face into mine and screaming at me."

Dash sighed again before falling into her chair.

"Sorry. There,happy now?"

Twilight frowned.

"Not really,but that will do. Im pretty sure you staggered to my door,and I remember that instead of knocking you screamed.."

Fourteen Hours ago.....
"Knock,Knock!"

Twilight opened her window,frowning down at the rainbow-haired,drunk nineteen-year old.

"What do you want,Rainbow Dash?"

"I want some loving!"

"Go away Dash!"

"Never! You are the one I love,Cornelius!"

"My name is Twilight Sparkle! Not Cornelius!"

"That's what I said Alexandria! Now give me sugar and shit!"

"Rainbow Spectrum Dash! If you don't go away this instead I swear to Celestia I'll-"

Twilight was cut off by Dash flying up to her and kissing on the lips.

"Just let me in baby,and use that anger for good 'ole reproduction!"

"Rainbow Dash,that's not even physically possible for two females."

"Cornexdria! I want you to have my child!"

Pushing Rainbow Dash out of the way of the window with her magic,Twilight shut the window and pulled the curtains before screaming in an muffled voice,

"Come back when you've come to apologize!"

Twelve hours ago....

"Twiliiiiiiiiiiiight.......I've come to apologiiiiiize! And to get you to give this note to my future seeeeeeeellllllllffffff!"

This time, a disgruntled fifteen-year old Spike comes to the door and,speaking quite directly, says,

"What."

Rainbow's arm fly foward,clutching a piece of paper.

"Give this to future me,its for a bet. Thanks. Bye."

"And that's all that happened,according to Spike,anyway. And I'm pretty sure that's all Spike knows too,but if you want to ask him,he's at Sweet Apple Acres with Applebloom and the rest. Now I have important stuff to do."

Leaving,Dash read the note on her way out,not caring for goodbyes.

"Dear Me,
How's it going? Did Twilight hurt you? If she did,sorry in advance. Here's the second clue anyway-Why don't you ask Rarity about a few things? Maybe she was the lucky gal.

Love,you."

Rainbow Dash smirked before putting on the sunglasses she had in her pocket despite the cold weather,making her look like a douchebag.

"Rarity,here I come."

Author's Note

Wooooooo! First Story! Also, http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P6dX4UIeBCw. Reproduction! Ha,Dat movie tho.

Edit:I changed one or two things to make they story better in a way.

So thats how I got a black eye!

If you asked Rarity how she deals with Rainbow Dash, she'd tell you is that all you need is a lot of patience and a calm composure.

And, on most days, she has all of these things with the Rainbow-haired delinquent. However, Saturday was not one of those days.

*DING*

"I'll be there in just a second!" Rarity's voice came from the other room in an almost sing-song voice, and that sickened our little anti-hero. So, she destroyed the mood.

"Rarity, please stop all your dolphin sex fantasies and get your fucking skinny ass over here."

A moment later some unlady-like curse words were heard and Rarity sauntered out, an unimpressed look on her face.

"Oh, hello Rainbow."

This time Rarity's voice deadpanned and this made Dash much happier.

"What's wrong, Rarity?"

When Dash said this, she didn't mean it in a caring way; she meant in a teasing way. (You know the sort.)
And, even though she didn't mean it in a sincere way, she still got an answer.

"What's wrong is you actually have the nerve to come in here after what you said and tried to do to me last night and insult me,” Rarity walked into the kitchen, probably to make some tea, "You need to learn some manners sometime, Rainbow Dash: it may just be the thing that saves your life."

Rainbow invited herself into the kitchen where she sat down at the table and stared at the bouquet of white roses, wondering if they would mind her taking some of their water.

"Yeah, yeah.......... Hey, do you think plants don't mind sharing?"

Rarity rolled her eyes at the absurd question, but answered it none the less.

"I don't know. If they have any more manners than you then proba- Rainbow! What are you doing!?"

(If you haven't guessed already, Dash was drinking the plant water.)

Rarity took the glass vase away from Dash and mopped up the water that spilled when Rainbow tried to steal that poor plants water.

"You could have just asked for some water, I wouldn't mine giving you a glass."

Dash grinned at Rarity before she retorted with, "What good would an empty glass do me if I want water?"

Rarity was fuming. Completely out of character for her, but understandable after what just happened.

"Get out."

Confused, Dash stared at Rarity.

"What-"

"Get out!"

"But-"

"I said GET OUT!"

Now, Rarity is usually a very calm and collect woman, which is one of the reasons why Dash was so surprised when she was kicked out the door. Rarity threw a piece of paper at her before proceeding to slam the door in her face.

Grumbling, Dash brushed the dirt off of her jeans before picking up the piece of paper. Looking at it, she saw that there was writing on it.

'Dear, Me,
Rarity is probably going to kill you. Just a heads up.

She's also not going to tell you what happened last night, so I will.

It started of like this,

So first we silently sneaked our way into Rarity’s house using the spare key under the mat.

(Rainbow Dash kicked Rarity's door open.)

Then we crept up the stairs without being seen.

(Dash stomped up the stairs, bumping into Sweetie Belle on the way.)

After that, we snuck into Rarity's room and shook her gently to wake her up.

(Dash slammed her two fists into Rarity's stomach after accidently running into her door.)

Rarity lifted her sleeping mask off her eyes and stared at us before politely telling us to leave.

(Rarity, thinking she was being attacked, lashed her foot right up to Dash's eye before ripping off her sleeping mask and screaming at Dash to leave.)

Then we left.

(Dash made a run for the door while screaming,” I just wanted to have fucking sex with you!", as Rarity chased her with the broom.)

We came back later and gave Rarity the note after saying sorry.

(Dash shoved a note under the barricaded, and now reinforced, door.)

That pretty much all that happened. See ya!'

Dash looked around a bit, probably hoping that there would be a clue somewhere, however, there were none. She decided to head to Sweet Apple Acres to ask Spike one or two things, taking the shortcut through the market.

Now, if Dash hadn't seen what she had seen then, she probably would have made it to Sweet Apple Acres. But she had seen it, so she didn't make it to Sweet Apple Acres.

As you probably know, Fluttershy's schedule is simple and busy: Feed all the animals, clean the cottage, clean the animal's homes, water her plants, do a few other stuff that aren't relevant to the story in any way and then go shopping in the market.

And Fluttershy was doing just that, just in the weirdest way possible.

She seemed to be staggering everywhere and was losing her balance really easily. Her hair was messy and her huge sweater was back-the-front. Every once and a while she felt her head as if she had a headache and she had rings under her eyes.

And these were all the signs to the-morning-after-having-sex-with-Dash Syndrome.

Dash walked over to Fluttershy and tapped her shoulder.

"Eeeeep! Oh, it's just you, Rainbow."

Dash leaned on the carrot stand beside them and grinned.

"Yeah, it's just me. Hey, you wouldn't of happened to, I don't know, get 'lucky' last night?"

Fluttershy tilted her head slightly.

"Hmmm, what do you mean?"

Dash sighed. Sometimes she was too innocent for her own good.

"Did you lose your virginity last night?"

Fluttershy gasped.

"I'm not a virgin......"

Now it was Dash's turn to tilt her head.

"You're not?"

"No..... But I did, umm, get 'lucky' last night."

Dash jumped into Fluttershy’s face, "Was it me?!"

"Ahh!" At the sudden invasion of personal space, and the suddenness of the question was too much for Fluttershy, and she fell over.

After a few seconds, Dash helped Fluttershy up.

"Sorry, but was it?"

"Ummm, no...but I'm very flattered that you....um...well.."

Dash shook her head quickly, realising what Fluttershy was implying.

"No no no no no no! It's not like that! I had a bet with Big Mac last night to have sex with someone last night and....why are you blushing?"

Fluttershy sank down, her face turning beet red.

"Um....no reason...."

Dash looked down and smirked at her.

"You didn't have sex with Big Mac last night, did you?"

The only reply she got was a squeak.

"Well, I'll see you around, Fluttershy, have fun! Oh, and by the way, your sweaters back the front."

Author's Note

Sorry this took so long to write. I would give you an excuse, but, I'm too lazy. So, I hope you enjoyed.

Pinkie. It has to be Pinkie

Dash walked around Ponyville aimlessly, having lost hope of ever finding out who she had sex with.

"What do I need ten dollars with anyway? I should just give it to Mac and give up."

She sighed, but her pity party was interrupted when she walked into something with huge curves and even bigger breasts.

"Heya, Dashie! You look upset! Does someone need a Help-Dashie-Feel-Better Party?"

Dash looked up at Pinkie, the bouncy girl being an inch taller than she was.

"Pinkie, did I have sex with you last night?"

Though it came out as more of a mutter, Pinkie heard her and answered with a simple 'nnnope!'.

Pinkie fished something out of her pocket and handed to Dash what looked like a crumpled up piece of paper.

Rainbow opened it to find a crude drawing of her naked before Pinkie swiped from her hands.

"Oopsies! Wrong one! I was teaching Pound Cake how to draw people! Here's the right one."

Pinkie thrusted another piece of paper into Dash's hands, then fled, possibly to get rid of the goods.

Written on the piece of paper, was a terribly written, awfully spelled word that took all of Dash's concentration, which is not a lot, to decipher.

"Applebooty, with what I can only guess is an apple." she read out loud, earning a few disgusted glares from old people who had nothing better to do than earwig and hope for something to shake their heads at.

She ignored them, whether it Was because she didn't have enough brain power to notice e or she was used to it, we'll never know, and raced off to Sweet Apple Acres.

Spike was milking a cow when he heard it. An extremely loud groan that can only mean on thing. Pain.

Spike stared at AJ, who was smacking her head of the cow in front of her.

"You alright?"

Two dull, green eyes stared back at him, one with a dark shiner which he almost flinched at.

Two slumped shoulders shrugged sheepishly, and AJ returned to head butting the cows side, cursing under he breath with each smack.

"Maybe we should take a break and find Mac, don't you think?"

"Right now Ah don't know if Ah can think, Spoon."

Spike ignored the fact AJ called him a spoon and got to his feet.

He hoisted Applejack onto his broad shoulders and carried her towards her house, ignoring the painful thumps to his spine.

When he entered the door, he was greeted by Dash, who seemed extremely glad to see AJ.

"Hey, AJ, did we have sex last night?"

AJ muttered something along the lines of, 'Ah'm going to fucking murder you the minute Spike lets me down you little pest.' and squirmed under Spike's tight grasp.

"Nope, I aint letting you down. Sorry Applejack."

He heard a polite 'fuck off' and climbed up the stairs to put AJ to bed and presumably, and hopefully, lock the door afterwards.

"Make sure to read her a bedtime story while your at it, Spike!" Dash snickered.

Another fuck off was heard, this time from both Spike and Applejack.

Then Mac came in.

She smirked at him and pressed a finger to his wide chest.

"I win, jerkwad. Hand over the money."

Mac silently grabbed Dash's arm and put it back to her side.

"Actually, Ah won."

Dash raised an eyebrow, but quickly remembered the state Fluttershy was in when she met her, and realized she lost.

"Alright, was it Fluttershy? If it was, then you definatly fucked her last night, and by fucked her, I mean fucked her up."

Mac chuckled sheepishly and shrugged.

"It's a long story...."

"I've got all day to hear it."

Mac scanned her for signs of sarcasm, but there were none, so he got started.

"I bet, I can fuck someone faster than you can fuck someone you big fucking floppy pancake."

Mac silently sipped his drink as Dash went on. He glanced over his shoulder at Applejack, who was beating the shit out of some poor chap for some reason. He winced when she got a left hook to the eye, but quickly turned back to Dash.

"We'll see who can get someone to fuck them faster and then we'll have fucking... Whatyamicallits, and we'll drink that barrel of cider you got in da burn and you'll give mwah a fifty dollah note and we can go home. 'Kay?"

Dash went on and on about the rules until she suddenly stopped and smirked. Mac followed her glance and saw Applejack giving the bartender the middle finger as she was escorted out of the bar. Dash grinned at Mac and grabbed her jacket drunkenly.

"That's my ride, Bitch."

She sauntered out the bar door and he could hear her calling 'Knock, knock' at Twilight's library, which was next to them.

He shook his head and left for the barn to get his money and the barrel of cider. Sure, he never agreed to the bet, but he didn't really give a shit then.

On his way to Dashes house, he noticed Fluttershy standing at her door in all her shy glory.

"It was a bet." he thought, "Just pretend your drunk and see if you can get laid."

He staggered over to Fluttershy, being a surprisingly good actor, and knocked at Dash's door harshly and loudly.

He sighed with relief when no one answered and said to Fluttershy in a faked drunken slur, "We should have sex.".

He heard her squeak but didn't stop there. He placed the barrel and fifty dollar note at her door and lifted Fluttershy up in his strong arms and carried her to her house, where they preceded to have sex.

Mac woke the next day without a hangover, as he didn't drink much that night.

He turned to the hot girl beside him and smiled.

"Eyupp!"

Author's Note

That's right, bitches. Script is back and ready to dish out the goods. This is a rewritten Dirty Bets ending, writthen by who else than drink Script?!

You have been warned, the only thing keeping my spelling in check is autocorrect. That's not much.

Also, funny thing, the spoon part of the story actually hadppened to me. My dad looked at me when he was drunk and goes, "Spoon, go knock off the lights. My head is fucking killing me."