Chapters View Online
Chapter 2: I Told You That Story so I Could Tell You This One
Chaos Vs. OrderChapter 2: I Told You That Story so I Could Tell You This One
With Whiplash and his troublesome weapon no longer a concern for now, I pondered my next move. First, I cleaned house a bit, mostly by removing almost everything inside the castle to reclaim the minutia of power invested in the various rooms I had created. I was now simply floating in a massive, empty stone structure, devoid of interior walls or floors. I considered removing the castle in its entirety, however I believed that might encourage too many distractions.
Usually I’d welcome something out of the ordinary, or a friendly or perhaps not-so-friendly visit from anypony, but I had to face the fact that I was not as invincible as I had once thought. The castle had forced anypony who had come to face me to make it through a number of challenges, each one more bizarre and unexpected than the last.
Most fell to one of the traps along the way where I would simply teleport them out, along with a far less flattering star than the one I gave to Whiplash as well as a much less extravagant gift basket.
…
Why, if a pegasus or some other flying creature came by I simply rearranged the floors and waited at the bottom. It was all rather simple to change for me really.
Speaking of change, I also toned down much of the ongoing chaos going on throughout Equestria. This also helped me consolidate my power better. Shame really. Vegetables and fruits would stop their uprisings. Outhouses would cease campaigning for better treatment. Rocks would become far less entertaining pets. No doubt this would make many ponies suspicious of what had happened to me, but I still had plenty of other chaos going on to make it clear I hadn’t gone anywhere.
I had hoped the move might have bought me a brief reprieve from Whiplash who’d possibly at least believe he had inflicted more damage on me than he really had. Perhaps he’d wait to see if even more of my power faded before making another move.
Though no doubt with a slight reprieve or at least an easing up on chaos across Equestria, Whiplash and others might better organize an offensive in time. However, I was sure they would take some opportunity to relax, or at least as much as they could with furniture that barked and needed to be walked from time to time.
As my powers pulled inward I began to look inward as well. Focusing and trying to reconnect with that primordial chaos I had been so many eons ago. Funny in hindsight how quick I was to leave it. It was so joyful to have substance and depth to my world, that I had no problems abandoning that swirling mass of energy. But now the world was a very different place and I had a very different perspective. I had spent so long being something other than what I once was, I could scarcely remember how things were.
Of course I couldn’t simply permanently return to my old form. I had changed myself into something corporeal long ago, and while my own body was something I still felt I could freely alter and change to my whims, the idea of abandoning it seemed problematic; Both in terms of the effort it would take and also considering the fact I didn’t want to do it in the first place. While what was me was perhaps still subject to change here and there, I did not wish for such a drastic change.
Still, if there was a time when I could still be energy but concentrate on holding a physical form, perhaps now the inverse was true.
I focused on changing my tail to energy, followed by my limbs, then my body. Soon, I was nothing but a head floating atop of swirling red energy, and in a short time I wasn’t even that.
At first I was aware of nothing but myself, only able to sense that I was now energy. Quite the departure from when I originally achieved awareness, even without sensing the world around me I still had my sense of self. Little by little, I realized how vast I was, or rather how stretched I was. In this state I could feel tendrils of my energy reaching out into Equestria as my subconsciously maintained my fun across the land. Once I had established a feeling for myself, I began to slowly feel the air around me, or more specifically, the air molecules around me. Other matter came into focus as I felt out with my extremities. Once I was aware of what was immediately around me, I concentrated further, bringing more and more into focus. I decided to see what my limits of what I could focus on was, and then the world flooded into view in one great, terrible instance.
I felt as if I was aware of everything and yet nothing. I could sense every molecule, every atom in Equestria, yet there was so much information I could scarcely make sense of it all. My mind, such that it was, was now accustomed to the same types of stimuli the other creatures of the world used, and this was nothing short of sensory overload.
I returned to my normal form almost immediately. Sweating and breathing heavily as my reformed heart beat rapidly in my chest. Funny how I needed not circulatory system nor respiratory system, however having both once more was quite the comfort.
It seemed I was capable of omnipresence… At least in the most basic sense of the word. However, there was no way for me to make sense of all that information, it was simply too much. Even reaching out to feel what was going on in the farthest reaches of my influence was of limited use to me. I could sense every molecule, sure… but it had been so long since I had thought in terms of such small units that to actually piece together what was going on based on that seemed far more trouble than it was worth.
It was much easier to simply teleport myself to the location… or even, say, just my eyes and ears.
Still, there was something to that form, something that made me think more experimentation was warranted. I may not have been able to make direct use of the ability to sense everything, the fact remained that I could. I wondered what the reason was, and resolved myself to try again.
And try again I did, this time concentrating more on scrutinizing my immediate surroundings than seeing how far I could reach out. I felt the air around me once again. Molecules of various gasses mixing and bouncing off each other in a swirling mass, but the question remained as tohow I could tell what they were. I was quite aware of how they worked. I had watched life on this planet begin from its earliest stages and watched as everything from a basic sense of touch to something as complex as an eye formed.
Obviously, as a being of pure energy, even a temporary one, I had none of these things, so how was it I was able to feel each atom that composed each molecule? Of course I could always do this. My earliest memory was realizing what matter was, but I never thought to question how I knew that. Especially since at the time the very concept of ‘sensory organs’ hadn’t occurred to me.
I concentrated further, focusing my attention on a single patch of air, then a single molecule, and finally a single atom. One single atom of nitrogen, in this case. I concentrated until I could feel the energy of the tiny amount of matter itself, or rather, where the energy ceased. In the moment I realized that it was the energy of each individual atom I was feeling.
I suddenly remembered the moment I had realized my existence. Feeling something besides myself for the first time. What I had felt was energy coming together in a unique way to form the first bit of matter. What’s more, now that I returned to my original form, I realized I could sense all the energy of the planet and beyond. This was different from any of my other senses. It was like the energy was almost an extension of myself.
A startling thought occurred to me. Could it be that inside every little bit of matter was a part of me? Was it possible that I was part of everything and everything was a part of me?
… Yes, do you like that, my little ponies? The feeling of me inside of you?
…
Alright everypony! It was just a joke! Calm down… Also, could someone please revive Fluttershy?
Potential revelations aside, I did not spend much time pursuing or even dwelling on the idea that I was part of all things and vice versa. I simply found the idea undesirable. I had spent eons crafting who I was, and once more I was happy with who I was. I had no need to go on some sort of existential journey of self-discovery. All I needed was more power. Hopefully enough that weaponssuch as Whiplash’s whip would be unable to harm me.
I hadn’t yet given up on this path potentially leading me to something useful. I decided to explore my affinity with energy further. I reached out again, but instead of looking out in all directions simultaneously, I concentrated my focus in a single line. I felt out as far as I could, my awareness passing through different elements and atoms as I continued onward. Eventually, I started to feel less and less, as the matter grew farther and farther away from each other.
Soon, I felt nothing at all.
At least, that’s what I thought at first. But there was something… the tiniest traces of energy…
No… not just energy, but…
…Magic.
It was faint but it was there. It was as if even around Equestria trace amounts of magic remained. I had to explore more. At first I went about seeing how far the magic went, but afterwards I reeled in my concentration in and discovered the magic didn’t simply begin where Equestria ended. No… I could feel it even as I sensed matter. It wasn’t simply their alongside everything either… it was in it.
Inside everything, every pony, every tree, even every rock, stream, and air molecule was magic.
I spread out my senses again, but this time focusing only on one thing, magic. It was everywhere! Simply everywhere on and in the planet! Flowing and shining and filling every little molecule with bits of mystic energy. I could even feel that some things had more energy than others. Some ponies even had more magic than others, some rocks had more magic than others! It was amazing, and breathtaking, and just endlessly fascinating . Yet one thing seemed to have far more magic in it than anything else I could sense.
Me.
I reverted to my physical form. Somehow it felt odd to be solid again, to be me again. I even brought up my paw and talon and simply stared at them for a bit. I wasn’t looking for an existential question of who or what I was, but it was there… There like a shining supernova set amongst dimly glowing stars.
At first I did nothing, and then… I laughed… Not a mere chuckle, chortle or even guffaw, but a lengthy howl of laughter that reverberated off the stone walls and ceiling around me.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
…
… Pinkie stop laughing, you’re ruining my moment here.
… Now where was I…?
Ah, yes. I was energy. I was magic. Alright, maybe I wasn’t exactly the physical embodiment of it, but I certainly was made of quite a lot of it.
And what’s more, there was lots of it out there.
I very briefly considered figuring out how to take magic from something. I mean, I was surrounded by ponies, and ponies where all rife with the stuff. On the other hand, I’ve never been terribly fond of direct harm, and draining the magic from beings that used it daily, many without really even knowing it, seemed like a pretty harmful thing to do.
Even taking the magic out of things that weren’t living felt uninviting. There was no telling what would happen. Plus, my involvement had helped create this world, and aside from being mostly on the dull side without my direct influence, I rather liked it. I saw no reason to change it for what would most certainly be the worse.
Besides, magic was everywhere . I had plenty of options and I had just discovered the basic nature of magic in Equestria. I mean, it couldn’t hurt to do a little more research before I started playing with what seemed to be the very fabric of the world.
I left an almost exact replica of myself at the castle. Only the very astute would be able to tell it was nothing more than a construct made of a thin material arranged in a series of tubes kept in constant motion via a magic fan that constantly blew air through it… You know, provided ‘not very astute’ meant blind and willing to accept I did little more than blow air and wackily wave my inflatable tube arms around.
I discreetly left for the very edge of the world itself… you know… as discrete as a giant rocket that shot me into orbit could be…
…
… Alright, so ‘being discrete’ isn’t my forte! Anyhow, it was doubtful the ponies around me would take too much notice of such an act. I would occasionally launch things into the sky for my amusement or throw myself ‘I love being me parties’ complete with fireworks. Also, there was still little things out of the ordinary going around in Equestria here and there. The butterflies that would scream obscenities at any pony that startled them the littlest and also most out of the ordinary.
Once I was outside the world, I again turned into energy. Once again, I sensed nothing but my immediate self, but as I concentrated further I could feel strings of myself reaching back down to the planet below and my various creations. I ignored these, it was what was around me that I was interested in.
I again sensed the barely noticeable trace amounts of magic around me. I concentrated on a bit of magic… this was much harder than it might sound like. Sure, I had spent eons looking at and examining the very structure of everything even from the tiniest, little minutia of mater, but this was different… an energy beyond any I had really looked at before… and yet so very familiar.
I could feel the magic moving slightly… just… drifting through the empty cosmos away from Equestria.
It almost seemed as if it was radiating from the very world of Equestria itself… No, not radiating exactly… but drifting, flowing… The magic was moving like a slow current. I stretched my concentration out further… the magic was indeed moving through Equestria but that was not its source… It seems this stream of magic ran through the very planet… as if Equestria was a lake of magical energy and the water moved into and then out of this massive pool at a constant rate.
A sudden idea hit me, or perhaps a question or series of questions to be more accurate. What was it that made me different from this magic? I could tell I seemed to be mostly made of the stuff, and back on Equestria it seemed so familiar that it almost felt like an extension of myself. Could it be there was almost no difference between this substance and the magic that somehow had coalesced into part of my being? Was it possible to change the very fabric of myself? Perhaps into something more akin to the substance around me? Would I be able to change back if I did?
This was a dilemma to be sure. On one talon, it’s possible I could expand myself with what seemed to be a limitless river of magic, on the other paw, how easy would it be to lose part of me, to lose all of me to this stream? This was certainly a problematic situation that considered careful thought, research, and planning.
…Hahaha , sorry no… I did it on the spot, concentrating and changing part of the very magic that made my being to match my surroundings. It turned out to be surprisingly easy. To my relief, I could still feel that changed pieces as part of ‘me’, though there was a sensation of this bit of myself flowing away with the current and mixing with the energy around it. I decided not to push my luck and transform the energy back to its original state. This was also a success.
Interesting, but it had left me with no more or less power than I had had before. At least, I certainly didn’t feel different.
So I repeated the process, once again changing my magical make-up and allowing part of me to drift briefly through the cosmos. This time I would attempt to convert some of the other base magical energy with me. I pushed the change in my own energy even further, blurring what little distinction there was between my converted energy and the energy around me until it was almost one in the same. When it seemed even a slight change would cause my energy to simply become one with the magic around it and drift away, I changed it back this time attempting to grip hold of some of the magic it had begun to mix with. I hoped I could bring this magic into myself and make it as part of me as the rest of the energy that I was made of.
… Success.
It was small but it was there… So I did it again, and again… slowly taking in these minute amounts of magic. Absorbing magic from the very edge of the world before it left towards wherever it was going. Another magical world perhaps… perhaps it went nowhere, simply drifting off into the infinite cosmos. Maybe I’d take the time to find out some day, but it was still too much fun in Equestria, and I had just discovered how to make myself even more powerful. Possibly limitlessly so!
It was not a quick or easy task by any stretch of the imagination, but it was working. With each little addition of magic I could feel my very self become stronger. My thoughts felt clearer, sharper, and I felt like even tasks I had done countless times before could be done with more ease.
Maybe this wouldn’t be considered a significant change by most standards, but I had spent eons with the same, static amount of magical power at my disposal. The slightest minutia of change was noticeable to me, and it felt incredible .
I hoped this would give me the edge I needed over Whiplash or anypony else who showed up with a troublesome magical weapon to fight me.
To my great surprise, this would happen much sooner than I anticipated. It had felt like I had just barely begun before I felt a disturbance back at my castle. Seems, somepony had either gotten curious or had already had plans to pay me a visit.
I quickly teleported back to the near vicinity of my still empty castle. Normally, I would simply teleport to see which pony had showed up, however Whiplash’s little visit had curbed my impulsiveness a bit. It was clear to me I had more power than before, yet I didn’t know if it would be enough to directly deal with a threat.
As I popped back up a short distance away, I also shrank myself to no more than the size of a mouse. It seemed almost comical that I was sneaking up to my own lair, but the game had certainly changed. I certainly wasn’t going to let a little thing like pride be my undoing. I had lived long enough to see plenty of beings fall simply because of their own overinflated opinion of themselves, and I wasn’t about to forget this world contained at least one real danger.
I drifted through the cool night sky up to one of the windows on the top floor, peaking my head up over the bottom. The castle was still empty, there should have been no trouble with me seeing what had happened inside. When I looked, I had almost wish there still was something to block my view, for what I saw caused my heart to get stuck in my throat and my body to go numb.
…My doppelganger… laying lifeless and listless on the linoleum ground level of my lair.
…
… Alright, yes. I did say the floor was stone earlier. I was simply on a role.
…
… See! Pinkie gets it!
Anyhow, my look-alike sat on the ground with a number of holes punched through it… it was perforated… poked… punctured…. pierced… penetrated… pricked… Has anyone else noticed how many ‘p’ words there are that mean the same thing?
…
…Thank you, Pinkie Pie. At least somepony appreciates attention to alteration!
…
… Alright, anyhow I looked over my fallen look alike as a deep sadness came over me. No longer would he gleefully dance in place, flailing his arms about without a care for anything! His existence was as brief as it was one of a kind.
As unique and one of a kind as this exact copy of that exact copy you see before you now.
…
… Alright, fine, no melodrama… Party poopers …
I fought the urge to rush up and mourn the passing of my copy. Somepony had clearly done this and there was a good chance they were still here. It was certainly me they were after, and as great of a stand-in my doppelganger was, it seemed unlikely that would be enough to satisfy some pony who came here to put holes into things. Especially if those things where me…
…
Well how would you phrase that?! ‘If those things where mees ?’ Now that just sounds silly…
Anyhow, It was then that I caught a glint in the corner of my eye. I turned and there was something reflecting the moonlight in some shadowy corner of my castle. My eyes being unable to tell me much more, I closed them and concentrating on feeling the magic and energy of whatever it was.
I sensed something I could easily identify as a pony. However it wasn’t what I sensed, but what I couldn’t sense that reminded me once more what fear felt like. Whatever the pony had brought with them, I couldn’t feel at all.
I opened my eyes just in time to notice an arrowhead sailing towards me. With not a split second to spare, I lowered my head into my torso.
The giant, from my perspective, arrow sliced through the bottom of the stone window frame as if it was nothing and sailed right over my head. Missing me by what was possibly only a hairs width or two.
For a brief second as the arrow passed, everything went numb, everything went dark, and all my other senses went away as well. It was as if for an instance I had merely stopped existing. Thankfully the moment passed along with the arrow.
I felt head on my face and my heart pump in my chest. That was close, and who knows what that arrow would have done to me had It found its mark.
“Come out, tyrant,” a voice called out. “Come out and face your fate.”
The voice was not unfamiliar to me. Yet another would-be pony-hero who had made it his life’s goal to stop my fun. Longshot was his name. A gray-pegasus with a short, silver mane and tail who had worked out how to use a bow and arrow using his teeth on the arrow and string and forehooves on the bow. Usually this was awkward to do at best for a pony, however Longshot was never one to let a little thing like the odds get in his way of trying and even practicing at something exceedingly difficult. As of such, he had spent years becoming a master at the bow and could use it with a skill that easily rivaled those with opposable digits or magic.
Longshot called out once more, “The terrible and powerful Discord hiding? Pitiful…”
Normally I’d probably quickly magic up some sort of reprimand, like turning the ground Longshot was walking on into itchy slime or expired milk, but I was having a little trouble thinking through the frantic fear and possibility of death… I tried to calm myself and think of anything that could give me the edge.
Alright, Discord think, think… you have eons of years on this pony. There’s got to be plenty you can do to get the advantage here… So what if he’s armed with a weapon that’s possible lethal to you and honed his sense so well that he can probably hear a sparrow take flight from a mile aw—
A thought occurred that though I was still about the size of a mouse, I was breathing heavily. Somehow I managed to get past fear into a state where I was acting on impulse. I quickly closed my eyes and began feeling out with my other senses, clearing my head just in time to feel the wall behind me began to fade as an arrow flew straight through it.
Rather than dodge one way or the other, I made a hole in my body and spread myself out, turning myself into something of a doughnut just in time to have the arrow sail right through the empty center of me. Again, its proximity caused a numbness in my body, but it passed quickly. I watched this arrow fly off into the distance like the other. Then it was nearly silent once more, the only sound was my labored breathing.
No… no good… I’m giving myself away. I’m… I’m thinking too much like one of them… Time to switch things up a bit…
I disappeared… or rather, I teleported , but instead of reforming myself to my corporeal self I instead reformed as pure energy and magic once more.
Maybe it was the threat of defeat, maybe it was my new increase in power, or even figuring out I could sense magic, but a very important thought had occurred to me.
As much as these corporeal being had entertained and fascinated me, it finally dawned on me that I had spent so much time thinking like, and perhaps even being one of them that I had been limiting myself.
Well, no more. I was time to start thinking outside the fleshy, mish-mash of creatures, box. I started by feeling out the magic around me, and more importantly, the magic around Longshot.
Once again I felt the magical energy of every rock, every bit of air, even the pony himself. However, what was most intriguing was Longshot’s arrows. At first, it seemed I couldn’t sense them, only their absence like several arrow shaped holes punched in reality itself, but as I concentrated I noticed the magical energy around them seemed to be… flowing, notunlike the magic that surrounded Equestria…. No… not flowing exactly, but being pulled into the arrows… almost as if the arrows where some sort of magic drain in the ocean of Equestria’s magic… That’s why I felt numb around them and Whiplash’s whip… their weapons were designed to literally drain magic, and judging from how the magic was flowing into them, the stronger the magical source the quicker they drained.
Well, I decided that would simply not do. The arrows had to go.
I noticed a slight shift in the magical energy, something I perceived as Longshot moving… speaking even. Sadly, I could not hear him. Well I couldn’t have that, talking with my foes was one if the best parts of their little visits. I simply had to rectify this… though, there was no reason I had to simply appear before Longshot in my full form. With a little thought I shifted enough of my physical self-back to hear Longshot…
…
…Sigh … Yes, I did, in fact, just materialize a pair of floating ears… But it worked!
“… the great Lord of Chaos actually hiding?” I heard Longshot say. He was clearly getting a bit impatient and attempting to flush me out of hiding. Still, as cool and collected Longshot tended to act, there was a reason I enjoyed his little visits. I devised and materialized a way to converse with Longshot.
…
…Hah! Wrong, it was more than one mouth! Otherwise Longshot would have pinpointed it and took a shot at it. Probably hit it too. No, I needed to distract Longshot from the task at hoof. Focused and armed as he was, he was actually a major threat.
“… Don’t tell me the mighty Discord is afraid of a paltry few arrows.”
I chuckled. “Now why would I be afraid of chicken arrows?”
There was a brief moment were Longshot turned, his arrow knocked as he clasped it in his mouth and held the bow with his forehooves. This was followed by a much longer and more entertaining moment of Longshot looking around in confusion at the multiple sources of my voice and dwelling on what I had said.
“What?!” he cried as he grabbed the arrow with one hoof and allowed his bow to relax once more. “No! ‘paltry’, p-a-l-t-r-y.”
“Well, they look like regular sized arrows to me…” I replied.
“That’s not what…” Longshot furrowed his brow. “Stop it! Your mind games won’t work on me!”
“Oh?” I said in an inquisitive tone. “Seems to me they’re working quite well…”
“Yeah… well…” Longshot trailed off as he attempted to formulate a proper response. “They haven’t!”
Good, I had thrown him off slightly, but there was still the problem of what to do about his weapons. I could just teleport him away from them like I did with Whiplash, but I loath repetition. My magic couldn’t interact with them directly, so clearly I’d have to use the environment. I decided to keep Longshot distracted as I formulated a plan.
“Haven’t what?” I asked.
“Worked!” Longshot said angrily.
“What haven’t worked?”
“Your mind games!” Longshot cried.
“What about them?”
“THEY HAVEN’T…OH, THAT IS IT !”
“What is i— AH! ”
I cried out in pain as Longshot quickly re-knocked the arrow, pulled his how bow back, and fired. His speed and reflexes where simply remarkable. I didn’t even have time to act before an arrow shot right through one of the many mouths I had hidden in the shadows of the empty castle. Even with me spread out like I was, the mouth was still part of me, and I felt a sudden numbness as well as a dull ache as I returned to my full, material self along one of my castle walls. I was woozy on my feet. Defeat seemed certain ! All it would take was one arrow and I could very well be no more! The self-styled Master of Chaos himself, Discord, brought low by a few well-placed shots! My very existence wiped from the face of…
…
…Right, sorry. Just trying to build a little dramatic tension.
“HA! ” Longshot cried. “You were careless!” One of Longshot’s wings unfolded as the tips reached out along his back. “Now to… to…” Longshot frowned and glanced behind him. “HEY!” he cried as he noticed a he was now sporting a particularly adorable pink backpack in the shape of a pony with button eyes.
“Looking for this?” I asked as I held up the quiver in my lion’s paw as my arm went from a long, stretching limb to a regular sized one. My distraction had brought me enough time to swap the item without Longshot noticing. Thankfully it wasn’t made up of the same substance as the arrows. That being said, it took much of my concentration just to hold the quiver upright. My paw had gone numb just from the near contact and even my head felt a little fuzzy from the arrow that actually hit me, or part of me rather. I simply rotated the paw, dropping the quiver ceremony and took a few steps forward. At least the arrows were safely out of Longshot’s reach.
Longshot continued to stare at me with a determined look on his face. “You’re clever, chaos lord, but not nearly clever enough.” With that, Longshot placed his bow into his mouth and began trotting forward slowly.
I frowned. I was so fixated on the arrows I didn’t even notice the bow itself seemed to be have the same magical draining properties. It made sense of course, I could have easily rendered the arrows almost useless if I had simply turned the bow into a snake or some such. Seems Longshot still posed something of a threat…
Lonshot took a step forward—
“OWCH!”
—and stepped right onto a the metal head of a rake I had just created, causing the wooden handle flying up and hitting him in the muzzle.
… A threat, but not such a big one I couldn’t have a little fun…
“WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!” Longshot cried as he took flight, allowing the bow to drop into his forehooves.
I smirked. “You really think a little thing like flight will save you from the rake ribution?”
With a whooshing sound like something quickly moving through the air, Longshot quickly looked behind him. The backpack I had given him held a rake high above his head and began to bring it down. Longshot quickly brought his bow up in-between the yard tool and his head. Usually this act would easily have blocked the blow, but in an odd turn of fate, the part of the handle which hit the bow simply ceased to be on impact and the top half of the rake continued its journey. The heavy metal head made a satisfying thud as it hit Longshot on the top of his crown.
“ERK! ” Longshot cried he fell slightly as the blow dazed him, however he quickly recovered enough to maintain flight.
I have a hearty chuckle, or a guffaw, if you will. “Hahahaha!” Oh the ponies who came after me where always so serious, it made taking them down a few notches all the more satisfying.
While not the hardiest of the species, a seasoned pegasus could take a few hits and few were as seasoned as Longshot. He simply swung his bow behind him, smacking himself in the back as much of his new fashion accessory was simply unmade as the bow passed through it.
Though he seemed to be sporting a lump on the top of his head and a trickle of blood from his snout, Longshot looked as determined as ever.
I snapped my talon and created several dozen rakes a few feet above Longshot. They floated in mid-air above him briefly, giving him just enough time to look up and notice them. He then shot me a deliciously dirty look before I allowed the rakes to fall. Longshot was soon brought to the ground by a rake-alanche.
I laughed again. “AhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !” Oh, this was so much fun! So what if my existence was in danger? What was the point of existing if I couldn’t have fun, and what was the point of existing if I couldn’t be challenged from time to time?
Speaking of being challenged, the rake-heap began to stir. I could even see the tip of Longshot’s bow as anything that touched it simply ceased to exist.
This wasn’t good. As frustrated, bruised, and battered as Longshot was, I knew he was far from throwing in the towel. Anypony who made a habit of visiting my castle was used to a barrage of rooms that tested both mental and physical endurance. Also by simply moving his bow through the rake pile, Longshot was uncreateding my magic. I could simply teleport and keep my distance and eventually tire him out, but no doubt Longshot and other ponies would find the tactic a bit cowardly. If word got out that I was afraid of these items, who knows how quickly more would be made and how many ponies would hound me day and night and quasi-night-day when both the moon and sun were up at the same time which was a thing I made a mental note to do.
I could always simply kill him as well, but that might also make him something of a martyr to rally behind. That also meant more ponies with weapons after me. Thus far, I was able to have my fun without killing anypony, and despite my rampant altering of reality for these ponies, refraining from murdering any of them outright certainly kept many if not most of the species from rallying around ending my fun.
Besides, even the most boring live pony I have ever met was endlessly more entertaining than the most interesting dead one.
After some brief struggling and turning the rake-heap into a random pile of scrap metal and pieces of wooden handles, Longshot emerged victorious, if covered in bruises. He looks as angry and determined as ever.
“Your magic is no match for my willpower, evil-one!” He cries as he reads his bow. “You may bury me in landscaping tools a mile deep! I shall still… shall still…” Longshot trails off, no doubt noticing my newest addition to the castle. “…Wait, what is that?”
“Oh, it’s just your biggest fan,” I said as I patted the several story device I had created. A device, that was in fact, a massive, box fan pointed directly at Longshot.
Longshot shot me another priceless look as I switched the giant fan on. As the fan blades spun, a mighty gust of air picked up the rake debris and blew it to the opposite wall of the empty castle. Longshot leaned down and attempted to walk forward against the wind, but it was no use. His light weight worked against him and he was soon airborne without intending to be, and his flapping aided him not as he was thrown smack into the castle wall. The hapless pegasus was soon pushed flat as the wind held him in pace.
To his credit, he had done an excellent job of holding onto his bow up until the point. However, once he was against the wall the item slipped from his hoof. If it were a regular bow, this would have likely meant the heavy wind would keep it in place on the wall. In this case however, the very real wind produced by the very magic fan pushed the very magic-negating bow through the very magic wall.
I smiled wide at Longshot, he grimaced at me… I mean… I think he grimaced, with the wind it looked more like a dog sticking its head out of fast moving pony-drawn carriage.
I snapped my talon and I was outside the castle. Hovering within feet of the weapon which could have been my undoing.
I clasped my eagle claw and as I did the very real earth around the very magic-negating bow engulfed it in a very round sphere of mud and dirt. Now, this only meant there was little more than a well compacted dirt and mud pile separating anyone from the bow, but I could easily stop Longshot before he got to it if he decided to dig it out.
Not that he’d really have an opportunity to do so with the giant fan on.
With the threat neutralized, I decided to clean up a little bit. My empty castle was full pieces of rakes, a torn backpack, the quiver, arrows, the stone tiled floor, some random planks of wood, a barrel, a beach ball, a dear scare, a cat statue that’s supposed to bring you good luck …you know… things one might create on a whim so they had more to roll up with their giant dirt ball.
The doors of my castle flew open and the fan disappeared. Longshot fell to the ground, dazed and confused as I began to roll my ball over each item. Each item stuck to my ball of earth as it grew ever larger and larger. I sang a happy tune, something that seemed appropriate for rolling up items into a large sphere. “NANAAAAAAAAAAA NANANANANANANA NANANA-NANANAAAAAA, NANAAAAAAAAAAA NANANANANANANA NANANA-NANANAAAAAA… ”
Longshot merely scowled at me as his quiver and arrows disappeared into the ball of items. Unmaking bits of a few, but getting rolled up into the mud that composed the base of the stuff-sphere. He continued to sit and give me a sour look as I picked up more and more items. A few bricks from my castle wall even made their way into the sphere.
My lair all cleaned up. I stood by my stuff-sphere proudly. At this point it was easily twice my height and as big around. Longshot continued to sit and glare at me, no doubt waiting to shout one more one liner along the lines of my days being numbered, or my end coming… something cliché like that.
“Well?” I asked. “Aren’t you moved to tears by the size of this thing?”
“Are you finished wasting time?” Longshot replied an in an annoyed tone.
I smirked, opening my mouth slightly from just behind my large fang. “Why Longshot, how can I waste time when I have all the time in the universe?”
Longshot scowled. “You may think that now, but your—”
“Yes, yes , my time is running out…”
“—days will soon be at an…” Longshot paused as he considered my words.
I chuckled. “What’s wrong? Upset that I came up with a better retort to myself than you did?”
“Silence, devil! Your words mean nothing! For I shall return with another set of weapons to destroy you with!”
“Oh, you’ll come back with another little toy?” I asked with interest. “What’s wrong with the one you have?”
Longshot narrowed his eyes. “Do not mock me! You have sealed my weapon away!”
I turned and looked at my ball random item. “It’s just a little dirty… and covered with stuff. It’s still good.”
Longshot gritted his teeth. “Yes, but you have possession of it,” he growled out.
I shook my head. “Oh, my dear, sweet , mistrusting Longshot. Why would I keep your little arrows and bow? They don’t match anything in my wardrobe!” To demonstrate, I pulled out few ensembles, a regal set of robes, a jester’s tights, a dazzling dress, but not the sort of things you’d walk around with a bow and a quiver of arrows. “You’ll get your toy back and all these lovely parting gifts!” I said motioning to the stuff-sphere. I pulled a hollow, orange cone with a flat base from the clutter ball. “Like this thing!” I eyed the item closely. “Wait, what the heck is this?”
“The weapon that is to be your destruction?! You’ll return it to me?! What trickery is this?!”
I tossed the orange cone behind me, it sprouted a large pair of brown wings and flew off… presumably to be with its own kind. “Silly Longshot, tricks are for foals,” I said with a smirk. “You will have your weapon back because I would very much like you to try again at some point.”
Longshot scowled. “You have a death wish?”
I gave a mighty laugh. “Hahahahahahahahahahaha slim chance of defeating me, or even harming me… This intrigues me. As of such, you will be given opportunity, so you desired.” My smile widens. “And I do so love our little chats.”
Longshot looked over me suspiciously. “What is this new game you are playing with me? I’m not interested in being your puppet.”
“No, no game…” I said. My lips began to quiver as tears poured down the sides of my face. I motioned to my flat, flaccid facade of myself that was now floating courtesy of my fountain of tears. “This is about him!”
Longshot flapped a few feet off the ground as my tears flooded the insides of the empty castle. “What about that ridiculous thing?”
I pulled a red polka-dotted handkerchief from one of my pockets…
…
… Yes, I have pockets! They’re so useful!
…
… I honestly don’t get why you’re surprised! Spike has pockets!
Anyway… where was I…? Oh, yes! My double who had in all likelihood fought valiantly even as many an arrow pierced his thin body! No doubt flailing his arms and torso about in a desperate gambit to frighten his opponent or entrap them with his hypnotic movements!
I dabbed at my tears and blew my nose. “We have to lay my friend here to rest! He’s earned that much!”
Longshot looked down at my flat look alike briefly then back up at me. “You want me to bury him?”
“Actually, I think he’d prefer cremation…”
Longshot chuckled darkly. “You want me to set it on fire? I will have no trouble granting that request.”
“Oh Longshot, my dear, dear friend. I want you to do much more than that! My esteemed comrade here fell bravely in the line of— Don’t you roll your eyes at me, Mister!” I said sternly, pointing a claw at my ill-mannered guest.“You killed him, the least you can do is hear me out! Like I was saying before someone’s rude reaction… He shall be honored and you and I will conduct a proper funeral for him!”
“WHAT?!” Longshot exclaimed. “I know you are crazy, but that is an absurd and humiliating request! No! I won’t do it.”
“Do you want your toys back or not?!” I shot back.
Longshot sighed heavily. “How do I know you’ll keep your word? How do I know you will not simply mock me further after we have completed your ridiculous services for this—” Longshot paused as he stared down at my lifeless doppelganger “—thing?”
I motioned out to my double once more. “And besmirch everything my counterpart believed and stood for?! Oh Longshot, you wound me.” I grin and before Longshot knows it, my lion’s arm is resting on his shoulders and my face is next to his. I tickle his chin with a talon as I smile. “I mean emotionally of course. You failed to physically harm me.”
“Away from me, chaotic one!” Longshot cried as he pushed me away with his forehooves. “If a few minutes of misery is all it takes for me to have another chance at revenge, I will put up with this ridiculous farce!”
I nodded solemnly. “That’s good, ‘ridiculous’ was Flaily’s favorite type of farce.”
Longshot gave a heavy sigh as he stared out into open space with a grumpy expression.
“Yes, that’s good. A perfect attitude one should have while attending a funeral.”
With a snap of my claw, the empty castle was now full of pews and guests! Such as Longshot… and the stuff-sphere!
I also created a coffin made of incense-cedar for my dear, dear Flaily…
…
… I had an open casket ceremony then cremated him afterwards!
…
… ‘Waste of money’?! I made the coffin out of magic! Look , stop distracting me this is a very emotional memory for me!
Anyhow, a podium to stand at and a lovely suit for myself, black for this very somber location.
I addressed those gathered before me, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered her tonight to say farewell to someone I know has touched all our lives in a unique way we shan’t ever forget. Flaily had many traits worth listing. He was stalwart, dedicated, energetic, stretchy, inflammable… an incredible dancer. However, I think I’ll simple miss seeing his happy face most of all … I… sniff … I promised myself I wouldn’t cry… WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAHOUAAAAHOUAAAHOUAAAAAAAA! Oh it’s not fair! TAKE ME INSTEAD!” I cried at the heavens.
Longshot gave yet another sigh. “If only…” he muttered to himself. He continued to stare grumpily into space, seemingly trying for some sort of record regarding how far he could push out his lower lip. I placed my lions arm across his shoulders and wept for my fallen friend, tears began to soak my black veil and black dress.
…
…Yes, I was also at the podium wearing a suit… How exactly is this hard to follow?
“I’m… I’m sorry…” I said from the podium as I brought a handkerchief up to my nose. “Phphphphphbtbtbtbtbtbt!
“Me?!” Longshot cried as he motioned to himself. “Closest friend?! ”
“Well, he only existed for a few hours!” I cried. “The only two being he knew where you and I!”
“A few hours?” Longshot replied in a slightly confused tone. “I scouted and observed your castle for days before I made my move! That silly thing was there the entire time!”
“Oh?” I said in surprise. I began to wonder if I really had been gone for that long. It didn’t seem like I had been away for very long. And yet… it made some degree of sense. Longshot’s interruption was so sudden. It seemed odd that he’d strike so soon after Whiplash.
“Just a moment…” I said to Longshot.
“Do I have a choice?” he asked.
I chuckled to myself. “No, not if you want your toys back.”
Longshot continued to stew angrily as I looked up towards the castle ceiling. I quickly closed my paw then opened it again, opening a hole in the stone ceiling as I did.
This exposed the moon, which I noted was now several phases further along than the night I had fought Whiplash. Excluding the very unlikely chance the unicorns where switching up their boring and predictable day tracking system, it seemed Longshot was telling the truth.
Also, I remembered my idea of making the moon and sun show up at the same time and made another mental note to start messing with the moon phases… and figure out some other fun things to do with the sun while I’m at it. I figured that would be a nice, easy way to get those stuffy unicorn’s all hot and bothered. Not to mention anypony else who relied on the sun on the moon for time tracking or anything else… which pretty much meant everypony.
Pranking the entire world aside, it had seemed I had spent roughly a week up in space collecting energy. Though it didn’t seem long at all, I had somehow lost entire days. I suppose this made some degree of sense. Who knows how many millions or billions of years I had spent as a being of pure energy? Eons spent simply observing dust collect and mass into something more interesting. If anything, I was fortunate I had only lost several days. Still, I’d have to endeavor to keep better track of time up there. Perhaps I’d hold off messing with the unicorns boring and predictable celestial time tracking system…
…Or… you know… just make a magic watch with a minute hand, millennium hand, and an eon hand so I could still mess with ponies still….
…
… ‘How do know what time it is?!’ I just told you! It’s a watch ! It tells time! Aside from being fashionable, that’s literally all it does!”
…
… ‘Time of day?’ Why I merely created a microscope so I could check the progress of the millennium hand as it very slowly moved across the watch face.
…
… OF COURSE IT’S CONVOLUTED! I’M THE LORD OF CHAOS! I CAN’T VERY WELL HAVE A REGULAR, BORING TIMEPIECE, NOW CAN I?!
… Now where was I? Ah yes, sorting out how to best track time. Speaking of losing track of time, I must have sat thinking about the best-worst way to use a watch for a bit, because Longshot began to lose patience.
“So… can I go now?” Longshot asked.
I turned and scowled at him. “Don’t you have a eulogy to give?”
Longshot shot what must have been is hundredth glare for the evening and trudged up to the podium. He began to address the crowd of mourners in a somber, if irritated sounding tone, “Flaily existed for many days… He er … flailed a lot… I would say this was pretty much all he did…”
The me from the pews cried out, “AND HE WAS SO GOOD AT IT, TOO!”
“Anyhow, he flailed his body and arms out endlessly until he was shot with several arrows—”
“HE DIED DOING WHAT HE LOVED!”
“—and then he flailed no more…”
“Whouaaaahouaaahouaaahouaaa!” My voiced… erm … the me in the pews voice dropped to a whisper.“So beautiful!”
“There!” Longshot cried. “I’ve played your silly game! Now return my weapons.”
I smiled. “Of course, a deal is a deal after all.” I snapped my talon and the pews, the me in the pews, the podium, my suit disappeared, and even some of my castle disappeared. All replaced by a rather large, wooden catapult that held the stuff-sphere in its round, scope-like bucket. With part of my castle now removed, it had a perfect shot out into the open land around me.
“WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!” He turned and leveled an accusatory forehoof in my direction as he flew up and off the ground slightly. “We had a deal! I attend your ridiculous funeral for your silly toy and you return my weapons!”
I nodded as floated over the catapult, grabbing the leaver in my talon and paw. “Yes, and you shall have them! But what guarantee do I have that you won’t turn around me as soon as I return the items?”
Longshot narrows his eyes as me. He paused slightly, then placed a forehoof against his chest. “You have my word as a warrior that I won’t turn and use them on you immediately.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Why Longshot! That’s so very noble of you!” My lips suddenly parted into a wicked grin. “But since I already broke out the catapult.”
“Discord! Don’t you —”
I pulled the leaver. With a mighty snap the catapult arm flew up and the stuff-sphere sailed high into the night sky, far away, and out of my bushy-eyebrows.
Longshot gave me a delicious defeated sigh. “—dare…” His toys now far away from him he gave me an angry glare. “I suppose you expect me to fly after that?” he said as he motioned out in the direction the stuff-sphere had just gone.
“Oh, of course not…” I said as I grinned wickedly and quickly turned a graped the spokes of a wheel, turning it and wincing the catapult arm back into place. I snapped my fingers and suddenly Longshot was wearing a helmet and also found himself in the bucket of the catapult. “I’m more than happy to send you to its locations.”
Longshots eyes went wide. “Wait! I do not desire your help! I can fly after the items myself!”
I chuckled as I grasp the lever. “Oh don’t be silly! It’s no trouble at all Now… go long! ”
I pull the lever and the catapult snaps up, throwing Longshot in an arc after the stuff-sphere.
“DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrd… ” Longshot cried as he desperately flapped his wings to control his flight. Despite his protests, I knew he could do this quite easily. He’d just do it far, far away from the castle. This would discourage him from flying back immediately.
The castle now quiet, I sighed as I looked down at my body, my sides still notably absent. “All that time, and he never mentioned my slimmer figureonce!”
I snapped my talon and both coffin and Flaily disappeared in a quick but brilliant fiery blaze. I snapped again and a my large, trusty thinking tree sprouted from the ground, lifting me high into the air with one of its many, large, leafy branches.
Though much smarter and a bit more eloquent than Whiplash, Longshot certainly didn’t create those arrows or that bow on his own. The plot was coagulating to say the least. Some very smart pony had worked out how to defeat me and was arming the most tenacious of those who sought my end. The thought occurred that I might have to start being a little more proactive about these weapons, otherwise I might end up facing a mass of Ponies all armed with something that could harm me…
… Then again, while ponies where a fickle species, they could be a tad predictable at times… I had a feeling meddling with the heavenly bodies would bring the source of my recent troubles right to me. I placed a giant door-knocker on my castle entrance, a tasteful brass peace modeled after my handsome features with my long, forked, dangling tongue as the knocker. I also set the moon and sun to the middle of night-day. I then departed back for the edge of the world to collect my sides and more magical energy.
Now that I knew the weapons worked by draining my very magical essence, I knew I needed more. Dodging arrows and whips and surprising ponies with giant fans and teleporting them away from their weapons would start to show them I feared these items. I needed to show the ponies I could overcome their little trick in a very direct way, and once I had I would revel in my victory as I had no victory before.
…
… ‘Why?’ Oh, that’s simple really. There simply is not greater victory than beating someone at their own game.
Chaos Vs. OrderChapter 3: Old "Friends" -ooooooo-
High above Equestria, I floated amongst the vast emptiness and set about the somewhat laborious task of syphoning magic as it flowed like a small bubbling brook to who knows where… You know… with the slight addendum that the magic didn’t bubble or do much of anything. The rest of what surrounded me was even duller … mostly in that there wasn’t much of it! Just tiny specks of dust slowly falling towards the planet… I’d spent eons being amused by dust. Hardly surprising, there simply wasn’t anything else here! However, now space dust was even more boring than regular dust. At least regular dust proved to be of passing interest if I looked at it close enough…
…
… I’m letting you know how boring space is!
…
… Then I’m doing a good job! Pipe down, will you? I spent would might very well have been billions of years just examining dust! You don’t want to know just how long I can go on and on about the stuff.
…Now where was I?
Oh yes, I remember. Space… Space is boring. It’s just… ‘There’s a star. There’s another one. Star, star, star... Star… Just imagine that, but forever.
Gathering magic quickly lost its charm as well. The first few times where exhilarating, but the excitement quickly wore off as it fully dawned on me how slowly I was absorbing energy. Not to mention my thoughts kept on wandering to all the wonderful chaos I was missing out on, or even missing out on causing down below. It didn’t help that I was losing day after day floating up above the planet.
You know… relative to the passage of time. While the unicorns tried to quickly correct my changing of the time to night/day, I found it relatively simple to change it back and arrange the moon and sun as I saw fit. Something that must have driven those joyless magic users absolutely batty. It took quite a few of them to move the heavens, and it was a fairly arduous task to do each day and each night… Which were now things happening with much more frequency.
Yet one more thing I wasn’t able to witness that was starting to drive me batty.
As time went on I found myself hoping, longing for somepony to go up to the door and brave the door knocker I had left.
As luck would have it, or more likely my still constant tinkering with the cosmos itself, someone finally mustered up the courage and anger to march right up to my castle and bang right on the door.
Well… march right up and think about banging on the door. Even the denser of the ponies who routinely visited me had deduced there was near a 100 percent chance anything I created that they touched would do something unexpected.
Still, the door was knocked on which may or may not have coated everything in the vicinity in a thick layer of edible and delicious green slime and that meant it was time to take a break from the tedium of turning myself into a being of limitless power play host to whoever had dropped by for a visit.
I teleported myself down to right behind my castle doors. “Who is it?” I asked sweetly.
“You know exactly who it is, chaos beast! Open the door!”
It was my (currently) oldest associate, Amethyst the White.
…
… She was white .
… Well I don’t know why her stupid parents named her ‘Amethyst’ if she was white! I guess that’s why ponies called her ‘Amethyst the White’ since her name by itself was too confusing!
Anyways, she had clearly come to talk, or yell at me at least. Her long and usually rather tangled greying purple mane was even more tangled and wild looking than usual. Though, I couldn’t sense any anti-magic weapons on her. This was mildly perplexing to me at first, as I was sure if anypony had something to do with their creation it was her.
Still, she was ever so fun to annoy and I was ever so good at it after years of practice. Why I quickly threw in the door allowing Amethyst to look at me with eyes full of whimsical nostalgia of the good times we’ve had together…. also anger… likely partially because of said ‘good times we’ve had together’. She stood in a clean circle amongst the slime I had so generously tried to share with her, no doubt already having a shield up before braving the door knocker. The slime glistened in the morning or afternoon or perhaps evening sun… It was going to be a good day… night.
“Amethyst! Come in, come in! Here!” I appeared from under Amethyst, lifted a hoof, and placed a glass full of my most delicious and viscous creation yet. “Have a glass of slime!”
“You’ve gone too far this time, Discord!” Amethyst cried as she pointed a hoof at me and threw away the glass I had handed her. It landed with a soft ‘plop’ amongst the rest of the slime.
I slithered back a few feet with a hurt expression and placed my paw on my chest. “Me? Gone too far? ” I gave Amethyst a big friendly grin that showed off my pearly white teeth fangs. “Oh old friend, I have no limits.”
“You’d at least left something as essential to our daily lives as the sun and moon alone until just recently!” Amethyst shouted back.
“Oh, please,” I replied waving my talon about dismissively. “I’ve gone plenty farther many of other times.” I gave Amethyst a stern look. “Why don’t you ask the pegasai how it felt when I made the clouds scream every time they were kicked, or how they felt when the other clouds would began accusing them of murder and attempt to form a cloudy lynch mob or drag them off to sky court? Try asking the earth ponies how they felt after the giant broccoli war… or even the small rhubarb rebellion, or even mini-corn skirmish! You’re moaning about your precious sun coming and going and there are ponies out who have sat down with delegates from the squash republic to bring about peaceful resolution to conflicts!”
“This is different!” Amethyst insisted. “You’re toying with the heavens themselves! Every pony regardless of race is feeling the effects!”
I grinned widely. For all the wisdom Amethyst thought she processed, she could be surprisingly short-sighted and self-centered in their thinking at times, though this was a trait as common to unicorns than as it is now…
… Oh, don’t get fussy with me! Your element means you’re clearly the exception…
… When it suits you.
Heh… In any case Amethyst’s attempt at suggesting that This little prank of mine was somehow the - worse - possible - prank was about to backfire. “Oh, and I suppose things like the weather and food don’t concern ponies of all races, hmmm ?”
The anger in Amethyst’s face only increased. Out of the all the ponies who would try to talk to me before the inevitable breakdown in negotiations, she was usually the most successful, but she had worked herself into an angry huff over the whole sun and moon thing before she even braved my door knocker and it was far easier to wind her up today.
Speaking of winding ponies up, Rarity, do be a dear and try to take a few calming breaths. The grinding of your teeth is slightly distracting…
…
…Alright, alright! Geez! It’s not my fault most you ponies don’t have a sense of humor about yourselves…
…
… Well, clearly one of you is making up for the other five…
Anyways , Amethyst seemed close to the boiling point and we had barely gotten started. Her face had gone all puffy and was starting to turn red.
…Much like the face of the white unicorn in the audience…
…
…Heh, well anyways… I sensed she was close to unleashing her magic on me as she often did when she was at her wits in. A pity she had reached it so quickly, still I did loving pushing her buttons.
“Why, if you stuffy unicorns would just pull your horns out of—”
‘FWOUUU!’
That was quick. With a sound like air suddenly rushing in to fill a void, Amethyst horn went purple then black as she fired off a blast of magic, or anti-magic that would threaten to consume my very essence.
I quickly placed my talon and paw by my side, charged them with energy and trusted them forward. “KAMEHAMEHA!”
‘FWOUUUPHHHHOOOM…’
Our bolts of energy… or rather my bolt of energy and Amethyst’s bolt of… Eh… You all get it by now… Our attacks collided. Her swallowing up mine, but then disappearing as the magical energy filled the void it had created.
“That’s…” Amethyst trailed off as she stared into the space where my magic had met her magic anti-magic… or maybe it was just anti-magic…
Anyhow…
I smiled. “Pure magical energy!” I idly began to examine my talon. “A bit more direct and less fun than how I usually deal with problems, but effective.”
Amethyst scowled at me. “When did you learn to be so direct?”
I pointed an accusatory talon at Amethyst. “Don’t throw a tantrum because I figured out a quick way to nullify your little attack.” I grinned mischievously at my guest. “Are you really that surprised I did something ‘out of the ordinary’ to counter your little trick?”
“You… you…cough… hackchchc…”
“Goodness, Amethyst,” I said with a touch of concern. “Don’t overdo it! You’re not as young as you…” I trailed off as Amethyst gave me another scowl, but there was pain behind that look of anger. Actual physical pain.
I sighed heavily as my improved senses of all things magical helped clue me in to what had happened. “Oh you poor, desperate fool… so that’s how it’s done…”
“Cough… Anything to be rid of you, monster.”
“Well, I knew many of you would gladly lay down your life to stop me, but I have always been merciful enough to take that option off the table. And here you go and find a way to harm me that forces you to drain your own magic energy.”
“So you figured it out…” Amethyst said, narrowing her eyes.
I rolled my own. “Oh spare me the dramatics, you know I’m more than capable of figuring out something as mundane as a spell you ponies cooked up. Still, I am surprised you’d go to such lengths.” I waved a chastising claw at Amethyst. “You’ll put yourself into an early grave sacrificing your own energy like that.” I quickly appeared before Amethyst on my knees and grabbed her silvery purple mane. “Oh please won’t you think of all the ponies who’ll miss you when you’re gone!”
With a purple glow of her horn, Amethyst pushed me away.
“Like me…” I added. “Especially me. You know what? Forget everypony else, they’re such bores anyhow.”
Amethyst pulled her lip up into a sneer and grumbled something under her breath. “As I said, ‘anything to be rid of you’,” Amethyst said grimly. “Would there be another way to use the anti-magic spell, I would employ it. But it requires created a void be getting rid of some of my own magical energy…” Amethyst managed a dark smile. “A void that must be filled.”
I furrowed my brow slightly. “Oh don’t look so happy. With all the magic you’ve already sacrifice, you’re even more crotchety and cranky than usual… It’s almost as if you’ve aged ten years since I’ve seen you last.” I frowned. “Wait… How long have I been doing the whole sun and moon thing?” I asked as I snapped my fingers causing the sun to quickly fall and the moon to quickly rise.
Amethyst glowered at the moon then me. “A few weeks… ” she growled through clenched teeth. It would take many unicorns quite some time to get the day back on track again… No doubt witnessing that I could control the sun and moon so effortlessly was endlessly enraging to my dear old companion here.
Still, that it had only been a few weeks was a relief. For a moment I thought I had maybe lost track of a few years.
I shook my head. “You’re not going to last long if you keep trying to get rid of me this way. Won’t you reconsider? I’ll miss our little chats when you’re gone.”
Amethyst scoffed. She actually had the nerve to scoff at my heartfelt sentiment! “Knowing I died ridding Equestria of you will make the lost time more than worth it.”
A few tiny balloons that floated one of my eyebrows off my face. “And what if you deplete yourself of energy before then? You know I’ve figured out a way to counter your little trick,” I said, popping the balloons as I finished my sentence and allowing my eyebrow to drift back into place.
“Someone will take my place.”
I sighed. “Ah, you’ll teach young Starswirl how to anti-magic himself into an untimely end too?”
Amethyst nodded. “He too is willing to lay down his life to rid your curse from these lands.”
“What a waste… he seemed like he would grow up to be so much fun...”
Amethyst grim smile returned. “There are others willing to learn as well.”
“Uuuuuughhh… I there’s a thought… dozens or hundreds of unicorns wasting their very essence to the point where they’ll need walkers to get around while they’ve only barely hit double digits in their lives!” I gave Amethyst a serious look. “Even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to deprive a pony of the very magical energy that fuels them.”
“Spare me your attempts at taking the moral high ground here, Discord! You’ve committed your existence to making other’s lives miserable.”
I placed my paw on my chest as matted strands of blond hair that got caught in a gentle breeze grew from my head. “Misérable, moi?” I created a buzzing razor and quickly shaved my unsightly locks off. “Why I’m just adding a bit more unpredictability into your ponies otherwise humdrum lives!” I said as I tossed the razor away. It began to shave the slime from my lawn castle. I folded my arms across my chest. “It’s not my fault you all can’t appreciate my kind gestures.”
“Soon we won’t have to suffer your kind gestures!”
I smirked. “My, my, so sure are you? What if I told you where wasting your time? You hope you’re at least throwing pebbles into a well that will eventually fill up.” I said as my body suddenly turned stone, and cylindrical with a large hole in the center. “Well, I’m here to tell you that the well is actually a bottomless pit.” My new hole blew out an empty sounding wind.
“That magic you fired off won’t come back! Everything has limits, Discord.” Amethyst narrowed her eyes. “Even you…”
I changed back to my usual handsome self as my smirk grew into a beautiful grin. “I don’t… Not anymore at least… I suppose I have you and your little trick to thank for that…”
“Spare me your lies, beast. I know you’re not all powerful.”
“Wanna bet?” I asked as I smiled from ear to ear… literally.
Amethyst raised an eyebrow. “If you really had unlimited power you’d force your chaos on the entire planet and not just us ponies.”
My smile waned back into a smirk. “Well, perhaps at the moment my power knows some bounds, but soon I will have UNLIMITED POWER ! ” I said as I suddenly created a black cloak for me to wear and fired lighting from my talon and claw tips straight up to the sky.
Amethyst gave me a skeptical look. “I don’t believe you…”
I chuckled as I quickly disrobed. “Well, why don’t we step into my castle?” I asked motioning to my open doors that lead into my empty home. “Discuss it further?”
Amethyst continued to give me the same look of suspicion but nodded after a bit of dwelling on it. Likely realizing that with me already trumping her trump card she had nothing to lose, or perhaps thinking she could catch me off guard at some point and try again regardless of what it might cost her.
“Mud?!” … exclaimed as she stepped into the bare castle and noted its complete absence of floor as her hoof sank into the muddy mess that was the ground. “Oh Discord, have some dignity at least!”
I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at Amethyst. She know what she did… or said rather.
Amethyst sighed. “I suppose I deserve that look.”
I nodded satisfactorily. I snapped my talon and suddenly a white and black checkered floor appeared over the mud and dirt floor as did a nice comfortable looking black and white checkered chair that sat. I decided to unmake the ceiling as well and also recreated my throne and sat down.
Amethyst stared at her muddy hoof as her horn glowed a deep, dark shade of purple. The mud around her hoof lifted from it and she floated the mass out a castle window where she let it fall to the ground. She then looked at the chair suspiciously. “This is going to bark at me, or lick me, or attempt to bite me if I get near it, won’t it.”
I sighed heavily and leaned my head back, letting it roll to the side and keep rolling until it had made a full rotation. “Spoil sport…” I uttered as I snapped my finger again. With some sparkling energy, the chair floated into the air a few feet, barked once, and lowered back to the ground.
Amethyst walked up to the chair and poked it cautiously. When it behaved very much like a chair, she crawled up onto it. She sat on her haunches and made herself comfortable. she gave me a stern look and opened her mouth as if ready to launch into her speech. However her expression shifted before any words could come up and a glanced at the chair she was sitting in. “Does the chair do anything—”
‘SPROING!’
“—eeeeeeeelseeaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! ”
I smiled. “ONLY IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT!” I shouted up at Amethyst as she took an unexpected trip straight up into the air at what was likely an alarmingly fast speed for the unicorn. I decided to join her up there, it was a bit closer to the topic of our discussion anyhow.
As Amethyst reached the zenith of her flight, I arrived to gift her with many balloons which would keep her buoyant enough that we could enjoy Equestria’s beautiful stratosphere.
“Happy birthday!” I cried as I tied the balloons around Amethyst’s body a blew through a noisemaker.
“Can’t… can’t breathe…” Amethyst choked out as her eyes began to bulge a bit.
“Oh right… That thing you all do with your lungs and repertory system is necessary… I forget on account that I just do it for fun!”
Amethyst glared at me as she continued to choke.
I snapped my fingers and a round bowl like helmet appeared over Amethyst’s head complete with a tube leading into an air-tank. I was even so kind as to provide a snug little hole for her horn.
“There you are… Nice clean air!”
Amethyst hugged herself and began to shake. “Ca…cold!” she said as her teeth began to chatter.
I sighed and shook my head. “It’s always something with you mortals isn’t it? You’re always complaining about not having enough food, or having so much water that your lungs are full of it, or even being too hot that your skin starts to turn red and blister and also explode.”
Amethyst simply glared at me as her teeth continued to chatter.
I ignored her little temper tantrum. “Seriously! When’s the last time you internally combusted just for fun?!”
Amethyst furrowed her brow at me. “That would ka-ka-kill me.”
“… When’s the last time you killed yourself just for—”
“ENOUGH OF YOUR SENSELESS PRA-PRA-PRATTTLE, CHAOS LORD! GIVE ME A CO-COAT AND TA-TELL ME WHY DID YOU BROUGHT ME HERE!”
I chuckled to myself and snapped my finger giving Amethyst a nice, fashionable thick wool coat and a steaming hot mug of cocoa. A mug she promptly tipped upside-down, possibly to spite me, or possibly because she remembered she was wearing a helmet and that she couldn’t drink the beverage anyhow.
I placed my talon around Amethyst’s shoulder and motioned out to the starry sky. “Tell me old friend—”
“I’m no friend of yours, monst—”
“Tell me old obnoxious unicorn, what do you feel beyond the great expanse of the sky?”
Amethyst gave me a quizzical look. “Feel? How am I supposed to feel anything?”
I smiled and shook my head. “Typical unicorn… only able to understand the magic in themselves. Surely such an aged and—cough— wise scholar as yourself has noticed…”
Amethyst’s face went all red and puff again. “I KNOW of the magic inherent in all things in Equestria! Enough of your game! Just tell me what you want to tell me!”
I chuckled. “Well since you asked so nicely…” With a snap of my talon I was wearing a quite dapper pink suit, and silver bow tie. With a white cane in my hand, I began to sing…
“Whenever life gets you down, And things seem hard or tough…”
“Discord…” Amethyst growled out.
“… And ponies are stupid, obnoxious or daft…”
“Discord!”
“… And you feel that you’ve had quite enooooooouuuuuuuuuuugh~!”
“DISCORD!”
“Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving And revolving at—”
“DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!”
“Oh what is it now?!” I said as I gave Amethyst a look so dirty, mud began to drip from my face.
“JUST SKIP TO THE POINT ALREADY! EVEN WITH THIS COAT, I’M STILL COLD!”
With an annoyed grunt I snapped my talon causing suit, bow-tie, and hat to disappear. “I’ve learned how to syphon the magic that drifts through the planet as it leaves! Happy?!”
“… Where you actually going to explain that through your song?”
“… No… no I was not…” I admitted. “All things considered, the song was probably a complete lie given Equestria’s cosmology.”
“… Well then… ”
I sighed and snapped my talon returning us to the front of my castle. “You always knew how to suck all the fun out of our little visits.”
Amethyst gave me a serious look. “So… you’ve discovered a way to harness even more magic.”
I pointed at my face with a talon as it turned wooden. “Oh, Amethyst. I’d never lie to you…” My new wooden nose suddenly grew several feet, and some leafy branches.
“Yes you would,” Amethyst said as small yellow birds began to nest in dense foliage of my nose. “… But I doubt you’d lie to me about this…”
I quickly produced a hacksaw and removed my new nose. The birds squawked as their new home fell to the ground. My face returned to its full furry glory. “So… What do you intend to do about it?”
“Stop you before it’s too late, of course.”
I grinned. “What makes you think it isn’t already too late.”
Amethyst stared right into my eyes. “It takes time to gather energy like that doesn’t it? I know enough about this world to know there’s magic even in the smallest bit of dirt… but if you’re gathering it from beyond the sky… even down here there’s only the tiniest bit of magic in the air.”
I paused for a moment. “… My, my… you really are the pony’s greatest living wizard. Still it’s just a matter of time until I have more than enough power to drape all of Equestria in my power.”
“The ponies of Equestria will stop you long before that happens!” Amethyst said in a heroic tone I had heard so many times before.
I grinned at her darkly. “Oh really? Now that I’ve told you my little secret, what makes you think I’ll let you go home alive to rally some foolhardy army?”
Amethyst didn’t even flinch. “You didn’t kill Whiplash and Longshot and you won’t kill me.”
“Oh?” I replied, my mouth opening wide showing a set of razor sharp teeth I decided to create for effect. “What makes you so certain I’ll let you go the same way I did them?”
Amethyst scowled. “Because you’ve never killed any of your attackers before. I doubt you’re about to start. Even if I am the greatest threat you’ve ever encountered.” Amethyst raised an eyebrow. “You actually enjoy being challenged in surprised. And even if your very existence is on the line, this is all just a game to you.”
I stroked my beard with my talon thoughtful for a bit and smiled. “See, this is why I enjoy getting to know a pony over so many decades… you old codgers are the only ones who truly understand me.”
Amethyst gave me one more scowl and turned, marching away from my castle. “Spare me your sentimentality, you morally empty beast. I’ll be back soon… and I won’t be alone.”
“And I’ll be waiting…” I said as I steepled my talon and lions paw together.
I watched as Amethyst left, the sun slowly starting to rise back into place again. I momentarily thought about returning the moon just to stick it to the unicorns a bit more, but decided to cut Amethyst some much needed slack. With the area around my castle being mostly flat it was a long time to watch an old unicorn walk away, and her shoulders slumped and her proud march turned to a haggard trudge once she was a few hundred yards down the path.
I shook my head and returned to my castle, allowing my thinking tree to grow below me and lift me high up with its thought branches.
Draining her own magic to create weapons and attacks that could actually harm me clearly had taken its toll on the old fool, both physically and mentally. I must admit I felt some degree of melancholy that our next encounter would also be our last.
I must have seen that song and dance routine dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. Some proud warrior or mage announced he or she was going to rally an army to crush me. Though they seem to always follow through on the ‘rally’ part, they always came up short at the ‘crush’ part. Still, my old foes always gave it their all… pushing their old bodies far past what they knew they could handle.
Amethyst would do the same… she was tired. She wanted an out from her years of coming up short against me.
Not to say she didn’t believe she had a chance, they all believed they had a chance… that they could simply try hard enough and ‘poof’, mean ol’ Discord would be gone and all their children and children’s children would get to live quite little boring lives devoid of the Chaos the ingrates would certainly miss when I was gone…
…
… Oh give me a break! I was a different Lord of Chaos back then! A thousand years trapped in stone gives you a much different perspective on things! Years of being trapped and watching ponies enjoy the quiet tranquility of the castle gardens made me realize just how dear a little piece and quiet meant to you all…
…So of course when I was free, I unleashed my chaos purely out of spite.
Now where was I?
Oh yes, another brave hero’s last stand where they go out in a blaze of impressive glory that no doubt would be remembered and passed down through their families for years to come but left them no less dead.
Still, Amethyst was right when she said she was my greatest threat. She had by far had the best chance out of all them. You wouldn’t believe all the spells that had been used on me or even the objects ponies tried to trap me in! I think one even attempted to seal me away in an old pot they had used for cooking rice…
Amethyst had actually come up with something that could potentially actually eliminate me, and while she was ready to see what lied beyond this mortal coil, I was still having too much fun.
As tedious as it was, I’d would have to soon return to gather more energy. Perhaps this was all just a game to me, but it was a high-stakes one this time around and I had to give it my all. I mentally prepared myself for several more days or weeks of boring energy gathering, however the sound of my door knocker banging and slime being ejected over my recently shaved lawn broke my concentration.
“Hmm … that was quick,” I said. I grinned. “Old codger probably wants to try blasting me one more time before heading out. Let’s hope her heart can take it…”
I created a dignified butler’s uniform for myself. I was sure Amethyst would appreciate this after her little attack that would no doubt leave her laying on her side in front of the door, gasping for breath.
I opened my doors wide. “Welcome back madaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh?”
Unless Amethyst was now several shapeless blue-and-black beings of pure energy, who or what was visiting my castle was not her.
I simply stared at the cloud like beings for a second as they stared back. Floating yellow eyes where the only notable features amongst the swirling mass of their… bodies ….
I cleared my throat.
“Slime?” I asked I produced a tray full of glasses.
View Online
Chapter 4: War, What Is It Good For? The Answer May Surprise You!
Chaos Vs. OrderChapter 4: War, What Is It Good For? The Answer May Surprise You!-ooooooo-
…
Well, of course I offered them refreshments! I didn’t want to be rude to my guests! They’d obviously traveled a long, long way! You don’t open the door to formless beings of pure energy and just offer them nothing! There’s a word for entities who don’t great their guests with smiles and slime, and that word is ‘rude’. I am nothing if not a good host!
Anyhow, one of my guests responded by blinking several times before speaking. “We did not come here to partake of your delicacies, Lord of Chaos.”
“Oh-hoho … Well… I’m not sure if my ‘slime’ is quite that good.” I raised a glass and sucked a large mass of the green stuff, smiling as the viscous ooze slowly poured down my throat. “Now the Smooze… There’s some slime that’ll suck the energy right out of you.”
Blinky continued, “We have come to parley with you.”
“Oh my, so formal!” I said as a suit complete with top hat and monocle appeared on my personage. I quickly spruced up my empty castle to have all kinds of lovely red and purple drapes and tapestries, paintings of my favorite entities from history looking heroic… In this case just me… and also added an exquisite floor of marble as the mud and rocks did little to match my new hoity-toidy surroundings.
I opened my castle doors wide and motioned for my cloudy guests to come inside. “Come in! Come in! It’s so rare I get guests that don’t want to kill me… Excluding brutally insane ponies who want to worship me as a god.” I chuckled darkly as my guests floated in. “Those ones are banana shoes.”
One, two, three, four of these cloudy entities floated in and turned so their eyes faced me, and then…
…nothing. Not a one spoke up. I saw that I would have to be the one who drove the conversation.
“Sooooo … What brings you fine… gentlemen? Ladies? … Gendies to my castle?”
One of the clouds with a slightly darker, inky look to it spoke up, “We have come to ask that you cease taking energy as it journeys from your planet into the vast cosmos.”
Well… That was a surprise. To think anything would know of my activities that happened far, far above the surface of this planet, let alone would feel my actions warranted attention. Still, I had a rather serious conflict on my paw and talon regarding my current arch-nemesis who was clearly out for blood… or rather erasure from existence. As boring and tedious as the collection process was, I wasn’t about to surrender my newfound ability to absorb energy just because four boring strangers showed up and started throwing their non-weight around.
“I beg your pardon?” I replied to Inky. “That energy was just flowing out into the vast expanse of space… I wasn’t aware anyone or anything could claim ownership of it!” I chuckled as my body went horizontal and my limbs folded closer to my body changing into a bread that cradled my belly and sides leaving only my back, head, and tail exposed, all which had turned to a delicious smoking brown color as the rest of me plumped out into a cylindrical shape with rounded ends. “That’s like finding a perfectly cooked hotdog in the middle of a sprawling desert with not another soul nearby to claim it!” I exclaimed as a giant version of myself appeared and wordless loomed over me, drooling and eyeing my new hotdog form hungrily.
My guests… continued to not say much.
I sighed. “Analogy wasted…” I said before screaming as the giant version of myself ate me then shrank down to become me.
“Your perceived notions of the energies location and your claim on it are meaningless to us,” another being said.
I named this one Clyde. Clearly his attitude meant he was the life at parties.
Clyde continued, “You will cease your siphoning of energy at once!”
I leaned my head forward and smirked at the threatening tone. “Or you’ll what? You’ll make all my days cloudy? You’ll rain on my parades? Hmmmm? I watched this planet form from dust and the first creatures emerge from its primordial soup. It’ll take more than a few beings made out of magic showing up out of the blue to have a chat to get me to do anything.” I parted my lips wide showing off glistening white teeth and razor sharp fang. “Besides, I recently learned how to absorb magic. Do you really think you’re in a position to tell me what to do?”
Seems these beings weren’t beyond making expressions. Clyde narrowed his eyes. “You are sadly mistaken if you think your age or the things you’ve seen are anything to be proud of. You have no idea the powers you are trifling with. This is your final warning. Stop now or you will be undone.”
“Undone? ” I hissed. The empty air above us changed to fire and lightning and roared out thunder. “And here I thought I was hosting guests who didn’t come to make threats and attempt to harm me. I’d be sad if there weren’t something about you all that I’m starting to despise with every fiber of my being.”
Finally the last one, the one I had dubbed Pinky…
…
Oh, sit down! This one is spelled with a ‘y’.
Anyhow, Pinky, clearly the diplomat of the group, spoke up, “Perhaps the Lord of Chaos will listen to reason.”
The roiling indoor storm above us dissipated as I felt a crawling sensation deep in my throat. “ Hack! COUGH! HACCHCHCHK! COUCHCHCHGH…! cough, hack
Blinky blunk and…
…
IS TOO A WORD!
… As I was saying, Blinky blunk and it was if the swirling mass of blue darkness that composed my guest flooded out to swallow me and the room we occupied. Soon we were in a vast, empty space composed of a barren wasteland at our… well my feet… Above us was a scene of blue colored clouds and dimly lit stars off in the distance.
“Behold,” Pinky said, “the Nexus.”
“Hmmm… Can use a touch more color…” I mused. “A touch more of all the colors I dare say.”
Pinky continued, a chatterbox that one, “This is the inevitable fate of the cosmos, of all universes in all dimensions. Stillness and silence.”
I felt the corners of my lips instinctively drop like anchors plummeting towards the ocean floor. Or more accurately, real anchors that fell to the barren wastes with a loud thud . “You don’t say,” I answered simply.
“The Nexus is the heart of all dimensions and all magical ley lines. The energy that flows in and out of your planet is one such ley line.”
“Is this going to be on the test?” I asked as I created a desk complete with chair to sit in. “Because I learn much faster through talon-and-paw-on experience rather than lecture.”
Pinky ignored me. Obviously he or she would not be nominated for the much coveted ‘Teacher of the Eon’ award.
“The energy of these ley lines flows throw all of existence, flooding many worlds with magic as those farther from the lines only receive the merest hints of energy. Eventually it is collected at the Nexus. The realm where we reside, the Order Keepers.”
I yawned. “Fascinating… Are all Order Keepers as found of exposition as you?”
Blinky did what Blinky did best then answered. “We are beings who have learned the value of watching, listening, and waiting. Many eons before the creation of your planet we had temporary physical forms much like the beings of this planet.” Blinky seemed to give me a perplexed look. “Much like the imperfect form you have chosen for yourself.”
I stuck my tongue out at Blinky. “Everyone’s a critic! I could choose something shapeless and boring as you all have! But bodies of pure energy are so dull and dreary.” I waved my paw about dismissively. “Been there, done that, and I didn’t even get a lousy energy t-shirt for my troubles.” I smiled and sat up as my desk fell apart into thousands of small skittering insects, arachnids, and other small animals that crawled and scurried about. I motioned to them. “There’s always something happening with physical forms, inside if not out.” I shook my head. “A pity you all would abandon that.”
“Our bipedal forms where awkward and of no use,” Inky proclaimed. “Were able to be rid ourselves of them the more we harnessed the latent energy of the Nexus. Becoming one with it as we, in turn, drew more of its power to us. Furthermore, we were able to will the Nexus’s form into something far more predictable and less chaotic. The place of order and peace you see before you.”
I leaned forward and slumped my shoulders. “Well, let’s all just agree to disagree. We can agree that I’m right and disagree that you are all not wrong.”
The Order Keepers wordlessly looked at me.
Crickets…
I mean, literal crickets in this case, I had created some from the desk.
Pinky continued his or her or whatever’s boring explanation. “We Order Keepers track the existence and countdown to the time when all worlds will end. A usually simple and fulfilling task.”
This is where all the blank looks suddenly turned mean. Clyde seemed happy to translate that feeling into tone. “Unless some being meddles with the flow of the cosmos itself.”
I pondered the Order Keeper’s words and accusatory tone briefly. A light bulb suddenly went off above my head before cracking in an electrical explosion that shot glass off in all directions. “I see… by taking energy as it flows from Equestria, I’m somehow throwing off your—cough, cough boring! cough— hobby of floating around and counting down the time until everything turns to…” I frowned and looked at the vast void around us. “… Into this.”
“The end of all things is inevitable,” Pinky said. “In time all will become one with the Nexus and we will forever watch over the peace the remains. If you do not tamper further with the flow of energy, you may continue to rule over this planet as you see fit. Refuse and you will be banished from this land and rendered unable to interfere.” Pinky paused, no doubt for dramatic effect. “What say you, god of chaos?”
“What say I? How about ‘no ’, okay? You come to demand that I stop doing something so you will have an easier time waiting for your empty world to become the end all and be all of all there ever is?! You can’t be serious!” Almost involuntarily, I felt my brow pull forward and my lips pull into a grimace as my eyes flashed red. I motioned out to the blue blackness that surrounded us. “I do not accept this world. To it, I will always say ‘no’.”
For a moment, none of the Order Keepers spoke. Not Blinky, nor Pinky, Inky, or Clyde.
Finally Pinky spoke up. “Your response is predictable but no less disappointing.”
If blood could boil, which mine can, and did, then you’d see red colored steam fire out of my pores, which is exactly what happened. I had been called many things in my long, long time before time, but never once had any being had the sheer audacity to call me ‘predictable’.
“Leave my domain, ” I commanded in a voice that shook the very foundation of the heavens, or at least the reasonable facsimile of it we were in. “You came in peace, and I will grant you exit the same, but you and your ilk are unwelcome in Equestria. ” My eye narrowed to tiny, bright glowing slits of red. “If any of you Order Keepers set so much as a shadowy tendril in this world I will devour your essence and keep it for myself. ”
The four sets of eyes remained focused on me, seemingly unfazed by my words, but the blackness that surrounded us dissipated until my luxurious and massive welcoming room returned into view.
With a snap of my talon, my castle doors slammed open, and by that I of course meant I exploded them into a fiery mass of pebbles that flew out in all directions.
“I trust you can all find the door?” I said. “Can’t miss it really, it’s scattered all over the floor.”
My unwelcome guests all narrowed their eyes.
“No little demi-god of chaos,” Clyde said. “It is you who shall leave.”
The shifted clouds of energy that composed the four Order Keepers suddenly began to roil and spark with blue blots of energy.
Inky spoke up. “If you will not cooperate willingly, then it is war .”
In that moment, the ponies of Equestria suddenly knew peace as I called all the scattered bits of my energy back to myself, smiling wide as I felt power and strength surge through my body.
“Well, if its war you want ,” I growled as my body itself began to glow with a burning red light, “I’m your huckleberry. ”
View Online
Chapter 5: There, but also Here, and Everywhere Inbetween, and then Back Again. A Draconequus’s Tale
Chaos Vs. OrderChapter 5: There, but also Here, and Everywhere Inbetween, and then Back Again. A Draconequus’s tale.-oooooo-
I admit, perhaps at least embarrassingly, that the Order Keeper’s first shot caught me off guard a bit. It was lightning quick, but the energy behind it was weak. I made note of its strength almost as soon as I made note of its existence. I resolved to let the little potshot of energy dissipate harmlessly against me. This would turn out to be a mixed blessing.
Rather than dispel against my much greater power, the energy grabbed hold of my very essence. Mixing with the very magic that made me. I felt myself being pulled from Equestria as this happened. Pulled through space… through something beyond space. My essence spread with part of me still existing in Equestria as the rest of my spiraled as if flowing down some giant cosmic drain. As the first of me hit my final destination, I could feel it… a bright, tranquil world of flowing streams and delicious fruits and vegetables. A quiet land of endless comfort and easy living.
I immediately began to fight my relocation to that place with every fiber of my being.
I reached out and dug into Equestria in a metaphysical and very physical sense, my talon and claw digging deep into the marble floor I had created as the floor itself cracked and gave way before wrapping itself around my arms like a stone friend trying with all its might to pull me back to this world. Meanwhile, the rest of my physical and spiritual self was stretched, caught between worlds as I used all my strength to stay in Equestria. The magic of the Order Keepers continued to drag me down to the comfortable looking prison that had been prepared for me.
In between worlds… I could somehow feel the essence of other places… I think somehow I had always know there were other realities besides this one… Though before these signs would only manifest as the vaguest of hints from my magic or actions. Now I knew there were other dimensions with physical rules and laws utterly unlike Equestria. Rules and laws I could bend, break, and immolate until time itself ran out.
How easy it would have been to escape to some unknown land. To experience the joys of seeing world after world, each with its own unique properties and even new creatures to get to know and perhaps play with.
Very, very tempting. But unfortunately for my unexpected guests, they had made me, very, very, very angry!
I shed the bits of my essence that had been mingled… poisoned by this foreign energy like a reptile shedding useless skin, or a pony biting off an injured leg. I…
…
… Right, sorry. I forgot for a moment you ponies have to just wait for your incredibly slow healing to kick in and repair damaged limbs.
... Let’s see… Give me a moment… Right! I ejected the infected bits of my essence like a sea cucumber jettisoning out its internal organs!
…
… Oh don’t make that noise! I was barely involved in that little evolutionary development!
Anyhow, as the energy that tried to pull me to that peaceful world of boredom and solitude was removed, I felt my physical and metaphysical self snap back into place. My entire body practically flew back to Equestria, slamming into the ground and throwing bits of marble in all directions.
As the dust settled, a buffet of delicious expressions awaited me. Four sets of eyes locked in confusion and bewilderment as I once again stood before them.
“My turn.”
The very magic of my being seemed to flare up, causing me to glow a bright golden yellow! Spikey golden hair shot straight up out of my head as I moved both my eagle talon and lions paw to the right side of my body.
“KAAAAA”
I placed the two appendages palms facing each other as I channeled pure energy into them.
“MEEEEEEEE”
A brilliant blue glow emanated from my talon and paw. It began to grow brighter and brighter.
“HAAAAAAA”
My opponents seemed to gather their composer, their eyes narrowing as they prepared for the ensuing torrent of energy.
“MEEEEEEEE”
I trust my arms forward as I placed my talon atop of my paw, palms facing my opponents as a surge of blue energy shot forward on a collision course with my cloudy foes.
“HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
In response, four dark blue beams erupted from the swirling mass of my unwelcome guest, meeting my own blast half way between us with a planet shaking ‘BOOM!’
Energy exploded outwards as the opposing beams collided. The already cracked and damaged ground right under the energy seemed to evaporate, obliterated by the ensuing wave of destructive force. I maintained my beam just as the others did, our conflicting energies seemed locked in stalemate.
I gritted my teeth and channeled more magical energy towards my foes. The swirling mass of magic was thrust towards them, however they countered by adding their own magic and forcing our blasts back into place. I dug deep within myself and channeled more energy, and they responded in kind.
A thought occurred that this ping pong match of destructive power might continue until one side simply ran out… In fact, it might be that my foes were simply toying with me, waiting to see if I would expend my energy in some foolish battle of magical attrition.
Perhaps I could get energy from another source… Maybe calling out to the ponies and other assorted magical beings of this planet to aid me?
Hmph… Well, I wasn’t exactly on good terms with the ponies or other assorted beings, so that was out. I narrowed my eyes trying to peer past the light and dark blue ‘ball’ of energy between me in my foes.
A thought occurred that I made a threat to devour their magical essence. It seemed like a good idea to make good on that threat.
I pushed in one final bout of pure chaos magic, my light blue beam crackling red and shooting bolts off in all directions before it hit the center with an explosive conclusion and a resounding ‘KABOOM!’
The castle walls shook as rocks and dirt where thrown all about. The explosion created a modest sized crater in between the Order Keepers and I. Their expressions were a delicious buffet of surprise and confusion.
Good… To be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure what would happen either, but that’s just the way things go with chaos magic. All I needed was some brief calamity to ‘set the board’, so to speak. I was done playing their game. This was my castle and my world. Those monotonous blue magic-bags could play mine instead.
I grinned and snapped both my fingers. Oh it was quite ‘on’ now, chaps. Walls of dark blue magical energy sprung up from the castle scorched and damaged ground as the floor and ceiling turned black. I encased my opponents in a room with a single exit as I turned the inside of my castle into something of a maze. A maze I soon filled with small pieces of my magical essence like lines of dots neatly going down the center of twisting hallways.
Rather than create matter from magic, I built this new structure completely out of magical energy, otherwise there was little to keep my opponents from simply ignoring physical structures in favor of phasing straight through them, teleporting, any number of modes of transportation one tends to rely on when ‘three dimensions’ is more of a suggestion than a rule.
After shedding a few larger chunks of my energy and adding them to the maze, the transformation began… my arms, legs, and tail pulling into my torso as it balled up around my head. My mouth widened past my face as my head and torso merged into a spherical form. My eyes disappeared and my other senses faded away as I sensed the magic around me and my foes. Now little more than a giant head with a horn and antler sitting above a massive mouth, I reduced my thinking to the barest of instincts, survive and consume!
At the moment, any one of my four foes would be enough to overpower me, but they would have to come and get me for that to happen. With my energy spread so thin, I’d hopefully seem easy pickings as my spherical head floated hither and tither in an attempt to consume my shed bits of energy.
Though initially confused, one by one my foes left their small room at the center of the darkened maze. The game had begun and the trap had been sprung. I was able to feel even the tiniest thing that happened within the maze, and what’s more, the larger pieces of energy would give me a quick boost of energy making me capable of overpowering and eating my foes own energy.
So I wander the halls as my opponents did the same, most of them able to get their bearings and figure out where I was in the maze. Blinky immediately began to float after me in attempt to case me down. Pinky took a more methodical approach and seemed to be trying to get in front of me. Inky, possibly the craftiest of the group, seemed to be attempting to find a good spot to lie in wait. Clyde… Clyde seemed confused by this sudden new change and wandered around the magic maze aimlessly.
I fled from my opponents as they began to swarm towards me. Edging closer and closer all the while ‘hearding’ me closer to their confused comrade. I turned corners and darted every which way to no avail. All four of my foes where almost right on top of me. Why it appeared as if they had me right where they wanted me.
Of course I make it a point to make sure things are almost never what they seem.
When it finally seemed as if my capture was immanent, I made my move. I finally chomped down on one of the larger bits of energy. My power flared and my foes realized the hunters had suddenly become the hunted. They all fled from me, but it was too late. One by one my mighty maw fell upon them, ripping from them massive amounts of their very essence and claiming it for my own.
The act came with it a certain degree of clarity. Is the energy mingled with my own, I could feel it was from this Nexus these beings spoke of. This world of stillness the Order Keepers lived in and hoped to make model the entire universe after. I somehow understood it at its most core level, possibly because part of its magic was a part of me. Yet… I can sense I was part of it too… that everything was. This truly was the center of everything and perhaps it was the nature of all things to slowly return to it. To return to peace without cause or need for our very molecules to work for anything… forever suspended in quiet tranquility.
How utterly loathsome.
Well the time for games was over. It was time I made my positon quite clear to my ‘guests’.
All four of my opponents fled as best they could, but with so little of their magic left, they were denied the abilities to flee this very realm to their own. Each was reduced to a small wisp of energy, comically trying to escape from the very predator they had arrived to subdue.
“Enough!”
The magic walls and energy around me suddenly broke down and returned to me as I resumed my, and I use the term loosely, ‘normal’ physical form. My, now much smaller, opponents all stopped. Floating in the castle and looking at me… each little more than a pair of blotchy eyes suspended in a wisp of dark blue fog.
I summoned my throne from the very ground, antlers piercing the wrecked stonework and thrusting upwards followed by the back of my silver headrest with two massive red jewels like eyes that stared at my opponent. This was followed by as the red ‘maw’ of the backrest. The bottom soon emerged and I sat down and glowered at my foes. “I granted you leave in peace and you chose war! ” I smirked. “Dontcha feel like a buncha stupid fools, now? Hmmm…? ”
Clearly, devouring the majority of his very magical essence had done quite the number on Clyde’s attitude. Rather than continue with his threats, he responded with “Please, oh Lord of Chaos! Grant us mercy!”
I narrowed my eyes as I felt quite literal flames burn inside and out them. I narrowed my head and grit my teeth into a sneer. “Mercy? You come to my realm order me… threaten me… ” I rose from my throne and then several yards more as I decided to grow for dramatic effect “… Attempt to banish me to an empty realm, alone forever?! AND NOW YOU ASK FOR MERCY?!”
My guests looked amongst themselves in confusing then back at me. I’ll never get tired of seeing that look.
“You’re really going to let us go?” Pinky asked. “Just like that?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said as I opened a small rift in reality above the four cloudy entities, followed shortly by encapsulating the four Order Keepers in a small, rocket shaped rocket. “Bomb -voyage, as the say!”
The Order Keepers gave me one more fearful look as I waved and the rocket ignited, launching them upwards into the rift which I closed behind them.
The ensuing explosion properly wouldn’t hurt them… much… and they’d no doubt regain their lost energy back in the Nexus. Still, it was nice to rub a little high explosives in their wounds after my victory.
My thinking tree grew up from under my throne and I found myself lounging amongst the branches. Much of my energy had been lost making sure I was not banished to that prison realm, though much energy was also gained fighting them. With that energy came a better understanding of where the Order Keepers came from and what their ultimate goals where. It was clear that my existence and my actions of collecting energy for myself was something of the very antithesis of what they hoped to accomplish.
It was likely my opponents would return in greater number… perhaps with more tricks. Maybe my show of strength had scared them off for good, but I doubted it. Clearly, this was a time to prepare for round two. To make ready for the war of cosmic proportions the Order Keepers were no doubt gearing up to bring to my doorstep…
Yes… It was crystal clear what my next action should be.
I would… make it rain giant and delicious ice cream cones all about Equestria to celebrate my victory.
View Online
Chapter 6: Look Who’s Coming to Completely Desolated, Necroblasted Dinner
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 7: The Desolation of Dracolich
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 1: In the beginning…
Chaos Vs. OrderChapter 1: In the beginning…
So, finally everyone wants to sit and listen to what uncle Discord has to say? Hmmph , took you all long enough… I…
Yes, Pinkie, you may call me ‘Uncle Disco’, if you like…
…Yes, fine. ‘Uncky Dissi is fine, too.
…
Sigh… Could someone…?
…
Well, I was hoping you’d maybe actually gag her, but I guess holding her mouth closed will do for now. Thank you.
Alright, story time, or rather more passive aggressive indignation that you’re only now all coming to me.
…
Oh, spare me your groans and eye rolls! Had any of you made a habit of coming to talk to me about the past, or even at all , you probably would have heard all this by now.
…
Alright, yes Fluttershy. You do talk to me, but I think you’d find most my stories a tad too frightening on your own to let me finish. Still, you do have a point. At least one of you has made an effort to befriend me…
Oh, don’t give me that look princess, you of all ponies know full well you should have come to me sooner.
Still , I suppose it’s all water under the bridge and I should just forgive you. That’s what us friends do, right? Forgive and forget? Let the past stay in the past, hmmm …?
Well, except when the past comes back to haunt you, of course… I suppose that’s as good of note as any to begin.
Hmmm… On second thought, this might take a while, so you might want to get some snacks… Ah, yes… Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Spike… Applejack? Good, good…
…
Now be patient princess, let’s just wait for them.
…
Alright, everyone comfortable? Good. Anyone need to use the little pony’s room before we start? Alright, good.
So, creation stories. Epic and fantastical explanations of the beginning of entire worlds or the cosmos even. They often begin one of two ways: At the great start of it all there was nothing, or there was nothing but chaos.
…Sigh… What is it now?
‘Not that far back?’ Look, I told you this might take a while!
Alright, so if her ‘royal too purpleness’ is done being a royal pain, I’ll continue.
As I mentioned, creation stories usually start with either nothing or chaos. Any guesses as to which I prefer?
…
Ha! I knew you’d all say that. No, in fact I find complete nothing and complete chaos equally as boring. Of course nothing is self-explanatory, but nothing but chaos is just as uninteresting. While maximum entropy gives us absolutely no action, perfect disorder allows for no distinction, no definition.
No, it is only in the contrast of order and disorder that one can define change, can define chaos.
So, perhaps there was nothing in the very beginning, but for my beginning there was only chaos. I have no idea how long this perfect disorder lasted. How could I? There was simply nothing to measure time by, nothing predictable anyhow.
Eventually, this perfect disorder waned and finally something tangible began to form out of the endlessly swirling energy and magics of chaos. Only then was I even cognitive that there was an ‘I’. Until that point there was simply no contrast to anything, and it was impossible to know where I began or ended.
Soon, other tiny amounts of something formed and those tiny amounts joined to form larger amounts of something, and…
…
What? No , I can’t be ‘more specific ’! I had just barely formed a sense of self! All I knew was there was something not chaos and I was not it! Now , if you’ll be so kind as to let me continue…
After some time I found I could affect these ‘somethings ’. I could move them further or closer together. Rearrange them in relationship to one another, for these little somethings were still all I had to give any definition to anything, including myself. In time, I discovered I could even create them from the seemingly endless mass of chaos itself, at first I could only create a temporary facsimile of them that existed as long as I continually willed it. In time, I discovered how to create them permanently, though I could somehow feel my power diminish each time I did. Not a pleasant feeling.
Still, it seemed I was never a fan of waiting for things to happen, and often times this sacrifice of power to exert real , permanent change seemed worth it. Funny now to think I had a claw or paw or indefinable tendril of chaos in the making of the world itself.
As time went on these ‘somethings’ would become ‘something elses’, distinguishable types of matter from one another. I found I could change myself between these different forms, or even turn myself into combinations of these various forms. As interesting at the time these distractions was, I would always revert back to formless energy after a while. Even with all the myriad somethings and something elses that would form, each one or all of them would only hold my interest for so long. Their patterns where simply too predictable. In time, I found my own meddling tiresome, able to predict with absolute certainty what my influence would do.
No, it would be eons before, either by chance, or perhaps some unseen influence that was beyond my understanding, something interesting, something with a will of its own, something I could not predict would appear.
…
Life? Not quite. At least, not at its most basic level. While early life was certainly more interesting to watch, and even more fun to duplicate and experience, it was still far too predictable to be considered interesting, at least interesting compared to what lied ahead.
No, life had to develop further. Into creatures complex enough to hold my interest. Creatures that would react in new and unexpected ways if I say… turned the water directly in front of them to solid stone, or change the ground they were walking on into more water. Sometimes these creatures would flail or scuttle in confusion at the sudden change in their world. On rarer occasions they would do almost nothing, and seemed to calmingly adjust or accept their fate, as if accepting what little reality they had perceived and sorted out patterns of was simply not quite as they had expected, and this was merely another new experience. Then again, maybe these ones where just simply too undeveloped to process their sudden change in environment.
Who knows? I could never figure it out as these things continued to change, each one often responding ever so slightly different to similar situations. Variances even, as I would eventually come to recognize, beyond the species level. Individual entities all capable of their own decisions and unique reactions to different situations.
Unmistakably, this is when my love of chaos first originated. The skills I had spent untold eons developing were spent getting new reactions out of these, admittedly primitive, creatures. And almost any time not spent changing the world of any I came across was spent coming up with new and inventive ways to ellcit responses. All in the hope I would see something new, something I hadn’t expected.
In time my obsession grew to the point where I felt I would do anything to better understanding why these things could and would act differently. I would transform myself into one of them. Even going so far as to acting just like one of their kind, or at least, as well as I could gather from my observations. Yet I still could not fully predict or even understand why some would act the way they did when presented with something that should have been beyond their understanding.
I lost count, or perhaps never even took count, of all the creatures I’ve been. In time I would find favorite traits of certain creatures and combine them in fun and amusing ways. Even going so far as to pick favorite combinations and even settle on one as my very favorite into something new and exciting would come along and cause me to change a limb, tentacle, or tendril.
Eventually being one thing or another, or even a combination of many became the norm, and I spent less and less time as a being of pure energy. Limiting as it was, being a material thing , even if it was a combination of things, seemed more natural and I began to loathe the tedium of having to even subconsciously will myself to remain in a corporeal state.
And so, one day when I was probably a mass of eyes, tentacles, and deep-sea creature claws, I sacrificed an enormous amount of power to stay that way… Well, until I felt like changing something else on ‘me’, but that was easy enough. The point is, the change to a corporeal being, though still one which could maintain an enormous amount of control over his immediate surroundings, could never be undone. At least, not without spending lots of time and energy to sort out how to reverse the change.
Miss it? No, not at all. I can say with absolute honesty that the trade off, even the severe limiting of my power, was easily worth it. You see, I was searching for something without knowing at the time. Something my formless existence could never grant me. And that thing was a sense of self beyond simply figuring out what I was not. I wanted to figure out what I was . Even if I only had the imagination to be what I had already seen, at least I could be the best of what I had seen.
Anyways, the world would continue to change and the things that lived on it would do as well. For my part, I was more than happy to bear witness to the change and even change with it.
OH the wonders I could tell you all about! The books I could write about your history, of beings learning how to use tools or magic for the first time! The gaps in your science I can fill, but won’t because Twilightis currently making a face that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
Hahahaha … Oh the obsession you ponies have with wanting to know the past… I lived, or at least existed through pretty much all of it, and I can assure you the past is never as interesting what lies ahead… You know… unless you’re going so spent a thousand years as a statue or something like that…
So, time went on and life become more interesting, for me and for the creatures around me. Of course I helped in keeping things interesting. Molding and perfecting new and exciting ways to change the world and watching those around me adjust or try to adjust as best they could.
You see, good chaos, like good art, requires finesse and attention to detail. I spent many millennia perfecting the art of chaos. Learning when to be subtle at times and much more forceful at others.
Oh sure, I could turn the air in everypony's lungs here to taffy and as exquisite as the chaos would be that would come from that act, it would be rather short lived, and pure, blinding panic is such an absurdly easy emotional response to elicit.
No, too much chaos and everyone around simply flees, or breaks down in tears, or throws themselves at your… well, whatever things serve to keep you upright at the time. Predictable, boring responses when a being accepts something so cataclysmic has happened they simply give up.
It’s in the perfect balance of change to what is already there does one see truly fascinating responses. The desire to set things back the way they were, or an attempt to exist in this strange, new world where trees take offense to their fallen branches being used for firewood, or even the occasionally positive response from those who seem to enjoy my little changes.
For instance, let’s say the furniture around you suddenly came to life and wanted to pay you back for all those years of being sat and led upon!
…
There, you see! An amazing and varied display of responses. While some panic and cower, others fight back physically or insult the newly-made living furniture! And then we have the odd one who seems to be enjoying this new turn of events.
…
Oh, have it your way, spoil sport. Boring, static furniture it is…
…
…for now.
It was through these little tricks I discovered, or rather decided, what my role in this world would be. I would introduce disorder and chaos to places that were simply too orderly… too predictable… too dreadfully boring. True, many did not appreciate my granting deliverance from the mundanely orderly nature of their lives, but that was part of the fun! Seeing beings go through mazes and all kinds of physical and psychological tests just so they could have an audience with little ol’ Discord. Many would come to fight, some to talk, some would try one first, then the other when their plan ‘A’ would inevitably fall through. The best was when one or more beings showed up with something they were sure would overpower me.
Of course they were right once…
Which brings me to my favorite species of all, ponies. No species has ever been so simultaneously good at striking a balance with its surroundings yet equally good at disturbing that balance of the tiniest, most inconsequential things…
…
Oh my, no, I didn’t only mean the tiny differences between your three races. Though the differences are so very slight in the grand scheme of the world, that it is a pretty laughable reason for you ponies to almost let your entire species go extinct.
No, I meant little things like a little visit from your future self causing a panic, or concerns over a self-imposed letter-sending schedule nearly destroying a town.
…
Hahahahahahehehehe… Sorry Princess, but you are just too much fun to tease.
Anyhow, these little episodes of ponies wrecking their own precious tranquility had made them nearly as fun to watch as to mess with. Is it any wonder that I chose them to share in the endless joys of chaos?
…
Well of course it wasn’t always appreciated! That was part of the fun! Ponies always knocking on my door, braving gravity run amuck, and even massive, trap-filled landscapes to come and see me!
I suppose this finally brings me to the start of my story. For it was likely one such pony, or his weapon rather, that set things in motion.
This intrepid young pony was named Whiplash, a brown earth pony with a fiery red mane who braved a castle I had created just full of fun little distractions and challenges to get to me.
After floors and floors of challenges, he stood before me in my dark and foreboding throne room, enchanted whip wrapped around his foreleg as he readied to do battle with me.
“Die monster. You don’t belong in this world!”
I swirled a goblet full of chocolate milk and smirked back at him. “It was not by my claw I was once again given flesh. I was brought here by ponies who wished to bring me tribute!”
“Tribute!? You steal pony’s souls, and make them your slaves!”
“Perhaps the same could be said of all rulers…”
“Your words are as empty as your soul! Pony ill needs a savior such as you!”
“What is a Pony? A miserable little pile of—”
…
What?! Stolen?! You wound me, now where could I have possibly—
…
Alright, party pooper. You got me. I may have embellished the exchange a bit. However, it’s only because Whiplash was a bit of a dim bulb. Fun to run through the odd maze of chaos and molasses swamp, but when he finally got to me what he said was anything but interesting…
“You’re going down, Discord!” He cried dramatically as he galloped into my throne room.
I sighed from my throne. “…That’s it ? You spend hours trudging the honey, dodging trebuchet-launched squids, and listening to dolls singing the same repetitive song over and over again and that’s the best you could come up with?!” I slumped down to the point where I was a puddle on the floor, only my eyes and mouth distinguishable from a brown mass. “I was hoping you’d have time to come up with something interesting to say or at least have gone half mad. You didn’t even compliment my decorating job!”
Truth be told, I also embellished the part about the throne room being dark. In addition to my large and imposing throne, the room had massive spiraling columns and long patchwork drapes created from every color I could imagine, and even a few I couldn’t. It was also rather well-lit with candles that bared my likeness lining the walls.
“Your tricks won’t work on me, Discord!” Whiplash said.
I bubbled up into a column of gelatinous goo and then solidify back to my ol’ Draconequus self. I folded my arms in front of my chest. “You’ve said that one.”
“I’ve braved everything you’ve thrown at me and now I’m going to take you out!”
I puffed a gust of air up, blowing my eyebrows off my face briefly. “Said that one, too!” I replied in a bored tone as my eyebrows drifted back into place.
“You’ll pay for giving the broccoli on my family’s farm the ability to run away!”
I rolled my eyes and slumped back into my throne. “You’ve also said that one…” I paused to stroke my beard ponderously as I stare of at the ceiling. “Though, I suppose that’s my fault for not coming up with some new way to keep you on the tips of your hooves.” I grinned mischievously at Whiplash. “Besides, you should be thanking me! I’m sure dinner is much more rewarding when you have to catch it!”
Whiplash unwrapped his whip from his forearm. “CATCH THIS!” he cried before he took his whip into his mouth.
I pursed my lips slightly as I glance away. “Well that’s new at least.” I produced a large sheet that read ‘5’ on it. “There! You’re on the board!” I motion to a large scoreboard across the room where I add place a ‘5’ to the side marked ‘visitors’. The home team was winning by a landslide at this point, in case anypony was wondering.
“Happy?” I asked.
Whiplash responded by quickly whipping his head back, which caused his whip to whip back, then he brought it forward.
“I’m supposed to catch this, right?” I said with a smirk as I caught the tip of Whiplash’s whip in the grip of my eagle claw. The whip cracked loudly as my claw closed around it.
To my surprise, Whiplash had brought something new. His weapon inflicted a pain I had never known, and I mean beyond injury to my flesh and bone, such that it is. As powerful as I was, my physical body was susceptible to certain undesirable stimuli such as injury or even special types of illnesses. Though with my magic and control of my body usually only surprise attacks were considered painful, and even then a severed appendage or head can make for make for some pretty good entertainment…
…
Heh heh… In any case, my claw went numb and fell limp at my side, which was problematic since it was my snapping claw.
Of course my magic worked fine for the most part without my snapping claw, but I admit this new, strange sensation threw me for a loop. I had never once in my existence encountered something that posed an actual threat to me.
I decided I needed to learn more.
“My, my. Somepony has been a busy boy!” I said as I expertly dodged his next strike. “Tell me which wise and powerful wizard created such a tool.”
“IW’LL TWELL YWOU WWHEN YBORE DWEAD!” Whiplash cried through the whip in his mouth.
“What?!” I replied as I twisted my head up, upside-down, and out of the way of his next blow. “You’ll tell me when I’m dead?! How is that going to—”
…
What? You’re really that surprised that my first brush with potential defeat, and possibly a mortality I had not even considered until then seems to have barely phased me?
Sigh … Alright, fine ! I admit my reaction was far from dignified. Though, in my defense, Whiplash often forgot there was a whip in his mouth and tried to talk anyway. As I said, ‘dim bulb’.
Whiplash quickly wrapped the bottom of the whip around his forearm and stood on his back legs as he snapped his whip as high it would go. I flinched and shifted my body up, desperate to avoid another sting that might further nullify my power.
“GET DOWN FROM THERE!” he cried as he stared up at me.
“NO! THROW AWAY THE WHIP!” I replied as I clung to the top of the patchwork drapes I had arranged around my throne room.
“WHY WOULD I THROW AWAY THE WEAPON I CAME HERE TO DEFEAT YOU WITH?!” Whiplash shouted back up at me.
“Well fine then!” I cried. “I’m just not coming down ever !” I cried as I attempted to climb the drapes further.
Whiplash glared up at me. “I can wait!”
“You have to eat sometime!” I cried back.
Whiplash grinned up at me. “Oh, I’m quite full. How do you think I got through the room of tapioca pudding?”
My eyebrows lifted a few feet of my face. “You ate your way through that room?! There were several thousand gallons of pudding in there!”
Whiplash smiled proudly. “Not no more, there ain’t.”
“I don’t believe you!” I say as I point my talon limply out. “Whoa …” The act nearly sent me to the floor. I quickly clambered back up as best I can.
“Why don’t you come down and see for yourself?”
I pause and ponder this slightly. “… Alright, I’m not coming down, but I’m going to give you an ‘8’ for at least making me think about it… as soon as the feeling comes back to my talon.”
Whiplash frowned back up at me. “You know what? No!”
“Fine!” I exclaimed. “More points for me!”
In an almost unimaginable display of intelligence, Whiplash clamped his teeth around the bottom of the drapes and began to pull.
“Wait! What are you doing!?” I cried as the drapes began to shake.
“Twafing fwou dow! ” Whiplash announced through a mouthful of drape.
I definitely had to give Whiplash and the pony who helped him credit. The ways I could have easily and immediately solved my crisis were literally without end. However the thought that I was vulnerable, that I could somehow be dispatched had my mind as numb as my talon and I instead held on tight to the drapes as if the quickly ripping material would somehow protect me from a pony with a magic whip and vendetta.
With a few more pulls the drapes gave way, taking me with them… Right ontop of Whiplash.
I scrambled to get away from him as he flailed under the drapes and pulled them off himself. I suppose I should be thankful that thinking wasn’t Whiplash’s strong suit. A clever pony would have thought to step to the side and strike me down as I hit the ground.
Whiplash pulled the patchwork drapes off of him and quickly located his weapon. He leaned his head down and took it in his mouth. “Ywourr wien owff twerrwor ewnds nwow!” He began galloping towards me.
I slapped my lion’s paw hard against the floor and Whiplash suddenly sank, whip and all.
“Thanks for reminding me I could turn the floor into pudding,” I said with a smirk followed by a quick salute with my paw.
“Hwey!” Whiplash cried.
It was then that I noticed something curious. Maybe it was the fact that the whip was so close, or the fact that I was now aware of it and thinking a little more clearly, but it was as if I could feel the pudding around it disappear, or rather turn back into air. No doubt due to the room and, in fact, the castle itself being nothing more than an elaborate construct of my thoughts. It’s possible the whip itself made Whiplash’s harrowing trip through my castle easier, and even quite possible he hadn’t noticed.
I began to concentrate on the whip, or rather… understand that the act was somehow impossible for me. While I could clearly see and feel the item, it seemed impossible for me to grab it with my thoughts or magic. It was as if the item didn’t exist for me at some level and was a whip-shaped hole in reality itself. I would have dwelled upon this more, except Whiplash did something rather unexpected.
“OM NOM NOM NOM…”
“Are you eating the pudding floor I just made?!” I cried.
“Of course—OM —” Whiplash replied as he half-swam, half-a te his way across the floor, the whip wrapped around one of his arms once more. “—NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM—NOM — ENDING YOUR REIGN!”
My eyes went wide and my lips opened wide as laughter began to spill out of me. I rolled on the floor in absolute hysterics. I had come so close to a possible demise, or at least a state where it’s likely I would be rendered unable to continue with my fun and here was the pony who was trying to defeat me desperately eating the floor to get to me.
To his credit, he wasn’t doing a half-bad job.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahaha… I must admit this is the most interesting battle I’ve had in eons, Whiplash. You should be proud.” I held up another sign. “Have 10 points, oh hay ,” –I flipped the sign around— “Have 50 points! I don’t even care.” I updated the score board accordingly. I was still winning, of course, but he had bridged the gap in our scores considerably.
“You’ll care when I—OM — destroy you!” Whiplash cried. He quickly made it to the end of the pudding pit and stepped back onto solid floor. The pudding floor fell off of him in large, viscous globs. All except for his whip, which was completely pristine. He took his whip in his mouth once more and quickly jerked his head back, the end of the whip flew up in response, ready to strike.
I grinned wide as Whiplash jerked his head again. I snapped my eagle talon; feeling had finally returned to the appendage. Before Whiplash could follow through on another troublesome blow he and the whip disappeared from my view.
…
‘Doesn’t make sense?’ Why not! I can teleport others at will! It’s really quite ea—
…
Well, He had the whip on his personage and—
…
Sigh … Alright… so I may have had to resort to a more resourceful method to get rid of the whip. More on that in a bit.
“Oh, what the hay ! ” came Whiplash’s angry cry.
I let loose a massive laugh as I made my way to one of the throne room windows and looked out. Far below me was Whiplash, angrily starting up from my twisted castle’s equally twisted front door.
“Sorry, Whiplash my boy. Better luck next time.”
“Open this door so I can climb back up there and finish you!” Whiplash shouted up at me.
I stroked my chin thoughtfully. “Hmmmm … I’m thinking ‘no’! ButI will leave you with this wonderful parting gift.”
…
What? Kill him? Why would I do that? He had provided me with some of the best entertainment I had in a long, long time! On top of that, he had opened my eyes to my vulnerability. Perhaps not a pleasant experience, but a new one nonetheless, and better him than someone clever enough to actually succeed in their goal to end my fun. No, Whiplash had done well and he would be allowed to try again.
At the front of my castle, Whiplash readied himself for anything, and indeed, I possibly could have done anything to him. I snapped my talon and a large, golden star that read ‘you tried’ appeared on his chest as well as a very large, very full, and very lovely gift basket full of fruits and vegetables.
“Am I supposed to trust this?!” Whiplash cried as he motioned out to the basket.
I rolled my eyes so hard the popped out of their sockets and rolled onto the castle floor. “Oh don’t worry, you big baby. Most of those are fine and the ones that aren’t hardly explode at all!”
“I’ll be back, Discord! Mock my words!”
I sighed and smacked my eagle claw against my face, my face stretching and springing back into place as my claw came off. “I’m quite sure certain I will mock them! The word you probably meant to say was ‘mark’!”
“It matters little, fiend ! I’ll be back with a new whip and then I will bring you down!”
I frowned as my eyes rolled up to the whip, or rather the brand new hole in my throne room. They rolled up to the hole and peered down. I hadn’t been paying attention, but the whip had basically disintegrated the floor of the throne room, and the floor beneath that, and beneath that… falling all the way to the ground level where the stone floor beneath it had transformed back to pain dirt.
I walked back up to my eyes and placed them back in my head. After some brief, careful thought I unmade the floor around each hole the whip had made. That done, I levitated the ground underneath the item up to the throne room.
With a snap I appeared back at the window. “WHIPLASH!” I called out after the pony, as he began to trudge away, his gift basket in his mouth.
“WHHAAAAFF!?” He called back through the gift basket handle.
“HERE!” I quickly ducked back into the castle and launched the mound of earth at the window. I stopped and tilted the mound before it could crash into the stone frame of the window. As a result the whip flung out into the air and onto the ground. Perhaps Whiplash would think I simply threw it, perhaps he wouldn’t think about it. Either way, he cautiously trotted up to the item and inspected it. Once he was satisfied the whip was the one he had walked in with, he let go of the basket long enough to wrap the item around his arm again with his teeth. Soon, he, the whip, and most importantly, the gift basket were on their way back to his home.
…
Why, the gift basket was the most important because I wanted him to feel he had done well!
…
Alright, so there was a few ears of corn I could use to listen in on his conversations and potatoes I could use to spy on him.
…
Well, at least a few of you have a sense of humor!
…
Oh that’s easy. I let Whiplash keep the whip because I knew the alternative. I had been around long enough to see power hungry tyrants rise and fall. Some of them also encountered weapons that were the key to their destruction. Sometimes they’d hide the items deep within a well-guarded location or hide it in a dungeon full of traps. The ones that thought themselves cleverer than that would have it buried randomly in a swamp, or desert and not bother to record its location. I think one even simply lobbed the scimitar that was to be his undoing into the ocean.
Often times both strategies don’t work out in the long run. The determined and courageous would often find and plunder these secret areas and bring the weapon to harass or even end their foe once more. The resourceful can often locate a weapon no matter where it has ended up.
No, this way I knew exactly who had the whip and who to be weary of. As a bonus, Whiplash was pretty stupid, so enchanted whip or not, it was incredibly unlikely he’d be my undoing. Once he was too old to keep up the good fight, no doubt the whip would pass to someone else in his family. I simply had to keep tabs on him and what he did with the whip. No need for elaborate dungeons or storehouses someone might break into. No lulling myself into a false sense of security because the whip is in some hole someone would discover in a century or two.
Of course, someone else had made the whip for him no doubt. That was certainly something I had to be weary of. I suppose I could have devoted time to figuring out who that was…
On the other paw, Whiplash had given me something no one and no thing had been able to in all my existence: a challenge. I craved another. Another chance to prove I deserved my fun not by virtue of being alive longer or being more powerful than the creatures around me, but that I could outsmart them. I welcomed this change and the feelings of empowerment it brought.
Still, it dawned on me that perhaps I could attempt to improve myself somewhat. My power had got me far, but I was aware it had limits. Perhaps it was time to see if I could rise above them. To see if I could turn myself into something greater than I was.
Besides, how much of my power was invested in the creation of this planet? How much had I sacrificed to speed things along? I had no idea, but perhaps I could find out and even reclaim some of this energy.
So instead of looking outward for the next threat, I looked inward in the search of power. A search that would allow me to uncover truths about this planet I had not yet comprehended. Truths even about the cosmos itself. A search that would draw unexpected attention from creatures I had never seen before. Things beyond this world.
Little did I know it was not the whip or magic like it that would be my undoing, but my own search for self-improvement that would lead up to my imprisonment at the hands of Princess Celestia and Luna.
And it all started when I went back to the beginning, when I looked back at that formless mass of Chaos that I had come from…
…
What? I told you this would be a long story! You should have gotten a snack!
