The One With The Rainbow Mane
The sun beamed high in the sky. There was not a cloud in sight—thanks to the awesomeness that is Rainbow Dash. The rays of the sun, shining between the leaves of trees and beating against roof tops, heated the entire town of Ponyville in its embrace. It was totally not cool. The citizens of Ponyville slowly made their way through the sweltering heat, dragging their unfit bodies in agony. Pinkie Pie, the town spaz, hopped through town with booming giggles.
“Of course Pinkie is tha only mare that can be happy in thi’ sorta heat!” groaned Applejack with her weird accent at the sight of Pinkie.
“Oh, leave her be, AJ…,” Rarity said with an eye roll.
Applejack glared at Rarity, who was using her magic to fan herself with a small fan.
“You’re one ta speak, hey! Jus’ last week ya called her a—”
“Hey girls,” Twilight interrupted as she walked up to them, “have you seen Fluttershy lately? I need to ask her about a nearly extinct species.”
“I’m afraid not, darling.”
“Nope.”
“Rats….” the egg head sighed.
Pinkie bounced towards them and flashed a flamboyant smile. “Heeeeeey!” she sang.
Applejack mumbled something unintelligible.
“Hey Pinkie.” Twilight shot a look at Applejack. “Have you seen Fluttershy around?”
“Last time I saw her she was with Discord!” Pinkie chirped.
Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight stared at each other in bewilderment.
Twilight turned to look at Pinkie. “Discord?” she mumbled.
“Yeah!” Pinkie giggled.
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Now what in Equestria is tha’ mare doin’ hangin’ aroun’ with Discord?” she asked no one in particular.
Twilight pushed back her thick bangs and wiped the sweat from her forehead with her forearm. “I can’t believe this,” she muttered.
“I thought tha’ thing was banished!” Applejack roared.
Rarity snobbishly rolled her eyes.
“He is,” Twilight said.
“Then what tha hay is he doin’ here?” Applejack demanded.
“No idea, but I’m about to go find out,” Twilight reassured her. She turned to the spastic pink earth pony again. “Pinkie, where and when did you last see them?”
Pinkie thought for a moment. “Her, uh, her cottage!”
Twilight glared at her in incredulity. “Are you sure?”
Pinkie shrugged and snort-laughed. “Maybe!”
Applejack groaned in anger.
“It’s all right, we’ll find them,” Twilight said with a nod, then added, “and I’m going to give Discord a piece of my mind.”
“Well then let’s go!” Applejack said.
Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie turned to look at Rarity. The cool gray unicorn was brushing her mane with a purple brush while looking into a small mirror. She giggled helplessly at her reflection, still brushing her deep violet mane.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Sorry to interrupt … but are ya comin’, sugarcube?” she asked Rarity.
“Hmm?” She looked away from the mirror hesitantly. “Oh, yes. Right. Coming!” she said with a blush.
———
“Be back later—out for lunch?” Twilight read the note on Fluttershy’s cottage door out loud.
“Lunch,” Applejack scoffed.
Pinkie jumped around the garden, giggling to herself, like a maniac. “Maybe she really did go out for lunch!”
“Oh, can it!” Applejack growled.
Pinkie Pie’s ears flopped down and she nodded.
“Well, she’s not here. Shall we go now?” Rarity looked up at the sky and squinted. “It is far too hot to be outside.”
“We need to find Fluttershy!” Twilight turned around to face Rarity.
She sighed and nodded in defeat. “Where do we look next?”
“No idea,” Twilight answered quickly.
Rarity and Applejack exchanged looks.
“Well, princess, I thought ya had all tha bright ideas aroun’ here,” Applejack mumbled.
Twilight glared menacingly at Applejack. “Do you have a problem, Jack?”
“Jack!” she howled.
“Problem?” Twilight smirked.
Applejack grunted and looked away. “Where in tarnation is Fluttershy?!”
“There she is!” Pinkie pointed.
Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight all looked to where Pinkie was pointing. Fluttershy and Discord were walking—well, Fluttershy was walking … Discord was sort of hovering by her side—towards the cottage, completely engrossed in their conversation. Twilight stormed up to them quickly.
“You two have got a lot of explaining to do!” she fumed.
Fluttershy and Discord stopped in their tracks and stared at Twilight in utter shock. Discord floated in front of Fluttershy in a swift movement to cover her nervous face.
“Why—what ever do you mean, my dear Twilight?” he said with a chuckle.
“Oh, you know what I mean!” she said, coming to a halt in front of him.
Discord patted Twilight’s head with his paw. “I do not.”
“Ya do!” Applejack shouted while running up to them.
Fluttershy blushed hard and hid behind her mane timidly.
Discord hissed, “stop speaking to us like that.”
“Us?” Applejack repeated distastefully.
“You two are not an ‘us,’” Twilight added calmly.
Discord glanced at Fluttershy. “Fluttershy and I,” he corrected while looking back at the infuriated orange earth pony and lavender alicorn, “do not appreciate the yelling.”
“Tha nerve!” Applejack scoffed.
Twilight pushed Applejack to the side with her hoof, smiling tenderly at Discord. “Where have you two been?” she questioned.
“Does it matter, my dear Twilight?”
“Yes.”
Discord contemplated for a few seconds. “We were having lunch.”
“Were ya now?” Applejack mumbled from behind Twilight.
Rarity and Pinkie finally made their way to the group.
“Hello darlings!” Rarity sang loudly while adjusting her large-shading hat. “Fluttershy, darling, where were you? We were all so worried!”
“They were out havin’ ‘lunch.’” Applejack chuckled.
“Oh, you mean like the note said?” Pinkie giggled.
Twilight and Applejack glared at Pinkie to silence her.
“Yes! Exactly like the note said, pink one,” Discord mused.
Pinkie squealed in pleasure.
Applejack raised an eyebrow and walked over to Fluttershy, who was still shyly cowering behind the draconequus. She half-heartedly chuckled.
“Fluttersha?” she said.
“Y-yes?” Fluttershy answered.
“What are ya doin’ hangin’ aroun’ with this no-good thief?”
“O-oh, he’s not a-a thief….” Fluttershy began.
“He is!” Applejack said in a harsh tone.
“Y-you’ve got it all wrong, AJ….” Fluttershy whispered.
“Oh, I do? An’ I s’pose the res’ of Equestria’s got it all wrong, too, hey?”
“N-no, but….”
“S’pose we’re all gon’ forgive him, hey?!” Applejack snapped.
“Don’t speak to my marefriend that way,” Discord said cooly.
———
The ponies … and Discord … sat around Fluttershy’s table, silently eating toasted bread and cups of girly tea. Discord and Fluttershy sat next to each other uncomfortably, the egg head and farmer glared at Discord is sheer annoyance, the snobby one sipped her tea nonchalantly, and the spaz was totally mesmerized by the ceiling.
“So … Discord,” began Twilight, “how’s the banishment going?”
Discord chuckled. “Banishment,” he repeated.
“Yeah, banishment. Ring an’ bells, sugarcube?” Applejack said while violently stabbing the toast with a fork.
“Banishment is a very cruel word,” Discord hissed.
“It’s the proper word,” Twilight corrected. “After all, you stole from the princess.”
“Stole?” Discord asked innocently.
“Stole.” Twilight nodded.
“Why—ya made a mockery o’ her! Ya’ll shoul’ be ashamed!”
“Mockery?” Discord questioned.
“You stole her tiara and wore it, then you danced around singing ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ and made it rain mini Celestias!” Twilight cried in indignation.
“That’s a mockery?”
“Yes!” Twilight and Applejack agreed in unison.
“A reason to get banished?” Discord smirked.
“Y-yes!” Twilight stuttered in anger.
Discord’s head floated up, detached from his weird looking body. He started to juggle his head with his hands, humming quietly. “Interesting,” he mused.
Applejack and Twilight stared at him, then at each other, and then at him. Maybe it was the lack of awesomeness in the room that made it so … so … awkward.
Twilight sighed and rubbed her temples with her hooves. “Discord, you know what I’m going to tell you.”
“Do you really want to make one of your best friends sad, Twilight?” Discord’s head reattached onto his neck.
Twilight rolled her eyes and turned to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy…,” she began.
“I know,” she whispered faintly.
“Good. Discord,” she said while turning to him, “time to—”
“Th-the thing is …,” Fluttershy interrupted Twilight with her meek and trembling voice, “you can’t exactly force Discord to go.”
Twilight listened patiently.
“Princess Celestia didn’t seem to mind,” she continued.
Twilight remained silent.
Fluttershy waited for the egg head to speak up, so she didn’t say anything for a while … and it’s also partially because she’s afraid of getting verbally abused by the egg head’s extensive vocabulary.
After what seemed like hours of waiting, Twilight spoke up hesitantly. “I did.”
“M-mind?”
“Yes,” Twilight confirmed.
“As did I!” Applejack slammed her hoof down on the table ferociously.
Twilight and Applejack turned to Rarity, who was sipping her tea casually. “Hmm? Oh, yes, me too,” Rarity agreed, obviously not knowing what she just agreed to.
Twilight and Applejack turned to Pinkie, who was still staring at the ceiling. They shook their head and turned back to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy sighed. “W-well then, you girls sh-should know something…,” she mumbled nervously.
Discord’s arm squeezed around Fluttershy tightly. Fluttershy looked up at the weird creature and smiled that adorable pegasus smile that everyone loves so much. Discord smiled back—his smile looked vaguely keen in my opinion—and he nuzzled her. Applejack made a disturbed face and stuck her tongue out, while Rarity blushed and oogled over the love.
“Well?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“The thing is…,” Fluttershy began.
Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity leaned in close to hear her stupidly quiet voice.
“I’m pregnant.”
———
Twilight dragged the wimpy one outside. “Pregnant?!” she yelled as soon as the front door was shut. “What do you mean pregnant?!”
Fluttershy’s ears flopped down in embarrassment. “Oh, my….”
Twilight stared at her with skepticism.
“T-Twilight?”
“What?”
“Wh-what are you thinking about?” she asked, her large eyes filled with hope.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “That thing sitting in there.” Applejack’s words must’ve rubbed off on the egg head, because she looked pretty enraged at that moment.
“Oh,” was all she said.
The two ponies stood there in the torturing silence, shifting uncomfortably every now and then.
“Nice weather we’re having…,” Fluttershy croaked.
Twilight rolled her eyes.
“What?”
“I’m upset, Fluttershy!” Twilight turned to fully face her.
“W-why?”
“Why are you with him? He’s a monster!”
Fluttershy gasped. “Now, Twilight—”
“Ugh, you even sound like him!”
Meanwhile, inside the cottage…
“I can’t believe ya!” yelled Applejack.
“Wh—”
“Ya ruined my friend! You’re rotten, tha’s what ya are!”
“Now—”
“You’re a bad influence on her, ya hear me?!”
Discord flashed to Applejack’s side and zipped her mouth closed with a zipper … literally, a zipper. It was hilarious.
“Mmmph!” Applejack cried through the zipper.
Pinkie looked at Applejack and giggled in surprise. “Oh oh oh, me next! Me next!”
Rarity rolled her eyes in annoyance.
Discord smirked, happy to oblige. With a snap of his claw, Pinkie’s mouth was zipped shut with a zipper. He turned to face Applejack. “Now, you are going to let me speak.”
“Hmph!” Applejack crossed her forearms and pouted as much as she could manage.
“Listen, cowgirl….”
Meanwhile, outside the cottage…
“He’s selfish! He doesn’t even know your last name!”
“W-well, you know what? I don’t have a last name!” Fluttershy wailed. “Unlike Rainbow Dash, she has an awesome last name!”
“Yeah, I know! I wish I had her last name!” the egg head screamed.
“Me too!” the weak one screamed back, which wasn’t even a real scream.
“Well … th-then it’s settled! I’ll be Twilight Dash and you’ll be Flutter Dash. Good?”
“Good.” Flutter Dash nodded in agreement.
The two ponies with now equally amazing last names walked back into the cottage. They both stopped in the doorway and stared at the commotion going on inside.
“Mmmrph mmph hmph mrrfph!” Applejack mumbled through her zippered-mouth.
Discord held Applejack by her right hindleg, chuckling grossly. “Sorry, what was that?”
“Mrphmim!” Applejack’s eyes bulged open at the sight of Twilight.
“What’s going on?!” Twilight asked, rubbing her eyes in shock.
“The cowgirl didn’t listen to me!” he said with a smirk.
“Put … her … down!” Twilght growled.
“Fine, if you insist…,” Discord said. He let go of Applejack’s hindleg, making her drop to the ground with a loud thud.
Applejack groaned in pain, slowly trying to get up.
“That’s not what I meant….” Twilight sighed, trying to keep her cool.
Discord then defied all gravity and floated his way to Twilight, who was raising an eyebrow at him. “You’re no fun, princess.”
“I am fun!” Twilight pouted.
In reality, Twilight’s not any fun. She only likes books.
Discord cackled and said, “prove it!”
“H-how?” she questioned nervously.
Discord wrapped his body around Twilight and slithered his tongue around. “Let’s go skydiving!”
“Absolutely not!” she replied.
Told you she’s no fun.
Discord rolled his eyes—literally … he grabbed his eyes out of his eye sockets and rolled them around in his hands—and sighed.
“Now unzip Applejack and Pin—” Twilight thought this through for a moment, then continued, “Applejack’s mouth!”
“Say please.” Discord smiled innocently.
Twilight groaned. “Please….”
With a snap of his claw, the zipper disappeared off of Applejack’s mouth.
Applejack stood up and grabbed her really embarrassing cowboy hat, firmly placing it on her messy mane. “Why I oughta—”
“Applejack!” Twilight shouted and grabbed Applejack with her magic before she could attack Discord.
Discord snickered.
“Lemme at ‘em!” she barked.
“Applejack, please. Flutter Dash has some news for us.”
“Erm, Flutter Dash?” Applejack raised an eyebrow.
“Long story … Flutters?” Twilight looked over at the timid yellow pegasus and smiled cheerfully, releasing Applejack from her magical hold.
Rarity and Pinkie looked over at Fluttershy. Every … single … eye … from every … single … pony … was on her. Fluttershy looked down, nervously.
“Oh, jus’ tell us!” Applejack yelped.
“I’m not pregnant….”
“What?!” all the ponies exclaimed in unison, exempt the egg head and Discord.
“Surprise?” Fluttershy giggled.
———
“A prank?” Applejack wailed.
“That’s all it was, really?” Rarity cocked her head to the side.
“Mmrph hmmm!” Pinkie nodded in excitement, relieved that she was in on the entire thing.
Twilight giggled faintly at Applejack’s stunned expression—her mouth hanging wide open in pure shock and relief—and walked over to her. Applejack’s facial expression didn’t change the slightest.
“Who would’ve thought?” Twilight smiled.
“Did ya know, too?” Applejack turned her head quickly to Twilight.
“Of course not! Flutters told me outside!”
Applejack sighed heavily.
“We did well, didn’t we? It was quite the play, if I do say so myself!” Discord said humbly, disappearing and reappearing in a stupid suit with a red tie. He bowed and smirked at Applejack.
Applejack looked away and let her eyelids droop down, completely tired out from this totally boring day.
Author's Note
Story told by Rainbow Dash's perspective ... obviously.
