Now where did I put my Keys?

by The_Whovian16

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 2035

"Alright, listen up Kids- I don't got much time to fill you in. So- you know how there are multiple dimensions in the known reality and Stuff? Welp. Apparently the Warehouse found it's way into a new one- WITH PONIES!" - Pete Latt

Alright- so this is how the Story Goes.

During an unspecified Date, and Time- (sometime BEFORE season 4 of Warehouse 13) The Warehouse begins on it's usual Weekly inspection, and cataloging of all of it's Artifacts, when something goes to the worst case possible (because when doesn't it?) The Team- and the Monstrously Huge Warehouse itself, get pulled across dimensions into the land of…. Ponies…. (You're reading this on FiMfiction.com- what did you expect? It to NOT be a Crossover?)

Anyway- somehow, while most of the Team was still unconscious- hundreds of Artifacts were let lost into the near bye area's of Equestria- causing all sorts of Mayhem, and Chaos…. Which is what caught MY attention the most- never mind that building that appeared at the Base of Canterlot Mountain. Now I'm out of a Job while those little 'artifacts' run free through my Territory…. Which I guess means I'm on a Vacation now~ Hehe-

"DISCOORRRDDD!!!!"

Oh poo! That means I've been re-hired. Drats. Alright- well looks like my Vacation is over. Looks like I need to go and help save the day again…. Or, possibly make it worse- I haven't decided upon which yet~

Why don't you tag along to find out?- Fluttershy says I need to make more friends besides herself anyway… So come on! Let's go and find out!

After all- who in their right mind would deny themselves a chance at Endless Wonder?~

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-10 15:26:09 UTC

Prologue

Opening theme

Chapter 1

“CLAUDIA! PUT THAT DOWN!” Artie yelled at her, hitting her hand away from a rather new looking telescope.

The red haired, rebellious, teenage super genius hacker (and -possible- future Warehouse Agent)  just rolled her eyes “Jeez Gramps- will you relax? I was just doing inventory here in the Astronomy section.” She said, making a mark on her tablet. “Not like I can do much by staring at the stars.... Besides- Pete spends time here all the time, and he’s more prone to use an Artifact the wrong way then I am.”

The older grump of a man who had, had vast amounts of generous helpings of cake, and cookie consumptions, with a history in espionage, NSA hacking, a dark childhood, and Artifact hunting, just gave the young rebellious teenager a glare. Then in a sweetly sarcastic voice said “Oh really?~ Alright then.- riddle me this. Who holds the record for the most Artifacts incidents within the Warehouse walls?”

She groaned. “Okay- that’s not-”

“Who?!??” He asked louder.

She rolled her eyes, and folded her arms looking away. “ I do....” She said quietly, before quickly coming back. “-but that’s only because you keep me locked up in here doing stock instead of-”

“-And WHO has almost CRASHED the Warehouse systems on MULTIPLE Occasions?” He asked her, his voice (and blood pressure) rising.

“Okay- It’s not my fault that these old hunk of junk systems-”

“-AFTER Fargo’s Upgrades?”

“... Oh....” She said, instantly sounding deflated.

“And finally- WHO Nearly brought the Warehouse down by super magnetizing one of the main support beams?”

“... You know- reminding me of past faults doesn’t exactly boost my confidence Arty.”

Arthur Neilson sighed. “Confidence Boosting? Ha- ‘Ego Boosting’ would be more like it.” He said, harrumphing at the end.

Claudia just rolled her eyes and looked back at the telescope. “Alright- so you think you could tell me why the hell you just slapped my hand away frommm....” She stretched out her last word as she checked the manifesto. “From... Oh-”

“Karl Schwarzschild’s Telescope.” He said, examining something beside the telescope in question.

Claudia sighed. “Jeez- do you know EVERY single artifact in this place Artie?” she said, sounding a little annoyed by being interrupted.

He raised a thick bushy eyebrow at her. “No... I just read the name plates.” He said, picking up the little television screen and showing it to her.

She instantly deflated again. “Oh... Well... What exactly does it do?” She asked- walking over to it to read it for herself.

He sighed, and read it outloud. “‘Karl Schwarzschild’s. A brilliant German Physicist, and Astronomer, who theorized that all of the known Universe spins within the innards of a black-hole, or better known as the theory of ‘Black-Hole Cosmology.’ Father of Martin Schwarzschild-’”

“Yeah yeah yeah- skip to the Artifact.” She said, rolling her hand in a circle.

He looked at her for a moment, glaring with his most threatening glance (which Claudia considered to be nothing more than ‘cute’ at the time) and decided to just skip the biography. “.... ‘Schwarzschild’s Telescope was captured by forgotten Warehouse 13 in 1916, near the Russian Fronts- Right after the Warehouse 12 moved to Warehouse 13. The Telescope was weaponized by the Russians soon after Schwarzschild's Death, once they had collected his research. On their one successful field test- they had been able to open a black-hole around their Enemies- sucking them into another universe Entirely. The Warehouse 13 Regents covered up the incident soon after the telescope was retrieved. It was then brought to America as one of the first Artifacts of Warehouse 13 in the late 1920’s.’” He finished, sighing and putting it back down. “Happy? You almost sent the Warehouse into a Black-Hole.”

She blinked a bit, realizing the depth of that situation. “... Wow.... That’s awesome.”

“Oh yes- Sending the Warehouse into a Black-Hole is-” He was cut off by the sound of his Farnsworth is going off. He grunted and glared at the rebellious hacker for a moment, before quickly checking his bag, to which Claudia just smirked and looked around some more. “This had better be Important PETE! I’m in the middle of grueling an irresponsible child.” He said, sounding displeased, but in his own joking manner.

“What? Wait- did you find the Pete cave?” He asked him quickly- as if terrified for his beloved man-cave.

“.... Do I even want to know?” Artie asked.

Myka took the Farnsworth from Pete before he could say anything more, and looked to the screen. “Artie- hey, did you know that the Warehouse has a Telescope on the roof? You can see just about everything through it!- You gotta get Claudia and get up here-”

Artie interrupted her there. “Wait- there’s a Telescope on the roof?... I don’t remember-”

Pete took the Farnsworth back and pointed it towards him. “Yeah- The telescope up here is freaking HUGE- when you look through it you can see the moon rover that they left up on the moon!- Who knew the Middle of nowhere is GREAT for stargazing?” Pete said from the background, making a funny questioning face before Myka could take the

Myka just sighed, and looked back to the screen. “Look- Pete, Leena, and I are already up here waiting for you guys and-”

“Oh yeah! Leena brought over some of her DELICIOUS cookies too!” Pete interrupted again, taking the farnsworth back, while trying to shove his mouthful of cookies.

Artie immediately focused back on Pete. “Alright- Whatever. We will check it out in a minute- IN THE MEANTIME- if I find out that any of the Artifacts are missing or displaced- I will find this ‘PeteCave’ and I WILL Annihilate it! Understood?”

Pete just looked at the farnsworth for a moment, and nodded. “Awright- buf if fu ee a vad in dhere- id bewongs to Quadia!” He said before swallowing.

Myka sighed and she translated ‘Pete’. “Okay- but if you see a bat in there- it belongs to Claudia.”

Pete quickly looked over her shoulder, and grabbed the Farnsworth with a hand. “Okay Artie- Gotta go! There’s a cloud that’s been blocking most of our view for like- and hour, and it’s finally about to move out of the way- so bye!” He said before quickly shutting the farnsworth lid.

Artie just blinked and groaned a moment later, massaging his temples. “I swear to Mrs Fredrick- if Pete touched that damn Bat again-”

“-I hope you are not referring to Babe Ruth’s Bat, Arthur Neilson.” Mrs. Frederick said, in a knowing sort of tone.

He eep’d and spun around to see Mrs Frederick a few feet behind him. “Mrs. Frederick!” He said, sounding terrified for a moment, as he held his heart. “Please- can you STOP doing that? Pete is not the only one who eats Leena’s cookies.” He said- trying to keep his heart within his chest.

Mrs Frederick said nothing for a moment and waited patiently for an answer.

Arty sighed, and recollected his dignity from the floor. “Sadly yes- he’s been curious about it ever since he heard it was in the Warehouse. I had to hide it four times to stop him from finding it- and I’m still not sure of how he keeps finding it.” He said, holding a hand to his head. There was something he had forgotten- something important... He sighed at trying to remember it.

Mrs Frederick looked at him concerned (although she showed it about as well as Spock shows expressions of emotion.) “Arthur? What’s wrong?”

He sighed again, and looked at her, then down again and shook his head. “I don’t know... I feel like I have just forgotten something...”

Mrs Frederick raised an eyebrow. “Well was it important?”

He thought for a moment in his grump normal self. “... It might have been- then again, it might not have been...” He said finally, sighing a bit as he picked his bag up off the floor, and put his Farnsworth inside of it-

Just as Claudia hopped down- looking terrified. “Artie- we have a problem.” She said- not noticing Mrs Frederick until a few moments later, and jumping (slightly) of the ground.

Artie just focused on the bad thing that Claudia was talking about before her minor heart attack “What?- What’s wrong?” He asked her quickly- snapping Claudia out of her scared state- and forgetting Mrs. Frederick was there. Again.

“Okay- you know how you and I were just talking about Schwarzschild- and his black-hole cosmology stuff? Well- I did a little digging through his other Artifacts- his star charts, and his journals and whatnot- and I found out he had a son-”

“Is this going anywhere Miss Donovan?” Mrs Frederick asked her, seeming ‘unamused’ (or it might have just been her normal tone of voice.)

“Eeyup- Pretty BIG something in fact- so be like Myka when Artie is explaining the end of the World Artifacts, and please shut up.” She said, not caring that she had just told Mrs Frederick to shut up. “Schwarzschild’s son- Martin Schwarzschild, who I had read about before in the psych-ward (don’t ask,) ALSO became an Astrophysicist! He discovered the Hydrogen shell around the sun- and discovered how a sun turns into a Red giant, and the evolution of the sun, and, well- too keep it short and simple.... Martin Schwarzschild’s Telescope is Missing.” She said, showing him the removable, electronic name plate, which said that the Artifact had been disturbed.

Artie exchanged quick looks with Mrs Frederick who looked actually ‘shocked’ by the news. Artie spoke first though. “Well what does the Artifact do?!” He asked trying to grab the name plate from her.

She forked it over quickly. “Depending on the magnification- and if pointed at a star or sun- it could turn said star into a Red Super Giant- consuming almost any and all Planets in it’s Solar System....” She said, sounding a little terrified.

Artie went wide eyed- as did Mrs Fredrickson, and they both looked at her, and then to the name plate hoping against all hope that Claudia was dead wrong.

And then Artie Remembered. “..... There’s a Telescope on the roof....” he said to himself- mortification sinking in.

Then- there was a rumbling throughout the whole of the Warehouse- as if something was literally tearing it from it’s place in the Earth. None of the people inside the Warehouse felt it though- thanks to the Warehouse’s flawless design- but they could hear it- and Mrs Frederick collapsed to the floor writhing in pain, as the Warehouse was moved across the Dimensional plane.

Claudia and Artie instantly blacked out- falling to the floor- an entirely DIFFERENT gut wrenching Pain coming over the two, as their bodies were disassembled atom by atom- and then being RE-assembled on the other side of the Dimensional plane.

Mrs Frederick was the only one who remained awake in their long time in the Dimensional Vortex- her connection to the Warehouse the only thing keeping her mind awake, and not burning up in the heat of a hundred thousand atom bombs going off in her head. Mrs Frederick was forced to watched the two beings before her be disassembled by their atoms and be re-assembled in a similar matter, into forms that were alien to her. She would have made a guess for some kind of mammal, if not the searing pain of her body being transformed as well.

She burned and Burned in what felt like an eternity- this pain being far worse than any she knew before- even the time when Warehouse 2 had been brought back online. Her mind was only overcrowded then, and not feeling as if it had been plunged into the Devil’s frier somewhere deep within the pits of hell. This was the Warehouse’s doing, for it was trying to keep her awake- ALIVE. It thought that b keeping her awake it would be able to protect her- but in truth it only continued to hurt her- to BURN her.

Eventually- after long enough of the agonizing Pain- the Warehouse let her faint- where she finally collapsed to the ground in the sweet, sweet abyss, of unconsciousness.

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