The Magnificance of Pinkamena Diane Pie

by VinylScratched

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Pinkie Pie, Dark
Length: 3446

Pinkamena begins an Earth pony Revolution! This is her address to the Earth ponies of Ponyville.

Fair warning: This story sucks! :D

Pinkamena Diane Pie wants to start a revolution, an uprising for Earth Pony supremacy. That's all you know. Just from the one speech you've attended, but what will happen next? That's the biggest question of all. How do you determine rather or not to join Pinkie's rebellion? Well, let's start at the beginning with that invitation.

A black envelope with a pink insignia made of candle wax to seal it closed.

If you are recieving this letter, you are invited to an essembly to witness the beginning of a new beginning. If you choose to accept this invitation, you will forever be changed.

~Your host~

This story was written in two hours on a whim - no thought put into the initial version, it took about a day and a half to revise and finalize. It was written in 2nd person for Obselescence's contest

This story was preread by two! Thank you both for your opinions and outlooks!
Jumbled Thoughts
PrincessLunaTheGamer

Could not find the original Artist who created the CoverArt I've used. :(

Published 2014-06-10 21:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-10 21:40:03 UTC

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You’re sitting there, wondering why all the earth ponies in Ponyville had gathered tonight. You glance to your left and to your right, unfortunately, everyone else is whispering the same questions you’re thinking of.

“Why are we here?”

“Who left that letter at my door?”

“What’s going on?”

Figuring that your questions are bound to be answered soon; you sit and wait. After a short while, a dull pink pony appears on the stage at the head of the crowd. She’s got her long straight mane hanging to one side and has the top layer braided down the center. She’s also wearing a neatly wrapped crimson satin cloth around the base of her tail. You admire the finely crafted red evening gown that matched the satin cloth she wore, and you can’t help but find it to be just as beautiful as she is.

You watch -- and so does everyone else in the hushed crowd -- as the mare stands behind the podium readying herself to speak. After what feels like forever, you finally lean towards the pony to your right, asking about the mare on stage.

The stallion shrugged, unsure of what was going on though he does mention that she looks kind of like Pinkie Pie. The mare that bakes for the Cakes at Sugarcube Corner.

Astonished, you begin to rant a little.

Your words have fallen on deaf ears. The stallion you were talking to had been leaning in the opposite direction to speak with the pony on his right. He looked back at you and shrugged as you roll your eyes.

You repeat yourself, losing control of your volume control. Anger got the better of you and a few faces turned to see who had shouted. A hoof bumped a microphone and echoed outwards over the crowd.

“Hello.” reverberated a finely-toned female voice. There must have been speakers hidden in the bushes surrounding the pavilion because you noticed that her angelic voice is coming at you from every direction.

Noticing that every pony is silenced by the voice, you decide to listen and when nothing more came, a fog of whispers began within the crowd. You’re not quite sure what to expect from this and you can feel the crowds excitements vibrating within your body.

Finally the voice returned to silence the crowd again. “With a dream of a beautiful day and this sight on a wonderful night, I am glad you all came here for me.”

You recognize the voice though it carried a lot darker tone than it usually did.

“I’m sure many of you have already recognized me as Pinkie Pie -- which is true -- though my full name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, and I gathered you here to tell a little story. One I heard a long time ago, and have had the pleasure of researching.”

Your excitement quickly deflates, and so does many others. The letter you had received was from an anonymous host and guaranteed a revelation or something. Too bad it didn’t include a buffet table, at least, they were providing alcohol.

“You see, when I discovered the legendary Mirror Pool, I found much more in that cavern than just some pool which cloned a pony. I found a book, a book I want to show you all.”

She raises the book into the air for all to see, unfortunately for you, you’re in the nosebleeds at the back of the crowd and can’t get a clear view. “This book was written by a famous wizard, before the Chaos Age of Discord. It explains that before Discord’s rule, much of Equestria was divided and lived in a broken understanding of what each race was doing. The Earth ponies were the foundation of all life in Equestria, they grew the food that the other two races, the Pegasi and Unicorns needed in order to live. So they had the most fertile soils in all of Equestria. But the Unicorns wanted that land, the Pegasi, driven by their own purposes. Back then the Pegasi were more of a brutal nation, their politics were built from the ground up as a military power, they used their speed and agility to their advantage in battle and often times were seen as the protectors of the other two races. With little to no conflicts requiring more than one or two pegasi, they needed a real conflict to get into.”

As the last few words fall from her lips, you spot a pegasus just ahead of you crouching low as several earth ponies glared at him.

Pinkie Pie catches your attention as she begins speaking again, “You see. The earth ponies of their time did nothing wrong. The greed of the Unicorns desired the land for excavation of rare gems, and they aimed to turn the earth ponies into slaves to dig for them. The Unicorns would have won if not for the pegasi diving into battle with no loyalties to either Unicorn or Earth ponies. They simply needed something to fight, someone to hurt, some blood to spill.”

You find yourself leaning forward, genuinely curious about her intentions. “Of course, this is only the beginning. Once the Windigos began their endless winter, food died, and it was the Earth Ponies fault for not growing enough of it for all three races. They left the Earth ponies to clean up their land, the land that had been used as a battlefield. The Earth ponies didn’t have a choice, they dug shallow mass graves and dropped the dead Unicorns and Pegasi bodies into them. After they covered these monstrous graves, the Earth ponies had to count their dead and give each and every worker, soldier, and foal a grave of their very own.”

A stunned silence claimed the crowd, including you. You hadn’t expected the unicorns and pegasi to be so brutal; slaughtering Earth pony foals!

“Those monsters!”

“They don’t deserve to survive!”

“Why did they kill foals?!”

You could hear Pinkamena chuckle to herself over the microphone. “You see, as the winter continued, many more ponies died of famine, disease, and to the cold. No pony knew how to survive in such conditions and the pegasi had no control over the weather. The Windigos denied them the ability to remove the thickening cloud cover that kept their world in utter darkness and freezing cold weather. Eventually with nothing else to lose, the three nations came together and a pact was formed, friendship was forged, and the Windigos were defeated.”

You could hear a round of applause and shocked gasps rise from the crowd, eventually, a silence took the crowd. Pinkamena was stalling, or creating a very odd atmosphere. You could barely see her, but you could tell that she wore a smile on her face as her eyes were closed. She was facing the moon.

You glanced at the moon as well, though nothing special seemed to peak your interest. Pinkamena’s voice echoed quietly across the crowd, “For those of you who share my gaze, I don’t need to see the sky to know it’s beauty because I look at it for hours every night. That moon was home to our princess for the longest time. But it was that prisoner who saved our young nation from utter destruction.”

After her short pause you wait, with your hooves tingling with excitement again, “You see, during the Ages of Chaos, the situation of those earth ponies who survived only worsened. Many ponies were lost to the chaotic monsters that roamed the world. No pony was safe in these times and many Unicorns and Earth ponies resorted to digging tunnels to avoid the chaotic weather and monsters on the surface. The pegasi thought they would be safe in the skies, but the winds and weather kept them grounded. Some of them fell to begging the Earth ponies for help, and when they were rejected the Pegasi aimed to take the tunnels. This led to many fights for control of different parts of the caverns under Equestria.”

You as well as the majority of the Earth ponies surrounding you begin a deafening roar of all sorts of mixed emotions. You, in particular, can’t feel even a shred of love towards either the Unicorns nor Pegasi by this point in the tale. A mare leans towards you, “Hey, what do you think of all this?”

You’re honestly not sure how to reply to her question, you don’t know how to feel about all this. This history that was left undocumented for the longest time, there is no telling rather all this is true or if she was just bluffing. You finally decide to speak and just as you finish answering her question, Pinkamena begins again.

“As the death tolls rose and many lives were lost, the Earth ponies were forced away from the tunnels and into the chaotic world above. Those who were fit for work were forced into a slavery in the crafting of caverns and cave systems. Building a community large enough to hold both the superior races. Discord took pity on the ponies who came to him for safety. Most all of the Earth ponies left the tunnels to the Unicorns and Pegasi and began walking and surviving in the Chaos, often under Discords protection.”

“Earth ponies are superior! Why are they the slaves!?”

“Come on! Get to the point!”

“I wonder when Pinkie Pie got so… dark? Is that the right word or should it be disturbing?”

You couldn’t help but agree with that last statement, though you aren’t quite sure where it came from, you could tell it was a mare’s voice that spoke.

“Yeah, I’d go with disturbingly dark. How about we never go to Sugar Cube corner again. I’m starting to wonder what they put in those cupcakes…”

Obviously, you plan to ignore the two now that they’ve insulted your favorite treat in all of Equestria. Pinkie’s cupcakes.

Pinkamena grasps the crowd’s attention once more. “After a thousand years of surviving in an underground world or roaming the dangerous surface of Equestria.”

You watched her take a deep breath and smile at the crowd, “Discord’s reign came to an end, thanks to two Earth pony sisters who came across a magic crystalline tree which held the most powerful magic in all of Equestria. They dubbed these magical stones, the Elements of Harmony. The tree they had found granted the two Earth ponies wings and horns, transforming them into the Alicorns we now know as Celestia and Luna. The two of them took their new weapon to Discords front door and blasted him with their magic, turning the demon to stone. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite fix all the active dark magic in Equestria.”

Pinkamena began laughing psychotically before leaving everyone in a chilled silence. After a moment or two, she began speaking with a voice that demanded attention. “Celestia and Luna began fixing the destruction caused by Lord Discord. The two races began to ascend from their tunnels and watched as Equestria was returned to its natural state. The sisters may have fixed Equestria’s land and sky, but there was no way for them to fix the bloodied relationships amongst the races. The sisters forced their position as the Rulers of Equestria though they met little resistance since they were the ones to defeat Discord. They had to enforce their laws of Harmony to instill a peace amongst the races. The Earth ponies were given fertile lands, the pegasi were given the skies and multiple other settlements, while the unicorns took control of several other points in Equestria, including the sister’s new capital city. Canterlot.”

You notice that she still wears a smile. “You all are here because I believe we’ve been ill-treated by our Princesses. We haven’t been given any sort of royalties for the abuse we’ve taken, and the sisters know our troubles of the past. The Earth ponies have only become farmers and workers, producing the fundamental necessities that the other races need. Everything from metal and armor for the pegasi, to cloth for the high class dresses worn to the Grand Galloping Gala. And still, have we earned our spot in the light? No, of course not. We’ve been farmers for as long as we’ve had documented history! We’ve been slaves with benefits and barely enough bits to keep our farms in working order! How many of you need new tools? How many of you go without food in order to feed others? How many of you slave over your finest craftsmanship to simply give it away to a pegasus or unicorn?”

“We do!”

“I do!”

“Why don’t we have nice big houses!”

Pinkamena’s insanity shown through her expression, is this pony even worth listening too? You hear gasps spread throughout the crowd, the you spot an orange Earth pony mare stepping onto the stage. her golden mane and tail tied off with bright red ribbons. The mare shared a few words with Pinkie before Pinkamena bowed to her and took a few steps away from the podium, giving the orange mare control of the stage. “Some of ya'll might recognize me, for those of you who don’t. I’m Applejack, the rightful owner of Sweet Apple Acres! The same Orchard that was taken from me and mah family by those rotten unicorns, Flim and Flam! They apparently found a legal hole in the contract over the cider makin’ contest that we had years ago. They waited for good ol’ Granny Smith to pass away before they took the farm from me! Accordin’ to them, Granny Smith was the owner during the cider makin’ contest an’ when she died the farm went to them instead of me and Big Mac!”

She pauses as the crowd exploded into controversy, She smacked the mic with a hoof, effectively quieting everyone. “Above that, we were behind on bills and they took Applebloom from me. The Flim Flam brothers took my farm and my sister! Princess Celestia and Princess Luna allowed this! No matter how much Princess Twilight was against it, they said their hooves were tied and everything that was happening was legal. Apparently, because my parents are dead and both me and my brother have no money or home, we aren’t capable of taking care of a filly like Applebloom.”

“Do you support Pinkie’s ideas!?” Somepony at the front of the crowd shouted.

“I do.” She nodded and walked off stage. disappearing into the crowd as Pinkamena returned to her place on the stage.

“I say we rebel!” She shouted into the microphone, leading to many ponies to shout their encouragement of the idea. “We start by spreading the word to all Earth ponies! I’ve already spread the word through Appaloosa, thanks to Applejack’s troubles, they were not hard to convince. We’ve also got support groups building throughout the Van Hoover Earth pony mobs and gangs as well as a small group forming in preparation for my visit to Manehatten. I’ve even infiltrated Canterlot and have a few scouts elsewhere in this world of ours.

Obviously her attempt to rally the troops was working on many of the more irrational ponies that were here. However, you and several others aren’t too big into the idea of starting a revolution. “I will lead us through Canterlot myself! I’m not afraid of death, for death is the only freedom I will receive!”

Many ponies hollered and stomped in her praise, a few unicorns and a pegasus start to sneak away from the gathering, several of the Earth ponies in the crowd jumped on them and even tied down a pegasus’ wings so he couldn’t fly away.

“Ahh, we have some volunteers.” Pinkamena stepped aside allowing the Earth ponies to guide the four captured ponies to center stage. “I believe there are still one-hundred and ninety-eight Earth ponies here. Leaving fifty-two ponies absent and as far as I know, none has attempted to leave this gathering until now. So you four are the only ones who were invited via a friend to come here, correct?”

The three unicorns and the pegasus seemed to frighten. “Are there any other unicorns and pegasi out there?” she asked curiously.

“Well? Answer me!” she smacked a unicorn mare across the face with the back of her hoof.

You find yourself more interested in what was happening on stage as the unicorn spat out a blood-covered tooth, giving this meeting the reality it was meant to have. You find yourself moving through the crowd for a better view of the action.

“Okay! There are more out there. I saw Lyra at some point! She came with Bon Bon… I swear. I don’t know anything else.”

“Fine. Oh, and Vinyl? What is your opinion on the hatred your unicorn ancestors have shown my Earth ponies? Do you deserve to die here or not, is what I’m asking.”

Your eyes fly open as you draw close enough to make out which ponies were on the stage, Vinyl Scratch, Cold Front, Lemon Heart and Thunderlane. Vinyl had true fear flaring in her eyes, tears just boiling in them and falling from the bottom of her chin. “Vinyl. Answer me,” Pinkamena said quietly. A soft smile still dancing on her face.

“I… I would rather fight for you instead of anyone else. For Octavia’s sake.” Vinyl was released as Pinkie nodded her head.

“Get her a pack of ice and some painkillers.” One of the Earth ponies nodded and disappeared, returning with some painkillers as well as a large mug filled with cold water. “Vinyl, I’m sorry if I scared you. But I had to get an honest answer from you. I know you will do anything for Octavia. And I knew you would be here tonight. I’m sorry about your tooth but luckily Minuetta is willing to fix it for you. Unfortunately, she can’t put your tooth back into its spot, but she can craft you a false tooth fairly quick.”

You watch as Vinyl Scratch is lifted off the stage by Nurse Redheart and Minuetta, they lead her off to the side and start working on her mouth. You can’t help but feel a little bad for the unicorn, considering she did nothing wrong, of course, a small part of you still really enjoyed seeing Pinkamena slap her teeth out.

“And you, Thunderlane. What do you think of this rebellion?” Pinkie’s smile faded to a serious poker face. Every single pony in that crowd went silent as the guards grabbed him and drug him towards Pinkie. He spat at her hooves and all you heard was a crack evaporate into the cold air as Thunderlane’s head hit the wooden floor of the stage.

“What just happened?”

“She hit him in the head for spitting at her.”

“Wow, brutal. But awesome.”

“Stupid pegasus, who is that guy anyways?”

“Some slacker on the weather team from what I’ve heard.”

You shush the two earth ponies and watch as Thunderlane picks himself up. “I will never join your rebellion. In fact, after I’m out of here, I’ll be reporting your insane plan to the Princesses myself!”

“Are you sure about that?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, it’s not like you’re going to do anything about it. There are tons of ponies here if you were to-”

“If I were to do what? Kill you? In front of all these ponies? What would they do? They’ll praise me for eliminating you, The first blood of a rebellion is the most exciting thing to see. I’ll give you the honor of being remembered by our history books because you are the first to die.” Cheers rose into the air and a look of pure fear filled his eyes as the color drained from his face.

“Kill him already!” someone shouted in the crowd, immediately followed by an uproar of ponies cheering her on. You simply sit silently watching Pinkamena, she seemed unphased by the uproar of the crowd, as if everyone there was suddenly gone and it was just her and Thunderlane.

“Any last words, Thunderlane?” She asked in a pleasant, yet icy tone.

“Go to hell.”

“I’ll meet you there, just have the tea ready for me,” She said in a calm voice. She followed her statement with a hoof to his forehead, and after he fell to the floor, she stomped on the back of his neck, effectively killing the stallion. She stood there for a moment stage for all to see her. “May the Earth ponies rise again!”

Cheers rose into the air. Both the remaining unicorns bowed to her, as did the entire crowd, including you.