How to use a Horn

by LongreachJones

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1332

Twilight finds a beginners guide to using your horn.

Dropping in for a short visit, Rarity finds Twilight reading over an old scroll.
She shouldn't have asked what Twilight was reading.

She really, really shouldn't...

And a decent way to purge a plot bunny...

Published 2014-06-11 14:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-11 14:50:03 UTC

The Art of the Horn

Twilight stared at the old parchment lying on the floor in front of her. The yellow sheet of magical paper was highly curious.

She had found this old parchment hidden inside the back of an ancient tome about enchantments. It was some sort of pamphlet about duelling, but it was written in such a round-about way that Twilight had trouble to truly understand it.

"Good morning, Twilight," rang a cheery female voice from her left. The young unicorn turned her head slightly and saw Rarity looking at her intently, a stack of cloth on her back and a bright smile on her lips. "What are you reading today?"

Twilight looked at her friend for a few seconds, thinking furiously. Perhaps she could help her to decipher what the parchment was exactly saying. "Well, I can read it to you. Tell me what you think of it."

She cleared her throat, turning her eyes back to the yellowing sheet again, and begun reading aloud, "As the old saying goes, it's not the size of your horn, but how you use it. Although in all honesty, most unicorns you encounter would probably say that the size helps too, as it allows for more ridges and thus more contact surface."

Suddenly Twilight heard Rarity 'eep'ing, and she turned her gaze back on the purple-haired unicorn, who was blushing slightly for no apparent reason. Twilight was somewhat perplexed by her behaviour, but as it was a well-known fact that she was always blushing for one obscure reason or another, the scholarly unicorn simply dismissed her reaction and began reading again.

"Young and relatively inexperienced unicorns tend to have an unfortunate habit of shooting their spells prematurely. Unfortunately, there is no other solution for this than diligent practice. However, especially during the first few duels, one should always pay attention to the rules of elementary horn safety as a careless shot can cause a unicorn to swell rapidly into an incredible size, that unicorn may then profoundly reduce the quality of your social life and possibilities of practising with other unicorns."

At this point, Twilight could hear multiple books hitting the floor and she was suddenly very thankful that Spike wasn't anywhere around to complain about the mess. She lifted her gaze from the old leaflet. "Are you all right, Rarity? You look bit flustered." And she really did. Her cheeks were flaming and her mouth was hanging open slightly, she looked quite comical actually.

"I- I'm all right," she answered, her voice was both unusually high-pitched and shaky. Twilight really didn't know why she was suddenly acting like this, but then again, she had never really understood the high strung mare, and she was starting to seriously doubt that she ever would.

"Hey, do you think I fire prematurely like this essay says?" Twilight asked with a thoughtful expression. This could be a serious problem, she decided. If she was needed to protect her friends or some creature were after her and so she couldn't afford to make any mistakes in a fight. "I wonder if I should practice more."

Now Rarity looked like she was choking, her mouth was moving up and down but no sound came out. "I- I re-really don't know," she eventually stammered, sounding more than a bit like Fluttershy at this point.

Twilight looked her for a few seconds. She really didn't look like she was well, but as she most likely wouldn't like her telling her to go to the hospital to get herself checked out, she simply continued with the text. Besides, she wanted to know her opinion about it.

"If you find it hard to find suitable duelling partners, you can always hire a professional or two to help you out. One should, however, note that aiming at older unicorns, while somewhat frowned upon by society, is a good way to enhance one's skills as the older mares can usually teach many useful, dirty tricks. These skills may prove to be a critical factor when proposing a friendly bout or three with unicorns of your own age."

As Twilight lifted her eyes from the parchment, she could see tomato-red Rarity watching her with something akin of terror in her blue eyes. She was indeed acting very peculiar today...

"Do you think I should ask my brother a few things about duelling?"

After she had said those words, the fashionista promptly fainted, but luckily Twilight was quick enough to catch her before she hit the floor.

She gently lowered the petite unicorn on the floor and shook her awake.

Her azure-blue eyes snapped wide open and she found herself looking directly into Twilight's pair violet orbs. "Hey, Rarity, are you going to stand up, or are you just going to lie on the floor and force me to use my horn on you?"

She made some choking sounds but stood up nevertheless. Twilight could see a whole lot of different emotions clashing on her face, only some of which she could identify.

"Rarity, you really don't look so good, do want me to escort you to the hospital?"

"No! I'm fine!" She nearly yelled, and in a few seconds, she acquired a determined look on her face. Of what she was determined to do, she had no idea.

"Okay... I shall continue then," she said and cleared her throat again. "Unicorns should always keep in mind that it's impolite to point a horn at unicorns you don't know well, especially if you are frequently duelling with some other unicorn. It's also a common courtesy to not target younger unicorns as they may lack skills to properly defend themselves. Also, taking multiple opponents at the same time is heavily frowned upon, by both unicorns and non-unicorns alike, and it is widely considered to be extremely foolish."

Rarity's cheeks were reddening again, but at least she hadn't lost her voice this time. "So, Twilight. Have you been duelling with any unicorns lately?”

"Well, Celestia would count, I guess," Twilight said thoughtfully as she cocked her head slightly and scratched the back of her neck. The princess was, after all, her mentor and had spent a great deal of time teaching her many things.

"WHAT?!"

"What?" Twilight asked, confused by her sudden exclamation. She had, after all, asked the question. Besides she had been on the tour of Canterlot before the wedding too and so she should know that she usually studied with her mentor when she could. "What do mean by that?"

She got no answer from her friend, who looked like a fish out of water, and so she turned her attention back to the old parchment.

"Many consider it a unicorn's duty to gather an extensive duelling experience - to duel with unicorns and others of all legal ages from different cultures, tribes and social standings. Good practical knowledge is usually a key factor in duels, especially when against demanding opponents or when trying to give a pleasant introduction into the arts of duelling for a first-timer."

"Do you think that's true," Rarity asked, her voice a soft murmur.

"I don't know," Twilight admitted. "I guess there is no other way to know but to try."

There was a moment of silence before Rarity spoke, managing to take on an odd tone of vague terror Twilight had never heard in her voice before. "And you want to try? With me, I mean?"

Twilight looked at her curiously. Oh well, she was probably already getting bored with all this reading. A little duelling could do no harm. "Sure. We can use the field out front if you like."

She cocked her head and was completely taken by surprise when Rarity fainted again with a meaty thump on the floorboards.

"Uh... Rarity?..."

Author's Note

2/12/18 - I'm back from a LONG hiatus and will be going over each of my fics for spelling, grammar, and edits.

First off the mark is right here.