Bachelorette Bon-ding

Chapters

The Invitation
The Party
The Afterparty
Original (and Terrible) Chapter Two
Original (and Terrible) Chapter Three

The Invitation

Chapter One

“You want me to do what?” I asked, looking incredulously at Bon-Bon. We were sitting out in one of Ponyville’s many parks and up until a few minutes ago, I had expected our evening to follow the trajectory of our other weekly visits, with the two of us having a lovely dinner together and discussing our weeks while Lyra and Vinyl did… whatever the two of them did when they got together. Based on the amount of beer bottles I had to clean up whenever they had their get together sessions at my house, I could safely hazard a guess.

“It’s… a simple request, and I don’t want to force you into anything,” Bon-Bon said, taking a sip of her wine.

I laughed. “No, it’s…” I rubbed my forehead. “I’m sorry, I am having a hard time believing that you are a spy.”

“I’m not a spy,” she said, frowning. “I serve as an agent of stability for Princess Celestia when she needs my services. Most of the time, I am a confectioner.”

“But- But- But-” I stammered ineffectually, trying to make sense of the words. “You seem like a normal pony. I would never have… I would have never thought you were a spy.”

“Agent of stability,” she corrected, before nodding her head. “And yes, most of Celestia’s more… covert agents try not to make a habit of broadcasting the fact. It generally meets with less than positive results.”

“Fair enough,” I said meekly, “but what about… How do- What do you need me for?”

She rolled her eyes. “Were you even listening when I told you that a minute ago?”

“Actually, no. My brain stopped processing new information around the same time you told me you were a covert agent for Celestia, which I’m still not quite sold on by the way. Just… why you? Your special talent is making candy.”

“Well yes, but there are only a few ponies who have actual espionage related cutie marks, and they don’t do field work. Most of us have a special talent that can be used for spycraft, and I had another ability that the crown found particularly useful.”

This was insane, wasn’t it? Not for the first time since the conversation started, I tried to recall if I had forgotten to take any of my meds in the last few days. “Before we get to how you can use candy-making for spying–”

“Ensuring the stability of the realm,” she said, correcting me.

“Yes, that. My main question is, what is this other ability you have?” This whole conversation was still completely insane, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if I woke up in the middle of it, but spending half a year in Ponyville had taught me to accept the lurking insanity of this town.

“Right,” she said. “Octavia, how often do you think of me when compared to Lyra?”

“Substantially less, I suppose, but that is only because you seem so normal in comparison.”

She sighed and put down her glass of wine. “I suppose it’s time I told you a little secret. I’m not noticeable. Not really. Most of the time ponies just look right past me. One time, I sat in a restaurant for over two hours before anypony realized I was there. I’ve been that way my whole life, and a long time ago, I went to the best doctors in Canterlot to try to find out just what was wrong with me. They didn’t find anything, but my file was noticed by Princess Celestia, and she thought my special skill could be used for the benefit of the crown. Two weeks later, I was in Mareocco framing a noble for adultery to ruin their political career.”

“Alright,” I said, finally processing her entire story. “ I have known you for some time now, and assuming all this is true, which I have a hard time believing, how come I have never had any trouble recalling you?”

“Oh, it’s gotten a lot better since I met Lyra. I like to think that she is noticeable enough for the two of us.”

“Is that why the two of you are…” I trailed off, not willing to finish the sentence and possibly offend my friend. More distressingly, I somehow I found myself believing her story for some unknown reason. I contend my time in Ponyville has affected my ability to think reasonably and led to me actually accepting this ludicrous story at face value.

“Not really,” Bon-Bon said, “although I suppose… Lyra noticed me, she saw me immediately, was friendly with me, and never seemed to look past me.” She smiled. “When she looks at me, I feel like the most important mare in the room.”

“Okay,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “For some reason, I find myself inclined to believe your story, although I am a bit incredulous about… What are the limits to your ability? Do ponies forget you exist if they go long enough without seeing you?”

“Kind of,” she said, “although that only happens if we don’t see each other for several years. Most of the time, ponies just don’t notice me until I do something particularly obvious, like introduce myself to them, and even then it might take a couple of attempts on my part. It makes infiltrating a noble’s manor incredibly easy. But around Lyra I am just like everypony else, because ponies remember Lyra and when I’m with her, they remember me.”

“I’m assuming you haven’t told her about this… rather odd ability of yours?”

Bon-Bon shook her head. “If I explain that, I might have to explain my other job to her, and that’s a state secret.”

“Which makes it all the more baffling that you are explaining all of this to me.”

“That’s because I need your help. Somepony has broken into the Royal Archives and stolen several dozen valuable documents. We know who was behind the break-in and we know who his employer is-”

“And you’re not just arresting them because?” I asked, unsure of my role in this operation or why they needed a particularly complex operation at all. If they knew who was responsible then why not just arrest them?

“We aren’t sure what the end goal is, or even if Lord Valiant is the pony who planned the operation. For all we know, he is just another middleman.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Lord Valiant? As in the same Lord Valiant who designed the airship?”

She nodded. “After his gift to the Princess was made available to the public, he was understandably bitter, and now that several decades have passed, it seems he has decided that treason would be the best revenge. Our analysts have indicated that he is too cowardly to make any sort of overt action on his own, and somebody must have flipped him. We want to find out who.”

“You still haven’t mentioned what you want me to do,” I said. “And also, you are being rather forthcoming about what I have to assume are state secrets.”

“I am,” she said, nodding her head, “but that’s only because I value our friendship and believe you will keep my secrets for me, and more importantly, it’s because I know that you’d rather not mention this to anypony else because then they might think you were crazy.” Damn, she had me there.

“Alright,” I said. “Not that I’m agreeing to help you, but I can hear out your request.”

“The pony who stole the documents, Turn Coat, is a classical-music aficionado, and there have been several rumors linking him intimately to classical musicians. Considering that he is an earth pony, we have reason to believe he is a fan of yours.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to suggest what I think you are?” I asked.

“Well,” she said, slowly smiling at me, “have you ever heard of a honeypot?”

***

Several days later we were in a private train compartment heading to Canterlot. And I was trying to figure out just how she had convinced me to help her out. I suppose it helped when she said I wouldn’t actually have to sleep with Turn Coat, but the idea that I was going to be spending what we had told Vinyl was my bachelorette party performing a covert operation made me deeply uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as the fact that I had decided to just go along with her insane plan that involved me seducing (but not sleeping with) a traitor to Equestria.

“You know your role in the operation?” Bon-Bon whispered as our train rounded a curve and the city of Canterlot came into view. “The handoff is going to happen after Lord Valiant’s soiree tonight, and we need you to intercept Turn Coat by then. We’ve pulled some strings, and you will be playing at the bar of his hotel this evening. Our surveillance agents usually report him there between 8:00 and 11:00. The soiree ends tonight at tw-”

“I know,” I said. “You’ve reminded me of the plan more than enough the last two days, and you know I’ve practically memorized all those folders you gave me. Something that wasn’t easy to do considering the amount of time I have to spend teaching and running the academy, while also making sure that nopony else ever finds out what we’re about to do.”

“The crown appreciates your discretion,” she said, nodding.

“I’m not doing it for the crown. I’m doing it so ponies don’t think I’m crazy.” I paused and thought of the several bottles of pills in my bag and my history of mental… episodes. “Or at least, crazier.”

“Also,” I continued, “you never did say just why you picked me for this job, as opposed to your fiancée. If Turn Coat is such a fan of classical music, Lyra should work as well as I.”

“Well, yes, but…” Bon-Bon frowned. “I love the way she looks at me. There’s no expectation or betrayal in that look, and I’m afraid that if I do tell her the truth she will never forgive me.”

The look in Bon-Bon’s eye at that moment, I want to say it was funny, but that is far too glib. Instead, I suppose it would be more accurate to say it was unexpected. For the six months I had known her, I had always thought of her as being the stable one, and in some ways, a mentor I could look up to. Then there had been the recent revelation that she was just as crazy as the rest of Ponyville, but up until that moment, it had never occurred to me that she might struggle with her relationship like everypony else. Up until that moment I had assumed her life must be, if not perfect, then free from the worry and doubt that had plagued me on occasion. It was both refreshing and disheartening simultaneously.

“It’s alright,” I said. “Although I do think you should tell Lyra; she adores you, and I don’t think you telling her you’re a spy-”

“Agent of stability.”

“Yes, that. I don’t think telling her you are an agent of stability will really upset her too much. Especially if you can sweeten the proverbial pot with some information about humans.”

“Well,” she said, tapping her chin, “Lyra already knows about the portal’s general location and when it’s next slated to open, but I suppose I could provide the exact details of its location and arrange for us to get past the guards.”

I rubbed my forehead. “I… I was just joking. I didn’t think there were any actual state secrets regarding humans.”

She looked up at me and smiled, her voice and expression taking on a slightly mechanical tone. “Oh, there aren’t. At all. Obviously, thinking humans existed would be… silly.”

“Bon-Bon,” I said, frowning at the mare, “for a spy-”

“Agent of stability.”

“Yes, that. For an agent of stability, you seem to have a hard time lying.”

Bon-Bon shook her head. “Sorry, Lyra was so sure she had found this ancient magical portal to Humanland, or whatever it’s actually called, and I thought it might be smart if I checked the archives to make sure it wasn’t dangerous, and it turns out that there are humans and that the Equestrian government has a portal to their lands. I was as shocked as you are.”

My stream of thought turned into an all-encompassing white noise as I struggled to understand just what was said. A process that was greatly complicated by the fact that my thoughts had suddenly turned into soothing ocean noises.

“Octavia,” Bon-Bon said, “are you alright? I can understand your shock, but you’ve been on complete lockdown for several minutes.”

In the great empty sea that was my mind, I was slowly able to pull a word up from its depths. “Yes.”

Her brow wrinkled in worry. “So you are fine then?”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” she said, “can you say something other than ‘yes’ for me?”

“Yes.”

She sighed. “I suppose I walked into that one. Octavia, say something other than ‘yes’.”

More words surfaced in the vast emptiness. Slowly but surely, I scooped them up and managed to cobble together a functional sentence. “Humans. Real. What?” A mostly functional sentence.

“I can’t drink,” I said. “Not without having a particularly negative reaction to my medications.”

“Right,” she said, recalling the disaster aboard the Valiant. “Well then, I can drink the fact that humans are real away and you can just chalk it up to your medication acting strange.”

“Actually, I am going to pretend the entirety of this incident was some sort of medication-induced fever dream. I feel it’s best for my sanity and well being.”

“Fair enough,” she said, “But before you do that, let’s just go over the plan one last time. You seduce Turn Coat, go up to his room, give him one of the breath mints I prepared for the incident, wait for them to knock him out, and replace the files he stole with the forgeries we put in your cello case. After that, put on the disguise we have in your room, and meet Lord Valiant. We will apprehend Turn Coat, and I will be busy planting several incriminating and scandalous objects in Lord Valiant’s estate. Got it?”

I smiled reassuringly at her. “Bon-Bon, you’ve planned this out so well, I don’t think anything could go wrong.”

The Party

Chapter Two

The hotel bar was shrouded in the perpetual haze of cigar smoke as ponies went about their nightly routines. Some drinking alone, others making drunken advances towards those near them, almost all of them ignoring that night’s entertainment, with two exceptions. One was a brown earth-pony stallion with a black mane, and a black coat and fedora for a cutie mark. I suppose what Bon-Bon said about most spies being handicapped for having spying-related cutie marks was right, as this stallion might as well have had the word “Traitor” hanging from around his neck. The other pony was the handler I had been assigned, a lovely pink mare who was making a point of looking at her newspaper while occasionally looking at either myself or the pony I assumed was Turn Coat.

Speaking of Turn Coat, he had been staring at me non-stop since I had started my performance. As much as my instincts told me to ignore him, I remembered my mission (how in Equestria had Bon-Bon ever talked me in to this?) and occasionally rewarded his attention with a demure little smile, while I found myself wanting to beat him to death with my nigh-indestructible cello.

As soon as my performance ended, he sauntered towards me, a predatory grin on his face; I smiled back, hoping to elicit a come-hither effect. I suppose it worked, since he continued his approach. “The great Octavia Melody, performing in a hotel bar. What strange turn of fate brought you my way?” Then he laughed, and bowed. “How rude of me to speak without introducing myself. I am Coat Cleaner.”

“Well,” I said, meeting his gaze, “my friend owns the hotel, so whenever I have the time, I do a free show for her.” My mind went to the spot on my left forehoof that was usually occupied by my engagement band. While the coat on my forehoof usually did a fantastic job of obscuring it, its total absence made me feel particularly vulnerable. I found myself hoping that Vinyl would forgive me if she ever found out about this, while vowing that she wouldn’t. It certainly made me empathize with Bon-Bon’s fears of telling Lyra the truth.

“I see,” he said, moving uncomfortably close to me, while I resisted the temptation to drive my bow through his eye socket. “It certainly is a stroke of good luck on my part that you are as kind as you are talented.” I felt the heat of his breath on my neck, and if I was a mare who was attracted to stallions, it might

certainly never read. Still, it was important to play the part, I suppose. “I’m not that talented.”

“Nonsense,” he said, “you played at the gala before you were twenty, and a few years later were chosen to found Equestria’s newest orchestra. You are quite the exceptional individual, Miss Melody.” He moved his forehoof to rest on my side, and I managed not to recoil in revulsion.

I struggled to think of something to say that would seem natural, germane to the topic at hand, and appropriately flirty. Thankfully, while I struggled, he continued to talk. “I have a confession to make, Octavia. You see, I have been a follower of yours for quite some time. You piqued my curiosity when rumors of a talented earth pony musician working in Canterlot began to surface, and you gained my full attention after you played at the Gala. I even secured tickets to what was supposed to be your moment of triumph. Unfortunately, circumstances dictated otherwise, but you still handled yourself magnificently, something none of the other musicians there could say. Since then, you have continued to impress me, and I’ve always dreamed of talking to you.”

“Th-thank you,” I said, genuinely flattered by his compliment. “It’s pleasant to talk with somepony with such a sophisticated musical palette. Most of the ponies I talk with today don’t know their Beethoofen from their Mocart.”

He frowned and tenderly ran a hoof down my foreleg, turning his touch into a caress. It was… surprisingly pleasant, and I suddenly felt my cheeks become flushed with heat. I loved Vinyl and I liked mares, I mentally repeated to myself. “Such a shame,” he said, stroking my neck. “I have many contacts inside and outside of Equestria who would be honored to have you play for them.” He drew even closer to me, his face right next to my own.

The last few months had been so unbelievably difficult. First the headmistress we hired had fled Ponyville while taking a large amount of the school’s funding with her, forcing me to take the job, then half the teachers in the school quit because they said they “couldn’t handle this town anymore,” forcing me to overwork the ponies we did have and even teach a class myself. It would be pleasant to have that recognition again, to have ponies recognize my achievements. Of course, such thoughts were merely the musings of a mare who had found love, friendship, and a place to call home.

“As much as I would love to talk about such things,” I said, “do you think we could continue this conversation somewhere private? I would offer my room, but I am staying with the owner and… I suppose it could work, but she might interrupt our conversation.”

He smiled, having apparently swallowed my bait. “Say no more, I have a perfectly lovely suite we can use. That is, if you’re okay with going to the room of a stallion you only just met.”

I laughed. “It’s no more scandalous than you going to my room. We’re both adults though, I think we can be trusted to make… responsible decisions. Just let me pack up my cello.”

“Of course,” he said, smiling as I packed up my cello and made sure the “breath mints” Bon-Bon had given me were easily accessible.

“Alright,” I said, carefully closing my cello case. “Lead on.”

Turn Coat gave a wordless smile and walked towards the hotel elevator while I followed behind him. It was a silent walk and I found myself struggling with a wave of self-recrimination. So I had momentarily considered his offer... that didn’t make me a bad fiancée, did it? It just meant I was having a hard time with work, and honestly, saying I considered it momentarily is inaccurate as the amount of time his offer spent in my head was less than ten seconds. Much harder to explain away was my reaction to his caress. It was… unworthy of me. I loved Vinyl absolutely, and if I counted the stallions I had been attracted to on my hooves, I would still be able to stand on my back legs.

There’s one more now, a voice in the back of my head whispered, which I promptly told to shut up, as I reminded myself that the Equestrian government would owe me a few favors after this was all over, and I think hoofing the bill for my wedding and honeymoon would make for a lovely start.

“So, what can I get you to drink?” a voice asked pulling me from my thoughts.

“Hmm? Oh, I don’t drink,” I said as we entered his suite. It was a rather spacious room, with its own bar and kitchen in one corner, which he was currently walking towards. “The last time I did, I wound up trying to flirt with every mare on a cruise ship.”

“Really?” he asked, a faint frown creasing his lips. “You prefer the company of other mares?”

I tried to smile at him. “I’ve been known to dabble when intoxicated.” In much the same way Celestia might dabble in meddling with other ponies’ lives.

“Well,” he said pouring two glasses of wine, “I am certainly not going to complain. In fact, I think I might save that particular bit of information for later. Now, I know you said you don’t drink, but one glass of wine wouldn’t kill you, would it?” He smiled and pushed a glass of wine towards me. “I promise there won’t be any other mares around for you to flirt with.”

I forced a smile. “If you insist, how could I refuse such a generous host?” I picked up the glass and swirled it a few times before taking the faintest of sips. It was pleasant, of course, with a strange taste I couldn’t quite make out hiding just below the surface, but as soon as I swallowed it, I started to worry about the drink’s future effects on me. If I had too much, my ability to focus on the mission might be compromised. I decided that one sip would not kill me – or worse, cause me to have a repeat of the cruise-ship episode.

“Do you like it?” he asked, an inscrutable smile on his lips. “I would hate to serve such a distinguished mare as yourself an inferior vintage. Why, I could never forgive myself.”

“It’s fine,” I said, setting the drink down. “Like I said, I just don’t drink that much.”

“And I won’t force you to drink any more than you want to, but it would be a shame to waste such an esteemed vintage.”

I swallowed nervously as he continued to stare at me, my eyes darting nervously between him and the glass of wine, while I struggled to keep my composure. “Of course,” I said, taking a second sip of wine. “I think that the opportunity to sample such a fine bottle of wine far outweighs the risks that I will have a bad reaction to one glass.”

“A bold choice,” he said before taking another drink. “I would expect no less from the esteemed Octavia Melody. Now please, tell me a bit more about yourself.” Turn Coat settled into one of two chairs next to the window as he gestured for me to take the seat next to him. “For example, you can start by telling me about your fiancée.”

“Wh-what?” I asked, suddenly finding myself frozen with terror.

“Please, don’t play coy, Octavia. It doesn’t suit you.” He flashed me the same predatory smile he had when he approached me, and I felt my heart skip a beat. “I noticed the impression made by your engagement band back when you were performing, and thought it was rather odd. I briefly considered the idea that you and your unknown fiancée had recently broken up before your show, but for it to still have left an impression, the two of you would have had to have broken up only a few hours before your performance, and neither your bearing or our conversation indicated such a potentiality. That left me to believe that you either took the band off because it negatively impacted your ability to play, or that you were a part of some sort of honeypot devised by the Equestrian Intelligence Services. Considering that you didn’t mention a fiancée at all during our flirtations, it left only one plausible conclusion in my mind. Now, finish your glass of wine.”

Reflexively, I brought the glass to my lips and swallowed its contents in less than ten seconds. “How did you do that?” I asked, failing to keep the fear out of my voice.

He chuckled. “Just a little trick of the trade I picked up after several years in the espionage game. I’ll tell you all about it after I finish my business tonight. Although…”

There was a pause as he scratched his chin. “Sit next to me please and be quiet, I need to think.”

Wordlessly, I followed his command, my motor functions following his orders obediently while the rest of my mind screamed in terror. “Now then,” he said, turning to regard me, “I’m going to talk aloud, voice some of my theories about what the EIS does and doesn’t know, and if I happen to be correct, you will nod your head. What you will not do is speak. Do you understand? Nod if you do.”

I nodded, my face completely impassive, while I felt my rage begin to subside for some unknown reason. “Good,” he continued. “Now then, let’s see, if the EIS sent you after me, then it stands to reason that they know I was behind the break-in.” I nodded. This wasn’t so bad, I found myself thinking. Turn Coat was smart, strong, powerful… attractive, there was no shame in serving him, although some angry voice in the back of my mind begged to differ.

“The fact that they sent you to me tonight indicates that they know when the hoofoff is happening, and prepared to intercept and neutralize me before it occurred, presumably to replace my documents with forgeries or to see who ordered my break-in.” Nod. “But, if they wanted to just see who my employer was, they could have tailed me and I would almost certainly have never noticed. Instead, they send a mare who is unskilled at espionage and engaged, to seduce me because they correctly deduced she is the perfect bait for me. I admit, if not for the mark left by your engagement band, I would have fallen for you hook, line, and sinker as they say.” As he spoke, whatever was in the wine finished its work, and the voice in my head that railed against his commands vanished completely, while I found myself quite happy to listen to his commands and bask in his radiance. He smiled at me, and I felt a wave of pleasure ripple through my body.

“I can see that the changeling venom in the wine is doing its work. Wonderful stuff, over an extended period of time, it can permanently alter a pony’s true personality, but that’s not important. What is important is that its immediate effects include drastically-heightened suggestibility, and a feeling of intense euphoria and desire to please, typically directed towards the pony giving you commands. Now sit next to me.” He scooted over and gestured towards the empty spot on the seat next to him. I happily trotted over and sat next to him, pressing my body against his and feeling warm languid waves of ecstasy emanating from the place where his flank touched mine. My face was flushed with excitement and joy and I found myself thinking of how unworthy I was to be in the same room as him. I could bask in his presence forever and spend a lifetime composing poems that were only a pale echo of his magnificence.

He ran a hoof across my withers and I felt as if I was about to explode in a wave of pleasure. “Now, back to business. All this leads me to believe you want to intercept me and use this as a chance to disseminate false information to the enemies of Equestria, and more importantly, it leads me to believe that there is only one way I can get out of this without languishing in a cell or worse.” He laughed, and I hated myself for not understanding what was so funny. If I knew what it was, I could do it again to make him happy. “I think it’s time I live up to my name and play double agent. Go out to your handler, bring them back with you, but do not say a word of what has transpired here to anypony else.” As soon as he finished his sentence, I headed to the door, thrilled to be able to help him in anyway possible. Of course I did, I lov- the word hit a snag in my mind for some unknown reason -ed him.

As I went about the task he had set before me, the world seemed darker and greyer without his presence, and I was all too happy to walk back into the room with the handler Bon-Bon had assigned me in tow. “We’re back,” I said, quickly rushing over to sit by his side and bask in his presence. How could I have lived the first twenty-one years of my life without him? How could anypony live without him?

“You seem rather affectionate for having just met the man,” my handler said dryly. She was a boring pink mare with nothing remarkable about her, and I hated her. I hated the way she looked at me, and I hated the way she wanted to separate me from my… I wanted to say true love, but something stopped me. I tilted my head, feeling as if there was something profoundly important I was forgetting.

“I suppose she was one over by my charm,” he laughed, swirling his glass of wine. For a second, I wondered how he could have tasted the wine without feeling the effects of the changeling venom, before chastising myself for ever being so silly. He was Magnificent and could do as he pleased. The fact that he chose to bless such a mare as me with his love was truly wonderful. He was wonderful. Wonderful. The word repeated over and over in my head, and I felt warm all over.

“Excuse us,” he said, standing up and walking towards the bathroom. “I need to have a word with Miss Melody for a moment.” My handler, the mare who looked so disapprovingly at my love for my master, nodded as we went into the bathroom together.

“Now dear,” he said as the door clicked closed, “it’s important that they believe you haven’t been compromised, so when we go out there, you need to sit opposite me and look at me with that same look of detachment I saw when you were performing, okay?”

“You know I will,” I said, rubbing my cheeks against his soft warm fur. “I will do anything for you, but what do you mean by compromised?” The word sounded funny to me. “I’m not compromised, I’ve been awoken. The wool has been pulled from my eyes, and I can see how magnificent you are and how lowly I am. I’m not even fit to say your name m- What should I call you?”

He smiled and kissed my neck, causing my body to quiver with joy and pleasure. “Master or sir when we’re alone dear, but when we are in front of your friends, you need to call me Turn Coat.”

“Yes master.” I giggled at having said the name aloud. It was so perfect for him, how I hadn’t thought of it earlier was further proof of how stupid and weak I was compared to his glory. “I mean Turn Coat. Should we go out and… talk?”

“If you are suitably composed, yes.” My master, it was such a lovely and perfect word for describing him, opened the door and I followed him out, pained that I would have to sit so far away from him and contain my enthusiasm, but it would be worth it because it would make him happy. If he wished for me to jump out the window, I would do so with a smile on my face What was the life of an insect like me if it made him happy?

“I do apologize for that,” he said to the mare as we sat down. “Now let’s talk business.”

“First, I would like to talk about Miss Melody. Is she alright?” Stupid idiot mare, couldn’t she see how happy I was? How elated to be in the presence of perfection? What was wrong with her for not seeing that? How could she resist the urge to bow before my master and offer him all the praise he deserved? If only she would drink the wine, she would see, but then I might have to share him, and I wouldn’t want that until he told me I did.

“I’m fine.” I said, my voice clipped. I didn’t want to talk to her. Not like this, I wanted to tell her how wonderful the stallion she was looking at was, but instead I just had to say “I’m fine” like a good girl. But I was a good girl and would do anything my master told me to.

“Yes, quite,” my master said. “You chose the perfect bait for your little honeypot and I’m ashamed to say she had me eating out of her hooves in no time.”

“If that’s the case,” the idiot mare said, “then why didn’t she stick to the plan?”

“It’s not her fault,” he said, dignifying her with a cheap mechanical laugh that a worm like her didn’t deserve. “I’m afraid once we got to talking, I had a moral epiphany and decided to dedicate myself to the crown, so I confessed my misdeeds to her and asked for her to arrange a meeting between us so that we might form an agreement. As a sign of good faith, the stolen documents are over there.” He gestured at a saddlebag hanging from his closet, right next to where I had placed my cello, and the idiot mare quickly moved to inspect it.

“Alright,” she said, attaching the saddlebags to her back. “And Octavia, you’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m...” I wanted to say that I was ecstatic, elated, that I had never felt better, that I was madly euphorically in love with… again I felt the slight tug of resistance, I was forgetting something, something important but I couldn’t remember it. Could it have been that important compared to my master?

“Fine.” I finished.

“I believe I can be of tremendous use to the crown,” my Master continued smoothly, “I have spent a lifetime developing contacts within the criminal underworld and with Equestria’s enemies. I could feed you information about them, and of course I would be happy to finish the drop you have planned with Lord Valiant tonight as another show of good faith.”

“While that does sound immensely helpful,” the unimportant mare whose name escaped me said, “you have to understand my superiors would have some reservations about sending a former enemy of Equestria out to spy on our current enemies. It seems a recipe for disaster.”

My master tapped his chin and I could see his glorious plan coming together while the stupid idiot mare just sat there like the unworthy lump she was. “Perhaps we could reach an agreeable solution? Miss Melody could travel with me and write status reports twice a week, if at any time she feels I have relapsed into old habits, she can include a codeword that will let you know I need to be apprehended immediately. If you used the right enchantment, the parchment could even include a tracking spell so I can easily be found. Obviously, her failure to report would also be cause for an alarm and you could then dispatch the guards.”

“I suppose that could work,” the idiot mare said, “but only if Octavia approves with the plan, she isn’t a full time employee of the agency.”

Of course I approved of the plan, it meant I got to spend more time to celebrate with my master. How could anypony object? But that isn’t what my master wanted me to say. He wanted me to say something empty and devoid of emotion. “If it’s for the good of the crown, then I will gladly do it. It is my duty as an Equestrian citizen.”

A brief flicker of surprise ran through her face but she managed to conceal it well. “If you’re sure, I will bring the offer to my superiors. I will also be making the drop, so until then the two of you can stay in here. Octavia, make sure he doesn’t leave.” She told me not to let him leave, and I immediately felt something inside me make me want to obey her command, even though it wasn’t something my master told me to do.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said. “I think it’s time I got to know my new jailer.” He smiled at me as the other mare took the papers out of my cello case and turned to leave the room. As soon as the hotel room door clicked closed, I wrapped my forelegs around him, drawing his body close to mine, feeling his heat close to mine and moaning in pleasure. He was here, with me, alone, and I wanted him. I wanted him to do whatever he wanted to me.

“Not yet,” he said, nibbling on my ear. “There’s one small thing I want you to do for me first.”

“Anything,” I said, pressing my body tightly against his, “but can it wait… please?”

“Are you questioning me?” he said, pulling away and glaring at me.

“No,” I said, dropping to the ground and grovelling before him. “You know I wouldn’t, I just love you so much and I want you and-”

He laughed his calm, easy, melodious laugh. “It’s alright, pet, get to your hooves.”

“I need...” he said, slowly trailing off. “I need you to write a letter to that former fiancée of yours. What was his name?”

The answer suddenly rocketed towards the forefront of my mind.

Vinyl Scratch.

Her name was Vinyl Scratch.

And she loved me.

And I loved her.

The punch I threw at him seemed to be a reflexive thing, one that the mare he had twisted me into screamed and protested. It was the same punch that had cracked a monster of steel and iron’s skull almost a year before. No, not the same one. This one was stronger. His head jerked back with a resounding and satisfying crack, and the thing that had tried to steal my love for Vinyl fell to the ground like the proverbial sack of bricks.

I stood there, staring down at his unmoving form, sobs wracking my body. So much of me wanted to lay down next to him and wait for him to wake up. To surrender my mind to the changeling venom and be content to serve. To feel the rolling waves of ecstasy that came with being his… pet. Tears stained my cheeks. It had felt so good too, better than anything else I had ever felt in my life. Better than my time with Vinyl. But I wasn’t myself, he… that thing had taken everything I was and twisted it to serve him. To serve him gladly, and I still wanted to. Already I felt the urge to submit to the mindless joy of the changeling venom growing inside me. If he woke up and ordered me to slit my throat I would do so with a smile.

No, I shook my head, trying to keep the effects at bay as long as possible, I couldn’t – wouldn’t – go back to being that thing. Not as long as I still drew breath. But... as long as he still drew breath, he would still have his hold on my mind, and he was more than capable of destroying what little self-control I had regained. I looked down at him again, saw his slow ragged breaths, each one seeming to be a herculean labor. Those would have to stop, I thought to myself. With a grim determination, I brought my forehooves down on his head again and again until his head resembled nothing so much as a shattered melon, and my forehooves covered in a mix of blood and viscera. As sobs of guilt and pain and betrayal wracked my body, my will was dissolved by the changeling venom, and I wrapped my master in a loving embrace until Bon-Bon and the rest of Celestia’s agents found me.

***

“Octavia, tell me what happened,” Bon-Bon said as she walked into the room, a look of horror on her face as she surveyed the grisly scene. Having been given a new command to follow, I gladly leapt away from Turn Coat’s broken body (why I was so enraptured with him earlier was lost to me as somepony else was giving me commands now), and related in exacting detail just what had happened since we last saw each other. When I had finished, her expression had shifted to one of revulsion, and I could see she was struggling to hold back tears. Had I done something to disappoint or upset her? I didn’t mean to.

“Okay,” she said, moving towards me and placing a forehoof on my shoulder, causing me to become deliriously happy and enraptured by her presence, “you need to remember that you’ve been dosed with changeling venom and that it’s altering your perception of reality. You need to fight its effects.”

Yes, that was true, wasn’t it? I thought as I luxuriated in the feeling of her touch. But why in Equestria would I want to fight it? Life was so much better this way, who would ever want to be free of it? Every second I spent fulfilling the wishes of other ponies was pure heaven, and doing anything else just felt like a grey dull waste of time. I found myself noticing the lovely curvature of Bon-Bon’s form and realizing just how smart she had always been. Smarter than me in fact.

Bon-Bon rubbed her forehead, not happy with me for some reason, and I felt as if I was about to be sick for disappointing her. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I am trying to fight off the effects of the changeling venom if it makes you feel any better, but it’s so lovely here. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

One of the other ponies had poured some of the wine into a small vial, and was talking with his colleague, a unicorn mare who zapped it with a spell of some sort after he had finished talking. “Oh no,” Bon-Bon said, beginning to pace the hotel room, careful to avoid the area around Turn Coat, “Vinyl’s going to kill me if she finds out about this, and there’s no way in Equestria she won’t find out about this.”

“If you don’t want me to tell her anything I won-” Vinyl Scratch. The name was important. Very important. I had remembered it earlier, but the venom made me go back to forgetting. It continued to run through my head, growing louder with every iteration. There was a mare attached to it, I dimly recalled. A beautiful, wonderful mare who I loved, not as some obedient slave, but as an equal. That love didn’t seem right to me though, why would a worthless insect such as myself ever dare to view anyone as an equal, especially one as wonderful her. Yes, she was wonderful, better than me in every way. I needed to serve her, to make her happy and bask in the magnificence of her. That was-

I shook my head, temporarily dispelling such thoughts. “I need to keep thinking of Vinyl Scratch,” I said, each word feeling like a pained labor. This was wrong, my mind yelled, doing something for ourselves was wrong. Our place was to serve and obey, not to act. I was a slave and should be quite happy about that fact.

“Please… Help me.” Tears formed in my eyes as I struggled to form the words, struggling to keep the thoughts of how much I would love to serve Vinyl or Bon-Bon at bay by repeating the fact that I loved Vinyl as an equal to myself as much as possible, although every refrain was fainter than the last. “I can’t hold out for much longer. It’s so hard to think at all.”

“Alright,” she said slowly, “I’m so sorry for giving you a command and I understand if you hate me for this, but I need you to go into your cello case, take out one of the breath mints and eat it as quickly as possible. Be sure to chew it up though and not just swallow, that’s important too.” Whatever silly reservations I had vanished as I was given a new command to follow. Why would I ever not want to obey Bon-Bon? She was such a wonderful… no, magnificent pony. The Equestrian language didn’t have the proper word to describe how truly perfect she was. Even perfect wasn’t good enough, not for her.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” I asked as I finished swallowing the mint. I wrapped a forehoof around her and tried to nuzzle my face against hers, but she quickly jerked out of my grip, leaving me to fall on the floor. What did I do to upset her? Why didn’t she want me to love her? “I… I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you,” she said, feigning a smile though I could still see the pain and sadness in her eyes. Pain and sadness that I had put there. I wanted to make her happy so badly, but I didn’t know how. “What I want you to do is go lay down on the bed over there and relax for a bit. I promise you will feel better when you get up.”

“But I feel better than fine now,” I said as I moved to the bed. “I just want to make you happy.”

“I know,” she said, maintaining her fake smile. “I promise when you get up, I will be happy with you.”

“Okay,” I said as I tucked myself into the bedsheets. “I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

“It’s alright, Octavia, now get some rest.”

I smiled as I stared at the ceiling. Hopefully, this would make her happy, I thought slowly, the words taking far longer to form than they should have. I yawned. Because I just wanted to make Bon-Bon happy. All I wanted to do was make her happy, I loved… Before I could finish that thought, I fell into slumber.

The Afterparty

Chapter Three

I didn’t want to wake up. I couldn’t bear to wake up. It was… if I woke up, I would have to face my actions. To explain what I had done to Vinyl. Would I have to explain just how wonderful the experience had been? How quickly I fell to the mindless joy? The worst part was that no matter what I said, she would forgive me, say it wasn’t my fault and embrace me. Did I deserve it though? Did I deserve her love after what I had done? The questions filled the black void I inhabited as I tried desperately not to wake up.

Sadly, I could not hold off the inevitable forever, and I slowly became aware of a persistent beeping in my immediate vicinity that I quickly identified as a heart monitor. Masked beneath it was the sound of a pony breathing. Their breath was faint and slow, and I decided that they were probably asleep, meaning I could open my eyes and see just who it was.

A quick glances through the room confirmed my suspicions. My fiancée was sitting on a cushion next to my bed, her side resting against the room’s walls as her electric-blue mane covered both her eyes. She looked so adorable when she slept, I just wanted to- I recoiled away from her as I recalled the twisted affection of the changeling venom, how much I loved each touch and caress. A swarm of other memories came with it, and I became physically ill as my mind forced me to relive the entire incident, seeing how hideous my actions were and being completely unable to stop them.

My recoiling apparently brought Vinyl to wakefulness, and before I could go back to feigning slumber, her eyes met mine. “How long’ve you been up?” she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with one hoof.

“Too long,” I said, moving my head to avoid her gaze and stare at the relatively innocuous ceiling instead. “How much do you know?”

“I know that Bon-Bon is apparently a spy-”

“Agent of stability,” I automatically corrected. Apparently if you hear the same line enough, it eventually sticks in your head.

“Yeah, that. Anyways, she got you to go on this big dangerous mission, and you got hurt. When she told me, I really wanted to punch her in the face for bringing you on a mission without telling me.” I shuddered, recalling the last punch I threw and the several blows that came after it. I was a murderer now too, how could I have forgotten that? The worst part was I… No, there was still guilt, but when I thought of the incident, there was a grim feeling of satisfaction. Had I enjoyed killing him? If I had the choice, I would definitely do it again. “Are you feeling better?”

Better than what? Mindless ecstasy? A world free of guilt and recrimination where I would serve anypony happily? No, but this was better wasn’t it? I was free. Free to doubt. Free to fear. Free to hate myself. Free to obsess over every terrible thing I had done during the span. Free. I started to sob. “I’m sorry, Vinyl,” I said as I choked back tears. “It’s… He undid me Vinyl, turned me into something I wasn’t, and… and now I don’t think I can ever go back to normal.”

“It’s alright,” she said, wrapping her forehooves around me, “I’ll be with you every step of-”

The touch recalled memories of the night of Turn Coat, the way his fur felt, the way the poison made me want to do anything I could to make him happy, what I so desperately wanted to do, and how wonderful every second of it felt. I reflexively shoved her away, sending her staggering into the wall. “I’m sorry… I can’t… just please don’t touch me right now.”

Vinyl frowned, the worry in her eyes growing. I had hurt her, I didn’t want to hurt her but- I closed my eyes and tried to will the thought away. “I’m sorry,” I said. “How are Lyra and Bon-Bon doing?”

“I don’t know how they are now, but I’m about two seconds from tracking Bon-Bon down and forcing her to tell me just what happened. I could wring her neck right now.” There was a fire in her eyes I had never seen before. It hurt just to look at, and I wasn’t the pony the anger was directed towards.

“Please don’t,” I said, my voice suddenly becoming very small. “Please don’t talk like that Vinyl… I…” The words caught in my throat. “I killed somepony.”

“You what?” she asked, every emotion but shock vanishing from her features. “Tell me what happened, right now.”

I nodded, still sniffling. “Just… please try not to hate me for what happened.”

Vinyl smiled at me and it was genuine. It was the first genuine smile I had seen in what felt like forever.

***

By the time I had finished my story, both of us had cried, run out of tears, and cried some more, something I had previously thought impossible. Perhaps I should not have given every last detail, but I felt that if something were left out, it might come back to haunt us later. Knowing my luck, it almost certainly would. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to me,” I said, using a forehoof to dry my face. “I killed somepony. I don’t think there has been a murder in Equestria in a century.”

Vinyl snorted derisively. “And if you hadn’t, I would have, and I probably wouldn’t have been as clean about it as you were.”

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s… that’s a bit extreme isn’t it?”

“Not after what he did to you.” There was a darkness in her voice I had never heard before, that eliminated any doubt that she was joking. “Look, you know I’m usually pretty laid back and stuff, and no, normally I wouldn’t even think of killing somepony but… after that, I don’t know. He did something so terrible I didn’t even think it was bucking possible, and he did it to the mare I love most in the world. Of course I wish I could’ve to kill him. I want to bring him back from the dead just so I can kill him again.” She paced around my bedside, her eyes burning and threatening to devour the room.

“I feel so useless! There you were in your time of need and I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even know anything was wrong. Instead, I was getting hammered with Lyra. I just…” She plopped down on her flank. “I don’t know how to help you.”

“You can stay with me,” I whispered.

Vinyl laughed and walked to the side of my bed, drawing as close as she could to me while being careful to not make contact. “Did you really think the alternative was an option?”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “It’s good to hear you say yes. After what happened, I don’t feel sure of anything.” My fiancée lovingly stroked my mane, making sure to ask my permission first, and traced a hoof along the pink stripe in it. I was content to let it happen, focusing on the tenderness and affection in her touch. It wasn’t long, but for a second, I was happy.

“You’re okay?” Vinyl said as she drew her hoof away, not daring to press her luck further. “I was worried that you would freak out, but at the same time, touch is the main way I comfort you.”

“It’s alright,” I said. “Asking for permission helped immensely and… your touch was different than his.” It felt nowhere near as good, a treasonous voice whispered in my mind, and I shuddered.

“Sorry,” I said as I regained my composure. “Just an unpleasant memory.” I tried to smile for her benefit. “Not that I have a shortage of those.”

Somepony knocked on the door and it creaked open, revealing the cream-colored mare who had convinced me that playing spy would work out for the best. The sight of her made my throat constrict, as a small voice in the back of my head told me how wonderful it would be to serve her. The waves of pleasure, the mindless obedience, the simple unending desire to please, all things I never wanted to feel again. Yes you do.

“You have a lot of nerve to walk in here after what you did to her,” Vinyl snarled, taking a step towards the mare. “First you talk her into going on this stupid mission without letting me know! Then you come back to Ponyville, tail tucked between your legs to say that there’s been some sort of terrible accident and that Tavi is in the hospital! And now, I find out that-” She paused, getting choked up on something. “It was horrible, and you were there, and you didn’t let me know! You let me spend two days in the hospital wondering just what the hay happened, coming up with increasingly horrible scenarios, and then when she wakes up it turns out that my worst fears would have been preferable to the truth!”

“I’m sorry, Vinyl,” Bon-Bon said, taking several steps back to match my fiancée’s advance and stay safely out of hoof’s reach. “I didn’t think anything dangerous would happen. I was so sure I had the entire operation planned out, I was so sure nothing would go wrong.”

“So it’s my fault then?” Vinyl yelled. Before either of us could voice our confusion, she gave us the answer. “My hoofband gave her away and led to that psychopath figuring out the truth, if not for it, then everything would’ve gone fine. If we weren’t engaged…” Her yelling turned into sobbing. “If we didn’t know each other, then maybe everything would’ve been fine. It’s my fault.”

“Vinyl, no.” I said, managing to speak up to comfort my fiancée, despite the fact that it drew Bon-Bon’s attention. Seeing her in pain was somehow worse than seeing a living reminder of how terrible I had been. “Don’t… don’t do this to yourself. If you want to blame yourself for that then I have to blame myself for not taking off the hoofband earlier or not seeing through Turn Coat’s plan or not telling you what was happening before I left. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and beating yourself up over it won’t do anypony any good.”

She smiled ever so slightly. “Thanks, I… I guess you’re right, but it doesn’t feel right, you know? I keep thinking I should have done something or known better or that this is somehow my fault.”

“Do you know whose fault it is?” I asked her. “It’s Turn Coat’s fault, nopony else’s.” Except mine, I added wordlessly. Mine for going along with the plan. Mine for drinking the wine. Mine for falling to the venom’s influence. Mine for becoming such a monster. Mine for enjoying it. Mine for wishing I could get rid of all my fear and sadness by having another glass. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. All mine.

“You know,” she said after a pause, “I think I’m supposed to be the one comforting you now.”

“You are.” I said, giving her a small smile. “But if you fall into that pit of self-loathing, you can’t really help me, can you?”

“No… I suppose not. Tavi, are you okay? You usually aren’t this calm after something unbelievably terrible happens. Or at least not collected enough to give advice.”

I wasn’t, at all. My mind was switching from utter soul-crushing despair at what had happened, to wishing I could drink more changeling venom to make the pain stop, to hating myself for even thinking such a thing, and back again with astounding regularity, but I didn’t want to see Vinyl suffer. “Well, I’ve had plenty of experience,” I said, faking a smile for her.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Bon-Bon said, “but I just wanted to come and apologize for… everything.” She glanced at me nervously with the last word, and I struggled to meet her gaze. “I also want to convey a message: after evaluating all the evidence and at the scene testimony, the crown has decided not to press charges for murder and has ruled this a justifiable case of self-defense.” Good, so while I wasn’t going to have to languish in a prison cell, I could still walk around knowing I was the only murderer living in all of Equestria. What had I ever done to deserve the honor?

My ability to put on a brave face for Vinyl’s sake crumbled. “You said… when you recruited me for this mission, that Celestia would owe me a favor. I know what I want, I want her to tell me how in Equestria I can live the rest of my life knowing that I’m the only murderer in all the land. How I can live with the knowledge that I am demonstrably worse than my neighbors. How I can think that I am in any way a good pony even though I know I am the first murderer in Equestria in over a hundred years. I want to know why I don’t feel a single shred of remorse. I killed somepony and I’m happy about it. I’m happy to be free of him. I’m happy I killed him before he could finish warping me into his pet, and I don’t think that’s the way ponies are supposed to feel after they kill somepony. Can Celestia tell me what is wrong with me? Because that’s the favor I want.” At some point during my rant, I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

There was a pause as I finished my rant where both Vinyl and Bon-Bon stared at me. Then at once, the spell was broken as Bon-Bon ran out of the room while Vinyl moved to try and reassure me by reminding me of the fact that it was either him or me, as if there was some way that could justify my crime.

***

I awoke to find Vinyl standing next to my hospital bed, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her saddlebags. “Wh-why is that here?” I asked.

She smiled at me, her teeth strangely dagger like. “I saw how sad you were today, and then when you told me about the changeling venom, I thought the solution was so obvious. You just need to drink more. You didn’t hurt then did you? No, you were happy then, free of all your worries and problems. The only thing that pulled you from that perfect bliss was my absence, but now you can have both. You can finally be happy with me.” As she spoke, she poured a glass of wine for me and sat it next to my bedside.

“But- it… Don’t you want me to-”

“I want you to be happy, Tavi, and weren’t you happy after you drank the changeling venom?”

I made a very slight nod.

“Happier than you’ve ever been, right?”

“Ye-yes, but it wasn’t real.”

Vinyl laughed. “It felt real, you responded as if it was real. Don’t you want that feeling again? With me?”

Celestia help me, I did, I thought, reaching a hoof out for the glass. I wanted that feeling of intense pleasure. I wanted to put down my worries. I wanted to love my fiancée with the same intensity I loved a monster. I didn’t want to hurt anymore.

Vinyl gave me a reassuring smile and ran a hoof through my mane. “I promise Tavi, you’ll never hurt again.”

She gave the broken me one last kiss on the cheek as I greedily guzzled the wine, hoping to finally be–.

A knock on the hospital door quickly pulled me from a slumber and I realized with a mix of relief and disappointment that it was just a dream. I wasn’t going back to the mindless pleasure. I was still myself… for now. I wondered what happened to the rest of Turn Coat’s bottle.

“Can I come in?” a serene majestic voice asked that everypony in Canterlot was immediately familiar with. Not waiting for an answer, the bringer of the sun and princess of Equestria walked into the room, her aurora mane flowing behind her. Vinyl was quick to bow before her while I struggled to get out of my bed and do the same.

“You may both be at ease,” Princess Celestia said as she moved to stand at the foot of my bed. “I came because Bon-Bon told me of your request last night and because I worried about your well-being. You went through something nopony should have to go through, and you did it as part of an attempt to help Equestria. I can never make that up to you.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking up at her from my bed as the golden light of the morning sun streamed in through our windows. I quickly glanced at Vinyl, and felt my heart pound in my chest as her dream words echoed through my head. You’ll never hurt again. It would be so nice not to hurt anymore.

“I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you about the dangers of changeling venom or that using it on a pony is strictly forbidden, but I came to tell Miss Scratch about the way changeling venom can warp a ponies mind. Even a single dose can cause ponies to become dependent, and if allowed to indulge, the effects will eventually become permanent. I don’t think anypony in this room wants that.”

Vinyl shook her head, and a few seconds later, I followed suit. Of course I wouldn’t want that, I had lost all control and almost became- I shuddered at the thought. No, I obviously didn’t want that fate. Even though I loved Vinyl, I wouldn’t want to become her thrall. No matter how happy it would make me.

“Good,” she said, smiling serenely. Vinyl, may I call you Vinyl?” My fiancée nodded. “Wonderful. Vinyl, I want you to keep me updated on how you feel Octavia is doing. Octavia, I want you to know that Luna will be looking in on you as much as she can and trying to make sure your dreams are at least somewhat restful. If you ever need any assistance as you work towards recovery, we are both here for you.”

“Thank you your highness, I truly do not deserve your kindness.” I recalled the doubts that had plagued my mind a few minutes ago and wondered why she would care so much about my well being. In the dream, I had willingly consumed the changeling venom with minimal persuasion. Maybe the venom had already broken me irreparably. Maybe I wasn’t worth the effort they were putting in. It was almost comical that way I could switch between hating myself for what I did while under the venom’s influence to desperately wishing I could have some more so quickly.

Celestia narrowed her eyes and her serene countenance was replaced with a stern gaze. “I will not hear any of my little ponies say that, especially not one who has sacrificed so much of herself to do what she thinks is right. I want you to always remember that you are worth the effort your friends put in to help you, and that…” The serene smile returned. “... Is a royal order.”

“Yeah,” Vinyl said, poking a hoof at me while making sure not to actually touch me. “Celestia says so, so you can’t start getting down on yourself anymore.”

It would take more than a royal order to stop that, I thought, although for some reason, the royal order did bolster my spirits a small amount. Not much, but some. “Thank you, your highness. I am sorry for upsetting you.” Sorry for upsetting you, hadn’t I said that to Turn Coat and Bon-Bon when I upset them. Grovelled at their hooves and begged for forgiveness? I felt an impulse to do the same thing to Celestia and shuddered at the fact that one of my actions while under the effect of the venom somehow felt proper. How much longer could I have lasted with it in my veins?

“It’s alright, my little pony. I will not accept any apologies from you today. Just keep in mind that you have friends that truly love you and that the changeling venom is nothing more than a path to self-destruction.” And if that’s what I wanted? To not have to worry about anything anymore?

I shook my head, trying to dispel the thoughts. “If you insist, your highness, it’s just… Thank you for coming here to talk with me.”

“There is another issue I came here to talk about, but it is best spoken about between two ponies. Vinyl, would you mind leaving the room for a few minutes?” Celestia turned to look at my fiancée who quickly got on her hooves.

“No, of course not your highness. I… uhmm, I’m going to get something to drink. Tavi, you want anything?”

“I’m fine right now,” I said, smiling at her. as she walked out the door. As soon as it clicked shut, Celestia turned to look at me.

“What you did was terrible, the taking of a life is a heavy thing that, no matter how justified, weighs heavily on a pony’s conscience. I know you said you didn’t feel guilt, but the very fact that this weighs so heavily on your mind proves otherwise.”

“But,” I said, sniffling (when did I get so emotional? I used to be able to act with a semblance of decorum), “I would do it again if I could. I chose to kill him, and that doesn’t strike me as something a pony with a guilty conscience would do.”

“Octavia Melody, I have ruled a very long time, and lived even longer. I know about regret. I regretted banishing my sister even though it was the only way to save Equestria. In the dark days after Discord, I sentenced hundreds of ponies to death and I regretted every one of those orders, but I would still do it again for the good of the realm. The choice you were faced with was not an easy one. You could have either risked him waking up and committing treason while sending you back to mindless servitude, or you could have killed him. Neither option was good, but you chose the one that protected the most innocent ponies, including yourself.”

She bowed her head. “Your actions might have saved some ponies that are very dear to me, and for that I will always be in your debt. If the crown can ever aid you in any way just let either my sister or myself know. As for your guilt, it won’t ever go away. I’m sorry I can’t help you with that... but if you ever find a trick to get rid of it, please let me know, I’ve been searching for some time. What I can promise you is that the sting will fade in time if you let it, and you will be able to find happiness. Real, genuine happiness; not the type that comes from being enthralled, but the type that you earn and can savor with a free mind.”

I frowned at her. “I still feel it. So much of me wishes I could drink more of the venom, just so I can stop hating myself for wanting to drink the venom. It doesn’t make sense, but I can’t stop it.”

“The changeling venom is not a rational thing, Octavia. It’s a poison that seeks to warp and bend a pony to its own ends. It plays with you, convinces you you are useless and makes you want to drink more just so you can feel happiness again. Whatever you do, you must not listen to it. You will recover from this, and when you do, when you finally enjoy the simple things in life again without feeling as if the world is shrouded in grey, I promise it will be all the sweeter. Do you understand me?”

I nodded.

“Do you believe me?”

“I believe,” I said slowly, trying to make sure I didn’t upset her, “that you are telling the truth.”

“That’s not the same thing, and I think you know that. It’s easy for a pony to believe an appealing lie and reject what they find an unpleasant truth. I want you to believe me, but I can’t force you to. What happens is ultimately up to you; just remember you have a group of ponies who care deeply for you and want to see you happy. Truly happy.”

A knock on the door cut me off before I could respond, and Vinyl poked her head into the room. “Hey, is it safe for me to come in now, or are you two still discussing private stuff?”

“It’s fine,” I said, waving a hoof at her to beckon her inside. “Princess Celestia was just talking about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” she said as she walked in the room, two cups floating beside her. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but they had that terrible seltzer water you like, and I thought I might as well get you a glass. I mean, I don’t think anypony else would drink it.”

I smiled at her as she levitated the glass over to my bedside. It was such a simple gesture, the kind of thoughtless kindness that comes because you’ve grown to care for a pony and not just because you were magically compelled to. There was a sincerity and honesty to it that could never be matched by the changeling venom, and for a second, as I brought the seltzer water to my lips, I felt that I might be able to return to normal. The feeling rapidly subsided, but it was enough. It was a start.

Original (and Terrible) Chapter Two

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Original (and Terrible) Chapter Three

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