Human in Pony's clothing

by TheDawsonator1

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Cloudkicker, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Sex
Length: 88098

A Human that goes by a Pegasus identity: Lightning Bolt. He is doing his best to keep his origins a secret from Celestia and the Elements of Harmony as the events of the show go on. But things are changing out of his control! How will that fare?

Warning: Sex tag just for Cloud Kicker's conversations about sex just to be safe. And teen for the Pony swearwords

A Pegasus Pony named Lightning Bolt is really a human. He lands right before Season 1 and learns everything about ponies before the show starts. He gets a job as a weather pony and makes some friends along with having Rainbow Dash as a boss. Determined as he is not to change the show's timeline, little things start changing and soon the fate of Equestria may very well rely on his actions alone.

Published 2014-06-12 05:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-11 12:02:37 UTC

Entry #1

I finally got around to this, I've never wrote one of these things before but here goes...

It’s been a few months since I landed in Equestria. Reading all the fanfiction has helped a little bit in surviving this place, as they say: Knowledge is Power. But most of it was watching ponies and adapting to their lifestyle and I even learned how to write with the hooves which is why this is the first entry.

I have discovered myself as a Pegasus in which I decided to assume an identity as Lightning Bolt, a weather pony that I found out myself that I’m quite good with storm clouds and earned my cutie mark on the second day of the job.

Ponies had wondered why I didn’t have my cutie mark when I showed up and I just said bad luck and searching in the wrong places. The Cutie Mark Crusaders would curious as to how I went so long without one but…

You see, I landed before Season 1 happened which means Twilight isn’t here and when I asked about her, ponies looked at me strangely. This means the CMC haven’t really met each other, Luna is still on the moon in her Nightmare state, Twilight is in Canterlot and the Elements of Harmony are dormant in the Old castle of the Royal sisters just waiting for their masters to come get them.

So I naturally decided to settle down in Ponyville, like I said before, earning a job as a weather pony in the Storm cloud department. So that meant I bumped into Rainbow Dash a few times and by Celestia’s mane is SHE LAZY!! She can do her job so fast that she waits until the last minute to do all of her jobs which affect all of us other slower ponies. She brags WAY too much and sometimes I wish she would shut up about the Wonderbolts, but she’s a nice mare once you get to know her, outside of the job of course.

Now somebody would be asking me, have I bumped into the other elements? Let’s see…haven’t talked to Fluttershy yet as every time I try, she gets really shy and disappears. Applejack, I bought a fair amount of Apples from her and even met her sister, Applebloom and her brother, Big Macintosh. Rarity, well I was a bit dirty when I came in so she got me into a spa and paid for it faster than a Sonic Rainboom and then there’s Pinkie Pie who partied me to death and made me meet Everypony the second I first arrived and don’t get me wrong but…somepony needs to duct tape Pinkie’s mouth when she talks too much. And last but not least is Rainbow Dash: My boss. See Rainbow Dash is my boss and captain of the weather team despite her laziness, she gets the job done and keeps us in line and it's always been a dream of hers to join the Wonderbolts. if only she knew she had bronies supporting her dream of that.

Okay one last thing, it’s one week until the Summer Sun Celebration. That Celebration that Twilight arrives and meets her friends and go defeat Nightmare Moon? Yes that one! I’m helping out all I can but I can’t help but look around for a carriage incoming for a Purple Unicorn and a Baby Dragon, I know they’ll appear the day before the celebration but I fear my appearance my change something by accident.

That's my one fear, that I'll somehow screw over the show's timeline. So I resolved to staying away from Celestia and the Elements as much as possible except Rainbow Dash as she's my boss. I figure if I limit my interaction with them and Twilight when she comes, There won't be be any accidental damage and I can live life in peace here. It's GENIUS!!

I know in my heart that Equestria will be okay but what about me? Should I reveal myself to the Elements? Celestia hasn’t sensed me, maybe she does know and wants me in some kind of plan? Or perhaps she knows I mean no harm and lets me go on in life?

All I know right now is that…SWEET CELESTIA!! I’M LATE FOR WORK!!!

If I had hoped to sneak into work late without Rainbow Dash noticing, I was sorely mistaken.

“Lightning Bolt, please report to office ASAP!” Dash's voice rang over the PA system.
"Crap" I cursed myself.

I gave a sigh as I trotted to Rainbow Dash’s office, my co-workers were all giving me the “Oh dear, we are in trouble!” look, all it needed was to be said in Argus Filch’s voice and it would of sealed the deal.

So I knock on Dash’s door and I heard her tell me to come in and I sat on the chair.

“So, would you care to tell me why you were 20 minutes late this morning?” Dash asked in a stern voice.
“Well, my alarm didn’t go off” I lied, I was actually writing that entry a good 5-10 lines before this
“I wasn’t born yesterday Bolt, you stayed up late last night and woke up later and turned up late to work!” Dash scolded me

Yes, the irony is real! I, Lightning Bolt, was being lectured about being on time from the queen of lazy: Rainbow “Danger” Dash! Oh lord deliver me from the impending apocalypse that’s about to happen!

“I promise it won’t happen again” I promised Dash
“You better hope so, I like you Bolt, you’re a talented weather pony that reminds me of myself but if this keeps up I’ll have to fire you and I don't want to do that” Dash said
"Yes Ma'am, I won't let you down." I said respectfully
"You better not, I rather not lose you. Now there's the door" Dash motioned towards the door for me to leave.

I swear Rainbow Dash is trying to come the next Spitfire or something, she really does want to be in the Wonderbolts and I’ll say she’ll want to be the Captain too when Spitfire gets old and/or retires.

“So Bolty, did you get in trouble?” Cloud Kicker asked me
“More of a warning and that sort of stuff” I reply
“She let’s you off easy everytime” CK muttered loudly.
“Perhaps it’s my good looks” I replied with a grin as I looked in the mirror opposite me and brushed my mane with my hoof.
“You? Good looking? Buck off Bolty! And besides, I thought you were in love with a lovely mare who happens to be our dear friend, Firefly?” CK gave a hinting nudge.
“Her? Nah! She’s an alright girl but she's flaunts her looks too much and personally I don’t think we’d fit together anyway” I denied her claim
“Say it all you want now but sooner or later you won’t resist her flanks” CK turned around and walked away in loud laughter.
“Yeah, like you’d know anything about resisting flanks” I called out to her retreating body

Cloud Kicker is one of my best friends, she’s a bit of a Pony version of people like James Bond or Barney Stinson or Charlie Sheen only she does both genders, mainly because she likes getting in bed with Mares and stallions after a good night at the bar. She may look like a sweet mare but I know for a fact she’s a cunning devil out for flank by any means necessary. But she stay away from me as a mark of friendship and away from Rainbow Dash cause let’s face it, that would be totally weird! Plus there's a rumor that Cloud Kicker once tried to bed Rainbow Dash and they got in a fight when they were about to do it, but I think they Pinkie Promised never to mention it again.

Firefly on the other hand was a mare that joined the weather pony team 2 months before I did, she’s a nice mare but she keeps going on about her looks and I admit she has decent flanks which, Cloud Kicker caught me staring that one time and kept giving hints to me having a crush on her…WHICH I DON’T SO STOP ASKING!!

I look at today’s weather forecast and it seems we are due for a shower today! So myself, Cloud Kicker, Firefly and a couple of stallions zoomed out to move the clouds in position under the watchful eye of Rainbow Dash.

Let me tell you a thing about Rainbow Dash, she ain’t a fan of ponies not pulling their weight or disloyal ponies, and she's got the patience of a Blue Hedgehog wearing running shoes.

“Cloud Chaser! Hurry UP there! The others have finished their clouds and you’re still behind!” Rainbow Dash yelled at the pony.

I saw Dash was distracted with CC so I saw an opportunity to ask about CK's next move.

“So Kicker, who’s the next pony in line for a good bang?” I asked her when I finished my clouds while Dash was distracted.
“Oh? I was thinking Cheerilee, she looks like she needs her papers graded if you know what I mean” CK answered casually.
“The school teacher huh? Nice, I’m surprised you haven’t run out of ponies yet” I replied with a whistle of respect.
“Not by a long shot Bolty, in fact after Cheerilee, I reckon our dear friend Cloud Chaser needs her clouds kicked by yours truly” She replied as she stared over to the pony who got yelled at by Rainbow Dash
“Dude, that was a bad one” I said, shaking my head at her bad joke.
“Not as bad as the fact you haven’t asked Firefly out yet” CK shot back
“I don’t like her okay? She has decent flanks I will admit but she’s not my type” I corrected her.
“That’s what they all-“ CK started before Rainbow Dash flew over without us noticing.
“Cloud Kicker and Lightning Bolt! You better be ready to drop the rain on Ponyville in the next 5 seconds or I’ll cut half your pay!” Dash said sternly
"Yes Ma'am" we both shut our mouths and went back to work.
"Jerk" I muttered to myself

I know Dash wouldn’t actually do that but still, with mares you can never be sure! But indeed in the next 5 seconds we dropped all the rain on Ponyville and started the shower.

Wanna know how to use Rain clouds? It's actually freaking easy! If you want to pour everything the cloud's got at once, then you repeatedly bounce on the cloud. If you want it to shower normally until it runs out of water you jump really high and stay squishing it for a few seconds and it does it automatically. How this all works is honestly beyond me, I don’t make clouds, I push them in place and jump those motherbuckers!

I flew up high and I dropped right onto the target cloud, making it start its shower. There were a lot of clouds and I knew this is gonna take a while.

One otherwise uneventful work afternoon later…

“Urgh, finally home! I feel like Rainbow Dash ran me over with a bulldozer, wait... do those even exist here?” I muttered to myself as I collapsed on the bed

See, Rainbow Dash seems like a lazy slacker in the show but loyal to a fault but in reality, she’s channeling her inner Spitfire on the field but she’s the queen of cool anywhere else. She still utters her phrases like “Ten seconds flat” and “20% cooler”. But I know she's gonna be more committed later when she gets the Element of Loyalty.

It's only six more days until the Summer Sun Celebration, hopefully nothing will change here.

As I got in my bed, I looked up at the moon with Nightmare Moon etched on it. Somewhere on that moon, Luna is waiting to be freed from her Nightmare. I had always wondered if she even is conscious of it? Or has her nightmare taken over so much that she’s not conscious of it but a different pony completely?

Those answers will come when they do, but tomorrow is a new day...

Author's Note

A new Fic! JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY! Hope you like this one...*pulls out knives* OR ELSE!!

Oh and CK stands for Cloud Kicker for those who haven't figured it out and i'll honestly shorten those with 2 word names with their initials.

Entry #2

It’s now only a day until the Summer Sun Celebration, which means Twilight Sparkle is here! I’ve done my part in setting up for the celebration, which funnily enough was the library, let me tell you right now, HOLY BUCK IT'S UNTIDY AND UNORGANIZED!! GAASSSSSSPP! I'm not joking, if you though Rainbow Dash giving me a lecture about being on time was the end of ponykind as you know it, than you think this will be the end of the universe.

Rainbow decided to give us the day off weather duties today, as she’ll clear the last of the clouds…which aren’t done at all, she’s slacking off! Anyway, Cloud Kicker and I along with Firefly, Sky High and Simple Breeze are off to arrive early for Pinkie Pie's welcome party to Twilight

Twilight will be fine, she’s got five friends and that’s including my boss she gets to make friends with and set off into the Everfree Forest and collect the Elements and save Equestria! I’m a bit jealous myself but deep down I know I wouldn’t be able to do the adventure anyways.

I’ve already decided not to interfere with events as they happen, I won’t the cause of Equestria’s damnation by telling the Mane six the future or interfering with it unless absolutely necessary.

I’ll just kick back and relax, enjoy myself, there's no reason for me to worry about anything because every little thing will be alright…

“Lightning Bolt! Will you hurry up! We’re gonna go without you!” Cloud Kicker called through the door
“Hold your horses! I’m coming!” I said as I rushed to the door giving a slight chuckle at my wit.

I opened the door to see Cloud Kicker, Sky High, Firefly and Simple Breeze at the door waiting for my slow flank.

Simple Breeze is a mare that controls the wind flowing around Ponyville, which always tends to be calm around here unless a need for a storm arises. and Simple Breeze is good at that thing! She’s dating Sky High for a month now and they honestly look good together.

Sky High is the only stallion friend I know, his talent is his natural resistance to the high altitude pressure. See, most Pegasi including Rainbow Dash can only go a certain height before the air grows too thin and they cannot sustain the height for long or risk fainting due to lack of oxygen in their lungs. Sky High can go much higher and stay longer at heights most Pegasi can’t. He’s also quite an endurance kind of pony whereas a Pony like Rainbow Dash is more a sprint kind of pony. Ironically enough, he has a ground job at a club on the outskirts of Ponyville.

Now these two aren't like besties like CK and I, but they're friends and that's what's important. And besides we don't get to see to much of each other thanks to other commitments and such so it's nice to get together.

6:00PM, Golden Oak Library...

So here I was, in the library waiting for Twilight Sparkle to show up so we can surprise her with the welcome to Ponyville party. Like it or not she's gonna get one and one does not simply enter Ponyville without a welcome party.

"She's coming! She's Coming!" Pinkie said excitedly as the lights went off and we all closed our mouths.
"I am so sorry, how did we get here so fast? This is where I'm staying while in Ponyville and my poor baby dragon needs his sleep" No doubt that was Twilight who just said that
"No I don't-Whoa!" Spike began to protest but a sound of him falling off could be heard.
"Aww, wook at dat, he's so sweepy he can't keep his widdle balance" Twilight said, acting as though Spike really was a baby dragon.
"Poor thing, we must simply get you to bed" Fluttershy carried Spike and came through the door only for Twilight to block her and grab Spike.
"Yes, yes we'll get right on that, well g'night!" Twilight said hastily to get rid of Fluttershy as fast as possible.
"Huh, rude much?" I could tell Spike gave Twilight a frown while saying that.
"I'm sorry Spike, but I have to convince the Princess that Nightmare Moon is returning and we're running out of time! I just need to be alone so I can study without a bunch of crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time! Now, where's the light?" Twilight explained herself to Spike.

3...2...1...FLICK!

SURPRISE MOTHERBUCKER!! I mean uh...

"SURPRISE!!" everypony yelled as the light switch yelled on and the pair of them had a huge surprised look.

2 Minutes later...

The five us were in conversation in a group when suddenly Twilight's hair and mane went on fire and she rushed off upstairs to her bed, of course she didn't realize she drank hot sauce in which Pinkie dunked some over a cupcake and ate it. No surprise she loved the extra "icing".

Well I got nothing better to do, so we may as well enjoy ourselves...

5:55 AM, Summer sun Celebration…

The five of us had taken our places at the town hall to watch the Summer Sun Celebration where Celestia raises the sun. Of course nopony but Twilight and myself knew about Nightmare Moon. But what Twilight didn't know is that she was going to making her entrance any moment now…

“I’m so excited! I’ve never been so excited! Except for the time I met you and I was like GAAASSSSSP! But really, who could top that?” I heard Pinkie Pie say excitedly to Twilight, whom was 3 ponies to my left.

Mayor Mare was now heading on stage to announce Princess Celestia's appearance, any second now…

“Filles and Gentlecolts! We are gathered here today to…” Mayor Mare started her speech.
‘Oh god here it comes, just stay out of the way and you’ll be fine!’ I thought to myself, I needed to remain calm as she may be dangerous in reality.
“…who raises the sun, Princess Celestia!” Mayor Mare announced as Rarity opened the curtains.

No Princess appeared, much to the surprise of everypony except me.

“She’s gone!” Rarity gasped dramatically.

GAAAAAAASSSSSP!

“Ooh, she’s good!” Pinkie Pie said in awe of Celestia’s superior hiding skills (if you are not in awe then you will be banished!).

From out behind the curtains, Bluey-Purple smoke appeared in the form of Nightmare Moon, and let me tell you she’s creepy as buck! In the show she looked generic but she’s creepy in real life! She gives off that vibe that makes your fur stand on end, her teeth are more pronounced and razor sharp! Her eyes scanned over the crowd and as they scanned over me I felt as though my soul was being pierced by her eyes, and I got the hugest shiver but I looked around to see I wasn't the only one.

So Nightmare Moon started to talk her monologue, and her voice was evil as BUCK!! And her laugh was actually Badflank! But then comes the big one…

“The night shall last forever! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!” Nightmare laughed as she summoned lightning for dramatic effect.

I was so fixed on Nightmare Moon and her evil laughing that I didn’t notice Cloud Kicker clearly having enough and charged at her…UH OH! NOT GOOD!!

“CLOUD KICKER, NO!!” I yelled as I jumped to stop her attacking Nightmare Moon.
“Out of my way, Foal!” Nightmare said as she shot a lightning bolt directly into Cloud Kicker’s chest knocking her back into me into the ground with CK on top of me.
“BOLTY!” Firefly cried
“CLOUD KICKER!” Sky High and Simple Breeze yelled

Nightmare Moon then turned to purple mist and exited the town hall, Twilight of course was going straight to her library to get answers about the Elements, she’ll be fine. My friend took a full bolt to the chest and I don’t know if it’s fatal, it doesn't look bad from where I'm looking but I do know she’s unconscious and I ain't leaving her.

“Owww…I feel like I got tackled by a Minotaur” I groaned in pain.
“Well you just got a mare thrown into you at a speed of 25 windpower approximately” Sky High said, how he figured that speed is beyond me.
“Smartflank!” I groaned as I got out from under Cloud Kicker, a white pony I knew as Nurse Redheart came to inspect Cloud Kicker’s damage

Now, my best Pony friend was down unconscious because of that Nightmare. But that’s the least of my worries right now, not that CK's health wasn't important to me but dread filled me of the number 1 spot of worries.

In the original show, 3 Pegasi Royal Guards had attacked Nightmare Moon under Mayor Mare’s orders but got blast away by bolts of lightning, instead Cloud Kicker charged at Nightmare Moon. That wasn’t meant to happen! Which means my worst fear may be realized by this one tiny detail! I’ve been careful but clearly I must of stuffed something up!

'Oh no! This cannot be happening right now!' I thought to myself in fear.

Ponyville medics had brought Cloud Kicker to the hospital within the next 2 minutes, I ran back to my house, I needed some time alone…

Author's Note

Second Chapter is Up! This is more of a following the show chapter with Bolt's input sort of thing, I'm trying to keep stuff where show dialogue exists to a minimum. Sky High and Simple Breeze are only minor characters that will appear a few times. It's Mainly meant to be Lightning Bolt, Firefly and Cloud Kicker with minor interactions with the Mane Six

Basically, the gist of what I'm trying to get at is that CK's attack on Nightmare Moon was only a minor time change from the show, but Lightning Bolt is sort of paranoid of this sort of thing and he's convinced that soon, these minor changes will turn into huge changes and completely change Equestria's fate completely in a negative light. This kind of effect is known as the Butterfly Effect, i recommend searching it up and it's honestly on of my favourite physics in Time Travel.

Also, someone pointed out that Lightning Bolt is shared a name from an actual background pony Pegasus Mare. She doesn't really exist in the cannon for confusion purposes but...

Maybe I should put an extra where they do meet...nah that'd be stupid! Or would it?

Entry #3

My worst fear I probably coming true right now. I have somehow screwed time up! It was one detail but one small detail could be all it needs for Equestria to get all screwy! It'll be tiny at first, then big stuff will happen! I just know it!

How could this happen? I could have sworn I took every precaution to avoiding any time changes. I’m just a background pony to the Elements and the Princesses, yet my best friend charged at Nightmare Moon instead of three Pegasi Guards! It could start there and then something may not happen that should and then I’ve totally screwed over Equestria.

Maybe my existence here somehow caused the unbalance and no action I did could of prevented such? Maybe the show might have been incorrect on certain details but right in what happened generally?

You wouldn’t see a background pony randomly charge at Nightmare Moon on TV? No, three Pegasi guards looks more fitting wouldn’t it? Maybe nothing bad has happened after all! I hope I’m right…

Well on the bright side, Nightmare Moon was defeated as she was meant to be by the Elements of Harmony and Luna is back to normal. I met her, she’s a nice mare once you get past her sobs and such for what she had done. She had visted Cloud Kicker, whom had not blamed her for her actions and forgave her.

Luna had then left to go back to Canterlot with Celestia, whom looked WAY happier than she did in the show, Pinkie Pie eat your heart out! Luna has a lot getting used to modern life after 1000 years, not forgetting the modern English and fact subjects don't get caps locked to death!

Luna, However, is not the only pony getting used to change. Twilight Sparkle now resides in the Golden Oak Library, which will now be her home instead of Canterlot, I have not met her personally yet but I think it’s best considering my worries and my fears.

But for now, I will got visit Cloud Kicker in the hospital, she shouldn’t be in there for too much longer…

I entered CK’s room to find Sky High and Simple Breeze already there with CK.

“Sup Kicker?” I greeted my friend.
“The roof Bolty” CK replied with a snark.
“Haha, very amusing! How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Well I’m apparently good to go, all they need to do is get those damned forms and then I can blow this joint, it’s bucking BORING here!” CK gave a groan to show his dissatisfaction with this bed.
“Then you can get back to the mares, it was awfully quiet last night at the bar” Sky High joked.
“Nightmare Moon returned last night, remember sweetie?” Simple Breeze reminded him.
“I know Breezie honey, but still, I wanted a couple of Ciders last night but everypony was going crazy, especially Bolty” Sky pointed a hoof on me as he made that last comment.
“Excuse me? I did NOT go crazy!” I defended myself against Sky’s accusation.
“Oh yeah? Then what were you doing in the middle of Pegasi Avenue holding 2 cider bottles and screaming about the apocalypse is happening?” Breeze challenged me.
“Umm…I don’t know anything about that…” I started sweating as I knew I was sort of busted

…

About 1 ½ hours after Nightmare Moon made her appearance at Town Hall…

I had about 2 cider bottles in my hand, I was technically sort of drunk as well. And I had started yelling at the top of my lungs.

“THE APOCOLYPSE HAS COME!!! WE ARE SO VERY BUCKED MY PONY FRIENDS! THE TWELVE HORSEMEN SHALL COME TO SEND US TO THE VERY DEPTHS OF TARTARUS AND FEED US TO CEBERUS HIMSELF!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYPONY! ABANDON YOUR POSTS! FLEE! FLEE FOR YOU LIVES!!” I yelled things that honestly did not make sense

…

“That does not sound like something I would say drunk” I denied the flashback ever happening
“Well DUH it did silly!” Pinkie Pie said, coming out from nowhere and making all of us jump
“Pinkie, where the Tartarus did you come from?” Breeze asked the party pony
“The door, DUH!!” Pinkie said as though it were obvious.
“Why are you here?” CK asked curiously
“My Pinkie Sense told me that there was a flashback sequence so I hurried over here to hear what happened in it” Pinkie explained quickly.
“Well what happened to tell you that? Wavy stomach?” Sky asked curiously
“My whole body went all wavy” Pinkie answered
“Seems legit" I said

Oh yeah, Pinkie has this sense called Pinkie Sense where something might twitch and something happens seconds later, that episode hasn’t happened yet where Twilight tries to figure it out. Must reminds myself to follow her and watch that happen with hilarious results.

“So where's Firefly?" I asked, noticing her absence.
"Awww, somepony missing her already?" Sky did a baby voice
"For the love of Luna, Kicker! You got them saying it too?" I got annoyed at CK
"There's no denying it, Bolty loves Firefly!" CK was trying her hardest to make me admit it.
"I DO NOT LOVE FIREFLY FOR BUCK SAKE! Okay, I looked at her flank ONE time and I will admit they looked nice but that doesn't Automatically mean I love her!" I yelled
"Bolty loves Firefly! Bolty Loves Firefly!" My friends chanted
"You know what? Screw you guys!" I trotted out the door in frustration

…

1 week later…

Now, one week has passed since Nightmare Moon has been defeated, but I did not see any sign of the next episode happening yet until a flight over Sweet Apple Acres saw Twilight with Spike on her back and Applejack and Rainbow Dash arguing over something. I knew this must be when the Gala tickets appeared, it seems out dear Twilight is in for a day as I remember I got to get to work to do the rain clouds, well time to fly off. At least somethings going right today...

1 hour later…

“COME ON LADIES! LET’S SEE SOME RAIN!” Rainbow Dash shouted as we did a jump on the clouds.

Yeah, the thing about rain when you’re working in the weather team is that you always see the sun and not the rain from the clouds you’re bouncing on.

When Rainbow Dash thought no one was looking and they were working, she kept a gap open to bribe Twilight into giving her the extra ticket. I sort of started bouncing on a cloud near here to eavesdrop a little.

“Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?” Twilight asked from underneath the clouds
“Whadyya mean? I just saw the most smartest, generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I’d kick a hole in the clouds so she could dine in peace.” Dash made up a story on the spot.
“Rainbow, you’re not trying to get extra consideration for the ticket by doing me extra special favours are you?” Twilight asked suspiciously
“Me? No no no, I’d do it for it for anypony” Dash lied badly

Gee Dashie, even Applejack can lie better than you and she’s the Element of Honesty for Celestia’s sake!

“Rainbow, I’m not comfortable accepting unwanted favours, so I’d appreciate it if you close up that rain cloud right now” Twilight caught onto Rainbow’s game quickly and sent her packing.
“Urgh fine!” Dash closed the cloud up grumpily.

I didn’t notice in my listening in that other ponies had listened in as well, Dash had turned around and gave us a hard glare and knew we were all watching her.

“What are you all looking at? Get back to work!” Dash barked at us as we quickly resumed our work

I flew over near Cloud Kicker again to talk to her again and she was waiting for me it seemed.

“So, what did you hear?” CK asked
“Oh, Rainbow Dash is bribing Twilight for Grand Galloping Gala tickets, safe to say she failed miserably” I reported.
“Buck off! THE Grand Galloping Gala?” CK thought I was lying
“Eeyup!” I imitated Big Mac
“The most sophisticated party in all of Equestria?” CK asked
“That’s the one” I said
“Pfft, yeah right, that’s a load of hay manure! As if somepony from Ponyville would have a Gala ticket” CK definitely thought I was lying
“Yeah, but Twilight Sparkle is Princess Celestia’s protégé! Of course she would get one, and she got an extra ticket to give to somepony. Can you imagine what people would do for a chance to go there?” I confirmed the existence of the ticket
“It’s not like the whole town would go chasing after her for the ticket” CK said

EPIC FORESHADOWING!!

In fact that gave me a devious idea, a high greedy and money gaining one too!
“Wanna bet on that Kicker?” I challenged
“Okay then” CK agreed
“I bet that the town will find out about the ticket and will end up chasing Twilight for the ticket” I put my bet forward
“20 bits it is, you’re on!” CK agreed to my terms

We then shook hooves as part of the agreement and then went our separate ways to other clouds.

Oh, I should explain that Cloud Kicker and I have a honor-bound code with betting, it’s almost like Pinkie Promising honor really except you don’t get a rage-filled Pink pony out for blood if you fail to heed the honor of the agreement, but it’s close.

I need not tell you the results of the bet because you already will know what happens later today but I will say this: EASIEST TWENTY BITS EVER!!!

I’m so totally going to abuse this knowledge as much as possible….

Author's Note

Yep, the BoltXFirefly is getting teased again! And maybe times are changing, maybe they aren't! Oh and I made our dear Lightning Bolt a little evil on the knowing the future thing!

Entry #4

It’s been a good month and a half since “The Ticket Master” happened, a good fair few episodes happened, I didn’t do much but confirmed they actually happened really and honestly besides some of the chaos those episodes caused, life was fairly normal. Day in, Day out! Move clouds, rain on town, and if I’m lucky I get to shine with the storm clouds. Or it’s just a clear day with Rainbow Dash watching over us misfits.

Over the last month and a half, Applejack got overworked in Applebuck Season, Gilda got the brush off by Rainbow Dash, (Shudder) Trixie appeared oh god I hate that bitch! Really makes me want to punch her in the mouth, I can’t stand boasters at all. Oh right, what else? Dragon slept on near mountain giving pollution, I could hear Applejack and Rarity squabbling over the storm we were making one night, Zecora showed up and I swear these ponies are racist in some form and last but not least, Parasprite infestation chewed half my house out which thank Celestia for insurance or else I’d be screwed

So life lesson in living in Ponyville: Get a lot of insurance!

Now to the present, several days ago we started doing snow for winter and I learned something about the seasons in Equestria: The seasons happen whenever the buck they want!

It’s literally a one week winter this year and it was 2 month summer this year, in other words, any theories on 3 month season each year is a bunch bull manure! Oh and guess what? It’s now Winter Wrap Up! You know…

Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap up!
Let’s finish our holiday cheer!

What? It’s catchy as hay!

Anyway, don't ask me how this inbalanced season crap works, it just does...

I woke up on Winter Wrap Up morning to find the snow still outside my window, I glanced at the clock and saw I had half an hour to get my flank to town hall and help clear all this snow out. Thank Celestia for fur on my pony body or else I’d have to of begged Rarity to make me some jumpers or something.

Well, I better get going before Discord shows up early or something thanks to my lateness.

Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle…

A Grand Castle could always be seen from Ponyville, it was the castle where the Royal sisters resided and if one was lucky enough, they’d meet Princess Celestia herself in her grace and beauty.

But another Princess made her home here recently: The Princess of the Night, Luna had returned after 1000 years. Ponies knew about her but they feared she was still Nightmare Moon or was going to change back despite assurances she wouldn’t do such a thing.

Luna has the power to “Dreamwalk”, where she can go through dreams of ponies and if a Nightmare proves too powerful, she will get rid of it and teach the pony a valuable lesson so that specific nightmare doesn’t return…hopefully. One dream she found has been bugging her for the last month, she never got the name of the pony’s dream or anything, all she had on it was that it was a Pegasi. Everytime she entered the dream, strange things happened such as: The whole dreamscape distorting, sparks of lightning surrounding Luna or that she woke up instantly from her “Dreamwalking” mode. Something was wrong with the dream and Luna had never encountered anything like it.

But Luna had enough, she was going to talk to Celestia about it, perhaps she had encountered something like this over the past 1000 years of her absence..

“Sister!” Luna called to her elder sister as she entered the throne room.
“Luna, what a surprise!” Celestia was surprised by Luna's appearance
“We need thy help, Tia” Luna got straight to the point.
“Anything” Celestia said, willing to do anything for her sister.
“Thou knows still about our “Dreamwalking” correct?” Luna asked
“Yes, I do and I haven’t touched it in your absence, Lulu” Celestia confirmed her knowledge
“Well…tis is weird, as we have encountered such a disruption in the Dreamscape thanks to one of our subject’s dreams.” Luna explained
“This is most strange Lulu, even though I know little of the night, I’m sure something like that shouldn’t happen nor has it ever happened before. Do you know who the pony was that had the dream?” Celestia was dumbfounded at this news.
“Nay Sister, the only thing we could get out of these dreams was that it was a Pegasi along with a few other accomplices that appear in his dreams” Luna responded
“This is a most interesting case, if you do find who it was, I may find the pony and see why this happening” Celestia had her hoof under her chin in deep thought

We are a really disorganized lot when it comes to Winter Wrap Up, as it turns out, we have been behind on Winter Wrap Ups for ages. Hey! I was actually working, I ain’t no slacker like Cloud Kic-

SPLAT!!

I felt a snowball hit the side of my face, the culprit was Cloud Kicker and Firefly was next to her ready to throw one in Kicker’s face.

“WAS THAT A CHALLENGE?! YOU’RE SO ON!” I yelled as I gathered up a few snowballs and return fired at CK
“Bring it, Bolty!” CK replied fearlessly ad snowballs headed her way.

If only I had some sort of Assault Rifle that could shoot snowballs…or hay, even a Minigun shooting snowballs would be pretty badflank right now. Oh well, guess it’s old-fashioned hooves.

One snowball almost hit my tail by Cloud Kicker so I started paying attention and threw a couple in her direction and than proceeded to lob a couple in Firefly’s direction.

“You wouldn’t snowball a lady would you, Bolty” Firefly said as my snowballs missed her by centimeters.
“Maybe, why? You afraid of me dousing your fire out?” I replied as a lobbed a couple back
“…”
“That was bad, Lightning mate” CK said
“Yeah, yeah, well let’s see how you like THIS!” I shouted as I brought my super weapon in.

Remember when Pinkie Pie used Twilight as a Gatling Gun in A Canterlot Wedding? Apply that except my Wings fire the snowballs really quick instead of Pinkie using Twilight's tail to fire the beams.

So out of my rapid fire snowballs I managed to get several hits before they both took cover, it was time to charge!

“CCCCCHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGEEEE!” I yelled as I charged directly at the pair with a bunch of snowballs in hoof
“YOU THREE! STOP RIGHT THERE!” A voice shouted out
“Horseapples! Busted!” I cursed to myself and it seemed CK and Firefly had done the same.

I look to see Rainbow Dash looking at us along with a few Pegasi behind her too. How the tartarus did she find us? Does she have Bolt radar or something?

“Why is it that when something like this happens, it’s always you three?” Dash asked a fair question
“I have no idea Ma’am” I said honestly
“Well, in any case, I do hope you haven’t wasted all you energy fighting each other, because you’re going to need it” Dash motioned her Pegasi friends who were all carrying snowballs
“Oh BUCK!” CK cursed.
“Ready? Aim…” Dash started giving the command.
“RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!” All three of us screamed as we galloped for our lives.
“FIRE!!” Dash commanded her friends as they all shot their snowballs at the three of us

When you snowball fight with friends, expect to be at each other’s throats but when you running from the common enemy, you unite as you run like the Timberwolves want you for dinner.

In the end, we managed to get away with only a few snowballs that hit us, we managed to wrap winter up as Spring makes its appearance. Finally, we did get our revenge on Rainbow Dash as we saved some snow and poured some on her and the got outta there before she knew it was us.

It may be hard work ending winter but that doesn't mean you can't have fun...

Author's Note

Okay, so the section with Celestia and Luna is about going over a strange dream which seems to be interfering with the Dreamscape everytime Luna investigates.

Who said you couldn't have a snowball fight on Winter Wrap Up? And also since Winter seems to have only made one episode until Hearth's Warming, it's been joked that Winter is really short in Equestria, why? Because Magic!

Oh, and I did time skip episodes mainly because the episodes really are around the Mane Six themselves or the CMC and since Lightning Bolt doesn't interfere, it would be pointless writing then. However, expect some episodes to be screwed over with later...

Entry #5

You know that Earth Pony filly, Apple Bloom right? The Cutie Mark Crusader? Of course you do, well I saw her trying to get her cutie mark by herself with the help of a few of our Mane cast, and I was thinking, gee where are her friends? Then I realized I was dumb and that was the episode where they meet each other (even though they hide together from Nightmare Moon). It was hilarious watching her failing epicly but now that the CMC have formed, it’s gonna be three times the FAIL!

HAHA! THE FAIL HAS BEEN TRIPLED!!

But then I realized I wasn’t looking forward to it when Scootaloo crashed through my window after failing a trick, and then Apple Bloom nagged me to get more Apples from Applejack when I was getting my weekly apples from her. Sweetie Belle is absolutely adorable! Her voice just makes you want to “D’awwwwww”. Who knows what this trio of rascals will be like when they’re teens, only time will tell.

Moving on, The Iron Pony competition was yesterday with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Of course Firefly, Cloud Kicker and I were giving our support for Dashie, whom of course was cheating with her wings.

I mean seriously, what this whole BS about Unicorns not being to use their horns in competitions and Pegasi not using their wings but Earth Ponies are allowed their Strength abilities? That’s Motherbucking horseapples! Applejack is complaining about Dash using her wings but she’s allowed to use her Earth Pony strength? Hypocrite!

But I digress; the show is going along nicely, except for the fact that Cloud Kicker and Firefly challenged each other and myself to the Running of the Leaves, whoever comes last of us will have to do something embarrassing for an entire week, we also put thirty bits in total, second place gets their money back and first place wins 20 bits.

So naturally, I was in training with a huge amount of training montages popping in my head…

So it was the day of the race, the day I had trained for! I realized something as I headed to the start line…I didn’t watch the training montage at all, so I didn’t train at all!

Oh well, I’ll still leave CK in the dust and Rainbow Dash and Applejack as they’ll be too bust fighting each other so much that they’ll be dead last and Twilight comes fifth. In fact I see the pair of them laughing at her for entering this race, they are gonna get theirs but I gotta make sure my two rivals (and friends) get theirs too because I ain’t here to lose!

“Ready to lose, Bolty?” CK landed next to me.
“Not on you life, Kicker, I don’t lose!” I stood my ground as my wings popped out ready to race.
“You two are waaaaay to confident! We all know I’m going to win this by a long shot” Firefly said smugly
“What makes you think you’ll win Firefly?” I asked the confident Firefly
“Simple, you two will be to busy foaling around trying to sabotage each other while I take the win!” Firefly explained how she’ll win.
“Whatever you say Firefly, but let’s save the bragging until after we cross the finish line” CK said.
“Fair enough” I agreed

So we had all been given our numbers to put on top of our cutie marks, Cloud Kicker had been given Number 5, I had been given number 69 (HEY! MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!), and Firefly had been given number 34. Was the Princess bucking with us?

So, I was put to the right of Rainbow Dash and Applejack and Twilight were on her left, Firefly was on my right along with Cloud Kicker.

“ON YOUR MARKS!” Pinkie shouted in the Megaphone from the hot air balloon
“GET SET!” Spike also shouted in the Megaphone
“GO!” The pair shouted at the same time.

And we’re off! Right now it’s neck and neck with the three of us as Applejack and Rainbow Dash sped to the front at once while Twilight hanged back. Her strategy was to hang back until the end and then rush past all the tired ponies. But with me, there ain’t no slowing down because I ain't getting embarrassed for a week.

About 5 minutes in, Applejack tripped on the rock as we all passed her but she caught up quickly and then Rainbow Dash tripped thinking it was Applejack, so she decided to play dirty. Let the Chaos ensue!

But back to me, Cloud Kicker was behind me and I was behind Firefly by about 5 Pony lengths.

“Yo Bolty, having fun staring at her flanks?” CK asked from behind
“Sounds like you’re having fun back there yourself” I replied
“Not as much as you” CK shot back
“Yeah well, We’ll see about th-WOAH!” I said back as I tripped over a stump

Everypony passed me except Twilight, stupid stump! Why is it even there! I quickly look around to see a rather bendy branch and taking a leaf from Applejack’s book, I used to fling back right past Cloud Kicker! How does that work? Cartoon Physics! That's how!

“EAT MY DUST KICKER!” I shouted as I flew right past her
“Get back here!” Kicker yelled as she accelerated a bit more.
“NO WAY HOZAY!” I yelled as I zoomed past Rainbow Dash

My lead was short lived as Cloud Kicker and Firefly caught up 2 minutes later and of course Rainbow Dash and Applejack were on a full-out war with each other which almost knocked me out.

“Thought you could win that easily?” CK said to me as we went neck and neck
“The thought had crossed my mind at least once” I replied as the finish line came into sight
“Last one there is a rotten EGG!” CK challenged me as she and I went into full-sprint
“You’re ON!” I sped up

As fast as we went, none of us could get the lead on each other and we tried our best as the line came over and I didn’t know which of us won as I had my eyes closed at the strain of running.

“Which of us won that?” CK asked

1st: Derpy Hooves
2nd: Cloud Chaser
3rd: Golden Harvest
4th: Firefly
5th: Twilight Sparkle

“Firefly beat us?” I said in shock
"Derpy Hooves won?!" CK was more shocked about that fact.
“Then what did we come?” I asked

10th: Lightning Bolt and Cloud Kicker

“Well you tied” Firefly announced
“Well….” I started
“And since you tied for last in the bet, both of you got to do embarrassing things for a week” Firefly started laughing evilly at those words
“Well at least we didn’t come last in the actual race” I mentioned a bright side to Kicker
“But who did come last?” CK asked.

DEAD LAST: Rainbow Dash and Applejack.

Ironic how the best two ponies to win come dead last, isn’t it? But then again, NEVER BET ON HORSE RACES! They always end up bad and both Cloud Kicker and I learned that lesson today. Mark our words, it’ll be Firefly’s turn soon…oh so soon…

Author's Note

Alright! Alright! I'm updating! Sheesh...like mother...

Oh where was I? Right, Would of updated this soon but i had a "Code-Twilight" meltdown involving my future career, I thought for sure i was gonna fail! and it costs a lot of money to try again!

Entry #6

You know, I am starting to think I was getting all paranoid when I thought my appearance would change time a lot somehow, maybe any interaction wasn’t gonna hurt the timeline, maybe I’ve just been so overprotective over it and worrying too much about it.

Maybe it’s time I relax a bit, go on a date with Fir-, Grab a Apple cider from the local bar and hang out with my two best friends: Cloud Kicker and Firefly! And maybe I’ll give Simple Breeze and Sky High a holler if they ain’t too busy doing…you know…mushy relationship stuff.

I got a happy life here: I got the best friends I could ask for, a job I love under the coolest of cool: Rainbow Dash, Ponyville is peaceful…most of the time anyway! Oh right, well Rainbow Dash is sending Me, Cloud Kicker, Firefly and a new mare named Cloud Nine to help with the Canterlot weather when the Grand Galloping comes in 2 weeks time.

The only thing I’m worried is how my friends will react if they ever find out I’m actually Human. Would they be Disgusted? Would they Hate me? No longer want to see me? Would Celestia be notified and how would she feel? Is it possible my brony knowledge may be found out by the bad guys and that’s what turns time? I have no idea, but I shan’t worry now, cause every little thing is gonna be alright…

Today, I woke up earlier than usual at around 7:50, Work started at 9AM so I had plenty of time so I decided to take a stroll around Ponyville, I was going fine until a good 40 minutes later I bumped into Miss Cheerilee and her students including the Cutie Mark Crusaders

“Sup Cheerilee?” I greeted as I bumped into her
“The sky, Lightning” Cheerilee replied back
“Touché, so what you up to?” I asked
“I’m about to take the children to the Canterlot Royal Gardens” Cheerilee indicated to her kids
“Sounds exciting, my mother would want to visit a place like that” I mentioned, remembering my mother’s love for gardening.
“I hope you do get a chance as well” said Cheerilee
“Maybe one day, but I’m sure your class doesn’t like waiting, especially the pink one with the crown on her head” I said motioning to Diamond Tiara who clearly was rolling her eyes looking bored.
“Farewell then, Lightning Bolt” Cheerilee waved good-bye to me
“Farewell Miss Cheerilee” I said trotting away
“Come along Children, we’re going to see the gardens today and we must be on our best behavior, that goes double for you Snips and Snails” Cheerilee’s voice was faintly heard as I went away from her.

Now, I knew Cheerilee before I got the weather job, I bumped into her alone and apparently she had a really bad date but we still had a talk and I cheered her up, so we became sort of friends, so every so often I bumped into her and we had short conversations, overall she was a nice chick to know and before you ask, No I don't have a crush on her, that's spot reserved for Firefly...OH BUCK ME SIDEWAYS, FRONTWAYS AND BACKWARDS!!.

Anyway it’s time I made my presence at work known, Celestia only knows what Rainbow Dash will do if I show up late…

“So, what’s been going on with you, Kicker?” I asked her
“Honestly, nothing at all” CK replied
“what about you Firefly?” I asked Firefly instead
“Nothing at all, it’s kind of boring though, guess today's a slow day” Firefly answered, giving a shrugging motion
“I just wish something would happen, I can even bear Rainbow Dash’s talking about getting into the Wonderbolts right about now” CK complained
“Don’t say that you idiot! You just jinxed us!” I scolded CK for cursing us all.
“What do you mean Bolty? How did Kicker jinx us?” Firefly asked me
“Well, Bolty here believes there are certain phrases you shouldn’t say otherwise you’ll invoke the wrath of Celestia or something” Kicker answered for me
“Well, more like giving the Universe permission to buck you over from every direction just from uttering one line like “Can this day get any worse?”, in other words you just said “Hey Universe! I dare you to absolutely buck my life over 10000 times”” I corrected Kicker’s description for a more accurate one.
“Don’t be ridiculous, what’s gonna happen? Some pink clouds start raiding the sky, the ground becomes soapy and checkerboardy? And all of it will be caused by some evil monster?” Firefly scoffed

BOOM!

Literally 5 seconds after Firefly’s remark, strange things were happening. I could start seeing cotton candy clouds, the ground below us looked exactly like a Checkerboard, and there was even soapy like ice on the paths. Those clouds were even in our factory, something was reeeeealllly familiar about all this.

“What the hay is going on here?” Firefly asked in confusion
“I have no idea” CK answered truthfully

I did, there was only one being I know that could do that and he’s supposed to be stuck in stone until AFTER the Grand Galloping Gala: DISCORD!!

“Random question: Has the Grand Galloping Gala happened yet?” I asked just to make sure
“No, it’s in 2 weeks, why?” Firefly answered
“Cause this looks really bad and the rate this is going, we can't get to Canterlot to help out” CK suggested trying to get rid of a cloud
“We’ll go with that but seriously Firefly, nice going! You just haaaaad to challenge the Universe didn’t you? You just had to say the magic words!” I rounded on Firefly
“Well, how was I supposed to know that would actually happen?” Firefly shot back angrily
“Never mind that now lovebirds, what about that cotton candy cloud? It’s even spitting out Chocolate rain” CK pointed out
“Let’s just hope Pinkie Pie doesn’t find that out” Firefly added
“I wouldn’t count on it” I said, knowing full well Pinkie would find out about it.
“Dare you to drink it Bolty” CK dared me

I actually did drink it and by Celestia’s beard it was some kickflank tasting chocolate milk! Discord knows his stuff! Wait…Celestia has a beard?? Since when did this happen? Why wasn’t I informed of this? Oh well…

Now I would let this thing slide but one thing…DISCORD AIN'T MEANT TO BE HERE YET! I just haaaad to say everything was fine, now look what happened! I tempted the universe and now we're all so bucked! Discord came before he should of! No doubt Princess Celestia already knows about this and is probably sending summons to the Mane Six by now.

“Lightning Bolt, Firefly, Cloud Kicker! Report to the office at once!” Rainbow Dash’s voice
“Ah horseapples, we didn’t do nothing!” CK complained

“Alright, you’re all wondering why I called you here?” Dash assumed, judging by the looks on our faces
“Uh…yeah…” I answered nervously
“Well I’ll cut to the chase, Princess Celestia has summoned me to Canterlot, I need you three to take charge of the weather factory and don’t for the love of Celestia SCREW IT UP!” Dash explained
“That’s it?” CK asked nervously
“Yeah, oh and if I find this factory damaged of any kind, I’ll have your tails and cut half your pay! Understood?”
“Yes Ma’am!” The three of us said at the same time
“Good, now get to work!” Dash pointed us out of the door

We were both outside in the sky, Clouds were all cotton candy-ish but some were still the same old clouds we did, seems Discord is waiting for the Mane Six to fail the maze before he does his magic…assuming the maze actually happens.

“Wonder what those Candy clouds are all about?” Firefly asked
“Dunno, but Rainbow Dash is totally going buck us all to the moon if we don’t fix those” CK said
“You get the feeling this is one of those days when we should of stayed in bed?” I asked my friends.

Both of them nodded their heads, I’m not sure what danger Discord is really like in the show, but I mustn’t let my guard down. Something has clearly altered the show’s time, it may have been me, it may not have, but it’s important that Discord gets defeated or things will turn out badly. If he's like in the fics, my human origins will not remain a secret for much longer!

To be continued…

{This conveniently placed ad break is brought you by Discord-Os! Now with 20% more Chaotic flavor, also enter the code in the back of the packet for your chance to meet the Chaos god himself!}

Author's Note

Yep, more time alteration MWHAHAHAHA! not by too much but this where a few things start going different. If I remember correctly, Discord was originally meant to be season 1 anyway.

I decided to make Firefly the fate tempter of the group, just for fun...

Entry #8

Yeah, this is like that part of the story where Superman’s true identity is revealed to the important ones and such, except my disguise wasn’t so bucking obvious! And I wasn’t trying to be a “masked” hero anyway. I always though people were dumb, gee where does Peter Parker disappearing to right before Spiderman shows up? Gee I wonder why Superman and Clark Kent look so similar?

Oh right what was I doing again? Oh right, well Princess Luna, the Mane Six and my two best friends are looking directly at me and I’ve got a lot of ‘splainin to do!

Or I could just run…nah no point!

“Congratulations Twilight! I knew you could do it again” Celestia said as she made her appearance
“…” We all went silent as Celestia was given a few looks
“What? Why is everypony so quiet?” Celestia asked
“Well apparently according to Discord, this Pegasus here is really a human!” Twilight pointed a hoof directly to me
“A Hu-what?” Celestia asked, confused
“And furthermore Tia, he is the one that had the disrupted dreams in the dreamscape” Luna added
“What? I didn’t do anything to the dreamscape” I yelled.
“Well apparently yer did, sugarcube” AJ said.
“Urgh…look, I am in fact a human but I’ve got an explanation for it, but it’s best only you ponies know this, just to be safe.” I said
“Very well, let us convene at the library” Celestia agreed

So for the next 10 minutes, all of trotted in silence to the library, everything was back to normal and I was spending the whole time in my thoughts figuring how to explain this, oh and the amount of glares I felt on me by my friends, the Princesses and the Elements was really annoying and I felt as though Celestia was looking through my very heart but not in the creepy way Nightmare Moon did.

After we all sat down in the library, everyone stared expectantly at me, I’m not sure how they’ll react but there’s no turning back now.

“So, how do I begin this?” I asked myself out loud
“Well I wanna know what this Human thingy is you said you were” Dash started
“Well, We’re well…bipedal, we um…are well Humans. What? We aren’t that different! Okay how about this? We sort of look like hairless apes but if you call me that I will cut your throat out, that goes double for you Kicker! We're really advanced in technology compared to your race, but we don't have magic so the tech thing is sort of the compensation thing.” I tried to describe my race, it wasn’t going very well as I sucked at explaining things, it was easier in the fics.
“That’s helpful” Firefly muttered
“So let me get this straight, you’ve been a pony the whole time anypony has known you, why aren’t you this human?” Twilight asked
“Well, as soon as I got here, something started changing me, not instantly though, it took an entire week of painful transformation to turn into this. And it took the better part of a month to get used to how ponies work and that included sneaking around and observing ponies and how they behaved but I suspect some sort of magic caused the transformation” I explained
"That's reall
“So that’s what you were doing, I thought you were playing hide and seek” Pinkie gasped in realization

Everypony just rolled their eyes as Pinkie made this realization, but I digress…

“Wait, so what did you do the whole month in terms of home and food?” Dash asked
“Well, I had no money, just the fur on my back and Ponies don’t like meat like us humans do and before you ask, we are an omnivore species meaning we eat meat and veggies although we prefer meat” I explained my homelessness
“T-That’s horrible!” Fluttershy squeaked out loud
“That’s how it had to be, and I didn’t get my cutie mark until the second day on the weather team who Pinkie led me to one day, and that was a source of some looks and such, seriously awkward I might add” I continued
“But, why did you never tell us Bolty, we’re your friends!” CK asked, a little angry
“Well let’s be honest, if I walked down the street proclaiming I’m really another species that nopony has ever heard of, what would you think?” I asked them all
“We would not be inclined to believe thee” Luna said
“Exactly! And I never wanted to interfere with anypony, or cause attention to myself other than my lack of a cutie mark at first and I’m going to be honest here, those mental institutions scare the buck outta me” I exclaimed

It seemed the others seemed to agree with my point, they should all be thankful they didn’t end up on Earth, oh god would the scientists have a field day if they ever learned the truth, that’s assuming they all haven’t been put in a mental institution already.

“Discord mentioned some “little girl’s show” that you seemed to know about, what is he talking about?” Twilight asked
“Well this next part is strictly to remain CONFIDENTIAL between all of us, anypony blabs, it could ruin Equestria, and plus I’m making you all Pinkie Promising that you won’t and I will know who it was because Pinkie will know immediately right Pinkie?” I started
“Yeeepoorine!” Pinkie said happily

So the ponies did the Pinkie Promise, and here’s the maybe-creepy part, explaining the show!

“Well, this is gonna sound creepy in some ways and weird and ludicrous, but I knew Discord and Nightmare Moon were going to return, there are a couple more on the way” I started
“WHAT?” The mane six screamed together
“B-But what do you mean more threats are coming” Twilight asked
“In time, well you see there’s a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, somehow a human named Lauran Faust found out the events of this world and made into a little girl’s show which for some reason me and lot of grown ups really like, we became known as Bronies or if you’re a girl you would be called a Pegasister.” I explained
“There’s a TV show about US?” Rarity asked, eyebrows raised.
“Yep, and that’s how I know what will happen right up until Season 4 where-where…CRAP! I FORGOT WHO ATTACKS IN SEASON 4!” I yelled as I realize I can’t remember Season 4’s villain.
“So you know everything up until this “Season 4”? Celestia asked
“Well the villain attacked in the last 2 episodes, because when a villain attacks, they so bucking evil that they get a 2-parter!” I said, racking my brains to remember
“But who are the villains that will attack and when will they come?” Twilight asked
“That I cannot tell you for your safety, mainly because the future will be altered and that may be enough for Equestria to be taken over by evil villains!” I explained the problem
“But pray tell, what season are we in now?” Luna asked
“Well Discord was SUPPOSED to attack in the first episode of Season 2, that was meant to be the episode after the Grand Galloping Gala but for some reason, that happened differently! So I guess my very presence has somehow altered the show. Could be worse though, another Element of Harmony could of popped out of nowhere for no explainable reason.” I said

I could not tell what anypony was thinking at all, but It seemed Dash didn't seem to believe me when she spoke up.

“I don’t believe it” Dash said
“That’s understandable” I muttered
“It’s true Rainbow Dash, as far fetched it seems, he is telling the truth, how these events were found out we do not know, how Lightning Bolt got here is beyond even me” Celestia vouched for me
“Look, I don’t wanna be some time lord or such, in fact I’ve wanted to stay out of the way and just let things happen like they are supposed to with the show” I said
“That may not be so possible anymore I’m afraid, if your presence had indeed caused a time change to Equestria’s history then there is naught you and anypony else could do to prevent it, of course it could be possible some other force could be at work but that’s very unlikely” Celestia said to me
‘And 10 bits says there is a force at work’
“Anypony else got any questions for now?” I asked
“Just one, what’s your real name back on your planet?” Spike asked out of nowhere
“Spike! You were listening the whole time?” Twilight asked
“I know, and I Pinkie promised not to tell anypony else” Spike reasoned
“Well, my real name is Anonymous” I said
“Really?” Luna asked stupidly
“Of course not! What fool would be named that? It’s actually Gavin but to be honest I always hated that name and if it’s okay with you girls, I’d much rather keep the Lightning Bolt thing going” I answered
“Thou is a most confusing creature, but thy intentions are good, that much we sense from you” Luna said
“Thanks Luna, if you must know, people on Earth appreciate the night a fair bit, and the fans took a liking to you in the show” I mentioned
“We must go now, and remember Lightning, change is not necessarily always a bad thing, sometimes it's best to embrace it” Celestia got up along with Luna.

With a last hug towards Twilight and a thank you the elements, the Princesses disappeared in a flash of white.

“So, you guys still mind if we’re still friends and that right?” I asked CK and Firefly who have been silent the whole time
“Of course Bolty, I still need my good old Wingstallion” CK answered
“I will, besides you’re still too cute for me not to have you as a friend” Firefly also answered.

WARNING: Heat to cheeks rising, ABORT MISSION! ABORT!!!!!!

Author's Note

To be honest, I'm bad at this explaining origin part, and I wanted Lightning Bolt to not pay attention too much so he might not be able to answer Twilight's inevitable questioning, but the next chapter will be better, I Pinkie Promise! Cross my heart, I hope to fly, Stick a cupcake in my eye! We're friends right so breaking to promise will lose your trust and losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend.

Pinkie Pie: FOREEEVVVEEEEEERRRRR!

One more thing, I don't hate fics where the Human is named Anonymous, I like humans better with names, like it's not like they can't think of a normal name themselves, oh whatever!

Entry #9

So, a great weight of keeping secrets has been off my back, they finally know my origins thanks to dickcord, Discord! But thankfully they accepted me and I will admit I was fearful of it going horribly wrong.

I was half-expecting the mane six to go bothering me about what happens in the future, but it seems they knew better or Twilight figured not to tell and got the other to Pinkie Promise not tell.

But I digress; Princess Celestia sent me a letter actually inviting me to the Grand Galloping Gala, also taking Cloud Kicker and Firefly along for the ride.

So here’s the letter:

Dear Lightning Bolt (Gavin)

I would like to invite you to the Grand Galloping Gala this year, I feel you should at least experience this at least once in your life while you are here. I would also like to invite your friends: Cloud Kicker and Firefly to the Gala as well.

Enclosed are three tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, we hope you enjoy your time here in Equestria and if you need anything or the timeline has been interrupted, contact me via Spike.

Hope to see you there!

Princess Celestia

P.S: Luna wonders how your kind respects the night and she is flattered the “Bronies” liked her in the show.

NICE TRY CELESTIA!! If you think I’m going to repeat the Ticket Master all over again you are sorely mistaken, as well as trying to liven up the Gala, that does not mean I won’t enjoy the Mane six getting trolled by the Gala.

Oh well, I’ll play your ruse anyway, maybe I’ll neglect to tell Firefly and Cloud Kicker and give them a troll of my own, MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

But first I need a kickflank suit, which means I need Rartiy! TO THE BATMOBILE!! Oh wait… TO THE PEGAMOBILE! You know what? Just do the line cut thing that transitions me to Rarity’s shop already!

5 minutes later…

So, I entered Rarity’s shop and she said her welcoming catch phrase she picked up before realizing it was me.

“Hi Rarity” I greeted
“Oh, hello Gavin, how goes things?” Rarity greeted back
“First off, It’s Lightning Bolt not Gavin, I always hated the name anyway, it sounds like a bloody sidekick name! But other than that it’s all good” I answered truthfully

Ask yourself: How many times have you seen the Main protagonist named Gavin, compared to the same name being a sidekick role, I thought so!

“So what brings you here today, Lightning?” Rarity asked in a business manner
“Well, I require a suit for the Grand Galloping Gala if you’d believe that” I answered
“You got invited by the Princess? That is a high honor! And also your friends Cloud Kicker and Firefly came by for some dresses” Rarity was glad I got invited, she always did love the idea of the Gala well until Blueblood came along.
“Kicker and Firefly in a dress? Oh that will be the day” I said, laughing at the mental image of those two look so damn prissy.
“Shall we get started on the measurements?” Rarity asked to move along
“Sure” I said

So I spent like an hour having my measurements done and explaining to Rarity my world’s formal fashions but to make sense to her, I had to explain awkward stuff and why our race needed clothes. Thank god Ponies have fur and walk around naked which for some reason doesn’t feel awkward at all.

“Right, how much is it for the suit?” I asked expecting the generous answer
“Oh no Darling, since this is your first time here and the first clothing made for you, I shall make this one free of charge” Rarity replied
“I figured as much, but I’m paying anyway Rarity, whether you like it or not” I said
“But I insist!” Rarity continued to insist I accept her generous offer.
“Look Rarity, I’m a pony who pays his price like everypony else, and besides a business needs money to support itself and grow, I know you want to consider this a generous, friendly gesture but you need this money Rarity! I earned my money to spend here in my job, you made your designs and earned yours to spend on your aspirations. In other words Rarity, the gesture is appreciated but I’m paying, if it makes you feel better you can consider this a donation if it makes it float your boat” I explained why I wanted to pay
“Well…alright if you really want to…” Rarity started to accept
“I do, so how much am I paying for the fine suit? And no discounts” I asked again
“120 bits” Rarity answered

I pulled out my 120 bits I owed and forked them over and then said farewell to Rarity who waved goodbye as I exited the shop.

Now bronies back home would question why I turn down such a generous offer, I would never cheat Rarity out of valuable money even if she wanted to, truth be told I’m not a formal kind of guy and this may very well be the only suit I’ll ever need. Second of all, 120 bits may not too much compared to her yearly earnings but every single bit goes a long way in any business, Rarity’s business is one of quality and has been growing in success even among the Nobles rumor has it. I know Rarity has done good deeds and they should be rewarded in my eyes. Last of all is that I like the feeling of earning something big like the suit, the hard work paid off, getting it for free feels much like cheating, it’s an easy way out but you feel empty inside without the feeling of achievement.

So the night came two weeks later, I had a kickflank suit that would make Barney Stinson proud…if he were a pony anyway. Cloud Kicker had got a dress her coat colour with fluffy clouds the bottom, Firefly had gotten a fire like colour on hers with red on the bottom and flame patterned yellow at the top with black at the very top, now I know my description ain’t good but by Celestia THEY LOOKED HOT!! (No Pun intended…actually I lied, it was totally intended). Rarity did a really good job, I only wish the suit had patterns and such, I guess that’s a perk of being female I suppose.

The last time I wore a suit was at my formal back in high school, but let me tell you, my year was the cursed grade. All the fun stuff and that either changed real quick or was that one year they experiment stuff and then change back the next year. In other words that exciting trip they do every year? Not gonna happen this year! We didn’t even get a graduation video for Celestia’s sake! And the formal was so bucking disappointing compared to the others! If I had been born a year before or later, my schooling life would have been more fulfilling. I suppose it’s no use crying over lost feathers.

“You ready to have a good time Bolty?” CK asked me
“Are you? Cause I am!” I replied enthusiastically
“Totally, a very lucky somepony is gonna get the Cloud nine tonight! AW YEAH!” CK said excitedly
“I heard the Wonderbolts are gonna be there” Firefly said
“Have fun trying to talk to them tonight, Rainbow Dash will be in their shadow all night” I said, recalling the episode in my head
“The boss may be a stern pony, but she’s fanfilly when it comes to those Wonderbolts” CK mentioned the Rainbow-maned Pegasus
“Well, I say we all have fun tonight…” Firefly started
“…And have the best night EVER!!” We all declared to the heavens

Yeah…somehow, I don’t think our night’s gonna go too well…call it a hunch…

Author's Note

I wanted to make Lightning not accept to offer Rarity usually does in a HIE story, business is business and Rarity needs bits if she wants to keep hers. It won't mean Bolt won't take a gift every now and then but when it doesn't interfere with business.

Up next is the Grand Galloping DISASTER! AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT!! (Flutterage face on)

Entry #10

For six ponies, this is gonna be a tartarus of a night, hopefully us three do not catch such things. I’ve never been a formal kind of stallion, I don’t go for the high life, I settle with what I have and earn my way through life.

Now the rich ponies, let me tell you right now that 90% of them are plan Self-centered, smug, superior, rich flankholes and they can all rot in tartarus for all I care!

Oh and then there’s the leader of the douchebag patrol: Prince motherbucking Blueblood! Yes, I had the mispleasure of meeting the KING of all these motherbucking douchebags, how Rarity saw anything in this pony before is a question that’ll be answered when God proves his existence in our world in other words: NEVER! But there are good ones of course…

But as for me, the finale was worth it! Not the moment when Fluttershy screamed to the animals “YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE ME!!”. Not when the whole Gala collapsed, but when (SPOILERS COVER THIS TEXT CONVEINIENTLY! READ THE END OF THE CHAPTER YOU LAZY BUCKTARDS!!), It was worth it!

So here the trio of us arrived, after a musical number happened with the Mane Six, we entered and were greeted by Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle who had a Blue dress with stars on it, it looked quite nice and fitted Twilight’s simplistic needs of the dress.

“Lightning Bolt, Cloud Kicker, Firefly! Good to see you made it” Celestia greeted happily
“Likewise, Princess Celestia” I said giving a short bow to the Princess
“I hope you all have a pleasant night tonight, do enjoy yourselves” Celestia granted us to go have fun
“We will” Firefly and CK said, bowing and leaving as Celestia put her head to my ear
“You know what’s happening don’t you?” Celestia asked
“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll play along with the ruse!” I said, leaving Celestia and Twilight to their next guest

The three of us split, Firefly went somewhere, Kicker probably is ready to find a lucky pony to bed and do the 69 with somepony if you know what I mean! Me, what was I gonna do? Spy on the Mane six for a while? Nah! I may as well wonder around, see what Equestrian high society is like and hope I don’t bump into the (Dramtic voice pending…) DREADED PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!! (cue dramatic like music).

You know what? I may as well start outside and then work on the inside, no sooner than I entered the gardens, I saw none other than Princess Luna, unlike Celestia, she wore a midnight blue dress with a crescent moon shaping the bottom of her dress, it didn’t seem as neat as Rarity’s designs so maybe a Canterlot seamstress did the dress. But she seemed a bit lonely as she stared into her night sky, I decided to go talk to her.

“Hello, Princess Luna” I greeted her as I came to her side
“Greetings, Gavin the Human” Luna greeted back
“I like to go by Lightning Bolt if that’s okay, I never liked my true name anyway” I requested
“As thee wishes, pray tell Lighting Bolt, what is it that thou is here for?” Luna asked me
“A simple greeting is not illegal in Equestria is it?” I asked rhetorically
“Nay, We suppose it is perfectly normal in modern times for such greeting” Luna replied
“I’m guessing the Gala is not your kind of thing is it? Or something to do with your return?” I assumed

Before I knew it, Luna was off on an explanation about her return.

“Nay, it is not that we do not enjoy such things, it is in our absence, things have changed, more advancements have been made in life, Tia is happy once more that we have returned and we have seen she has a gained a faithful student that shows loyalty unseen since the time of Starswirl the Bearded himself. But our jealousy and anger has caused us to turn into a monster, we regretted such actions since that “Nightmare” appeared, it is a torturous experience we wouldn’t wish on another subject, not even Discord himself, but we forced Tia’s hand with our actions much like Discord did and not a day goes by without regret and sadness as we missed our sister. When we returned, it was not happy arms welcoming their lost Princess back, instead they knew we were the former Nightmare that attacked and ponies still fear us as much as we try to show we art friendly towards our subjects!” Luna explained her banishment
“That kinda sucks huh? But they will see you are a different pony in time” I comforted
“But that’s not all dear Lightning, when we returned, nopony knew of our existence until our return, surely Tia mentioned us even once to her diligent student: Twilight Sparkle? No, we were forgetten and torn from History’s pages like it were a foal’s mistake! We cannot even use the royal Canterlot voice now, or even our royal language seems to be frowned upon, nobles are anything but noble, they are self-centered scumbags that make us want to tear our insides out! Do not get us started on the leader of all those slime-bags Prince Blueblood! Where did Tia dig up such a stunted slime-ball? He acts superior and is unworthy of the royal bloodline! To be his aunt is the most displeasurable feeling we’ve ever come across next to being in Discord’s presence again! When did the Royal guards come such pushovers? Our nightguard has been reduced to a mere mare-scout! But no longer, we will make them to the true glory they once were! The only comfort we’ve had was Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, at least Tia did something right with her except, when did Alicorns get reduced to foal-sitters? Especially for the Protégé of our sister! Does the Alicorn race no longer command the respect it once was? Are no more than mere child playthings? The thought of such, It…It…phew, we think we exhausted ourselves with that rant” Luna ranted on
“It’s quite alright, Luna, It’s good to let off some steam and you must of held quite a lot in” I understood Luna’s need to blow off steam

Luna looked quite out of breath on her ranting, but still I guess I can understand her actions and such, I would be a little ranty if stuff like that happened if I'd return like that after 1000 years

“Still, we should not of done so, it is unprincess-like to do so in front of our subjects” Luna said uncertainly
“Well I’m technically not your subject since I’m from another planet right? And besides, a lot of ponies and humans like to rant to me about stuff anyway” I waved off Luna’s worries
“If thou insists, but perhaps thou should leave us, the Princess of the Night has a lot of thinking to do this night” Luna said for me to leave her
“As you wish Princess, but remember, it’ll take time for the ponies to get used to you, but nothing will change until you take action Luna, Princess Celestia can only do so much” I said as I left her presence

I could feel Luna’s eye on my back as I walked back inside towards to high-society ponies, it seemed Luna had a fair amount of things she hated about the future, probably for good reason.

To be honest, if the kid me saw Earth just before I got sent here: I think he'd want to stay a kid forever and ever in that same time period

If I had thought any conversation with the nobles was gonna be good, I would of just speared myself, I would go into detail but that’s boring! Put it this way, greetings, they rub their richness in your face and you get angry and want to bash the living hay out of their smug face and then I would leave them. And for the purpose of my sanity, I ain’t gonna even go over Blueblood, let’s just say I gave him a cryptic hint of the future involving a pie of apple proportions!

Elsewhere, Fluttershy wasn’t having any luck with the animals, Twilight was still next to Celestia, Rarity was getting annoyed by Blueball’s presence, Applejack wasn’t selling a darn thing, Pinkie wasn’t having that kind of party, and Dashie wasn’t getting a chance with the Wonderbolts.

Firefly kept getting hitted on by some stallions, but she said NO! And even bitch-slapped the living buck outta one of them! Like HOLY BUCK ON A FISHSTICK!! Cloud Kicker was failing at getting anypony in bed and to top it all off, I WAS SO BUCKING BORED!! The food wasn’t that great, I sucked at dancing, the nobles were pissing me off so much, and to top it all off I think my I.Q went down at least 10 points by the end of the night.

In other words: I really wanted to blow this popsicle stand!

But when such thoughts came, a very angry Fluttershy crashed through doors chasing the animals.

“YOU’RE…GOING TO LOVE ME!!” Fluttershy boomed as the whole gala came tumbling down
“Run!” Celestia motioned for Twilight to make her exit
“We should head back home before stuff gets crazier, right ladies?” I said, deciding we should leave
“Yeah, just give me a minute, I forgot my purse at the bar” CK said
“Kay, we’ll be outside waiting” I said as Firefly and I went outside the castle

So Firefly and I were waiting outside, the air was chilly, the moon was shining brightly along with the stars.

“It’s a bit chilly huh?” Firefly started the conversation
“Yeah, in my world, when the female is cold, the male offers their jacket but for the life of me, but I cannot figure pony suits out right now for the life of me, otherwise I would give you mine” I said
“That’s okay, this night has kind of been a bit heated hasn’t it?” Firefly replied
“Yeah, but at least I know I have friends with me, Kicker may not have found a pony to bed, we may not have had fun but we still had each other” I said

Silence followed as I stared into Firefly’s eyes, those beautiful eyes of hers as she stared into mine, I don’t know how to explain it but it seemed all the sudden I was being pulled towards her by some force, that or some shipping demon has magically possessed me into doing something I can't stop.

My lips met hers before I knew it and we kissed…OH SWEET CELESTIA WE BUCKING KISSED!

Now, that whole thing where fireworks and that come while you kiss your crush, that didn’t happen but the eternity of the kiss did happen even though it lasted 5 seconds, but oh sweet goddesses the kiss was my first kiss and it was so BUCKING AWESOME!! Oh and romantic but awesome as well…I never knew how to do these things, my body just went full auto-pilot with it. It felt so damn right, you could just feel it you know? That spark of lover you feel in your heart.

After 5 seconds we pulled away all the sudden realizing what we just did, we kind of pulled away and sort of pretended that didn’t happen as the massive blush came rushing to my face as I looked away and so did Firefly it seemed. Thankfully, Kicker came back breaking the tension as we headed back to the Ponyville train without a word.

“So, I know this night wasn’t a complete success…” CK started sometime through the train-ride
“It was kind of a fiasco” I said truthfully
“But, I say we hit a drink at the bar to celebrate us getting through that” CK said
“Fair enough I suppose, to erase all that stuff, those nobles still irritate me right now” I said, hoping the kiss doesn't get erased, cause that was on SUPER-AWESOME status rank
“Well as long as nopony hits on me, I’ll be fine” Firefly said
“As long as noble blood isn’t around I’m fine” I said
“And as long as nopony rejects me, I’m fine” CK said

Tonight may not have been a very fun night for us, but I helped a Lunar Princess blow off some steam, I predicted the Apple Pie-ocolypse on Blueblood and I got a BUCKING kiss from Firefly TARTARUS BUCKING YEAH!!! So it wasn’t too bad, and besides I have 2 best friends a Human/Pony could ask for so I can deal with snobby nobles any day! I started to feel tired after a fair few glasses of cider.

I better finish this cider and get to bed…I feel so woozy all the sudden….

Author's Note

To be honest, I think it'd be natural for Luna to have some hates of the future of 1000 years of absence, as it much resembles our own planet, we seem to just hate stuff in the future and say it's worse than what it once was, you better enjoy it than complain cause by that logic it's gonna get worse and worse! But I think Luna has held in a few things a bit too long hasn't she?

But yeah, ROMANTIC KISS OF EPICNESS! It's one of those it sort of just happened things

Entry #11

Yaaaawwwnnn…last night was kind of long wasn’t it? Thank Celestia they decide to put it on a Saturday and not a Sunday, you have any idea how screwed we’d all be at work right now if it were on the Sunday?

So here I am giving a complete monologue to absolutely nopony, they say it’s a sign of madness, I say that’s bunch of bucking mule manure! Where was I? Oh yeah, so right now I was lying down with my eyes closed resting my soft wall that was moving and breathing and…………………………………..there is something wrong with this picture!

Quick quit the monologue so I can find out what’s wrong!

So I was hearing female breathing sounds, one that were sleeping, I opened my eyes and I saw a coat of a very familiar friend, one that I held a crush and shared a kiss with last night…that much I remember, plus this bedroom isn't mine...IT'S FIREFLY I’M SLEEPING WITH RIGHT NOW! OH SON OF MOTHERBUCKING BUCK!!

I instantly froze, how in tartarus did I end up in bed with Firefly? No time for that, I gotta get out of her before she takes this the wrong way or something, I gathered up my suit from the Gala and quietly exited her house and flew full speed back to mine!

As much as Kicker always teased me in to liking Firefly, I didn’t at the start but It sort of grew into a crush, she got less of an ego and came a more sweeter mare but she didn’t go all OOC about it. But I’m not ready for a relationship, I don’t even have any sort of experience, I’m just not ready, I’m not making excuses, I just need to sort myself out okay? I’m not even sure if I actually love her for Celestia’s sake.

So throughout the day, CK and Firefly slept in so they didn’t call on me and I have a feeling neither remembered last night at all, I don’t think they even remembered going to the bar at all otherwise Firefly or Cloud Kicker would of came to me about it.

Come to think of it, I didn’t see any of the Mane Six around anywhere so they must have been tired after the whole Fiasco at the Gala, I did see the Crusaders trying to get their cutie marks as usual but of course they failed. I guess I’m the only one out and about

Right next day, I woke up bright and early for my weather duties, today was meant to be rain, I guess some good old rain clouds will take my mind of Firefly for a few hours…if she weren’t working with me that is.

Cloud Kicker and I had staged a conversation as soon as Rainbow Dash started inspecting the others

“COME ON MARES!! I WANT TO SEE THIS TOWN COVERED IN RAIN!” Dash bellowed at the workers
“So, the gala was pretty crazy huh?” Kicker asked conversationally
“Yeah…I suppose so” I said lazily
“So me and Firefly were talking yesterday, apparently Firefly scored with a mystery stallion but the fella left and she couldn’t remember who it was” Kicker mentioned
“I see” I said, not wanting to say much
“You’re jealous of her aren’t you, somepony got her before you did” CK said nudging me
“For the 5000000000000000000000000th time Kicker, I. DO. NOT. LOVE. FIREFLY!” I lied but stood my ground to keep the ruse going.
“If you say so, still bit rude of that stallion huh? Runs out on a good mare, who even does that?” Kicker asked me
‘Oh hello Pot, I’m Kettle! Pleased to meet you!’ I thought as I rolled my eyes
“Whatever” I said shaking my head as Kicker’s ignorance
“KICKER, BOLT! HURRY UP OVER THERE!” Dash shouted at us, causing us to get back to work

We ceased our conversation for now and got back to our work on raining on Ponyville, cause there’s some paper to earn, ya feel me?

A whole two week gap came, I stayed casual with Firefly and Cloud Kicker and they didn’t seem to remember much from the Gala, Firefly remembered the Kiss but not what happened after, sometimes I wonder if I should tell her it was me. Just burst in the front door and declare undying love or something.

It’s strange how Discord came early and now there seemed to be a huge episode gap so much I started getting worried but thankfully, Twilight went full crazy mode assuming Celestia was gonna send her back to Magic kindergarten which from the flashbacks in the shows, looked like her worst nightmare next to failing the Princess herself. Seriously Twilight is creepy as buck when she’s like that but that’s nothing compared to Pinkamana Diane Pie when she’s not happy! I swear Celestia was totally trolling Twilight with the sun as it did tick a bit forward like in the show.

What probably happened…

Princess Celestia was in the middle of Day court when a guard suddenly came up to Celestia.

“Uh your highness, the sun hasn’t moved in a while and it’s now 12:30pm, not 11am” A royal guard mentioned, pointing out the sun's position
“Oh…BUCK! I'll be right back!” Celestia realized her mistake and rushed out to correct

Celestia quickly cast her magic to move the sun in the correct spot and breathed a sign of relief.

“Phew, hopefully nopony else noticed” Celestia said to herself as the problem was solved.

This happened another 5 times that day.

“So what’re you dressing up as on Nightmare Night?” Kicker asked
“Say what now?” I asked, not quite hearing what he said
“Nightmare Night, you got a costume for it?” Kicker said again

Oh right! Luna Eclipsed is next episode, how did I forget that? The fun will definitely be doubled! Oh and Luna will go full Royal caps lock on us, but maybe I get a good costume and maybe some sort of really scary thing that will scare all the foals and ALL THE CANDY WILL BE MINE! MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

“Oh yeah, I do” I lied
“What are you dressing up as?” Kicker asked
“Now, now, don’t want to ruin the surprise” I said
“Well, it better be good, we got foals to scare and lots of candy to obtain!” Kicker said as she left laughing to herself

Yes you scare them all, then I’ll scare the candy out of you, cause I’m evil! All your candy are belong to me!

Right, better go make a costume….wait...how in Celestia's mane do I make a costume, I NEVER LEARNED HOW! Oh well...

Author's Note

Sky Hooves, I'm looking at you right now, You're gonna comment I told you so aren't you. DON'T YOU DARE!!

So Apple Cider like in a lot of Fanfics is much like beer although there is a version that is kid friendly, and man it makes Ponies forget things. But next up, the Royal CAPS LOCK shall be abused, as well as candy! AND IT SHALL BE ALL MINE AND NONE FOR YOU!!!

Entry #12

Alright, I’m going to be honest with you, I never liked Halloween, mainly because I’m not American and it’s honestly one of those holidays and we don’t celebrate that stuff, besides there’s like 2 birthdays in my family after Halloween so there need not be a 3rd day of celebration. Okay and there always a couple of kids that think this is acceptable to do and expect me to have Candy for them.

I say NEIN! First of all, I buy candy for myself, GO GET YOUR OWN! You buy candy for your consumption not somepony else! Second of all, I’m trying to play video games over here and your insensitive flank goes to ring to doorbell just for candy you can get yourself!

Yeah and I went to America once and I so happened to be sick on Halloween and everypony would not stop ringing the doorbell, oh the person I was staying with was rutting some random girl really loud but you get the idea!

But this time, ALL THE CANDY WILL BE MINE! AND NONE FOR YOU NIGHTMARE MOON!

…

So here I was, in my costume I totally didn’t make at the last second, I decided to parody Slenderman by doing an old FimFiction favourite, Slendermane! Luckily nopony knew than and I made sure to add extra tentacles when I get close. (If you so much as make a Hentai joke, I will murder you!) I also am gonna twist the story around to a more ponified version to scare the candy to me.

My goal is to completely steal candy with Cloud Kicker 1-up Nightmare Moon at the same time, we asked Firefly if she wanted to help us steal some candy but she looked at us and called us little foals. Well fine! We don’t need you!

So, everypony was out enjoying Halloween, Nightmare Night, Ponies were in costumes everywhere and of course there were a fair few slutty nurse outfits among the mares, seriously, what is with everypony trying to be a slutty nurse? Why the hell is it so kinky to males?

“Sup Kicker?” I greeted
“The sky, Bolty” Kicker replied back
“Very amusing” I rolled my eyes
“What are you meant to be?” Firefly asked, who joined a second ago
“Slendermane” I said, knowing they wouldn’t get it
“What on Tartarus is that?” Kicker asked
“Well on my planet, rumor has it a being with no eyes, no nose, no face whatsoever and a really creepily tall figure and arms too. He appears in front of his victims never moving and then after some stalking, BOOM! He captures his prey and they are never seen again, but it’s known screams of terror leaves his victims just before their death” I explained in a spooky manner.
“Yeah’ll like that’s true” Kicker rolled her eyes
“The foals will believe it and maybe give them Nightmare Fuel so much, Luna may have to banish me to the moon in order for foals to sleep safely again” I reasoned
“Sounds like a scary dude in reality” Firefly commented
“Yeah, you should see some of the creepypasta back home, some are boring but some will get you for weeks” I said, reminded of some of them I watched on YouTube
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s score some candy!” CK said, ready to lead the charge for candy!

WHOOSH!

I looked up to find the clouds swirling and the lightning being controlled as a carriage came pulled by Batponies, I knew at once it was Princess Luna arriving in dramatic fashion. Seriously, why is everypony so dramatic in their entrances?

“CITZENS OF PONYVILLE!” Luna did the RCV on everypony, blowing those who were not holding the ground off their hooves

So Luna did the FUS RO DA! With her voice and such, the dragons have no chance! But I did happen to see Cloud Kicker wimpering, was she afraid of Luna or something? Probably was seeing as the citizens are kind of frightened of Nightmare Moon although Pinkie Pie was being a dick and neglected to tell them they liked to be scared.

So of course Luna was met with Mixed reception, and Twilight went off to teach her to lay off the caps lock and the old English, seriously do you know how hard it is to type that into Fanfiction.

“Kicker, are you scared of Luna?” I asked curiously
“Uh…no, it’s just really humid this dark cold night that’s all” CK lied badly
“Are you suuuure?” I asked
“YES! I’m Positively sure, Lightning!” CK said hastily
“Okay then, cause we cannot obtain the candy if you’re scared out of your wits” I said to him
"I'm not afraid of her!" CK said angrily
"Sure you aren't" Me and Firefly commented at the same time

Yes, you will help me get all the candy from the foals and then I’ll take them off you and they will be ALL MINE!!! YES IT’S SUCH A FREAKING EVIL PLAN! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Just act natural!

“Well what’re you waiting for? Let’s go get some candy!” Firefly said

So, Cloud Kicker was wearing a Ponified version of Discord, don’t ask cause I have no idea why either. Firefly was in a Wonderbolt costume like Rainbow Dash was except she looked like Spitfire a little bit, although Spitfire is very bossy but I suppose that’s natural when you’re leading the best fliers in all of Equestria.

So I suppose somepony out there is wondering why I chose the Slendermane idea, it’s simple, Slenderman has stuck in my mind more than any other horror like monster ever has, he may not have the gore-like design, but in the end his means of killing that frighten me. He goes full physcological horror on you and to me, that’s the scariest kind, he takes time to get you insane, paranoid and divided bonds with your closest friends and family until one day, he strikes! It’s a very creepy and clever way to dispose of your prey and it shows sometimes the simplest monsters are the scariest.

Oh and one more reason, Slenderman likes to hang around the woods of certain places and the Everfree Forest is nearby and it’s already creepy enough. But I can't do anything he can really, but a simple scare will suffice

So the targets are in sight, first I’ll appear in the distance but in plain sight. I appeared just forward in the distance of the group Pinkie and the foals were.

One foal looked at me at I stared at him, he thought it was nothing as I disappeared, then I appeared again making certain I was real in his eyes, he hang back from the group uncertain. Unlike Slenderman, I don’t have patience so I flew quietly and landed behind the foal, I hit a stick on purpose and as he turned around, he saw me and froze for a second…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The colt screamed, he then ran away and dropped some candy
“HAHAHAHAHA! YES! THE CANDY IS MINE!” I laughed evilly

So here I was, back in Ponyville and I overheard Twilight introducing Luna to Applejack.

“Fun? What is this fun thou speakest of?” Luna asked

Seriously Luna? Was fun invented the second you got banished to the moon?

I can see it now, Celestia inventing fun…

1000 years ago about 5 seconds after Nightmare Moon’s Banishment…

“I’m sorry Luna, I had no choice” Celestia said to the moon than now held her sister

Celestia landed back at the royal castle, the elements in tow, she however, had an idea on how to cheer up from all of her regret and sadness.

“I know what will cheer me up, I’ll do things I enjoy and it will make me smile, I shall call it…FUN! Yes that’s what it will be called. I NOW DECREE THAT FUN IS INVENTED FOR ALL!! AND FUN I SHALL HAVE!” Celestia made fun up.

And that’s how Pinkie Pie was born, you should hear my cutie mark story, it’s sort of mediocre but a happy ending.

“So Bolty, how did the scare the foals for candy thing go?” CK asked
“Well I got a fair amount of candy from the foals because I am so evil!” I reported
“Yeah, whatever you say, anyway can you do me a favor?” CK asked me a favor
“What is it?” I asked
“Firefly passed out in a drinking contest and I have this mare I’m bedding, can you bring her back to her home? PLEEEEAASSSSE!” CK said
“Fine, go bang the mare already!” I said, knowing not to make CK wait on her banging abilities.

So I picked up Firefly, who was heavy and knocked out from the drinking contest, personally I don’t know why she tried, Firefly is always the first one to pass out between the three of us, then it would be me and then Kicker.

I put her in her bed once I reached her house, I bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek good-night…WHY THE BUCK DID I DO THAT?! DAMN YOU SHIPPING DEMONS, GET OUT OF MY BODY!!!

The Night was not very eventful, but I did get a fair amount of candy, OHM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM! Now my little morsels, YOU ARE ALL MINE FOR ME TO PLAY WITH MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Author's Note

OH MY SWEET CELESTIA! A Halloween-like chapter in July? MADNESS I SAY!! Ah well, Christmas is being celebrated 3 months before it's actually there and one month after, same with easter. Halloween gets no respect though! Seriously though, Australians that live near me and celebrate Halloween and go on my doorbell, BUCK OFF! I'm trying to play video games here!

Entry #13

(Before you read, this is that Obligatory explain human sort of thing to Twilight, only partly done since she's on a scheldule, so this is sort of how you call filler so you can skip this one if you want until the last part which has some sort of plot...MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! I won't be offended...promise!)

So, I just realized, I haven’t even talked to any of the Elements of Harmony lately…well except Dashie but she doesn’t count because she’s my boss when I see her anyways and I wouldn’t right now because she learned a valuable lesson on STOP SHOWING OFF YOUR HEORICNESS YOU PRICK!

I remember Twilight wanting a few questions about my race, it’s going to happen inevitably and I see no reason why I should delay this any further.

I still haven’t forgotten about Firefly, I think I do love her, but how to go about it? I have to admit I have no Celestia-damned experience with this sort of thing, I would ask Rarity about how mares go about this thing but…yeah…might get on that later because I’m not even going to begin to go into what’s wrong with that.

So here I am, at Twilight’s door, casually knocking when Spike answered the door, clearly Twilight is buried in a book.

“Sup Spike?” I greeted
“Sup Lightning” Spike greeted back
“Nothing much Spike my main dragon, Twilight around?” I asked
“Sure, she’s buried in a book, I’ll go get her” Spike answered as I was invited in

I sat down on the nearest seat and waited patiently for Twilight to show up, not surprisingly she took about 10 minutes because she was buried in a book, personally she really needs to get laid! Perhaps I should set Cloud Kicker on her? Only if necessary…

“Ah Gavin, you’re here” Twilight greeted
“Just Lightning Bolt will do fine” I corrected her
“Okay then, Lightning, what brings you here?” Twilight asked
“Well to answer a few questions about my race of course, you wanted to know earlier and today is a day where nothing is happening so I’d thought I’d come by and plus what friend would I be if I don’t see them at all?” I answered
“Well, I too have nothing today, let me just get notes and a quill and we get started shall we?” Twilight went to grab her supplies
“Of course” I answered sitting down

Not surprisingly, Twilight had a LOT of parchment and ink and a few spare quills to write down everything! Overkill much?

“So, first question I suppose, what do you call your planet back home?” Twilight asked
“We call it Earth, a planet that is one third land and two thirds of it is pure ocean, but us humans are land creatures although we have the technology to traverse on the water’s surface or even fly over it to visit other land masses” I explained
“Interesting, such things exist to help you do such feats” Twilight muttered to herself
“See, we don’t have magic on Earth, in fact, we are relatively almost harmless compared to other animals on our planet but we made it to the top thanks to our ingenious minds that makes our weapons, homes and survival skills just I case random bodies start wanting to eat our organs somehow causing our numbers to diminish into less than 100.” I explained our lack of magic
“WHAT? You don’t have any magic at all?” Twilight repeated, the fact was unbelievable to her ears
“Best believe it Twi, cause there ain’t a single drop on Earth, all we know is that it’s just fantasy, not real at all as far as we are concerned but me coming here and this world being real obviously proves it real but not in my world, in fact I don’t even know if this universe is the same one as I am in or if it’s a completely different universe.” I said
“Well, we do have a Multi-verse theory which says we are but one universe in a series of many limitless universes” Twilight muttered to herself
“That too, for all I know, this could be part of our universe, or it’s an entirely different one altogether, I have no idea what sent me here, one minute I was walking with some friends, the next, stuck in the Everfree Forest with no clue which way was out” I said
“That is something I do not know, perhaps the Princess would know but I don’t think knowledge would be handed out freely if there were some explanation” Twilight put her hoof on her chin in thought
“Probably for the better in case that knowledge came into the wrong hands, it’s too dangerous to risk. But enough of that, next question” I said
“How many of you “Humans” are there?” Twilight asked
“Um, I haven’t looked up any statistics lately, but I’d say at least six billion humans live on Earth as a rough estimate. I know for a fact that you ponies only go by around 4 million, but maybe the combined species may match up to our number” I said
“SIX BILLION?! T-That’s quite a number” Twilight said, not sure whether to be shocked or impressed
“Six billion? What’s that? Must be huge” Spike asked, having no clue of the number
“Well put six and then add about 9 zeros on the end” Twilight answered

Spike took a moment to imagine a number like that, he then looked in awe.

“Ok…that is big” Spike said
“Yeah and for some reason, the smaller countries have the biggest populations” I added
“But how does somepony feed that many souls?” Twilight asked
“What you gotta understand Twilight, is that we are all divided into different countries, much like Equestira, Zebrica and the Griffon Kingdom. Except our species is the only one that talks and such, but there are animals that are non-sentient and all and some of which are pets. Some of our planet aren’t lucky enough to afford a decent meal while most of us can eat three meals a day, no problem like you ponies” I explained
“That’s horrible” Twilight gasped
“My planet is a tough one, especially tougher if you’re born into an unlucky place such as a war-torn country or something. In the past, countries went to war with each other over things, one such one was about 70 years ago dubbed “World War II”! Believe me, it’s bad enough learning about the horrors of it, but to experience it, I’d rather not personally but you didn’t have a choice really. We’ve tried to limit as much war as possible and keep peace but there will always be those that try” I explained

Twilight, I could tell was trying to imagine something really brutal, it made her shudder.

“It’d be worse if you knew what weapons we have, it would tear anything apart in an instant unless you had a really powerful shield, and if you’re unlucky enough, you’d been blown up by a nuke and we’ve got enough to blow our own planet several times over. All it would take for just one to go off is a mad person with a itchy trigger finger” I explained

Twilight looked absolutely distraught, I am too, here such stories are taken lightly, but the reality is, we could be seconds away from being vaporized and we wouldn’t have a damn chance. If one were to land here, Canterlot and Ponyville would be vaporized along with the Element and Princesses. It saddens me to no end that we resort to such violence to solve such things.

“I’m sorry Twilight, maybe I shouldn’t of gone into that, but it’s true and we should be thankful such things never exist here, we’ll move onto a brighter subject shall we?” I said
“T-That would be nice” Twilight said
“Well how about some of our technology we use that isn’t dangerous?” I suggested
“Sure” Twilight answered
“Well, we can travel at speeds 100km/h safely in Metal carriages we call cars along the surface although the potential can be over 200km/h. We even have planes that can traverse across the air at 700km/h easily” I said
“Rainbow Dash would like that” Twilight said
“There are stunt fliers on our planet much like the Wonderbolts, except we use our planes which we call jets that are designed to super maneuverable and fast but very dangerous in a crash as the source to fly this thing is fuel and is will explode in a crash so you’d need some serious training just to be able to fly one” I explained
“Sounds definitely like Rainbow Dash’s thing” Twilight commented
“Yeah, we have come a long way in the last 2 centuries, Equestria looks like something of our medieval times” I said
“When we found out about you, you said our lives were some sort of show, can you explain that?” Twilight asked
“Well Imagine a box that has images of stuff like say cartoons or even ponies and such from it, it’s hard to explain but the show was one of many shows on TV, like I said before, I have no idea how the creators accurately figured out this stuff, perhaps it was all just a random happening” I explained
“Interesting, but We’re out of time as I must get things done and If I get any more out of synch with my schedule, the whole month will be messed up!” Twilight said
“Well it was a pleasure answering stuff, maybe I can do some more maybe next time” I said

I got up to leave, I said Good-bye to Spike because I’m a good friend and all, besides he’s like the only male friend I have in this world besides Sky High who I haven’t seen in a while, we males gotta look out for each other in this mare-infested world.

Meanwhile…

Cloud Kicker was chilling when suddenly a voice came in her head…

“Cloud Kicker! CLLLLOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUD KIIIIIIICKKKKKEEER!”
“Who’s there?”
“Me, your conscious”
“Okay what do you want? If you’re here to tell me to stop banging ponies, the answer is no!”
“I actually like that for the record, but I come for a different reason”
“Then spill it dude”
“You must get Lightning Bolt and Firefly together as a couple”
“Why? I mean they’re taking their time”
“EXACTLY! It’s taking forever! It’s 13 chapters in and not a damn date has happened! It’s time those two got together and as their best friend, you must assist those two into realizing their feeling for each other! The fate of the world depends upon thee!”
“But what do you want me to do about it?”
“Set them up on a blind date, they won’t know it’s each other until it’s too late!”
“Well Hearts and Hooves day is two weeks away, they’ll have a date and they’ll like it!”
“Sounds good, make sure they have no clues to find out, we’re counting on you”
“I know, I will do my duty to ship my friends together”

Cloud Kicker went out to make the prepartions for the Blind date, it’s only two weeks away!

“YES! Lightning Bolt and Firefly will be together, MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

To be romantically continued...

Author's Note

Yeah, explanations are a bore sometimes aren't they? But let's be realistic here, our technology should never be introduced into Equestria, no good would happen especially considering what already happens with the Mane Six and all these villains appearing out of nowhere. Can you imagine if a couple of nukes got teleported to Equestria? Some serious shiz bout to go down for real and it ain't gonna be pretty!

For the record World War II is my favourite period of history oh and I see you shipping demons! YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!

Entry #14

Love is…I don’t know, it’s complicated to explain, it’s experience is one that cannot be described so accurately until you experience it yourself ya feel me? It was just supposed to be another Valentines day or Hearts and Hooves Day as it’s called in Equestria, a certain schoolteacher and a certain dependable red stallion are about to be in love from some potion. But that’s small matters, today I’m on a Blind date, so I have no idea who the mare is until I’m there and you’re asking me why I’m doing this?

Well, a couple of weeks ago, Cloud Kicker came to me and we had a convo before she went for her next sex adventure. So we said things and she said I really needed to get laid, EXCCCCUUUUUUUSE ME! Just because I don’t buck every mare on the damn planet does not mean I need to get laid, then she said I was dryer than a desert in terms of sex life! I was really offended, and here I was thinking the females were the sensitive gender!

So more talk came and I ended up accepting a Blind date after arguing that I could bed a mare any day, OH IT WAS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! Heh, I’m so pumped to prove myself I used an Earth saying thing…maybe I should find Sweetie Belle so I can remember the right word?

I went to Rarity to design a different suit for the date, and I ended up asking how mares act on this planet, I got my ear chewed off from the advice of what a “Lady” should do. I ended up cursing myself for asking.

Come Friday night and I’m at home waiting for Cloud Kicker to take me to my Blind date, I saw Firefly alone on the day, I REALLY wanted to ask her but then I’d offend my Blind date and probably get slapped to the other side of Equestria!

I’ll finish the Blind date, and then get back to Project: Firefly, this is just to prove Cloud Kicker wrong and I will win her little game!

Okay, gonna admit I am totally nervous right now, I’ve NEVER been a date on Earth or Equestria before so I have 0 Experience in this, just act natural and this will go fine…oh who am I kidding? Drama follows me wherever I go.

KNOCK KNOCK!

“Coming!” I called

Cloud Kicker must be here to bring me to the place, I answered to find her tapping her hoof impatiently.

“Bolty. Looking smashing! I am almost jealous of the mare you’re gonna be with…ALMOST!” Kicker greeted with compliments
“Thanks” I muttered
“Now get yo flank in this carriage, it’s time you and Miss Right finally meet!” CK said, motioning towards the carriage
“Let’s this get this over with” I sighed

Knowing Kicker, it’s probably gonna be some random mare from a bar and she talked me up to make me seem amazing only for me to end up a disappointment.

I finally decided to be ready for Firefly and I’m sticking to it, I’ll politely have a date with this Mare and then go after Firefly, I’ll think of this as practice, after all Practice makes perfect…actually that’s sort of a lie, Perfect Practice makes Perfect because nothing gets accomplished if the Practice is sub-standard.

I, of course had plenty of bits ready in case unexpected stuff happened or the mare was really Celestia-damned expensive! (at least they don’t have some sort of shoe fetish like females I know back home, in fact I think shoes are kind of a rich pony thing, I’ve seen them on the Princesses and some kind of horseshoes on some nobles)

So our Carriage arrived at a restaurant called The Golden Horseshoe, yeah I know Ponies don’t have that creative naming but whatever, it wasn’t overly expensive but it wasn’t an elaborate dump thrown together at the last second for this specific purpose. It was pure and simple restaurant.

“Your date is already inside, she came in 5 minutes ago” CK said after a pony whispered in her ear
“I thought it was rude to keep a lady waiting?” I asked Kicker
“What’re you? Rarity?” CK laughed at her own joke
“No, can we just get on with this” I said, giving an annoyed look at CK
“Okay, Okay! Put a smile on will ya? You look like Discord brainwashed you, just enjoy the night” CK said
“I’ll do this just to keep YOU happy” I muttered
“Sup! Got a table for two under Cloud Kicker” CK said
“Ah your date has arrived five minutes ago” The waiter said
“Not mine, his” CK pointed a hoof towards me
“Right this way, Sir” The waited beckoned to me
“See ya Bolty, have a fun date!” she said before disappearing

So here I was, being shown to the table by the waiter and there I saw her! A mare wearing a Rose red dress, her mane had been clearly done by a professional. Her coat was the same as Firefly’s colour and even that was clearly done professionally, this mare actually bucking cared! And here I was looking compared to her like I just got out the bed and shoved a suit on. Her rump was facing my direction so I could not see her face as we got closer.

Who this mare was, I did not know but I’m going to do my best to make her date enjoyable, like I said, she looked like she gave a damn and I like that in a mare.

“Your date is here, madam” The waiter said to the mare.
“Thank you” the mare said as she turned around
The mare was the last person I expected to see as my date, yet somepony I was familiar with, a mare I had a bucking crush on! FIREFLY!

“FIREFLY!”
“BOLTY!”

We all shouted in shock as we saw who our dates were, that clever motherbucker!

‘BWAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY CELESTIA THIS IS PRICELESS” CK laughed her flank off!
“You said it Kicker” Sky High said joining in
“We are so showing this to them once this is done” Simple Breeze said as she took the photo of their expressions
“I haven’t laughed this hard since the time Rainbow Dash dressed in a tutu” Kicker laughed even harder

SON OF A MOTHERBUCKING CELESTIA-DAMNED FRUITBAT! YOU PLANNED THIS ALL ALONG DIDN’T YOU? I SHOULD OF KNOWN THIS WOULD OF HAPPENED YOU BUCKING CHEEKY BASTARD!

I mentally yelled in my head as I gaped at Firefly, my blind date…I was on a blind date with Firefly, the shipping demons must of possessed Cloud Kicker, that or she was promoted to super flankhole right about now.

“I cannot believe you’re my date” I blurted out
“Nor do I, but do sit down before your jaw hits the Griffon Kingdom” Firefly said

She is so bucking hot! Like all the Mane Six and the Princesses combined would not match the hotness Firefly is emitting right now! She’s so beautiful, either I somehow have romance goggles or she’s actually sparkling too.

‘Face it tiger, you just hit the jackpot!’

Well here goes nothing…

“So, nice weather today huh?” I said out of nowhere
‘Well duh! We made it that way!’
‘Shut up voice in my head!’
“Yeah, it is nice but a bit chilly” Firefly replied
“So, forgive me if I sound like I’m an amateur tonight, but to be honest I’ve never done this before” I confessed
“So am I, this is like my first date ever” Firefly also confessed

Okay, so that makes me comfortable….

“Really, I’m surprised a mare such as you has never been on a date” I said
“You’re very sweet Bolty, but it’s true, I’ve never been on a date not even in Flight school” Firefly replied
“So high school for Pegasi is Flight School?” I asked
“Well for Unicorns and Pegasi they need to be trained in their specific areas like their magic or flight and learn stuff about stuff only that species can do like weather jobs. We first enter that around our foal years but all the serious stuff happens in our teen years, of course Earth Ponies as well as Unicorns and Pegasi can enter a normal high school if they wish where they learn a variety of things” Firefly explained
“Sounds simple enough, so what was it like?” I asked

Firefly sighed and started explaining, I just hope it wasn’t too dramatic in there.

“Well, I was much a loner in my foalhood, then I met Cloud Kicker in my senior year and that was before she was a fillyfooler and got that reputation a year out of Flight school. She was like my best friend and my light away from those bullies, back then I had braces.” Firefly started
“Then what happened?” I asked
“I got them off, I still got bullied but snobs started trying to get me to go out with them like I was some sort of trophy for their cabinets, I knew they didn’t love me at all really, so naturally I declined a lot of ponies. Besides, I wanted to do well in my studies and my math teacher still scares me to this day, you do not want to fail him, it would be like failing Princess Celestia but 10 times worse!” Firefly continued
“Sounds much like my Tech teacher, it’s always the creepy teacher around the woodwork materials” I said

The waiter came up to our table and we were ready to order. I had never been to an Equestrian restaurant before so I got the Hay ravioli, mainly because Ravioli was my favourite dinner food back home especially with cheese! I’m making you hungry aren’t I? Firefly decided to do a ceasar salad with hay kebabs, seriously, what is with the Hay in every Celestia-damned food? Not that I’m complaining because hay is surprisingly tasty.

“So what about your high school experience?” Firefly asked
“Well, I wasn’t Mr. Popular either, in fact, it was a place of judging humans looking at you and judging you. You wanna maintain a good reputation in our world because it means a lot. I never really found much of a love interest and my friends from Primary school kind of turned into jerks so I severed ties with them before bad stuff happened. I liked to stick to myself.” I explained
“So what stuff do you do in your schools?” Firefly asked another question
“Well we don’t have any magic abilities or something and we’re not split into types like ponies, we all go together, but you learn stuff like Math, English, History and stuff, I gotta be honest, I never paid much attention and I procrastinated like nopony’s business” I said
“You sound like Rainbow Dash in flight school, she was a couple years ahead of Cloud Kicker and Me, lazy flanked pony and acted like she was too cool for school, of course she did captain a fair amount of sport teams and she too P.E way too seriously” Firefly explained

You know, this talking is kind of nice…maybe I should of asked sooner!

“This is kind of nice” I admitted out loud
“Really? I think it’s great, I haven’t talked to anypony about anything since Cloud Kicker” Firefly said
“To be honest, I always wanted to go out with you” I confessed
“Really” Firefly asked
“Yes” I said
“Well, I do too and for that, we may have to kick Kicker’s flank so much” Firefly said
“We’re still going to kick her flank though right?” I asked
“of course” She replied, giving a evil smile.

So after another 5 minutes, and finally the waiter came with our orders, about time too, I’m bloody starving over here! Yeah, I know, good food takes time and all but for my stomach, it ain’t got time to wait.

Let me tell you, this is bucking delicious! Who knew Hay and Ravioli can go some Celestia-damned well? Especially with cheese it tastes 10 times better…oh right where was I? Finishing my dinner with Firefly, so we talked about more stuff, I could not take my eyes off her and it wasn’t because she was so freaking hot that Celestia will be jealous! It was because I was so in love…

THERE! I SAID IT! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW SHIPPING DEMONS? I BUCKING LOVE FIREFLY!! YOU CAN END THE WORLD NOW BECAUSE I SAID IT!

Meanwhile…

Princess Celestia felt a disturbance, a sudden feeling like she needs to banish somepony to the moon.

“Looks like Somepony is gonna be banished tonight…tomorrow” Celestia said as she went to bed with a yawn coming out of her mouth

So fast forward to the end, I paid for the dinner because one, It’s courtesy damn it! Two, Firefly clearly put more effort in this date than me, I looked like I just got out of the bed and three, BECAUSE I CAN!

“So, what now?” I asked
“I dunno, what do you say we walk back” Firefly answered
“Your apartment or mine?” I asked
“Yours” Firefly answered

So we started walking back under the night sky which, I swear were brighter than usual and the moon was full as always thanks to our good Princess, Luna. I am suddenly reminded of all those fics usually with a Human and Luna falling in love with each other…wait a moment…why in Celestia’s flowing mane am I thinking of fics in a time like this? What’s wrong with me?!

“Firefly, I sort of got a confession to make” I started
“What is it? You’re not…gay are you?” Firefly looked fearful all the sudden
“NO! CELESTIA NO! Sorry…well you remember the Grand Galloping Gala when we went back?” I asked
“Yes, what about it?” Firefly answered
“That Stallion in the bed….that was me” I said honestly
“It was?” she asked
“Yes, but the reason I ran out was not because I was drunk on cider and stuff, it was because I wasn’t ready, not ready for the responsibility and I had a fair amount of thinking and…” I explained
“And…” Firefly motioned me to continue
“And I think I’m ready to do a relationship, so…” I continued

This is the part where I ask the question, buck it! LEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOORRRRRRROOOOOOOYYYYYYY….

“So, do you want to you know…be my marefrined…if you don’t want to that’s okay…” I asked nervously

IDIOT! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU ASK THEM TO BE YOUR MAREFRIEND!! I BUCKED IT ALL UP! I CURSE THESE NERVES!!

“I thought you’d never ask, Of course I bucking will, come here you” Firefly accepted

YES!! IN YOUR FACE ANYPONY THAT DOUBTED THIS WOULDN’T HAPPEN! I WIN! YOU LOSE SUCKER!

Okay, not being a bad winner but I’m so happy, Pinkie is jealous right now of my happiness. But then came the kiss…

Put it this way, the one from the Grand Galloping Gala was nothing compared to this one, a full 30 second kiss that definitely lasted forever, the moon and the stars were shining as though they approved of this kiss. The best part was the magical spark that this was the kiss to end all kisses, nothing else mattered at all but this kiss. It’s one that no amount of describing can do it justice.

We Broke apart finally, and before we knew it, we were at my house and man was I tired, what time was it? Maybe I should of brought a watch or something, ah well the clock is only 10 feet away.

“Is it alright If I stay here for the night, my house is on the other side of town?” Firefly asked
“Sure, you can sleep with me, I would offer the couch but that would be rude and it’s uncomfortable as tartarus itself” I answered

The date was not A+ standard in my eyes but it was good enough for me and that’s what matters and plus, me and Firefly are an item. They say beds are 10 times more comfortable when you have your marefriend on them, time to test that theory….

"Well, Mission Accomplished!" Cloud Kicker said as she watched the couple go in Lightning's house
"Yes indeed" Sky High said
"Well y'all owe me 5 bits" Simple Breeze said, holding her hooves out
"I really need to stop betting..." CK said as she coughed up her 5 bits

Author's Note

THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW SHIPPING DEMONS! CAN YOU RELEASE ME NO!? Please? It's cold in this shipping cell...

Okay so I'm crap at writing romance but i gave it a go...

Wait a moment...this is the 14th chapter, and Valentine's day/Hearts and Hooves day happens on the 14th day of February...something smells over here...

Entry #15

Man I’m tired but really comfortable, wanna know why? Cause I now have a marefriend and she’s sleeping in bed with me. No we didn’t have sex, what? We’re not going into it that fast, we’re gonna take it slow that a moment will come up and then we’ll all be like buck it, let’s do it right now!

So right now, Firefly snuggling into me like I’m a teddy bear, normally that would be weird but it isn’t now, no drunk from cider, no need to bail out of the apartment, it feels juuuuuust right!

Now all we need is Cloud Kicker to get a coltfriend or a marefriend and we’ll all be coupled, HA! Like that’s ever going happen! She’s too obsessed with sexual adventures to even consider settling down with somepony else for more than a week.

Yep, still comfortable on this bed, nothing can make me get out this bed with Firefly, except maybe the need to pee all the sudden and definitely not the-

KNOCK KNOCK!

And I just had to open my mouth, probably Cloud Kicker and 10 bits says she was watching the entire date just for a laugh. I left Firefly still sleeping to go answer the door at like 7:00am.

So I opened the door to find Cloud Kicker there waiting expectantly, she also looked like she just got out of bed with another pony no doubt, assuming she had time to.

“So…” CK started
“So what?” I replied
“How did the date go?” CK asked
“Pretty decent if I say so myself, she’s upstairs having a nice sleep” I replied
“Nice dude, did you do it together?” CK hit my shoulder
“Uh the sex, no, we just slept together and shared one awesome kiss” I said

Awkward level: 30% and rising. Cloud Kicker than grabbed me and shaked me around like some ragdoll.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T HAVE SEX WITH HER?” Kicker shouted
“Hey not so loud! We’re taking it slow and steady Kicker, and besides we were tired as buck and her house is on the other side of town so I let her stay with me and we were having a nice sleepy snuggle until you came in barging at 7 in the morning like a complete flankhole” I replied back
“Oh it had better happen so help me” CK shot back
“Hey relax Kicker, we’re together now, are you not happy? You’ve been hinting I liked her and you set us up on this blind date’ I asked
“Yes that, but I’d of thought you would of…you know…” CK started
“Cloud Kicker, just because you have sex with everypony you bed does not mean everypony does that as well” I shot her a deadpan look

The door to my bedroom opened and Firefly came out, she was awake and she shared our mane having the out of bed look.

“Hi sweetie, Hi Cloud Kicker” Firefly greeted
“Hello my awesome Firefly” I said back

Seriously, I’m talking like that? What do couples sudden develop this language when they get together? Better talk this out with her once Kicker is gone.

“Urgh, Hi Firefly” CK said, not amused by the “love talk”
“So, what’s up today?” I asked
“Well, it’s the weekend and maybe we could go watch a movie or go swimming in the lake” Firefly suggested
“Perhaps” I said

So basically, we did go to a movie, a pretty bad one at that, and can you guess what genre it was from? Romance, it’s like they can’t do a good romance movie anymore. Who am I to talk, I’m just some pony in a amateur fan-fiction by a guy on his 5th and most successful attempt at this gig.

CRACK!

Anypony just hear that cracking noise? Anyway, a couple of episodes pass and I can honestly imagine Iron Will being a motivational speaker back on Earth, I’d pay to see that! But Flutterbitch scares me, the shy, quiet Pegasus became an angry monster that was not to be bucked with! I visited the library in time for Future Twilight and I made a joke about her coming back to the past to tell her to get laid but that ruined the plot so a future me came and prevented me from doing that, shame, all the funny jokes are the most harmful ones.

When Hurricane Fluttershy came along, us Pegasi had to tornado water up to Cloudsdale which makes no sense at all but whatever, Cloud Kicker’s wingpower was a 9, Firefly was a 12 and I was a 12.4 making me the fastest of our group, they don’t call me Lightning Bolt for nothing.

So nothing happened too much over the few weeks, Firefly and I were together as much as a couple could be, Cloud Kicker was still having sexual adventures like she usually does and the Mane Six were all just fine, so everything’s alright for now and the night is pretty-

WHACK!

Somepony had hit Lightning Bolt from behind, knocking him out cold, the perpetrator were two creatures of black coats and blue eyes, no pupils could be seen, their wings were insect-like and they had fangs showing from their teeth.

“The human has been knocked out” one creature said
“Yes, we must take him to the queen, she will love this” the other said as he inspected the knocked out pony
“Well we better hurry up, the queen wants the “Human” pony thing for some important purpose” First creature looked around real quick for any observers
“As soon as the replacement gets here” Second creature said to his partner
“Already here” a third creature joined the scene

Another one of these creatures had joined the pair, identical looking as the other two, he transformed his shape into the knocked out pony, looking like him in exactly every way, cutie mark included as well as voice and expression.

The two creatures dragged the unconscious pony away from the scene leaving no trace anything ever happened and the replacement took the role of the pony that was knocked out and continued as though nothing had happened.

Author's Note

99 BUCKETS OF LIKES ON THE WALL! 99 BUCKETS OF LIKES! TAKE ONE DOWN, TOSS IT AROUND AND THAT'S 98 BUCKETS OF LIKES ON THE WALL!! What? That episode doesn't happen till season 3? BUCK THE POLICE I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!!

Oh and poor Bolty got captured, If you'll excuse me, I must go find the Mario Brothers.

Entry #17

I had hit rock bottom, I was stuck in a cage with no way to escape unless that door opened. Queen Chrysalis had figured out all her flaws in her plans and patched them, some imposter of me was running around Ponyville with MY Firefly! He’ll be next on the list along with Chrysalis herself!

The bars were quite strong so there was no hope of breaking them, there were four changelings and in my state, without a weapon I cannot hope to fight them off with my bare hoofs.

My only chance is if somepony saw through my imposters ruse or Chrysalis’ ruse and knew the Imposter wasn’t me and I was captured, or if I get dumb luck and manage to escape.

Being a prisoner sucks! The food tastes lousy, it’s incredibly boring and the fact remains that my worries is not about myself but the fate of Equestria itself. Oh and it was 2 weeks until the wedding as I was constantly reminded by the ever-so-helpful changelings. I REALLY WANTED TO STRANGLE THE LOT OF THEM!

I’M GOING INSANE HERE AND IT’S ONLY BEEN 3 DAYS! SOMEPONY! ANYPONY! HELP ME!!

Okay, calm down Bolty, let’s be realistic, you’re stuck here, you got to have faith in the Elements, have faith in yourself.

Seconds were slowly turning into minutes, minutes turned to hours and now days. No hope of escaping seemed to be in sight, 9 days remained until the wedding. I tried any escape plan but nothing came up.

“So, how’s our little prisoner doing?” Chrysalis appeared
“OH, you know, same as always really, bored and tired really. Don’t you have any movies or anything? And some decent tasting food? I’ve tasted better out of garbage bins” I replied bluntly
“With that manners, I’m sure that won’t be happening” Chrysalis delighted in denying me any pleasure
“Yeah because Miss evil over here is lecturing me about manners, oh the dramatic irony” I snarked
“I suppose I am, what’re you gonna do about it?” Chrysalis teased
“Still working on that part, but you’ll find it’ll be shall we say, an eyes out of your sockets experience” I said
“I doubt it, you have fun in that cell, for now, I must take love from a very important stallion, it’s hard work you know, nothing you’d understand” Chrysalis said
“Have fun, I hope you choke!” I said as she left

I don’t need that stupid bitch anyway, I’ll get out myself and-

“Feeding time” a changeling opened the door

Horseapples, they’re back to suck me dry again (MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!), well honestly I think I prefer it if Twilight were doing experiments on me or something for mad science skills, oh I can see it now and-

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

..

1 day to go…

So, my body has been fed on another 4 times and one happened like 3 hours ago, needless to say, I’m so weak right now I would not win a fight with a Goomba right now, I can’t even make my wings move let alone go anything more than a slow trot.

It was something like 3 days to go, if I’m right, Twilight and friends should be getting their invitations to the wedding sometime soon.

To my left, the door opened, it was probably the changelings again but to my surprise, it was something midnight blue…wait changelings aren’t midnight blue.

“Lightning Bolt, art thou okay? Can thou walk?” A familiar voice, a friendly voice
“L-Luna, is that you? How in Equestria did you find me?” I asked
“We knew thou had nightmares for the past moon or so, when we looked for the location of the dreams occuring, we knew something was very wrong so we came to investigate” Luna explained
“Well, I can only just walk, who knew having emotions taken out of you made you feel so empty and cold inside and very weak, but now, Chrysalis must pay!” I said
“Queen Chrysalis? Thou surely doesn’t mean the very same Queen Chrysalis that is in charge of these changelings?” Luna asked
“Yes that’s the one, and I cannot wait to slice her neck open” I said with venom at the thought of her
“First, we must restore you to health so please be still for a moment” Luna ordered

Luna surrounded me with her magic and I felt alive, refreshed. BITCHIN! LIGHTNING BOLT IS BACK BABY! He’s a cool dude and he has got a kingdom to help save, anypony get in my way and they’ll be on a one way ticket on the pain train to Tartarus!

But yeah, I love you already magical healing powers, sort of makes me wish I were a unicorn and could do this on myself if possible, but I prefer flying, I feel more free.

“That’s better Luna, thanks! Now, first we stop Chrysalis from succeeding with her plan than I kill my imposter and I’ll make it doubly painful if he did anything to Firefly!” I said as I got up
“We must hurry on out, before the Changelings wake up” Luna added

Health: 100%
Sanity: 50% but it will rise soon
Virginity: Remains, but at least the headache is gone

So, 10 uneventful minutes later other than the urge to stab every one of them as we passed…when did I get such a bloodlust? Anyway, we were finally outside and I saw we were somewhere on the edge of the Everfree Forest, highly convenient isn’t it? I don’t have to go very far at all.

“So, did thou know of Chrysalis’ plan originally?” Luna asked curiously
“Yes, but she had spies that heard our chat when I revealed myself after Discord’s defeat, she learned the truth about me and knew I had knowledge she would fail, she’s patched them up so Twilight could be in danger or she’ll be kicked out of the wedding for accusing her of not being the real Cadence” I explained
“Surely thou jests, Lightning Bolt? Thou surely means to tell us that Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is really Queen Chrysalis?” Luna questioned
“Yes, the original way was for Chrysalis to foolishly banish Twilight into the Canterlot Mines where she found the real Princess Cadence and they get there in time to reveal who Chrysalis is really but I think it’s too late to stop the inevitavle Changelings that will flood Canterlot. The Elements try to make it the room they’re held but get caught but the real Cadence and Shining Armor get together and use the Power of Love to defeat them and fling them far off Equestria” I explained
“A cunning plan, Chrysalis…she never did strike us as the type to have a clever plan. When we last saw her, she should have been on the verge of starvation 1000 years ago.” Luna recollected the last time she met their queen.

So we’re back in Ponyville, I lead Luna to my house as I doubted Cadence and Shining Armor invited me and my friends to the wedding, there he was. The imposter, with Firefly, You just breathed your last bits of air, bitch!

“I found you, FAKER!” I yelled to my imposter
“Who are you?” The imposter asked
“You know perfectly well who I am changeling!” I pointed a hoof at him
“Bolty, what’s going on?” Firefly asked the imposter
“Nothing, Firefly darling, just some look-a-like copycat” “Bolty” said
“Horseapples, you and your changelings impersonated me and kidnapped me, so show yourself because this game is over and your queen is next on the list” I retorted
“ENOUGH! We have one way to prove which is the fake one” Luna boomed

Luna used her magic and cast the same spell Twilight used on the changelings to dispose the imposter’s identity.

“You were a FAKE? All this time you weren’t the REAL Bolty I knew?” Firefly shrieked
“Yes, well it seems I was caught, but it’s too late for you to do anything, our queen has all the preparations set up and you’ll never make it there in time” The changeling gloated

SLAP!

Firefly had slapped the Changeling so hard he fell down, that’s my Firefly alright!

“Save some for me, Firefly!” I said, ready to give him the beating of his life

I punched him in the stomach while he was down and curbstomped his head but Luna stopped us.

“That’s ENOUGH! He will be dealt with rest assured, but we have bigger things to worry about” Luna intervened
“You’re right, we got to stop Chrysalis” I said
“Bolty, what’s going on?” Firefly asked from behind
“The Changelings are attacking and they knew about me, so they might win and we’re stopping it, stay with Kicker, I’ll be back, I promise!” I explained shortly
“We must teleport there at once” Luna said, charging her energy

However, luck was not on our side for the moment as Luna’s magic was not enough to make the jump so it was denied.

“We curse this annoying lack of magic, tis is horseapples! We used so much energy flying and doing magic that we exhausted our magic enough to not make the jump” Luna cursed under her breath
“Couldn’t we call a chariot?” I asked
“Nay, we were in such a rush to discover the source of nightmares we didn’t think to bring it, how could we of been so foolish?” Luna cursed herself again
“This whole thing is my fault, Luna, I didn’t plan ahead, I didn’t foresee this coming when I should of, I was the foolish one, and it’s time I fixed those mistakes” I said
“We do not blame thee, Lightning Bolt, many a time our Sister and us should have had the foresight to see dangers that could have been prevented” Luna assured me
“Well, I guess our only way to get to Canterlot is the train, which if our luck holds is here and ready to go” I said
“But it will still be at least 12 hours ride” Luna said
“Well at least we can rest and you can recharge your magic” I pointed out
“Thy suggestion is a good one, very well, we shall go on this train ride, but do not waste this opportunity to rest, and be prepared” Luna said

Queen Chrysalis, I’m coming for you, your underling got lucky, but you won’t be so lucky…

Author's Note

Yay escape happened...And I wonder what those shipping demons are up to? Ah who cares? It's time to call pest control on these Changelings!

Entry #18

Thank everything I am free, thank everything Luna has a curious mind or I wouldn’t be out, but we got on the train 30 minutes later, Luna and I got something to eat and we rested, it was about 8PM by the time we got to the station, guards were still there.

We have about 14 hours to find the real Cadence, make sure Twilight is alright and stop Chrysalis. I may not be an experienced fighter or such, but I am so going to kick some flank, I’ll be all like “I’m here to kick flank and eat hay, and I’m fresh out of hay” I’ll see if there’s time to find some sunnies or drop a visit to Dashie and ask if I can borrow her sunnies.

Right, gotta focus now, Luna will be of great assistance due to her Alicorn powers and such and the fact she’s a Princess but still, I need to throw everything I got

We had passed the Guards and we entered the city of Canterlot, a great city and it’s a shame my first visit couldn’t be under better circumstances, it looked beautiful at night. It was quite quiet on the streets, maybe the wedding had something to do with it, or perhaps it was always quiet at this time of night.

The Brony part in me wanted to go to Pony Joe's, meet Twilight’s parents just the once and maybe visit the Princess Celestia’s school of Gifted Unicorns, but I can’t now, I gotta find a way into the mines, Luna might know.

“So do you know where the entrance is?” I asked
“We do, we’re surprised it lasted the 1000 years of our absence” Luna said
“I’m willing to bet there will be changeling guards in there just in case somepony found where Cadence was, even if she didn’t originally, Chrysalis would of when she found it all out. But we need to keep this as quiet as possible, don’t know about you but I rather the element of surprise on these buckers” I said to Luna
“A fair point thou raises, we’ll have to “power down” our form, no doubt they shall be in disguise but not to worry, we have permission to teleport in unlike other ponies that must go manually” Luna said
“I love this plan already” I said
“We should still exercise caution, Lightning Bolt, do you remember what the place where Princess Cadenza was perhaps?” Luna asked
“Not too sure on the precise location, but I do remember Twilight and Cadence finding a mine cart on some tracks and then it went off screen to the wedding when they arrived” I said, racking my brains to remember
“Hmmm, we think we may have a general idea of where Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is” Luna pictured a part she knew well.

Luna flared her horn full of magic, and with a flash, we disappeared of the Canterlot street and landed in a dark mine, URRGH BARF!!!!

Sorry, teleportation is spinny and stuff and I guess I don’t agree with it, I guess it’s good I’m not going on that spinny thing at Wonderbolts Academy or there’d be vomit everywhere.

“Art thou alright? The first time usually gets to a lot of ponies” Luna asked
“Yes, I just need a moment” I replied

Our surrounding were stali- um stal- URGH! I don’t know what you call those pointy things okay? Point is there’s a bazillion of them on the floor and ceiling, it looked old and abandoned and I hope the latter was not because of some ancient monster or something.

“Curious question, what was this mine used for? It doesn’t looked used now” I asked
“Back before our absence when Canterlot was still a new project, our sister needed materials for the castle that could be found in this mine, also Tia required an escape path should Canterlot ever come under siege. Rumor has it Tia had a secret project in our absence but she denied such and said she was going through a time when everypony was starting rumors about anypony” Luna explained
“Sounds like a fun time” I said sacarstically
“Nay, it was a rather difficult time than the present, such medical advancements have happened in our absence that many ponies I know would of benefitted from, including our dear friend Starswirl the Bearded. Such changes have happened that make our lives easier but not all changes are positive it seems” Luna said
“Twilight mentioned Starswirl a few times in the show, what was he like?” I asked curiously
“A eccentric stallion to say the least, we did not know him much, it was our dear sister he talked to a lot but he was still a good friend, it’s a pity he never found a mare to be with and the rate this is going, I fear Twilight Sparkle may suffer the same fate” Luna remembered her old friend

We trotted in this cave and we didn’t bump into any guards, surely Chrysalis would of made sure nopony found Cadence just in case? Was she really that cocky? I dunno but I ain’t looking a gift pony in the mouth.

After what seemed like forever, Luna stopped finally after we passed some tracks.

“Halt! I can sense her behind this wall, Lightning Bolt, please stand back” Luna motioned me to go back

Luna shot a spell at the rock, blowing a hole in the wall as we looked inside to find Princess Cadence, safe and sort of sound, her mane is all messy but that’s nothing the Power of Love can’t fix (Who needs all that shampoo when love can do it for you?).

“Princess Luna? What’re you doing here? How’d you know I was here?” Cadence asked
“It was dear Lightning Bolt that knew you were here, not we” Luna explained
“I still wouldn’t of found her without your help Luna, you’re the rescuer here” I said
“You still came here, Lightning, thank you very much” Cadence thanked
“You’re welcome but Luna rescued me and we rescued you, although Twilight should have been the one to do so but things changed” I said modestly
“We must keep moving, Twilight Sparkle may be in danger and we do not have long until Chrysalis succeeds” Luna explained
“Yeah, with your help Luna, we’ll get that little wretch from my husband!” Cadence said, looking like she really wanted to give Chrysalis a beating of a lifetime
“We got company!” I yelled

Undisguised Changelings, about 20 of them had arrived and it seemed our bang was heard a certain distance or I am certain there would have been more.

“Well, time to go loud” I said
“Art thou in any position to fight, Cadenza?” Luna asked
“Not much, Princess Luna, Chrysalis had drained my energy and put a spell on the area” Cadence answered
“Me and Luna can handle this I suppose” I said
“Have readiness then, here they come” Luna said to me

One changeling made the first move, I punched him the jaw and beat him down, Luna did a blast that got a couple. As a team we easily went through 20 changelings, but more came along.

“What is this? A Family reunion of bugs? Good thing I called the Bug exterminator!” I joked as more appeared, Luna clearly was not amused.

However my joke was met with too many changelings appearing and they called for backup, too many to fight and ain’t nopony got time for this.

“Luna, you’re gonna have to teleport us out, there’s too many to fight” I said to Luna
“I can only do one at a time, Lightning” Luna said
“Take Cadence to the throne room where the wedding is and reveal Chrysalis, she’ll be disguised as Cadence, do whatever is necessary!” I said
“What about you?” Cadence asked
“Don’t worry about me? Equestria needs YOU not ME! I’ll make my own exit strategy” I convinced Cadence and Luna
“We will not abandon you, Lightning” Luna said
“GO ALREADY! IT’S ME OR EQUESTRIA!!” I yelled

Luna and Cadence disappeared in a flash, leaving me against at least 100 changelings.

I looked for a weakness in their wall of changelings and discovered they left the left side open, I charged through them quickly and started bolting down the path behind them.

To put this shortly: RUN LIKE TARTARUS! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Author's Note

This Changeling Arc is almost over...bring lots of Bug spray for the next chapter, and a few exterminators while we're here.

Entry #19

Yeah, if my high school P.E teacher could see me now, he’d proud I was running like Cerberus was right behind me. I never did take P.E seriously, face it, two thirds of the kids teach it like social time anyway.

Oh, but here I am monlouging while I’m being chased by 100+ changelings! I need to sort my priorities out!

I always hated tag, everypony always cheated with that stupid bar rule! This time there was bar to save me if they catch up, it’s escape or capture, and I’m not opting for the latter thank you very much.

There were many paths and I don’t think the changelings saw which way I went and there was a spot I could hide so I went for it. Thankfully they ran past me, I caught my breath and started to make my escape.

Chrysalis was ready to dominate Equestria this time around, nothing can stop her now! NOTHING! It was almost time for her to show up at the throne room, excitement left her lips as she anticipated all the emotions.

“Your highness, it’s time” One of her changeling guards reported
“Excellent, Equestria your time has come!” Chrysalis gave off a laugh

It was about an hour later I think that I finally got out of the caves, I guess it was more mazey in there than I thought it would be, I hope Luna and Cadence are okay, Twilight as well. I guess I better make my presence known at the throne room.

I saw no obvious signs of Changelings yet as I looked in the sky expecting to see Changelings chewing away at the bubble of Shining Armor’s shield.

You won’t escape Chrysalis, you can bet your life on it!

I saw Luna, Cadence and Twilight at the door, ready to barge in.

“Sup Girls?” I greeted
“You’re okay Lightning?” Cadence asked
“Let’s just say Changelings aren’t very bright” I said simply
“Princess Luna explained what happened over the last fortnight, we’re going to bring her down to justice” Twilight said
“That’s the spirit, now let’s hurry up or our friends might not survive in there” I said

I heard Celestia doing the thing where the marry the couple and was about to say the line.

“It is with great pleasure that I now pronounce you-“ Celestia started

OBJECTION!!

“Stop the wedding!” I shouted
“Who in tartarus?” Chrysalis looked at the door to see the four of us
“How do you get past the bridesmaids?” Chrysalis asked once she saw who we were.
“Some tricks never get old” Twilight explained simply
“And how did you escape?” Chrysalis asked me
“Simple, the night gave me strength if you get my drift” I said
“Grr, how could you all ruin my special day?” Chrysalis asked furiously
“It’s not your special day, It’s mine!” Cadence said as the crowd gasped
“Yours? Pfft, you wish! I made sure all the preparations were complete, and this time your precious love for Shining Armor will not beat me, you aren’t even getting close to him, now Shining deary, would you lower the shield please?” Chrysalis ordered Shining
“As you command” Shining said as he flared his horn

All around us, the shield went down and the Changelings started swarming in. Well we're in for the fight of our lives

“Whatever hope you had for victory is now diminished” Chrysalis said
“Aren’t you going to show us your true form you bug freak!” I said
“Why of course, I’ll show you just who you’re going to be dominated by, now allow me to introduce myself as the Queen of Changelings: CHRYSALIS!!” Chrysalis accepted our request

Chrysalis then flared her horn as she revealed her true form, Black coat, holes in her hooves were around and green pupils in her eyes much snakelike. She also had a blue mane that had a few holes in it as well, you gotta wonder how she got so many holes in her and does it hurt? Perhaps I should give her a few more

“Are you ready to surrender little ponies?” Chrysalis asked
“What is this? Dumb question hour? Of course not, you disgusting little bug! We’re going to slap you down and paint these walls with your blood” I said
“You have foolishly revealed yourself Chrysalis, and now I can protect my subjects from the likes of you” Celestia said as she flown up and prepared a beam
“This again? Have it your way Celestia” Chrysalis laughed as she shot back

As the show predicted, Celestia had no chance against Chrysalis all powered up and she fell down. But she instructed the Elements to run and grab the necklaces but Luna, Cadence and I stayed behind, I’m making sure she fails.

“Run, Run as fast you can little ponies for you are not the Gingerbread pony! Hahaha! Now then, I believe you, Lighting Bolt are next” Chrysalis turned to me
“Aww is the little bug mad I escaped, you should learn a few things, history has a tendency to repeat itself and you can’t fight it. You may look you have an advantage but I know under all that power, you’re nothing! Just a weak excuse of a bug who thinks her higher than she is, that will always seal your loss” I insulted her
“Like you could do any better in my horseshoes? I had to decency to use your knowledge to my advantage, I went after the Princess of Love herself for maximum effectiveness. I actually did something! Unlike you, you had all the knowledge yet you never used it, you could of corrected so many things” Chrysalis shot back
“Yes I let things happen, it teaches them things, and besides if I had interfered it would of made things worse, that’s just how the universe works. But you know what? I’d rather be a low-life screw-up then be in your body any day of the week, your little underling got what he deserved because he tried something he was not, and that was me! Like it or not I’m Lightning Bolt, accept no substitutes and I’m here to stay and there is naught you can do about it, buggy!” I said

We were both staring at each other with hatred, it was clear she would have me dead right about now.

“So you say, you’re nothing but a pawn anyway” Chrysalis turned away
“A good player knows the pawn is as big a threat as any, they can still take the king piece” I said
“Hard to do if that piece is surrounded by all the superior pecies isn’t it?” Chrysalis still did not look at me
Hey Chrysalis, knock knock” I said
“What is this even? Fine, Who’s there?” Chrysalis answered
“Interrupting laser blast to the face” I said
“Interrupting lase blast to the wha-?” Chrysalis turned in confusion

BAM!

Luna had blasted Chrysalis in the face and she hit the wall opposite.

“That was for defying our sister you sorry excuse for a Changeling” Luna said
“I almost forgot about you Princess Luna, you never should of showed up, I’d of thought you’d be still stuck in the moon” Chrysalis let out of cry of pain
“We still cannot believe we didn’t smell thy stench from the moon, Chrysalis!” Luna started
“Still better than you, jealous of such a weakling sister. If it were me, I wouldn’t of turned until after I overthrown Celestia” Chrysalis retorted
“How dare thee! Why don’t thou just get out of this room right now before we explode thee into a million pieces!” Luna threatened
“What’re you going to do? Use the Royal Canterlot Voice on me?” Chrysalis mocked

In retaliation, Luna shot a beam as Chrysalis reacted in time but I knew Luna was going to lose like her sister so I intervened and tackled Chrysalis and hit her hard!

“You wouldn’t hit a lady” Chrysalis said
“Oh stop that! Did you think for one minute I wouldn’t hit you because you think you’re one?” I asked
“Well yeah” Chrysalis replied
“Well Guess what bug brain?” I said as I pulled my hoof back

I punched Chrysalis straight in the face, I was all like had enough your horseapples! It’s not everyday somepony punches one of Alicorn Physique, well today’s your lucky day! Quite frankly she deserved it too.

“You DARE hit me!” Chrysalis roared at me
“What? Thought you were immune to punched in the face? Well there goes your theory” I said

The door opened again and the Mane Six came in captured by the Changelings, well that was awfully predictable but a better ruse was in mind, I’ll tell you in a minute.

“Well, looks like you six failed again” Chrysalis laughed
“That’s what you think” I said
“More like I know” Chrysalis shot back
“No really, have you been paying attention? Somepony’s been missing in this whole war of words and fists” I said
“Who then?” Chrysalis asked
“I spy, something with my little eye, something beginning with C” I said
“Hmmm…THE PRINCESS! Cadence!” Chrysalis figured it out
“About time, I was wondering when you’d figure it out” I said
“Where IS she?” Chrysalis demanded
“Shan’t say nothing if you don’t say please” I gave a huge troll smile
“Fine, Please tell me!” Chrysalis said
“NOTHING! Told you shan’t say nothing if you didn’t say please” I laughed
“ENOUGH! WHERE IS THE PRINCESS! TELL ME NOW OR SO HELP ME I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!” Chrysalis shouted
“Turn around already! Geez!” I said

Chrysalis turned around to find Cadence and Shining Armor together and spells lifted, they had been charging for about a minute and the let their Changeling-defying shield blast through Canterlot

“Oh…BUCK!” Chrysalis knew she was screwed

The Power of love is an amazing thing ain’t it? It can give warm feelings in your heart and can be used a freaking unstoppable laser beam of destruction! Also repels Changelings and fixes Manestyles too!

So before she gets blasted to kingdom come, you’re all very confused what happened and how we managed to get the upper hand. See, Cadence was playing a ruse the whole time as were Luna and I. We kept Chrysalis talking to us diverting her attention off her, Cadence took out the 2 changeling guards quietly and cast an illusion spell that still showed her and the two changelings still up while she snuck behind Chrysalis and took the spell of Shining Armor and with their love charged their energy and that’s how you win! I would of wanted her death, but you can’t win them all and assuming the Comic books are coming, she’ll be back for more.

BANG!

Chrysalis and her changelings went flying, that’s the end of that! But man I felt tired, even when Luna healed me, I still felt weak from the Changelings sucking me dry and running from them and tackling their queen in really exhausting…so exhausting I might…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

Author's Note

Well this Changeling Arc is over, and well I guess Team Changelings are blasting off again! I felt like making jokes with her mane looking like seaweed or something but the ponies have really never gone near a beach or anything, they have gone near lakes and swam in it so i believe ponies can swim. I orginally wanted Chrysalis to die but then i thought it'd be too unrealistic considering her power but a way around that would for Lighting to go OP mode or Luna and Cadence gather magic and give it to one of them. Perhaps an Alternate ending where Lightning goes OP might come, but don't get your hopes up.

Season 3 is up next!

Entry #20

You know, I’ve always wondered why the heroes always let the villain get away. He/she is just going to come back with more force anyway. Why not just end their existence? Solve the problem once and for all so they never come to try their evil schemes again? I wanted to do that to Chrysalis, just end her so she can’t come back. She may not appear again on the show but who knows? Maybe in Season 5 she may come back for revenge.

Bronies have often had King Sombra resurrect with his horn that got cut off, a pony like that seems beyond any reformation, he’d need to be get rid of too. There was another villain too around Season 4, I just can’t remember what he looked like and his name, it’s like everytime I try to remember, it just doesn’t want to be remembered.

Discord was a special case and I never really considered him too evil, he was just too chaotic and maybe a bit of a flankhole but he was reformed and useful, but I like many bronies have often thought maybe he is just biding his time and then he strikes when the Elements and the Princesses are weakest, he has plenty of time to do it as he seems to be immortal and who knows how long it would take for a new generation of Elements bearers it would take.

Yawn…I finally woke up, the bed is really comfortable, it almost feels like an awesome cloud bed, and let me tell you, clouds are EXTEMELY comfortable! No wonder Rainbow Dash sleeps on them so much.

I appear to be still in Canterlot, I could tell by the castle-like design and the room itself, it reminds me of the start of HIE fics where the Human gets a room to stay in for a couple of days. I guess I fell asleep after the fight with Chrysalis and they took me here and…

WHAT IS THAT SMELL??

Oh it’s me, gee when did I last shower? I don’t think I bathed after I escaped the Changelings, definitely didn’t get any shower in there. My mane looks so untidy, I’m surprised Rarity hasn’t burst through the door the fix my “Crime” against fashion. I better take one before I venture out...

Approximately 20 mins later…

BEST. BATH. EVER! You know that refreshing feeling when you take a bath? Times that by 20 and then you’ll see what I mean, Celestia knows how to treat her guests and…

GROWL!!

That was my stomach, well that must be next on the list of things to do, so I walk out the door and there were two guards already outside.

“Sup dudes” I greeted
“Lightning Bolt, the Princess ordered us to take you to her as soon as you woke up” One Guard explained

Oh good, I get to see Celestia and not get lost doing so, she better have food, I’m bloody starving and you do not leave a stallion starving, especially me or my dog back home unless you want your legs ripped off.

So, how many Celestia-damned stairs does this castle need? The throne room was up high but SWEET CELESTIA I HATE THESE STAIRS! Perhaps I should get Celestia to invent an elevator or something, or some portable teleporter without the motion sickness. Let’s just say I always hated hills and going up stairs okay?

So after 10 silent minutes, we arrived at the Celestia-forsaken throne room. And I got motioned to enter and the guards did not follow me

“Lightning Bolt, a pleasure to see you well once more, how are you?” Celestia greeted
“Fine I suppose Princess, really know how to make a stallion comfortable” I replied
“Try telling that to the griffons” Celestia said quietly
“Never pleased are they? (Just like the Sonic fanbase)” I asked her
“No, but that matters little right now, so about the Changelings, Luna said you were kidnapped and then rescued and then you helped saved Princess Cadence, is all that true?” Celestia asked
“Yes, it was horrible there! I felt like I was all cold and alone and they were all rubbing it in my face and such, Luna found me within my Nightmares and rescued me” I explained
“How did Queen Chrysalis know about you?” Celestia asked
“Her spies overheard our conversation after Discord was defeated, she read my mind when I was taken and saw the whole episode and knew where she went wrong and we only won because of Cadence’s ruse, I saw what she was doing and played along” I explained more.
“Interesting, very interesting indeed” Celestia muttered
“It was all my fault Princess, I should of at least told you the threats were coming and maybe kept an eye out” I stuttered out
“It’s quite alright, what’s done is done, but perhaps you should tell me when and where the next threat is, just in case they find out about you” Celestia said
“Well right now, we just ended Season 2, at the start of Season 3, The Crystal Empire returns, Sombra will return but you send Twilight there as a test for the you know…” I said
“You know of the plans I have for my student?” Celestia asked
“Yes, I will not spoil too much but it happens at the end of Season 3” I said
“I see, any more threats I should know about for the time being?” Celestia asked
“None until after Season 3 but since I spoiled the important bits of Season 3, ill tell you after” I said
“Very well, I can tell you’re hungry and I have a surprise for you” Celestia motioned me to follow her

So I did just that, thankfully there weren’t more stairs to climb, it was descending time! SUCK ON THAT YOU ANNOYING STAIRS!! WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?! It is me, hahahahahaha!

So here we are, the dining area, by Celestia’s mane I’m hungry! I can’t think when I’m hungry!

“Here is your food, please enjoy yourself Lightning, I’ll be back with the surprise” Celestia said before leaving again

MWAHAHAHAHA! You are all mine, food. Nothing in my path between me and you, so now you GET IN MY BELLY!

1 eating session at speeds Son Goku would be jealous of later…

Finally, I’m all full of food that feels so much better, I felt like a wave of healing went over my body just like when Luna healed me. If for some reason I ever get a horn, I must learn that spell.

The doors opened behind me and there stood my friends: Cloud Kicker and Firefly, the latter of whom galloped straight at me.

“BOLTY!!” Firefly exclaimed as she ran and got me into a death hug.
“F-Firefly, c-can’t b-breathe!” I said as she strangled me with her higs
“I missed you so much Bolty, don’t ever do that again you hear me! I was so so worried I’ve been up for hours and-“ Firefly started rambling
“Firefly, let him go, he needs air to breathe you know” CK noticed me turning blue
“Oh, sorry!” Firefly said, letting me go

Thank everything I can breathe again! Gee, Firefly! When did you outmatch an Earth Pony in strength? I massaged my throat as she let go of me. But I did miss her and Cloud Kicker very much, I can’t imagine being in Equestria without them. It’s funny, had I thought that when I first met them, somepony would of said I’d had too much Apple Cider but now if they were to disappear, my world would feel empty, it’s funny what friendship does.

About a couple of hours later, we were heading on home. Celestia knows I could do with some relaxing and such before I start working again. Of course, I am keeping a lookout just in case King Sombra knows anything…

Author's Note

Uh oh, i think writer's block may be coming for me, NO! BAD! GO AWAY!! GO ANNOY SOMEPONY ELSE! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! AWAY WITH YOU!

Entry #21

Thankfully, when Sombra attacked, everything went smoothly, I was sent just in case things went south but everything pretty much happened the way it was supposed to, so this was the smoothest villain run-in so far.

But that didn’t stop the fact that Sombra is downright creepy and it could have been a lot worse if Spike didn’t get the Crystal Heart to Cadence via Husband throwing her like a javelin, it would have been game over. But we won and that’s what’s important

The Crystal Ponies remind me of Pom Pei back on Earth, both were completely buried, except the empire actually rose up again and their amnesia was rather disturbing, it must be really terrifying to be sealed for 1000 years, there’s a fair few ways to do it too but I do not believe the Crystal Ponies were conscious of such.

So my next episode is up to Pinkie Pie finding a mirror pool, I hope the fourth wall can survive too many Pinkie Pies, you thought one was bad, you’re in for a ride. Oh and I got my insurance up to date.

It was a normal day today, yep, about as normal as normal could be, no misadventure here, no siree! And yeah we’re totally bucked now just for that single thought.

I always wondered why the creators leave such things as the Mirror Pool lying around, can you imagine the damage if King Sombra or Nightmare Moon would cause if they discovered such a thing? We would all never have stood a chance

“Heeyyyy, Bolty!” Firefly spoke from behind me
“Sup Firefly” I greeted her as i turned around
“Just happy to see the best coltfriend in the whole world” Firefly said
“Oh am I that good?” I laughed
“No” Firefly responded
“Aw, now you’re just mocking me” I joked around

So, I think I’m doing decently with this whole relationship, no we haven’t gotten to the you know…sex, yeah we’re still a virgin and I still have that crazy voice in my head telling me to rut the buck out of her, it’s really annoying too, it’s almost like the Stallion version of heat only without the tampons and the showing up at the significant other’s door demanding sex while drunk on Apple Cider. Okay you got me, that happened ONE time, I denied Firefly because I didn't want it to start like this all drunk, besides she should remember how much I rock her world!

“Hey Bolty, is it just me or is there an army of Pinkie Pies coming on that hill?” Firefly pointed to the hill on my right

Huh, so there was. A whole army of Pinkie Pies and they were all bouncing this way all screaming “FUN!” all the time. Dear goddesses, we should probably barricade ourselves somewhere.

“We should probably hide before they get here” Firefly suggested
“That was my idea! Your house or mine?” I asked
“Yours is closest” Firefly said
“Okay, to there and quickly! The Pinkie Army is getting really close” I agreed

So we ran like Tartarus to my house and made it just as the Pinkie Army started flooding Ponyville.

“So what are we going to do while this whole thing blows over?” I asked
‘You should totally rut her, Bolty!’
‘NO! SHUT UP VOICE IN MY HEAD! I’ll do it when I’m ready and not before!’
‘You know you want to’
‘I know that I don’t want to, now either shut up or GTBO!’
“Maybe we should um…just talk or something, get something to eat” Firefly suggested
“Yeah, this may take a while” I said
‘And nopony is around, you and her get in on! YEEEEEHAWWWW!’
‘SHUT UP!’
“I wonder how Cloud Kicker is doing?” Firefly asked

Elsewhere…

Cloud Kicker was surrounded by a lot of Pinkie Pies.

“Alright, who wants a party in my bed?” Cloud Kicker asked
“ME!” The Pinkies in earshot replied
“well there’s not enough space but I’ll pick a few of you, it's your lucky day Pinkie Pies” CK announced
‘YES! THIS IS THE BEST. DAY. EVER!’

“I’m sure he’s just fine, probably at her house doing something” I answered
“Well do you want to do the…thing?” Firefly asked
‘See? I told you that you should rut her, even she wants it and you’re just being a huge pussy right now!’
‘If you’re not out in the next 5 seconds then I’ll personally blast you out!’
‘That’s what she said’
‘Okay that’s it!’
“What thing?” I asked
“You know that thing where you know…get with each other” Firefly started blushing
“Wait, are you thinking about sex?” I asked
“Y-yes” Firefly blushed more

Okay, well I didn’t see that one coming, but it’s been a few months and we still haven’t done it…oh you know what? Screw it! The clop demon voice in my head is right, I should do it!

“Sure, why not?” I agreed
“I’d of thought you wanted to save it for a special time” Firefly said
“What is now too inconvenient for you?” I asked
“No but-“ Firefly started
“FUN!” A Pinkie Pie crashed through the window

DAMN IT! Just when I was about to score…

“Firefly, we should start rounding up the Pinkies to town all so Twilight can find the real one so that I know it’s safe to kill this one just for that cockblock” I said
“Sounds like a plan” Firefly agreed

OH You’re gonna suffer fake Pinkie…oh so much…nopony cockblocks Lightning Bolt and gets away with it!

Author's Note

So the Shipping Demons have transformed into the Clop Demons (The Clop won't be shown, I like the teen rating thank you very much).

And yeah, I totally teased that almost-sex part *Grabs armor*

But this was a short chapter, and can you imagine what a Mirror Pool Army of Discord would be like? The Universe is not safe anymore!

Entry #22

You know somepony I really just can’t stand? Trixie Lulamoon or should I say “The Great and Powerful Trixie!”? Seriously, some bronies may like her but I don’t, just everything about her from the show makes me want to slap her into the next dimension. There are three kinds of people I couldn’t stand on Earth: Boasters, Feminists and Trolls.

Every fiber of my being just could not stand her when she came in Season 1, she’s ten times worse in real life than in the show. She thinks she’s better than anypony else, she’s a flankhole, and she insults anypony who disagrees with her, in other words, she’s basically the ultimate forum weapon to annoy humans.

Let me tell you a thing about why I hate boasters like Trixie: When you claim you can do or have done something, you better have proof to back it up! Nothing is more annoying than somepony who claims things and when they are asked to prove it they fail dismally! That sums up Trixie basically, oh and that third person talk too, it works with some ponies but Trixie is not one of them.

I don’t think I need go over the Flim Flam brothers, their apple cider tasted like a soft drink left out for 2 months mixed with hot lemon drink (believe me I tried the first one in my childhood for some reason, what I was thinking is beyond me)

/rant

You know what I haven’t seen in a while? Rain, it’s too sunny sometimes but I suppose because it’s Summer or whatever season it is, honestly it’s hard to tell what with the inconsistencies with the seasons

Case in point in Season 1: Summer Sun Celebration is Summer Solstice on Earth and of course takes place in summer, about 10 episodes later we have Winter Wrap Up and that was like a month or two, next Fall Weather Friends happens in well…three guesses which season that happens in? this all happened in the first season. In Season 4 the first episode starts 1 year after Nightmare Moon’s return, oh and let’s not forget Spring was completely forgotten but it’s mentioned I suppose.

Ooops, there I go off again on my own little rant, I ranted so much I didn’t notice Trixie enter town. Urge to slap: rising! I remember the last time I met her, threw an Apple Pie at her face and it was hilarious! R.I.P Apple Pie, you are still missed, your sacrifice was not in vain!

“Trixie, what are you ding here?” Twilight asked who arrived on scene
“Why, Trixie has come back for revenge” Trixie’s eyes glowed red

Okay, how the bloody name of Cadence’s wings did nopony notice a suspicious Amulet around her neck and her eyes are glowing red? Did nopony ask “Hey Trixie, what’s up with the red eyes?” or something of the sort?

“Twilight Sparkle, Trixie is here for revenge, to prove she is truly the strongest unicorn in Equestria!” Trixie declared

What a surprise…not! Twilight honestly must have a huge hate club by the time a Season 7 comes around or something, (Oi you, there better be one in the future or I’m coming for you, and I will torture you until it happens, got that?) Let’s not forget the fans when the “Twilicorn” was introduced, personally I liked it, what were you expecting? An infinite amount of friendship lessons until the end of time? I always wonder what it’d be like when Twilight had read every book in Equestria? I can sort of see it now…

Damn it, I went off topic again! Where were we? Oh right Trixie challenging Twilight to a duel, it’s time to d-d-d-d-duel!

Anyway, because Trixie used Amulet hax, she obviously won the duel in which she cheated, but seriously, what a bitch, she got defeated by somepony of clear superior skill and she just won’t accept it, it’s like Vegeta syndrome or something…wait is that even a thing?

So she sealed the whole town up and turned us all into slaves or something, I thought she was here to prove she was better not enslave the town, perhaps the amulet had something to do with that.

Anyway, me and my friends were dragged to the library to find answers, well what did you expect? When in doubt and the Element of Magic ain’t around, look through her library (and her fanfiction when you have the chance).

“So Lightning, do you have any idea how Trixie got this powerful?” Dash asked me
“Well she went to a shop which had the Alicorn Amulet, not sure where though, looks a bit Canterlot-ish but it was dark alley as well, Trixie obviously brought it and put in on and came here” I explained
“Wait, so basically Trixie cheated?” Firefly asked
“Pretty much” I said
“That’s low” Rarity said
“that’s what any idiot with revenge plans do” I said
“Sorry but, what in tarnation is the Alicorn Amulet?” AJ asked
“You guys were meant to find that but I suppose I can explain it, it’s an amulet that lets the user gain more power but the price is that it corrupts the user over time, while Trixie can’t of had this for more than a week, I’m pretty sure had Twilight not of defeated her, she would of turned plain nasty or got so corrupted she ended up dead or possessed” I explained
“T-That’s horrible!” Fluttershy squeaked
“Why it was in a shop is beyond me, but originally Twilight managed to take her amulet off and get rid of it, nopony knows where except her. The only way to get the Alicorn Amulet off is if the user does it himself/herself.” I said
“Well that’s rather strange, wouldn’t Celestia know about this?” CK asked
“Celestia doesn’t know everything, she’s just like you or me but with more power and more knowledge, but it’s not infinite” I said

How much did Celestia know anyway? I’m sure she didn’t know about the incident because she was in Saddie Arabia at the time. I suppose if she did, she would of destroyed it or something, such objects should not be left lying around for any old idiot to pick up.

What is it with these creators making powerful objects anyway? Why do they lie in temples or just a random spot on the planet? It’s a mystery…DAMN IT! Went off topic again!

So give it another few hours and Trixie turned even more a bigger flankhole than was originally thought, if she didn’t have that amulet I would buck her flank into Griffionia or maybe Zebrica, depending on which direction she goes, point is she gets the buck out of Equestria.

And look, it’s time for Miss Boast-a-lot to get her flank handed to her, let’s go watch shall we? You don’t have a choice, being from another dimension, as long as you’re strapped in the chair, you may as well watch (or read, whichever you prefer)

Cue the epic staredown with Twilight and Trixie, anymore tensions there’d be rocks flying up in the air DBZ style. So Twilight challenges a magic duel and has this “Bitch, you ain’t winning this time” look on her face

“Let’s start with a simple aging spell shall we?” Trixie challenged
“Let’s” Twilight responded with a smirk on her face

Okay, Imma go judgemental and ask what is up with Snips and Snails? They’re dumber than little kids on online games trying to cheat and that’s saying something, they seem to look up to Trixie despite her cruelness and she obviously a fraud and huge bloody show-off. I will admit she has decent dramatic acting, she really should of tried that instead of this magic show crap nopony believes anyways. It reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. The stuff he spouted was not believeable at all and it was that obvious you wonder how people didn’t see that and…I went off track again…CELESTIA DAMN IT!

So they both do age spells and I gotta admit AJ looks cute when she’s a filly under that huge hat of hers. Cloning at that happened which leaves Trixie with her jaw hitting ground and in five minutes this was all over because she thought Twilight’s power was the Amulet.

I got a ranting headache so I’ll think I’ll go home now, maybe picture some DBZ in my head, lousy lack of beams and that…

Author's Note

So, let's just say Lightning Bolt didn't get enough sleep last night and has turned all nitpicky and ranty, honestly Trixie isn't that bad in my book but in reality I would hate her freaking guts out, you'll be surprised how many girls I know that say stuff and don't back it up, boys do it too but in my experience, girls do it alot more than boys.

Oh and before any of you commenters get to use this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VtPgIX_Dbk

I miss Yu-Gi-Oh! That was a good show in my childhood and i collected so many of those cards, i had 2 out of 3 god-cards too

Entry #23

So, both Firefly and I have been trying to do the…you know, but everytime we try, something keeps cockblocking us, CMC going missing, Rainbow Dash landed through our window, seriously does that mare know what a door is? And I just repaired that window too, maybe I could ask Twilight for some portable shield or something if those exist.

So yeah, Virginity still exists, it never bothers you until you start to want to have sex with your partner, then it’s an infuriating curse. But their attempts are inevitable because soon I will be rid of it! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

It was yet again a nice mor- HAHA! Nice try! You gotta wake up earlier to give the slip Universe, don’t you look confused, you know you were trying to get me to say that line and then you curse me with your universal powers, NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME BEEEEEEYATCH!!

Anyway, we were once again were up for a sunny day, no clouds in the skies and such so naturally we finished early and we did take #99999999999999 of getting laid, let me tell you, Firefly wants it bad, and that’s without heat, you should of seen CK and Firefly when I first met them and it was heat time. I barely managed to get on the train away from the horde of mares.

Lightning Bolt had just got a leaving train with CK and Firefly at the front the crowd of hungry mares in heat.

“Alas my dear mares, this will be the day you will all remember as the day you ALMOST caught Lightning Bolt!” Lightning said to the mares while at the back of the train

“You ready this time?” Firefly asked
“Babe, I was born ready! And with the wait, I say we deserve double and more" I said putting my foreleg over her shoulder
“Well in that case, whaddya say we get straight to the-WOAH!” Firefly said seductively

My house started rolling suddenly as we both flied the center in midair as things came spinning like a washing machine but we managed to get out with our heads intact and our virginity again!.

“Well, I understand the universe trying to cockblock us but this is ridiculous” Firefly said massaging her head after taking a blow
“There’s only one being that can do stuff like that, DISCORD!” I knew at once
“Did he escape again?” Firefly asked
“No, it means Celestia has decided to get the Mane Six to reform him” I said
“Wanna go check it out?” Firefly asked
“Sure, and I can get him to stop spinning my house so we can make sweet sweet love” I agreed
“Dead body?” Firefly asked
“Not this time, we need Discord alive so future events go well, the next cockblocker will suffer the same fate as the fake Pinkie Pie” I declined the offer

Yeah, we want it that bad that we start killing those who deny us, we’ll be living next to a graveyard soon…okay it was only the fake Pinkie Pie that crashed through our windows but we still yelled at them and maybe a few punches.

So when we arrived, we found a very reformed Discord along with the Mane Six next to him, guess we missed the fireworks. I still have some questions for Discord based on our last meeting. If I’m right, he should have a few answers and he should, why shouldn’t he?

“Well if isn’t my good friend, Lightning Bolt?” Discord greeted me
“And if it ain’t my recently reformed friend, Discord? How’s it hanging?” I greeted back
“Oh you know, just got out of stone, recently reformed and made a good friend named Fluttershy but you already knew that didn’t you?” Discord replied with a halo above his head as he said reformed

Okay, greetings aside it’s time to get some answers.

“Guess so, now the last time we talked you had some answers before we were interrupted” I said, getting down to business
“Indeed, we were having a nice conversation before dear Luna and our new friends showed up didn’t we?” Discord replied
“Yes we did, now you said you didn’t send me here but somepony would be just as chaotic or maybe more to be able to do that, do you have any idea who?” I interrogated
“Hmmm, the only such honorable chaotic creatures I know are all dead, there is one though, but I can’t remember his name, that’s interesting…” Discord answered
“So there IS somepony out there?” I asked
“I just said that genius!” Discord retorted back
“Sorry! Can you at least give a description? Maybe Celestia might know at least?” I hoped Celestia would know who this creature could be.
“That I cannot say, Gavin. It’s a powerful magic, only the most powerful creatures in the art of Chaos such as myself and others can do this, it allows any creature to be barred from memory, that is to say anypony who tries to remember the user or accesses a memory of another pony to remember cannot be seen. It’s actually almost useless and difficult to do.” Discord explained
“So basically somepony is wasting time with a spell so I can’t remember him?” I said
“Your memory has been barred it seems from a particular time” Discord asked
“The creature appeared at the end of Season 4 and we’re about halfway through Season 3, but I don’t have any ideas who it could be” I said
“Well my dear little human, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say somepony doesn’t want to be known before they strike” Discord said, getting relaxed on a hammock
“So, if I understand this right, the only way I’ll know who it is, is basically I have to bump into them?” I asked
“Exactly! Bingo! DING DING DING! We have a winner! That’s the only way that magic can be broken, you have to see the creature’s physical form, and if I were an evil mastermind like I was before, I wouldn’t show up until I need to.” Discord confirmed

Well that’s one way of hiding your identity I suppose, it’s kind of clever I suppose. But would they fear somepony already knew about him/her? Did they already know about me and cast the spell so I wouldn’t reveal them to Celestia and the others? I’ll have to play the waiting game…

“Oh, and I must warn you Bolty, the creature who cast this may be more powerful than Celestia, Luna and I put together to cast this sort of magic, but you are strong yes? You can handle him, save the world and get the girl!” Discord warned
“Thanks very much Discord, have fun with reformation” I said as I turned to leave

The others had been silent the whole time, I barely noticed Firefly next to me as I walked back to the house. Somepony was clearly using some sort of magical Spoiler tag against me, I don’t think it would of happened normally, they must know about me. The question is…who? Who is this creature? Is it a pony? Is it a changeling? Maybe Discord’s brother or something if he has one? Perhaps Nightmare Moon and/or Sombra returned and joined forces with some other evil?

A certain uncertainty plagues my mind, I have always been prepared but now I am not for the next villain, I have no idea what their strengths and weaknesses are, I do not know how they were beaten the first time.

There’s not a thing I can do now but live my life and wait…

Author's Note

Isn't it funny how something completely useless exists any other time but as soon as some hero or villain or something is involved it's suddenly very important?

Oh and update hooray, you missed me didn't you? No need to lie, you can admit it now.

Oh and the whole memory blocking thing is basically one magical version of spoiler tags basically. Yes even Equestria has those!

Entry #24

Notice: No amount of masculinity was harmed in the making of this entry, sanity and pride however, was. Rated W for What the Buck did I just read?

You know, I always wondered why the Everfree Forest acts the way it does, it’s clearly different. What I don’t get is why ponies go venturing in it when it’s clearly forbidden. Do they not know they could build a fence or make a barrier or something?

Especially when three such fillies are involved and have a habit of going in…

Okay, if it doesn’t rain soon, I think we’re gonna end up having a drought in this kingdom. Does it ever bloody rain when something happens? It’s always sunny, I know it’s summer but come on! I think it’s summer, I don’t know to be honest, inconsistent seasons and all, for all we know it could still be spring or Winter again.

So, it’s a slow day today, I don’t mean that in a “Universe, please curse me” way, I mean it’s really really slow. I’m convinced time has frozen somehow, hey with all the magic around it wouldn’t be impossible maybe?

3…
2…
1…

KNOCK KNOCK!

I knew it, I had said the magic words, maybe I should learn to shut up sometime…one day, but it is not this day!

So I opened to door and I found Applejack of all ponies, since when does Applejack visit me? She looks to be in a I-need-your-help situation and I have three guesses what it is.

“Hi Applejack, it’s the cutie mark crusaders isn’t it?” I greeted
“How didja guess?” AJ asked
“I’m sidekick Applejack, and those three have caused enough trouble and if I’m right they are in the Everfree forest again?” I replied
“Darn right they are, dunno what in tarnation goes in their heads but we gotta find them” AJ said
“Let’s go then” I sighed as I was entrusted the task of finding those three

So you’re wondering where the other 5 elements are right about now, well…

Twilight: In Canterlot with Celestia
Rarity: Designing dresses for important client that is more important than her little sister’s health. (Element of Generousity my flank)
Pinkie Pie: Celestia knows what in Equestria she’s doing
Fluttershy: Emergency sick animals
Rainbow Dash: I have no idea, probably doing tricks or having a nap

I have made it my business to avoid the Everfree since the incident when I got here, let me just say it wasn’t my best time, let’s just say one painful transformation and a couple of timberwolves and one game of cat and mouse with a cockatrice had something to do with it.

Of course, I know if I got get turned to stone, I can probably count of Fluttershy to save my flank, and besides I can at least know how Discord felt for a bit.

So without so much as a word to AJ, we wandered this forest in total silence, keeping our eyes peeled for those troublesome filles.

About an hour or something later with nothing happening, I was starting to worry a bit, it’s just natural instincts but I know they will be fine, they have Hearts as Strong as Horses!

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP!” I think that was Sweetie Belle’s scream

I take that back, nevertheless, AJ and I galloped full speed, actually I flew as I go faster and just in time to see the trio cornered by two Timberwolves

AWWWWW TARTRUS NO! (think that in a stereotypical Black girl voice, I wish I could do that voice) I dived for the one on the left as he closed in and tackled him out but the other one went straight for me and I just managed to defend my face from being chewed off as Applejack caught up and bucked that wolf into next week.

“Thanks AJ” I thanked her for saving my flank
“Big Sister” Apple Bloom went straight to AJ for a Hug
“Now what in tarnation do you think y’all are doing back here again?” AJ reprimarded the fillies
“We were going for cutie marks in Everfree Biology” Scootaloo explained
“The rate you three go, I’ll be surprised you even get a cutie mark” I said
“Uh Applejack?” Sweetie Belle said
“Now you three will be grounded for another week for this…” AJ lectured
“Big sister” AB looked behind us
“Don’t you “Big sister” me! You knew full well not to go in that forest and what did you do? Go in it and make myself and Lightning Bolt here worried sick!” AJ rounded on AB

Growl!

I turned around to see the two timberwolves and another two arrive on scene

“Applejack, behind you!” I said
“Oh…horseapples/Buck!” AJ and I said at the same time
“We may want to run” I said to this lack of running the other direction

AJ quickly got Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle on her back while I got Scootaloo. It’s time to RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!

Thankfully despite Timbewolves having regenerating powers, they aren’t that bright, AJ was on my left running as the fillies hanged on to our necks as we galloped full speed out the forest through some flowers and branches and fresh air came at last. We lost them too, I guess they know not to exit the forest or else they get burned real good by the Unicorns who can cast fire on them to defeat them permanently.

“Huff…that forest…never again!” I panted as I caught my breath
“Everypony okay?” AJ asked
“Okay? THAT WAS SO COOL!” Scootaloo piped up
“Yeah!” the other two Crusaders agreed
“We could of got killed trying to save you flanks, so you brats better be thankful me and Applejack came along when we did” I growled

I don’t have anything against the CMC but I was not in a good mood, I. HATE. THAT. FOREST! Full stop, the end!

The Next day…

The CMC were so grounded, I imagine Rarity gave Sweetie Belle a telling and maybe Rainbow Dash might of lectured Scootaloo. I know AJ definitely gave AB one!

So I woke up on this sunny Sunday morning (Does it ever rain?), I had the weirdest dream involving anthro ponies singing Disney musicals and some red creature thing with the hugest horns ever laughing evilly. I feel…thinner today, maybe that running for our lives thing made me lose some weight? I feel soft too, maybe it was the huge shower? My breathing sounds…girly. It’s probably nothing.

I got up to brush my mane, because honestly, I can already see the way it would look and I fear Rarity may give me an emergency fashion makeover if I showed up with this mane.

I got up to my mirror and I saw my eyelashes more defined, more girly, in fact I looked like a mare…NO CELESTIA!! NO CELESTIA PLEASE NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOT THIS PILE OF HORSEAPPLES!! ANYTHING BUT THIS! GIVE ME UPSIDE DOWN WINGS! MAKE ME TINY! I DON’T CARE WHAT, NOT THIS CHANGING GENDER HORSEAPPLES!!

I reached for my no-no zone and it was confirmed that I changed gender, really bucking mature Poison Joke! This is exactly the kind of thing a sixth grader would find funny! But seriously…

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Six hours later (More like six seconds later)…

Okay, at least I know how to get rid of this, go get Bath cure thingy from Zecora and by lunchtime my maleness shall be restored!

KNOCK KNOCK!

DAMN IT! GO AWAY!!! Not now! Anytime but now!

“Bolty? It’s Firefly, are you in there? I got two tickets to the newest Power Ponies movie” Firefly’s voice came from the other side of the door

Oh buck, it’s her, and at the worst time too! I can’t let her see me like this, I’ll never live with myself if she sees me as a mare, same goes for Cloud Kicker.

“Bolty? Hellooooooo?” Firefly knocked again

I opened the window and silently flew out the other side but I waited for Firefly to decide I wasn’t here before trotting off. If I’d of flown they would of spotted me so I’m keeping incognito, now I shall require a spy suit and the Mission Impossible theme as I sneak out Ponyville.

Thankfully, I didn’t bump into Pinkie Pie as I expected I would, if she did I would swear her to Pinkie Promise secrecy that she will take to the grave or else I will personally put her in the grave (just like that fake Pinkie Pie).

I rather not go in this forest again but I need Zecora to change me back before things get weird.

1 sneaking out town montage later...

So I entered Zecora’s house after a come in was uttered.

“How may I help you?” Zecora asked
“My name is Lightning Bolt and basically I accidently stepped in some poison joke and I need a cure please?” I explained quickly
“Ah I see, You need a cure for your aliment” Zecora assumed
“Yep, by the way, how come you don’t talk in rhymes?” I asked
“Oh? I was trying a new brew which counters our need to rhyme by our Zebra kind, it’s working quite well actually” Zecora explained

Okay, maybe once this is done I should check if I didn’t land in an alternate Equestria while I was sleeping. That is honest to Luna creepy.

“Here you go, just bathe in this and you’ll be 100% in no time” Zecora came back with the potion
“Thanks Zecora, how much for this?” I asked
“No charge, this may simply be thanks for what you did yesterday” Zecora shook her head
“You sure?” I asked
“Positive, now I must make more, try not to go wandering into any more Poison Joke as the cure will not be ready for another 2 weeks” Zecora warned

Normally I would go into my business speech like with Rarity but this be an emergency, so ain’t nopony got time for that! Anyway, I better hurry because Zecora’s lack of rhymes are creeping me the buck out and plus is sounds like the Author got lazy.

CRACK!

Finally, the bath! I can feel my masculinity coming back, and a strange urge to act like a black guy all the sudden.

“Bolty! There you are!” Firefly burst in

CELESTIA ON A FISHSTICK!! Don’t do that! And ain’t that invading my privacy much?

“Firefly my main homie, wassup?” I asked
“Uh…what?” Firefly looked confused
“So whatchu doing, girl? I was just taking a bath and stuff” I said to her all casually as though she always did this.

What just came out my mouth?

“Er, I was looking for you earlier and I have an extra ticket to Power Ponies 2: Revenge of the Mane-iac for tonight, you wanna come?” Firefly asked Nervously
“Fo’ sho’ my nigga!” I replied showing a gangsta like pose

Okay what’s going on? I am back to a staliion and stuff so why am I talking like a black guy from Earth? And badly too!

“Why are you talking like that?” Firefly asked me in a “WTB are you doing?” way
“Well girl, let’s just say Poison joke bucks up a pony, you hear?” I reply
“Did you go see Zecora?” Firefly asked
“Course I did, fool! But the cure ain’t a cure, bitch changed my joke I or something” I replied
“So now you talk all weird?” Firefly asked for confirmation
“Fo’ Sho!” I confirmed
“Well there always is the spa” Firefly suggested
“Now why didn’t you suggest that sooner, homie?” I asked
“I have no idea, can we just go? You’re starting to creep me out!" Firefly said hurriedly

You have no idea what happened at Zecora’s! I Pinkie Promise not to mention this at all! Cross my heart, I hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!

1 cure bath that actually worked this time later…

“Urgh! Finally! I cannot believe the words that came outta my mouth” I said, feeling all better
“How did you get Poison joked anyway?” Firefly asked out of curiosity
“Well it was saving the crusaders with AJ” I explained
“Oh I see” she said
“Oh and, not a word of this to Cloud Kicker, in fact, this never happened” I said

Including the mare part, lousy cliché plant, should be called Poison Cliché!

“Now about that movie…” Firefly started
“I’m up for watching bad guys getting their flanks kicked” I said at once
“Of course, I always liked Mistress Mare-valous kicking flank” Firefly said
“I liked Zapp, so I wonder what Mane-iac’s plan is this time? Make a mane-spray ray of doom?” I wondered
“Personally I don’t care how cheesy it is, action is action!” Firefly said
“I couldn’t agree more Firefly, I couldn’t agree more!” I agreed

The horse puns have honestly grown on me, but honestly despite Power Ponies being one of my lesser liked episodes of Season 4, the first movie was kick-flank, it’s sort of like the Avengers but better, I always wondered what Spider-Mare was even doing during the whole movie anyways.

But hey, some people can be way too judgemental of a movie but Power Ponies 2 was actually alright, despite Mane-iac not seeing the hugest obvious flaw in her plan which annoyed me to no end.

It was good afternoon overnight and better than the hours before it which I am never talking about ever again!

Author's Note

I gotta be honest, i do not understand our obsession of turning our male protagonists into mares, but whatever! and I wanted this with a little less drama, it could of been worse.

Oh and how many references did I make in this chapter? Can you count because i've honestly forgotten how.

For the record: I sort of liked the Avengers, it had its ups and downs, quite personally I like Batman over Superman! (Anti-hate shield ready)

Entry #26

I got to say, I miss human technology a bit. No internet, can’t watch MLP for reference data, have to rely on pure memory alone. No phone or computer, not that either would be any use here as there are no connections here in Equestria I could connect to. Video games require electricity and all, I’m not sure how magic would go with it…

But still, I miss it, despite all the flaws the human race has, we at least have some good inventions we can get hooked into.

So I was on the train for the Crystal Empire, why was that you ask? Well I did tell Celestia about Equestria Girls and she thought I should go just in case, I mean I don’t know if I want to enter that mirror but I’ll easily have the most experience of that world and since I wasn’t born in Equestria, I shouldn’t have a EQ counterpart running around.

Of course Firefly and Cloud Kicker got to come and see the Empire while I was playing Time Vigilante basically.

An Idea occurred to me, maybe I should convince Princess Cadence to make sure me and Firefly do our thing without interruption with her love magic or something? Nah! That would be a misuse of power.

“So, what’s happening tommorow?” CK asked
“Might go see the Crystal castle and all” I replied
“It’s amazing how a castle disappears for 1000 years isn’t it” Firefly asked me]
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind seeing myself all crystal-like again, I looked badflank!” I said remembering my brief Crystal body
“Yeah and you totally went without us!” Firefly pointed a hoof at me
“Well there was a Evil King running around the empire and I don’t think I’d forgive myself if something happened to you girls, plus he’s scary as buck” I said
“Whatever, I reckon we’d of been fine” CK yawned
“You sound like Rainbow Dash” I pointed out
“Think what you want, Sombra wouldn’t of stood a chance anyways” CK scoffed

Thankfully, the train ride was over. We were given rooms in the castle thanks to Twilight and Princess Cadence as a thanks for the Changeling’s defeat and all. I don’t know what it is about trains but they make me so Celestia-damned sleepy.

Later that Night…

“STOP THAT THIEF!” I heard a voice sounding like Twilight coming nearer

Wuzzgoingon? Who dares disturb my slumber?

Hoofsteps…galloping ones that seem to be chased…THE PLOT!!! I ran outside just to see an Mare streak past followed by Twilight and I realized Equestria Girls is happening, well better play the part and chase.

“COME BACK WITH THE CROWN YOU THIEF!” I yelled dramatically as I gave chase along with the others

About a minute later the mare entered the mirror with an evil grin on her face, before she left she was all like “Sorry it has to be this way, Princess”

“Who was that?” The question was asked

I’m surprised nopony asked me, I am of course the one stallion that knows what happens until the end of Season 4 but nooooooo, nopony ever asks the all-knowing Lightning Bolt!

So is this scene transition thing happening anytime soon? Any second now…

“Sunset Shimmer” Celestia said
“What?” Twilight asked in Confusion
“She was a former pupil of mine just before yourself but she was displeased with the results and came greedy and dishonest and disappeared through the mirror” Celestia explained
“What is it with you and evil-doers?” I asked rhetorically
“This mirror is no ordinary mirror…” Luna started

You don’t say? We saw a mare run right through the damned thing, unless Mirrors always lead to other worlds and I’ve been blind the whole time.

“…This mirror leads to alternate reality where Sunset Shimmer now calls home, we have no idea what is waiting for you on the other side though” Luna finished explaining
“I had hoped Sunset Shimmer would come back and seek guidance, but it’s clear this is not the case” Celestia sighed
“You knew about this didn’t you Bolty?” Firefly asked
“Yep, even told Celestia to increase the guards in case things went south like with the Changelings” I said
“So, the plan is to go through the mirror and get my crown back?” Twilight asked
“That’s correct, however you must do this task in three days before the moon reaches it’s highest point or else you’ll be stuck forever” Luna said showing a picture
“So I can never return if I fail?” Twilight asked
“You can return in 30 moons or basically 2 and a half years” I said
“All right, no time like the present, let’s go!” Dash said excitedly
“I’m so NERVA-CITED!!” Pinkie said Nerva-citedly
“That’s not a real word Pinkie” AJ deadpanned
“I cannot allow you to enter” Celestia said
“WHAT?” The Mane six yelled
“If I let you all go in then it will disrupt the balance of both worlds making it impossible for Twilight to retrieve her crown, this is a task she must do ALONE” Celestia explained

Twilight hesitantly walked in while her friends gave encouragement as she stepped in the portal, Spike than chased after her

“SPIKE!” everypony yelled

Too late! Spike ran in after her! Oh the Tartarus with it, I need to be human again for a while! If I don’t come back, play the song of time and rescue me!

“FOR NARRRNNIIIAAAA!” I yelled as I galloped into the portal
“BOLTY!!” CK and Firefly yelled as I jumped in

Dawn of the First Day, 72 hours remain…

WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAH MY HEAD IS SPINNING!! OW!

I landed on ground hard and had the worst headache, what is it with inter-dimensional travel being so taxing on the body? When I arrived in Equestria I landed from above the trees and it weren’t for a few branches and stuff I’d of broken every bone in my body.

Fucking physics screwing us over as usual…wait a moment…did I just swear Humanly again? YES!!! I CAN SWEAR NORMALLY AGAIN! FUCK SHIT CUNT EVERYTHING! I AM THE MASTER OF SWEARING AGAIN! BOW BEFORE MY SWEARING SUPERIOTY! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!” I heard Twilight scream next to me.

AHHHHHHH! MY EARS! JESUS TWILIGHT!! I need those you know, I know you just discovered hands which is basically means you’re in Lyra Heartstrings lucid dream but do you have to scream so loud? I’ve got a bad enough hangover from Inter-dimensional travel.

“I didn’t need those ears anyway” I muttered

Yes and now we witness Twilight having a huge panic attack, if she attended Earth high schools, god she would freak out once every few weeks at maximum, I can see it now.

“Lightning, what’re you doing here?” Spike asked
“Er, just keeping Timeline in check you know, for all we know something could happen like with the Changelings” I said
“Fair Point” Spike said
“But I came mostly to be human again” I explained my motive
“Hu-what?” Twilight asked confused
“Human, what I originally was! Well this isn’t the same Human I am, this is sort of like a Pony-Human Hybrid world with a Human definite dominating technology so basically I know more about this world’s working than both of you and plus I watched the movie” I explained
“I thought this was a TV show?” Spike asked
“Yes but this place is basically a Movie spin-off between Season 3 and Season 4, bronies didn’t like it that much but I did a fair bit” I said
“Your world is weird” Spike said
“Yeah, well at least I’m not downgraded to a dog that isn’t meant to be talking right now” I shot back

You’re gonna need a lot of ice for that burn, BEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYAAAAAATCH!!!!

But yeah, poor Spike, fire breathing dragon gets downgraded to a mere pony while Twilight gets to talk and have the human conveniences and everything.. Ain’t nobody respecting Dragons like they used to, especially Skyrim! I miss the days when they’d guard Princesses and shit and some Shining Armor-like guy would save her and then they live happily ever after, no bullshit attached.

Of course we all know that ain’t happening.

So me, I kept my pony colours, no clothes I had from earth, just a shirt with lightning and my cutie mark on it and some cargo pants with Blue runners. I’m a simplistic guy so I like this, and thank god they gave us clothes on our arrival or this would be totally awkward.

Twilight started going towards the “Castle” like a pony which looked absolutely hilarious, if only I had a camera.

“What’s so funny?” Twilight asked me
“Well it’s the way you move, you’re trying to be a pony but you haven’t noticed we are bipedal which means 2 legs and you looked absolutely ridiculous and especially with a dog on your back” I explained

Twilight looked around and saw another human looking at Twilight like she was drunk or something before she corrected herself hastily. She then proceeded to try keep her balance and if nature wasn’t such a jerk, she would of tried without the high heeled boots, seriously though, how do girls wear that? Mystery of the female gender I will never figure out #3405707305730, no those weren’t random numbers…

Anyway after and epic face meeting door action and a musical, it’s about time I stop laughing at Twilight’s new form thing and get down to business…actually fuck that, she can do it herself and I’ll be plan B in case this goes south.

So I heard Bitchset Shimmer bullying Fluttershy and my brony senses were coming back and they wanted to nice slow painful death for bullying Fluttershy. NOONE BULLYS FLUTTERSHY, YOU HEAR ME? NO ONE! THERE WILL BE SO MUCH BLOOD FOR THIS CRIME!!!

But Twilight went after her and I just walked the other way? What? She’ll be fine! What’s the worst that can happen? Ah Crap…

“So how did meeting Principal Celestia go?” I asked
“Well, I have to do this Princess of the Fall Formal thing to get my crown back” Twilight explained
“I don’t get why you couldn’t of just explained the situation to Celestia” Spike said
“Spike, would you believe any one of these humans if they appeared in Equestria looking like us claiming that they’re from a different world and the crown is actually magical?” Twilight asked Spike
“Uh…your point is well seen” Spike realized why
“And that summed up me hiding this brony thing in a nutshell” I muttered
“But back to the matter at hoof-“ Twilight started
“Okay Imma stop you right there, first thing, it’s hand Twilight, hands, those things Lyra has a fetish for. Second, no ponies okay? No Anypony or nopony, it’s anyone, everyone or everybody and last but not least, you’re on your own, I’m going to explore this place to see all the similarities to my world” I interrupted
“Are you sure? But what if you can’t find me?” Twilight asked worriedly
“Don’t worry, I’ll know where to find you” I said assuringly as I went off

Well, Twilight can have her fun but I’m not wasting this opportunity to be human to play a story I already know how it goes, it’s time I explored this place and do some things I haven't done in ages...

Entry #27

High School, it’s one of those places you should never have to return, yet here I am in a high school in some Pony-Human Hybrid world to make sure a crown gets back safely or we’re all fucked! Oh yeah and I can swear properly now although I should refrain from doing it near teachers, the last thing I want is detention and I’ve gotten like a bazillion those back on Earth.

Man, is this what American High Schools really look like? What? I don’t know since I’m Australian thank you very much and if you make a “Put a shrimp on the Barbie” joke or any of that crap, I will happily skin you alive, well angrily and extremely over the top, but what's the difference right?

So many people passed me I could recognize due to their hairstyle and colours. I found Derpy with a muffin, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Cloud Chaser, even saw a glimpse of Trixie.

BUMP!

OW! What the hell? I found my self on the ground and so did another girl apparently, nice one jackass, I can’t even look where I go!

“Owww….” The girl groaned
“Ow, you alright?” I asked
“Yeah…” she said

The girl was sporting a fire red colour on her skin and clothes and her mark was a firefly…that sounds really familiar….

“Say, I’ve never seen you before, what’s your name?” She asked me
“Lightning Bolt” I said my pony name
“I’m Firefly, pleased to meet you” she said

OH SHIT! SHE’S FIREFLY! Don’t Blush! Don’t Blush!

WARNING: Heat Rising in Sector Head 3-3 and 3-9, initiate cool down procedures, Recommended options: GTFO!!!!

“G-Good to meet you” I stuttered
“You too, well I’ll see you around” Firefly said going to opposite way as me

I kept looking at her back as she went down the hall and disappeared around the corner. Please tell me I’m not developing a crush already for the Human Firefly! Nah, maybe it’s just I love Pony Firefly so much it’s muscle memory or something…but damn she's hot!

So, that happened, and I just explored the school just to prevent thoughts on the Human Firefly, would it be cheating if I developed a crush for this world’s version of her? Technically the same person but techinically ain’t, AHHHHH this shit is weird! Why do these things never make any sense?

I just like having hands back, don’t get me wrong, being a pony is awesome and all but I just miss hands and running around, shame we can’t keep the wings though. But at least I get to do things with them, pleasurable things I haven’t done in about a year.

I should go check on Twilight, just in case she accidently screwed things up.

So I find Twilight…getting confronted by Sunset Shimmer, AWW HELL NO! That bitch is not getting away with nothing, so I step in

“…sending her prized student to get the crown back? What a joke!” Sunset insulted Twilight
“Just like you, Shimmy” I popped around the corner
“Who are you? Go away!” Sunset shouted at me
“It’s funny you know? The so-called queen of this school has to confront a girl in a badly lit locker room just to do things, like honestly, no one can face anyone in broad daylight anymore. And seriously? You stole a Magical Crown from it’s rightful owned and you didn’t expect someone to come after you? Are you sure you’re even up for this? Maybe Sunset Shimmer isn’t what she says she is” I taunted
“Shut up, worthless maggot” Sunset retorted
“Oh no mommy, the big bad Sunset Shimmer called me a “worthless maggot”! Please help me! AHAHAHA! That hurt as much as youtube comment. I mean, a baby could come up with better insults, well beside the whole sleep with your mother stuff they spew out nowerdays” I continued on mocking her
“SHUT UP!” Sunset threw a punch and I blocked it
“Easy there, wouldn’t want Principal Celestia to find out your plans would we?” I said
“Laugh all you want, but you’ll get what’s coming to you, and you too, Twilight Sparkle, you both will wish you never set foot here, I know this place better than you” Sunset regained her composure
“That’s where you’re wrong, I know this world like the back of my hand.” I said simply
“Keep telling yourself that, by tomorrow, you’ll be ashamed to show your face around here” Sunset laughed to herself

Yeah, keep telling yourself that asshole, but I won that argument and there goes the theory that you can’t win an argument against a woman. Oh well, messing with her was fun though, let’s face it, she deserved it.

“Lightning, what did you just do?” Twilight asked
“Pissing off Sunset Shimmer and damn it felt good” I said

What? I just wanted to give her a taste of what it felt like and besides, I have had that happen to me all my schooling life so I deserve to know the other side. Maybe I went over the top, but I enjoyed doing it, arrest me officer for I am guilty!

But I know tomorrow, Twilight will learn the internet, it’s a good thing she doesn’t truly know, she got off pretty easy! I may of pissed off Sunset Shimmer a little too much but she can’t do nothing without the crown…yet…

Author's Note

I DIDN'T PUT ONE OF THESE LAST CHAPTER! THE STORY IS RUUUUUIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEED! RUINED I TELL YOU! Just joking

But yeah, I still liked the movie, but damn I wanted to slap Sunset Shimmer in the god damn face i almost did it to the computer screen. I sort of wanted Bolty to be a bit of an asshole because hey, who hasn't wanted to be a tad asshole-ish and/or evil at one point in their lives?

Entry #28

When you spend as much time as I do in Equestria, you tend to forget stuff like the Internet, a devil in disguise. The Internet can be much like a bad neighborhood, full of untrustworthy people and all those negative types but it’s also a wonderful place.

But our dear Twilight Sparkle does not know the true power of the Internet when harnessed in a negative light, she should count herself lucky in my opinion.

Yeah, note to self: Sleeping the Attic of a library is not the best idea and I’ll never do it again. Somehow all the books that Twilight and Spike slept on didn’t get broken or fall over at all, you gotta admit that’s impressive.

Oh yeah, did you know that Twilight snores as well as Spike? Well now you do! Also never sleeping on the floor again, 0/10 would not sleep.

So I noticed Twilight was getting laughed at but she didn’t really realize it, like they say, ignorance is bliss. Anyway, Rarity grabbed Twilight and I and we found ourselves in a classroom, and seriously Rarity? Blonde hair for a purple girl? And here I thought you were fashionable, and besides, Twilight is the only Purple girl in this damn school anyway, well besides Berry Punch sort of.

I gotta say, Sunset Shimmer should do those ads for political campaigns, she actually does them decently. However, I got a huge “fuck you asshole” video from her, god it’s like she’s not taking me seriously.

So yeah, all her friends except Rainbow Dash were here and then Twilight pulls out the yearbook and shows the five friends together and they talk, you know, nothing interesting happening here. Blah Blah Blah what happened to Friendship, blah blah blah Sunset Shimmer is an asshole. Maybe I should see if I can finally beat that level on Angry Birds I could never beat, that one pig has mocked me for the last time! Vengence will be mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

“Lightning….LIGHTNING!” Twilight yelled at me
“What?” I said seeing the others looking at me
“Were you paying any attention?” Twilight asked
“Yeah, Sunset Shimmer broke you girls apart and we’re getting you back, well mostly Twilight, I’m just here for the food and the moral support…and the friendship of course” I said half-heartedly
“Ok then” Twilight said suspiciously

Okay time out again, am I the only brony on this damn planet who has noticed how stupid the falling apart thing was. I mean Sunset Shimmer didn’t even try, all she did was adjust a few things and the rest was history. But it was one misunderstanding of minor value and suddenly they don’t speak to each other. ONE TIME a thing happened which could have been a mistake or could of all been solved if they asked what was going on but instead they fall out. How the fuck does that even happen? It’s not logical at all and everyone in this room should know it! That goes for you readers too! If their friendship was broken over one simple thing than their friendship really doesn’t mean much at all.

To me, friends can do stupid things but they don’t break apart over an incorrect date of a bake sale! If they had just talked things out, they would of realized Sunset Shimmer was behind this and put her in the spotlight, yet it too one fucking Princess from another world with pony counterparts of these human friends to get them back together.

The conclusion: FRIENDSHIP IS BULLSHIT!!! There I said it! Friendship is a load of fucking bullshit in this dimension! Go ahead! Lynch me, you know it’s all true! Even look at the TV show, half of the show at minimum could have been avoided over a simple talk or asking for help or anything along those lines.

So, I saw Rainbow Dash join the party and I left to do my own thing for a while and maybe “Accidently” bump into Firefly again, I wonder where Cloud Kicker is? Maybe she’s like her pony self and has sex with all these people? Lucky bastard! I’d be lucky to get one intimate in bed moment with pony Firefly the rate all these cockblocks are coming.

Anyway, she said a Princess needs determination and heart and I gotta agree, I see in schools so many captains and leaders who really don’t give even half a shit about what they do and I can see it in their faces, you can tell which ones put in the effort, the same applies to a Princess, would you want a Princess who doesn’t give a shit running your country? Of course not! They’d have it out on their all-powerful ass a long time ago.

But that’s beside the point, I have a girl to find and maybe I will go have a meatball buffet.

Approximately 33x21 square rooted seconds later (Whoever figures that out deserves a cookie and the answer needs to be correct)…

“OMN NOM NOM NOM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH HO HO HO! THIS IS DELICIOUS!!!” I said as I ate meatballs

I spy with my little eye, something begging with F. It was Firefly, duh! Not that fish in that conveniently placed fish tank over there. Oh right, what was I doing again? Say hi to Firefly before she turns the corner.

“Hey Firefly!” I called out to her
“Oh, hi Lightning” She said back once she realized who I was
“How’s it going?” I asked
“Uh, good I suppose, Fall Formal is tonight and I’m going alone…again” Firefly reflected sadly
“That sucks, no person caught your interest or did they reject you? Cause I don’t get how you wouldn’t have one” I complimented
“Well ever since Sunset Shimmer sabotaged my Princess of Fall Formal attempt last year, everyone’s been avoiding me and laughing at me. You and my friend Cloud Kicker are the only ones who actually talk to me nicely” Firefly looked down as she said that

Sunset Shimmer…you’re dead!

“Bitchset did this?” I asked
“You should really not anger her, Bolty, she has ways of humiliating people” Firefly warned me
“Don’t worry, her days are numbered, she’ll be singing a different tune before the night is done” I said
“And you may want to warn your friend Twilight to quit while she still can, that video was just the beginning” Firefly continued

Gee Firefly, when did you become so negative? Although Negative can mean reality, this isn’t the case here.

“So, since you and I are going alone…I was wondering…do you want to go to the Fall Formal with me?” I asked
“Oh…sure! Why not? Meet you there!” Firefly said

She practically skipped away happy and so did I, in my mind that is. Wouldn’t want to do it in reality in case Bitchset Shimmer is watching me but I think she’s messing the Gym Hall up but it never hurts to be cautious.

“Man, I ain’t seen her happy in a long time there dude” A familiar voice came behind me

A girl of sky blue skin and yellow hair came into my sight as I turned around and I knew at once, it was Cloud Kicker.

“Uh hi, I’m…” I started
“Lightning Bolt, I know, she told me” CK said
“She did?” I asked
“Yeah sure, name’s Cloud Kicker by the way” CK introduced
“Nice to meet you…again” I muttered the last part
“But yeah, she’s been all sad since Sunset Shimmer ruined her life, she’s been crying her eyes out in places, she even almost commited suicide until I caught her in the act” CK explained

Sunset made my Firefly almost commit…suicide? RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Yep, you’re going to have a Slow and painful death that would make horror movies look like a kids show.

“She did what? That Sunset has crossed the line” I said angrily
“She has, just be careful around her, I’ve heard her mutter a few things about a crown and some evil plan” CK warned me
“Thanks, I’ll need to get going, see ya Kicker” I walked off

How can someone be so cruel and make my girlfriend almost commit suicide! This is Unforgivable! But I rest easy knowing she gets a rainbow blast to the face tonight…

Author's Note

I am probably going to be burnt alive for the Friendship is BS thing, oh well i lived a happy life...

And i will say, some teen suicides sound really stupid but in reality they are serious business. If you're bullying someone/somepony please stop. It's not very friendshippy and Princess Celestia and the mane Six will be displeased.

Entry #29

For those people who call it Fall, we call it Autumn in Australia okay? It’s like how you spell Colour color, I don’t get why we can’t just a universal spelling, maybe I should stop being lazy and change my word language to English (Australia) for once in my life.

Wait why am I talking about this? Oh right, Fall Formal, I got to be honest with you, my formal was disappointing as hell and I swear I already talked about this (checks the story real quick), yep I have.

Uh I got nothing right now, Tonight I go home to Ponyville and all will be well, until like 2 seconds later when Discord’s tentacle plant thingys attack.

So, this is the last afternoon and then I’m never a human again, I’ll miss you hands! You were the best friends a guy could ask for.

Anyway, Twilight was getting her dress and is so about to tell her friends she’s from another world but she doesn’t know how to word it. I know that feeling, in fact I feared the day it would come, can you imagine that the pony they all know and loved knew about them and it was all a TV show? That’s some weird shit right there, now Human Twilight is now telling her friends she’s from Equestria, a magical land full of talking ponies and that she knows pony versions of them.

If Spike couldn’t talk I doubt they’d believe a thing. Or maybe they would…somehow, I mean they seem pretty ready to believe anything, even ponies do it…oh I just got the most excellent idea for a prank back in Equestria, it’s gonna be really hard and carefully executed but it can be done.

“So Lightning, Twilight has explained everything to us and you’re from another world as well” Rarity pops up behind me
“Yep, that’s right” I confirmed
“I still say it’s awesome” Rainbow Dash said
“Yeah, ponyland is pretty sweet” I said

So I talked and to be honest, they are just like their pony versions, it should be noted that there is actually a flight team in planes called the Wonderbolts which Rainbow really wants to join, no surprise there.

I got a memory of when I was wondering what I should do for my career, the amount of those lectures and all that about them always kind of annoyed me, I’m trying to concentrate on stuff without you lecturing me every ten seconds here.

So come night time and it’s the Fall Formal, I’m in a suit…again…doing this formal thing and watching the front of the school get nuked soon by Demon Sunset Shimmer.

May as well enjoy my time here, The elements were off doing something cause they ain’t here yet, or maybe it’s that take 10000 years about preparing for one simple thing. Hope it’s not that, ah there’s Firefly and she looks HOT!

Hotness Level: OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDD!

“H-hey Firefly! You look awesome tonight” I greeted her
“You too, shall we get started?” Firefly said back
“Hell yeah!” I said as we entered the gym hall

Now, I’ve never been into a American styled formal but this ain’t so bad, I’m probably gonna stay away from the punch though, you can’t be too careful and someone may of spiked the punch

BA DUM TISS!

So about an hour in, the announcement came and in the corner of my eyes I see Snips and Snails doing their thing, typical villains, always with the hostage situation.

“…Twilight Sparkle!” Celestia calls out Twilight

The crowd applauded as Spike gets grabbed and Twilight obtains the crown back…

TWILIGHT GOT THE ELEMENT OF MAGIC BACK! Set it to C-Left C-up or C-right to equip it. Use this with the other Elements of Harmony and smite evil with the Friendship Beam! Now that you got it, you should probably get outta here!

“Twilight! HELP!” Spike called out
“Spike!” Twilight noticed Spike being taken away

It’s time to go, I rushed after Twilight who rushed after Sunset Shimmer and Spike. Before we knew it we were out by the statue and Sunset has turned full asshole mode, it’s no wonder she has no friends. That attitude is really only normal in Zombie apocalypses, mainly due to the fact that everyone turns into an asshole. Don’t believe me? Watch one and go to the part our dear Protagonist meets anybody, bonus points of it’s the military or another group after you get saved from the zombies.

Oh right, I went off again didn’t I? Always at the important moments too! Ah yes, Sunset Shimmer threatening to destroy portal.

“…but you will not have this crown!” Twilight said without fear
“Yeah! What she said!” I added in.

So because I was ignoring obvious attempt at crown and the others were turned away, the crown fell into Sunset Shimmer’s hand and she goes full demon mode on us and oh god…SHE’S UGLY!!! OH DEAR LORD!!

“First order of business, GET HIM!!!” Sunset Points at me ordering the uh…zombie students under mind control thingy.
“You are just a sore loser, you know that?” I said at DSS
“Well at least I’m not being the one getting chased” SS says

Wait a moment…Sunset Shimmer…SS…S.S….GASP! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!! SHE’S A NAZI!!! DAMN YOU GERMANS STOP TRYING TO DO THIS WHOLE NAZI IN CHARGE FUTURE BULLSHIT! IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN! Oh right…that’s ridiculous.

Well time to put all my hard earned training in the art of Rape Training to avoid all these guys from Call of Duty: Black Ops Zombies!

Like 5 minutes of running around the same pole later…

FUCK! How did I get backed into a corner? Well I do believe I’m screwed! Come on Twilight, hurry up!

“TWILIGHT! FIRE THE DAMN FRIENDSHIP BEAM ALREADY!!” I yelled at her
“What?” Twilight asks
“FIRE THE RAINBOW BEAM OF DEATH AT SUNSET SHIMMER AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!” I yelled
“Okay, okay!” Twilight said

They are now pretty much on top of me…you know what? Fuck it! I’ll just charge right into them…LIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTTTNNIIIIIING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLTT!!!

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” Sunset screamed as the Orbitalfriendshipbeamofabsoluterektdestructonofdeathandthisnameiswaytoolongwherethehellisthespacebutton hit her.

About time! The minions all got their minds back and most of the ones on top of me were girls…

“Oops, forgot to turn my swag off” I joked as I received looks from the students

Well, Mission Complete, time to head home. I’ll let Twilight do her weird ass dance on her own. I am going to miss hands and the swear words but yeah, it’s fun while it lasts right?

But before I go…fuckshitcuntfaggotbitchass! Yep, now I’m outta here...

Author's Note

I gotta admit, i was running out of ideas on this arc, why is an Equestria Girls fic so hard to make? Even doing an arc of it lacks ideas too much? Honestly, you may not like this chapter but the now that we are back in Equestria, things will get more interesting, cause normal worlds of humans are for boring people! The magical Ponyland of awesomeness is where its at!

Oh yeah, we call Fall Autumn here, i like our word better but whatever! But seriously, why isn't there just a universal spelling and all? It would make life a whole lot easier and it would keep the American Grammar Nazis off my back.

Entry #31

You know what Abandoned things have about them? That whole creepy monster lurking thing of one just waiting in the shadows for a victim to arrive. The Castle of the Royal Sisters counts, considering the Everfree Forest surrounds it and it’s secrets are nowhere near discovered.

In other words, if this were a horror movie, entering would be death in 2 seconds flat, no, not ten seconds flat…I really mean 2 seconds, 10 seconds would be pushing it.

So many encounters with the forest haven’t yielded a fatal encounter yet. I am still not entering, let's just say the entrance into this world was not a good one,

So, I found out that Twilight Sparkle had decided to check out the old castle, not long after get Fluttershy and Rarity there as well for some 1000 year old fabric and finally Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s rivalry got them sent there as well.

Pinkie Pie is…of to be creepy organ player that would make Ganondorf from Ocarina of Time jealous.

Maybe I should of given Twilight a badflank whip and tell her to whip walls for food and to watch out for annoying flank bats that knock you into bottomless pits. Oh well, too late now.

“Bolty!” a voice called from behind
“Hey Kicker, wassup?” I greeted my friend
“The sky, Bolty” Kicker replied as always

Poor clouds, nopony ever mentions them, donate to the Respect the clouds in the answer to the What’s up? Question today!

“So, anything happening? Discord deciding to be chaotic? Twilight messes up something in her latest science project?” Kicker asked
“Nah, I think right now they’re just accidently spooking each other out in the old Royal sisters’ castle” I answered
“Sounds like them” Firefly said from behind
“Hey Firefly, wassup?” I asked
“The clouds” Firefly replied

The clouds now have respect, I’ll keep all the money you donated, MUHAHAHAHHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

“Sooooo, who wants to check an abandoned tool shed?” Firefly asked
“Is it near Fluttershy’s house or is Fluttershy’s?” I asked
“No” Firefly replied

Oh thank Celestia! Brony continuity does not exist in this case, nor does Cupcakes or Smile HD, seriously, that’s some bucked up stuff right there. Moral of the sentence: The Fanbases have some very bucked up imagination and mental help should probably be delivered soon as possible!

“So what’s the deal with it then?” I asked
“Well nopony knows, legend has it that oene of the founders of Ponyville was really a mass murderer and hid bodies in that very shed, if you enter, bad stuff happens” Firefly explained
“And we’re just going to walk right in?” I asked sckeptically
“DUH!” CK rolled her eyes
“Well against my better judgement…LET’S GO!!” I put my fist in the air for some adventure

Yeah…the horror movie savvy part of me is screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So yeah…we’re all bucked, dibs on Kicker being the sacrifice. What? If Somepony has to die it ain’t me and I love Firefly so it ain’t her and besides we still haven’t done it! Last time the Crusaders happened, that’s all you need to know.

“So this is the ABANDONED TOOL SHED?” I asked uncertainly
“Yep, no doubt about it, can’t you see the signs?” Firefly points out

WARNING: Abandoned Toolshed! Do not Enter if you know what’s good for you!

Ahem let me translate: Yes my dear visitors, come right on in! There won’t be any traps or anything of any kind and there are free cookies on the kitchen.

“Yeah, but signs are made to be ignored by ponies” I answer
“Why do you think the Everfree never has any signs?” CK said as though it were obvious
“Still, a fence or a guardian would be nice, let’s just go in” I said

What we came across in the toolshed was not skeletons, not any bloody stuff or anything horrific, all there was, was a book on a table, nothing else but random farm tools otherwise.

Well this is more disappointing than each passing Resident Evil game, especially the death animations. I buck you not, The most you’ll get out of Resident Evil 6 or Resident Evil Revelations is the just falling over and maybe a bit on the neck or a grab on the ankle. Resident Evil 4 at least gave you beheadings and getting stabbed or crushed by an monster, like come on! If I am going to die in a horror, at least make it gory or epic! Lousy Capcom always being lazy nowerdays.

“Well this blows” CK said in a disappointing tone
“You said it, where are all the horror stuff?” Firefly asked
‘Who knows?” I answered
I decided to see what the book was, it’s the only object there. It has writing on it: Twilight: The Pony Version!

Well…it can’t be any worse than the human version and OH CELESTIA!! MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!!!! OH MY SWEET CELESTIA’S BALLSACKS IT BUUUUUURRRRRNNNS! Wait…Celestia has ballsacks? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE PAIN!!! I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!! DAMN YOU STEPHIMANE MYER!!! AND DAMN YOU CELESTIA WITH MAN PARTS!!!!

We are sorry, but our main character has suffered insanity to reading Twilight even though it was the first sentence, believe me, you don’t wanna read the Pony version, it makes some of the werid fan fics look like early childhood books.

Firefly and Cloud Kicker were just fine, why? Cause they’re mares, they somehow have the ability to soak these things in. They still don’t like it though but that doesn’t matter.

Lightning Bolt is gonna need a lot of therapy just to get this one out and henceforth the word is forbidden and be known as the Series that shall not be named!

Author's Note

I have insulted 2 things, I have no shame...also can you donate some money so the poor Lightning Bolt can see again? AND STAY OUTTA MY SHED!! *cocks shotgun*

Entry #32

Go! Go! Power Ponies!...What? Oh sorry, just reading this not-enchanted Power Ponies comic. What? It’s perfectly in season and the episode has to be anytime now!

Have you ever thought how stupid you look in real life if you dressed like some of these Super heroes? (Unless of course you’re Wonder Woman in which case everyone has probably gotten a wingboner or something especially if you watch as much hen- I mean especially if you see Wonder Woman do something awesome.

Quick Question: Who made those comics anyway? Were they just there for fun? Or was somepony plotting this the whole time? DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNN!

I’m not going to say it, you know what the weather is and if you don’t by now than you’re dumber than literally anypony close to secret identity hero…bonus points if it’s Supermane.

So I was relaxing after actually doing my job offscreen or offpaper…offwriting? AHHHH I DON’T EVEN KNOW! Someone fetch me the dictionary: Sweetie Belle edition! Where was I? Relaxing, thinking how awesome it would be to be a hero. Well I have flying so technically I do have Super Powers. Although some blasts out of my hooves would be nice.

Anyway, Twilight and friends have gone back to that old castle again earlier this morning, haven’t seen them back yet but they’re probably taking their sweet time, that or Fluttershy is going full hulk on Mane-iac’s flank. (Believe me, you wouldn’t like her if she’s mad…although nopony else would like you if you didn’t like her, so basically don’t get Fluttershy mad)

“Lightning Bolt!” I hear Apple Bloom’s voice from behind

Oh dear Celestia it's the Crusaders…I should probably run…why aren’t I running?

“Hello you three, off to get you cutie marks?” I said hello politely
“Nope!” Scootaloo said brightly

WHAT BLACK MAGIC IS THIS? THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NOT CRUSADING FOR CUTIE MARKS?! IMPOSSIBRU!!! The sign of the Apocalypse has come.

“We’re actually looking for our sisters” Sweetie Belle explained
“Really?” I asked
“Yep!” Scootaloo said
“Well…I haven’t seen them since this morning…maybe they’re doing something in Ponyville” I suggested
“And it’s almost dinner time and ah’m hungry” AB says with a growl from her stomach
“Okay, tell you what, I’ll help you find your sisters and we’ll stop for a cupcake on the way back and who knows? Maybe Pinkie Pie is there” I offered my help
“CUTIE MARK SISTER SEARCH SQUAD YAY!!” The three fillies screamed at the top of their lungs

Thanks…didn’t need those ears at all…

“Right, to Sugarcube corner, onward my noble companions” I said dramatically

If my timing is still right, they should be at the castle but they might be back already and I’d rather avoid the Everfree Forest. But they should be back by now, in that case, something may be up.

So one search around later proved my thoughts to be correct, the mane six aren’t here, which means they are in…

“THE EVERFREE FOREST!” the CMC, Firefly, CK and I shouted at the same time.
“Why is it always the Everfree Forest?” I groaned
“More importantly, when did Firefly and Cloud Kicker get here?” Sweetie Belle asked
“Er, right about that line above where we shouted “THE EVERFREE FOREST” or something” CK said

Craaaaaacccccckkkk!

WARNING: Fourth Wall sustaining critical damage, please evacuate the universe ASAP!

“So Twilight and friends are in there?” Firefly asked
“Yeah, they’re in that old castle, inside a magic comic book” I said
“Why on Celestia’s mane would they be in a comic book?” AB asked
“Uh…to be honest, it’s never explained where the comic book came from or why it’s enchanted, all I know is that they’re the Power Ponies now against Mane-iac’s Hairspray doomsday device of absolute destruction (Try saying that five times fast).” I explained
“Well, whatever the reason we need their sisters back” CK said pointing a hood to the Crusaders
“And we’re gonna do it…once the lines shortcut us to the castle” I said

DANGER: REALLY BUCKING CRITICAL CONDITION! STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL OR FACE IMMEDIATE DESTRUCTION!!

This chaotic fourth-wall endangering chapter is brought you by: Mane-iac Spray! Spray this hair spray on your hair and you’ll suddenly grow ridiculous hair that’ll make Anime chracters look like well-combed individuals. Comes with glowing effects and ethereal abilities so you can feel like Princess Celestia and Luna themselves…well in the mane department and you really can’t get a night sky in your mane but still…it glows and it moves, if that isn’t awesome then I don’t know what is!

HEIL MANE-IAC!!

We searched for a while until we found the room they disappeared and the comic book still open.

“So how do we enter?” CK asked
“Well, Spike read some really tiny writing and they all got sucked in, so I say we do the same” I say

I flip open the comic book which, by the way is 2 weeks old, get with the times Spike, a fan is not meant to be 2 weeks behind in a comic book! But something isn’t right, the last few pages…they’re different…

“Oh no…” I muttered
“What?” the other five said
“I think the events of the comic have changed so that Mane-iac has won, which means…THE TIMELINE IS ALTERED!!!” I panicked
“Come on Bolty, there has to be a chance! There’s gotta be, the good guys always win” CK pointed out
“YEAH!” The CMC shouted
“Wait…if we enter it, we can save the Power Ponies, Mane-iac is probably still holding them prisoner with that ray that freezes them” I said
“But how will we save them? They’re the heroes and they failed, and it’s 3 Pegasi and 3 foals without a cutie mark against that monster and her minions” Firefly made a fair point
“Yes but you forget three things, One: I’m the main character in this fic therefore I will somehow win, Two: In the event of the main characters losing, the minor ones will save them and/or win the battle or assist and lastly: Don’t underestimate the true power of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, they’re chaoticness that could level the whole of Equestria is inexpendable and besides, if that fails there’s always Sweetie Belle’s mind control puppy dog eyes and adorableness to put Mane-iac and/or their minions into submission” I explained
“Are you sure?” CK asked
“No, not really but no choice, and besides, I like to wing my plans, they add to the fun” I said
“We’re with you then” the other five said

We all activated the enchanted comic book’s spell and we got pulled right through! Here we come girls...

To be continued…

CELESTIA-DAMN IT! I HATE CLIFFHANGERS!!

Author's Note

Well, there hasn't been much time-altering going on soooooo....

And besides the Cutie Mark Crusader's chaos could melt Chuck Norris by being in the same universe!

Alright maggots listen up, Celestia about to teach you the pecking order, It goes:

You
Earth Ponies
Pegasi
Unicorns
Celestia's mane
Cutie Mark Crusaders
Then Celestia

Any Questions? (somepony asks a question) AHHHHHHHH!

ENJOY THE TIME ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BEYATCH!!!

I'll stop now!

Entry #33

Honestly, I have no idea why I am rushing into the heroics so quickly, maybe it’s that childhood dream every boy has of being that cool superhero who gets the girl and saves the world and it seems like they sort of have life figured out.

You know who I am jealous of? Those one-shot heroes, just one adventure and their life is complete and stuff, they ended better off than before they started.

Being a hero isn’t all about the superpowers though, to me it’s about having courage and the will to stand up against those who oppress your very way of life. To be willing to be prepared to give up your freedom for other freedom is not easy as it looks. I learned that from the Changelings, if a strong will and courage were not present I may not of made it.

I care for these ponies, they may be supposed to be just a TV show, but they have come my friends, my life and I would happily spend the rest of my days here by their side but first…Mane-iac must be stopped!

Man…I feel dizzy…last time that happened was the whole Equestria Girls thing and my head hurts from all this teleportation.

“You guys there” I groaned as I got up
“Yep…owww…” the others groaned in reply

There’s only one thing missing: Powers.

“Well no powers, total horseapples!” I said with a sigh of disappointment
“You said it, Bolty” Firefly muttered
“We’re officially more useless than Hum Drum right about now” CK said
And we have darn nothing to defend ourselves” AB kicked a hoof on the ground
“Well, the crime rate in Maretropolis so absurdly high mainly due to the cops being so useless that we can probably find some guns somewhere around here even though they would be useless against Super Powers so it’s gonna have to be hooves and some cunning planning” I said
“Well, first we need to know where the factory where Mane-iac is” Scootaloo said
“No-brainer them, all we need is a suspiciously placed looking factory and my bolty sense are pointing that way” I said pointing towards somewhere on my left

Six hours later…(Actually not six, I just wanted it to be read like that Spongebob thing where they do that, it was more like 30 minutes)

“AHA! A shampoo factory! Only the most evilest of evil ponies would make their base in a shampoo factory” Sweetie Belle exclaimed
“Yep, this reminds me of Totally Spies back when I was a kid, just about anything used for beauty such as shampoo was either a weapon or evil” I said, reminded of that show.

Before you judge me for watching a girls show as a kid, first it had a decent storyline, two: You’re watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, you don’t have any right to be judging. But yes, if you watch enough episodes or just look at the TVTropes page, you’ll see what I mean. A girl in Beverly Hills just can’t catch a break with beauty products, which makes me thankful to be a boy!

“And we’re going to barge into the place with no superpowers at all?” Firefly asked
“Of course not! We’re going to sneak in the only way nopony would ever think to check, the air vents” I said
“Really?” CK asked
“If you don’t like it, you can barge in” I said
“Okay, okay! I’m going in” CK raised her hoofs up defensively

Classic air vents, for some reason, villains overlook this every time. Oh well, anything that gets me in safe is fine by me as I hum the mission impossible theme while sneaking in.

“Oh…my…sweet…Luna!” Firefly gasped silently as we saw into the main room

The Power Ponies and Hum Drum (Spike), were all frozen by the freeze ray thingy, Mane-iac was charging up her weapon thing which read 96%, we ain’t got much time.

“You know, it’s funny Power Ponies, after laughing in my face and humiliating me for so long, I finally pull the strings of fate, I finally win as I always should have long ago. You ponies only delayed the inevitable!’ Mane-iac taunted the ponies

The Power Ponies couldn’t talk but watch in terror….

“What’s that? You’re the weaker ponies and I am plainly the superior pony? Why thank you! Once all of Maretropolis has succumbed to my superior ultimate weapon, then you have my permission to die” Mane-iac said to them

96.5%, Time to move, and besides one Bane reference is enough so I did what any sensible person does, jump down on top of her head like I'm Mario or something!

WHAM!!

“Arrggh, who did that?” Mane-iac growled furiously
“Me” I said drawing her attention
“What have we here? Some wanna-be hero?” Mane-iac started laughing
“No, not quite, you see I was just in the area and thought “Hey, I really want to jump on somepony’s head for no reason at all” so I decided to do yours, plus I need more shampoo and oh, What the buck do you think I am here for?” I answered sacarstically
“To stop my plan somehow?” Mane-iac guessed
“DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!! Let’s see what you’ve won?” I gave a smile

CK and Firefly aimed a cannon at the cage (yeah, not trusting the crusaders with that thing) where the Power Ponies were and shot their cages and unfroze them before our eyes.

“Well, you’ve won a chance to meet the Power Ponies and get kicked personally, such an honor” I mocked Mane-iac
“Oh ha ha! Minions! I think our new vistors have crashed the party without an invitation, do be good minions and escort them to the door” Mane-iac orders her minions

Oh great, another with minions leading us outnumbered again, well…if the odds are against you and you don’t have much of a chance, you take as many as you can out and go out like a badflank!

Well hold out till the Power Ponies beat Mane-iac and panic while punching and dodging at the same time but same difference…

“Uh, any of you girls remember how to fight?” I asked awkwardly
“Yeah sure” CK and Firefly replied
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SUPER HEROES YAY!!!” The CMC shouted their courage
“You sure? I’d rather not get my fur skinned off” I asked
“Sure, this’ll be like the time we tried for our Action hero cutie marks” Sweetie Belle piped up
“Okay, but if you need help just holler” I said

I am so going to die for this!

“CHAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGEEEE!!” I yelled as we ran into the minion

5 minutes later…

That went better than expected…we didn’t get defeated in under 2 minutes, and we got some minions down but there were too many and the Power Ponies were struggling against Mane-iac, the only pony who couldn’t use her powers was Fluttershy…

“Come on Fluttershy, you need to get angry” Dash said, annoyed
“B-But I-I couldn’t” Fluttershy protested

This gives me an idea, a probably cruel one but first distractions…

"Crusaders! Use your puppy faces!" I ordered
"But why?" Scootaloo asked
"Just do it please" I said
"Well okay, iffin you say so" AB put on her cute face

Crusaders used Mind control Puppy faces (Seriously, Celestia could take over any kingdom with those faces)! It's SUPER EFFECTIVE! Foe Minions are in D'awwww mode and can't attack Crusaders!

Now phase 2, making Fluttershy mad!

“Hey Fluttershy! Remember Bearington? The cute adorable bear that died mysteriously? She did it!” I pointed towards Mane-iac
“What? H-How Dare you?! HOW DARE YOU! You think it’s okay to hurt my animals, you think it’s okay to just hurt our friends? WELL WHY DON’T YOU PICK ON SOMEPONY YOUR OWN SIZE?!” Fluttershy got mad

That was easier than I thought, I almost feel guilty! Fluttershy has transformed into the Incredible Flutterhulk! And you wouldn’t like her when she’s mad!

“This for Bearington!" Flutterhulk screamed

FLUTTERHULK SMASH!!

Flutterhulk smashed Mane-iac’s weapon as well as her and the minions in one blow. Mane-iac, before anypony could launch an attack on her escaped the warehouse through the window

“THIS ISN’T OVER POWER PONIES!!” Mane-iac yelled as she made her escape
“Darn it, she done gone escaped our hooves” AJ cursed
“Don’t worry Applejack, the villain always gets away in the comics” I said

ZAP!

ZAP!

We were promptly ejected from the comic book and back on the castle floor.

“So, how did you know we were in trouble” Twilight asked
“I know the show and I knew you were taking too long but if it weren’t for the Crusaders confirming my suspicions than I wouldn’t of made it” I pointed towards the crusaders
“My next question is, where did you get the comic book, Spike?” Twilight asked
“Er, Enchanted Comics down somewhere in Canterlot, I thought the enchanting meant the story not the actual comic” Spike answered
“It’s not his fault Twilight, nor the comic book makers, but Spike should of saved you girls and Fluttershy got mad earlier but something happened, meaning something or somepony is screwing with the timeline again. If anything odd happens that you think shouldn’t be happening, tell me at once” I said to Twilight

I left the castle leaving the others behind, I was afraid something might happen like this, nothing out of place has happened for a while but now it has, and that mystery villain at the end of the season can’t be identified so I can’t prepare for him/her.

What if I’m just a puppet? What if my purpose, no matter how hard I try not to is to disrupt the timeline so the outcome is different? It may be minor now but that’s all it may need, it looks like I need to start MONITORING EVERTHING!....

Author's Note

You know, Celestia could really take over the world the the Cutie Mark Crusader puppy dog face! NOPONY WOULD STOP HER! NOPONY!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And maybe i might stay away from the super hero writing a little bit, I don't feel too confident on that one.

Last Point, does anyone else think it's odd how nothing came of the whole enchanted comic thing, that could of been a plot point or something or something conspiring against Twilight and her friends, or maybe part of the enchantment would send them back if they lost anyway? Who knows

Entry #34

It’s been a month now and still no sign of a screw-up, I’m not sure whether I should be relieved or very afraid! I’m leaning on afraid, because I know the second I relax, bucked up things will happen…

You ever get the feeling like things are different but they sort of aren’t? Er, I don’t know how to describe it but something is different about Ponyville but everything is the same, maybe it’s change or something. Speaking of change, I need to change the colour of my bedroom wall, the grey is downright despressing.

There’s Cloud Kicker! I wonder if she’s scored any mares or stallions recently? I heard rumors she might have scored Hot Streak, only one of the hottest mares in Ponyville..nay, Equestria.

“Hey Kicker!” I greeted
“Hello, Lightning Bolt” CK said
“Since when did you call me Lightning Bolt?” I asked
“Since when did you call me Kicker?” CK asked
“Er…I always have, DUH!” I replied
“So, er, what do you want” CK said rather rudely
“Geez, was just coming to say hi, Kicker” I put up my hoofs defensively
“Well, hello” CK said before leaving

Well that was weird, when did Kicker get this weird? And when did she change her shampoo? She isn’t using her favourite Cloud Shampoo made from the clouds of Cloudsdale among special flowers made for Pegasi by Pegasi.

Something stinks and it ain’t the lack of Kicker’s shampoo, maybe I should go see Firefly and see if anything happened recently for her to be this way.

When I found Firefly, she didn’t seem to notice me coming to her, maybe she has a lot on her mind or maybe…Maybe what?

“Sup, Firefly my darling” I greeted my marefriend
“Hello, Lightning Bolt, what do you want?” Firefly didn’t look up
“You call me by my full name now? That’s odd” I muttered
“Well, Lightning Bolt, it’s good I found you because I’m breaking up with you” Firefly said the dreaded words
“WHAT?” I’m sure I didn’t hear that right
“I. AM. BREAKING. UP. WITH. YOU! GET IT IN YOUR HEAD YOU IDIOT!!” Firefly yelled at me
“B-But why?” I stuttered
“Because I don’t know you anymore, all you want is sex and I can’t get it with you around and you’re boring and I have had enough! Goodbye!” Firefly said shortly before disappearing
"W-Wait! Firefly!" I called her but she disappeared

Wha—this can’t be happening! Where did I go wrong? Our relationship surely wasn’t just after sex was it? NO! We had fun times, like the gala and that date and…it’s true, that’s all we’ve been doing!

Don’t cry…don’t cry! Hold your tears, you’re a stallion not some…Rarity!! Sorry Rarity, no offense!

“LIGHTNING BOLT, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!” Twilight’s voice yelled in my ear
“What?” I looked to see Twilight
“Listen I need your help—“ Twilight started
“Firefly broke up with me” I interrupted her
“What?” Twilight asked
“Firefly broke up with me, said she didn’t know me anymore and it was all about the sex…or at least trying to do it” I repeated
“I’m so sorry to hear that Gavin, but there are bigger things than this, namely a changeling infiltration, all the town except us and our friends have been taken and replaced and I know where the cocoons are” Twilight said
“Fine, where are they? I need to vent some frustration on somepony” I asked
“That house over there” Twilight pointed somewhere to my left

We assembled at the house just as we saw Derpy Hooves being replaced by a changeling.

“Alright, Who ordered the Knuckle sandwich with a side of broken teeth fries?” I said to the fake ponies
“…” The changelings didn’t answer
“Well, refunds can’t be accepted and I can’t take this back but tell you what, since we’re all hungry, Me and my dear friends will give you a knockout of a all-you-can-punch buffet” I cracked my hooves (Don’t know how you do that but screw physics!!)
“His jokes are worse than Pinkie Pie’s” Dash commented
“HEY!” Both me and Pinkie shot back as Dash
“Girls…and Gavin-“ Twilight started
“Lightning Bolt” I corrected her
“and Lightning Bolt, we need to sort this problem now” Twilight finished

Approximately 167 seconds later…

Well that was Pathetically easy, all the changelings were bound in Pinkie’s Bubblegum cannon that did not come out of her flank thank you very much!

“All right, now tell us where your dear Queen is!” I asked a changeling
“Twilight!” Spike came in holding his breath
“Spiky-wikey!” Rarity said

Spike then spat out a Crystal ball…well that’s weird…what’s the fax machine gonna pull out next? An M16? Actually can he please do that, so I can shoot somepony?

“Greetings Elements of Harmony and Lightning Bolt, it’s been a while hasn’t it” A voice I knew at once came from the ball
“Queen Chrysalis! Back again are we?” I said
“No, it was just a free changeling doll trapped in a crystal ball, of course it’s me! It’s been so long since our last meeting and you didn’t even send a card, maybe a “I’m sorry you sent me flying to the other side of the planet with the power of love” card? No respect for a mare’s feelings, no wonder Firefly broke up with you” Chrysalis taunted me
“That wasn’t her was it? It was one of your bug-faced goons wasn’t it? You sunk that low have you? HOW DARE YOU DO SUCH A SCUMMY LOWLIFE ACT!” I argued
“Oh, but let’s be honest, at least I told the truth, and I have something of yours, your true friends are with me along with the Crusaders, if you ever want to see them again, I suggest you come to the Changeling Kingdom!” Chrysalis invited us
“What do you want Chrysalis?” Twilight asked
“Isn’t it obvious? Revenge, lots of it, I have a big enough freezer for lots of it as I hear it’s a dish best served cold!” Chrysalis replied
“If you want Revenge, I can tell you I have no revenge, bit what I do have are skills over the course of 34 chapters, if you let our friends go, I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t let them go, I will look for you and I will find you…and I will KILL you!” I threatened her
“Are you done?” Chrysalis asked
“Now that the stupid reference is done, I’ll translate that into this: Run and hide flankhole, cause when I find you, I’ll rip you apart and squash you like the bug you are Chrysalis!” I gave her a slit-throat gesture

Chrysalis merely laughed in the crystal ball and smiled evilly

“My revenge will be here soon, so do hurry on over, I’m sure dear Firefly will be heartbroken in more ways than one if you don’t hurry” Chrysalis came back with a threat of her own as she held a knife towards Firefly
“Listen here! YOU TOUCH ONE HAIR OF HER MANE AND I WILL KILL YOU SO GORY THAT THIS FIC WILL BE R RATED AND HAVE A GORE TAG! YOU HEAR ME?! AND THEN WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON MY WALL AND MAYBE CLOUD KICKER WILL USE IT TO GET THE PERFECT CONQUEST! THE REST OF YOU WILL BURNT TO A CRISP BUT NOT BEFORE I MAKE YOUR DEATH SLOW AND VERY PAINFUL!!” I lost my cool
“Hahahahaha, good luck” Chrysalis bid farewell

Grrr…. I’ll get that bug-brained loser, and this time she doesn’t escape and if she does hurt anypony I’ll go through with my threat and I better start now!

“Wait, Gavin!” Twilight called me

Sorry Twilight, but I need my friends back and I ain’t waiting…

Queen Chrysalis was on her throne, she just finished her conversation with Lightning Bolt.

“The poor fool doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into, when he arrives, he’ll have a nightmare of a time facing me! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!” Chrysalis laughed to herself
“You won’t get away with this!” Firefly shouted through the cages
“Oh, I will! And you two will have front row seats to your friend’s demise as well as the Elements and without their Elements they can’t possibly hope to blast me and without that foalsitter and that big brother of hers, love won’t save them this time nor will Celestia because she's too tied up with her own problems to save you!” Chrysalis gloated
“Bolty always pulls through and the Elements do as well! They’ll kick your flank again” CK retorted
“We’ll see about that, changelings. Suck them dry of their friendship and love” Chrysalis ordered

CK and Firefly could only watch as the changeling surrounded them…

Author's Note

What's this? The comic books have come canon in this fic? What Black magic filler is this? IMPOSSIBRU!! Yeah, i seriously hope Chrysalis actually gets a revenge episode in the actual show, she had the right idea but wrong execution and there's a crystal heart now! Besides, Nightmare Moon got a reappearance in Season 4 in a flashback...a very epic one and Discord is basically a minor character of the show and basically to plot shepherd the Mane Six along. Sombra and Chrysalis need some love in the show in cases of reappearance. Also Sombra was a good pony in the alternate universe where the Princesses are evil in the comic books.

Second, yes i had to do the Taken reference...the voices compelled me to do it! Can you imagine doing that to your daughter's bf? That would be so awesome! just change a few things.

Third, the changelings do not rape so MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! I mean it! I know one of you is thinking it!

Lastly, Lightning Bolt is not turning OP on the whole rescue mission, he's smart but not powerful...not for long anyway! And last thing i promise, this story is about to hit 150 likes, thank you all for your support and faves and likes alike...and does that sentence even work? Oh well! Thanks anyway! Despite my sickness, i will persist! NO SICKNESS IN THE UNIVERSE STOPS ME FROM WRITING FANFICTION!

Entry #35

You know, I try to be an optimist when it comes to change, I may not like but let’s face it, nopony likes change, we’re so set in the old ways we’re used to that we refuse this new change in fear of negative results. I like to see optimistic approachs but sometimes that’s just lying to yourself, sometimes the pessimist is the one who sees the world closer to the truth than the optimist.

Right now, there is a certain form of change I despise and all you have to do is add a “ling” to it! Queen Chrysalis is back for revenge and she messed with my heart by faking a breakup, that was her first mistake, her second was kidnapping my friends and her third was challenge myself and the Elements to battle her in her kingdom.

Ready or not Chrysalis, your days when you pull the strings are about to be cut!

I had my saddlebag quickly loaded with enough food and some medicine stuff just in case and ran straight towards the road towards the changeling kingdom.

“Where are you going?” One pony shouted
“I’M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!! And to save my friends! BUT AN ADVENTURE AS WELL!” I shouted

Queen Chrysalis was sitting on her throne, she was observing a certain pony’s exit out of Ponyville.

“Yes, gallop as fast as you can, I’ll be waiting but not before you pass some obstacles I have just for you, Lightning Bolt!” Chrysalis said to nopony in particular

Chrysalis then turned her attention to the Elements who were close behind.

“And you Elements, I have separate traps for yourself in which you will despair and your battle will be over before you reach here! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!” Chrysalis chuckled

Let the games begin…

Huff…puff…this is what happens when you on revenge trips and don’t keep in great shape, I mean I’m in decent shape but endurance running just ain’t my forte, good thing I can fly!

“Stop right there!” a voice rang from in front of me
“Who’s there?” I asked as I descended to the ground
“The last thing you’ll ever face” the voice said

In my sight, a winged changeling appeared in front of me, he clearly wants a challenge.

“What do you want, Changeling?” I asked with contempt
“Our queen has sent me to dispose of you, and that’s what I’ll do” the changeling said
“Sending the lackey to do the dirty work, typical royalty, both good and evil” I commented
“I wanted to destroy you anyway, Queen Chrysalis understood my desire for revenge and that’s why I’m here, remember Buckfrey? The third Changeling you hit straight in the face? He went into a coma and died shortly after due to the nasty head injury when he hit the wall! That was my best friend you killed and now, it’s your blood that’s on the wall this time and nopony will attend your funeral!” the changeling threatened
“You came all this way for little old me? If you came for revenge than you are disappointed as I too am back for revenge, your queen would of died at my hand had I been able to do so, your queen locked me in my dungeon to your changelings and that was one of the worst tortures I’ve ever experienced, now revenge is on my side, with a side of blood soup on your name!” I replied
“My name is Bugless III and I will defeat you, even if it kills me!” Bugless proclaimed
“Then face me, bugbreath! And learn what happens when you thereaten a man’s best friends” I said getiing into a fighting stance

Bring it on Bugbreath! Nopony messes with me and gets away with it! NOPONY!!!

Twilight and friends were behind their friend: Lightning Bolt by a considerable amount.

“This is the last time we go near Cave trolls period!” Twilight said exhausted from running from them
“At least they aren’t those “Internet trolls” Lightning Bolt speaks of” Rarity said on the bright side
“Oh…I couldn’t imagine how horrible those trolls might be” Fluttershy said, getting terrified at the thought of them
“I just hope Lightning is okay” Dash muttered
“He’s much like yourself, Dashie. He dives in headfirst for his friends and is brave and won’t back down” Pinkie said
“Ah agree with Pinkie, he sure as sugar is more stubborn than a mule…er no offense” AJ vouched
“None taken” Said a random Mule that didnotjustappearoutofnowheredontbeinsane!

“Not so FAST!” Bugless said
“Aww…don’t you want us to fight anymore” I stopped in my tracks
“We aren’t settling this in a fight” Bugless said as he pulled out something
"Are you suuureee?" I asked
"NO!" Bugless replied
“Then how are we settling this?” I asked
“A little game” Bugless replied

I saw Bugless pull out a deck of cards, an ordinary one at that and started shuffling them.

“What is this game?” I asked
“Simple, we each start with 50 points, each card we draw reduces the enemy’s points by the number of the card, if you draw a joker than you miss a turn. First one to go down to 0 loses. But that’s not all, the loser will be dumped into the lave pit below!” Bugless explained
“There’s no lava!” I pointed out
“Oh really?” Bugless challenged that claim

Several hatches opened to reveal lava below, which proved bugless right! But first he has to defeat me if he hopes of dumping me in there.

“You prove your point, I accept your challenge, Buggerbrain! For when I defeat you, I will rescue my friends and anypony that gets in my way will be dealt with, I do not wish to kill you, I never intended your friend to be hurt, I just wanted to get away. Just know that” I accepted
“Liar! I will dump you into the lava below which, honestly is too good for you!” Bugless shot back
“How shall we decide who goes first?” I asked
“We’ll draw a card and whoever gets highest goes first, this won’t count towards the score” Bugless explained

Well here goes…

“Draw!” Bugless ordered
“I got a Jack" I revealed my card
“You got lucky for I got a 9! You go first but that will make little difference” Bugless said

Excellent, maybe going first will help my advantages, it’s down to luck and I hope lady luck has sided with me…

To be continued…

Author's Note

Ha! You were expecting a fight scene...well too bad! Don't worry you'll get one soon and besides, fighting is too mainstream! You solve all your problems in luck based games including gambling! Remember kids, gambling is good for you! (TheDawsonator1 does not take any responsiblity for any fool that actually took that advice)

Second, no, not all the comic books are going to be done, just the first two arcs and then back to Season 4.

Lastly, I found a rifle in my room, one of you guys wouldn't happen to own one and dumped it here would you? I wasn't actually being serious and the cops are doing searches around here and they already suspect me of drugs. (JK)

Entry #36

So I am disappointed, wanted to fight with my hooves and all but nooooooo, the Author has to be a dick and make us play a card game that sends one of us to our doom if we lose, what is this? A bad 90s Comic book?

Oh whatever, let’s just rely on luck, that’s what wins us fights anyway, just dumb luck! And no I am not annoyed because I couldn’t engage in a hoof-fight!

“It’s your turn first” Bugless says to me
“Okay then” I said

I draw! And I got a 5…not too shabby!

“I got a five” I announced
“You’ll need better than that to defeat me…I got an eight!” Bugless announced

Bolty: 42
Bugless: 45

Alright, hopefully something better…all right! I got a Queen (12)!

“I draw a queen” I said
“I got a seven” Bugless said

Bolty: 35
Bugless: 33

I’m in the lead for now but this could turn around soon…hopefully I get lucky and get a strong lead.

“Lightning Bolt seems to be evenly matched in this game for now” Chrysalis said
“He’ll wipe that creep’s flank back to next Nightmare Night!” CK said
“Oh I wouldn’t be too sure, Bugless is quite a lucky fellow, this will turn around before too long” Chrysalis commented
“He’ll win trust me, and he’ll wipe the floor with you when he gets here” Firefly shouted
“We’ll see, first he has to get here and then he won’t stand a chance against me even if he does get here” Chrysalis denied the claim

“You do know revenge will not get your friend back?” I asked
“Duh! But revenge will avenge his death and serve justice for all the changelings that died that day” Bugless argued
“That was nopony’s fault but Chrysalis, she got greedy and attacked Equestria, it’s her fault truly—“ I started
“SILENCE!! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT OUR QUEEN?!” Bugless roared
“I dare, bitch! Face it! Your queen got your friend and your comrades dead due to her stupidity, had she not kidnapped me, Luna would never of known I was captured, had she any sense than she did then, she may of succeeded, you lost and you are just being a sore loser about it!” I shot back
“SHUT UP FLANKHOLE! When I win this duel, we’ll see who the loser is and it will be you!” Bugless had enough
“That’s what you think, Bugbreath!” I argued
“We’re only in the third turn, it can still turn around into your defeat” Bugless shot back
“We’ll see…now I DRAW!” I announced

Alright! A Princess (Jack)! (11)

“You go down 11” I said
“Well you go down 13 as I drew a King” Bugless announced

Bolty: 23
Bugless: 22

Again! Now, let’s see…Ace? Ah bucking Horseapples!

“Ace…” I muttered
“Ten” Bugless smirked

Bolty: 13
Bugless: 21

Ah buck! If he draws a king, I’m done for!

“There’s still time to run away back to Ponyville” Bugless said
“If you think I’m giving up then you should jump in the lava yourself” I said
“Very well, do not say I didn’t warn you!” Bugless said
“Go ahead and draw you worthless excuse of a bug” I insulted
“In a hurry to die? Fine by me” Bugless said

“Yes, Excellent Bugless! You are on your way of doing your queen proud!” Chrysalis said
“Come on Bolty! You can do it! There’s still time” CK shouted

“Anypony smell that…lava-ish smell?” Dash asked
“I think so” Twilight replied
“Oh no! Not anywhere near lava!” Fluttershy backed away
“Relax Fluttershy, we won’t go near no lava and we’ll all be right behind you for support” AJ supported
“Okay” Fluttershy smiled

About 5 minutes later…

“Oh come on! Really? A rickety bridge over lava! Who even does that?” Dash groaned
“At least you can fly” AJ deadpanned
“STILL, it’s like ponies expect ponies to walk over this safely when it looks like it’ll fall off easily, I mean wouldn’t a stone bridge do better than a rope and wooden planked bridge over BOILING lava” Dash complained
“GIRLS! We’ll do fine, just get across and Pinkie, no bouncing on it” Twilight said
“Awww” Pinkie groaned

Fluttershy looked like she was gonna pass out, Twilight look determined and Dash just hated it,

“Come on, Fluttershy! We gotta get across that bridge!” Dash said
“Um…maybe I should stay here and…eep!” Fluttershy tried to back away
“We need you and you’re going, I’ll be right behind you for emotional support. We’ll tackle this bridge one foal step at a time, just don’t look down” Dash said patting Fluttershy’s back

Fluttershy gave a breath as everypony else was across already and started across the bridge.

“Okay…don’t look down…dontlookdowndon’tlookdowndontlookdowndon’tlookdown” Fluttershy mumbled
“We’re halfway there, keep going” Dash said behind her
“dontlookdowndontlookdown…DASH! I’M LOOKING DOWN EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!” Fluttershy panicked and started turning around
“Oh for the love of Luna!” Dash facehoofed
“Can we go back pleaseeeeeeeee?” Fluttershy asks
“No, we’ll be safe” Dash replied
“But, I want to be on the side I know if safe!” Fluttershy protests
“If you don’t cross now, the poor bunny can’t be saved from the nasty monster” Dash used persuasion
“No! Not the Bunny!” Shy looked horrified

Fluttershy then galloped across as Dash followed behind as Fluttershy went behind the mound to find no bunny

“Where’s the bunny? I’ll save you!” Shy exclaimed
“There’s no bunny, Fluttershy” Twilight pointed out
“Did it already…die?” Shy asked fearfully
“It never existed to begin with, Dash lied to you to get you across” Pinkie said
“Oh…” Shy felt embarrassed

“I draw a 8” I announced
“I draw a Queen, one more turn and you’re history!” Bugless said

Bolty: 1
Bugless: 13

“Time for you demise!” Bugless said

Come on lucky draw and…

“JOKER???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I yelled
“AHAHAHAHAHA! You lose Lightning Bolt, now for your crimes against the Changelings, it’s my honor to serve justice!” Bugless said

Bugless looks a little pissed once he drew the card

“Joker as well? IMPOSSIBLE! But no matter you can’t draw the card you want and there are only 2 jokers in the deck so you lose anyway” Bugless gloated

Alright this is it! If I don’t draw a king, I’m toast! Come on Card Goddesses and luck Goddess, lend me your power and give the king so I may rescue my friends! I beg of you please!

Moment of truth…

Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeon

Six hours later…

Omeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeonomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeconcomeon

Another 500000000000 years later…

I DRAW A…I can’t look at the card

“What?” Bugless asked

It’s a….king! YEEEEEEESSSSS!! WHO’S THE STALLION? AW YEAH! WHO’S THE STALLION IT’S LIGHTNING BOLT L-I-G-H-T-I-N-G B-O-L-T MOTHERBUCKER! VICTORY DANCE TIME!!

“I-impossible! How did you draw a king? T-That mean I lose, but that’s horseapples, I never lose!” Bugless was declaring horseapples
“Well you just did” I said

Suddenly Bugless froze.

“Congratulations, Lightning Bolt or shall I call you Gavin? Splendid show! You may of defeated my luckiest minion but rest assured when you meet me, You will be pounded into a poundcake and wiped the floor with you and then shot across the planet like I did” Chrysalis took control
“Chrysalis! Release my friends at once and face me!” I demanded
“You’ll have to get me first” Chrysalis mocked
“I’ll kick your flank easily” I said
“Now, Bugless, you have failed me for the first and LAST time! Into the lava pit with you!” Chrysalis said angrily

The changeling then fell screaming into the lava pit as Chrysalis dumped her own changeling.

“Grrr… that stallion got lucky! But he won’t be so lucky when he reaches me!” Chrysalis kicked her crystal ball in anger

Enjoy the victory while you can….

Author's Note

Yep, because hoof-fights are too mainstream. And my sickness is going...yay! But Firefox has been slow ever since the update so NOOOOOOOOOO!

Entry #37

You know, I didn’t feel a bit of guilt in that changeling being dumped into lava, does that make me a bad person? I would feel bad if an innocent pony had the same fate but when it’s a changeling I feel no such guilt, am I considered bad?

I should move on, the Changeling Kingdom (or Queendom since it is ruled by a queen but honestly that doesn’t sound cool enough so they kept it at kingdom) is near and I want this done and over with and I suppose the Mane Six are not far behind. I can’t wait to give Chrysalis a piece of my mind and teach her a lesson: Nopony messes with my friends and gets away with it! Nopony!

There are two things that plain rocky lands are for: Boring atmosphere and absolute buck-all! So make that one thing technically. If only I were Unicorn and I could teleport a fair distance just to skip this part or better yet come an Alicorn and just skip most of it or fly really fast! Nah, no Mary Sue powers for me and besides, having god powers would be boring, no challenge or anything. It’s like hacking on a video game to win, it’s the pussy mode!

I kept on trotting at a steady pace, I haven’t seen or heard any sign of Twilight or anypony at all, I’m sure they’re all not too far behind, as for the changelings, I’m sure Chrysalis is watching my every move and probably has another minion ready since I am coming this close to their base.

So the million bit question is, when is the next changeling coming? Chrysalis can’t be just relying on one minion, surely she would send a second one.

I entered a foggy area in a valley which means two things: One, Changelings and two, it’s not a hoof-fight! I better get my guard up just in case something does happen.

I spotted something in the distance…was it…?

“Firefly? No…you’re not Firefly are you?” I said to the figure
“…” The figure did not respond
“Come on, don’t bother, Changeling! It was kind of obvious and I know Firefly wouldn’t leave Kicker behind and I doubt she escaped” I said
“Darn, very perceptive, it’s pity your Princess wasn’t very perceptive at the wedding” the changeling ripped off her disguise
“So, what’s your game?” I asked
“Simple, I am here to reveal some things to you:

1) You will never beat our Queen so just give up!
2) Don’t even bother try the Princesses because even if you do reach them, it will be too late!
3) There’s a comet about to head over and you better be dead or there by the time that comet arrives as your other friends will be there as well
4) Watch out for the fog” the changeling warned
“A comet? Tell me more!” I demanded
“All you need to know is that the comet that flies over will give the planet strength and our glorious Queen will be more powerful than she already is!” she said
“That’s still not going to save her!” I replied
“Think what you want, I’m taking my leave, good luck” she bid farewell

The changeling disappeared before turning into Firefly and putting a long tongue out at me.

“Well, looks like there’s time limit now…jooooy!” I muttered to myself

You’ll never make it!

“And now I’m going mad cause I thought I heard voices and I’m talking to myself” I said to myself

You will fail and you’ll never see your friends again!
You’re just a useless pony who thinks he is braver than he actually is.
Even Fluttershy is braver than you.

And now the voices are trying to discourage me, nopony is on my side in this fog.

How would your family feel if they found out you were enjoying yourself in another world?
You abandoned them…

“Hey that’s not true! I DID NOT ABANDON THEM! I got sucked into a portal remember? How the bloody tartarus was I supposed to know that would happen?” I argued

You just used Firefly as a means to sexual pleasure.
You really don’t love her.
YOU COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT HER!

“HORSEAPPLES! Maybe I haven’t been the best coltfriend but I actually spent time with her and I didn’t go cheating on her for some ridiculously hot mare! And she was trying to get rid of her virginity too just so you know” I still argued

Oh really? Then why in all these chapters you’ve been trying to do nothing but sex? No mention of love anywhere! All you care about is getting some action and glory, admit it! You’re a sorry excuse of a stallion and you know it!

“Maybe, but at least I’m honorable about it, at least I don’t treat her like some one-night stand and dump her in her bed without any explanation.

And that pony happens to be your best friend? What does that say about you? Your two best friends are a slut and fillyfooler!

“SHUT THE BUCK UP VOICES!! LET’S SEE YOU DO BETTER! At least I got my friend’s back and they got mine!” I shouted

Yeah, and your friends can’t do much when they’re in a cage.

“Well duh! That’s what a cage is DESIGNED for! And to lock owls in cages and hope they’ll deliver mail for you” I said

Oh and let’s not forget Sky High and Simple Breeze…oh wait…you forgot about them, they haven’t even appeared since Nightmare Moon was done!

“Wait…I don’t remember them…are you sure they even existed?” I challenged

Oh really? Does Entry #2 ring any bells? Because I was just reading through and I remember this being in it:

Simple Breeze is a mare that controls the wind flowing around Ponyville, which always tends to be calm around here unless a need for a storm arises. and Simple Breeze is good at that thing! She’s dating Sky High for a month now and they honestly look good together.

Sky High is the only stallion friend I know, his talent is his natural resistance to the high altitude pressure. See, most Pegasi including Rainbow Dash can only go a certain height before the air grows too thin and they cannot sustain the height for long or risk fainting due to lack of oxygen in their lungs. Sky High can go much higher and stay longer at heights most Pegasi can’t. He’s also quite an endurance kind of pony whereas a Pony like Rainbow Dash is more a sprint kind of pony. Ironically enough, he has a ground job at a club on the outskirts of Ponyville.

Do you remember now, Lightning Bolt?

“Oh…my…various Princess goddesses…I forgot them…” I muttered to myself in realization

It’s true, I did forget them, they were supposed to be my friends and I forgot them, didn’t even say hello and stuff anymore…I haven’t been a friend at all…

Yes, you haven’t, you’re a jerk! A failure! A Selfish stallion who, doesn’t deserve to be even in the same town as your so-called friends! Not even the Elements or the Princesses should be in the same town as you! You have the knowledge of Future events thanks to your little show but you don’t even bother to improve it, you could of made Equestria a better place with such knowledge and what did you do? NOTHING!

“I am a jerk…but with good intentions. Maybe I should have done some things and maybe I shouldn’t of, but if you think that will deter me from my mission…you thought wrong! I will save my friends, I will improve our friendships and I will stop Chrysalis personally even if it kills me!” I said with my head held high

Deny it all you want, attempt all you want, you will not escape the darkness that surrounds you.

“Try me, I’ll escape this place faster than Rainbow Dash can blink” I challenged

That’s not what I meant, but by all means, keep going to the Queen, you will not survive even if you do win…

“That’s enough out of you! Your little game has failed! So I’ll be leaving now!” I announced my victory

Have it your way, darkness will claim you either way…

I kept trotting toward Chrysalis’s lair with my head held high, confident that my friends will be rescued by the time the sun is down and we’ll be back to normal…with some improvements of course!

Queen Chrysalis, here I come! Ready or not!

Author's Note

Firefox is still a a jerk...typical updates...

Yeah, so I try my hand at the voices and i did realize i forgot 2 characters in introduced in Entry #2, maybe i should give them a bit more time...

So next chapter is where Lightning Bolt and Chrysalis shall meet...again. And this time the circle is complete, when Bolty left Chrysalis he was but the learner but now Bolty is the master!

Entry #38

It’s the calm before the storm that scares me, it gives you time to think of all the possibilities that could happen.

What if Chrysalis kills my friends? What if I lose? What if Twilight got possessed and her friends too and have to fight me?

No! Stop thinking Negatives! There isn’t time for that! I will go in there and try my hardest, if I fail, at least I died trying!

Welcome to Changeling Kingdom! Population: Changelings (Look I couldn’t bother counting so I just wrote this okay?)

Guess changelings are lazy like us too huh? That or some of the minions have a bit of humor. Maybe us Humans and Equines are more similar than I thought especially changelings. Some us use lies and deceit to reach our goals like the Changelings do but some of us are quite peaceful and just want it that way like the ponies.

Second thing, why are all evil lairs dark and that? Ponies get some sun for a reason you know! And honest to god the atmosphere is depressing, what? Do villains have depression or something? Is it because we beat them up and don’t murder them? Well it’s their fault for being evil in the first place.

So, now I am giving the impression the Chrysalis is bucking with me, where the buck are all the changelings? This is called the Changeling Kingdom and there ain’t one single Cadence-damned one of them.

“Helllooooooooo! Changelings? Mr. Big damn hero here to rescue his friends, aren’t you meant to stop me?” I called

Oh come on! What’s the deal? Are they not taking me seriously?

“I just smashed a painting of you, Chrysalis! Aren’t you mad? I’m sure the artist must be. Okay that’s it! CHRYSALIS! GET YOU BUCKING FLANK OUT HERE YOU SPINELESS COWARD!!” I yelled

No answer…I know you’re her Chrysy….

“FINE! DON’T ANSWER! IT MAKES LITTLE DIFFERENCE ANYWAY! BLASTED CHANGELINGS, IF YOU DON”T COME OUT I’LL NUKE YOU OUT! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED REVENGE CHRYSALIS BUT IT SEEMS ALL YOU ARE IS SOME SPINELESS COWARD! A WEAKLING ATTEMPTING TO LOOK STRONG BY FOALNAPPING MY FRIENDS AND THE CRUSADERS!! YOU HAVE TWO MINUTE TO SHOW YOURSELF OR GET YOUR FLANK OUT HERE!” I yelled

Still nothing! Where on tartarus is that changeling? What if she was never here? What if she was wasting my time? What if this whole thing is an imagination? What if she never did anything to begin with? DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNN!!!

“Greetings Lightning Bolt, I apologize for not seeing you already but I was rather sleepy, you know, being a tyrant out for revenge is quite tiring” Chrysalis voice came in a tired voice as well as a yawn
“About time you lazy retard” I insulted
“And here I was thinking of being nice, won’t you join me in my throne room in the castle?” Chrysalis acted offended
“Fine, as long as there is some decent wine and no death traps that will take ten flipping hours to beat” I said
“Go right ahead, I’ll be waiting!” Chrysalis said

Twilight and Friends were also in the Changeling Kingdom at the time of Chrysalis talking to Lightning Bolt.

“That was Queen Chrysalis wasn’t it?” Rarity asked
“Yes, meaning we gotta hurry up or Lightning will be in trouble, he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into” Twilight said worringly
“We’ll get there” Dash assured
“Let’s go!” Fluttershy said confidently much to everypony’s surprise

The Six mare wasted no time in galloping towards Chrysalis and Lightning Bolt whom they prayed for his safety as well as their friends.

“Celestia, can someone please put some colour in this castle? A black and white movie has more colour than this!” I complained

Seriously? Did the bug have no style or something? I opened a door and there was a room that clearly had the throne but it was empty, so where was dear Chrysalis?

“Ah there you are, Lighting Bolt! About time!” Chrysalis entered from the ceiling

Also dropping in were the cages of my friends and the Crusaders. And they looked safe and hopefully it will stay that way!

“Chrysalis, you know what I am here for, so I’ll make this short! Give me back my friends and I will not harm you or a single changeling” I demanded
“You’re really not in a position to demand anything, why’s that you may ask? One, I’m more powerful than you because despite being a changeling I am also the same as an Alicorn. Two: The comet is about to fly overhead in 5 minutes making me powerful! And Three: I don’t feel like handing over your friends, in fact, I think they have outlived their usefulness wouldn’t you say” Chrysalis chuckled
“You…wouldn’t dare!” I challenged
“Oh? Well you won’t mind if I stab out Firefly’s neck first?” Chrysalis asked as she held a knife getting closer to Firefly
“NO YOU DON’T!” I charged

I charged at Chrysalis and landed a blow to her face which sent her back a few steps.

“Thank you Lightning Bolt! May I have another?” Chrysalis mocked me
“Grrr….” I growled
“Queen Chrysalis! There you are!” Twilight barged in with her friends
“Well, if it isn’t Twilight Sparkle and her pest friends, I was in the middle of fighting Lighting Bolt over here” Chrysalis said
“We can see that” Dash said
“And We’re here to defeat you and get back the Crusaders” Twilight announced
“Well, you aren’t going to do that, so I’ll just take your friends…” Chrysalis said

Unbeknownst to the six of them, five pods snuck up on Twilight’s friends…

“WOAH!” Dash screamed
“Chrysalis! That’s enough!” I yelled
“Be Silent! Did you think either of you had a chance, you definitely didn’t, Bolty!” Chrysalis shot at me

Twilight shot spells at Chrysalis but she was only a little bit more effective than me but she got knocked down

"You were lucky last time, that's all! I should of won at the wedding but your stupid brother and foalstitter got in my way with their love." Chrysalis spat at the ground with disgust.

Well...it was nice knowing you guys...well you're all girls...except for the reader...probably...

Suddenly I saw it, the comet and with that, both Chrysalis and Twilight had an aura around them and gave Twilight the strength to stand back up and with that literally punched Chrysalis into the wall like a badflank!

Yeah, not just standing here, so I quickly bust open the cage holding the crusaders and my friends.

"You girls alright?" I asked
"I've been better" Firefly replied
"Yeah, can't wait to get out of here" CK said
"You said it" I agreed

However I did not notice Chrysalis charge at me and knock me straight into a wall and out...

"That's enough Chrysalis! You have endangered my friends and Ponyville for far too long, this ends here!" Twilight said
"And what makes you think I'll just give in? Even if you do beat me, I'll come back again and again until I win!" Chrysalis rebelled

10 seconds of Chrysalis' flank getting handed to her later...

Chrysalis was tied up in a canon firing out of Equestria along with the other canons courtesy of Pinkie Pie.

3...
2...
1...

"Oh buck my life!" Chrysalis cursed

BOOM!

"Looks like Team Chrysalis is blasting off agaaaaaiiiiinnnn!" Chrysalis screamed as she got blasted out of Equestria

Twilight, satisfied that it was over went to free her friends from pod and was ready to go home, it was mission accomplished and you could say it was *puts on Sunglasses* BLAST!

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Author's Note

So I decided the original plan of going to Nightmare Rarity just wasn't good enough, and people didn't like it as well as myself. Sooooo, I changed it! And no more comics, i realize now how bucked the plots are...really lassoing the moon with a lasso like it's nothing? IDW be on crack yo!

Entry #40

You know what? It’s almost been four full seasons but with each day, Ponyville has it’s own chaos and it just grows on you. The Crusaders trying for cutie marks, Twilight bucking things up or monster of the week shows up. It’s grown on me!

That being said, I’m still all for a normal pony live where the only worries are work and the bills and such, I don’t think the Hero’s life is really for me, but somepony has to make sure time doesn’t get out of hoof. I’d rather peaceful one that you can live until you grow old and die of old age, something Poor Celestia and Luna won’t have.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

SLAM!!

Buck you too, Alarm Clock!

Even in ponyland, the alarm is still a flankhole and needs to die! Like seriously, whoever invented this thing universely is gonna die, if already dead, I will burn their grave and spit on it.

You know, I still reach for clothes at this time still, even after a year in a place where we are all nude! No Gloves or shoes or anything like in Sonic or something.

Time: 8:30….uh oh! Late for work!

RUN BOLTY! RUUUUUUUUUN!!

“Lightning Bolt, Please report the office ASAP!” Rainbow Dash’s voice came
“Why am I getting the sudden sense of Déjà vu?” I muttered to myself

I entered her office and yeah, this is going to be fun…

“Lightning Bolt, why were you late?” Dash asked

It would be a real dick move if I said…

“My alarm didn’t go off” I lied through my herbivore teeth

It actually did go off in the first line! Well the first one after the monologue thing, I should really discover what the buck it is. It’s been 40 chapters and I still don’t know.

“And you expect me to believe that?” Dash said in a boss-like tone (Not the LIKE A BAWS tone)
“Yep” I said cheekily
“Well don’t let it happen again! You’ve been a help this last year especially with the world-saving helping us out, so I don’t want to get rid of you. Don’t let it happen again!” Dash said to me
“Sorry, Boss” I said sort of sincerely

I was shown the door and back to work.

The thing about work is that sooner or later, it gets tiresome and boring, the kind of boring that makes you want to go an adventure, the kind that makes you want to look like a kick-flank hero. You know? That kind of boring.

“So Bolty, you didn’t get in trouble this time?” Kicker asked
“Nope, not at all, still got the touch” I said
“So do I, for tonight, one mare or stallion shall be honored in their beds by Cloud 'motherbucking' Kicker!” CK said dramatically
“So who’s on the list?” I asked

Just so you know, the motherbucking is actually true!

“Ummm, hang on…” CK said after pulling a parchment from out of nowhere
“Any day now” I said impatiently
“Apparently I’m up to Derpy Hooves” CK said
“Wow, and here I thought you’d do a stallion tonight” I said
“Well it’s not my fault there’s no freaking stallions in this town” CK pointed out
“Yeah, every stallion is literally taken, I’m with Firefly, Big Mac is dating Cheerilee now, the Doctor is with this slut named Lindsneigh Lohay” I said
“Yep, No sticks or balls to fetch anymore” CK lamented sadly

That is a weird way for dick and balls...sort of....

“Well if you must know, mare on mare action is very popular with bronies” I mentioned

And I really should of seen Rainbow Dash coming at this point

“Lightning Bolt! Will you shut your flank up and start working?! You too, Cloud Kicker! We needed Rain YESTERDAY!!” Dash shouted
“Yes Ma’am!” We replied in unison

No respect! No respect at all!

Oh and Rain? In this town! THE WORLD IS ENDING! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNN! FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES! NOPONY IS SAFE!

One work shift later…

Did I just go to work? Onscreen? That explains why I am so tired…

Knock Knock!

I answered the door to a Very flirty Firefly, well 667th time lucky? Believe me, you don't want to know what happened the last time.

“Bolty! You, me the bed! I feel it this time!” Firefly said
“Okay! I feel it too!” I replied

No, really this is how it always starts! Now this time I REAAAAAALLLLLYYYY was feeling it! Today is the day!

Yes…

“Nothing will stop us, Bolty! Not even the end of the world!” Firefly said
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HEEEEELLLPPP MEEEEEEE!” screams came
“Ignore them Firefly” I said
“MY BODY IS IN SO MUUUUUCCCCHHH PAIIIIIIIIIN!! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP! DISCORD IS BURNING THE VILLAGE” More screams came
“Still ignoring them” I said

And we did it…oh yes we did it! WE FINALLY DID IT!! AW YEAH! WHO’S THE STALLION?! ME! LIGHTNING BOLT BEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAATTTCCCCH!!!

“Yes…yes…take that Firefly…take it hard” I muttered
“Bolty, get up!” CK said from above me

I woke up and I saw Cloud Kicker above me which means this was all a dream…I think…

“You’ll be late to work, Bolty!” CK warned me
“Wait didn’t I get sex with Firefly?” I asked
“Uh, no!” Kicker answered
“And no Work has been done onscreen?” I asked again
“Nope” Kicker replied again
“Celestia-bucking damn it” I cursed

So this was all dream, no sex, no work! NOTHING!!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---!!!

Author's Note

Ermagerd! 40 charpters! Yeah!! And this whole chapter was a dream....woooooooooooooo! Even dreams cockblock Lightning Bolt! Don't worry, CK still got lucky that night...

Entry #41

So, I am still annoyed about the whole sex succeeding thing being all a dream but yeah, it’s like episode after Maud Pie, that one episode I couldn’t watch back on Earth cause I was sick and then all the bloody commentaries went over it. Do you know how hard it is to find an episode now? There are too many reactions or moronic Commentaries over them.

Oh yeah, and I’m bored! CK is in Canterlot and Firefly went to Fillydelphia to visit her parents so it’s just little old me! I’m so looooonnneellllyyy! Lonely! I am so Looooooooonneeellleeeeyy! Like in that song by Akon. And bored, so bored, the type of boredom that would inspire adventure by ridiculous nonsensical means.

Nah, that won’t happen…

So here I am, wondering the streets, it’s like a day till Kicker comes back, Twilight and friends and being friendshippy…cause that’s what they do….duh!

Well it’s afternoon now…I spent all day in my room and not one video game was played…well we don’t have video games, we have arcade games but no actual consoles…

Huh? Isn’t that Spike over there? What’s he doing alone? I thought he’d be with Twilight or something…whatever, SOCIAL ACTIVITY!!!!

“Hey Spike” I greeted
“Hello Lightning” He said back
“How’s it going?” I asked
“Twilight left me behind again” Spike looked down at that
“That sucks” I said
“You said it, they’re always at some adventure and here I am left behind as always” Spike grumbled
“Eh, I’d rather not go on adventures myself, too much pressure and you unlike video games you can’t respawn if you screw up” I said
“Why not?” Spike asked me
“Well, honestly, I think it’s chaotic enough here without the adventures. I like spending time with my friends in peace and honestly, I am scared of death” I confessed
“You always looked so fearless when do go on adventures” Spike pointed out
“Hey, when somepony threatens your friends or your way of life, you gotta do what you gotta do. Chrysalis kidnaps my friends? I ain’t taking that from her, so I go rescue my friends. Believe me, Twilight would do it for you” I said

I know it in my heart that the Mane cast would look out for each other, it’s what best friends do!

“But, I always screw up if I try to help them” Spike went negative again
“Spike, you don’t always screw up, like you actually saved a Empire from King Sombra by getting the heart to Cadence” I pointed out
“I fell and Shining Armor threw Cadence at the heart” Spike said
“But you got it down enough so at least they could get it, you may not of actually done the saving move but you contributed and that’s the most important part. You got your flank down there with that Crystal heart and that’s what’s important, without that happening, we would all be enslaved or killed or trapped under the ice for 1000 years again” I said
“But, why is it I never feel any success?” Spike asked
“because you never make your triumphs so, you think Negatively about what could happen or you might of screwed up when in reality, you were what saved the day, Spike” I answered
“So, I saved the day indirectly?” Spike asked
“Exactly, all these other ponies got you as well as the Elements to thank just for one simple action, to me, you’re a hero as much as them. Sure, you’ve hit the short end of the stick a fair few times but you got your flank back up and did your duty. That’s something I would say Princess Celestia would be proud of, but what she wouldn’t be proud of is you sitting here and being so down on yourself” I said

I meant those words, I really did!

“You’re right…” Spike accepted
“Hey, you may not have Rarity yet and you may be just the sidekick, but honestly, everypony loves the sidekicks” I said
“I suppose so, do you know what I should do for Rarity?” Spike asked hopefully
“That’s something I can’t tell you Spike, not because I don’t want to, it’s one of those things you got to find and do yourself, Spike” I said
“Do myself? I dunno, I try but it seems like Rarity doesn’t even notice me, she even went after Trenderhoof than me” Spike said
“Love ain’t easy Spike, sometimes it just takes a while and others get it on their first try, they are the lucky ones! It may take her some time, but just be prepared, she may not return such feelings. But if it doesn’t work out, they are plenty of mares around here, so many that it’s hard to find Stallion friends around here” I finished with a chuckle
“So she may not like me?” Spike asked
“She may, she may not, that I don’t really know, I like to stay out of their lives because I sort of don’t want to screw things up. But who knows? Maybe she’s confused with herself, I know girls tend to do that. But whoever the mare that ends up with you, she be one lucky mare” I replied

Spike thought about it for a while, I don’t know what went on in his head but I hope it’s good things

“Spike! Gavin!” I heard Twilight’s voice approaching us
“Twilight, my name is Lightning Bolt!” I said irritably
“Okay then, we’re back!” Twilight said

Thank you, Princess Obvious! Spike did not need say a word to go with Twilight back to the Library. Personally, I felt like I cheered him up and that made my day and I gotta have these days made before the next adventure comes along, trust me, there will always be a next one!

Author's Note

I rather Respect Spike, the guy took crap from the Mane cast and Rarity most of all and he still endures. And he does have a good heart despite his screw-ups. So for all you Spike-lovers out there, you guys are great!

Entry #42

When you’ve been on adventures like I have, you tend to get a “Sixth sense” about the timing of evil beings, although I did watch the show and for some reason nopony can figure him/her out. This villain must be dangerous so naturally I’ve been keeping in shape and such and researching like crazy that I turned into an Ali-Egghead! Or a Super Egghead or whatever you prefer .

I can feel the time is close, it’s gonna happen soon…I can feel it! That or it’s the impending fart I gotta release!

So, here I am, back in the Crystal Empire with my friends, Twilight was attending some Princess summit which as much as we hate to admit it, isn’t some thing where they let their mane down and play some poker with Cadence being evil and stealing all their money! (Believe me I’ve seen Twilight and she has a bucking appalling poker face)

The upside, it was actually a different weather after the formalities with a bit of snow

The Downside: Uh….there will be one…just bear with me!

“Bolty!” Firefly barged into the room I was staying in
“Hey Firefly, what’s up this time?” I asked
“Celestia’s up this time, she needs you up in the throne room ASAP” Firefly said importantly

Well there goes my breakfast, and I think this is the part where buck hits the fan…do we even have fans here? I don’t know, four seasons here and you’d think I know! Have I been paying attention at all?

“You summoned me, Princess?” I said politely as I came in

I found the sight of the four Princesses looking at me, so naturally “Princess” could mean anypony in the room. But I digress; I need to know what has happened.

“Yes, Lightning, the villain’s identity is revealed and he’s been released, Equestria is in grave danger in we do not act quickly” Celestia responded
“So the villain I can’t remember…who is it?” I asked
“That vile being’s name is Lord Tirek” Luna answered

Tirek? Tirek…Tirek….Oh…buck! I know him! He’s the villain of Twilight’s Kingdom! He’s the dude the sucks everypony’s magic out…oh we are so bucked!

Wait, wasn’t he a G1 Villain as well? Or am I thinking somepony else? Wait, why am I even thinking that? Focus, Bolty!

“Not him!” I said dramatically
“Who is Lord Tirek?” Twilight asked
“Tirek came from a farway land with a brother but according to show, Starswirl befriended the brother and the brother was shown the magic of friendship and turned good. But Tirek remained evil and continued to go to Equestria but was defeated and sent to Tartarus” I explained
“Indeed, when Cerberus left his post, Tirek escaped, why he has not appeared then and not now is beyond me” Celestia added in

I wonder whatever happened to his brother? Is he dead? Or is he in another kingdom? Oh I don't know.

“Twilight, if Tirek gains enough power, he will overpower even us Alicorns and he will go after all of us for power” Celestia said seriously
“He will have a power of four Alicorns combined if he hits all of Equestria” I said
“But how do you know that?” Twilight asked
“It happened originally in the show, this is the final episode I know of, but Celestia already knows what do, right?” I replied
“Indeed, I sent Discord to investigate and stop him” Celestia said
“DISCORD?!” We all shouted at Celestia
“Princess, with all due respect but are you bucking serious?” I asked
“He can’t be trusted with this, Tia!” Luna argued
“Silence! I have faith in Discord’s abilities, if it proves too much, we still have a trump card in play” Celestia said

Oh this is gonna end well…

“So you’re telling me the Princess of Equestria is trusting the task of saving the world to the Lord of all chaos over the Six ponies you have “Not” been stalking and keeping tabs on the whole story?” Kicker asks me
“Yep, my memory is still clouded on some bits but even I know Discord is gonna be betraying reeeeaaalll soon” I confirmed
“So what are we gonna do? We’re all gonna have our magic sucked and not have talents!” Sky High asks
“I don’t know but Twilight needs the power of Four Alicorns once this has escalated, as for you, you and Breezy should probably stay outside Ponyville until this blows over, same with you Firefly and you, Kicker” I said
“Why?” Firefly protests
“A battle is going to happen in Ponyville and it won’t be safe” I explained
“And what about you, Bolty? You can’t just stay there too unless you sprout a horn or something” Breeze pointed out

I knew what I had to do, I had to stay in case time gets screwy and I have to step in. Knowing is half the battle after all! But Breezy is right! Unless I magically gain Alicorn Powers, I am of no use in the battle against Tirek.

“I’ll stick with Twilight in case things are going wrong” I decided
“I just hope you will be okay” Firefly said with worry
“I do too, Fly, oh Celestia I hope I will be” I said

I sent my friends away, I knew their powers were going to go inevitably but I did not tell them that, I couldn’t do that to them, I’d rather them not knowing than them being scared out their wits waiting for impending doom.

I remained in Ponyville, I was perched on top of town hall just waiting while Twilight and friends did their thing. I have been reduced to a useless Pegasus waiting for impending doom to arrive. It’s been night time now and I’ve still been here, not for much longer, I flied down, I never thought I’d think of life without wings when Tirek comes until the whole thing blows over.

But still, why is a villain clouding their arrival? There has to be more to it than just a simple being evil thing going on.

I heard Hoofsteps behind me and I turned around, there he was! The red skin with the hands and hooves, much like the Greek Mythology version, half-horse-half Human structured well a few changes much like with Manticores in this show but you know…

“Hello, Gavin” Tirek spoke to me

Behind him was Discord, he betrayed us that little snake! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. But what is surprising, he knew my real name.

I am so very bucked right now and worse, there is nothing to save me from getting my energy getting sucked! Well it was nice knowing you wings!

I took a deep gulp as I am ready to accept my fate…

Author's Note

This New FiMFiction format is gonna take some getting used to. Also I found a Rainbow Rocks on youtube, if you ask me the whole 30 moons thing when down the drain and the Sirens are basically Changelings except it's hate they feed off instead of love. Oh and thanks StarSwirl, way to banish them into the one world Equestria is connected to!

But yeah...Tirek...there is a G1 Tirek by the way...don't believe me? Look it up!

Entry #43

Well, My magic is about to go, no flying, no cutie mark, I am not a pony anymore when that happens.

I am literally so screwed! Worst of all, There isn’t anything I can do and Twilight and friends are somewhere else and I can’t escape them because Discord is on Tirek’s side.

But first, I need answers!

“Uh…hello” I said awkwardly
“Good to see you are still alive Gavin, “How does he know about me?” You are probably thinking, right?” Tirek says
“Okay, just spill the damn beans already and explain, I’d much rather get this done and over with before somepony gets bored here” I said impatiently
“As much as I would love to, I’d rather wait a while it'll be better trust me, I was just checking on my lab rat, I’ll be back I assure you….now I shall engage in your generation’s form of evilness, sitting on wheelie chairs and stroking cats” Tirek says as he goes away

Tirek just disappears with no Questions asked…okay maybe questions asked because why the hell am I still with magic? And what does he mean lab rat? And i came out of that unharmed? Okay what is going on?

I better go check on Twilight and the others, something may be wrong and I am not waiting around to find out later. It may be night but if I don’t act than perhaps Tirek may of already won his scheme and the more time I waste the more power he gets.

Note to self: I don’t care if the world is about to burn into the sun, I am never going into the Everfree at night again! Almost got eaten by a Cragadile for the love of Twilight! (Er…the pony not the book, why would it be the book? Stupid Humans)!

“Twilight?” I called

No answer, maybe she’s up in the throne room. Seriously, why does Twilight attempt to sleep in a abandoned castle surrounded by the one forest you don’t go into? I’ll never understand these ponies…

Anyway I went up to said throne room and I found Twilight, panicking and pacing with her five friends watching her do so.

“Hello Lightning” Pinkie said happily

That got Twilight to stop pacing around (Again the pony, not the book)

“Lightning? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked
“To check on you, Tirek came by Ponyville to gloat and he seems to know the show somehow, so I am here to check if anything went wrong here and to warn you that Tirek is prepared for you!” I said
“WHAT?” Everypony screamed
“Why didn’t you stop him?” Dash asked angrily
“Because my flank would have be gone in less than TEN SECONDS FLAT!” I said
“That’s enough, Rainbow” AJ said to Dash
“Girls, our problem as ascended even further beyond. I know you don’t want to reveal the future, Lightning, but this is a matter that needs knowledge so we may plan our next move against Tirek who knows our initial moves and will counter it.” Twilight said

She did have a point, this is a situation where information is crucial and if Tirek really does know the show, he’ll counter act every trick that comes up any of our sleeves in the initial show.

“Okay, fine! The way you beat Tirek in the show was six keys from the Tree of Harmony, when you got an item most representing your element, it turns that item into the key, so yeah, five of you have those keys and the last one gets it this episode, but if Tirek knows then he will counter it” I said
“When I got Boneless, I felt super-duper-ly in my element” Pinkie piped up
“And with my trip in Manehattan” Rarity said
“and with Flim and Flam” AJ said
“I felt a moment where I was truly kind” Fluttershy added
“And I would never of abandoned Ponyville for even the Wonderbolts…as much as it pains me to admit it” Dash put her say in finally
“Which leaves Twilight” I said
“I haven’t really had any…spark or anything” Twilight muttered
“It’ll come soon, but you still got your friends and you still got my friendship” I said

Man is this feeling really corny right now, soon I will be sprouting Friendship speeches, calling it right now!

“But it can’t be the only way” Twilight muttered

She’s right…there is always more than one way to reach the goal, and that’s what I love! When there is more than one path…maybe…I have an idea…

The Next morning saw both myself and Twilight at the castle, I didn’t see any sign of Tirek anywhere, he was clearly draining the outer circle of Equestria first before moving onto Ponyville and Canterlot, I just hope my friends are okay…at least they still have each other.

I know it’s inevitable that Tirek will change the course of his plans, I’m surprised he didn’t drain Twilight in her sleep, that’s what I would of done.

Maybe he’s trying to make us change our plans…no he wouldn’t do that, he only has Discord around for the energy, he’ll chuck him away so the medallion can’t form to be a key.

But what Tirek doesn’t know is that I have a plan of my own that may turn into a trump card…I just hope it works out…

Anyway, back to the castle, I ended up in front of the Princesses in no time. Discord has betrayed us…well most predictable thing of the year right there. Celestia made her suggestion of fusing all the Alicorn Magic into Twilight because Tirek doesn’t know Twilight is a Princess…or well not this time around.

“Princess, it’s a good plan, but Tirek already knows about Twilight and by the way, the glass one of her made it obvious anyway.” I said
“But-“ Luna started
“However, Twilight should still receive the upgrade as battle is inevitable. He can’t be beat with the power of one but he can be matched at four, however. If we do find him around Canterlot or nearby, we can get a slight power advantage” I said
“True, but if we fail, he will not only drain Equestria but the entire planet, Griffonia, Zebrica, the Dragon land and any other land will not be able to stand up against Tirek’s magic” Cadence said
“Which is why we must not fail and Twilight is the one to do it” I said
“Why not make Gavin an Alicorn so there is the power of five instead of four?” Luna suggested
“Luna, an Alicorn’s proper power comes from the Ritual spell, that takes time, which we do not have if we poured magic into him, it would make him an Half-Alicorn, he would be a tad stronger than a normal Unicorn when the powers are returned and there is a chance that an Alicorn magic overload would happen and kill him” Celestia explained

Damn, Alicorn magic be complicated! But still an Half-Alicorn would still do 4 ½ wouldn’t it? But that chance of dying to an overload doesn’t look appealing, but I have faith in Twilight.

“What other options do we have?” Twilight asked
“The Elements?” Cadence suggested
“Nay, if they were to be removed, the Tree’s life would drain if left out for long and if it were to die than far worse things can happen than Discord’s vines, even if it didn’t, Tirek knows full well about them will be on the lookout if they were to be used as a trump card, we cannot risk the Elements” Luna denied the suggestion
“I say Twilight takes the Alicorn energy like in the show but challenges Tirek instead of trying to hide” I put my say in
“We agree with Gavin but there is but one flaw, we have no idea where Tirek is” Luna pointed out
“We may have to get lucky but if we don’t he’ll come directly to us if we wants to take over Equestria” I said
“How do you mean?” Cadence asked
“In the show, Tirek goes to you three for the Alicorn Energy, but discovers after a bit that Twilight has it and goes to Ponyville to confront her and that’s when the battle takes place” I answered

I now knew the full episode, I had conducted several plans in my head to counter Tirek’s changes, the future is uncertain for the first time since I’ve been here and it scares me more than a pony after breaking a Pinkie Promise.

“Then, it is decided, Twilight Sparkle shall receive our power and face Lord Tirek” Luna said

Let me tell you that ball of energy was HUUUUUUUGGEEEEE! And you could feel its radiant power just waiting to be used and that ball was the combined energy of Princess Celestia, Luna and Cadence.

The stage has been set for the final battle, and only one side will emerge victorious…taking all bets!

Author's Note

OH it is on like Donkey Kong! Who will win? What does Tirek have planned this time? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Pony Z!! I mean um...Human in Pony's Clothing!

Entry #44

This unknown stuff is really getting to me…I have no idea what Tirek will do. All that remains is the battle, I hope Twilight can do it for if we can’t, we are doomed.

I have a backup plan still with me just in case it needs to happen…

I am currently in Ponyville, Twilight was on her own waiting for Tirek to come, my friends were Celestia-knows where, the Princesses had given up all their power and it was hitting the darkest hour waiting for Tirek to show.

Celestia this SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! SHOW YOUR UGLY MUG YOU HORNED ABOMINATION!!

I turned and saw Lord Tirek zooming with Discord, speak of the Cerberus…which means…he’s going after Twilight’s friends and will be equal to Twilight once he betrays Discord! OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!

I quickly flied as fast as my wings could take me but the pair were too fast which means I can’t stop it! Maybe if I can just get lucky and they spend too much time talking I can release them somehow.

No! I was too Late, All of Twilight’s friends are in the cage and Discord just had his magic sucked out

“TIREK!!!” I yelled, getting his attention
“It’s about time you joined me here” Tirek said almost in a bored tone as he turned my direction
“What have you done with them?” I asked
“Me? Not a thing! Unless of course sucking them dry of their magic and about to throw Discord out with the trash counts a thing. Well, does it?” Tirek said evilly
“Yes it does, Tirek!” I replied angrily
“Whatever, Gavin, you’ve served me well anyway despite any effort to not do so” Tirek said
“What do you mean?” I asked
“Your knowledge of the show of course, it has helped me to win this time around” Tirek answered
“What do you mean “This time around”?” I asked
“Well, I am from the future, I am the future Lord Tirek from about 30 minutes into the future, or basically the one you saw in the show” Tirek explained
“But I thought Time Travel in Equestria can only work for a few moments then you are automatically sent back to the time you came from” I remembered It’s about time
“That was that “Merlin-knockoff”’s attempt at another time travel spell wasn’t it? The same one that fooled my worthless brother into friendship?” Tirek asked
“His name was Starswirl the Bearded you magic-stealing abomination” I insulted Tirek
“You would be wise not to talk to me in that tone, boy!” Tirek said angrily
“Whatever, but how do you know about the show?” I asked
“Well when I was about to be hit by their rainbow, I searched for any possible exit strategy as I knew I would lose, I remembered an old Time Travel spell long before that bearded moron thought of making one, it was old and complex and there was but one flaw with it, you can only enter certain points in time. You can exit whenever you like but when you enter you are restricted, the two points in time nearest was just before Season 1 and the just as I started attacking. I picked just before Season 1 to plan my revenge” Tirek explained

So Tirek came back just to do this over again? Not too bad.

“So if you’d tried Starswirl’s spell, you couldn’t of gotten anything done I assume?” I asked
“You are catching on, and I’m sure you are asking “What do I have to do with anything?”? Well simple, while I was back in time, I discovered your world, a world full of humans and I made a most disturbing discovery, one of your kind, Laruen Faust had discovered the events that happened in Equestria following these ponies and I discovered that fact through you, Gavin thanks your group of fans called “Bronies”. I sent you’re here to fulfill that Human In Equestria dream your kind had been going on about and in turn it would ruin the timeline” Tirek explained

So I was intended to ruin the timeline! But he failed…

“But you failed, Tirek! It didn’t work, Equestria is still safe!” I said
“Oh really? Quite a few things have been out of play actually, for starters the Comics were canon but only one ever happened and it was meant to happen when Princess Twilight was not an Alicorn, your actions to save your friends slightly altered the events, even your mere presence was affecting the timeline itself and it has done so enough times to make this an alternate Timeline” Tirek explained more of his plan
“But how does affecting the timeline help you?” I asked

That doesn’t make any sense at all right now…

“You see, while I am from the future and I traveled back in time to where a past self exists, my past self will only get in my way so I disposed of my past self” Tirek explained once more
“You WHAT? So if you killed your past self, doesn’t that mean you are erased from history?” I asked
“Negative, that’s the whole reason you’re here, to get rid of the possibility of my past self getting in my way, I mean look at me, I wouldn’t trust me! He would do the same!” Tirek explained the alternate timeline
“Holy Celestia on a fishstick, that is bucked up! You would kill your past self just for power?” I am literally shocked

I am actually shocked, somepony would kill themselves just to advance their position, even if it’s the same version of him just in an Alternate Timeline but still HOLY CELESTIA!!

“Typical, you heroes don’t even understand what you must do if you are to take over the world, you have to make sacrifices and if killing a past version of myself is what it takes than I would gladly do it! That’s why you are weak, Gavin! You had a chance to make Equestria’s life better before I came and you stood there and did NOTHING! Face it, Gavin, the whole reason Equestria will fall today will be because of YOU!” Tirek taunted
“SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear any of your foul poison words! We will win, and we’ll make sure you never hurt anypony again!” I retorted
“So you say, but in case you haven’t noticed, right now you’re weak as a little baby!” Tirek shot back
“Not when Friendship is our side” I said
“Oh again with the friendship speech! Seriously, those ponies won to dumb luck alone and today and I am going to prove it by destroying you and going back to the main timeline and taking it over like I should of the FIRST time!” Tirek rolled his eyes
“You don’t like friendships speeches do you? You should really try it you know, fills the hole in your heart for all your failures in life, you get to smile, you have satisfaction in life of looking out your friends and such. Why, the magic of friendship is something to be embraced rather than ignored! Your brother realized that and he found joy in that, you too can do the same” I replied
“ENOUGH! YOUR EXISTENCE AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP SPEECHES HAVE LIVED LONG ENOUGH!” Tirek roared

Tirek charged energy aiming directly at me! Oh….BUCK! Well this time it’s nice knowing you all.

BLAST!!

Uh…why aren’t I feeling the cold embrace of death?

“Tirek!” An angry female voice said in front of me

I opened my eyes and it seems Twilight has arrived! And she deflected the beam at the mountains beyond. About Celestia-damned time! What is it with heroes arriving right at the last second? That’s not to say I’m not grateful or anything.

“Ah, Princess Twilight, about time you join us” Tirek turned to Twilight
“I heard the whole story, Tirek, I cannot believe you would do something so selfish and disturbing as killing your past self just to gain power and you know I won’t let you get away with your evil plans” Twilight spoke with venom towards Tirek
“Pfft, just let’s see you try!” Tirek said

Tirek then charged a beam but not at Twilight but at the Library in which Twilight in an instant saved her owl from death and teleported back out. Twilight then got angry and sent a large beam at Tirek which he blocked this time but sent him back, hooves sliding against the ground a bit. Twilight then punched Tirek in the face so hard that Hasbro censored it as Tirek crashed directly into a hill.

The Battle has started…

Author's Note

Yeah, Tirek got some issues, i mean you gotta be pretty bucked up to kill your past self just to make sure he doesn't interfere.

So basically it goes like this

Lightning Bolt's presence here was merely to find out Tirek's mistakes and create an Alternate Timeline also so the Alternate Tirek does not interfere with the Main Tirek's plans. Also killing off the Alternate Tirek will not cause Main Tirek to disappear due to time travel rules being that he will never be around to do the plan.

The only thing Tirek needed to change was to make sure Twilight never got the final key so she can't win and did not give the medallion to Discord. So getting Twilight to give up her power and his victory is assured.

Let's face it, if you were evil, would you really trust a version of yourself? I wouldn't, for I know he could be overthrowing me because i have better advantages than he does.

Entry #45

The Battle has begun! It’s Princess Twilight Sparkle VS Lord Tirek. This time it’s for keeps and I have the utmost faith in Twilight as I’m sure any brony would as well as well as Equestria in General.

I just hope we don’t have to do that worldwide prayer thing to power her up, those things are corny!

Whenever Tirek and Twilight’s beams or their physical bodies collide, you could feel the power off their collisions literally, I may be no magical sensing stallion but it’s obvious the two are evenly matched for each other, occasionally one would get a couple of shots in and then rebound and then back to even play.

Twilight Sparkle was not gonna give up by a long shot and nor was Tirek. Tirek was so focused and his back was turned and I saw Twilight’s friends still in their cages and they did not say a word since I came here, Discord was looking at the ground with shame, they were going to be used as leverage soon so you know what that means? Time to remove the Leverage!

I went up to their bars and I found no door or key or anything…

“You girls okay?” I asked
“Yeah…” some of them replied weakly
“I feel like I died inside” Spike groaned
“I’m gonna get you out…somehow” I said

I tried lifting the cage but too heavy! I tried breaking it…no dice! Oh, why can’t the cages be made of bamboo or something easily breakable yet for some reason bad guys use it? Life would be so much easier right now.

Um…there has to be something besides magic that can break these metal bars…maybe something in town has something….

“I’ll be right back with something to get you out” I said to the ponies

I flied as fast as my wings could go to the town, I had to get something real quick. Now what would cut through metal easily? Chainsaw? Equestria doesn’t have those and if they do, I know for a fact Ponyville does not. Umumumumumumumumumumumumumumumum… Let’s see, what do ponies use to make metal stuff like their armor…GAAASSSSPP! IDDEEEEEEEEAAAAAA! Hope I’m not tredding on your hooves there Rarity.

5 Minutes later saw me with one of those blowtorch cutting things, don’t ask how there is one but there is one and I got back to see the pair still fighting with such intensity that they were blind to anything else.

Time to get to work, I put on a safety mask thingy for protection…hey! You do not want your eyes to go out especially when a God is going against a Goddess out there.

I cut the top parts of one side and then the bottom parts so the bars would fall out and the mares and dragon could escape.

“Listen, you girls must go to the tree of harmony at once, Twilight will meet you there, you will be safer by the tree than anywhere else in Ponyville” I said
“But-“ Dash started
“Now! Before Tirek notices” I said quickly
“What about you?” Fluttershy asks
“I’ll be fine, I have a backup plan in case things go wrong” I assured her
“Still…” Dash said
“Do you trust me?” I asked
“Well yeah but like I-“ Dash answered
“Than you must go, if you trust me and believe in our friendship then you must go, Tirek will use you as leverage to Twilight if you stay, now GO!” I said
“Okay, but please be careful” Dash said
“Y’all heard him girls, let’s get outta here” Applejack said
“What about Discord?” Fluttershy asked
“He betrayed us Fluttershy” Dash said
“Now hold on, Discord is sincerely sorry now he betrayed you” I said
“How can you stand up for him?” AJ asked
“Because Discord’s lesson was the reason you girls got the final key and even if it doesn’t happen, he’s still made a mistake. Are you girls willing to forgive him?” I said
“I thought Tirek would grant me power and free to do any chaos I want…I was wrong. He only wanted power for himself, I see now I never should of abandoned the friendship I held dear, I don’t deserve to be forgiven” Discord said
“I’ll forgive you, Discord” Fluttershy said as she approached Discord

And Fluttershy and Discord gave each other hug, so heartwarming…I am not crying…not crying…SHUT UP THESE ARE NOT TEARS! They’re…liquid pride! Yeah that’s it and the sight of the Fluttercord Meter rising.

They left for the Everfree along with Discord, so Operation: Leverage Denied BITCH! Was a success, Tirek didn’t seem to have noticed anything as he and Twilight were still battling in the distance, neither one was showing any mercy in the slightest. I got to hand it to Twilight, she may not see battle too much but she’s like born a warrior sort of when she’s fighting, reminds me of those fanfics I read when Twilight comes a badflank, complete warrior or been banished and returns a badflank…why are those stories never completed and only have a few chapters? WHY?

Just look at me, I’m thinking of past fanfics when the battle for Equestria is happening here…I guess there is naught you can do, I told her friends to go to the Everfree as I noticed Discord didn’t have the medallion so…Plan B may have to happen unless Twilight can best Tirek despite their stalemate.

Suddenly Tirek Blasted but Twilight was not fast enough and hit her hind legs and her wings breaking them. Twilight screamed in pain and landed sideways into the dirt and didn’t move

That has got to hurt, screw hurt! She’s a goner if she stays there any longer! I better go help her!

“Twilight! Twilight! You okay?” I shouted

No, Bolty! She isn’t freaking okay you moron! Why does life make us ask such stupid questions that do nothing to solve the problem?

“Come on Twilight get up!” I said to her

“Oh shit, she’s not moving, I am not even hearing any pain cries or anything. I got Twilight facing up and had my left hoof holding Twilight up. She’s opening her eyes…thank everything right now!

“Twilight…” I muttered
“Gavin…ow…I think he broke my hind legs and my wings…I-I can’t fight like this…”Twilight said painfully
“Then, how can we beat him? I can’t do jack to him!” I said
“You must take my Alicorn energy…the majority of Alicorn magic…will turn you into…half an Alicorn technically…but it will be enough…AARGHHH my Hind Legs!” Twilight was breathing unevenly
“I’ll do it!” I accepted
“You know the…OW!...Chances of surviving the transformation…are….5000 to 1” Twilight reminded me
“Never tell me the odds! If there is even so much as a very tiny chance, I’ll take it!” I still accepted
“I’m sure, but Twilight before you give me the magic, just in case I don’t survive, I would like you to have this as a token of our friendship” I said

I pulled out a gem, not just any gem, it was a replica gem of the Element of Magic with some help from Rarity and Spike. It was going to be my gift for Twilight’s Birthday or well part of it as I was going to make a replica tiara of her Element of Magic Tiara she had whenever she had her element.

TL;DR That’s my plan B!

“What’s this?” She asks
“Sort of an early birthday present, but it’s the thought that counts right? I want you to know that ever since Nightmare Moon came, I, as well as my friends have been behind you and the elements since Day 1, so think of this as a friends forever gift from me to you” I said
“I-I don’t know what to say…” Twilight started
“It’s best you didn’t, save your breath, it’s time for me to take over this fight” I said
“When you’re ready” Twilight said
“I am” I said

Twilight charged her horn, and shot it directly into my chest as I felt the sensation of power as I prayed to every god and goddess that it would work and not kill me…

Please don’t kill me…please don’t kill me…make this work!

I found pain, a lot of it!

“ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!” I screamed
“Well, it looks like you weren’t good enough Gavin, pity! Your plan failed!” Tirek taunted as he watched

Oh no! It’s killing me! This is how I go out? A failed plan to ascend? No it can’t be! Come on universe! Be a pal for once and help us in this time of need!

I felt myself grow bigger, my head hurts like a motherbucker and my wings grew longer and then…it stopped!

…

Did I live? Does pain stop when you die? I still feel a bit sore so probably not, No one ever came back to tell us this! That and all those stupid religions with their seperate afterlifes. I opened my eyes and Tirek was still in sight so…I’M ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Let’s see here, I felt my head and I felt the horn, I looked back at my wings and noticed they were longer and overall my body is much more buff than my slim Pegasus form but still thinner than an Earth Pony’s. I think I’ve done it! I survived the transformation! Fate has gone on my side for once, the apocalypse has definitely come, all I need to do is rut Firefly and then my life is complete…for about approximately 60 seconds.

I felt absolutely amazing! I felt like I could lift three mountains and juggle them in my sleep! I felt like my mind has been opened to an archive of knowledge, one that acts like it’s been there the whole time and only has just been discovered now! Perhaps, Celestia’s, Luna’s, Cadence’s and Twilight’s essence in me is what caused that, did I get their knowledge? Hopefully not the sexual parts for Cadence, you know? Respect for one thing and two, I really don’t want to know.

I did a quick lesson with my horn, which came easy, it’s like I already knew what to do even though I have never cast magic in my life! Well besides the Pegasi magic but that’s innate technically so it really doesn’t count.

Well I’ve stepped into the coliseum, it’s time to face my opponent and only one of us will be walking away…

Author's Note

Okay so i feel i should explain myself, if Alicorn Magic is more than the previous species of magic, it will automatically become the primary magic source due to it's superiority. That being said, to avoid evil ones just mind controlling Alicorns to get them to come alicorns, the chances of survivng the transformation are incredibly low so it will scare those who are faint of heart.Otherwise any shmuck can be one. Oh and they won't be a full alicorn barring Immortality and slightly lower power than full ones, so basically Semi-Alicorns.

Then there's the Ascension Ritual like with Twilight which is garunteed success as long as the target to come the alicorn completes the task. Even comes with a musical number by the Princess of the Sun!

In other words, Alicorns don't just come around in "thin air"!

Would of gotten this chapter done sooner but Destiny is soooooo ADDICTING! I might need to join a Destiny-holic Anonymous group, no not that human Anonymous story stuff. I finally beat that Vault of Glass, took like 15 hours, damn Atheon

Entry #46

Fate has chosen me to take over the fight it seems, it accepted my transformation into an Alicorn, once this is over I’ll be half an Alicorn which, I’ll just have to learn to live with but this is for the greater good. One thing I must prevent is etched in my mind.

Tirek MUST. GO. DOWN!

“Are you just about time with your nap time or are we going to fight?” Tirek asked
“I’m ready, the question is, are you?” I replied

Oh, this power is so being kicking me to be used! Use us Bolty! Seriously, I can feel the power much like an electric wave going over me.

I looked over the Twilight who seemed to happy it worked but I cannot leave her in such pain like that, especially even with this power my chances of winning are incredibly low due to certain factors. So I charged a bit of healing magic into her legs and wings, of course there is only so much you can do with simple magic without operation or harmony beams but at least her legs and wings won’t be on fire.

“T-Thanks” Twilight muttered
“You’re welcome” I said

I looked at Tirek and he seemed to have had enough of waiting and charged at me in which I shot a beam at him that him back a few.

“Not too bad, Gavin. But that weak beam will have to do better to defeat me!” Tirek said
“Look pal, are we here to judge my battle skills or are we actually going to fight?” I asked
“Eager to lose? I guess there’s no sense in waiting it out, I hope you said your prayers!” Tirek said
“Yeah, my first prayer is that you go die in a hole, the second one was the daily one just to please the Christian gods if they even exist, the third was the pony gods and the fourth was to the sex god who for some reason is denying me my loss of virginity and finally the fifth was to the shipping gods, basically the most important of all gods” I joked
“Your jokes won’t save you” Tirek said
“Who said I was joking? Those were actual prayers, especially the last one but before we begin our battle I have just one question, do you like cupcakes?” I asked with an evil grin
“Cupcakes? Why on earth would I want Cupcakes?” Tirek asked confused
“Oh no reason” I said

I charged straight for Tirek as we begin our battle, he dodged me as I should of known a bit better that to charge for a front on attack as soon as possible. Tirek attempted I couple of swipes which I dodged.

This process went on for about 5 minutes when I started to notice something, Tirek is slightly more powerful than me but his weakness is that he is slower than me which his attacks and dodging. Which means if I could use that advantage for myself, I can get to knock this bastard into the moon!

So, Tirek can be strong all he likes but as long as I am able to dodge, he won’t inflict any damage. But it won’t be simple as that but any small advantage I can scavenge will go a long way even if this whole fight is merely as distraction.

Yes, that’s my plan: I gave the stone to Twilight as a replacement key and I meant that friendship by the way. I noticed she disappeared for the Everfree while we are fighting, my magic healed her a bit, but she was limping there and I hope nothing dangerous goes her way. Celestia would freaking rip my head off and do bowling with it and chuck into the sun and I don’t think I could live with it.

Anyway, Since Tirek only needed to stop one key from happening to win, I supplied a replacement key but no doubt he already knows about the tree due to his escape last time from the rainbow beam of Friendship! So he might catch on which is why I must buy time and keep him fully concentrated on me as I know I can’t win this fight over him due to inexperience and slightly underpowered compared to his.

I dodged another punch and shot a bomb his direction which just missed.

“Come on, Gavin! What were you shooting at?” Tirek mocked
“Oh like you were Mr. Crackshot! I didn’t think you could hit the ground if you tried with that aim, I could no scope a guy across the map sooner than you would hit said ground” I shot back
“It matters not! You still can’t beat me, I removed you KEY to victory so the speak, so your puny little rainbow won’t save you now!” Tirek scoffed
“Well using magical artifacts to defeat villains is so overdone anyway, when was the last time ponies won with their strength alone? No, all we do is rely on mystical artifacts to do the job for us, seriously you'd think the villains would just have to steal one and we'd be screwed” I quipped
“Yet you take four Alicorns to be able to match me” Tirek countered
“Hello kettle, I am pot, you’re black! Mr. Steals-everypony’s-magic-one-by-one” I made a good point
“There’s no shame in taking what you need to get the advantage over your enemy” Tirek said
“And yet you criticize me for doing the exact same thing you did really. I think you are one of those guys that say something should not be done but it’s suddenly okay when they do it, in other words: A Big bucking hypocrite and everypony knows it!” I said to him

Oh that’s two burns Tirek, you jumped right into the fire there, I didn’t have to push you into the fire either!

“And what about you, Gavin? You’re one as well” Tirek pointed out
“Yeah I will admit it, we’re all hypocrites here! It is really just a game to see who you can get to trust you while to start convincing as many people as possible that your lies are the truth while you work to expose other people’s lies. Face it, this world and mine are a lot more like each other than one would think” I said
“And do tell Gavin, how do you figure that out?” Tirek asks
“Trust me, I know. For starters, did you know that at least half the towns in Equestria are literally pony puns of earth names? Manehattan is a pony pun of Manhattan, Canterlot goes of Camelot, Fillydelphia is based of Philadelphia and funny thing is, those are all American places with the exception on Camelot which is just medieval fairy tales about some destined-to-be king that pulls a sword out of a rock and wins a fair lady’s heart” I explained

Man those are some memories, now all those classics are parodied to tartarus now, it’s honestly boring now. Ah I could go on forever about all the classics if it weren’t for the Evil magic-stealing god in front of me.

“Urgh, whatever! You talk too much, now just die already!” Tirek got bored of my rambling it seems
“But talking takes 75% of the fight” I protested
“ENOUGH!” Tirek really had enough

Well back to the fight…or end it on a cliffhanger CAUSE I AM SO SADISTIC!!!! MUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! (play that laughing scene with Dr Evil in it for some visual appeal)

To be conclutinued…(Yes I know that’s not a word but I just get Nervacited when I do cliffhangers and wait for the next chapter...oh wait...I am meant to be writing it!)…

Author's Note

No, I didn't forget about the fic, i got addicted to Destiny! Oh and curse you loot! You give the good crap to people who don't deserve it! All I get are shards i can get anywhere else RFOUHFSIGHIAUGIUGFIGUIFG! All right now that is out of my system Have a great Halloween...Nightmare Night...we Australians really don't celebrate it so yeah, you Americans have fun with the slutty nurses, maids and all that...lucky bastards! But yeah, you knock on my door for Trick or Treat, i will Trick you into submission and you will be my slave...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This was the laugh i was thinking of BTW...

Entry #47

Well whoever said being a hero was easy hasn’t done the job at all. It ain’t especially when you are fighting a god basically and you have the power of four “Goddesses” in you. While yes, their essence seems to guide me, it’s me who does the final doing. It’s me alone who can determine the fate of Equestria and I intend to make it so we can live in peace once more.

This fight is not in vain, this I promise, if for some reason I die but succeed, I hope if ever a human or another alien species learns about me, they know what the tartarus happened and it will be accurate. But I don’t plan on dying…EVER!!

“Urgh! WILL YOU JUST GIVE UP ALREADY!!” Tirek shouts
“I could say the same to you jerkflank! Just return the magic and BUCK OFF ALREADY!!” I shot back
“Never! I worked too hard to fail” Tirek replied
“That’s my line you Magic-stealer” I also replied

And we went at it again, the problem was neither us were making any Celestia-damned progress on each other so it was a stalemate. No matter what I tried I just couldn’t break his defenses and he couldn’t break mine. I shoot a beam, he dodges or blocks, he shoots one, I dodge, Piccolo would be proud.

But sooner or later one of us is going to stuff up and I hope it is him!

Twilight and friends were still on their way to the tree of harmony, what was taking them so long? The injuries Twilight sustained were nullified but still hindered her progress through the Everfree.

Twilight’s friends were supportive and Applejack carried her injured form along with Rainbow Dash. It was Applejack’s turn when she stumbled onto the ground

“Applejack!” The four of them shouted
“Ah’m okay” AJ said stubbornly
“Applejack, you need rest” Fluttershy said in a worried tone
“No, we can’t just rest, we need the tree, Lightning Bolt is counting on us” AJ shook her head
“We are almost there, Fluttershy” Dash said

Pinkie Pie picked up Twilight, still sore from her injuries and the six continued on…

“I will give you this, Gavin, you at least make a fight out of it, I respect that out of a victim” Tirek said
“And to you too, you may a big scumbag but you at least give a ounce of respect when due” I replied
“But you should really throw in this fight, just give up and be done with it! Even if you do beat me, what next? Somepony else is going to come along and then an infinite amount of times until you finally succumb to somepony evil. You will inevitably fail!” Tirek tried to back me out
“Never! If my fate is to go down at the hands of evil, I will do everything to defy fate! And if that is not avoidable, it will be taking them down with me! I’ll even do it with some sad music as I dramatically go down in slow motion doing my Celestia-damned best” I said

I am serious about that one by the way, you may only live once but you also can only die once so you may as well make it as Celestia-damned dramatic as possible! Of course if there any “Dragonball”-esque objects lying around in Equestria, than the whole concept will go down the drain and death will just be a minor inconvenience at best.

“Well that’s too bad, you’re death is not going to be dramatic at all, rather it will be torture and you will be begging for death before the end just for your insolence” Tirek threatened
“It is you who will be on their begging for mercy when I’m done” I replied
“We’ll see who’s begging after I show you a little present” Tirek started grinning like a madpony

Tirek raised a bubble, it held Firefly in it! Oh no! Tirek must of caught her before coming here! He’d better let her go!

“TIREK! LET HER GO NOW OR I WILL BUCKING END YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!” I threatened
“Now, you’re not in a position to demand anything” Tirek said
“Leave her out of this! This is me and you fighting!” I said
“Now watch what you say or her life will go boom!” Tirek waved a finger at me

HE wouldn’t! If he so much as try, I will make Cupcakes look like a little girl’s dream compared to what I will do to him!

“Tirek why are you doing this?” I asked
“If you want your precious Firefly to live, you’ll surrender your power to me quickly and quietly” Tirek demanded
“Don’t do it, Bolty!” Firefly screamed

Oh I hate when villains do this…URGH!! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN DO FOOLISH! If he has done anything with Cloud Kicker, Sky High or Simple Breeze I will use his intestines as a bandolier.

Should I give up my power? If I do, Tirek might gloat and Twilight would of gotten to the tree and obtained her “Harmony” form and defeat Tirek. But on the other hand she could be nowhere near, but if I don’t Firefly’s life is forfeit

“Oh, and if you don’t hurry up and answer in the next 2 minutes I will hurt her until she’s dead” Tirek said evilly

I looked up at Firefly and I notice something wrong…she feels...empty…emotionally empty and she doesn’t act very Firefly-ish to what I would know she would do. Also shouldn't Tirek of gotten CK and the others as well?

So…Firefly is a fake! One to trick me into giving Tirek my power, but to be sure I need to do a quick scan and…yep she’s a fake! Nice try, Tirek!

“I refuse” I said with a smile
“What? What do you mean “I refuse”?” Tirek asked
“Meaning I will not give up my power to you, your trap was very clever but not clever enough, next time put some more emotion over it” I said
“How did you know?” He was dumbfounded
“Because you just confirmed it, I admit having a doubt over it and now you just erased all doubt from my mind” I said with a cocky smile
“Why you--!” Tirek growled
“I don’t appericate you attempting to threaten my friends even making a copy just to get me to surrender! It’s low, scummy and cowardly! So, I say you get the full deal, allow me to present MAXIMUM POWER!!!!” I yelled

Yep, I was only at 80% power the whole time. See, constantly being at full power will drain your energy quickly and is hard to maintain. A reason why Celestia and Luna never fight at full power unless they have to, however their powers are kept at high percentages due to the power required from the Sun and Moon. Cadence and Twilight however don’t need to be high as Celestia and Luna’s.

In other words: If I went at Tirek at 100% I may of drained myself out and lost and Twilight and friends definitely would not of made it to the tree in time so I fought equal to him and dragged it out. I feel this fight has gone on long enough, it’s time to go hard or go home!

1 bazillion hours of screaming to transform later…

Let’s see…

Glowing mane: CHECK!
Lightning Bolt shaped mane: CHECK!
Mane length has significantly increased: CHECK!
Hair is all wavy like Celestia’s: CHECK!
And can waves of energy be seen enimating from my body: CHECK!

Tirek, you’re bucked now!

Author's Note

So to explain the whole power thing, The whole staying at 80% power is to conserve energy and to draw as much time as possible away from the Elements. Let's face it, if we went 100% then the cool fights would be over too quick and no fun stuff happens. In other words: Logic sucks!

Oh and for the checklist, I suddenly imagine Pinkie's voice when saying check! But anyway...have fun with this chapter

Entry #49

Have you ever played a video game where at the start you have all the power then something takes it all away and leaves you weak? That my alicorn self right after the battle with Tirek, don’t get me wrong, I am more powerful than I was before but you really feel the difference.

I gotta learn to excerise control with Earth Pony strength too, accidently broke a couple of plates and my magic needs work, perhaps I might ask Twilight for help.

But now is not the time for today will be the day I finally get some from Firefly! We’ve been trying a long time but TODAY IS THE DAY!

“Firefly, there is no place I’d rather be than right now and nopony else I’d rather be with in this moment” I said as I prepared myself.
“Yes…take me…now!” Firefly moaned as I rubbed her pleasure spots
“Yes Ma’am” I said, who was I to disobey?

KNOCK KNOCK!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

“Celestia damn it!” I cursed as I got up from Firefly to see who it was

I swear to bucking god this had better be good! If it’s not the end of the world than I don’t care, I will start beating the pony up even if it's Celestia and I don't know when I'll stop!

I open it to see Twilight and friends at the door with a Book...a Glowing book. I am honestly curious what that book is.

“Twilight, this had better be important” I said angrily
“It is, may we come in?” Twilight asked
“Fine” I groaned

I really was not in the mood for this, especially after the 50000000000000th cockblock. Seriously, isn't this cosmic joke getting old to these stupid gods/goddesses by now?

“So, some books came from the Princess, but when we got them, one of which was glowing and it was bearing Princess Celestia’s mark” Twilight started
“You disturbed my sex attempt for a glowing book? You’ve got 5 seconds to start running” I threatened with my glowing horn (MIND OUT THE BUCKING GUTTER! You were thinking it weren't you?)
“Wait! The important bit is that Sunset Shimmer contacted us through the book and…” Twilight said fast
“WOAH! Hold on! You mean to tell me that One: Sunset Shimmer contacted us through a world, I thought she was the villain of the place and got her just desserts and Two: how the buck did she contact us through a BOOK?! What’s next? Spike sends pointless instagram photos through his fire?” I asked confused
“The hay is Instagram?” Dash asked with a confused look
“Why it’s another big thing the magical world of the Internet.” I answered
“Internet?” Twilight asks
“Seriously? You experienced it in that mirror world! That’s a tool Sunset Shimmer used to make you look bad, it can be like that and URRRGGHHH! WHY AM I EXPLAINING THE INTERNET?! DID WE NOT DO SOME “I explain the human world to really curious purple bookworm” CHAPTER OR SOMETHING?!” I yelled in frustration
“Not really…there were those guns and stuff” Twilight said, remembering something
“Ah forget it! So something about Sunset Shimmer?” I asked
“What? Oh yes…well apparently her world is in danger from three strange beings called Sirens, which were originally from Equestria until StarSwirl the Bearded banished them. From what I know, they sing to brainwash their victims into hating one another and they feed off that” Twilight explained
“So basically they’re changelings that do hate instead of love?” I asked
“Basically” Twilight confirmed
“And really? Singing to brainwash the victims? Did we land in some crappy Fan-Fiction where absolutely nothing makes sense?” I asked
“What’s a fan-fiction?” Rarity asked
“It’s better if you didn’t know” I said

I don’t think they should ever be introduced to Cupcakes, Smile HD or some of the weird sexual ones, I may just scar them forever! Of course if I feel I must watch the world burn, I have many life-scarring tools at my disposal.

“But I can’t help but notice this whole thing is pointless due to one very annoying limitation, we can’t go back that world for what? 26-27 moons now?” I said
“Not to worry, I figured out a way to get it so we can go there anytime we want” Twilight said happily

Okay? Did she get some Fan-Fiction powers while I was not looking or something? I mean the whole 30 moons thing goes right out the window.

“I guess I have to go” I said
“Thank you, Lightning” Twilight said

I am only doing this because I know she would set her five friends to cockblock me if I didn’t come. Trust me! It will happen!

One portal sequence later…

“HEEEEEERREEEE'S BOLTY!!” I shouted as I landed on concrete

Note to self: Must file complaint to whoever makes portals about unnecessary spinning and dizziness, and to sue them.

“TWILIGHT!” The human friends scream

Annnnnnndddddd no respect for me! Typical! I notice Sunset is here and all awkward while Twilight and friends do their girly huggy reunion thing they do.

“Sooo, how’s it going?” I ask Sunset casually
“Fine, you?” Sunset replies
“Eh, beat a guy from Tartarus, got a horn and got dragged back here with Twilight, same old, same old” I said
“Just another day for Equestria” Sunset laughed nervously
“Yep, magnet trouble wherever we go, just like we are now” I said
“Yeah, those Dazzlings…” Sunset put eyes towards the school
“Well, I suppose we best let the girls do their thing, I might go find Firefly and Cloud Kicker, you seen em?” I asked
“They’re somewhere, but they are brainwashed most likely” Sunset said
“Damn…well I guess I’m the only non-female character next to Spike that isn’t brainwashed” I said
“You should of seen them, their pendants of theirs…they are clearly dark magic” Sunset says

So basically, the only reason they can do what they do is because of pendants? God does anyone in this damn universe use their damn hands for once? Oh yeah…I can say human stuff including swear words! You forget these things when you’re a pony for so long.

So I trail behind the girls to see Twilight try confront the Sirens and do their magic rainbow beam only a few problems with that…

One: It’s the start of the movie and therefore the bad guys (Or girls in this case) cannot be defeated.
Two: Magic, ain't gotta explain shit.
Three: Is it ever that easy to get rid of them?

So naturally Twilight ignored this and failed epicly, Twilight, I am Disappoint.

But from what I saw from them from my “Recon” this is what I gathered:

One: There are three of them, One has a hairstyle that sort of looks like the 80s a tiny bit, her name is Adagio, next is Aria, a pigtailed gril and last but not least is a ridiculously long ponytailed girl named Sonata Dusk.

Two: Source of Power is their pendants, which feeds of hatred so I guess they are cousins of the changelings or something? Speaking of which, any changeling like humans around here?

Three: Music beat all! In case of things going south I can play a guitar…well in Guitar Hero anyway and my drumming skills are pretty decent.

Four: This really is an Equestria Girls sequel and not a bad Fan-Fic.

So how do we get out of this? I dunno…sigh…I don’t know jack now and this honestly sucks!

Author's Note

Rainbow Rocks, where females settle their battles with instruments that give Hair extensions and wings rather than the good old girl fight that looks really hot to guys. WHAT? Don't look at me that way, you do it too, I know you do it.

Seriously though, Starswirl just bucked us over again! First the incomplete spell and now this, Celestia must be on this as well. Also the rise of Trollswirl the Bearded...I can see it now. QUICK! SOMEPONY WRITE IT!!!

Entry #50

Yay, I’m back in the EQ world, this time some siren things have taken over the school and brainwashed it…just another day in the office. Of course Sunset Shimmer if friendly now and damn is she perceptive to have caught on like that. She may of just earned brownie points with me.

So I can’t help but notice Starswirl is starting to screw us over as well as Celestia. What? Like you’ve never thought of that! A magic spell book that screwed the Element’s destinies over, sending those sirens into another world that can be accessed by a mirror! Real smart StarSwirl, bloody like Celestia you are.

When are the ponies gonna learn? You have to solve your problems here and now or ponies pay for it later because of you indecision or delaying the solving of the problem.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Celestia as a pony but has she passed too many enemies onto the Elements from 1000 years ago, just how many of these villains from 1000 years ago are waiting for their opportunity to strike?

Seriously though, she needs to learn to solve her problems. Us humans know this best, don’t leave these bloody terrorists alive unless you got a use for them and it’s gonna end up once that use is done they’re dead anyway. Leave them alive, they start becoming your worst enemy, then you start that syndrome where you start leaving them alive on purpose just to continue fighting each other...it's better off to not be that way.

So Pinkie Pie lives in a normal house instead of Sugercube Corner in this world, oh and Maud is around too. She’s a rock solid girl let me tell you that but I wonder if she has earned a few looks about Boulder though, the way she goes about the pet rock is a little unsettling. Equestria was reasonable and it was the sister of Pinkie Pie so it was acceptable, here...yeah...

So I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to get some air and I saw Spike in his dog form sitting out as well…may as well talk to him.

“Hey Spike, couldn’t sleep?” I greeted the dog
“Yeah, stupid fleas and stuff that comes with the dog, the tail I can live with, but the fleas, they’re murder!” Spike said as he scratched a spot
“Sounds like something my old Beagle would say if he could talk, he hated those fleas like nobody’s business, that much I could tell” I said
“Yeah…so…we’re on another adventure…” Spike said after a bit
“I guess we are, personally I just want some quiet time” I resigned myself to the fact of this fact
“So you and Firefly can do the you know?” Spike asked with that look.
“Er…” I started awkwardly

Cheeky motherfucker, of course I’m gonna do the…you know…

“Can I tell you something?” I hear Spike ask me suddenly
“You just did, mate” I joked with him
“Ha ha, this is important and promise not to tell anyone?” Spike looked at me seriously
“I Pinkie Promise” I did the motions for the promise with the devil himself.
“Last night…I dreamed, it was of me putting my…boy parts into Rarity’s…girl parts” Spike explained awkwardly

Oh my…fucking ballsacks on a fishstick! Spike was totally dreaming of Sex with Rarity! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BATMAN!

BREAKING NEWS: Spike dreamt sex with Rarity! SpikeXRarity gods are pleased!

“Wow…that’s…natural” I said
“Natural?” Spike asked
“Oh Spike, still so naive sometimes. That dream you had was natural for all males to do it, Humans do it, Stallions do it, Dragons do it, any male of a race does it. That my dear boy is fantasizing of Sex with Rarity” I explained

Oh dear lord that does not exist, am I giving Spike the talk?

“Sex…with Rarity? Eww…” Spike pulled out a tongue in disgust
“Maybe to you now, but when you get older, that will be all you think about, it sort of give you pleasure, trust me Spike, guys want nothing more in life than to stick their “Boy parts” into a girl’s “Girl parts” and do Girls want nothing more for that to happen cause it feels pleasurable, when they decide to have a baby/foal, they go all the way so to say and...yeah...that's how it sort of goes...” I explain more

Oh dear god is this awkward! How the fuck do the parents do this? Do they gain magical explaining powers or something cause I really wouldn’t mind it right now if I had those powers along with the Anti-Cockblocking powers.

“What do you mean pleasurable?” Spike asked curiously
“That’s for something when you’re older Spike, well a couple years older” I said
“But I’m sixteen! Though I may not look it, I am as mature as Adult ponys are but it won’t be until I’m in my 30s that I’ll grow out of this baby phase.” Spike complained

Is he really complaining? Some humans would kill for an extended childhood…damn you wasted youth! DAMN YOU I SAY!!

“Listen, it’s time we got some sleep and do me a favor. About these dreams and fantasies, it would be wise not tell another soul about these, it’s often frowned upon in any universe and it’s one of those things you don’t talk about. Maybe Twilight as your sort of Surrogate mother will learn of this as mothers naturally do. But not anyone else and that includes Rarity” I advised
“I will remember that” Spike said
“And if you ever need something only a guy can handle, come find me but not when me and Firefly are at home…doing stuff, hell, I need some guys to talk to. All my friends are females, Big Mac is too into his farm work and too quiet to be talking, The Doctor is off god-knows-where, Thunderlane has his own band of ponies, and yeah…” I trailed off
"One more question: do you think I have a chance with Rarity?" Spike asks

Part of me says yes on that one, part of me says no...I don't want to get his hopes up but I don't want to sound like I have no confidence in him.

"Spike, I really don't know as I spend time with my friends, but you must ask her soon or else she may finally find someone or you wish you had asked sooner. If you truly love her, I say you ask her out" I said
"Thanks Lightning, you're a real bro in this world of girls" Spike said

Why is it that all my friends are female? Well you can’t say I can’t get some chicks, High school me would be jealous…uh the High school for real me, not this one right now through highly bullshit means.

“Goodnight Lightining” Spike says as he yawns
“Night Spike” I said back

Tommorow, there will be music, lots of brainwashing and counter-magic style music…I don’t get this world at all. Then again as a certain Draconequus once said "What fun is there in making sense?"

Author's Note

This chapter is sort of a mini one rather than a real one, much like a interlude of sorts, Twilight and Sunset had their chat while Spike and Lightning had theirs

Spike with the talk...well a mini one...this things are awks. By the way, Lightning Bolt seemed pretty cursed this morning and upset as well, did any of you commenters say anything to do with his failure to lose virginity? You must of...

But yeah, poor dragon is gonna be a baby for a fair while and yet he is so mature. Such is life...but yeah I felt like there needed to be guy talk and honestly it's not hard to notice That all the friends are Mare so guy talk be a rare thing.

Also Pinkie, please stop breaking the fourth wall in the comments, I know it was you and those walls are expensive

Entry #51

What is this obsession with Music being used a weapon? Why do these creators suddenly want to turn stuff you listen to into a weapon of mass destruction? Seriously I saw a cartoon with hedgehogs shooting beams out of Guitars, pianos and the occasional earth-shaking drum! (Sonic Underground…don’t ask…)

I guess emotions also suffer this, Love can make a super wave of changeling-smiting epicness, hate powers you up and such.

But yeah, if any instruments shoot any beams or anything like that, I’m gonna be pissed!

I just realize something, where did Twilight get those Pajamas? I don’t recall her going to a store or Pinkie giving her any. Why am I questioning all this? I should know by now not to, but the logical side of me keeps rising to question such things like why is a mare that has a talent of magic uses logic?

Did I learn nothing from Feeling Pinkie Keen? Next I’ll be figuring out the Pinkie Sense somehow.

But yes, it’s time for High school…again…why couldn’t this universe be the Gender-swap Universe or the Evil doesn’t exist here Universe or even the universe where all males are subjected to sex by females and then death by Snu-Snu or whatever it was…at least I’ll die a satisfied man.

Spike was forced into the backpack again…can’t have three certain girls kidnapping him. The girls were beside me along with Sunset Shimmer who was awkwardly at the back. And there’s me just chilling with Sunset Shimmer in the back as we form the Super epic Rainbow Squad of DEATH!!! All we need to do is find a Starman and get all rainbow-ish and the music and ain’t nobody gonna fuck with us…for about 15 seconds anyway.

But yeah, you know that feeling where the survivors of a Zombie movie walk into a place full of zombies just walking around doing their zombie wandering thing they do when nobody is around? (Has anyone else wondered what these zombies do when no humans are around? Like what happens after the last human goes? Are they damned for eternity or do they just start dropping one day or as soon as the last one perishes?) Yeah, that’s what it felt like as we walked through, everybody was giving death stares as they walked around.

So, haters gonna hate as we walk through to prepare Operation: Blast Rainbow Beam into some bitches with the power of music! How this works? I dunno, did Disney take over Hasbro while I was gone?

I decided to go off on my own for a while, a yeah not a good idea but what they gonna do?

So I walk down the hall of arguments and I bump into the Sirens of all people…great!

“If it ain’t the Sirens” I started
“I know you, one of those Equestrains…yet you feel different” Aria says
“I am indeed different to the ponies, though I am not one of these humans” I said honestly
“Doesn’t matter, you’re gonna be part of our feast anyway” Adiago says
“Yeah, you feed on hate instead of love like the Changelings, whoopty-doo! What? Do you have a hive you feed as well?” I mocked
“Don’t relate us to those failures, they couldn’t get love if they were offered it on a silver platter” Sonata rolled her eyes at the mention of Changelings
“Yeah, and you aren’t doing much better you know, really? These humans, any drunk shmuck could take over this school. Sunset Shimmer literally did it with her eyes closed and her hands tied behind her back when she was evil. I could do it without moving a muscle if I wanted to” I replied back
“We are only here for the Equestrian magic, it’s been so long since we tasted the delicacy of Equestrian Magic” Adagio says
“You DO realize there was a portal there the whole time that opened every 30 moons right?” I asked
“What?” Aria looks confused

They didn’t know about the portal? HA! Priceless! I think I’ll enjoy toying with them…

“And that’s your first mistake, Sirens. You walked into a battle without the required field knowledge” I gave a smile of satisfaction
“Who cares? That Starswirl got in our way and set us here!” Sonata said angrily
“Yeah, he did some things alright, but you never bothered to find a way back and that’s your second mistake, you villains will never learn! You got to do what is necessary to secure your victory. Right now you’re doing an appalling job at it, if I were you, I would of kept an eye on the Equestrians like Sunset Shimmer did, she even used this world’s technology to her advantage. Chances are they have already found a way to beat you because you let them do so” I said
“ENOUGH!” Aria says angrily as she advanced on me

Aria attempts to punch me in which, I block her fist and force it into Sonata who rushed in and then pushed Aria into Adagio. Too easy!

“And that was your third mistake, attempting to fight me when you know nothing about me. For all you know I could be a god in disguise, and I’ll have you know my high schooling was spent in fights with bullies that got knocked out easily, I can take 4 bullies at once without a sweat. I have also battled a magic-absorbing god long enough for his defeat to come. I know how to fight. But this is merely a lesson in humiliation and a welcome to high school. Your defeat will come soon, I’m just here the show after all” I said as I shook my head

I turned away and started walking the direction I came from, now if I had a cloak I could swing back, it would be badass as hell!

Someone might say I’m a bully. Maybe, but let it be a lesson. Don’t fuck with me! You throw a punch at me, it’s no more Mr. Nice Bolty! Oh and let’s just say Bullies try me, I learned how to fight in my high school days. I do not start fights until someone throws the first punch.

Well, I do believe it’s time for the internet and I to reunite once more…

Author's Note

I like to think that due to Lightning being a teenager again, he is more Irrational in the EQ world and gets into more fights. So naturally in his teen years he is a bit of a jerk but when he's older he is much more wise

Entry #52

There is one thing about the MLP villains, and that is their lack of foresight and overlooking one important detail (Can you imagine Daring Do’s rival, I forget his name winning only to find Celestia kicking his flank?).

See when it comes to villains, I take a no nonsense approach like with the Dazzilings, I beat them fair and square in a conversation and they got mad because they lost and got put in the ground and humiliated more.

But I fail to see an evil motive other than feeding…so what is their plan if it isn’t just feeding?

Best be on our guard, the cornered pups always pull the dirty tricks…

Ahhh internet…I missed you! I wish we could stay together forever and NO I AM NOT HUGGING THE SCREEN AND KISSING IT! YOU’RE DELUSIONAL, READER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ABOUT-TO-BE BROKEN FOURTH WALL!! Anyway, it was fun looking up Youtube, Facebook and maybe a bit of Tumblr (No the Author doesn’t have a tumblr, he just looks casually at it to look at photos as he scrolls down a page! There is a difference)

Oh and get this, they have Star Wars in EQ! Can you imagine ponies with Lightsabers? Oh that would be epic! Maybe I should ask Discord when I’m back if he can summon Lightsabers and we shall have a duel!

Meanwhile in the Star Wars version of My Little Pony…

Twilight and Trixie were having a lightsaber duel as their weapons were clashing with each other via magic.

“You can’t win, Trixie! If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine” Twilight says to her opponent
“Horseapples! If Trixie strike you down, you’ll be deader than Cloud Kicker’s virginity!” Trixie retorted
“Yeah, but with me gone you’ll have to answer to the Princesses AND the angry Bronies!” Twilight replied
“Then perhaps we should settle with this a traditional Magic duel!” Trixie says, keeping her eyes locked with Twilight’s.
“No, this lightsaber duel is awesome!” Twilight said
“Agreed, EN GARDE!” Trixie says

Trixie then swings her lightsaber at Twilight as Twilight blocks it as the battle continues…

Yeah, that would be the best thing ever if that were a real universe. God, I wish Equestria had internet…for me only that is.

“Lightning!” I hear Spike come up to me running
“Hey Spike, what’s up? Where’s Twilight?” I asked
“She’s uh…sort of…” Spike started
“She and her friends got kidnapped didn’t they?” I asked dully
“Yes” Spike lowered his head
“I thought so, let’s go save the girls and make rainbow beams” I said as I got up

Typical Dazzlings, the old chuck the protagonist out of the competition, I’ll bet they probably got Trixie to do it too! I can smell her inflated ego stink from here!

So anyway, Spike lead me and Vinyl who wasn’t brainwashed due to head phones.

Modern Music: 1
Classical: 0

So we were at the door when something strange happened…I don’t know how to explain it. One minute I was the door, the next I see Trixie on the floor smashing the ground with a guitar as one was also in my hands and a game akin to Guitar Hero.

What happened? I don’t remember Trixie being here, and I don’t remember opening to door to get Twilight and friends out. You know what, I don’t care (Maybe the Author got lazy with this crappy sequel). Let’s just finish this thing and go home.

Soooo…spoiler alert! The Rainbooms totally kicked the Sirens’ asses into the next Alicorn Ascension ritual (Don’t know how that works but it just does).

So here’s how It went, Rainbooms went back, did a band contest with music at the same time as the Sirens, Sunset Shimmer joined in and then they did the Super-Special-Awesome-Dynamite-Platinum Rainbow Attack! And destroyed their pendants and the Sirens can’t sing for shit just like Justin Beiber...actually I take that back, they can sing better than Justin Beiber. World is saved and peace is restored to the land and then they all live happily ever after…until the next movie undoubtedly comes.

In the mean time, my troubles were coming in the form of a human version of my girlfriend…gulp…

“LIGHTNING BOLT!” Firefly shouted
“GAH!” I jumped as her shouts pierced my ears
“YOU HAVE SOME NERVE SHOWING YOUR FACE BACK HERE AFTER YOU DITCHED ME!” Firefly shouted

I see Firefly holding a huge hammer…uh fucking oh!

“Hey hey, let’s be reasonable here, the portal was closing and I didn’t mean it and please don’t hurt me! I whimpered
“You will pay for leaving me at the fall formal!” Firefly shouted in her demon voice
“AHHHHHHHHH!” I screamed as I ran for it

AHHHHHHHHHH!! SOMEONE HELP ME! MY HUMAN VERSION OF MY GIRLFRIEND IS ATTACKING ME WITH A GIANT HAMMER WITHOUT ANY LOSS TO HER SPEED, WHICH MAKES NO SENSE! AHHHHHHH!!!

TO THE PORTALMOBILE!!!

Author's Note

Okay, i'll admit it, I rushed through this chapter with a combination of Writer's block and the fact Equestria Girls is hard to write without being a goddamned Mary Sue all the time. Also that time skip will have some Significance later...when i remember it anyway...because i'm lazy

And last but not least, you can totally imagine Star Wars Ponies happening can't you? That scene could of played out with Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust as well I might add...

IT'S OVER TRIXIE! I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!
YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!
Don't Try it...

Entry #53

Alright, I think I should stay away from Human Firefly for a while, crazy girl came after me with a Hammer, Pinkie Pie might want to step up her game when somepony breaks a Pinkie Promise.

Seriously, she reminds me of this one chick I knew in High School: Jasmine. So hot and crazy at the same time, she was so crazy it added to her hotness points…until she sent death threats after me and left creepy voicemails after I “Accidently” ruined her date with the class jerk: Jason Prizeman. I was doing her a favor and I had no regrets with the decision.

Maybe one day I won’t be such a trouble magnet…hahaha…ahahahahahahahaha! That’ll be the day!

But anyway, back in Equestria and back to being an Alicorn Pony…well half of one anyway, regardless, Ponyville has seen our return from the Human World and it’s about time I get some fun time to myself before any annoying villains show up…trust me! It will happen!

Weather: Sunny
Tomorrow’s weather: Sunny
The Next 398205702475207 days of weather: Sunny

The point is…IT’S STILL FREAKING SUNNY! HAS IT EVEN RAINED SINCE THAT SLEEPOVER EPISODE?

Anyway, it’s been 2 days since my return back here…sexcapades were fruitless…well of course Sex doesn’t involve fruit…unless you want it to. You’ll be amazed how many objects you can use with sex annnnnnnnnddddd…I’ve just given the male audience a boner over the items they could use in sex. You can thank me later!

Okay, dirty minds aside, rumor has it that Princess Twilight is deciding to make a Festival of Harmony or something because no Princess is complete without a festival to revolve around them. Celestia has the Summer Sun Celebration, Luna has Nightmare Night, Cadence technically has the Crystal fair so it’s right Twilight gets one as well.

I personally am happy for some fun as long as I don’t have to set it up.

“So, reckon this Festival thing is true?” Cloud Kicker asks
“Probably, personally I want a day off” I said
“But you never go to work” Firefly says
“Not onscreen I don’t” I corrected her
"Still doesn't count" Firefly says
"I get money so I'm fine" I say
“So how’s the magic going along, Bolty?” CK changes the subject
“Well…” I start

Honestly, I’ve been self-teaching myself magic but even with books it’s proven difficult. I only managed levitating yesterday

Yesterday…

Here I was, looking at the pebble with utmost concentration…the magic in my horn was flared but the pebble would not float!

“Grrr…float you worthless stone!” I said in frustration

Maybe if I swish and flick my horn and say Wingardium Leviousa, I will make it float? Anddd…no dice! DAMN IT PEBBLE! All I want to do is lift you and make it like I have the force and maybe make some Yoda references, is that so much to ask?

“Rise pebble, I COMMAND YOU TO RISE!!” I yelled dramatically

“Eh…it could be going better” I answered
“You sure? You look like you're having a lot trouble with it” CK asks
“I’m fine” I waved a hoof

Soon, that pebble will rise from the ground whether it likes it or not for it is its destiny to rise! Nothing will stop me once I make it float, NOTHING! MWAHAHHAHAHAHA!!

“What’s THAT?” Firefly pointed a hoof up to the sky

That THAT, was a pure white ball of energy…which is something I know for a fact doesn’t happen around here! And what do white ball of light usually entail? Portals and if portals are happening here in Equestria…something or somepony is gonna come through that ball of energy!

“Something tells me it ain’t gonna be exactly good” CK says

Oh Celestia DAMN IT! Just One month where nothing happens! That’s all I ask oh mighty Creator!

The Light energy thingy decided to settle down by the Everfree! And you know what that means? Detective Bolty is on the case! HI HO LIGHTNING BOLT AWAY!!

“Let’s check it out!” I said as I flew the direction of the ball of light
“Wait up, Bolty!” My two friends scream as I make my flight towards the ball

So, I don’t know what I’ll find as the result of this ball of energy, but one thing is for sure, it can’t be good for any peace.

I arrive the spot where the ball of energy died down and what I saw is…MY OWN HOUSE!! Not my house here in Equestria, but this is my house on Earth! I haven’t seen it in over a year and now it shows up here! But what in the name of the creator is it doing here?

But…how did my own house get here?! A teleportation spell of a dimensional magnitude if it even exists would require energies of more than the four alicorns combined to produce and no such power exists as far as I know! Yet here it is, is there really a power out there capable of such feats? Or is this the work of nature itself? Whatever caused this, I must learn more if I am to go anywhere with this, and besides, I haven’t been in this house in over a year.

As I open this door, it occurs to me that if somepony were inside this house for any reason, it’s quite possible that they too would have been teleported too. Perhaps I should knock just in case

KNOCK KNOCK!

“Hello? Anypony home? It’s me, Gavin” I said to the house
“Bolty, what’s going on?” I hear Firefly’s curious voice
“This house…is my house from Earth” I admitted
“WHAT?” My friends shouted
“This house was the very house I lived before I got teleported here, as to why it’s here is beyond me, but somepony could be in here, a human and probably one of my friends or a complete stranger. Either way, that human will need our help in this world if there is one” I explained

I open the door of my house, I know it’s still mine in an instant based on a few clues

One: things look the way I remember it
Two: There’s a photo of me on the kitchen table
Three: The old wooden Sword from my Europe Trip is still hanging on the wall

“Hello? Anypony home?” I called out

Still no answer…I search the house as memories of the times I spent in this house came back, it didn’t seem that long ago that I’d ride to school everyday and leave and then return home. I played the Playstation 3 and to my delight both that and the Playstation 4 and the Nintendo Wii U are still here…buuuuuut no electricity so bugger!

As I enter the kitchen, a note caught my eye…it was a bit wet in a spot and it looked recent. It read:

Dear Gavin,

If you are reading this, then you are alive. I’m sorry to say that your friends and your parents, as well as the police have called off the search for you and you are assumed dead

I think I just felt a hole just get shot in my heart…

If you do read this, please try to contact me or your parents…they believe you are gone but I don’t! I know you are still alive somewhere! I know you are not dead and never abandoned us.

The house has to be sold in one week’s time from today’s date, I’m sorry but you’ve been gone for so long that the taxes are keeping up and we can't keep this house any longer.

Please come back, to us, to me.

Forever your friend,

Ashley

Ashley, she never gave up on me! Who is Ashley you ask? Why she’s my best female friend from Earth. She also used to be my girlfriend for a time until we realized it really couldn’t work out but we remained best friends ever since High School. We were there for each other in our times of need, like when she got rejected or dumped by boys. I wasn't her rebound guy but i always knew the right things to say. To say the least, she's a girl that any guy should keep and the guy that marries her should be damn freaking lucky!

It hits me…what have I done? I’ve been doing so much here in Equestria that I haven’t really thought about my family or my friends…and now they think I’m dead when the truth of the matter is that I am really alive in another universe and in a body of a pony! Oooh I’m so ashamed I should punch myself! I wish I could tell them all I am alive! I don't know how...send a letter through a portal...something!

I can’t take it anymore…the tears just flowed like a waterfall…I’m sorry everypony…you never deserved this…this…injustice! This teleportation was all the result of Tirek! If Tirek couldn’t of accepted his defeat like a real man then none of this would of happened! I should of ended him when I had the chance!

I felt Firefly pull me into a hug as I let those tears out…tears that should have been flowing ages ago. I will fix this, and get to the bottom of this mystery! I look at the date and I see the date written is the exact same as today, she must of shed a tear on the piece of paper recently today and she may be here!

If Ashley is indeed here, I must find her! She may not know it’s me but if there’s a place to hide from ponies, it’d be the Everfree Forest, nopony is sane enough to go in there…except for the Crusaders. Seriously, you’d think we would build a fence by now. That place is not safe for a human, I should know, damn those timberwolves.

I wiped my tears and then spoke to Firefly…

“Firefly, stay here and make sure nopony gets in this house, it’s too important to both me and any evidence of what’s going on. Cloud Kicker, find Princess Twilight and explain this and try to get her to send a letter to Princess Celestia” I ordered
“Okay, but what about you?” Firefly asks
“I’m finding my friend! If she’s here then she’s in more danger than she realizes and I may the only pony here to convince her we’re friendly” I said
“But didn’t she watch the show like you did?” Cloud Kicker asked
“Nah, she wasn’t a pegasister” I said
“Pegasister?” Firefly asked
“What we call a Female Brony and honestly more socially acceptable, I’ll tell you later” I said quickly as I made my leave.

I rushed out the door and towards the Everfree Forest and hopefully find Ashley…or evidence that she isn’t in this world would be better for everypony as well as herself.

Ready or not, here I come!

Author's Note

Admit it, you had a friend of the opposite gender that was your bestie but never really a crush or relationship with each other would really happen. But, if i were stuck in Equestria, If i could i would at least send a letter back to home telling them where i went and with magic so they know it's the truth.

Entry #54

If I ever get back to Earth, I will burn Murphy’s grave! And Spit on it too! Of course as soon as it starts to get a little peaceful, this pile of horseapples comes up.

So it’s the Everfree Forest I must go to find if my friend Ashley is in this world, if anything happened to her, I’d never forgive myself, not that never would be a long time as her parents would castrate me in public then put me in a torture chamber only when I’ve broken every body in my body will they give me permission to die.

If Ashley acted anyway like me, chances are she’s found a cave to stay for the night and some food. But the Everfree is very dangerous at night as some of the most lethal monsters are only active at night and some monsters gain power boosts at night time thanks to the moon and that’s not werewolves (Or Wereponies) we’re talking about too.

I remember the first time I was in the Everfree when I arrived in this world…

Over a year ago…

I realized where I must be, I am in the Everfree Forest in My little Pony!

“YEEEEESSSS! IN YOUR FACE BRONIES!! I GOT HERE FIRST SUCKERS!” I yelled in celebration

I was living every brony’s dream: Visiting Equestria. I’ll get to go to Sugercube Corner, the library, Sweet Apple Acres and all the cool places and I’ll meet the Mane Six and all!

Ah, it was exciting back then…until the Pony Transformation started, which was painful to say the least. What? You think you just get a light then poof! A magical bucking pony come out? WRONG! Having pony ears pop out, a tail and you whole body structure to fit a pony is damn painful! Both the bones and organs have to change to pony and that involves going shorter and also gaining wings out of you back isn’t pleasant either.

Soon, Ashley is gonna go through that pain and I ain’t leaving her alone in that time of pain. I owe it to her as my best friend from Earth.

Princess Celestia always had a way of knowing things, whether through her guards, Twilight Sparkle and friends or even just seeing it herself, she can find out many things. But when she stopped for a cake break, she felt something off and not surprisingly, it came from Ponyville.

“Urrrrgghhhh…always on the cake break too! Just once can it be when the boring-flank nobles come along” Celestia let out a frustrated sigh

Clearly, the Universe was not with Celestia either.

“I’ll be back for you later my little cake morsels!” Celestia said as she flew out to Ponyville

Either I’m going nuts or the Everfree Forest rearranged itself, maybe it’s suffers from Peach’s Castle syndrome or something? (For those who do not know what that is, basically if you’ve played the Super Mario series long enough, you’ll know the inside of Peach’s castle changes a lot and I mean every game difference. Though outside it looks the same) Now if I were a human that just got here and ran into the Everfree where would I hide?

You know, it would be nice if I had some magical detection spell or something, typical unicorns and their “Not inventing useful stuff instead making flashy stuff” pile of horseapples. Life would be so much easier then.

Now if only something would give me a sigh

“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A female voice screamed out from my left

I wonder if I should close my mouth or open it more often…either way….IMMA COMING ASHLEY!!

“So this is the result of the white light you say?” Celestia asks both Firefly and Twilight
“Yes, your majesty, just appeared in a white light and Bolty’s house from Earth appears” Firefly says
“This is Lightning Bolt’s house?! Is he there now?” Celestia asks
“No your majesty? He went to search for a friend from Earth that could have been here named Ashley” Firefly said
“If it’s his house, then why is this Ashley here then?” Twilight asks
“Bolty said that a letter was found from today and recent, so she may have been caught in it” Firefly explained
“Then, this human must be found” Twilight says
“Not so fast, Twilight. I understand your need to find dear Ashley, but you forget we do not know what she looks like nor what a human even looks like other than they are bipedal and have some resemblance to apes” Celestia explained
“Oh I wouldn’t say we don’t know, the house has plenty of photos in it

The Two Princesses and Firefly went towards the house. Celestia was deeply concerned about these turn of events, what if there were more? What if somepony was planning something to use the human resources against the ponies? Or something bugger than petty villain work is at hand?

“Twilight, I suggest we examine this house with precesion and speed, this may be one piece of a puzzle I do not know yet what it may form” Celestia says

I follow the screams of Ashley which seemed muffled now, did she beat the threat, did she grow a tail? Or did something get her? NO! BAD THOUGHTS! BEGONE!

I followed the direction of her screams when I spotted blue doggish creatures: DIAMOND DOGS! Oh great these smelly hounds again! Do they have some female-capturing fetish or something? NOT WITH MY ASHLEY THEY DON’T! And also, how did I not smell them for a mile away?

I spot two guards guarding some caves, about to be 2 knocked out motherbuckers in 3…2…1…SLAM! THEY DOWN SON!!

Now then, it’s best I go about this quietly, there could be an army in there and without proper magic education yet, it’s old fashioned stealth, better harness my inner Assassin in me, I knew I shouldn’t of left the hidden blade at home.

Alright, let’s go see what the mutts are up to…

Author's Note

Yep, even the Universe screws over Princess Celestia...

Oh and come on other HIE writers, just one time i want to see this YES!! I'M IN EQUESTRIA! gig happening but no, always the Where am I? Why do I Have hooves and HOLY SHIT TALKING PONIES!! Okay the last one is acceptable.

And I think no good HIE should come without a Diamond Dog Kidnap, Changeling invasion, Discord being a fucktard. A mane Six/popular Background Pony romance, superpowers etc. in it...well at least some of these and i have done Changelings, Superpowers and now Diamond Dog kidnaps....

Entry #55

So, Diamond Dogs dare piss me off? They took Ashley and try to use her as slave? Not on my Celestia-damned watch! I gotta sneak in an take these mutts out and rescue Ashley before these mutts do something. If I get caught…I will whine their ears off…I can do a good Rarity impression…STAY BACK I GOT A RARITY WHINING VOICE AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO USE IT!!

You know, just once can I go ten seconds without one of my friends being threatened, bucking diamond dogs!

How long is this “Kidnap Lightning Bolt’s friends till he loses his insanity” game going to last? You see, I think I figured out the villain motivation…this precise Bullshit! The universe does not leave us alone and now we want control of it. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!

Oh and I’d like you to know, the next villain that comes along and kidnaps any of my friends is going straight for the Death Penalty.

So where was I…oh right! About to choke a diamond dog to maintain stealth in 3…2…1….CHOCKED! HAHAHA!...I am enjoying this way too much than I should.

You know, I would drag their bodies and gain badflank points but now is not the time. Especially when I see another pair with some keys in hand…sounds like I gotta play Follow the leader and let me warn you, I’m a freaking pro. In fact why isn’t that my special talent, I’d make those Major League Gaming flankholes look like amateurs anyday. And let’s face it, half of them are clearly fake pussies.

Now, I better make this fast before this stink kills me, seriously? DO THESE GUYS SHOWER? Even at least once a week would not smell this bad!

Celestia examined the house with her own Celestial eyes (I know that doesn’t make sense, just go with it…like 80% of the Author’s life), it was not akin to anything she ever has seen on this planet precisely. But it did follow a house structure rule like in Equestria.

But inside, The house from Earth held things that intrigued the solar Princess. She has seen many thing in her years but some of these objects were like some Holy futuristic fantasy out of a Power Pony comic.

To Lightning Bolt, these objects were merely everyday objects as simple as a table, but to Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight and co., these were like some Ancient Relics uncovered.

Celestia had told the others not to touch anything until Lightning Bolt returns as something could happen but she could sense Twilight’s excitement much like Pinkie Pie at the prospect of a Party. Celestia chuckled inwardly at the thought of Pinkie throwing this Ashley a party if she’s here.

But still, Celestia remained worried…but fascinated at the same time….

Oh, this is too easy, and dogs were supposed to have better hearing than us…I guess that didn’t apply to Diamond Dogs. I followed the dogs right to the prison cells.

“So, this creature, think she’ll be useful digging gems?” One dog asked
“Maybe, this creature sure can slap, those “Fingers” of hers can do some work for sure” Dog 2 says

I climbed to a higher point in the cave, it’s narrow but it’ll stay out of sight of any dogs coming from behind. Now…how to get those keys…I dunno, but the cells gotta be round the corner.

“Never seen anything like her, have you Hound?” Dog 1 asks
“Nope, I don’t even know what they call themselves” Hound says
“Yeah, but listen, we’ll figure out a use for her tomorrow so we can get more diamonds” Dog 1 says

They round the corner and I see a small room with…ASHLEY!!!! Son of a buck she’s here! But also capturing my notice was a few ponies locked up, one looked to be a Royal Guard. Guess I gotta free them too.

“I’ll see ya round, Mutt. I’m going to get something to eat, take real good care of the prisoners” Hound says
“Sure thing, have a good one” Mutt says
“That’s right, you better run” I muttered

Typical idiots, leave one dog to guard the prisoners to do your dirty work, mind you, this cave is really only about 6 rooms wide, nothing compared to the one Rarity got kidnapped at.

I looked down and saw Ashley in tears, awww Tartarus no! I’ll get the other ponies out and if that royal guard still has magic, he could help us if we get some heat.

Well….here goes…LEEEEEOOOOOOOO-nah buck it!

WHAM!

All bark and no bite you…now then, The brave knight known Sir Gavin, will rescue the ponies and fair Ashley from Prison…with badflank music in the background.

“Wassup Ashley?” I greeted Ashley
“Wha-? How do you know my name?” Ashley asked in surprise
“Don’t you recognize my voice, I’ve been missing for over a year” I gave an obvious clue
“G-Gavin…no way! That can’t be you” Ashley said
“Yep, this place turned me into a Pony, nice tail by the way” I said casually

Yeah, I noticed Ashley’s Purple tail sticking out of he backside

“So you’re saying…I’m turning into a pony?” Ashley asked after a bit.
“Yeah, sort of inevitable, but you’re not going through this alone, this I promise” I said confidently

I went to other cell and freed the 5 ponies including the guard and we gathered together.

“Alright, anypony proficient with defensive or offensive spells?” I asked
“Me” answered the guard
“Okay, I want you front with me in case we run into heat” I ordered
“You’re the boss” The guard says
“Alright, let’s get the buck out of here!” I said

We walked with no problems out of the small cave until…wait…

“Stop right there! He’s Escaping with the prisoners” one dog yelled

Son of a buck! Can’t these dogs learn when to heel?

“Just go to Ponyville, I’ll be there in ten minutes” I ordered everypony with me

Thankfully no questions were asked and they did what they were told, including Ashley. I knew she could trust me.

“Now then, it seems we were at a disagreement, Gentledogs?” I said
“Those were our Prisoners” One dog barked
“And that was my best friend you kidnapped, oh and the innocent ponies too. Ah, and the guard too, you best be thankful Celestia didn’t find you instead of me” I shot back
“Too bad, we need slaves and there’s nothing you can do about it” A second dog said

You’re kidding? You’re kidding right? Do these fools know I’m an alicorn…sure I only know fireballs but still. HELLO? FREAKING EMBODIMENT OF GOD OVER HERE! Oh well...their loss...

“Hahaha…AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh this is too rich, you don’t have any idea with who you’re bucking with do you?” I laughed hard
“Enough, get him boys” The first dog said

Let’s see four of them, one me. I should make this fair and tie my wings and hoofs behind my back but…they kidnapped my friend so I say…NAH!

“What’s Grey, furry, smells like Roast Dog and has red all over?” I asked as they approached me

I fired my fireball as a sort of Impact Grenade right into the pack of them as it exploded on them and knocked them all senseless with burns to their fur.

“Down boy! And so you know, The answer was that right there, but I’ll mark you on your effort for at least trying” I said as I walked away

Now, back to the house, if I know Celestia, she’ll be there and she may have answers and some reunited ponies…

Author's Note

Lightning Bolt is really a pyromaniac motherbucker, you lucky he don't do a flying tomahawk on they ass. But even with only fireballs, you don't F**K with Alicorns.

I know someone will say it, Gee Lightning Bolt can't levitate but can use fireballs? WTF??

Hey, Yoda is busy lifting E-Wings out of swamps for the next few months so he has to wait so in the meantime, FIREBALLS YUM!

For the record, TheDawsonator1 loves dogs and misses his beagle very much and i don't eat Dog...AWWWW FUCK NO!!!! And i will cry my ballsacks out if a dog dies in a movie or almost dies...I'm not crying now...not crying....

Entry #56

You know, I think I’m scaring myself, I just walked into a cave of Diamond Dogs, knocked them out, casually rescued Ashley and ponies, and then burnt the dogs trying to stop us from leaving.

I dunno, I like to take action but is burning every motherbucker in sight the way to go? Perhaps, but what’s creeping me out is that maybe, just maybe, I’m enjoying this over a normal life and then I’ll be taking down dangerous creatures and villains for the rest of my Celestia-damned days.

I don’t want that, I just want to live like a normal pony and/or person. I can’t really undo this but maybe if this goes too far, I may have to think about a Plan: Equestrian Exodus to come into motion. Too many of my friends have been put in risk because of me.

I made my way back to my Earth house from the Everfree Forest. As it came in sight, I remembered that the house’s appearance could mean something. A house just doesn’t appear out of nowhere for no reason right?

Now the last time a white light or something from Earth came, it was me and Tirek did it. But thanks to my epic distraction skills, he’s in Tartarus now…unless he escaped, I must ask Celestia on that one.

The other possible option that I could think of it some sort of side effect, Tirek said part of his plan was to make an Alternate Timeline, this was so this times Tirek would not interfere and maybe to show Tirek was a deranged bastard. So something must be happening out of control or something.

I walked in my home and no surprise, Ashley, Celestia and everypony else was here.

“I’m back” I said
“There you are” Celestia says
“We understand Diamond Dogs were involved in Ashley’s foalnapping” Luna says
“Yep, just 6 or 8 of them in a cave, let’s just say things were heated back then” I gave a small laugh.

Just then Ashley decided to go in front of me.

“I have questions that need to be answered here, like for starters, where are we and just what’s been going on here” Ashley interrupts a little angrily
“Well, it’s a long story, that didn’t involve me too much until some Changelings started showing up.” I said, remembering Chrysalis
“Well, we have time” Ashley says

I think I can relate to Ashley being angry, wouldn’t you? If a human you knew as a best friend disappeared for a year only to discover he’s be alive and well the whole time in a magical ponyland, you’d be right to be a bit pissed wouldn’t you?

“Well, this land we’re in now is called Equestria” I said
“From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?” Ashley asked
“Yeah, how’d you know?” I asked
“I always knew you were such a brony, Gavin! Plus I found your dvds but I never watched the show” Ashley says, punching me in the arm
“Celestia-damn it! Well, since you’re here and you seem to be transforming too, I guess we need to educate you the basics of this world” I said
“But back on topic, just what have you been doing the past year and something?” Ashley asked

Celestia deliver me if she gets pissed…

“Well, I teleported to a time before the show, I didn’t want to attract attention to being a human, didn’t want to assume they’d accept me. So I went under a name of Lightning Bolt, found 2 best friends named, Cloud Kicker and Firefly, the latter of whom I’m dating now-“ I started
“You got a girlfriend? About time too.” Ashley commented
“Oh ha ha, last I checked you probably didn’t have a boyfriend lasted more than 2 months and I was your talk-to-guy for that” I shot back

Ashley just ignored that one completely…couldn’t blame her.

“So, I just stayed out of the way of the show as I came in just before the first episode where Nightmare Moon shows up. I didn’t want to be the guy that caused problems but if something came up…I’d just figure something out. It was all going smoothly until Queen Chrysalis kidnapped me-“ I continued
“YOU WERE KIDNAPPED?!” Ashley yells making everypony jump
“Yes…I was, she figured out the whole show thing, kidnapped me read my mind and had the changelings feed of my love which was like hugest mind rape ever, scarred me forever and I hate that stupid bitch for that. Princess Luna rescued me we made sure the wedding went the right way throughout the show.” I finished
“But what about after?” Ashley urged me to continue
“I found out why I was teleported, after another attempt by Chrysalis, I met the last villain I knew named Tirek who was from the Original Timeline, yes we are in an alternate one and my vision of the show is now gone. He went here to take over here then go back and take over the original one used me to form an alternate one, kill the Tirek here but he failed” I said

Ashley looked…shocked…I was too, I wouldn’t even kill my evil self or something.

“He killed a version of himself? What the fuck is wrong with him?” Ashley asked
“I wondered that too, but this time, I had to play hero after Twilight got disabled and I had to borrow the Alicorn powers, distract Tirek until Twilight here and the others could get the power to defeat him” I explained
“That’s interesting, but weren’t you scared?” I hear Ashley ask
“Very, when I was kidnapped, I thought I’d never make it out, when I was up against Tirek, Death seemed very certain…I was inexperienced with magic other than flying and I had to distract him, it was a suicide mission I somehow survived. This hero stuff ain’t what it’s cracked up to be but I’d rather fail a hero then survive a guy who could of done something” I replied

I remember all those times I went up against Chrysalis or somepony similar, I was risking my neck for Equestria and I’d be damned if I said I was fearless. I had fear coursing through my veins.

“Now, I believe I must introduce some of my new friends here, This is Twilight Sparkle” I started
“Pleasure” Twilight shook Ashley’s hand
“This is Princess Celestia, ruler of the land in the day-time” I introduced Celestia
“A fine pleasure to meet a friend of Gavin’s” Celestia did her regal smile
“Cloud Kicker over there, a bit of an adventure…sexually” I muttered the last part
“Yo!” Cloud Kicker said
“and this is my Marefriend, Firefly” I introduced Firefly
“Nice to meet you Ashley…Bolty wasn’t always this charming was he?” Firefly asked
“No, shyest thing around girls” Ashley muttered
“Oh ha ha!” I rolled my eyes

So now that I introduced the current pile of friends in the room, there was one more thing to discuss.

“Princess, about the whole portal thing…” I started
“I believe I know what you are thinking Gavin, if Tirek has escaped, Luna will tell us. She’s checking Tartarus now and-“ Celestia started

A Midnight Blue flame with stars came to form a scroll in front of Princess Celestia, she read the contents out loud

Dear Sister,

Tirek is still in Tartarus and there is no sign of his interference.

Will meet you in Canterlot

Princess Luna

“Well, that one possibility out, but the other theory I had was some sort of side effect of Tirek’s magic from sending me here” I suggested
“I’m afraid that may be the case, I’ve been scanning this house but nothing has come up as of yet. My theory on this case is to wait for more information to come out in the open, I highly doubt this is the only thing from Earth appearing in Equestria in the next few days” Celestia replies
“Then, if something dangerous from Earth comes along, we need to move it somewhere safe, and keep tabs on any items” Twilight suggests
“Very well, Both my sister and I shall keep an eye out, be very vigilant, I fear there may be more to this than meets the eye” Celestia warns us

This is gonna be a looooooooong week…

Author's Note

This chapter is full of explaining things...just what will happen? I dunno, Ask the god-damn Author and...oh that's right I'm the god-damned Author...did I get Amnesia? What? Where Am I? Who am I? WHO ARE YOU?

Entry #58

What was that Syndrome? The one where Villains and Heroes start to treat their battles like it’s fun and can’t live without it? Stockham Syndrome? Nah that doesn’t sound right…

Put it like this, ever watched Superman? The guy has had a long rivalry with Lex Luthor and both can’t seem to beat each other but when it comes to the moment one can finally finish another, they can’t! They enjoyed this too much. In fact Lex Luthor used this to his advantage against Superman and a changeling like villain did so as well.

You gotta give credit to the cunning bastard. Old Lexy does not have a damn superpower but is clearly the most cunning and powerful villain in Superman’s life.

I fear this may become Chrysalis and I, I will not let this happen! I will not be damned to be stuck into some rivalry until the end of time! I must cut these ties and solve the problem or I’ll damn myself to a lifetime of this crap.

I have a life, a relationship with Firefly that gets ignored because of this, maybe we might marry and have a few kids or something. But this must be cut for that to happen and I can’t keep the hero gig up for much longer…

I was going at speeds I could not do before as Twilight’s castle came into view, I guess Chrysalis really gets on my nerves…and under my skin…the real skin…no changeling disguise here!

Finally I see Twilight and Queen Chrysalis standing and looking each other as I landed in front of them.

“You’ve got to be motherbucking kidding! You again! And you decided to show up alone! Let’s just fight so you can get out of my life already!” I shot daggers at Chrysalis
“Lightning Bolt, that’s enough!” Twilight says to me as she gets in between us
“Oh and you’re defending Chrysalis now, what’s next? The Two of you going to have a little filly tea party?! In that case, let me go find some dolls just to make it girlier! Oh, and don't forget the the frilly dresses!” I snapped at Twilight
“Lightning…” Twilight tried again
“NO! Don’t Lightning me! I am here for a fight, and one that ends her Celestia-damned existence! I will not put up with her presence in my sight any longer!” I shouted
“LIGHTNING BOLT! BE SILENT OR I’LL MAKE YOU SILENT! IF YOU’D LISTEN, WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS!” Twilight snapped
“FINE! Tell us what the damn problem is so I can go home and have a damn life already!” I said angrily

Twilight sighed, I was watching Chrysalis with every inch of venom. I could use that venom like a knife in her heart as she slowly and painfully dies!

“This problem is bigger than our petty rivalry, a few days ago, my most trusted commander has betrayed me and-“ Chrysalis started
“That’s it? I got dragged all this way just to hear you getting betrayed, if anything I should be laughing at your well-deserved misfortune” I said nastily at her.
“Oh shut up! The only reason I am here is because my commander stabbed me in the back, took one of the last two known existing Ascendant stones and corrupted MY changelings into following his orders with it!” Chrysalis got angry at me.
“Ascendant stone? What is that?” Twilight asked
“You mean you don’t know? Every one of Equus’ leaders had one long ago, I thought every race should of AT LEAST had a legend or something” Chrysalis said
“Well, you’re the genius, tell us!” I said
“It’s a stone that when Equus was formed by the creator, given to each race’s ruler as a symbol of power and the right to rule, of course these stones are shards of one big one but each shard holds power equal to that of the “Alicorns” of each race. But over time, the wars and power conquests were too much and they started to be destroyed by wise ponies, but two were said to of survived. That was the legend, but they were lost many centuries ago until my commander found one stone. My most trusted commander has taken this stone from my possession and kicked me out and taken MY changelings and corrupted them” Chrysalis explained

And this is why we fail in life, because of all these power objects lying around for anypony to just pick them up and go power hungry. And this is also why that gods are really just assholes with power (Including the one on Earth that doesn't exist yet we all bloody worship it).

“Why should we help you? You’ve scarred me for life with that stuff you pulled before the wedding, you tried to KILL my friends and you threatened Equestria twice and now you come crawling back to us for help? If anything, I’d say a blast through the brain would do everypony some good” I said
“Because he’s going to target you and your friends next, get my changelings killed for his own purposes and if he takes Equestria, he can take over anywhere, especially if another stone has survived and has been found, would you rather that, Lightning Bolt? Or team up with me and take him down so we can go back to me ruling my race and I’ll leave yours alone and find love elsewhere” Chrysalis said

True, this commander of hers could be a threat, but this could also be a trap. For now, I will play her game, but my eye will be on her the whole time, one move and I’ll send her back to the creator! And I do have her warranty let me assure you.

“Fine, I’ll help you, but so much as think about attacking me and I’ll end you as I really should of just done ages ago. Oh, and we’re not friends, we’re just on the same side fighting somepony else” I agreed to help
“You won’t regret it” Chrysalis said
“You better hope I don’t, I’ve grown to hate you so much, I’d kill you without a second thought and to top it off with the bad mood I have, I’d start making bookings with the afterlife services if you have thought about betraying our little truce” I warned her

Then in the Distance I see them: Changelings, And they seem to have red eyes according to my Alicorn vision (Yes, Alicorn can zoom their eyes in, another Alicorn OP plz nerf trait)

“Uh, those red eyes aren’t normal are they?” I asked
“No, The stone must be doing this! We must end this at once!” Chrysalis said as she readied herself
“So you lead them here, greeaaat, just what Ponyville wanted” I sighed

One of these days, I will attempt a death ray to beat all the villains so they don’t invade Equestria. Seriously, I’ve had just about enough of evil. All I want is to spend a happy life with my friends and be done with it.

Guess that’s not going to happen easily. I gave a look around and spotted Ashley.

“Ashley, go inside the castle and stay there. Find Spike and tell him to send a letter to Princess Celestia for help” I ordered
“Okay!” Ashley said as she ran towards the castle
“Now, ladies. I think it would be wise to take the battle OUT of the town” I said

You know what? That is just fine, I’ve been meaning to vent my frustration on something anyway…heroes can’t even get a coffee break nowadays…

Author's Note

I sense a huge amount of flank-kicking coming...maybe...

And yeah yeah, ascendant stone, i couldn't think of anything better...lousy writers block and lousy gods leaving powerful artifacts lying around.

And hey, like our actual god, The Equestrian one: The Creator thought she could trust her creations with these power objects and say "Hey, don't misuse them or make anything bad with them now!" Sort of like the Apple of Eden (not the Assassin's Creed one!...same concept really anyway) Put 2 humans next to a tree of apples to determine right and wrong...bloody god was a perv too! Why else would they make both Man and women clueless orginally to the fact they were naked? (GOD HAS A PORN COLLECTION AND EVERYPONY KNOWS IT!)

Entry #59

Signs that you’re having a bad day:

One: It’s Tuesday (for anything but Destiny…the game not the actual destiny)
Two: Your 11940137413048th attempt at sex has failed
Three: Red-eyed possessed Changelings showed up in town for a fight
Four: It’s 2015 and THERE IS STILL NO DAMNED HOVER CARS! NOTHING! NO HOVERBOARDS! NOTHING!!!

I think all four apply right now…

The changelings opposite us land, and they just look evil! Look at them! They were literally giving off a huge evil vibe the size of Princess Celestia’s ideal cake (Compare with Mount Everest).

“So…ladies first?” I indicated towards the Mane Six and Chrysalis
“Not on your life” Twilight said
“Typical…well here goes everything!” I said

The Changelings seemed to pick up this note of HAY BOUT TO GET REAL SON, So they charged and I charged.

And yeah, charging into an army, while effective in movies is not a good idea in reality, so foals, don’t try this at home! (That goes for you humans out there as well, One of you will try it and don’t blame me when you get hurt!)

Needless to say, I got blasted by a bazillion red beams and you need a fair few to blast an Alicorn back.

“Oww…that hurt!” I groaned
“Hey, you okay?” Rainbow Dash asks
“Yeah…when did you get here?” I asked
“About 5 minutes ago” Dash says
“Well, could you be a friend and help me out with this army please? Chrysalis is on our side by the way too, don’t ask why” I said as I got back up
“Are you two quite done?” Chrysalis asks
“Shut the buck up!” I snarled at her
“Both of you, enough!” Twilight got in between us

I’m sick of Chrysalis, if she’s behind it all, rest assured that I will be the first to kill her…then resurrect her so others can kill her.

“Now, we must charge together” Twilight says
“Fine, ladies first?” I asked again
“Not on your life” Twilight repeated
“Fine then, ahem! CHAAAARRRRRRGGGGGEEEE!” I said in an epic tone

Hey, if you’re gonna charge, you got to scream at the top of you lungs, just like how in Dragon Ball Z they would announce their attacks in an epic way. You know? For Dramatic purposes?

So I collided with the Changeling wall of enemies as well at Twilight and others along with Chrysalis…probably reluctant at that too. If only I brought the camera…

“All right you red-eyed pricks, this is a no-trespassing zone and you forgot to beware the dog so now you’re bucked especially those of you that hit me!” I said as I bashed a changeling
“You better not be killing them, Lightning Bolt! Once my backstabbing commander is dead at my hooves they’ll be mine again and once they’re mine, any that die are on you!” Chrysalis says
“What kind of monster do you think I am? Of course I won’t murder them! I’ll just give them brain damage and enough wounds so they won’t thinking about bucking with me again” I said as I smashed two changeling’s skulls together

I notice at that comment the changelings seem to be targeting me most…

“Oh that’s not fair! THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! Against Ponified Humans with tendencies to resort to think violence as the answer! Go annoy Chrysalis! She’s your queen!” I said as I dodged this very angry changelings
“Urrgh! BAD SUBJECT! Kneel before your queen!” Chrysalis was getting angry
“There’s a little too many to combat, where’s Princess Celestia when you need her?” Rainbow says

Suddenly the weight was on Chrysalis, good! Get her!

“Hey! At least you’re not getting ganged up on here!” Chrysalis says as they go for her more
“Hey look! Queen Chrysalis is surrounded! Everypony point and laugh!” I said sadistically
“Doesn’t this sort of count as racism?” Pinkie asks
“Well to be fair, Pinkie. They started it first with that whole wedding crap, I say this fair retaliation” I said as one changeling hit me only to be hit by my lighting beam

Seriously, that lightning beam is like those sith powers from Star Wars…I can imagine it now…

Meanwhile in the Star Wars version of MLP…

Sweetie Belle was in the Death Star facing the Emperor (Nightmare Moon) and Darth Trixie (The GREEEAT AND POWERFUL TRIIIXIIIEEE!).

“Your overconfidence if your weakness” Sweetie squeaks
“Your faith in your friends is yours” Nightmare Moon replies back
“Well at least I don’t look a wrinkled pedophile” Sweetie shoots back

BUUUUUURRRRNNNN!

Okay, how many BLOODY changelings are there? Are they endless? I swear they are! Nope they’re thinning…just my imagination!

“CAN. YOU. JUST. BUCK. OFF. ALREADY!” I said as I smashed every changeling in sight

So Pinkie was Party cannoning every enemy in sight, Dash and Applejack were kicking them to the curb. Rarity apparently knows Karate, Fluttershy….was secretly at the back being Fluttershy. Twilight was going all warrior on them…cause bitches don’t buck with Twilight!

(Just so you know, The Author thinks Badass Twilight fics ARE BUCKING AWESOME!! Especially when Twilight gets banished and returns a badass…now why aren’t they a bit more completed? You! In front of the computer screen, GO ANNOY THEM INTO DOING IT!)

Chrysalis was doing okay trying to subdue her subjects without harming them too much but I’ll admit she got some moves. And then there’s me just hitting the crap out of everything without killing them.

But as they thinned, their commander must of ordered a retreat, this is mainly because the Changelings ran with their tails between their legs back to base.

“HEY! WHERE YOU GOING? WE WERE HAVING FUN HERE!! TYPICAL COWARDS, PICK A FIGHT AND THEN RUN AWAY WHEN YOU LOSE!” I shouted after them

They started disappearing over the horizion as I watched them fly away.

“YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT! RUN! AND BRING YOUR FRIENDS WITH YOU!” I yelled after them

They’ll be back…unless of course we storm their fort and defeat the lot of them. Which we will do…again!

“Well that took care of them” Dash says as she lands confidently
“For how long? Even if we defeat these guys at their heart, another bad guy will show up and we’ll be repeating the process until every one of us is dead of old age except for Twilight.” I sighed
“Lightning Bolt, when did you get so…down?” Twilight ask
“I’m just saying, isn’t this starting to get old? I mean, we beat Tirek and ten seconds later, those Sirens come along and then Changelings possessed by some power object? If this is really how Season 5 goes out, I’m gonna be pissed!” I replied back
“Come on dude! We’re the ponies everypony relies on when somepony bad comes along” Dash says with punching motions
“And? How many more bad ponies are there on this damned planet? They all seem to be coming from the past too, so why not just ask Celestia how many there are or something. Look, I’m just not feeling it anymore” I said cynically

Gee, my problems wouldn’t be happen if SOMEPONY had been solving their problems when they first appeared coughCelestiacough.

“What are you saying?” Twilight asks
“That it’s been fun and all, but this being a hero stuff is really doing nothing for me but anger and stress me out, I don’t even have time for ponies I care about anymore! That’s why I’m quitting this hero gig and leaving it to you ponies like it was originally meant to be!” I answered
“But…” Dash started
“I’m tired, I’m done! I quit! Good Luck to you ponies” I said

I turned around and headed home, not looking back, just back home so I can rest, no more heroics, no more bad guy beat ups, just normal life and letting the real heroes do it…like it was meant to be…

Author's Note

Let's face it, doesn't the hero role get tiring? You don't get a social life no nothing. And also, i am actually a fan of Warrior Twilight kind of fan-fics and banishment ones especially...they are so badflank!

(Spoiler Alert: He'll be a hero again anyways...it always happens...)

Entry #60

Yesterday, I walked away from the hero job. I handed in the resignation. Why? Because I can’t do it anymore! All I do is beat some bad creatures up and then go back home to discover MORE BAD GUYS! And I’m sick of it!

My relationship with Firefly is poor, just because everywhere I go some bad guy comes along, some crap happens! Cloud Kicker…I feel like I haven’t been a good friend at all in the last few weeks, Ashley…she’s the one link to Earth and I’ve only paid her a slight bit of attention.

I’m a mess! For a pony in a friendshippy world, I’m absolutely sucking at it! I now realize how much being a big damn hero takes it out of you.

Another cloud bites the dust! And another one down, and another down!

Yes, for the first time in 10404104104170429749210427 chapters, I’m actually working! Yep, Lord deliver us from the impending apocalypse!

“Yep, this is nice! Just honest non-saving-the-world work that earns money to pay the bills. Isn’t it just great?” I asked
“Uh…yeah! I mean, those times we were in trouble were MORE than enough for me” CK agrees
“Yep, from now on, no more heroism! Just plain hanging out with my best friends” I said
“Yeah! And this time Cheerilee will not escape my marking stamp!” CK says
“uhhhh…didn’t you already do Cheerliee in the first chapter?” I asked
“Yeah…but damn, I want a round 2! Her flank is an A+” CK says
“Have fun with that, last I heard, she went insane after like 1000 dates going wrong or something and then she had to get therapy after a foal asked her how she didn't have a special somepony” I said in thought of the schoolteacher
“Ah don’t worry, it’s me, Cloud Kicker! I’m a mare that can get ANY pony!” CK said
“Yep! And I shall be your wingpony! LET’S DO THIS!” I put my hoof in the air
“YEAH!” CK says
"YEAH!" I yell
“YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Bulk Biceps shouts out of nowhere.

5 days later…

I’ve never felt so refreshed you know? I feel like a new stallion so to say, or maybe it’s that massage I got from Aloe and Lotus, I see now why Rarity goes there.

Speaking of Rarity, where is she? Or Twilight and the others for that matter? I haven’t seen them since they went for the Changelings along with Chrysalis. Maybe they’re coming back or are still fighting.

It’s actually awfully quiet without them…

SNAP!

I turn to see Discord in front of me with no regard for personal space.

“Hi Discord” I greeted
“Hello Lightning Bolt, we need to talk” Discord said seriously
“Discord, what’s up? You’re never serious…ever!” I said
“Listen, Fluttershy, Twilight and the others haven’t come back yet” Discord says
“Annnnddd….?” I urged him to speak more
“What do you mean ANNNNNNND?! It means the Elements of Harmony are missing, nothing has been heard in 5 days and I can’t detect a magic signal at all!” Discord says
“You mean--?” I ask as I get it…
“Yes, they’ve been captured and soon the Changelings will come here, and we need you to rescue them” Discord
“Yeah..” I say
“And if Fluttershy is too hurt not only will they feel my wrath but so will the one who was not there to help them, do YOU want that to happen to you? I thought you wanted Equestria safe, so do it! And besides, the voice of reason is ruining my reputation!” Discord threatens

He’s right, what have I been doing? I made a vow ever since I got here to make sure if it were in my power to save Equestria, I would do so.

So…why am I standing here? Will they kill the Elements and have Equestria?

“LIKE HELL THEY WILL! I WILL GO! NOPONY THREATENS EQUESTRIA AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!” I finished my thoughts
“Good, ride on! Go get em!” Discord got a cheering squad out of nowhere

I just run, like the four horsemen are right behind me…they better be alright or else there will be a massacre!

Back in Ponyville…

“Oh ho ho ho! Now that they’re all gone, I think it’s time to have my little fun!” Discord cackled

Suddenly, Angel Bunny and all the ponies gulped at once!

GULP!

Author's Note

If you haven't guessed, Lightning Bolt referenced Cheerilee's Thousand, a good fanfic I recommend having a read. Basically about Cheerilee having 1000 dates before a foal asks her how she doesn't have somepony special for Hearts and Hooves Day. Anyway those dates end in disaster. Sort of like Celestia uses and Online Dating Site, I would keep away from the recent chapters if you are allergic to vampires though.

AAAANNNNNNNYYYYWAY! Yes this is a short chapter, writer's block strikes and I am going to Uni next week, hooray for me. So writing schedules may be mucked up. Promise there will be better and longer chapters

Also...the end is near...and it isn't the apocalypse...

Entry #7

Well this day has officially hit rock bottom! No less than a few hours after Rainbow Dash left us, the whole of Ponyville got turned into the Chaos Capital, meaning Discord managed to win his little maze game and brainwash 5 of 6 Elements of Harmony and is probably gloating in Twilight’s face right now.

So then the factory turned into Cotton candy and bubblegummed most of the ponies on the clouds except for me, Firefly and Cloud Kicker…typical!

Don’t worry they managed to get free, and we got the hell out of there, besides there are more important things to worry about. Like the fact my house is spinning and in which I’m thankful I updated my insurance just before this happened.

But I digress, I should make sure I don’t bump into Discord and we’ll be fine but knowing my luck it’ll probably WOAH!…

“…WOAH!!” I yelled as I slipped on some sort of soapy ice thing.
“You okay, Bolty?” Firefly asked me as I was helped up.
“Yeah I’m good, didn’t notice that ice somehow” I replied
“That Discord sure loves this stuff huh?” CK said to us
“Yeah, although I wish my house would stop spinning, I honestly just want to go to bed” I said, massaging my flank on which I fell on.

Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle…

“WE’VE FOUND HIM!!” Luna yelled with triumph

Princess Luna had been looking for the pony with the strange dream for over a month now, but last night she broke through the barrier to find a Pegsus with a Lightning bolt cutie mark. She realized she had met him before, when she had returned she bumped into the stallion. It was time to finish this investigation up!

“WATCH OUT!!” I screamed.

A horde of really tall bunnies just stampeded by us; thankfully missing the three of us.

“Phew that was close!” Firefly said as she got off the ground after diving out of the way
“Hey is it just me or is Pinkie Pie not so Pink over there?” CK asked suddenly
“You’re right Kicker, and her mane is all down and not all poofy” I said, realizing she was "Discorded" and looked like she was in "Pinkamana" form
“Let’s talk to her!” CK said
“Uh…I’m not sure that’s a good-“ I started before my friends disappeared towards Pinkie

What’s the use? Well it’s their fault if they get shocked about it or something…

“Hey Pinkie” Firefly greeted
“What do you want?!” Pinkie shot back sharply, shocking my friends and even making me flinch a bit
“Gee, nothing Pinkie just wanting to say hello” CK said defensively
“What are you looking at!” Pinkie gave death glare my direction
“Hey, calm your farm Pinkie, we were just saying hello like normal ponies” I said reasonably
“I DON’T HAVE A FARM!” Pinkie shouted as she trotted away, not bouncing nor singing or anything she usually did but trotting nonetheless.
“What went up her flank today?” CK asked, watching Pinkie going away.
“It’s just the Chaos getting to her probably” I said, knowing full well what really went down.

I knew Pinkie was going to be like that, but the way she reacted even upset me a fair bit. She could have been this way for the rest of her life you know, not laughing, not smiling or anything.

Equestria has been so close to being damned by bad guys, who knows what life would be like if one so much as gets successful. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to stay out of the Element’s affairs but I knew better than to trust things to go the right way so I kept a lookout.

If Twilight couldn’t defeat Discord with the Elements of Harmony somehow, what chance would I have if I decided to go against him? Any villain whatsoever? Chrysalis has her entire Changeling Army when the wedding happens, King Sombra was so close to grabbing the Crystal heart and enslaving the Crystal Empure. But if they failed, would any of us other ponies ever stand so much as chance? Not without the required power we wouldn’t, which usually is the Elements and if one so much as dies or disconnects, we are so screwed!

“Urgh, what is going on with the sun and moon?” Firefly asked, snapping me back to reality, the sun and moon had been switching randomly.
“Who knows” CK answered
“Oh I do” a mischievous voice rang out

Within a flash, the very same Discord popped out looking at the three of us. There he was, in all of his Chaos glory!

“At last we meet, Human” Discord said
“Going to be honest here, I was wondering if you knew, Discord” I said
“Hu-WHAT?” Both Firefly and Cloud Kicker looked at me and Discord

I admit, based on Fanfiction I read on Discord and the nature of him basically, I had expected Discord to somehow know about my secret. It was only a matter of time anyway.

“I see my reputation proceeds me, as I expected” Discord said to me making a throne appear out of nowhere.
‘Well on the bright side, we don’t need to introduce ourselves. But I am curious, how did you know about me?” I asked
“You already know, my chaos powers, yes I know about that little girl's show, who knew such creatures made a TV show about us? It’s almost creepy…almost!” Discord answered trying his best to look disturbed
“To be completely honest with you, the fact that the show’s developer somehow knew the events of this world is honestly confusing. Like how the tartarus did some human know about all this?” I confessed my confusion on the subject
“Who knows? Who cares? What’s important is that I am obviously going to lose, so here I am enjoying my last bit of fun before the party poopers get here” Discord said, relaxing on a throne
"Did you send me here?" I asked
"What?" Discord said
"Did you send me here by your magic?" I asked
"No, but I do envy the creature with such chaotic power to do so" Discord answered
"Who then? Answer me!" I demanded
“WE FOUND THEE!” A royal voice boomed
'Oh for buck's sake, just when I was getting answers'

All of us looked up to see Princess Luna descending towards the four of us.

“Princess Luna!” All of us had said
“We always knew thou would return, Discord! We cannot believe we didn’t smell thy chaotic stench from Canterlot” Luna had started at Discord
“As charming as ever I see, Luna” Discord wrapped his arm around Luna
“Am I the only pony confused as to what's going on here?” Cloud Kicker asked out loud
“No” Firefly answered
“Honestly, we should have a reunion party and invite our dear friend, Celestia shall we? I bet she’ll like to play Pin the Tail on the Pony” Discord suggested
“Keep thy forked tongue behind thy teeth! We are not here for you! We’re here for that Pegasus over there!” Luna pointed at me
“ME? What have I done” I asked
“Besides being Human, nothing” Discord added.
“Is this true, Bolty?” Firefly asked
“Unfortunately yes, I'm a-” I answered
“THERE YOU ARE DISCORD!” Another voice yelled
'FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! WHAT NOW!?'

We turned around to find the Mane Six, back to normal and Elements working properly, the Coup de Grace was about to happen to Discord

“Oh it’s you again, Twilight Sparkle. Back to try again? We both know the Elements don’t work so why bother trying?” Discord faked a bored look
“You’re wrong Discord, with the power of Friendship, we’ll always win! Right Girls?” Twilight spoke
“RIGHT!” the other five confirmed their friendship
“Urgh…again with the monologue! Blah blah blah! Friendship this, Harmony that! It’s so utterly boring! At least Celestia made it somewhat interesting! But if you think you’re gonna win with those broken necklaces, try it, you may fire when ready” Discord said the last part dressed up as a Star wars officer

The Mane Six did just that, the elements charged and fired the Orbital Friendship Cannon (OFC) and Discord turned into stone once more for like another season. Silence came as Discord's stone statue just stood there in shocked expression.

“Sooooo…what now?” I asked to break the silence

Everypony looked at me and then I realized everypony was staring at me as though I did a heinous crime.

“Heh heh, soooo, Nice weather today?” I said awkwardly

Yep, this is going to be a looooooooooong afternoon!

Author's Note

What's this, 2 updates in 2 days? I'm feeling quite generous today, maybe Rarity is rubbing off on me. Oh and someone liked my Discord cereal joke last chapter, that one just came up. I made Discord and Lightning Bolt talk casually as they already know who each other are but never met before. Oh and our dear Bolty has a lot 'splanin to do!

BTW the story hit 66 likes...Execute order 66! (You read that in Emperor Palpatine's voice didn't you, good you got the reference!) I'll shut up now...

Entry #16

BOOOOLLLLLTTTTTYYYY!

BOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLTTTTYYYYYYY!

Okay, who is calling out in that weird echoy voice? In fact mine is echoing too, ECHOOOOOOOOOOO!

So I suddenly have nothing to monologue about, why? Why does my head feel like it got whacked? Did I even make it home last night?

Urgh…ow! What happened to me? My head is so bucking painful, last thing I remember is having a nice walk home from Firefly’s place and then…black.

I opened my eyes and instead of finding my bedroom or anything, I saw bars, not Prison bars but a cage clearly for a captive and it was clear to me that I was the captive, question is, who the buck is the captor so I can buck his/her in the face so Celestia-damned hard they will remain in the hospital for the rest of their life!

“It seems our “Guest” has woken up at last” a familiar voice said from all around.

I know that voice anywhere from the show, Queen Chrysalis! So she’s the one who brought me here, curse that little bug!

“Queen Chrysalis!” I spoke out
“Yes, I figured you would know who I am, Human” Chrysalis said
“How do you know that?” I asked
“Simple, spies all around picked up things and when Discord attacked, I found out your dirty little secret you told Celestia so of course I had to get you out of the way, nice job on not telling them by the way!” Chrysalis mocked me

All around, Pictures of not Chrysalis herself but Princess Cadence appeared, she must be communicating from the Castle or must be near Shining Armor so she must keep her disguise. By Celestia’s mane she looks like such a bitch like she did in the show, you can admit it you know, you wanted to slap her in the face so hard!

“It was for their own good, if I had told them, they wouldn’t of learned a damned thing causing them to fail in the future, as dick move as that sounds, it’s quite safe” I said reasonably
“Yes, but you have information as I found out so I brought you here and I found out my plan went wrong so I decided to make a couple of Minor changes so I will succeed this time” Chrysalis explained
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that bugface, all it would of taken is one simple investigation and somepony would of figured it out like Twilight did, it’s a wonder how nopony else saw through the ruse” I said
“But the difference is, this time I have the means to succeed, and feed my kind with all the love in the world! And of course, Equestria will be all mine and there will not be a thing you or anypony can do about it!” Chrysalis gloated at me
“You know, ponies would sympathize if you weren’t acting like a total douche and you stop impersonating ponies, and besides you guys look like monsters and your only source of food is emotions, face it! Your kind is doomed to Extinction and even if you succeeed you’re only delaying the inevitable, and besides when Season 3 starts Sombra will attack and you can’t stop that and you will have another evil to contend with who will most likely not be sharing it with the likes of you bugface!” I pointed out
“I can deal while with that freak when that comes, but first to business, taking over Equestria and an important step is you out of the way” Chrysalis reasoned
“And somepony is going to notice I am missing” I said
“Not likely, I had one of my minions change into a perfect clone of you that will even fool your dear Firefly” Chrysalis explained
“You do one thing to her or Cloud Kicker and I will kill you once I get out of here! And I’ll be sure to make it agonizing as possible!” I threatened Chrysalis
“Whatever you say, I’m not the one in the cage and you have been such a naughty stallion, so no love for you! In fact, CHANGELINGS FEED ON HIS LOVE! Ta Ta!” Chrysalis disappeared
“GET BACK HERE YOU COWARDLY BUG!!” I yelled but nopony would answer

But what did answer was a fair amount of Changelings all heading towards me looking hungry, well…BUCK! It’s like I’m dying in the zombie apocalypse except it’s by bugs as they grabbed me and they all pretty much body piled me.

“No, GO AWAY YOU DAMNED DIRTY BUGS! GO FEED ON SOMEPONY ELSE! NOOOOOOOOOO!” I screamed

Canterlot Castle…

Queen Chrysalis had just about assured her victory from finding out everything from the human while he was unconscious, it was hard to believe that one simple pony could be the solution to her problem and she couldn’t believe that she had been fooled by that meddling purple unicorn.

She was right now with her “Future husband” Shining Armor along with Princess Celestia and that complete old-fashioned Princess, Luna. Rehearsing weddings were an absolute bore but it would be worth it in the long run, one bore would account for so much food for her beloved changelings, a whole country worth of it as well as the highest magic presence on the planet itself.

Chrysalis had found herself such a deal! It was a shame she was somehow foiled, but this time it’s different, she knew better now. She would not be rude to Twilight, she would pass off as kind as possible as much as that disgusted Chrysalis so much she would puke. And should that unicorn still be suspicious, I will not banish her to where the real Cadence was, still down in the Canterlot mines where nopony would find her at all unless they knew where to blast the wall at.

Yes, her plan was just so perfect! She could barely contain her excitement, it was all ripe for the taking! And it’s all thanks to Lightning Bolt!

Oh…ow! I feel so weak, it’s like all my organs won’t work at all after having the love sucked out of me, I will get that bug, I have to get out of here soon or Chrysalis will win! I can’t afford that to happen, I can’t rely on Twilight still succeeding a second time.

How could of I been so foolish to not see this coming? Somepony bad was bound to figure this out, I should of taken precautions just in case, instead I was a fool! I was too happy in my life to ignore such measures, Equestria may be doomed and it’s all my fault!

NOT IF I CAN HELP IT! I must find a way out…even if it kills me which is not preferable but at least I'll be free...

Author's Note

Have you seen this Pony: Lightning Bolt? No? Well i'll keep looking!

100 likes you guys, FREE HUGS FOR EVERYPONY! AND THERE IS NAUGHT YOU CAN DO! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!

Entry #25

Soooo, I gotta admit something right now, knowing what happens here is sort of boring, I mean it’s alright but it takes the thrill out you know? Can you imagine if somepony went into every horror film and told every detail so everypony could survive? BOOOOORRRRIIIIIING! But I guess that’s what I get for being some sort of Time Vigilante.

So it’s su-wait…it’s actually raining? WHAT IS THIS BLACK MAGIC?! And it’s snowing as well? Has the seasons come so inconsistent that it rains and snows at the same time now? Lazy flank magic…

Wait…this seems familiar, the clouds even look weird and patterned…I think the time has come.

Just as I suspected, Rarity is messing with the weather, which means Twilight has completely bucked her friends over with the incomplete spell, remember kids, attempting incomplete spells by a random wizard-like pony is good for you!

Wait…if Unicorns can control weather, then how come they didn’t try to do anything about it when the Windigoes attacked? HOLY PLOT HOLES BATMANE!! Damn Unicorn master race promotions…

Whatever, wait…another thought just occurred to me. If the cutie marks are switched and they act as though they never had the original ones, does that mean that cutie marks are like mind control thingys? They could all be Mind controlling everypony except for newborn foals and the CMC…DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

But that’s ridiculous right? So anyway, I find Cloud Kicker clearly annoyed about this weather, but at least it’s raining for once…now it’s snowing, er raining, sunny, cloudy ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH! WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THE WEATHER SO MUCH!!!

“Sup Kicker?” I greeted her.
“The sky Bolty, apparently Rarity is trying to do OUR job! She’s failing miserably though” CK replied pointing towards the Unicorn
“That’s normal, it’ll be fixed by the end of today” I said
“Hopefully soon, it’s really killing me inside watching a Unicorn trying to do a Pegasi’s job” CK said looking at Rarity
“I hear ya” I said
“So how is this even happening anyway?” CK asked
“Well Twilight tried an incomplete spell and it switched her friends cutie marks, so basically it goes like this…

Rarity= Rainbow Dash
Pinkie Pie= Applejack
Rainbow Dash= Fluttershy
Applejack= Rarity
Fluttershy= Pinkie Pie

And yeah, Twilight’s gonna fix that” I explained
“That’s messed up if you ask me” CK said shivering at the thought of switched cutie marks
“And the worst part is that they all suck at their cutie marks such as Exhibit A over there” I pointed to Rarity struggling to fix a snow cloud
“What’re we gonna do until this is over?” CK asked me
“I have no idea” I admitted
“I say we find a mare to bed early” CK suggested
“You can, but I’m committed to Firefly, and if the universe would stop trying to cockblock me then I would be happy” I said, remembering all the times that has happened.
“Yeah, maybe you should try it while everything else is happening?” CK suggested something I should do
“Nah, maybe we’ll just go get a drink” I said
“Okay, but you’re helping me find a good pony to bed” CK said
“Agreed” I agreed

Dear Luna, I have not been here in a while. CK and I entered the bar, which was owned by Berry Punch.

“Ah, there you two are! I thought you’d completely forgot about us” Berry Punch said to her usual customers
“We’ve been busy, Berry” I said
“Weather waits for nopony” CK said
“Weather includes Rainbow Dash” I muttered
“Well, go sit down and I’ll be right with you” Berry pointed her hooves at a table

You are probably scoffing at me right now and saying “But Bolty, it’s always sunny and all, how do you have so much work?” What? Did you think our job consisted of nothing but kicking clouds and making rain? OF COURSE BLOODY NOT YOU MORONS! There’s a thing called Paperwork (Or Parchmentwork since Paper doesn’t exist here), yes the very art of wasting hours on pointless crap and thank the goddesses ponies speak and write English for some unexplained reason. But honestly, at least half this paperwork is so pointless!

But, I don’t call the shots so I can’t do jack buck about it, unless of course you want me to be broke and have no house, no food and basically die or feed off bins again and that was an unpleasant experience to go through once thank you very much!

Berry Punch was the owner of this bar we always went to but all this “Parchment” work has kept us tired from plain boredom that we don’t have time, plus Discord running loose a couple of episodes ago.

“You seen Firefly anywhere?” I asked noticing she was missing
“No, I think she might be sick” CK answered in an unsure way
“Her loss I guess, besides, a stallion needs a drink” I said
“So do mares Bolty, believe me, sticking around Rainbow Dash too much does that sometimes” CK explained
“So what will it be today?” Berry punch came and asked us
“Cider for me” I said
“Pegasi surprise for me” CK answered
“Coming right up” BP turned away

You’re wondering what a Pegasi Surprise is, aren’t you? Well it’s a special kind of drink that only Pegasus ponies can really enjoy, something to do with the magic inside Pegasus ponies and that, they have one for Unicorns and Earth Ponies. Alicorns enjoy all three the lucky bastards, and they have one that only they can enjoy.

Despite the Mary-sueness being an Alicorn would ensue, it would be cool to be one, you have so much power, live forever, and you have all the races combined. I guess the problem is that Tradition makes Alicorns have to be royal and all that and I’m not one for that and the whole outlive your friends thing, so I’ll stick with being a Pegasus thank you very much! I’ve always loved the free feeling of being able to fly, I’d take it any day over Magic although it could have been useful when the Changelings invaded or something. But still, I like flying and flying I shall do!

“Here you go” BP said as she sat next to us with her own drink
“Cheers” CK said
“Well, To good drinks” BP said
“To all the Mares and Stallions that I will bang” CK said
“To the freedom of flying and Firefly” I said before muttering “and to Princess Twilight”

We all banged our glasses together and downed them…

Later that Night…

CK had found a mare by the name of Burnt Rubble, don’t ask, I don’t get the name either but she is actually more attractive than she sounds and she is actually one of those ponies that demolish things. Hey, there’s nothing more satisfying in life than destroying the stuffing out of something without consequence.

So it was about 7am by the time we got out of the bar, in other words, we spent the whole day in that bar and Firefly was sick as I did go to find her, poor mare.

So I was walking back home and passing by the library when Spike and the Mane Six minus Twilight came running to me.

“Lightning Bolt! We need to talk to you!” Dash started
“if you’re worried about Twilight, she’s fine” I said, already knowing what’s up
“How did you know? Are you physic?” Pinkie asked
“Yes Pinkie, yes I am! But seriously though, she’ll be back soon as she’s just ascending” I explained
“Ascending? What in tarnation does that mean?” AJ asked
“Well, let’s just say she’s becoming a rising star if you get my drift” I said cryptically

What? I’m allowed to have some fun over here! FINE THEN! You readers are no fun! I’ll go find Discord or something, at least he laughs at my jokes…

“Alright, I’m done, just look up” I pointed up in the sky
“What are we looking at” Dash said confused

On cue, a light with Twilight’s cutie mark descended upon us, it was quite beautiful actually.

What’s This? Twilight Sparkle is evolving!

Twilight appeared and she spread out her new wings which had everypony in awe.

Twilight has evolved into a Twilicorn!!

So they talked and Celestia revealed that Twilight is a princess now, I gotta say it’s a bit rude to go making ponies Princesses without asking them first but Twilight is up to it so no harm done I suppose.

I decided to leave and let them have their moment, we’ll call it Mission Accomplished for now…

Author's Note

For the record, if Twilight were a starter pokemon i'd say she'd lean towards the Fire type. Yes Pokemon jokes have to be made here...

A Wild Update appeared!

What Will Reader do?

Entry #30

You know, I got one question. Why is a straight answer so hard? I mean, say you ask a question, why does there need to be so many complicated answers? Why can’t we just get the answer we want and be done with it?

Such is a case with Discord, ask him a question and you’ll get crap thrown at you. Especially if your name Twilight Sparkle.

Oh speaking of Twilight, she’s in Canterlot learning how to fly from Rainbow Dash, I had to self-teach myself how to fly, it took a while but I learned how.

So it was once again the Summer Sun Celebration, basically over a year since I’ve been looking out for the timeline and any deviance that could seriously alter Equestria’s fate. This time it was being held in Canterlot…duh! That means it’s time for Season 4.

Three guesses what the weather is? Go on! Guess! Yes, it’s sunny again! How have we not droughted this land to death? It should be drier that Saddie Arabia right now with this amount of sun.

“Gee, Cloud Kicker, can we make it rain for once?” I asked CK
“I wish Bolty, but Rainbow Dash is in charge remember?” CK replied
“Oh yeah, I kinda forgot as I haven’t been to my job in 6 chapters or something. (I’m too lazy to check)” I said lazily not checking the story

CRACK!!!

“How in tartarus do you still have money?” CK asked
“Well I cashed in a few favors from Princess Cadence for help saving her flank back in Season 2 and I won like 2000 bits in a lottery, not that much to be honest, besides, Heroism doesn't pay all the bills” I explained
“Nice Bolty, by the way, where’s Firefly?” CK asked
“Oh she’s uh training” I said
“What for?” CK questioned
“For the moment when we can finally get some action without some random thing cockblocking us every 5 seconds” I said, remembering all those times.
“Dude, you have the worse sex luck ever” CK pointed out
“Well at least I have a mare, there are many ponies and humans out there that don’t even have a love life at all (Like the poor author! Ladies, please help a brother out!)” I said

A moment of Silence for our brothers and sisters who do not have a love life (And me…T_T, then again I would have one if I was not addicted to writing fanfiction and doing work all the damn time.)

So yeah, It’s relatively quiet as of now….

1 day later…

OMBG!!! The sky has the sun and the moon at the same time! It’s NOT FULLY SUNNY! WHAT IS THIS BLACK MAGIC?!

This can only mean one of these few situations has happened:

1) Rainbow Dash has finally bothered to order some rain
2) The Apocalypse is coming and we should all run for the hills
3) The Next Episode is happening
4) Celestia has finally gotten lazy with the Sun

Wait…Sun and moon up, ah yes! I remember now! This is that episode where Discord’s seeds get Celestia and Luna and the Elements have to be put back in the tree of Harmony.

So naturally the Elements approach me about the situation…well all except Twilight who is probably having the biggest freakout ever!

Meanwhile at Canterlot Castle…

“OHMYCELESTIA! CELESTIAANDLUNAAREGONEANDIHAVENOIDEAWHATTODOWHATDOIDO!” Twilight freaked out
“Twilight! Calm down! Breathe in, breathe out!” Spike calmed Twilight down
“Thanks Spike…” Twilight thanked the dragon after she calmed down

Mission Success: Twilight calmed down!

“So you’re saying that what we need to know is in the library?” Dash asked
“Pretty much” I confirmed
“Are you sure?” Pinkie asked
“YES I AM SURE!” I half-yelled

When we started trotting, the vines appeared and went for me! WHY ME! OH HELP! THEY’RE SUFFOCATING ME AND PUTTING ME IN A BALL!

“Bolty!” Firefly and CK yelled
“Lightning” The five Elements yelled as well

“Hello Gavin” said a royal voice
“C-Celestia, I thought you were at the Tree of Harmony?” I asked confused
“We are, Gavin” Celestia replied
“Oh, and my name is Lightning Bolt” I said
‘Thou will always be called Gavin by us” Luna said
“Hi Lulu” I said
“Don’t call us Lulu!” Luna snapped
“Don’t call me Gavin then!” I shot back
“Never!” Luna said
“Oh stop it you two, you’re both acting like foals” Celestia said in a bored tone

I looked around and we were in some white world…no black vines of death or any claustrophobic place. Gee this going to get boring fast!

“So why are we in this white world and not those creepy vines that remind me of all the hent—I mean the kraken monster I watched from Pirates of The Caribbean?” I asked
“Well, you didn’t expect for anyone sealed to just get sealed unconscious and wake up to what felt like a second to them did you?” Celestia asked
“Yeah, that would be nice” I commented
“Unfortunately, that isn’t the case or the whole stoning punishment wouldn’t be such a punishment at all. But when such things happen you are sent to a special sealed realam and you can still hear what goes on outside” Celestia explained
“Sounds boring” I said
“That is the intent, Gavin” Luna said as though it were obvious
“Why not just kill these villains? Seems to me you’re just delaying the problem” I asked
“We could never kill, Gavin. We like the believe that even the darkest of villains can be redeemed” Celestia said
“I disagree, there are ponies who will always be evil and the only way to deal with them is the permanent solution of death, I know it’s not pretty but it solves the problem forever rather than sealing it for 1000 years and handing the problem to your student” I disagreed with Celestia

Hope you got ice on that sun Celestia, cause that one burned!!

“Yes, well it was a difficult time and it was the heat of the moment” Celestia said quickly

BULLAPPLES CELESTIA!!

“Whatever” I said
“So, Gavin. Is this capture of ours part of the show?” Luna asked
“Yeah, don’t know why it got me, Discord intended it to be for you two back when he ruled Equestria and for some reason it took 1000 years to do so. Also Twilight gets a flashback to You and Nightmare Moon’s duel which was badflank by the way” I explained
“Thank you” Celestia said
“And she saw Discord getting stoned and all this was via some potion by Zecora that only Alicorn magic can make it usable and honestly, I don’t know why she even has that. And they find out about the Tree of Harmony and have the sacrifice the Elements and that’s when we get freed” I explained
“So that’s what those seeds were” Luna said to herself
“You should of seen the faces Twilight made while viewing the flashbacks, I must ask Discord for one…oh and that Twilicane” I got reminded of those things
“So what shall we do while we wait Dear Sister and Gavin?” Luna asked
“Poker?” I suggested
“Nah, we don’t have any bits otherwise we would play, and Cadence would stop getting all of our bits” Celestia denied the suggestion
“Well since we are here and we can summon imagination…why not something from Earth?” Luna asked
“Sure, lucky dip it” I said

So Luna used her magic to summon a deck of cards…but not just any deck of cards…my old Yu-Gi-Oh Deck of cards with 2 out of 3 Eygyptian god cards too.

“Hey it’s my Yu-Gi-Oh! Deck, I’ve been wondering where that went!” I exclaimed
“How do we play this game?” Luna asks
“I shall explain the rules then” I said preparing a long-winded explanation

1 long winded explanation and Children’s Card Game later…

“Huzzah! We have won this card game!” Luna declared her victory over Celestia
“You may of won, but I shall have my revenge Luna and I’ll—“ Celestia shot back

FLASH!

The white world disappeared and before we knew it, we were in front of the Tree of Harmony in the middle of the Everfree Forest.

“Awwww, but we were having so much fu-we mean, we thank thee for rescuing us from the vile vines” Luna said as she got out
“About time too, my neck feels weird” I said

Yeah, and the huge plot device box of absolute rainbow-beamed epicness comes out with six keyholes, so instead of embarking on some season-long quest to find them, we just leave them there…oh well…wait, I remember something about that box being important in the final episode…but what is it?

I’ll find out sooner or later…

Author's Note

Seriously though, Bolty and Firefly will get some, i promise, the clopping gods demand it!

Let's face it, Celestia is a giant Flankhole, she's been sealing stuff not finishing the job and leaving everything to her student who doesn't know a thing about the villain

I love Yu-Gi-Oh, the Season 0 and Duel Monsters, GX was okay but the rest we bleh! I was missing with Winged Dragon of Ra God card. Anyone who does not love Yu-Gi-Oh shall be sent to the Shadow Raleam!

The Poker thing was a reference to "TD the Alicorn Princess" Story by BronyWriter, a fantastic story...in fact read all the TD Stories if you're a HIE enthusiast! They are great stories and I think you'll like them! Anyway, After TD turns into an Alicorn Princess, the Princesses play poker and Cadence keeps winning the game. So much for Celestia having any bits at all.

Enjoy!

Entry #39

It’s been a day since we returned from the Changeling Kingdom, I swear old Dashie is pretending she didn’t get poded…is that even a word? Anyway, I don’t think her pride would allow a memory to exist of that happening.

But one thing I learned from the experience is that, I’m not a very good friend as I thought I was and I even forgot two of my dear friends: Simple Breeze and Sky High. Also, I feel I need to better my relationship with Firefly.

So…three guesses what’s gonna happen? If you don’t succeed in this game I will blast you out of Equestria.

The Plan:

1. Fix friendship with old friends
2. Go to Firefly and better the relationship
3. ???
5. Profit and forget the fact I skipped four just like Ponies the Anthology did assuming it ever releases the fifth one.

That is my plan and I am sticking to it! Any questions? No? Good enough! What? You had a question? You should of spoke up and because you didn’t, I’m ignoring you!

Soooo…where would I find two friends I haven’t seen in like 30-something chapters? Of course! The Bar!

Meanwhile at the bar…probably….

“Buck TheDawsonator1!” Sky High said with his head against the bar
“You think you got it bad?” Nightmare Rarity asks

Nopony answered that question yet so Nightmare Rarity continued…

“Nopony even remembers me” Nightmare Rarity said
“Uh…who are you again?” Simple Breeze happened

Nah, that didn’t actually happen!

Ok now at the bar really….

I entered the bar and looked around, I couldn’t see them but still, I think Berry Punch knows where they are

“Bolty! Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a month” Berry Punch greeted
“Nice to see you too, Berry. And for the record, I would come if so much stuff would not happen every 5 seconds in this town” I pointed out
“That’s true, so what can I get ya?” Berry asked
“Nothing, I am just looking for Sky High and Simple Breeze, ya seen them?” I asked
“You haven’t talked to them in 7 months or about…34 chapters” Berry deadpanned
“I know and I realize I’ve been a crap friend which is why I came to find them so I could start over” I said
“They’re in the corner booth out of sight, but please don’t leave us for a while again” Berry said
“I’ll try not to, hopefully my battles are done for a while” I sort of lied and told the truth

Once Season 4 is over, I’ll have no knowledge of the future and what happens, happens! This is the point I’m afraid of, the unknown.

I walked to the booth and I saw them both, Sky High and Simple Breeze, SB looked pregnant, did they do it together? Lucky bastards, I’ll be lucky to get on intimate minute with Firefly.

“Well, Lightning Bolt. I was wondering if you’d ever show up” Sky High said
“Well, here I am, and I came for a reason: To be friends” I said
“Bolty, you left us for a good 7 months, we were sort of forgotten” Simple Breeze said
“I realize that, I’ve been a jerk these past months and I’ve realized it now so I am here to fix the friendships we once had” I said
“I knew you would come” SB said
“We missed you, we’ve only seen Kicker, said you and Firefly got together” SH said
“Yeah, and playing a bit of vigilante and through that I honestly saw how much I ignored my friends a bit” I confessed
“We know you ask for forgiveness and we forgive you, Bolty, we did the same to a former friend, he forgave us himself” Sky mentioned
“Thank you! So, how’ve you two been doing?” I thanked
“Good, Breezy is with foal at 7 months, a day after you last saw us” Sky replied
“Congratulations!” I congratulated them
“Thanks” Breeze said

For all you readers at home: Mares take 11 months from conception to birth the foal approximately compared to Human Females who take 9 months. So ponies get 2 months extra annoyance…fuuuuun!

“Bolty! There you are!” Cloud Kicker came in

And here came Cloud Kicker and Firefly, it feels like old times now, you know before all the story stuff hit Ponyville.

“Kicker and Firefly, been a while” Sky High motioned for them to sit down
“Yes it has” Firefly responded
“So Bolty was here to fix the friendship apparently” Breeze says
“Yes I was and to be honest, I’ve been a bucking awful friend, all I did was go 5 chapters with you and then nothing! Not even a hello. And Firefly, I’ve been a pretty pathetic coltfriend, all we’ve done is try to have sex…and FAIL due to the forces of the universe cockblocking us every 10 seconds” I confessed
“Hey, you aren’t the only one, Bolty! We haven’t even tried to contact you at all, we were so wound up in the baby thing we didn’t notice anything” Sky said
“Yeah, but helping saving the world is not an excuse for neglect” I said reasonably
“Well, what say we start over? Just pretend this gap never happened and start being more friendly and Bolty, we’ll work more on relationship stuff” Firefly suggested
“I can do that” I said
“Agreed” the other three did so

We all shook hoofs on it and that sealed the deal.

“So, who wants a drink” Breeze suggested
“Sure, why not?” We all said

It felt like old times again, and this time, it’ll be friends with no neglect and bettered this time, after all Friendship is Magic!

Author's Note

I made a story change from the last chapter so you know, I didn't like the whole nightmare story so I cancelled it. Right now, this is Bolty fixing friendships cause friendship is magic!

SAY IT WITH ME! FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!! Are you doing it? You better be or I KILL YOU!!

Oh yeah the bar thing was a reference to Sonic Shorts where a few one-game characters in the Sega Saturn Era were in a bar and saying "F**K" Sega! And this green bird, Bean was all like "You think you got it bad? No one even remembers me!" In which the other one of the two asks who he is again. Then again, Sega really love giving One-game characters never to be seen again or hang around for the comics as a cameo never to be remembered again although occasionally one got notorious and that was Elise in Sonic 06, a.k.a the game that never happened due to the events be wiped out in the ending and it's as though nothing ever happened.

Suffice to say Sonic ain't doing too well, and the fanbase is unpleasable, at least this fanbase wasn't like Sonic. Consider yourselves lucky. Although Sonic has a lot of fanfiction much like MLP does but actually has more.

But some One-shot characters are respected and we love them like Maud Pie, Chrysalis (technically). So know that those One-shots are loved as much as the main characters are.

Last thing, honestly, Ponies the Anthology V should be IV if it ever comes out. IV was a lazy 10 minute video just done in 15 minutes and got called IV, that doesn't count as one to me and i loved the stuff in first three...oh well...typical internet series, as soon as they're popular they stop making it for a while and then make a half-assed next episode and then never return to it.

Entry #48

Tirek did not seem to have put much thought into his plans as I thought. He thought his plan would go along perfectly, that no flaws or interference would happen. HE WAS WRONG!!!

I have seen to that very thing happening, Tirek has tried to cowardly make me give up, he will not succeed, he will not win, nope! Not a chance in Tartarus!

It’s time to 100% this, it’s been long enough and it would give me a better state of mind that he knows what I can do rather than what could have been.

But, where is Twilight and friends at? They can’t be too far now, it’s been a while, I hope nothing got them or this whole plan is screwed!

“So, any last words before I kick your flank into the afterlife?” I asked
“Screw you!” Tirek said
“Ooooh, defiant, I LIKE IT!” I said

Yeah, as I charge my laser beam I got four words for him…

“IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR” I Shouted as I shot my blast

DIRECT HIT! He got blasted directly which made him not able to stand or move for a good 30 seconds

“Get up, Tirek! You can sleep when you’re dead” I said cockily
“Shut up” Tirek growled
“Make me, fatflank!” I teased
“What the BUCK did you just call me?” Tirek asked
“Fatflank” I repeated
“Oh you are DEAD!” Tirek said as he charged

I dodged with absurd ease, it feels good to be finally being in control for once in this fight, and man does each blow to Tirek feel satisfying! Really not setting a good example to kids here but oh well…

Twilight and friends were finally at the Tree of Harmony, the girls had put Twilight by the missing key as she could walk to it.

Twilight proceeded to pull the Element of Magic shaped gem (From her flank because that’s where all heroes put plot (HA HA! Get it? Plot? I’m a genius!) devices in), she made the gem touch the chest and to her extreme delight, it turned into the last key, Lightning Bolt’s friendship had worked!

“Together, I think we turn our keys together” Twilight said confidently
“Ready when y’all are, sugarcube” AJ said

The Mane Six had turned their keys at the same time and the chest glowed with pure white light, the kind of light that would defeat Tirek!

They transformed into their “Harmony” forms (What? What else were we gonna call them? Friendship forms? Super-special-friendship-form-of-absolute-epicness?)

WHAM!!

Oh…ow! That hurt, being flung into a couple of buildings hurts a lot more that it looks on TV.

“Well Gavin, I was holding back too except unlike you, I didn’t make it dramatic” Tirek said after I got up
“Yeah, no screaming for the whole episode just to transform, Tirek you disappoint me…” I said

I felt it, the elements finally made it, about time too and I saw their rainbow forms rising up.

“…But what’s even more disappointing is the fact that you aren’t anywhere near your power the first time, but really I should not be surprised, villains that return a second time are always destined to stuff up more than they did the second time” I said as I smiled
“What do you mean? Why are you smiling?” Tirek demanded
“Simple, this whole fight between us was just a ruse! You made the same mistake Chrysalis did by changing one feature and hoping it would upset the whole thing, you’re wrong! I simply showed my friendship with Twilight and gave her gift of it and she saw the true magic of not only friendship but selflessness and sacrifice. I was willing to die just to save Equestria” I explained
“YOU TRICKED ME!” Tirek shouted in realization
“Gee, did you figure that all by yourself? Would you like a medal? I would give you one but you would consider it worthless like how you feel about your brother, a wiser and braver being than you” I said sarcastically
“Ha! Like those idiots can stop me, I’ll just come again and this time not include you or any other human in the story” Tirek said
“It’s already too late, the key has turned and the Elements are right behind you” I said

Well, the Mane Six are here and they were just charging their rainbow beam of death (What do they honestly call that attack anyway?).

“Rainbow Beams, aren’t they something? They give us hope, they are quite spicy for some reason and they solve villainous problems and they give you an awesome look, the only regret I have is not getting one myself” I said with a Pinkie Pie length smile
“YOU!” Tirek was getting fed up

To ensure he did escape again and he went to Tartarus for real this time, I cast my magic to hold Tirek into place

“What are you doing?!” Tirek demanded
“Making sure Cerberus sees his house guest comes back, do give him my regards, now…BEGONE WITH YOU!!” I said

The girls then fired their beams at Tirek which caused a direct hit and got him to Tartarus, he went directly to Tartarus, do not pass GO, do not collect 200 bits.

With that I felt woozy and…zzzzzzz….

Yawn…I must’ve slept a while, I feel like I’ve rested easy for the first time in a long time. I sat up from the bed in my room and I realized somepony must of taken me here to the fight.

“Good Morning, Gavin” I heard the voice of Princess Celestia
“Princess Celestia?! And it’s just Lightning Bolt!” I said in shock and then annoyance
“How are you feeling?” she asks
“Uh…” I trailed

Well…I felt satisfied, fulfilled, like a heavy burden has been taken off my back.

“Eh, so-so” I said
“I see” Celestia says with a smile
“Is it done? Is Tirek in Tartarus for real this time?” I asked at once
“Yes, Lord Tirek is safely behind bars with double the security of last time” Celestia reported

Well that’s a relief right now let me tell you, we got him and we are victorious!

“Awesome!” I said
“I really must thank you for his imprisonment though, Princess Twilight told me what you did, to handle the weight of four alicorns and not be killed from the power or be turned is a remarkable feat very very few can do” Celestia congratulated me
“I got lucky” I was being modest
“Luck? I must disagree, Lightning, there are forces that surround our planet that we have very little understanding guiding us such as the Elements of Harmony, perhaps these same forces have guided you to your successful transformation. But whether you survived or not, you were willing to sacrifice your life for the safety of Equestria, this is not something taken so lightly and it takes true character to do what you did” Celestia praised me
“To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing half the time, I felt like a spirit possesses me and fighted Tirek, I felt like stuff you knew or Luna or the other Princesses knew is what I knew at the time” I confessed that feeling
“Hmm, magical techniques do actually imprint on a pony’s magical essence, when your absorbed our essences, you could gain knowledge like you had our brains stuck inside yours but barred from certain thing such as feelings, memories, personal things. I deduce you no longer know such things since we have our magic back?” Celestia told her theory
“No, I don’t remember that stuff, but it’s probably for the best, having all that power is exhausting as buck” I said
“Indeed, but the question is what will you do now?” Celestia asks

I thought about it for a second, I really don’t know…

“Well, the show is over now, so I no longer have any knowledge of the future and I’ll be blind from here on out. I’m also still a half-Alicorn…” I answered
“Yes, the only way to become a full Alicorn is the Ascension Ritual, in your current form, you will not be as powerful as full ones but still considerably powerful and you don’t have the immortality. You are also technically allowed to become a prince by our traditions but that’s your choice alone” Celestia said some choices I could make
“I think I’ll stay half, Powerful magic is not for me and Politics was never my strong suit and besides, I’ve seen the Canterlot Nobles for myself and they don’t appeal to me at all, especially Blueblood” I answered remembering the noble in question.
“Very well, remember, the offer is always on the table should you wish it, we feel you have deserved the right to Ascend should you ever want it” Celestia reminds me
“I will so yeah…” I started

My stomach decided to play the song of its people and growl ridiculously loud in cry for food.

“Ah, Victory hunger, I know it well Lightning, do not worry as Applejack left some delicious treats as well Pinkie Pie as a thank you.” Celestia laughed
“Well, I ain’t waiting for food to be honest Princess, and then I’ll check Twilight’s new castle out for myself” I decided
“I must attend to my subjects, we will meet again soon, this I am sure of” Celestia walked out the door
“Say hi to Princess Luna and Cadence for me” I said
“Will do, Farewell, Lightning Bolt” Celestia said good-bye

I waved and there was food calling my name and who am I to deny such delicousity…I don’t think that’s a word…

Author's Note

Tirek be done fool! And what? Were you really expecting our dear pony to come a Prince and rule over the land? Ha Ha Ha! NO! Besides, you should see kings and queens in the old days, lucky if they hit their fifties what with all the power hungry jerks around. You bet your flank Blueblood would try it!

Entry #57

You know, when humans on Earth ask me where I’d be in 10 years? I never liked that question, in fact I HATED IT! How the tartarus should I know? I think more like where will I be in 10 days is more like it. Having a fully ponified friend, probably another villain or some other drama around this town.

I dunno, there ALWAYS seems to be something going on. Will it never end? It was fun at first but now I don’t want to play anymore, I can’t stop running but sooner or later my hooves will give and I’ll fall down.

One thing is for certain: If I go down, at least I’ll die having friends.

“Gavin?” I hear Ashley’s voice
“Yeah?” I looked her way
“This may sound really weird but…can I ride you?” Ashley asked
“What?” I looked at her as though she grew another head
“Can I ride on your back? Just a little bit….please?” Ashley put a puppy face on

NO! NOT THE PUPPY FACE! NOOOOOOOOO! MUST RESIST MUST RESIST! MUST OBEY…MASTER….Obey the puppy eyes…

“Fine…” I sighed

Yep, I am now fulfilling every little girl’s dream, riding a pony…HI HO! LIGHTNING BOLT AWAY!!

About six hours later…no literally it was, not just for the Spongebob transition…okay fine! It was for the spongebob transition STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY!...

Note to self: Giving girls their childhood dreams is generally NOT good for the pony back, even if it’s an Alicorn one. God race my flank! You may think Alicorns are Super-beings, but my Celestia are there some huge disadvantages to being an Alicorn. The lack of strengthening of the back is one of them.

Anywho, we also got through Season one of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! How did I do it with no electricity? Why Portable DVD players, I never used the damn thing and it is now gotten the Equestrian seal of Approval. Plus Twilight’s magic does work out.

So we watched the original show, explained what happened differently to Ashley and the Mane Six commented on the show lie Rarity asking if that’s what she really looked like. (Admit it, you’ve seen yourself on video or heard yourself and you’re like “Is that what I really Look/Sound like?”)

I walked outside a couple of hours later and found Firefly and decided to sit down with her…

“Hey” I said as I approached her and sat down
“Hey, how’s it going?” Firefly greets
“Same old really, I’m just waiting for a villain to show up at any moment or something” I said cynically
“Really feels that way doesn’t it?” Firefly asks
“Yeah, that’s what my life feels like right now, just one disaster after another. The second life feels normal again, all tartarus breaks loose. It’s really driving me insane” I said as I saw Derpy Hooves fly towards my left.
“It’s changed you” Firefly says
“That is has, it used to be all smiles and such but one Changeling changed that, nowerdays I feel like an angry bomb waiting to go off at any moment. This hero stuff, I wish it would end, I wish these creatures would stop invading Equestria, just once can they invade Griffonia or something” I reflected sadly
“Yeah, those villains don’t know when to stop, hard to get ONE bed session around here without stuff breaking loose” Firefly stated her anger towards those villains
“With all those stuff, I’m surprised you didn’t ditch me for somepony or something” I confessed
“I would NEVER ditch you, Bolty. Not for any other stallion or mare in this town, there may be some lookers around there but I love YOU, and you love me too, I don’t see why we should ever give it up. Sure, getting a good rut for the last something months has been unsuccessful, but like with those villains, we keep calm and carry on!” Firefly answered

That warms my heart…OH CELESTIA ITS ON FIRE!!! PUT IT OUT!!!

“That means a lot you know that? A girl on Earth would of abandoned after this much unsuccessfulness” I said
“They would make mares here sick, we’d never leave a partner unless they were being abusive and cheating. Amongst us mares is considered the height of Dishonor “ Firefly says
“Yeah, our human girls, some of them are just flankholes with a pretty face, some are there for the sex. They will date a guy and as soon as some time passes, they go straight for another man, mind you that the Gender ratio is much more balanced than Equestria’s 80:20 Mare/Stallion ratio” I remember some of Earth’s devil-ish females I’ve met in the past.
“Your world must be really horrible” Firefly assumed
“It sounds like that doesn’t it, you may be right in some areas but so wrong in others” I said

Honestly, some days, you see all these saints in the world and then you see some real bucked up stuff and you say to yourself, “What is wrong with our world?” Some days are bad and some are good.

“Lightning Bolt!” I head a filly voice

I look around to see Apple Bloom coming my way, I wonder what she wants…wait a minute…

“Twilight needs you, something about Chrysalis…” Apple Bloom mentioned

Noooo…nonononono NONONONO! NO CELESTIA! CELESTIA PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BUCKING CHRYSALIS AGAIN?! Has it even been a week yet? Oh and it’s Tuesday too not that it has anything to do with it.

“No, she’ll be fine” I denied going
“But…” Apple Bloom protested
“Look, she’ll be fine, she’s a hero” I reasoned

I swear if my pony ears do not stop twitching…AHHHHH! STOP TWITCHING!!!!

“Go get her, Bolty. I’ll prepare our attempt at your long-deserved “Reward” later” Firefly says with a wink
“Are you sure?” I asked
“Go on! Go get em, Tiger!” Firefly said

She quoted Spiderman…hotness level increased by 20%...no that wasn’t referencing Rainbow Dash, it was really 20%!

“Fine, but you and I are spending quality time once this is done” I said with a sigh

Can’t these villains attack some other country for once…like those damned Griffons or those Minotaurs. Nooooo, it’s always the peaceful colourful little-girl dreamed Magical Ponyland. Bloody flankholes, the lot of them! When did the price of harmony become so sanity-draining expensive?

But worst of all is freaking Queen MOTHERBUCKING Chrysalis! I swear I should just chop off her head and be done with it! Actually, I don’t get why I haven’t done it sooner!

Yep, this is the point where I really question my career choice and life decisions…

Author's Note

Yes, Yes! I know, Gee Daws, it's been a few weeks. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? BEDS EMPTY! NO NOTE! CAR GONE! YOU COULD OF DIED! YOU COULD OF BEEN SEEN! Of course I don't blame you Harry dear.

Well i was addicted to Destiny okay? That's my excuse, finally obtained the Gjallarhorn! It's like what StarSwirl is to Twilight in MLP: FML...That sexy rocket launcher. DO NOT HAVE FETISH!

But in all seriousness, i'll update more often. Am I screwing Lightning Bolt over? Oh, Malicously but honestly, the end is planned out soon, not this story arc but soon...

Meanwhile, I am thinking of a second HIE story, not a sequel but a new story idea. Less on the modern like structure, less violence and more sanity. But i'll release it once the first two chapters are made and see what i think.

Until next chapter, I must obtain ALL THE EXOTICS!! MWAHAHAHA!