How "Uncouth"

by lillywrites

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1088

Applejack decides it's her turn to tell a story.

Twilight finally gets to tell her sto—oh wait, no, it's Applejack's turn.

You'll just have to wait your turn, Twilight.

Published 2014-06-12 15:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-12 15:50:01 UTC

The One With The Southern Accent

The sun anxiously crept over the hills of Ponyville, marking the start of a new day. A few stray clouds framed the sky with their lovely, perfectly-puffed edges. The birds chirped their lov—

“Hey! It’s my turn to tell a story, ya hear?”

Applejack, wait your turn!

“No!”

It was not at all a pretty an’ perfect day in Ponyville. It was cloudy, cold, and rainin’ as far as th’ eye could see. Mud piles dominated the ground an’ the hooves of all the ponies were covered with the thick stuff. The warm rain sloshed heav’ly through everypony’s coats an’ manes as they all went ‘bout their day. Nopony seemed to have minded th’ rain—why would they, anyhow?—‘cept for the snobby fashionista that goes by th’ name of Rarity.

“Oh, woe is me!” sobbed the unicorn while attemptin’ to avoid the mud puddles. She stepped directly in a puddle, makin’ it splash onto her hooves. “Ewwwww!” she cried while tryin’ to shake th’ mud off.

Jus’ then, Pinkie Pie, the annoyin’ pink pony who never seems to have a bad day, jumped towards Rarity. “Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey!” she said … very annoyin’ly.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Hello.”

Pinkie Pie bounced directly int’a mud puddle, makin’ it splash all over Rarity’s shiny white coat an’ her just-brushed, perfectly-styled mane.

Rarity shrieked. “My mane! Oh, woe is me!”

Pinkie Pie giggled.

Rarity shot a furious look at poor lil’ Pinkie. “How dare you?!”

“Stop bein’ such a diva,” Rainbow Dash, the obnoxious an’ cocky pegasus said as she landed beside them.

“Diva?!” Rarity cried.

“So you got a little mud in your mane, big whoop!” Rainbow Dash laughed.

“Yes, you’re quite correct, darling. It is a big deal! This is … this is….”

Rainbow Dash smirked, waitin’ for Rarity to say her signature slogan.

“The worst … possible … thing!” Rarity cried.

Rainbow Dash laughed an’ kicked her hooves a few times before she took off int’a speedy flight, leavin’ Rarity covered in even more mud.

Pinkie Pie stared at Rarity silently f’r a moment ‘fore breakin’ out into laughter.

Rarity stared at Pinkie with hate in her eyes. She squinted at Pinkie who was rollin’ aroun’ in the mud, laughin’ her dang head off. Deep in Rarity’s mind, where nopony dares wander, she was plottin’ some type of unholy evil to do to tha’ pink mare.

———

Rarity made her way down the stairs to the dark basement. As she reached th’ bottom, she flicked on the light switch in the dark basement an’ slowly made her way to th’ cen’r of the room. She laughed evilly, slowly spinnin’ a chair aroun’ to face her. Tied to the chair was none other than Pinkie Pie. Pinkie sat upright in th’ chair, tied up an’ blindfolded. She would’a screamed out for help if she could’a, but Rarity duct taped her mouth shut.

“It’s a shame, isn’t it, darling?” Rarity giggled. “Ooooh, how I will enjoy this so.”

Pinkie Pie mumbled somethin’ tha’ Rarity couldn’t quite make out.

“Hush, darling,” was all she said as she took off Pinkie's blindfold.

Pinkie’s eyes widened in shock as Rarity pulled out a very long an’ rather sharp knife. She wiggled aroun’ in the chair but, to no avail, she was stuck. Apparently Rarity was real good with ropes, who would’a thought?

Rarity stared at the knife admirably f’r a second ‘fore turnin’ to Pinkie and smirkin’ deviously. “Who wants to make some cupcakes?”

———

“Rarity? Rarity!” a voice snapped her back to reality.

“O-oh, hello Twilight,” Rarity said with a blush.

“You were pretty deep in thought just then,” Twilight analyzed like th’ nosy mare she is.

Rarity examined the alicorn, strugglin’ to speak. She opened her mouth but nothin’ came out ‘cept a breath of air.

Twilight raised an eyebrow—much like the very honest, hard-workin’, and humble Applejack does when she senses somethin’ fishy—at Rarity.

“Uh, yes. I was … deep in thought.”

“About?” Twilight questioned very authoritatively.

“W-well,” Rarity mumbled sheepishly, “cupcakes?”

Twilight remained with her eyebrow up, debatin’ whether ‘r not that mare was tellin’ the honest truth … which we all know she wasn’t.

Rarity smiled, holdin’ her breath.

“Okay,” Twilight dismissed Rarity’s weird behaviour. “Anyways, have you seen Rainbow Dash around lately?”

Rarity frowned. “Why—yes, yes I have.”

“Where?” Twilight questioned yet again.

Rarity motioned at her filthy coat. “She did this to me!”

“Okay, but where?”

“She was just here, she left!” Rarity said, dismissin’ Twilight with her hooves.

“Did you see which way she went?”

“Hmph!” was all she replied.

Twilight groaned and turned aroun’ to walk away. She stopped suddenly an’ a rather devious thought came to her mind. She picked up some mud with her magic-aura-thang and formed it int’a neat lil’ ball. “Hey, Rarity….” she said.

“Yes, darling?” Rarity mumbled snobbishly.

Twilight quickly turned aroun’ an’ chucked th’ mud ball at Rarity. She hit ‘er right in the muzzle. Bullseye!

Rarity screamed, “Oh, my Celestia!” in a very shrill … well, sort of squeakin’ sound.

Twilight fell to th’ floor in laughter, and Pinkie gladly joined in. Rarity kept screamin’ in disgust and other ponies gathered ‘round to see what the hay was goin’ on. Once they saw that Rarity was all covered in mud an’ rain, they fell to th’ floor and laughed, too. It seemed like th’ entire town was laughin’ at poor ol’ Rarity!

Rarity grumbled angrily an’ trotted off—an’ she only fell down a handful o’ times before she made it back to her boutique!

Author's Note

Told from Applejack's perspective. Wow, she really likes mud.

Epilogue

Rarity glared menacingly at Applejack, her forehead creased greatly.

Applejack held in her laughter. “What’s wrong, sugarcube?”

“That story was so uncouth!” Rarity whined. “Why are you targetting me?”

“Was not,” Applejack said calmly.

“You were!” Rarity said incredulously.

Twilight merely stared at Applejack with a blank expression.

Applejack turned her attention to Twilight. “What’s wrong with you, then?”

Twilight simply replied, “you know.”

Applejack’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “I don’t.”

“You interrupted my story!” Twilight yelled.

“It was my turn!” Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“Well, darling, this time it’s my turn!” Rarity smirked.

“W—why wasn’t I in your story?” Fluttershy whispered nervously, but nopony heard her.

“Cupcakes?” Pinkie chirped.

“What?” Rainbow Dash asked and everypony turned their attention to her.

“Cupcakes?” Pinkie repeated, cocking her head in confusion.

“Y—yeah….” Applejack gave a bad poker face. “Cupcakes.”