Derpy Writes More Erotic Poetry: Smut Hard With a Vengence

by Super Trampoline

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Sex, Cheerilee, Big Macintosh, Random, Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2588

Encouraged by Twilight and advised by Horizon, Derpy continues to write erotic poetry. Her new target: Big Mac and Cheerilee, in a rowboat on Ponyville Reservoir. This time, bubbles won't be the only thing being blown.

"Try limericks!" the Changeling advised her,
So Derpy now ships, being wiser
Cheerilee and Big Mac
On a boat at the back

Of Ponyville Dam. I surmise her

Intention is show them afloat
on the lake as they rocketh the boat.
Mackintosh and Cheeri:
Spicier than curry,
In this latest installment she wrote.

But don't take my word, dearest reader.
The lines within here are quite sweeter
than I have described them
(Though I indeed scribed them)
So click the first chapter, it's neater.

~Derpy Hooves

Published 2014-06-25 02:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-25 02:20:06 UTC

[The Silly Setup] Now Derpy Hooves Was a Mailmare

Now Derpy Hooves was a mailmare
Who wrote poems without reason or care.
Sexy Encounters
She loved to recount; her
rhymes induced groans and pulled hair.

One day after coming home early,
Derpy Hooves decided that surely
Her poems could be better
Unrhyming, it'd let her
Make her passages flowing and curly.

But in walked a Changéling, Horizon.*
He told her that keeping his eyes on
A poem with no rhymes
Would give him a hard time
Because rhymes are what he relies on.

He said "Derpy, your writing is wonkey
Reading it makes me bray like a donkey.
So please write for pleasure,
Not penis length measure
or Daring Do stories by Ponky

"I'm saying your stories are funny,
Not erotic; that is why, Honey
You should put the rhymes in:
Your readers will find them
Hilarious, stick to your guns, please.

"The rhymes make the writing more silly
To make these poems smut, it would kill me.
So stick to the rom coms;
Don't sensualize, you'll bomb.
I'd rather have laughs than stiff willy.

"I know Twilight likes rhymeless poems
But remember, she gets wet eyeing big tomes.
The lusts of that nerd
Are completely absurd
If she wants her own poems she can grow em.

"So onward, your readers are waiting
Their poetry fix needs satiating
Try writing in limerick
It's punchy is and quite quick
And on the ears never is grating."

With that the orange Changéling took leave
And Derpy's short lived reprieve
From writing in rhyme
Had used up its time
Now it was time to write, not to grieve.

So Derpy searched round for a topic.
Unfortunately she was myopic:
Since she was near-sighted,
Her vision alighted
On her half-completed clopfic:

A tale about sex on a lake,
And the love that Mac and Cheer make.
She decided to take it,
Rework and rebake it
Into limericks for comedy's sake.

She picked up a pen in her wing's grip
And into an inkpot the thing dipped
Having grabbed fresh paper,
Holding pen like a rapier,
She began to write words with her wingtip...

Author's Note

*Horizon insists he's not a changeling, and that's not strictly true. His family name is Changéling, which can be awkward at security checkpoints.

[The Sensual Shipping] There once was a fellow named Big Mac

There once was a fellow named Big Mac
Who had a big penis and ball sac.
And his dick was so long,
When his hard-on was strong
He could nibble its tip like a fruit snack.

His fillyfriend was a fine teacher
And helping kids was a prime feature
Of her daily routine,
But behind the scenes
She was a wild lusty sex-creature.

Now Mac and his gal both liked fresh air.
And he knew of a lake; it was fresh there.
Behind a large dam
Cheerilee he would ram
(He hoped it could handle the pressure).

So one night 'round nine in late August,
Mac was in the mood for a snog-fest.
He trotted to town
And Cheeri's house he found,
Then hugged her like a gem in a Dog's fist.

Cheerilee was quite taken aback
By the surprise appearance of Mac.
Having entered her house,
He proceeded to grouse,
"My line's limp, will you tease out the slack?"

To which the school teacher replied,
"I would love for you to cum inside.
Fill me up with your jizz
And I'll give you a quiz:
"Who's eager to shag you outside?"

"You are," MacIntosh replied eagerly,
"Though our options in town are, well, meagerly.
But the Ponyville dam
Has a place we could scram
And row our rowboat out a league or three⁽¹⁾."

The thought of fucking on a lake
Was more than the poor mare could take.
She shuddered right then
At a quarter to ten,
And suddenly felt quite awake.

"My folks have a boat for our pond,"
He said as his collar he donned.
"We can borrow it now,
(AJ won't raise a brow)
Then at last to the lake we'll abscond."

To the boathouse the two quickly trotted.
(While Blueblood and Caramel frotted,
But that is a story
Best left for the glory
Of sonnet-form somewhere else plotted.)

Behold, in the boathouse they found
A boat, sitting there on the ground.
With his limbs heaving it,
Mac worked at retrieving it
And placed it on a cart lake-bound.

The boat then secured to the cart
To the lake the two began to start,
When Macky said clearly,
"I forgot something dearly
Important," and ran to the mart.

At the mart he bought potions galore,
One for after and one for before
Their copulation,
So no complications
Would threaten their night of amore.

For while their love they never hid,
They really weren't ready for kids.
Now having protection
For his coming erection,
Big Mac closed his saddlebags' lids.

The two of them hiked up the road
To the sound of the swallows and toads.
The moon rose above them,
Shining bright as their love, when
They reached the lake carrying their load.

There was nary a cloud in the sky
As Miss Cheerilee looked in his eyes.
'Neath the nearly full moon
He was humming a tune,
And Cheerilee swooned for the guy.

She nibbled the fur on his neck
and on his cheek gave a small peck.
"Big Mac," she said sweetly,
"I'm glad that you'll meet me
for fuckery on our boat's deck."

He smiled and replied with a chuckle,
"Be sure that your life vest you buckle.
The weather mares say
Stormy seas are at play,
And I go overboard when I suckle."

Their life vests squarely on their barrels,
Big Mac dragged the boat out with Cheeril.
With earth pony strength
They deposited its length
In the water with a splash most feral.

Big MacIntosh hopped in, unsteady
And Cheerilee joined him, already
Primed for adventure
And hoping he'd quench her
Desire for getting some heady.

They rowed their small boat out a bit,
When Cheeri said "I need to shit"
MacIntosh nickered
And Cheerilee snickered,
Saying, "Relax, in the boat you can sit."

So they rowed back in to the shore;
In the bushes Cheeri did her chore.
Macintosh swigged his potion
When he heard a commotion,
'Twas Cheerilee dropping some more.

When she finally finished her scatting
She ambled back, eyelashes batting.
"Now MacIntosh dear,
Since my sphincter is clear
Will you drill the hole that's meant for shatting?

"Eeyup," the stall' tersely replied.
(Feeling ever more eager inside.)
Then she climbed back in
With a shit-eating grin
Saying, "Now, let's continue our ride."

They rowed their rowboat out once more.
Macintosh placed his bags on the floor,
And he pulled out a sandwich,
Some grapes, and a can which
Said on it "Sweet Apple Farm Corp".

Furthermore he had two candles with him
Which he placed upon opposite boat rims.
"A candlelit date
With my trusty first mate
Would be great before spreading your limbs."

So they dined on their boat 'neath the moonlight,
And soon enough Cheerilee, forthright
Said, "Mac, hurry please,"
And she started to tease
His dick with her hooves and a fleshlight.

As from its sheath Little Mac slid,
Cheerilee announced, eyes at half-lid,
"Your dick is so long;
I'm in love with this schlong!"
As she teased out the length that still hid.

His member now fully erect,
Cheerilee said plainly and direct:
"MacIntosh Apple
You know that I grapple
With which of my holes to select.

"But it has been a week or two
Since I last hoofed my purple canoe.
So my clitoris screams
For a steady stream
Of stimulating pounding by you."

The Teacher then opened her hole
To accommodate the farmer's pole.
She lowered her rump
Right onto his stump
And proceeded to swallow it whole.

An eighteen inch⁽²⁾ pole isn't easy,
And Cheerilee felt a bit queasy
When she fit most it in,
But she bore with a grin
The stick that made her hole seem measly.

Yes, she readily slid down his penis
Until just a few inches were seen. His
Dick almost swallowed
By Cheerilee's hollow,
Mac grinned with remarkable keenness.

Her vaginal muscles contracted
And she loved the way MacIntosh acted:
When she sat on his dick
So lengthy and thick
He yelled, "Holy fuck! Shit's [REDACTED]!"

She pushed her love's back to the floor
And he begged to be used like a whore
Her legs on both sides
Of his red apple hide,
She enjoyed the large shaft in her core.

Thus locked in the cowgirl⁽³⁾ position
The two ponies performed their rendition
of Please Fuck Me Silly!,
By Pete, Dick, and Willy,⁽⁴⁾
Who wrote of the equine condition.

The mare used her powerful kickers
To ride up and down on his dick. Her
Pussy was dripping
(Felt like it was ripping)
And gripping his girth as she nickered.

The male for his part also thrusted⁽⁵⁾
On the floor of their boat slightly rusted.
He rocked with his pelvis
--As if he were Elvis--
The mare to whom childcare's entrusted.

'Twixt the two a fierce crotch battle raged.
In lewd pumping the lovers engaged,
Each lost in the wonder
Of sexual thunder
In the carnage down under they waged.

Lots of moaning and groaning occured;
About making sound neither demurred.
The genital friction
Didn't hamper their diction,
In fact, vocalization it spurred.

They made the boat rock with their swinging
As they bounced up and down, nearly bringing
Their boat to capsizing;
Little whitecaps were rising
'Round their boat from which echoes were ringing.

With nopony nearby to hear them
It was safe to make noise without fear then.
They giggled and snorted
While they lewdly cavorted
On the now-choppy lake. It was clear then

That this was a night of love making
In which they were glad to be partaking.
On a boat on a lake
'Neath the stars, Goddess sake!
'Twas a beautiful place to be taking

One's date out for getting a lay.
How romantic it would be to stay
In a craft all night long
(What could ever go wrong?):
Under soft summer skies one could say

"I love you so much Macky-poo."
"Oh Cheerilee, I love you too!"
And thus the two lovers
'Neath the darkness's covers
Confirmed as they squirmed what they knew:

That the ponies loved each other greatly;
This extended to when they would mate. The
Passion they held
When deciding to meld
Was beheld in the their writhing so stately.

They danced thus so sweetly together
Not needing a blanket in this weather.
In fact they soon got
From their moves rather hot;
Especially so in their nethers.

As time went on pressure grew stronger
In Mac's loins, and he knew not much longer
Could he hold out until
His seed in Cheer he'd spill
And fill up her hole with his donger.

Indeed, soon within his erection
Mac felt semen ready for ejection.
He tried to hold off
Through kegels and coughs,
But his balls did not follow directions.

So he felt the most wonderful rush:
Through his crotch flowed the sperm towards his crush.
He voiced his elation:
The angelic sensation
Led him to vocalize in tones lush.

The stallion screamed as he sank
His deposit in Cheerilee's bank.
He unloosed from his throat
In a baritone note,
"Oh by Fausticorn's sweet pearly flank!"

And his body did quiver and stiffen,
As his load flew out fast as a griffon.
Deep into her uterus
Via her cooter, his
Dick slammed it home like Blake Griffin.

Having finished his orgasmic shudder,
Mr. Apple then melted like butter.
But his filly friend
Hadn't yet reached her end,
And she wasn't amused that he sputtered.

"Oye, Mac, you bloody ol' chode.
You're always so quick with your load.
You lasted three minutes
And since you just came in it,
My V had no time for O-mode.

"Since your penis's stamina stinks,
It's time for some oral me thinks."
She clambered off him
And his halbert (now thin)
Flopped limply out of her pink.

So she rolled over onto her back
And said with a grin, "Oh, Big Mac!
My pussy needs pleasing:
With your tongue it wants teasing.
Please tease me; I'm an easy snack."

So MacIntosh got on his knees
And his lady proceeded to please.
He lapped at her lady bits,
Eagerly licked her clit
Hidden beneath pubic trees.

By that I mean he had a bunch
Of fur in his face while he munched.
He spread her skin flaps
Aft that ass that he'd tap
And he ate her out like Sunday brunch.

He nibbled and nuzzled and nipped,
Tracing circles with his tongue tip.
His mare friend declared
That his blow job was fair
As he sucked between lips on her hips.

Cunnilingus is a fine art,
A skill close to that stallion's heart.
He parted the purple sea:
The Pussy of Cheerilee,
And made the mare gasp with a start.

Her breathing increased in velocity.
He went down with increasing ferocity.
But as hard as he tried,
She was not satisfied;
She said "Of your tongue there's a paucity!"

So he took a deep breath and went down:
His muzzle stuffed 'tween pubic mounds.
He thought he would drown
When he heard a high sound,
For her orgasm finally came 'round.

Aye, there's nothing that gets a mare going
Like the feeling when her lawn you're mowing.
And Cheerilee shrieked
As her orgasm peaked
(And Mac's dick was once again growing.).

She spasmed and clenched at his head,
With her legs squeezed so tight he turned red
(Well, redder than before),
As her juices galore
Soaked his face like foal wets a bed.

Her archéd back heaved one more time;
La petite mort sensation sublime.
She collapsed on the deck
Of their soon-to-be-wreck,
Exhausted by fucking in rhyme.

Her eyes rolled back just a little
And she coughed up some phlegm and some spittle.
Her body lay limp
In the boat like a gimp
And she wheezed out each breath sounding brittle.

MacIntosh did naught but stare
At the extremely satisfied mare.
He was once more aroused
By the fact he was soused
By her juices that matted his hair.

Cheerilee looked at him with dazed eyes,
And she whispered to him, "Thanks, big guy.
You are not only sweet
But also tough to beat
When it comes to prayer between my thighs."

Macky's wonderbolt rose to attention.
Said Cheers, "I will aid in prevention
Of getting blueballs:
I will answer the call
And stage a penile intervention.

"But my pussy is sensitive now,
And you're bigger than my throat allows.
Yet there's one other hole
Where you can stick your pole,
Yes my rectum's a place you can browse.

"Remember I dookied beforehoof?
So I hope that you won't be too aloof
To ram your stiff tool
In my ass, is that cool?
You know I like anal, you want proof?"...

Author's Note

[1]: Ponyville Lake is nowhere near even a league in size.

[2]: While average size for a normal horse, this is pretty long for a pony, even a large (14.2 hands) one.

[3]: Yeah, technically this would be "cowfilly" or "cowmare", but the word "girl is used frequently in the show and comics.

[4]: All slang names for "penis".

[5]: Technically not a real word. "Thrust" is used for both past and present tense.