Twilight Sparkle and the Terribly Inconvenient Boner.

“Woohoo! Beach party!” Pinkie Pie said, not for the first or last time that afternoon. She was decked out for the part, too: flip flops, oversized sunglasses, swimming goggles...and hot-pink bikini that looked a size or two too small.

Since when was Pinkie so...stacked? Twilight wondered to herself. Had her friend been changed somehow by the same bodymorphic phenomenon that had impacted her? Or had she just had a few extra cupcakes recently? Or was it just that Twilight was only now noticing?'

“Hello? Earth to Twilight?” Rainbow Dash reached over and waved a hand in front of Twilight's face. “You looked like you were zoning out there.”

“Oh, uh. Just thinking.” Twilight said, squirming a little. “Theorizing, really. Boring, I promise. Lots of math.”

“Are you kidding me? The weather's gorgeous, we've got the best swimming hole in Ponyville all to ourselves, and you're lost in your head doing nerd stuff?”

“Ha ha, you know me.” Twilight said, “I'm really, really boring. You know, I'm so boring, maybe I should just go home and let you guys have fun?”

“No way!” Rainbow Dash propped her sunglasses up on her forehead. “What kind of friend would I be if I let you stay at home all the time?” Rainbow's two-piece, lightning-bolt patterned swimsuit was better fitted than Pinkie's bikini- but no less flattering, clingy as it was to Rainbow's lithe frame.

“No...no friend at all.” Twilight said, and again wondered how she'd gotten into this situation. She picked at her purple swimsuit again- she'd thrown a pair of shorts on over the lower half as well, which was enough to conceal her...condition. Just in case, though, she made it a point to sling her beach-bag so it stayed in front of her at all times.

The best case would've been to just say 'no' entirely, but any deviation from her carefully planned schedule would have her friends asking questions, and Twilight knew she'd just be too embarrassed to answer them.

The treeline broke, revealing the placid blue waters of one of the best-guarded secrets in Ponyville. Just enough light streamed through the trees, giving the pond an idyllic look, as if it were something out of a painting.

“Last one in's a party pooper!” Pinkie Pie declared, and sprinted down the rest of the way, shedding her towel and flip flops in a trail behind her.

“Oh no you don't!” Rainbow Dash declared, unable to resist any challenge. The two hit the water at about the same time, laughing and splashing each other.

Grateful for the distraction, Twilight slipped out of her shorts, tucked herself in just to be sure, and slipped quietly into the pond. She sucked in a quick breath as she felt how cold the water was- but she forced herself to wade in deeper despite the goosebumps raising on her skin. Maybe the water will keep things...under control, Twilight mused. All I need is something to keep my mind off of things. Something peaceful. Boring, even.

“CANNONBALL! WOO!” Pinkie Pie bounced over an outcropping and leapt into the pond, splashing down with an appropriately artilleristic impact. Pinkie Pie popped out of the water a moment later- and a moment after that, her bikini top surfaced as well, a few feet away.

“Uh. Pinkie?” Twilight offered. She tried not to look, tried to focus on those big blue eyes- but somehow, she found herself tracking the progress of a single drop of water as it slid down a lock of Pinkie's sodden hair, dropped onto her pale skin, and then began a winding, inexorable path downwards, just passing Pinkie's large nipple, at which point Twilight realized the water must've been even colder than she'd thought (despite the warmth she was feeling in her cheeks and elsewhere). “I think you forgot something?”

Pinkie Pie glanced downwards, and then back up at her friends, not an ounce of embarassment on her face. “Oops!” She giggled pleasantly, guileless.

“Here you go, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash snagged the errant bikini top and handed it back to her friend. “You'd better be careful- you wouldn't wanna lose your bikini, would you?”

“Oh wow, you're right!” And with that, Pinkie Pie threw her top at the beach- and then her hands dipped beneath the water. Moments later, used the elastic of her waistband to slingshot her bikini bottom back onto dry land.

Twilight bit her lip.

“Whoa,” said Rainbow Dash, “what the heck are you doing!”

“Taking your advice!” Pinkie Pie waded up onto the beach proper, and her curves bounced with each little step. “If I'm not wearing my
bathing suit, that means I can't lose my bathing suit, because I already know it's right there already!” She nodded eagerly, and then walked back up the embankment. “And that means I can do this- CANNONBALL AGAIN!” Pinkie leapt high into the air, curled up into a ball, and hit the water at just the right point to douse Twilight and Rainbow both.

Pinkie bounced to the surface again, and threw her arms into the air. “Woohoo! Naked beach party!” She bounced. Twilight tried not to look. She failed.

“Pinkie, you shouldn't do that.” Twilight said.

“Why not?”

Because you're making my swimsuit feel really, really tight, Twilight thought.

“Because somebody might see?” Twilight said instead.

“Nobody's gonna see! Except you guys, and that's fine, 'cause you're my best friends and I don't care if you do! It's not any different from when we go to the spa with Rarity or when you take a shower at the gym after hanging out with Rainbow Dash or whatever!” Pinkie Pie giggled again. “Besides, naked time is fun!”

“If you say so.” Rainbow Dash said.

“What's wrong, Rainbow Dash? Chicken?” Pinkie teased.

“Chicken? Me?” The athletic girl bristled. “I'm not afraid of anything!”

“Then why are you still dressed?”

“Alright, fine!” Rainbow Dash glared, and then she pulled her tank top off, revealing the lines of her slim, athletic body. Her shorts followed next, and soon Rainbow was revealed to the world- or at least to Twilight's roving eyes. Rainbow Dash was the opposite of Pinkie Pie; short and wiry to Pinkie's plush voluptuousness. Long hours outdoors had given Rainbow Dash's skin a lovely, tanned tone...on most of her. From the waist down to the tops of her thighs, and from the middle of her belly to her shoulders, Rainbow's skin was a fair white, untouched by the sun.

“Huh.” Rainbow mused. “That's...not so bad.”

“Told you!” Pinkie laughed. She swung one hand around and slapped Rainbow's bare white butt. Rainbow squeaked in dismay, and then started splashing Pinkie in retaliation.

Twilight fidgeted, and tried to adjust herself within the confines of her swimsuit. The insistent press of her thickening member pushed at the stretchy fabric, yearning for freedom.

“Oh wait!” Pinkie Pie said, “we're forgetting Twilight!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash planted her hands on her hips. “Your turn! Skin up, hot stuff!”

“Hot stuff?” Twilight stammered. “Me?” She sank down lower in the water, just to make sure she wasn't found out.

“She's talking about you!” Pinkie Pie pounced on Twilight, embracing her from behind in a soft, naked embrace. Twilight whimpered, and turned her thigh to keep Pinkie Pie from feeling anything below the water. Pinkie Pie didn't seem to notice. “Don't be shy, Twilight- just us girls!”

“Right. Just us. Girls.” Twilight risked a glance downward.

“I always said, if something's worth doing, it's worth doing naked!” Pinkie Pie said. “Or, well, I didn't always say that, because I said it just now, but I'm going to always start saying it, because naked time is fun! Sometimes I kind of wish I could run around like this all the time because it's so fun but then everyone might look at me funny like I was streaking so really everyone should run around like this at the same time because it would save them a lot of money on laundry but if they did then Rarity would be out of a job and then she'd be all sad so we would all have to wear fancy dresses on special occasions which would make them even more special but then we'd have to get the fancy dresses dry cleaned and that costs more than regular laundry so we wouldn't really save any money in the long run but it'd still be fun!” Pinkie Pie only stopped talking when she had to take in a breath.

“Okay?” Twilight said.

“Okay!” Pinkie Pie stepped back, and looked at Twilight expectantly.

“Uh. Sorry.” Twilight balled her hands into fists beneath the water. “I...I can't. Not right now. It's not that I'm shy- or, uh, that shy, it's just, I'm...not feeling so good right now.” It's not a complete lie, Twilight thought. She feigned a cough for good measure.

“Whoa! What're you doing out here, then?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Rainbow's right! You shouldn't be frolicking when you're so sick!”

“I, uh, just didn't want to disappoint you guys, that's all.” Twilight forced a wan smile. “Cough cough.” she added.

“Oh noooooo! Twilight's going to get sick and turn green and get plague and die and it's all our fault!” said Pinkie Pie.

“It's not that bad! Really!” Twilight added on. “I just probably shouldn't be standing around in a lake, is all.”

“Whatcha waiting for?” Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight blinked, caught. “Uh. Well.” If she walked up the beach right now, she'd lose the cover of the waist-deep water, and then Pinkie and Rainbow would get quite an eyeful, and then she'd have entirely too much explaining to do.

“She needs her towel, duh! Twilight need something to dry her off and keep her from freezing like an ice cube!” Pinkie Pie said. The pink-haired young woman bounced back up to the beach in record time and bent over to rummage through Twilight's beach bag.
“You did bring a towel, didn't you, Twilight? You should always know where your towel is!”

“It's-” Twilight trailed off, temporarily dazzled by the sight of Pinkie's broad, upturned buttocks. Wasn't there a song about this? Twilight found herself thinking. “Bottom.” Twilight said, only to sputter out. “The towel's at the bottom!”

“Oh! Here it is!” Pinkie Pie pulled a purple beach towel from Twilight's bag and held it triumphantly over her head. This in turn caused Pinkie Pie's figure to bounce in a manner typically reserved for certain import fighting games.

Pinkie Pie splashed back into the water, and draped the towel around Twilight's shoulders.

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, and wrapped the fluffy towel around herself. She waded out of the swimming hole, and took careful care to drape the towel around herself to conceal the unladylike thickness silhouetted in her swimsuit. Cheeks still red, she slipped on her sandals and scooped up her beach bag as quickly as she could.

“So yeah! I'm just gonna go home now. By myself. Because I'm sick. Cough. Don't mind me! Really, just stay put and have your fun.” Twilight looked from Rainbow Dash, to Pinkie Pie, and back, drinking in the entirely too tempting sight of each of them. “Your...sexy, naked-time fun. Cough.”

“You sure?” Rainbow Dash said, “It doesn't feel right, just leaving you on your own-”

“It'd just make me feel worse knowing I ruined your afternoon.” Twilight said.

“You heard her, Rainbow! We need to have all the fun we can so Twilight can feel better!”

“How's that even work?” Said Rainbow.

“I dunno!” Pinkie Pie slapped Rainbow Dash's ass again.

Rainbow Dash squealed, and turned on Pinkie Pie. “Watch it!”

“Make me!”

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie fell on each other, splashing, tickling, and laughing all around- Twilight waved a quick goodbye and soon beat a hasty retreat.

Okay, that had to have been the worst of it. Twilight thought, and pulled a copy of her schedule from her beach bag. All I have to do is have a little tea with Fluttershy, like everything's normal, and then I can lock myself in the library until I figure out how to fix...this. And then it'll be totally okay when my friends see me naked!

Twilight paused.

Note to self: I may have been hanging around Pinkie Pie too long.