They say the path to insanity is a slow and taxing process, they never said you could become insane from looking for a shoe. The man in question who thought such a thing was a tall caucasian man about 5 feet tall. He had a bit of a hunchback and bright red hair with blue eyes. His attire was a baggy white shirt and jeans with a giant gold necklace on top.
This man was on a mission, an odd mission some would say, but he would complete it. He was a rap artist and as such he would not fail. His mission was to obtain a sentient pair of horse shoes that go by the name of "Flutter". Why you ask, well a rapper spares no expense for ones attire.
He had traveled far, very far in fact. He was in a land called Equestria, a land of sentient horses. The only magical place on earth. He has found himself in a town by the name of Ponyville, a shitty name for a shitty town, or so he thought. "Man my journey has been the shits nits, dog" He said out into the open. His time in ponyville had lead him to this tree like library, it was dark, oh-most night time. But this was the last place he could look in this backwater town for some sweet digs.
"Hello, hello?" he yelled into the night while knocking on the door with his bare knuckle. He could hear some muffled sounds from behind the door.
"Twilight! Why can't you get the door?" Yelled a young soft voice.
Another soft voice spoke "I'm reading Spike, why don't you go get it and be polite."
"Arghhh, fine." The softer voice groaned out.
The man could hear some foot steps coming closer. As the door opened the man could notice that the owner of the young voice had opened the door, a dragon to be exact. "How ya doin my nig?" The man jokingly asked.
"Well I'm doing fine, whatever you are..." The young dragon trailed off at the end.
"Hey, you don't have to be like that my nig, I just want to ask the owner of this place some questions."
"What kind of questions?"
"Questions about shoes."
"Why are you asking twilight about-" He was cut off by a voice from inside the library.
"Spike! Just let the stallion in, you don't have to interrogate everypony that comes in here." The voice scolded .
"Fine, but this guy ain't no pony." As Spike got out of the way, the man could see inside the building. There were many bookshelves along the walls with many silly names and a nice red carpet on the floor. In the center of the room there was a dark purple unicorn with a mane and tail that had pink highlights. She was sitting in a couch reading what appeared to be a book on the core concepts of magic.
As she looked up from her book her eyes widened a bit as she looked at this new creature. "Ummm, hello?"
"There is no need to be afraid my nig, I'm just here on a very important quest." He said. "I just need to ask you a question."
"What kind of question?" She asked suspicious of this new creature.
"I just need to know the location of the Flutter shoes, dog dem shoes are tight, I need them." He explained with a sense of drama.
'The sentient pony shoes, Why on earth would you want them!?" She exclaimed.
"Dog, I need dem shoes for my get up, I need some sweg and the flutter shoes will provide that." He said as if it were the most simple thing ever.
"Well, ok. But I will have to warn you though, these shoes have powers beyond you're comprehension"
"Like what?"
"They slowly eat your soul." She said with a sense of finality.
"That's no big deal my nig, I need this sweg bad. How much will it cost me?" He questioned.
"Take it, I don't need something that will slowly eat my soul, but as payment you must tell me about your home land." She said with a twinkle in her eye.
"Sure, that seems fair, dog prepare your self for a history lesson beyond your wildest dreams!" The man said. He decided to tell the history of his home land America. His story went something like this.
Youtube Video
... "That was a very odd story, just take the shoes and go away." She said as her horn started to glow. A few seconds later what looked like a black hole opened up in front of them. Out of the hole came a pair of shoes like no other, one that will slowly eat your soul, but the man didn't care. He just took the shoes, put them on and sweged his way out of the building. His quest was complete.
"Aww dog just wait till I get home and show off my new sweg to my hommies!" He said with a skip in his step. Little did he know that at that moment the shoe was already starting to eat away at his center of being. Soon there will be nothing left but the Flutter and the yay will consume all that is holy and sacred, mankind will soon weep.
"God, why have you forsaken us? The flutter is consuming all and soon only it will remain to fill the void of nothingness! Why god? Ohhhhh why!?"
But you know what they say about hindsight, it's 20/20, unless you are a rap artist.
The End
