It was the dead of night, the lights of our house bathing everything a few feet from it with a gentle glow. The cool autumn air was crisp and a gentle breeze tossed our manes lightly about. Fluttershy, Rarity and I sat about on the ground idly letting time pass by.
My ears perked as I heard a rustling in some nearby bushes. I watched patiently, unafraid of whatever would come out. The demons I’d dealt with made the monsters of the Everfree look like docile kittens in comparison. Even so if it was a beast and I sat and did nothing it could still kill me. With that in mind I used my magic to levitate my revolver to my side, HIS revolver, and aimed it towards the sound. Fluttershy looked up from her book at the clicking sound the gun made as I cocked it, before looking back uninterested.
Finally the rustling stopped and an innocent little bunny hopped out, it’s eyes wide in fear as it looked down the barrel of the weapon. I gave out a sigh, putting the gun back in the holster around my hip. The small animal breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the top of its head. To be honest, I was actually somewhat disappointed. I was almost looking forward to blasting something’s brains out.
I use almost VERY lightly.
Rarity spoke up from her spot in our vegetable garden. “Twilight? What are you doing? Kill the little bastard! He’s the one that’s been eating our cabbages!” I looked back at the bunny, it’s eyes now once more widened in fear again as it slowly took a few steps back. Its retreat came to a halt however as it bumped into something soft and yellow. It slowly looked up only to find Fluttershy standing overtop, her face deadpan as she emotionlessly stared back. The bunny gave a wide grin when it saw her. I could only assume it recognized her as it gave her hoof a bone crushing hug.
“Fluttershy. Do you know that thing?” I asked curiously.
“Yes. This is Angel. My old pet, remember?” Fluttershy didn’t even bother to look up as she spoke, to busy staring at the little creature in front of her with a dead expression. The oblivious rodent stared right back with a winning smile.
“So… we can’t put it in a stew?” Rarity asked. The little bunny began shaking its head at her furiously, sticking his tongue out and blowing a raspberry before giving her a smug smirk. Suddenly old memories of Angel bunny came rushing back to me and I remembered how much I hated this little shit. He was a pain in the flank since the first day I met him but I always put up with his crap. Unfortunately, I was no longer that kind of mare. I started my magic back up, gripping my gun with it, ready to shoot before being interrupted by Fluttershy.
“I never said that Rarity.” Angel bunny suddenly paled pulling away from Fluttershy and looking up with confused and pleading eyes. Her expression never changed. She remained completely stoic as the small animal begged for mercy.
Fluttershy pinned the rodent on the ground pressing hard and eliciting a series of loud high pitched squeals that should have made my ears bleed. Rarity tried to say something but I couldn’t hear it over the noise, though if I had to hazard a guess she was probably asking Fluttershy to shut the rodent up.
Luckily the painful noise didn’t last long as I watched Fluttershy take her other hoof and bash it into the animals skull repeatedly. She was slow and methodic, hitting just a little harder each time. Blood poured out of the animals mouth as its voice spluttered from its struggle to breathe through the red liquid and broken teeth it was swallowing. Fluttershy paused for a moment, looking down at the small animal. At first I thought an old piece of her was returning, that maybe she hadn’t been completely scarred by the world we’d been forced into, but that glimmer of hope quickly died when she spoke.
“No one eats my cabbages.” And with that she brought her hoof down one last time, a soft squelching sound made by caving the little things skull in and breaking its neck with an admittedly satisfying snap.
“Who’s cooking tonight?” She asked. I nodded my head over to Rarity who had already pulled out a basket for Fluttershy to place the now thankfully dead Angel bunny in. As Fluttershy picked the carcass up though I heard a gasp coming from nearby. In an instant I was on my hooves with my gun raised and ready to shoot. In front of me was a sight I wasn’t expecting to see, nor was it one I wanted to. It was the princess. My old mentor. Celestia.
I didn’t lower my gun.
She stood there, staring at Fluttershy or more specifically, the dead rabbit in her hooves. Fluttershy looked back and forth between the princess and our future meal several times before finally looking towards the princesses, her brow raised in curiosity. “What?” She asked in a monotone voice. “He ate my cabbages. Sure I could have killed him in one hit, but nobody eats my cabbages. So I made sure he suffered a bit. Is that an issue?”
Celestia grimaced. I cocked the revolver once more, the sound bringing her attention back to me as I spoke. “You’ve got about ten seconds to explain what you’re doing here before I put a bullet through your head.”
“We simply came to speak to you, nothing more.”
“We?” I asked, but my question was quickly answered. I could hear the rustling of bushes and the snapping of twigs all around us as pony after pony came into the light of our home, many of them looking sickly at the dead rabbit in Fluttershy’s hooves. Great, it looked like Celestia had brought literally the entire bucking town. I raised my gun a little higher.
“I don’t want violence Twilight. Please, we wish to speak, nothing more.” I sighed, the sight of the princess forcing old wounds back open.
Life is a funny thing. We’re born into it against our will, raised to believe we can have anything we desire with a little hard work, only to have the world throw everything it can at us to get in our way. Some come to believe that you simply can’t get anywhere with out a bit of luck and a good guiding hand and at the start I had both of those. My life was perfect in every way. Loyal friends, a loving family, power, wealth, fame, (though I didn’t care much for those). The only thing missing was a stunning prince charming to sweep me off my feet. I had everything going for me that I could possibly desire.
And then it all ground to a stop.
Three years. Three years of utter hell. Three years of killing. Three years of blood spilling. Three years of murder. Of insanity. Torture. Pain. Blood. Rape. Tears. Three years, that’s how long I’d spent in that accursed pit. Were it not for the few friends I’d had and the few allies we’d made, I’d never have been able to survive. They used me, hunted me. They did everything in their power to get a hold of me. Every being I came across there was brimming with that power. Too much of it, in fact. That’s why the place was in ruins, that’s why corpses lined the streets. They were obsessed with the substance that gave them their abilities, and I had been turned into the best factory for it they had.
Before I was taken I was a princess… now I’m just hollow. Empty. Every night my dreams are filled with the memories from that place and while I may be back in paradise, I fear my mind will never be. When I returned I gave up my crown almost immediately and moved into the Everfree to be alone. I was no longer fit for my society, that much I knew for sure. Others tried to help me, but I pushed them away… violently. They were shocked to say the least when I hurt them, but what else could be done? My patience had died long ago. My mercy was gone. I no longer knew how to take the diplomatic approach to a situation. If there was a problem, my solution had come to be removing it completely, normally by blasting it’s head and grinning at the gray matter that followed soon after.
For the first few months, my other friends tried to integrate back into society, but it was to no avail. They both gave up trying to return to what once was, opting instead to heed my advice and move in with me. Now we live as hermits, alone but alive. We often talk about the days we spent there. Everything from our arrival to our escape. We constantly try to help each other, hoping that at least one of us will learn to cope enough to return home. But we all know the truth, we can’t cope. Not without him. He was our guiding light, our hope. Without him we are nothing, just lucky survivors who didn’t deserve his help.
A year after our return and it seems our friends and family decided they’d had enough. A large group of ponies stood before me after having marched through the forest to the large tree we’d come to call our home. All of them lead by three sickeningly beautiful alicorns. My two friends looked at me. They were tired and I knew it. They didn’t have the strength to confront something like this. They likely never would, not without his help. I laughed internally to myself. It never ceased to amaze me how right he always was. He told us not to rely on him and there was a time when I thought we had learned that lesson. Yet here I sit, still wishing I could eat from his hand, to have him guide me like a shepherd no longer capable of taking care of myself on my own.
I motioned for my two friends to go inside. I’d handle it. Our guardian may be gone, but we were still alive and well and like I promised him I’d step up to the plate and handle our problems when he wasn’t around. After all, the only thing we had to do was survive until he got back. And he ALWAYS came back.
I stood in front of our door, waiting patiently with my gun raised as the last of the group of ponies came marching up. Finally they stopped, silence filling the air as we waited for someone to speak. A few seconds passed and I heard a small scratching sound come from the kitchen of our home. Shortly thereafter I could hear the sound of sweet music coming from the room. It was none other than the voice of a man named Henry Hall singing our favorite song. I smiled as I realized they must be cooking dinner. At least I’d get my meal soon. Like he said, you can’t go wrong with rabbit stew.
The song brought back old memories from times long since past. I placed a hoof to my gut, the wiggling sensation that filled my stomach for years now gone. I had come to gain a little pride in it. Between what I held inside of me and my magic, I was able to aid him greatly in times of duress. He could get stronger when the situation called for it, and he didn’t have to live in fear of going mad from it. I was proud to be so useful to him and yet even after all that time I failed him right when he needed me most.
“Twilight.” I heard someone call snapping me out of my self imposed misery. I turned my head to find my old teacher looking at me, worry plastered over her face. For an immortal she didn’t look too good. I knew she was worried about me. Finding out your student and her friends had been gone for three whole years only to return as shadows of their former selves will do that to you. I guess it didn’t help that I never gave an explanation. But at the time, and even now, I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home. The only problem was home was on a completely different world. One bathed in blood.
“Twilight. I and everyone who cares about you, Rarity, and Fluttershy have come here to ask you to come home.”
I snickered. “That’s quite obvious sunbutt. If all of you are going to come here then don’t waste my time drabbling with pointless crap anyone can figure out.” I watched as Celestia and several others flinched at my language. To be honest I was making an effort to be nice. Well… as nice as I could be to anyone aside from the two inside the house anymore.
Cadence took a step forward before speaking. “Twilight, please, tell us what happened. Where did you go? What did you do? Why do you, Fluttershy, and Rarity force us out of your lives like this? Tell us something so we can help you. Tell us anything at all, would you kindly?”
Rage filled my entire being as I heard her utter those words. Without hesitation I lashed out, firing several rounds straight towards her head with the intent to kill. It happened so fast Cadence didn’t even have time to react, unfortunately Luna and Celestia did… barely. I watched as the bullets slammed into two incomplete barriers, crashing through the first before being stopped by the second. Only one bullet made it through, making contact with Cadences cheek. She fell backwards, a deep gash across the side of her face. I teleported over to her slamming my right fore hoof onto her throat as I used my other hooves to pin down her wings. With my magic I placed the gun into her mouth, tilting it up slightly to give me a direct blow to her brain when I pulled the trigger. Fear filled her eyes as she looked up at me. I knew what it was she wanted to see, knew what it was she was hoping I’d still be. All she wanted was the sweet innocent little filly she used to foal sit and play games with. But she died long ago. Now there was nothing more than a shadow. A shadow with a torn and broken heart held together by the weakest of strings. And this mare had just tried to rip the most important one out.
“You’re lucky, Princess. If it hadn’t been for the two of them I would have killed you. So since you survived that let me make something very clear to you. If you EVER say that again, You. Will. Die.” I teleported back to my original position in front of the doorway and sat back down, reloading the bullets I’d lost and holstering the pistol.
I let the rage go, returning to the stoic expression I’d had just moments ago before my outburst. Cadence tried weakly to stand, only to grow dizzy and fall into Shining’s hooves. I guess the stress of having nearly died was getting to her, not that she didn’t deserve it. I should have done worse, I WOULD’VE done worse.
Celestia spoke to me again while Luna attempted to heal Cadence as best as she could. “Twilight, this is what I mean. We don’t know how to keep from offending you and the girls unless you tell us what happened. Otherwise these outbursts will continue and somepony will end up severely injured… or worse.”
“What? You mean like killed? Because that IS what I was trying for just now.”
Several of the ponies in the crowd gasped. Here was proof that he was right again. We were such a soft species, believing that we actually had such things as evil. The worst things they’d ever dealt with were chocolate rain and a slightly longer than normal night. I knew true fear. I understood real terror. They couldn’t even comprehend what I’d been through, so why mention it?
“Twilight, I could have you arrested you know.” Celestia said looking rather cross.
“Try and I’ll kill you too, Sunbutt.” I said as a twisted smirk crossed my face. Killing Celestia, now that was a fight I could enjoy. And with how much my magic had grown over these past few years, I knew I could take her, though it would certainly be a hard fight.
My patience was beginning to wear thin. I was never a patient pony, even before my venture into the devils heart, but after everything I had been through, after the things I had seen, I was tired of this. Tired of the world. I had lived in two different worlds, one a perfect utopia that had just enough little bursts of chaos to keep it stable, and a fully functioning dystopia, that too had just enough order to keep the whole place from literally falling apart. There was nothing to discuss, nothing to go over. I had seen the best and worst life had to offer.
And I wanted no part of either.
“Twilight you’re walking onto dangerous ground.”
“No princess,” I spat the name like venom out the mouth. “YOU’RE walking on dangerous ground!” My horn began to glow as I placed a barrier all around us. I was fed up. All we wanted was to be left alone and their being here was trying my patience. “You have no idea the things I’ve seen. You think you’re strong? HA! You think you’ve seen the worst this universe has to offer?! BULL! You, who have lived for a thousand years, ARE AS KNOWLEDGABLE AS A NEWBORN FOAL!” I screamed loud enough to make Vinyl’s bass canon jealous. “I have witnessed atrocities that would drive you insane! I’ve watched a thousand creatures as powerful as you rip each other apart for something the size of a can of soda! If you desire to be with us so badly, then by all means I will grant your wish and each and everyone of you will remain by our sides forever!” I walked up to the so called princess as tears mixed in with the sheer fear that adorned her face. I looked her dead in the eyes, pumping every ounce of my rage into my next few words as I stood mere inches away from her. “As corpses rotting in graves around our house!”
Everyone had taken a step back, save for Celestia herself who just barely managed to hold her ground, though her composure was certainly shot. It was funny, watching her legs shake like that. I bet never in all her life did she believe that her own student would stand before her threatening her with death.
“Twilight please, I-”
“Enough Celestia.” I said slowly. I wanted her to feel the venom I placed in each word. “Leave, and do not come ba-” I was suddenly cut off by something touching my shoulder. I turned quickly readying my horn to blast away whomever had dared to get so close, only to sprawl onto the ground as I looked at the person who had touched me. “Y-you again.” I asked wide eyed. “What do you want now?” I asked him. It was him, well… not really. I knew full well he was just a hallucination, but even so… it was him! Our minds rarely let him visit us, save when we needed him to help keep our sanity in check. I guess that meant I was slipping again…
“Twilight… who are you talking to?” I heard Celestias voice ask. It was quivering. I suppose it would have been though, she was on the verge of tears after all. Between everything I’ve put her through, the few acts I had just committed, and now watching me talk to the air I guess she wasn’t in the best state of mind.
“Shh!” I said, looking at him. He knelt down next to me stroking my mane as he smiled.
Twilight. he said, his voice soft and sweet like honey. Oh how I missed it. I knew this wasn't real, that he was just my minds way of coping. That later on he'd disappear, but that's okay, because he always came back. You should tell them. I gasped, but kept my mouth shut. I stopped questioning him long ago. Still, in my personal opinion they didn’t need to know and even if they did they wouldn’t be able to comprehend it.
He looked down at me with those soft eyes of his, a kind smile on his face as he pulled his fingers through my admittedly messy mane. Look at you! You look terrible. When was the last time you brushed your mane, tail, and coat?
“I dunno… a week maybe?” He sighed, shaking his head.
See Twilight? This is why you need to tell them the truth. Your heart will never heal if you don’t.
“I don’t want my heart to heal! If it does you’ll go away and I’ll never see you again!” I cried. My eyes were growing wet, if there was one thing I didn’t want, it was to lose him. Even if this one was only a figment of my imagination, I couldn’t bear to let him go. Not again…
You don’t know that Twilight.
“Yes I do! You died! You’re dead and you’re not coming back!”
You didn’t see me die.
“I didn’t have to! Nobody could have survived that!”
I could.
“But you didn’t!”
I might have.
“But you didn’t!”
And if I did?
“You didn’t!”
If I did and came here to find you and the girls living the way you are now? What would I say?
I looked at him as my tears formed small puddles on the ground. I knew everyone was staring at me with mixed emotions ranging from fear to shock to pity and back again. At the moment though I didn’t care. HE was here, and that was all I needed to know. “That’s not fair… you know what you would say.”
And you know how upset I’d be if you weren’t even trying to heal.
I sniffled as I looked away and whispered “We are trying…”
Reminiscing about old memories is not healing.
I tried to ignore him. Really I did. I wanted him to just be quiet and stop being right all the time. I would have much preferred it if he had just sat beside me and stroked my mane like he used too. That I could handle. This… not so much.
Twilight. He called again. I let out a sigh as I pouted, finally giving in to his request. I stood up awkwardly, my limbs shaking underneath my weight. Seeing him always made my body feel weak as I never wanted to move. I just wanted to lay with him, not get up and go anywhere, but he helped to lift me up, holding me steady as I brushed the dirt out of my fur. I walked up to my door and without looking behind me, spoke to the crowd of people who had come all this way. I was agreeing to talk to them, but that didn’t mean I was happy about it. As a result my voice sounded… well… dead. “He has managed to convince me to tell you what happened. If you truly want to know, then come inside. There’s enough room for all of you. Don’t touch anything, especially anything you’ve never seen before. I don’t care who you are, friend or foe, old or young, break anything and it will be the last thing you ever do.”
As we sat inside of the house I looked around at the crowd. My whole floor was littered with ponies. Needless to say I wasn’t happy about it. I almost started to call the whole thing off when he appeared beside me again rubbing my mane and urging me to carry my promise through. We had to wait for a while. I wasn’t about to tell this story by myself, no way. That’s too much for one pony to handle. No, instead I waited for Fluttershy and Rarity to come downstairs. At first they refused, but when I told them it was at HIS behest, they changed their minds and told me to wait until they had gathered the courage to go through with it.
It took awhile but eventually the two of them came down. Just like me they looked exhausted. None of us had had a decent nights sleep in four years so I guess that’s not much of a surprise. They each sat on one side of me. I heard a few gasps cry out from somewhere in the crowd. I turned my head looking for the source only to see Rarity’s family. Her mother and sister were shocked by her appearance and Sweetie Bell looked on the verge of tears. Rarity noticed it as well and turned her head to see where I was looking.
I heard her sigh in disgust. “Really Sweetie Bell, what ARE you crying about?”
Everyone turned to look at the little filly. “I… I haven’t seen you in months sis… I missed you and was worried and… just look at you!” I guess the little tyke was right. None of us were exactly in the nicest of conditions. Our manes, tails, and coats were a mess. Rarity and Fluttershy were both wearing purple and pink robes respectively, our eyes were dark with heavy bags and Fluttershys were even starting to look a bit bloodshot. And don’t even get me started on the smell. I honestly can’t remember the last time we bathed and I mean that literally. I really can’t remember.
I heard Rarity sigh as she handed me my blue robe. I was so happy to have it. HE was the one who gave us our robes, and he gave me this blue one. I know he didn’t mean anything by it, he was just giving us something to keep us warm, yet here I was dressed in his favorite color. It was small, but it was something I liked to hang over Rarity and Fluttershys heads. I know it’s not a nice thing to do, but it helped us laugh. Laughing wasn’t exactly something we got much of anymore.
“What about it Sweetie Bell?”
“It’s just… you’re so different than what I remember…”
Rarity cackled like a madwoman. “Yes weeell, three years of killing everypony who isn’t your best bud will do that to you.”
“But Rarity… Dads funeral… you didn’t even come to it…” she cried. I seemed to distinctly remember something about that. Zecora had brought us a letter they had sent to Rarity about her father getting sick with some terminal illness or the like. Rarity read it and then tore it up and threw it away, not that I could blame her. We told them to bother us for important things only.
“Well of course not. Why would I? Everypony dies, why should I respect and feel bad for just one? By that logic I should be miserable all the time seeing as how ponies die everyday.”
“But he was our Daddy!”
Rarity shot a death glare at her younger sister before picking up a book with her magic off one of our shelves and flinging it at her head. Sweetie Bell yelped in surprise as she dodged out of the way, causing it to smack into Applebloom instead. Rarity began to pick up another with her magic before I put a hoof on her shoulder. She gave me a questioning glance before letting out a huff and putting both books back where she found them. “Listen you little filly… creature… thing. There’s only one man I call Daddy, and he is most certainly NOT that… stallion I used to call a father. Sorry kid.”
Sweetie Bell looked completely destroyed as she cuddled into her mothers coat and began to sob uncontrollably. Rarity rolled her eyes as an exasperated huff sounded from her lips. “Ryans Word! Are you really going to sit there and cry even MORE?! Honestly, I’m starting to wish you’d been brought with us. At least then you wouldn’t be such a nuisance. Then again, you probably would have died anyways so I guess it doesn’t matter.”
Suddenly Fluttershy spoke up, her face still hidden behind the book she had begun to read. “Rarity. Be quiet. You’re dishonoring him.” Rarity quickly shut her mouth before she could insult her sister any further and sat down. I looked away from Fluttershy and looked up to see him staring sadly at the three of us from the stairs.
“Everything we do is a disappointment to him, Fluttershy. We told him we’d move on. Promised him we would… and obviously we can’t. We’re so stuck in the past that we’ve come to start seeing it in the present…” I said watching the world twist and shift. Suddenly I found myself freezing cold with damp fur. My hooves were covered in filth and the ponies in front of us had turned into mutated freaks. Some even wore masks to cover up their hideous new forms.
I looked at Rarity to find her covered in dried up blood, her hooves caked with the same mucked up substance as my own. She coughed a little before looking at me with a quizzical stare. “Hallucinating again are we?” she asked. I just nodded my head. We were lucky in a sense. Being in a world that was so fundamentally different from our own made it really easy to tell what was and wasn’t real. Sure I was hallucinating, but at least I knew that’s what it was. I’d hate to be one of those ponies who saw things that they honestly believed to exist. On the opposite end of the spectrum though they hated me. I knew full well that I was crazy, and had no problem with it. After all, I could deal with seeing the horrible things, so long as HE didn’t stop showing up.
“Girls,” I heard Celestia call. “I believe it’s time to explain where you’ve been.”
I looked down at her before turning my head to Fluttershy and Rarity respectively. I let out a sigh as I carefully thought out how to begin what was sure to be a lengthy tale. I took a little while to compose myself before I began speaking.
“You want to know where we’ve been? I’ll tell you. We’ve been to a place that was filled with a twisted beauty. A harsh masterpiece forged by imagination and painted in blood. It was a palace at the bottom of the sea, a Utopia for the insane, a haven for the mad. Man, woman, child, adult, in the end all were equal for there is no discrimination in death, and that was all there was in that pit we came to call home. Death, destruction, blood, pain, panic, chaos, madness, everything we consider evil thrived there.”
“This… stallions and mares, fillies and colts… is the story of the time we spent in Rapture.”
