Season 5 Episode 1

by Violet Runner

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Human, Doctor Whooves, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna
Length: 1483

Twilight's friends start a cartel well she goes to the human world and starts a rock band.

With season 4 over Twilight and her friends find themselves out of a job and princess celestia calls them to cantorlot to discus the problem.

Published 2014-06-14 01:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-30 02:05:23 UTC

White Elephant

Twilight and her friends had just defeated Tirek and her kingdom had officially been established. Peace had once again been returned to Equestria and Princess Celestia has now called Twilight and her friends as well as Cadence, Shining Armor, Discord, Flash Sentry and Doctor Whooves to Canterlot to help tie up some loose ends.

“Wow man that was awesome.” Rainbow Dash exclaimed still pumped from taking down Tirek. “But what are we going to do now?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked looking over at her.

“What I think she means is that Hasbro could make a fifth season and we all know the Brony Fandom would love one but they would just be figuratively beating a dead horse.” Discord explained.

“That’s actually why I called you all here.” Celestia said as everyone turned to look at her. “With the season over and it being unlikely we’ll get a fifth season we are going to need to start looking for other jobs.”

“Well this stinks. What are we going to do about our health insurance? Which I'm pretty sure I'm going to need.” Cadence said looking down.

“Why’s that?” Rarity asked looking at the pink Alicorn.

“Well, we wanted to keep it a secret for a little while longer but…” Shinning said looking at his wife.

“I’m pregnant!” Cadence blurted out.

“Oh congratulations!” Fluttershy said walking over to her.

“If you really need one, I can be your doctor.” Doctor Whooves offered.

“No thanks. But if I ever want to give birth on Jupiter, I'll give you a call.” The pink Alicorn said politely turning down the offer.

“If I'm around.” He said rolling his eyes.

“Well, as for me, I think I'll sell some of my experiences to the Bronies so they can use them as Fan Fiction. How does the title Secrets and Silk grab you?” Celestia asked.

“Tightly by my foalhood's throat.” Luna said shuddering a little as she looked over at her sister.

“Oh, you're just jealous.” The Day Alicorn said waving a hoof.

“Yeah, jealous of my fallback career.” Twilight said with a smirk.

“As what?” Applejack asked. “You already have your own country!”

“Well despite the fact that I now have my own county to run, I still have a contract with Hasbro to go back through the mirror portal and start a Rock Band.” She explained

“And kudos. But for the rest of us stuck in Equestria.” Flash Sentry said trying to move the conversation along.

“I'm going be bigger than Justin Bieber. And Justin Bieber can totally suck it.” She said triumphantly.

“And you can all suck it because I am going to play professional lacrosse.” Discord said as a lacrosse stick appeared in his eagle claw.

“Okay, even if that were a thing here.” Luna began.

“Is it not?” He asked a little confused.

“You are way too old.” She finished.

“I am not- Oh, my. I am way too old.” The draconequus said as his goatee turned into a long white beard.

“Welp, hope I'm not too old to get back into underground fighting.” Pinkie Pie said stretching her hooves.

“Wow, all those jobs are awesome.” Flash Sentry said.

“And by awesome you mean delusional.” Rarity said rolling her eyes a bit.

“Because it's gonna be hard to go back to being a mall cop after this job.” He continued.

“Especially after my wife gives you a shitty reference. Honey, do that.” Shinning said looking at his wife

“I meant it'll be boring. Although, I guess I could always apply for a transfer to your castle Twilight.” The orange Pegasus said looking over at her as a servant brought over everyone some drinks.

“In any case, I think we need to discuss the elephant in the room.” Discord said as the servant left. “Namely, what are we going to do with literally, not figuratively, a ton of cocaine?” He asked as a wall moved up to reveal a hidden room full of cocaine.

“Well…” Celestia said trailing off.

“Wha? Oh, come on!” Luna said realizing what her sister was hinting at.

“What, Luna, we must be talking…” Rarity trailed off not sure exactly what it would be worth.

“Wholesale? Uh, 50…?” Shinning trailed off looking over at Flash Sentry.

“60 million?” Flash said, remembering when he and Shinning Armor busted some drug lords.

“Wholesale?” Luna said with a laugh. “So, what, we form our own cartel?”

“Well, how hard could it be?” Cadence said shrugging. “I mean…”

“Don't!” The night Alicorn said trying to denture her.

“If Humans can do it.” She said as the ice clinked in her glass.

“$50 million, Luna. We sell this and we're out. I promise.” Celestia said as some of the coke was placed into a cart.

“Dr. Whooves has devised a way to transport the cocaine undetected.” Cadence said as Applejack was wheeled out on a wheelchair in a full body cast.

“You're probably goanna want to try to minimize the sweating.” Rainbow said seeing that Applejack was covered in sweat.

"We're gonna go ahead and take the cocaine and the money." Flim said as Flam pointed a sword at Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Rarity.

“What do you mean counterfeit?” Celestia asked using a long ranged communication spell. “The Dragon Yakuza? Amphetamines?!”

“Well, Pinkie Pie screwed the Dragon Yakuza out of a million bits of amphetamines, so now they're going to cut her head off.” Rainbow explained.

“Get down!” Fluttershy said as a bunch of Diamond Dogs ran past them.

“Yeah, this is actually a little harder than I thought.” Discord said looking around at all the angry ponies.

“Did you tell anybody we were hauling a shitload of coke?” Shining asked looking over a Flash Sentry as a bunch of Diamond Dogs started running towards their chariot.

“You girls are number 14 nationwide!” A man said walking over to a Human Twilight and her friends.

“How about a big ol' country welcome for The Equestria Girls!” The Announcer said before Twilight and her band started playing.

“Shake your tail ‘cause we're gonna have a party to night” Twilight and her friends sang.

“Well, what do ya’ think is gonna happen when three ponies waltz in and start askin’ around for the gal who runs the entire griffin cartel?” Applejack asked as she, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie walked towards a bar.

“Wooohooohooohoooo!!” Rainbow shouted jumping out of a window.

“Are you sure you cannot make love to me just one more time Flash?” Twilight asked looking over at her boyfriend who was in the hotel room with her.

“Not without a blood transfusion Twi.” Flash Sentry said laying down.

“Discord! You're doing the exact thing you promised me you wouldn't!” Celestia said angrily.

“First of all, I was kidding. And second, no pony said anything about me NOT getting a manticore.” Discord said as the manticore on his desk growled.

“Welcome to Las Pegasus!” Bulk Biceps said opening the doors to his privet residence.

“So, couple things.” Pinkie Pie said passing a ski mask to Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, Celestia damn it. Did you fart in this?” Rainbow asked smelling it.

“Suppressing fire!” Flash Sentry yelled firing a couple bolts of magic at the changelings that were surrounding him.

“Luna damn it, Flash!” Shining said running over to help him.

“You're running out of options, Rainbow.” Spitfire said a little annoyed as they watched the fire spread through the Everfree forest.

“I want Flash Sentry dead!” Bulk Biceps said angrily slamming his hooves hard onto his desk.

“I think we just stumbled backwards into a CMC arms deal!” Rarity said looking at the ponies with swords and crossbows, who were all wearing capes with the Cutie Mark Crusaders emblem on them.

“They foalnapped Fluttershy!” Discord said hysterically.

“Rainbow!” Fluttershy screamed as she was dragged away by Diamond Dogs.

“We just started a frickin' coup!” Rarity exclaimed as hundreds of griffins started to swarm the griffin emperor’s castle.

“Shining, my water just broke.” Cadence said worriedly as he dragged her through the streets of Canterlot.

“And for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure I just invaded Zebracan.” Shining Armor said looking around as Zecora started freaking out and yelling in her native tongue. “And, Zecora, I swear, mention the map again and just see what happens.”

(Manticore roars)

“Rainbow Vice.” Rainbow Dash said coming out of her little fantasy about what it would be like if they started a cartel.

“What?” Applejack asked looking over at her.

“Nothing. Shut up.” She said defensively.

Author's Note

In case you couldn't tell this is and Archer Vice crossover.

If anyone feels like making a sequle to this you can go a head and make one.