Parhelion

by Habanc

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Princess Celestia
Length: 4821

My sister is an idiot. Her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, appears to share her stupidity. Luckily, I am here to lend them a helping hoof. I can't /really/ blame them, though. They're so /adorable/ when they're clueless.

Hello, Equestria. My name is Princess Luna, and my sister is an idiot. The object of her idiocy – her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle – appears to share her stupidity. Luckily, I am here to lend them a helping hoof.

I can't really blame them, though. They're just so adorable when they're completely clueless.

-~-

100% Approved by Twilight's Library!

Published 2014-06-14 01:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-14 01:00:02 UTC

Parhelion

"Fair morning, sister!" I proclaimed, marching into the dining room with my head held high. "How faireth our fairest of Fair Equestria?"

Tia just looked at me with her usual expression of bewilderment, her reading glasses falling down the bridge of her muzzle. Sometimes I felt like we hadn't grown up at all since our youth. "Luna," she said, inclining her head in acknowledgement. "Equestria is fine, it seems. It'll be just another humdrum day again."

"Really?" I chuckled, munching on a danish and daring a devilish smirk. "I see."

Oh sister... You have no idea.

"Yes," she confirmed with a quickly douring face. "It appears that the repairs after the recent fire in the White Tail Woods has..." blah blah blah.

Heliodeus Celestia Solaris is a curious specimen. Taller than any documented pony in Equestria, the nighttime fantasy of any adolescent colt, and an ageless demigod who can control a hurling ball of flame and shoot fire from her eyes – I swear I saw it happen once – who instead prefers to sit on her rump and sign papers all day. Something is amiss. I believe I know just the answer.

She says that today will be "another humdrum day." Sister, you have become soft in my absence.

"... so with any luck, I can be through Court by this afternoon," Celestia finished.

"That sounds wonderful," I chirped, forcing my smile wider, as if to encourage her or make her feel better about her impending, paper-filled doom.

"Maybe..." Celly grumbled, rifling through documents and papers of all kinds and barely acknowledging her cold oatmeal.

I walked closer to her, putting a hoof on her shoulder. "Sister, what ever is the matter? You appear distracted."

"I do?" She looked up, peering over her glasses.

"Why yes, of course." I sat down in front of her. She gave me that same look she always does when she's hiding something. Don't think I don't know, Celly. "You're flipping through all this junk much too fast to be reading them. Why are you aimlessly pushing your paperwork around?"

Celestia responded as the last syllable left my lips. "I've already read these, I'm merely skimming them through again." She pursed her lips and paused. A silence passed between us that lingered an extra awkward moment too long. "I had a bit of trouble falling asleep last night, that's all."

"Ah, I see." I let the subject drop. Celestia returned to shuffling her papers. "Twilight mentioned–" I couldn't help but grin a little as my sister's head snapped back up, "–that ever since moving here permanently, she's been having some bad dreams."

"Oh?"

"Yes..." I hrmmed, rubbing my chin as I let Celestia hang on my every word. "I'd love to help, but it appears my guard has been running into some, well, legal issues with their conduct lately. Night court is going to be busy for the next few nights and I'm afraid I simply won't have time to step aside and alleviate her from her nightmares."

"What? But why?" Celestia asked, her level-toned voice edging higher. A few unattended papers fell off the table, but garnered not one iota of attention from her as they covered the floor.

"Well, it appears High Cardinal Onyx has roughed up a noble or two while investigating their alleged attempts to embezzle bits from the stimulus fund. Needless to say, I must be at hoof at all times, both to defend my captain and maintain the pressure on House Rowan-Oak's offenses." I sighed. "I wish I could, truly I do, sister. I know how much she means to you."

Celestia gulped.

Right, too close. I continued on, "You've watched her grow up, and now that she's an alicorn, she must be one of your best friends. I understand you wish her well. But my hooves are tied." I let the room fall silent.

Sometimes, a glimmer of hope shines more brightly after first surrendering to despair.

"Unless..." I licked my lips, looking up to my sister once more. "You could do it, Celestia. Yes, why did I not think of this before!?"

"What, me?" Celestia put a hoof to her chest. "No no no, I couldn't possibly. I mean, I haven't even tried to cast dream magic before, and–"

"Oh hush, this will work perfectly! You see, getting there is the hard part – a part which I can do for you. After that, all you have to do is placate her. Bring her down from her horrors and make her feel loved again." I smiled. "You can do it however you choose," I held for a moment, stowing away an urge to giggle, "but what matters is that she feels better."

"No, you can't be serious!" More papers flew from the table. "Luna, listen to yourself! Me, the Matron of the Sun, going into the Realm of the Night? It'll never work."

I waved her away with a hoof. "Pish posh, it will go swimmingly! You see, I will brew you a small potion, which you shall drink before bed – after you are certain Twilight is asleep. It will bring you straight to the plane of her dreams, and there you may ease her from her terrors and lose none of your much-needed beauty sleep in the process. It is a flawless plan, sister!"

"B–but how will I return? Have you thought of that?"

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Please, do you have so little faith in me? I would never neglect something so basic. Of course you can return to the living world. Simply go to sleep within her dream, and you will return to your own body and mind."

"Are you sure about this?" Celestia straightened her pose, looking down upon me as I sat beside her. "I–I admit the idea is tempting, but I cannot take any risks."

"Celly, you will be fine. I have done this thousands upon thousands of times."

"But Luna, that is simply because you are... you!" She held both hooves out, composure beginning to snap under indecisiveness. "Are you sure our personal magics can intertwine? When was the last time you raised the sun? Have you ever raised the sun?"

"Do you want to help Twilight or not?" I snapped, ignoring the gaping flaw in my plan. The worst that could happen is that she accidentally gets sent to a far-off plane of existence, or even more fun, lost in the void that lives between planes. But... But that wouldn't be much of a problem. It'd be like plucking a lost foal out of a swimming pool.

"Of course!" Celestia slammed her hoof down, and sent an avalanche of paper down with it. She quickly closed her mouth, before resuming with, "Er, ahem, I mean, yes."

I grinned at her. "Wonderful! I shall begin work on the potion right away."

-~-

Okay, so maybe I lied a little. Yes, the captain of the Lunar Guard got into some trouble with a noble house he was investigating. And yes, he slapped a pampered colt around a bit and demanded their financial ledgers for the past decade, but so what? There'd be no way in Tartarus I'd miss out on a chance like this just so I can preside over something so drab.

I found myself in the middle of a cozy library. It was adorable, really. Little, misshapen shelves carved from the interior of a tree, containing a choice repertoire of books that would take up not even a hundredth of the space within Canterlot's.

But, ah, the selection. They're all exquisite in their inclusion, a master stroke to infuse the right amount of simple stories for the small agricultural town reader, but enough canon and renowned journals to keep it all relevant.

My my, Twilight. I'm impressed.

This all makes me feel a bit guilty. Such a wondrous and ingenious mare, and I'm about to come in here and flip her upside down. I wish I wouldn't have to, but it appears I have no other choice. I'm sorry.

Alright, Luna. Time to put on your game face.

I wandered up the stairs, wondering whatever I may so find. The floorboards creaked below me, until I silenced them with a flare of my horn. The winding staircase allowed my head peek just above the floor, and I let my eyes absorb the scene in front of me.

Twilight was sitting on her bed, half a dozen tomes floating in the air before her. The irises in her eyes were flaring, a floodlight coming from her horn. And standing off to the side, with that same dumb, old grin of his, was Starswirl the Bearded.

Well, there's an old face.

Rising up, I charged my magic and lanced him right through the stomach with a bolt of magic. He was vaporized instantly, leaving nothing left of the former Grand Mage.

He always was a bit of a louse.

Twilight's spell shattered and the tomes fell to the floor, hitting the ground in a dilapidated series of thuds like a bunch of wingless ducks. She whirled over, shock rippling over her face.

"P– P– P– Princess Celestia!"

Yes, it is I. Behold the horror.

I'll need to be smart about this. I can't tell her this is a dream, or else her subconscious will grow suspicious. I must act as if I'm nothing more than a dream fragment myself. But I can't rush her either, I can't be like most ponies' dream fragments of Celestia. I can't push her onto her back and demand a good rutting. I'll need to coax her first. The air is not as heavy as it is when the libido is hungry.

No, this dream feels crisp and cool, like simple, pure curiosity. Oh, how could I expect any less of you, Twilight? It's cute.

"Good evening, my faithful student," I purred, trying my best to mix a metric ton of decorum with a generous dash of spice. I honestly don't think it's possible.

"Wh– what are you doing here?!" She shrunk back, wrapping her blanket around herself. "Where did Starswirl go?"

"Starswirl?" I tipped my head to the side. "Why would Starswirl be here?"

"But, but he was just right behind me, and–"

"Oh, my dear Twilight." Advancing upon her with a crystalline laugh – doing my best not to vomit at its horrid sound – I stood before the bed. "Don't be ridiculous." The last word slithered from my lips as I gave her a wink.

Her whole face dropped: eyes, mouth, jaw – everything. "H-huh?"

I snaked onto the bed, coiling up right beside her. "We're the only ones here. We're all alone."

Her hooves trembled so much that her blanket fell from her grasp. "O– o– oh." She gulped. "W– would you like to, to, to study some, umm..." a tome rose into the air under a flickering aura, "some archaic spells?"

I laughed another vomit-inducing laugh. I let it ring loud and long, like any mare should. My hooves held my chest, as if mirth would start spilling from my ribs. I closed my eyelids shut, as if this were all a big misunderstanding, as if she had made some silly mistake. Wiping my eyes, I let my shoulders relax, an exhale letting me cool down.

I sprung onto the attack.

I drew right up beside her, rubbing my chest up against her side. "How about we study you," I whispered into her ear, letting my hot breath run down her neck.

I could feel her body tense up like a coil, her astonished eyes barely meeting mine.

"Oh, don't play coy," I giggled, drawing a hoof down her arm. I arrived before the base of her wing, leaving my hoof there, tantalizingly close. "I've seen the way you look at me."

"W– what?" Twilight stammered. "N– n– no, I mean... I've never s– stared at you."

"Of course. I would expect no less, Twilight. You're too smart and kind to be crude." I gave her a bit of space, but kept my hoof on her side. "But you have looked at me."

Twilight's breathing quickened. "W– well sure... I've– I've always thought you were, well– uhh, beautiful." Her face flushed, as if red ink had been splashed across. "Ever since you first started teaching me."

"Oh?" I twinkled yet another smile, willing a picture-perfect example into the dream from my own memories. "I was never a motherly figure to you?"

Twilight bit her lip, still reeling. "I– I mean, that isn't to say I didn't respect and look up to you, b– but..." her mouth open and closed, no words coming to the fore. She let loose a shaky breath. "I always thought of– of you as, I don't know..."

"What, Twilight?" I wondered, drawing close again.

She paused, looking to the blankets below us. "A..." the rest of her mumble sunk below what I could hear.

"Come again?"

"A crush on a teacher or something dumb like that."

I repressed a squeal of joy. "I still can't hear you, my Twilight."

Her whole back tensed up, but she obeyed again. "A crush on a teacher, or– or something..."

I laid onto my side, sprawling in front of the young alicorn. And oops! Perhaps I let my hoof fall across her wing. It was an honest mistake.

I earned a sharp gasp as a prize.

"I see." Batting my eyelashes at her, I pondered, "Why have you never told me before?"

She looked at me as if I were spewing nonsense. Perhaps I was.

"Huh?" She blinked a few times, the blood along her cheeks beginning to leak into her neck and forehead. "H– how could I... You're the Princess!"

I sighed. There's more than one, you know. "And you're a princess yourself, or have you forgot?" I laughed softly and put my hoof on hers. "You don't have to be afraid."

"N– No, you don't understand. I possibly... I possibly couldn't." Twilight looked at their touching hooves, but didn't move hers away.

"Oh, but you can," I said, conjuring my best rendition of Celestia's gentle encouragement. I pulled myself up, sitting before her.

"I– no. I mean, I don't know how..." Her voice grew quiet, an odd look in her eyes.

A drum reverberated in the back of my mind. Celestia had taken her potion, its brewed-in alarm unfortunately working as planned. Well, there goes my original plan.

I leaned in, lowering my eyes. "You don't have to say it..." I held just before her lips.

"I... I don't?" Twilight wondered in a hushed tone. She seemed to have all but succumbed.

But the drumming was growing louder. I needed her to act now.

"No," I whispered. "Just tell me."

"I..."

The pounding was growing unbearable.

"Don't think, my Twilight. Follow your heart," I emboldened her with more softness and care than even I intended to use.

"O– okay."

The drums went silent. A flash lit the edges of my falling eyelids, but it was too late.

Twilight's lips met mine. It was soft and slow like the descent of winter's first powder, not that I'm complaining. It was perfectly... her.

I was perfectly content to sit there and keep up the kiss, but Twilight took the initiative and wrapped her forelegs around me. She grew more passionate, leaning into me and picking up the pace. Well, only a better guise before the inevitable.

As it so happens, inevitable had climbed up the stairs. And choked on her own tongue. Rather loudly, too.

Our kiss broke like a lightning bolt leaves the sky, the dimming glare still washing over the clouds. Twilight gave me a quick, disappointed glance before turning to face our intruder.

"I... I never meant to intrude on your dreams, Twilight." Celestia was burning up, hooves fidgeting awkwardly along the floor. "Luna– Luna said you were having nightmares and I wanted to make sure you were okay... I see– I see that you're... you're not..." she trailed off.

If Celestia was burning up, then Twilight was volcanic. Her jaw hung open, her whole body trembling. I doubt even a neuron was firing, her body was so paralyzed.

I did what any good dream fragment did when walked in on. I sat and stared. A perfect seat, if I do say so myself.

"I... was not aware how you felt." Celestia grimaced as those words awkwardly tumbled from her mouth.

Oh dear, I had not expected this. Why, I– ...oh. Oh my. A wave of emotion, so strong I could sense it warp the very foundations of this dream, bulldozed through the air.

"Out!" Twilight shrieked, embarrassment beyond measure. "Get out!"

Celestia shrunk back. "I'm sorry," she offered hastily. "I thought I was–"

"Go!" Twilight rose to her hooves. The dream's structure whined as it was pushed beyond what it could hold. "Leave!"

"Twilight, just relax-"

"No! Get out!"

With a crunch, the dream collapsed in on itself.

-~-

I threw Celestia's doors open. Whipping my gaze across the room, I found her sleeping form on the bed, resting peacefully under a cover of cotton-candy-pink blankets. I summoned my magic and enveloped her in my aura. With a beam of blue light, I searched for her.

Ah, there she is.

With a jolt of energy passing between us, Celestia returned to the living world with a gasp of air. Her body heaved, eyes wide.

Time to play the part. "Sister, are you okay?"

"I... I..." She fought against the tangle of blankets around her, wrestling free. "I have made a horrible mistake!"

I used my magic to help her out. "What are you on about?" I asked. "Did you not help Twilight?"

"I did– I did not." Celestia rose, not even looking at her frayed hair, and went for the door. "There was... an incident."

I followed her out and into the hall. "Oh dear. Was her nightmare too strong?"

"Nightmare?" Celestia stuttered mid-step. "It... It was no nightmare."

"What happened?"

Celestia barreled onward, honing in on her target.

"Celly, what's wrong?"

We grew near to Twilight's door. Celestia checked the sound of her hoofsteps, dropping her pace to a slow walk by the time she arrived.

"Twilight..." Celestia called quietly. "Twilight, are you awake?"

The soft rustling of blankets could be heard from inside. There was a short pause before rug-muffled hoofsteps grew closer to the door. Celestia backed away, while I shrunk off to the side.

The door clicked open and Twilight's bedraggled head stuck out. "What do you want?" she hissed.

Celestia opened her mouth, and then closed again. For once, no diplomatic, clever response could come to her. "I... I am worried. Are you alright?"

Twilight opened her mouth, looking as if realization smacked her with across the face and sunk her in an ice bath. Dimples formed on her cheeks as she smiled. "Ohhhh, I see," she remarked, oddly cheery. "You're worried about me. How nice."

Celestia was, again, at a loss for words. But then again, I was too. Luckily, the purple princess' eyes were glued on my sister. I could've been part of the wall, for all she cared.

Twilight snorted, rolling her eyes. "See, I thought you'd just pop into my private dreams the next time you wanted to talk to me." She laughed, and began an eerily believable impression of Celestia, "Hello, Twilight! How was your day?" She gave her another cheery smile. "Twilight, do you know where I put my toothbrush?" She giggled. "Don't mind me, Twilight, just borrowing your bathroom!"

Her eyes narrowed, her smile dropping into a scowl. "Leave."

Celestia caught the door as it was slammed shut. "Twilight, please! Let me explain."

"What more is there to explain?" Her voice came from further inside the room.

I stepped behind my sister, following her inside. Twilight was shaking her head as she neared her bed, before whirling around at us. "You just waltzed into my own dream like you can do whatever the buck you want! How would you like it if I just went through that diary you have in your nightstand?"

My sister, somehow, managed a new shade of white.

"Yeah, I came across it when you lost your gorget that one time." I scooted off to the side, to avoid Twilight's fiery leer. "But you know what? I left it alone. I understood that it was your private diary, and I closed the drawer. I did nothing with it." She tapped a hoof to her temple. "I forgot I ever saw it."

"I– I understand." Celestia stood still like a statue. "I... I never meant to disrupt your–" she paused, releasing a shaky breath "–personal dreams. I had heard you were having trouble with nightmares, and... and I wished to help."

"Why?" Twilight threw her hooves into the air. "So what? Nightmares happen to everypony! Why does it matter if I have one every once in a while or not?"

The room fell silent. Celestia gulped, looking around the room. She cleared her throat, murmuring, "I don't like knowing you're in distress. I care that you're alright."

There it is, Twilight, on a silver platter. Go on, take it.

"Ugh!" Twilight stomped her hooves. "You... You're crazy! I don't understand! For the past six months you've been like this, constantly hovering over me!"

Oh, goodness gracious. I wonder why.

"I'm my own mare, you know!" Twilight continued. "I can look after myself!"

"I know that," Celestia answered, her voice straining. "It's that – oh whip me with Orion's belt, how do I put this – I... I want you to be happy, because I, well, I like seeing you happy." She twirled some of her mane around a hoof, and, from my vantage point, her hindlegs looked like they were on an active fault line. "I like, ah, you."

The world froze. Twilight's face was caught somewhere between a gasp and grin, while Celestia awaited judgement in horror. And they sat like that, for what seemed like forever.

By the stars, I might as well go take a shower, grab breakfast, and run court in the meantime. Or maybe, if I was strong enough to move Celestia's fat rump, I could push them together like a foal does with her dolls.

Twilight put her hooves up to her head. "Why... Why didn't you tell me earlier? I– I thought I'd never be able to get close to you, but you've been hiding feelings for half a year now? And you had to walk in on a dream of me kissing a dream version of yourself to get up the courage?"

Twilight laughed.

Celestia gave a small smile, still a bit on edge. "Yes? You must understand, I... I am not used to being so forthcoming with my feelings."

Twilight shook her head happily. "It's about time." She chuckled, disbelief still edging her expression. "These last twelve hours, I just... I don't have any words. I was dreaming about a private lecture with Starswirl, and then suddenly a dream you came out of nowhere and tried to seduce me, and then– and then the real you just shows up and, and well, you..." She shook her head again, unable to finish the sentence.

Celestia smile died away, losing herself in thought. "You said that you were having another dream before my doppelgänger arrived?"

"Me and Starswirl were going over concental magic together, yeah. And then your dream-self came out of nowhere and he disappeared."

"Hmm." Celestia sat down. "That shouldn't happen."

"It shouldn't?"

"You're sure you remember all of your dream? Perhaps Starswirl's sequence ended but you simply don't recall it?"

"No, I'm positive," Twilight nodded. "In fact, it was one of the most vivid dreams I can remember."

"That... That is certainly not right." Celestia rubbed her chin. "Forgive my rusty knowledge on dream magic, but I do believe that, firstly, a dream cannot change so quickly, the subconscious doesn't move so rapidly. Secondly, dream recall is greatly enhanced when there is an outside participant, or so my sister tells me."

Oh crap.

"Twilight," Celestia continued, "how far back does this vivid remembrance go?"

"Umm... When your doppelgänger arrived, I think."

"No, that can't be correct." Celestia got up and paced around the room. "That would mean that another pony was participating."

I could teleport out, that certainly is tempting. But... that would ruin the grand finale. And like it or not, I would hate to miss out on front-row seats. Time to pony up, girl.

"But that can't be." Celestia turned around, her eyes barely missing me as they zoned out. "There's only one other pony I know of that can enter dreams, and that would be my sister."

Alright, time to ready my telekinesis inhibitors. I'd hate to be caught by something so foalish as that.

"Luna was busy all night. Luna was at the High Cardinal's trial, though. Luna..." Celestia stopped in her pacing, facing the far wall. "Luna would never go to something so boring."

I coughed quietly from the corner, waving a hoof. "Surprise..." I said meekly.

Celestia's head whipped around to me, her eyes frozen over. "You." Twilight was equally stunned, crimson flushing her face. But neither of them moved, too shocked to respond adeptly.

Well, well, it seems I have a bit of time.

I stepped out from the shadows, letting that smug grin Celestia despised run over my face. "It was all in the name of good intentions, I assure you both. But you must understand, for the past year you both have caused nothing but suffering."

I sighed. "You don't understand how much I've had to watch you two bumble around each other like schoolfillies. It's painful. I was half tempted to banish myself to the moon it was so bad.

"But no. I tried to be a good sister, and friend, and help you both. I left you alone in rooms, I added candles to our dining room before you two would eat, I even sprayed pheromones of your pillow, Celestia.

"In the end, I, in the deepest of wallows, had to resort to such extreme measures as this." I bowed very deeply and sullenly, trying to appear humble and also to give my straight face a reprieve. It took all my willpower not to burst out laughing.

"Twilight," I began as I rose back up, switching gears, "I really am sorry I had to break into your dream, but you'll understand, won't you? For impersonating my sister and seducing you, well, it also is just a dream. It's not really in our world, so it doesn't count right?" I stepped forward, bracing myself, "Oh, and you might want to work on your technique a bit." I winked. "Just a tip for when things get steamy, hmm?"

I turned to Celestia, who had a very odd look in her eyes. Oh dear, I must be running close to the limit. "Dearest sister, I want to tell you something." I leaned in, still some distance away, if only for theatrics. But really, I was priming my legs for the inevitable. "Sometimes, a mare has to get her hooves dirty. And if you're too worried about your big, pale flank, I guess it has to be me, right?" I smiled, finally letting my true colors out. "Just like old times, eh, sist-."

"I'm going to kill you!"

Time's up!

I bolted between them, narrowly missing Celestia's outstretched hooves.

"Stay still so I can strangle you!" Celestia roared, her telekenisis popping off my coat.

I raced by Twilight's study, which ascended into a dais lined with scientific equipment before reaching a large, glass balcony door. The sun took an excursion from it's normal route, falling right in front of my face, golden rays making navigation difficult.

I looked behind me, my sister hot on my heels. I stuck my tongue out and blew a raspberry at her, which earned a giggly-delightful snarl. Oh, the good old days.

Panting, I kicked my hoofracing abilities into a higher gear, ascend the dais in a single bound. yes, flying or teleportation would make this all so much easier, but then again, these sort of moments are only once-in-a-century. Anything more and I'd probably find myself on an extended vacation amongst the moonrocks.

I tore open the doors, stepping out onto the marble balcony. Only a few more feet to go. I launched myself up onto the railing and leaped off.

In a flash of white, Twilight popped into existence in front of me.

It appears I have found a flaw in my plans.

Her right foreleg was bent back, her torso twisted to the side. I only saw the ever-growing bottom of her hoof as the world slowed down. I tried to move, but all that obeyed was my eyes, widening in shock.

Dammit.