Author's Note
This is a crack fic I came up with two minutes ago. I hate Twilicorn, but I couldn't resist this piece.
Magical Mystery Clothing
Twilight Sparkle was reading a book. About a magic pony. It wasn't her idea, it was her mom's. And, because Twilight hated shopping more than she hated mythological creatures, she had brought the book along to the mall.
"These animals don't listen, no, not one little bit! They run around out of control and throw their hissy fits! It's up to me to stop them, 'cause plainly you can see: It's got to be my destiny-" Twilight cringed at the horrible lyrics.
"-but it's why my butterfly skirt is telling me!" the voice finished. Twilight glanced up to see a rainbow haired girl wearing a white tank top, a green skirt with butterflies, and green boots standing outside of a pet store, birds pulling at her hair and cats scratching at her legs. Twilight rolled her eyes and returned to her book.
"Twilight, we need to stop at the party store and get balloons for Shining Armor's birthday," her mom told her. "Can you go in?" Twilight didn't tear her eyes from the book.
"Twilight. Now." Twilight snapped the book shut.
"Fine," she grumbled.
As she walked into the store, she heard a girl quietly sing.
"I try to keep them laughing, put a smile upon their face! But no matter what I try, it seems a bit of a disgrace. I have to keep them happy, it's there for all to see! It's got to be my destiny; and it's what the balloons on my skirt are telling me." Twilight stared at the girl. She was pale yellow with shy teal eyes are pale pink hair. Twilight couldn't help thinking Rainbow Girl's clothes would look better on this girl.
"Wait a minute: that's the same tune Rainbow Girl was singing!" Twilight exclaimed as she grabbed blue balloons and took them up to the girl, who was working at the cash register.
"What were you singing about?" Twilight asked, mildly interested in something other than a book for once in her life. The girl blushed.
"Nothing."
Twilight shrugged, walked out with the balloons, and picked up the book again.
"I don't care much for picking fruit and plowin' fields ain't such a hoot. No matter what I try I cannot fix this busted water chute!" Twilight groaned when she saw another girl singing right outside the grocery store. This girl had flat pink hair and wore a cowgirl type outfit. Even Twilight Sparkle, self proclaimed Anti-social Freak, knew that the style didn't work.
"Be quiet," Twilight snapped. The girl did as she was told, silently holding up an apple. Twilight ignored her.
"Looky here at what I made I think that it's a dress! I know it doesn't look like much, I'm under some distress!" Twilight cringed as she heard a country accent sing. She looked up at a blonde who wore a blue shirt and a purple skirt. Blonde stood outside of a boutique and held up a ragged green dress.
She should have the country clothes on, Twilight thought. She waited until Blonde had finished the song, then scanned the rest of the mall.
There was a white skinned girl with purple hair a little ways down and she wore an outfit that didn't really go with her mascara-lidded eyes. Twilight dropped her book on a bench and ran down.
"You're coming with me," she told Mascara Girl, taking her by the hand. She took her over to Blonde, then led them both over to Pink Girl, then took all three of them to Balloon Store Girl.
"Come on, ladies. We have to get Rainbow Girl," she snapped. The girls were muttering about their outfits. Twilight smacked her forehead.
When she had gathered all the girls, Twilight led them to the bathroom.
"Now, you go in this stall," she told Rainbow Girl, pointing at the stall farthest to the right. One by one, she lined up the girls: Balloon Store Girl next to Rainbow Girl, then came Pinkie Girl, then Blonde, and finally Mascara Girl.
"Okay, on the count of three, you take off your clothes and pass them under the stall to the girl on your left. Mascara Girl, you give your clothes to me and I'll bring them to Rainbow Girl. Any questions?" Before she could find out, Twilight announced, "Three!" There was rustling in the stalls. Twilight took the jacket and mini skirt from Mascara Girl's hand and passed it under to Rainbow Girl.
When they all stepped out, Twilight knew she had done the right thing.
"I remember who I am!" Blonde exclaimed. "I'm not a boutique salesgirl!"
"And I'm not an animal volunteer," Rainbow Girl agreed. Twilight rolled her eyes.
"So long, creepy people." She opened the bathroom door and nearly died of a heart attack. A pale woman with multicolored hair stood three feet away, a broad smile on her face.
"Twilight Sparkle, today you helped five girls who were confused about their clothing," she announced. "You are now the Princess of Flash Mobs!" Twilight gasped.
Suddenly, everyone in the mall was singing a creepy song.
"Behold, behold, the Princess Twilight cometh!" They sang. Four identical girls lifted Twilight up and placed her on a bench. Immediately, the crowd hushed.
"Say something, Princess Twilight!" The woman encouraged. "Address your subjects!" Twilight stared at her.
"Ooookay. Well, I have three things to say. Once, this lady here is a a crazy stalker. Two, I hate princesses, and I don't want to be a princess. And three, I am an anti-social freak. Goodbye." Twilight hopped off the bench and followed her mother out to the car.
"How's your book, Twilight?" Her mom asked on the drive back.
"It's terrible," Twilight replied. "It's about this idiot unicorn who botches a spell, and a jillion years later five ponies pay the price, but sixth pony saves them and becomes a princess. Isn't it stupid? I am just so glad that stuff doesn't happen in real life."
When Twilight got home, she went up to her room and sulked. As a self proclaimed Anti-social Freak, she had no friends to hang out with. And that was fine with her.
