Trust in a Wild Goose Chase

by Fairyhaven13

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Flim and Flam, Adventure, Applejack, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 32912

A mysterious horse has done what nopony else has ever dared to do: separated the Flim Flam Brothers. With Flam missing, Flim doesn't know what do do wihout his brother's help. So he turns to the second-most reliable pony he knows: Applejack

“I'm afraid I know exactly who I'm messing with, Flim Skim. And I know exactly why. And I know you don't know the same about me. Therefore, I am at the advantage... aside from the obvious hostage, of course.”

A mysterious horse appears in the dead of night, and brings a catastrophe on the Flim Flam Brothers that neither of them could have ever been prepared for: he kidnaps Flam, and leaves Flim with only a set of strange instructions in order to get his brother back. He must search all over Equestria to find certain things written on a scroll, and he must find the most reliable pony he knows to lead him to the Mordant Phooka.

Unfortunately, when he finds her, she doesn't know if she's willing to help him out. Just how is she supposed to trust him after all he's done? How does she know it's not another scam, or some way to get back at her for messing up the twins' schemes before?

When the only other pony in Equestria who Flim trusts most besides his brother is Applejack, how is she supposed to trust him back?

Edit: The amazingly talented C-Puff has generously and amazingly drawn an amazing cover picture for my story (did I mention it and the artist are both amazing?) Please give the amazing C-Puff a huge round of brohoofs! (and also tell them they're amazing. And go see C-Puff on deviantart!)

Published 2014-06-14 03:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-02 01:03:14 UTC

On a Bright, Sunny Morning

Applejack awoke to the sound of the rooster crowing in the chicken coop.

It was fairly standard; the Apples woke that way every morning. Then Applejack and Big Macintosh would head downstairs to do the chores before breakfast. Apple Bloom and Granny Smith both went back to sleep; one because she was too young, the other because she was too old. Unless, of course, Apple Bloom had school that day. Then she got up with the others. However, it was summer vacation at the moment, so she could rest and enjoy her day off.

For Applejack and Big Mac, there were the farm duties to take care of. Applejack fed the chickens, goats, and pigs, and Big Mac led the sheep out to one of the treeless pastures on the farm. Then he would head to the barn and start milking the cows; if Applejack finished her side early, she'd come and help him. Then they'd lead the cows out to pasture, as well. That done, they'd check over their farming equipment and tidy things up in preparation for the day. Whoever got to the house first got to make breakfast for the others.

Today, though, something felt off. Really off.

When Applejack headed outside to start feeding the animals, it was quiet. Now, it was normally pretty quiet on the farm in the mornings. Most animals were still asleep. The daily business hadn't quite fully started yet; it was just revving up. The mornings were very peaceful for Applejack, and she took this time to breathe- to just take a few deep gulps of fresh air and think over her plans for the day. To watch the sun rise. Other ponies liked to sleep in, but she relished these quiet hours, before the day had really woken up yet. It was therapeutic.

But, today, it was too quiet. There were no birds singing their "good morning" songs to each other. There were no squirrels dashing between the trees in their attempts to snag an apple before Applejack caught them. The Vampire Fruit Bats were already asleep. All of them. Some of them liked to stay awake during the day, and eat apples while it was still warm out. Some of them liked to stay awake at night, and eat their meals in private. But they were all curled up in their wings, hiding their faces. It was like they were avoiding something. Even the pigs weren't snoring, for Pete's sake! They were just catnapping! A catnapping pig is plain unnaturally wrong.

Applejack went about her chores with a sense of wary uneasiness about her. She'd seen the farm animals act like this a few times before. Each time, it meant that there was something unfriendly in the area. The phrase "in the area" could differ in its meaning, from within ten yards to within ten miles, but if it was "in the area," then the animals considered it a threat. Or, potentially a threat anyways. Some critters, like the manticore, were potentially extremely dangerous beings that had to be respected, but they weren't active threats unless you made them mad. Whatever it was, Applejack knew she didn't like it.

She met Big Mac at the doors to the barn. He was in the process of ushering the cows out. Applejack stepped up beside him and raised an eyebrow. "You sure finished quickly today."

Big Mac nodded. "Eeyup." He gestured his head toward the cows walking out the door. His sister's eyebrow raised a little higher, but she looked anyways. Then she frowned. The cows were walking very slowly along the path, staying close to each other and peeking out from behind the barn doors to make sure the coast was clear. They weren't nearly as eager to seize the day as they should be.

"What has gotten into the farm today?" Applejack wondered out loud. "I mean, you've felt it too, right Big Mac?"

"Eeyup," Big Mac replied solemnly. "Something's been here."

"Been?" Applejack repeated. "You sure it ain't still here? The critters seem pretty nervous still."

Her brother shook his head. "Nope. 'Fit were still here, the cows'd refuse to come out at all. As it is, they're just hesitatin'."

Applejack nodded. "Makes sense. Hope whatever it is don't plan on comin' back. We've got enough work to do 'round here already without worrying about some freaky-whatsit making trouble." She started to turn around and make for the house, but felt a big hoof on her shoulder.

Big Mac gently spun her back and looked her in the eye. Applejack grimaced. "That's yer serious look. What's wrong?"

The red stallion reached under the yoke on his neck and pulled out something small. "Found this in the hayloft." He held it out for Applejack to see. She gasped. It was a little clump of shiny, thick black fur.

"Please tell me that's from one of those darn cats that keep sneaking in the barn..." the orange mare murmured.

Big Mac gave her a look that meant she knew exactly what it was. "Nope."

Applejack sat down heavily. "It's... it's one of them things, isn't it?" Her brother nodded. "And it was in our hayloft?! What was it doing there, sleeping?"

"You know they do more than that, sis."

"I know! I know, wherever they go, it means something. It always means something. But, why'd it have to pick us for? We got enough on our plates already!"

Big Mac put a hoof on her shoulder again. It was firm and heavy, as his comfort always was. "We'll find out soon 'nough." He said this decisively, as if to put an end to the conversation. His eyes stared directly into Applejack's; unlike how lenient he normally was when it came to arguing with her, this time he left no room for debate. They had to wait and see.

Applejack stared back at him, biting her lip. Finally, she blew out a stream of air and gave a small nod. "Fine. You're right. There's no way to stop the thing if he's already gone to who-knows-where. If he's let himself shed, that means he wants us to know he's been here. So... we'll just have to be ready, I guess." Big Mac smiled slightly and nodded back. He stuck the clump of fur underneath his yoke again, and the siblings began to walk back to the house together.

After a moment, Applejack spoke again. "Big Mac... I don't want you mentioning this to Granny or Apple Bloom just yet. I want to figure out how to tell them on my own. There's no need to get them worrying if this turns out to be something small in the end, right?"

There was no reply for a moment. Then, reluctantly, Big Mac gave a, "....Eeyup..."

Applejack gave him a sideways look, but said nothing else.

The morning turned out to be a glorious one. Celestia expended a little extra energy to make the sun's rays particularly bright that day. The pegasi didn't leave the sky cloudless, but left fluffy cushions of white here and there to break and compliment the endless blue. Warm, yellow light poured in through the Apple family's windows and into their kitchen, living room, dining rooms, and bedrooms. As the golden rays gently swept over the last two sleeping ponies' faces, they groggily blinked the night away and congregated toward the smell of apple pancakes in the kitchen.

Apple Bloom bounced up and down in her seat excitedly, watching her family prepare breakfast. Applejack and Big Mac had, due to their earlier chat, reached the house at the same time that day, and so they were working together. Applejack mixed the batter and poured it in the pans, while Big Mac flipped the flapjacks and occasionally added a few extra chunks of fruit to the cakes as they heated. Granny Smith was setting out the plates and listening to her grandfilly regale the tale of her dream the night before.

"An' then Scootaloo zoomed into the air and blasted the big worm-thingie with her laser eyes! The worm-thingie burst into confetti, an' Pinkie Pie jumped out of it with her party cannon an' threw us a big party for saving the day. An' Princess Celestia was there! She gave us all medals an' named us the official Cutie Mark Crusader Ponyville Savers YAY!" The yellow pony gave a jump and a squeal at the end of her story. Applejack jumped slightly at the sound, and quickly turned back to the mixing bowl, hoping no one saw. Granny Smith was too busy hoof-bumping Apple Bloom to notice, but Big Mac saw and shook his head.

"Well, that was a rip-snortin' dream, to be sure!" Granny Smith commented, thumping a hoof on the table for emphasis. "I'll tell you 'bout mine soon as the flapjacks are done." She turned around to her other two grandfoals. "Hey!" she shouted. "Are the flapjacks done yet?!"

Applejack jumped again, then sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes, granny, they're just about done now. I'm just rinsin' off the bowl here real quick." Next to her, Big Mac hefted a big plate of finished pancakes with his mouth and set them on the table in front of Apple Bloom.

"Yay, apple flapjacks, my fav'rit!" she shouted, getting ready to dig in.

"Only a few of them, Apple Bloom!" Applejack called from the sink. "Don't go eatin' the whole plate like last time! I don't want you to be sick again. Or to have to remake breakfast again."

Apple Bloom sighed, but took a small stack off the top of the pile. Everypony else gathered around the table and took their share, then there was some clutter and confusion as they passed the toppings: syrup, cinnamon-sugar, chopped fruit, and butter.

"Hey, pass that over here!"

"Say please, Apple Bloom."

"Ugh. Please."

"Here you go."

"Hey, gimme some of that!"

"Sure thing, granny."

"Wait, she didn't have to say please!"

"Hush now, Apple Bloom."

Finally, everypony was ready to eat. Applejack looked in satisfaction down at her plate. Four perfectly flipped apple flapjacks, coated in syrup, a dash of cinnamon-sugar, and a little pat of butter dead center on the top flapjack. It was almost beautiful, especially after a long (and worrying) morning's work. The mare licked her lips and opened her mouth wide, bending down to take a big, tasty bite...

Ding Dong...

"Applejack, could you get that, deary?"

Said mare sighed. "Yeah, okay, granny." Oh, well. She'd get to the pancakes in a minute.

Applejack got up from the table and headed over to the door. Behind her, Apple Bloom looked up from her plate, her muzzle smeared with sticky syrup and fruit bits. "Hey, she still didn't have to say please!"

"Hush now, Apple Bl-" Applejack automatically started to say as she opened the door. The words left her mouth, however, at the sight of what- or who- was on the other side. She gaped for a minute.

The other three ponies at the table jumped as the door was suddenly slammed shut. The force of the slam caused their plates to jerk on the table- Big Mac caught his just before it fell over the edge. They all looked wide-eyed at the cause of the commotion.

Applejack was leaning against the door, breathing heavily and just as wide-eyed as the rest of her family. She looked at them and blinked a few times, trying to calm down enough to talk. "I... I..." She took a huge swallow of air, then paused a minute while her breathing slowed. "I don't think we should open the door," she finally got out.

"Well, why ever not?" Granny Smith demanded. "He was polite 'nuff to knock!"

Big Mac looked warily at Applejack, silently asking if this had anything to do with earlier. Apple Bloom caught this look and frowned, turning to her sister. "Hey, what's goin' on? Why won't you let whoever 'tis in? An' why's Big Mac givin' you that look?"

"Hush now, Apple Bloom," Applejack snapped.

"Hey, now!" Apple Bloom glared, affronted.

Granny Smith pushed her plate away. "Enough, both of you'ins! You're takin' away my appetite! Alright, move over, Applejack, I'll open the door myself." She got up from her seat and headed for the door. Big Mac started to get up as well, worried that things were escalating too fast.

"Waitaminit, granny, I-" Applejack protested, but Granny Smith bumped her out of the way with her hip and opened the door herself.

"Good mornin' somepony!" She shouted jovially as she opened the door. Then, just like Applejack, she froze and gaped at the doorstep. Big Mac and Apple Bloom, who had run up to join her, gaped as well. Obviously neither of them had expected this.

There at the door was Flim.

There at the door was the most exhausted, dirty, stressed, torn-up, scared, close-to-tears Flim that they had ever seen, his hat in his hooves and his ears flat on his head.

He looked back at them, biting his lip, tensed as if he expected them to slam the door in his face again. When it appeared that they were all in too much shock to do so, he tentatively spoke.

"Ahem... Good morning, Apple Family. I... um, seem to require your assistance."

Granny Smith opened and closed her mouth a few times. After a second she got her jaw working again, and said, "Well, that might be the most unexpected thing I ever did hear."

"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed.

"Quick, shut the door on him afore he comes in!" Applejack shouted, trying to squeeze herself around Granny Smith.

"No, wait!" Apple Bloom pulled her sister back. "I wanna know what he's doin' here, first!" She pointed a hoof at Applejack when the mare opened her mouth. "And if you tell me to hush one more time, I'll buck you!"

"Reasonable enough," Granny Smith commented, although no one was sure whether she was talking about finding out what Flim was doing there, or if she was talking about Apple Bloom bucking Applejack.

Applejack huffed. "But, granny!"

"Hold on a minute, there!" Granny Smith gave her grandfilly a disapproving glare. "This youngun might've been a pretty big thorn in our side before-"

"That's an understatement," Applejack growled.

"-but he's obviously gone through a buncha trouble gettin' over here to ask fer our help with somethin', and I say that he at least deserves a willin' ear."

"Eeyup," Apple Bloom agreed, nodding gravely. Flim seemed to relax just a little bit.

"And if he don't have a good reason, you an' Big Mac can buck him off the property yourselves." Granny Smith finished with a stomp of her hoof.

"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed, also nodding gravely. Flim grimaced.

Applejack looked back and forth between her siblings and her granny, deep frustration etched on her face. Her eyes scrunched in concentration, then determination. For a minute, it looked like she was going to say no. Then she looked at Flim.

He was giving her puppy dog eyes.

Flim.

Was giving her puppy dog eyes.

That was just plain unnaturally wrong.

Gritting her teeth, she sagged her head in defeat. "Fine. Just be quick about it. Our flapjacks are getting cold."

At the mention of food, Flim's stomach rumbled loudly. His ears flattened a little further in embarrassment when Apple Bloom and Applejack both snickered. It was obvious he had run all the way to the farm without eating anything that morning. Big Mac and Granny Smith shared a glance, and Bic Mac almost imperceptibly nodded.

"I don't suppose you'd like to join us for breakfast?" Granny Smith asked.

Flim perked up and opened his mouth to answer, but Applejack stepped in for him. "No!" she shouted. "Absolutely not! I ain't never gonna sit at the same table as him and eat flapjacks and chat like everythin's okay! I refuse!"

Flim visibly deflated at that remark, then straightened himself, trying for some semblance of dignity. "Of course. I understand, given our history. I'm perfectly fine-" his stomach rumbled again, louder this time. Apple Bloom still snickered, but Applejack just gave an exasperated snort.

"Aw, both of you, shut up." Granny Smith back up until she was physically pushing Applejack out of the way, making room for Flim to get through. "Get your hiney in here. Big Mac, would you be a dear and fix a plate for him?"

Big Mac nodded and walked back into the kitchen. Apple Bloom excitedly stepped to the side as Flim cautiously stepped inside; she was happy as peaches to have such an unusual break in her morning routine. This was some kind of game to her, some big adventure.

Applejack narrowed her eyes at the cream pony who followed behind her brother towards the dining room. "Alright, granny. I'll eat with our darned-near enemy. But I ain't gonna like it."

Author's Note

(sucks in a deep breath)

I DID IT! YES! TAKE THAT, PROCRASTINATION! YEAH!!!

(pumps fist in the air) Woot.

Okay, I am sooo sorry for how long it took me to update. FWI, this is an accomplishment. I normally take much longer. PLEASE yell at me. I am begging you. I need the motivation to get my rear in gear!

Alright, so how do you like it so far? Am I going too fast? Too slow? Just right, but my author's voice is bad? Give me a critique! Not criticism, or flaming, but a nice critique, please. I could use all the help I can get.

Please R&R, I hope I update soon, and God Bless!

During an Awkward Breakfast

This was awkward. This was so awkward.

Apple Bloom looked back and forth between the ponies at the table. Nopony was speaking. They were long, long past eating. The filly herself had finished her pancakes soon after they invited Flim in. She'd wanted to have a free, available, and empty mouth with which to pepper their guest with questions- not that the food didn't stop her from asking several anyways.

The other Apples had collectively decided not to finish their own plates. Applejack didn't even take a bite of hers; the whole, uneaten, glorious flapjacks sat there, getting soggy in syrup, while she glared daggers at the cream pony sitting across from her. Big Mac took a few bites of his, swallowed uncomfortably, then joined in looking at Flim, albeit less intensely. Granny Smith licked all the toppings off of her pancakes and tried to look cheerful, but it was obvious she was very aware of the elephant in the room.

Flim had started in on his own food with a gusto, eating like there was no tomorrow, while somehow keeping a moderate air of neatness and dignity about him. He answered Apple Bloom's questions only quickly and politely, halfheartedly, not really paying attention or putting in an effort to be showy with his replies. This confused the filly a bit, since it seemed out-of-character for him, but she at least knew enough to let the older ponies ask about that, specifically. It was only when two-thirds of his plate was gone that he suddenly realized everypony was staring at him.

That's when things skyrocketed from quiet discomfort to shift-in-your-seat awkwardness. Flim glanced down longingly at his plate, then looked back up at everypony else. They stared back at him. He glanced at his plate again, obviously wanting to finish his flapjacks, but a peculiar look- something almost like guilt- flickered across his muzzle, and he finally pushed the plate away.

Apple Bloom tilted her head at this. She decided she might as well be the one to break the silence; she felt like more of a neutral party than the others did at the moment, anyways. "Hey, Mister Flim, is there somethin' wrong with the flapjacks?"

Flim jumped a little, startled at the sound of her voice. Again, this was funny, considering she had been talking a few minutes ago. What in the hay had him so jittery and unfocused?

"I... uh... no, Miss Apple Bloom," he finally replied. "No, the pancakes were wonderful. I just... felt it might be appropriate to get down to business, as it is..."

There was a loud scraping noise, and Flim jumped again. Apple Bloom cringed and looked over at her sister. Applejack was standing up now, her front hooves balanced on the table. The scraping had come from her both sliding her chair back and pushing her plate at the same time. Without removing her burning gaze from its subject of destruction, she began silently stacking plates and taking them to the sink. Apple Bloom thought it was kind of creepy how she deliberately walked backwards to the faucet in order to keep glaring at Flim. Geez, Louise...

Applejack clacked the last rinsed plate down onto the counter and took a deep breath. Then she said, "Alright, get to the living room. You better have a very good reason for being in my house right now."

"The living room?" Flim repeated, looking somewhat bewildered.

Granny Smith let out a short chuckle. "Well, do you wanna have us all just sit around the table staring at you like this while you talk?"

A light smattering of red coated the cream pony's cheeks at the suggestion. "Oh. Yes, I suppose it would be better to get a little more comfortable, then." He slid off his seat and started to head for the living room. After a second, he stopped and turned to look back at them, shuffling his hooves.

Apple Bloom sighed and rolled her eyes. Obviously, he wanted someone to lead the way instead of him, seeing as this wasn't his own house, but none of the other Apples were decent enough to do so for him. Well, she'd just have to be the... watchamahoozit,,, Miss Cheerily just taught them this in class... medilator? Medigator? Mentanator? Mediator? That was it! She'd be the mediator. Yeah.

The little pony hopped off her seat and walked to the living room ahead of Flim. "Right this way, Mister Flim! Once you're settled and stuff, you can tell us what's got you all in a tizzy!" Flim laughed uncertainly, but nodded gratefully at Apple Bloom before following her in. The other Apples drifted along behind, seeming both curious about and dreading what Flim might have to say.

The pony in question halted in the center of the living room, glancing around. The Apple Family home was quaint, cozy, and proud of it. The room was small and somewhat sparse, but Apple Bloom loved the homey feeling in it all the same. There was a warm pumpkin-orange round rug in the center, with a daisy in the middle and little apples patterned around the edges. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had slept there in a pile of blankets many a night, flashlights and hot-cocoa near at hoof. In the corner by the door was a lavender curve-back couch with soft cushions. The little group liked to sit there when they went through scrap-books and story-books and the like. On the other side of the door was a small blue table with a picture of the Apple foals' late parents. Behind the table was a larger framed picture of the orchard, a small bookshelf set in the wall, and a little stool with a pillow, considered Apple Bloom's personal seat. This was where she headed upon entering the room.

Granny Smith went to her rocking chair, which was on the other side, by the stairs. Flim took in the available options and chose the couch, slowly sitting himself down in the middle. Applejack and Big Mac noted this and silently filed to the foot of the stairs, sitting side-by-side facing the couch. As everypony got themselves situated, Apple Bloom expected there to be another uncomfortable silence. To her surprise, Applejack got right to talking.

"Let's get one thing straight," she declared, her eyeballs still burning into poor Flim's skull. "I don't like you. I ain't never liked you, and I doubt I ever will. And I know for sure you don't like me, or you wouldn't'a gone through so much trouble to pester my family and friends with your dirty money-grubbin' schemes. I know all you care about is your bit count, and maybe your brother. Maybe. So, we're going to make this quick, and straight. Since you look like a tornado ran you over twice with a truck, and since you were willin' to come in here and spoil our breakfast all by yourself, I'm guessing this is about Flam, ain't it?"

Flim blinked at her in surprise. It was hard to tell if he was taken aback by how quick Applejack spoke when they sat down, or by how quick she'd cut to the chase. Apple Bloom sure as hay hoped he wasn't surprised by her intelligence; that was something none of the Apples would take lightly, least of all Applejack herself.

Thankfully, he quickly collected himself and didn't say anything that would've gotten his head bucked in. "Yes," he replied. "Yes, he's-"

"Waitin' outside the door to enact the next part of your scheme?" Applejack asked. "Or has he gone off and done his own get-rich-quick plan, and you feel all left out? Well, I have news for you! We're not helpin', whatever it is!"

"Hey!" Apple Bloom cut in. "At least let him talk! I don't like him much, neither, but I wanna know what he's doing here! We'll never find out if he doesn't tell us."

"But-" Applejack started, looking about ready to shoot steam out her nostrils.

"Aw, let him spit it out, Applejack," Granny Smith insisted with a wave of her hoof, lazily rocking back and forth in her chair.

The furious mare opened her mouth again, but was silenced with a dark look from her brother. She cringed slightly and sighed. It was enough to make her wonder sometimes if Big Mac had a Stare of his own. She looked back at Flim and growled, "Fine. Spit."

"Flam's been kidnapped!" Flim shot out quickly, as if he'd get cut off again if he didn't say it fast enough. When everypony else stared at him with something like shock, he bolstered some confidence and continued, "He got kidnapped last night, on the main road between Manehattan and Trottingham. We were on the end of the road closest to Ponyville. I spent all last night running here after it happened."

The other ponies continued to stare unblinkingly. It was clear this response was the last thing they expected. Apple Bloom saw the flash of hope that crossed Flim's muzzle, before he smoothed his look over. He was getting a little calmer, and better at covering his emotions. He clearly thought he was getting through to them. Well, maybe not so much...

"Kidnapped?" Apple Bloom exclaimed incredulously, unable to hold back. "Are you serious?"

"You really expect us to believe that malarkey?" Applejack added. "That there's the darnedest thing I've ever heard. It's so obvious it's a trick, it's painful."

"No, I-" Flim started, but was once again cut off.

"You just want us to use up our resources helping you with a wild goose chase!" Applejack went on. "And then Flam will just pretend to be rescued, or escaped, or whatever, and you'll have all our time and money, and what to we get? Just a bunch'a trouble!"

All at once Flim jumped off the couch, his cheeks nearly as red as his hair. "Now, see here!" He erupted. "I come to you for help, indeed, I run for six hours to get here in the middle of the night, suck in my pride, and show up at your doorstep, and all I've gotten is a load of insults and accusations that I've done nothing to deserve!"

"Nothing to deserve?!" Now Applejack was on her hooves, too, stepping towards her opponent. "Nothing to deserve?! What the hay did you expect, coming here? That we'd take you in with open hooves, 'Oh, of course we'll help you, you didn't really mean to try and steal our land or run off our business or sell a fake medicine that nearly made our granny get herself killed!" We-he-heeell, you've got another thing coming, pardner. You can just take yourself and your lies out the door this instant before my back hooves escort you out personally!"

Flim advanced equally, teeth barred and grinding. "I would love to! Do you know that? You were never my first choice for help in this matter, why in Equestria would I ask for help from some country bumpkin with no business sense? You wouldn't know a good deal if it bit you in the tail!"

"Country bumpkin?!?!" Applejack screamed, blind with rage. Big Mac had to hold her back as she prepared to charge.

Flim continued, speaking rapidly, like he wanted to just get this over with already. "But, you know what? I don't have a choice! Because some darned magic black horse ran off with my brother, and he told me to find the most trustworthy person I know to lead me to the Celestia-forsaken Mordant Phooka, Canterlot knows what that is. And my first choice would have been my brother, he's the only person I trust, but, oh, look at that. He's not here! So what would be my second option? I just so happen to know the Element of Honesty by name!" The other ponies seemed to have frozen for some reason; Apple Bloom was sitting in the corner wondering what the hay was going on, and Granny Smith, Applejack, and Big Mac just looked flabbergasted about something. Flim was breathing heavily, and struggling to calm down. "And..." he was trailing off now. "And, even if we dislike, dare I say hate, each other, at least I know you won't lie to me, or deceive me like others would. I don't have a choice. I...." his voice became much quieter now, a barely audible whisper. "I just want my brother back..."

Apple Bloom looked from him to her family, trying to figure out what brought on the silence this time. "Er... can someone tell me what just happened?"

Granny Smith didn't say anything at first, and when she did she still didn't directly answer. "Did you just say you gotta find a phooka? Did my old ears here that right?"

"Eeyup." Big Mac nodded solemnly. He let go of his sister, but continued to scowl back and forth between her and Flim, trying to decide if one of them needed a bucking.

Applekack looked purely gobsmacked. "A... a... uh... a phooka?"

Flim's face contorted in confusion. "A phooka. Yes, that's what I said. The Mordant Phooka. I have to find him. Why is that so shocking?"

"Because phookas are right special critters-" Granny Smith started.

"And I think one snuck onto the farm last night..." Applejack confessed.

Now it was her turn to be stared at. Apple Bloom sighed in frustration. Great, what the hay was she missing this time?

Author's Note

Okay. Okay. It's out. Okay. Phew. Deep Breaths.

I am so sorry about the long wait! I'll try to be better, but I have to warn you, I've been much, much worse. Thank you so much to those who continued to ask me, several times, when I was going to update. It helps motivate. I'm sorry I put it off so long. Procrastination and college do not mix well.

Also, I put it in Apple Bloom's 3rd person perspective this time. I'll try a different one each chapter. I only realized I forgot to put Flam's bit in after I finished the chapter, and it doesn't fit now, so I'll have to do that at the end of the next chapter.

Okay. Please, keep me updated on your annoyance because of my procrastination! And also, please forgive me for doing so! And, lastly, please R&R, and God Bless!

Because of a Confession or Two

Flim stared at Applejack, trying to process what she just said. He must have been mistaken; he just misheard her. That was all there was to it. Because she did not just say what he thought she did.

"What..." he started slowly, then took a deep breath and tried again. "What, exactly, visited you last night?"

Applejack blinked, her gobsmacked look slowly slipping off and blending with a toned-down version of her glare from earlier. "I wouldn't exactly call it a visit, partner. It snuck onto the property last night, behind our backs."

"What did?!" Flim persisted, his voice raising an octave as he began to suspect that what she said was, in fact, what he'd thought in the first place. And that was bad. Very, very bad.

The coral-coated mare bit her lip and huffed stubbornly. It was only when Big Mac sternly nudged her that she sighed and came clean. "A phooka. A phooka snuck onto the farm last night."

Granny Smith gasped, and the little filly, (Apple Bloom, was it?) just looked confused. The elderly pony slid off her rocking chair and trotted around to face Applejack squarely. "Is this true?" she asked, giving her grandfilly as steely a look as she could muster on her normally guileless (if airheaded) muzzle. Applejack grimaced at the look, but nodded. Granny Smith turned to Big Mac beside her. "An' what 'ave you got to say about it? Did you know about this?"

The only things that betrayed how uncomfortable the burly stallion was feeling under the scrutiny his grandmare was giving him were his eyes, which widened slightly. Other than that, he remained very calm as he replied, "Eeyup. I found a patch of black fur this morning in the hayloft." Big Mac reached into his yolk and pulled out the fur he'd shown Applejack earlier. Granny Smith squinted at it, leaning her muzzle so close that the tips of her nostrils just barely touched. She sniffed a couple of times, lightly enough that the hairs didn't waver, and yet somehow loud enough that it made Apple Bloom jolt in her seat.

With a dramatic gag, hack, and wheeze, Granny Smith pulled her muzzle away. "Cinn'mon an' sulfur. Yep, that there's a phooka, alright. When 'zactly were you two miscreants plannin' on tellin' me about this?"

Big Mac nodded his head towards Applejack, who grimaced further when Granny Smith turned her steely gaze up a notch and steered it back to her. "Well?" the green pony demanded.

Applejack sighed. "Darnit, granny, I was hoping it'd turn out to be nothing! I didn't want to worry you none about it. I was gonna bring it up later, I promise I was, but I didn't want to just spit it out at breakfast when you'd just woke up. S'not like it was gonna hurt us, anyways!"

"Not like it was going to hurt you?!"

Everypony jumped and rounded to face the stallion who'd yelled. It was as if they'd forgotten Flim was there, with the reproach Applejack had been about to get from her grandmare. The cream pony was still standing in front of the couch, with his hooves spread in the aggressive stance from his standoff a few minutes ago, and was now steaming with unbridled rage directed towards the mare in front of him.

Flim took another harsh, heavy step closer to Applejack, breathing laboriously and struggling to contain himself. In a slightly more quiet, but no less intense voice, he hissed, "You act as if this is just some macabre homeless pony who spent the night in your barn, something to bring up with your mayor and then forget about. Not like it was going to hurt you?! Do you know what that thing did to my brother?! He kidnapped him! He threw me against a tree, snatched my brother, and threatened to break Flam's neck if I so much as revved a beam of magic in that beast's direction! That thrice-darned animal would have killed Flam! And now I find out that it spent part of the night in your hayloft?!?! How do I know that maybe you weren't conspiring against me for a change of pace? It's not as if you don't have plenty of motives for it!"

In the back of his mind, Flim was subconsciously aware of Apple Bloom gasping wetly, and Granny Smith stepping over to comfort the young pony. He could see Big Mac putting a hoof on the middle sibling's shoulder, ready to hold her back or shove her behind him, if need be. None of that mattered right then, and so none of it alertly reached him. The only thing his mind was focusing on at the moment was Applejack, who was back to looking utterly gobsmacked.

She stared at him silently. Her mouth hung open, not moving, not making a sound. Slowly, slowly, it closed. The mare's eyes narrowed and turned to slits, burning a fury far beyond what they held before, a scary fury, a quiet fury. This wasn't just spitting insults back and forth or juvenile shouting. Applejack was well and truly offended.

She marched up to Flim, attempting to shrug off her brother's hoof but ultimately failing and leaving it there, and looked her opponent in the eye.

"Don't you ever," she growled in an undertone, "Ever, ever lower me to your standards. Don't ever say that I would do something like that. In case you've forgotten, we here in Ponyville are the good guys. We're the ones always putting a stop to the plans of scum like you. Now, I wouldn't put it past you to try something like that, but don't you dare say that I would stoop so low." Applejack stopped, closing her eyes and blowing through her nose, before snapping them open and fixing Flim with an eerily cold smirk. "And 'sides... has it occurred to you that maybe you're brother got what was coming to him?"

Apple Bloom gasped again, Granny Smith yelped, "Applejack!", Big Mac jerked his sister back, and there was a beat of appalled silence.

Then Flim reared up on his hind legs, shouting at the top of his lungs, "YOU BUCKING, HEARTLESS CAD!!!" With the last syllable, he slammed his hooves on the floor with a resounding thoom! "I hope the beast gets to your family and that your blasted Elements of Harmony can do nothing about it!! How will you feel then, helpless and unable to do anything to get them back?!"

Applejack sucked in air, looking as if she had just been socked in the gut. Her face twisted with hatred, and she lowered her head, scraping one hoof on the ground as she prepared to charge. Her brother held on tighter.

Ignoring him, she snarled, "Get. Out. Now."

"Fine!" Flim snapped, spinning around and fairly running out the front entryway. The wooden door slammed behind him, and the family descended into silence once more.

After a few seconds of staring at the door, making sure the incensed salespony wasn't coming back, the Apples turned and glared at Applejack with outraged expressions. Applejack glared back. "What?" she huffed angrily. "Don't you be telling me he didn't deserve that!"

Granny Smith shook her head in disappointment. "Oh, he deserved a good tongue-lashing to be sure, but that was most certainly not a good tongue-lashing, young'n. That's what would be called a bad tongue-lashing."

"He accused me of conspirin' against him!" Applejack protested, although her wrath was quickly fading as she suddenly realized what had come out of her mouth. It wasn't pretty. Not at all.

The green mare stomped a hoof on the ground. "And you kept the phooka from me 'till the last possible second! I'll be the first to say that what he said was wrong, but what you said back was just as wrong, if not worse! It's times like these that make me wish you were more like your clammed-up brother, who knows when to shut his mouth!"

At this, Applejack clapped her mouth shut, a pain cutting through her heart at her grandmare's statement. They hurt, but nopony could deny they were true. At a loss for words, Applejack looked at her brother, hoping he might say something to ease the pain. He only surveyed her with disapproving scrutiny. She had never seen him look so distant. "I... I was just..."

"I can't believe you said that to him!" Apple Bloom cried out, jumping off her seat and advancing towards her sister much in the way that Flim had. "How could you be so heartless? You're an Element of Harmony? Don't you know what that means?!"

Her older sister scowled. "Of course I know what that means!"

"What then?" Apple Bloom pressed.

"Well... It means I'm the Element of Honesty," Applejack replied. "Because I'm honest. And... put together with the other Elements, we, uh, symbolize Harmony... we save Equestria from monsters and work for peace and happiness and... stuff..." The mare frustratedly growled under her breath. "What does this have to do with what just happened? If anything, being an Element means I should protect Ponyville from ponies like Flim!"

"No!" Apple Bloom shouted. "No, no, no, no, NO!" She shook her head so rapidly that her bow became unbalanced, hanging lopsidedly on her head. The filly paid it no mind as she continued. "Being an Element of Harmony means you stand for friendship! Because friendship is magic! That's how you stopped all those bad guys- because you and the others used your powers of friendship to defeat them! None of them understand friendship, and that's why they lost! They're heartless, and alone, and they'll always lose as long as they love themselves more than others! Isn't that right?"

"I mean... yeah..." Applejack muttered, taken aback by her younger sister's tirade. Before she could say more, Apple Bloom went on.

"Yes! That's what it's all about! That's what it's always been about, ever since you guys met! Friendship! Even Discord, the craziest, freakiest of all the baddies you guys beat, turned mostly nice when Fluttershy taught him friendship! Because. Friendship. Is. Magic!" She took a huge breath, carrying on her rant without interruption. "And now, when one of your old enemies- not even one of the big, horrible, scary ones like Discord, but a salespony for crying out loud- comes back, crying and begging for your help, practically screaming of an opportunity for you to show him what you've learned about Friendship Magic, you turn him down? And not just that, for sweet Celestia's sake, but you yell at him and yell at him and say all these horrible, awful, mean things that sound like what Diamond Tiara says for fun, and kick him out of the house! What kind of Element of Harmony are you?!" The filly stopped all at once and glowered at her sister with all the force she could muster.

For a minute, it looked like Applejack was going to yell back at her. The mare opened her mouth, thought better of it, closed it, and just looked at her sibling. It shook her with a jolt when she suddenly realized that Apple Bloom was crying. She'd made her cry. Apple Bloom never cried. Not ever. She didn't cry during Apple Bucking season, when she dealt with Granny Smith's antics while helping pack and preserve apples, when she was so tired that her hooves could barely hold an apple-peeler and one of the older ponies with less energy and more stamina had to carry her to bed. She didn't cry the time she'd nicked her hoof with the peeler, deep enough to draw blood. No tears for when Scootaloo crashed the scooter and sent the Cutie Mark Crusaders tumbling in a wave of bruises, scrapes, and skinned knees. She didn't cry no matter how miserable Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's insults made her. She never cried, full stop.

But now little Apple Bloom was crying. And she was crying for the pain another pony was feeling, a pony she had every right to hold a grudge against and be hostile and downright hateful with. Hateful like her sister was being.

Applejack hung her head as the words hit home. "You're right... I can't believe myself. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just... I was so mad because he'd already done his best to make our lives hard before, and now he comes in here asking for help, expecting me to give it to him... and I didn't want to give it. I still don't. He doesn't deserve help after the cow-cud he's put us through."

Granny Smith put a foreleg around Apple Bloom, hugging the filly to her side. "He might not d'serve it, but ain't Apples s'posed to be known for their ho-spee-tali-tee? I couldn't 'a said it better'n Apple Bloom here, myself. We gotta be better than him. As tempted as I know I am to buck his head in on sight, that might not be the best way to deal with the situation, eh?"

Big Mac shook his head. "Nope. And it ain't us you should be apologizing to, Applejack."

The mare sighed, her head shrinking between her shoulder blades and doing its best to imitate Fluttershy on a bad day by playing ostrich with the floorboards. "I better go find him, shouldn't I?" Her family members nodded solemnly. The mare sighed again. "But... what am I supposed to say? I can refer him to a police-pony or something, but I'm still not sure about helping him myself. We still have chores to do, and..."

Granny Smith held up a hoof to stop her. "Applejack, what if the horseshoe was on ther' other hoof? If Big Mac or lil' Apple Bloom here was the one kidnapped by a kooky phooka, and Flim was the only pony available to help you get 'em back?"

Apple Bloom frowned up at her from her head's position near the floor. "He'd probably find some way to take advantage of the situation and extort me along the way..."

"But if he was the only pony who could help you?" Granny Smith asked. "Wouldn't it be worth the risk?"

"Well, of course it would!" Applejack answered. "I mean... I don't like him, but I love my family more than I dislike him."

Granny Smith nodded. "And he loves his brother more than he dislikes you."

That did it. The thought of Flim, unpleasant conpony that he was, going through the kind of pain that Applejack went through whenever she worried about her family struck a chord in her. She didn't like him, she didn't like his brother, and she knew they didn't deserve any help.

But, she was an Element of Harmony; she was an Apple, dangit, and Apples always took care of their family! As much as she disliked him, she loved her family more, and as much as she wanted to just sit by and let him flounder about on his own trying to get Flam back, she couldn't. She couldn't leave him like that. It would go against everything her friends had taught her in this past year since Twilight moved to Ponyville, and more than that, it would be downright wrong.

Besides, if Flim cared about his brother so much that he'd be willing to try and temporarily put aside his snobby money-grubbing ways to ask the one pony who could very well count as his arch-nemesis, if he had one, for help, then maybe... maybe he wasn't entirely as heartless as Applejack thought.

Maybe.

With another sigh, Applejack lifted her head up and walked to the door. "Alright... I'll go talk to him. And I guess I'll try and apologize... and I suppose I'll offer him my help. Once. But, only once. If he says no, I'm coming right back here."

Granny Smith and Big Mac gave each other knowing looks and nodded simultaneously. "We couldn' ask for more," the elderly pony replied.

Applejack nodded back, putting a hoof on the door and starting to open it, when she felt something latch onto her leg. Looking down, she found Apple Bloom clinging to her, still sniffling a little. Her bow dangled loosely from her mane, and she looked very much like a sad puppy begging for attention. "Aw, Apple Bloom," the mare murmured, putting a hoof on the filly's back. "I'm sorry for upsettin' you. I'll be right back."

"S'okay..." Apple Bloom mumbled, her voice muffled by her sister's fur. "Jus'... try an' be safe, okay? Cuz' you might not be right back, if Flim says yes. You can't jus' come back and finish your chores if he says yes. You'll hafta go. So be careful looking for that phooka, okay? An' get me a souvenir while you're gone!"

Applejack couldn't help but chuckle at that, despite the sour mood all around. "Alright. I'll get you a souvenir while we look for the phooka, if he says yes. That's a big 'if', considering the fight we just had."

Apple Bloom tilted her head up, looking at her older sibling with big, wide, wet eyes. "Pinkie Promise?"

Now Applejack had to laugh. A small laugh, but still. "Yeah, yeah. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, I'll get you a souvenir if Flim says yes. Now leggo so I can git this over with!" Apple Bloom nodded and released her sister's leg, stepping back so she could go through the door. Applejack tipped her hat at she went out, quietly shutting the door behind, and left the family in silence once again.

After a minute, Apple Bloom sniffed and turned to her brother and grandmare. "Uh... so what's a phooka, anyways?"

Author's Note

I DID IT! I DID IT AND I SAID I WOULD DO IT AND I DID IT! YAAY!

Although I did it much later than I said I would... this is not a week or two after my last update, this is a month... I apologize about that. At least I didn't wait all summer this time, though!... I also apologize about that, again. Curse my stupid procrastination habits. With what little free time I have, it can be so hard to motivate myself to update in a timely fashion instead of just reading another fic.

Fortunately, you all keep commenting and motivating me further! And special thanks to C-Puff, who has offered to exchange a cover pic in order for me to place more interest in writing this fic! He has several other requests to do first, but his bribe worked, people! The excitement over a hand-drawn pic by an awesome artist, along with the same of my own shamey shamefulness, has produced a new chapter for your enjoyment! Give him a brohoof, everypony!

And I am also going to the Crystal Fair in St. Louise this weekend, so that should help my motivation, as well, since it's all about ponies. Also, C-Puff recommended I watch a fantastic movie called the Music Man, which is where Flim and Flam get their personalities from, and it has done wonders for my muse! Give him another brohoof, everypony! This guy! This guy right here is the reason this fic is not sitting for another few months! (again, apologies.)

I WILL try to be better about this. I have an outline for the story and everything, I just need to get off my lazy doofus and type. At least we're mostly past the intro part- one more chapter, and the journey begins! Da-da-daaaa! Also, yeah, I know I said I'd add the Flam part here, but it still doesn't fit yet. Next chapter for sure.

Please R&R (and yell and nag me to update, it helps), and God Bless!

With Only One Choice Available

Flim stomped down the hoofpath that led from the Apple residence's front door to their fence. His head down, his teeth grinding, the cream pony just focused on leaving the grounds as fast as possible, his mind a whir of frustrated, disappointed, and desperate thoughts.

Can't believe that mare... Got what was coming to him? How could she say... All I wanted was help! Was that too much to ask?... I did nothing to bring that on!... Aside from trying to assert my own good business sense where hers was lacking, but that was months ago!... I try to be humble, and all I get is... Why did she... Why can't she... What am I going to do?

The salespony looked up, realizing that he was standing under the main entryway to Sweet Apple Acres. Directly above him was a white picket arch covered in apple vines (he didn't realize those existed until he came to Sweet Apple Acres the first time; the things Earth Ponies can do these days...), with a wooden sign dangling at the apex. There was an apple-shaped cut in the sign, signifying the Apple Family brand. Flim offhoofedly wondered if the Apples actually used that brand on the animals they raised, the way some wealthy ranch owners did. Probably not; Applejack was much too goody-goody for that.

Dejectedly, Flim sat down under the arch. He wanted to keep walking off, away from the farmers and their brutal honesty. This was why he preferred lies; honesty only ever hurt ponies' feelings. It also got you far less bits to jingle in your pocket, but still.

However, he had no idea who he could turn to, if not Applejack. Flam was the only pony he really trusted; the only pony who understood him, and didn't hold a grudge for his past, eh, less beneficial business deals. Well, besides the ponies in other towns who hadn't encountered the twins yet. Flam was the pony who Flim wanted to turn to in this situation, as in any, but how could he if Flam was the one who needed to be found? Besides his brother, Flim couldn't think of a single pony he could trust to get the job done. Except maybe Applejack.

Other ponies, even the famed "Elements of Sunshine and Sweetness," would turn up their nose and walk away upon seeing the clever (if greedy, swindling, and half the time malicious) conponies in need of help. And that would be the turnout at its best. At worst, they might offer help in exchange for being paid back for the bits they lost in the brothers' last deal, or in exchange for the brothers facing capital punishment for their extortion. They might even pretend to be willing to help, only to turn around and hand Flim and Flam over to the authorities once the ordeal was over- if they waited that long. Other ponies couldn't be trusted in a situation like this; other ponies wouldn't be honest in a situation like this.

But, Applejack would. She was the Element of Honesty; the mare couldn't lie to save her life! The closest she ever came was when Flim and Flam convinced her that telling Granny Smith the truth about their Miracle Curative Tonic would make the elderly pony miserable. That wasn't a lie, either; Flim was certain that the grandmare wouldn't feel nearly as eager to swim or jump off of impossibly high diving boards if she knew that the Tonic was just apple juice and beet leaves. And the Tonic did help Granny Smith to feel younger again; it was simply a placebo effect. Placebo effects were still effects in any case. Therefore Flim and Flam had been in the right all along; not that Applejack or the rest of Ponyville saw it that way. It was a good thing the brothers were experienced with daringly running off into the sunset after a successful scam- er, perfectly legitimate deal that helped ponies and also got the FlimFlam brothers lots and lots of money.

Anyways... Applejack didn't believe in lying, and hated the idea of holding back the truth in any way, shape, or form; even if it didn't mean outright telling a fib, she still considered it dishonest. Flim considered it a very silly limitation, but, at the same time, a useful one. She was really the only pony he could turn to at this point and feel certain she wouldn't try to make a crooked bargain out of helping, or stab him in the back. She was the only pony who could help him.

Too bad she wouldn't help him.

Apparently she also knew what a phooka was. That irked him. Not only did Flim have to ask the assistance of a mare with a grudge against him, but she'd been collaborating with Flam's kidnapper! Well, maybe not quite collaborating. She did say that it snuck onto the farm the night before without any of the Apples being aware of it. And Applejack didn't lie. Still, if she didn't know it had been there until that morning, and this was most certainly the same phooka that had kidnapped Flam, and she knew more about what a phooka was than Flim did, then just how far had the Celestia-forsaken thing planned this all out? It was a horrible feeling, knowing that Flim might be playing right into the enemy's hooves and having no idea what to do about it. What if this whole ordeal was staged? He wouldn't put it past the phooka to plan each item on that list out so that Flim wound up tangled in a horrible, inescapable trap of some sort. He was already feeling pretty trapped.

The list! He'd forgotten all about that in the stress of the last few hours. If Flim could see the items on the list, it would be a good start towards making a plan of action. Maybe he didn't need help finding them all; maybe there would be some sort of common pattern in the kinds of items he needed to find, some sort of clue that would lead him to the phooka himself. Why bother going on a wild goose chase if he could go straight to the source? The Skim family wasn't notorious for their cleverness for nothing, after all.

Leaning back on his haunches, Flim lit up his horn as he reached into his vest with magic and pulled out the small scroll the phooka had thrown at him. It was only about three inches wide, and so small that it couldn't be very long once unrolled. Either the phooka wrote in a miniscule script, or it was a short list. Flim couldn't decide which he hoped for- a long list in small writing meant more opportunity to look for a pattern, but a short list meant a shorter amount of time to find the items in the off chance no pattern could be found. What sort of items could a phooka want a salespony like Flim to find, anyways? It could be any amount of bizarre, outlandish things. A talking rock? A changeling skull? He could only imagine what sort of nightmare fuel he had to find.

The grip of Flim's magic shook slightly with anxiety as he slowly unrolled the scroll. His heart stopped when it was fully opened. It couldn't be. This didn't make any sense! It wasn't a long list, and it couldn't even count as a short list; there was only one item on the page!

The two words, the only two words, were in a bright green script that curled with intertwining vines, edged in a crude brownish black that almost looked burned onto the page. The two words, the only two words on the scroll, read, Trustworthy Pony.

It was the same instruction that the phooka had given him that night. To find a trustworthy pony. But, that was all the scroll said. There were no other items on the list. There wasn't even a list! It was just those two words, Trustworthy Pony, dead center at the top of the page. Apparently, that was all the phooka wanted him to do, was to find a trustworthy pony to lead him to Flam. But, why? It couldn't be that simple. The phooka had said, "items," with an "s" on the end. Flim was sure he'd heard it right. Yes, he was too horrified by Flam's capture to notice any of his other senses besides sight and sound- he couldn't have described what the scene physically felt or smelled like aside from horrifying. Everything else was canceled out, because he was too busy focusing on the awful black horse dangling Flam in the air. But, he knew for certain he had heard right. There was supposed to be more than one item on the list, and there was only one.

Flim stared at the page, his face blank and his mind full of even more questions than before. This was worse than being back to square one. He had no help, no items to find, no idea what to do next. This was more like being on square zero.

Applejack frowned to herself as she trotted down the cobblestone path in front of her house, stopping at the first fence in her way. She wanted to get this over with, and get it over with fast. Honestly, she hadn't a clue whether or not Flim would still want her help. He'd said there was nopony else to ask, but did he really mean that? From past experience, Applejack knew the conpony to be both resourceful and always ready with a backup plan. It wouldn't surprise her a bit if he'd just left the property all together. And another thing, what was she supposed to say when she caught up with him? "I'm sorry I yelled because you were a jerk?" This was one time being blunt wouldn't work; besides, she was pretty sure that in this case, the trophy for biggest jerk went to her. Flim had done some pretty infuriating things in the past, but today the only annoying thing he'd done was show up before Applejack started yelling at him. Granted, that was a pretty big crime on his part, since his schemes had been directed towards her before, but maybe Applejack should have given him a chance before throwing him out.

Maybe.

Well, first things first, she had to figure out where Flim went if she wanted to get this whole apology thing out of the way. Where should she look first? Sweet Apple Acres was large enough without having to look for somepony wandering around on it.

Applejack looked to her right. There was no sign of him by the seed shed. Maybe he'd walked beyond that, into the carrot fields. Then again, he might have walked around behind the house, to the expanse of apple orchards. The mare inwardly moaned. This was going to take a while.

She turned her head to the left, carefully taking in all the details of the farm around her, trying to spot a cream pony that didn't belong. Nothing in the carrot field, or the potato field, or the cabbage field. The corn field was a good hiding place, but it didn't look like it had been disturbed, at least outwardly. There was the well, with Flim's hat poking out beyond it... the chicken coop looked empty, and there were the edges of the apple orchard... waitaminute!

The mare snapped her head back to the well. The stone structure was surrounded by water barrels, and sat in front of the entrance to the farm, just inside the picket fence that surrounded the property. Applejack had almost completely missed the fact that Flim was under the arch because of the well blocking her vision. Breathing a sigh of relief, she trotted over to the fence, glad that her search for Flim hadn't entailed a lengthy, hours-long hike through the orchard. Maybe this would be over sooner than expected.

Applejack stopped a few feet away from Flim. A look of confusion crossed over her muzzle. She would have thought he'd have responded to her hoofsteps by now and either turned around to face her, or huffed and walked away. Instead, he just sat in the dirt, staring in the other direction. He hadn't reacted at all; he was just sitting completely still. It was almost creepy.

Cautiously, Applejack stepped around the stallion, edging through the arch until she was standing in front of him. Now she could see that he was holding some kind of scroll in his magic, starting at it with a look of... well, nothing. His face was totally blank. It was like whatever he saw on there had completely shut down his brain, and his mind couldn't keep up with it. Applejack had seen that look before. The "thousand acre stare," she called it; the very first time she went apple-bucking, she'd had that look on her own muzzle, gazing out over the hundreds and hundreds of rows of trees she had to clear of fruit. Big Mac had laughed and told her he'd looked the same his first year. It was his comforting, deep, rumbling chuckle that had broken her out of her stupor and allowed her mind to catch up to the situation.

She was tempted to sneak over and peek at the scroll herself, to see what was on it, but she had a feeling that if Flim snapped out of it and saw her doing that, it wouldn't help her apology any. It would probably be better to wake him up the same way Big Mac had for her- by talking to him.

Applejack took a breath, hesitated, and closed her mouth. Her right forehoof scraped at the ground- not angrily, as with earlier, but awkwardly, almost shyly. Applejack glared at the ground, as if it held the answer for her reluctance. Should I really apologize to the likes of him? she thought uncertainly.

Yes! came the immediate reply from her conscience. You're darn right, you should! Just 'cause he's a jerk don't mean you have to be one, too. Buck up and do it, filly!

The mare sighed and looked back at Flim. He still hadn't moved.

With another sigh and a resolved swallow, Applejack opened her mouth again and said the first thing her mind could come up with: "Whatcha got there?"

Unlike before, this time Flim heard her and responded, jumping nearly a foot in the air before landing spryly on his hooves. He looked wildly around before his eyes rested on Applejack, and he seemed to settle down some. Panting as if he'd just won the Running of the Leaves, he gasped, "W-what?"

Applejack resisted rolling her eyes. "I said, whatcha got there?"

For a minute, the stallion just goggled at her, his eyes wide and uncomprehending. Then he suddenly seemed to remember where he was and who she was, and, more importantly, that he was very upset with her. Composing himself, he sniffed and rolled the hovering scroll up, neatly depositing it into his vest. "Well, I really don't believe that's any of your business," he crisply retorted, glowering at her with as much rage as he could muster with his thoughts still going haywire.

A rush of irritation hit Applejack, but she fought it off. Flim was clearly overwhelmed with his position, and of course he'd still be angry about what she'd said to him. That's why she was here to apologize. "Look, about earlier-"

"You don't have to repeat yourself," Flim cut in. "I know when I'm not wanted. You made that quite clear the minute I knocked on your door. You have no intention of helping scum like me. I'll just have to find somepony else to help me get Flam back." He tried to walk around Applejack so he could leave by way of the road, but she blocked his way. He turned in the other direction, and she jumped in front of him again. "Excuse me, but I am trying to make a dignified exit," he snapped.

Applejack shook her head, not bothering to hide her frustration as it coated her features. "Would you hold on a second? I'm tryin' to apologize here!"

Flim raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, and it ain't easy, so let me get it out!" the mare bit back. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she started over. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. What I said was completely out of line. You and Flam might'a caused my family and I a lot of trouble, but that don't mean Flam deserves to be kidnapped. I got carried away. It was just the combination of findin' out a freaky critter climbed into our barn last night, and making a full breakfast and expecting to get on with the day, only to never finish that breakfast because you showed up with a crisis. Now, I know it ain't your fault he got kidnapped, but it's a lot to take in all in one morning. And I know that ain't no good excuse for what I said, neither. Hence why I'm apologizing." Applejack let out her breath, her shoulders relaxing as she felt a small weight she didn't even realize was there vanish off her chest.

The strained salespony looked her over dubiously for a moment, before a small smile spread over his face. "Apology accepted," he declared. "Now, dear Applejack, was that so hard?"

Her teeth grit at the smugness in Flim's voice and smile, but Applejack forced herself to relax anyways. "No... I suppose not..." she admitted reluctantly.

Flim's smile widened a measure. "That's good! Because we are certainly going to have to get used to each other if you're going to help me find Flam!"

Something inside the mare deflated a little. "So you still want my help, then?"

"Well, of course I do!" Flim exclaimed, a familiar look of mock surprise on his muzzle. It seemed Applejack's apology had cheered him enough that he was getting some of his usual drama back into his features. "I told you that I have no other choice, didn't I? I certainly wouldn't have bothered you with my needs if it were otherwise!"

Great. That meant Applejack couldn't go back to her schedule like she'd hoped. Apple Bloom was right- it wasn't like she could just finish her chores for the day if Flim needed her help. She was going to have to go with him. But, her sister was right about something else as well; Applejack was an Element of Harmony, and as such, she had a responsibility to help other ponies who needed it. And, this time, she was going to embrace that responsibility. This was who she was after all, and there was no use getting mad about who you were.

So, she gave Flim her own brand of smile- a cynical, stubborn, down-to-earth Apple Family smirk. "Flim, before we set off on this harebrained journey to get your brother back, lemme make this clear: you annoy the hay out of me, and I don't like you much. But, I suppose I am just going to have to learn to tolerate that for however long it takes to find that darned phooka."

She wasn't surprised to see that Flim's smile widened into a full-on grin. "Well, then, allow me to say that I find your naive alliance with integrity and stubborn refusal to use the occasional convenient loophole both amusing and ridiculous, but I'll just have to learn to tolerate your brutal honesty for however long it takes to find my brother."

Applejack nodded in agreement. "Right. I'll tolerate you so long as you tolerate me. Deal?" She held up a forehoof, spat in it, and stuck it out.

Flim's grin wavered just slightly in disgust before returning full force. He lifted his own hoof, spat in it, and slapped it to hers. "It is a deal, my good mare." The two ponies shook on it, both in accord with their dislike of the other and their need to put up with each other for as long as they were allied. It was a strange deal, one that would probably just lead to trouble, but it was one borne out of necessity.

Suddenly, there was a flash of green and an explosion of black smoke. Flim yelped and used his magic to yank the scroll back out of his vest, and Applejack saw that the black mist was pouring from the paper in waves. Then, just as suddenly as it started, it stopped, and the smoke vanished without a trace. Flim was bent over, coughing and hacking from the force of the thick smog, while Applejack looked on in bemusement.

The salespony straightened and shook the scroll hard, as if making sure all the smoke was gone. "What in Celestia's name was that?" he exploded once he caught his breath. "It looked like the same smoke from last night, when the thing that caught my brother teleported away! And do you smell- ugh- cinnamon and sulfur?" Flim's nose wrinkled in distaste as he continued to shake the scroll, now trying to get the scent off of the apparently combustible object.

"I don't rightly know," Applejack replied. "What I do know is that it looked an awful lot like phooka magic- smelled like it, too. That's the cinnamon and sulfur you've got a big whiff of. Didn't you notice it last night, if that critter teleported in a buncha smoke, like you said?"

Flim shook his head. "I was too busy focusing on my brother to notice what anything smelled like. Do you think the scroll was booby-trapped?"

The mare thought a moment, then replied, "Nah, that doesn't sound like something a phooka would do. They're more into being all mysterious and making complicated plans to lead somepony where they want them to go, not big, direct attacks or explosions. They only do those if they really have to, I think... did the phooka give that scroll to you, then?"

Flim nodded. "Yes. It's supposed to have a list of things I need to gather for the beast before it lets Flam go, but when I looked, it only had one item on the list. I can't understand why."

Applejack's eyes lit in realization. "Oh, is that what the Thousand Acre Stare was for, then?"

She got a bewildered look in response. "What?"

"Uh, nevermind," Applejack chuckled without any mirth. "Er, what did the scroll say?"

Flim blinked, then shrugged the odd comment off. "See for yourself." He unrolled the scroll, twisting it so that they both could see what was written on it.

Two sets of green eyes scanned the words. One set squinted, read, and read again to make sure it got it right. The owner pursed her lips and turned to the second set of eyes. "The 'trustworthy pony' thing I get," Applejack commented. "That's probably referring to me. But... it looks to me like there are two items on the list, Flim."

Flim himself was absolutely gaping at the words on the page. "I... I know! They weren't there a minute ago! All it said was 'trustworthy pony,' before. It must have been that burst of smoke. It only did that when we agreed to work together. It's... it's almost like the scroll refused to show me anything else on the list until after I had accomplished what was already there. That's astounding! And somewhat frightening, as well."

"Phooka magic," Applejack repeated calmly. "I call phookas freaky critters for a reason."

"Freaky is a good way of putting it," Flim agreed. "What this means, though, is that we have no way of knowing exactly how many items are on the list, nor what they are, until we finish. That will make things difficult."

"Difficult?" Applejack snorted and tossed her head in a way that suggested she thought Flim was severely understating the circumstances. "Try madder'n a bull with cabin fever! The darn phooka's already made it difficult enough with his crazy vague instructions. What the hay does that even mean?" She pointed a hoof at the scroll for emphasis.

Underneath the words, Trustworthy Pony, at the top of the list, a new set of green words had appeared. They looked just as burnt, and just as delicately intricate as the letters above them. They read, Element'ry, my dear Trotson!

Author's Note

I did it! Woohoo! Early update! You can all thank C-Puff for this, and for the wonderfully amazingly beautiful cover picture they made for my story. YAY C-PUFF!

In other news, I just got back from the Crystal Fair last weekend, and it was amazing. I got like seven posters and stuffed them all over the free space on the walls of my dorm room. I also got two little Flim and Flam keychains, and a nice quality Applejack card on photo paper, so I can look at them for inspiration. Little bitty Flam looks sooo cute!

Also, I know I keep saying I'll do the Flam bit next chapter, but it just keeps not fitting when I finish the chapter! It's my own fault because I keep ending on a cliffhanger, or at least a cliffhanger-ish setting, so it seems like if I suddenly switch to Flam's perspective it'll jerk the story around. I WILL try for next chapter, but no promises! It should be more likely to fit next chapter, though, because next chapter FINALLY starts the meat of the story, where the journey begins! So, it's a milestone! Also, we're kinda reaching midday in pony world, and I don't want to end the day without Flam talking.

Please R&R, bug me constantly to continue (it helps! C-Puff bribed me with that picture to write more, so I'm trying to make good on my deal), and God Bless!

Elementary, My Dear Trotson!

"What?" Flim looked back and forth between the scroll and Applejack. "You mean you've never heard that phrase before?"

Applejack scrunched her muzzle and tilted her head, rubbing a hoof on the back of her neck. "Well, it sounds mighty familiar, but I can't remember exactly why. What, is it a metaphor or somethin'?"

"A- a metaphor or something?" Flim stared at her incredulously. "You're joking, right? You're not serious. Don't tell me you're serious." He shrank back a little as Applejack renewed her former irritable glare. "You're serious... I don't suppose you read any books in your free time, then?" Or walk outside that rock you live under, Flim wanted to add, but he felt that probably wouldn't help the situation any.

Now Applejack just looked exasperated. "No, I don't. I buck apples, I bake apples, I preserve apples, I sell apples, and sometimes I go to lunch or a party with my friends. That's about it. What's that got to do with anything?"

Flim shook his head. "You, my dear, need to get out more." Applejack let out an irked snort, but the conpony continued on before she could say anything. "That phrase is one of the most famous catch-phrases in all of literature. The great detective Fetlock Holmes says it all the time in his books. Well, that, along with 'the game's ahoof!' But, it's used for different instances. That one's used when Fetlock starts a new case, and 'elementary, my dear Trotson!' is used when he is explaining the answer to a mystery." Flim gave Applejack a self-important smirk as he spoke. It was no question who was the more cultured of the two. He knew the farmpony was a bit backwoodsy, but to not even know about Fetlock Holmes? That was just sad.

Applejack just continued to glare at him. "Alright, what you just said right now? None of that mattered. I repeat: what the hay does that have to do with anything we're after? How does knowing some Fanny Homes catch-phrase get us closer to your brother?" She couldn't help but feel a bit gratified as Flim's expression sank into the dust. He needed to get his big head in the game if he really wanted that greedy brother of his back. No amount of high-falutin fancies were going to put him in a better position right now, and he needed to know that.

Flim grimaced and looked back at the scroll, wracking his head for an answer. "Well... it might help..." Applejack raised an eyebrow. Feeling defensive, Flim added, "Shouldn't we know all we can about the subject we're after? The phooka did say he wanted me to gather items, didn't he? What if he wants me to get one of the Fetlock Holmes books?"

The orange mare tossed her head in frustration. "Why in tarnation would a phooka want a darn mystery book?"

"Well, I don't know!" Flim snapped, then caught himself and let out a deep breath. "I don't know what phookas like. What if he just happens to like mystery books? Can't a phooka like mystery books?"

"Enough to kidnap a pony for one?" There went Applejack's eyebrow again. "Partner, phookas don't just happen to do anything. Everything they do is carefully calculated for a reason. Everything. That silly catch-phrase isn't on there just because he wants a book; there's got to be more to it than that. There always is."

"So what do you propose we do about it?" Flim asked sourly.

"I ain't proposing nothing, Flim," Applejack insisted, feeling surprisingly patient. She even ignored it when Flim started correcting her grammar under his breath. "All I'm saying is that we should stop and think a minute before rushing off and doing something stupid. You're usually pretty calculated about what you say, yourself, so you should be good at this."

Flim blinked in surprise at the unexpected compliment. She hadn't necessarily said he was clever, but it was very close to it. What was also surprising was that he agreed with her. He was normally very thoughtful about what came out of his mouth; he had been running on emotions since the night before, and it seemed that most of his complicated thinking had gone to the wind. If he wanted to find Flam, he needed to be smart about it. He needed to think clearly.

So he sat down and thought. He gently laid the scroll on the ground with his magic, smoothed it out with a hoof, and tried to find anything unusual or eye-opening about the phrase. The words stared back at him.

"Element'ry, my dear Trotson!"

Applejack tapped a hoof and waited. She was proud of how patiently she'd spoken to him, but it had taken some effort and spent her patience early, so now it was running out faster. She couldn't exactly stop him from thinking now that he'd gotten going, though. "How about you think out loud?" she asked finally. "Two heads are better than one at solving problems."

Flim huffed and resisted rolling his eyes. As if a mare who knew nothing about Fetlock Holmes could contribute anything. Still, he supposed it was worth a try. Better to see if there was a chance of her adding something than keeping to himself. It might not help, but it certainly couldn't hurt. "Oh, alright," he sighed. "Well, when Fetlock says this phrase, it's always when his assistant, John Trotson, is asking him how he knew something about their case. It could be something important, like who the thief was, or more insignificant, like that the pony who hired them nervously bites their forehooves a lot. Fetlock always thinks that it was obvious, though, hence why he calls it elementary."

Applejack nodded, her face again scrunching up in thought. "So you're saying the phooka might be telling us to look for something he thinks is obvious, but ain't really?"

Flim nodded back. "Right. Well, maybe. That's what the phrase means, anyways." The mare beside him frowned. It was so unlike him to be unsure of himself. She should be glad that he wasn't being as arrogant as normal, but it was rather annoying, because it felt to her like his indecisiveness was going to slow them down.

"So, what are we looking for, then?" Applejack asked, kneeling down over the scroll to get a closer look.

Flim just scowled at the scroll. His eyes were squinted almost shut, traveling over each letter systematically. What were they looking for? It was just a catch-phrase! A very famous catch-phrase, yes, and it was frankly disturbing that Applejack hadn't heard of it, but still just a catch-phrase. If this phooka was really so clever and calculating, he could be telling them to look for anything! It might not even be on the scroll! There was nothing on the scroll except for the same words he'd been staring at for what seemed like years. What if he was telling them to look at their situation? Or look at themselves? Or to go back and look at the scene of the crime?

Oh, sweet Celestia, he'd left the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 on the road last night! He'd just run off and left it! What if somepony got a hold of it? It wasn't that difficult to operate, all a pony had to do was flip a switch, pull a lever, and press a big red button. It could be halfway across Equestria by now! Flim was such an idiot! How could he be such an idiot? How was he going to rescue his brother if he was being such an idiot?!

Applejack raised both eyebrows as she watched Flim gesticulate. First he waved one hoof in the air, then he slammed that hoof onto his forehead, then he was holding both hooves to his face and shaking his head in despair. What had him so confused? It was just a catch-phrase. He was probably overthinking it.

The mare turned back to the scroll and proceeded to ignore the emotional stallion's shenanigans. There was something in the words on the page, she just knew it. She could feel it in her core. Nothing is more reliable than an Apple Core.

"Element'ry, my dear Trotson!"

"Hmmm..." Applejack mumbled as she looked at the words. She lifted a hoof towards the page. "Hey, is elementary supposed to have a 'postrophe in it?"

Flim jumped and snapped his head up, spreading his hooves away from his face. "What?"

"I said," the mare jerked her hoof at the page again, "is elementary supposed to have a 'postrophe in it?"

Flim blew air between his teeth and scooted next to Applejack, peering at the scroll beside her. "What are you going on about?"

Applejack rolled her eyes. This was taking way more of her patience than she'd bargained for. "That word! Elementary! It's got a 'postrophe between the t and the r. Is it supposed to have that?"

"Don't be ridiculous, that's not-" Flim leaned closer to the scroll. "Oh. So there is. But, that's just an accent. That can't be important, can it?"

The mare shrugged. "I dunno. Can it? You're the one who knows so much about this phrase. You tell me." She sat and watched him mull over it. Applejack knew she was being short with him, but A) she didn't like him much, for good reason, and B) he needed to get his head in the game. He was so unfocused, it was pitiful.

Flim closed his eyes and tapped a hoof against his head as he thought. An apostrophe in the word wasn't important. It couldn't be. Lots of older books had little accents like apostrophes and hyphens, it just made the books more interesting. It couldn't mean anything. He'd seen Fetlock use it loads of times, he was sure. He was certain. Or, he thought he was certain. Flim hadn't read Fetlock in ages. There hadn't really been time, what with all the schemes and bit-making and song writing and whatnot.

"Funny," the stallion remarked. "I used to have a Fetlock Holmes collection when I was a colt... I read those books all the time before I went on the road with Flam around ten years ago, but I haven't read them since then. I can't really recall the exact typing in the books at the moment."

"Darn phookas," Applejack snarled. "They're too dang smart for their or anypony else's good."

Flim shot her a glare and opened his mouth to give a scathing remark, but slowly closed it. What could he say when he agreed with her? It felt like the beast had him all figured out, from where he would go for help to the books he'd read as a foal. Flim just didn't like Applejack pointing it out; it felt like that made it more true. Unfortunately, until he figured out a way around the phooka's instructions, he was stuck playing its game. If it knew that he'd read the books religiously when he was younger, but that enough time had passed that Flim didn't clearly remember the way certain words were typed, then what did it want Flim to do with this knowledge?

He stood up straight. With an air of finality, he magically rolled up the scroll and placed it back in his vest. "I need to go to the library." With that, he began to walk down the road from Sweet Apple Acres.

Applejack stared after him for a moment, then growled to herself and trotted after him. "Flim! Flim! Would you hold up a minute, darnit?"

Flim gave a restless snort and stopped. "And what is the problem now?"

His make-do companion caught up to him and tossed her head in exasperation. "You can't just go running off like that, you don't know-"

The conpony stomped his hoof in annoyance. "Applejack, are you seriously saying that I don't know how to walk to a library by myself? I might be quite a bit mentally drained from last night's events, but I think I know how to make my way into town without getting myself into harms way!"

"Consarnit, would you listen for a minute?" Applejack snapped. She was getting the feeling that not only would this rescue take much longer than she'd hoped, it would also mean arguing every step of the way to keep this infuriating, stubborn stallion from doing stupid things. "I know the last time you came here, you could just walk up to the library and check out whatever, but we have a problem now!"

"Oh?" Flim asked flatly. "And what would that be?" He expected it to be something ridiculously simple that the farmpony thought too difficult for him to handle, like the fact that he didn't have a library card, or the possibility that the librarian didn't like muddy hoofprints and Flim would have to take a shower first.

Applejack gritted her teeth at the salespony's attitude. "You know Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yes, the latest princess. She was one of your friends assisting in the cider competition, correct?" Allowing her and the other mares to help was the worst mistake he made.

"Well, she's our librarian."

"So I'll have to gain her trust, then, is that it? Can't you just attest to my need for the books?"

"Yeah, there's that, but that's not what I'm talking about."

"Then what, Applejack? Please get to the point!"

"The library's gone, Flim. There is no more library. We got a gigantic castle in its place last week."

In a dark, depressing, but surprisingly un-dank cave, a pony woke with a groan.

He slowly raised his head and looked at his surroundings. The stallion was in a rough-hewn circular cavern, interspersed with strange stalagmites, stalactites, and columns that looked almost like trees growing out of the rock. There was a small pool of water nearby, shimmering with a thousand lights within, like embedded stars. A real, living tree grew next to the pool in a patch of moist soil. The trunk was twisted like a bonsai, and the leaves curved into a perfect sphere. Round, glowing purple and indigo fruits dangled from the branches.

It was beautiful. It was also horrible.

It was horrible because Flam just remembered that he had been kidnapped.

All thoughts of beauty flew from the stallion's mind as he searched wildly around for the awful beast that had seized him. That conniving black horse that wasn't really a horse. What had he called himself? Flam wasn't listening at the time. He was too busy concentrating on not dying.

As if able to read his mind, a dark figure stepped from the shadows and into the dim light that both pool and tree gave off. Dozens of tiny white fangs gleamed in the glow when it smiled.

"Good morning, Flam Skim," it said smoothly. "Welcome to my home, and your new home for as long as it takes for your brother to find you. In case I didn't make it clear enough last night, allow me to formally introduce myself. I am the Mordant Phooka.

Author's Note

Yeah... so... can we pretend that I didn't post this a month later than I said I would? :pinkiehappy:

No? That won't work? Dangit. :ajsleepy:

I am so, so, soooooo incredibly sorry about how long it took for this chapter to come out. I thought I was getting better about being on time, but I guess not. The first week I missed had an excuse; college had me so busy I was losing my mind. It felt like I was running for, like, five days straight without rest. The next two weeks, though, I was just forgetful and lazy. I apologize for that.

I'd like to thank C-Puff, Wolfe and WindSilver, and wzium for following my instructions and asking/yelling/reminding me to update. You did good. I want you to yell. It tells me how ashamed of myself I am so I'll update. Do you know I avoided logging on at all for two weeks because I was afraid of the guilt? Good on you for being so loyal! I'm so grateful for that!

Also, wzium gave me a fantastic pep talk for getting my mojo back. I've been writing for everyone else, and forgetting why I wrote this for myself in the first place. I couldn't find a story like it, and I wanted it, and I said, "screw it, I'll just make it myself," and ran with the inspiration. I'd forgotten why I wanted to do this so much. So, thank you to wzium for the encouragement!

Again, I am so sorry for putting this off. I'll try to do better, but I'm too afraid of my own ineptitude to promise anything. Please don't burn me at the stake! :applejackconfused:

When You Want a Library, You Get a Castle Instead

The two equines looked at each other for a moment, taking in the other's reactions in the dim lighting.

Finally, the smaller one replied to the larger one. "Who are you and what do you want with me?"

The larger one sighed and rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you were the intelligent one. Perhaps I should have taken Flim instead. I just told you: I am the Mordant Phooka, and you're here for as long as it takes for your brother to find you. In other words, until he finds the items I requested. You do recall that I gave him a list of items? Do you recall anything from last night besides being abducted? Ponies have such short attention spans, it just kills me sometimes..." The dark creature shook his head in disappointment, as if he was commenting on a foal's poor grade in school as oppose to abducting somepony and threatening their life.

Flam just stared at the phooka for a moment. He couldn't decide whether to be disgusted or horrified by the creature's attitude. If it was this nonchalant about threatening his life, how careless would he be about taking it?

It took him some effort to think of something to say in response. What could one say to something like that? Usually the FlimFlam brothers had an answer for everything, but they never prepared anything to say to a kidnapper, for obvious reasons. Was he supposed to ask a question now? He had no idea how long he would be here- and was "here" supposed to be just this cave, or a larger area that included the cave? It would be best to get some answers. But, he had so many questions. What should he ask first, and what could he ask that had the least risk of getting him hurt? Or Flim hurt? Flim was still out there, after all...

The stallion took a deep breath, trying to form his words carefully. "What... exactly... could be so... important... that you have to kidnap me in order to make my brother find it for you? And why did you have to hurt us to do it? Couldn't you have gotten it another way without ripping me away from Flim and threatening to break my neck?" He bit his lip, both hoping that he didn't go too far, and wanting so badly to stand up and shout everything he was feeling right then. He was this close to letting loose and calling the beast a pile of Changeling dung.

To his surprise, instead of getting angry at the very pointed questions, the phooka laughed.

Perhaps Flam shouldn't have been so surprised. His captor did seem to laugh a lot.

That awful high-pitched whinnying reverberated throughout the cavern, echoing back on itself eerily and making it sound like whatever the phooka had to say next was going to be horrible, if a whole insane choir had to laugh about it with him. "Oh, Flam, the items have nothing to do with it! They're all part of the test! Him finding them is the important part. That's why I chose you two, after all."

Flam blinked at him, stupefied by the seemingly nonsensical response. "What-"

"That is for me to know and you to work your greedy little mind to find out during your stay here." The fangs glittered again when the beast let out another chuckle at his own ludicrous joke. "I do so enjoy watching ponies think. The brain is a wonderful thing that simply isn't used enough. I am frankly quite excited to see you using yours." He turned and began to back out of the room, melting into the shadows beyond the glow of the tree and the pond. "Enjoy the puzzle, Flam Skim. The game's ahoof!"

The phooka must have been made up of blackness- an entity of shadows. Flam was certain of it. Because, when the creature vanished into the darkness on the edge of the cave, Flam could see no door he could have used to exit, no seam or crack in the absence of light.

There was no way out.

Two ponies trotted silently down the road.

The air of tension was so thick between them, it could have been cut with a dull apple-butter knife.

Applejack kept her head down, grinding her teeth and focusing all her efforts on just walking. Just walking, and not turning around to bite off the head of the stallion behind her.

Her neck fairly twitched when she heard him take a breath of air.

"So there are no more books in the library."

"No." Don't bite his head off, don't bite his head off...

"...Because the library blew up in the Tirek incident a month ago."

Her teeth were gritting so hard she thought they would shatter. "Yes."

"So, why, pray tell, are we still going there?"

Applejack let out along-suffering sigh. She would be patient. She would be patient. She would not bite his head off, no matter how many times he had asked this and she had repeatedly explained the answer. No matter how many times. She. Would. Be. Patient.

Forcing a smile on her face that looked more like a grimace, she turned her head to look at him while he answered. Maybe he would understand if she was looking him in the eye. "Like I said when you asked before, and the time before that, and the time before that-" Flim flinched when Applejack nearly spit on the word "that"- "Just because Twilight don't have anymore books don't mean she don't know a whole lot about books in general." Flim was also flinching whenever she said "don't." At this point, Applejack was exaggerating her accent just to annoy him.

Flim shuddered a little, then forced his own grin. "Be that as it may, I seriously doubt that your Princess Twilight will remember the precise grammar usage in a series of books that she doesn't have on hoof anymore." He said the word "Princess" almost mockingly. Honestly, he didn't know how somepony who was such good friends with the simpleton he was being forced to work with could be smart enough to be a librarian, let alone royalty. "Unless she read the series more than I did as a colt, which was every day, she cannot possibly have that accurate a memory span. A plot point I can see remembering, or even the way a character's name is spelled, but a choice placing of grammar?"

Applejack's smile narrowed into a flat look. "You'd be surprised."

She turned and kept walking towards town. Flim huffed and trotted after her. "That's all you say, is that I'll be surprised! This is ridiculous!" He pulled up beside her and continued to complain. "How am I supposed to find Flam if I'm relying on a random pony's memory for something this obscure? We should be heading straight to the nearest down to find the book in their library!"

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You will not bite his head off. That ain't something an Element of Harmony would do. You ain't biting his head off, hear me, Me?! "If you want my help, we're doing this my way. Maybe you don't trust Twilight, but I do, and she's an expert in this stuff. If anypony can remember a random grammar preference, it'd be her."

Flim snorted. "Really, why are we still going there?" He visibly jumped when Applejack spun around, mouth wide open in some feral yell of frustration, before snapping her mouth shut and continuing on. "What was that?! Were you about to bite me?!" The mare only growled in response. "You were about to bite me! What kind of a savage are you?! How did you even become an Element of Harmony with an attitude like that?" Again, he only received a growl. "What, now I'm getting the silent treatment? Well, you'd be surprised to find that I am an expert in the silent treatment! Some of my best apple-product sales came when I refused to tell a pony what I was selling until they were ready to burst! Just see how effective it is on me!" With that, he snapped his own muzzle shut, and walked silently behind Applejack, smirking haughtily to himself.

The mare sighed in relief. Thank Celestia he shut up... She was sincerely worried what she would do if Flim spoke up again to deliver another idiotic, scathing passage of his own hoof into his mouth. Funny, this was the first time she'd ever been this close to biting somepony's head off. She'd been pretty tempted several times while taking care of Apple Bloom and the CMC trio, but never this close.

Well, this was Flim she was talking about doing it to. That was a little more understandable, she supposed.

After all this was over, Applejack was going to petition Mayor Mare and Twilight to give her a medal of Saintdom or something.

This, at least, was something that Flim prepared himself for in advance.

The FlimFlam brothers prided themselves on being prepared, and living off their wiles. Yet, it seemed like every time Flim turned around today, there was something else he hadn't been ready for to hoof him in the face.

This, though?

He would have to be both blind and dumb not to foresee that everypony in town would be staring at him when he walked in with Applejack. He had skimped them before, after all.

...Although, despite what Applejack might have insisted, he and his brother had only skimped them once. They would have received perfectly delicious cider the first time, had the Apple Family simply cooperated and not forced the Skim brothers to rush through the competition. It was a perfectly reasonable deal, too, and both sides would have benefited from an alliance, though admittedly Flim and Flam would have benefited about three times more than the Apples in profits... but that was besides the point!

Back to the present situation, though. Flim had expected the townsfolk in Ponyville to stare when he walked in. And stare they did. Most ponies stopped what they were doing to take a look at what the cat dragged in. Market clerks, customers, ponies out on errands, or ponies out enjoying a stroll- they all goggled at the well-known conpony trotting in like he owned the place.

He wasn't surprised by the glares, or the whispering, or the occasional shout. That was all to be expected from a town the FlimFlam brothers had hit before. That was why they usually avoided hitting the same town twice. Although Ponyville was an exception, partially because they were exceptionally gullible, and partially because the brothers wanted to get back at Applejack for running them out of town the first time. When they ran, it was because they'd gotten the money they wanted and got out while the getting was good. It wasn't usually because somepony foiled their idea. Even then, they were foiled in a clever scheme with clever snooping; they were never foiled in a greedy (but legitimate) business transaction just by somepony having a lot of friends to help them out. It was embarrassing. Hence why Flim and Flam's second visit to Ponyville was that much more clever.

Maybe it was the gullibility of the townsfolk. Maybe it was because they were so used to unusual sights and, reportedly, "bad ponies" wandering into town and turning good. Based on newspapers, that seemed to happen frequently around here.

But... while Flim had expected the hostility, he hadn't expected the lack thereof.

Quite honestly, he'd expected an angry mob to come after him. Whether or not Applejack would have assisted him in running to safety, or left him to the mob, was up to debate. He hadn't mentioned this problem earlier for fear of what the mare's response would have been.

However, while the stallion in question was getting quite a lot of stares, glares, and swears, as it were.... nopony was acting against him beyond that. In fact, more than animosity, most of the stares pointed at him were starkly curious. Just curious. Ponies wanted to know why he was there. That was all.

If animosity was all Flim would have had to worry about, that would have been fine. He could have handled that. A dignified salespony like him would have cantered through town, head held high, ignoring what all the other ponies thought of him. That, or run off the premises and away from angry hooves faster than the mob could cry, "Get him!" He and his brother were quite experienced with both actions.

This, though... this made him uncomfortable. The ponies weren't acting as expected. And, when something didn't go as expected, it threw him out of his element. It was so much harder to be dignified, cool, and suave, when you had no idea what was going on. And Flim had no idea what these ponies were thinking. How could he tell, when they were just staring at him blankly like this? He found himself in the rare situation where he was grateful to the angry ponies for glaring. At least he knew what was going on in their heads. At least he could prepare for that. What were these curious ponies planning?

Flim was so busy looking from side to side that he wasn't paying attention to what was in front of him. He figured all he had to do was keep tabs on the retreating orange figure ahead, and he'd be going the right direction.

When he at last turned his head forward, he had to gape. "Oh..."

The mare in front paused and tossed a smoldering look behind her. She must not like all the staring. The mare had to grow a spine.

That observation was just in the back of Flim's head, though. At the forefront was the image of the hulking purple thing towering into the sky. "You weren't kidding when you said it was a giant castle..."

Applejack actually smirked, to Flim's chagrin. He hated that she knew something before he did, even if she did live here. "Nope. I'm honest, remember? Not that you're used to a quality like that." She was still jabbing. Flim didn't really care, he was used to thinking that everypony else's opinion of him was ignorant, but he did hope she would calm down soon. Finding Flam would only be harder if she was arguing the whole time.

Still, he had to admit, the building before him was impressive.

It looked like a colossus indigo oak tree made entirely out of blue and purple crystal, the size of a small mountain. The branches at the top of the tree, instead of holding leaves, balanced an ornate purple palace with golden towers and balconies. There were rainbow-glittering baubles hanging off each branch, and diamond shapes growing out of the "bark" that made it shimmer all the more. At the very top of the mauve palace, there was an enormous ten-armed indigo crystal star, like the topper on a Hearth's Warming tree.

It was beautiful. It was a work of art. It didn't fit the rest of this Podunk down at all.

"A little hillbilly town like us has to have somethin' to be proud of, don't we?" came the voice right next to Flim's ear. The stallion jumped nearly a foot in the air. Blast it all, why couldn't he be more composed about other ponies talking near him today? Well, he knew why, but why?

Applejack was giving him a knowing grin, which caused him to give her a scowl in return.

"It's... alright," he answered slowly. "Nice stonework, but it doesn't match the decor of anything else around here. I may have a word with the architect."

He was gratified when the orange mare's grin sank, and she huffed. "Well, you're about to..." she grumbled. Flim couldn't help but chuckle when she continued walking to the tree palace. It was just too easy to get under Applejack's skin.

The entrance to the palace was at the edge of town. It consisted of a large pair of double doors, gilded in gold and decorated with heart designs, surrounded by two stylized lavender stained-glass windows, and at the top of a series of shiny golden steps. It was up these steps that the two ponies found themselves poised and waiting for entrance. It looked to Flim like it should be some sort of grand affair, but Applejack just rung the doorbell and acted like she was merely dropping in on a friend.

Well... technically, she was, but still. This was a palace. Shouldn't there be some sort of ceremony?

Flim looked up and down the castle walls, then scanned over the yard around them. After five minutes had passed, he frowned at Applejack in confusion. "Where are all the servants, and why are they taking so long to answer the door?"

"Servants?" Applejack rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Twilight doesn't need any pomp or flair to take care of her house. She don't have any servants. The reason it's taking so long's probably because she was up in her bedroom and has to go down all those stairs to get here."

"No servants? None at all?" Flim blinked in surprise. "She maintains this entire palace by herself? Why wouldn't Princess Celestia give her some servants to help her with that? And why would she walk all the way down those stairs when she could just jump out a window and fly down?"

Applejack tapped a hoof impatiently. C'mon, Twi, get down here before I'm tempted to buck this pony I'm stuck with! "It's not that Princess Celestia didn't offer servants. Twilight jus' didn't want them! It's too pretentious! 'Sides, with her alicorn magic, it doesn't take a lick of effort to clean the place up. And the reason she doesn't fly down is on account of the fact that she keeps forgetting she has wings in the first place."

Flim nearly laughed out loud at that ludicrous notion- how do you forget something growing out of your back?- but muffled the noise at the last second when the door opened. There was the latest princess, mane a mess, crown askew, hooves spread wide and muzzle sucking in air like an asthmatic vacuum. "H-hey Applejack!" Twilight greeted, seemingly not noticing Flim in her focus on getting oxygen into her lungs. "J-just... just give me a moment... hoo... I was up on th-the top floor, in the ob-ob-" The alicorn sucked in a deep gulp of air and tried again. "Observatory deck! Doing r-research... hoo...ahh...... lots of stairs..."

The duo watched her breath for a minute. Applejack looked to have gained about 20% more patience just by being in Twilight's presence, however, all of that patience was directed at her friend, so it didn't change Flim's situation any. The conpony himself was still struggling not to laugh at the piece of royalty he was looking at. This wheezing furball of wonder was Ponyville's princess?

Finally, he couldn't hold it in anymore. "You-" he chuckled, ignoring the warning look Applejack was shooting him from the side. "You do realize you could have flown down here, right? It would have saved you time and energy." Flim chortled some more, but swallowed it down when the mare next to him growled. Maybe it would be a good idea not to push the farmpony too far.

A deep pink blush swept across Twilight's cheeks, and she looked up. "I know, I know, I keep forget- Flim?!" Okay, that reaction earned a few more snickers from the conpony. He just loved it when others looked bewildered in his presence. Twilight looked back and forth between him and Applejack. "What are you- what's he- oh, don't tell me there's another immature bit scheme I have to fix..." Flim stopped laughing. Immature, really? What did this silly mare know about maturity, when she forgot to use her own two wings?

"I wish," Applejack muttered. "It'd make this a whole lot easier to deal with. Just kick him out of town and be done with it."

"Hey!" Flim snapped. Applejack ignored him and kept talking, and he felt himself growing irked again. He didn't care what she thought, but could she stop prodding him for five minutes?

Twilight just raised an eyebrow. "So... he's not here to scam ponies again?"

Applejack shook her head. "No, but that don't make him any less annoying. Listen, long story short, Flam was kidnapped and in order to get him back and Flim outta my mane, we need a Fanny Homes book."

"Fetlock Holmes!" Flim corrected. "And I'll be just as pleased to be away from you as you'll be! Honestly, could you stop butchering his name? I'm beginning to think you're doing it just to annoy me!" The flat look he got in response did not help his theory any.

Twilight continued to look back and forth between them, her other eyebrow rising to meet the first. "Okaay...." This was certainly an interesting break to her morning. What could possibly have made Applejack and Flim decide it was a good idea to work together on this? It was clear from their attitudes that they'd been going at it with each other all morning. And what did Flam getting kidnapped have to do with a Fetlock Holmes book? Oh, please don't say they think it's a good idea to mimic their search for Flam off of Fetlock's deductions... I mean, he is the Great Detective, but Flim really should just go to the police about this... "Yeah, I'm gonna need the whole story for that."

Applejack sighed wearily, bowing her head in disappointment. "Darnit. I was afraid you'd say that."

Flim slapped a hoof to his forehead. "I told you earlier we should have just taken the train to the next town over! But no, you just had to come here instead, and now we're wasting time we could be using to find Flam!"

Applejack bristled, stomping past Twilight through the door as she shot back, "And I said that Twilight was an expert on this stuff! If you'd just trust me for a sec, you'd see-"

"Trust you?" Flim interrupted, following the mare inside. "Why would I-"

Twilight shook her head, watching the two ponies as they argued like cats and dogs on their way to the stairs. Flim didn't exactly have a good history with Applejack. All her friends knew that, and anypony who didn't know just needed to listen to them argue for a minute before getting the picture. And normally they didn't argue this vehemently- clearly Flim was emotionally frazzled over his brother's disappearance, and Applejack was emotionally frazzled over having to put up with him. But, why was she putting up with him? Why would he go to her, of all ponies? And what was with the Fetlock Holmes thing?

Yes, the alicorn had to admit that, although she didn't usually welcome breaks to her research, this was one that could prove fascinating.

Author's Note

PUT DOWN THE PITCHFORKS! CALL OFF THE RIOT!! DON'T HURT MEEE!!!! :applecry:

I'm so, so, so, sooooo sorry about putting off finishing this chapter for so long! I don't even have an excuse this time- I could rattle off something about the first two weeks of finals, and Christmas break, and my utterly STUPID Custodial schedule that leaves me so very little time for homework... but the truth is that I dropped the ball. I had plenty of opportunities to do this, and I put it off. WHY, MUSE, WHY DID YOU FORSAKE ME??? :fluttercry::flutterrage::fluttershbad:

I finally got it out though! That was okay, right?

No?

Look, I'm really sorry about this... I can say I'll try to be better, but that's a lame rebuttal. I'm afraid to even think the words, "at the latest," because I know I'll go past whatever deadline I set for myself. I've had pep talks, and watched episodes to get my inspiration up... don't worry, I'm still writing this! I won't abandon this story! I love it too much. I'm just soooo bad at procrastinating. I have so many online games I love to do, and deviantart to browse through, and fanfiction to read... and this just gets put on the backburner. And that's wrong for me to do.

So, I'm going to try phone alarms and sticky notes to remember to write. I can't promise anything, but know that I deeply regret my immature procrastination habits, and I want to be better! I'll try to update at least once a month, but like I said, I can't promise anything. I know it's unfair to you guys, and I hate that I do this to myself and to you...

Thank you to TheSilverMare, Wolfe and Windsilver, and Wzium for repeatedly commenting and asking (and rioting) for me to update. I need that to guilt me into shape. It's not that I'm not writing for myself or for the wrong reasons- like I said, I love this story, and I love you guys, and I write this story not just because I love you guys but because I loved this story in the first place. I just need more mental discipline to get off my butt and write. So thanks for telling me (in so many words and in a variety of ways) to do so. Keep up the good work!

...also, sorry again...

Upon Asking the Expert

"I'm telling you, this is a waste of time! An absolute waste! Do you have any idea what that monster could be doing to Flam while we sit here and chat?!"

"And I'm telling you, phookas ain't interested in hurting ponies for fun! And 'sides, haven't you ever heard of being patient?"

Make it stop make it stop make it stop....

Twilight groaned softly, rubbing her forehead with both hooves as she listened to the two ponies bicker. She hadn't been able to get a word in edgewise since Applejack and Flim walked in; they were too busy fighting about whether or not they should listen to her to actually listen to her. The purple mare sank deeper into the faded couch beneath her, trying to tune out the yelling. She'd already walked all the way down, then all the way back up, an enormous amount of stairs today. That, plus the strain of several hours of studying she'd done before her "guests" got there, and then the arguing on top of that, all added together to equal the beginnings of one enormous migraine. Twilight hated migraines. If only Spike would get here with the tea soon...

"I am the king of being patient! There's nopony better at being patient in all of Equestria than the FlimFlam brothers! We've taken months to work on our plans before- some of the best bitmakers have taken years! But it's one thing to make money, and another entirely to just sit here while my brother's life is at stake!"

"Well, you can just sit here for a minute longer! Twilight's got the most know-how for books than anypony I know, and if anypony could tell us where to go from here, it'd be her!"

"What would you know about having 'know-how' for books? Have you read a full novel in all your life?!"

Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stooooop....

Everything in Twilight's living room at the moment was something used, rented, or otherwise temporarily acting as a placeholder. The castle that the Tree of Harmony had grown for her was lovely, but it didn't come with a whole lot of furniture. There were the seven thrones on the ground floor, and, strangely, several banners had grown with the crystal, inside and outside the castle. They either had Twilight's Cutie Mark on them, or an emblem of the Tree of Harmony, but they were real, cloth banners, and frankly, Twilight had no idea how the crystals had grown them. She had a hypothesis that maybe they were some sort of crystal-weave, similar to how gold could be threaded into fiber, except much more intensely pure crystal. Maybe next week would be a good time to take a day and study it...

But, since the castle hadn't come with a lot of furniture on its own, Twilight had to provide it all herself. Well... not entirely by herself, per say. Celestia had given Twilight a sort of starter-treasury, a small amount of money to manage in preparation for any future duties that might develop for Twilight as the new Princess of Friendship. Twilight had in turn used a small amount of that starter-treasury to order furniture. Most of it wasn't there yet. Davenport, who owned the Quill and Sofa store downtown, had provided her with several couches, but insisted on making new ones more "fitting" for her stature as a Princess, and so refused to let Twilight keep the comparatively beat-up ones she was sitting on now. It was a kind gesture, and she was grateful for it, but it meant that she'd have to redecorate everything once the new furniture came in. At the moment, her very, very large royal living room was stocked with: one faded red loveseat, which Twilight was sitting on; one well-worn brown plaid "couch-potato" couch, which Flim took up all on his own; one threadbare blue recliner, which Applejack was standing straight up on, ready to dive at her current offender any minute; and one slightly burnt wooden coffee table, which Twilight had salvaged from the wreckage of her old home.

"I've read plenty'o books before! Farmin' equipment manuals, farmer's almanacs, the family scrapbook, all those textbooks they make you read in school-"

"Excuse me, dear, but I don't believe that any of those count as actual novels. You see, a novel has an actual story in it. Something that increases social and cultural awareness, and generally makes you more intelligent. From what I'm hearing, you don't have much experience with that."

"Why you stinking-"

"TEA'S HERE!"

Twilight, who'd been certain that there was about to be an all-out brawl in the middle of her living room, immediately leaped off the loveseat and literally flew towards Spike. The poor little dragon was standing in the doorway holding a tea-tray and looking at the scene before him with an expression of both bewilderment and more than a little fear. He quickly released the tray as his guardian grabbed it from him, attempting to apologize for his lateness. "Sorry it took so long, Twilight! I wanted to find the willowbark mix for your headache, because I knew you were getting a headache, since you didn't listen to me when I said to take a break earlier, and then you ran down the stairs, which I knew would make it worse, and I couldn't find the willowbark because I'm still not used to this kitchen but then I found it and-"

He was interrupted as the alicorn quickly nuzzled him and nudged him out the door with a "Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" She flew back to her spot on the couch, and Spike, still rather bemused, scratched his head and parked himself out of sight on the other side of the doorway, juuuust in case he was needed. He sat down and listened to the exchange, silently wishing Twilight luck in settling whatever Applejack's problem was. Spike never liked the look of those FlimFlam twins... you can never trust a twin, he always said. Well, okay, he never said that. But he was certainly thinking it!

Twilight slammed the tray down on the coffee table, catching the tea that splashed upwards with her magic and hastily shoving it back in the pot. "Okay! Okay! Tea's here! Now, how about everypony just... just calm down and drink some nice... hot... tea! Here!" She poured a cup and practically tossed it at Applejack, who caught the rim of it in her mouth, splattering a gulp down her throat in the process and giving Twilight a surprised look. "And here!" Another cup soared towards Flim, who caught it deftly in his hooves and took a dainty sip, giving Applejack a glare. "And me! With sugar! Lots of sugar!" A third cup was poured, about four sugarcubes added to it, and rapidly stirred with Twilight's magic. The mare plopped back down on the couch, drinking long, slow drags of the tea, the cup shaking just slightly in her telekinetic grip.

"Uh, Twi..." Applejack ventured, but Twilight held a hoof up.

"No!" she snapped. "No talking! Not until I'm done drinking! We are going to take this moment to calm down and drink our nice tea that Spike so graciously made for us in absolute silence. Silence!" Her swigging thus continued.

The "guests" shrunk just a bit at her volume, appropriately cowed. Flim stuck to taking his dainty little sips of tea and watched Twilight warily out of the corner of his eye, switching between keeping an eye on her and glaring at Applejack, who, not being a big fan of tea, was only holding the cup still out of respect for Twilight. The farmpony caught the glares being sent her way, but had stopped sending them back, choosing instead to give their host an apologetic grimace. Twilight tactfully ignored her, focusing entirely on the cup floating in front of her face. All that was heard for a few minutes was tense lapping of hot brewed liquid.

When Twilight was finally done, she set the cup back down on the tray with an exaggerated thump. "Ahhh. Now wasn't that delicious? I feel much better and calmer after drinking that. Don't you? And did I mention being calmer?"

Flim and Applejack glanced at each other, then looked back at Twilight. Applejack opened her mouth, but Flim spoke first. "Er, that was enjoyable tea- willowbark and chamomile, was it? Yes, I liked it, the chamomile was a nice touch, but, ah, it perhaps could have steeped a little longer in execution..." His words faded off when both mares in the room vehemently glared at him.

Applejack quickly turned to her friend before Flim could open his mouth again. "I'm really sorry about this, Twi. We came here to ask for help and ended up just carrying our fight from earlier into your house... er, uh, castle..."

"Speak for yourself," Flim interjected. "I certainly didn't come here to ask for help."

"Flim!" Applejack growled warningly.

"What?" he asked. "I didn't! I was just following you. Although I do agree, you should apologize. You've been highly volatile all day. I have to say, I expected a bit of hostility when I came to your house this morning, but not the explosion I received! Have you ever considered counseling?"

"Can it, you puffed-up, bigheaded varmint! I already apologized to you once for that, you ain't got no call to bring it up again!"

"Oh, really? If I recall, a minute ago, you were just shouting at me again. Also, I don't take well to being called a, quote-unquote, 'puffed-up, bigheaded varmint.' What even is a varmint, anyways?"

Applejack opened her mouth, but Twilight's voice came out instead.

"Both of you, be quiet!!!"

They both shut up.

The purple mare took a deep breath, once again massaging her temples with her hooves. She slowly, methodically, magically poured herself another cup of tea. Then she spoke, her voice quieter, but still about an octave higher than normal with barely restrained frustration and stress. "Okay. I am going to calmly- emphasis on calmly- ask what in Celestia's name happened this morning. All I know is that it has something to do with Flam getting kidnapped, and a Fetlock Holmes book, and those two aspects do not add up. I like things that add up. They make sense. What doesn't make sense is why in Equestria you didn't just go to the police about this. If it was a kidnapping, you should have gone to the police. Because you didn't, that makes me suspicious. Except- here's the weird part- Applejack is here! Applejack is more experienced in the FlimFlam brother's nonsense than I am, she's got to be suspicious, but she's helping! That doesn't add up! I don't like things that don't add up!" Twilight was gasping now. As if having realized that her voice had, in fact, gone up two octaves since she started talking, she cut off her monologue to inhale both a good quantity of air and another cup of tea.

"Excuse me, nonsense?" Flim started, incredulous. "I'll have you know that we planned our actions with the utmost-"

"No!" Twilight yelled. Flim cringed. With another deep, forceful breath, Twilight gulped the last of her third cup of tea and tried again. "No. You are not talking right now. I don't know you, I don't trust you, I don't even like you." Catching herself again, the mare stopped and retried. "Sorry. That was uncalled for. But, yes, I do think your schemes are nonsense. They're utterly childish! Who goes through so much effort just to make something so incredibly fake? Normal ponies use that kind of effort to make something beneficial for ponykind, but you two, you just try to dupe everypony, then take the money and run off to build your next scheme! It's a waste of time and resources! It's-" Another deep breath. A fourth cup of tea. "Sorry. Anyways. You're not talking right now. I do trust Applejack, though. She's honest. She's the Element of Honesty, in fact. So, she's the one who'll be talking. I'll decide if you can talk when she's done." Twilight then moved her hoof- which was still extended straight out, by the way- to point at Applejack, leaving a very irksome Flim with a big, huffy frown on his face. "Okay, Applejack. I am asking calmly, very calmly, I am the Element of Calmness.... calmly.... what in Celestia's name happened this morning?"

"Thank you, Twi," Applejack replied, nodding and giving Flim a smug look. Flim pouted huffier. "If I'm honest, which I always am," another smug look was directed at Flim, who was starting to slouch in his seat. "It actually started before he got there this morning."

"Before?" Twilight straightened up, nursing a fifth cup of tea in her magic. "So, Flim's not the troublemaker here?"

Flim's frown shrunk slightly, until Applejack continued, "Well, he is. He's just not the main one." Flim slouched further. "Me'n Big Mac were out takin' care of the farm, like we do every morning. This time, though, the res'dents of the farm were all spooked. The li'l ones weren't playing like they usually do, the older ones weren't sleepin', hay, nopony was sleepin'. They just moved quietly from place to place, and that was after they'd checked 'round the corners for anything bad." Flim opened his mouth to hurry her on, but another glare from Twilight (with a teacup raised as if to throw at him, this time) got him to clam up.

"The farm don't act like this often, and us Apples have gotten to realizin' that it means something big was close to the farm. 'Close' changes definitions sometimes; they could be just as spooked about a chimera a mile away as they'd be about a timberwolf in the next shed over. And 'something big' don't always mean 'something bad;' sometimes it just meant 'something we don't understand.' So, I was wondering what exactly I was supposed to be cautious about, when Big Mac tells me he found fur in the hayloft o' the barn. Phooka fur. You can always tell, cuz it'll smell like sulfur and cinnamon."

"Wait, wait, this sounds important!" Twilight exclaimed. "Let me write this down really fast." A notebook popped into existence next to her, and a feather quill right after that. The mare hastily jotted some notes down. "Suuuulfur... annnd ciiiinnamon. Okay. Please continue." Flim blinked at her, beginning to wonder if she was bipolar, or, perhaps, if she'd had too much tea already. Applejack, however, just nodded, already accustomed to Twilight's manic mood-swings.

"Right. So, Big Mac shows me this, and I ask him not to tell Granny or Apple Bloom, cuz I dunno if this phooka was planning anything dangerous and I don't want to worry them none if it ain't any big deal. Turns out, though, it was a big deal. Cuz, right as we were all sittin' down to eat our flapjacks, who should come knocking at the door than Flim! He's all a mess, looks like he's been dragged through the orchard on the back of Big Mac's plow," There was an offended "hey!" from Flim's direction. There was also another glare from Twilight, and a short period of silence from Flim after that. He slouched down further. "And he's askin' us to help him. Course, I refuse at first, sure he's up to something. But, Granny says I should listen to him, so, out of respect for her, I try. We let him in and go back to eating our flapjacks... 'cept none of us want to finish them now, so a perfectly good breakfast is ruined, right there. So, then we go to the living room to talk. 'Cept, we end up just fighting about whether or not I'm gonna help Flim find Flam, who's 'parently been kidnapped. I admit it, I was out of line with what I said to Flim, but he didn't exactly react like a right gentlecolt 'neither."

"I'm not exactly in full control of my emotions right now, Miss Applejack!" Flim snapped. "I'm a bit too worried about the fate of my brother to be very concerned with manners!"

Twilight once again held up a hoof. Her glare was slightly softer this time. "Understandable, but you still need to let Applejack finish!" Flim sighed loudly and slouched so low, his muzzle practically touched the couch cushion.

Applejack tipped her hat towards Twilight. By this time, her smug smile was slowly transforming into more of a wince. "Well... I kinda ended up booting Flim outta the house, and he stormed off. Then my family started chidin' me for treating him like that. I mean, I know he was asking for help and all, but it was hard to remember that he wasn't just trying to bluff me this time." She paused for a second, as if to collect herself. "So, I went out and found him, and apologized for what I said, then told him I'd help. Then this funky explosion 'o black smoke popped outta his vest- phooka magic, I'd know it anywhere- and he yanked out a little scroll- he'd been lookin' at it a minute ago, but he stuffed it in his vest when I came by. He said that the phooka gave it to him, and he's got to find the items on the list before the phooka'll let Flam go. 'Cording to him, there was only one item on the list a minute ago, but after the phooka magic, there were two. One of them said 'Trustworthy Pony.' That meant me, 'parently. The other one said... what was it.... somethin' about elementary, with a 'postrophe in it."

"Element'ry, my dear Trotson!" Flim supplied. This time no one glared at him. He straightened up a little.

"Yeah, that," Applejack nodded again. "Flim said it was from some Fanny- er..." She paused, then glanced at Flim, who was preparing the king of all glares for her if she messed up the Great Detective's name again.

"Fetlock Holmes," he corrected, with a slight sneer to his voice. Applejack gave a halfhearted sneer back and continued.

"Fetlock Holmes. Yeah. It's a book, right? So, Flim says we should go to the library, which would be logical, 'cept we got a castle now." She carefully avoided saying the words, "the library's gone," in front of Twilight. "So we came here."

"That's it?" Twilight asked, still writing some notes down on her notepad.

"Yep, pretty much," Applejack nodded again after some thought.

"Okay." Twlight paused in her writing to take another sip from her seventh cup of tea. "Flim?"

"Hm?" Flim blinked at her, then at the teacup she was still magically holding. "You know, there is such a thing as too much tea, my dear. There is a chance you may be just slightly addic-"

"Flim!" Twilight said again with more force.

"What? It's the truth!" he protested, ducking just in case the alicorn raised her cup again.

Twilight frowned, then sighed and rolled her eyes. "It's your turn."

"What?" Flim tilted his head, squinting, then comically straightened all the way up with almost a pop! "Oh! Oh, finally, now we get to part that's actually important." Applejack gave him another sneer, less halfhearted this time. "Alright. It all started in the middle of the night. Last night, to be precise. Flam and I were riding our locomotive down the road. You know the one, with the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy attached to the back and- oh, blast it, it's still out there! I completely forgot that I left it on the road last night!"

Twilight stopped writing. "You left it? Why?"

"Well, in all the confusion, I wasn't thinking about it!" Flim waved one hoof in the air for emphasis. "You see, this big black horse stepped out onto the road beside us, and we stop the locomotive to greet him. He was unsettling; just this tall black horse, not a pony, but a horse, in the middle of nowhere, with whitish-gold eyes that almost seemed to glow, and a dreadfully long and ratty tail. But, we stopped because, well, a horse in the middle of nowhere, odds are he needs help getting home, right? So we generously ask him if he wants any help, and if he has some sort of small amount of compensation for the extra weight and fuel ratio our locomotive would be taking upon itself." Here both Twilight and Applejack rolled their eyes at each other. "In response, the horse insults us, accuses us of being malevolent, of all things!"

Applejack started to roll her eyes again, but stopped when Twilight frowned at her. Flim and Flam were tricky and mean, yes, but malevolent?

"We try to defend ourselves, and for a minute he seemed to be listening. But, then, the horse starts asking about mine and Flam's relationship with each other, if we've ever been separated. We start to get suspicious, even more so when the... the beast starts laughing, this horrible, high pitched, insane whinny..." Flim was almost entirely out of his story-telling element now, caught up in the fear of the night before. "He jumped at Flam before we could act on our suspicions. I was thrown off the locomotive, headfirst into a tree beside the road. I... I tried to find Flam, I'd hoped to find him before the monster did, but my vision was blurry, I couldn't see, and the thing already had him anyways..." Twilight gave a start, then flipped to another page in her notebook, scribbling something down and ripping the page out. She set the scrap of paper beside her and continued writing on the first page. "The... the phooka, that's what it was, was a phooka, not a Celestia-darned horse... it had Flam up in the tree. It mocked us, threatened to drop Flam and break his neck if I fought back!" Flim was swallowing hard now, trying to keep his composure. Twilight's ears flattened, and Applejack looked down, avoiding anypony's gaze. That smug smirk was gone, replaced by a full blanch.

"He... he said he was immune to unicorn magic. Immune! That his people's fur could reflect the energy elsewhere... then he threw a scroll at me, and said I had to follow the instructions exactly. What- what instructions?!" Flim suddenly burst, slamming both forehooves on the sofa. "There aren't any instructions! There are only ridiculous clues that make no sense whatsoever! And I can't even see them all- the second one only appeared after I finished the first one, to enlist her help!" He pointed in an almost accusatory way at Applejack, who nearly jumped at being addressed. "And now I have no idea what to do, because the next clue doesn't tell me anything! I wanted to go to a library! What are we doing here?! I don't know. I just..." Flim abruptly stopped yelling, covering his face with both hooves. "I just want to get Flam back."

For a minute there was silence. Then there was a little clink of something tapping against Flim's hoof. He looked up to find a teacup hovering in front of his face, filled to the brim. He turned to Twilight, who gave him a sheepish, sympathetic smile. "It, uh, was going to be my eighth cup, but... you're right, I've had too many. It's the last cup anyways. You have it."

Flim blinked, then tentatively took the cup in his own magical grip, the glow around it changing from purple to green. "Thank you..." he mumbled, taking a gulp decidedly not nearly as dainty as before.

"And... with that, the teapot is empty." Twilight stood up. "Let me go get Spike to refill it."

"I've got it!" Spike immediately came running in from his spot behind the doorframe, one claw wiping his nose, and the other wiping his eyes. Twilight gave him a suspicious glare. "I've... got dust in my eyes?" The little dragon sniffed, wilting a little under his guardian's gaze. "Lemme just get that refilled..." He grabbed the tea tray and ran back out without another word- but with a few more sniffles.

Twilight shook her head and sat back down. "That dragon is in so much trouble later..." She flipped through her notepad, examining what she wrote. "Hmm... can I see that scroll, Flim?"

"What?" Flim's voice was muffled from deep inside the cup he was still drinking from. He pulled it away, fixing Twilight with a slightly red-eyed gaze. "Oh. Sure." The green glow appeared at his vest, pulling a tiny roll of parchment out and lightly tossing it to the purple mare. She magically caught it and unrolled it, making it hover above the notepad.

"Interesting... what a place for an apostrophe... that almost looks familiar..." Twilight looked from the scroll to the notepad and back to the scroll again. She tapped the fibers of the feather quill against her lip in thought, then frantically spit when the fibers got into her mouth. "Blech! Peh! Hate the taste of feathers! Preening my own is bad enough!" She blushed under the bewildered blinking from Flim.

Applejack saw Flim's look and chuckled. "Greenhorn." Flim scowled at her; she chuckled more.

Twilight cleared her throat. "Ahem... anyways... the way it's written does look familiar. I'm almost sure I saw it in a book somewhere... wait." She looked at Applejack intently. The farmpony coughed mid-chuckle and raised an eyebrow. "Wait. Wait wait waitwaitwait..." The alicorn set down the scroll and notepad beside her, then flew out of the room, returning a moment later with a newspaper clutched in her magic. "Eureka!"

Flim squinted at the newspaper. Applejack scrunched up her nose in confusion. Twilight beamed triumphantly. The headline of the newspaper read big and bold:

"The Sign of the Six: It's Element'ry!"

Author's Note

I know it's been two months! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!

Part of the reason I've been so busy (aside from my horrible procrastinating habits) is college has gotten much busier this semester. Which would have taken enough of my time, except I'm actually planning on transferring to a different college, as well. Which is good in the long run: more enjoyable for me, more time for updating for you, because less crap will be going on there. However, it means my time is much less available this semester.

Sorry again!

Season 5 is coming out! Inspiration, ahoy! Although it will mean that this story will be an AU, if they do another episode with Flim and Flam that I can'd adapt to fit this story.

Apparently Applejack has bitten Rainbow Dash's tail something like... eight... or was it fourteen? Oh, I don't know, it was a high number of times. So my bitey thing last chapter wasn't totally OOC. Also, I know her cutting off the "g" in her accent is inconsistent, but that's done on purpose, both to make her more understandable, and also because the people I've known with that accent are inconsistent with it.

Hi!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please R &R, and God Bless!

In Need of a Locomotive

"The Sign of the Six: It's Element'ry!"

Both guests stared at the newspaper for a moment, somewhat slackjawed. Twilight simply hovered there with a triumphant expression on her muzzle, looking for all the world like she'd just answered one of Celestia's pop-quiz questions correctly and got a slice of cake for her efforts.

Applejack lifted her hat in order to scratch it with one hoof. "Hey, ain't that what the clue said-" Her observation was interrupted by a cream-coated blur dashing across the room.

"Gimme that!" Flim yelped, snatching the newspaper from a startled Twilight's grasp. Rather than go back to his plaid couch, he simply plopped down on the loveseat the alicorn was hovering over and rapidly scanned the article. The purple mare blinked for a moment, one ear going lopsided as she tried to figure out how to respond to that. She glanced at the now-empty sofa, then down at the loveseat below. With a slightly disgruntled frown, she hesitantly lowered herself back into her seat, scooting about six inches away from Flim. The stallion didn't notice, his eyes quickly growing larger as he read.

The farmer mare, meanwhile, huffed and shook her head. "Flim!" Applejack snapped. "You coulda at least asked afore you snatched it!"

"Shh!" Flim hissed, eyes still on the paper. Applejack shook her head, and Twilight joined in the motion. It was rather surreal for the orange mare to be the one giving the manner-lessons to the more genteel colt, considering how eloquent Flim usually was along with the fact that normally Applejack forgot the word "please" even existed in the Equestrian dictionary. It was one of the many subjects that sparked her arguments with Rarity.

Then again... Twilight squinted at the conpony next to her. His eyes were red-rimmed and growing more bloodshot by the second, and small dark bags were just beginning to appear on the lids. Her frown deepened, and she turned to Applejack. Has he slept? she mouthed, angling her head towards Flim. Applejack shrugged and shook her head again, this time in bewilderment. Twilight's frown now grew concerned. If she understood Flim's story correctly, he hadn't slept since last night's incident.

There was also the fact that she didn't know whether last night was an early wake-up-call for the FlimFlam brothers, or just a late night. The chances were good that Flim hadn't simply gone without sleep for a night and a morning now, but a night and a morning plus the whole day before. It was no wonder he was testier than usual, and less eloquent, and prone to breaking down like a few minutes ago. Twilight almost felt sorry for him. Scratch that. She did feel sorry for him, greedy antagonist or not. The mare turned around in her seat to look at the doorway. Just as she'd thought, there were still two little green eyes poking around the corner, looking almost as concerned as Twilight did by this point.

Twilight again angled her head towards Flim, then nodded at Spike. The little dragon nodded back and dashed off. It would mean their refill on tea would be postponed, but hopefully it would be worth it. Maybe Spike could also skip the punishment he had been going to get for eavesdropping, too.

"This... this is brilliant!" Flim suddenly gasped, using his magic to hold the newspaper at hoof's length.

Twilight shifted her attention back to the newspaper, and couldn't help but grin. "Isn't it, though?" Flim glanced at her, giving her a strange look and opening his mouth, but he closed it again when Applejack spoke. He also scooted away another inch, but Twilight didn't notice.

"What in tarnation is so brilliant?" The bewildered look on Applejack's face hadn't left yet, and in fact, just intensified at Flim's announcement. "Is it another one of them phooka tricks?"

Instead of letting the conpony explain, the alicorn excitedly cut in herself. "It's a convention that's going to be held in Canterlot this weekend!" Her wings fluttered in bookish glee as she continued. "You see, they have a Fetlock Holmes section at the Classical Books Con held there every year, and this year, they're showcasing a special edition of a Fetlock Holmes book never before seen! You know the Fetlock book, The Sign of the Six?" Flim nodded impatiently and almost nostalgically, but Twilight went on before Applejack could say that no, no she did not. "Well, somepony went to the Canterlot Foundation for Classical Literature two weeks ago and turned in their edition of The Sign of the Six for display. Unlike the rest of the editions of this book, that pony's edition not only had a unique cover made especially for him by one of Agister Canner Doyle's family associates, but also had a typo inside that none of the other books did! Instead of saying, 'Elementary, my dear Trotson,' like normal Fetlock books do, it said 'Element'ry,' with an apostraphe! There's a whole debate going on as to whether this was done on purpose to relate to the fact that Fetlock's treasure he found in the book is one of the Elements of Harmony, or whether this was an accident because none of the other books have it. Oh, it's so exciting!"

Twilight actually hopped in her seat, her still-fluttering wings causing her to hover for a few seconds before coming back down. Flim tilted his head, something between an amused smirk and an embarrassed wince on his face due to her antics. Applejack just gave another of her patented long-suffering eye-rolls. The princess saw this and blushed, sheepishly collecting herself before finishing. "Er, I've got tickets for me and Spike to take the Friday train tomorrow, if you'd like to go with us. It'd be easy enough to get you passes for the con. I've been going every year since I was a filly, so I'm sure Princess Celestia would be fine with me taking a friend or, uh..." she glanced at Flim, who was truly smirking now. "Or two."

Applejack opened her mouth to agree, but Flim chose this moment to interrupt her this time. It was only fair. He hopped down from the loveseat and smoothly folded the newspaper, placing it in his vest. Then he took the scroll from where it had been laying between him and Twilight, and did the same. He did his best to hide the fact that a few minutes ago he'd been anything but composed and calm, and replied, "As much as I appreciate the offer, your highness, I'm afraid I don't like the idea of waiting any longer than I have to for Flam to be safe. I'll head to Canterlot now; I prefer to be there ahead of time in order to strategize our next step. Thank you for the assistance, and also for the tea- although you might want to put less sugar in it next time. Try honey. It's healthier. Come along, Applejack."

He strolled to the exit, leaving Twilight still peering concernedly after him, and Applejack gawking absolutely flabbergasted. The farmpony jumped off her seat and ran after Flim, stopping him at the door. "Now hold on just a stinking minute!" Flim frowned impatiently at her and sighed. Someday he'd be able to make a dignified exit again, but apparently not with her around. "How in the hay are we supposed to get to Canterlot without using the train like a sane pony? You don't seriously expect us to walk up the mountain, do you? I mean, I'd be fine, I've walked farther to deliver apple pies, but there is no way you'd make it that far, especially with the state you're in! And I ain't carrying you the rest of the way when you collapse! Just accept Twilight's help, would ya?"

Flim sniffed resentfully. "Miss Apple, I think you'll find that I am a bit sturdier than you give me credit for, and, aside from that, no, walking up the mountain was not my plan. Because I most certainly do have a plan. Because I have half a brain in my head, unlike some ponies I know." Applejack grit her teeth, irked that Flim's politeness only extended to princesses, apparently. The conpony smirked at seeing her reaction. "Also, I believe I said I wanted to get there ahead of time. Walking there would mean arriving at the same time as the train tomorrow, if it's the express train, and only a few hours ahead of time, if it's the all-day train. Which would be utterly pointless. So perhaps you should put just a tad more trust in what I say." With another nod to Twilight, he stepped around Applejack and left the room.

The mare stood there a moment, growling and muttering under her breath. "Trust him? Trust him, he says, that greedy, no-good, son of a haymaker..." Sensing somepony watching her, Applejack looked up and met Twilight's moderately surprised eyes. "Uh, haybailer. I meant haybailer."

Twilight ruffled her feathers and shook her head, pushing aside her friend's strangely violent references for now. "Look, Applejack, maybe you shouldn't let him goad you on like that."

Applejack snorted and tossed her head, her main flapping around to the other side of her neck. "You think I ain't tried? He don't listen, Twi. I tell him to stop, and he just does it more, and then I get angrier, and-"

Twilight held up a hoof to stop her before the rant could begin again. "No, Applejack, I don't mean replying to him and trying to make him stop. Does that ever work with Rainbow Dash?"

Applejack hesitated. "Well... no... honestly, it just makes it worse."

The alicorn nodded. "So maybe you should try ignoring what he says. Change the subject or something. You saw the way he was smirking at you, right? He's testy, and worried for his brother, and he's taking it out on you and trying to get a reaction. So don't give him one."

The orange mare scuffed the floor with one hoof, biting her lip. "I guess I'll try that... can't promise nothin', though. Since when did you get all smart about this emotional stuff?"

Twilight grinned proudly. "I may or may not have been studying some psychology books for fun as last month's project." Applejack rolled her eyes again. Of course.

From out in the hall came Flim's shout. "Hello? Remember what I said about coming along? You must need more context with that, because I meant come along now."

Applejack glared at the doorway and opened her mouth to retort, then glanced in Twilight's direction and, with some effort, slowly closed it. Twilight nodded, satisfied. "Also, try to convince him to sleep sometimes soon. On the way or something. I know what it's like to go for days on end without sleep because you're worried about something." Or studying, she thought, but didn't say as much. "It's no fun. His manic mood swings are disquieting, and they'll only get worse the more tired he gets."

The farmpony sighed and began to follow Flim's footsteps out the door. "Don't I know it. Like I said, he don't listen to me, though. I'll try. Can't promise nothin'."

"That's all I ask," Twilight responded, waving to Applejack as she left. Good luck to the both of them. They would need it.

Applejack caught up with Flim in the hall, where he was tapping one hoof impatiently. He met her eyes briefly before moving to the staircase. "About time. I thought perhaps you'd gotten lost on the way."

The mare trotted up beside him, leveling a glare. "It's a hallway, Flim."

"I know," he replied smugly with that irritating smirk of his. Applejack growled and bit her lip to keep from replying. She'd already been holding back somewhat with him, but it would be much harder to treat his jabs like she did Rainbow's. Rainbow only meant it in teasing. Sometimes rough teasing that went too far, but nothing personal. Flim was being very personal, and it was infuriating.

Spike met them at the bottom of the staircase, a parcel wrapped in a napkin in his hands. He nervously averted his eyes from Flim, met Applejack's eyes and made to speak, then looked back at Flim, apparently deciding that speaking directly to the guy would be better. "Thisisforyou." He shoved the parcel towards Flim, who grabbed it with his magic and looked at it curiously.

"What is it?" Flim asked. He unfolded one corner of the napkin and found some tea bags sticking out.

"It's one of Twilight's travel-packs," Spike explained, his tail swinging anxiously. He started counting on his claws as he spoke. "It's got chamomile, good for sleeping, and chi, good for some extra energy, and peppermint, good for digestion after meals, and echinacea, good for when you're feeling sick, and a couple of lemon-ginger, good for when you've got, like, a small infection or something. I've got lots of them for Twi to take everywhere, because she normally forgets anything she might need to take with her except for her books and her notepad." Flim blinked at him in surprise while the little dragon rubbed one arm awkwardly. "Uh, Twilight and I think it might be useful for... you know, the trip, and finding your brother and all. I know I'd be freaking out, too, if Twilight got kidnapped. Tea helps us focus when stuff gets tough, so, uh... drink it up." Spike waited expectantly, once again averting his gaze to the floor.

Flim looked at the teabags in the napkin, blinking some more. After a minute he shook off his surprise and folded the napkin back up, this time placing it under his hat, since there wasn't room for a bulging parcel in his vest. "You have my thanks... I suppose you'll be wanting something in return, then?" Applejack raised an eyebrow and scoffed. Didn't this colt even know how to thank properly?

Spike, who had relaxed minutely after hearing the thank-you, looked back up in confusion. "In return? Uh... aside from the thanks, I'm good. It just looked like you needed it, that's all." He could ask for that new Power Ponies comic that was out now, one of the non-enchanted ones that he'd been wanting for a while.... but it didn't feel right to ask for a favor from a guy who was busy being worried about family. Even if it was in return for something else.

Flim's cool expression turned right back into blinking in surprise. He tilted his head. Finally, deciding Spike was serious, he simply nodded and continued out the door.

Applejack watched him go, frustration evident on her face. "Ugh. The varmint doesn't even know how to be grateful. Can you believe that."

Spike shrugged. "Well, yeah. He's new at this not-being-the-bad-guy stuff. And he's better at it than Discord, anyways." Applejack looked at him, her frustration turning thoughtful, before murmuring a goodbye and once again trotting to catch up with Flim. Spike watched them go, waving and unknowingly mirroring his guardian's dubious good-luck wishes.

Once again the two ponies reversed rolls in who was irritating whom, this time with Flim leading the way and Applejack constantly putting in her two cents.

Wearily, Flim trudged along the path out of Ponyville that lead to the main road. His cool canter that he'd maintained through town had long slowed to a trot and was quickly making its way to becoming a dreary walk. If he could only get there before his legs gave out entirely. It was all he could do to keep his energy directed towards walking and making quips back at Applejack whenever she spoke. He knew that simply staying silent would use less energy, but something inside him couldn't help but keep trying to egg the mare on.

"Would ya mind telling me exactly what this fantastic plan of yours is?"

"Well, I would, but it might just be easier to show you, my dear. I don't want to make things too complicated for you, now."

He heard an exasperated groan behind him, but he was too tired to smirk at it. It was like he could barely control what was coming out of his mouth anymore. It took so much work to rectify himself in front of Twilight earlier, and he couldn't handle holding himself back anymore. Anything and everything Applejack said annoyed him somehow, and required the appropriate drollery in response. It occurred to him somewhere in the back of his mind that perhaps he needed to sit and take a breather for a moment, but there was no time. How could he rest when Flam was in danger every minute? It wasn't right.

There was the main road entrance, just southwest of the Saddle L. train tunnel that ran beneath Canterlot's mountain. The spot on the road where... where it happened last night should be about a mile outside of Ponyville, so he was almost there. Flim vaguely heard Applejack say something else behind him, and vaguely heard himself give a witty and admittedly rude reply right back, but his focus was on the road. Where was it? It should have been parked just in front of him, he should see it by now. Did he miss it? No, he couldn't have, he only just got to the main road. Where was it? Where was it where was it wherewasitwherewasit?

Applejack was unable to see the slowly growing panic on Flim's face, seeing as she was walking behind him, so when he stopped at the entrance to the main road, she decided that meant something important should be here and she should look around. Despite the fact that she'd been asking what the plan was over and over for the last half hour or so, Applejack already had a good idea of what the plan was. She merely thought Flim should get a taste of his own naggy medicine. Ignoring his jibes was one thing, but keeping from making jibes of her own was another entirely.

Flim was facing the direction of the road that lead to Canterlot, hastily turning his head left and right as he looked it over. Applejack could clearly see that there was nothing on the road there. Rolling her eyes at Flim's stubbornness- and he had to be stubborn if he was just going to stare at the one part of the road and expect something to happen (that or really plumb tired (maybe both))- the mare turned to look at the other side of the road, which ran to the Whitetail Woods and to Trottingham north of Los Pegasus. She walked down the road for a couple of feet, scanning up and down, until she found what she was looking for. With a little smug, aha! ringing in her head, she turned back to Flim and pointed a hoof. "There it is."

The stallion spun around, looking dazed and rather glassy-eyed. "Wha?"

Applejack raised an eyebrow at him. Celestia, he really did need to sleep. "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy. That's what we're looking for, right? You said that you and Flam were riding it down this road last night. Or are we just leaving it here and looking for interestin' gravel?" Flim continued to give her that dazedly surprised expression, looking far too tired to shake himself out of it this time. For a few minutes, Applejack enjoyed the feeling of standing there, her face saying, I ain't as dumb as you think I am. When Flim remained motionless, however, she realized she would have to take the matter into her own hooves.

With a sigh, Applejack approached Flim and did what she always did when Apple Bloom was too tired to move after a sleepless night with the other Crusaders. Half-turning around, Applejack gently slapped her tail against the base of his muzzle. She had to snicker when, just like her baby sister, Flim instinctively chomped down just beneath the hairtie, then looked dazedly at the ponytail in his mouth as if wondering how it got there. Slowly, although not quite as carefully as she'd do for Apple Bloom, Applejack dragged the drained stallion over to the vehicle still sitting in the middle of the road. She stopped at the steps set in one side of the driver's portion of the wagon, then yanked her tail out of Flim's mouth. His neck jerked forward with the motion and he coughed, grimacing at the mare. "What on earth just-"

"Oh, get in the carriage!" Applejack stepped behind him and royally shoved him up the steps.

"It's a locomotive!" Flim protested. Fortunately for Applejack, he didn't have the energy to protest any more than that, and the conpony all but collapsed on the couch set on the platform. The mare stepped over to the pedestal and scoured the controls on the front. Before she could just decide to hit the big red button in the middle- that was bound to turn it on, right?- Flim slid off the cushions, stomped over and (feebly) tried to push Applejack out of the way. "Let me drive, you have no idea what you're doing!"

Applejack rolled her eyes again and nudged him back in the direction of the couch. "Well, I would if you'd tell me how to drive! There is no way I'm letting you do it. I ain't gonna sit idly by on this doohickey while a colt so tired he's drunk gets us both killed!"

"Excuse me?" Flim reared his head, doubling his efforts to get past. "I am perfectly capable of driving this! Far more capable than you are. Just now? When you called it a doohickey? That proved your incapability. I am not letting you near those controls!"

Why couldn't she see how important this was? Flim was close to fainting from exhaustion, but it didn't matter. He couldn't let her hurt his engine, he couldn't! He and Flam owned it together, it was their livelihood, their baby. If Flam found out Flim let it get hurt, he'd never forgive himself!

The mare easily pushed him back to the couch, pushing him down with her nose and giving him The Look. If he was going to act like a foal, he was going to get treated like one. Sometimes, when leading Apple Bloom back home, Applejack had to give her The Look to make her agree to go to bed instead of staying up to play with Winona or make more CMC plans. The more tired a pony was, the harder it was to make them see sense. The Look wasn't by any means like Fluttershy's Stare, and wasn't quite as effective. It was more maternal than scary, but just as likely to make you feel so disappointed in yourself that you deserved a good grounding as the Stare was to make a Crusader scared enough to stop breaking things. Flim outright flinched when Applejack pulled The Look on him.

"For Pete's sake, Flim, lookit yourself!" she snapped. "You can barely fight me pushing you with my muzzle! How in the hay are you going to focus enough to drive this thing? You're more liable to make it crash than I am! I know I seem like a know-nothin' bumpkin to you, but I can catch on pretty easily when I need to, so just tell me how to drive and I'll drive fine! You need to sleep!"

Flim grimaced and willed himself to have more energy. "How? How am I supposed to sleep when Flam's in trouble? Any minute I waste resting is another minute he's stuck with that phooka. I can't, I have to keep going, I have to..." his voice trailed off. Flim's brain was too incoherent to form a full sentence anymore.

Applejack looked him over and held back another sigh. She'd been sighing so much over the last day, but this wasn't one of irritation. In fact, she felt her irritation slipping away as she took in the pony-shaped pile of worry sitting on the couch. A snarky pain-in-the-tail he was, but also a scared colt very frightened for his brother, and that was something she could relate to. It was something she had to relate to, or Applejack didn't know how she was going to get through this with her mind intact.

Haltingly, with deliberately calm movements so Flim would know she didn't want to fight anymore, Applejack sat down next to the colt on the small couch. "Let me tell you a story, Flim."

Flim looked at her warily, seeming distinctly uncomfortable for some reason. "Okay?..."

"Once upon a time there was an apple farm. It was the beginning of fall, which meant that it was Applebuck season. You know what that is, Flim?"

The cream pony next to her snorted and seemed to gain some control of his voicebox. "Well of course I do. Have you never noticed my Cutie Mark? My family has some reach in the apple market, you know."

"Oh. Huh." Applejack glanced at his apple slice Cutie Mark. For some reason the thought of Flim's family actually having some experience with apples never occurred to her. Giving herself a small shake to get back on track, she continued. "Well, on this apple farm there was a brother and a sister. The brother was big and strong, but clumsier than a bird trying to walk in horseshoes, and he went and broke his leg. The sister usually worked with her brother to buck the apples, but seeing as her brother was hurt this year, and seeing as she was nearly as tough as he was, sister decided she'd just buck the entire orchard on her own that year."

Flim raised an eyebrow. "You were going to do the whole orchard on your own? You didn't even ask one of your many colorful friends for help like you did during the cider competition?"

Applejack glared. "Hey, this is a hypothetical story, ya hear?"

Flim huffed and grumbled a halfhearted, "Apologies, do carry on..." He didn't have the energy to carry on a full side of the conversation at the moment anyways.

"And, no, she didn't ask for her friends' help," Applejack replied. "Not that they never offered. They offered that whole week long, but the sister was too stubborn for her own good, and even though she wasn't getting a lick of sleep, and all her friends could see that she was tired, and her progress was getting slower and slower the less and less rest she got, she refused any help. The sister was certain that she would be able to prove to her brother just how tough she was, and make him proud of her. After all, Big- ah, the big brother was always the one taking care of the family at home, so it was her turn to take care of him. If she rested or got help from others, that meant she wasn't tough enough." The mare paused and fixed her gaze on Flim, who's ears were starting to flatten to the sides of his head. "You know what happened?"

"Uh..." Flim could see where this was going. And, while he would be irritated and somewhat insulted by Applejack's attempt at a lecture, something she said stopped him from being so. It was ridiculous for her to try and prove herself like that when she obviously couldn't do it on her own.... but wasn't he also trying to be strong for his own brother? For some reason, maybe it was just his bone-weariness speaking, he decided to just let her finish. "Let me guess, she wasn't tough enough?"

"Nope," Applejack agreed flatly. "When one friend wanted her to help pull off a stunt by jumping on a giant seesaw, first she faceplanted on the ground 'cuz her eyes wouldn't focus on the seesaw right, then she jumped when her friend weren't ready 'cuz she couldn't focus on what her friend was saying, and sent that friend right into the stratosphere. Then when she was supposed to help a friend make some muffins, she was so dang tired that she couldn't hear her friend properly and kept adding the wrong ingredients to the bowl. She actually added earthworms to the muffins. Earthworms, Flim."

The cream pony looked a little green. "Appetizing," he commented sarcastically. "Be that as it may-"

Applejack wasn't quite done. "When a third friend needed her help herding rabbits, she was so dang tired that she plain didn't listen to anything her friend said about being gentle, and just tried to get the job over with so she could go back to bucking apples. So she tried to herd the rabbits the same way she herded cows. The rabbits were so spooked, they stampeded through town and shredded just about all of the plant life they came across. You know who had to pay for all the ruined gardens and eaten market fruit? That sister."

Flim could only blink stupidly at that. A bunny stampede. Really.

"Listen, what I'm saying is, refusing to rest so that you'll get something important done faster is useless. It don't matter how important it is. If you refuse to rest or get the help you need, then you'll actually do worse. And don't tell me that this doesn't affect you. I don't know exactly how long you've been awake, but in the time I've seen you, you've jumped between moods and ideas about a hundred times. Your eyes look like somepony squirted them with the raspberry syrup Granny uses for flapjacks; that's how bloodshot they are. You ain't gonna be able to save Flam like this. Just tell me how to drive this thing, and you can sleep while I get us to Canterlot. Easy as that."

Flim initially looked like he was still going to protest. Then he got a good look at Applejack's face. She was still irritated, smug, and somewhat condescending, to be sure. However, there was also a hint of concern mixed in there, which was strange. Even when he'd told her about Flam in the first place, her family had apparently needed to make her see why she needed to be concerned about it. Part of him wondered if maybe she was softening towards him- but, no, she wouldn't do that in only a matter of hours. More likely than not, he had been acting so ridiculous due to his fatigue that it made even her concerned about the trouble it would cause.

With the groan of one who had endured much stupidity, Flim relented. "Alright, fine. I suppose resting a little would help my efforts to find Flam...." He pointed a hoof at Applejack. "But you must give me your word that you will not get even scratch on the SSCS, you understand?"

Mouth quirking at Flim's acronym, the mare crossed a hoof over her chest. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

The stallion nodded. "That'll have to do...." Applejack waited expectantly, poised to get up. Biting his lip, Flim reluctantly went on, "Press the red, green, and blue buttons respectively- consecutively, mind you- and turn the little switch in the top right corner of the front plate. Then use the keypad on top with the arrows to turn as necessary. Turn the lever beside the keypad up to go forward, down to reverse, and leave it in the middle to brake. Then press the red, green, and blue buttons again to turn it off."

Flim pointed as he instructed, and Applejack moved her hoof over each portion as he pointed it out. She slid the raised hoof over the first three buttons, tapped the switch without pushing it, and experimentally pressed the arrow keys to get the feel for it. After a minute, she grinned. "Okay, I think I got it. Shoot, that's not so hard. Now what's this big red one do?" She waved her hoof over it, causing Flim to yelp and wave both hooves.

"Nonono, don't press that!" he cried. "That's the eject button! It flings the couch into the air! Flam and I haven't perfected it yet- it still flips the couch over onto the ground like.... like a flapjack!"

Applejack snickered and put her hoof down. "Well, that's useful. You should rig a smaller one for Granny's kitchen. Bet she'd like that."

Flim just moaned in response. He moaned louder when Applejack started pushing the buttons and the locomotive roared to life. He moaned louder still when she tilted the lever forward and the whole wagon lurched. Applejack snapped a mildly good-humored "shaddup" at him, before giddily steering the vehicle down the road. A couple of overdone turns later, and Flim was begging to drive again.

"We don't even need to turn on a straight road! I was wrong, you don't know what you're doing, let me drive!"

"Do I hafta buck you unconscious? 'Cuz I will. You know I will."

Flim was silent for the rest of the drive.

Author's Note

Another two months without an update. Another apology, as well. It's finally summer vacation, which is yay, but my brain totally refuses to let my writing ispiration work. It's like forced writer's block, and it's annoying as crap. I love this story too much to let it go, though, so I'm fighting through it! I don't like the two-month pattern I'm getting into, though. I tend to break patterns, and I sure hope I break it to update faster and not slower. Blech.

Thank you to C-Puff and Wzium for continuously encouraging me to update. I love you guys. In fact, I'll dedicate this chapter especially to you. :twilightsmile: Also to my brother who loves this story and also bugs me to update. Yay for him. :pinkiehappy:

Please R&R, tell me if the characters are OOC at all. I'm doing my best to make this natural. I'm just glad this chapter's done, so I can finally skip ahead to Canterlot. My pacing sucks, man.

God Bless!

In the Dead of Night

The dark horse sat by the roadside, waiting. The night breeze rustled his black mane, and the moon shone brightly above him.

They were almost here.

He adjusted himself so that he was kneeling just under the thick boughs of what was either a short tree, or a tall bush. Funny things, those. Quite a category of woody plants all their own. It could be that they were indecisive about their self-identities. Or perhaps they were making a declaration to stand out and make the landscape more interesting to passerby. They refused to abide by the normal standard of a shrub or oak. The horse found that he liked them. They made a statement, they did.

A slight creaking noise came from up the road. It was almost time.

The dark horse chuckled to himself. What a delightful little game he was about to play. He simply could not wait to see the reactions on their faces...

The creaking grew louder, now punctuated with periodic bursts of steam and the sound of wheels turning on the dirt path. The horse crouched lower.

A great locomotive came into view. It was a red carriage, with large wooden wheels in the front and smaller steel ones in the back. The whole back half was taken up with glass tubes, wooden barrels, and a shiny control system for the production of cider. On top, just behind the cider containers, was a system of pumps and levers, the top half of an engine. An electric engine. Very newfangled, very interesting; it seemed to be a sort of magic, like the kind in a unicorn's horn, but more wild and untamed. Less refined. The horse liked it. He wished ponies didn't have such a necessary, but boring, need to control it. It took a decently intelligent pony- when not compared to himself- to create a machine like that.

The front of the red carriage was far more empty than the back. Instead of a miniature apple cider factory and a locomotive engine, it only held three things: a red velvet couch, and two cream furred, red maned ponies.

The dark horse frowned. He didn't like those ponies. They had no reason. Plenty of rhyme, but no reason. Well, he would soon fix that.

With another dark, yet high-pitched, chuckle, the horse stood up and stepped in front of the tree-bush. The ponies, who had been talking quietly and excitedly to each other up to this point, froze in their places and looked his way. The one closest to the horse, young and thin looking, stood up in his seat. The pony's brother, slightly burlier and mustachioed, turned and flicked one of the switches on the control box behind him, causing the locomotive to stop. Then he too stood and looked toward the dark horse.

“Hullo out there!” the young one called. “It's quite unusual to see anypony out walking by the roadside this late, and even more so to see a fine, tall horse such as yourself! Do you require any assistance?”

“If so, we will be happy to give it to you!” the mustachioed one added behind him. “Of course, as we would be taking time out of our very busy schedule and extra weight on our ride would mean more fuel usage, we would need some form of reimbursement.”

The dark horse took a few steps towards them. “Ahh, the Flim Flam Brothers... always looking to make a profit, aren't you? It is only the passerby's luck that this profit would come from an act of benevolence this time as oppose to your usual malevolence, eh?” He chuckled again, louder this time. It quickly trailed off into a strange whine.

The ponies glanced at each other. Nervousness passed between their eyes- it was only for a second, but their visitor saw it. They looked back at the horse, expressions of cunning smirks on their muzzles. The horse smirked back. The game was on.

“I... see you have heard of us, stranger.” The young one commented. “I can assure you, any nasty rumors you have apparently heard of us can be dispelled. You merely haven't heard our side of the tales- whether some of them may be true tales at all.”

“Indeed!” The mustachioed one exclaimed. “Just sit yourself down while we present our cases! 'Tis awful, the injustice done to us by our fellow ponies!”

“Simply awful,” the young one agreed. “Why, the lies they spread about our 'malevolence'- it hurts my heart!”

“Hurts to the core!” the mustachioed one nodded.

“Jealousy, that's what it is.” The young one punctuated his statement with a dramatic hoof over his chest. “Pure jealousy.”

The mustachioed one put a hoof over his brother's shoulder in seeming sympathy. “They just can't understand our creations, our skill. We only want to help them.”

The young one looked hopefully at the horse. “Perhaps you could help us?”

The mustachioed one nodded emphatically. “Yes! You look like a smart one! A right genius, aren't you? With your help, perhaps you could spread the true stories of our experiences to the communities of Equestria!”

“You would be our hero, stranger!” The young one declared. He gave a quick solute and a short bow, and his brother did the same. “What do you say?”

The dark horse smirked wider. “I say...” he fixed his yellow-eyed gaze on the young pony. “Flim... you do seem to be attached to that... fine brother of yours. Are you not?”

The young one smiled just slightly more genuinely and nodded. Flim enveloped his mustachioed brother in an emotional hug. “Oh, yes. Flam is the best brother that money could buy! Virtuous, knowledgeable, wise...”

Flam turned his head away in a show of modesty. “Oh, stop!”

“I wouldn't trade him for the world!” Flim finished. He waved a hoof in emphasis, and his brother balanced on his hind legs and waved his hoof in the opposite direction. They posed like that for a few seconds, looking like the very image of perfect brotherhood. The epitome of pony character. Regular Trottsey Twins.

The dark horse knew better.

“Yes...” he nodded, still smirking. “Yes, you two do look close. Possibly closer than any two... gentlecoltly twins such as yourself that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Why, I'll bet you even finish each others' sentences, do you not?”

The ponies grinned. “Well, what kind of twins would we be-” Flim started.

“If we didn't know what the other was thinking?” Flam finished.

The dark horse nodded. “What kind of twins, indeed. Tell me, how long have you two been working together? When is the last time you were separated?”

“Not since birth!” Flim remarked.

“Not even then!” Flam retorted. “Upon my word, I was holding Flim's hoof as he came into this world!”

“And I was helping to push Flam ahead of me!” Flim nodded. “We just couldn't imagine going a single day without each other!”

“Why, Flim...” the dark horse emitted that strange chuckle again. “How touching. And yet, how unfitting. I thought you two to be so prepared for anything.”

Flam made a scoffing noise. “Of course we're prepared for anything! Any and all circumstances!”

“Whatever does that have to do with us being separated?” Flim asked with a bit of suspicion in his voice.

The dark horse chuckled louder. This time, his chuckled turned into a wailing, whinnying laugh. “Oh, Flim Skim! Flam Skim! There is one circumstance you did not prepare for. But, I can help with that. Yes, I do believe I can give you that assistance you were asking for, but not in the way you wanted.” He laughed even louder still, and charged.

The Flim Flam Brothers gasped and jumped from the seat of the locomotive. But, too late. They were always too late. The dark horse caught up with them far faster than they expected, far faster than any normal horse should. Before their hooves ever touched the ground, they were overtaken.

Flim was flung to the opposite side of the road. His head crashed into the trunk of a tree, and his sight went blurry. With a yelp, he forced himself up on his shaky legs and looked around wildly. “Flam? Flam, where are you? Where did you land?”

“He didn't,” a dark voice replied above him.

Flim snapped his head upwards. There, somehow in the branches of the tree, was the dark horse, with Flam in his clutches. One hoof curled around the pony's middle, pinning his forelegs to his sides, and the other hoof was clamped over his muzzle. The horse's back legs held onto the tree branch much like a bird, and he balanced perfectly as Flam struggled in his grasp. Flim visibly gaped at the sight. The dark horse chuckled back. “Ahh, I see the first stages of separation are setting in. Panic.”

“Let him go!” Flim roared, rearing and bucking the tree. The horse only laughed, and laughed harder when the pony scraped his hooves against the bark in a vain attempt at climbing the trunk. Despite the tree shaking in Flim's fervor, and despite Flam's desperate struggles, the horse still remained stock still in his high branch.

“Now, now, my little pony...” the horse's laughs slowed back down to a chuckle. It sounded as if he were laughing with himself at an inside joke. After a second he continued. “We wouldn't want your dear, sweet brother to come to any harm up here, would we?”

Flim abruptly stopped fighting. He glared up at the branch, breathing heavily in exertion and anger. “Let him go,” he growled. “You don't know who you're messing with. You let him go, right now, or I'll-”

The dark horse started laughing again. It was short and choppy, and stopped after precisely five seconds. “I'm afraid I know exactly who I'm messing with, Flim Skim. And I know exactly why. And I know you don't know the same about me. Therefore, I am at the advantage... aside from the obvious hostage, of course.” He dangled Flam above his brother mockingly. Flam twisted himself to try and kick his captor, but the horse roughly jerked him and twisted him back around, turning him slightly sideways.

Then the horse's voice grew serious. “Let me tell you right now, Flim Flam Brothers, you have no idea who you are messing with. For your information, at the angle I have Flam hanging at right now, if I were to drop him he would break his neck instantly. Don't expect to be able to soften the blow by trying to catch him, it doesn't matter what surface he lands on if his neck bends a certain way. And dropping him would be so easy.”

Flam stiffened in his arms, and Flim's eyes went wide. Then a determined look came on his face, and his horn began to glow. The dark horse snorted. “Try it. I dare you. You'll find I am perfectly immune to unicorn magic, and the instant that little pretty green beam of yours fires, I'll let go. You won't have time to refocus your energy on him instead of me before he falls.”

“How can anypony be immune to unicorn magic?” Flim erupted.

“The same way a pegasus can be immune to the electricity in lightning, if they practice enough,” the dark horse replied tartly. “I merely dispel the energy elsewhere. My people's fur is particularly reflective.”

“You're people's?” Flim repeated.

“Yes,” came the horse's short reply. “My people. Now listen closely, if you ever want to see your brother again. I need you to find certain items.” The horse's black tail curled around the branch and stretched outwards, with as much precision as a monkey's tail. The tip snapped and tossed a small scroll at Flim's hooves. “Follow the guidelines exactly, to the dot. I'll know if you don't.”

Flim looked at the scroll in exasperation. He flicked his head from the scroll to the horse, back to the scroll, and up to the horse again. “Why? Bring them where?”

“You'll have to find out the first question for yourself.” The horse raised himself up, as if about to take flight. “As for the second, look for the most reliable pony you know. They will take you to the Mordant Phooka. And with that, I bid you goodnight, and good luck!”

Flim opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, there was a flash. Not a white one, as was the norm with flashes. This was was special. It was black. An anti-flash, of sorts. It spread a wave of thick inkiness around the tree, the locomotive, and the three figures gathered there. Then it was gone. With it went the dark horse and his captive. The branch was empty.

Flim stared up at the tree, his breaths quickening, and a horrid, heavy feeling spreading throughout his body. The branch was empty. His brother was gone.

“F-Flam...” he whispered. Then, shouted, “Flam! Flam!!!” There was, of course, no answer from the darkness.

The cream pony sat down on his haunches, staring hard at the scroll and blinking rapidly to keep his eyes dry. “Flam... Flam's gone... that... that thing took him! It took him! It took my...” he trembled rapidly and fell into a laying position. “My brother...”

He closed his eyes and took deep, shaky breaths. “Focus. Got to focus. I need to get him back. I've got to find the... the most reliable pony I know.” His breaths grew shakier, and he bit his lips to keep control. “But- but the most reliable pony I know is him! Who else but Flam? I... I don't trust anyone else! Who else would be as honest as, as he is with me? Who in Equestria would know what in Equestria the Mordant Phooka is? What the blazes is a Mordant Phooka? I don't understand! I don't...”

Flim trailed off. Gritting his teeth, he bowed his head until it was nearly touching the ground. He stayed in that position for several minutes, breathing hard and wet. Finally he whispered, “I need him. I need my brother. We're a team. I don't know what to do without him... who else is as reliable... is as...”

He opened his eyes and jerked his head upwards. “Honest...” he mumbled thoughtfully.

Author's Note

Disclaimer: I own nothing but what I own. But, you already knew that.

Alright, what do you think so far? Please give me encouraging critiques- if there's something wrong, tell me what it is and how to fix it, and if there's something right, definitely tell me what it is! Please no flaming.

I know the intro is short, but it's the intro. The other chapters will be at least 3000 words in length, not including the author's notes. Sit tight, because this is going to be a wild goose chase in every meaning of the word! I'll try to update enough to keep you interested, but just a warning: I am a huge procrastinator. Huge. If I lose interest, I don't force myself to update until I'm interested again. The chapters don't turn out well if they're forced. However, I'm a huge brony, just as huge as I am a procrastinator, so hopefully that'll cancel it out somewhat. Please yell at me if I take a while! You have full permission!

If you didn't get the “Trottsey Twins” joke, that's based off the Bobbsey Twins. If you don't know who they are, look them up. Jokes aren't funny if they're overly explained.

God Bless!