My Lack of Faith

Princess Luna’s gaze peered through the bright morning reflected by the snow.

“Strange, isn’t he?” Luna started at her sister’s voice. She realized that she had been staring at the human out on the wall for thirty minutes now.

“Are all humans like he?” asked Luna.

“He assured me that most hum ans don’t act the way that he does. He calls himself an introvert, and an eccentric, that his personality is unusual, and that he sticks to his ideals, while holding a subtle understanding of others, but doesn’t like social conflict.”

“What are his hobbies?”

“He says he plays piano. I had the servants pull out an old Gryphon’s grand piano and he played it. It was lovely.” Luna looked out toward the human, who was wrapped in a dark cloak.

“I like his tastes.”

“The way that he dresses all gray and dark?”

“That, but– the way he carrieth himself. And the way he moveth– but why doth he sit out on the wall and look out so?”

“He– said that he loves this place and how beautiful it is.  He’s told me many times how ugly his world is, comparing it to–” Celestia stopped, and lowered her gaze.

“He’th compared it to what, sister?”

“Himself.” Luna looked back again.

“He think’th he’s– ugly?”

“Yes,” said Celestia. Luna snorted.  There was a short silence.

“I think he’s beautiful.”

“In a way, I think so, too, sister; somehow on the inside.”

“I mean not just within, but outwardly as well!”

“How so?”

“Just as I have stated- dost thou not see? the elegance of his form? the tall, gait so full of grace? See’st thou not the slender, graceful sprite in his step that I see? I see the spirit of the deer within him: yon long legg’d man, as so thou say’st he calleth himself, how he moveth for but one moment with the burden of fell terror on his back, yet another with the flower of spring. I see myself in him, past and present: my present self in his distress, so reminiscent of my millenium on mine own moon ere my return; my past self in his glory through my youth, and his light step reminiscent of our younger years together ere my fall and torment and despair.”

Luna began to cry.

“Luna,” said Celestia. “Go talk to him. He’s full of wisdom. He’s reminded me of the beauty of my own land. I had forgotten how well off we really are– until he told me about his own world. Go, ask him anything: you’ll learn from a few words of his mouth more than I’ve learned in this past century.”

“I’m not worthy, dear sister! I’ve seen his wisdom from afar; I’m not worthy to scarce gaze upon his noble form! Just by his gait, just by yon human’s walk have I seen the burdens he carrieth on his shoulders!”

“Luna, even if that were true, and it’s not, he wouldn’t know that. Go talk to him.” Luna continued crying, but nodded, promising she would.

I was looking out over Canterlot, standing out on the wall. Unicorn gentry were greeting each other and the common laborers, speaking in friendly, upbeat fashions. Listening carefully, both groups spoke in their own languages: the gentry speaking almost in verse, and the laborers speaking in prose so basic I thought I heard them say “y’all” once or twice. I went from smiling to crying in joy when I saw one of the gentry helping a window washer after he fell on his face when he tripped over a loose part of the cobblestone street.

My tears of joy went to mourning, though, as I thought back to Earth, where I knew that the surrounding people would just keep walking, and the gentry would simply keep their noses in the air, and not even the fellow workers of the washer would help him. Crying on the parapet, one of the guards noticed me and flew off.

I payed little note to his action until I felt the wind of wings behind my back. Looking behind me, I saw Luna land with concern in her eyes.

“My dear human, why criest thou so?”

I responded in my own Elizabethan tongue, “Majesty, I am not worthy of your concerns. ‘Tis  too cold for yourn elegant hoof to step out here.”

“Oh, but I implore thee, speak thine heart– or at least let us go hence to the castle.”

“Dear Princess, you are an angel.” I meant it literally as I began walking inside on the parapet wall with her. “and your people are so good to one another. Look yon– you see the sky-coatèd lady who hath just given her scarf to the washer?” Luna peered over the parapet.

“Aye, and ‘tis ‘thou’ to thee*,” she said, relaxing at my way of speaking in response to hers.  I had heard about her banishment and difficulty fitting in, especially with her speech. I took it upon myself to be sensitive to that.

*(The second person in English is used in place of the plural ‘you’ when formalities are dispensed with, in the same way that Spanish and French does. When she said it’s ‘thou’ to him, she said that he can address him as an equal.)

“As you wish– er– thou wist. Whence I came, she would upturn her nose and move along: no regard for him whatsoever.”

“How could that be? Is there no harmony in thine ‘ome?”

“Nay,” I said. “Man doth not live in harmony. We split into familiar  factions and wage war upon one-another, steal amongst each other; it hurts me so to tell thee again. Ask thy sister if she is willing to tell the story again. In short, we were given the choice, and we were deceived and we fell.  We committed sin, something which you ponies couldn’t think to do, for there is no sin to commit here. We are not but evil incarnate.”

“We see naught of such; I see good in thee.”

“Oh? Pray, then, lift me with thy magic.”

“Very well,” she said, and lit her horn. Straining her face in effort, her magic aura failed to even surround me. I opened the door before us which led into the castle.

“See’st thou? There is no magic in me. The magic of friendship doth not affect me in the slightest. When thou wast consumed by the Nightmare, thou would’st have eagerly turned me into thy minion because of my darkness. Evil is in my nature and can’t be removed.” Luna stared at me in shock as I closed the door behind me.

“Surely– thou’rt no longer among humanity, but among us. Surely, there must be a way to purge this so-called nature from thee?”

“There is no cure, Luna. A selection of us will be rewarded when we die, but never as we live.”

“Hast thou no faith in thine own race?” I chuckled at this.

“If I did, I would be a fool. We have fought wars with, enslaved, tortured, murdered and raped each other. Dost thou know what rape is, Luna?”

“Nay; what is it?”

“If I were to rape thee, I would force sex upon thee without thy consent– usually without consideration for thy comfort at all. ‘Twould make thee bleed.”

“Then why dost thou tell me of this? If thou wast so evil, would’st thou not hide this from me?”

“P’raps, Luna, I say this out of pride. I said so because I wish to impress thee with my ‘nobility’ in admittance of my flaws; to elevate myself in thine eyes by a display of humility.  I know I did, even if I didn’t mean to. There is always a selfish desire within me, Luna. It matters not what good thou see’st before me: it will always be done for an evil purpose. Even now, I know not; but there is always a selfish purpose behind every word I speak.”

“I see not so, but gentleness and consideration for my well-being, human. Dost thou truly hate thyself so?”

“Luna, I despise me with all my heart and passion. I see naught but what thy subjects see: a monstrous wyrm. Thy sister’s insistence is all that keeps me from purging thy world of my presence.”

“How so? Celestia hath told me that the portal is closed; that thou can’st not return home. How could’st thou ‘purge’ thyself from this world?”

“Simple, Luna. I will kill myself, even if Celestia refuses to allow it.”

“Kill thyself?”

“If I loosed control of myself, Luna, I know not what I might do; I would attempt to rape thee if thou wer’t vulnerable and I lost control. ‘Tis a constant battle to control myself, believe me, Luna. Thou hast wished me to reveal why I weep; there thou knowest.”

“Anon– no– no. I shall not let thee kill thyself. There is good in thee; why dost thou not see?” We had made it outside my bed chamber.

“Luna, there is none to see,” I felt bitterness rise in my voice. “and if it’s ‘thou’ to me, then thou wilt leave me be,” I said as I crossed the threshold to my bedroom and moved to close the door.

“I will show thee thy good; thou wilt see!”