My Little Mercenaries

by heavy weapons brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Adventure, Pipsqueak, Twilight Sparkle, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1966

Magic mishap brings Button's Birthday Gifts to life.

Hearing about his liking of Tf2 Buttons mother buys him a whole set of figurines of the nine Mercenarys, a wayward spell brings them to life, cute Hijinks insue proving that even a small world,...is a dangerous one.

Published 2014-06-15 02:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-15 02:40:02 UTC

Birthday Blunder

“Ya know, Princess Celestia said you were no longer her student anymore, that should insinuate that you would study less,” Spike said to a bedraggled Twilight.

Twilight turned, revealing her saggy eyes and a crooked smile,

“Are you KIDDING!! Look that the size of this library! This Crystal castle has everything!!” Twilight mused.

“I have not seen you leave this place it a week, what do you eat?”

Twilight seemed confused by the question.

“And this place is an absolute mess,”

Twilight looked over the library in awe, she had been so engrossed in her recent study that she had needed her natural organized nature.

“I left a tea tray up here, did you even drink that? if you did where did you,...”

Spike was cut off when his eyes met a jar of suspicious yellow liquid rolling freely among the book covered floor.

Spike looked accusingly up at Twilight, He picked up the jar and stuck it into Twilight's muzzle.

“If this,... is what i think it is,....we have a problem,...euugh its still warm”

Twilight blushed slightly and donned a face of innocent shame, she shook her head and took Spike in a hoof, the jar thankfully landed on a discarded throw pillow.

“But Spike! you have know idea of the gravity of this situation! I have spend this entire week on a single spell!”

“A single SPELL!? You're the princess of magic!! What spell could you possibly be working on!!?”

“It's a come to life spell,”

‘A come to life spell? I hate to bust your bubble Twilight, but you mastered that spell when you were six,”

“No,no,no,no,no! this spell is different! It will make what ever effects it fully alive! Able to think! Feel! to move all on its own,.. it was said that this spell created the first pony out of stone!”

“Wow, okay that's amazing,..but you still have to get ahold of yourself,”

“I will Spike, but first,...we have to test it,”

Most of the books and other messed were either cleared of moved to the side of the massive crystal library. In the center of the library stood a podium, and on that podium sat a tan raggeded Stuffed pony with a toy sword in its hoof.

Twilight And Spike stood at the edge of the library with a wide stance and a look of the utmost confidence.

“Okay, the book says we must have a non sentient host with a equine body, Check, Now Spike, this spell is so powerful it will even make the Sword its wielding real, it will give him all the abilities represented by his body”

Twilight Sparkle Cracked her neck and started the stuffed pony down with a look of utmost confidence.

“Here we go,”

Twilight started grunting with her teeth tightly clenched, Spike Gasped when the whole floor started vibrating, the raw power of Twilight's spell shook the Air itself, books started floating in the air and orbiting around the Alicorn.

The a Gigantic Flash of Purple light illuminated the Air around them, Both Twilight and Spike were blinded when the spell shot out from Twilight's horn, the force pushed both of them on their backs and careened towards the Stuffed pony.

But the the last second the backdraft from the spell itself pushed the light Stuffed toy from the podium before the Spell could hit it, instead it bounced off the crystal gem wall and shot out a open window.

Twilight and Spike both groaned as they freed themselves from their tomb of unknown books.

“Did it work?” Twilight asked weakly.

Spike picked himself up and walked over to the podium, he picked up the tan Stuffed pony with one hand, he examined it and prodded it. When the Pony stayed unresponsive he just shrugged.

“UUUGGGHH,....Guess it could use some more work,” Twilight lined.

“No,..its passed your bedtime,”

“But i'm not Ti,...tir,...*Yawn,” Twilight collapsed on the floor from exhaustion

Spike sighed, then began picking up books, uncovering another jar, this one had a funnel instead of a lid.

“EWWWWW!”

Spell bounded through the air towards town, More specifically towards a road, and even more specifically towards a large white cart.

It was a Pon-ex Delivery cart, the spell bounded straight for the Stallion pulling it, Surprised he dove down and the spell crashed into cart itself, Bouncing around several times before coming to rest.

The Pon-ex Stallion uncovered his face, he looked in the cart and failed to see anything amiss, no fires, no damage,..nothing.

“*Sigh, I’ve been working too hard,” He concluded.

After a few minutes the Delivery Stallion made it to the one stop he had in Ponyville, a lovely white family home. The Stallion unhitched himself from his cart, picked up his clipboard and took a large brown box from the cart and approached the house.

He knocked on the door and set the package down, a few seconds later a nice looking tan Mare with a brown mane answered the door.

“OH thank Celestia,...it’s my Son’s birthday and I was worried they wouldn’t make it here!” the nice mare said.

The delivery Stallion Smiled, then lifted his clipboard “Sign here please,”

The Mother signed the package “Love Tap” with a smile, The delivery pony hoisted it on her back and left with a tip of his hat.

Love tap Carried the package through the living room, the kitchen, then near a hallway closet, where she was stopped by her husband.

“It finally came? good, now what did you get him?” The Stallion asked.

“Is he still upstairs?”

“Yes but we need to get the party started soon, its still early but we got a lot to do,”

Love Tap ripped off the tape and opened the box, revealing Nine action figures in plastic factory packaging. The Stallion rummaged through the box and picked one up.

“Team fortress? whats this?”

“There characters from a game Button really likes to play,”

“Team fortress? I’ve never heard of it, what about that other game,..Aaaa, Minecraft?”

“Well I talked to him about it and he said he didn’t like it anymore, he said “Its a game where you wander around aimlessly trying to get horribly scarce resources before night comes and weird cave ponies come to kill you and blow up your house,’ he said if they wanna make a game about living in the Middle East, they should call it “living in the Middle East,”

Button’s Father wasn't sure on how to think about that, he turned his attention to the action figure he picked up.

He gawked at the figure of a pony completely dressed in flameproof suit, it also wore a saddle for holding and firing his weapons.

“The Pyro is a primarily defensive class utilizing the tight spaces of his teams fort to ambush enemies with his flame thrower, Pyro is also essential for defense against Spies by using his Flamethrower to reveal disguised or cloaked spies,”

Both parents shared a nervous look while Love Tap began stacking the figures on a shoe shelf in the closet.

“Here's a biography,... only two things are known about the Pyro and those are that it likes fire and it doesn’t speak. Either way He is a fearsome grotesque frankenstein of a Stallion, if he even is a Stallion,”

Button’s father Shrugged “I guess if thats what he likes then,” Then he put the figure with the rest.

They Emptied the box and shut the door, leaving the toys in the dim small room.

“Okay, his surprise is ready, now lets get this party going,”

“Errauugg,...AMmpf!” a faint sound of struggling erupted from the package on the highest shelf.

The gruff 7 inch tall Stallion ripped his way through the thin plastic packaging, he emerged from its shredded remains. The Stallion examined the small room from under the brim of his helmet, dimly lit by the daylight showing through the cracks in the door, the Stallion lept to the floor.

He turned to the rest of the figures,” RED TEAM!! ATEN-HUT!!”

Faint shuffling filled the packages

“RED TEAM! FALL-IN!!”

All the Packages erupted, A Gigantic hoof popped from one package revealing a large earth pony, a Machete blade cut through the next revealing a this pegasus with a Large knife in his teeth, a bone saw cut through the next one where a unicorn in a lab coat emerged, Several shogun shots ripped through another one freeing a another unicorn in a hardhat, a thing and wiry pegasus ripped his way from the next one. Next to him a gruff Zebra in a eye-patch beat his way from his package with a bottle, a small knife blade cut through the next, expertly cutting a square doorway where an earth pony in a pinstripe suit stepped out, and finally in the last a red fire axe cut away at the plastic and cardboard, revealing a pony in an asbestos suit already known as Pyro.

The small team of toys slowly gathered their weapons and lined up in front of the pony in a Helmet.

“Alright men where he, I am Soldier, shock and awe specialist, and who might you all be?”

Soldier stepped up a Gigantic Earth pony with a mini-gun barrel sticking from him battle Saddle.

“I Am heavy weapons pony,....and dic (he looked proudly down at the Barrel of his gun.) Is my weapon,”

“Save it for the enemy,” Soldier mused, turning to a wiry Pegasus in a slouch cap.

“Sniper,....and,...crikey Snipin’s a good job mate,” Sniper nudged his Saddle and a Scope flipped out and covered his right eye.

“Glad to have you aboard,” Next was A Unicorn in a lab coat.

“I’am Medic, i specialize in ze healing,...as well as ze hurting,”

“Mark it!” Soldier shouted tuning to a Unicorn in a Hard Hat and overalls.

“Look buddy, I'm an Engineer, which should be self explanatory,” Engineer mused quietly.

Next was a small Pegasus in a baseball cap.

“Scout in my name and Scoutin in my game,...however i got a little side business in winning and killing morons and let me tell you, business is good,” Scout said with a wink.

“Kids today,” Soldier muttered, Turning to a One-Eyed Zebra in a flak-jacket.

“Me names Demo and I Am a grim Bloody fable,..with an unhappy,... Bloody end!” Demo announced.

Soldier eyed Demoman closely,....”I like you, were gonna get along just fine,”

Next was A earth pony in a mask and a pinstripe suit.

“I’am ze Spy I,...” Spy fully disappeared, Soldier twisted around, trying to find him.

Spy uncloaked from behind Soldier “Backstab the bad guy!!”

“Gawwww!” Soldier jumped.

Spy Began rolling with laughter while Soldier tried to keep his composure, he turned to the last pony in line.

He was a strange pony clad in a asbestous suit and gas mask, with a Flamethrower nozzle sticking from his saddle.

“Hmmmph hmmmhppmm mmmm mmm,” The Pony resaoned.

“What?” Soldier asked.

“Hmmmph mph mhp,” The strange pony issued, waving his hooves in expression.

“Hmmm,..i’ll call you mumbles!” Solder mused.

“Um,..Soly,...he says hes called Pyro and he liked fire and that pretty much sums him up,” Engineer explained.

“Oh,.really?,....okay cool,,..how did you know that?”

“Sometimes,...Engineers just know,” Engie nodded.

“OKay Men! now that we got introductions out of the way our mission is clear! to locate the enemy and destroy them!!

All the toys let out bloodthirsty battle cries.

“We will find them, fight them and win!,...... There will be no mercy,”

The cries eventually died as sniper raised hoof.

“Yes what is it?,” Soldier asked.

“Who is the enemy? Exactly?” Sniper asked.

Solder put a hoof to his chin, “Hmmmmm,”

Author's Note

just another experment of mine, writing anything is truly throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks

hope you like it.