A Game of Skill and Chance

by Einhander

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Romance, Sex, Braeburn, Comedy
Length: 5478

What stakes do Princesses play for?

A saucy collab with Skeeter The Lurker.
After several failed attempts at other friendly games, Luna and Celestia have finally found the perfect game to pass the time: poker. One night, drunk on cider, they decide to make the game interesting: If Celestia wins, Luna has to go on a date. If Luna wins, Celestia has to tell Twilight how she feels about her. Ante up.

Sexy artwork by Rurik.

Editing by Sharp Spark.

(Note: much shipping abounds, but this is not a Celestia/Luna fic.)

Rated "Teen Sex" for some heavy wink wink, nudge nudge, and also booze.

Published 2014-08-11 16:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-11 16:40:04 UTC

Ante

A GAME OF SKILL AND CHANCE
By: Einhander and Skeeter The Lurker

1: ANTE

It is a hotly whispered—but frequently denied—rumor that the Princess Celestia and Princess Luna occasionally play cards. These rumors are false. They do not play cards.

They play poker.

They used to play Queens and Pawns, which is convenient for scheduling (one can make their move without their opponent present) and appropriate for their status (as the game of queens befits two ruling sisters.) For awhile, all was well. The game required patience, cunning and thinking several steps ahead, something Celestia had in spades. Luna had these qualities as well, except for the patience part. Over time, Celestia was winning three-to-one. Eventually, Luna realized Celestia wasn't reading the board, Celestia was reading her.

And so the fun-doubling came to a grinding halt one day when Luna threw the board off the palace balcony, crying “Try and checkmate us now, varlet sister!” The board smashed into a fair amount of pieces after it first smashed into the head and helmet of one Rock Steady, newly minted member of the Royal Guard, who was already having a bad first day anyway. He went to the hospital, and flowers, along with hastily assembled liability waivers, followed.

Q&P was never mentioned again in the halls of the Royal Palace.

Then they used to play Equestria-opoly, a classic board game that involved trading of properties and the charging of rents. Players advanced by random rolls of the dice. This game lasted even fewer days, as Luna realized that since dice rolls were nothing but luck, only ruthlessness, mercenary instincts, playing the probabilities, and complex negotiation could tilt the odds towards victory. Both sisters had such talents, but the love in Celestia's heart made her a poor capitalist tyrant when it came to playing games. Luna did not have such qualms.

After the sixth time Luna talked Celestia into a deal that she later realized meant she was giving away her winning stake (the Beaver Dam utilities and all the railroads for the dark blue properties with houses and most of the alligators? What was she thinking?) there was the infamous Dark Tuesday incident. Celestia locked herself in her room and refused to raise the sun until noon. The board game was quickly buried in the Canterlot vaults, never to be released again...

...except for that one time Luna got into the cider and dared her sister to play. Dark Tuesday almost had a sequel, but for Cadence flying in to stop the game before it went too far.

The third game was the result of a hastily written letter to Princess Twilight by her brother, captain Shining Armor, who was “busy enough defending the realm” and “didn’t have time for this horsefeathers,” and also “please don’t tell Celestia I said horsefeathers”, produced a two pronged solution: first, whatever games they play, they play together in the same room. Secondly, they needed a game that pitted their strengths against one another, instead of having one overpowering the other. A game that relied on chance and manipulation, along with skill and calculation.

When that search failed, Twilight was thankfully listening when Applejack mentioned the game of Appleloosan Five Card Hold’em.

Two cards to each player, followed three cards on the table, then a fourth, and finally a fifth. Each player had to bet for the right to see the next card. Whomever had the best hand from all available cards won… if the game got that far.

Luna loved it because she was playing the cards she had in her hooves, against the odds of whatever cards could possibly come next. It made sense. It was chance, yes, but within a defined set of probabilities. Betting was all about the possibility of winning.

Celestia loved it because she was also playing the cards Luna had in her hooves. Doing quick number calculations wasn’t her strong suit. Reading other ponies was.

But what do Princesses play for? When bits are just things other ponies use, and the sun and moon are at your command, what is worth wagering? And after you’ve already had the cider brought up and are three or four pints in, how does one keep the game interesting?

“But no jest, dear sister, how do we keep this game interesting?” asked Luna, magically pouring herself another pint of cider. “We’ve already wagered work shifts and naming of the stars.”

It was late for Celestia, and early for Luna to be drinking. But the Canterlot Hearts Warming Eve pageant took a lot out of everyone, and thankfully there was plenty of Apple Family Cider (fresh from Appleloosa!) brought up for the occasion.

“Doesn’t it mean anything that you are bound to make the tea for the next thousand years?” pouted Celestia, her face blushing with the warmth of booze.

Luna gave her a Look. “It would, sister, if we did not know you insist on making the tea anyway.”

Celestia giggled. “True, true. Well, what do you want to play for?”

Luna shrugged, sipping her cider. “Something big. Something that… matters..”

Celestia looked at her cards. “I have an idea. If I win this hand, you have to go out on a date.”

PFFFFFBBBBTTTTT

The cider was now permanently re-located to Celestia’s face and cards. Luna tried to ignore the fact that she had just spit-taked all over her sister, and focused instead on her outrage.

"Us? Date??” Luna took a breath. “Go?!"

Celestia calmly wiped her face, and placed her cards down in front of her. "I’m not saying it has to be a mare, or a stallion. Doesn't even have to be a pony, if that’s your fancy."

Luna’s eyes narrowed. "Are you on stimulants?! How would the realm fare if our romantic affairs were suddenly made public in some tawdry gossip magazine?"

"Well, for one, you'd have to have affairs in order for them to be public."

Luna opened her mouth, and then closed it. "Touché, Tia. Touché."

"And two, you don't even have to be you! Star Swirl, may he rest in peace, developed a spell for just that purpose."

Luna arched an eyebrow. "We thought 'Sunny Skies' was a way for you to blend in with common ponies and see what they think, what they feel."

"Oh, I do. I use Sunny Skies to experience all forms of common pony life." Celestia poured herself more cider. "And of course, all forms of Canterlot pony night life as well."

Luna gazed into the distance as the words sank in. "But surely..."

Celestia gazed across the top of her cider glass as she punctuated her words: "All. Forms."

There was no sound but the gentle gurgle of ponies drinking cider, and yet, something shifted in the air. Luna tried to focus, levitating the jug and poured herself more. Her grip was shaky as her mind tried to deal with the mental images invading from all corners, and cider splashed on the table and her chips. She didn’t seem to notice.

“Sister… we had no idea.”

“Exactly.” Celestia smiled. “That’s the point. No one does. And I am a better ruler for it. Princess Celestia is asexual, but Sunny Skies…” She chuckled. “The affairs of Sunny Skies could fill several small novellas.”

There was a gleam in Luna’s eye. “And if we win?”

Celestia opened her hooves wide. “Turnabout is fair play. Of course, I would go out on a date as well—”

“No, ‘Tia. We will not have my prize be your average tuesday.” Luna stared at her cards, seeing them for the first time. A queen and a ten... She looked at the cards on the table.

Two queens, an ace, and a three.

She had three of a kind, maybe more depending on the final card. The odds of Celestia having a straight or flush were statistically low. She kept her face neutral.

“If we win, sister, you must talk to Twilight Sparkle.”

Celestia blinked. “I speak with my student almost every other day.”

“No, ‘Tia. You must talk to her and tell her how you feel.”

There was another silence. Something changed in the room again.

"I don't know what—"

Luna stuck out her tongue and let rip a big fat raspberry.

Celestia gritted her teeth. "Luna..."

"We may have been gone a thousand years, but they still had schoolyard crushes back when we battled Discord!"

"Be careful what you insinuate!" Celestia snapped.

"Balderdash. We see how you look at her, how you act around her. Others may call it simple doting, but others haven't known you as long as we." Luna sipped her cider. "If you will not be honest with us, at least be honest with yourself. And her."

After a few moments, a sigh. “I can’t do that.” Celestia said carefully.

“Then we are playing for tea-pouring again, or shifts in the Royal Canterlot Dispute Court.” Luna shuddered. “The only thing we liked about exile was not presiding over that place.”

Celestia drank her entire pint of cider, then poured another. Finally, in a low voice, she said, “The Princess can’t feel that way about… her student.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Says who? Besides, she’s a Princess now."

“Even more reason why I couldn’t…” Celestia wavered. “The implications…”

Leaning forward, Luna hissed, “We rule this land. We do what we want. Except you, apparently.”

Celestia slammed her glass down on the table and jabbed a drunken hoof at Luna. “Then why don’t you get off your flank and kiss some ponies, Lulu? We’re alicorns, but we’re still ponies.” Her eyes went half lidded for a moment. “Ponies with needs.” She then waved her hoof around in a circle. “It’s a drift, I’m not sure if you are getting it.”

“We assure you, it has been gotten.” Luna said dryly, waving her hoof dramatically and knocking her pint glass off the table. “Varlet! You have spilled our precious cider!”

“Enough.” Celestia shook her head. “Do we have a bet or not?”

They stared each other down.

“You will tell Twilight how you feel? How you actually feel?”

“You will go out and try to find somepony?”

Silence. Then a slow nod from Luna. Celestia smiled. “We have an accord.”

“Then deal the final card.”

Celestia lit up her horn, and the final card turned over. It was a ten.

Luna smiled. Her odds of winning just skyrocketed. “We have you now, Tia.” She threw down her cards. “Queens over tens, full house.”

Celestia just smiled, and carefully laid down her cards. She had a queen and an ace.

Luna looked at Celestia’s cards. Then at her own. Then Celestia’s cards. Then at her own.

After a moment, Celestia added, “Ace beats tens, I’m afraid.”

There are curse words that were known only to Luna, as she had a thousand years on the moon to think of a new language. She used some of these words now, and at great volume.

"So," Celestia threw her mane back and smiled, "Shall we begin, say, tomorrow?"

Celestia blew the light layer of dust off the scroll, and announced, "StarSwirl the Bearded's spell for Royal Escape.” She unrolled the paper, and pointed with her hoof as she read aloud: “Unicorn mare, Pegasus mare, and the little used Earth pony mare. The male versions are on the back."

Luna frowned, staring at the ancient scroll. "The whole time, last night, you knew you had the winning cards the whole time."

"Now now, there was always a possibility you had two queens. And then you would be the one getting me ready for my big night."

Luna grunted and turned the scroll over, reading intently.

After a few moments, Celestia added, "Sunny Skies is a Pegasus, I find it easier in case I have to make a sudden departure. But it's up to you. The lack of magic is a problem."

"Why do I have to choose to be a different race at all?"

"Because Equestria only has four alicorns, Luna." Celestia chuckled softly, pushing her sister towards her vanity mirror. "I think a new, slightly smaller dark blue alicorn would draw focus, even in Dodge Junction, hmm?"

Luna looked at herself in the mirror, sighing. "We think most ponies couldn't find Dodge Junction on a map, much less remember how many alicorns there are." She flexed her wings out, staring at them in the mirror. Each wing was preened, honed, muscular and ready for anything. To be without them...

"Dodge Junction's been around for over two hundred years. You're thinking of Appleloosa, that's the new one."

"It's all new to us, sister." Her eyes found their way back to her horn. She focused and magic flowed through it, an electric charge that still, after all these years, made her coo with pleasure. Flight was one thing, but raw magical power...

"That's another thing. If you hope to attract a member of any of the sexes, barring a specific subculture with a royal fetish, you're going to have to drop the 'we' and 'us' from your vocabulary."

"Whatever for? Is there something in error with the way we converse?"

Princesses do not snort. Therefore, it must have been some other creature with wings, a horn and angelic voice who snorted at Luna's comment.

"It's simple, Lulu. If you're not going to try to date as yourself—"

"We would rather go back to the moon!"

"—you go as somepony else. The question is, what kind of pony are you going to be? Unicorn or Pegasus? Maybe a stallion!" She floated the scroll over to Luna, grinning. "You have to cast the spell yourself."

Luna blinked, staring at the scroll. A long silence followed.

Celestia sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “If you need some help—”

There was an explosion of blue magic. Celestia sheilded her eyes. The mists parted, and in front of Celestia stood a dark blue earth mare. Turning towards Celestia, the mare blinked. "Well?"

It was a deeper voice than Luna's, softer in volume but richer in time. Almost a purr. But Luna's eyes were Luna's eyes, nothing could disguise the deep blueness. Celestia bit her lip as she looked her sister's new body over. Her mane was black, short and sharp. Her back was strong, legs muscular and toned. And her entire back, flanks and legs, was covered in light grey spots, which partnered with her dark coat to create an illusion of a bright evening sky. The cutie mark of bright white stars was just the Cherry on top.

Finally, Celestia coughed, "An earth pony?"

Luna glared. "Are you implying error? Or that earth ponies are somehow lesser?"

"No, no, it's fine!" Celestia waved a hoof in surrender. "I just was surprised, that's all."

"You implied We... I only had two choices. But I was free to make any of the six." She turned back to the mirror with a smug smile. "You cannot tell me what to do, 'Tia."

Celestia smirked, chuckling under her breath. "Of course not. And what shall I call you, my little pony?"

Luna's smile dropped as her expression turned thoughtful. "I hadn't thought about that. I suppose I could be anypony."

"True. Some kind of name dealing with the night would be appropriate. Stay away from moon imagery, though."

"Yes, of course, Sunny Skies," Luna snapped.

Celestia put up her hooves. "Okay. What. What is it? What have I done?"

Luna shook her head, "It is no matter."

"Lulu!" she whined, "Please, this is supposed to be fun."

She turned, old eyes tearing up on her new face. "Not one word about how I look!" Luna stomped her hoof. "How am I to know what will attract a suitable mate?"

Celestia blinked. "Oh!"

Luna scowled. "Yes. 'Oh.'"

Magic exploded around Celestia, causing Luna to shield her eyes. When she re-opened them, she found herself facing a white Pegasus. Pink mane and yellow sun cutie mark, her smile was lascivious.

"I have a secret to tell you... You're the hottest thing to walk into this room all night."

For the first time in over a thousand years, Luna felt something new: the blush of adoration. Her jaw relocated to the floor.

Sunny helped her put it back into place with a gentle touch of her hoof. "I just met you, and this is crazy..." Sunny cooed, "but my name is Sunny, can I buy you a drink? Maybe?"

Luna coughed and looked away, her mane almost purple from all that blood going everywhere.

"Is that a yes?" Sunny asked.

Shaking her head, Luna muttered, "My command for modern day vernacular has suffered a bit, but the term it believe I'm looking for is..."

"Hot?" Sunny purred.

Luna arched an eyebrow. "Creepy." She hesitated. "Attractive, yes, but, sister, please. I know it is you. Therefore, creepy."

Sunny burst out laughing. "Then let's go find a mare or stallion you're not related to, they'll be fighting over you left and right!" She cracked her neck. "I'll be your wing mare, Miss…”

“Star.” She brushed her mane back with a hoof, smirking. “Our—her—my name is Star.”

“Star… what?” Sunny wrinkled her nose. “You need a last name.”

“Several of our ponies do not have last names.” Star shrugged. “Why should I?”

“No, I’m pretty sure they do.” Sunny poked her in the side. “And you’ll draw attention if you don’t.”

“Does not Twilight Sparkle’s friend, Rarity, she only has one name, no?”

Sunny shook her head. “Rarity’s last name is ‘Belle’.”

Whinnying, Star trotted away from the mirror. “Well, I’ve never heard anypony demand to see her birth certificate. ‘Star’ shall be fine for this exercise.”

“Exercise.” Sunny sighed, rolling up the scroll. “I swear, this is supposed to be fun.”

“And where do ponies go to have this ‘fun’?” Star arched an eyebrow. “Fun that’s not related to bobbing for apples, or any kind of party that involves pin the tail on the pony.”

Sunny grinned. “They go where the cider flows like wine.”

Star blinked. “Pardon?”

Laughing, Sunny opened the door. "Don't worry. I know the bartender."

Author's Note

You gotta know when to hold'em... know when to fold'em....

Call

A GAME OF SKILL AND CHANCE
By: Einhander and Skeeter The Lurker

2: CALL

Club Moonlight was, without a doubt, a personal favorite of Sunny Skies. Boasting the widest range of alcoholic beverages and “crown-certified” bartenders and drink mixers, there was no drink they couldn’t make.

And the music wasn’t bad either. From funk, to pop, to dubstep, to classical, to ballroom dancing, to break dancing, they had it all. To be fair, it was considered a lofty honor on par with the Grand Galloping Gala to perform there. In fact, they even boasted a plaque stating that on such and such a day, Celestia herself came and decreed this 'the best bar/club in all of Canterlot!'

The anecdote was false, and yet, in a way, also true.

The two ponies walked through the entrance, cold wind blowing until the door was shut behind them by the minotaur bouncer. They gave their coats to the coat mare (who gave them each a claim ticket and a candy cane) and made their way to the dance floor. The strobe light colors matched the Hearth's Warming Eve decorations. As for the music, a blue haired white unicorn was pumping her hoof atop the DJ tower in the middle of the club. it was clear that there was a singular theme for the evening: loud.

Sunny leaned close into Star’s ear. “Isn’t this place amazing?”

“WHAT?!” Star shouted.

Sunny rolled her eyes. “I said ‘isn’t this better than Stargazing’?”

“NO, I’M NOT HUNGRY!”

It was hard not to snicker. Shaking her head, Sunny sauntered off to one of the bars, a U-shaped light up counter towards the back wall. With a quick look over her shoulder, Sunny signaled for her ‘friend’ to follow. Then she was off, melting into the crowd on the dance floor as if it was second nature.

Star blinked at the way Sunny was acting, surprised at how quickly her dear sister could change her personality. How many times has she done this?

Navigating the seething mass of bodies moving and gyrating to the throbbing beat, which was a dance in itself. She ran into a stallion with a mohawk, who grinned at her.

“Hey babe! Lookin’ hot tonight!”

Star squinted. “My internal temperature is level, I assure you!”

The stallion’s smile sagged a bit. “I mean you’re smokin’.”

Pulling herself up to her full height she declared, “Shouting ‘fire’ in a crowded building is a crime, citiz—”

“Star!” Sunny was waving. “Over here!”

Star ducked and spun away from the confused-looking stallion and found herself next to Sunny, who had managed to wave down the bartender. Somehow, perhaps by magic, the overwhelming sound managed to quiet as she sat at the bar. It underscored the conversations without overwhelming them.

“Well, well, Sunny Skies!” He was a grey pegasus, and his voice had a pleasant, familiar ring as he spoke to her. “I haven’t seen you in, what? A month?”

Sunny smiled broadly toward the stallion. “Perfect Pour! I didn’t think you’d be working tonight. It's Hearts Warming Day!"

“Hah, are you kidding? It's one of the biggest nights of the year." He grinned. "After a week of pageants and family meals, every young pony wants to get away from their family for a bit and dance the night away."

"That hardly seems in the spirit of the holiday." Star said.

Pour turned and blinked at her.

Sunny giggled. "Don't worry, Pour, she's with me."

"Anyway," he shrugged and turned back to Sunny, "I was supposed to just work the day, but they begged and begged until I agreed to pull a double shift. It's a rough life, being the best bartender in a bar." With a flourish and not even looking at the tap, he pulled out a glass and filled it, spinning it in a full circle before coming to a rest in front of Sunny. “The usual, milady.” he said, with a mock bow earning a laugh from Sunny.

Sunny took a long pull from the glass, pausing for a few seconds to savor the taste of the brew. “Mmm, perfect, as usual.”

“I am the king of lagers!” he crowed, grinning like a Jack O'Lantern. "Now that you have your beer, what else can I get you? I bet I don’t even need to ask, do I? You’re on the prowl tonight!”

"Not for me. This," she grabbed Star by the hoof and held her close, "is Star, and she is my best friend in the whole world."

Star blushed. "Sunny, really now..."

Glancing to the side, he seemed to notice Star for the first time. “Best friend, eh?” He paused, “She's a looker.”

“I assure you, I am a mare.” Star deadpanned.

Pour snorted. “And she’s funny!”

Sunny laughed, a little too loudly. “Isn’t she, though?” She took another healthy sip. “A cider for her, please. And, why not, one for me. I’ll be done with this soon. Please and thank you.”

Pour grinned, his hooves going to work effortlessly. He leered at Star. “Any friend of Miss Skies is a friend of mine.”

Star balked and leaned back. "I...see."

"Pour, please. Manners. She just got out of a... long term situation." Sunny adopted a business-like tone, draining her glass. “Now. Anypony—well. Any creature look interesting tonight? We want to start Star out slow, nothing too intense, but no pushovers either.”

Mouth agape, Star stared at Sunny in horror. Sunny kept her muzzle straight ahead, but her right eye looked at Star. And winked.

“No gryphons or dragons, if that’s what you mean. However…” Pour smirked as he placed two bottles of cider in front of them, then leaned over the bar and whispered “As it happens, I got two ponies for ya.” He pointed toward the DJ booth, where a pony was hugging the blue-haired maestro of the party. “See the white unicorn hugging DJ-PON3? Purple hair, elegant air about her? Word is, that’s Rarity, one of the Elements themselves! Seems she’s been showing a friend of a friend around Canterlot.” A knowing grin soon found a lascivious eye waggle, “Also, rumor has it, she just got burned by some travel writer and she's looking for a… rebound. IF you know what I mean.”

Sunny eyed the far off unicorn critically. All ponies are fair game, except for Twilight’s friends… that’s just asking for trouble. She produced the candy cane the coat check mare had given her earlier, and gave it a long lick as she scanned the room. A friend of Twilight’s friend however...

“You said there was a second pony?”

Pour pointed toward the opposite end of the bar. “See the hat? On the horribly out-of-place stallion?” Sunny leaned back to get a good look at him. Sure enough, there was a yellow pony with a Stetson perched atop their head. A real cowpony by the look of him, smiling politely in this decidedly urban setting. “Seems he’s a farmer from out in Appleoosa. Not sure what, exactly, brings him here, but he’s been with Rarity all night.” He reached down and began cleaning a glass, giving a shrug. “One thing’s clear, he’s not WITH her, IF you know what I mean.”

Star frowned. “You have said that twice now, and twice we have had no idea what y— Ow!”

Sunny removed her hoof from her ‘friend’. “What was that, Star?”

Grumbling and rubbing her hoof, Star shook her head and picked up her bottle of cider. "Nothing."

“Oh, I forgot. One more thing." Pour leaned closer again. "Those two did mention they were meeting another pony here.”

“And who would that be?”

You could pour Pour's smile over a stack of pancakes. “That bookish, purple alicorn, oh, what's her name.... That's right. Princess Sparkle?"

Star and Sunny froze, bottles halfway to their muzzles.

"You know.” Pour grinned.

Sunny put her drink downstopped middrink to glare at Pour. “No. I don’t.”

“Yeah, you know, that one who orders only the fruitiest of drinks, the one you get all tongue tied around, the one who makes you just seem to fr—”

Pour found himself silenced, as suddenly two hooves were squeezing his muzzle shut.

“Pour, I love you, but say another word about that purple alicorn and I will end you.”

The bartender gulped (as much as his throat would let him) and nodded slowly. Sunny released him, and sipped her drink as if nothing had happened.

But something definitely had. She glanced at Star out of the corner of her eye, and detected the presence of a smirk.

“That's enough out of you, ‘Star’.” Sunny said with the barest touch of venom. “Now, drink up. It's far too late for me to be this sober.”

Star whispered into her ear: “I swear, sister, had those cards come down the other way…”

“But they didn’t,” Sunny poked Star with her hoof. “So quit stalling, drink your cider, then pick a pony, any pony. Let’s get busy.”

Star tilted her head to the side. "Sunny..."

Sighing and closing her eyes, Sunny whispered, “Just... drop it, please. I'm asking you." She nudged Star's shoulder with her muzzle. "As a friend? Your BPFF?”

Rolling her eyes, Star shrugged. "Fine." She took a swig of her cider bottle. It happened very quickly. First, her eyes bulged, then she coughed and sent specks of cider flying, then she screamed, "Treachery!"

Sunny winced as the bar counter crowd turned and stared at Star. She half-expected the music to stop with a record scratch.

"Bartender!" Star roared. "What is this swill?"

Pour turned towards her. "Uhh... It's called FlimFlam Hard Cider? Says so right on the label."

Star slammed the bottle on the bar top. "And you have the hooves to call this cider?!"

"The FlimFlam brothers do, apparently." Sunny muttered, staring at the bottle critically. She took a sip and instantly regretted it. "Pour, she's right, this tastes like powdered apple juice with moonshine. What happened to the Sweet Apple Brand?"

He shrugged. "We sold out of the Appleloosan stuff an hour ago. Is there a problem? FlimFlam IS cheaper."

Star reared up her head. "Because it tastes like horsefeathers"

Sunny stared at her.

"What? We have been studying the modern day vernacular." A pause. Star faltered. "Do... Do ponies no longer say something is horsefeathers'?"

Rubbing her head, Sunny sighed. "The swear isn't the issue, it's... Oh, buck it. You don't drink beer, right?"

Star cringed. "Barley and malted oats? No thank you."

"Pity," Pour shrugged, "we have just got in some excellent cask porter."

Star made a face. Sunny sighed. "We're going to need something different, Pour."

"Ahh yes," he chuckled. "Bourbon or Rye?"

Why Sunny meant to say was 'two Foalmakers.'

A Foalmaker was schnapps and carbonated lemon juice with a drop of vodka. It was perfect beginner's drink, sweet and bubbly and sounding naughty without any of the actual sting. Mares ordered them (or had other ponies pay for them) on spring break, giggling all the way. You'd have to have ten or so to get a real buzz going. Any foals accidentally conceived after the consumption of a Foalmaker was purely coincidental, unless the parents-to-be had something stronger in the interim.

But then Sunny heard her.

"Hi, Rarity! You look great!"

That friendly, chirpy voice. That enthusiasm. She could always pick out her voice in a crowd, even in a club like this.

"And Braeburn! So good to see you, it's been too long!"

Sunny dared to turn her head.

Purple coat, blended hair that inspired her first name. Wide smile. Infectious laugh.

"Howdy Twilight!"

"Darling, you look marvelous. Please, join us! Can you stay long?"

"I had Spike clear my schedule tomorrow morning, so I'm all yours!"

Oh, Tartarus.

"Sunny?"

She turned and saw the bartender looking at her expectantly.

“Two Wing Island Iced Teas."

Pour blinked several times, ears standing straight up. "Sunny, your wish is command, you know that, but..."

"Two Wing Island Iced Teas." She repeated, leaning over the bar counter. "Please."

"Wing Islands are for amateurs," he whispered, "and they don't like us serving them. The clean up alone..."

"Sis— I mean Sunny, why are you trying to order tea?" Star frowned. "We thought alcohol is how you fit in at the party club."

Sunny looked at Pour. Pour looked at Sunny. Communication happened without words, until Pour said, "Two Wing Islands, right away."

Mouthing, thank you, Sunny turned back to her friend. "Relax. I've got you covered."

Star fidgeted. "I feel off, 'Tia. This was a mistake."

Sunny flicked her eyes towards the other end of the U shaped bar. Twilight was laughing with the cowpony while Rarity was collecting their drinks from the mare bartender, which appeared to be a glass of champagne, a cider and—yes—a Foalmaker. Logic predicted the future as the cowpony reached for the cider, Rarity took her champagne and Twilight magically floated the orange and lemon colored concoction into the air. A small clink of glass, and the ponies brought their respective poisons to their lips.

And as Twilight took a sip, she looked up and and locked eyes with Sunny.

Sunny blinked.

Twilight smiled, blushed and waved a hoof.

Sunny blinked.

The moment came to a crashing halt as the cowpony coughed and let out a groan. "Y'all call this cider?"

Twilight turned towards the earth pony and examined his bottle. "'Flimflam brothers??' Well no wonder."

Sunny shook her head.

Pour re-appeared in her field of vision with the two Wing Islands, placing them on the bar with a skeptical eyebrow. "As ordered..." before sprinting off to his next order.

Sunny stared at her drink. Green and fizzy and sporting two tiny umbrellas, it was a tropical drink designed by a pony that had never seen the ocean.

"This is not actually iced tea, is it?" Star asked.

"Sure it is." Sunny held up her drink to the bar lamp. "Look, there's a lemon in it."

Star frowned. "Mine appears to have dissolved.”

“That just adds flavor.”

The music switched gears, and the DJ was shouting something into her microphone. Every pony seemed to hear it and cheer, save the two mares staring at their green fizzy drinks.

"I want to go home, 'Tia." Star muttered.

"I’m not 'Tia. " She snapped, turning on Star with fire in her eyes. "I’m Sunny Skies, your best friend and wingmare. And you are Star, single mare at a dance club. We're here to have fun, damn it." Sunny bit her lip and held out her glass. “So raise your glass, take out the umbrella and bottoms up.”

Author's Note