Journal Entry # 1
Oh, this is so great! Today was my birthday, and all of my friends threw me a great surprise party in Sugarcube Corner! Of course, I knew it was coming, but I acted surprised anyways. I didn’t want them to feel down in any way, so if I had to lie about being surprised, well, it was worth it for all the fun we had. Every pony brought me great gifts, but my favorite by far was this journal that Rarity bought me. Despite my love of all things literature, I’ve never actually kept one for myself. I may love reading, but the second I put a quill on parchment and try to write, everything just turns to mush. Oh well, it’s not like I’m going to share this with anypony else, so I won’t have to worry about grammatical mistakes or any other missteps, (Though that’s not to say I’m just going to ignore basic writing etiquette. That kind of sloppiness just drives me crazy!). Now I can write all about the adventures my friends and I get in!
Journal Entry # 3
Today didn’t go well. Yesterday, I helped Rarity try out a few new dress styles, so I figured that she’d be more than happy to help me reshelf the books in the library. Well, she was willing, all right. She was so willing that she decided to completely ignore my instructions and tried to shuffle the books herself! Now, normally I wouldn’t mind this much, but the way she went about it was so… prissy! She was stacking the books completely wrong, and when I tried correcting her, she just ignored me and explained her mistakes away, saying that the wrong books would look good together. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but as she stacked them, I realized that she was organizing them by how well their spines looked together! She obviously wasn’t interested in stacking them the right way, so I politely asked her to just leave it to me. She got defensive, saying that she could do it just as well as I could. My patience had worn thin by then, and I was done asking. I told her to leave, and she did, but she gave me the worst look as she left, as if this whole thing was my fault! If she had just listened to me, none of this would have happened, and everything would still be fine between us.
Maybe I’m overreacting. They are just books, after all, and I was still able to get them all sorted by the end of the day. It’s just… Rarity and I are friends. We shouldn’t be fighting over something so trivial.
We shouldn’t be fighting at all.
Journal Entry # 7
Rarity and I have given each other space since the little accident with the books last week, and we were doing all right, until today. Fluttershy’s animals somehow got loose, (Don’t ask me how.), and she asked all of us to help. Every pony decided to split up into groups, and as luck would have it, I was paired up with Rarity. At first, she refused to even look at me, but as the day went on, she started to open up, eventually saying that the book incident was behind her. I was hoping for an apology, since it was her who started the whole thing, but I guess what I got was better than nothing. It was still a bit awkward looking for the animals, though, but we had to, for Fluttershy’s sake. When we finally caught up to some of her bunnies, I thought the low point of the day was past us, but I underestimated just how troublesome those bunnies could be. They somehow got themselves stuck in a tree, and I wanted to just float them down with my magic. Rarity disagreed, suggesting that I might drop them, or that they’d get scared. I can see where she’s coming from, I really do, but I’m one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria! I think I can take care of a few balls of fluff. We were so wrapped up in arguing that we didn’t notice Fluttershy swoop over us and come to the bunnies’ rescue. She gave us both a disgruntled look, and in turn Rarity and I glared at each other. I can’t believe how quickly all the progress we had made just vanished. Now we’re on even worse terms than before. I’m trying to be forgiving, but everything would be so much easier if Rarity had simply let me take over.
Ugh, she’s just so frustrating sometimes!
Journal Entry # 9
Applejack visited me in the library today. She came with a message from Rarity. ‘Tell Twilight that if she apologizes for her irrational behavior, then I will forgive her. If she wants to keep up this trifling attitude of hers, then she can do it away from me.’ I slammed the door in Applejack’s face. She tapped on it, trying to get me to open up, but she left when it became apparent that I wasn’t going to open it. I’ve been fuming since, and how I haven’t set this journal on fire yet must be some kind of miracle. The utter nerve of that unicorn is just baffling! This has gone from a simple misunderstanding over a few books to us no longer speaking! I hate this, and I should just be the bigger pony here and go apologize to her. That’s what I’m going to do, but it’s going to have to wait until I’m less furious.
I’ve been looking back through the journal, and it’s shameful to see just how much space I’ve devoted to this whole dilemma. I’m going to put this right, no matter what I have to do.
Journal Entry # 10
Everything’s falling apart. All of our previous transgressions only ended in hurtful words and silence. That changed today. I was out getting groceries when I bumped into Rarity. By bumped into her, I mean we literally smacked heads, and Rarity dropped the bag she was carrying, sending vegetables rolling everywhere. I didn’t mean to do it, and I tried helping her, but she just screamed at me, saying I was an idiot who needed to watch where she was going. I tried backing away from her, but she must have had repressed anger from the past week and went off in a tirade. She kept walking towards me, yelling out her feelings about me for all the ponies to hear. I eventually hit a wall, and she got so close to me our horns were almost touching.
I didn’t mean to throw her down. She was scaring me, and I tried to get away without violence first, but she had me cornered. I thought that I was just lightly pushing her out of the way with my magic, but I must’ve underestimated just how forceful the push was. I slammed her to the ground, and her mane and coat were splattered with mud. She simply stood up, gathered her groceries, and walked away. I was waiting for her to go off on me, but she just walked away. Somehow, the cold silence was worse than getting reprimanded.
Why is this happening? In the span of a week, Rarity and I have gone from the best of friends to bitter enemies. I didn’t want any of this to happen.
Journal Entry # 11
I went to the Carousel Boutique today. I had the full intention of apologizing to Rarity about everything, but when I knocked on the door, Sweetie Bell answered. She said that Rarity went away to Canterlot on business and that she wouldn’t be back for a few days. Well isn’t this just great? The day I decide to bury the hatchet, the hatchet is nowhere to be found! Since Rarity was gone, I decided to spend the day with my other friends. It’s just too bad that they couldn’t spend it with me. Everyone was wrapped up in their own business to make time for me. Applejack had apple trees to buck, Rainbow Dash had an emergency storm to take care of, Pinkie Pie was having an exceptionally busy day at the bakery, even Fluttershy was away from home tending to her animals, (Come to think of it, does she even have a job?). I offered to help, but no one took me up on it. They all said that they could take of their respective responsibilities, leaving me without any friends or anything to do.
I know that they all have their own lives to live, and I’m not blaming them for being busy. Heck, I can remember at least a dozen times when I was too wrapped up in something to be bothered by them. But with everything that’s happened, I was hoping that I could spend some time with them and have some fun, but I guess that was too much to ask for.
It’s just that I think this rift between Rarity and I is beginning to affect my relationship with everyone else. I never wanted this to happen, and I’m trying to fix it as best as I can, but they still seem distant.
I hope Rarity returns soon. I’m sick of all of this, and I want to put it behind us.
Journal Entry # 12
Rarity is still gone on business, but my other friends visited me in the library today. They wanted to talk to me about her. They said that they were worried about us, about how far things have escalated. I told them that it was an accident when I pushed her, but I don’t think that they bought it. I don’t understand why they’re so suspicious of me. I’m going to apologize to Rarity as soon as she gets back, and I told them so, but they still didn’t seem convinced. They must be worried that I’ll snap again and push Rarity around, or worse, hurt her. I can understand their concern, but I did NOT mean to push her so hard, and I do NOT intend to do anything like it again.
Rarity should be back tomorrow, arriving on the train from Canterlot. We’re all going to be there, and I’ll finally have the chance to set things right. Every pony else may think I’m a possible threat to her, but I’ll show them. I would never hurt Rarity, at least, not intentionally.
I’m fretting too much. I’m sure tomorrow will turn out to be just fine.
Journal Entry # 13
I killed Rarity.
I killed her. I killed her. I killed her.
It was an accident. She got off the train. I went to talk with her. She ignored me. I became persistent. She tried to get away. I pursued her. She was distressed. I didn’t let off. She ran along the tracks. She tripped. The train had started to move.
I killed her.
NO NO NONONO SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE I DIDN’T KILL HER I DIDN’T I ONLY WANTED TO TALK TO HER WHY DID SHE DIE NONONONO
Journal Entry # 16
We held the funeral today. We chose to bury her behind the boutique. I hope she likes the spot. It’s the least we can do for her. The pegasi had arranged for a light shower, and every pony was dressed in black. All the residents of Ponyville were in attendance, and so were Celestia and Luna. I had to sit away from the others. They said they didn’t blame me for what happened, and I could see in their eyes that it was true, but the pain of the loss combined with the fact that Rarity’s death was without a doubt my fault was too much to bear, and I ostracized myself from them. I chose to sit with the princesses. Big Mac led the procession, the beautiful hand carved casket carried by six royal guards. Three diamonds were engraved on its front. I couldn’t watch it. This was (is) my fault, and I should be locked up, much less attend the funeral. My very presence was a disgrace to Rarity’s memory.
The coffin was set down in the hole that had been prepared, and ponies were allowed to pay their final respects. This was hard enough, but a high pitched cry suddenly echoed out from the crowd. Sweetie Bell, the poor filly, just couldn’t take it anymore, and ran up to the coffin. She pounded on it, screaming out for Rarity to come back, her tears raining down on the final resting place of her only sister. Her parents had to escort her away, giving one last look at their deceased daughter before attending to their live one. I think I saw Applebloom and Scootaloo leave to attend to their fellow crusader.
Every pony had been shaken by Sweetie Bell’s sudden outburst, but we still had to complete this terrible ceremony. One by one, the ponies approached to pay their final respects, some leaving small mementos on the coffin. Eventually, it was my turn. I slowly made my way to it, and I could feel all eyes on me. I could actually feel the pain and anguish I had caused the community as I reached my destination. I looked over the objects left on the coffin. The muffin stood out among the other possessions, but I wasn’t focused on that. I gently laid the diamond shaped Element of Generosity in the middle of the coffin and quickly returned to my seat. I tried to hide myself as best as I could.
Princess Celestia herself gave the eulogy. I couldn’t focus on the words. I could only see in my mind, again and again, the image of Rarity in her final moments, her face contorted in surprise. I only heard the sickening crunches and splatters of her body underneath the train. Her demise replayed in mind over and over, and I didn’t realize how much of a scene I was causing. Luna snapped me out of my delusions and walked me back to the library. I locked myself in, and as I write this, I can hear my friends on the other side. I’m not going to let them in.
A murderer like me doesn’t deserve friends. A murderer like me doesn’t deserve life.
I KILLED HER I’M THE ONE RESPONSIBLE I’M GUILTY I SHOULD HAVE DIED NOT HER WHY DID SHE DIE AND NOT ME I ONLY WANTED TO APOLOGIZE AND I KILLED HER
Journal Entry # 19
Oh Celestia, I’ve just now noticed the scribblings in the margins of the journal. When did I write those? I have no memory of writing anything but my journal entries. These ramblings started after Rarity’s death, and I can only assume I wasn’t in my right mind when I wrote it. What’s happening to me?
I haven’t left the library since the funeral. My friends have tried to get me out, but I put a magical lock on the door. No one’s getting in. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve tried reading, tried writing, but every time I go to do something, my thoughts go back to the train. I haven’t eaten in days…
Maybe I want to die. If one of us had to go, then it should have been me. No, it was Rarity. Because of me. There has to be a way to correct this.
I think I know how.
Journal Entry # 20
I am writing this from the psychiatric ward of the Canterlot hospital. If Princess Celestia hadn’t chosen the exact moment I jumped from the second story with the rope around my neck to break the door of the library down, I wouldn’t be here right now. She’s taken me from Ponyville, (She was kind enough to let me take the journal. She didn’t really have a choice, since I said I would destroy everything I could if I wasn’t allowed to take it.), and put me here so she can keep a closer eye on me, but I don’t know what good she thinks it will do. Rarity’s dead, and I’m still here. She might be gone, but I can at least fix the other problem. I just have to figure out the best possible way to kill myself in an empty padded room.
Celestia sent a message to my friends explaining the whole situation. She’s going to keep me here for an indeterminate amount of time, so they should just try to go about their lives, but in their response they said that they’ll visit me as much as possible. Their first visit should be in the next few days. Hopefully I’ll be able to explain to them that they should stay far, far away from me, lest I happen to kill one of them too.
Something strange has happened to my mane. When I barricaded myself in the library after the funeral, I noticed a few strand of it were sticking out at odd angles. I didn’t really pay it any attention at the time, but I’ve just checked, and they’re still in the same twisted positions. Shouldn’t my mane have gone back to its original style by now? I even tried to pat it down, but nothing I did seemed to work. I guess it doesn’t matter, not in light of everything else, but I can’t help but wonder why it’s still sticking out.
I HAVE TO MAKE THIS RIGHT THERE MUST BE A SOLUTION TO DEATH I NEED TO LOOK FOR THE ANSWER THEY MUST BE OUT THERE
Journal Entry # 23
It’s the day I’ve been dreading. My friends visited today. They were obviously shocked to see me in my current condition. A few more strands of hair are sticking out, and I have horrible bags under my eyes. Every time I try to sleep, the train comes back. I think I’ve just been passing out on the floor of the cell from sheer exhaustion. At least the padding’s comfortable.
They said things, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was thinking back to the days when everything was fine between all of us, Rarity included. That was a mistake. I started bawling, and they went to comfort me, but I told them to stay back. I couldn’t take the chance of hurting them. They didn’t listen, and I warned them again. Still they ignored me. I tried to hold them back. It was a mistake.
I don’t think they’ll be back again anytime soon. Rainbow Dash definitely won’t, at least, not until her shattered wings heal.
I really have become a monster, haven’t I?
Journal Entry # 50
It’s been so long since I saw any of my former friends. I’ve spent the days locked in an endless cycle of regret and misery. I wake up, remember Rarity’s face as she tumbled onto the tracks, remember the snapping sounds of Rainbow’s bones, and it sends me into a catatonic state. I come to when the day is over, and it’s time to write about the day. I’ve had to write around the scribblings that have become commonplace on the pages. My mane is jutting out everywhere, not complying with the laws of physics. It’s been like this since I was committed.
Applejack visited today. I knew that they wouldn’t stay away forever, but I was still on edge, waiting for the day one or all of them would return. She wanted to talk about me, but all I wanted to know was about how Rainbow was doing. She said that Rainbow’s wings had been broken in six different places each, and the healing process would take at least a year and a half. Even then, when they were healed, her wings would never work as well as they had. Her sonic rainbooms were done, along with her dreams of becoming a Wonderbolt.
Because of me.
Applejack said that Rainbow didn’t blame me, that she understood what I was going through. Every pony in Ponyville still couldn’t believe that Rarity was gone, and that they missed me too. You know what? I honestly think that they were telling the truth. I really do believe that they miss me. And that’s what makes it all the more painful to bear. They don’t love me, they love what I used to be. They miss the old Twilight Sparkle, but what they don’t understand is that the old Twilight is dead. She’s long gone, replaced by this horrible shell of a once great pony.
No one could love what I’ve become.
I HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO THEM I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO CORRECT WHAT I’VE DONE THERE HAS GOT TO BE A WAY
Journal Entry # 174
Rainbow visited me today. To see the once proud Pegasus sitting in her wheelchair, her wings wrapped in those casts, it only served to remind me of my actions. As if the daily flashbacks weren’t enough. She said more things, just like Applejack had months ago. I could only focus on her broken wings. Looking at her, it made me realize something.
I can’t die.
I don’t mean that I’m immortal, no, far from it. The pain I’ve caused every pony is far too much for me to simply take the easy way out. I shouldn’t be allowed to leave this life until I correct the horrible things I’ve done. I’ve got to, for every pony’s sake. The way Sweetie Bell reacted at the funeral…
However, I won’t be able to fix anything while I’m stuck in this cell.
Journal Entry # 365
One year. One year since Rarity gave me this journal. One year of me losing the first true friends I’ve ever had.
That changes today.
Celestia finally let me leave the hospital, but she won’t allow me to leave Canterlot, instead opting to place me inside the guest quarters of the castle. I’m perfectly fine with this; in fact, I was hoping she would keep me inside the castle. I’m going to go through the archives, and I’m hoping to find information on a certain magic few ponies know of, and fewer still can use.
It’s called necromancy, and in basic terms, it’s the magic of the dead. Of course, something like this is kept extremely quiet from the general population. I only know of it because I was Celestia’s prized student when I was in magic academy, and I was granted access to knowledge kept away from the others. There were hardly any records that dealt with it, and what I could find were all warnings against using it for any reason. Very foreboding, but I’m past the point of caring. I don’t know what exactly I’m going to find, but since this magic deals with the deceased, there must be something that I can use.
Journal Entry # 366
I’ve been looking through my past journal entries, and I was struck by something I wrote down in number fifty. I said that I had become a shell of my former self. Upon reflection, this was true, but that’s simply not the case anymore. I’m done being a victim of the past. I’m going to look to the future, a future that holds a rekindled friendship with everyone. A future that includes Rarity.
Some ponies may call me insane. Some may think of my actions as an abomination against nature, against life itself, perhaps. Well, they haven’t experienced the twisting road of horror that led to this decision. They never had friend like the ones I had, friends that were willing to give me a chance when I first came to Ponyville! The friends they had were never the Elements of Harmony!
THEY NEVER KILLED THE ELEMENT OF GENEROSITY!!!
They won’t understand, but that’s to be expected. They won’t have to once they see Rarity again. All I need is to find more information on how I’m going to do it. The archives have been less than helpful so far, but I’m sure there’s something hiding in them with the answers I’m looking for.
My search will continue tomorrow.
Journal Entry # 370
Finally, after days of searching, my persistence has paid off!
In the deepest, most decrepit corner of the archive lay an extremely wrinkled book, its pages so old that it looked like it would disintegrate if handled improperly. The image of a skull was embalmed on the extremely cracked cover. I carried it back to my room and began my descent into the forbidden magic.
I found what I was looking for. There is a spell, but its cost… it requires something I didn’t even know existed.
It requires a piece of the caster’s soul.
I don’t know if this book is just playing with me or not, but if this actually is the price I have to pay for Rarity’s life, then it’s what I’m going to have to give up.
Journal Entry # 374
Why am I doing this? I have everything prepared, waiting for the day I act, but am I ready?
Am I really going to dig up my dead friend and bring her back to life?
Yes. Yes I am.
It didn’t have to be like this. If, at the beginning, Rarity and I had simply gotten along when stacking those books, if I had simply not invited her over in the first place. So many places where things could have gone differently, and this is how it turned out? Life isn’t fair, it seems, so I’m simply evening out the odds a little.
I can’t wait to see her again. The very first thing I’m going to do is apologize to her for killing her. After that, I’m going to say I’m sorry for everything that happened that led up to her death.
I never did get the chance to say I was sorry before the accident.
Journal Entry # 378
I’ve done it. Rarity is alive.
And yet, she’s still dead.
Getting the coffin out of the ground was easy enough, and teleporting into a tucked away corner of the Everfree Forest ensured that my work would go unnoticed. I casted the spell, and it felt as though the air rushed out of my body. I could barely breath as I opened the coffin, and I saw Rarity’s decomposed corpse. It… it wasn’t Rarity. It may have her body, but it’s dead inside. It twisted and squirmed inside the coffin, its anatomy uncovered for all the world to see. I barely choked back the contents of my stomach as I stumbled away from the monstrosity I created.
This is what I’ve been searching for? This is the answer to all of my troubles, the solution I’ve given part of my own soul for?
I’ve gone insane.
Final Entry
As the title implies, this is my final entry. No matter the outcome of my next actions, I will no longer need this journal.
The Rarity abomination is still in the coffin. I should’ve killed it, but… I’d be killing Rarity. I am NOT going to kill her again. So how, then, should I proceed? Rarity is trapped between life and death, and I can’t help her reach either state of being. She’s alone in limbo, so what can I do to ease her pain? The answer is simple.
Bring her some friends.
Oh yes, her suffering will be eased with the return of her friends! They may not enjoy me killing them, but once they’re dead, it won’t matter what they think or feel! And then, once I resurrect them, they’ll all be in limbo, together, back with Rarity! And in fact, why stop there!? All the citizens of Ponyville miss her, so why not reunite them all!? If this all goes to plan, I think I’ll even bring the princesses into the new world!! This is going to take a while, what with all the killings I’ll have to do, but it will be worth it in the end!! Every pony will be together, even if their bodies are going to be husks, but that won’t matter!! We’ll all be together as friends! It’s going to be hard on my soul, converting everypony, but I’ll be able to do it! I barely have a soul left to give out anyways! Sure, the good ponies of Equestria won’t understand the logic behind what I’m doing, but that’s the thing!
THERE IS NO LOGIC!! THERE’S ONLY FRIENDSHIP!!
EVERY PONY’S GOING TO BE FRIENDS IN THE NEW WORLD I’M CREATING FOR THEM! WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE TRAPPED IN LIMBO FOREVER, BUT WE’RE STILL GOING TO BE TRAPPED TOGETHER AS FRIENDS!!
WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE FRIENDS FOREVER!!!
Friends Forever
Written by ObeySaturnGod
